December 29, 2024 • 38 mins
Discover the divine design of marriage as this sermon explores its meaning according to Ephesians 5. Listeners learn about the ministries of husbands and wives, the importance of mutual respect and love, and how marriage can serve a greater spiritual purpose.
• Marriage is a divine institution established by God
• Emphasis on the need for marriage to thrive, not just survive
• Viewing marriage as a ministry shared by both partners
• The wife's role: humble submission and respect
• The husband's role: servant leadership and sacrificial love
• Marriage should reflect the love between Christ and the church
• Pastor Chris's personal testimony offer hope for struggling marriages
• Encouragement to seek God's guidance in fostering a joyful marriage
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for
the husband is the head of thewife, even as Christ is the head
of the church, his body, and ishimself its Savior.
Now, as the church submits toChrist, so also wives should
submit in everything to theirhusbands.
Husbands, love your wives asChrist loved the church that he
(00:30):
might sanctify her, havingcleansed her by the washing of
the water with the word, so thathe might present the church to
himself in splendor without spotor wrinkle or any such thing,
that she might be holy andwithout blemish.
In the same way, husbandsshould love their wives as their
own bodies, for he who loveshis wife loves himself, for no
(00:55):
one ever hated his own flesh butnourishes and cherishes it,
just as Christ does the churchbecause we are members of his
body, just as Christ does thechurch because we are members of
his body.
Therefore, a man shall leavehis father and mother and hold
fast to his wife, and the twoshall become one flesh.
This mystery is profound, and Iam saying that it refers to
(01:17):
Christ and the church.
However, let each one of youlove his wife as himself and let
the wife see that she respectsher husband.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Amen.
This is the Word of God.
You know your part.
Thanks be to God.
All right you may be seated.
How many know it's worththanking the Lord for His Word?
Amen, amen.
(01:52):
Well, malachi tells us that Godhates divorce and the enemy, the
devil, loves divorce.
Martin Luther, the greatreformer, said these words.
He said there is no estate towhich Satan is more opposed than
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to marriage.
Next week, we are going tostart an expository series
through the book of Acts.
God willing, we will take allof 2025 to go through this
wonderful book.
But I had a Sunday in betweenthe last series that we finished
up our Advent series and thestart of Acts, and so I was
seeking the Lord as to what Ishould preach, and often on this
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type of of Sunday, I wouldpreach about the new year and
growing in God and setting goalsand all of those things which
are good things to do.
But as I continued to pray, itbecame more and more clear to me
that I was to preach on thesubject of marriage.
(03:03):
As a pastor, my heart has beenbroken over the last several
years at this church to watch somany families experience, let's
say, disarray in theirrelationships with one another
and, tragically, we've had a fewmarriages end in divorce, which
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just absolutely crushes myheart.
I want to say very clearly thisis not a message of
condemnation.
There is no condemnation in thelord jesus christ.
Are you grateful for that?
My aim today is simply toremind you of the blessing that
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marriage is supposed to be and Iwant you to enjoy if you're
married.
I want you to enjoy yourmarriage and I want to point us
back to the ultimate meaning ofmarriage.
So if you're married and you'rehere with your spouse, smile at
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her or him.
My wife actually is in heretoday.
She usually doesn't get to bein here for the message because
she's in kids ministry, but thismust be providential.
You know, here's the thing,church, I don't want you just to
stay married.
I want you to stay married andlove it and love and cherish
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your spouse.
That's what God, I believe,wants for us.
Let me just remind you thatmarriage was designed by God and
it is meant to be between oneman and one woman, no matter
what our culture says for life.
It's God's institution and wedon't get to change it.
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Marriage is meant to be ablessing.
We know, as a matter of fact,from research that marriage is
good for individuals.
Before I go any further, let mesay if you're here and you're
single, you can live absolutelya full and wonderful life in the
Lord if you're single.
(05:14):
But when we talk about marriage,tim Keller and Kathy Keller
co-wrote a book together calledthe Meaning of Marriage, and in
there they pointed out researchthat shows that people who are
married consistently show muchhigher degrees of satisfaction
with their lives than those whoare single, those who are
divorced or those who cohabit.
(05:35):
In other words, they livetogether outside of marriage.
Marriage is a blessing to theindividual, but marriage is also
good for family.
We know this.
That Keller points out thatchildren who grow up in married
to parent families have two orthree times more positive life
outcomes than those who do notThink of that.
(05:58):
Marriage is good for the family.
Marriage is also good for thesociety.
Marriage is good for the family.
Marriage is also good for thesociety.
Focus on the Family years agoposted an article called why it
Matters, and it's on point whenit assesses that the institution
of marriage is foundational toa healthy society.
You know the world, theprogressive world, is out to
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attack the nuclear family.
World is out to attack thenuclear family.
But the nuclear family is God'sdesign and it is imperative
that we keep the nuclear familyintact if we're going to have a
healthy society.
So marriage serves the needs ofan individual, the needs of
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family and even the needs ofsociety.
But I would argue fromEphesians 5 today that none of
those benefits point to theultimate reason or meaning of
marriage.
And so, before I tell you whatthat is, I want to start by
talking about the ministry ofmarriage.
And so, before I tell you whatthat is, I want to start by
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talking about the ministry ofmarriage, the ministry of
marriage.
Have you ever thought aboutyour marriage as ministry?
When we think about ministry,it's interesting.
We think about generally whathappens within these four walls,
and the Bible, to be sure,calls us to minister to one
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another, to bear one another'sburdens, to use our God-given
gifts to serve one another, toencourage one another in the
Lord, to hold one anotheraccountable.
That's all ministry.
But I want to remind you todaythat when you walk out these
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doors this morning, thatministry does not stop.
There are people in Richmondwho are lost and need to hear
the good news of Jesus Christ.
That's ministry, that's a callto ministry to share the gospel.
There are the poor andmarginalized and those who are
sick, who need attending tothat's ministry.
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And we're called to thatministry.
But ministry doesn't even stopthere.
You are called to ministrywithin the four walls of your
home.
As a pastor, my first ministry,my first ministry, is to my
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wife and then my children.
Paul says in Ephesians, chapter4, so just back one chapter,
verses 11 and 12, that thefive-fold ministry apostle,
prophet, pastor, teacher,evangelist is given to equip the
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saints for the work of theministry.
So my job is not just to do thework of the ministry, but my
job is to equip you for the workof the ministry.
And it's interesting that Paulsays that.
Remember, chapters and versesweren't in the original text,
like we added those later.
Almost immediately aftertalking about equipping you for
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the work of the ministry, paultalks about how the home should
function.
So marriage is a ministry.
In a nutshell, here's what itis the husband and the wife are
both called to imitate Christ,yet in different aspects.
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That's ministry.
Now, before I dive into this,let me just say that men and
women are equal in the sight ofGod.
Ladies, you are not inferior inGod's eyes, nor in our eyes to
men.
That's clear.
You go back to Genesis 2,.
Both men and women were createdin the image of God.
Both men and women were blessedGenesis, chapter 2, by God,
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both men and women.
Adam and Eve were givendominion by God over the world.
They were to be God's viceregents and cultivate the beauty
of God's creation.
So men and women are equal inthe sight of God.
But I'll also say that Godcreated them, as Genesis says,
male and female, and he made thegenders distinctly, and that's
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not incidental.
Our hyper-liberal culture wantsto say oh, there's no difference
, and you just be who you wantto be, and it's whatever you
identify as.
And men can do what women cando and women can do what men can
do.
That's baloney, that's notChristianity.
The differences God madebetween men and women,
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biologically, emotionally, inevery way Listen, those
differences are beautiful,they're beautiful.
And so there are differencesbetween men and women in the
home, the roles of men and women, and in the church.
The New Testament tells usthose are non-negotiables and
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they're beautiful, no matterwhat the culture thinks.
Listen, god's design of maleand female is wonderful and it
is perfect and it is glorious.
So, that being said.
What does ministry look like forthe wife and the husband?
We're going to start with thewife, because that's where Paul
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begins.
Look at verses 22 through 24.
What we're going to see is thewife's ministry is this, and
hang with me, let me explainwhat this means.
The wife's ministry in the homeis humble submission to her
husband.
It's quiet.
Let's just let the word of Godspeak.
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How many believe the word ofGod is the infallible word God
breathe.
The Bible is the infallibleword of God.
It's unchanging.
Here we go.
Verse 22 wives submit to yourown husbands as to the Lord, for
the, the husband is the head ofthe wife, even as Christ is the
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head of the church, his body,and is himself its Savior.
Now, as the church submits toChrist, so also wives should
submit in everything to theirhusbands.
The wife is to imitate Jesusand how he humbly submitted to
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the Father.
Well, how did Jesus submit tothe Father?
Go with me, if you would, tothe book of Philippians.
I think we have this on thescreen Chapter 2, verses 5
through 8.
Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ.
Jesus who, though, was in theform of God, did not count what
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Equality with God a thing to begrasped, but emptied himself by
taking the form of a servant,being born in the likeness of
men and being found in humanform.
He humbled himself by becomingobedient to the point of death,
even death on the cross.
(13:33):
Jesus is an equal part of theTrinity with God, the Father.
God, the Father, jesus is noless God than the Father and
he's no more God than the HolySpirit.
Yet you look through the gospelaccounts and you see Jesus'
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humble submission to the will ofthe Father.
In John, chapter 4, the story ofthe woman at the well, jesus
says to His disciples who aretrying to get Him to eat some
food and run by McDonald's, youknow, and grab something.
He says listen.
He says "My food is to do thewill of my Father".
All the way to the Garden ofGethsemane, jesus said these
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words.
He prayed in agony Father, ifthere be any other way, let this
cup pass from me.
But what?
Not my will, but yours be done.
Jesus, in the form of God,equal with God, didn't count
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that equality, something to begrasped, but humbled himself.
It's amazing, wives, you arecalled to follow Christ in that
humble submission.
And notice a woman, by the wayis not to submit to all men.
It says wives, submit to yourown husbands, husbands and wives
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.
Listen, how does this workpractically?
We should work together withour spouses' men to lead the
home, like if you don't giveyour wife a say and you don't
listen to her, you're foolish.
My wife knows some things thatI don't know.
In the times that I have donethings without asking her her
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opinion, I've lived to regretCome on somebody, can I get some
men just to say amen.
So husband and wife worktogether to make financial
decisions, to decisions on howthey will raise the kids.
Where are we going to live?
Where are we going to work?
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You know all of those things.
It's a husband and wife workingtogether but ultimately going
to work.
All of those things.
It's a husband and wife workingtogether.
But ultimately everyorganization, every institution,
has to have a leader.
That's why organizations don'thave two CEOs.
You have one CEO.
Let me tell you how this worksin our church.
We have five pastors.
In this church we call thempastors or elders, synonymous
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terms.
All four of our other pastorsare as much pastors as I am.
They are credentialed.
I am accountable to them, justlike they are accountable to me.
They all have gifts.
They all partake in teaching indifferent aspects, in teaching
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in different aspects.
They all participate inshepherding our people.
They're as much pastors as I am, but you have to have a leader,
and so, as the lead pastor, Iam called here the first amongst
equals.
I'm no more of a pastor, I'm nomore valuable than any other
pastors in this church, but thebuck stops with me.
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Ultimately, I'm responsible,and that's how it works in the
home.
Does that make sense?
Let me just tell you how thishas worked in my marriage.
I just want to brag on my wife,since she's in here and I need
brownie points.
There are many contexts that Icould talk about this in.
My wife has just been so humblysubmissive in so many ways.
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But let me just talk about itquickly in the context of
ministry.
When my wife and I got marriedalmost 28 years ago 28 years
isn't that crazy.
I had no idea that I was calledto ministry, brother Bill, and
if you've been around churchanytime, you know that ministry
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is not easy.
For the pastor's wife Like thatis a difficult role to fill, a
lot of sacrifice.
But Nikki didn't think twicewhen I told her.
I felt the Lord was calling meto vocational ministry.
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She said I want to support youall those years ago.
So I got hired on over 20 yearsago at a church in Winchester, a
decent sized church.
I was the music minister andmade a full-time salary.
All was good.
Two years later I felt led togo to an Assemblies of God
church that was less than 100people and could pay me listen
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$100 a week.
That was my salary.
So you imagine going hometelling your wife hey, we're
going to leave this great church, nothing was wrong, full-time
salary.
We're going to go serve anotherchurch that needs help for $100
a week.
Did she voice concerns?
Absolutely.
But you know what she said Ifthis is God's will, I'm behind
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you.
Let's do it.
Two years later, as I wasdeveloping in ministry, we had
an opportunity to go to Tucson,arizona.
So again my wife said hey,that's where God's calling us,
let's go.
And so we had two youngchildren.
Then we left our families, theonly state we'd ever lived in.
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We left good old Southernculture.
Everything changed for us andshe did it gladly.
Arizona was not a goodexperience.
We then moved to Colorado againnew state, don't know anybody
and we had six glorious years inColorado at a really healthy
church and we both felt Godcalling us back to Kentucky.
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But we didn't know what thatwas going to look like until
this church became open andagain they offered me a position
and they said by the way, thisis going to be a I had to tell
Nikki this is going to be a 75%pay cut from what I was making
75% pay cut.
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We have a kid now going intojunior high, one in high school.
At this point, we're going tosell our house that we love,
we're going to move in with myparents for a while and we're
going to take a 75% pay cut.
And you know what she said Ifthis is where God is calling us,
let's do it.
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I'm so grateful for my wifeBecause I have seen pastors,
people called to ministry,people called to missions, who
have not been able to follow thecall that God has had on their
lives, because a wife doesn'tlet the husband lead, and that
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is tragic.
So, wives, your ministry to yourhusband is humble submission.
Now, ladies, before you walkout on me, let's just talk about
what a husband's leadership ismeant to look like.
What's the husband's ministry?
Here's what we're going to see,starting in verse 25.
A husband's ministry to hiswife is this it is servant
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leadership.
It's not tyranny, it's not adictatorship, it's not.
I'm going to sit on the couchand you bring me a beer and
Cheetos.
It's not that.
It is servant leadership.
These words are intense.
My wife's walking out.
I hope she's not upset.
Look at verse 25.
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Husbands, do what.
Say it with a little morepassion.
Husbands, love your wives,thank you.
Husbands, love your wives asChrist loved the church and gave
himself up for her.
Husbands, love as Christ lovedthe church.
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Give yourself up for your wifeas Christ gave himself up for
the church, that he mightsanctify her, having cleansed
her by the washing of water withthe word.
He might sanctify her, havingcleansed her by the washing of
water with the word, so that hemight present the church to
himself in splendor, withoutspot or wrinkle or any such
thing, that she might be holyand without blemish.
In the same way, husbandsshould love their wives as their
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own bodies.
He who loves his wife loveshimself, for no one ever hated
his own flesh, but nourishes itand cherishes it, just as Christ
does the church, because we aremembers of his body.
Servant leadership man, that'swhat we're called to.
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We don't see this much anymorein the home.
The late Wayne Smith said if aman opens a car door for his
wife, one of two things is trueEither the car is new or the
wife is new.
Husbands, we are to love ourwives In that word love.
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Matter of fact, bill, let mejust say you were at Olive
Garden.
I didn't see you until you werewalking out the parking lot.
Oh, no, no, no, logan's.
A couple weeks ago you openedthe corridor for your wife.
How long you been married,thank you.
Thank you for serving your wifein that way.
Men, we need to be better atthat.
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Young men, you need to bebetter at those things.
Casey, casey, jerry put you inthe car, like, don't give him a
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hard time.
I love this church.
Can I just say that we can justhave fun together.
Listen, paul says husbands,love your wives.
Now, the word love we kind ofthrow that word around has many
different contexts and meanings,and in the ancient world the
Greeks had at least six wordsand ideas of what love is.
You had brotherly, hadbrotherly love, you had erotic
love and all those things.
The word that's used here isthe familiar Greek word you
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might know agape, agape.
And agape is this sacrificialtype of love.
Cs Lewis said rightly thatagape love is a matter of the
will, not emotion.
Now, this is an importantdistinction.
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I tell every married couple thisthat I'm getting well in
premarital counseling.
I tell every engaged couplethis I said romantic feelings
are going to come and go.
Engaged couple, this I saidromantic feelings are going to
come and go.
Those butterflies, I'm sorry,young people who are dating.
They're not going to stayforever.
They'll be up and down andthank God for that.
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I mean honestly, you know likeit's exhausting being young and
it happened to you know, I don'tknow, you know what I mean.
Like I'm glad that levels out alittle bit.
Let's just leave that there.
Romantic feelings will come andgo, but agape love is steadfast
, it's stable.
Here's why Agape love, itinvolves action.
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It is not just declaring man,your love for your wife, but it
is demonstrating that loveradically, radically.
And here's the great news aboutthis.
Cs Lewis pointed this out in hisbook Mere Christianity.
He said what he found is thishe had a radio show on the other
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side of the pond during WorldWar II, and all this and CS
Lewis would have some of theseJewish Christians who would call
in after the war and say how dowe ever we're called to love
those who hate us and how do welove those who are part of the
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Nazi regime?
Here's what CS Lewis told themand this is what in the book
Mere Christianity.
He said listen, if you will actloving towards, bless those who
curse you, towards those people, you will start to feel love
for them.
That's radical.
And he said the opposite istrue, because he knows people
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who were part of the Nazi regime, who had no beef with the
Jewish people.
But the more they obeyed ordersand started doing things
against the Jews, hateful thingsagainst them, they actually, in
their hearts, started hatingthem.
See, in our culture here's whatwe do we tend to allow our
emotions to drive our actions.
But you know what we should doat home and everywhere else.
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We should allow our actions todrive our emotions.
We are to love our wives indemonstration.
And then Paul knows that as men, you've got to explain things.
So he gives us two pictures ofwhat this should look like.
One he says love your wife asChrist loved the church.
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That's radical.
And number two love your wifeas your own body.
Let's just take those quickly,one by one.
Love your wife as Christ lovedthe church.
Christ literally was crucifiedfor the church.
So, ladies, let me just say toyou this is not a call for the
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husband to just rule you withkind of an iron fist and tell
you every little thing to do andyou're scared to make any
decisions.
It's the opposite of that.
It is literally a husband's jobto lay down his life for you.
And we can take that quiteliterally, because we know that
as husbands we are called to beprotectors.
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And so, casey, you know this,we will put ourselves as men in
harm's way.
And so, casey, you know this,we will put ourselves as men in
harm's way.
That's why I got the cranekicked down.
We'll put ourselves in harm'sway so that our wives and
children will be protected.
We'll take a bullet for them,we'll take a punch for them.
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But also there's a figurativepoint here as well.
Jesus said I didn't come to beserved, I came to serve you.
And I, as men, we are called toserve our wives.
Here's what that means.
We lay our dreams, sometimesour ambitions, our hobbies aside
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, so that they can thrive, weput our wives and then our
children above ourselves.
Some of you dads know thisbecause you drive the worst car
in the family, right?
Even your kids drive nicer carsthan some of you.
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We are to love our wives aschrist loved the church.
Servant leadership thatinvolves also spiritual
leadership.
You notice here it says thatchrist cleansed the church by
the washing of water, with theword.
Isn't it tragic today that,more more common than not, the
women are the spiritual leadersof the home.
The women have a theologicalvoice, but often it's the women
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going hey, get off the couch, weneed to go to church, right.
Hey, we need to pray together.
Hey, we need to do familydevotions.
Men, humbly I say this is ourjob.
It's our job.
Love your wife as Christ lovedthe church and then just quickly
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love your wife as your own body.
A husband should nourish hiswife, provide for her physical
needs, spiritual needs,emotional needs and then cherish
, cherish his wife.
And when you're covenant, it'snot just we'll stay together,
it's a promise to love and tocherish you, or to have and to
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hold, or however you say it,through sickness and health,
better or worse, from this dayforward.
It's quite a covenant, isn't it?
Quite a promise, the call ofthe husband.
The ministry of the husband isto be a servant.
So, ladies, is your job tohumbly submit?
Yes, but it's to submit to theone who lays down his life and
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his dreams and his desires foryou.
The husband submits to Christ,the woman submits to Christ, and
her husband and the childrensubmit to mom and dad and Christ
.
That's how the nuclear familyis supposed to operate.
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If any one of those pieces areout of order, your marriage will
be in disarray.
It's hard for a wife to followa man who's not submitted to
Christ and not providing servantleadership.
So let me move on.
I'm just going to brieflymention this point.
So that's the ministry ofmarriage we talked about.
Remember how marriage is meantto be a blessing for the
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individual, for the family, forsociety.
But none of those give us theultimate meaning of marriage or
the reason for marriage.
Why did God design this?
Look with me at verses 31through 33.
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Paul writes Therefore, a manshall leave his father and
mother that's important and holdfast to his wife, and the two
shall become one flesh.
Here's what Paul says.
This mystery is profound, andI'm saying that it refers to
(32:17):
Christ and the church.
However, let each one of youlove his own wife as himself and
let the wife see that sherespects her husband.
Paul calls this union of ahusband and wife a mystery.
It is a profound mystery, isn'tit?
(32:37):
When the Bible in the NewTestament talks about this
mystery, it's generally a planof God that has been hidden
throughout the ages.
It's a bit cryptic maybe in theOld Testament, but it's seen
clearly in Christ or fulfilledin Christ.
And so here's what Paul says.
He said this has been a bitcryptic, but here's what
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marriage really means.
He says.
Let me just unpack this.
You and I are created in theimage of God.
We are meant to display Hisglory, reflect His glory back
into the world Through the waywe live, the way we think, the
way we act.
Marriage, ultimately, issupposed to be a picture to the
(33:24):
world of how Christ loves Hischurch.
So let me ask you when people,men, see the way you treat your
wife, do they say man, couldthey see how Christ loves His
church and women?
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Could the people of the worldlook at the way you treat your
husband and get a glimpse of howChrist has submitted to the
Father and how he loves Hischurch.
Can I just say this?
This may shock you, but yourmarriage, ultimately, it's not
about you, your life, newsflash,not about you.
(34:13):
When you become a Christian,your life becomes united to
Christ.
And here's what Paul said.
He said I've been crucifiedwith Christ.
It's what no longer I who live,but Christ who lives in me.
And that's what happens whenyou get married, husband and
wife.
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That's why, by the way, adivorce, that's why the Lord
hates it, one of the manyreasons.
It's not like tearing up acontract, it's like severing a
limb.
It's a pain that never goesaway.
(34:53):
So that's the meaning ofmarriage.
It's about the glory of God,displaying Christ's love for the
church.
How are you doing?
All right, let me close withthis, just so you will know that
this is not a message ofcondemnation.
I've shared my story many timeswith you, but I know we've got
some new people here.
So, as I pray through this, Ijust want to give you a quick
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rundown of my history with mywife.
So my wife and I got marriedvery young, 19 years old.
I was extremely immature.
We had kids and it was likebabies, raising babies.
You've been there like totallyand was very selfish.
And I went into marriagethinking what can I get out of
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this?
That's not probably the bestway to go in.
And so I say to you veryregretfully, that for well over
a decade, even at the beginningof my ministry, I was a horrible
, horrible husband and I wasmiserable and Nikki was
miserable and we got to a pointwhere I remember thinking this
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can never work.
Divorce is inevitable.
I've got two young kids.
At this time I thought this isnever going, never work.
Divorce is inevitable.
I've got two young kids.
At this time I thought this isnever going to work.
And then I thought, well, godhates divorce.
And I thought here's what I'mgoing to do.
I'm going to just, we're goingto stay married, but I'm just
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going to be miserable the restof my life.
And then one day it hit me thatif God can part the Red Sea and
if God can cleanse the leperand heal the sick, then surely,
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surely, god can fix my marriage.
And I just want to testify toyou today, because I've heard
within the last year people saythere's just no hope, there's
too much water under the bridge.
I can almost guarantee you itwasn't to the place.
Maybe it was, maybe it is, butI don't think it was to the
place that Nikki and I were at.
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We loathed each other.
But I want to tell you today,28 years later, I want to tell
you that not only are we stillmarried, but I actually look
forward to going home after workmost days.
I should have just stopped whileI was ahead.
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Listen, we have a joy-filledmarriage.
Is it perfect?
No, but I could not imagine mylife without her and I want to
tell you, husband, if you willsubmit to Christ and submit to
your wife and work on yourselfthat's what I had to do.
I had to quit trying to fix thelittle things with Nikki and
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start.
You know, take the log out ofmy own eye, ladies if you will
submit to Christ and work onyourself and you will just
understand the meaning ofmarriage and treat it like a
ministry, you can have ajoy-filled marriage.
Well, you don't know.
What we're going throughDoesn't matter.
If God can part the Red Sea, hecan fix you, doesn't?
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He transform people?
That's it.
So I'll leave you with this.
I'll remind you again the devilhates marriage and he loves
divorce.
But let me just quote Jesus andsay what God has joined
together.
Let no man separate.
Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for
the husband is the head of thewife, even as Christ is the head
of the church, his body, and ishimself its Savior.
Now, as the church submits toChrist, so also wives should
submit in everything to theirhusbands.
Husbands, love your wives asChrist loved the church that he
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might sanctify her, havingcleansed her by the washing of
the water with the word, so thathe might present the church to
himself in splendor without spotor wrinkle or any such thing,
that she might be holy andwithout blemish.
In the same way, husbandsshould love their wives as their
own bodies, for he who loveshis wife loves himself, for no
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one ever hated his own flesh butnourishes and cherishes it,
just as Christ does the churchbecause we are members of his
body, just as Christ does thechurch because we are members of
his body.
Therefore, a man shall leavehis father and mother and hold
fast to his wife, and the twoshall become one flesh.
This mystery is profound, and Iam saying that it refers to
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Christ and the church.
However, let each one of youlove his wife as himself and let
the wife see that she respectsher husband.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Amen.
This is the Word of God.
You know your part.
Thanks be to God.
All right you may be seated.
How many know it's worththanking the Lord for His Word?
Amen, amen.
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Well, malachi tells us that Godhates divorce and the enemy, the
devil, loves divorce.
Martin Luther, the greatreformer, said these words.
He said there is no estate towhich Satan is more opposed than
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to marriage.
Next week, we are going tostart an expository series
through the book of Acts.
God willing, we will take allof 2025 to go through this
wonderful book.
But I had a Sunday in betweenthe last series that we finished
up our Advent series and thestart of Acts, and so I was
seeking the Lord as to what Ishould preach, and often on this
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type of of Sunday, I wouldpreach about the new year and
growing in God and setting goalsand all of those things which
are good things to do.
But as I continued to pray, itbecame more and more clear to me
that I was to preach on thesubject of marriage.
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As a pastor, my heart has beenbroken over the last several
years at this church to watch somany families experience, let's
say, disarray in theirrelationships with one another
and, tragically, we've had a fewmarriages end in divorce, which
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just absolutely crushes myheart.
I want to say very clearly thisis not a message of
condemnation.
There is no condemnation in thelord jesus christ.
Are you grateful for that?
My aim today is simply toremind you of the blessing that
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marriage is supposed to be and Iwant you to enjoy if you're
married.
I want you to enjoy yourmarriage and I want to point us
back to the ultimate meaning ofmarriage.
So if you're married and you'rehere with your spouse, smile at
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her or him.
My wife actually is in heretoday.
She usually doesn't get to bein here for the message because
she's in kids ministry, but thismust be providential.
You know, here's the thing,church, I don't want you just to
stay married.
I want you to stay married andlove it and love and cherish
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your spouse.
That's what God, I believe,wants for us.
Let me just remind you thatmarriage was designed by God and
it is meant to be between oneman and one woman, no matter
what our culture says for life.
It's God's institution and wedon't get to change it.
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Marriage is meant to be ablessing.
We know, as a matter of fact,from research that marriage is
good for individuals.
Before I go any further, let mesay if you're here and you're
single, you can live absolutelya full and wonderful life in the
Lord if you're single.
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But when we talk about marriage,tim Keller and Kathy Keller
co-wrote a book together calledthe Meaning of Marriage, and in
there they pointed out researchthat shows that people who are
married consistently show muchhigher degrees of satisfaction
with their lives than those whoare single, those who are
divorced or those who cohabit.
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In other words, they livetogether outside of marriage.
Marriage is a blessing to theindividual, but marriage is also
good for family.
We know this.
That Keller points out thatchildren who grow up in married
to parent families have two orthree times more positive life
outcomes than those who do notThink of that.
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Marriage is good for the family.
Marriage is also good for thesociety.
Marriage is good for the family.
Marriage is also good for thesociety.
Focus on the Family years agoposted an article called why it
Matters, and it's on point whenit assesses that the institution
of marriage is foundational toa healthy society.
You know the world, theprogressive world, is out to
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attack the nuclear family.
World is out to attack thenuclear family.
But the nuclear family is God'sdesign and it is imperative
that we keep the nuclear familyintact if we're going to have a
healthy society.
So marriage serves the needs ofan individual, the needs of
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family and even the needs ofsociety.
But I would argue fromEphesians 5 today that none of
those benefits point to theultimate reason or meaning of
marriage.
And so, before I tell you whatthat is, I want to start by
talking about the ministry ofmarriage.
And so, before I tell you whatthat is, I want to start by
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talking about the ministry ofmarriage, the ministry of
marriage.
Have you ever thought aboutyour marriage as ministry?
When we think about ministry,it's interesting.
We think about generally whathappens within these four walls,
and the Bible, to be sure,calls us to minister to one
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another, to bear one another'sburdens, to use our God-given
gifts to serve one another, toencourage one another in the
Lord, to hold one anotheraccountable.
That's all ministry.
But I want to remind you todaythat when you walk out these
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doors this morning, thatministry does not stop.
There are people in Richmondwho are lost and need to hear
the good news of Jesus Christ.
That's ministry, that's a callto ministry to share the gospel.
There are the poor andmarginalized and those who are
sick, who need attending tothat's ministry.
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And we're called to thatministry.
But ministry doesn't even stopthere.
You are called to ministrywithin the four walls of your
home.
As a pastor, my first ministry,my first ministry, is to my
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wife and then my children.
Paul says in Ephesians, chapter4, so just back one chapter,
verses 11 and 12, that thefive-fold ministry apostle,
prophet, pastor, teacher,evangelist is given to equip the
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saints for the work of theministry.
So my job is not just to do thework of the ministry, but my
job is to equip you for the workof the ministry.
And it's interesting that Paulsays that.
Remember, chapters and versesweren't in the original text,
like we added those later.
Almost immediately aftertalking about equipping you for
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the work of the ministry, paultalks about how the home should
function.
So marriage is a ministry.
In a nutshell, here's what itis the husband and the wife are
both called to imitate Christ,yet in different aspects.
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That's ministry.
Now, before I dive into this,let me just say that men and
women are equal in the sight ofGod.
Ladies, you are not inferior inGod's eyes, nor in our eyes to
men.
That's clear.
You go back to Genesis 2,.
Both men and women were createdin the image of God.
Both men and women were blessedGenesis, chapter 2, by God,
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both men and women.
Adam and Eve were givendominion by God over the world.
They were to be God's viceregents and cultivate the beauty
of God's creation.
So men and women are equal inthe sight of God.
But I'll also say that Godcreated them, as Genesis says,
male and female, and he made thegenders distinctly, and that's
(10:38):
not incidental.
Our hyper-liberal culture wantsto say oh, there's no difference
, and you just be who you wantto be, and it's whatever you
identify as.
And men can do what women cando and women can do what men can
do.
That's baloney, that's notChristianity.
The differences God madebetween men and women,
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biologically, emotionally, inevery way Listen, those
differences are beautiful,they're beautiful.
And so there are differencesbetween men and women in the
home, the roles of men and women, and in the church.
The New Testament tells usthose are non-negotiables and
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they're beautiful, no matterwhat the culture thinks.
Listen, god's design of maleand female is wonderful and it
is perfect and it is glorious.
So, that being said.
What does ministry look like forthe wife and the husband?
We're going to start with thewife, because that's where Paul
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begins.
Look at verses 22 through 24.
What we're going to see is thewife's ministry is this, and
hang with me, let me explainwhat this means.
The wife's ministry in the homeis humble submission to her
husband.
It's quiet.
Let's just let the word of Godspeak.
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How many believe the word ofGod is the infallible word God
breathe.
The Bible is the infallibleword of God.
It's unchanging.
Here we go.
Verse 22 wives submit to yourown husbands as to the Lord, for
the, the husband is the head ofthe wife, even as Christ is the
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head of the church, his body,and is himself its Savior.
Now, as the church submits toChrist, so also wives should
submit in everything to theirhusbands.
The wife is to imitate Jesusand how he humbly submitted to
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the Father.
Well, how did Jesus submit tothe Father?
Go with me, if you would, tothe book of Philippians.
I think we have this on thescreen Chapter 2, verses 5
through 8.
Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ.
Jesus who, though, was in theform of God, did not count what
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Equality with God a thing to begrasped, but emptied himself by
taking the form of a servant,being born in the likeness of
men and being found in humanform.
He humbled himself by becomingobedient to the point of death,
even death on the cross.
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Jesus is an equal part of theTrinity with God, the Father.
God, the Father, jesus is noless God than the Father and
he's no more God than the HolySpirit.
Yet you look through the gospelaccounts and you see Jesus'
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humble submission to the will ofthe Father.
In John, chapter 4, the story ofthe woman at the well, jesus
says to His disciples who aretrying to get Him to eat some
food and run by McDonald's, youknow, and grab something.
He says listen.
He says "My food is to do thewill of my Father".
All the way to the Garden ofGethsemane, jesus said these
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words.
He prayed in agony Father, ifthere be any other way, let this
cup pass from me.
But what?
Not my will, but yours be done.
Jesus, in the form of God,equal with God, didn't count
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that equality, something to begrasped, but humbled himself.
It's amazing, wives, you arecalled to follow Christ in that
humble submission.
And notice a woman, by the wayis not to submit to all men.
It says wives, submit to yourown husbands, husbands and wives
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.
Listen, how does this workpractically?
We should work together withour spouses' men to lead the
home, like if you don't giveyour wife a say and you don't
listen to her, you're foolish.
My wife knows some things thatI don't know.
In the times that I have donethings without asking her her
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opinion, I've lived to regretCome on somebody, can I get some
men just to say amen.
So husband and wife worktogether to make financial
decisions, to decisions on howthey will raise the kids.
Where are we going to live?
Where are we going to work?
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You know all of those things.
It's a husband and wife workingtogether but ultimately going
to work.
All of those things.
It's a husband and wife workingtogether.
But ultimately everyorganization, every institution,
has to have a leader.
That's why organizations don'thave two CEOs.
You have one CEO.
Let me tell you how this worksin our church.
We have five pastors.
In this church we call thempastors or elders, synonymous
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terms.
All four of our other pastorsare as much pastors as I am.
They are credentialed.
I am accountable to them, justlike they are accountable to me.
They all have gifts.
They all partake in teaching indifferent aspects, in teaching
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in different aspects.
They all participate inshepherding our people.
They're as much pastors as I am, but you have to have a leader,
and so, as the lead pastor, Iam called here the first amongst
equals.
I'm no more of a pastor, I'm nomore valuable than any other
pastors in this church, but thebuck stops with me.
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Ultimately, I'm responsible,and that's how it works in the
home.
Does that make sense?
Let me just tell you how thishas worked in my marriage.
I just want to brag on my wife,since she's in here and I need
brownie points.
There are many contexts that Icould talk about this in.
My wife has just been so humblysubmissive in so many ways.
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But let me just talk about itquickly in the context of
ministry.
When my wife and I got marriedalmost 28 years ago 28 years
isn't that crazy.
I had no idea that I was calledto ministry, brother Bill, and
if you've been around churchanytime, you know that ministry
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is not easy.
For the pastor's wife Like thatis a difficult role to fill, a
lot of sacrifice.
But Nikki didn't think twicewhen I told her.
I felt the Lord was calling meto vocational ministry.
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She said I want to support youall those years ago.
So I got hired on over 20 yearsago at a church in Winchester, a
decent sized church.
I was the music minister andmade a full-time salary.
All was good.
Two years later I felt led togo to an Assemblies of God
church that was less than 100people and could pay me listen
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$100 a week.
That was my salary.
So you imagine going hometelling your wife hey, we're
going to leave this great church, nothing was wrong, full-time
salary.
We're going to go serve anotherchurch that needs help for $100
a week.
Did she voice concerns?
Absolutely.
But you know what she said Ifthis is God's will, I'm behind
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you.
Let's do it.
Two years later, as I wasdeveloping in ministry, we had
an opportunity to go to Tucson,arizona.
So again my wife said hey,that's where God's calling us,
let's go.
And so we had two youngchildren.
Then we left our families, theonly state we'd ever lived in.
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We left good old Southernculture.
Everything changed for us andshe did it gladly.
Arizona was not a goodexperience.
We then moved to Colorado againnew state, don't know anybody
and we had six glorious years inColorado at a really healthy
church and we both felt Godcalling us back to Kentucky.
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But we didn't know what thatwas going to look like until
this church became open andagain they offered me a position
and they said by the way, thisis going to be a I had to tell
Nikki this is going to be a 75%pay cut from what I was making
75% pay cut.
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We have a kid now going intojunior high, one in high school.
At this point, we're going tosell our house that we love,
we're going to move in with myparents for a while and we're
going to take a 75% pay cut.
And you know what she said Ifthis is where God is calling us,
let's do it.
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I'm so grateful for my wifeBecause I have seen pastors,
people called to ministry,people called to missions, who
have not been able to follow thecall that God has had on their
lives, because a wife doesn'tlet the husband lead, and that
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is tragic.
So, wives, your ministry to yourhusband is humble submission.
Now, ladies, before you walkout on me, let's just talk about
what a husband's leadership ismeant to look like.
What's the husband's ministry?
Here's what we're going to see,starting in verse 25.
A husband's ministry to hiswife is this it is servant
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leadership.
It's not tyranny, it's not adictatorship, it's not.
I'm going to sit on the couchand you bring me a beer and
Cheetos.
It's not that.
It is servant leadership.
These words are intense.
My wife's walking out.
I hope she's not upset.
Look at verse 25.
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Husbands, do what.
Say it with a little morepassion.
Husbands, love your wives,thank you.
Husbands, love your wives asChrist loved the church and gave
himself up for her.
Husbands, love as Christ lovedthe church.
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Give yourself up for your wifeas Christ gave himself up for
the church, that he mightsanctify her, having cleansed
her by the washing of water withthe word.
He might sanctify her, havingcleansed her by the washing of
water with the word, so that hemight present the church to
himself in splendor, withoutspot or wrinkle or any such
thing, that she might be holyand without blemish.
In the same way, husbandsshould love their wives as their
(22:16):
own bodies.
He who loves his wife loveshimself, for no one ever hated
his own flesh, but nourishes itand cherishes it, just as Christ
does the church, because we aremembers of his body.
Servant leadership man, that'swhat we're called to.
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We don't see this much anymorein the home.
The late Wayne Smith said if aman opens a car door for his
wife, one of two things is trueEither the car is new or the
wife is new.
Husbands, we are to love ourwives In that word love.
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Matter of fact, bill, let mejust say you were at Olive
Garden.
I didn't see you until you werewalking out the parking lot.
Oh, no, no, no, logan's.
A couple weeks ago you openedthe corridor for your wife.
How long you been married,thank you.
Thank you for serving your wifein that way.
Men, we need to be better atthat.
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Young men, you need to bebetter at those things.
Casey, casey, jerry put you inthe car, like, don't give him a
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hard time.
I love this church.
Can I just say that we can justhave fun together.
Listen, paul says husbands,love your wives.
Now, the word love we kind ofthrow that word around has many
different contexts and meanings,and in the ancient world the
Greeks had at least six wordsand ideas of what love is.
You had brotherly, hadbrotherly love, you had erotic
love and all those things.
The word that's used here isthe familiar Greek word you
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might know agape, agape.
And agape is this sacrificialtype of love.
Cs Lewis said rightly thatagape love is a matter of the
will, not emotion.
Now, this is an importantdistinction.
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I tell every married couple thisthat I'm getting well in
premarital counseling.
I tell every engaged couplethis I said romantic feelings
are going to come and go.
Engaged couple, this I saidromantic feelings are going to
come and go.
Those butterflies, I'm sorry,young people who are dating.
They're not going to stayforever.
They'll be up and down andthank God for that.
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I mean honestly, you know likeit's exhausting being young and
it happened to you know, I don'tknow, you know what I mean.
Like I'm glad that levels out alittle bit.
Let's just leave that there.
Romantic feelings will come andgo, but agape love is steadfast
, it's stable.
Here's why Agape love, itinvolves action.
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It is not just declaring man,your love for your wife, but it
is demonstrating that loveradically, radically.
And here's the great news aboutthis.
Cs Lewis pointed this out in hisbook Mere Christianity.
He said what he found is thishe had a radio show on the other
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side of the pond during WorldWar II, and all this and CS
Lewis would have some of theseJewish Christians who would call
in after the war and say how dowe ever we're called to love
those who hate us and how do welove those who are part of the
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Nazi regime?
Here's what CS Lewis told themand this is what in the book
Mere Christianity.
He said listen, if you will actloving towards, bless those who
curse you, towards those people, you will start to feel love
for them.
That's radical.
And he said the opposite istrue, because he knows people
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who were part of the Nazi regime, who had no beef with the
Jewish people.
But the more they obeyed ordersand started doing things
against the Jews, hateful thingsagainst them, they actually, in
their hearts, started hatingthem.
See, in our culture here's whatwe do we tend to allow our
emotions to drive our actions.
But you know what we should doat home and everywhere else.
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We should allow our actions todrive our emotions.
We are to love our wives indemonstration.
And then Paul knows that as men, you've got to explain things.
So he gives us two pictures ofwhat this should look like.
One he says love your wife asChrist loved the church.
(27:16):
That's radical.
And number two love your wifeas your own body.
Let's just take those quickly,one by one.
Love your wife as Christ lovedthe church.
Christ literally was crucifiedfor the church.
So, ladies, let me just say toyou this is not a call for the
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husband to just rule you withkind of an iron fist and tell
you every little thing to do andyou're scared to make any
decisions.
It's the opposite of that.
It is literally a husband's jobto lay down his life for you.
And we can take that quiteliterally, because we know that
as husbands we are called to beprotectors.
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And so, casey, you know this,we will put ourselves as men in
harm's way.
And so, casey, you know this,we will put ourselves as men in
harm's way.
That's why I got the cranekicked down.
We'll put ourselves in harm'sway so that our wives and
children will be protected.
We'll take a bullet for them,we'll take a punch for them.
(28:24):
But also there's a figurativepoint here as well.
Jesus said I didn't come to beserved, I came to serve you.
And I, as men, we are called toserve our wives.
Here's what that means.
We lay our dreams, sometimesour ambitions, our hobbies aside
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, so that they can thrive, weput our wives and then our
children above ourselves.
Some of you dads know thisbecause you drive the worst car
in the family, right?
Even your kids drive nicer carsthan some of you.
(29:12):
We are to love our wives aschrist loved the church.
Servant leadership thatinvolves also spiritual
leadership.
You notice here it says thatchrist cleansed the church by
the washing of water, with theword.
Isn't it tragic today that,more more common than not, the
women are the spiritual leadersof the home.
The women have a theologicalvoice, but often it's the women
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going hey, get off the couch, weneed to go to church, right.
Hey, we need to pray together.
Hey, we need to do familydevotions.
Men, humbly I say this is ourjob.
It's our job.
Love your wife as Christ lovedthe church and then just quickly
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love your wife as your own body.
A husband should nourish hiswife, provide for her physical
needs, spiritual needs,emotional needs and then cherish
, cherish his wife.
And when you're covenant, it'snot just we'll stay together,
it's a promise to love and tocherish you, or to have and to
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hold, or however you say it,through sickness and health,
better or worse, from this dayforward.
It's quite a covenant, isn't it?
Quite a promise, the call ofthe husband.
The ministry of the husband isto be a servant.
So, ladies, is your job tohumbly submit?
Yes, but it's to submit to theone who lays down his life and
(30:47):
his dreams and his desires foryou.
The husband submits to Christ,the woman submits to Christ, and
her husband and the childrensubmit to mom and dad and Christ
.
That's how the nuclear familyis supposed to operate.
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If any one of those pieces areout of order, your marriage will
be in disarray.
It's hard for a wife to followa man who's not submitted to
Christ and not providing servantleadership.
So let me move on.
I'm just going to brieflymention this point.
So that's the ministry ofmarriage we talked about.
Remember how marriage is meantto be a blessing for the
(31:31):
individual, for the family, forsociety.
But none of those give us theultimate meaning of marriage or
the reason for marriage.
Why did God design this?
Look with me at verses 31through 33.
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Paul writes Therefore, a manshall leave his father and
mother that's important and holdfast to his wife, and the two
shall become one flesh.
Here's what Paul says.
This mystery is profound, andI'm saying that it refers to
(32:17):
Christ and the church.
However, let each one of youlove his own wife as himself and
let the wife see that sherespects her husband.
Paul calls this union of ahusband and wife a mystery.
It is a profound mystery, isn'tit?
(32:37):
When the Bible in the NewTestament talks about this
mystery, it's generally a planof God that has been hidden
throughout the ages.
It's a bit cryptic maybe in theOld Testament, but it's seen
clearly in Christ or fulfilledin Christ.
And so here's what Paul says.
He said this has been a bitcryptic, but here's what
(32:59):
marriage really means.
He says.
Let me just unpack this.
You and I are created in theimage of God.
We are meant to display Hisglory, reflect His glory back
into the world Through the waywe live, the way we think, the
way we act.
Marriage, ultimately, issupposed to be a picture to the
(33:24):
world of how Christ loves Hischurch.
So let me ask you when people,men, see the way you treat your
wife, do they say man, couldthey see how Christ loves His
church and women?
(33:45):
Could the people of the worldlook at the way you treat your
husband and get a glimpse of howChrist has submitted to the
Father and how he loves Hischurch.
Can I just say this?
This may shock you, but yourmarriage, ultimately, it's not
about you, your life, newsflash,not about you.
(34:13):
When you become a Christian,your life becomes united to
Christ.
And here's what Paul said.
He said I've been crucifiedwith Christ.
It's what no longer I who live,but Christ who lives in me.
And that's what happens whenyou get married, husband and
wife.
(34:33):
That's why, by the way, adivorce, that's why the Lord
hates it, one of the manyreasons.
It's not like tearing up acontract, it's like severing a
limb.
It's a pain that never goesaway.
(34:53):
So that's the meaning ofmarriage.
It's about the glory of God,displaying Christ's love for the
church.
How are you doing?
All right, let me close withthis, just so you will know that
this is not a message ofcondemnation.
I've shared my story many timeswith you, but I know we've got
some new people here.
So, as I pray through this, Ijust want to give you a quick
(35:14):
rundown of my history with mywife.
So my wife and I got marriedvery young, 19 years old.
I was extremely immature.
We had kids and it was likebabies, raising babies.
You've been there like totallyand was very selfish.
And I went into marriagethinking what can I get out of
(35:35):
this?
That's not probably the bestway to go in.
And so I say to you veryregretfully, that for well over
a decade, even at the beginningof my ministry, I was a horrible
, horrible husband and I wasmiserable and Nikki was
miserable and we got to a pointwhere I remember thinking this
(36:01):
can never work.
Divorce is inevitable.
I've got two young kids.
At this time I thought this isnever going, never work.
Divorce is inevitable.
I've got two young kids.
At this time I thought this isnever going to work.
And then I thought, well, godhates divorce.
And I thought here's what I'mgoing to do.
I'm going to just, we're goingto stay married, but I'm just
(36:23):
going to be miserable the restof my life.
And then one day it hit me thatif God can part the Red Sea and
if God can cleanse the leperand heal the sick, then surely,
(36:46):
surely, god can fix my marriage.
And I just want to testify toyou today, because I've heard
within the last year people saythere's just no hope, there's
too much water under the bridge.
I can almost guarantee you itwasn't to the place.
Maybe it was, maybe it is, butI don't think it was to the
place that Nikki and I were at.
(37:07):
We loathed each other.
But I want to tell you today,28 years later, I want to tell
you that not only are we stillmarried, but I actually look
forward to going home after workmost days.
I should have just stopped whileI was ahead.
(37:28):
Listen, we have a joy-filledmarriage.
Is it perfect?
No, but I could not imagine mylife without her and I want to
tell you, husband, if you willsubmit to Christ and submit to
your wife and work on yourselfthat's what I had to do.
I had to quit trying to fix thelittle things with Nikki and
(37:51):
start.
You know, take the log out ofmy own eye, ladies if you will
submit to Christ and work onyourself and you will just
understand the meaning ofmarriage and treat it like a
ministry, you can have ajoy-filled marriage.
Well, you don't know.
What we're going throughDoesn't matter.
If God can part the Red Sea, hecan fix you, doesn't?
(38:15):
He transform people?
That's it.
So I'll leave you with this.
I'll remind you again the devilhates marriage and he loves
divorce.
But let me just quote Jesus andsay what God has joined
together.
Let no man separate.
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