November 15, 2024 • 24 mins
💥 Ready to take action on your comeback? 💥
The waitlist for Your Greatest Comeback is officially OPEN! This 8-week self-paced program is designed to take you from just surviving after divorce to stepping into your next-level life—without overthinking yourself into oblivion.
⚡ Get on the waitlist now to lock in the lowest price ever + exclusive bonuses!
The holiday season is upon us, and if you're not already thinking about boundaries, now is the time! From late-night texts to over-committing to events, the holidays can quickly overwhelm us—especially when we’re still healing from a divorce. In this episode, I dive deep into why boundaries are not only essential for protecting your peace this holiday season but also a powerful tool for stepping into your greatest comeback.
In today’s episode, we explore:
- Why boundaries are your best form of self-care, especially when it comes to protecting your energy.
- The myths around boundaries and how they’re often misunderstood as “shutting people out” or being “too harsh.”
- The types of boundaries—from energetic to communication to self-care boundaries—and how each one can improve the quality of your relationships.
- How boundaries are the key to healthier relationships post-divorce, allowing you to reconnect with the ones you love and preserve your peace as you rebuild your life.
- Practical tips for setting boundaries, especially around the holidays, so you can navigate family gatherings and social obligations with ease.
As we go into the season of giving, setting boundaries will help you prioritize your needs, show up as your best self, and build a solid foundation for your personal growth. Boundaries aren’t about pushing people away—they’re about loving yourself enough to protect your peace and creating the space to become the woman you’re meant to be.
Take Action:
🎯 DM me on Instagram @herheartheals to tell me what boundary you're thinking about implementing this holiday season, and I’ll help you workshop it.
💖 Take my free Comeback Style Quiz to identify your blind spots and get personalized action steps to support your next level—just in time for 2025!
Remember, setting boundaries is not just about saying “no”—it’s about saying “yes” to your peace and your comeback!
Follow me:
Instagram: @herheartheals
Website: HerHeartHeals.com
Stay strong, stay clear, and create the peace you deserve.
⭐️LOVE THIS EPISODE? The best compliment is to rate/review this podcast!⭐️
Mentioned in this episode:
AI Comeback Tool 🤖✨
✨ Ready to taste your comeback dream life? ✨ Grab my free AI Tool with a powerful prompt to create and visualize your ultimate “Day in the Life” and start making it real. 🎁 Here’s how: 1️⃣ Rate & review the podcast on your favorite platform. 2️⃣ DM me a screenshot on Instagram @HerHeartHeals Your comeback era starts NOW! 💖
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
With the holidays coming up, if you'renot thinking about boundaries and some
of the things that you need to put intoplace to protect your energy, now is the
time because nothing says holiday seasonlike rethinking why you're still replying
at 10 o'clock at night when you haveto go to bed and you have priorities.
Set the tone today.
(00:20):
We are diving deep into boundaries,not just the like, Oh, just ignore them
or, Oh, just push this under the rug.
I feel like a lot of us arenot doing boundaries correctly.
And so I want to talk about thekind of boundaries that actually
help you love and preserve thebest relationships that you can.
(00:41):
Of your life.
I posted a poll at her heart heals overon Instagram, and 71 percent of you
mentioned that you're aware of boundaries,but you need to get better at using them.
29 percent of you statedthat you have none.
(01:01):
That you need boundaries.
You know, you need boundariesand you're like, show me the way.
So that's why I'm doing this episode.
Be sure to stay to the end.
We're going to talk about why boundariesare the best kind of self care, the
myths around boundaries, why we getthem wrong, why they're so damn hard.
And most importantly, How boundariesare going to be your ultimate bestie
(01:23):
in protecting your piece, not justthis holiday season, but how it's
going to support you while you'restepping into your greatest comeback.
Let's get into it.
You're listening to HerHeart Heals Divorce Radio.
Hi, I'm Christina Cuevas.
(01:43):
Seven years ago, I went througha divorce and it completely
turned my world upside down.
And I'm so glad it did.
I documented my healing to shareinformation with other women going
through their own divorce journey.
And now, With thousands of downloadsaround the world from divorced women
just like you, I'm here to show youhow to ditch the shame around divorce
(02:04):
and finally heal so that you canregain the confidence to create your
most abundant and joyful future.
I'm so glad you're here.
This is Her Heart Heals Divorce Radio.
Hey Boothangs, what is up?
Welcome back to another episode.
I'm your host, Christina, your comebackmentor, your divorce rebuilding bestie.
(02:28):
You know the drill.
Welcome back.
I'm so happy to have you here.
And I'm really excited to talk about thistopic, which is all around boundaries.
I recently had to do a littleboundary implementation in my life
because I implemented a boundaryand got a little weak around it.
(02:50):
Not going to lie.
And then how to re implement it andlike re feel the feelings all around it.
And I was like, you know what?
I want to see what everybody elsethinks about boundaries because I
feel like it's a big word right now.
It's a buzzword over on social, likeI see it everywhere and I feel like we
(03:12):
all know and are aware of boundaries,but it could also have like this
negative connotation to it about howhard they are or that if you implement
boundaries, it makes you a bitch or.
All these kinds of things that we tellourselves about boundaries, like that
boundaries are bad or boundaries are hard.
(03:33):
And I kind of wanted toshare , how I approach boundaries.
What I do personally and what I helpcoach my clients through to implement
into their lives and give a sort of likea framework and a little training all
around boundaries and how to make iteasy and how this can actually improve
(03:54):
the quality of your relationships.
And we'll get into this story.
in a little bit about how this, thishas really helped to nourish and
allow my life to flourish, not rhymingintentionally, but, um, yeah, so I felt
like we could do this little training.
So.
(04:14):
Here we are.
And I wanted to just start out bytalking about what boundaries really
are and why they're your best friend.
So let's first start talking aboutsome of the myths with boundaries.
Most people hear the word boundaries,like I was saying, and think it's
(04:35):
all about like shutting peopleout, making you look like a B.
And that it's like the moredefensive you have to get and you
have to like get sort of aggressive.
But the truth is that good boundariesare the key to healthy relationships.
And I feel like boundaries are putinto place when you love someone
(05:01):
and when you truly care about therelationship, especially with the
people that you want to keep close.
Like think of it as Preservinga relationship and not
relationship breaking.
Now, if the other person doesn't respondwell to your boundary, which most
(05:21):
people will not respond the way that youinitially want them to respond, but I
promise it's so worth it in the long run.
I'll be real with you.
One of the hardest places to implementboundaries was with my parents.
The relationship needed some mending.
(05:44):
It needed some repairing because as Iwas working on myself, I was discovering
where I didn't have boundaries, whereI should have implemented boundaries
to kind of gain back my power.
Like as I was going through my healingjourney, After divorce and really focusing
on my comeback, I started implementingboundaries with my friends and my family.
(06:10):
And I can tell you that it completelytransformed the relationships
that I chose to keep in my life.
When we don't implement a boundaryand we just straight cut them
off, it's because we're not goingto be available for that person.
And so there really is no boundary.
You're just cutting them off.
(06:31):
Right.
And so when you place a boundary, Itnourishes the relationship, and I can
tell you that it completely transformedthe relationship that I have with all
of the people that I keep close, one ofmy personal boundaries, That I implement
with friends and family is that I willnot text back after eight o'clock unless
(06:56):
it's an emergency by eight o'clock.
I mean, 8 p.
m.
I like to be able to dothings that nourish me.
As part of my winding down routine andritual, I find that time really sacred.
It's where I recharge . Ilike to do reading.
I like to, I like tomeditate before I go to bed.
(07:18):
Um, and I like to just be in the silence.
I have found that that isreally nourishing for me.
If I start engaging in textmessages, I could just sit there on
my phone, completely glued and Ilike want to detach from my phone.
I don't want to be on it texting back andengaging in a conversation late at night.
(07:40):
I have found it's like,where did the time go?
Next thing you know, it's like 10 o'clock.
I haven't done any of the thingsthat helped to nourish me.
And so I have that personal boundary.
I don't.
Really let anybody know that that's myboundary, you know, I just do it because
I know that that helps to nourish meand it allows me to show up better and
(08:02):
in a more loving way when I am onlineor when I am responding to messages
or being more thoughtful about it.
I'm a better friend.
I'm a better family member.
I'm a better mentor when I'm notglued to my phone around the clock.
So boundaries show others thatyou respect yourself and in
turn, they'll respect you back.
(08:25):
And that's like a mutual respectclause of any relationship.
And what I can say is thatI was kind of the first one.
In my family and myselfto implement boundaries.
And initially I was met with someresistance, but I can tell you that
my family then started implementingtheir own healthy boundaries and
(08:52):
they flourished and I flourishand we both flourished together.
And so sometimes you kind of have to justlike be the change that you want to see.
Right?
Like you have to be the one to.
Show people that.
Putting in boundaries doesn't meanthat you're shutting them out.
It means that you want to pull them close.
So let's talk about different typesof boundaries and how to use each one.
(09:17):
So first we have energetic boundaries.
And the energetic boundaries justmeans , it's more of this like unspoken.
It's not something that you haveto announce to other people,
kind of like the no texting backboundary that I implemented.
That's to protect my own energy.
(09:37):
And so it's not something thatI actually need to communicate,
which is the second type.
Not every yes has to be immediate.
Just because you're around someone doesn'tmean that they get 24 seven access to
your emotions and your energy, giveyourself permission to take breaks and
recharge when you need it and reallylean into, , Feeling how you feel
(10:01):
throughout the day and your energy levels.
Sometimes when you're at work andyou go into an intense meeting
or you meet with a customer or.
Whatever the case may be, you've almostfeel like your energy is drained, right?
Like, I know that youguys feel me on that.
And sometimes you need to takelike 30 minutes to regroup.
(10:24):
That's actually putting in anenergy boundary for yourself.
Is that like, after doing somethingthat takes your energy, you're going
to do something that , Rechargesyour soul and refuels you.
So that's an example ofan energetic boundary.
The other type of boundaryis communication boundaries.
(10:45):
That's where we have to clearlyidentify the boundary to someone
else and clear communication is key.
This is where you clarify things like,Hey, I won't be available after seven
or I need alone time in the mornings.
This type of boundary allowsyou to communicate your
(11:07):
needs without feeling guilty.
And most of the time peopleactually respect that.
And so even what you could say is like,if you find that you have a certain
person that messages you throughoutthe day and it interrupts like your
workflow, one thing that you can do ismessage that person, And just say, Hey,
(11:31):
I'm actually going to be really busy.
If I don't respond, I'll catch up withyou later or at the end of the day.
And that's a boundary.
That is just setting clear communicationsaying, don't expect this from me.
This is what I need.
And then you're just like lettingthem know you're informing them.
(11:52):
And then if they feel a certainway about it, then that's on them.
And you did your part ofinforming that person.
And so that's another easy waythat you can start to implement
boundaries that are gentle
and the third one is self care boundaries.
These are the boundaries thatyou put in place with yourself.
(12:16):
So, maybe it's limiting your screentime, committing to weekly alone
time, or just being able to say no tosomething that you don't want to do.
It's all about creating space foryourself and in your own life.
And so what I have found is thatlike these self care boundaries,
(12:36):
even if you use it as a communicationboundary where you're saying like,
Hey, I'm not going to go out, I'm notI really need some time to myself.
And people are like,no, but please come out.
Da da da.
They're trying to , have you bring yourboundary down to get what they want.
Right.
And so standing firm is the nextthing that we're going to get into
(13:00):
of like why boundaries are so hardto set, but why they're worth it.
So.
The first reason why islike the societal stigma.
So many of us are taught thatsetting boundaries is selfish
or unkind, but here's the truth.
It's not only normal, but it's essential.
(13:22):
Boundaries are about being kindto yourself first and foremost.
And that kindness translates to betterrelationships because truth be told, like
the people that respond to your boundariesand respect your boundaries over time
, you're teaching people how you want to betreated and how you want to be loved and
(13:43):
how you want to be included in the world.
In that relationship.
And it just makes for so much more peace.
Another reason why boundaries areoften so hard to set is because
we fear others reactions to ourboundary, especially when it's family.
But think about this, like, areyou sacrificing your peace just to
(14:07):
avoid someone else's discomfort?
And if so, It's time to rethink why theircomfort is costing you, like why you're
allowing it to take its toll on you.
And I'm sure you can start to see atheme here of these boundaries and where
(14:28):
you may be needing to implement some.
In the next section, we're going toget into how to start doing this.
So don't worry.
Another reason why boundaries are sohard to set is because people often think
that boundaries, uh, are walls and theydon't have to be these drastic cutoffs.
(14:48):
They're more like guideposts.
to help you protect your own happinessand you get to decide how close or
far they're placed with each person.
And this is why I loveboundaries so, so much.
Now I'm going to get into somepractical tips for setting boundaries
(15:09):
and making this a part of your life.
I only have so much time on this podcast,but I'm really excited because we spend an
entire week all around triggers, limitingbeliefs and boundaries inside of my new
program, which is your greatest comeback.
The next round is openingup for enrollment soon.
(15:30):
We will be starting at 2025 so thatyou can really kick ass next year.
So.
Stay tuned for that.
You'll get an opportunityto join the wait list.
If you take my comeback quiz, the comebackquiz will give you not only blind spots
that you are not seeing while you'rebuilding your life after divorce, it's
(15:56):
also going to give you a practical guidewith action steps and all the things that
you can start doing today to implementyour greatest life after divorce.
The links in the show notes, ifyou want to take it, but let's go
into some of my tips for settingboundaries during the holidays.
Start off by startingsmall and starting soon.
Boundaries aren't alwaysan all or nothing.
(16:18):
Start with something small, likelimiting holiday gatherings to the
ones that you actually want to attend.
And if it's something to where youfeel like you have to go and you
don't want to go limiting your time.
Okay.
So make it known in advance.
I'm a, I'll be availablefrom this time to this time.
(16:39):
And then that way you canjust head on out at the time.
You've already told people in advance.
So start now and ease into theboundaries that make you feel good.
Start with those,
the next tip that I have for youis to communicate that Early.
If you know, aunt Susie tends tobombard you with the questions
about your personal life.
(17:00):
Prepare a line that kindly redirectsor limits the conversation.
Like I'm focusing somenew projects and goals.
It's really exciting,but let's chat about you.
Tell me about what'sgoing on in your life.
If you start to practice redirectingconversations, oh man, people
love talking about themselves.
So you just have to start practicingthat in advance on how to redirect.
(17:25):
And that is an energeticboundary at its finest.
And the last tip that I havefor you is to be kind, but firm.
Remember that boundaries are for you.
It's not for the other person.
It's about protecting your peace andmaking sure that you can show up fully.
In the relationships thatmatter the most for you.
(17:47):
And when you're rebuilding your lifeafter divorce, one of the key things that
we always talk about is starting withrepairing and rebuilding and valuing the
relationship that you have with yourself.
You can't do it without boundaries.
So that's why this work is so important.
So let's talk about how boundarieslead to healthier relationships.
(18:12):
You're like, yeah, you're giving me allof these, the why and the how, but like,
how does this actually benefit you?
So boundaries are actually the key tolongterm happiness because a strong
boundary is like relationship maintenance.
If you're setting boundaries withpeople that you want in your life,
you're actually doing the work.
(18:33):
To keep that relationshiphealthy for the long haul.
If you think about family spats orarguments where people go for long
periods of time without talkingmore often than not, it's because
they didn't have a boundary inplace and nobody was honoring that.
And so then somebody finally felt thatlike an internal boundary that they had
(18:53):
set, but never communicated, got violated.
And then they just like blow up.
Or worse, you blow up internally andyou're dealing with all of this stress
and the other person like has no clue.
So this is why implementingboundaries beforehand, it will save
you so much stress in the long run.
(19:14):
It'll also improve your relationship.
So like when I started setting my ownboundaries around things like response
times and availability, I actuallynoticed that my relationships improved
because I was less triggered by thembecause I just communicated the boundary.
And then it was like, it was done.
I felt so much more at peace and.
(19:36):
People began respecting my time and Ifelt less pressure to respond right away,
which made me a better listener when I didshow up and it made me more present and
it made me spend less time being triggeredabout that relationship and more time
like actually enjoying the relationship.
The holidays are a perfecttesting ground for practicing
(19:59):
your boundaries with family.
It's about love and being in the moment.
And it's also about keeping the peacein a way that respects your needs.
So setting those boundaries nowmeans that you can close out 2024
actually working on something that'sgoing to move the needle so that come
(20:19):
2025, you have a clear understandingof how to protect your happiness.
As we gear up for the holidayseason, I want to challenge you
to start seeing boundaries, not asbarriers, but as a way to preserve the
relationships that matter most to you.
As I mentioned, boundariesare Self care in action.
(20:42):
They're going to be your bestally in protecting your peace
and re affirming your worth.
And as you go forward and setting thefoundation for your greatest comeback,
And since I am your mentor, I wantto encourage you to take action.
I want you to DM me on Instagram.
I'm at her heart heels and I wantyou to tell me what boundary it is
(21:06):
that you're thinking of implementing.
And we can workshop how you're goingto best do that this holiday season.
So hold yourself accountable.
Message me, let me know whatyour boundary is, and I will
workshop that boundary with you.
And we can talk about how you're goingto implement it in this holiday season so
that you can actually start to move theneedle towards your greatest comeback.
(21:29):
And if you want support.
In creating boundaries that work for you.
I'm here to guide you.
You can start by taking thatfree comeback style quiz.
It's free, quick, and designed tohelp you kickstart your next level.
It's going to tell you what your comebackstyle is based on your responses.
It's going to give you the blindspots that you need to focus on that.
(21:53):
Maybe boundaries is one of them.
And then it's also going to give you apersonalized guide with action steps to
take that you can start doing right now.
So basically like havingme as your mentor.
In your back pocket as younavigate this holiday season.
It's also going to give youaccess to join the wait list
for your greatest comeback 2025.
(22:16):
It's my group program.
That's going to show you mysignature comeback method.
And you're going to do italongside a group of other women
who are ready to step into theirgreatest comeback after divorce.
It's all linked in the show notesand to get insights on where you
might need stronger boundaries.
I hope this was helpful until next time,stay strong, stay clear, and remember that
(22:40):
you deserve all the peace that you create.
With the holidays coming up, if you'renot thinking about boundaries and some
of the things that you need to put intoplace to protect your energy, now is the
time because nothing says holiday seasonlike rethinking why you're still replying
at 10 o'clock at night when you haveto go to bed and you have priorities.
Set the tone today.
(00:20):
We are diving deep into boundaries,not just the like, Oh, just ignore them
or, Oh, just push this under the rug.
I feel like a lot of us arenot doing boundaries correctly.
And so I want to talk about thekind of boundaries that actually
help you love and preserve thebest relationships that you can.
(00:41):
Of your life.
I posted a poll at her heart heals overon Instagram, and 71 percent of you
mentioned that you're aware of boundaries,but you need to get better at using them.
29 percent of you statedthat you have none.
(01:01):
That you need boundaries.
You know, you need boundariesand you're like, show me the way.
So that's why I'm doing this episode.
Be sure to stay to the end.
We're going to talk about why boundariesare the best kind of self care, the
myths around boundaries, why we getthem wrong, why they're so damn hard.
And most importantly, How boundariesare going to be your ultimate bestie
(01:23):
in protecting your piece, not justthis holiday season, but how it's
going to support you while you'restepping into your greatest comeback.
Let's get into it.
You're listening to HerHeart Heals Divorce Radio.
Hi, I'm Christina Cuevas.
(01:43):
Seven years ago, I went througha divorce and it completely
turned my world upside down.
And I'm so glad it did.
I documented my healing to shareinformation with other women going
through their own divorce journey.
And now, With thousands of downloadsaround the world from divorced women
just like you, I'm here to show youhow to ditch the shame around divorce
(02:04):
and finally heal so that you canregain the confidence to create your
most abundant and joyful future.
I'm so glad you're here.
This is Her Heart Heals Divorce Radio.
Hey Boothangs, what is up?
Welcome back to another episode.
I'm your host, Christina, your comebackmentor, your divorce rebuilding bestie.
(02:28):
You know the drill.
Welcome back.
I'm so happy to have you here.
And I'm really excited to talk about thistopic, which is all around boundaries.
I recently had to do a littleboundary implementation in my life
because I implemented a boundaryand got a little weak around it.
(02:50):
Not going to lie.
And then how to re implement it andlike re feel the feelings all around it.
And I was like, you know what?
I want to see what everybody elsethinks about boundaries because I
feel like it's a big word right now.
It's a buzzword over on social, likeI see it everywhere and I feel like we
(03:12):
all know and are aware of boundaries,but it could also have like this
negative connotation to it about howhard they are or that if you implement
boundaries, it makes you a bitch or.
All these kinds of things that we tellourselves about boundaries, like that
boundaries are bad or boundaries are hard.
(03:33):
And I kind of wanted toshare , how I approach boundaries.
What I do personally and what I helpcoach my clients through to implement
into their lives and give a sort of likea framework and a little training all
around boundaries and how to make iteasy and how this can actually improve
(03:54):
the quality of your relationships.
And we'll get into this story.
in a little bit about how this, thishas really helped to nourish and
allow my life to flourish, not rhymingintentionally, but, um, yeah, so I felt
like we could do this little training.
So.
(04:14):
Here we are.
And I wanted to just start out bytalking about what boundaries really
are and why they're your best friend.
So let's first start talking aboutsome of the myths with boundaries.
Most people hear the word boundaries,like I was saying, and think it's
(04:35):
all about like shutting peopleout, making you look like a B.
And that it's like the moredefensive you have to get and you
have to like get sort of aggressive.
But the truth is that good boundariesare the key to healthy relationships.
And I feel like boundaries are putinto place when you love someone
(05:01):
and when you truly care about therelationship, especially with the
people that you want to keep close.
Like think of it as Preservinga relationship and not
relationship breaking.
Now, if the other person doesn't respondwell to your boundary, which most
(05:21):
people will not respond the way that youinitially want them to respond, but I
promise it's so worth it in the long run.
I'll be real with you.
One of the hardest places to implementboundaries was with my parents.
The relationship needed some mending.
(05:44):
It needed some repairing because as Iwas working on myself, I was discovering
where I didn't have boundaries, whereI should have implemented boundaries
to kind of gain back my power.
Like as I was going through my healingjourney, After divorce and really focusing
on my comeback, I started implementingboundaries with my friends and my family.
(06:10):
And I can tell you that it completelytransformed the relationships
that I chose to keep in my life.
When we don't implement a boundaryand we just straight cut them
off, it's because we're not goingto be available for that person.
And so there really is no boundary.
You're just cutting them off.
(06:31):
Right.
And so when you place a boundary, Itnourishes the relationship, and I can
tell you that it completely transformedthe relationship that I have with all
of the people that I keep close, one ofmy personal boundaries, That I implement
with friends and family is that I willnot text back after eight o'clock unless
(06:56):
it's an emergency by eight o'clock.
I mean, 8 p.
m.
I like to be able to dothings that nourish me.
As part of my winding down routine andritual, I find that time really sacred.
It's where I recharge . Ilike to do reading.
I like to, I like tomeditate before I go to bed.
(07:18):
Um, and I like to just be in the silence.
I have found that that isreally nourishing for me.
If I start engaging in textmessages, I could just sit there on
my phone, completely glued and Ilike want to detach from my phone.
I don't want to be on it texting back andengaging in a conversation late at night.
(07:40):
I have found it's like,where did the time go?
Next thing you know, it's like 10 o'clock.
I haven't done any of the thingsthat helped to nourish me.
And so I have that personal boundary.
I don't.
Really let anybody know that that's myboundary, you know, I just do it because
I know that that helps to nourish meand it allows me to show up better and
(08:02):
in a more loving way when I am onlineor when I am responding to messages
or being more thoughtful about it.
I'm a better friend.
I'm a better family member.
I'm a better mentor when I'm notglued to my phone around the clock.
So boundaries show others thatyou respect yourself and in
turn, they'll respect you back.
(08:25):
And that's like a mutual respectclause of any relationship.
And what I can say is thatI was kind of the first one.
In my family and myselfto implement boundaries.
And initially I was met with someresistance, but I can tell you that
my family then started implementingtheir own healthy boundaries and
(08:52):
they flourished and I flourishand we both flourished together.
And so sometimes you kind of have to justlike be the change that you want to see.
Right?
Like you have to be the one to.
Show people that.
Putting in boundaries doesn't meanthat you're shutting them out.
It means that you want to pull them close.
So let's talk about different typesof boundaries and how to use each one.
(09:17):
So first we have energetic boundaries.
And the energetic boundaries justmeans , it's more of this like unspoken.
It's not something that you haveto announce to other people,
kind of like the no texting backboundary that I implemented.
That's to protect my own energy.
(09:37):
And so it's not something thatI actually need to communicate,
which is the second type.
Not every yes has to be immediate.
Just because you're around someone doesn'tmean that they get 24 seven access to
your emotions and your energy, giveyourself permission to take breaks and
recharge when you need it and reallylean into, , Feeling how you feel
(10:01):
throughout the day and your energy levels.
Sometimes when you're at work andyou go into an intense meeting
or you meet with a customer or.
Whatever the case may be, you've almostfeel like your energy is drained, right?
Like, I know that youguys feel me on that.
And sometimes you need to takelike 30 minutes to regroup.
(10:24):
That's actually putting in anenergy boundary for yourself.
Is that like, after doing somethingthat takes your energy, you're going
to do something that , Rechargesyour soul and refuels you.
So that's an example ofan energetic boundary.
The other type of boundaryis communication boundaries.
(10:45):
That's where we have to clearlyidentify the boundary to someone
else and clear communication is key.
This is where you clarify things like,Hey, I won't be available after seven
or I need alone time in the mornings.
This type of boundary allowsyou to communicate your
(11:07):
needs without feeling guilty.
And most of the time peopleactually respect that.
And so even what you could say is like,if you find that you have a certain
person that messages you throughoutthe day and it interrupts like your
workflow, one thing that you can do ismessage that person, And just say, Hey,
(11:31):
I'm actually going to be really busy.
If I don't respond, I'll catch up withyou later or at the end of the day.
And that's a boundary.
That is just setting clear communicationsaying, don't expect this from me.
This is what I need.
And then you're just like lettingthem know you're informing them.
(11:52):
And then if they feel a certainway about it, then that's on them.
And you did your part ofinforming that person.
And so that's another easy waythat you can start to implement
boundaries that are gentle
and the third one is self care boundaries.
These are the boundaries thatyou put in place with yourself.
(12:16):
So, maybe it's limiting your screentime, committing to weekly alone
time, or just being able to say no tosomething that you don't want to do.
It's all about creating space foryourself and in your own life.
And so what I have found is thatlike these self care boundaries,
(12:36):
even if you use it as a communicationboundary where you're saying like,
Hey, I'm not going to go out, I'm notI really need some time to myself.
And people are like,no, but please come out.
Da da da.
They're trying to , have you bring yourboundary down to get what they want.
Right.
And so standing firm is the nextthing that we're going to get into
(13:00):
of like why boundaries are so hardto set, but why they're worth it.
So.
The first reason why islike the societal stigma.
So many of us are taught thatsetting boundaries is selfish
or unkind, but here's the truth.
It's not only normal, but it's essential.
(13:22):
Boundaries are about being kindto yourself first and foremost.
And that kindness translates to betterrelationships because truth be told, like
the people that respond to your boundariesand respect your boundaries over time
, you're teaching people how you want to betreated and how you want to be loved and
(13:43):
how you want to be included in the world.
In that relationship.
And it just makes for so much more peace.
Another reason why boundaries areoften so hard to set is because
we fear others reactions to ourboundary, especially when it's family.
But think about this, like, areyou sacrificing your peace just to
(14:07):
avoid someone else's discomfort?
And if so, It's time to rethink why theircomfort is costing you, like why you're
allowing it to take its toll on you.
And I'm sure you can start to see atheme here of these boundaries and where
(14:28):
you may be needing to implement some.
In the next section, we're going toget into how to start doing this.
So don't worry.
Another reason why boundaries are sohard to set is because people often think
that boundaries, uh, are walls and theydon't have to be these drastic cutoffs.
(14:48):
They're more like guideposts.
to help you protect your own happinessand you get to decide how close or
far they're placed with each person.
And this is why I loveboundaries so, so much.
Now I'm going to get into somepractical tips for setting boundaries
(15:09):
and making this a part of your life.
I only have so much time on this podcast,but I'm really excited because we spend an
entire week all around triggers, limitingbeliefs and boundaries inside of my new
program, which is your greatest comeback.
The next round is openingup for enrollment soon.
(15:30):
We will be starting at 2025 so thatyou can really kick ass next year.
So.
Stay tuned for that.
You'll get an opportunityto join the wait list.
If you take my comeback quiz, the comebackquiz will give you not only blind spots
that you are not seeing while you'rebuilding your life after divorce, it's
(15:56):
also going to give you a practical guidewith action steps and all the things that
you can start doing today to implementyour greatest life after divorce.
The links in the show notes, ifyou want to take it, but let's go
into some of my tips for settingboundaries during the holidays.
Start off by startingsmall and starting soon.
Boundaries aren't alwaysan all or nothing.
(16:18):
Start with something small, likelimiting holiday gatherings to the
ones that you actually want to attend.
And if it's something to where youfeel like you have to go and you
don't want to go limiting your time.
Okay.
So make it known in advance.
I'm a, I'll be availablefrom this time to this time.
(16:39):
And then that way you canjust head on out at the time.
You've already told people in advance.
So start now and ease into theboundaries that make you feel good.
Start with those,
the next tip that I have for youis to communicate that Early.
If you know, aunt Susie tends tobombard you with the questions
about your personal life.
(17:00):
Prepare a line that kindly redirectsor limits the conversation.
Like I'm focusing somenew projects and goals.
It's really exciting,but let's chat about you.
Tell me about what'sgoing on in your life.
If you start to practice redirectingconversations, oh man, people
love talking about themselves.
So you just have to start practicingthat in advance on how to redirect.
(17:25):
And that is an energeticboundary at its finest.
And the last tip that I havefor you is to be kind, but firm.
Remember that boundaries are for you.
It's not for the other person.
It's about protecting your peace andmaking sure that you can show up fully.
In the relationships thatmatter the most for you.
(17:47):
And when you're rebuilding your lifeafter divorce, one of the key things that
we always talk about is starting withrepairing and rebuilding and valuing the
relationship that you have with yourself.
You can't do it without boundaries.
So that's why this work is so important.
So let's talk about how boundarieslead to healthier relationships.
(18:12):
You're like, yeah, you're giving me allof these, the why and the how, but like,
how does this actually benefit you?
So boundaries are actually the key tolongterm happiness because a strong
boundary is like relationship maintenance.
If you're setting boundaries withpeople that you want in your life,
you're actually doing the work.
(18:33):
To keep that relationshiphealthy for the long haul.
If you think about family spats orarguments where people go for long
periods of time without talkingmore often than not, it's because
they didn't have a boundary inplace and nobody was honoring that.
And so then somebody finally felt thatlike an internal boundary that they had
(18:53):
set, but never communicated, got violated.
And then they just like blow up.
Or worse, you blow up internally andyou're dealing with all of this stress
and the other person like has no clue.
So this is why implementingboundaries beforehand, it will save
you so much stress in the long run.
(19:14):
It'll also improve your relationship.
So like when I started setting my ownboundaries around things like response
times and availability, I actuallynoticed that my relationships improved
because I was less triggered by thembecause I just communicated the boundary.
And then it was like, it was done.
I felt so much more at peace and.
(19:36):
People began respecting my time and Ifelt less pressure to respond right away,
which made me a better listener when I didshow up and it made me more present and
it made me spend less time being triggeredabout that relationship and more time
like actually enjoying the relationship.
The holidays are a perfecttesting ground for practicing
(19:59):
your boundaries with family.
It's about love and being in the moment.
And it's also about keeping the peacein a way that respects your needs.
So setting those boundaries nowmeans that you can close out 2024
actually working on something that'sgoing to move the needle so that come
(20:19):
2025, you have a clear understandingof how to protect your happiness.
As we gear up for the holidayseason, I want to challenge you
to start seeing boundaries, not asbarriers, but as a way to preserve the
relationships that matter most to you.
As I mentioned, boundariesare Self care in action.
(20:42):
They're going to be your bestally in protecting your peace
and re affirming your worth.
And as you go forward and setting thefoundation for your greatest comeback,
And since I am your mentor, I wantto encourage you to take action.
I want you to DM me on Instagram.
I'm at her heart heels and I wantyou to tell me what boundary it is
(21:06):
that you're thinking of implementing.
And we can workshop how you're goingto best do that this holiday season.
So hold yourself accountable.
Message me, let me know whatyour boundary is, and I will
workshop that boundary with you.
And we can talk about how you're goingto implement it in this holiday season so
that you can actually start to move theneedle towards your greatest comeback.
(21:29):
And if you want support.
In creating boundaries that work for you.
I'm here to guide you.
You can start by taking thatfree comeback style quiz.
It's free, quick, and designed tohelp you kickstart your next level.
It's going to tell you what your comebackstyle is based on your responses.
It's going to give you the blindspots that you need to focus on that.
(21:53):
Maybe boundaries is one of them.
And then it's also going to give you apersonalized guide with action steps to
take that you can start doing right now.
So basically like havingme as your mentor.
In your back pocket as younavigate this holiday season.
It's also going to give youaccess to join the wait list
for your greatest comeback 2025.
(22:16):
It's my group program.
That's going to show you mysignature comeback method.
And you're going to do italongside a group of other women
who are ready to step into theirgreatest comeback after divorce.
It's all linked in the show notesand to get insights on where you
might need stronger boundaries.
I hope this was helpful until next time,stay strong, stay clear, and remember that
(22:40):
you deserve all the peace that you create.
Popular Podcasts
Are You A Charlotte?
In 1997, actress Kristin Davis’ life was forever changed when she took on the role of Charlotte York in Sex and the City. As we watched Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte navigate relationships in NYC, the show helped push once unacceptable conversation topics out of the shadows and altered the narrative around women and sex. We all saw ourselves in them as they searched for fulfillment in life, sex and friendships. Now, Kristin Davis wants to connect with you, the fans, and share untold stories and all the behind the scenes. Together, with Kristin and special guests, what will begin with Sex and the City will evolve into talks about themes that are still so relevant today. "Are you a Charlotte?" is much more than just rewatching this beloved show, it brings the past and the present together as we talk with heart, humor and of course some optimism.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com