Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Hey, it's Josh.
And on today's episode, do youever struggle to talk with your
kid?
Do you ever struggle with whatyou guys should be talking about
or how it should be looking?
If so, this is gonna be a goodone for you.
Let's get into it.
SPEAKER_01 (00:18):
Taking all that
information, you got all in your
practically application.
SPEAKER_00 (00:36):
I thought you said
you were ready.
SPEAKER_02 (00:39):
What happened?
SPEAKER_00 (00:41):
All right.
Well, welcome to another episodeof Practically Christian
Podcast.
I am joined in studio today witha new guest co-host.
Debbie, I'm not replacing you.
I know we had that conversation.
But who am I with?
SPEAKER_02 (00:59):
Uh Kayla.
SPEAKER_00 (01:01):
Wow, that was super
descriptive there.
SPEAKER_02 (01:03):
Uh your daughter,
Kayla.
SPEAKER_00 (01:06):
Which daughter,
though?
SPEAKER_02 (01:08):
The tall one.
SPEAKER_00 (01:10):
Tall twin?
Yeah, big twin.
Big twin, that's what it was.
Yes.
Alright.
So it I am in studio with mydaughter, um, who is currently
how old?
SPEAKER_02 (01:22):
15.
SPEAKER_00 (01:22):
And I know you hear
me and Debbie talk about our
kids a lot, but it it's notoften that you hear from our
kids.
Why do you think that is, Caleb?
Is it because I don't love youand value your opinion?
SPEAKER_02 (01:35):
No, because you so
you No, I don't love you.
SPEAKER_00 (01:43):
When don't I?
SPEAKER_02 (01:44):
When our opinions
are stupid.
Or when you disagree with them.
SPEAKER_00 (01:50):
So when I disagree
with them or when they're
stupid?
Yes?
SPEAKER_02 (01:54):
You would yeah, you
would call them stupid, yes.
SPEAKER_00 (01:56):
Do I do I call your
opinion stupid a lot?
SPEAKER_02 (01:59):
Like half and half.
SPEAKER_00 (02:01):
Half and half?
SPEAKER_02 (02:01):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (02:02):
Do you think I'm
wrong for that?
SPEAKER_02 (02:04):
Um I think you're
entitled to that opinion, yes.
SPEAKER_00 (02:07):
I'm entitled to that
opinion.
Do I not?
SPEAKER_02 (02:10):
Well, not entitled,
but like.
SPEAKER_00 (02:12):
How often?
Like I go, how often am I like,Kayleigh, your opinion's stupid?
SPEAKER_02 (02:18):
A lot.
More often than not, like in thecar and stuff.
Okay, maybe I have some work todo as but okay, but I understand
because a lot of times it isstupid.
SPEAKER_00 (02:38):
Alright, so for
those of you listening, here's
here's what happens.
I never like have a huge plan onwhat like I have a big like
overview of what we're gonnatalk about on on a podcast
episode.
Um but but I like it being justraw and uncensored and and
going, hey, like this iseveryday life, like because it's
(02:58):
practically Christian, right?
Like this is the practicalitiesof being a Christian and how it
plays out.
So is this a conversation thatwe would normally have?
SPEAKER_02 (03:09):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (03:10):
Alright, so this
isn't something like have we had
this conversation before?
SPEAKER_02 (03:14):
I don't I don't know
what conversation we're about to
have though.
SPEAKER_00 (03:17):
This conversation
that we're having right now, but
your opinions.
Oh, yeah.
Yes, we do.
Okay, so that's something we wehave a lot?
Yes.
Alright.
Why do you think I haveconversations like that with
you?
As as your dad, why do you thinkthis would be something where
I'd be like, hey, I want to sitdown and I want to hear what you
have to say about this?
SPEAKER_02 (03:37):
So I don't grow up
to be very shifty with my
thoughts, be named.
SPEAKER_00 (03:41):
You are a shifty
kind of person.
SPEAKER_02 (03:44):
That I don't like,
I'm not easily led by other
people that I can have a thoughtand stick to that thought even
when other people tell methings.
SPEAKER_00 (03:54):
And I love that
you're looking at me in the eyes
when we're talking.
I know that's I know that'ssomething new for you too.
But if you're gonna do that,what do you have to do with the
mic?
SPEAKER_02 (04:02):
Move the mic a
little bit.
SPEAKER_00 (04:03):
Yes.
Yeah, that looks like anincredibly uncomfortable
position.
SPEAKER_02 (04:08):
Hold up, hold up.
Alright, that's better.
SPEAKER_00 (04:10):
That's better?
SPEAKER_02 (04:10):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (04:11):
And I go, and we
have conversations like this,
yes, for all of those reasonsyou just said, right?
Because like my job as a parentis what?
SPEAKER_02 (04:21):
To lead us to be
high functioning adults.
SPEAKER_00 (04:25):
So that when you
leave our house, you're gonna be
able to function in this world,right?
Like, yes.
You know, so so havingconversations like this is
something that happens quiteregularly in our house.
I mean, we we do we laugh andjoke a lot?
SPEAKER_02 (04:43):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (04:44):
Alright.
But we also have those timeswhere it's like, hold on, we're
gonna have this weird,unfortunately, yes.
Awkward.
SPEAKER_02 (04:51):
Awkward.
SPEAKER_00 (04:52):
Do we have awkward
conversations?
SPEAKER_02 (04:54):
Yes.
A lot.
SPEAKER_00 (04:56):
A lot?
SPEAKER_02 (04:56):
Well, sometimes,
yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (04:58):
Are they awkward for
both of us?
SPEAKER_02 (04:59):
No.
Just for me.
SPEAKER_00 (05:01):
Just for you?
Just for me.
Alright, pull the mic.
SPEAKER_02 (05:04):
Okay.
There you go.
SPEAKER_00 (05:06):
There you go.
But but talk.
Talk.
Talk?
Okay.
You see how much clearer yousound now?
SPEAKER_02 (05:13):
Yes, I do.
SPEAKER_00 (05:15):
Our audience will
thank you for that.
Yes, we have these uncomfortableand awkward conversations
because I go, I want you towhat?
SPEAKER_02 (05:23):
Be able to think
through what you're supposed to
think through.
Like your what you feel.
Not be led by what you feel.
SPEAKER_00 (05:31):
Is that a hard one
for you?
Yes.
Out of all of my children, whostruggles with that the most?
SPEAKER_02 (05:37):
Me.
SPEAKER_00 (05:38):
Like not even close?
SPEAKER_02 (05:39):
Not even close.
Not at all.
SPEAKER_00 (05:41):
And and yeah, it's
to sit here and go, like, hey, I
want you to be able to performat a certain level when you
leave.
And that's why, like, when wewere having this conversation,
the the one thing I will giveKayla above most of the kids I
know is is I don't know if it'sa processing disorder, but like
Kayla.
SPEAKER_02 (06:04):
That's a mean.
SPEAKER_00 (06:09):
Kayla lacks the
filter to see like social cues
and and things like that.
And so when she gives you ananswer, like, yeah, like we have
these kind of conversations,like you can hear the
uncomfortableness in your voiceright now.
And I go, but that's not alwaysa bad thing.
(06:31):
Do I ever put you in situationswhere I purposely make you
uncomfortable?
SPEAKER_02 (06:36):
Yes.
Like when you make me go up andask people things, like when
you're a little bit more.
SPEAKER_00 (06:42):
No, because asking a
server for a drink.
SPEAKER_02 (06:45):
Yes, I don't like
that.
SPEAKER_00 (06:47):
But why?
Why don't you like that?
SPEAKER_02 (06:50):
Why just I sometimes
I feel like I'm a very awkward
person.
And everybody else knows I'mawkward.
And they just look at me like,oh yeah, that's the awkward
girl.
SPEAKER_00 (07:03):
Have you always felt
like that?
Or has that just been like asyou've been getting older?
No, because when you werelittler, I have plenty of videos
where it does not look likeyou're like, I feel awkward.
SPEAKER_02 (07:13):
Well, I don't feel
awkward with you guys or like
people I've known for more thanlike a year, but like ever like
as long as I can remember whenI'm looking at people I don't
know, I'm like, I don't want totalk to them.
I don't want to that's awkwardto me.
SPEAKER_00 (07:28):
And yet this is
still you're you're you're that
girl though that grabs herguitar and goes up on stage and
plays in front of everyone.
Right?
SPEAKER_02 (07:37):
That's also awkward
for me, but I still do it.
SPEAKER_00 (07:40):
That's awkward for
you?
Yes.
So why do you still do it then?
SPEAKER_02 (07:44):
Because it's for
Jesus and not for other people.
SPEAKER_00 (07:47):
That's a good
answer.
Thank you.
Is that really what you believe?
Yes, it is what I believe.
Is that just your trained?
SPEAKER_02 (07:54):
I am a pastor's
daughter, so that's how I get
through to the awkwardness,because it's like, well, it
doesn't matter what they thinkin the end.
They can't send me anywhere.
SPEAKER_00 (08:04):
I could send you to
military school.
SPEAKER_02 (08:06):
Please don't.
SPEAKER_00 (08:08):
But but see, if if
you're not willing as a parent,
though, to have those kind ofweird and awkward conversations,
then I really do believe you'refailing your own children.
Because with your friends, andyou and you do not use anyone's
name, but with your friends whenyou tell them about things like
(08:35):
that, like we had thisconversation, or this happened,
or that happened, what isnormally their response?
SPEAKER_02 (08:42):
You talk to your
parents?
Like you guys like that's aresponse?
That's a response I get a lot isoh you you just sit there and
talk to them, and it's like,yeah.
I don't have like a lot offriends I tell about or uh
acquaintances that I tell about.
Whoa, why'd you use the wordacquaintance?
(09:03):
Because I don't have friends,because your term of your
definition of friends is verydifferent than other people's.
SPEAKER_00 (09:11):
What's my
definition?
SPEAKER_02 (09:12):
Uh somebody who's
closer than a sibling would be.
SPEAKER_00 (09:15):
Where do I get that
from though?
SPEAKER_02 (09:17):
The Bible.
SPEAKER_00 (09:18):
Yeah, because Jesus
goes, I now no longer call you
disciples, but I call you myfriends.
Jesus goes, Greater love has noman than to lay down his life
for a friend.
And I I really do believe thatthat is a term, just like we
were talking about love theother day, right?
We we pass around love and itreally has no meaning.
And especially once social mediahit, that word friend really
(09:41):
went out the window.
SPEAKER_02 (09:42):
Like when I get to
sit there and listen to my dad
tell everybody at church, ohyeah, my kids don't have
friends.
They have acquaintances.
SPEAKER_00 (09:51):
They have people
they know and hang out with and
talk to, and yeah, some of youwould refer to those as friends,
but but I I really went, no,like these are the things that
are important that I want mychildren to definitely have a
full grasp of and sit here andgo, when I use this word, it I
want to make sure you feel theweight of that word, because I
(10:14):
think too often it's too easy tobe just a friend in word only.
Be the same thing as you know,we we saw a couple of weeks ago
in Romans 15, you know, be aChristian in word and deed, you
know, and and and we we throwaround these words sometimes
like Christian and friend andall of that, and it has no
(10:36):
meaning in it because our oursacrifice and our desire is not
to meet these words, right?
But when so like you seriously,like the people you're talking
you're you're thinking aboutright now, they're they're
sitting here going, wait, youactually talk to your parents
that that's odd for them?
SPEAKER_02 (10:54):
Well, not that I
talked gen just talk to my
parents, but that we talk aboutthings that are bigger than
surface level, like what you didtoday or what you ate or all
that type of stuff.
SPEAKER_00 (11:08):
What happens?
What happens when when you aretrying to tell me those little
details?
Do I listen?
SPEAKER_02 (11:13):
You're like, mm-hmm.
Yeah.
That was cool.
I don't I don't know.
I think you personally, I thinkyou are very much inclined that
if you're going to have aconversation, it's gonna have
some sort of meaning to it, orit's a waste of time.
Or it's a waste of time, but meand mommy are not like that.
We will talk just to talk.
SPEAKER_00 (11:34):
So you're saying
there's a difference between our
relationship, mine and yours,and yours and mommy's?
SPEAKER_02 (11:41):
I would say so,
yeah.
Like a big difference, like it'shuge or like not in a difference
as in like um like a better orworse difference, more so like
it's just it's very different.
Like I wouldn't hang out withyou the way I would hang out
with mommy.
(12:03):
Like how type of stuff.
Like how?
I wouldn't one, me and mommydefinitely wouldn't do a
podcast.
That would not turn out well.
SPEAKER_00 (12:11):
Um because it would
just be a bunch of crying and
feelings.
SPEAKER_02 (12:16):
Yes, it would be
like a normal podcast.
SPEAKER_00 (12:18):
Um that would
probably get a lot more views.
Wow.
SPEAKER_02 (12:24):
I probably wouldn't
take you to Target.
You take mommy to Target?
Or Starbucks or anything likethat.
SPEAKER_00 (12:34):
Why?
I've taken you to Eliano'sbefore.
SPEAKER_02 (12:36):
Yes, and it was the
highlight of my year.
SPEAKER_00 (12:39):
And what did I do?
I rolled down your window andhanded.
You made me order.
SPEAKER_02 (12:42):
Yeah.
And it was I did not like that.
SPEAKER_00 (12:44):
Mommy doesn't do
that?
SPEAKER_02 (12:45):
No, mommy does not
do that.
She orders for me.
SPEAKER_00 (12:49):
Oh, don't do that in
this part.
Alright, so so there is a adifference in the relationship,
is is what you're saying.
Yes.
Do you and and you said it's nota good or a bad difference, it's
just a difference?
Yes.
Alright, so do you think thatthat's by design?
SPEAKER_02 (13:08):
Like like God's
design?
SPEAKER_00 (13:11):
Sure, we can start
there.
SPEAKER_02 (13:12):
Do you mean as in
like a personal thing or like a
father's relationship with hisdaughter is a different
relationship than a mother'sinner daughter?
SPEAKER_00 (13:19):
How how would you
answer that?
Either one?
SPEAKER_02 (13:21):
I would say, um uh
yes and no.
I I do feel like there is pick aside.
No, because it's a loadedquestion.
SPEAKER_00 (13:34):
Because I do feel
like there's Oh, questions are a
loaded question.
SPEAKER_02 (13:40):
Unload the question.
SPEAKER_00 (13:41):
You know, people
can't see your hand movements,
right?
SPEAKER_02 (13:44):
You can.
SPEAKER_00 (13:45):
But that's what I'm
saying.
How would you answer that?
SPEAKER_02 (13:48):
I would answer it.
I do feel like there is adifference.
Mothers, I feel like, are moreare supposed to be more
nurturing and um sweet and niceand all that.
And dads are supposed to be alittle more disciplinary and
they need to lead theirchildren, and you take more of a
leadership role in my life thanmommy does.
(14:09):
Not that I don't listen tomommy, I do listen to her, but
Oh, you had to correct that realquick.
SPEAKER_00 (14:13):
Just in case mom
just in case mommy listens all
the way through the podcast.
SPEAKER_02 (14:18):
Yes.
I do feel like with you it's alot more um advice and ways I
can fix not fix myself, butyeah, kind of fix myself.
And with mommy, I can just kindof talk to her and she just tell
her stuff and she won't be like,well, this is where you messed
(14:40):
up, this is why this turned outthis way.
And she'll just she'll let mecomplain.
SPEAKER_00 (14:44):
No, I mean, I agree
with you.
I I definitely see that there'sa huge difference there.
Um do you think that's bydesign, by God's design?
SPEAKER_02 (14:53):
I do think that,
yes.
SPEAKER_00 (14:55):
Do you like, you
know, that you can see the
difference between a mom and adad?
SPEAKER_02 (14:58):
Yes.
There's a twice now.
SPEAKER_00 (15:02):
Don't do that into
the microphone.
That's disgusting.
SPEAKER_02 (15:05):
I forget I have a
microphone in front of me.
SPEAKER_00 (15:07):
No one out there
wants to hear you going.
Um, hold on.
Was that me trying to fix youagain?
And I go, but again, if you're aa parent, like honestly, I wish
I could sit here.
Like, did you have any idea whatwe were gonna talk about?
Did you even know why you werecoming in here?
SPEAKER_02 (15:29):
No, I thought I was
have to take out those bags.
SPEAKER_00 (15:31):
So you thought I was
just calling you over, hey, I
need you to do some work?
Yes.
You know, because because youwere in a different room here at
at the facility, at the church,school, whatever you want to
call it.
And I had texted, I was like,hey, what are you doing?
You were sitting with mommy, Iwas like, Are you busy?
And you went, No, I was like,Well, come here.
So you thought I was calling youover to do work.
(15:52):
Yes.
So this is not something we havediscussed beforehand, right?
SPEAKER_02 (15:56):
I was not prepared,
no.
SPEAKER_00 (15:58):
But I know you've
asked multiple times, can I do a
podcast?
And and I went, yeah, like let'sgo.
I I really do value like Kayla'sopinion and in in and thought
process because she does see theworld a little different than
most people I know.
Um but again, if you're a parentlistening to this, this is not
(16:22):
this may sound awkward and andall of that, but this isn't very
different than if we were justhanging out at the house
talking.
It it normally doesn't startwith a huge, like hey, we need
to have a formal meeting.
SPEAKER_02 (16:38):
It usually is
something small that leads into
a not even a formal meeting, buta a talking to.
SPEAKER_00 (16:45):
Okay, but when you
say a talking to, is that like a
bad like talking to?
No, like you're in trouble andNo.
SPEAKER_02 (16:52):
I'm not I wouldn't
say we're even in trouble that
often.
SPEAKER_00 (16:56):
Do you get in
trouble often?
SPEAKER_02 (16:57):
No, not really.
I'm a really good kid.
SPEAKER_00 (17:01):
There's no one,
right?
Just no, not one.
No one does.
No one does.
There you go.
SPEAKER_02 (17:05):
Yes, I do know that.
SPEAKER_00 (17:07):
But I go But I go,
as a parent, are you taking
those opportunities?
And and obviously I'm nottalking to you.
SPEAKER_02 (17:15):
Are you asking me?
A piglet doesn't talk to me likethis.
SPEAKER_00 (17:18):
Um I hear him every
time you open your door.
That's her guinea pig, for thoseof you that don't know.
Um and now she claims he doesn'ttalk to her, but every other
time it's how much he loves her.
Um he just doesn't talk.
No, no, no, no.
I was talking to parentslistening.
Um are you taking advantage ofthat?
(17:39):
Like just in the everyday, dayin, day out.
Because honestly, that's wherelife is lived in the day in, day
out.
Like, we always think we wantthese big, huge moments because
we're trained, if you reallythink about it, by society to
expect these big moments, right?
Think about movies.
SPEAKER_02 (17:57):
That's what I was
about to say.
SPEAKER_00 (17:58):
Right?
SPEAKER_02 (17:58):
What like those
Hallmark movies where it's like
everybody's watching you as youdo this big, giant, super duper
big thing.
SPEAKER_00 (18:05):
And well, not even
Hallmark movies, right?
But isn't that the plot to everymovie you've ever seen?
You have build-up, you haveclimax, and then you have uh
resolve, right?
SPEAKER_02 (18:15):
That's the plot to
any good story, though.
SPEAKER_00 (18:17):
And I go in that but
I think a lot of times we try to
apply that to our lives, right?
We want that big light bulbmoment where you like, I don't
know, yell at your kid or groundyour kid, or or you disciplining
your kid, or you're talking toyour kid, and you're like
breaking down in tears, and theythe light finally goes off.
And I go, how many of youlistening to this did that
(18:39):
happen to you?
Like where your parents werejust like really laying into
you, and you were like, Oh, Isee the error of my ways.
SPEAKER_02 (18:48):
Every time.
SPEAKER_00 (18:49):
But but we don't
like we expect that out of our
kids, and I go, but most of thetime it's just the faithful
grinding of day in, day out, dayin, day out.
Like, it's it's sitting heregoing, you know what?
Like, these conversations aregonna come up because I have a
relationship with my child.
Like, are you ever afraid tolike come say something?
SPEAKER_02 (19:12):
And that is what I
was talking about.
Like, earlier when you asked mewhat my acquaintances think when
I tell them about my stories, Isee a lot of a lot of people or
children I know, because I don'treally talk to adults.
Thank God they're not really,they don't have any sort of
relationship with their parents.
Like it's more so Outside of aparent.
SPEAKER_00 (19:32):
Outside of like
parent-child relationship, like
a normal parent-childrelationship, like and that and
that's what really what I wastrying to drive at with all of
that was like sitting here goingthe Bible tells us over and over
and over, not necessarilyspecifics of how to parent.
I mean, it does say spare therod, spoil the child.
(19:53):
Uh you you you read through thebook of Proverbs, and and it
starts with Solomon writing tohis son and going, listen to my
words.
Like, what's the face for?
SPEAKER_02 (20:04):
I thought he was
writing to his wife or
something.
No, no, no, that's the otherone, the weirder one, yeah.
Song of Solomon?
Yeah, that one weird.
That's what's a beautiful thing.
It's not.
SPEAKER_00 (20:16):
What?
SPEAKER_02 (20:19):
I was confused.
SPEAKER_00 (20:21):
But no, and that's
what he's saying.
Like, hear my words, like listento my wisdom, because again,
your goal as a parent should befor your kids to be better than
you were.
It should be to go, hey, like,take all of these mistakes I've
made, don't do these things.
Because I I know how theseaffected my life, and why would
(20:42):
I want that for my child?
SPEAKER_02 (20:44):
Like, how's that
working out?
SPEAKER_00 (20:46):
For me so far?
No, for your children.
Two out of three ain't doingbad, like you know.
SPEAKER_02 (20:53):
I'm one of those.
SPEAKER_00 (20:55):
Are you?
But I go, it it's have fun withyour kids.
Talk to them, like understandyou only get them a little bit.
You know, like you're you're 15,you're gonna be 16 here shortly,
and we'll not be driving.
No, you definitely won't bedriving, but at least two years,
(21:15):
you know, you at that point havethe legal ability to go, that's
it, I'm out.
I don't want that legal abilityto take the city bus to the
train station and figure outwhere you're gonna go.
But but I go, but that's such ashort period of time when you
really stop and think aboutlife.
And and I go, yeah, we have alot of these awkward, funny
(21:39):
conversations that that reallyhave a lot of depth to them.
And and you guys literally justheard one.
Like, and that is how easy itgoes.
And and then tomorrow it may besomething completely and totally
different, and you know, the dayafter, there might not even be
an awkward conversation, itmight just be a lot of laughing
(22:00):
and playing and and joking andand then the next day might have
another conversation, but that'show it should be.
If you're teaching your kid thatthe only reason they should do
stuff is because you told themto, I think you're like if
(22:25):
you've heard even during withthis little conversation me and
Kayla just had, how many timesdid I go, but why?
Why?
Why?
Because if you can explain thewhy, everything else eventually
will fall into place.
Kayla is the way she is becauseshe's heard, but why?
Over.
Why don't you like that?
SPEAKER_02 (22:45):
Because I don't like
having to make a split-second
decision or to explain myself.
SPEAKER_00 (22:50):
But are there gonna
be times in life that you're
gonna have to?
Yeah, but and if you want peopleto get on your mission and you
want people to like follow andyou want to be able to lead, the
biggest thing is is can youexplain to them the why behind
the how?
SPEAKER_02 (23:05):
That's why Gabby
doesn't like talking to me, or
not talking to me, but arguingwith me.
Because I keep asking her why,why.
And she's like, You're notdaddy.
SPEAKER_00 (23:14):
So until next week,
I hope you got something from
this.
Like, you got the the holidaysare coming up, you know, and and
here's what I preached Sunday atchurch.
Don't wait till December 31st togo, hey, here's how we're gonna
do things different.
You can start right now going,here's how I'm gonna do it
different.
Here's how my life is going tolook different, here's how I'm
(23:34):
gonna parent my child different.
Here's the relationship I wantwith my child, and then here's
the things I need to do to getthat relationship.
If you have any questions oranything of that nature, just go
ahead and you can text usactually.
If you're looking at this oncertain things, there's a link
right there that says send us atext.
Send us a text.
Like, let's chat about it.
If not, follow us on socialmedia at something with mission
(23:58):
sent.
I don't know, because Debbiedoes all of that.
But other than that, we loveyou, we thank you, share the
episode, and we can't do thiswithout you.
SPEAKER_02 (24:08):
Bye.