April 9, 2025 • 34 mins
Despite having plans for their children’s academic, athletic, social, and financial success, many parents, including Christian parents, have given little thought to their children’s spiritual development. This is the thing that matters most—their standing before God and their growth in grace. In this message from Colossians 3:20–21, David Platt highlights the difference it makes when parents and children listen to God’s Word and respond with faith in Jesus and obedience to his commands.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
You are listening to Radical with David Platt, a
weekly podcast with sermons andmessages from pastor, author and
teacher David Platt.
Well, if you have a Bible and Ihope you or somebody around you
does that you can look on with.
Let me invite you to open withme to Colossians, chapter 3.
Today we're going to see howJesus totally transforms
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parenting, what it means to be aparent and a child.
Now I want to start, similar tohow I did last week, with more
data and a few more disclaimers.
So first the data.
There is no question that muchlike marriage is under attack in
our culture, the relationshipsbetween parents and children are
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also under attack, like I heardjust this week about how, here
in Virginia, various schools andcounties where our church
family resides have practices inplace where children can
transition, so to speak, theirgender with the support of the
school, without parents evenknowing about it, with the
support of the school, withoutparents even knowing about it.
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There's actually a vote thisWednesday for parental
involvement in this issue to bereinstated and affirmed from the
schools.
So I wanna encourage members ofour church who are in Virginia
to find out more about that, howyou can work for justice in
this area on behalf of childrenand parents.
At the same time, much like Imentioned last week, I also want
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us to see some data about howwe are approaching children and
parents, even in the church, andaccording to research from
Barna, more than 90% of parentshave no plan for their
children's spiritual development.
More than nine out of ten haveno specific plan for their
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children's spiritual development, which just begs the question
from the very beginning of thisgathering, looking at this word
today, as a parent, if you are aparent, do you have a specific,
intentional plan for yourchildren's spiritual development
?
And then Barna found out that,out of parents who specifically
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profess to be followers of Jesus, only about half of them
believe that the spiritualdevelopment of their children is
their responsibility.
Only about half of Christianparents believe they are
primarily responsible for thespiritual development of their
children.
And then the last piece of datathat stuck out to me in this
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Barnard research is that mostparents, including Christian
parents, believe the spiritualdevelopment of their children's
life is less important thantheir children doing well in
school, sports or relationships.
And all of this data and I couldshare much more shouts we
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desperately need to hear whatGod says about parenting and
children in our culture and inthe church, which then leads to
the disclaimers.
So one is actually more of areminder and encouragement that
this word from God we're aboutto hear is for all of us.
So every one of us hasexperience as a child and or a
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parent.
So if, for example, you're anadult without children, don't
think.
Well, this word doesn't applyto me, it's just parenting.
So I'm just gonna kind of tuneout, because this word from God
affects all of us.
Our Bible reading this morning,in Psalm 89, talked about how we
all work to pass the gospel onto the next generation, which
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means we build up parents andchildren together from all of
our perspectives as a churchfamily.
So this involves all of us,which leads to the second
disclaimer.
That again is much like Imentioned last week.
We all have differentperspectives that we bring to
the table as children and orparents, and there is no way in
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the time we have together todaythat I would be able to address
every single circumstance andsituation represented with every
single child and parent in thisgathering.
There are children in thisgathering who have a variety of
different relationships withtheir parents, and there are
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parents in this gathering whoare walking through a variety of
different situations with theirchildren.
I couldn't even begin toaddress, for those who have
multiple children, the differentsituations you're walking
through with each of yourchildren, and some of you are
doing so alone, as a singleparent.
Or, to go back to what we talkedabout last week, some of you
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were doing parenting on top ofstrains in marriage, and many of
you, I know, are just tired.
Part of me wants to just spendthe rest of our time just
encouraging all of us, parentsand children alike, just not to
give up.
But there's no way I can speakto every single one of those
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circumstances.
And on top of that, we're onlygoing to look at two verses in
the Bible, which means we're notabout to see an exhaustive
explanation of everything weneed to understand about
childhood and parenting.
So what we're going to do isexactly what we did last week
with two verses.
We're just going to soak themin every single word and phrase.
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We're going to hear what God issaying and then my hope, my
prayer, is to give you somepractical handles to process
alone with God and then in yourfamilies and in our church
family, with each other, withGod's word as our foundation,
which leads to the lastdisclaimer I had mentioned.
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I want to be clear.
I'm guessing you already knowthis, but I just want to make
sure we're all on the same page.
I am no parenting guru, this isnot a parenting seminar, and my
six kids can testify to thereality that I am not a perfect
parent.
So I'm on a journey with everyother parent in this room and in
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a Psalm 88 kind of way, I'mcrying out day and night for
wisdom and strength and helpfrom God to love my kids well.
So, parents in this gathering,we're in this together and I'm
not presuming to step on thisstage with all the answers.
I'm only stepping on this stagewith the Word of God, which I
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know is what we all need.
More than we need a parentingguru or even a parenting seminar
, we need to hear from the Godwho makes us children, who makes
us parents and, by His grace,tells us how to experience
abundant life as children and asparents.
So let's listen to this part ofGod's Word that addresses
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parenting Two verses inColossians 3, 20 and 21.
This is the word of God.
Children, obey your parents ineverything, for this, pleases
the Lord, fathers, do notprovoke your children lest they
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become discouraged.
Okay, let's soak in every wordand phrase here from God
children likely a reference tothose who are still in their
parents homes or dependent ontheir parents care.
Although we'll talk about thisrelationship with those who are
still in their parents' homes ordependent on their parents'
care, although and we'll talkabout this the relationship with
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children, between parents andchildren, obviously changes over
time, even beyond that, in away that never takes away that
relationship.
But there's a command here forchildren, particularly those in
their homes depending on theirparents' care, to one command
obey.
And the word there in theoriginal language carries the
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idea of both listening to anddoing what your parents say.
So listen to your parents inthe words of Proverbs 1, 8 and 9
.
Hear, my son, your father'sinstruction, forsake not your
mother's teaching.
They are a graceful garland foryour head and pendants for your
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neck.
So hear, listen.
And then the reason this wordis translated obey in English is
because it carries the idea ofyou will do what you hear in
everything.
How about those two words?
Now, obviously we know wetalked about this last week how
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only God has absolute authorityover our lives.
So if a parent tells you to dosomething that goes against the
word of God, you should not do,it goes against the word of God,
you should not do it.
But apart from that, god istelling children to obey their
parents in everything, for thispleases the Lord.
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That's interesting.
There's something beyond evenjust your parents in this
picture.
Obey your parents, notultimately to please them, but
ultimately to please God.
Listen to and obey what yourparents say in everything,
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because not just because you'reaccountable to them, but because
you are accountable to God.
This is God's word to children,teenagers, students in this
gathering Obey your parents,because God's saying to disobey
them would be to disobey me.
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So that's very different fromwhat children, students,
teenagers hear in this culturethat says whatever you believe
or feel is best for you, that'swhat you should do, and God's
saying that's not true.
God is saying I've put a goodauthority in your life, in your
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mom or dad.
Unless they're telling you todo something that goes against
my word, to disobey them is todisobey me and, like every other
command God gives us, he'ssaying this will be good for you
.
Ephesians 6 makes this explicitChildren, obey your parents.
Same command in the Lord forthis is right Honor your father
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and mother.
This is the first commandmentwith a promise, so that there's
a purpose here.
It may go well with you.
This command comes with apromise, a guarantee you will
not regret honoring and obeyingyour parents.
It will go well with you.
When you do, it will be goodfor you.
Which then leads us to okayparents Now specifically, it
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says fathers here.
It's interesting the same wordthat's used here in the original
language of the New Testamentis used in Hebrews, chapter 11,
verse 23, and it's translatedparents there.
So it can refer to parents ingeneral or fathers specifically
as the head of a family.
And there are a couple things Ithink we need to point out here
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that are clearly implied weneed to point out here that are
clearly implied.
One is that children needparents, fathers, to obey for
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their good.
So let's just soak that in fora minute and remember that there
are many children in ourcommunity who have a need for
parents who are working fortheir good.
I had just saw recent numbersin Fairfax County this last week
.
They have the highest number ofchildren in foster care that
they have ever had right now,including some in need of
adoption right now, and that'strue across all the counties
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represented in our church familyand I know that we are
experiencing challenges invarious counties across our
church family with thisgovernment system but let's keep
working to care for children inneed of homes.
This is true religion, brothersand sisters.
So I wanna keep that before us,calling us to this Go to
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mcleanbibleorg, slash, foster,reach out to leaders at your
location and act.
There are children in need ofparents right around us today
who are working for their goodand helping promote their good.
So that's one clear implicationfrom this passage.
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And then another implicationthat I trust is obvious.
But let me draw it all overthis thing.
I clear this up.
All right, I trust this isobvious, but parents, if
children have been commanded toobey, then that means parents
are expected to teach childrento obey.
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All right, I think that'spretty obvious, but it's worth
pointing out in our day because,parents, you have not been
commanded in God's word to obeyyour children.
You have not been commanded byGod to do whatever they tell you
to do.
Parents, you and I have aresponsibility from God to teach
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our children to obey, otherwisethey won't be pleasing to him
and it will not go well withthem.
And again, I know what I'mabout to say is obvious, but
think about this with meChildren need to learn to obey
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their parents before they canever read this command.
So, parents, before your childcan read, they need to learn to
obey your voice In everything,including the little things.
So if you and I and I includemyself in this as a dad to
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teenagers, down to a toddler ifwe let our children ignore our
voice in various things for anynumber of reasons, because it's
not that big a deal or becausewe're just tired, we don't feel
like disciplining, so theydisobey and we don't do anything
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, or they wait until the secondor the third or the fourth time
before we say something.
We get really mad.
Then they obey.
If we do this, we are notcaring for our children and it
will not go well for them.
Look at Proverbs, chapter 13,verse 24.
Whoever spares the rod hateshis son, but he who loves him is
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diligent to discipline him.
So this is diligence, this iswork, but it's loving work to
discipline children, because ifwe don't do this, we hate our
children.
So this is loving work thatleads to pleasing the Lord.
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This is for their good and it'scritical to things going well
for them.
We keep seeing this over andover them.
For them to learn to obey theirparents in everything the first
time and to experiencediscipline when they don't do
that.
So clear, gentle, consistent,self-controlled, caring, loving
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discipline is necessary forchildren to learn to obey their
parents in everything.
So God is saying in this textI'll write it out here do not so
this is to parents do notabdicate this responsibility.
You and I have a responsibilityto teach children to obey and
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at the same time do not abusethis authority.
So that's what's reallyinteresting about what the Bible
then says in verse 21.
Do not provoke your children,lest they become discouraged.
So apparently there is a wrongway to require obedience.
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Isn't it interesting, out ofall the things the Bible could
say at this point aboutparenting?
God says don't provoke yourchildren to discouragement.
And this word means more thanjust not liking discipline.
Like no child delights indiscipline when they are
receiving it.
The Bible actually says thisHebrews, chapter 12, verse 11,.
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For the moment, all disciplineseems painful rather than
pleasant.
So the Bible's not saying ifyour child is disappointed by
your discipline, you've donesomething wrong.
Children, you do not have alicense to say I'm discouraged
by this punishment.
Therefore the Bible says youshould not do it.
That's not.
Look at the rest of the verse.
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Nobody likes it in the moment.
But later it yields thepeaceful fruit of righteousness
to those who have been trainedby it.
So the goal of good disciplineis later to lead to peaceful
fruit of righteousness.
So back to Colossians, chapterthree.
The goal of good discipline isto lead to a child's
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encouragement, notdiscouragement, in the long run.
So God is serious about parentsloving children in a way that
builds them up, not brings themdown.
That's why Ephesians, chaptersix, verse four, says similar
language fathers, do not provokeyour children to anger, but
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bring them up.
Build them up in the disciplineand instruction of the Lord.
So let's just meditate on thisfor a minute.
Let's think of all the waysthat so practical ways that a
parent's discipline could bringthem down or lead to their
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discouragement.
Let's just think about this fora minute.
Practically, if a parent isbelittling to a child in a way
that a child feels inferior, orif a parent is nagging to the
point where a child feels likethey can never do anything right
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, similar to that would beperpetual fault, finding A
parent almost looking for thenext thing a child is going to
do wrong, just waiting for themto do something wrong.
Or if a parent disciplines achild in a way that is shaming
to them.
I was doing my uncle's funerala little over a week ago.
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One of my cousins said my dadwas clear with rules and
boundaries, but when we messedup he never shamed us.
It's a good word.
We're not just shaming.
If discipline is embarrassing,particularly in front of others,
that can take the spirit out ofa child.
Similarly, if discipline isharsh, with a biting tone, it
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can have the same effect.
Or discipline that isinconsistent, so that a child
never knows whether or not sheor he may or may not receive
discipline, or impulsive,lacking patience, or lacking
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self-control or discipline.
That's impossible.
Meaning a child can't actuallydo what a parent is telling them
to do.
That would be discouraging Afew more Discipline that leads
to discouragement could includedemands without discernment,
meaning constantly tellingchildren to do something, all
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kinds of things, but neverreally thinking through.
Is that best?
Do I need to command that?
Is that necessary?
Or it could be anger withoutaffection.
So, yes, there's a righteous,self-controlled anger that
springs from love, but there'salso an unrighteous,
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out-of-control anger, eventemper that lacks love.
Two more Think about disciplinethat is devoid of shepherding
the heart, meaning it's justfocused on outward obedience
instead of taking time toshepherd what's going on in the
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inside of a child's heart.
And then, what about disciplinethat's disconnected from gospel
grace?
Titus, chapter 2, verse 11through 13, talks about how the
grace of God is what trains usto obey God.
Surely that's the same forparenting.
God disciplines us, trains uswith grace.
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So are we pointing children,yes, to the seriousness of sin,
but also to the wonder of grace,to their and our need for a
savior and God's willingness andreadiness to forgive all who
trust in Jesus?
And this is the point ofparenting right.
To point children to the loveof God as their heavenly Father.
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That's our responsibility.
To reflect Him, which thenleads us?
Okay, let's come back toColossians 3, to reflect him,
which then leads us?
Okay, let's come back toColossians 3, 20 and 21.
What if we just what if we turnthis word around?
So the negative is clear do notprovoke your children so they
become discouraged in ways thattakes the spirit out of them.
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The positive, though, isclearly implied here.
Do provoke them in a way thatleads to their what, in a way
that leads to theirencouragement.
Do discipline them in a waythat leads to their
encouragement, to putting theSpirit in them.
So let's just think, all right,what's the opposite of
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discouragement in God's Word?
And here's some things I thinkwe see all over God's Word.
Opposite of being discouragedwould be being hopeful.
Discouraged children don't havehope.
Encouraged children have hope.
Opposite would be happy.
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Discouraged children live in asad state.
Encouraged children are happy.
Opposite of being discouragedmight be confident.
Right, discouraged childrenlack confidence.
And the opposite of beingdiscouraged certainly includes
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having courage Put into youEncourage.
And all this makes sense whenyou look at those words.
It makes sense when we thinkabout building or bringing
children up instead of knockingor bringing children down.
But now, this is so key, don'tmiss this.
If all the Bible is saying hereis parents, build your children
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up so that they're hopeful andhappy and confident and
courageous, we would simply haveat this point what the world
says about parenting Right,every decent parent in the world
would say I want those thingsfor my kid.
But here's the difference.
The difference is where wepoint our kids to for their hope
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and their happiness and theirconfidence and their courage.
Because follow this the worldsays hope and happiness are
found in money and popularity,and education and a good degree
and a nice job and a comfortablelife, fulfilling the American
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dream.
You know what that leads to?
It leads to parenting that'sprimarily focused on helping
your kids get the best grades,be the best at sports or music
or whatever, so they can buildthe best resume, they can get in
the best college, they can getthe best degree, so they can
have the best job, so they canmake the most money, so they can
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have their best life now.
So we teach our kids and ourparenting to run after all these
things, and along the way, 90plus percent of us hardly even
think about their spiritualdevelopment.
Maybe we say we'll drop themoff at church to let somebody
else take care of that, and theresults are disastrous and one
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day our sons and daughters aregoing to stand empty before God
and all the things we've toldthem are most important and
encourage them to give.
Their lives too, are going toburn up in the fire.
And we will have led them tothat point If we raise our
children to be great doctors,lawyers, business leaders,
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athletes, musicians,entrepreneurs, but we do not
train them to worship and walkwith God.
We have missed the entire pointof parenting.
We have led them to a hope thatwill not hold and to happiness
that will not last.
It is not loving for them.
You see how God's directions onparenting are very different
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from the world.
The world says teach yourchildren to have confidence in
themselves.
God's word says no Success isfound in teaching children to
die to themselves.
God's Word says no Success isfound in teaching children to
die to themselves and to die tosin to the ways of this world
and to live with confidence inGod and His Word and His ways
for their lives.
This world says have courage todo whatever you want in this
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world.
God says no, have courage tolive for a totally different
world.
Knowing that will mean courageto go against the grain of this
world.
Parents listen closely to God inPsalm 78 from our Bible reading
last week.
We will not hide them fromtheir children but tell to the
coming generation the gloriousdeeds of the Lord, his might,
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the wonders he has done.
He established a testimony inJacob, appointed a law in Israel
which he commanded our fathersto teach to their children that
the next generation might knowthem the children yet unborn and
arise, and tell them to theirchildren so that they should set
their hope in God and notforget the works of God but keep
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his commandments, and that theyshould not be like their
fathers, a stubborn andrebellious generation, a
generation whose heart was notfed steadfast, whose spirit was
not faithful to God.
To every parent in thisgathering you absolutely need a
specific, intentional plan forthe spiritual development of
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your children.
You need, at the center of yourhome and the height of your
priorities, an intentional,specific plan to teach your
children to hope in God, to knowhis works and to keep his
commandments, and notice thisthat they should not be like
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their fathers.
Psalm 78 says don't miss this.
Children need examples offaithfulness in their fathers
and their mothers, becausechildren will rarely be what
they do not see, which meanschildren need to see what hope
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in God and happiness in God andconfidence in God and courage
with God look like in theirparents.
So, dads, what are your childrenseeing in you?
Do they see you hoping in moneyor your possessions or your
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career, or hoping in God?
Where do they see you happiest?
Do they see you engaged orexcited at sporting events and
then bored or disinterested inworship?
Do they see you finding yourdeepest happiness in the worship
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of God and walking with God?
Do they see you confident inyourself, asserting yourself, or
, dad?
Do they see you humbly bowingon your knees, on your face,
before God?
Moms, do your children see youfacing the worries of this world
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with confidence in God?
Do they see in you whatProverbs 31 describes in the
woman who laughs at the futurebecause she knows, no matter
what happens, god himself iswith her and for her?
Do your children see youcourageous in this world,
unfazed by what others may thinkabout you, not looking to what
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others say about you becauseyour eyes are so fixed on what
God thinks and what God saysabout you?
Moms and dads, do your childrensee you courageously, boldly
sharing the gospel and goingagainst the grain of this world
with faith in God's word?
And this is where we realize,parents, what your children,
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what my children, what ourchildren most need from us is
our closeness to God, period.
More than we need a parentingseminar or a parenting guru, we
need to look like Jesus.
They need us hoping in God,pursuing happiness in God,
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confident in God and living andparenting with courage, knowing
God is with us and for us andfor our kids.
So to every child in thisgathering, I invite you to trust
in Jesus today.
And to every parent in thisgathering, I invite you to trust
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in Jesus today With your life.
If you've not trusted Jesus, tofill that God-sized hole in
your heart.
Trust in him with your life andto trust in him with your kids.
No parent in this room has doneit all right, and we all have
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different regrets for things wewish we had done differently.
I invite you I love what Mattwas just saying go to Jesus with
those things.
Trust in him, not only for hisgrace to cover the past, but for
his grace to help you in thepresent to be the parent he's
calling you to be today, whetherthat's for young children or
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grown children, to live, topoint them to Jesus today,
trusting that they areultimately in his hands.
So which leads to every singleperson in this gathering, not
just children, parents.
We have all sinned against Godin a way that separates us from
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him, in a way that Joannadescribed as a road that leads
to eternal judgment.
But don't miss it.
Put it all together.
God loves us so much he senthis son, jesus, to die on the
cross to pay the price for oursins, to rise from the dead in
victory over sin, so that anyonewho turns from their sin and
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themselves and trusts in Jesusas Savior and Lord will be
forgiven of their sin and watchthis, restored to relationship
with God as your Father.
As your Father, you can knowGod as Father.
So, for every person in thisgathering, your greatest need is
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to become a child of God andthen to live as a child of God.
So I want to give us all acouple minutes to reflect on all
of this, and I'll put it thisway what are two or three
practical ways that God isleading you, calling you to
respond to this word today?
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So, for some of you, like wejust mentioned, god's calling
you to trust in Jesus today,become his child today.
Then, specifically for children, what are two or three
practical ways God's calling youto honor and obey your parent
or parents more faithfully?
Or parents, what are two orthree practical ways God's
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calling you to love yourchildren more faithfully?
And again, for those of you whomay not be in a home with a
parent or may not have children.
What are two or three practicalways God's calling you to
respond to this word today forthe good of children, for the
good of parents around you?
We hope you've enjoyed thisweek's episode of Radical with
(33:55):
David Platt.
For more resources from DavidPlatt, we invite you to visit
Radicalnet.
You are listening to Radical with David Platt, a
weekly podcast with sermons andmessages from pastor, author and
teacher David Platt.
Well, if you have a Bible and Ihope you or somebody around you
does that you can look on with.
Let me invite you to open withme to Colossians, chapter 3.
Today we're going to see howJesus totally transforms
(00:21):
parenting, what it means to be aparent and a child.
Now I want to start, similar tohow I did last week, with more
data and a few more disclaimers.
So first the data.
There is no question that muchlike marriage is under attack in
our culture, the relationshipsbetween parents and children are
(00:43):
also under attack, like I heardjust this week about how, here
in Virginia, various schools andcounties where our church
family resides have practices inplace where children can
transition, so to speak, theirgender with the support of the
school, without parents evenknowing about it, with the
support of the school, withoutparents even knowing about it.
(01:04):
There's actually a vote thisWednesday for parental
involvement in this issue to bereinstated and affirmed from the
schools.
So I wanna encourage members ofour church who are in Virginia
to find out more about that, howyou can work for justice in
this area on behalf of childrenand parents.
At the same time, much like Imentioned last week, I also want
(01:28):
us to see some data about howwe are approaching children and
parents, even in the church, andaccording to research from
Barna, more than 90% of parentshave no plan for their
children's spiritual development.
More than nine out of ten haveno specific plan for their
(01:52):
children's spiritual development, which just begs the question
from the very beginning of thisgathering, looking at this word
today, as a parent, if you are aparent, do you have a specific,
intentional plan for yourchildren's spiritual development
?
And then Barna found out that,out of parents who specifically
(02:16):
profess to be followers of Jesus, only about half of them
believe that the spiritualdevelopment of their children is
their responsibility.
Only about half of Christianparents believe they are
primarily responsible for thespiritual development of their
children.
And then the last piece of datathat stuck out to me in this
(02:37):
Barnard research is that mostparents, including Christian
parents, believe the spiritualdevelopment of their children's
life is less important thantheir children doing well in
school, sports or relationships.
And all of this data and I couldshare much more shouts we
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desperately need to hear whatGod says about parenting and
children in our culture and inthe church, which then leads to
the disclaimers.
So one is actually more of areminder and encouragement that
this word from God we're aboutto hear is for all of us.
So every one of us hasexperience as a child and or a
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parent.
So if, for example, you're anadult without children, don't
think.
Well, this word doesn't applyto me, it's just parenting.
So I'm just gonna kind of tuneout, because this word from God
affects all of us.
Our Bible reading this morning,in Psalm 89, talked about how we
all work to pass the gospel onto the next generation, which
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means we build up parents andchildren together from all of
our perspectives as a churchfamily.
So this involves all of us,which leads to the second
disclaimer.
That again is much like Imentioned last week.
We all have differentperspectives that we bring to
the table as children and orparents, and there is no way in
(04:08):
the time we have together todaythat I would be able to address
every single circumstance andsituation represented with every
single child and parent in thisgathering.
There are children in thisgathering who have a variety of
different relationships withtheir parents, and there are
(04:30):
parents in this gathering whoare walking through a variety of
different situations with theirchildren.
I couldn't even begin toaddress, for those who have
multiple children, the differentsituations you're walking
through with each of yourchildren, and some of you are
doing so alone, as a singleparent.
Or, to go back to what we talkedabout last week, some of you
(04:52):
were doing parenting on top ofstrains in marriage, and many of
you, I know, are just tired.
Part of me wants to just spendthe rest of our time just
encouraging all of us, parentsand children alike, just not to
give up.
But there's no way I can speakto every single one of those
(05:15):
circumstances.
And on top of that, we're onlygoing to look at two verses in
the Bible, which means we're notabout to see an exhaustive
explanation of everything weneed to understand about
childhood and parenting.
So what we're going to do isexactly what we did last week
with two verses.
We're just going to soak themin every single word and phrase.
(05:37):
We're going to hear what God issaying and then my hope, my
prayer, is to give you somepractical handles to process
alone with God and then in yourfamilies and in our church
family, with each other, withGod's word as our foundation,
which leads to the lastdisclaimer I had mentioned.
(05:59):
I want to be clear.
I'm guessing you already knowthis, but I just want to make
sure we're all on the same page.
I am no parenting guru, this isnot a parenting seminar, and my
six kids can testify to thereality that I am not a perfect
parent.
So I'm on a journey with everyother parent in this room and in
(06:20):
a Psalm 88 kind of way, I'mcrying out day and night for
wisdom and strength and helpfrom God to love my kids well.
So, parents in this gathering,we're in this together and I'm
not presuming to step on thisstage with all the answers.
I'm only stepping on this stagewith the Word of God, which I
(06:41):
know is what we all need.
More than we need a parentingguru or even a parenting seminar
, we need to hear from the Godwho makes us children, who makes
us parents and, by His grace,tells us how to experience
abundant life as children and asparents.
So let's listen to this part ofGod's Word that addresses
(07:04):
parenting Two verses inColossians 3, 20 and 21.
This is the word of God.
Children, obey your parents ineverything, for this, pleases
the Lord, fathers, do notprovoke your children lest they
(07:27):
become discouraged.
Okay, let's soak in every wordand phrase here from God
children likely a reference tothose who are still in their
parents homes or dependent ontheir parents care.
Although we'll talk about thisrelationship with those who are
still in their parents' homes ordependent on their parents'
care, although and we'll talkabout this the relationship with
(07:49):
children, between parents andchildren, obviously changes over
time, even beyond that, in away that never takes away that
relationship.
But there's a command here forchildren, particularly those in
their homes depending on theirparents' care, to one command
obey.
And the word there in theoriginal language carries the
(08:11):
idea of both listening to anddoing what your parents say.
So listen to your parents inthe words of Proverbs 1, 8 and 9
.
Hear, my son, your father'sinstruction, forsake not your
mother's teaching.
They are a graceful garland foryour head and pendants for your
(08:33):
neck.
So hear, listen.
And then the reason this wordis translated obey in English is
because it carries the idea ofyou will do what you hear in
everything.
How about those two words?
Now, obviously we know wetalked about this last week how
(08:54):
only God has absolute authorityover our lives.
So if a parent tells you to dosomething that goes against the
word of God, you should not do,it goes against the word of God,
you should not do it.
But apart from that, god istelling children to obey their
parents in everything, for thispleases the Lord.
(09:16):
That's interesting.
There's something beyond evenjust your parents in this
picture.
Obey your parents, notultimately to please them, but
ultimately to please God.
Listen to and obey what yourparents say in everything,
(09:36):
because not just because you'reaccountable to them, but because
you are accountable to God.
This is God's word to children,teenagers, students in this
gathering Obey your parents,because God's saying to disobey
them would be to disobey me.
(09:57):
So that's very different fromwhat children, students,
teenagers hear in this culturethat says whatever you believe
or feel is best for you, that'swhat you should do, and God's
saying that's not true.
God is saying I've put a goodauthority in your life, in your
(10:18):
mom or dad.
Unless they're telling you todo something that goes against
my word, to disobey them is todisobey me and, like every other
command God gives us, he'ssaying this will be good for you
.
Ephesians 6 makes this explicitChildren, obey your parents.
Same command in the Lord forthis is right Honor your father
(10:43):
and mother.
This is the first commandmentwith a promise, so that there's
a purpose here.
It may go well with you.
This command comes with apromise, a guarantee you will
not regret honoring and obeyingyour parents.
It will go well with you.
When you do, it will be goodfor you.
Which then leads us to okayparents Now specifically, it
(11:11):
says fathers here.
It's interesting the same wordthat's used here in the original
language of the New Testamentis used in Hebrews, chapter 11,
verse 23, and it's translatedparents there.
So it can refer to parents ingeneral or fathers specifically
as the head of a family.
And there are a couple things Ithink we need to point out here
(11:32):
that are clearly implied weneed to point out here that are
clearly implied.
One is that children needparents, fathers, to obey for
(12:00):
their good.
So let's just soak that in fora minute and remember that there
are many children in ourcommunity who have a need for
parents who are working fortheir good.
I had just saw recent numbersin Fairfax County this last week
.
They have the highest number ofchildren in foster care that
they have ever had right now,including some in need of
adoption right now, and that'strue across all the counties
(12:23):
represented in our church familyand I know that we are
experiencing challenges invarious counties across our
church family with thisgovernment system but let's keep
working to care for children inneed of homes.
This is true religion, brothersand sisters.
So I wanna keep that before us,calling us to this Go to
(12:46):
mcleanbibleorg, slash, foster,reach out to leaders at your
location and act.
There are children in need ofparents right around us today
who are working for their goodand helping promote their good.
So that's one clear implicationfrom this passage.
(13:08):
And then another implicationthat I trust is obvious.
But let me draw it all overthis thing.
I clear this up.
All right, I trust this isobvious, but parents, if
children have been commanded toobey, then that means parents
are expected to teach childrento obey.
(13:30):
All right, I think that'spretty obvious, but it's worth
pointing out in our day because,parents, you have not been
commanded in God's word to obeyyour children.
You have not been commanded byGod to do whatever they tell you
to do.
Parents, you and I have aresponsibility from God to teach
(13:52):
our children to obey, otherwisethey won't be pleasing to him
and it will not go well withthem.
And again, I know what I'mabout to say is obvious, but
think about this with meChildren need to learn to obey
(14:12):
their parents before they canever read this command.
So, parents, before your childcan read, they need to learn to
obey your voice In everything,including the little things.
So if you and I and I includemyself in this as a dad to
(14:34):
teenagers, down to a toddler ifwe let our children ignore our
voice in various things for anynumber of reasons, because it's
not that big a deal or becausewe're just tired, we don't feel
like disciplining, so theydisobey and we don't do anything
(14:55):
, or they wait until the secondor the third or the fourth time
before we say something.
We get really mad.
Then they obey.
If we do this, we are notcaring for our children and it
will not go well for them.
Look at Proverbs, chapter 13,verse 24.
Whoever spares the rod hateshis son, but he who loves him is
(15:18):
diligent to discipline him.
So this is diligence, this iswork, but it's loving work to
discipline children, because ifwe don't do this, we hate our
children.
So this is loving work thatleads to pleasing the Lord.
(15:40):
This is for their good and it'scritical to things going well
for them.
We keep seeing this over andover them.
For them to learn to obey theirparents in everything the first
time and to experiencediscipline when they don't do
that.
So clear, gentle, consistent,self-controlled, caring, loving
(16:06):
discipline is necessary forchildren to learn to obey their
parents in everything.
So God is saying in this textI'll write it out here do not so
this is to parents do notabdicate this responsibility.
You and I have a responsibilityto teach children to obey and
(16:32):
at the same time do not abusethis authority.
So that's what's reallyinteresting about what the Bible
then says in verse 21.
Do not provoke your children,lest they become discouraged.
So apparently there is a wrongway to require obedience.
(16:56):
Isn't it interesting, out ofall the things the Bible could
say at this point aboutparenting?
God says don't provoke yourchildren to discouragement.
And this word means more thanjust not liking discipline.
Like no child delights indiscipline when they are
receiving it.
The Bible actually says thisHebrews, chapter 12, verse 11,.
(17:19):
For the moment, all disciplineseems painful rather than
pleasant.
So the Bible's not saying ifyour child is disappointed by
your discipline, you've donesomething wrong.
Children, you do not have alicense to say I'm discouraged
by this punishment.
Therefore the Bible says youshould not do it.
That's not.
Look at the rest of the verse.
(17:40):
Nobody likes it in the moment.
But later it yields thepeaceful fruit of righteousness
to those who have been trainedby it.
So the goal of good disciplineis later to lead to peaceful
fruit of righteousness.
So back to Colossians, chapterthree.
The goal of good discipline isto lead to a child's
(18:04):
encouragement, notdiscouragement, in the long run.
So God is serious about parentsloving children in a way that
builds them up, not brings themdown.
That's why Ephesians, chaptersix, verse four, says similar
language fathers, do not provokeyour children to anger, but
(18:26):
bring them up.
Build them up in the disciplineand instruction of the Lord.
So let's just meditate on thisfor a minute.
Let's think of all the waysthat so practical ways that a
parent's discipline could bringthem down or lead to their
(18:47):
discouragement.
Let's just think about this fora minute.
Practically, if a parent isbelittling to a child in a way
that a child feels inferior, orif a parent is nagging to the
point where a child feels likethey can never do anything right
(19:11):
, similar to that would beperpetual fault, finding A
parent almost looking for thenext thing a child is going to
do wrong, just waiting for themto do something wrong.
Or if a parent disciplines achild in a way that is shaming
to them.
I was doing my uncle's funerala little over a week ago.
(19:34):
One of my cousins said my dadwas clear with rules and
boundaries, but when we messedup he never shamed us.
It's a good word.
We're not just shaming.
If discipline is embarrassing,particularly in front of others,
that can take the spirit out ofa child.
Similarly, if discipline isharsh, with a biting tone, it
(20:01):
can have the same effect.
Or discipline that isinconsistent, so that a child
never knows whether or not sheor he may or may not receive
discipline, or impulsive,lacking patience, or lacking
(20:21):
self-control or discipline.
That's impossible.
Meaning a child can't actuallydo what a parent is telling them
to do.
That would be discouraging Afew more Discipline that leads
to discouragement could includedemands without discernment,
meaning constantly tellingchildren to do something, all
(20:46):
kinds of things, but neverreally thinking through.
Is that best?
Do I need to command that?
Is that necessary?
Or it could be anger withoutaffection.
So, yes, there's a righteous,self-controlled anger that
springs from love, but there'salso an unrighteous,
(21:06):
out-of-control anger, eventemper that lacks love.
Two more Think about disciplinethat is devoid of shepherding
the heart, meaning it's justfocused on outward obedience
instead of taking time toshepherd what's going on in the
(21:29):
inside of a child's heart.
And then, what about disciplinethat's disconnected from gospel
grace?
Titus, chapter 2, verse 11through 13, talks about how the
grace of God is what trains usto obey God.
Surely that's the same forparenting.
God disciplines us, trains uswith grace.
(21:50):
So are we pointing children,yes, to the seriousness of sin,
but also to the wonder of grace,to their and our need for a
savior and God's willingness andreadiness to forgive all who
trust in Jesus?
And this is the point ofparenting right.
To point children to the loveof God as their heavenly Father.
(22:14):
That's our responsibility.
To reflect Him, which thenleads us?
Okay, let's come back toColossians 3, to reflect him,
which then leads us?
Okay, let's come back toColossians 3, 20 and 21.
What if we just what if we turnthis word around?
So the negative is clear do notprovoke your children so they
become discouraged in ways thattakes the spirit out of them.
(22:35):
The positive, though, isclearly implied here.
Do provoke them in a way thatleads to their what, in a way
that leads to theirencouragement.
Do discipline them in a waythat leads to their
encouragement, to putting theSpirit in them.
So let's just think, all right,what's the opposite of
(22:58):
discouragement in God's Word?
And here's some things I thinkwe see all over God's Word.
Opposite of being discouragedwould be being hopeful.
Discouraged children don't havehope.
Encouraged children have hope.
Opposite would be happy.
(23:18):
Discouraged children live in asad state.
Encouraged children are happy.
Opposite of being discouragedmight be confident.
Right, discouraged childrenlack confidence.
And the opposite of beingdiscouraged certainly includes
(23:41):
having courage Put into youEncourage.
And all this makes sense whenyou look at those words.
It makes sense when we thinkabout building or bringing
children up instead of knockingor bringing children down.
But now, this is so key, don'tmiss this.
If all the Bible is saying hereis parents, build your children
(24:04):
up so that they're hopeful andhappy and confident and
courageous, we would simply haveat this point what the world
says about parenting Right,every decent parent in the world
would say I want those thingsfor my kid.
But here's the difference.
The difference is where wepoint our kids to for their hope
(24:25):
and their happiness and theirconfidence and their courage.
Because follow this the worldsays hope and happiness are
found in money and popularity,and education and a good degree
and a nice job and a comfortablelife, fulfilling the American
(24:45):
dream.
You know what that leads to?
It leads to parenting that'sprimarily focused on helping
your kids get the best grades,be the best at sports or music
or whatever, so they can buildthe best resume, they can get in
the best college, they can getthe best degree, so they can
have the best job, so they canmake the most money, so they can
(25:06):
have their best life now.
So we teach our kids and ourparenting to run after all these
things, and along the way, 90plus percent of us hardly even
think about their spiritualdevelopment.
Maybe we say we'll drop themoff at church to let somebody
else take care of that, and theresults are disastrous and one
(25:27):
day our sons and daughters aregoing to stand empty before God
and all the things we've toldthem are most important and
encourage them to give.
Their lives too, are going toburn up in the fire.
And we will have led them tothat point If we raise our
children to be great doctors,lawyers, business leaders,
(25:47):
athletes, musicians,entrepreneurs, but we do not
train them to worship and walkwith God.
We have missed the entire pointof parenting.
We have led them to a hope thatwill not hold and to happiness
that will not last.
It is not loving for them.
You see how God's directions onparenting are very different
(26:11):
from the world.
The world says teach yourchildren to have confidence in
themselves.
God's word says no Success isfound in teaching children to
die to themselves.
God's Word says no Success isfound in teaching children to
die to themselves and to die tosin to the ways of this world
and to live with confidence inGod and His Word and His ways
for their lives.
This world says have courage todo whatever you want in this
(26:36):
world.
God says no, have courage tolive for a totally different
world.
Knowing that will mean courageto go against the grain of this
world.
Parents listen closely to God inPsalm 78 from our Bible reading
last week.
We will not hide them fromtheir children but tell to the
coming generation the gloriousdeeds of the Lord, his might,
(26:59):
the wonders he has done.
He established a testimony inJacob, appointed a law in Israel
which he commanded our fathersto teach to their children that
the next generation might knowthem the children yet unborn and
arise, and tell them to theirchildren so that they should set
their hope in God and notforget the works of God but keep
(27:21):
his commandments, and that theyshould not be like their
fathers, a stubborn andrebellious generation, a
generation whose heart was notfed steadfast, whose spirit was
not faithful to God.
To every parent in thisgathering you absolutely need a
specific, intentional plan forthe spiritual development of
(27:41):
your children.
You need, at the center of yourhome and the height of your
priorities, an intentional,specific plan to teach your
children to hope in God, to knowhis works and to keep his
commandments, and notice thisthat they should not be like
(28:01):
their fathers.
Psalm 78 says don't miss this.
Children need examples offaithfulness in their fathers
and their mothers, becausechildren will rarely be what
they do not see, which meanschildren need to see what hope
(28:22):
in God and happiness in God andconfidence in God and courage
with God look like in theirparents.
So, dads, what are your childrenseeing in you?
Do they see you hoping in moneyor your possessions or your
(28:42):
career, or hoping in God?
Where do they see you happiest?
Do they see you engaged orexcited at sporting events and
then bored or disinterested inworship?
Do they see you finding yourdeepest happiness in the worship
(29:04):
of God and walking with God?
Do they see you confident inyourself, asserting yourself, or
, dad?
Do they see you humbly bowingon your knees, on your face,
before God?
Moms, do your children see youfacing the worries of this world
(29:26):
with confidence in God?
Do they see in you whatProverbs 31 describes in the
woman who laughs at the futurebecause she knows, no matter
what happens, god himself iswith her and for her?
Do your children see youcourageous in this world,
unfazed by what others may thinkabout you, not looking to what
(29:50):
others say about you becauseyour eyes are so fixed on what
God thinks and what God saysabout you?
Moms and dads, do your childrensee you courageously, boldly
sharing the gospel and goingagainst the grain of this world
with faith in God's word?
And this is where we realize,parents, what your children,
(30:13):
what my children, what ourchildren most need from us is
our closeness to God, period.
More than we need a parentingseminar or a parenting guru, we
need to look like Jesus.
They need us hoping in God,pursuing happiness in God,
(30:37):
confident in God and living andparenting with courage, knowing
God is with us and for us andfor our kids.
So to every child in thisgathering, I invite you to trust
in Jesus today.
And to every parent in thisgathering, I invite you to trust
(30:59):
in Jesus today With your life.
If you've not trusted Jesus, tofill that God-sized hole in
your heart.
Trust in him with your life andto trust in him with your kids.
No parent in this room has doneit all right, and we all have
(31:21):
different regrets for things wewish we had done differently.
I invite you I love what Mattwas just saying go to Jesus with
those things.
Trust in him, not only for hisgrace to cover the past, but for
his grace to help you in thepresent to be the parent he's
calling you to be today, whetherthat's for young children or
(31:42):
grown children, to live, topoint them to Jesus today,
trusting that they areultimately in his hands.
So which leads to every singleperson in this gathering, not
just children, parents.
We have all sinned against Godin a way that separates us from
(32:02):
him, in a way that Joannadescribed as a road that leads
to eternal judgment.
But don't miss it.
Put it all together.
God loves us so much he senthis son, jesus, to die on the
cross to pay the price for oursins, to rise from the dead in
victory over sin, so that anyonewho turns from their sin and
(32:24):
themselves and trusts in Jesusas Savior and Lord will be
forgiven of their sin and watchthis, restored to relationship
with God as your Father.
As your Father, you can knowGod as Father.
So, for every person in thisgathering, your greatest need is
(32:49):
to become a child of God andthen to live as a child of God.
So I want to give us all acouple minutes to reflect on all
of this, and I'll put it thisway what are two or three
practical ways that God isleading you, calling you to
respond to this word today?
(33:10):
So, for some of you, like wejust mentioned, god's calling
you to trust in Jesus today,become his child today.
Then, specifically for children, what are two or three
practical ways God's calling youto honor and obey your parent
or parents more faithfully?
Or parents, what are two orthree practical ways God's
(33:34):
calling you to love yourchildren more faithfully?
And again, for those of you whomay not be in a home with a
parent or may not have children.
What are two or three practicalways God's calling you to
respond to this word today forthe good of children, for the
good of parents around you?
We hope you've enjoyed thisweek's episode of Radical with
(33:55):
David Platt.
For more resources from DavidPlatt, we invite you to visit
Radicalnet.
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