November 7, 2023 • 34 mins
Are you ready to revolutionize your leadership style?
Join us as we host Tiffany Houser, a seasoned leadership and team culture expert.
Tiffany will unpack the concept of human-centric leadership that champions people and relationships.
Discover how empowering our sense of self-worth and nurturing honesty, authenticity, and vulnerability can transform your leadership style and team performance.
To connect and learn more with Tiffany Houser online, please visit:
Website: https://evolveeq.com/
Course: https://www.selfworthadvantage.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tiffanyhouser/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tiffanyhouser/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dr. Pelè (00:00):
Hello happy people, welcome to the Profitable
Happiness Podcast.
Hello everyone, this is Dr Pelèwith the Profitable Happiness
Podcast, and today I have withme Tiffany Houser, who is an
expert at working with leaderswho are, and she's going to
explain this human centric tohelp them develop and sustain
(00:25):
their top talent and buildthriving team cultures.
Tiffany, how are you doingtoday?
Tiffany Houser (00:32):
I am wonderful, thank you.
Dr. Pelè (00:35):
Well, you know what?
That was a mouthful for me,because I really wanted to know
what human centric means, and wetalked about that earlier.
But before we get to that, giveme a sense of what kind of
challenges you deal with inorganizations and why they need
this help so much that you bringto the table what problems are
(00:56):
they experiencing?
Tiffany Houser (00:58):
Yeah, it's interesting because the pandemic
just kind of opened up aPandora's box of either new ones
or nuances of the existing ones.
So, really, when a company or ateam is looking for someone like
us and you know I love that youbrought the human centric to
(01:20):
the table as well when they'relooking for someone like us,
there's usually something goingon with change.
Either we're embracing thechange and we've now moved into
new territory, or somebody isresisting the change, or
multiple people or the wholeteam is resisting change, and
(01:40):
when that tends to happen, whenwe're resisting change, our
relationships start to havebreakdowns or the breakdowns in
our relationships amplify, andso when I'm dealing with human
centric leaders, this doesn'talign with their values if
there's a breakdown withrelationships, because the human
(02:01):
centric side of it is, you know, I care about the people, and
the humans not only in myorganization or on my team, but
the customers as well, which isbeautiful, beautiful especially
in the state of the world we'rein now, and so the biggest
challenges are usually somethingto do with change, and I think
you can agree, dr Pillai we'veall experienced a lot of change
(02:24):
overthe last three years.
And then really, this dynamicof our relationships, which is
why we introduced our new bodyof work called the self-worth
advantage.
And we call it a body of workbecause that piece of self-worth
is rarely, if ever, talkedabout in a corporate setting or
(02:47):
some sort of professionalenvironment.
But we talk about that becausewhen we're going through change,
when we're outside of ourcomfort zone, we start making up
all these stories.
Most likely aren't true, butthey're the way we protect
ourselves so that we feelcomfortable enough to navigate
through or comfortable tocomprehend and come together as
(03:08):
a team.
So those are some of the biggerareas.
So we work on soft skilltraining, emotional intelligence
coaching, growth mindsetcoaching, things of that nature
for senior leaders, and we alsowork with hyper growth founders.
So people who are running theirown company are looking at
(03:29):
themselves and all of a sudden,what started with just them?
they turn around and now thereare 60 people in their company,
and that's massive changemassive change and especially
when they're at that level,there's investors involved which
opens up a whole other box ofdiscomfort.
Dr. Pelè (03:49):
Thank you for explaining this idea of being a
human centric leader, becausewhen we talked about the
challenge of change, for example, what occurs to me is that far
too many leaders want to addressthe issues or the change that's
happening by running straightto business profitability how do
we make everything successfularound here?
And I think far too many ofthem forget about the humans who
(04:13):
are actually making that happenand their well-being and their
happiness.
So that really means a lot tome.
But there was something youshowed me you actually taught me
this earlier and I want tobring it up.
You shared the idea that thisis personal.
These leaders have to diginside of themselves.
They have to start from there.
No one else can determine yourself-worth better than you.
(04:36):
Tell me a little bit about thatpart of your body of knowledge.
Tiffany Houser (04:40):
Ooh, that is one of my favorite nuggets of
wisdom.
Yes, within the self-worthadvantage, one of the key things
is knowing that no one cancompromise your self-worth
except you.
No one can do anything to yourself-worth except you.
(05:00):
So anytime you are feeling bador you're not good enough smart
enough, talented enough,seasoned enough you haven't
XYZed, fill in the gap there.
That's you doing that to you.
And again, as I mentioned, I dowork with senior leaders and
hypergrowth founders, and it'sat first.
(05:22):
It was extremely shocking to methat people at that level are
still questioning and doubtingthemselves.
They aren't fully trustingthemselves and I always go back
and I remind them the key thefirst word of self-worth, the
first word in it is self.
No one's doing it to you.
Your worth your value.
Now we are not discounting ordisregarding people, being
(05:47):
disrespectful or people lettingyou down.
That's different.
That does not have anything todo with how worthy and how
valuable you are, and we couldtalk about that another time.
Yet the key is, when you are notfeeling worthy or valuable,
doubting yourself, secondguessing, needing that external
(06:08):
validation, that's you nottrusting you and you going back
to those stories, making up somesort of story that you look bad
or you need to look good, soyou need to have all the answers
.
And that's a problem forleaders and for founders to
think and assume you have tohave all the answers.
(06:30):
That's not how you run anorganization, that's not how you
create team and culture,because then you're saying just
me, just I.
When a team, a culture, anorganization, it's all of us, we
all are working togethertowards X.
And so I like to debunk thatmyth or that piece of someone's
(06:56):
belief system thinking, becauseI'm the leader on the CXO of
this company, I have to have allthe answers and I need to sound
good, look good.
And that piece that they miss isthe honesty, the authenticity,
the vulnerability to say, hey, Idon't know.
That's a great question.
(07:16):
I am unsure of the moment.
Let me go consult with my teamand I'll get back to you.
Or hey, what do you think I'mnot?
I don't think I have everything.
I need to make an answer or aguess.
Dr. Pelè (07:31):
What do?
Tiffany Houser (07:32):
you think, and instead what they do is they
take all of that weight and theyput it on themselves and think
they need to have all theanswers.
And that's where that trickyimposter comes from.
It's like they're gonna findout.
I don't know everything.
No, you don't know everything,and nor should you Even experts.
(07:54):
They're an expert in theirdomain, not on everything or
every aspect of whatever it iswe're working toward.
Dr. Pelè (08:04):
As a founder and CEO yourself, and you've worn many
hats.
You're a board member, you'vebeen in the speaker and
instructor.
You've done a lot of thesedifferent things.
I would love to know your storyand how you became passionate
about this particular topicaround leadership.
Tiffany Houser (08:22):
What's your?
Dr. Pelè (08:23):
story.
Tiffany Houser (08:24):
Yeah, the story's still being written,
doctor.
Yeah, it's not over, come on,but it's interesting because
this is my evolve, is my company.
It's the fourth or fifthcompany I started, so I guess
I'm a serial entrepreneur.
(08:45):
Yet I worked in corporate forabout 14 years before I took
this leap multiple times andclearly the first three or four
were they were lots of lessons,lots of failure, lots of
mistakes, lots of stuff.
(09:06):
And so, as I'm a 48 year oldwoman now and going from really
excelling in high school andcollege going into the workplace
excelling right away but thenbeing unhappy because I wasn't
in my lane, I wasn't followingmy purpose.
I was following the money andthe status.
I needed to have the title andwork, and I don't.
(09:29):
This was, I think this is stilltrue but back in like the
nineties, you wanted to work forlike MTV or Cosmopolitan or
like Vogue.
You know at least people that Iit was like one of those things
, like you needed like a, youknow, a flashy job, and so I
just I never took a look at whatI really really wanted and what
(09:51):
I was really really passionateabout, until I got all the way
up to where I am now and when Ibecame a coach.
I was a health and lifestylecoach at first and you know,
because I am very passionateabout my wellbeing, and it was
every, every one of my clients,except for two in the beginning
(10:13):
all the roads even if theywanted to lose weight, you know,
have more energy, get bettersleep, you know, whatever it was
, all the roads kept leadingback to their job or what their
career was.
There was some sort ofunhappiness or unfulfillment
there and so and all of it wasleading into I'm overworking,
I'm too busy, I never have hadenough time.
(10:34):
There was all these reoccurringstories and that's when I
decided I was like I'm justfocusing on.
You know, I became a leadershipcoach before I moved up into
being an executive coach, and sowhen I started attracting
executives and when they started, you know, when I started
(10:55):
finding out what they reallywanted to work on I mean, I know
they would come to me saying X,but it was really Y that they
really wanted to focus on Istarted to understand the parts
of ourself that were hiding andwere not accepting, because
we're either judging them, whichmeans we probably have shame
(11:15):
around them and when thisstarted to become clear to me, I
was introduced to a body ofwork that it's just called
transformational leadership.
But I did this work back in 2018, when we could go do things in
person, and man, was thisconfrontational and I thought it
was about becoming a betterbusiness leader.
(11:37):
And boy was I mistake.
It was all about me, my life,all the stories, all the trauma,
all the things, all my familyissues, and what I realized is I
was afraid of success.
So those first three or fourcompanies I can't remember now
because so many things havetranspired they failed because I
(11:59):
was unwilling to succeed.
I was afraid of being a success.
I was never afraid of failing.
That that's what never clickedfor me.
I was like I take risks all thetime, let's do this, let's go.
But what I was afraid of wasreally succeeding in having this
company.
What would that mean if I waswealthy Like wealthy wealthy?
(12:21):
Or what would it mean if I'mnow responsible for 100 plus
people?
What would it mean if I'mresponsible for millions or
eight figure revenue every year?
What would that mean about me?
Who would I need to be to showup to do that?
And my mindset, my belief, wasnot there.
I had too much shame and, as ablack woman in America, I didn't
(12:43):
see the examples or the rolemodels and I knew I could do all
these things, but I had a glassceiling that I gave to myself
and that's really what this workthat I do is about Breakthrough
the first.
I mean there's so many glassceilings out there for a lot of
us.
But, there really is also onethat you're generating for
(13:05):
yourself and you get to breakthrough that Again.
Going back to the self-worthpiece, it is self-inflicted.
We're doing these things toourselves.
The imposter only comes upbecause you think something
about you.
No one told you you weren'tgood enough or not smart enough,
not seasoned enough.
If you're a leader in thecompany, you made it to be a
(13:27):
vice president or a director ora CXO.
Because you did it, you createdthe results.
You're talented, you'recompetent, clearly.
Yet you create your glassceiling because you don't
believe in something.
And that's really the body ofwork that my team and I really
(13:48):
play in with our clients,whether it's an individual or a
team.
We don't necessarily doorganization-wide because that's
too big of a lift.
Dr. Pelè (13:57):
Yeah, you start somewhere.
Yeah, oh, my goodness, okay.
So I told you that yourapproach with the self-worth
thing really touched mepersonally, and now you've got
me going.
I'm gonna just have to tell youhow or why it touched me so
much.
See, like you, I think fromwhat I'm hearing about your
(14:17):
story I grew up achieving allthe physical excellence, things
like coming first in class,getting in any and everything
and just being that smart quotesmart guy, and I thought that
was gonna be my success in life.
Guess what you grow up and yourealize?
No, it's not about yourtechnical skills, your knowledge
, it's about your relationships.
(14:39):
And so I had no preparation forrelationships and I imposed
upon myself and my self-worththat area of lack.
So I'm sitting here going, man,I think I need.
You got it.
I need to come listen and learnmore, because this is a problem
I'm sure so many people have,because our story just leads us
to this place where we've givenourselves a glass ceiling.
(15:02):
What a powerful metaphor.
Let's get into how you solvethese challenges, cause anyone
listening might be saying, okay,well, that's me too.
Here's my glass ceiling, orhere's the problem, here's my
self-worth issue.
But how do you help a leader,move that boat of an
organization or a team to row inthe right direction for
(15:23):
everybody to feel like, yes, weare now doing this right.
How do you get this to actuallywork?
Tiffany Houser (15:28):
What's the how I want to say.
I give them a big hug and thatis very like a great remedy.
Well, I can tell you one thing.
Dr. Pelè (15:40):
You have a very calming way of sharing your
information, so I can see howthat would help, because you
know you don't come in with you.
Got to change, come on, no no,no, suck it.
You come in with a very sort ofyour voice is soft and that
that would work for someone likeme and I'm sure most leaders
would want that.
But go ahead.
Tiffany Houser (16:00):
Yeah, well, there's a few things.
I mean there's a whole body.
This is a body of work, it's awhole framework.
Yet there's a few things I dolike to share.
First, I bring myself.
I am authentic and vulnerableand honest with all of my
clients, and it's mainly to letthem know they're not alone.
And really, the research showsover 80% of senior leaders feel
(16:23):
this way.
They feel like an imposter,they feel like they're not smart
enough, good enough, they don'ttrust themselves or feel like
people don't like them or don'ttrust them.
And so one of the first thingswe share is we talk about, we
look at the language you'reusing.
How are you talking, reading,writing and actually
(16:44):
internalizing, like, what arethe words, what are the phrases,
what are you saying to yourself?
So that we go in and we supportthem with reframing that?
Because the way we talk toourselves and I really want to
highlight that relationshippiece, dr Pelle, that you said-
earlier.
Because the first thing we do islook at the relationship you
have with yourself.
That is the foundation for allyour relationships.
(17:08):
How are you treating yourself?
And the first tool or resourcewe do is we look at your
language.
So one of the big things welook at is so many people say
things are hard or that was hard.
It's hard, don't want to dothat, because that's hard work.
And that word right there wecould spend a little we do like
a 20 minute training on justthat word and notice the energy
(17:31):
around that word.
When something's hard, do youwant to create it, cause it?
Do it Not really?
Dr. Pelè (17:38):
Yeah, no, I'm done.
Yeah, Go to something easy,exactly so.
Tiffany Houser (17:43):
We either procrastinate on it or we do it,
but with a heaviness, becauseour energy is focused on how
hard this is.
So language is one of the bigthings and, quite frankly, one
of the first things we supportpeople with.
Because then if you see that,if you're using that in your
communications, you're readingit from your team, you get to
(18:05):
see the compounding effect ofthat, and then you also get to
ripple out the reframe on thatas well and not just tell people
don't say hard, we're not thelanguage or word police over
here, you get to also.
So we support leaders with howto reframe it and introduce it
to their team.
The other piece we supportpeople with is really
(18:26):
understanding where thisimposter is coming from, where
that sense of I'm not goodenough is coming from.
So our framework is identifywhat it is.
What are you doing to yourself?
Let's really identify it,because most leaders in our
(18:46):
culture we're used tosuppressing all that and no way
are we talking about I don'tfeel smart enough, or I don't
feel like I deserve to be onthis team, or I just moved into
this company.
Are they going to like myvision?
It's like they hired you.
Let's start collecting theevidence, so really identifying
what it is, what the imposter isfor you.
(19:09):
It's not the same for all of usBecause we're all different.
We all had differentconditioning when we were
younger Because and here's thesecret everyone it's coming from
your childhood.
Now, my team in Iowa are nottherapists.
You're not going to go diggingYet.
We support you in understandingthis is not because of you
(19:31):
missed a deadline or because youweren't prepared for the
presentation or the investors.
You didn't hit your mark.
It's not that.
It's something from yourchildhood, because of what your
parents, your teachers, yourcoaches, somebody told you
things and you started believingyou weren't good enough, smart
(19:51):
enough, fast enough if it wassports.
The next piece is understandingthat.
So once you identify something,you get to understand it.
What is that?
What am I making up about that?
What does it mean to me andwhat does it not mean, because
I've just been so fearful and soanxious about it.
And then the final.
Well, there's two final pieces,but if you can get to the first
(20:14):
piece, woo, you are cookingwith gas.
The final part one is toreconcile it.
What is the truth of that now,and how do you support and
regulate and coach yourselfthrough that?
So when that pops up againbecause here's the thing it's
going to pop up again you walkinto a new room, a new company,
(20:35):
a new meeting, a new investor anew something is going to happen
, because that's life, andespecially in your business.
If we keep building iPhone ones, are we still going to be in
business?
Dr. Pelè (20:48):
No.
Tiffany Houser (20:49):
No, so something new is always coming our way,
so that same thing is going tokeep popping up.
So instead of youwhack-a-moling, it pushing it
down, suppressing it, ignoringit.
Now you have the tools toregulate and coach yourself
through reconciling it and thetwo to that.
I'll give you guys the real I'mletting you almost all the way
into the self-worth advantage.
(21:11):
Yeah, yeah, the part two tothat is resolving it.
Reconciling it is a beautifulpiece because you could do that
immediately.
Resolving it is completelytransforming it.
I broke through, I'm free ofthat, and that takes your
practice and your consistentreconciling of it as it pops up
(21:34):
again.
And so that's pretty much it.
I mean, there are dozens oftools.
Layers yeah, and strategies Ican give you, but first the
language piece and then ourself-worth advantage framework
of identify, understand,reconcile, which will lead you
(21:55):
to resolving.
Dr. Pelè (21:57):
See, just to prove to you that I can be a good student
, I'm going to tell you what youjust said.
No, no, I love the model.
You start with language andthen I wrote down here.
You identify the imposter, thenyou understand, you reconcile
and then you resolve it.
Beautiful.
I love that there's somethingyou said earlier.
You said that many times youmeet a leader who wants X, that
(22:22):
after you do some assessment andI'm sure you go through your
model you discover it was Y, andI'm wondering if the solution
shows up as Z, it's like whoa oh, all the time.
Tiffany Houser (22:31):
All the time, because that's life, that's
reality, like as much as we canplan and set our eyes on a
target.
We also get to consider life,energy.
Things are just moving.
I mean, just look at you knowthings that are like three.
Did anyone predict a pandemicwould shut the world down?
(22:53):
You can't.
You definitely pivoted, shiftedsomething new, change,
something happened to you.
Dr. Pelè (23:01):
No, no doubt, no, no, no, no even two year olds were
like what the heck just happened.
In fact, another thing you saidthat's actually kind of in line
with what you're saying now, Iwrote in one of my books
actually my current book, whichis called Profitable Happiness,
same as this podcast I wrotethat a lot of people like to say
life is hard, but I like totell them that life is hard.
(23:25):
H-a-r-d.
How adversity reveals destiny.
Tiffany Houser (23:33):
So we all went through yeah, we're having fun.
Dr. Pelè (23:35):
We all went through this pandemic, the adversity of
it.
What could it reveal?
That's positive for us, and Ithink that's where many of us
are now, isn't it?
Oh my gosh, lots to unpack andso little time.
Let me ask you probably myfavorite question, which is how
do we bring this down from theleaders to the employees?
You know, I believe, thatemployee happiness is a great
(23:58):
driver for everything theleaders want, but I think you
and I would probably agree thata lot of leaders could do more
to focus on employee well-being,and they want that
profitability.
We got that.
But to focus on the employeewell-being, how do you bring the
two together, the needs of theleader and the needs of the
employees, so that we can createthis successful team or larger
(24:22):
organization?
How do you reconcile those twogroups?
Tiffany Houser (24:26):
Yeah, I'm just going to go back to the language
piece again and really, becauseit's interesting, my partner's
company just went through anacquisition and this is like a
very big tech company andanother very big tech company
bought it and yet they weredoing such a great job with the
(24:47):
communication until they stoppedcommunicating and left
everybody high and dry.
And then, of course, when thathappens, when there's lack of
transparency, lack ofcommunication, what happens to
your mindset is you can call ityour imposter, but we call it
your ego comes out and startsmaking up all these stories.
(25:08):
They don't care about us,they're going to screw us over,
they lied, and really nine timesout of 10, in my experience I
mean, everyone's experience isdifferent it's usually the
organization just doesn't knowwhat to say, or they don't you
know there's a delay, or theydon't have all the puzzle pieces
aren't fitting exactly thetogether the way they.
(25:32):
You know to make sense tocommunicate and instead of just
saying I know we said we wouldhave more information on you for
you on this date.
It looks like it's going to beanother two weeks, or we are
asking for your flexibility foranother two weeks, and instead
(25:52):
this company just chose to notsay anything, while behind the
scenes they scrambled to youknow whatever happened.
You know whatever was happening, like work their way through it
.
And that's the thing aboutchange, because that's clearly a
design of change.
Something was happening andthings were changing and even if
(26:13):
we agreed on the exit turnedinto why no big deal changes,
not bad, and things move around.
All the time, just communicatedhey, there was a small curveball
or hey, new information came in.
We're going to need another twoweeks to go through it and make
sense of it or to unpack,whatever their language is.
And so, going back to yourquestion, communicating with
(26:36):
honesty, you don't have to tellthem all the the whole story.
Just, I know, I know we said Xand we missed that.
You don't even need toapologize.
Like I, we acknowledge thebreakdown that we missed, that.
We are asking for another twoweeks to you know, get our ducks
in a row and that's what peoplewant, that's what our and
(26:58):
that's unfortunately what we doexternally with our worth.
We place our worth on otherpeople words.
They ghosted us, they didn'tget back to us, they weren't
clear with us, it, and so wedon't have to compromise our
self worth in that.
I know I'm valuable, I know I'mworth something, I know I'll
either keep my job here or I'llget another, you know whatever
(27:20):
your scenario is.
Yet ambiguity is what I'mreally getting at here.
When we are ambiguous or lackwhich, in my experience, is a
lack of communication and a lackof transparency is what gets in
the way of us creating andkeeping what you call that
happiness factor, because themore you don't share, we go off
(27:45):
into our ego world and makestuff up.
That is 99%, not even true.
Dr. Pelè (27:52):
And probably destructive not just untrue but
potentially really hurtful.
You know, you've got a LinkedInbanner or background that says
something.
I'm just making it out here.
You're doing a speech somewhereand you have the word
(28:15):
possibilities.
Above and below that, you havethe word limitations canceled
out.
Explain what you wereexplaining when you put that up
there, because I think that'svery.
It's got to have a deep storybehind it.
What were you doing there?
Tiffany Houser (28:30):
Well, first of all, I was in your state, that
was, in Dallas.
Oh, you were in Texas okay.
Yes, so that plays right intothe ego.
So our ego and what we're doingto our self, remember self
worth, we're doing it to ourself.
We have two choices, and thisreally goes into the growth and
(28:51):
fix mindset.
You can either and you have thefreedom, the autonomy, the
sovereignty to make this choice.
No one is telling you.
No matter what information iscoming your way, you can look at
all the limitations in it, oryou can consider all the
possibilities that may not belike visible to you in the
(29:14):
moment, and there's a reallyawesome book and concept that
really like extrapolates on that.
Wow, I don't think I've everused that word and I'll, you
know this year.
You just did.
I know I was like whoa where amI coming from?
The book is called the Gap andthe Gain and I believe it's by
(29:36):
Dan Goldman.
Dan Sullivan, one of those twoDan Goldman wrote something
about.
One of those fellows wrotesomething about the growth
mindset.
The other one wrote the Gap andthe Gain.
But it's like the way you arelooking at the information
coming into you.
So let's go back to thatexample Companies getting
acquired.
They're all waiting on whetheror not they're keeping their job
(29:57):
or not.
You get the news.
Let's just say you lost yourjob.
Are you going to go into thegap of that or in the gain of
that?
And you can do both.
You can absolutely do both.
But when we're in that fixedmindset and we're not standing
excuse me, we're not grounded inour self-worth we will
(30:19):
absolutely go into all thelimitations.
We will go into the gap of allthat and look at what was me.
I'm going to be destitute, pooron the street, which is not
true.
Or can we look at the gap of it, or you know, valid.
Ok, those feelings are real.
I feel scared, I'm upset.
You know those are all.
(30:39):
Acknowledge those feelings andthen make the next choice to go
into the gain, into thepossibilities of it all.
Ok, great, now I can put myname in the hat for something
else.
I can take time off to spendwith my family.
I can, you know, start thatside hustle.
I can go take that trip that Ikept putting.
There's so many, and I can keepgoing with that list.
(31:01):
And in this particular example,they've known for over a year.
They've known for over a yearthat this was brewing.
So you've also had over a yearto take care of yourself and to
set yourself up.
You did not need to wait.
That's the limitation.
You did not need to wait untilsomeone told you what you're
(31:21):
worth and what you're valued.
You could have went out andbeen like, ok, something's about
to change here.
I have all the power, all thesovereignty to go make new
choices.
Now, I'm not considering peoplewith like dire life
predicaments.
That's a very small exceptionto some of this, but most people
(31:44):
it's just a matter OK, do Iwant to wait this out or do I
want to make a move?
And that's a very, veryspecific example.
But the limitation is reallyyou only seeing what's wrong.
But you remember Debbie Downerfrom Saturday Night Live.
Dr. Pelè (32:01):
Yeah yeah, hello, that's, I'm Dr Debbie myself.
Tiffany Houser (32:08):
Oh, you don't seem that way.
Dr. Pelè (32:10):
Oh, I have a high negativity bias.
I look at the world and thefirst thing I look for is what
can I fix what's wrong?
Oh, OK, ok, good to know that'swhy I told you your message is
personal for me.
It's so powerful for me becauseI am that person who needs to
let go of some of theselimitations and focus on the
(32:30):
possibilities that you weretalking about.
We could talk for hours andthen you're going to have to
charge me money, so let me justlet me ask you a question,
Tiffany, to wrap up what are youcurrently excited about?
What are you working on, ormaybe promoting, that we can put
out there, and what's the bestway for people to get a hold of
(32:50):
you online?
Tiffany Houser (32:52):
Yeah, thank you for asking.
Well, the self-worth advantagewe just launched it.
It's available as an onlineself-based paste course.
We also offer it as one-on-onecoaching.
It can be done through aworkshop, a retreat, you could
also.
We could also do the courselive or virtual with a team.
(33:13):
You could find me on LinkedIn,just Tiffany Houser, all
together, and I'm also onInstagram, Tiffany Houser, and
our website is selfadvantagecomSelf-advantage.
You said, oh, I am sorry, self,excuse me,
(33:33):
self-worthadvantagecom.
It's very new.
We just launched it.
Dr. Pelè (33:39):
OK self-worthadvantagecom.
Yep, I'll have all of thoselinks below and, by the way, I
did just a quick editorial thingfor those of you who heard
about the Gap and the Game bookyou were talking about it is.
You were correct, it is by DanSullivan, Great.
So for anybody looking for that, you can either look on
(34:01):
Tiffany's LinkedIn thing whereshe says possibilities and
limitations, or you can go checkout the book the Gap and the
Game Same concept.
Tiffany Houser, thank you somuch for being a very valuable
and great teacher.
Guest on the ProfitableHappiness Podcast.
Tiffany Houser (34:19):
Thank you so much for having me here today.
Dr. Pelè (34:22):
Thanks for tuning in to the Profitable Happiness
Podcast.
For more episodes, visitDrPalletcom.
And remember get happy firstand success will follow.
Hello happy people, welcome to the Profitable
Happiness Podcast.
Hello everyone, this is Dr Pelèwith the Profitable Happiness
Podcast, and today I have withme Tiffany Houser, who is an
expert at working with leaderswho are, and she's going to
explain this human centric tohelp them develop and sustain
(00:25):
their top talent and buildthriving team cultures.
Tiffany, how are you doingtoday?
Tiffany Houser (00:32):
I am wonderful, thank you.
Dr. Pelè (00:35):
Well, you know what?
That was a mouthful for me,because I really wanted to know
what human centric means, and wetalked about that earlier.
But before we get to that, giveme a sense of what kind of
challenges you deal with inorganizations and why they need
this help so much that you bringto the table what problems are
(00:56):
they experiencing?
Tiffany Houser (00:58):
Yeah, it's interesting because the pandemic
just kind of opened up aPandora's box of either new ones
or nuances of the existing ones.
So, really, when a company or ateam is looking for someone like
us and you know I love that youbrought the human centric to
(01:20):
the table as well when they'relooking for someone like us,
there's usually something goingon with change.
Either we're embracing thechange and we've now moved into
new territory, or somebody isresisting the change, or
multiple people or the wholeteam is resisting change, and
(01:40):
when that tends to happen, whenwe're resisting change, our
relationships start to havebreakdowns or the breakdowns in
our relationships amplify, andso when I'm dealing with human
centric leaders, this doesn'talign with their values if
there's a breakdown withrelationships, because the human
(02:01):
centric side of it is, you know, I care about the people, and
the humans not only in myorganization or on my team, but
the customers as well, which isbeautiful, beautiful especially
in the state of the world we'rein now, and so the biggest
challenges are usually somethingto do with change, and I think
you can agree, dr Pillai we'veall experienced a lot of change
(02:24):
overthe last three years.
And then really, this dynamicof our relationships, which is
why we introduced our new bodyof work called the self-worth
advantage.
And we call it a body of workbecause that piece of self-worth
is rarely, if ever, talkedabout in a corporate setting or
(02:47):
some sort of professionalenvironment.
But we talk about that becausewhen we're going through change,
when we're outside of ourcomfort zone, we start making up
all these stories.
Most likely aren't true, butthey're the way we protect
ourselves so that we feelcomfortable enough to navigate
through or comfortable tocomprehend and come together as
(03:08):
a team.
So those are some of the biggerareas.
So we work on soft skilltraining, emotional intelligence
coaching, growth mindsetcoaching, things of that nature
for senior leaders, and we alsowork with hyper growth founders.
So people who are running theirown company are looking at
(03:29):
themselves and all of a sudden,what started with just them?
they turn around and now thereare 60 people in their company,
and that's massive changemassive change and especially
when they're at that level,there's investors involved which
opens up a whole other box ofdiscomfort.
Dr. Pelè (03:49):
Thank you for explaining this idea of being a
human centric leader, becausewhen we talked about the
challenge of change, for example, what occurs to me is that far
too many leaders want to addressthe issues or the change that's
happening by running straightto business profitability how do
we make everything successfularound here?
And I think far too many ofthem forget about the humans who
(04:13):
are actually making that happenand their well-being and their
happiness.
So that really means a lot tome.
But there was something youshowed me you actually taught me
this earlier and I want tobring it up.
You shared the idea that thisis personal.
These leaders have to diginside of themselves.
They have to start from there.
No one else can determine yourself-worth better than you.
(04:36):
Tell me a little bit about thatpart of your body of knowledge.
Tiffany Houser (04:40):
Ooh, that is one of my favorite nuggets of
wisdom.
Yes, within the self-worthadvantage, one of the key things
is knowing that no one cancompromise your self-worth
except you.
No one can do anything to yourself-worth except you.
(05:00):
So anytime you are feeling bador you're not good enough smart
enough, talented enough,seasoned enough you haven't
XYZed, fill in the gap there.
That's you doing that to you.
And again, as I mentioned, I dowork with senior leaders and
hypergrowth founders, and it'sat first.
(05:22):
It was extremely shocking to methat people at that level are
still questioning and doubtingthemselves.
They aren't fully trustingthemselves and I always go back
and I remind them the key thefirst word of self-worth, the
first word in it is self.
No one's doing it to you.
Your worth your value.
Now we are not discounting ordisregarding people, being
(05:47):
disrespectful or people lettingyou down.
That's different.
That does not have anything todo with how worthy and how
valuable you are, and we couldtalk about that another time.
Yet the key is, when you are notfeeling worthy or valuable,
doubting yourself, secondguessing, needing that external
(06:08):
validation, that's you nottrusting you and you going back
to those stories, making up somesort of story that you look bad
or you need to look good, soyou need to have all the answers
.
And that's a problem forleaders and for founders to
think and assume you have tohave all the answers.
(06:30):
That's not how you run anorganization, that's not how you
create team and culture,because then you're saying just
me, just I.
When a team, a culture, anorganization, it's all of us, we
all are working togethertowards X.
And so I like to debunk thatmyth or that piece of someone's
(06:56):
belief system thinking, becauseI'm the leader on the CXO of
this company, I have to have allthe answers and I need to sound
good, look good.
And that piece that they miss isthe honesty, the authenticity,
the vulnerability to say, hey, Idon't know.
That's a great question.
(07:16):
I am unsure of the moment.
Let me go consult with my teamand I'll get back to you.
Or hey, what do you think I'mnot?
I don't think I have everything.
I need to make an answer or aguess.
Dr. Pelè (07:31):
What do?
Tiffany Houser (07:32):
you think, and instead what they do is they
take all of that weight and theyput it on themselves and think
they need to have all theanswers.
And that's where that trickyimposter comes from.
It's like they're gonna findout.
I don't know everything.
No, you don't know everything,and nor should you Even experts.
(07:54):
They're an expert in theirdomain, not on everything or
every aspect of whatever it iswe're working toward.
Dr. Pelè (08:04):
As a founder and CEO yourself, and you've worn many
hats.
You're a board member, you'vebeen in the speaker and
instructor.
You've done a lot of thesedifferent things.
I would love to know your storyand how you became passionate
about this particular topicaround leadership.
Tiffany Houser (08:22):
What's your?
Dr. Pelè (08:23):
story.
Tiffany Houser (08:24):
Yeah, the story's still being written,
doctor.
Yeah, it's not over, come on,but it's interesting because
this is my evolve, is my company.
It's the fourth or fifthcompany I started, so I guess
I'm a serial entrepreneur.
(08:45):
Yet I worked in corporate forabout 14 years before I took
this leap multiple times andclearly the first three or four
were they were lots of lessons,lots of failure, lots of
mistakes, lots of stuff.
(09:06):
And so, as I'm a 48 year oldwoman now and going from really
excelling in high school andcollege going into the workplace
excelling right away but thenbeing unhappy because I wasn't
in my lane, I wasn't followingmy purpose.
I was following the money andthe status.
I needed to have the title andwork, and I don't.
(09:29):
This was, I think this is stilltrue but back in like the
nineties, you wanted to work forlike MTV or Cosmopolitan or
like Vogue.
You know at least people that Iit was like one of those things
, like you needed like a, youknow, a flashy job, and so I
just I never took a look at whatI really really wanted and what
(09:51):
I was really really passionateabout, until I got all the way
up to where I am now and when Ibecame a coach.
I was a health and lifestylecoach at first and you know,
because I am very passionateabout my wellbeing, and it was
every, every one of my clients,except for two in the beginning
(10:13):
all the roads even if theywanted to lose weight, you know,
have more energy, get bettersleep, you know, whatever it was
, all the roads kept leadingback to their job or what their
career was.
There was some sort ofunhappiness or unfulfillment
there and so and all of it wasleading into I'm overworking,
I'm too busy, I never have hadenough time.
(10:34):
There was all these reoccurringstories and that's when I
decided I was like I'm justfocusing on.
You know, I became a leadershipcoach before I moved up into
being an executive coach, and sowhen I started attracting
executives and when they started, you know, when I started
(10:55):
finding out what they reallywanted to work on I mean, I know
they would come to me saying X,but it was really Y that they
really wanted to focus on Istarted to understand the parts
of ourself that were hiding andwere not accepting, because
we're either judging them, whichmeans we probably have shame
(11:15):
around them and when thisstarted to become clear to me, I
was introduced to a body ofwork that it's just called
transformational leadership.
But I did this work back in 2018, when we could go do things in
person, and man, was thisconfrontational and I thought it
was about becoming a betterbusiness leader.
(11:37):
And boy was I mistake.
It was all about me, my life,all the stories, all the trauma,
all the things, all my familyissues, and what I realized is I
was afraid of success.
So those first three or fourcompanies I can't remember now
because so many things havetranspired they failed because I
(11:59):
was unwilling to succeed.
I was afraid of being a success.
I was never afraid of failing.
That that's what never clickedfor me.
I was like I take risks all thetime, let's do this, let's go.
But what I was afraid of wasreally succeeding in having this
company.
What would that mean if I waswealthy Like wealthy wealthy?
(12:21):
Or what would it mean if I'mnow responsible for 100 plus
people?
What would it mean if I'mresponsible for millions or
eight figure revenue every year?
What would that mean about me?
Who would I need to be to showup to do that?
And my mindset, my belief, wasnot there.
I had too much shame and, as ablack woman in America, I didn't
(12:43):
see the examples or the rolemodels and I knew I could do all
these things, but I had a glassceiling that I gave to myself
and that's really what this workthat I do is about Breakthrough
the first.
I mean there's so many glassceilings out there for a lot of
us.
But, there really is also onethat you're generating for
(13:05):
yourself and you get to breakthrough that Again.
Going back to the self-worthpiece, it is self-inflicted.
We're doing these things toourselves.
The imposter only comes upbecause you think something
about you.
No one told you you weren'tgood enough or not smart enough,
not seasoned enough.
If you're a leader in thecompany, you made it to be a
(13:27):
vice president or a director ora CXO.
Because you did it, you createdthe results.
You're talented, you'recompetent, clearly.
Yet you create your glassceiling because you don't
believe in something.
And that's really the body ofwork that my team and I really
(13:48):
play in with our clients,whether it's an individual or a
team.
We don't necessarily doorganization-wide because that's
too big of a lift.
Dr. Pelè (13:57):
Yeah, you start somewhere.
Yeah, oh, my goodness, okay.
So I told you that yourapproach with the self-worth
thing really touched mepersonally, and now you've got
me going.
I'm gonna just have to tell youhow or why it touched me so
much.
See, like you, I think fromwhat I'm hearing about your
(14:17):
story I grew up achieving allthe physical excellence, things
like coming first in class,getting in any and everything
and just being that smart quotesmart guy, and I thought that
was gonna be my success in life.
Guess what you grow up and yourealize?
No, it's not about yourtechnical skills, your knowledge
, it's about your relationships.
(14:39):
And so I had no preparation forrelationships and I imposed
upon myself and my self-worththat area of lack.
So I'm sitting here going, man,I think I need.
You got it.
I need to come listen and learnmore, because this is a problem
I'm sure so many people have,because our story just leads us
to this place where we've givenourselves a glass ceiling.
(15:02):
What a powerful metaphor.
Let's get into how you solvethese challenges, cause anyone
listening might be saying, okay,well, that's me too.
Here's my glass ceiling, orhere's the problem, here's my
self-worth issue.
But how do you help a leader,move that boat of an
organization or a team to row inthe right direction for
(15:23):
everybody to feel like, yes, weare now doing this right.
How do you get this to actuallywork?
Tiffany Houser (15:28):
What's the how I want to say.
I give them a big hug and thatis very like a great remedy.
Well, I can tell you one thing.
Dr. Pelè (15:40):
You have a very calming way of sharing your
information, so I can see howthat would help, because you
know you don't come in with you.
Got to change, come on, no no,no, suck it.
You come in with a very sort ofyour voice is soft and that
that would work for someone likeme and I'm sure most leaders
would want that.
But go ahead.
Tiffany Houser (16:00):
Yeah, well, there's a few things.
I mean there's a whole body.
This is a body of work, it's awhole framework.
Yet there's a few things I dolike to share.
First, I bring myself.
I am authentic and vulnerableand honest with all of my
clients, and it's mainly to letthem know they're not alone.
And really, the research showsover 80% of senior leaders feel
(16:23):
this way.
They feel like an imposter,they feel like they're not smart
enough, good enough, they don'ttrust themselves or feel like
people don't like them or don'ttrust them.
And so one of the first thingswe share is we talk about, we
look at the language you'reusing.
How are you talking, reading,writing and actually
(16:44):
internalizing, like, what arethe words, what are the phrases,
what are you saying to yourself?
So that we go in and we supportthem with reframing that?
Because the way we talk toourselves and I really want to
highlight that relationshippiece, dr Pelle, that you said-
earlier.
Because the first thing we do islook at the relationship you
have with yourself.
That is the foundation for allyour relationships.
(17:08):
How are you treating yourself?
And the first tool or resourcewe do is we look at your
language.
So one of the big things welook at is so many people say
things are hard or that was hard.
It's hard, don't want to dothat, because that's hard work.
And that word right there wecould spend a little we do like
a 20 minute training on justthat word and notice the energy
(17:31):
around that word.
When something's hard, do youwant to create it, cause it?
Do it Not really?
Dr. Pelè (17:38):
Yeah, no, I'm done.
Yeah, Go to something easy,exactly so.
Tiffany Houser (17:43):
We either procrastinate on it or we do it,
but with a heaviness, becauseour energy is focused on how
hard this is.
So language is one of the bigthings and, quite frankly, one
of the first things we supportpeople with.
Because then if you see that,if you're using that in your
communications, you're readingit from your team, you get to
(18:05):
see the compounding effect ofthat, and then you also get to
ripple out the reframe on thatas well and not just tell people
don't say hard, we're not thelanguage or word police over
here, you get to also.
So we support leaders with howto reframe it and introduce it
to their team.
The other piece we supportpeople with is really
(18:26):
understanding where thisimposter is coming from, where
that sense of I'm not goodenough is coming from.
So our framework is identifywhat it is.
What are you doing to yourself?
Let's really identify it,because most leaders in our
(18:46):
culture we're used tosuppressing all that and no way
are we talking about I don'tfeel smart enough, or I don't
feel like I deserve to be onthis team, or I just moved into
this company.
Are they going to like myvision?
It's like they hired you.
Let's start collecting theevidence, so really identifying
what it is, what the imposter isfor you.
(19:09):
It's not the same for all of usBecause we're all different.
We all had differentconditioning when we were
younger Because and here's thesecret everyone it's coming from
your childhood.
Now, my team in Iowa are nottherapists.
You're not going to go diggingYet.
We support you in understandingthis is not because of you
(19:31):
missed a deadline or because youweren't prepared for the
presentation or the investors.
You didn't hit your mark.
It's not that.
It's something from yourchildhood, because of what your
parents, your teachers, yourcoaches, somebody told you
things and you started believingyou weren't good enough, smart
(19:51):
enough, fast enough if it wassports.
The next piece is understandingthat.
So once you identify something,you get to understand it.
What is that?
What am I making up about that?
What does it mean to me andwhat does it not mean, because
I've just been so fearful and soanxious about it.
And then the final.
Well, there's two final pieces,but if you can get to the first
(20:14):
piece, woo, you are cookingwith gas.
The final part one is toreconcile it.
What is the truth of that now,and how do you support and
regulate and coach yourselfthrough that?
So when that pops up againbecause here's the thing it's
going to pop up again you walkinto a new room, a new company,
(20:35):
a new meeting, a new investor anew something is going to happen
, because that's life, andespecially in your business.
If we keep building iPhone ones, are we still going to be in
business?
Dr. Pelè (20:48):
No.
Tiffany Houser (20:49):
No, so something new is always coming our way,
so that same thing is going tokeep popping up.
So instead of youwhack-a-moling, it pushing it
down, suppressing it, ignoringit.
Now you have the tools toregulate and coach yourself
through reconciling it and thetwo to that.
I'll give you guys the real I'mletting you almost all the way
into the self-worth advantage.
(21:11):
Yeah, yeah, the part two tothat is resolving it.
Reconciling it is a beautifulpiece because you could do that
immediately.
Resolving it is completelytransforming it.
I broke through, I'm free ofthat, and that takes your
practice and your consistentreconciling of it as it pops up
(21:34):
again.
And so that's pretty much it.
I mean, there are dozens oftools.
Layers yeah, and strategies Ican give you, but first the
language piece and then ourself-worth advantage framework
of identify, understand,reconcile, which will lead you
(21:55):
to resolving.
Dr. Pelè (21:57):
See, just to prove to you that I can be a good student
, I'm going to tell you what youjust said.
No, no, I love the model.
You start with language andthen I wrote down here.
You identify the imposter, thenyou understand, you reconcile
and then you resolve it.
Beautiful.
I love that there's somethingyou said earlier.
You said that many times youmeet a leader who wants X, that
(22:22):
after you do some assessment andI'm sure you go through your
model you discover it was Y, andI'm wondering if the solution
shows up as Z, it's like whoa oh, all the time.
Tiffany Houser (22:31):
All the time, because that's life, that's
reality, like as much as we canplan and set our eyes on a
target.
We also get to consider life,energy.
Things are just moving.
I mean, just look at you knowthings that are like three.
Did anyone predict a pandemicwould shut the world down?
(22:53):
You can't.
You definitely pivoted, shiftedsomething new, change,
something happened to you.
Dr. Pelè (23:01):
No, no doubt, no, no, no, no even two year olds were
like what the heck just happened.
In fact, another thing you saidthat's actually kind of in line
with what you're saying now, Iwrote in one of my books
actually my current book, whichis called Profitable Happiness,
same as this podcast I wrotethat a lot of people like to say
life is hard, but I like totell them that life is hard.
(23:25):
H-a-r-d.
How adversity reveals destiny.
Tiffany Houser (23:33):
So we all went through yeah, we're having fun.
Dr. Pelè (23:35):
We all went through this pandemic, the adversity of
it.
What could it reveal?
That's positive for us, and Ithink that's where many of us
are now, isn't it?
Oh my gosh, lots to unpack andso little time.
Let me ask you probably myfavorite question, which is how
do we bring this down from theleaders to the employees?
You know, I believe, thatemployee happiness is a great
(23:58):
driver for everything theleaders want, but I think you
and I would probably agree thata lot of leaders could do more
to focus on employee well-being,and they want that
profitability.
We got that.
But to focus on the employeewell-being, how do you bring the
two together, the needs of theleader and the needs of the
employees, so that we can createthis successful team or larger
(24:22):
organization?
How do you reconcile those twogroups?
Tiffany Houser (24:26):
Yeah, I'm just going to go back to the language
piece again and really, becauseit's interesting, my partner's
company just went through anacquisition and this is like a
very big tech company andanother very big tech company
bought it and yet they weredoing such a great job with the
(24:47):
communication until they stoppedcommunicating and left
everybody high and dry.
And then, of course, when thathappens, when there's lack of
transparency, lack ofcommunication, what happens to
your mindset is you can call ityour imposter, but we call it
your ego comes out and startsmaking up all these stories.
(25:08):
They don't care about us,they're going to screw us over,
they lied, and really nine timesout of 10, in my experience I
mean, everyone's experience isdifferent it's usually the
organization just doesn't knowwhat to say, or they don't you
know there's a delay, or theydon't have all the puzzle pieces
aren't fitting exactly thetogether the way they.
(25:32):
You know to make sense tocommunicate and instead of just
saying I know we said we wouldhave more information on you for
you on this date.
It looks like it's going to beanother two weeks, or we are
asking for your flexibility foranother two weeks, and instead
(25:52):
this company just chose to notsay anything, while behind the
scenes they scrambled to youknow whatever happened.
You know whatever was happening, like work their way through it
.
And that's the thing aboutchange, because that's clearly a
design of change.
Something was happening andthings were changing and even if
(26:13):
we agreed on the exit turnedinto why no big deal changes,
not bad, and things move around.
All the time, just communicatedhey, there was a small curveball
or hey, new information came in.
We're going to need another twoweeks to go through it and make
sense of it or to unpack,whatever their language is.
And so, going back to yourquestion, communicating with
(26:36):
honesty, you don't have to tellthem all the the whole story.
Just, I know, I know we said Xand we missed that.
You don't even need toapologize.
Like I, we acknowledge thebreakdown that we missed, that.
We are asking for another twoweeks to you know, get our ducks
in a row and that's what peoplewant, that's what our and
(26:58):
that's unfortunately what we doexternally with our worth.
We place our worth on otherpeople words.
They ghosted us, they didn'tget back to us, they weren't
clear with us, it, and so wedon't have to compromise our
self worth in that.
I know I'm valuable, I know I'mworth something, I know I'll
either keep my job here or I'llget another, you know whatever
(27:20):
your scenario is.
Yet ambiguity is what I'mreally getting at here.
When we are ambiguous or lackwhich, in my experience, is a
lack of communication and a lackof transparency is what gets in
the way of us creating andkeeping what you call that
happiness factor, because themore you don't share, we go off
(27:45):
into our ego world and makestuff up.
That is 99%, not even true.
Dr. Pelè (27:52):
And probably destructive not just untrue but
potentially really hurtful.
You know, you've got a LinkedInbanner or background that says
something.
I'm just making it out here.
You're doing a speech somewhereand you have the word
(28:15):
possibilities.
Above and below that, you havethe word limitations canceled
out.
Explain what you wereexplaining when you put that up
there, because I think that'svery.
It's got to have a deep storybehind it.
What were you doing there?
Tiffany Houser (28:30):
Well, first of all, I was in your state, that
was, in Dallas.
Oh, you were in Texas okay.
Yes, so that plays right intothe ego.
So our ego and what we're doingto our self, remember self
worth, we're doing it to ourself.
We have two choices, and thisreally goes into the growth and
(28:51):
fix mindset.
You can either and you have thefreedom, the autonomy, the
sovereignty to make this choice.
No one is telling you.
No matter what information iscoming your way, you can look at
all the limitations in it, oryou can consider all the
possibilities that may not belike visible to you in the
(29:14):
moment, and there's a reallyawesome book and concept that
really like extrapolates on that.
Wow, I don't think I've everused that word and I'll, you
know this year.
You just did.
I know I was like whoa where amI coming from?
The book is called the Gap andthe Gain and I believe it's by
(29:36):
Dan Goldman.
Dan Sullivan, one of those twoDan Goldman wrote something
about.
One of those fellows wrotesomething about the growth
mindset.
The other one wrote the Gap andthe Gain.
But it's like the way you arelooking at the information
coming into you.
So let's go back to thatexample Companies getting
acquired.
They're all waiting on whetheror not they're keeping their job
(29:57):
or not.
You get the news.
Let's just say you lost yourjob.
Are you going to go into thegap of that or in the gain of
that?
And you can do both.
You can absolutely do both.
But when we're in that fixedmindset and we're not standing
excuse me, we're not grounded inour self-worth we will
(30:19):
absolutely go into all thelimitations.
We will go into the gap of allthat and look at what was me.
I'm going to be destitute, pooron the street, which is not
true.
Or can we look at the gap of it, or you know, valid.
Ok, those feelings are real.
I feel scared, I'm upset.
You know those are all.
(30:39):
Acknowledge those feelings andthen make the next choice to go
into the gain, into thepossibilities of it all.
Ok, great, now I can put myname in the hat for something
else.
I can take time off to spendwith my family.
I can, you know, start thatside hustle.
I can go take that trip that Ikept putting.
There's so many, and I can keepgoing with that list.
(31:01):
And in this particular example,they've known for over a year.
They've known for over a yearthat this was brewing.
So you've also had over a yearto take care of yourself and to
set yourself up.
You did not need to wait.
That's the limitation.
You did not need to wait untilsomeone told you what you're
(31:21):
worth and what you're valued.
You could have went out andbeen like, ok, something's about
to change here.
I have all the power, all thesovereignty to go make new
choices.
Now, I'm not considering peoplewith like dire life
predicaments.
That's a very small exceptionto some of this, but most people
(31:44):
it's just a matter OK, do Iwant to wait this out or do I
want to make a move?
And that's a very, veryspecific example.
But the limitation is reallyyou only seeing what's wrong.
But you remember Debbie Downerfrom Saturday Night Live.
Dr. Pelè (32:01):
Yeah yeah, hello, that's, I'm Dr Debbie myself.
Tiffany Houser (32:08):
Oh, you don't seem that way.
Dr. Pelè (32:10):
Oh, I have a high negativity bias.
I look at the world and thefirst thing I look for is what
can I fix what's wrong?
Oh, OK, ok, good to know that'swhy I told you your message is
personal for me.
It's so powerful for me becauseI am that person who needs to
let go of some of theselimitations and focus on the
(32:30):
possibilities that you weretalking about.
We could talk for hours andthen you're going to have to
charge me money, so let me justlet me ask you a question,
Tiffany, to wrap up what are youcurrently excited about?
What are you working on, ormaybe promoting, that we can put
out there, and what's the bestway for people to get a hold of
(32:50):
you online?
Tiffany Houser (32:52):
Yeah, thank you for asking.
Well, the self-worth advantagewe just launched it.
It's available as an onlineself-based paste course.
We also offer it as one-on-onecoaching.
It can be done through aworkshop, a retreat, you could
also.
We could also do the courselive or virtual with a team.
(33:13):
You could find me on LinkedIn,just Tiffany Houser, all
together, and I'm also onInstagram, Tiffany Houser, and
our website is selfadvantagecomSelf-advantage.
You said, oh, I am sorry, self,excuse me,
(33:33):
self-worthadvantagecom.
It's very new.
We just launched it.
Dr. Pelè (33:39):
OK self-worthadvantagecom.
Yep, I'll have all of thoselinks below and, by the way, I
did just a quick editorial thingfor those of you who heard
about the Gap and the Game bookyou were talking about it is.
You were correct, it is by DanSullivan, Great.
So for anybody looking for that, you can either look on
(34:01):
Tiffany's LinkedIn thing whereshe says possibilities and
limitations, or you can go checkout the book the Gap and the
Game Same concept.
Tiffany Houser, thank you somuch for being a very valuable
and great teacher.
Guest on the ProfitableHappiness Podcast.
Tiffany Houser (34:19):
Thank you so much for having me here today.
Dr. Pelè (34:22):
Thanks for tuning in to the Profitable Happiness
Podcast.
For more episodes, visitDrPalletcom.
And remember get happy firstand success will follow.
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