April 2, 2025 • 43 mins
Fewer people are getting married in our culture, and many who do get married tend to delay the pursuit of marriage until they are well into their 20s and 30s. This low view of marriage has also seeped into the church so that many Christians have lost sight of a biblical view of marriage. In this message from Colossians 3:18–19, David Platt points the church to God’s good design in marriage, including the way husbands and wives are to reflect Christ’s love for the church in the way they relate to one another.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
You are listening to Radical with David Platt, a
weekly podcast with sermons andmessages from pastor, author and
teacher David Platt, and todayI want to show you how the
preeminence of Jesus transformseverything, specifically about
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marriage, in Colossians 3, 18and 19.
So, but here's how I want tostart with some data and with a
disclaimer.
So first, the data.
Every survey, statistic amountof research you could look at
makes clear that marriage isunder attack from all sides in
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our culture.
And I'm not even talking aboutthe way our country has defied
God and the way we have presumedto redefine marriage according
to our ideas.
So, yes, that.
And then, on top of that, I'mtalking about the number of
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married couples in our countrytoday being lower than
essentially any other point inour history.
So this is in part, due todivorce.
So about half of marriages inthe United States today end in
divorce.
That gives us the third highestdivorce rate among every
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country in the world, behindonly Russia and Belarus.
But then, on top of that,people just aren't getting
married.
So this graph from BowlingGreen State University
illustrates marriage ratescontinually declining.
So this is 1965 here, decliningall the way to.
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This is like 2021.
Like the difference is stark,hitting historic lows.
And then this graph illustratesthe number of 40-year-olds in
the United States who have nevermarried skyrocketing.
So this is about 1980.
Ever since then has beenshooting straight up People who
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don't marry.
And then, finally, this graphshows how people are waiting
longer to be married.
The blue line is men, the redor pink line is women, and
basically around this is around1960, the low is around women
getting married around 20, 21,and men getting married around
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23.
And then now it is shot up toalmost 30 and 28.
So I could go on and on and on,including the number of people
who are cohabitating instead ofmarrying, the continually
decreasing number of people whothink marriage is helpful for
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society and the continuallyincreasing number of people who
think marriage is basicallybecoming obsolete today, in part
because it doesn't seem thatappealing.
I think it was comedian ChrisRock who said do you want to be
single and lonely, or marriedand bored?
So those are your choices.
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So that's the data.
Now this is the disclaimer.
In light of all that data, Ifully realize that this
gathering today with thousandsof people in different locations
and online, that every one ofus has unique and different
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experiences when it comes tomarriage.
So it's likely that theminority of people in this
gathering are actually married,and for some of you, you're
happily married.
Others of you are unhappilymarried.
Some of you are somewhere inbetween.
The majority of people in thisgathering are likely unmarried.
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Either you're divorced oryou've never been married for a
number of reasons, or maybe yourspouse has gone on to be with
the Lord.
Some of you have a desire to bemarried.
Others of you don't have thatdesire.
Others of you don't have thatdesire.
Some of you maybe many havebeen hurt deeply in marriage,
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and we haven't even talked aboutthe marriages, or the lack
thereof, that have shaped yourlife and family, when it comes
to your mom and your dad andmarriage or divorce in your
family.
So all of this means one, thatthis message is applicable to
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everybody today, because all ofour lives are affected by
marriage or lack thereof in someway.
So don't tune out, for example,if you're not married, or maybe
you're a teenager and marriageis just not on your radar right
now, because marriage or lack ofmarriage affects all of us now
and in the future.
And then two, so this is what Imean by disclaimer All this
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means there is no way I canspeak today in a way that
applies God's word to everysingle person's specific life
circumstances.
This is yet another reason whywe need the Holy Spirit and
prayer and the help of wise,loving brothers and sisters in
Christ in our lives to help usapply God's word to our lives.
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So I'm about to show you anawesome, beautiful, completely
counter-cultural, supernaturalpicture of marriage in the Bible
.
And, whether you're married ornot, this is a word we all need
to hear and to heed, to process.
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So I'm gonna give you a coupleof takeaways for all of us at
the end to process First andforemost with God in prayer, and
then in community with otherbrothers and sisters in Christ.
So we're only gonna look at twoverses.
We knew when we were kind oftalking about going through this
series, when we got to theseverses, we wanted to camp out on
this critical topic of marriageand just soak in every single
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word that God says in Colossiansabout it.
So, without further ado,colossians 3, 18 and 19,.
This is the word of God Wives,submit to your husbands as is
fitting in the Lord.
Husbands, love your wives anddo not be harsh with them.
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And that's it Paul, who'swriting this, takes two short,
kind of terse sentences to setdown a countercultural marriage
bomb and then he just moves on.
So we're going to pause todayand let these words detonate in
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our minds and our hearts andtotally transform our
perspective on marriage in a waythat just I know is already
happening, is going to gototally against the grain of
this world and the way thisworld has wired us to think.
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So let's listen to God, let'sask the question what is God
saying here?
Not what's the world saying,not even what I'm saying.
What is God saying here?
You check everything I'm sayingbased on what I show you in
God's word here.
So, soaking it in, we got twogroups of people that God is
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obviously speaking here to wivesand husbands, and he gives them
both a positive command wivessubmit and husbands love and
then he adds a negative commandfor the husbands Don't be harsh.
But before we get to thesecommands, we need to soak in
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these words right in the middle,as is fitting in the Lord,
because they are the key to thewhole passage.
So this word fitting carriesthe idea of what's appropriate
or what aligns with or whatmakes sense for someone who is
in the Lord, and what the Bibleis saying is that everything
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about marriage changes forpeople who are in the Lord, who
are in Christ, and Christ is inthem.
Remember this verse we studied afew weeks ago Colossians 1, 27?
.
To them God chose to make knownhow great among the Gentiles
are the riches of the glory, ofthis mystery which is Christ in
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you, the hope of glory.
This is where we talked abouthow we're in Christ.
Christ is in us.
If you were here that Sunday,we used Tupperware, and if you
missed it, here's what theTupperware meant.
So this is you, the smiley face.
It's you.
And the Bible talks about how,as a follower of Jesus, god puts
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his spirit in you, christ inyou.
And then Colossians 1.27, wejust looked at describes how you
are in Christ.
And then Colossians 3 talksabout how Christ is in God.
And so remember we talked aboutthis is not like a picture of
the Trinity, it's not atheological statement I'm trying
to make, it's just Tupperwarethat is intended to kind of give
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you a picture of your identity,who you are as a follower of
Jesus.
You have Jesus in you, you'rein Jesus in God.
Like this is secure foundationfor who you are.
So that's the picture we talkedabout a few weeks ago in
Colossians 1.
Well then I started thinking asI'm meditating on this text well
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, what happens when you havesomebody else who's in the same
state you're in and you gettogether?
That's power couple right there.
This is two people with Christin them and in Christ and in God
.
Like that changes everythingabout when those people get
together, get married.
Then you got these two peopleover here.
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So these two people, they don'thave the same sally face, but I
don't anyway.
They don't have Jesus in them,they're not in Christ.
Like they get together likethis.
They don't have Jesus in them,they're not in Christ.
Like they get together.
Like this marriage looks verydifferent from this marriage.
Does that make sense?
I hope it makes sense.
It's just tough of where.
I thought of this last nightand this morning.
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So I hope this is communicatingin some way.
But sorry, I said target thismorning.
But anyway, this is a pictureof how Jesus.
Let me show it to you.
Let me show it to you in God'sword how Jesus transforms
everything about marriage.
So, as it's fitting in the Lord.
As I was studying this lastcouple of weeks, this text,
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there was one Bible commentarythat used a variety of words
that start with P to describethe difference Jesus makes in
marriage, and so I'm just goingto kind of make that my own.
Think about this If you're inthe Lord, you have marriage.
You're in the Lord, that meanswell one.
There is a new presence inmarriage.
You have Jesus at the center ofyour life, which means that now
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Jesus is the center of yourmarriage.
You're not in this thing alone.
You're not in this thing alone.
It would not be fitting, then,to compartmentalize your
relationship with your wife orhusband over here and your
relationship with Jesus overhere.
That would make no sense.
That's not fitting.
And what fits together is Jesusin you, jesus in them together.
So Jesus is present in you andin your marriage.
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You're not in your marriagealone.
You have Jesus in you, and thenyou have a new power for
marriage.
So if Jesus is in you, thatmeans you have everything in you
that you need to love yourhusband or love your wife well,
to care for them, to forgivethem, to bear with them, to
build them up.
You have supernatural power inyou for challenges that marriage
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inevitably brings.
Marriage is hard.
Don't amen that too loud ifyou're sitting next to your
spouse, but we'll just kind ofquietly agree yes, it's hard,
it's not easy.
Nobody says marriage is easy.
But remember Colossians 1 29,.
Right after Paul talks abouthaving Christ in him, he says
for this I toil, struggling withall his energy, that he
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powerfully works within me.
So marriage involves toil andstruggle and work.
And the beauty is you havepower in you, christ in you, to
do this work.
It's all his energy powerfullyworking within you.
You have power in you not justto work for marriage but to
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thrive in marriage becauseyou're in the Lord Power.
Then you have a new purpose inmarriage.
With Jesus in you, yourmarriage is not just about
fulfilling your desires ordreams or accomplishing your
plans or achieving yourambitions.
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Look at Colossians 3.17, whichwe looked at last week.
Whatever you do in word or deed, in everything, do everything,
whatever it includes marriage inthe name of the Lord Jesus,
giving thanks to God, the Fatherthrough him, like, you have a
purpose to exalt the name ofJesus in your marriage.
The theme verse that Heather andI chose for our marriage 25
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plus years ago, like from thebeginning, right at our wedding.
We've come back to it over and,over and over again is Psalm 34
three oh, magnify the Lord withme.
Let us exalt his name together.
Let's do this together.
This is where we realize, okay,very different from the world.
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The world says marriage is forself-gratification.
No, the Bible says marriage isfor God-glorification.
And the beauty is it's inglorifying God together that
you're most satisfied.
Together, win-win.
And this is the purpose ofmarriage to exalt Jesus.
And how do we do that?
By helping each other becomelike Jesus.
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And this is where this is soimportant, because this is where
Christian marriage realizesthere is no perfectly compatible
person for us on the planet.
So stop looking for theperfectly compatible person
Again, don't amen too loud ifyou're sitting next to your
spouse, but the reality isthere's not a perfectly
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compatible person out there justwaiting for you.
Instead, there are just a bunchof sinful options to choose
from you.
Instead, there are just a bunchof sinful options to choose
from.
Right?
We don't think about this.
How many wives lean over totheir husbands on their
honeymoon and whisper softly intheir ears I'm a really big
sinner and you have me for life.
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It doesn't get the romancegoing, but it's true biblically.
I hate to break it to you, butaccording to the Bible.
So marriage is the unitingThink Romans, chapter three.
Nobody righteous, not even one.
Their throats are open graves.
Their tongue sprax is the seat.
The poison of vipers is ontheir lips.
Their mouths are full ofcursing and bitterness.
Their feet are swift to shedblood.
Ruin and misery mark their ways.
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Ways and the way of peace theydo not know.
No wedding song has been builton that particular text.
Let's pause at this weddingwhile we reflect on the
depravity of this man and woman.
So I'm joking.
But here's why this is soimportant.
You don't get a finishedproduct when you enter into
marriage.
You get a person in need ofsanctification, and if Christ is
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in you and Christ is in them,then your purpose in each
other's lives is to do whatComplete each other, fulfill
each other's desires.
No, your purpose is to helpeach other become like Jesus,
because he is the one in whomcompletion is truly found.
He is the only one who canfulfill our every desires.
So marriage has a purpose topoint us each other to Jesus.
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I love Tim and Kathy Keller'sbook the Meaning of Marriage so
helpful.
I would highly recommend it forsingles and married.
But at one point.
They just talk about this ideaand the takeaway is and when I
think about my marriage to mywife idea and the takeaway is
and when I think about mymarriage to my wife, my goal is,
whenever the Lord brings oneboth of us home, that I will be
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able to present my wife as anoffering of the Lord, just
looking more like Jesus as aresult of my influence in her
life as her husband.
This is the purpose of marriageto help your wife, your husband
, become more like Jesus.
It's fitting for those who arein the Lord.
And the last P here is you havea new pattern for marriage.
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This is where I want to take youvery briefly, to Ephesians,
chapter 5.
So if you have a Bible and youwant to turn there, it's just
two books to the left.
Ephesians chapter 5 isessentially the longer form
version of what we're reading inColossians, chapter 3.
So Ephesians chapter 5, thesame author, paul, under the
inspiration of the same HolySpirit, basically elaborates on
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what Colossians 3 is saying, andhe gives context for these
commands to submit and loveContext that is so extremely
important, so I'm just gonnaread it and then make one big
picture comment on it.
So, starting in Ephesians,chapter five, verse 22.
So wives submit there it is samewords as Colossians 3, to your
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husbands, your own husbands, askthe Lord, is this fitting in
the Lord?
Sounds very similar, but thenhe elaborates For the husband is
the head of the wife, even asChrist is the head of the church
, his body, and is himself itsSavior.
Now, as the church submits toChrist, so also wives should
submit in everything to theirhusbands.
That's interesting.
So you're starting to get theidea that there's a similarity
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here between a husband and awife and the church and Jesus.
Now we keep going Husbands,love your wives.
Same words as Colossians,chapter 3.
He elaborates as Christ lovedthe church, christ's church gave
himself up for her that hemight sanctify her, having
cleansed her by the washing ofwater with the word, so that he
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might present the church tohimself in splendor, without
spot or wrinkle or any suchthing, that she might be holy
and without blemish.
In the same way, husbandsshould love.
Husbands love their wives astheir own bodies.
He who loves his wife loveshimself, for no one ever hated
his own flesh, but nourishes andcherishes it, just as Christ
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does the church, because we'remembers of his body.
Then listen to this.
This is so big, verse 31.
Therefore, a man shall leavehis father and mother and hold
fast to his wife and the twoshall become one flesh.
This mystery is profound.
I'm saying that refers toChrist and the church.
However, let each one of youlove his wife as himself and let
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the wife see that she respectsher husband.
Do you see what's happeninghere?
Paul is quoting in verse 31 fromGenesis, chapter 2, verse 24,
second book in the Bible, fromthe very beginning, to say that
when God created male and female, man and woman and brought them
together in marriage, he wasdesigning marriage the way he
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did for a reason.
Think about it.
It wasn't just haphazard.
God didn't have to create us,male and female.
He didn't have to create thisdistinction in gender.
And he didn't have to createthis distinction in gender and
he didn't have to form us to fittogether in a one-flesh union
called marriage that would leadto babies.
He didn't have to do that.
But he did that for a reason,and this passage is saying from
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the very beginning of time Goddesigned a man and a woman to
come together in marriage.
Why?
To be a picture of Jesus andhis love for the church, his
people.
And this is how we know thatthis language about submission
and leading, loving is not justcultural to the first century.
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Oh, that must be the way theydid things 2,000 years ago.
We've clearly progressed beyondthat today.
No, god designed it this wayfrom the beginning of time to
persist throughout time for apurpose.
God designed husbands to lovetheir wives, lay down their
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lives to love and serve and leadthem, so that the world would
see a picture of how Jesus lovesand lays down his life to love
and serve his church.
And God designed wives torespect their husbands and to
submit to their lovingleadership, so that the world
would see in this picture inmarriage, how the church gladly
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submits to the loving leadershipof Jesus.
Like, marriage is a portrait ofthe gospel painted on the
canvas of human history, wherewives give a picture of the
church to the world and husbandsgive a picture of design from
the start.
So now, when we come back toColossians 3, and you're in the
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Lord, you have an entirely newhere it was.
You have an entirely newpattern for your marriage.
A marriage that is fitting inthe Lord is committed to showing
the gospel to the world.
That's why we're together inmarriage.
We wanna show the gospel to theworld.
So now, with that understandingof this phrase, now we're ready
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to soak in these commands and tosee God's goodness in them.
So let's do this, let's clearthis out and think about these
words now, instead of balking atthem, resisting them,
justifying why we would not wantto obey what is clear in God's
word because of how far we thinkwe've progressed in the world.
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Let this soak in.
So, wives, submit.
Let's think about this word.
Submit, because it's a word anda concept that causes all kinds
of thoughts, emotions,reactions in us.
So let's make sure we're seeingthis word the way God intends
us to see this word, the way Goduses this word all throughout
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the Bible.
So the same word I'm just goingto put some examples up here the
same word is used in 1Corinthians, chapter 15, verse
28, to describe how Jesus, inhis humanity as God the Son, is
submissive to God, the Father.
When all things are subjectedto him, then the Son himself
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will also be subjected to him,who put all things in subjection
under him.
That God may be all in all.
That phrase subjected to is thesame word that's used in
Colossians, chapter 3, verse 8,to describe how wives submit.
So it's a picture of Jesus inhis humanity submitting to God,
the Father.
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Then back in Ephesians 5, whichwe read just a minute ago,
remember verse 24, it talksabout how we, as the church, we
submit to Christ.
So we submit to Jesus.
And then just a few versesbefore that, in verse 21, the
Bible talks about how we submitto each other in the body of
Christ.
Out of reverence for Christ, wesubmit to one another.
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First, peter, chapter 5, talksabout those who are younger in
Christ being subject same wordsubmissive to elders.
Romans, chapter 13, talks abouthow we are submissive to
governing authorities that Godhas put in place for our good.
And one more, luke, 2.51,talking about Jesus going down
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with his parents.
He came to Nazareth and wassubmissive to them.
So Jesus was submissive to hisparents.
So this is a common word thatwe see throughout Scripture.
That is a really good thing andreally brings glory to God.
Don't miss this.
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Submission does not implyinferiority.
Jesus in his humanity, god theSon, was not inferior to God.
The Father.
Children are not inferior toparents.
We're not inferior to God, theFather.
Children are not inferior toparents.
We're not inferior to governingauthorities.
We're not inferior to eachother submitting to one another
out of reverence for Christ.
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So we often think of submissionas being less than when it's
clearly not according to God.
And submission does not meanabsolute servitude to whatever
somebody in the world may say todo.
That kind of authority belongsto God alone.
So here's how, based onColossians 3.18, all these other
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passages we're seeing in theBible, including Ephesians 5,
here's how I would define thispicture of submission that God
outlines for wives.
And every word here mattersWith equal dignity from the Lord
and ultimate submission to theLord, a wife willingly and
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joyfully works to affirm andfollow the loving leadership of
her husband.
Now let's you check me on this.
Is this?
Is this what God's Word issaying Like?
With equal dignity, value worthno sense of inferiority at all,
that comes from God Himself,with ultimate submission to
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Jesus Himself.
A wife should never do anythingin marriage that is not fitting
in the Lord.
So, with equal dignity from theLord, ultimate submission to
the Lord, a wife willingly, sothat's inherent in this word.
This is voluntary, it's notforced.
Willingly and joyfully.
So I include this word here.
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To go all the way back toGenesis 3, when part of the
curse of sin and the fall was adesire to resist God's design in
marriage.
Jesus reverses that curse.
Christ is now in a wife in sucha way that she desires to work
to affirm and follow the lovingleadership of her husband.
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And two things I want to pointout here.
One we're about to get to thiscommand to husbands right.
And two things I want to pointout here.
One we're about to get to thiscommand to husbands right here.
I just want to point out thoughthey go together.
This goes with loving leadershipof a husband.
We're talking about submissionto loving leadership, and then I
phrase it this way works toaffirm and follow.
Because if a husband is notproviding loving leadership say
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a husband is leading his wifeinto sin or disobedience to God,
or is leading her in a way thatdoes not help her become more
like Jesus, then it isabsolutely right for a wife to
say I want to affirm and followyour leadership, I'm committed
to doing that as much as I can,but my ultimate submission is to
the Lord and I cannot.
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I will not follow you if you'releading me away from him.
Your responsibility is to leadme to him.
This is Acts 5.29.
We've been given this commandto obey our governing
authorities.
But if our governingauthorities are leading us to
disobey God, we say with Peterand the other apostles we must
obey God rather than men, period.
Which leads to a whole host ofcaveats that could be helpful
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here.
One this does not mean that awife never makes a decision in
marriage or that a wife getssidelined in marriage in any way
.
It does not mean that a husbandis smarter than his wife or
more gifted than his wife.
Many wives are far smarter andfar more gifted than their
husbands.
I can personally testify tothis reality.
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A wise husband will realizethat and lean into the strengths
of his wife.
And this passage does not meanthat a wife's contributions in
marriage should be suppressed orstifled in any way.
Those contributions should besupported and stewarded to the
full.
Again, think the picture.
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The pattern of marriage here isfor a wife to portray the
church's submission to Jesus'sloving leadership.
Jesus never stifles orsuppresses his children.
He doesn't minimize their giftsor their contributions.
He empowers us to thrive withall the grace God's entrusted to
us according to his word.
Which then leads to thiscommand to the husbands, which
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was far more countercultural andradical in the first century.
As the Holy Spirit says throughPaul husbands, love your wives,
do not be harsh with them.
Positively love your wives.
And the word he uses here forlove is not eros that we would
associate with like erotic love,which we rightly associate with
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marriage, or even philos, thelove of a friend, that we would
also rightly associate withmarriage.
Instead, this word is agape,this selfless, unconditional,
loyal, committed,servant-hearted live for
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somebody else's.
Good kind of love that comesfrom the well of Jesus in the
heart of a husband, husbands.
The same love that led Jesus todie on a cross for our sins is
the same love that leads you towake up every morning and die to
yourself to live for the goodof your wife.
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That's what God is saying Inall the ways that God describes
this love.
We could go so many differentplaces.
I'll reference just two passages, just let it soak in.
First, the love, chapter 1,corinthians 13.
This is how God commandshusbands to treat their wives.
Love this is agape here.
And God just said husbands, dothis with your wives.
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Love this is agape here.
And God just said husbands, dothis with your wives.
So, husbands, be patient withyour wife.
Do not be impatient with yourwife.
Kindness, never be harsh withyour wife.
We'll talk about that more in aminute.
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Do not be envious, boastful,proud or arrogant.
Your wife should look at youand see humility all over your
life and your relationship withher.
Do not be rude to your wife.
Never talk down to her or abouther.
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Do not be rude to your wife.
Never talk down to her or abouther.
Never shame her.
Do not insist on getting yourown way.
Do not be easily irritated byyour wife, easily irritated by
your wife.
Do not let resentment well upin you toward your wife.
(31:48):
This is God speaking, not me.
This is God saying husbands donot rejoice when she's wrong and
you're right.
You rejoice over her good.
Bear with her, believe in herHope for her and endure whatever
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comes your way with her.
This is agape love and it iswhat God requires of you as a
husband.
And the other place I would goin scripture is the passage we
looked at just last week, rightbefore this one, where Paul
writes these words Surely theyapply to the way husbands are
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commanded to love their wives.
Put on, then, as God's chosenones, holy and beloved,
compassionate hearts.
Have a compassionate heart foryour wife.
Again, be kind, humble, be meekwith your wife, patient.
Bear with the things in yourwife that you might want to
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change, realizing she is bearingwith things in you that she
might want to change.
Realizing she is bearing withthings in you that she might
want to change.
If one has a complaint againsteach other, forgiving each other
.
Forgive your wife when she doeswrong.
I love this phrase, as the Lordhas forgiven you.
That's what's fitting in theLord.
If you're in the Lord, you havepower in you to forgive her the
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way he forgives you.
You have power in you to bekind to her the way he is kind
toward you, to be patient withher the way he is patient toward
you, to bear with her the wayhe bears with you Everything he
does with you.
You have power to do with herand above all these things, put
on love and you'll never guesswhat that word is in the New
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Testament here agape Husbands,agape your wives and do not be
harsh with them.
Some translations say don't beembittered toward them.
Just picture any tendencytoward, or evidence of, a bitter
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attitude or a condemning tone.
God says don't do it.
Do not lose your temper withyour wife.
Do not raise your voice at yourwife.
Just as Jesus is gentle withyou, you be gentle with her.
This is God speaking tohusbands right now.
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And just like we definedsubmission for wives earlier in
this message, here's adefinition of love for husbands.
Check it.
Is this coming straight fromGod's word, with equal dignity
from the Lord?
So a husband does this withoutany sense of superiority and
ultimate submission to the Lord.
Similarly, and yet husband doesthis without any sense of
superiority and ultimatesubmission to the Lord.
Similarly, and yet husband doesthis with a clear sense of
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accountability before God.
Husbands are accountable to theLord for the state of your
marriage, the health of yourmarriage.
So, toward that end, a husbandlays down his life.
Jesus is our example here.
Look at the cross.
That's what a husband does, andnot just our example here.
Look at the cross.
It's what a husband does, notjust our example.
Our empowerer, the one who laiddown his life, lives in us.
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So we do the same for our wives, showing the world what his
love looks like in person.
As we serve, as we out-serveour wives selflessly and gently.
This is fitting for a husbandin the Lord.
And when you put it all together, this picture, is it not an
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awesome, beautiful, completelycounter-cultural, supernatural
picture of marriage.
And this picture of marriage, Ipromise, is not boring.
It is awesome, so, for thispicture of marriage to be clear
through the church and ourculture today in a way that
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shines the light of God's lovein Jesus, the gospel, which
leads then to two generalapplications.
Now, remember the disclaimer Imentioned earlier there are
literally countless specific,particular applications for so
many complex situations, and Ihaven't addressed so many
questions like what do you dowhen your spouse is an
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unbeliever, doesn't have Christin them, or your spouse is not
wanting to walk according toGod's Word, and countless other
questions that we don't havetime to dive into today, but I
want to encourage you to diveinto with other brothers and
sisters in Christ, with God'sWord as your guide, not this
world as your guide, god's Wordas your guide.
So this is not all, but here areat least two general
applications that flow from thistext that I hope will be
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helpful.
So one for those who are singleand the other for those of you
who are married.
So, first, to single brothersand sisters, promote and pursue
marriage that is fitting in theLord.
So one, promote this kind ofmarriage in every way you can in
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our culture and in the church.
So for couples you know who aremarried, realize their
marriages are under attack.
So pray for their marriages,encourage them in their
marriages, work to build uptheir marriages.
You are glorifying Jesus byencouraging, praying for
building up marriages around you.
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Promote marriage that isfitting in the Lord and pursue
it.
And this is where thisapplication goes more
particularly towards singlebrothers as those whom God has
designed to have responsibilityfor leadership in a marriage,
which means the initiative ismore on you and if the Lord.
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I want to be clear, and I'm notminimizing this in any way if
the Lord has called you tosingleness in a 1 Corinthians 7
kind of way, similar to theApostle Paul, then by all means
steward your singleness for thespread of the gospel in the
world.
Singleness in the Lord, thrivein that way.
But if that is not the case,then pursue a sister in Christ
(38:20):
who is submitted to the Lord.
And just so you know, brothers,there are tons of amazing
sisters in this church family.
They are all over this churchfamily.
So if the Lord has not calledyou to singleness in that way,
then I wanna encourage you tolisten, stop listening to the
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world and start listening toGod's word, because this world
is telling you to wait.
This world is telling you toget a job, to get successful, to
get a career, to get this andthat worked out, and if a wife
comes along, that's great.
God is telling you get a wifeand love her like he loves you,
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and show the world the gospeland the process.
And again, unless the Lord iscalling you to stay single,
resist well, this is regardless.
Resist the ever-increasing trendand temptation in our day to
prolong adolescence into your20s and 30s.
For some and I say this withseriousness, I hope pastoral
(39:30):
gentleness.
For some, it is time to stopplaying video games and get a
date.
For some.
For many, it's time to get youreyes off of a screen and onto a
sister in Jesus, to stoprunning after the things this
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world says to run after andstart pursuing marriage.
It's a glorious good.
It has been since the creationof the world.
So don't wait for her to ask youout.
It's your responsibility tolead out.
If she rejects you, then makethat as easy as possible for her
.
Humbly bow out and lookelsewhere, and by all means do
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not substitute cohabitation formarriage.
This goes totally against God'sdesign.
And do not succumb to sexualimmorality, defiling your sister
in Christ or debasing women youdon't even know by gorging your
flesh with images of them on ascreen.
Do not do it.
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Promote and pursue marriagethat is fitting in the Lord.
And then husbands and wivesrecommit today to cultivating a
marriage that is fitting in theLord.
So if you are married, thentoday, no matter how healthy or
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unhealthy your marriage is,recommit today.
So not just hearing God's word,I'm gonna put it into practice.
I'm gonna work toward attend,nurture, fight in a good way,
bring others alongside me tohelp me work for a marriage
that's fitting in the Lord.
Wives recommit to submitting toyour husband's loving
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leadership.
At the same time, husbandsrecommit to loving your wives
selflessly and gently.
All of this singles husbands,wives.
All this so that the gospelmight be clearer through his
church in our culture.
There's a desperate need forthis today.
So, and to clarify I've almostassumed so for those of you who
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are visiting with us today thegospel, this is the good news,
it's the greatest news in theworld that, though we are all
sinners before God, deserving ofhis judgment now and for all of
eternity.
God has come to us in theperson of Jesus.
Jesus lived a sinless lifeunlike any of us, and then, even
though he had no sin for whichto die, he chose to die on a
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cross to pay the price for thesins of anyone who will trust in
him.
And three days later he rosefrom the dead in victory over
sin and the grave, so thatanyone who turns from themselves
and their sin and trusts inJesus will be forgiven of all
their sin and restored tocovenant relationship with God
for all of eternity.
Like described as a marriage.
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Like when you look atdescriptions of heaven at the
end of the Bible, it's describedas a wedding feast, as a
uniting together with God, ourFather, with Jesus, the whole
picture of the church is thebride of Christ loved by him.
We invite you, we encourage,you, urge you.
Don't live another day withoutJesus in you and you in Jesus
(42:52):
and in relationship with God.
And then, when you are inrelationship with God, you have
Jesus in you.
Then let Jesus in you transformeverything about the way you
think about marriage, everythingabout every facet of your life.
We hope you've enjoyed thisweek's episode of Radical with
(43:14):
David Platt everything aboutevery facet of your life.
You are listening to Radical with David Platt, a
weekly podcast with sermons andmessages from pastor, author and
teacher David Platt, and todayI want to show you how the
preeminence of Jesus transformseverything, specifically about
(00:21):
marriage, in Colossians 3, 18and 19.
So, but here's how I want tostart with some data and with a
disclaimer.
So first, the data.
Every survey, statistic amountof research you could look at
makes clear that marriage isunder attack from all sides in
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our culture.
And I'm not even talking aboutthe way our country has defied
God and the way we have presumedto redefine marriage according
to our ideas.
So, yes, that.
And then, on top of that, I'mtalking about the number of
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married couples in our countrytoday being lower than
essentially any other point inour history.
So this is in part, due todivorce.
So about half of marriages inthe United States today end in
divorce.
That gives us the third highestdivorce rate among every
(01:30):
country in the world, behindonly Russia and Belarus.
But then, on top of that,people just aren't getting
married.
So this graph from BowlingGreen State University
illustrates marriage ratescontinually declining.
So this is 1965 here, decliningall the way to.
(01:54):
This is like 2021.
Like the difference is stark,hitting historic lows.
And then this graph illustratesthe number of 40-year-olds in
the United States who have nevermarried skyrocketing.
So this is about 1980.
Ever since then has beenshooting straight up People who
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don't marry.
And then, finally, this graphshows how people are waiting
longer to be married.
The blue line is men, the redor pink line is women, and
basically around this is around1960, the low is around women
getting married around 20, 21,and men getting married around
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23.
And then now it is shot up toalmost 30 and 28.
So I could go on and on and on,including the number of people
who are cohabitating instead ofmarrying, the continually
decreasing number of people whothink marriage is helpful for
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society and the continuallyincreasing number of people who
think marriage is basicallybecoming obsolete today, in part
because it doesn't seem thatappealing.
I think it was comedian ChrisRock who said do you want to be
single and lonely, or marriedand bored?
So those are your choices.
(03:23):
So that's the data.
Now this is the disclaimer.
In light of all that data, Ifully realize that this
gathering today with thousandsof people in different locations
and online, that every one ofus has unique and different
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experiences when it comes tomarriage.
So it's likely that theminority of people in this
gathering are actually married,and for some of you, you're
happily married.
Others of you are unhappilymarried.
Some of you are somewhere inbetween.
The majority of people in thisgathering are likely unmarried.
(04:06):
Either you're divorced oryou've never been married for a
number of reasons, or maybe yourspouse has gone on to be with
the Lord.
Some of you have a desire to bemarried.
Others of you don't have thatdesire.
Others of you don't have thatdesire.
Some of you maybe many havebeen hurt deeply in marriage,
(04:34):
and we haven't even talked aboutthe marriages, or the lack
thereof, that have shaped yourlife and family, when it comes
to your mom and your dad andmarriage or divorce in your
family.
So all of this means one, thatthis message is applicable to
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everybody today, because all ofour lives are affected by
marriage or lack thereof in someway.
So don't tune out, for example,if you're not married, or maybe
you're a teenager and marriageis just not on your radar right
now, because marriage or lack ofmarriage affects all of us now
and in the future.
And then two, so this is what Imean by disclaimer All this
(05:17):
means there is no way I canspeak today in a way that
applies God's word to everysingle person's specific life
circumstances.
This is yet another reason whywe need the Holy Spirit and
prayer and the help of wise,loving brothers and sisters in
Christ in our lives to help usapply God's word to our lives.
(05:41):
So I'm about to show you anawesome, beautiful, completely
counter-cultural, supernaturalpicture of marriage in the Bible
.
And, whether you're married ornot, this is a word we all need
to hear and to heed, to process.
(06:03):
So I'm gonna give you a coupleof takeaways for all of us at
the end to process First andforemost with God in prayer, and
then in community with otherbrothers and sisters in Christ.
So we're only gonna look at twoverses.
We knew when we were kind oftalking about going through this
series, when we got to theseverses, we wanted to camp out on
this critical topic of marriageand just soak in every single
(06:27):
word that God says in Colossiansabout it.
So, without further ado,colossians 3, 18 and 19,.
This is the word of God Wives,submit to your husbands as is
fitting in the Lord.
Husbands, love your wives anddo not be harsh with them.
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And that's it Paul, who'swriting this, takes two short,
kind of terse sentences to setdown a countercultural marriage
bomb and then he just moves on.
So we're going to pause todayand let these words detonate in
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our minds and our hearts andtotally transform our
perspective on marriage in a waythat just I know is already
happening, is going to gototally against the grain of
this world and the way thisworld has wired us to think.
(07:33):
So let's listen to God, let'sask the question what is God
saying here?
Not what's the world saying,not even what I'm saying.
What is God saying here?
You check everything I'm sayingbased on what I show you in
God's word here.
So, soaking it in, we got twogroups of people that God is
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obviously speaking here to wivesand husbands, and he gives them
both a positive command wivessubmit and husbands love and
then he adds a negative commandfor the husbands Don't be harsh.
But before we get to thesecommands, we need to soak in
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these words right in the middle,as is fitting in the Lord,
because they are the key to thewhole passage.
So this word fitting carriesthe idea of what's appropriate
or what aligns with or whatmakes sense for someone who is
in the Lord, and what the Bibleis saying is that everything
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about marriage changes forpeople who are in the Lord, who
are in Christ, and Christ is inthem.
Remember this verse we studied afew weeks ago Colossians 1, 27?
.
To them God chose to make knownhow great among the Gentiles
are the riches of the glory, ofthis mystery which is Christ in
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you, the hope of glory.
This is where we talked abouthow we're in Christ.
Christ is in us.
If you were here that Sunday,we used Tupperware, and if you
missed it, here's what theTupperware meant.
So this is you, the smiley face.
It's you.
And the Bible talks about how,as a follower of Jesus, god puts
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his spirit in you, christ inyou.
And then Colossians 1.27, wejust looked at describes how you
are in Christ.
And then Colossians 3 talksabout how Christ is in God.
And so remember we talked aboutthis is not like a picture of
the Trinity, it's not atheological statement I'm trying
to make, it's just Tupperwarethat is intended to kind of give
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you a picture of your identity,who you are as a follower of
Jesus.
You have Jesus in you, you'rein Jesus in God.
Like this is secure foundationfor who you are.
So that's the picture we talkedabout a few weeks ago in
Colossians 1.
Well then I started thinking asI'm meditating on this text well
(10:13):
, what happens when you havesomebody else who's in the same
state you're in and you gettogether?
That's power couple right there.
This is two people with Christin them and in Christ and in God
.
Like that changes everythingabout when those people get
together, get married.
Then you got these two peopleover here.
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So these two people, they don'thave the same sally face, but I
don't anyway.
They don't have Jesus in them,they're not in Christ.
Like they get together likethis.
They don't have Jesus in them,they're not in Christ.
Like they get together.
Like this marriage looks verydifferent from this marriage.
Does that make sense?
I hope it makes sense.
It's just tough of where.
I thought of this last nightand this morning.
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So I hope this is communicatingin some way.
But sorry, I said target thismorning.
But anyway, this is a pictureof how Jesus.
Let me show it to you.
Let me show it to you in God'sword how Jesus transforms
everything about marriage.
So, as it's fitting in the Lord.
As I was studying this lastcouple of weeks, this text,
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there was one Bible commentarythat used a variety of words
that start with P to describethe difference Jesus makes in
marriage, and so I'm just goingto kind of make that my own.
Think about this If you're inthe Lord, you have marriage.
You're in the Lord, that meanswell one.
There is a new presence inmarriage.
You have Jesus at the center ofyour life, which means that now
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Jesus is the center of yourmarriage.
You're not in this thing alone.
You're not in this thing alone.
It would not be fitting, then,to compartmentalize your
relationship with your wife orhusband over here and your
relationship with Jesus overhere.
That would make no sense.
That's not fitting.
And what fits together is Jesusin you, jesus in them together.
So Jesus is present in you andin your marriage.
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You're not in your marriagealone.
You have Jesus in you, and thenyou have a new power for
marriage.
So if Jesus is in you, thatmeans you have everything in you
that you need to love yourhusband or love your wife well,
to care for them, to forgivethem, to bear with them, to
build them up.
You have supernatural power inyou for challenges that marriage
(12:27):
inevitably brings.
Marriage is hard.
Don't amen that too loud ifyou're sitting next to your
spouse, but we'll just kind ofquietly agree yes, it's hard,
it's not easy.
Nobody says marriage is easy.
But remember Colossians 1 29,.
Right after Paul talks abouthaving Christ in him, he says
for this I toil, struggling withall his energy, that he
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powerfully works within me.
So marriage involves toil andstruggle and work.
And the beauty is you havepower in you, christ in you, to
do this work.
It's all his energy powerfullyworking within you.
You have power in you not justto work for marriage but to
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thrive in marriage becauseyou're in the Lord Power.
Then you have a new purpose inmarriage.
With Jesus in you, yourmarriage is not just about
fulfilling your desires ordreams or accomplishing your
plans or achieving yourambitions.
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Look at Colossians 3.17, whichwe looked at last week.
Whatever you do in word or deed, in everything, do everything,
whatever it includes marriage inthe name of the Lord Jesus,
giving thanks to God, the Fatherthrough him, like, you have a
purpose to exalt the name ofJesus in your marriage.
The theme verse that Heather andI chose for our marriage 25
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plus years ago, like from thebeginning, right at our wedding.
We've come back to it over and,over and over again is Psalm 34
three oh, magnify the Lord withme.
Let us exalt his name together.
Let's do this together.
This is where we realize, okay,very different from the world.
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The world says marriage is forself-gratification.
No, the Bible says marriage isfor God-glorification.
And the beauty is it's inglorifying God together that
you're most satisfied.
Together, win-win.
And this is the purpose ofmarriage to exalt Jesus.
And how do we do that?
By helping each other becomelike Jesus.
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And this is where this is soimportant, because this is where
Christian marriage realizesthere is no perfectly compatible
person for us on the planet.
So stop looking for theperfectly compatible person
Again, don't amen too loud ifyou're sitting next to your
spouse, but the reality isthere's not a perfectly
(14:58):
compatible person out there justwaiting for you.
Instead, there are just a bunchof sinful options to choose
from you.
Instead, there are just a bunchof sinful options to choose
from.
Right?
We don't think about this.
How many wives lean over totheir husbands on their
honeymoon and whisper softly intheir ears I'm a really big
sinner and you have me for life.
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It doesn't get the romancegoing, but it's true biblically.
I hate to break it to you, butaccording to the Bible.
So marriage is the unitingThink Romans, chapter three.
Nobody righteous, not even one.
Their throats are open graves.
Their tongue sprax is the seat.
The poison of vipers is ontheir lips.
Their mouths are full ofcursing and bitterness.
Their feet are swift to shedblood.
Ruin and misery mark their ways.
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Ways and the way of peace theydo not know.
No wedding song has been builton that particular text.
Let's pause at this weddingwhile we reflect on the
depravity of this man and woman.
So I'm joking.
But here's why this is soimportant.
You don't get a finishedproduct when you enter into
marriage.
You get a person in need ofsanctification, and if Christ is
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in you and Christ is in them,then your purpose in each
other's lives is to do whatComplete each other, fulfill
each other's desires.
No, your purpose is to helpeach other become like Jesus,
because he is the one in whomcompletion is truly found.
He is the only one who canfulfill our every desires.
So marriage has a purpose topoint us each other to Jesus.
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I love Tim and Kathy Keller'sbook the Meaning of Marriage so
helpful.
I would highly recommend it forsingles and married.
But at one point.
They just talk about this ideaand the takeaway is and when I
think about my marriage to mywife idea and the takeaway is
and when I think about mymarriage to my wife, my goal is,
whenever the Lord brings oneboth of us home, that I will be
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able to present my wife as anoffering of the Lord, just
looking more like Jesus as aresult of my influence in her
life as her husband.
This is the purpose of marriageto help your wife, your husband
, become more like Jesus.
It's fitting for those who arein the Lord.
And the last P here is you havea new pattern for marriage.
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This is where I want to take youvery briefly, to Ephesians,
chapter 5.
So if you have a Bible and youwant to turn there, it's just
two books to the left.
Ephesians chapter 5 isessentially the longer form
version of what we're reading inColossians, chapter 3.
So Ephesians chapter 5, thesame author, paul, under the
inspiration of the same HolySpirit, basically elaborates on
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what Colossians 3 is saying, andhe gives context for these
commands to submit and loveContext that is so extremely
important, so I'm just gonnaread it and then make one big
picture comment on it.
So, starting in Ephesians,chapter five, verse 22.
So wives submit there it is samewords as Colossians 3, to your
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husbands, your own husbands, askthe Lord, is this fitting in
the Lord?
Sounds very similar, but thenhe elaborates For the husband is
the head of the wife, even asChrist is the head of the church
, his body, and is himself itsSavior.
Now, as the church submits toChrist, so also wives should
submit in everything to theirhusbands.
That's interesting.
So you're starting to get theidea that there's a similarity
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here between a husband and awife and the church and Jesus.
Now we keep going Husbands,love your wives.
Same words as Colossians,chapter 3.
He elaborates as Christ lovedthe church, christ's church gave
himself up for her that hemight sanctify her, having
cleansed her by the washing ofwater with the word, so that he
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might present the church tohimself in splendor, without
spot or wrinkle or any suchthing, that she might be holy
and without blemish.
In the same way, husbandsshould love.
Husbands love their wives astheir own bodies.
He who loves his wife loveshimself, for no one ever hated
his own flesh, but nourishes andcherishes it, just as Christ
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does the church, because we'remembers of his body.
Then listen to this.
This is so big, verse 31.
Therefore, a man shall leavehis father and mother and hold
fast to his wife and the twoshall become one flesh.
This mystery is profound.
I'm saying that refers toChrist and the church.
However, let each one of youlove his wife as himself and let
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the wife see that she respectsher husband.
Do you see what's happeninghere?
Paul is quoting in verse 31 fromGenesis, chapter 2, verse 24,
second book in the Bible, fromthe very beginning, to say that
when God created male and female, man and woman and brought them
together in marriage, he wasdesigning marriage the way he
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did for a reason.
Think about it.
It wasn't just haphazard.
God didn't have to create us,male and female.
He didn't have to create thisdistinction in gender.
And he didn't have to createthis distinction in gender and
he didn't have to form us to fittogether in a one-flesh union
called marriage that would leadto babies.
He didn't have to do that.
But he did that for a reason,and this passage is saying from
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the very beginning of time Goddesigned a man and a woman to
come together in marriage.
Why?
To be a picture of Jesus andhis love for the church, his
people.
And this is how we know thatthis language about submission
and leading, loving is not justcultural to the first century.
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Oh, that must be the way theydid things 2,000 years ago.
We've clearly progressed beyondthat today.
No, god designed it this wayfrom the beginning of time to
persist throughout time for apurpose.
God designed husbands to lovetheir wives, lay down their
(20:57):
lives to love and serve and leadthem, so that the world would
see a picture of how Jesus lovesand lays down his life to love
and serve his church.
And God designed wives torespect their husbands and to
submit to their lovingleadership, so that the world
would see in this picture inmarriage, how the church gladly
(21:20):
submits to the loving leadershipof Jesus.
Like, marriage is a portrait ofthe gospel painted on the
canvas of human history, wherewives give a picture of the
church to the world and husbandsgive a picture of design from
the start.
So now, when we come back toColossians 3, and you're in the
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Lord, you have an entirely newhere it was.
You have an entirely newpattern for your marriage.
A marriage that is fitting inthe Lord is committed to showing
the gospel to the world.
That's why we're together inmarriage.
We wanna show the gospel to theworld.
So now, with that understandingof this phrase, now we're ready
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to soak in these commands and tosee God's goodness in them.
So let's do this, let's clearthis out and think about these
words now, instead of balking atthem, resisting them,
justifying why we would not wantto obey what is clear in God's
word because of how far we thinkwe've progressed in the world.
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Let this soak in.
So, wives, submit.
Let's think about this word.
Submit, because it's a word anda concept that causes all kinds
of thoughts, emotions,reactions in us.
So let's make sure we're seeingthis word the way God intends
us to see this word, the way Goduses this word all throughout
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the Bible.
So the same word I'm just goingto put some examples up here the
same word is used in 1Corinthians, chapter 15, verse
28, to describe how Jesus, inhis humanity as God the Son, is
submissive to God, the Father.
When all things are subjectedto him, then the Son himself
(23:22):
will also be subjected to him,who put all things in subjection
under him.
That God may be all in all.
That phrase subjected to is thesame word that's used in
Colossians, chapter 3, verse 8,to describe how wives submit.
So it's a picture of Jesus inhis humanity submitting to God,
the Father.
(23:44):
Then back in Ephesians 5, whichwe read just a minute ago,
remember verse 24, it talksabout how we, as the church, we
submit to Christ.
So we submit to Jesus.
And then just a few versesbefore that, in verse 21, the
Bible talks about how we submitto each other in the body of
Christ.
Out of reverence for Christ, wesubmit to one another.
(24:06):
First, peter, chapter 5, talksabout those who are younger in
Christ being subject same wordsubmissive to elders.
Romans, chapter 13, talks abouthow we are submissive to
governing authorities that Godhas put in place for our good.
And one more, luke, 2.51,talking about Jesus going down
(24:29):
with his parents.
He came to Nazareth and wassubmissive to them.
So Jesus was submissive to hisparents.
So this is a common word thatwe see throughout Scripture.
That is a really good thing andreally brings glory to God.
Don't miss this.
(24:50):
Submission does not implyinferiority.
Jesus in his humanity, god theSon, was not inferior to God.
The Father.
Children are not inferior toparents.
We're not inferior to God, theFather.
Children are not inferior toparents.
We're not inferior to governingauthorities.
We're not inferior to eachother submitting to one another
out of reverence for Christ.
(25:12):
So we often think of submissionas being less than when it's
clearly not according to God.
And submission does not meanabsolute servitude to whatever
somebody in the world may say todo.
That kind of authority belongsto God alone.
So here's how, based onColossians 3.18, all these other
(25:34):
passages we're seeing in theBible, including Ephesians 5,
here's how I would define thispicture of submission that God
outlines for wives.
And every word here mattersWith equal dignity from the Lord
and ultimate submission to theLord, a wife willingly and
(25:54):
joyfully works to affirm andfollow the loving leadership of
her husband.
Now let's you check me on this.
Is this?
Is this what God's Word issaying Like?
With equal dignity, value worthno sense of inferiority at all,
that comes from God Himself,with ultimate submission to
(26:16):
Jesus Himself.
A wife should never do anythingin marriage that is not fitting
in the Lord.
So, with equal dignity from theLord, ultimate submission to
the Lord, a wife willingly, sothat's inherent in this word.
This is voluntary, it's notforced.
Willingly and joyfully.
So I include this word here.
(26:37):
To go all the way back toGenesis 3, when part of the
curse of sin and the fall was adesire to resist God's design in
marriage.
Jesus reverses that curse.
Christ is now in a wife in sucha way that she desires to work
to affirm and follow the lovingleadership of her husband.
(27:00):
And two things I want to pointout here.
One we're about to get to thiscommand to husbands right.
And two things I want to pointout here.
One we're about to get to thiscommand to husbands right here.
I just want to point out thoughthey go together.
This goes with loving leadershipof a husband.
We're talking about submissionto loving leadership, and then I
phrase it this way works toaffirm and follow.
Because if a husband is notproviding loving leadership say
(27:25):
a husband is leading his wifeinto sin or disobedience to God,
or is leading her in a way thatdoes not help her become more
like Jesus, then it isabsolutely right for a wife to
say I want to affirm and followyour leadership, I'm committed
to doing that as much as I can,but my ultimate submission is to
the Lord and I cannot.
(27:45):
I will not follow you if you'releading me away from him.
Your responsibility is to leadme to him.
This is Acts 5.29.
We've been given this commandto obey our governing
authorities.
But if our governingauthorities are leading us to
disobey God, we say with Peterand the other apostles we must
obey God rather than men, period.
Which leads to a whole host ofcaveats that could be helpful
(28:09):
here.
One this does not mean that awife never makes a decision in
marriage or that a wife getssidelined in marriage in any way
.
It does not mean that a husbandis smarter than his wife or
more gifted than his wife.
Many wives are far smarter andfar more gifted than their
husbands.
I can personally testify tothis reality.
(28:31):
A wise husband will realizethat and lean into the strengths
of his wife.
And this passage does not meanthat a wife's contributions in
marriage should be suppressed orstifled in any way.
Those contributions should besupported and stewarded to the
full.
Again, think the picture.
(28:53):
The pattern of marriage here isfor a wife to portray the
church's submission to Jesus'sloving leadership.
Jesus never stifles orsuppresses his children.
He doesn't minimize their giftsor their contributions.
He empowers us to thrive withall the grace God's entrusted to
us according to his word.
Which then leads to thiscommand to the husbands, which
(29:16):
was far more countercultural andradical in the first century.
As the Holy Spirit says throughPaul husbands, love your wives,
do not be harsh with them.
Positively love your wives.
And the word he uses here forlove is not eros that we would
associate with like erotic love,which we rightly associate with
(29:37):
marriage, or even philos, thelove of a friend, that we would
also rightly associate withmarriage.
Instead, this word is agape,this selfless, unconditional,
loyal, committed,servant-hearted live for
(29:59):
somebody else's.
Good kind of love that comesfrom the well of Jesus in the
heart of a husband, husbands.
The same love that led Jesus todie on a cross for our sins is
the same love that leads you towake up every morning and die to
yourself to live for the goodof your wife.
(30:20):
That's what God is saying Inall the ways that God describes
this love.
We could go so many differentplaces.
I'll reference just two passages, just let it soak in.
First, the love, chapter 1,corinthians 13.
This is how God commandshusbands to treat their wives.
Love this is agape here.
And God just said husbands, dothis with your wives.
(30:41):
Love this is agape here.
And God just said husbands, dothis with your wives.
So, husbands, be patient withyour wife.
Do not be impatient with yourwife.
Kindness, never be harsh withyour wife.
We'll talk about that more in aminute.
(31:03):
Do not be envious, boastful,proud or arrogant.
Your wife should look at youand see humility all over your
life and your relationship withher.
Do not be rude to your wife.
Never talk down to her or abouther.
(31:26):
Do not be rude to your wife.
Never talk down to her or abouther.
Never shame her.
Do not insist on getting yourown way.
Do not be easily irritated byyour wife, easily irritated by
your wife.
Do not let resentment well upin you toward your wife.
(31:48):
This is God speaking, not me.
This is God saying husbands donot rejoice when she's wrong and
you're right.
You rejoice over her good.
Bear with her, believe in herHope for her and endure whatever
(32:16):
comes your way with her.
This is agape love and it iswhat God requires of you as a
husband.
And the other place I would goin scripture is the passage we
looked at just last week, rightbefore this one, where Paul
writes these words Surely theyapply to the way husbands are
(32:38):
commanded to love their wives.
Put on, then, as God's chosenones, holy and beloved,
compassionate hearts.
Have a compassionate heart foryour wife.
Again, be kind, humble, be meekwith your wife, patient.
Bear with the things in yourwife that you might want to
(32:59):
change, realizing she is bearingwith things in you that she
might want to change.
Realizing she is bearing withthings in you that she might
want to change.
If one has a complaint againsteach other, forgiving each other
.
Forgive your wife when she doeswrong.
I love this phrase, as the Lordhas forgiven you.
That's what's fitting in theLord.
If you're in the Lord, you havepower in you to forgive her the
(33:25):
way he forgives you.
You have power in you to bekind to her the way he is kind
toward you, to be patient withher the way he is patient toward
you, to bear with her the wayhe bears with you Everything he
does with you.
You have power to do with herand above all these things, put
on love and you'll never guesswhat that word is in the New
(33:48):
Testament here agape Husbands,agape your wives and do not be
harsh with them.
Some translations say don't beembittered toward them.
Just picture any tendencytoward, or evidence of, a bitter
(34:08):
attitude or a condemning tone.
God says don't do it.
Do not lose your temper withyour wife.
Do not raise your voice at yourwife.
Just as Jesus is gentle withyou, you be gentle with her.
This is God speaking tohusbands right now.
(34:35):
And just like we definedsubmission for wives earlier in
this message, here's adefinition of love for husbands.
Check it.
Is this coming straight fromGod's word, with equal dignity
from the Lord?
So a husband does this withoutany sense of superiority and
ultimate submission to the Lord.
Similarly, and yet husband doesthis without any sense of
superiority and ultimatesubmission to the Lord.
Similarly, and yet husband doesthis with a clear sense of
(34:56):
accountability before God.
Husbands are accountable to theLord for the state of your
marriage, the health of yourmarriage.
So, toward that end, a husbandlays down his life.
Jesus is our example here.
Look at the cross.
That's what a husband does, andnot just our example here.
Look at the cross.
It's what a husband does, notjust our example.
Our empowerer, the one who laiddown his life, lives in us.
(35:18):
So we do the same for our wives, showing the world what his
love looks like in person.
As we serve, as we out-serveour wives selflessly and gently.
This is fitting for a husbandin the Lord.
And when you put it all together, this picture, is it not an
(35:41):
awesome, beautiful, completelycounter-cultural, supernatural
picture of marriage.
And this picture of marriage, Ipromise, is not boring.
It is awesome, so, for thispicture of marriage to be clear
through the church and ourculture today in a way that
(36:04):
shines the light of God's lovein Jesus, the gospel, which
leads then to two generalapplications.
Now, remember the disclaimer Imentioned earlier there are
literally countless specific,particular applications for so
many complex situations, and Ihaven't addressed so many
questions like what do you dowhen your spouse is an
(36:26):
unbeliever, doesn't have Christin them, or your spouse is not
wanting to walk according toGod's Word, and countless other
questions that we don't havetime to dive into today, but I
want to encourage you to diveinto with other brothers and
sisters in Christ, with God'sWord as your guide, not this
world as your guide, god's Wordas your guide.
So this is not all, but here areat least two general
applications that flow from thistext that I hope will be
(36:49):
helpful.
So one for those who are singleand the other for those of you
who are married.
So, first, to single brothersand sisters, promote and pursue
marriage that is fitting in theLord.
So one, promote this kind ofmarriage in every way you can in
(37:09):
our culture and in the church.
So for couples you know who aremarried, realize their
marriages are under attack.
So pray for their marriages,encourage them in their
marriages, work to build uptheir marriages.
You are glorifying Jesus byencouraging, praying for
building up marriages around you.
(37:29):
Promote marriage that isfitting in the Lord and pursue
it.
And this is where thisapplication goes more
particularly towards singlebrothers as those whom God has
designed to have responsibilityfor leadership in a marriage,
which means the initiative ismore on you and if the Lord.
(37:53):
I want to be clear, and I'm notminimizing this in any way if
the Lord has called you tosingleness in a 1 Corinthians 7
kind of way, similar to theApostle Paul, then by all means
steward your singleness for thespread of the gospel in the
world.
Singleness in the Lord, thrivein that way.
But if that is not the case,then pursue a sister in Christ
(38:20):
who is submitted to the Lord.
And just so you know, brothers,there are tons of amazing
sisters in this church family.
They are all over this churchfamily.
So if the Lord has not calledyou to singleness in that way,
then I wanna encourage you tolisten, stop listening to the
(38:44):
world and start listening toGod's word, because this world
is telling you to wait.
This world is telling you toget a job, to get successful, to
get a career, to get this andthat worked out, and if a wife
comes along, that's great.
God is telling you get a wifeand love her like he loves you,
(39:05):
and show the world the gospeland the process.
And again, unless the Lord iscalling you to stay single,
resist well, this is regardless.
Resist the ever-increasing trendand temptation in our day to
prolong adolescence into your20s and 30s.
For some and I say this withseriousness, I hope pastoral
(39:30):
gentleness.
For some, it is time to stopplaying video games and get a
date.
For some.
For many, it's time to get youreyes off of a screen and onto a
sister in Jesus, to stoprunning after the things this
(39:54):
world says to run after andstart pursuing marriage.
It's a glorious good.
It has been since the creationof the world.
So don't wait for her to ask youout.
It's your responsibility tolead out.
If she rejects you, then makethat as easy as possible for her
.
Humbly bow out and lookelsewhere, and by all means do
(40:18):
not substitute cohabitation formarriage.
This goes totally against God'sdesign.
And do not succumb to sexualimmorality, defiling your sister
in Christ or debasing women youdon't even know by gorging your
flesh with images of them on ascreen.
Do not do it.
(40:38):
Promote and pursue marriagethat is fitting in the Lord.
And then husbands and wivesrecommit today to cultivating a
marriage that is fitting in theLord.
So if you are married, thentoday, no matter how healthy or
(41:03):
unhealthy your marriage is,recommit today.
So not just hearing God's word,I'm gonna put it into practice.
I'm gonna work toward attend,nurture, fight in a good way,
bring others alongside me tohelp me work for a marriage
that's fitting in the Lord.
Wives recommit to submitting toyour husband's loving
(41:25):
leadership.
At the same time, husbandsrecommit to loving your wives
selflessly and gently.
All of this singles husbands,wives.
All this so that the gospelmight be clearer through his
church in our culture.
There's a desperate need forthis today.
So, and to clarify I've almostassumed so for those of you who
(41:45):
are visiting with us today thegospel, this is the good news,
it's the greatest news in theworld that, though we are all
sinners before God, deserving ofhis judgment now and for all of
eternity.
God has come to us in theperson of Jesus.
Jesus lived a sinless lifeunlike any of us, and then, even
though he had no sin for whichto die, he chose to die on a
(42:06):
cross to pay the price for thesins of anyone who will trust in
him.
And three days later he rosefrom the dead in victory over
sin and the grave, so thatanyone who turns from themselves
and their sin and trusts inJesus will be forgiven of all
their sin and restored tocovenant relationship with God
for all of eternity.
Like described as a marriage.
(42:27):
Like when you look atdescriptions of heaven at the
end of the Bible, it's describedas a wedding feast, as a
uniting together with God, ourFather, with Jesus, the whole
picture of the church is thebride of Christ loved by him.
We invite you, we encourage,you, urge you.
Don't live another day withoutJesus in you and you in Jesus
(42:52):
and in relationship with God.
And then, when you are inrelationship with God, you have
Jesus in you.
Then let Jesus in you transformeverything about the way you
think about marriage, everythingabout every facet of your life.
We hope you've enjoyed thisweek's episode of Radical with
(43:14):
David Platt everything aboutevery facet of your life.
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