January 29, 2025 • 9 mins
Stress is a natural part of life, but staying in a constant state of stress? That’s a recipe for burnout. In this episode, I share a powerful lesson I learned after dealing with disappointment and seeking advice from my coach. She introduced me to the concept of the stress cycle (from the book Burnout by Amelia and Emily Nagoski) and how important it is to complete it—otherwise, your body holds onto stress in unhealthy ways.
If you’ve been feeling weighed down, this episode will help you process those emotions and let them go so you can show up as your best self.
Key Takeaways:
- Feel your feelings – Don’t suppress them. Acknowledging emotions is the first step to moving through stress.
- Complete the stress cycle – Your body needs an action to signal that stress is over (e.g., exercise, laughter, crying, deep breathing).
- Community and connection help – Hugs, conversations, and support from loved ones signal to your brain that you’re safe and okay.
Links Mentioned in This Episode:
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Toni-Ann (00:00):
Stress, this is a very natural part of life.
If you are living something isgoing to cause stress within
you, whether it be.
Uh, boss at work, the kids whojust spilt all of the Legos all
over the floor after you justcleaned them up.
It could even be seeing the foodburning on the stove, different
(00:22):
things happen in life and causesa stress, which like I said is
part of life but having to dealwith chronic stress and not
actively.
Dealing with that stress cancause a lot of harm to our
bodies and.
There is something that Ilearned that I want to share
with you in this episode today.
Hey there.
My name is Tony Anne.
(00:43):
I am the podcast host of thereal happy mom podcast.
The podcast for busy workingmoms who want to gain more time
and achieve their big goalswithout pulling their hair out.
And in this episode, I'm goingto share with you some insight.
After I went through somethingthat was pretty disappointing.
Aye.
Was in a place where.
I knew that I needed a differentperspective.
(01:04):
And instead of sitting inpouting and being upset all day,
I reached out to someone and gotsome really, really helpful.
Advice.
And I want to pass that on toyou because I know if you're
like me, you're dealing with alot of things and I don't want
you to carry a lot of stressinside of you without going
through the stress cycle.
So.
I'm going to go in, switch overto share with you.
(01:26):
The insight that I had So pleaseforgive me at the sound is a
little bit different, but I wassitting in the quiet room and I
wanted to talk in private toyou.
So here it is.
So there was a particularsituation where I was really
disappointed and it was mainlybecause I had planned and
(01:49):
prepared for this event that Ijust knew was going to be
awesome.
And the results were nothing towrite home about.
So, as a result, I was not veryhappy.
I was really disappointed.
And I reached out to one of thecoaches that I work with and
asked for a pep talk.
(02:11):
And the first thing that shesaid to me was, Feel your
feelings.
And I loved when she said thatbecause a lot of times people
will tell you, Oh, it's not thatbad.
Like you shouldn't bedisappointed.
At least you got this or, youknow, this didn't happen.
You know, you only had to dealwith this.
(02:33):
And it's like, yeah, that'strue.
But at the same time, I'm stilldisappointed and I really needed
to take time to really feel myfeelings.
And in the whole talk aboutfeeling your feelings, she
talked about a book that I'mreally getting into that I can't
(02:53):
share too much about because Ihaven't finished it yet, but it
is called Burnout by Amelia andEmily Zukoski.
It is so, so good.
So, the coach was telling me tofeel my feelings and complete
the stress cycle.
And at first I was like, what isshe talking about?
(03:14):
And so she was explaining thatin the book, Burnout, that they
talk about the stress cycle andhow when you don't complete the
cycle and you resist it, That'swhen your body holds on to a lot
of things and it ends up showingin other ways that aren't the
best.
(03:36):
So, if you really want to learnmore about the stress cycle and
how to complete it, definitelycheck out the book.
It's called Burnout, The Secretto Unlock Stress.
And I'll make sure to have thatin the show notes.
Bye.
Some of the things that sheencouraged me to do while I was
feeling my feelings so I didn'tget stuck in it.
(03:57):
She was saying that you can dosome things to help complete
this stress cycle like movingyour body.
So this could be going out for arun or a walk.
She also said you could have agood cry and the best way I find
to do that is watching thatmovie that you know will get you
(04:18):
crying every time.
And for me, that would probablybe The Little Mermaid and The
Notebook.
I know, don't judge me, butthose two movies, I always cry.
Another thing that she says thatyou can do to complete the
stress cycle is laughing.
And this is something that Iabsolutely love, love, love to
(04:40):
do.
You will find me laughing atsome stand up comic.
Somewhere sometime throughoutthe days and the weeks and my
latest stand up that I just gotfinished watching was Gabriel
Iglesias the legend of fluffyand Yeah, I always get a good
(05:03):
chuckle when I watch him So ifyou need a good laugh,
definitely if you have Netflix,just type in Fluffy in the
search bar, you'll find it.
He's, he's hilarious and alwaysmakes me laugh.
So laughter is a good one.
And then being in community,because one thing I learned is
(05:24):
that our brains want to knowthat we're safe and we're
protected.
So when we go to our tribe, ourpeople, our family, and we get
the hugs and the celebrationthat lets us know that we're
okay and we're, and we're safe.
(05:46):
And it was funny because when mycoach was explaining all of
this, she was saying that youcan find this whole completing
the stress cycle in nature.
And she described her dog, whichat first I was like, really,
you're going to talk about yourdog, but it was really good.
She says whenever the UPS truckor the Amazon truck comes, her
(06:08):
dog just like immediately startsbarking it's head off.
thinking there's a threat andsomeone's coming to get the dog
in the family.
So the dog is barking andbarking and barking and even
when she says she takes the dogon walks the dog is just always
barking at something likethere's always something out in
(06:29):
the bushes or on the walk thatjust gets the dog just going and
she says whenever the dog comesback from the walk or the Amazon
truck bleats The dog goesthrough this little, slight
little shift, comes inside, andknows that the stress is gone
(06:50):
and will shake its body.
And that shaking lets the dog'sbody know, okay, it's over, the
stress is gone, I'm okay now.
And that is the cue for the dog.
And your cue that the stress isover and That you're okay, could
(07:11):
be, like I said, moving yourbody, crying, laughing, or being
in community.
These things, I think, willreally help with shifting you
out of that chronic state offeeling stressed, which
literally can kill you, and getyou, out.
(07:31):
to move on so that you can go onand do bigger and better things.
So I wanted to share that withyou because it has been really
helpful for me because as soonas she talked about the, about
the book, burnout, I immediatelywent and got the audio version
and I absolutely love it.
I'm not done reading the bookjust yet.
I'm like halfway done.
(07:53):
And yeah, it, it is like really,really good and a really good
eye opener.
So if you're going through atough time, I just want to
encourage you to feel yourfeelings for sure, but then let
your body know that the stressis over and that you're okay and
you're safe and you can do that.
However works for you, but likefor me, I like laughing and
(08:17):
every now and then I'll get in agood cry, but laughing is my go
to Maybe it could be taking awalk or a run or like I said,
just going up to your Husband orsignificant other and getting a
really big long hug Whatever itis.
Just let your body know like thestress is gone and you're okay
(08:41):
so that you don't stay in thatperpetual cycle of being
stressed out all the time.
So that's the message that Iwant to share with you.
So, if you want to find thelinks in the show notes, head on
over to realhappy mom.com/ 2 50.
And made sure to join me at thesecond annual let's get more
time virtual summit.
(09:02):
That is happening February 20ththrough the 22nd.
This is a three day event, oryou're going to learn how to.
Shift your mindset learn a newhelpful of routines, and also
how to use some time saving appsalso that you can gain four plus
hours to your week.
So that's something that youthink you would enjoy join me
at.
Let's get more time by going tolet's get more time.
(09:23):
Dot com.
That's it for this week, takecare.
And with lots of love.
Stress, this is a very natural part of life.
If you are living something isgoing to cause stress within
you, whether it be.
Uh, boss at work, the kids whojust spilt all of the Legos all
over the floor after you justcleaned them up.
It could even be seeing the foodburning on the stove, different
(00:22):
things happen in life and causesa stress, which like I said is
part of life but having to dealwith chronic stress and not
actively.
Dealing with that stress cancause a lot of harm to our
bodies and.
There is something that Ilearned that I want to share
with you in this episode today.
Hey there.
My name is Tony Anne.
(00:43):
I am the podcast host of thereal happy mom podcast.
The podcast for busy workingmoms who want to gain more time
and achieve their big goalswithout pulling their hair out.
And in this episode, I'm goingto share with you some insight.
After I went through somethingthat was pretty disappointing.
Aye.
Was in a place where.
I knew that I needed a differentperspective.
(01:04):
And instead of sitting inpouting and being upset all day,
I reached out to someone and gotsome really, really helpful.
Advice.
And I want to pass that on toyou because I know if you're
like me, you're dealing with alot of things and I don't want
you to carry a lot of stressinside of you without going
through the stress cycle.
So.
I'm going to go in, switch overto share with you.
(01:26):
The insight that I had So pleaseforgive me at the sound is a
little bit different, but I wassitting in the quiet room and I
wanted to talk in private toyou.
So here it is.
So there was a particularsituation where I was really
disappointed and it was mainlybecause I had planned and
(01:49):
prepared for this event that Ijust knew was going to be
awesome.
And the results were nothing towrite home about.
So, as a result, I was not veryhappy.
I was really disappointed.
And I reached out to one of thecoaches that I work with and
asked for a pep talk.
(02:11):
And the first thing that shesaid to me was, Feel your
feelings.
And I loved when she said thatbecause a lot of times people
will tell you, Oh, it's not thatbad.
Like you shouldn't bedisappointed.
At least you got this or, youknow, this didn't happen.
You know, you only had to dealwith this.
(02:33):
And it's like, yeah, that'strue.
But at the same time, I'm stilldisappointed and I really needed
to take time to really feel myfeelings.
And in the whole talk aboutfeeling your feelings, she
talked about a book that I'mreally getting into that I can't
(02:53):
share too much about because Ihaven't finished it yet, but it
is called Burnout by Amelia andEmily Zukoski.
It is so, so good.
So, the coach was telling me tofeel my feelings and complete
the stress cycle.
And at first I was like, what isshe talking about?
(03:14):
And so she was explaining thatin the book, Burnout, that they
talk about the stress cycle andhow when you don't complete the
cycle and you resist it, That'swhen your body holds on to a lot
of things and it ends up showingin other ways that aren't the
best.
(03:36):
So, if you really want to learnmore about the stress cycle and
how to complete it, definitelycheck out the book.
It's called Burnout, The Secretto Unlock Stress.
And I'll make sure to have thatin the show notes.
Bye.
Some of the things that sheencouraged me to do while I was
feeling my feelings so I didn'tget stuck in it.
(03:57):
She was saying that you can dosome things to help complete
this stress cycle like movingyour body.
So this could be going out for arun or a walk.
She also said you could have agood cry and the best way I find
to do that is watching thatmovie that you know will get you
(04:18):
crying every time.
And for me, that would probablybe The Little Mermaid and The
Notebook.
I know, don't judge me, butthose two movies, I always cry.
Another thing that she says thatyou can do to complete the
stress cycle is laughing.
And this is something that Iabsolutely love, love, love to
(04:40):
do.
You will find me laughing atsome stand up comic.
Somewhere sometime throughoutthe days and the weeks and my
latest stand up that I just gotfinished watching was Gabriel
Iglesias the legend of fluffyand Yeah, I always get a good
(05:03):
chuckle when I watch him So ifyou need a good laugh,
definitely if you have Netflix,just type in Fluffy in the
search bar, you'll find it.
He's, he's hilarious and alwaysmakes me laugh.
So laughter is a good one.
And then being in community,because one thing I learned is
(05:24):
that our brains want to knowthat we're safe and we're
protected.
So when we go to our tribe, ourpeople, our family, and we get
the hugs and the celebrationthat lets us know that we're
okay and we're, and we're safe.
(05:46):
And it was funny because when mycoach was explaining all of
this, she was saying that youcan find this whole completing
the stress cycle in nature.
And she described her dog, whichat first I was like, really,
you're going to talk about yourdog, but it was really good.
She says whenever the UPS truckor the Amazon truck comes, her
(06:08):
dog just like immediately startsbarking it's head off.
thinking there's a threat andsomeone's coming to get the dog
in the family.
So the dog is barking andbarking and barking and even
when she says she takes the dogon walks the dog is just always
barking at something likethere's always something out in
(06:29):
the bushes or on the walk thatjust gets the dog just going and
she says whenever the dog comesback from the walk or the Amazon
truck bleats The dog goesthrough this little, slight
little shift, comes inside, andknows that the stress is gone
(06:50):
and will shake its body.
And that shaking lets the dog'sbody know, okay, it's over, the
stress is gone, I'm okay now.
And that is the cue for the dog.
And your cue that the stress isover and That you're okay, could
(07:11):
be, like I said, moving yourbody, crying, laughing, or being
in community.
These things, I think, willreally help with shifting you
out of that chronic state offeeling stressed, which
literally can kill you, and getyou, out.
(07:31):
to move on so that you can go onand do bigger and better things.
So I wanted to share that withyou because it has been really
helpful for me because as soonas she talked about the, about
the book, burnout, I immediatelywent and got the audio version
and I absolutely love it.
I'm not done reading the bookjust yet.
I'm like halfway done.
(07:53):
And yeah, it, it is like really,really good and a really good
eye opener.
So if you're going through atough time, I just want to
encourage you to feel yourfeelings for sure, but then let
your body know that the stressis over and that you're okay and
you're safe and you can do that.
However works for you, but likefor me, I like laughing and
(08:17):
every now and then I'll get in agood cry, but laughing is my go
to Maybe it could be taking awalk or a run or like I said,
just going up to your Husband orsignificant other and getting a
really big long hug Whatever itis.
Just let your body know like thestress is gone and you're okay
(08:41):
so that you don't stay in thatperpetual cycle of being
stressed out all the time.
So that's the message that Iwant to share with you.
So, if you want to find thelinks in the show notes, head on
over to realhappy mom.com/ 2 50.
And made sure to join me at thesecond annual let's get more
time virtual summit.
(09:02):
That is happening February 20ththrough the 22nd.
This is a three day event, oryou're going to learn how to.
Shift your mindset learn a newhelpful of routines, and also
how to use some time saving appsalso that you can gain four plus
hours to your week.
So that's something that youthink you would enjoy join me
at.
Let's get more time by going tolet's get more time.
(09:23):
Dot com.
That's it for this week, takecare.
And with lots of love.
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