S7E6 - From Tragedy to Transformation (Part 2) - Porn Talk

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
This is porn Talk. He was your host, Eric Zuzak.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
This is part two of Michael Clegg's story after he
had someone jump off a bridge on a highway in
front of his car and run and ran them over.
This is his story of tragedy to triumph, continued.

Speaker 3 (00:25):
And sharing the struggles because guess what, whether companies believe
it or not, they're inheriting all of these things, baggage, addictions,
all the things that we're we're bringing those things to work.
Just like schools inherit troubled kids that don't have active

(00:47):
parental guardians at home, the workplace is now inheriting mental illness.
And and I don't know if you know this, but
there's a lot of mentally ill people because we all
had struggles and challenges in our childhood that are not
that have never ever been deeply discussed at any level.

Speaker 4 (01:11):
And Claig, you brought up so many incredible points. And
one thing you talked about is refraining what happened. You
can't change what happened, but changing the way you see
the story you're telling yourself about it, you can change.

(01:32):
And I can't help but think all is in divine order.
That person chose to end their life and really include
another person.

Speaker 3 (01:45):
Yeah, like that person didn't and more than me, because
there were people that were driving beside and behind me
that saw it happened. And I can only imagine. I
can only imagine what that it's done to them.

Speaker 2 (02:02):
Clig, that person chose to include all these people in
his death, And I got to say, all is in
divine order? And what good has come of this?

Speaker 3 (02:17):
What?

Speaker 2 (02:19):
How have you been able to frame this positively?

Speaker 3 (02:25):
So the meaning that I took away from this is
from from my perspective the accident itself. You know, as
I mentioned, you know, I do leadership development. I work
with clients and individual organizations, some large, some small, and

(02:48):
most of us have to go to work every day
to survive. Right, And there's one thing, and I've always
taught this. I've created these what I call bad boss personas.
And each one of these personas have a different bad behavior.
And so in this and going through that mental loop

(03:09):
of who is he? You know? Is he a dad?
Is he a father? Is he a brother? Is the
best friend? You know? Where does he work? Who's his boss?
Really got me thinking how can I connect the two?
And that's when this whole idea around conscious leadership really
started changing, like my entire thought process and world, because

(03:33):
you got to understand, I'm a gen xer. I'm now
fifty one, and you know I was brought up in
the world where you leave your crap at the door.
No more, Millennials and Gen zs are not leaving their
crap at the door. For anyone that's been in a
workplace anytime in the last decade, we know that. And
so we can either bury our heads as leaders, or

(03:57):
we could actually start treating them like humans and careing
about them and helping them find the answers. And one
of the things that I clearly I will be a
living example of is, you know, the idea, the mindset
of becoming the future version of myself. That is what

(04:21):
pulled me out of the hole that the accident put
me in. You know this, This whole idea of hope,
which I used to have a say in. Hope is
not a strategy. And I still believe that, and I
still say that from time to time. But hope is necessary.
Hope is necessary to have something to believe in and
and I hear it all the time, but clik, I

(04:41):
don't believe in anything. One you do have to help yourself.
You know I can't. I can't want it for you.
But the one thing that I'm utterly convinced of that
we all have a unique ability, doesn't matter what it is.
But the woman majority of us have no idea what

(05:02):
that unique ability is. So, you know, I take this
through over a six month period of how can I
help people find their purpose? Because one, I'm in staffing,
so I get to talk to a lot of unemployed people.
I get to talk to a lot of clients. And
so as I'm able to integrate these this work leadership

(05:25):
development with this, oh, by the way, humanizing conscious leadership,
like you become you become the full person that you're
meant to be. And we all have a purpose and
we have to figure out what that is. And most
of us, God, we're not even taught how I was
about to say, balanced checkbook? Does anyone even have a

(05:46):
checkbook anymore? But you know, balanced budget? We're never even
taught that in school. We're definitely not taught how to
find their purpose. That's masked with you know, hey, I'll
let you take this elective to see if you like it.
Like even in college. I mean, we're taught, we're taught
none of that.

Speaker 2 (06:04):
It sounds to me like this tragedy because you said
prior to this happening that you had pretty much stopped dreaming,
and so this forced you to start dreaming again and
really rebuild your life.

Speaker 3 (06:24):
Right, Absolutely, and I truly believe that doctor Hardy is
going to take this whole future ideal and take it
to another level. I do believe that becoming your future
self is a trauma recovery tool. I'm sure there are
many other tools. I am not a PhD in that area.
What I speak to is what happened to me, and

(06:45):
I know how low, how bad, how awful I was
for several months, and some people have been this way
for years after events. And the one thing I've learned
that this whole trauma recovery research that I've been doing
is that seventy of people are going to experience trauma
at some level in their lives. And I'm not talking

(07:06):
about stubbing your toe, you know, running down the hallway,
like real trauma, and that's absolutely frightening. So seventy percent
of your workforce is either already experienced that trauma or
is going to be experiencing trauma and leaders need to
figure that out. And so my hope is that my
messaging will help them bridge that gap so that people

(07:27):
can become because without connection, as you were talking about earlier,
none of this is possible. And so you know this,
this tool of becoming your future self is absolutely real.
It's not woo woo, it's not bs. It is legit.
Like I said, I was a freaking average Joe, but
I know now that I have so much more to

(07:50):
give and I'm so like, look, motivation, inspiration, that stuff dies,
that stuff burns out right, And that's where people get
disconnected with what that future self should look like because
once again the feeling. But at first you do get
excited about this future and then you lay out the
pathway right and you figure out how it fits in

(08:14):
your individual life. That hope does continue. The process continues
the steps because most people, most people say, well, I'm
going to do this and then I'm going to have
an end result. Well, the process doesn't make the goal.
The goal right should be where we start. The process
should be figured out, The pathway should be figured out
based on the goal. That's where the pathway should come from.

Speaker 2 (08:37):
In the book Atomic Habits, and he says, super popular book,
great book. In Atomic Habits, he says, true habit change
is identity change, that future self. And you said about
using the future self to overcome addictions. Absolutely, like I said,
I stumbled across that accidentally. Now I actively use it

(09:00):
with clients and have them come up with once we
get through a lot of work, have them come up
with a superhero name where there's and there's superpowers. Mine
are being bold, brave, and confident because I was none
of those things.

Speaker 3 (09:16):
Yeah, yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, no, you do. And you
have to change your identity and and here's a here's
a spoiler alert. You're going to lose some relationships over it.
Just are I mean, I have I have buddies that,
you know, make fun of this whole future you program idea, like,
genuinely make fun of it. They laugh. But as I say,

(09:39):
just like when I told my wife right that I
was gonna be on a ted X stage and I
was going to write a book, she laughed like she did.
She goes, oh, you're being serious. I was like, yep.
And I challenge you, whatever your goal is, if the
person that you care about the most doesn't laugh your
goal is not big enough.

Speaker 4 (10:00):
I love it.

Speaker 3 (10:02):
I mean that, I truly mean that.

Speaker 2 (10:05):
I liked the question that you asked earlier. How can
I land a TEDx talk in five months rather than
five years? And that was an extraordinary event because on
average it takes eighty six applications to land a ted
X talk and you got it the first time, your

(10:26):
first one. You did it.

Speaker 3 (10:27):
So maybe I should have played the lottery that day.
I don't know, but.

Speaker 2 (10:32):
I love the question that you asked, though, you asked
what would have to happen for me to be that?
For that to be true, for me to land that
ted TAC And so I would suggest to the people
that are listening, what would have to happen for me
to overcome whatever the adversity is. What would have to
happen for you to overcome sex or porn addiction? What

(10:54):
would have to happen for you to overcome alcoholism? What
would have to happen for that to be I love
that question. What would have to happen for that?

Speaker 3 (11:04):
Absolutely no, it's it's a powerful question. It's one I
start with, and I'll give you an example. One of
one of my participants in the future you program. You know.
We were having a conversation before the kickoff of the
program and he was a little embarrassed to tell me
what his impossible goal was. And I was like, dude,
it's okay, Like I'm I'm going to be here along

(11:24):
the way with you, like I kind of need to
know what it is in order to help, you know,
put the program together for you. And and he said,
I want to I want to be a professional golfer
on the Champions Tour. Now he's not a professional golfer.
He's not even a scratch golfer. And I was like, what, like,
like seriously and I and I giggled. I giggled, I'm

(11:47):
not gonna lie. And I was like, wow, like that's
absolutely awesome. And and I said to him and I said,
do you know how you're gonna do it? And he goes,
I have no idea. I'm hoping to figure that out
in the program. I said, okay. I said, I'm going
to ask you one question to ask everybody what would
have to be true in order for you to achieve that.

(12:07):
He said, well, I don't know. I said, no, you know, like,
let's really dig in and think about that, and he said, well,
he goes, I got to be I got to become
a better golfer, and I said, yeah, but you've also bettered.
He's pretty athletic guy. He was a college baseball player,
so it's not like he's starting from no athleticism. But

(12:29):
he's been living this life in the past twenty five years,
working hourly jobs here and there, and you know, just
wandering around trying to figure out what he wanted to
do with his life. But he's gotten like fifteen strokes
better in the last two years of playing golf just
by himself, going to the range a couple few times
a week and playing a couple times on the weekends.

(12:51):
And so I said to him, I said, I said,
now let's dig in more. What else? He said, I
don't know. I probably need to hire a coach, swing coach,
somebody that knows how to get someone that's been there,
done that. Said okay, what else? He's like, I don't know, man,
just to tell me. I was like, no, no, no, I'm

(13:12):
here to ask the questions. The answers has to come
from you. And so he goes and lists like six seven,
eight things, you know, better equipment, you know, because his
clubs are like twenty years old. I mean, you know,
you'll you'll get better by default just because the equipment
has changed, right, I mean that could be another five
to seven strokes, and so anything is possible. Doesn't mean

(13:36):
he's going to achieve that, But think about the progress
that he's going to make, Think about the benefits of
the progress that he makes. Think about the relationships of
people that he's going to build, and the connections that
he's going to build. Like this could be the avenue
of him actually finding his future self because it's not

(13:58):
so much about the impossible goal the very few paths
that would actually get him to be on a professional golfer.
I mean, he would have to be roughly about twelve
strokes better than where he is right now to do
that ten to twelve. But if he starts competing and
he starts getting better, and that momentum starts building and

(14:20):
he meets connections, he meets new people, someone somewhere is
gonna love him because he's an unbelievable human being and
they're gonna go, hey, what else do you do? He's'd
be like, I drive a truck, way would you want
to do? Whatever it is, and that's how things happen.
But he is actively pursuing something. And let let's be honest.

(14:45):
If he doesn't achieve that, but he gains new relationships
that actually helps held him forward in life. Isn't that
what it's all about anyways? But what if he does? Yes,
do it? How amazing of a story and you want

(15:06):
to know what happened? What gave him this thought and
this idea. He saw a Instagram, Facebook something, a story
of a seventy one year old man that had just
qualified for the Champions Tour, and he's like, dude, I'm
twenty years younger than this guy, Like I'm pretty athletic,

(15:29):
I'm I could be really good at this game. And
it wasn't until he saw that story till he said, hey,
maybe it is possible for me. Think about most of
your audience probably knows who Roger Banister is, okay, and
those that don't. Roger Banister is the first person on record,

(15:50):
Legedly there are others before him, but the first person
on record that broke the four minute mile because it
wasn't humanly possible. Within the year of him breaking that,
hundreds of years go by, no one breaks this record.
He breaks the record and like, what was it, nineteen
fifty four or something like that. By the end of
nineteen fifty five, like something like fifty six people had

(16:13):
broken that broken that barrier because now they believed that
it was possible. So if you don't think that your
mindset matters, there are stories littered throughout history of mindset
changes that the Right Brothers really like. I guarantee you

(16:35):
people thought they were nuts.

Speaker 2 (16:38):
I agree the impossible goal. A lot of people that
would be listening to this may be thinking that whatever
the circumstances they're in right now, they can't overcome it.
They may think it's impossible that they can't break the
addiction or whatever it might be. You know that it's impossible,

(17:00):
but it is possible. People do it every day. And
I love your story. Thank you so much for sharing it.
I can see you transformed and listening and talking with you.
But what would you say before we wrap up here,

(17:21):
someone came to you that was really struggling with addiction
or some type of trauma in their life and then
falling into some type of addiction. What questions would you
ask that person?

Speaker 3 (17:37):
Well, I think the first thing we would ask is
where where do they enjoy life? You know, because I
think that's important, and if they're in a very low
spot like where I was, you know, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen
months ago, I would have answered that question with broh,
I just rolled over top of somebody. I ain't enjoying

(17:59):
any part of my life, and I understand that. But
the follow up question of that would be where have
you enjoyed life? And I would go all the way
back to being a kid, you know, where I've enjoyed life?
And and you know there is answers in there, because

(18:20):
we do stuff every day that is our unique ability.
And the problem with that whole theory is the word unique.
People look at themselves because of the self limiting beliefs,
which are the lies we tell ourselves and go and
just like I do. I'm an average Joe. I'm no
different than anybody else. I'm the same dude, just like

(18:42):
every other guy dad on this street. But we get
hung up on this word unique, and it's not about
we're so unique, because a lot of other people have
the same unique ability. So I wish we would change
that name a little bit too. You know. I think
Patrick Lincy only calls it you're working genius. Whatever it

(19:02):
may be, we all have it, and so I would
help people dig into where in their lives they have
gained energy by doing anything. Could have been could have
been writing, it could have been painting. It could have
been working on a car. It could have been landscaping,
it could have been anything, right, it could be talking

(19:24):
to people. Maybe they're a coach in the making. But
everybody's experience or experiences will benefit somebody else, So that
alone will help someone else, And there is tremendous value.
What I've learned is the more value I give to others,
the more freedoms I get in return. And you know

(19:50):
that's the first step they have to figure out where
life has brought them joy.

Speaker 2 (19:56):
Thank you so much, Clegg. If someone wants to re
reach out to you and learn about your services, what's
the best way to do that?

Speaker 3 (20:04):
Yeah, the easiest is probably just on LinkedIn, which is
Michael my middle initial B Clegg, C L E G G.

Speaker 2 (20:12):
Thank you for being with us, Michael. We are out
of time. Michael Clegg's story reminds us that even in
the darkest moments, we have the opportunity to rediscover purpose,
reconnect with who we were meant to become.

Speaker 1 (20:28):
Thanks for listening. If you're struggling with porn or sex addiction,
reach out to Eric at powerfuleric dot com.

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S7E6 - From Tragedy to Transformation (Part 2)

Episode Transcript

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