S1-E5 - Gary the Vampire Loses His Job while Jake Loses 80 Pounds

Wherein the Coif Whisperer (Freddy) gets a call from our first call-in fan, Gary the vampire with cheap, smelly Halloween makeup and a dollar store cape gets fired while in costume, and Jake gives the secrets of his proudest accomplishment... losing 80lbs and keeping it off for 7 years. Buckle up and get ready for a spooky, hilarious, inspirational, and informative ride! It's all that shit at the same time, like, seriously.

Show Notes

[0:00] Jake feels like a foreigner at Chik-fil-A. The boys eat like the #basic.

[1:32] How would you feel if a fire truck pulled up with stuffed pumpkins all over it when your entire life has gone up in flames?

[3:12] Freddy is the Coif Whisperer.

[4:02] Our first call-in guest gives us a ring and she has “401k toes” and a hankering for guacamole.

[5:16] Freddy takes corrective action in the studio by explaining “The Studio Shotgun Privileges” to Jake.

[6:52] On yuppies dressing up on Halloween.

[9:12] Freddy’s family costume.

[10:01] Gary the vampire career-man gets fired.

[14:15] Freddy’s stint as a hipster loan shark for the government.

[19:07] Freddy takes a page out of Ron Swanson’s book by teaching his kids about taxes through Halloween candy.

[21:10] Jake tells about his most proud accomplishment - losing 80lbs and keeping it off for 7 years.

[22:10] Jake was a drinking boy with a husky problem.

[24:00] Jake quits drinking for love and shows his age again with a Hulk Hogan reference.

[28:48] Meat and veggies, folks!

[30:00] Jake explains why he has long hair and wears flip-flops in the winter.

[32:03] Intermittent fasting and no snacking.

[33:01] Alcohol is tough when you’re losing weight on multiple levels.

[35:30] You don’t have to worry about organic, pasture raised, free range stuff to effectively lose weight.

[36:23] Freddy makes a commitment and wants all of our dear listeners to be his accountability partner.

[37:46] Freddy cajoles Jake into working out.  Jake expresses his displeasure.

[38:58] Get yourself a Segway you’ll be cooler ’n’ shit.

[40:05] Go visit our website now! You will love it!  You’re currently reading the show notes.  Check out Rap Rants here.

[41:02] The fellers unveil the newest addition to the Road Rants family Rap Rants! Check. That. Shit. Out.

[43:02] With Jake driving, y’all miss out on Freddy getting lost.  We apologize, and we’ll get back to the regularly scheduled broadcast soon.

"He who has a why to live can bear almost any how." ~ Friedrich Nietzsche