If someone asked you to define your perfect partner, how would you respond? Oftentimes, our knee-jerk response focuses on different characteristics and personality traits like ‘I want someone kind, caring, compassionate, supportive, and patient.” But, before we begin to describe our ideal intimate partner - we need to look within ourselves and ask: “Am I being the person I want my partner to be?” and “Am I being the partner I want ...

Seeking approval from our peers and loved ones is natural. We want other people to like us whenever we walk in the world. Trish Kruger, a licensed clinical mental health counselor for Blue Ridge Treks, believes that our need for validation and approval from others is part of our history as human beings. But, Trish suggests when we start feeling constricted and heavy in the course of seeking approval, that’s how we’ll know we’ve tip...

Every one of us, at some point in our sojourn in this world, encounters a point of decision. Whether it’s in our work, businesses, or marriage, life confronts us with the choice of staying our course or leaving. Sometimes the choices scare us, and so we put it off. Shaun Rawls - a highly sought-after keynote speaker and author of “F”-IT-LESS - believes that many of us will put off these critical life decisions so much that life its...

Thomas Doochin moved down the street from our house around the end of 2019. And, through more than a year and a half of knowing each other, he and I have become good friends and neighbors. Thomas is the former CEO of Daymaker, a compassion platform that helps organizations cultivate a deeper connection with their community. After several years in service as Daymaker’s chief executive, Thomas is now beginning a new cycle of life. To...

Two people meet under some random circumstance, fall in love, experience some disconnection along the way and question their feelings. Realizing they really love each other, the wedding bells toll. Such is the usual plot of a romantic film. By the time the credits roll and the theater lights up, we already have this assumption that they spend the rest of their lives together in blissful matrimony. While we can’t deny that love and ...

Dealing with our own anger habits in a healthy and productive way can be challenging in itself, but what can often be even more difficult is learning how to deal with receiving someone else’s anger in a way that doesn’t turn into a conflict or inspire feelings of resentment. If we leave ourselves unchecked, it can be easy to ‘feed off’ of someone else’s anger. Keeping ourselves grounded when receiving someone’s anger is critical to...

Spiritual practice is a yearning for many of us. One can certainly feel the desire to renounce the world and live a contemplative life in a secluded monastery. But Zen priest and milkman Jonathon Flaum advises that spiritual growth can be found in the everyday. Echoing the teachings of the Buddhist philosopher Dogen, Jonathon warns us that the seeds of awakening can be cultivated by taking care of what’s in front of us, no matter h...

Worrying is a natural inclination. It is inherent in every one of us to want to protect ourselves, our loved ones, and our possessions from harm. Like other emotions, worrying is an element of the human condition that can transform into a detrimental habit when left unchecked. While worrying can show up in our lives and relationships, fashion designer and Artsy Goddess Studio founder Yvonne Rainbow Teplitsky suggests that the key t...

Safety, trust, and vulnerability. These are some of the pillars of long-term relationships. That is why infidelity could inflict a deep wound within us - for betrayal stands at the opposite end of what relationships stand for: open-heartedness, transparency, and communication. Licensed marriage & family therapist Jennifer Lehr is the founder and owner of WeConcile, through which she helps couples heal from pain and reconnect in...

There is something beautiful and affirming about being truly seen and known. To be understood and accepted for who we are, despite our flaws and shortcomings, is a common aspiration in relationships, one which requires us to embrace vulnerability. Greggy Levoy, speaker and author of Vital Signs and Callings, suggests that the choice to show your cards and lower your defenses - despite the fear and anxiety of shame and losing contro...

Practicing yoga can be a stretch for beginners. But while it can put you in a challenging position, did you know that practicing partner yoga as a couple can powerfully impact your relationship? Jenne Sluder is a mental health professional and certified yoga therapist specializing in mind-body approaches to improving mental and physical wellbeing. According to Jenne, yoga is a practice of healing oneself and others. When practiced ...

Whether we are its origin or its receiver, we all experience anger throughout our lives. While anger isn’t necessarily “bad,” it is a critical emotion to understand, for what we do with anger has the opportunity to bring our loved ones closer or push them away from us. And like other emotions, we become more accustomed to anger the more we express it without restraint, creating a toxic habit that can lead to contempt in our relatio...

There are many moments in a couple’s life that shame and fear show up shrouded in subtlety. While men predominantly feel shame and inadequacy, women tend to go through fear and anxiety. Because of this experiential difference between men and women, it becomes a challenge for couples to understand and navigate the dynamics of shame and fear in relationships. As such, Juan Santos - the owner of Santos Counseling and author of Couple...

The willingness to take risks, to be authentic, and to be open to vulnerability is critical to a new relationship. To author and speaker Gregg Levoy and musician and former Silicon Valley tech executive Cindy Nelson, being able to work with each other’s darkness and light - not to mention their “crazies” - allows them to go deeper in their connection with each other. Gregg & Cindy both began their relationship in May 2020. At t...

Whether we’re in the dating stage or have been married for many years, there are many ways that we conduct self-defeating behaviors that can undermine our relationships. Some of these behaviors are so deeply rooted in our history that it can become challenging to uncover. Yet, it is human to have self-sabotaging tendencies, stresses Cathy Courtenay, a Conscious Relating Coach who guides people through connecting with themselves. Wi...

Emotional attunement is a crucial skill to develop: it enables us to truly understand the people with whom we share moments in our lives, their experience, and their perspective. It allows us to deepen our relationship in a meaningful way. Emotional attunement has allowed the founder of Artsy Goddess Studio, Yvonne Rainbow Teplitsky, to connect with people and easily empathize throughout her life. But while it comes naturally for p...

If appreciation is the number one relationship booster, what is the biggest thing that can undermine a relationship? The answer: contempt - that pattern of feelings and behaviors that expresses disgust and scorn towards a person or a group of people, ultimately dehumanizing them. The severity of contempt’s impact on people can make it seem like it’s easy to recognize; yet, contempt enters relationships as subtle as poison administe...

We always talk about romantic breakups; it is the subject of songs, poems, and movies. But despite the importance of friendships in our lives, the breaking up of platonic relationships is rarely discussed - much less does it ever become the reason for someone to see a relationship therapist. Yet, the lack of closure in a separation between friends can lead one to harbor resentment, which can - according to licensed clinician Juan S...

Once a person recognizes codependent patterns in their relationships, the next important step is to learn how to overcome them. Our friendships can be a source of good modeling and influence our journey through healing codependency in our lives. My friend, Corey Costanzo, is one such friend who encourages my positivity in the world. He is a licensed addictions counselor, bodywork therapist, and somatic experiencing practitioner who...