July 1, 2025 • 13 mins
Ever feel like you're just not a "routines person"? Before you blame yourself, listen in. In this episode of the Real Happy Mom Podcast, we’re breaking down five reasons why your routines aren’t sticking—and none of them have to do with your motivation or willpower. If you’ve ever tried someone else’s perfect system and felt like a failure, this is your reminder: it’s not you, it’s the routine.
What You’ll Learn:
- Why most routines are built for ideal conditions (and what to do instead).
- How to build a routine that fits your energy, season, and lifestyle.
- Why flexibility—not perfection—is the secret to consistency.
3 Takeaways:
- Make It Fit Real Life:
Routines built on someone else’s perfect day won’t survive real-life interruptions. Yours should bend with your season, not break at the first challenge. - Keep It Simple + Flexible:
Small, repeatable routines—like a 10-minute tidy or 3-step morning reset—are more effective than rigid, overwhelming systems. - You’re Not the Problem—The System Might Be:
You don’t need more discipline—you need tools that support you, not stress you out. A Trello board or 3 go-to dinners might be your real secret weapon.
Links & Resources Mentioned:
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Have you ever looked at yourplanner or your calendar or
maybe your checklist andthought, why can't I get this to
stick?
If that's ever crossed yourmind, this episode is for you
because today we're flipping thescript on one of the biggest
lies that Moms tell themselves,which is, I'm just not a
routines person.
Hey there.
My name is Tony Anne.
(00:20):
I am the podcast host of TheReal Happy Mom podcast.
The podcast for busy workingmoms who need more time and help
with achieving their big goalswithout pulling their hair out.
And in this episode, we aregonna be going through five
different reasons why.
It's not you.
It's actually the routine.
(00:40):
This episode of The Real HappyMom Podcast was brought to you
by the Get Stuff Done Toolkit.
The Get Stuff Done Toolkit is aplug and play system designed to
help busy moms like you organizetheir thoughts, plan their days,
and get things done withoutovercomplicating life or
requiring hours of set up.
Whether you're brand new toTrello or you already use it and
(01:01):
just need a better workflow,this toolkit gives you the
structure of tools and quickwins to go from frazzled to
focus super fast.
Head on over to real happymom.com/done to learn more about
the Get Stuff Done toolkit.
I remember a few years ago I sawa video from an influencer.
(01:25):
She had the most peacefulmorning routine.
It was productive, and it waslike something that I've never
seen before.
She lit a candle, she journaledfor 30 minutes, did some yoga,
made a green smoothie, and I waslike, yes, this is it.
This is what I'm gonna be doing.
So I tried it.
I bought the planner.
(01:46):
I printed out the habit tracker,and I even got up early one
morning and then one of the kidswoke up sick.
I forgot to wash the laundry anddidn't have clothes to wear to
work.
I didn't eat breakfast, and so Iended up being hangry and then
my car wouldn't start.
So I was exhausted before I evengot to work.
(02:07):
And my perfect routine didn'tmake it past day two.
So I remember thinking maybe I'mjust not a routine person.
Looking back, it wasn't theroutine that failed me.
The routine failed because Ididn't get it to fit my real
life.
So let's talk about why routinesdon't stick and what actually
(02:27):
makes them work for busy momslike us.
So the biggest reason whyroutines aren't sticking are
that most routines are built forideal conditions and not real
life.
You know, life happens, the kidsget sick, you wake up late.
There's unexpected deadlines.
Your wifi decides to go out.
(02:48):
Maybe you get stuck in traffic,or your kid comes to you with a
last minute request that, ohyeah, by the way, I need 12
cupcakes for tomorrow.
Or maybe it's a householdemergency, like a pipe is
leaking, the power goes out, oryour washing machine decides it
doesn't wanna work today.
All these things happen and canthrow off our routines.
So if you don't have a routinethat can bend and ebb and flow
(03:11):
with you during these times.
It's gonna break.
The next point or reason whyroutines aren't sticking is that
you've been following someoneelse's rhythm or routine instead
of your own.
Not everyone thrives at 5:00 AMor has time to meditate for 20
minutes.
You really need a system thatmatches your energy, your
(03:34):
schedule, and your season oflife.
So consider things like insteadof a 5:00 AM morning routine
that you saw on Instagram,consider if you are even a
morning person, do your kids letyou sleep through the night?
If you're building a wake uptime that works for your sleep
(03:54):
and for your rhythm, it makes itso much easier instead of going
against it.
Or maybe you're trying to mealprep for your family and you
forgot that you got too pickyeaters.
So what meals actually work foryour family?
What are your energies likeafter working school?
And how can you simplify orbatch things smarter and prep
(04:17):
things so that it fits yourlifestyle?
Or maybe you're trying to fit afull on morning routine before
you go to work, when you've gota toddler who seems to be
attached to you at all times.
So consider what season ofmotherhood you're in.
Maybe you have a newborn ormaybe you have a toddler, like I
said, that just won't leave youalone.
Or maybe you're in a phasewhere.
(04:39):
You have older kids who are alot more independent, or maybe
you're in a season where youdon't have the kids at home very
much Consider what season you'rein and also consider shortening
or rearranging routines toreflect your reality and not the
influencer or the lady onYouTube with older kids in
full-time childcare.
Or maybe you're looking at theinfluencer that's doing a clean
(05:03):
with me routine that requirestwo free hours so that they can
get things done.
And you know, this does not workfor your life.
Instead of copying theinfluencer's routine, try to
break it down into realisticmicrotask and definitely get
help from the kiddos to help outwith the chores so that you can
(05:23):
clean things even faster.
And if you need help with that,check out episode 98 with Ashley
bfa, who shares how to get kidsto do chores without
complaining.
The next reason why routinesaren't sticking is that routines
don't have to be rigid to beeffective.
You see things need to beflexible and be able to be
(05:48):
repeated in a way that'spowerful instead of having a 12
step routine that you abandonedafter just a few days.
So when you're consideringthings like, for instance, a
morning startup routine, thinkof some things that are very,
very simple, like brush yourteeth, drink water, stretch, and
then look at your calendar orTrello board.
(06:09):
Or maybe it's your evening tidyup routine.
It can just be literally 10minutes to reset one room before
you go to bed, not the entirehouse, or maybe a Sunday prep
routine.
So instead of doing my full-onSunday prep routine that I talk
about all the time, if you'reinterested, go to real happy
mom.com/sunday to check out theSunday prep checklist and you
(06:30):
can modify this one.
But instead of doing the full onSunday routine that I talk
about, maybe it's just doingthese few things, like looking
ahead at the week, picking outyour three priorities for the
week, and then prepping youroutfits or lunches for the week.
And let's talk about bedtime andwind down.
I know that this is one where wehear a lot about routines as
(06:53):
well.
So instead of doing somethingsuper complicated, it could be
something as simple as shower,stretch, and journal or pray for
15 minutes.
This simple routine is gonnacalm your mind down and cue your
body that it's time to rest.
So you see things can be supersimple and also be really
(07:13):
effective.
So it doesn't have to be rigidfor it to be effective.
It just has to be simple andwork for your life.
So the next reason why you maybe feeling like you're not a
routines person, it is becausesometimes we focus more so on
perfection and it's more aboutsupport.
(07:35):
So the thing is, the rightroutine doesn't demand more
discipline.
It actually helps you so thatyou need to do less.
A supportive routine removesdecisions and helps eliminate
decision fatigue.
It also cuts down on the mentalload, so you're not constantly
thinking about what needs tohappen next and what you need to
(07:55):
get done, and it also gives youa gentle rhythm so you're not
running on fumes and willpoweralone.
So let's break this down with afew examples.
So instead of deciding what tocook every night, a meal plan
with three go-to dinners meansthat you can skip the decision
fatigue and avoid that 5:00 PMwhat's for dinner spiral.
(08:16):
Or instead of waking up andwondering what you should be
doing first, a short morningchecklist like brush your teeth,
drink water, look at Trello,gets you moving without needing
motivation.
and instead of relying on memoryto remember appointments, bills,
and spirit week themes, a visualsystem or a family calendar
remembers for you, so your braindoesn't have to.
(08:40):
So you see routines are gonnahelp you feel like, oh, I have a
rhythm now.
I'm not dropping the ball.
Because you have a solid systemin place.
They're not about having aperfect day.
They're all about making chaoticdays easier and good days even
better and smoother.
So the next reason why you maybe feeling like you're not a
(09:01):
routines person is because thesystem is a problem and it's not
you.
I want you to let that sink infor a second.
You are not the problem.
You just haven't had a systemthat is designed for your life
yet, and when the system is aproblem, you will find yourself
using a planner that requires anhour a day to maintain.
(09:23):
Or maybe you are told that youhave to wake up at 5:00 AM for
quiet time, but your baby stillwakes up in the middle of the
night and you cannot get up thatearly.
Or maybe it's that you've triedmeal planning system that
requires 20 differentingredients and Pinterest level
prep, which does not work foryour life.
(09:44):
Or maybe it's the cleaningroutine that says a little each
day, but your days are packedback to back and there's no
little that you can squeeze infor cleaning.
So instead of using that plannerthat we were talking about, try
using a Trello board or a stickynote system that you can update
in just five minutes or less.
(10:05):
I personally love Trello and Ihave, um, plenty of resources
out there to help you.
If you wanna get started withTrello, go to real happy
mom.com/cello to learn more andget started with it.
And instead of waking up at 5:00AM maybe having a midday reset
routine or a five minutedecompression time after bedtime
(10:25):
or before you go home for work.
This will be a lot moreeffective than waking up at 5:00
AM.
And as far as the meal planning,it's not that you're lacking the
follow through, you just don'thave two hours in a Whole Foods
budget to have those Pinterestlevel meals prepped every day of
(10:46):
the week.
So just keep things easy, rotatethrough your five go-to meals
that everyone likes.
This will keep it so that you'renot stressing yourself out and
everyone is happy and fed.
And then as far as thosecleaning routines I was talking
about, instead of trying to do alittle bit every day, maybe it's
(11:08):
on the weekend having a powerhour, or my new hack that I've
been using a lot is every time Igo to the bathroom, I do like
one little thing, so I go to thebathroom.
'cause you know you gotta go tothe bathroom at least like two
or three times a day.
You go in the bathroom, you wipedown the counters, next time you
go back in, you.
(11:29):
Clean the toilet really quick.
The next time you go in, you um,clean out the sinks.
So those little bits that you doall come together and you
eventually have a clean bathroomby the end of the day, if you're
going in and outta the bathroomoften.
So don't feel like you have tosit down for hours and hours at
a time.
You can do a little bit whileyou're going in and out.
(11:50):
It only takes but a few seconds.
All right.
Now, if this episode has beenhitting home and you're nodding
your head like, yes, this is me.
I want you to know that help ison the way.
I've been working on somethingcalled The Confident Mom Life,
which is a six week programthat's gonna help you build
routines and systems thatactually work for your life, and
we'll be opening the doorsreally soon.
(12:10):
If you want early access plus aearly bird surprise, head on
over to rah happymom.com/confident and join the
priority wait list.
Okay, so let's recap what wetalked about in today's episode.
Remember, number one, routinesdon't fail because you're
undisciplined.
(12:30):
They fail when they don't fityour life.
Number two, you don't need tofollow someone else's routine.
You need one of your own.
Number three, you don't have tobe rigid to be effective.
Remember, flexibility is betterthan perfection.
And number four, supportivesystems make consistency way
(12:52):
easier and not harder.
And lastly, number five, you'renot broken and just need a
better fitting routine and aroutine that supports and fits
you.
So that is it for this week'sepisode.
I hope that you have enjoyed it.
Definitely make sure you tune innext week for next week's
(13:14):
episode where I'll be sharingthe secret to getting things
done when you're alreadyexhausted.
All right.
If you need the show notes orthe links that were mentioned
this episode, make sure to headover to real happy mom.com/ 2 6
4.
That's real happy mom.com/ 2 6 4and you'll get the show notes in
(13:35):
the links that were mentioned inthis episode Now that's it for
this one.
Take care and with lots of love.
Have you ever looked at yourplanner or your calendar or
maybe your checklist andthought, why can't I get this to
stick?
If that's ever crossed yourmind, this episode is for you
because today we're flipping thescript on one of the biggest
lies that Moms tell themselves,which is, I'm just not a
routines person.
Hey there.
My name is Tony Anne.
(00:20):
I am the podcast host of TheReal Happy Mom podcast.
The podcast for busy workingmoms who need more time and help
with achieving their big goalswithout pulling their hair out.
And in this episode, we aregonna be going through five
different reasons why.
It's not you.
It's actually the routine.
(00:40):
This episode of The Real HappyMom Podcast was brought to you
by the Get Stuff Done Toolkit.
The Get Stuff Done Toolkit is aplug and play system designed to
help busy moms like you organizetheir thoughts, plan their days,
and get things done withoutovercomplicating life or
requiring hours of set up.
Whether you're brand new toTrello or you already use it and
(01:01):
just need a better workflow,this toolkit gives you the
structure of tools and quickwins to go from frazzled to
focus super fast.
Head on over to real happymom.com/done to learn more about
the Get Stuff Done toolkit.
I remember a few years ago I sawa video from an influencer.
(01:25):
She had the most peacefulmorning routine.
It was productive, and it waslike something that I've never
seen before.
She lit a candle, she journaledfor 30 minutes, did some yoga,
made a green smoothie, and I waslike, yes, this is it.
This is what I'm gonna be doing.
So I tried it.
I bought the planner.
(01:46):
I printed out the habit tracker,and I even got up early one
morning and then one of the kidswoke up sick.
I forgot to wash the laundry anddidn't have clothes to wear to
work.
I didn't eat breakfast, and so Iended up being hangry and then
my car wouldn't start.
So I was exhausted before I evengot to work.
(02:07):
And my perfect routine didn'tmake it past day two.
So I remember thinking maybe I'mjust not a routine person.
Looking back, it wasn't theroutine that failed me.
The routine failed because Ididn't get it to fit my real
life.
So let's talk about why routinesdon't stick and what actually
(02:27):
makes them work for busy momslike us.
So the biggest reason whyroutines aren't sticking are
that most routines are built forideal conditions and not real
life.
You know, life happens, the kidsget sick, you wake up late.
There's unexpected deadlines.
Your wifi decides to go out.
(02:48):
Maybe you get stuck in traffic,or your kid comes to you with a
last minute request that, ohyeah, by the way, I need 12
cupcakes for tomorrow.
Or maybe it's a householdemergency, like a pipe is
leaking, the power goes out, oryour washing machine decides it
doesn't wanna work today.
All these things happen and canthrow off our routines.
So if you don't have a routinethat can bend and ebb and flow
(03:11):
with you during these times.
It's gonna break.
The next point or reason whyroutines aren't sticking is that
you've been following someoneelse's rhythm or routine instead
of your own.
Not everyone thrives at 5:00 AMor has time to meditate for 20
minutes.
You really need a system thatmatches your energy, your
(03:34):
schedule, and your season oflife.
So consider things like insteadof a 5:00 AM morning routine
that you saw on Instagram,consider if you are even a
morning person, do your kids letyou sleep through the night?
If you're building a wake uptime that works for your sleep
(03:54):
and for your rhythm, it makes itso much easier instead of going
against it.
Or maybe you're trying to mealprep for your family and you
forgot that you got too pickyeaters.
So what meals actually work foryour family?
What are your energies likeafter working school?
And how can you simplify orbatch things smarter and prep
(04:17):
things so that it fits yourlifestyle?
Or maybe you're trying to fit afull on morning routine before
you go to work, when you've gota toddler who seems to be
attached to you at all times.
So consider what season ofmotherhood you're in.
Maybe you have a newborn ormaybe you have a toddler, like I
said, that just won't leave youalone.
Or maybe you're in a phasewhere.
(04:39):
You have older kids who are alot more independent, or maybe
you're in a season where youdon't have the kids at home very
much Consider what season you'rein and also consider shortening
or rearranging routines toreflect your reality and not the
influencer or the lady onYouTube with older kids in
full-time childcare.
Or maybe you're looking at theinfluencer that's doing a clean
(05:03):
with me routine that requirestwo free hours so that they can
get things done.
And you know, this does not workfor your life.
Instead of copying theinfluencer's routine, try to
break it down into realisticmicrotask and definitely get
help from the kiddos to help outwith the chores so that you can
(05:23):
clean things even faster.
And if you need help with that,check out episode 98 with Ashley
bfa, who shares how to get kidsto do chores without
complaining.
The next reason why routinesaren't sticking is that routines
don't have to be rigid to beeffective.
You see things need to beflexible and be able to be
(05:48):
repeated in a way that'spowerful instead of having a 12
step routine that you abandonedafter just a few days.
So when you're consideringthings like, for instance, a
morning startup routine, thinkof some things that are very,
very simple, like brush yourteeth, drink water, stretch, and
then look at your calendar orTrello board.
(06:09):
Or maybe it's your evening tidyup routine.
It can just be literally 10minutes to reset one room before
you go to bed, not the entirehouse, or maybe a Sunday prep
routine.
So instead of doing my full-onSunday prep routine that I talk
about all the time, if you'reinterested, go to real happy
mom.com/sunday to check out theSunday prep checklist and you
(06:30):
can modify this one.
But instead of doing the full onSunday routine that I talk
about, maybe it's just doingthese few things, like looking
ahead at the week, picking outyour three priorities for the
week, and then prepping youroutfits or lunches for the week.
And let's talk about bedtime andwind down.
I know that this is one where wehear a lot about routines as
(06:53):
well.
So instead of doing somethingsuper complicated, it could be
something as simple as shower,stretch, and journal or pray for
15 minutes.
This simple routine is gonnacalm your mind down and cue your
body that it's time to rest.
So you see things can be supersimple and also be really
(07:13):
effective.
So it doesn't have to be rigidfor it to be effective.
It just has to be simple andwork for your life.
So the next reason why you maybe feeling like you're not a
routines person, it is becausesometimes we focus more so on
perfection and it's more aboutsupport.
(07:35):
So the thing is, the rightroutine doesn't demand more
discipline.
It actually helps you so thatyou need to do less.
A supportive routine removesdecisions and helps eliminate
decision fatigue.
It also cuts down on the mentalload, so you're not constantly
thinking about what needs tohappen next and what you need to
(07:55):
get done, and it also gives youa gentle rhythm so you're not
running on fumes and willpoweralone.
So let's break this down with afew examples.
So instead of deciding what tocook every night, a meal plan
with three go-to dinners meansthat you can skip the decision
fatigue and avoid that 5:00 PMwhat's for dinner spiral.
(08:16):
Or instead of waking up andwondering what you should be
doing first, a short morningchecklist like brush your teeth,
drink water, look at Trello,gets you moving without needing
motivation.
and instead of relying on memoryto remember appointments, bills,
and spirit week themes, a visualsystem or a family calendar
remembers for you, so your braindoesn't have to.
(08:40):
So you see routines are gonnahelp you feel like, oh, I have a
rhythm now.
I'm not dropping the ball.
Because you have a solid systemin place.
They're not about having aperfect day.
They're all about making chaoticdays easier and good days even
better and smoother.
So the next reason why you maybe feeling like you're not a
(09:01):
routines person is because thesystem is a problem and it's not
you.
I want you to let that sink infor a second.
You are not the problem.
You just haven't had a systemthat is designed for your life
yet, and when the system is aproblem, you will find yourself
using a planner that requires anhour a day to maintain.
(09:23):
Or maybe you are told that youhave to wake up at 5:00 AM for
quiet time, but your baby stillwakes up in the middle of the
night and you cannot get up thatearly.
Or maybe it's that you've triedmeal planning system that
requires 20 differentingredients and Pinterest level
prep, which does not work foryour life.
(09:44):
Or maybe it's the cleaningroutine that says a little each
day, but your days are packedback to back and there's no
little that you can squeeze infor cleaning.
So instead of using that plannerthat we were talking about, try
using a Trello board or a stickynote system that you can update
in just five minutes or less.
(10:05):
I personally love Trello and Ihave, um, plenty of resources
out there to help you.
If you wanna get started withTrello, go to real happy
mom.com/cello to learn more andget started with it.
And instead of waking up at 5:00AM maybe having a midday reset
routine or a five minutedecompression time after bedtime
(10:25):
or before you go home for work.
This will be a lot moreeffective than waking up at 5:00
AM.
And as far as the meal planning,it's not that you're lacking the
follow through, you just don'thave two hours in a Whole Foods
budget to have those Pinterestlevel meals prepped every day of
(10:46):
the week.
So just keep things easy, rotatethrough your five go-to meals
that everyone likes.
This will keep it so that you'renot stressing yourself out and
everyone is happy and fed.
And then as far as thosecleaning routines I was talking
about, instead of trying to do alittle bit every day, maybe it's
(11:08):
on the weekend having a powerhour, or my new hack that I've
been using a lot is every time Igo to the bathroom, I do like
one little thing, so I go to thebathroom.
'cause you know you gotta go tothe bathroom at least like two
or three times a day.
You go in the bathroom, you wipedown the counters, next time you
go back in, you.
(11:29):
Clean the toilet really quick.
The next time you go in, you um,clean out the sinks.
So those little bits that you doall come together and you
eventually have a clean bathroomby the end of the day, if you're
going in and outta the bathroomoften.
So don't feel like you have tosit down for hours and hours at
a time.
You can do a little bit whileyou're going in and out.
(11:50):
It only takes but a few seconds.
All right.
Now, if this episode has beenhitting home and you're nodding
your head like, yes, this is me.
I want you to know that help ison the way.
I've been working on somethingcalled The Confident Mom Life,
which is a six week programthat's gonna help you build
routines and systems thatactually work for your life, and
we'll be opening the doorsreally soon.
(12:10):
If you want early access plus aearly bird surprise, head on
over to rah happymom.com/confident and join the
priority wait list.
Okay, so let's recap what wetalked about in today's episode.
Remember, number one, routinesdon't fail because you're
undisciplined.
(12:30):
They fail when they don't fityour life.
Number two, you don't need tofollow someone else's routine.
You need one of your own.
Number three, you don't have tobe rigid to be effective.
Remember, flexibility is betterthan perfection.
And number four, supportivesystems make consistency way
(12:52):
easier and not harder.
And lastly, number five, you'renot broken and just need a
better fitting routine and aroutine that supports and fits
you.
So that is it for this week'sepisode.
I hope that you have enjoyed it.
Definitely make sure you tune innext week for next week's
(13:14):
episode where I'll be sharingthe secret to getting things
done when you're alreadyexhausted.
All right.
If you need the show notes orthe links that were mentioned
this episode, make sure to headover to real happy mom.com/ 2 6
4.
That's real happy mom.com/ 2 6 4and you'll get the show notes in
(13:35):
the links that were mentioned inthis episode Now that's it for
this one.
Take care and with lots of love.
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