Valentine’s Day After Divorce: No, It’s Not the Dating Apps… It’s You

Valentine’s Day after divorce can bring up a lot of emotions—loneliness, frustration, maybe even a little side-eye at your ex’s new relationship. But here’s the truth: the love you’re searching for? It starts with you.

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In this episode, we’re talking about how to romanticize your life, keep your heart open, and attract the right love—without the desperate energy, without settling, and without wasting your time swiping when you’re not actually ready. Plus, I’m breaking down:

• Why healthy is better than traditional (always, every time, period).
• The real reason your ex moved on first (and why it doesn’t matter).
• How to know if you’re actually ready to date—or if it’s just FOMO.
• The truth about dating apps (spoiler: it’s not them, it’s your energy).
• Why staying single intentionally leads to the most aligned relationships.
• My 4-year single era and how it helped me manifest a healthy, lasting relationship.

Mentioned in this episode:

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Okay, my Galentine.
Valentine's Day is here, and Iknow that some of you are feeling
some type of way about it.
Maybe you're rolling your eyesat the heart shaped everything
in your face, love all around.
Maybe your ex moved on first,and maybe you're sitting there
thinking like, damn, really?
Or maybe you're just feeling like,I want to meet my person already.

(00:23):
Where are they?
Like let's put the divorce behindus and let's jump back into dating.
Or maybe you're like, am Igoing to die alone with my dog?
And listen, if that's the case, itdoesn't really sound too bad, does it?
But I digress.
Here's what I need you to hear today.
The love that you're searchingfor starts with you, baby.
So in this episode, we're talking abouthow to romanticize your life, how to

(00:48):
keep your heart open, and how to attractthe right kind of love whenever it is
that you're ready on your own timeline,without the desperate energy, without
settling, and without wasting your timeswiping when you're not actually ready.
So grab your coffee, grab yourmatcha, whatever it is, we're
vibing let's get into it.

(01:10):
You're listening to HerHeart Heals Divorce Radio.
Hi, I'm Christina Cuevas.
Seven years ago, I went througha divorce and it completely
turned my world upside down.
And I'm so glad it did.
I documented my healing to shareinformation with other women going
through their own divorce journey.

(01:31):
And now, With thousands of downloadsaround the world from divorced women
just like you, I'm here to show youhow to ditch the shame around divorce
and finally heal so that you canregain the confidence to create your
most abundant and joyful future.
I'm so glad you're here.
This is Her Heart Heals Divorce Radio.
Okay.
So I was chatting with someone overon tech talk the other day, and she

(01:54):
said something that totally broke me.
She goes, I'm doing amazingin life, but I'm so angry that
me and my kids were forced.
To not have a traditional life and I feltthat in my soul because listen, I get it
You didn't sign up for this No one did.

(02:15):
You had a vision for how life was supposedto go and now you're here trying to
figure out this whole new Reality andyou're trying to make the best of it and
you're trying to be happy but like deepdown inside you're fucking angry And
it's okay, but here's what I need you toknow healthy Is better than traditional
always every time period end of storybecause traditional life in a toxic

(02:40):
unhealthy or soul suffocating situation.
That's not a life.
That's a trap.
And honestly, the moment that youlet go of that blueprint and start
creating your own version of abeautiful life on your terms, that's
when shit gets really, really good.
And that's like squeezingthe lemon, as I like to say.

(03:01):
So let's talk about something that I see.
All the time.
And that's women jumping intodating immediately after divorce.
Maybe it's even just like downloadingthe apps and seeing what's out there.
Not because they're fullyready, but because their ex
moved on first and I get it.

(03:23):
It sucks.
Like there's no nice way to put this.
You see your ex on a boat withhis new girlfriend drinking a
white claw and you're like, nope.
Not today, Satan.
So you throw yourself on the apps, youstart swiping like it's a sport and you
force yourself to get back out there.
Even if your soul is screamingfor you to sit the fuck down.

(03:46):
And heal.
And here's the truth.
The women who stay single intentionally,who take the time to do their inner
work end up in the healthiest, mostaligned relationships in the long run.
Every single time.
I'm willing to bet that if your ex hasalready moved on, Chances are they didn't

(04:11):
heal and they're going to be bringing inthe same patterns, if not worse, creating
new and toxic behaviors with whoever itis that they're doing whatever it is with.
Okay, so let's just getthat out of the way.
If you're prioritizing yourself andbeing Becoming healthy in your heart

(04:33):
and in your mind, you are settingyourself up for success, my friend.
And before you say, but Christina, whatam I supposed to do with all this time?
How am I just supposed tosit here and feel lonely?
Oh, we are going to get into it.
We're going to live it up.
Which brings me to
Real quick.

(04:53):
If you're listening to this and thinking,okay, but where do I even start?
I got you.
I actually created a fun little quizcalled what's your comeback style.
And it's going to help youfigure out exactly where you
are in your healing journey andwhat you need to focus on next.
Are you the Phoenix rising?
Are you in your soft girl era?
And Are you quietly thriving badass, takethe quiz and find out it's totally free.

(05:15):
It takes like two minutes and Ipromise you it's going to call
you out in the best way possible.
Plus it's going to give you a customguide based on your style with all of
the steps that you need to take forward.
And it's going to give you blindspots, action items, everything.
Okay.
Go take it now.
The link is in the show notesand actually DM me your results.
I want to know, I'm super curious.
What type of comeback style are you?

(05:38):
Okay.
Back to the episode.
Now let's address theelephant in the room.
If you've been on those datingapps and you're like, Oh,
there's no good men out here.
And you're thinking that maybe yoursolution is to move somewhere else or
people are telling you like, someonetold me, Oh, I don't want to move to
San Diego because All my friends saidthat they're the men that are out

(06:02):
here have Peter Pan syndrome or somesomething like that where it's like you
have these people stereotyping thesemen and it's all just like their own
experience, but that's for another.
That's for another day, but I needto tell you something with love.
Okay, it's not the apps.
It's you.

(06:23):
Babe, if you're still attractinglow effort, unavailable or
emotionally immature men, it's notbecause all the good ones are gone.
It's because your energy isdoing the picking for you.
And I know that some of you are like,Christina, no, I'm totally ready.
I just keep getting all the duds.
I love you, but.

(06:43):
You're probably not becauseif you were truly ready, you
wouldn't even be entertaining menwho don't meet your standards.
You wouldn't be settling and you sure ashell wouldn't be talking about how all men
suck because you already know that yourperson exists and that they're going to
come into your life at the perfect time.

(07:04):
So here's the deal.
Okay.
I stayed single for four yearsafter my divorce, not because
I wasn't interested in love.
I mean, for like the first eightmonths, I kind of was a little bit
bitter and I was super anti men,but Because I was interested in me.

(07:24):
And guess what?
When I finally got into arelationship, it wasn't because I
was actually searching for love.
It actually kind of fellin my lap, to be honest.
Let me know if you want the whole story.
I haven't actually talked about it before,but if you want just kind of like how I
manifested that we can get more into it.

(07:46):
Let me know.
Um, it was actually because I hadbecome the kind of woman who naturally
attracted the right kind of love.
And now, I have been in a healthy, mindyou, not perfect, okay, a healthy, not
perfect, let's be real, relationshipfor over five years with a man who

(08:09):
shows up, who supports me, who isnothing like Anybody that I've ever
dated before, he's like the completeopposite because I did the fucking work
and I refused to settle for anythingless and I showed up for myself.

(08:29):
You know that quote, if you lovethem, set them free and if they
come back, it's meant to be.
It's BS.
Here's how I think that it should go.
If you love someone, set themfree, use that time to work on
being the best version of you.
And if they come back, which mostlikely they will because energy, but

(08:52):
you probably won't give a crap anyways.
Because when you do the work, you stopwaiting for someone to complete you.
You stop settling and you juststart living your damn life and you
start becoming happy on your own.
You start enjoying your own timeand that's what stepping into your

(09:13):
greatest comeback actually looks like.
It's not once you get the thing, thenyou're in your greatest comeback.
No, it's about shifting who youare, your energy, your mindset.
Okay.
And we're going to getinto that right now.
So what's the real secret to attractinga soulmate or anything for that matter?

(09:38):
Here's what I know for sure.
The first thing isbeing authentically you.
You will always magnetize thethings that are right for you
when you are truly yourself, whenyou are going down to the core.
The second thing is thatdesperate energy repels soulmates.

(10:01):
Truly your soulmate will find youwhen it's the right time, when
you stop trying to control it.
Um, and then the third thing that Iknow for sure is that radical self love
is the most attractive thing on earth.
I'm telling you from experience whenI didn't love myself and I was being

(10:22):
desperado, I got not good people.
When I started having radical self love.
It's like you have this vibe, youhave this quoi energy that goes with
you where people are turning headsand they're like, who is this girl?
You know?

(10:42):
And I, I mean, it wasn't anythingthat I like intentionally did for
those reactions, but I startedgetting people to ask me like, Oh my
gosh, like I want to be around you.
I want to hang around you.
Like I started having like allthese friends, people coming around.
Radical self love is the mostattractive energy on earth.

(11:02):
And so for me, self love lookslike welcoming my inner child.
When I was doing heart openingpractices with my coach, like it's
something that I still do to this day.
And it's something that weincorporate inside of my
programs, your greatest comeback.
Um, and.

(11:23):
If you're listening to this, Ialso have meditations that will
help you access that, um, that youcan go and purchase on my website.
But self love also looks like spendingintentional time alone and learning how
to recharge your batteries the right way.
Like it's a science.

(11:44):
It's kind of an art form that I haveperfected I still to this day crave a
lot of alone time because that's justhow I Recharge and re center within
myself so that I stay In that selflove energy and then For me, self love
also looks like investing in myself.

(12:06):
Sometimes it's nails.
Sometimes it's the stock market andsometimes it's business coaching.
Sometimes it's reading a book.
Success is already here.
Love is already here.
It's just about shifting yourenergy to be open, to receive it.
Okay.
So.

(12:26):
Whether you want love one day or youjust want to keep your heart open and
keeping that possibility open like youdon't want to turn into like this angry,
uh, angry shell of a person once youget divorced, keep your heart open.
This time is sacred.

(12:48):
Use it well, and if you're ready totake this to the next level, my program,
your greatest comeback is designedexactly for this moment in your life.
It's about becoming her, the womanwho attracts everything meant for her.
The doors are now open.
You can DM me the word comebackon Instagram and we can chat.

(13:12):
I'll send you some of the details.
It's, I have a couple of affordableoptions to working with me and If
this episode hit home, share it with afriend who needs to hear this message.
Let's make this ourcomeback season together.
Will you be my Galentinethis Valentine's Day?
Sending you all my love.

(13:32):
Bye.