March 13, 2024 • 27 mins
In today’s episode, we're joined by Anne Abel, author of newly released book, Mattie, Milo, and Me. Anne shares the touching stories of how her rescue dogs, Mattie and Milo, helped her navigate grief and depression. We discuss the complexities of adopting pets with undisclosed behavioral issues, highlighting the compassion and commitment required. Additionally, we tackle the debate: does someone with grief need time to recover before getting another dog, or does a new furry companion aid in healing? Join us for a heartfelt exploration of resilience, love, and the transformative power of canine companionship.
EPISODE NOTES: Navigating Grief with the Healing Journey of Rescue Dogs
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EPISODE NOTES: Navigating Grief with the Healing Journey of Rescue Dogs
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/save-a-pooch-rescue-dog-welfare-pet-life-radio-original--6669238/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
This is pet Life Radio, Let's Talk Pets.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Welcome to Save a Pooch on pet Life Radio. Thank
you for listening in today. I am Beverly Israel, your host.
In this episode, we welcome and Able, the author behind
the new book Maddie Milo and Me so ad Journey
with her Rescue Dogs not only inspires but also shows
the impact of K nine companionship on the human spirit
(00:45):
during dark times. So when we get back from these messages,
we will hear from author and Able.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
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(01:14):
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Speaker 4 (01:35):
Let's Talk Pets on Petlifradio dot com.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Welcome back to save a food. We are talking with
An Able, the author behind the new release book, Maddie
Milo and me. I really appreciate you taking time today
and congratulations on its completion.
Speaker 5 (02:00):
Well, thank you, thank you, and thank you.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
So let's start off with the meeting behind the memoir
that you've captured in this book. I know it's a lot,
so yeah, can you share with us the emotional journey.
Speaker 5 (02:15):
My middle son was born saying the word dog, and
his first complete sentence was I want a dog. And
I did not want a dog. I wanted to be
a good mother. I had no interest in dogs. They
would work, they had to walk them, you know, they
wrecked your house. It was just when I went to
people's houses and they got their wet noses on me.
I did not want to dog. So for ten years
(02:37):
I appeased him with every kind of caged and tank
animal there is. And on his tenth birthday, Right before
his tenth birthday, I saw a headline that said African
hedgehog the perfect pet. So I said, well, how would
you like that for your birthday? He really wanted a dog,
but he said okay, So I called the pet story
to get directions. This was way back and the man
(02:59):
who answered, so you know, they're really porcupines and you
have to handle them with gloves, and my heart just sank.
We had enough of these these animals. It was time
for the dog. And I'm not a shopper. I looked
at three houses before I bought my house. I need
an appliance, I just go. I get one that's good enough.
(03:19):
But good enough was not going to cut it with
the dog. So I got a book, four hundred and
fifty page book with every kind of rescue. I was
asking people about their dogs, and one day my older
son came home from a teammate's house excited about a
whekened terrier. I looked it up in the book. They
did everything but empty the dishwasher. This was my dog.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
Oh.
Speaker 5 (03:40):
I called the breeder. She said, okay, we'll put you
on the list for May. It was January. I hung
up the phone, thinking, sometimes it's just so easy to
be a good mother. May was a lifetime away. Anything
could happen. Three days later she calmed me up and
she said, we have this ten month old dog named Mattie.
We were going to the user as a show dog,
(04:01):
but her next to short. If you come out this
weekend and we'll meet the boys. You can meet Maddie.
You can take her home if everything works out again.
My heart just sank. But what was I going to do?
So Sunday, my three boys and my husband piled into
the car. I walked through my house thinking it is
never going to look like this again, and I got
(04:22):
in the car. I suffered with depression and I was
if they were talking, I just didn't hear them on
the hour ride to the breeder. We get to the breeder,
they meet the kids, they like them. They say, go
in the kitchen and we'll send Mattie up. So I'm
standing there with my family, pretty comatose. Just you know,
this is like I've been dreading this for ten years,
(04:43):
and this white ball of fluff comes bounding into the kitchen.
She circles us and then she kind of lands on
me and I sit down, I hug her, and I
am in love. This was like she was perfect, She
was no work. All she wanted to do was give
love and take love. She taught us a game I
don't know how she taught it called family hug. And
(05:04):
if two of us were together, she'd start running around
and you go family hug, family hug, and she'd go.
It was like Duck duck goose, only there were no losers,
and she, you know, she was wonderful. Seven years later,
one day, when December I came home, I let her out.
I still had my jacket on and the doorbell rings.
I open it. It's a ups man, ma'am. I'm sorry.
(05:27):
I just hit your dog and killed Oh my god.
I just collapsed to the floor. I mean, I was
just sobbing and sobbing and sobbing, and the first when
I could finally stand up, I called Mattie's reader. I
knew that getting another dog wasn't going to make me
Miss Maddie less, but with my depression, I was just
terrified that without a distraction from the void left by Mattie,
(05:51):
I would be pushed into the abyss so he wasn't
breeding anymore. And went out from one dog. I mean,
I wasn't shocked, basically, but I went from one to
the next. It was before Christmas. A lot of them
yelled at me for wanting to get a dog, and
I'd be returning it after Christmas, and I called and
left a voicemail on an acquaintance not someone I didn't
know very well. But she had five dogs, a few
(06:12):
pedigree and a few rescues, a couple of rescues, and
the next morning she called me, like at eight thirty
and she said, well, you know, the breeder for my
Bijon's it's going to be months. I don't think you
want to wait that long. Would you take a rescue?
I heard myself say I'll take anything, So she volunteered
for a rescue in the neighborhood. And she said, I'll
(06:34):
call the owner and tell him to call you. And
within five minutes the man called. I said, I want
a small lap dog that doesn't shed. He said, oh,
we have lots of dogs, but let me tell you
about Milo, so you know, and he said, come out
and meet him. If you don't like him, we have
lots of dogs. So we go out and he's waiting
(06:56):
for us in a sunny meadow with Milo, and we'd
go down. My It was a beautiful sphinx like dog
with soulful eyes and white, oversized paws. We nicknamed him
Mellow Milo and this was our dog. But then reality
struck and I realized he was like four or five
times bigger than what I wanted, so he said, okay,
you said you had other dogs, could can we see them?
(07:19):
He said, sure, come in the waiting room. I'll put
Milo back, and two minutes later, let's lose this bijon
named Scooter, who was happily named because he was just
ricocheting off the walls. And my youngest son one of
the words that our family said, take Scooter back, we
want Milo. And what kind of breed was Milo? Well,
we've come to learn heind's fifty seven is what they
(07:42):
called him. So this very savvy rescue guy he said, okay, fine,
and I'm like, can we take him home tonight and first?
And that's like for later. But my two sons had
wanted to wait, but I'll get into that later. But
I wanted to take him home that night. And then
the guy said, okay, well, i'll bathe them. I'll bring
him to you tomorrow. Let me take you through the kennels.
(08:02):
It was December of two thousand and one. He said,
we have lots of dogs in New York, you know,
who are displaced by the World Trade Center tragedy. Maybe
you have friends who want a dog, so we'll go.
We're going through. It's dark and cold in December, and
the dogs are all their own cages and they're throwing
themselves at the cages when they see us in barking.
(08:23):
And then we walk by Milo's cage and he's just
curled up on a bed of rags, just looking at us.
So Josh turns and my youngest son turns in, we
can take Milo, and so we'll take Milo tomorrow. So
the guy drops Milo off the next day. Within three hours,
he was humping and jumping, howling. Within a few days
(08:47):
he bit two of my sons, oh and abandoning the
bloody wrist of one of them. He said to me,
I bet they sedated Milo at the rescue before we
got there. As soon as he said it was obvious,
and my first instinct, I was really pissed, and I said, thought,
I'm bringing this monster back. But then I remembered him
(09:08):
on that better rags and I just couldn't do it.
So someone had told me about a school called what
a Good Dog exclamation point, So I called there and
they said, okay, you have to come for an interview. Meanwhile,
he was just terrorizing our house. We were practically hiding
under the beds. I take him for walks something I know.
(09:28):
He pulled me in front of a school bus. I
was on my belly at arms like away from the
school bus that they had come to a screech. And
I listened to one of your podcasts. You had a
man on from He was the CEO of dog training
Elite Markets, Yes, and he was talking about connecting with
you know, should you connect with your dog at first?
(09:50):
Is that important in matching a dog to an owner?
And I'll tell you. I pulled Mile onto the sidewalk
after that school bus thing, and after everyone left because
I didn't want them looking at me, after all the
traffic passed, I just started screaming, I hate you, I
hate I mean, I hate you. And again I thought
of taking him back to the rescue, but I just
(10:12):
couldn't do it. And it was like I couldn't live
with him, but I knew I couldn't live with myself, right,
So I made it. I just started making a And
then I went to a dog park. I couldn't go
on the streets anymore. And I'm walking around. I'd never
been to a dog park before, and I'm walking around
with this woman who had five rescues, and milea was barking,
and I'm trying to talk to her, and by the
(10:34):
time we made one revolution around the park, she stopped
and she said, you know, there's a lot of dogs
at the rescue more deserving than this one. You should
send him back and get out there. Yeah, and so
then we but I'm making a list of all the
problems so when we go for our interview, I can
tell all my problem So we go. Mila was sitting
(10:54):
with my husband just perfectly. My two sons are with
and I'm just telling the woman all the problems because
I really really want help. And then I paused to
see if she wants to analyze them herself, and she says,
you need to return Milo. The owner of the rescue
knew you were vulnerable. He should never have given this
dog to you. You're the third family he's been placed
(11:16):
with in eighteen months. And that was that was it,
and I just got up and we all walked out.
My kids were really angry, even though they hadn't wanted
to adopt a dog, they were just so angry that
I had told all the and I had said to her, well,
look at him, he's so good, because that's just because
he's stressing he's been through this before, so eddihow I
(11:39):
spent the next six months just completely immerg. I got
help from what a good Dog exclamation point. And we
were six months of really intense training and then we
were graduating and I was so happy. And then she
said to me, you've got to go with Milo every
day to the woods for an hour so he can
be the dog he was to be, which I hate nature.
(12:02):
I don't like walking alone in the woods. But I
did it every day for ten years. Good for you, wow,
And I'll tell you and I would be trudging along
the path. It was just you know, whether it were
in crampons for the ice or boots for the mud.
But then I'd see him come soaring across the path,
and for those moments, my heart would just soar with him,
(12:25):
to see this animal who could have been stuck in
a cage on a bit of rags. Yeah, being the
creature he was born to.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Be, clearly need to let loose his energies.
Speaker 5 (12:35):
So that's how I came to have Maddie and Milo.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
Wow, that's amazing that you did it, two rescue dogs
back to back. But we're just gonna go on a
quick break, and afterwards we're gonna go into how Maddy
and Milo helped you navigate through your periods of grief
and depression. So we're just gonna have a quick break
and when we get back we'll continue talking with an
able author of Mattie, Milo and me.
Speaker 5 (13:03):
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Speaker 4 (13:53):
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Speaker 2 (13:59):
Com Welcome back to the Sable Coach. We are talking
with author and Abel. So before the break, we touched
on how she came about rescuing two dogs when she
(14:19):
wasn't a dog person. So that's amazing that you can
murdered day. So let's get into what was happening in
your life and how they impacted you through that period
of time.
Speaker 5 (14:31):
Well, Maddie wasn't a rescue. She was from a reader,
but right okay, And she was just basically a really
sweet stuffed animal dog who all she wanted to do
was give up and take love, which is really good
for someone suffering with depression. And I'd be sitting at
my next working and she'd be there and I'd look
at her and I would just feel so good, and
then you know, we'd go down and have a snack,
(14:53):
she'd go out, and she was just such a nice,
warm companion. She was just lovely, and it just would
always make me feel good to look at her, to
be with her, to snuggle with her. It was kind
of a no brainer. That's got Milo. And I got
Milo so quickly because I wanted a distraction from you know,
(15:13):
after and he was a distraction. I mean, I didn't
have time to think of it. I still missed Maddie,
but I had to be so vigil I mean every
minute of every day I was, you know, I was
what was keeping him and keeping him from the rest
of attacking the rest of the world, and also from
having to go back. You know, if he did something horrible,
(15:34):
he would have had to go back to the rescue.
I went to dog and What a Good Dog school?
It was what a good Dog. The hardest thing was
I'm not an alpha. Any alpha I had in me
was beaten out in childhood. But the teacher, she would
start yelling at me. And like one day I was
just standing there and I was talking to her and
we had told him to sit this is at the beginning,
(15:56):
and then he just starts kind of walking around smelling,
you know this is and she he says Anne, and
I'm like, what, you know, You're supposed to be the alpha,
not Milo, you know. Because so I had to really
With my kids, I never had to be in alpha.
They were just easy, did you know. It was just
natural for me to parent them. But with Milo, I
(16:16):
had to really like force myself. I don't like training people.
I don't like controlling him, but in the end, it
really was distracting getting him. And even though I didn't
like him, I hated him at the very beginning, and
I even dried. We had a carpenter working at our
house the first couple of weeks. He was twenty five
years old, thirty more work boots. He had a German
(16:36):
shepherd at home, and Milea loved him. He would go
sidle up to him, and I asked him if he
would take Milo, you know, because and he said no,
And I was really glad. Myla didn't understand what was
going on. But what happened was, even though I was
doing all these things with Milo that were outside my
comfort zone, things that I never would have wanted to
do if given the choice, we were doing these intense things,
(17:00):
like the teacher said I had to go into crowded
places with his dog, and I'm like, are you crazy,
I'm taking a you know. So we did these really
high stress things together. I bonded with you know, when
you're doing things like that, you bond in a certain way.
And then also he was a quick learner, even though
he was always a bit wild. To the day he died,
(17:21):
he understood what I was trying to do with him,
and he we would kind of make believe that I
was the alpha most of the time. And I fell
in love with him, and I learned that there's different kinds.
There are different kinds of love. My love for him
was different than my love for Maddie. But you know,
when I would come, he'd be waiting for me in
the car or at home, and I'd come home and
(17:42):
he'd see me and his lion king tail would do
one hundred and eighty degrees swish. Let's not to love
about that that someone's happy to see you.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
Exactly, and it's great that it seems like he will
almost forced you to get out of your shelf. That
wouldn't have blue for me.
Speaker 5 (17:59):
I would And if I had known on day one
what was in store for me for the next ten years,
I probably would have still done it, because I just
couldn't didn't have the heart to send him back. But
I would have been you know, I was taking it
one day at a time. Everything was one day at
a time. And then I never liked taking him to
the woods, but I never missed a day. And I
(18:20):
did it because it was good for Milo and I
felt really good and you know what, there wasn't a
day that went by in the ten years we had
him that I didn't think of the dog curled up
on the bed of rags and then compare him to
the dog he was now, And it just made me
feel really good to have been able to help a
living being this way.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
Yeah, that he's come a long way, it seems, especially
because he never even liked dogs in the beginning nor
so I love seeing that kind of transformation. And you
bring up a good point, which is the debate around
should someone with grief need time to recover before getting
another dog? And I was actually just talking about this
with my cousins because she recently lost her dog and
(19:00):
she's wondering should I give myself time or should I
just jump in and get another dog. I honestly have
no answer for that. But you've gone through I guess
not not taking the time and just what for the
other dog, and it did work in your favor. Do
you think, like, what factors do you believe that individuals
should consider when contemplating, you know, getting another dog while
(19:23):
still processing grief.
Speaker 5 (19:25):
Well, I mean, obviously everybody's different for sure, and the
way I function and the way I function with my
depression is you know, action and activity keeps me more buoyed,
so like doing things is better. But to be honest,
we were my husband and I were a little worried
that adopting a dog the day after one was killed,
(19:46):
you know, that would make our kids think that blenning
beings are just replaceable. Ah, that's a good point. So
we called my therapist, who knows me better than I
know me, and we talked about it, and she said
our boys too. We were home. We're thirteen and seventeen,
so she said she thought they were old enough and
secure enough to understand that beings aren't replaceable. And she
(20:09):
also thought they were old enough to have the experience
of doing for me. You know I was usually doing
for them, but for them to consider my situation. So
we went to the day after Mattie was killed, we
went to school to pick them up, and then we
were going to the rescue and I told them what
we were going to do, and the two boys each
(20:31):
said that if it were up to them, they would wait.
And you know, they weren't ready to get another dog,
but they understood my depression and how I was home
all day and so her absence would be biggest, felt
the most by me. And I also pointed two things
out to them that if I hadn't loved Mattie so much,
I wouldn't be rushing out to get another dog. And
(20:54):
if we got another dog, at least one living being
in this world would be better off for Maddi having
been killed. I mean, it was just such a horrible tragedy,
but at least one creature would be better off. But
I was on the beat. I now have three little rescues.
Oh jeez, that's awesome with them. Like ten years ago,
(21:17):
and this man in his seventies came over to me
to pat them and talk about dogs, and I asked
him if he had one. He said, well, I had
them all my life. But I just I can't go
through the heartbreak of losing another dog, which I completely understand.
And we have a nineteen and a half year old
Chihuahwah who is actually in the last chapter of Mattie
(21:40):
Milo and Me because we went to the same rescue
to get him the day after Milo died. But he's
nineteen and a half and we're just coming He's defied
death a few times and trying to be really vigilant
that we're keeping him alive for him and not for us.
And he's completely incontinent, which you don't put a dog
(22:01):
down for that, and it's so much work, but we
do it. But then last weekend, actually he was having
trouble walking on the hardwood floors and the bathroom and floors,
and my husband went into the bathroom at one point
and Ryan had Pete on the floor and he was
just lying there in his pee. He just couldn't get up.
And I didn't sleep for three nights thinking that maybe
(22:23):
this was the moment, and I think you forget how
horrible it is to lose one dogs until it actually happens.
And then a friend of mine who's really took like
a dog whisper, we had her come over Sunday night
and we're actually out of town and she takes care
of him and she kind of he's no nonsense, but
(22:44):
she said she didn't think it was time, and she
took him home with her and he's doing okay. But
it's heartbreaking to imagine a world without this living being
that you've been with for so long and that you
love so much. Yeah, yeah, you can't avoid that but
if you move on and get another dog, you're opening
(23:04):
your heart up for more love, especially a rescue. If
you get a rescue dog, you just think about how
you're making this being life so much better.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
Absolutely, for sure. For sure, that's always the thought that
I get when I foster dog and let it go,
and I'm bummed out about that. It's who or which
dog am I going to get to help next because
of that? So I totally understand where you're coming from. Now,
before we wrap up this episode, I really wanted to
get your take on what you think people who are
(23:38):
considering adopting a rescue dog, especially those with you know,
behavioral issues that are common. You've gone through that. What
advice would you have so that they don't quickly? I
guess return the dog right you stuck it out, which
is awesome.
Speaker 5 (23:53):
I'll tell you, I pretty quickly within a week or
ten days. I mean, the jungle drums of the dog
world be really loud. I didn't even know there was
doggle drums, you know, I didn't know it was such
a thing. And the head of the school, owner of
the school, she just appeared at our house and I
would say, get an expert I could never have done
this without expert help. And you know, I had my doubts,
(24:16):
but I trusted her. I trusted her and she kept saying,
you know, he would be biting people. I thought she
would say, no, you have to give him back, and
she kept saying, I have lots of tricks in my bag.
If one doesn't work, first she said, give it a month,
let's see. But I just trusted her implicitly, and like
when she told me to take them into a crowd,
I just looked at her and I'm like, Okay, I
(24:38):
really say get someone you trust. And at first I
joked with her, I said, could you take him? Like
do you have boarding school? And she said, and that
wouldn't even help you. You have to learn. Yeah. So
my first lesson in dog school was don't talk facetiously
with Mary. But but I just so believe in getting
whether it was for my kids, if they had problems,
(24:58):
just get expert help. And I think you can really
save yourself in your dog a lot of trouble if
you get the help and follow through on it.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
Absolutely Now I would I mean it would have helped if,
like you mentioned when you went to the rescue, if
Vy indeed the date of the dog, so you wouldn't
see the of the real characteristic. Would it would have helped?
Speaker 5 (25:17):
You know, Apparently I've heard it's not that uncommon, so
you know, maybe oh oh wow, Okay, I don't know,
maybe people are just saying it, but I'm telling you
it was night and day that dog from when we
met him to the next I mean, he was just
terrorizing us.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
Geez, come on, rest your organizations.
Speaker 5 (25:38):
Okay, Well, I don't know, maybe it's not true, but anyhow,
we got really good help and someone I trusted. So
even if I were doing things that I didn't completely understand,
and they weren't, I'm telling you they and when I
didn't follow her directions, I got myself in trouble.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
So how long did it take you?
Speaker 5 (25:58):
Well, it took six months of school, I mean just
and I mean constant, like we constant, you know, behavior modification.
And then you know, and then for ten years I
had to go to the woods every day for an hour. Yeah,
it was a lifelong thing with him. And I'll tell
you a week before he ended up getting cancer on
(26:19):
he was diagnosed Monday, and Friday he died, but a
week before he was diagnosed some food fell out of
the refrigerator. My husband went to grab it. But the
rule kind of was if it falls on the floor,
it's milos and my little bit my husband, you know.
But oh, but that's what happen. People would go, you've
got to get rid of that animal. But he wasn't
an animal. He was part of our family and we
(26:39):
should know better. When it landed on the floor, just
leave it. So get expert advice and follow the advice.
I agree.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
Well, thank you so much for taking the time. We
are out of time and I really appreciate you here,
and thanks to our show producer, Mark Windsor for making
the show possible. Now you can follow Abel's work pet
and ableauthor dot com and our social media which will
also be on the show notes page. Keep an eye
on our book and we look forward to seeing the
(27:09):
lunch of it.
Speaker 5 (27:09):
Thank you and thank you very welcome.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
If you have any questions, comments, or ideas for a show,
please email me Beverly at petlife radio dot com. So
until next time, spread animals, compassion.
Speaker 4 (27:20):
Let's talk pets every week on demand only on petlife
radio dot com.
This is pet Life Radio, Let's Talk Pets.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Welcome to Save a Pooch on pet Life Radio. Thank
you for listening in today. I am Beverly Israel, your host.
In this episode, we welcome and Able, the author behind
the new book Maddie Milo and Me so ad Journey
with her Rescue Dogs not only inspires but also shows
the impact of K nine companionship on the human spirit
(00:45):
during dark times. So when we get back from these messages,
we will hear from author and Able.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
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(01:14):
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Speaker 4 (01:35):
Let's Talk Pets on Petlifradio dot com.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Welcome back to save a food. We are talking with
An Able, the author behind the new release book, Maddie
Milo and me. I really appreciate you taking time today
and congratulations on its completion.
Speaker 5 (02:00):
Well, thank you, thank you, and thank you.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
So let's start off with the meeting behind the memoir
that you've captured in this book. I know it's a lot,
so yeah, can you share with us the emotional journey.
Speaker 5 (02:15):
My middle son was born saying the word dog, and
his first complete sentence was I want a dog. And
I did not want a dog. I wanted to be
a good mother. I had no interest in dogs. They
would work, they had to walk them, you know, they
wrecked your house. It was just when I went to
people's houses and they got their wet noses on me.
I did not want to dog. So for ten years
(02:37):
I appeased him with every kind of caged and tank
animal there is. And on his tenth birthday, Right before
his tenth birthday, I saw a headline that said African
hedgehog the perfect pet. So I said, well, how would
you like that for your birthday? He really wanted a dog,
but he said okay, So I called the pet story
to get directions. This was way back and the man
(02:59):
who answered, so you know, they're really porcupines and you
have to handle them with gloves, and my heart just sank.
We had enough of these these animals. It was time
for the dog. And I'm not a shopper. I looked
at three houses before I bought my house. I need
an appliance, I just go. I get one that's good enough.
(03:19):
But good enough was not going to cut it with
the dog. So I got a book, four hundred and
fifty page book with every kind of rescue. I was
asking people about their dogs, and one day my older
son came home from a teammate's house excited about a
whekened terrier. I looked it up in the book. They
did everything but empty the dishwasher. This was my dog.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
Oh.
Speaker 5 (03:40):
I called the breeder. She said, okay, we'll put you
on the list for May. It was January. I hung
up the phone, thinking, sometimes it's just so easy to
be a good mother. May was a lifetime away. Anything
could happen. Three days later she calmed me up and
she said, we have this ten month old dog named Mattie.
We were going to the user as a show dog,
(04:01):
but her next to short. If you come out this
weekend and we'll meet the boys. You can meet Maddie.
You can take her home if everything works out again.
My heart just sank. But what was I going to do?
So Sunday, my three boys and my husband piled into
the car. I walked through my house thinking it is
never going to look like this again, and I got
(04:22):
in the car. I suffered with depression and I was
if they were talking, I just didn't hear them on
the hour ride to the breeder. We get to the breeder,
they meet the kids, they like them. They say, go
in the kitchen and we'll send Mattie up. So I'm
standing there with my family, pretty comatose. Just you know,
this is like I've been dreading this for ten years,
(04:43):
and this white ball of fluff comes bounding into the kitchen.
She circles us and then she kind of lands on
me and I sit down, I hug her, and I
am in love. This was like she was perfect, She
was no work. All she wanted to do was give
love and take love. She taught us a game I
don't know how she taught it called family hug. And
(05:04):
if two of us were together, she'd start running around
and you go family hug, family hug, and she'd go.
It was like Duck duck goose, only there were no losers,
and she, you know, she was wonderful. Seven years later,
one day, when December I came home, I let her out.
I still had my jacket on and the doorbell rings.
I open it. It's a ups man, ma'am. I'm sorry.
(05:27):
I just hit your dog and killed Oh my god.
I just collapsed to the floor. I mean, I was
just sobbing and sobbing and sobbing, and the first when
I could finally stand up, I called Mattie's reader. I
knew that getting another dog wasn't going to make me
Miss Maddie less, but with my depression, I was just
terrified that without a distraction from the void left by Mattie,
(05:51):
I would be pushed into the abyss so he wasn't
breeding anymore. And went out from one dog. I mean,
I wasn't shocked, basically, but I went from one to
the next. It was before Christmas. A lot of them
yelled at me for wanting to get a dog, and
I'd be returning it after Christmas, and I called and
left a voicemail on an acquaintance not someone I didn't
know very well. But she had five dogs, a few
(06:12):
pedigree and a few rescues, a couple of rescues, and
the next morning she called me, like at eight thirty
and she said, well, you know, the breeder for my
Bijon's it's going to be months. I don't think you
want to wait that long. Would you take a rescue?
I heard myself say I'll take anything, So she volunteered
for a rescue in the neighborhood. And she said, I'll
(06:34):
call the owner and tell him to call you. And
within five minutes the man called. I said, I want
a small lap dog that doesn't shed. He said, oh,
we have lots of dogs, but let me tell you
about Milo, so you know, and he said, come out
and meet him. If you don't like him, we have
lots of dogs. So we go out and he's waiting
(06:56):
for us in a sunny meadow with Milo, and we'd
go down. My It was a beautiful sphinx like dog
with soulful eyes and white, oversized paws. We nicknamed him
Mellow Milo and this was our dog. But then reality
struck and I realized he was like four or five
times bigger than what I wanted, so he said, okay,
you said you had other dogs, could can we see them?
(07:19):
He said, sure, come in the waiting room. I'll put
Milo back, and two minutes later, let's lose this bijon
named Scooter, who was happily named because he was just
ricocheting off the walls. And my youngest son one of
the words that our family said, take Scooter back, we
want Milo. And what kind of breed was Milo? Well,
we've come to learn heind's fifty seven is what they
(07:42):
called him. So this very savvy rescue guy he said, okay, fine,
and I'm like, can we take him home tonight and first?
And that's like for later. But my two sons had
wanted to wait, but I'll get into that later. But
I wanted to take him home that night. And then
the guy said, okay, well, i'll bathe them. I'll bring
him to you tomorrow. Let me take you through the kennels.
(08:02):
It was December of two thousand and one. He said,
we have lots of dogs in New York, you know,
who are displaced by the World Trade Center tragedy. Maybe
you have friends who want a dog, so we'll go.
We're going through. It's dark and cold in December, and
the dogs are all their own cages and they're throwing
themselves at the cages when they see us in barking.
(08:23):
And then we walk by Milo's cage and he's just
curled up on a bed of rags, just looking at us.
So Josh turns and my youngest son turns in, we
can take Milo, and so we'll take Milo tomorrow. So
the guy drops Milo off the next day. Within three hours,
he was humping and jumping, howling. Within a few days
(08:47):
he bit two of my sons, oh and abandoning the
bloody wrist of one of them. He said to me,
I bet they sedated Milo at the rescue before we
got there. As soon as he said it was obvious,
and my first instinct, I was really pissed, and I said, thought,
I'm bringing this monster back. But then I remembered him
(09:08):
on that better rags and I just couldn't do it.
So someone had told me about a school called what
a Good Dog exclamation point, So I called there and
they said, okay, you have to come for an interview. Meanwhile,
he was just terrorizing our house. We were practically hiding
under the beds. I take him for walks something I know.
(09:28):
He pulled me in front of a school bus. I
was on my belly at arms like away from the
school bus that they had come to a screech. And
I listened to one of your podcasts. You had a
man on from He was the CEO of dog training
Elite Markets, Yes, and he was talking about connecting with
you know, should you connect with your dog at first?
(09:50):
Is that important in matching a dog to an owner?
And I'll tell you. I pulled Mile onto the sidewalk
after that school bus thing, and after everyone left because
I didn't want them looking at me, after all the
traffic passed, I just started screaming, I hate you, I
hate I mean, I hate you. And again I thought
of taking him back to the rescue, but I just
(10:12):
couldn't do it. And it was like I couldn't live
with him, but I knew I couldn't live with myself, right,
So I made it. I just started making a And
then I went to a dog park. I couldn't go
on the streets anymore. And I'm walking around. I'd never
been to a dog park before, and I'm walking around
with this woman who had five rescues, and milea was barking,
and I'm trying to talk to her, and by the
(10:34):
time we made one revolution around the park, she stopped
and she said, you know, there's a lot of dogs
at the rescue more deserving than this one. You should
send him back and get out there. Yeah, and so
then we but I'm making a list of all the
problems so when we go for our interview, I can
tell all my problem So we go. Mila was sitting
(10:54):
with my husband just perfectly. My two sons are with
and I'm just telling the woman all the problems because
I really really want help. And then I paused to
see if she wants to analyze them herself, and she says,
you need to return Milo. The owner of the rescue
knew you were vulnerable. He should never have given this
dog to you. You're the third family he's been placed
(11:16):
with in eighteen months. And that was that was it,
and I just got up and we all walked out.
My kids were really angry, even though they hadn't wanted
to adopt a dog, they were just so angry that
I had told all the and I had said to her, well,
look at him, he's so good, because that's just because
he's stressing he's been through this before, so eddihow I
(11:39):
spent the next six months just completely immerg. I got
help from what a good Dog exclamation point. And we
were six months of really intense training and then we
were graduating and I was so happy. And then she
said to me, you've got to go with Milo every
day to the woods for an hour so he can
be the dog he was to be, which I hate nature.
(12:02):
I don't like walking alone in the woods. But I
did it every day for ten years. Good for you, wow,
And I'll tell you and I would be trudging along
the path. It was just you know, whether it were
in crampons for the ice or boots for the mud.
But then I'd see him come soaring across the path,
and for those moments, my heart would just soar with him,
(12:25):
to see this animal who could have been stuck in
a cage on a bit of rags. Yeah, being the
creature he was born to.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Be, clearly need to let loose his energies.
Speaker 5 (12:35):
So that's how I came to have Maddie and Milo.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
Wow, that's amazing that you did it, two rescue dogs
back to back. But we're just gonna go on a
quick break, and afterwards we're gonna go into how Maddy
and Milo helped you navigate through your periods of grief
and depression. So we're just gonna have a quick break
and when we get back we'll continue talking with an
able author of Mattie, Milo and me.
Speaker 5 (13:03):
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Speaker 4 (13:53):
Let's talk about let's done. Pet Headline Radio catlve radio dot.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
Com Welcome back to the Sable Coach. We are talking
with author and Abel. So before the break, we touched
on how she came about rescuing two dogs when she
(14:19):
wasn't a dog person. So that's amazing that you can
murdered day. So let's get into what was happening in
your life and how they impacted you through that period
of time.
Speaker 5 (14:31):
Well, Maddie wasn't a rescue. She was from a reader,
but right okay, And she was just basically a really
sweet stuffed animal dog who all she wanted to do
was give up and take love, which is really good
for someone suffering with depression. And I'd be sitting at
my next working and she'd be there and I'd look
at her and I would just feel so good, and
then you know, we'd go down and have a snack,
(14:53):
she'd go out, and she was just such a nice,
warm companion. She was just lovely, and it just would
always make me feel good to look at her, to
be with her, to snuggle with her. It was kind
of a no brainer. That's got Milo. And I got
Milo so quickly because I wanted a distraction from you know,
(15:13):
after and he was a distraction. I mean, I didn't
have time to think of it. I still missed Maddie,
but I had to be so vigil I mean every
minute of every day I was, you know, I was
what was keeping him and keeping him from the rest
of attacking the rest of the world, and also from
having to go back. You know, if he did something horrible,
(15:34):
he would have had to go back to the rescue.
I went to dog and What a Good Dog school?
It was what a good Dog. The hardest thing was
I'm not an alpha. Any alpha I had in me
was beaten out in childhood. But the teacher, she would
start yelling at me. And like one day I was
just standing there and I was talking to her and
we had told him to sit this is at the beginning,
(15:56):
and then he just starts kind of walking around smelling,
you know this is and she he says Anne, and
I'm like, what, you know, You're supposed to be the alpha,
not Milo, you know. Because so I had to really
With my kids, I never had to be in alpha.
They were just easy, did you know. It was just
natural for me to parent them. But with Milo, I
(16:16):
had to really like force myself. I don't like training people.
I don't like controlling him, but in the end, it
really was distracting getting him. And even though I didn't
like him, I hated him at the very beginning, and
I even dried. We had a carpenter working at our
house the first couple of weeks. He was twenty five
years old, thirty more work boots. He had a German
(16:36):
shepherd at home, and Milea loved him. He would go
sidle up to him, and I asked him if he
would take Milo, you know, because and he said no,
And I was really glad. Myla didn't understand what was
going on. But what happened was, even though I was
doing all these things with Milo that were outside my
comfort zone, things that I never would have wanted to
do if given the choice, we were doing these intense things,
(17:00):
like the teacher said I had to go into crowded
places with his dog, and I'm like, are you crazy,
I'm taking a you know. So we did these really
high stress things together. I bonded with you know, when
you're doing things like that, you bond in a certain way.
And then also he was a quick learner, even though
he was always a bit wild. To the day he died,
(17:21):
he understood what I was trying to do with him,
and he we would kind of make believe that I
was the alpha most of the time. And I fell
in love with him, and I learned that there's different kinds.
There are different kinds of love. My love for him
was different than my love for Maddie. But you know,
when I would come, he'd be waiting for me in
the car or at home, and I'd come home and
(17:42):
he'd see me and his lion king tail would do
one hundred and eighty degrees swish. Let's not to love
about that that someone's happy to see you.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
Exactly, and it's great that it seems like he will
almost forced you to get out of your shelf. That
wouldn't have blue for me.
Speaker 5 (17:59):
I would And if I had known on day one
what was in store for me for the next ten years,
I probably would have still done it, because I just
couldn't didn't have the heart to send him back. But
I would have been you know, I was taking it
one day at a time. Everything was one day at
a time. And then I never liked taking him to
the woods, but I never missed a day. And I
(18:20):
did it because it was good for Milo and I
felt really good and you know what, there wasn't a
day that went by in the ten years we had
him that I didn't think of the dog curled up
on the bed of rags and then compare him to
the dog he was now, And it just made me
feel really good to have been able to help a
living being this way.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
Yeah, that he's come a long way, it seems, especially
because he never even liked dogs in the beginning nor
so I love seeing that kind of transformation. And you
bring up a good point, which is the debate around
should someone with grief need time to recover before getting
another dog? And I was actually just talking about this
with my cousins because she recently lost her dog and
(19:00):
she's wondering should I give myself time or should I
just jump in and get another dog. I honestly have
no answer for that. But you've gone through I guess
not not taking the time and just what for the
other dog, and it did work in your favor. Do
you think, like, what factors do you believe that individuals
should consider when contemplating, you know, getting another dog while
(19:23):
still processing grief.
Speaker 5 (19:25):
Well, I mean, obviously everybody's different for sure, and the
way I function and the way I function with my
depression is you know, action and activity keeps me more buoyed,
so like doing things is better. But to be honest,
we were my husband and I were a little worried
that adopting a dog the day after one was killed,
(19:46):
you know, that would make our kids think that blenning
beings are just replaceable. Ah, that's a good point. So
we called my therapist, who knows me better than I
know me, and we talked about it, and she said
our boys too. We were home. We're thirteen and seventeen,
so she said she thought they were old enough and
secure enough to understand that beings aren't replaceable. And she
(20:09):
also thought they were old enough to have the experience
of doing for me. You know I was usually doing
for them, but for them to consider my situation. So
we went to the day after Mattie was killed, we
went to school to pick them up, and then we
were going to the rescue and I told them what
we were going to do, and the two boys each
(20:31):
said that if it were up to them, they would wait.
And you know, they weren't ready to get another dog,
but they understood my depression and how I was home
all day and so her absence would be biggest, felt
the most by me. And I also pointed two things
out to them that if I hadn't loved Mattie so much,
I wouldn't be rushing out to get another dog. And
(20:54):
if we got another dog, at least one living being
in this world would be better off for Maddi having
been killed. I mean, it was just such a horrible tragedy,
but at least one creature would be better off. But
I was on the beat. I now have three little rescues.
Oh jeez, that's awesome with them. Like ten years ago,
(21:17):
and this man in his seventies came over to me
to pat them and talk about dogs, and I asked
him if he had one. He said, well, I had
them all my life. But I just I can't go
through the heartbreak of losing another dog, which I completely understand.
And we have a nineteen and a half year old
Chihuahwah who is actually in the last chapter of Mattie
(21:40):
Milo and Me because we went to the same rescue
to get him the day after Milo died. But he's
nineteen and a half and we're just coming He's defied
death a few times and trying to be really vigilant
that we're keeping him alive for him and not for us.
And he's completely incontinent, which you don't put a dog
(22:01):
down for that, and it's so much work, but we
do it. But then last weekend, actually he was having
trouble walking on the hardwood floors and the bathroom and floors,
and my husband went into the bathroom at one point
and Ryan had Pete on the floor and he was
just lying there in his pee. He just couldn't get up.
And I didn't sleep for three nights thinking that maybe
(22:23):
this was the moment, and I think you forget how
horrible it is to lose one dogs until it actually happens.
And then a friend of mine who's really took like
a dog whisper, we had her come over Sunday night
and we're actually out of town and she takes care
of him and she kind of he's no nonsense, but
(22:44):
she said she didn't think it was time, and she
took him home with her and he's doing okay. But
it's heartbreaking to imagine a world without this living being
that you've been with for so long and that you
love so much. Yeah, yeah, you can't avoid that but
if you move on and get another dog, you're opening
(23:04):
your heart up for more love, especially a rescue. If
you get a rescue dog, you just think about how
you're making this being life so much better.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
Absolutely, for sure. For sure, that's always the thought that
I get when I foster dog and let it go,
and I'm bummed out about that. It's who or which
dog am I going to get to help next because
of that? So I totally understand where you're coming from. Now,
before we wrap up this episode, I really wanted to
get your take on what you think people who are
(23:38):
considering adopting a rescue dog, especially those with you know,
behavioral issues that are common. You've gone through that. What
advice would you have so that they don't quickly? I
guess return the dog right you stuck it out, which
is awesome.
Speaker 5 (23:53):
I'll tell you, I pretty quickly within a week or
ten days. I mean, the jungle drums of the dog
world be really loud. I didn't even know there was
doggle drums, you know, I didn't know it was such
a thing. And the head of the school, owner of
the school, she just appeared at our house and I
would say, get an expert I could never have done
this without expert help. And you know, I had my doubts,
(24:16):
but I trusted her. I trusted her and she kept saying,
you know, he would be biting people. I thought she
would say, no, you have to give him back, and
she kept saying, I have lots of tricks in my bag.
If one doesn't work, first she said, give it a month,
let's see. But I just trusted her implicitly, and like
when she told me to take them into a crowd,
I just looked at her and I'm like, Okay, I
(24:38):
really say get someone you trust. And at first I
joked with her, I said, could you take him? Like
do you have boarding school? And she said, and that
wouldn't even help you. You have to learn. Yeah. So
my first lesson in dog school was don't talk facetiously
with Mary. But but I just so believe in getting
whether it was for my kids, if they had problems,
(24:58):
just get expert help. And I think you can really
save yourself in your dog a lot of trouble if
you get the help and follow through on it.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
Absolutely Now I would I mean it would have helped if,
like you mentioned when you went to the rescue, if
Vy indeed the date of the dog, so you wouldn't
see the of the real characteristic. Would it would have helped?
Speaker 5 (25:17):
You know, Apparently I've heard it's not that uncommon, so
you know, maybe oh oh wow, Okay, I don't know,
maybe people are just saying it, but I'm telling you
it was night and day that dog from when we
met him to the next I mean, he was just
terrorizing us.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
Geez, come on, rest your organizations.
Speaker 5 (25:38):
Okay, Well, I don't know, maybe it's not true, but anyhow,
we got really good help and someone I trusted. So
even if I were doing things that I didn't completely understand,
and they weren't, I'm telling you they and when I
didn't follow her directions, I got myself in trouble.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
So how long did it take you?
Speaker 5 (25:58):
Well, it took six months of school, I mean just
and I mean constant, like we constant, you know, behavior modification.
And then you know, and then for ten years I
had to go to the woods every day for an hour. Yeah,
it was a lifelong thing with him. And I'll tell
you a week before he ended up getting cancer on
(26:19):
he was diagnosed Monday, and Friday he died, but a
week before he was diagnosed some food fell out of
the refrigerator. My husband went to grab it. But the
rule kind of was if it falls on the floor,
it's milos and my little bit my husband, you know.
But oh, but that's what happen. People would go, you've
got to get rid of that animal. But he wasn't
an animal. He was part of our family and we
(26:39):
should know better. When it landed on the floor, just
leave it. So get expert advice and follow the advice.
I agree.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
Well, thank you so much for taking the time. We
are out of time and I really appreciate you here,
and thanks to our show producer, Mark Windsor for making
the show possible. Now you can follow Abel's work pet
and ableauthor dot com and our social media which will
also be on the show notes page. Keep an eye
on our book and we look forward to seeing the
(27:09):
lunch of it.
Speaker 5 (27:09):
Thank you and thank you very welcome.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
If you have any questions, comments, or ideas for a show,
please email me Beverly at petlife radio dot com. So
until next time, spread animals, compassion.
Speaker 4 (27:20):
Let's talk pets every week on demand only on petlife
radio dot com.
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