July 16, 2025 • 35 mins
It's part two of the surprise Tuesday episode of Bachelor in Paradise and the Goldens have arrived! Thank you lord! Also, Alexe is over Jonathan, Jeremy has turned psycho and we have some dirt on the Justin, Lexi, Suzie triangle.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
What is up? Pricks? Welcome back to Bachelor in Paradise,
Episode three, Part two, Heart are we are going crazy?
I want to say one, We're loving it. We're loving Yeah,
we are having so much fun. There's so much. In
part one, mc scatcat made an appearance. Listen. I just
(00:35):
want to commend you guys. I've been looking at the numbers.
Most of you guys are listening to both parts. Now
you heard us, Yeah, you felt my wrath and you
were like, we don't want to make Stephanie angry because
she's like Jeremy. When she's angry, she's just real mad,
big mad. She said, she gets like a floating head.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
If you could see the show, if it was like,
if you're watching it, you just see her head floating around,
saying like, listen to that first one.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
I hate Janet. She's like, what are you guys doing me?
I'm like, what are you guys doing? Are you getting
spa treatments? Are you all over each other's bodies? Avoiding
part one?
Speaker 2 (01:10):
How Dareio and his version though of spa treatments is
so not They're actually rubbing each other's body in a bathtub,
and he's like, Alma, officials like maybe like a toll
massage or something.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
All No, his eyes were crazy. Somebody's got always cucumbers
over their eyes. Yeah, I loved it.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
His face Okay, so then it was a good day whatever.
So the goldens the goldens. Yeah, two truths in a lie,
which is adorable. Leslie is so funny.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
So Leslie says, like, Prince wrote a song about me. Oh, like,
I don't know. I fucked a guy.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
He's something about Kenny Gas and then another guy and
they're like, well, we know Prince wrote a song about her.
I did not remember that myself. And I'm such a
Leslie stand so like, what the fuck? She's the coolest ever. Yeah,
and then she goes, oh, I forgot to tell one
of them to be a lie.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
This is just the fucking coolest. I love her. We
are obsessed with her, and we are going to get
her our show.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
She's gonna We had her on the show and then
we had to cancel because I got evacuated from the
fire January. The fires, and yes, she was scheduled to
do the show and she was excited about it. And
then we tried to get her back like the next week,
and she had taken.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Oh, she was going here. She couldn't tell us. My god,
she goes, I'm going to I'm taking a trip to
Costa Rica.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
She couldn't tell us what it was. And now we
just put it together like idiots. Wow, oh my god.
And now she really can't do it because she's probably
on contract for a while, so we had to wait
to get her the first time. She'll be worth it
to get her again. But she was on the show,
and this is happening.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Jeremy.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Jeremy's like in a vest now, so we still got
his stupid tank top, but he's put some sort of
like weird thing around it so that his disgusting muscles.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
No, it's like a vest over the.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Tank top, so it's still sleeveless.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
But I don't think he's wearing some scarf like that.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
You'd get it like Bergdorf, like, I don't know what
the fuck it is, but it's not and I don't.
The arms are like I'm not trying to body shame
in any way, but to me, that's too much working out.
That's too much. I feel like it's take it down. Yeah,
I think that's like Jax too. If we're going back.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
To the valley. Also, there's something about his hairline and
his face that reads steroids to me.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Yeah, maybe something in his eye at his pupils. Something's
going on. Maybe not, but he's just so big.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Well now he's become shoey of the men, and he's
just like complaining. He's just like, yeah, man, she fucked
me over, like you know, like, I mean.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
He's talking to Alex, who I guess they're friends because
she's He's just yelling about everything to Alex and then
she's like he has her confession that she's like, I
just can't get there with Jonathan. Then did you think
for a second those two were gonna get together?
Speaker 1 (03:50):
I was like, oh no, no, no, no, no, I
didn't because he's so on like a one track, like complaining.
He's not really listening to Alex. He's like, I mean,
Susie asked me on her date, like I went on
a date with her, but then Bailey told me she
was really into me and then yeah, and Alex is like, oh, well,
like knowing what you know now, like would you have
chosen her? And he goes, I just called Susie And
(04:14):
Alex is like, oh shoot god, and he's like right,
She's like, oh, I'm sorry, and he's like, duh, don't
feel bad for me. It's not a bad thing. It's
a good thing. It's a good thing. I'm totally going
to hook up with Susie as soon as they get back,
Like fuck Bailey, Like this is.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
So not into him anyway, so it all it's like,
I don't uh oh, what makes me sad is that
because he's sort of he's famous and he's on the show,
like he can walk into some bar and get like
whatever he wants, really and that makes me sad. So
then Alex pulls Jonathan to end it, and he's so
sweet about it.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
She's crying.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
I did feel she was being a bit performative here.
The crying didn't seem totally real. Did I think she's
very emotional. I know she's emotional, but she's And also,
it's worse if someone's breaking up and you're like, I'm
just so sorry, I just like didn't like you. He's like, Okay,
you don't have to keep saying things.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
I just don't.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
I'm not physically you gross me out.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
I'm sorry. He's like, the mentally you'd honestly, I did
you don't have to don't do that. It's okay.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
He's like hugs or he's like, no, I mean I heards,
of course, but like you're we're good.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
She's like, is it because like I just like you're
such a bad kisser. I'm so sorry I didn't tell
you that. Why did you make me tell you that?
He's like, I really didn't like you could have, Like
I really want you to stop saying things totally. So
that's just so thick. It's just not like I don't
want to. I don't like it's not my type. And
you're like you don't smell that good.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
I wish I didn't have the worst Okay.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
So then basically Jonathan Jonathan is so bummed out. He's
telling camera he's like, I'm just out of chicks, like
I don't know, like I Alex, like I didn't like
her either, Like let's be real, like it wasn't it
wasn't happening, it wasn't. But now like who's I can't
even stay around for the next girl because like I'm out,
like there's no one for me. Yeah right right? So okay,
(06:06):
so then.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Uh, this is when Bailey is going to come. This
is when she goes to Jeremy and is like apologizing
to him, and.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
She sits at the bar. They're sitting down together, like
next to each other, but he's clearly giving her the
cold shoulder mm hmm. So she's like, do you want
to talk? He's like yeah, he's so mad. He's so
he's like, yeah, okay what and she's and he's so
he's pissed off.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
But then shocker, which is shocking to me, She's like, yeah,
I really want to go on the date, but I'm like,
you know, mind you, I want to be with you.
And then he's like cool, well, also, I was so confused.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
So she apologizes way too much, which I wrote she
shouldn't be doing. It's like a scared apologizing, like this
guy tell me did the same thing.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
He's abusive in that way, yes.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
The way she's just like, I really I shouldn't have
done it, and like it's just I know that I
told you that I was really into you, so like
going on a date was wrong. It was wrong of me.
I shouldn't have done it, and yeah, and then he
doesn't say right away, okay, we're good. He's like, yeah,
well I felt misled because after we talked to the
(07:16):
cocktail party, you made me believe you were here for me.
Then you went on a date and she's like no,
I know, Like you know, I said I'm sorry, like
I'm really really sorry, like I'm so sorry. I really
want to be with you.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
And he's like, ah, yeah, He's like, I'm gonna do
her dirty anyway. And also poor Andrew, and well, Andrew
got a little stuck. He chose what he chose, So
that's on him. But I mean, also you I would
have were him, I would think she was into me.
You know, we just took a bath together. Yeah, I
can't you go on the show and say like, Okay,
I'm on this date, but I really don't feel comfortable
(07:47):
getting in a bath with you, so I'm just not
going to do that.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
This is what I think happened. I think on the date,
Bailey was going back and forth. This is I'm making
this up. I'm making up this narrative, but it kind
of fits if you think about it. So I think
Bailey was telling Andrew like, yeah, like let's have fun.
But you know, Jeremy was pretty mad and like I
am into him and I'm going to end up giving
(08:10):
him my rose. So I think that they were like, cool, cool,
let's be friends. And then I think as soon as
they got back, and I think Andrew is probably like, yeah,
I also like Alex anyway, so like it's totally fine,
I'm going to go make a play for Alex later.
So I don't think Bailey cared at all. Right, Yes, agree,
I think it was. I think they literally talked about it.
(08:31):
And the reason I would know that that is because
every time you read like behind the scenes stuff, they're
always talking about like you could have had a conversation
like we you know, we talked about this off camera
or you know, it's like stuff that wasn't shown. They
do a lot of that. I don't think that the
producers would show that because it would be too easy
and they want it to be a surprise anyway.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Okay, so the Goldens are in the pool and Jack.
Jack likes April. He's like, I just want to I
want to kiss her because when I you know what
he happens. When I kiss somebody, I get a bone up.
Didn't say that, but that's kind of what he's at.
Things he happened when I kiss things he happened. Keith
and then he just kissed.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
Keith is trying to do like a Will Farrell impression
by like jumping on an inflatable unicorn in the pool,
and I wrote, it's cute.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Sorry Cecily, I'm like, no, I think he's cute. I
have no I love every Golden. There's not a single
Golden I don't love. Even April am into all of
this so likable, Yes, and they they are an infusion
to the show that like we need and it works,
you know, And I.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
Know what I would watch. I would watch a Golden
Bachelor in Paradise season. Yeah, for real, like have to.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
Actually because Wells or Jesse somebody says leader, it's like, oh,
you're going they're gonna use the boom boom. First of all,
why wouldn't they use the boom boom room, right? And
why are the youngs not using it? Because like, what
generation are they gen They're not gen Z. They're like millennials, right,
They're in their like mid to late thirties. They're millennials,
so they're millennials. Like, but what they don't have sex anymore?
(10:01):
Like I miss that. I've said this before on the show.
I will stand by it. I miss like, go use
the boomboo, go fuck each other, guys. I know you've
all been tested.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
I know they stay about like so many seasons ago.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
I know. And So I was surprised when Well said that, like, also,
don't put down the goldens like that. Yeah, if they
want to go make out, let them make.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
Out like they're supposed to.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Just that's why they're there, right to meet people later
in life, Like they're allowed to do that for stuff.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
They're all acting like it's so gross that like older
people have sex atally.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
I just said that's what I was like, why would
it be crazy if old people use that? Like enough,
So Andrew is this When he goes to Alex to apology.
He's like, sorry about that. I really wanted to take
you anyway, and she's pissed. She's like, well, but you
didn't choose, and.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Also I don't think it makes it better that he
goes Yeah, it took me like thirty minutes to decide, Okay,
that's not the flex you think it is, Like, oh man,
I really thought about it, like a half hour. It
took me like maybe, but I chose the other persons
and not even like you didn't win, right, that's even worse. Yeah,
(11:05):
it would be better.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
If you said, like a split second. And I was
just like, I just go with whatever pops in your head.
But I really thought it through and it was definitely Bailey.
That's actually true helping. Yeah, but it's also.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Not like he was like, you know, I just wasn't
sure what to do, and I went and consulted with
my friends and I really thought about it, and then
I read a book and then like it took me hours,
and then I just you know, no anyway, okay.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
But then they kiss, I write, I don't know if
I miss something here. But then they kiss and she's
into it, so she just that they didn't get kissed. Right.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Then he's like, I'm gonna I'm going to keep at this.
I'm going to try to wear that's right, And she's
like all right. So then Jeremy goes to get a
massage and he tells the camera because he's still mad.
So he's like, yeah, oh that's right, yes, Okay's this
scene is even worse for him. I mean, he's so
(11:57):
he tells the camera, he's like, yeah, fucking Bailey got
a massage like that, that lying hoard didn't deserve a massage,
misleading R. So I'm going to get a massage. Then
he goes, who knows, maybe I'll get a happy ending.
What why?
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Oh my god, he is a horrible such a fucking
like that.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
They leave in these edits to just make him just horrible. Yeah. Yeah,
so then I just wrote a bunch of people make out.
Well wait, so no, because this is funny. So he's
getting a massage and you can just he his face
is in through through a hole, so like a bunch
of the guys. So she so Bailey comes up and
like kisses him underneath it, and while she's distracting him,
(12:38):
the guys step in for the messuse and then they're
like rubbing him. And then he looks up and he
starts screaming because you know, gay panic. Uh huh. He
jumps up like ew grows. A guy was touching me.
Get away from me, dude, it's so on the wood.
I know it's so gay, dude, I'm not gay. Oh
(12:59):
my god, he's toxic masculinity. Okay, So now Andrew and
Alex kiss that's right.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Okay, So I don't know why, I like, maybe I'm
just blocking Jeremy out a little bit, but she's into it.
Alex didn't really have to be worn down that hard,
but I get it. She deserves to like go out
and hang out with someone she likes. Yeah, and they
are a good match. They really are, I think, Yeah,
we never really know. Then we go to this obnoxious
(13:28):
Jill and Jonathan chat, which like really wrecked my mind
in a way that I don't really know how to
explain it.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Jill, that's awful. I mean, she can't help herself. She
comes by it naturally, she's very anxious, but it's I
don't know how she thinks that's going to play if she.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
Just beyond anxious. She's nuts, Like he's not even following.
He's trying to be so nice. He's like, yeah, I
was just you know, we were kind of testing the
waters as friends. Really we were definitely friends on that date,
but you were sexy to me and I really didn't know.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
And she's so mad. She goes and she says something, say,
she goes, Why did you say? She goes? You said
I made your decision harder, and he says, he goes, yeah,
because it reminded me that, like I want somebody who
I can have like good conversations with like I had
with you, and she goes, yeah, but do you mean
I made your decision harder but not like you want
(14:21):
to be with me?
Speaker 2 (14:22):
And he goes yes, no, but then he goes he's
like not following, and then.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
She goes she goes like, why does this happened? I
was like, oh, no, she's not. And then she starts
to do all the voices to camera. Then she does
the chipmunk and monk thing where she's just like pretending
she's like a chipmunk eating a cracker, Like who is
that comedian that used to do that? That was her
whole I feel like her name was.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
I was just thinking about her and I can't think
of her name, but I can picture her physically.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
That was her whole thing, was just being doing that,
like hands like close to him on like the Tonight show.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
I remember being very jealous and being confroned. O. Her
name was she got Beth. Yes, I was gonna say Beth, Beth.
I was absolutely gonna say that.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
So if you guys want to google Beth chipmunk impression,
it's basically the same thing Jill's doing where she's squirrel
and it's like a squirrel. Yeah, not that it's you know,
squirrels look a lot like chipmunks though, right, I.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Mean that says you I can't find her, but it
just does that.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
And I was like, yeah, like like I'm gonna eat,
eat eat, And then she's like, uh, well, why don't
you just tell me you just want to be friends?
And he just stares at her and she's like the camera.
She goes, men should not even be on this planet. God,
she's nuts.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
But then mom incomes as if it couldn't get worse
even though we're liking it. Incomes Sean, and I was like, fop, no, yep,
he such Eric Trump.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Vibes to me. Yeah, I don't know why.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
I'm not to make it political at all. Like his
giant cross dangling, there's something and I'm not saying you
can't have a cross. You be able to have whatever
religion you know, all that's fine, but there's something very
like that was what that's what we said about him.
I was like, oh, do you guys wash my robe.
I'm like saying that there's something about him. So and
(16:13):
maybe we were wrong? Were we wrong about him? Like
I don't want to be a jerk because maybe he's fine.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
I don't think we were wrong about him. I think
we were like suspending our suspicion and then I think
we read something bad about him and went forward to it.
I'm not sure I remember, but.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
Anyway, so he meets but he's nice enough, Like I
even wrote like, okay, he's nice to the Goldens, Like,
but what's he gonna do? Be like, fuck you guys,
where's the young chicks? He's gonna be nice on camp?
I mean, he just did what anyone would do, right,
But then the Kendall thing, which nobody cares.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
I know, and Jill is like, yeah, well he's gonna
have to pick me cause I do a lot of
bosses and I'm the only one who's saying go, And
then somehow he does.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
But then so then also when they in the production,
they're like, you know, you look like you look like
Jason Priestley, us like, who the fuck is that? Yes,
I mean it's fine that he doesn't know who Jason
Priestley is. I guess why would he like that?
Speaker 1 (17:06):
He should know that? My kids all would know who
Jason Priestley is? Would they though? By name? If you
didn't say Brandon. I don't know that they would.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
I think we could test this if you don't lead
them in any way and just say we say, if
I say Jason Priestley, do you know who that is?
I don't think because he's not. And let me just
tell you I saw him. I told you Jason Priestley
is no joy. I saw him at the Soho house.
That's right, that's pretty cool story. Yeah, he was very like,
he was just I think we said somebody that I
(17:36):
was with said hi to him. They're like, oh, hi,
you know whatever, we've met before. And he was like
he could not be bothered that someone spoke to him
waiting for the valet and then the car and don't
I don't remember exactly because I don't pay attention to cars,
but it was some kind of room room with like
license like LA license plates, like I know, do you
want to like something? Annoy He was annoying. He he
(17:56):
read not great, So we don't need to know who
he is.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
So funny. So I have a neighbor, my neighbor who
lives down the street, whose name is Mitch. He has
told me this story so many times that I could
almost you know, when someone starts to tell you a
story you've heard before that you could almost say it
with him. His story is about and now I can't
remember the name of this club that was on Sunset Boulevard.
It was a very big club back in the day.
(18:22):
But he's like, yeah, I went to this club and no,
it was like way more hip than that. It was
like celebrities all went there for a while. I'll think
of it. But anyway, he went there.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Oh the place that I made you go all the
time on Sunset.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
No, the other side of the street. Okay. Anyway, his
whole thing that he loves to share is that Jason
Priesley was there, so he got to hang out with
Jason Priestley and he seems so.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
Cool, so all they maybe it's cool.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
No, I don't think Jason Priestley was cool. I think
he just felt like because he was in the vicinity
of Jason Priestley, Like lots of girls thought it was
because Jason Priestley is I see now ew like that?
I mean story yeah, mm hmm. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
So Jesse gets a uh no, not Jesse, what Sean
and the guy Sean gets a date card and on
the day it's like a TV and they're all pretending like,
can you imagine if that was us, If we were
Jill and we knew we were probably gonna get the date,
I'd be like, can we not do the ATV? That's
where I would step and be like I want the massage, right,
I'm not an ATV, but she I'll act. She's like, oh, yeah,
fun the fun love.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
He's asking her, He's like, do you like adrenaline stuff?
And she's like, yeah, if a man has if a
man has a motorcycle, him into it, Like, yeah, I
really want to go on a date with I really
want to go to a date with you. I right,
I don't go. I'm not dad with all. I'm really
bad to it.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
So yeah, it's so stupid. I was just shocked that
he was even into her at all.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
And then he says, he says, uh. She says, if
Sean asked me on this date, I'm gonna go because
like this is word for word. She goes because like,
if a man shows me a lick of attention, I'm
and then she does the chipmunk impression again or sorry right, and.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
They're so weird and they're both talking about how She's like,
I use humor. This is my thing is just I
use humor as coping. He's like me too. I'm like, okay,
maybe Jill does. It doesn't read well, but maybe that's
what she's doing. But Sean, I have never noticed you
doing that, right, He's like, I even do it with brief.
I just do with everything. I'm the funny guy. I'm
kind of the Chandler was like.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
When they're on their date, though, I think before they
go on a date, I think I need to say this. Well,
you're right, You're right, he says. He tells the camera.
He's like, yeah, I think Alex is really pretty. But
if I go on a date with her and then
she's still into Andrew after, then I'm not going to
be able to stick around. And I really want to
midst he knows it, because I want the rose. I
(20:46):
want to have options. So like, if I pick Jill,
like I know I'm gonna have I'm going to be
able to stay so cool.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
I can't believe he does it out loud, but I
mean I get more power to him. I'd prefer that really,
just say the truth. Yeah he's not wrong, right, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
So then they go on the ATV and like you said,
they have they have that conversation and.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
They have the muddiest date. They have to sit by
like the everybody else has these beautiful ocean views and whatever,
and they have to go sit by the round swamp
for some reason. I don't know if you notice how
brown the water was. And then yeah, they have the
dumb she's talking about herself and third person they're talking
about how funny they are. I'm just like, oh god,
let's let's move on to this from this, like not much. So.
(21:27):
Now the goldens are in a room and that's when
the bat flies.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
Right and they're all screaming freaking out, except for our friend.
Well Jack is like all right, okay. Jack's like it's
a bit, it's a beat, it's a beat. It's okay.
He's trying to keep it together. And then somebody says, what,
I could put it on a pizza from Chicago and
make a pizza.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Somebody literally made a joke. They're like, okay, so lady
bugs are good luck, but what our backs.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Kathy is the one. She's like, you know, you know,
I heard they could. They're like a sign of something.
So there's either going to be a slew of new
men or I'm going to get a bat bite. I
mean it was kind of cute water bats.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
And then Leslie is our hero as always and she's like,
you guys, everybody calmed down, I'll get it. She just
opens the door, the bat plays out, end of bat. Yeah,
but I do all.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
My question, which was, Kathy, why do you need a
whole slew of new men. There's a bunch of guys
with you and they've only been there for like a day. So,
like that was a line that the producers game. I
just thought it was weird that, like, so you're already
not in that you have a bunch of great guys.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Somebody just wrote it for her and just said it,
all right, that's all. Now we're gonna get really mad
because Jesse, first of all, I'm like, is he going
to molest someone? Because it shows him like being very
creepy in the shower, Like what is he why is
he being? Why is he skulking around like this in secret?
And I know this had to have made you so mad.
He looks at the mirror and the steam and they're
just we could actually skip this because fuck them. They
(22:57):
do a whole ad for I know what you did
last summer. My note that I do want to say
was why does.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
It go on so long? Like I wrote it, it.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
Literally forty five minutes. Yeah, it was so long. Yeah,
I mean, and Wells is trying so hard to be
like they're really trying to act, They're really trying to.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
Do oh yeah, and then they're like, you know, there's
Wells is chasing him with a hook. Okay, so all
that you could just have him wake up, but then no,
then he goes to the bar where Wells is bartending,
and then Wells has to do all the bad acting
and go, hey what no, I just remember that last
summer you chose to do like a tour around the world,
(23:37):
so we didn't get to do a season. But no, okay,
they gave you a margarita. And then he throws a
big block of ice down and he's got the ice pick,
and it's like, how many scenes is this going to be?
Speaker 2 (23:48):
Yeah? I just for lots of acting here. This is
forty five minutes.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Oh my god. It took the all day to make
that with different setups.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
And obviously that sponsored the entire episode because so then
the next thing they have to do, the secrets, is
like just like they're really it's really a stretch too,
like just like and I know what you did last summer.
They have secrets. Some of their secrets are who murdered.
They're each other, who are their murderers. That's a secret,
right that ties into this game we're gonna do. Yep,
(24:16):
so stupid. Yeah, it just does not write itself. But
then yeah, okay, So the big thing I thought was
kind of funny is the big they each have to
write some ridiculous secret and then they're going to vote
on which secrets the craziest, which is the person shocking
forward so dumb and so it was a very long time,
a very long package of them writing their secrets putting
them in the box.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
So luckily I was like, okay, we can skip all
that ribbling them down the boxes. The boxes like has
a big lock on it. It's like a treasure thing
that would be at the bottom of the ocean. Yeah,
and then Jesse tells them, which ends up being so
anti climatic, but he's like, okay, and then afterwards you're
(24:58):
going to get an option to to say if it
was your secret, and you're gonna want to say it
because there's gonna be a something crazy.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
For you, which I don't know what was? What was it?
What was the VIP suite?
Speaker 2 (25:12):
Oh I miss that. I totally miss the VIP part.
I guess. I mean, I don't remember, but okay, that
makes it.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
This is where I wrote down. So there's a bunch
of secrets you you might remember more of them, but
one of them is I hooked up with somebody twenty
five years older than me, and I wrote that's April's secret,
Franky yea years old.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
It could actually be any of them, but for sure. Also,
I want to point out Leslie's reap. Every time Jesse
would say something, you'd hear Leslie going like, yay, she
was trying so hard to be I could just hear
her voice. So some of them were, uh oh, Katz
was like she threw up on herself in an uber
at eleven am, and they show at looking all whatever.
(25:52):
That's kind of gross, each one getting it. I thought
it was kind of funny though, and I'll tell you
something it's true. Uh So then she goes, yeah, and
it cost me two hundred dollars. Somebody got fined two
hundred dollars. Guess what that happened to?
Speaker 1 (26:03):
Lb. One night she though she threw she threw up
in an uber and I know it costs tw hundred bucks, you.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Know, Yeah, they have to clean that shit.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
They got to. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Yeah, I've never thrown up. Have you ever thrown up
in a cab? I don't think I ever do.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
But one time I was in a cab horribly, horribly,
horribly hungover and I had to make a cab driver
pull over so I could go throw up in an alley. Yeah,
but I would never know it. I feel like the
cab driver. I think he had to pull over twice
and he I do think he was nice.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
Well that's a happy story. Then, well I'm trying to think, yeah,
twenty five years older whatever, April, Yeah, found five hundred
thousand dollars and kept it. I wouldn't have shared that.
They're going to come for you. That's crazy. What do
you mean you found it? You found it because it
was a settlement, And by found, I mean sued Frankie
Valley and by gott kept it means he gave it
(26:58):
to me, right, What the hell? Then one of them,
I think it was RJ, was a playmate for a
female couple. I was confused by that same let's talk
about this. Let's let's break this down. Okay, so it's
a female couple that is into women, but they wanted
a guy to have sex fuck around us. Oh that
wasn't he was all it went into it. He was like, yeah, cool.
(27:19):
I feel like they brushed by that pretty quickly. I know,
because this must have been longer than a scene.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
Because doesn't he admit it at the time, But it
had This was a very shocking secret. Like I feel
like that was the most shocking I thought kind of too,
but hey, man, he owned it. Then somebody slept with
someone while the other their partner was in the other room.
That's just rude. Probably jam it is rude, And no,
it wasn't. It was Kathy oh Ew because she admits it.
(27:48):
This is the whole thing. So basically that became the
most shocking secret. And then and they're like, okay, who
wants to own up to it? I think you were?
Speaker 2 (27:59):
No, No, no, I was, And I got confused. I
didn't remember that that was the last one. But yes,
for some reason, that just didn't seem like.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
The worst one.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
I know.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
That's what I'm saying. On this summer playmate was the
worst one that was crazy, but that was Kathy's secret.
And so they're like, who wants to own up? Are
you sure you don't want to own up? And then
they go to commercial and then they come back and
they're like, okay, seriously, do you want to own up?
And Kathy raises her hand and they're all like, oh
my god, Kathy. And then Jess's like, guess what. You
get to spend the night in the VIP suite? Okay,
(28:29):
how is that? I thought it was going to be.
I was kind of excited because I was like, oh,
maybe she gets to send somebody.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Home, right, No, we don't want that. She's not going
to want to do that, but she's going to get
to have sex with somebody. J Kez Viegra. Yeah yeah,
I mean, okay, it's a good thing. We're you grossed
out by this part. Captain Kim starts trying to hit
on April.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
Oh yeah. Jack was just like, okay, what what's going on? You?
And I want to put some on the grill And
they show Captain Kim and he's just like rubbing her
shoulders and I.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Was like, oh, do you think any of them like him?
Speaker 1 (29:12):
I think they think he's you mean, anybody like Captain Kim. Yeah,
like the older the gold I don't think. I think
they think he's like way too much, too intense, yeah,
and weird. So all the older people start getting ready
to go to bed at this point, and Jack is
kind of bummed about April, and then uh, she something somehow.
(29:36):
Jonathan is like walking by and April passes him and
she's like, you know where my door is? Second door,
the second door to the right. Yeah, you need me.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
But I think she's just kidding. No, like I think
you really think that she come on. I think she
was making a joke. And they're like, oh, I don't
know about that. I think Jonathan is not that smart.
And it was just sort of like I think wants
me to come over. Do you think she was serious?
Speaker 1 (30:03):
I mean maybe no, she's really like hitting on people.
I thought maybe she's being funny. I don't know, she's
a little weird. We know that she for sure really
kind of stalked Frankie Valley for you know, many years
and then wrote a book about right. I mean, he
was also wrong, my god, more wrong. He was more wrong.
(30:25):
Of course, he had a very teenager and messed her up,
but I do, but you know, she gets she gets hooked. Yeah,
oh water not.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
Mam con secks manthree.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Okay, So, so Kathy invites Keith, my boyfriend, up to
her penthouse her VIP yeah, and Keith is like he
because Keith is so sweet, He's like yeah, no, no thanks,
I'm good. And then Keith admits to Kathy and that
he's like, yeah, I was the one I cheated in college.
(31:02):
But he's so cute. He's a chemical engineer, he's so smart.
I like him.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
I just don't love him exactly. I don't think he's
going to turn. It's not in any way that I
am calling him out like I think he's going to
become a bad guy.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
He's a good guy. He just doesn't I don't know.
He's fine. He's fine. So Kathy and Keith are having
like a really good time and they're hot tubbin and
they're drinking, and all the young younger generation is like, yeah,
they're probably up there reading the Bible God. Yeah yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
So okay, so kay I think now we go to
Jonathan goes.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
Up to Jill. He's like, hey, you like, you know,
I just want to say like, I just want to say,
I'm you know, I'm sorry, uh sorry about like kind
of my words from before, and like, I do think
you misinterpreted though, like what I was saying, like on
our date. And she's like, I don't think so.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
Right, she's so immediately combat honestly yeah, but.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
He's also won't let it go, and it couldn't be
more obvious that he just wants her rose yes, but
he won't style give you that, and she's like okay,
like and then she's like, I'm just frustrated because you know,
like I just you did give me mixed messages. And
he's like, I just like I don't think you're understanding
(32:22):
like what I'm saying, and she goes, well, because what
you're saying doesn't really make sense, and he goes, but
you're not understanding me, like I'm trying to explain to you,
and he's like, but it doesn't make sense, but it's fine,
like and he goes, he goes, no, but the real
the real issue is I just want to make sure
you're okay. And then he embarrasses her by going cause
you know, like you came up to me crying, and
(32:45):
she goes, I'm fine, I'm totally fine, and he goes, no,
you're not fine. You know you were crying, like you
were so emotional, like you.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
Were you remember you're screaming having yourself with scissors. Remember
that it just happened this morning. You're seriously like it
was crazy. And she's like, nope, I got Sean. Now
I've got Shawn.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
Right, So everybody is hearing this, which I thought was funny,
and they're like, oh, I'm popping popcorn. Everyone's watching them.
And then Jill is all we have all been Jill,
I feel like in this. She's like, okay, like I
get it, Like, let's drop up the conversation and then
uh and then she's and then he's like, no, but
(33:25):
I just I really need you to understand me. And
she goes, oh my god, like you look like you're
gonna cry, and he goes, yeah, I might. I might.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
You might cry because he's not gonna get a rose,
and then he actually once it. Finally, I guess he's
really considering. I don't know if this was a joke.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
I think it was a.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
GP role that I wrote is April and Option, but
I wasn't sure.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
If I know they're they're fucking with him because they'd
played that scene of her going second door to the right,
second door to the right, making a joke about it
over and over and everybody teasing Jonathan, so they're like, you.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
Know what, he can give each other roses. It doesn't
mean they have to hook up, so like they totally can.
So if somebody wants to keep Jonathan there, he could
like kind of hang out with April and be like, listen,
I know we're not going to hook up, but like
you save me that I guarantee that's gonna happen with
somebody in April.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
April might be like, well, what do you mean we're not.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
Going to hook up, and she's like, we're going to
hook up from behind. And when I say behind, I
mean like full anal, I don't mean like doggy style,
Like you're fucking idiots, millennials, and that's our show.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
Well, you guys, we did it. We did it. We
did it twice, we did it four times. Yep. We
did it in the butt, we did it in the VIPs.
We did it in the spotted Reverse Cowgirl. We did
so uh.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
We also today if your fans and Bravo's the Valley
to that we have both the valleys. We got a
lot up there, so just go check it out. We
also have a Hollywood cringe up.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
Yeah, go back and listen to what I have and
all of that's happened, just so you know, our un
just like that is going to be early next week
because Cecily has to take a trip, but we're going
to wish her well and we're all still going to
watch the show and hate on it mentally until we
get back to Dah. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:11):
All right, guys, we love you, thank you for being
here honestly, and we will see you soon.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
Bye.
What is up? Pricks? Welcome back to Bachelor in Paradise,
Episode three, Part two, Heart are we are going crazy?
I want to say one, We're loving it. We're loving Yeah,
we are having so much fun. There's so much. In
part one, mc scatcat made an appearance. Listen. I just
(00:35):
want to commend you guys. I've been looking at the numbers.
Most of you guys are listening to both parts. Now
you heard us, Yeah, you felt my wrath and you
were like, we don't want to make Stephanie angry because
she's like Jeremy. When she's angry, she's just real mad,
big mad. She said, she gets like a floating head.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
If you could see the show, if it was like,
if you're watching it, you just see her head floating around,
saying like, listen to that first one.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
I hate Janet. She's like, what are you guys doing me?
I'm like, what are you guys doing? Are you getting
spa treatments? Are you all over each other's bodies? Avoiding
part one?
Speaker 2 (01:10):
How Dareio and his version though of spa treatments is
so not They're actually rubbing each other's body in a bathtub,
and he's like, Alma, officials like maybe like a toll
massage or something.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
All No, his eyes were crazy. Somebody's got always cucumbers
over their eyes. Yeah, I loved it.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
His face Okay, so then it was a good day whatever.
So the goldens the goldens. Yeah, two truths in a lie,
which is adorable. Leslie is so funny.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
So Leslie says, like, Prince wrote a song about me. Oh, like,
I don't know. I fucked a guy.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
He's something about Kenny Gas and then another guy and
they're like, well, we know Prince wrote a song about her.
I did not remember that myself. And I'm such a
Leslie stand so like, what the fuck? She's the coolest ever. Yeah,
and then she goes, oh, I forgot to tell one
of them to be a lie.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
This is just the fucking coolest. I love her. We
are obsessed with her, and we are going to get
her our show.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
She's gonna We had her on the show and then
we had to cancel because I got evacuated from the
fire January. The fires, and yes, she was scheduled to
do the show and she was excited about it. And
then we tried to get her back like the next week,
and she had taken.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Oh, she was going here. She couldn't tell us. My god,
she goes, I'm going to I'm taking a trip to
Costa Rica.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
She couldn't tell us what it was. And now we
just put it together like idiots. Wow, oh my god.
And now she really can't do it because she's probably
on contract for a while, so we had to wait
to get her the first time. She'll be worth it
to get her again. But she was on the show,
and this is happening.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Jeremy.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Jeremy's like in a vest now, so we still got
his stupid tank top, but he's put some sort of
like weird thing around it so that his disgusting muscles.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
No, it's like a vest over the.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Tank top, so it's still sleeveless.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
But I don't think he's wearing some scarf like that.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
You'd get it like Bergdorf, like, I don't know what
the fuck it is, but it's not and I don't.
The arms are like I'm not trying to body shame
in any way, but to me, that's too much working out.
That's too much. I feel like it's take it down. Yeah,
I think that's like Jax too. If we're going back.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
To the valley. Also, there's something about his hairline and
his face that reads steroids to me.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Yeah, maybe something in his eye at his pupils. Something's
going on. Maybe not, but he's just so big.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Well now he's become shoey of the men, and he's
just like complaining. He's just like, yeah, man, she fucked
me over, like you know, like, I mean.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
He's talking to Alex, who I guess they're friends because
she's He's just yelling about everything to Alex and then
she's like he has her confession that she's like, I
just can't get there with Jonathan. Then did you think
for a second those two were gonna get together?
Speaker 1 (03:50):
I was like, oh no, no, no, no, no, I
didn't because he's so on like a one track, like complaining.
He's not really listening to Alex. He's like, I mean,
Susie asked me on her date, like I went on
a date with her, but then Bailey told me she
was really into me and then yeah, and Alex is like, oh, well,
like knowing what you know now, like would you have
chosen her? And he goes, I just called Susie And
(04:14):
Alex is like, oh shoot god, and he's like right,
She's like, oh, I'm sorry, and he's like, duh, don't
feel bad for me. It's not a bad thing. It's
a good thing. It's a good thing. I'm totally going
to hook up with Susie as soon as they get back,
Like fuck Bailey, Like this is.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
So not into him anyway, so it all it's like,
I don't uh oh, what makes me sad is that
because he's sort of he's famous and he's on the show,
like he can walk into some bar and get like
whatever he wants, really and that makes me sad. So
then Alex pulls Jonathan to end it, and he's so
sweet about it.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
She's crying.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
I did feel she was being a bit performative here.
The crying didn't seem totally real. Did I think she's
very emotional. I know she's emotional, but she's And also,
it's worse if someone's breaking up and you're like, I'm
just so sorry, I just like didn't like you. He's like, Okay,
you don't have to keep saying things.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
I just don't.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
I'm not physically you gross me out.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
I'm sorry. He's like, the mentally you'd honestly, I did
you don't have to don't do that. It's okay.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
He's like hugs or he's like, no, I mean I heards,
of course, but like you're we're good.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
She's like, is it because like I just like you're
such a bad kisser. I'm so sorry I didn't tell
you that. Why did you make me tell you that?
He's like, I really didn't like you could have, Like
I really want you to stop saying things totally. So
that's just so thick. It's just not like I don't
want to. I don't like it's not my type. And
you're like you don't smell that good.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
I wish I didn't have the worst Okay.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
So then basically Jonathan Jonathan is so bummed out. He's
telling camera he's like, I'm just out of chicks, like
I don't know, like I Alex, like I didn't like
her either, Like let's be real, like it wasn't it
wasn't happening, it wasn't. But now like who's I can't
even stay around for the next girl because like I'm out,
like there's no one for me. Yeah right right? So okay,
(06:06):
so then.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Uh, this is when Bailey is going to come. This
is when she goes to Jeremy and is like apologizing
to him, and.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
She sits at the bar. They're sitting down together, like
next to each other, but he's clearly giving her the
cold shoulder mm hmm. So she's like, do you want
to talk? He's like yeah, he's so mad. He's so
he's like, yeah, okay what and she's and he's so
he's pissed off.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
But then shocker, which is shocking to me, She's like, yeah,
I really want to go on the date, but I'm like,
you know, mind you, I want to be with you.
And then he's like cool, well, also, I was so confused.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
So she apologizes way too much, which I wrote she
shouldn't be doing. It's like a scared apologizing, like this
guy tell me did the same thing.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
He's abusive in that way, yes.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
The way she's just like, I really I shouldn't have
done it, and like it's just I know that I
told you that I was really into you, so like
going on a date was wrong. It was wrong of me.
I shouldn't have done it, and yeah, and then he
doesn't say right away, okay, we're good. He's like, yeah,
well I felt misled because after we talked to the
(07:16):
cocktail party, you made me believe you were here for me.
Then you went on a date and she's like no,
I know, Like you know, I said I'm sorry, like
I'm really really sorry, like I'm so sorry. I really
want to be with you.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
And he's like, ah, yeah, He's like, I'm gonna do
her dirty anyway. And also poor Andrew, and well, Andrew
got a little stuck. He chose what he chose, So
that's on him. But I mean, also you I would
have were him, I would think she was into me.
You know, we just took a bath together. Yeah, I
can't you go on the show and say like, Okay,
I'm on this date, but I really don't feel comfortable
(07:47):
getting in a bath with you, so I'm just not
going to do that.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
This is what I think happened. I think on the date,
Bailey was going back and forth. This is I'm making
this up. I'm making up this narrative, but it kind
of fits if you think about it. So I think
Bailey was telling Andrew like, yeah, like let's have fun.
But you know, Jeremy was pretty mad and like I
am into him and I'm going to end up giving
(08:10):
him my rose. So I think that they were like, cool, cool,
let's be friends. And then I think as soon as
they got back, and I think Andrew is probably like, yeah,
I also like Alex anyway, so like it's totally fine,
I'm going to go make a play for Alex later.
So I don't think Bailey cared at all. Right, Yes, agree,
I think it was. I think they literally talked about it.
(08:31):
And the reason I would know that that is because
every time you read like behind the scenes stuff, they're
always talking about like you could have had a conversation
like we you know, we talked about this off camera
or you know, it's like stuff that wasn't shown. They
do a lot of that. I don't think that the
producers would show that because it would be too easy
and they want it to be a surprise anyway.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Okay, so the Goldens are in the pool and Jack.
Jack likes April. He's like, I just want to I
want to kiss her because when I you know what
he happens. When I kiss somebody, I get a bone up.
Didn't say that, but that's kind of what he's at.
Things he happened when I kiss things he happened. Keith
and then he just kissed.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
Keith is trying to do like a Will Farrell impression
by like jumping on an inflatable unicorn in the pool,
and I wrote, it's cute.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Sorry Cecily, I'm like, no, I think he's cute. I
have no I love every Golden. There's not a single
Golden I don't love. Even April am into all of
this so likable, Yes, and they they are an infusion
to the show that like we need and it works,
you know, And I.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
Know what I would watch. I would watch a Golden
Bachelor in Paradise season. Yeah, for real, like have to.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
Actually because Wells or Jesse somebody says leader, it's like, oh,
you're going they're gonna use the boom boom. First of all,
why wouldn't they use the boom boom room, right? And
why are the youngs not using it? Because like, what
generation are they gen They're not gen Z. They're like millennials, right,
They're in their like mid to late thirties. They're millennials,
so they're millennials. Like, but what they don't have sex anymore?
(10:01):
Like I miss that. I've said this before on the show.
I will stand by it. I miss like, go use
the boomboo, go fuck each other, guys. I know you've
all been tested.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
I know they stay about like so many seasons ago.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
I know. And So I was surprised when Well said that, like, also,
don't put down the goldens like that. Yeah, if they
want to go make out, let them make.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
Out like they're supposed to.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Just that's why they're there, right to meet people later
in life, Like they're allowed to do that for stuff.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
They're all acting like it's so gross that like older
people have sex atally.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
I just said that's what I was like, why would
it be crazy if old people use that? Like enough,
So Andrew is this When he goes to Alex to apology.
He's like, sorry about that. I really wanted to take
you anyway, and she's pissed. She's like, well, but you
didn't choose, and.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Also I don't think it makes it better that he
goes Yeah, it took me like thirty minutes to decide, Okay,
that's not the flex you think it is, Like, oh man,
I really thought about it, like a half hour. It
took me like maybe, but I chose the other persons
and not even like you didn't win, right, that's even worse. Yeah,
(11:05):
it would be better.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
If you said, like a split second. And I was
just like, I just go with whatever pops in your head.
But I really thought it through and it was definitely Bailey.
That's actually true helping. Yeah, but it's also.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Not like he was like, you know, I just wasn't
sure what to do, and I went and consulted with
my friends and I really thought about it, and then
I read a book and then like it took me hours,
and then I just you know, no anyway, okay.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
But then they kiss, I write, I don't know if
I miss something here. But then they kiss and she's
into it, so she just that they didn't get kissed. Right.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Then he's like, I'm gonna I'm going to keep at this.
I'm going to try to wear that's right, And she's
like all right. So then Jeremy goes to get a
massage and he tells the camera because he's still mad.
So he's like, yeah, oh that's right, yes, Okay's this
scene is even worse for him. I mean, he's so
(11:57):
he tells the camera, he's like, yeah, fucking Bailey got
a massage like that, that lying hoard didn't deserve a massage,
misleading R. So I'm going to get a massage. Then
he goes, who knows, maybe I'll get a happy ending.
What why?
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Oh my god, he is a horrible such a fucking
like that.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
They leave in these edits to just make him just horrible. Yeah. Yeah,
so then I just wrote a bunch of people make out.
Well wait, so no, because this is funny. So he's
getting a massage and you can just he his face
is in through through a hole, so like a bunch
of the guys. So she so Bailey comes up and
like kisses him underneath it, and while she's distracting him,
(12:38):
the guys step in for the messuse and then they're
like rubbing him. And then he looks up and he
starts screaming because you know, gay panic. Uh huh. He
jumps up like ew grows. A guy was touching me.
Get away from me, dude, it's so on the wood.
I know it's so gay, dude, I'm not gay. Oh
(12:59):
my god, he's toxic masculinity. Okay, So now Andrew and
Alex kiss that's right.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Okay, So I don't know why, I like, maybe I'm
just blocking Jeremy out a little bit, but she's into it.
Alex didn't really have to be worn down that hard,
but I get it. She deserves to like go out
and hang out with someone she likes. Yeah, and they
are a good match. They really are, I think, Yeah,
we never really know. Then we go to this obnoxious
(13:28):
Jill and Jonathan chat, which like really wrecked my mind
in a way that I don't really know how to
explain it.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Jill, that's awful. I mean, she can't help herself. She
comes by it naturally, she's very anxious, but it's I
don't know how she thinks that's going to play if she.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
Just beyond anxious. She's nuts, Like he's not even following.
He's trying to be so nice. He's like, yeah, I
was just you know, we were kind of testing the
waters as friends. Really we were definitely friends on that date,
but you were sexy to me and I really didn't know.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
And she's so mad. She goes and she says something, say,
she goes, Why did you say? She goes? You said
I made your decision harder, and he says, he goes, yeah,
because it reminded me that, like I want somebody who
I can have like good conversations with like I had
with you, and she goes, yeah, but do you mean
I made your decision harder but not like you want
(14:21):
to be with me?
Speaker 2 (14:22):
And he goes yes, no, but then he goes he's
like not following, and then.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
She goes she goes like, why does this happened? I
was like, oh, no, she's not. And then she starts
to do all the voices to camera. Then she does
the chipmunk and monk thing where she's just like pretending
she's like a chipmunk eating a cracker, Like who is
that comedian that used to do that? That was her
whole I feel like her name was.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
I was just thinking about her and I can't think
of her name, but I can picture her physically.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
That was her whole thing, was just being doing that,
like hands like close to him on like the Tonight show.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
I remember being very jealous and being confroned. O. Her
name was she got Beth. Yes, I was gonna say Beth, Beth.
I was absolutely gonna say that.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
So if you guys want to google Beth chipmunk impression,
it's basically the same thing Jill's doing where she's squirrel
and it's like a squirrel. Yeah, not that it's you know,
squirrels look a lot like chipmunks though, right, I.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Mean that says you I can't find her, but it
just does that.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
And I was like, yeah, like like I'm gonna eat,
eat eat, And then she's like, uh, well, why don't
you just tell me you just want to be friends?
And he just stares at her and she's like the camera.
She goes, men should not even be on this planet. God,
she's nuts.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
But then mom incomes as if it couldn't get worse
even though we're liking it. Incomes Sean, and I was like, fop, no, yep,
he such Eric Trump.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Vibes to me. Yeah, I don't know why.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
I'm not to make it political at all. Like his
giant cross dangling, there's something and I'm not saying you
can't have a cross. You be able to have whatever
religion you know, all that's fine, but there's something very
like that was what that's what we said about him.
I was like, oh, do you guys wash my robe.
I'm like saying that there's something about him. So and
(16:13):
maybe we were wrong? Were we wrong about him? Like
I don't want to be a jerk because maybe he's fine.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
I don't think we were wrong about him. I think
we were like suspending our suspicion and then I think
we read something bad about him and went forward to it.
I'm not sure I remember, but.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
Anyway, so he meets but he's nice enough, Like I
even wrote like, okay, he's nice to the Goldens, Like,
but what's he gonna do? Be like, fuck you guys,
where's the young chicks? He's gonna be nice on camp?
I mean, he just did what anyone would do, right,
But then the Kendall thing, which nobody cares.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
I know, and Jill is like, yeah, well he's gonna
have to pick me cause I do a lot of
bosses and I'm the only one who's saying go, And
then somehow he does.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
But then so then also when they in the production,
they're like, you know, you look like you look like
Jason Priestley, us like, who the fuck is that? Yes,
I mean it's fine that he doesn't know who Jason
Priestley is. I guess why would he like that?
Speaker 1 (17:06):
He should know that? My kids all would know who
Jason Priestley is? Would they though? By name? If you
didn't say Brandon. I don't know that they would.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
I think we could test this if you don't lead
them in any way and just say we say, if
I say Jason Priestley, do you know who that is?
I don't think because he's not. And let me just
tell you I saw him. I told you Jason Priestley
is no joy. I saw him at the Soho house.
That's right, that's pretty cool story. Yeah, he was very like,
he was just I think we said somebody that I
(17:36):
was with said hi to him. They're like, oh, hi,
you know whatever, we've met before. And he was like
he could not be bothered that someone spoke to him
waiting for the valet and then the car and don't
I don't remember exactly because I don't pay attention to cars,
but it was some kind of room room with like
license like LA license plates, like I know, do you
want to like something? Annoy He was annoying. He he
(17:56):
read not great, So we don't need to know who
he is.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
So funny. So I have a neighbor, my neighbor who
lives down the street, whose name is Mitch. He has
told me this story so many times that I could
almost you know, when someone starts to tell you a
story you've heard before that you could almost say it
with him. His story is about and now I can't
remember the name of this club that was on Sunset Boulevard.
It was a very big club back in the day.
(18:22):
But he's like, yeah, I went to this club and no,
it was like way more hip than that. It was
like celebrities all went there for a while. I'll think
of it. But anyway, he went there.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Oh the place that I made you go all the
time on Sunset.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
No, the other side of the street. Okay. Anyway, his
whole thing that he loves to share is that Jason
Priesley was there, so he got to hang out with
Jason Priestley and he seems so.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
Cool, so all they maybe it's cool.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
No, I don't think Jason Priestley was cool. I think
he just felt like because he was in the vicinity
of Jason Priestley, Like lots of girls thought it was
because Jason Priestley is I see now ew like that?
I mean story yeah, mm hmm. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
So Jesse gets a uh no, not Jesse, what Sean
and the guy Sean gets a date card and on
the day it's like a TV and they're all pretending like,
can you imagine if that was us, If we were
Jill and we knew we were probably gonna get the date,
I'd be like, can we not do the ATV? That's
where I would step and be like I want the massage, right,
I'm not an ATV, but she I'll act. She's like, oh, yeah,
fun the fun love.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
He's asking her, He's like, do you like adrenaline stuff?
And she's like, yeah, if a man has if a
man has a motorcycle, him into it, Like, yeah, I
really want to go on a date with I really
want to go to a date with you. I right,
I don't go. I'm not dad with all. I'm really
bad to it.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
So yeah, it's so stupid. I was just shocked that
he was even into her at all.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
And then he says, he says, uh. She says, if
Sean asked me on this date, I'm gonna go because
like this is word for word. She goes because like,
if a man shows me a lick of attention, I'm
and then she does the chipmunk impression again or sorry right, and.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
They're so weird and they're both talking about how She's like,
I use humor. This is my thing is just I
use humor as coping. He's like me too. I'm like, okay,
maybe Jill does. It doesn't read well, but maybe that's
what she's doing. But Sean, I have never noticed you
doing that, right, He's like, I even do it with brief.
I just do with everything. I'm the funny guy. I'm
kind of the Chandler was like.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
When they're on their date, though, I think before they
go on a date, I think I need to say this. Well,
you're right, You're right, he says. He tells the camera.
He's like, yeah, I think Alex is really pretty. But
if I go on a date with her and then
she's still into Andrew after, then I'm not going to
be able to stick around. And I really want to
midst he knows it, because I want the rose. I
(20:46):
want to have options. So like, if I pick Jill,
like I know I'm gonna have I'm going to be
able to stay so cool.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
I can't believe he does it out loud, but I
mean I get more power to him. I'd prefer that really,
just say the truth. Yeah he's not wrong, right, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
So then they go on the ATV and like you said,
they have they have that conversation and.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
They have the muddiest date. They have to sit by
like the everybody else has these beautiful ocean views and whatever,
and they have to go sit by the round swamp
for some reason. I don't know if you notice how
brown the water was. And then yeah, they have the
dumb she's talking about herself and third person they're talking
about how funny they are. I'm just like, oh god,
let's let's move on to this from this, like not much. So.
(21:27):
Now the goldens are in a room and that's when
the bat flies.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
Right and they're all screaming freaking out, except for our friend.
Well Jack is like all right, okay. Jack's like it's
a bit, it's a beat, it's a beat. It's okay.
He's trying to keep it together. And then somebody says, what,
I could put it on a pizza from Chicago and
make a pizza.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Somebody literally made a joke. They're like, okay, so lady
bugs are good luck, but what our backs.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Kathy is the one. She's like, you know, you know,
I heard they could. They're like a sign of something.
So there's either going to be a slew of new
men or I'm going to get a bat bite. I
mean it was kind of cute water bats.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
And then Leslie is our hero as always and she's like,
you guys, everybody calmed down, I'll get it. She just
opens the door, the bat plays out, end of bat. Yeah,
but I do all.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
My question, which was, Kathy, why do you need a
whole slew of new men. There's a bunch of guys
with you and they've only been there for like a day. So,
like that was a line that the producers game. I
just thought it was weird that, like, so you're already
not in that you have a bunch of great guys.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Somebody just wrote it for her and just said it,
all right, that's all. Now we're gonna get really mad
because Jesse, first of all, I'm like, is he going
to molest someone? Because it shows him like being very
creepy in the shower, Like what is he why is
he being? Why is he skulking around like this in secret?
And I know this had to have made you so mad.
He looks at the mirror and the steam and they're
just we could actually skip this because fuck them. They
(22:57):
do a whole ad for I know what you did
last summer. My note that I do want to say
was why does.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
It go on so long? Like I wrote it, it.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
Literally forty five minutes. Yeah, it was so long. Yeah,
I mean, and Wells is trying so hard to be
like they're really trying to act, They're really trying to.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
Do oh yeah, and then they're like, you know, there's
Wells is chasing him with a hook. Okay, so all
that you could just have him wake up, but then no,
then he goes to the bar where Wells is bartending,
and then Wells has to do all the bad acting
and go, hey what no, I just remember that last
summer you chose to do like a tour around the world,
(23:37):
so we didn't get to do a season. But no, okay,
they gave you a margarita. And then he throws a
big block of ice down and he's got the ice pick,
and it's like, how many scenes is this going to be?
Speaker 2 (23:48):
Yeah? I just for lots of acting here. This is
forty five minutes.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Oh my god. It took the all day to make
that with different setups.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
And obviously that sponsored the entire episode because so then
the next thing they have to do, the secrets, is
like just like they're really it's really a stretch too,
like just like and I know what you did last summer.
They have secrets. Some of their secrets are who murdered.
They're each other, who are their murderers. That's a secret,
right that ties into this game we're gonna do. Yep,
(24:16):
so stupid. Yeah, it just does not write itself. But
then yeah, okay, So the big thing I thought was
kind of funny is the big they each have to
write some ridiculous secret and then they're going to vote
on which secrets the craziest, which is the person shocking
forward so dumb and so it was a very long time,
a very long package of them writing their secrets putting
them in the box.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
So luckily I was like, okay, we can skip all
that ribbling them down the boxes. The boxes like has
a big lock on it. It's like a treasure thing
that would be at the bottom of the ocean. Yeah,
and then Jesse tells them, which ends up being so
anti climatic, but he's like, okay, and then afterwards you're
(24:58):
going to get an option to to say if it
was your secret, and you're gonna want to say it
because there's gonna be a something crazy.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
For you, which I don't know what was? What was it?
What was the VIP suite?
Speaker 2 (25:12):
Oh I miss that. I totally miss the VIP part.
I guess. I mean, I don't remember, but okay, that
makes it.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
This is where I wrote down. So there's a bunch
of secrets you you might remember more of them, but
one of them is I hooked up with somebody twenty
five years older than me, and I wrote that's April's secret,
Franky yea years old.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
It could actually be any of them, but for sure. Also,
I want to point out Leslie's reap. Every time Jesse
would say something, you'd hear Leslie going like, yay, she
was trying so hard to be I could just hear
her voice. So some of them were, uh oh, Katz
was like she threw up on herself in an uber
at eleven am, and they show at looking all whatever.
(25:52):
That's kind of gross, each one getting it. I thought
it was kind of funny though, and I'll tell you
something it's true. Uh So then she goes, yeah, and
it cost me two hundred dollars. Somebody got fined two
hundred dollars. Guess what that happened to?
Speaker 1 (26:03):
Lb. One night she though she threw she threw up
in an uber and I know it costs tw hundred bucks, you.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Know, Yeah, they have to clean that shit.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
They got to. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Yeah, I've never thrown up. Have you ever thrown up
in a cab? I don't think I ever do.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
But one time I was in a cab horribly, horribly,
horribly hungover and I had to make a cab driver
pull over so I could go throw up in an alley. Yeah,
but I would never know it. I feel like the
cab driver. I think he had to pull over twice
and he I do think he was nice.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
Well that's a happy story. Then, well I'm trying to think, yeah,
twenty five years older whatever, April, Yeah, found five hundred
thousand dollars and kept it. I wouldn't have shared that.
They're going to come for you. That's crazy. What do
you mean you found it? You found it because it
was a settlement, And by found, I mean sued Frankie
Valley and by gott kept it means he gave it
(26:58):
to me, right, What the hell? Then one of them,
I think it was RJ, was a playmate for a
female couple. I was confused by that same let's talk
about this. Let's let's break this down. Okay, so it's
a female couple that is into women, but they wanted
a guy to have sex fuck around us. Oh that
wasn't he was all it went into it. He was like, yeah, cool.
(27:19):
I feel like they brushed by that pretty quickly. I know,
because this must have been longer than a scene.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
Because doesn't he admit it at the time, But it
had This was a very shocking secret. Like I feel
like that was the most shocking I thought kind of too,
but hey, man, he owned it. Then somebody slept with
someone while the other their partner was in the other room.
That's just rude. Probably jam it is rude, And no,
it wasn't. It was Kathy oh Ew because she admits it.
(27:48):
This is the whole thing. So basically that became the
most shocking secret. And then and they're like, okay, who
wants to own up to it? I think you were?
Speaker 2 (27:59):
No, No, no, I was, And I got confused. I
didn't remember that that was the last one. But yes,
for some reason, that just didn't seem like.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
The worst one.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
I know.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
That's what I'm saying. On this summer playmate was the
worst one that was crazy, but that was Kathy's secret.
And so they're like, who wants to own up? Are
you sure you don't want to own up? And then
they go to commercial and then they come back and
they're like, okay, seriously, do you want to own up?
And Kathy raises her hand and they're all like, oh
my god, Kathy. And then Jess's like, guess what. You
get to spend the night in the VIP suite? Okay,
(28:29):
how is that? I thought it was going to be.
I was kind of excited because I was like, oh,
maybe she gets to send somebody.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Home, right, No, we don't want that. She's not going
to want to do that, but she's going to get
to have sex with somebody. J Kez Viegra. Yeah yeah,
I mean, okay, it's a good thing. We're you grossed
out by this part. Captain Kim starts trying to hit
on April.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
Oh yeah. Jack was just like, okay, what what's going on? You?
And I want to put some on the grill And
they show Captain Kim and he's just like rubbing her
shoulders and I.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Was like, oh, do you think any of them like him?
Speaker 1 (29:12):
I think they think he's you mean, anybody like Captain Kim. Yeah,
like the older the gold I don't think. I think
they think he's like way too much, too intense, yeah,
and weird. So all the older people start getting ready
to go to bed at this point, and Jack is
kind of bummed about April, and then uh, she something somehow.
(29:36):
Jonathan is like walking by and April passes him and
she's like, you know where my door is? Second door,
the second door to the right. Yeah, you need me.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
But I think she's just kidding. No, like I think
you really think that she come on. I think she
was making a joke. And they're like, oh, I don't
know about that. I think Jonathan is not that smart.
And it was just sort of like I think wants
me to come over. Do you think she was serious?
Speaker 1 (30:03):
I mean maybe no, she's really like hitting on people.
I thought maybe she's being funny. I don't know, she's
a little weird. We know that she for sure really
kind of stalked Frankie Valley for you know, many years
and then wrote a book about right. I mean, he
was also wrong, my god, more wrong. He was more wrong.
(30:25):
Of course, he had a very teenager and messed her up,
but I do, but you know, she gets she gets hooked. Yeah,
oh water not.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
Mam con secks manthree.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Okay, So, so Kathy invites Keith, my boyfriend, up to
her penthouse her VIP yeah, and Keith is like he
because Keith is so sweet, He's like yeah, no, no thanks,
I'm good. And then Keith admits to Kathy and that
he's like, yeah, I was the one I cheated in college.
(31:02):
But he's so cute. He's a chemical engineer, he's so smart.
I like him.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
I just don't love him exactly. I don't think he's
going to turn. It's not in any way that I
am calling him out like I think he's going to
become a bad guy.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
He's a good guy. He just doesn't I don't know.
He's fine. He's fine. So Kathy and Keith are having
like a really good time and they're hot tubbin and
they're drinking, and all the young younger generation is like, yeah,
they're probably up there reading the Bible God. Yeah yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
So okay, so kay I think now we go to
Jonathan goes.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
Up to Jill. He's like, hey, you like, you know,
I just want to say like, I just want to say,
I'm you know, I'm sorry, uh sorry about like kind
of my words from before, and like, I do think
you misinterpreted though, like what I was saying, like on
our date. And she's like, I don't think so.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
Right, she's so immediately combat honestly yeah, but.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
He's also won't let it go, and it couldn't be
more obvious that he just wants her rose yes, but
he won't style give you that, and she's like okay,
like and then she's like, I'm just frustrated because you know,
like I just you did give me mixed messages. And
he's like, I just like I don't think you're understanding
(32:22):
like what I'm saying, and she goes, well, because what
you're saying doesn't really make sense, and he goes, but
you're not understanding me, like I'm trying to explain to you,
and he's like, but it doesn't make sense, but it's fine,
like and he goes, he goes, no, but the real
the real issue is I just want to make sure
you're okay. And then he embarrasses her by going cause
you know, like you came up to me crying, and
(32:45):
she goes, I'm fine, I'm totally fine, and he goes, no,
you're not fine. You know you were crying, like you
were so emotional, like you.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
Were you remember you're screaming having yourself with scissors. Remember
that it just happened this morning. You're seriously like it
was crazy. And she's like, nope, I got Sean. Now
I've got Shawn.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
Right, So everybody is hearing this, which I thought was funny,
and they're like, oh, I'm popping popcorn. Everyone's watching them.
And then Jill is all we have all been Jill,
I feel like in this. She's like, okay, like I
get it, Like, let's drop up the conversation and then
uh and then she's and then he's like, no, but
(33:25):
I just I really need you to understand me. And
she goes, oh my god, like you look like you're
gonna cry, and he goes, yeah, I might. I might.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
You might cry because he's not gonna get a rose,
and then he actually once it. Finally, I guess he's
really considering. I don't know if this was a joke.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
I think it was a.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
GP role that I wrote is April and Option, but
I wasn't sure.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
If I know they're they're fucking with him because they'd
played that scene of her going second door to the right,
second door to the right, making a joke about it
over and over and everybody teasing Jonathan, so they're like, you.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
Know what, he can give each other roses. It doesn't
mean they have to hook up, so like they totally can.
So if somebody wants to keep Jonathan there, he could
like kind of hang out with April and be like, listen,
I know we're not going to hook up, but like
you save me that I guarantee that's gonna happen with
somebody in April.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
April might be like, well, what do you mean we're not.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
Going to hook up, and she's like, we're going to
hook up from behind. And when I say behind, I
mean like full anal, I don't mean like doggy style,
Like you're fucking idiots, millennials, and that's our show.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
Well, you guys, we did it. We did it. We
did it twice, we did it four times. Yep. We
did it in the butt, we did it in the VIPs.
We did it in the spotted Reverse Cowgirl. We did
so uh.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
We also today if your fans and Bravo's the Valley
to that we have both the valleys. We got a
lot up there, so just go check it out. We
also have a Hollywood cringe up.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
Yeah, go back and listen to what I have and
all of that's happened, just so you know, our un
just like that is going to be early next week
because Cecily has to take a trip, but we're going
to wish her well and we're all still going to
watch the show and hate on it mentally until we
get back to Dah. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:11):
All right, guys, we love you, thank you for being
here honestly, and we will see you soon.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
Bye.
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