March 27, 2025 • 35 mins
Following on from last week, here's a little (very unedited, stream of consciousness style) dear diary reflection episode on the top ten things I've learnt in our first year of parenthood. If you've listened to last week's throwback, you'll remember the crazy timing of all our birthdays meaning I got to it down to record this one on the morning of my own 36th birthday. The perfect moment to think about the passing of time, the things that have changed me, the things I'll be taking onwards and the things I'll be leaving behind.
As I say in the episode, I'm not really sure who this one is for and I didn't plan or script as much as I usually would for a solo episode. But I've always used this show as a platform to share our life in real time - highs and lows - and if anyone else out there happens to find comfort, revelations or solidarity in even a tiny part of it, that's a huge bonus. Do let me know if you found anything helpful or comforting, it means so much to hear how things reach you all. And in the meantime, I hope you're having an amazing week and are seizing your yay!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Sees the Yay Podcast. Busy and happy,
but tired and worn, just some of the feelings when
baby is born. There's magic, elation, there's chaos and tears,
but everyone goes through the same hopes and fears. So
this is a segment we hope helps you feel supported
and valid. The mum juggles real, the good, bad, the ugly,
the best and worst day. It's part of the journey.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
To seize the Babe.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
I'm Sarah Davidson, a lawyer turned entrepreneur who hung up
the suits and heels to co found Macha Maiden a
Macha Milk Bar, become a TV and radio presenter, and
of course, host The Sees the Ya Podcast. This year,
I added motherhood to that list, which is the best
job I've ever had with our beautiful baby Teddy, and
this segment was designed to house all the conversations we've
been having about parenthood. We'll still do our regular episodes,
(00:46):
and just like real life, it's a constant balance between
our parent identity and everything else. I hope you guys
enjoy this segment as much as I have enjoyed creating it. Hello,
Lovely neighborhood. I hope you've all had an amazing week.
We certainly have at this end celebrating Teddy's first birthday.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
I think the.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Exact phrase that I used last week was that I
was a walking hot mess of emotions as this very
special milestone approached, and it only intensified tenfold, maybe even
one hundredfold, as the celebrations began, which started with a
lovely intimate family dinner on the actual day, just with
our close family at home. We did a little traditional
Korean takeaway dinner, not very aesthetic, but it's a family tradition.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Teddy tried his first book.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Goggie, which he really enjoyed. We got him into his
harm bok, you might remember for his hundred day celebration
we borrowed one, but he finally fits into my little
brothers so that was a really special, full circle moment.
And then a couple of days later we followed it
up with a little birthday party. I don't think anyone
truly prepares you for the feelings that will hit you
(01:55):
when all of your loved ones, your whole village starts
singing Happy Birthday to your baby on their first birthday.
I don't even know how I did not just pass
away on the spot. It was so emotional and so beautiful.
I just really still I was only yesterday at the
time of recording, so I haven't really processed all of
those emotions. But if you did listen to the throwback
(02:18):
episode to our birth story last week, you will, of
course remember the timing of Teddy's birth that still gives
me goosebumps to think about how it was all meant
to be, and that is that he of course arrived
a little bit early, right on thirty eight weeks on
the dot, which was just a couple of days before
my own birthday, which I share with my younger brother,
(02:38):
which in itself is pretty crazy. We were both born
to different biological families and then adopted together. He's four
years younger, but somehow we were born on the exact
same day, which happens to be today this year, and
only three days after Teddy. So today I'm recording on
the morning of my.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Thirty sixth birthday.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
So it really did feel last year like Teddy was
the best birthday present I ever could have imagined, and
I think it'd be pretty hard to top last year.
Sitting there, you know, three days after giving birth and
just reflecting on how incredible that was. There will never
be a birthday a special as that, but I am
so grateful to be sitting here this morning with a
healthy one year old and a beautiful family and so
(03:21):
many friends around us that we have spent the weekend with.
It's funny it's the first year that I am closer
to forty than thirty officially, and it's one of those
things that I think there is a lot of sadness
maybe or resistance to aging. Of course that's such a
big part of our societal norms. But one thing I
always come back to when I start to feel like,
(03:42):
oh my goodness, I am no longer. Definitely can't ever
say that I'm in my early thirties anymore. Possibly can
stretch and keep using mid thirties for a little while.
But every time I start to feel those feels, I
just come back to a quote that if you've been
listening for a while, you've definitely heard me say probably
every birthday, maybe every news episode. And the quote that
keeps me grounded when I feel that way is to
(04:05):
never regret growing older, for it is a privilege denied
to many, and that just reminds me how lucky we
are to have every day and that, yeah, aging really
is a privilege that you should never take for granted.
So I'm trying to sit here and feel very, very
lucky to be a healthy thirty six year old and
to be spending my morning with you guys. In a
(04:25):
little deer diary sees the baby reflection, which I haven't
really planned or scripted like I usually would. You might
already be able to tell the wild tangents and stream
of consciousness and verbal diary that's coming out right now.
Normally my legal brain insists on a few dot points
to kind of keep me on track. But it has
of course been a well win few days pulling the
(04:46):
party together. Actually a well winned three hundred and sixty
five days and more. But I guess that's all been
part of the big adjustment to this new chapter. It's
all those extra little things that I used to have
endless time for and be able to give up one hundred,
one hundred and ten one hundred and fifty percent to
to make them absolutely perfect. It's just been having to
learn to cope with just getting them done, or in fact,
(05:08):
not getting half of them done. I'm just getting a
few of them done. I really would love to have
been able to plan things a lot better in podcast land,
in workland, in everything, but in friendships and relationships. But
that really leads me to the first big lesson that
I've had to learn, and that has been actually probably
something I needed to learn, very humbling and a wonderful
lesson of parenthood. I don't really know who this episode
(05:30):
is for, by the way, Maybe for other parents in
solidarity with all the feelings and reflections, maybe just for
me to look back on. As you know, I love
to use the podcast as a little time capsule for
who I am. But I thought i would share the
top ten lessons and reflections that I've had over the
past year, and I'm sure that many more will get
added as Teddy inches further into toddlerland, where things get.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Hard are different.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
I feel like every new level has new herds and
new easies.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
But here we go.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
So my first big and probably the biggest of all,
coming back to that idea of not being able to
give one hundred and ten percent to everything like I
used to, is that one of the biggest anxiety's apprehension
often fear about becoming a parent, even when you just
start trying, is the idea of sacrifice, that you sacrifice
your time, your sleep, your freedom, your spontaneity. There are
(06:21):
so many things that you do think of as losing,
and that's a really big fear, of course it is.
It's something you can't really understand before you do it,
before you go through it, and it does feel like
a big exchange of one thing for another. But I
think I focused a lot in the lead up on
what that would mean and how that would feel. But
the minute that Teddy was born, I realized, yes, I
(06:43):
lost the person I was before. I don't even remember
who that person was. I don't remember what that life
felt like. But it's what you gain in its place.
You lose parts of your identity, but you gain a
new identity that is so much better. It is so
much more multifaceted. My emotions are so much deeper, my
life is so much richer. And it's just something I
(07:04):
never could have explained before it actually happened, because I
was so focused on what I would lose. And that's
because that's all you know before you know, as I've
talked about before, before you arrive on planet parent and
realize what everyone else is experiencing. So I think if
you have ever focused on fearing what you'll lose, try
and think of that, you'll gain so much more in
(07:26):
its place. And it was put so beautifully recently in
a video of Ellen Pompio, the star of Gray's Anatomy.
It came out on the Call Her Daddy podcast. I
think it's quite recent. I saw a snippet my wonderful
friend manager role model Genevieve Day sent it to me.
I've had actually a couple of people send it to me,
and it was her talking about this idea of never
being one hundred percent at work. I think there is
(07:47):
a lot of pressure in our modern day, fast paced
society to interpret the jugglers meaning that you do everything,
and you do everything one hundred percent as a mom,
at work, at home, in your personal life and your relationships.
But she just called it was a big surrender. You
are not one hundred percent at work. You cannot be
a mother and have children and have a career and
(08:08):
give one hundred percent to your job at the same time.
And I really liked that she just called that upfront,
because sometimes I really do feel like I'm trying to
do one hundred percent to all of it, and I can't,
but sometimes just accepting that you can't causes you a
lot less angst. And the way she put it was
that you are split into lots of different pieces, but
(08:29):
it makes you more soulful, it makes you richer. Those
are the exact words that she used, and I just
wanted to save it and send it to everyone and
plaster the video on my head and put it on
a moving T shirt because that is exactly what I
feel has been my biggest lesson over the past year,
that you are split into a hundred different pieces. I
don't think I'll ever be one hundred percent focused on
(08:49):
anything ever again, and particularly if we have more children.
And I've lamented that so much because I'm just such
a perfectionist, but the things you get in return and
the life you get in return is just worth infinitely more.
To watch a tiny human and be their guardian, be
the person that guides them through the world. There's nothing better.
(09:11):
Having said that, though, number two, the second thing that
has also been a big act of surrender and acceptance
is that it is at once the best thing and
the hardest thing I've ever done. It's hard in a
way I never have conceived of. I've actually said to
someone recently that I think the language that you use
pre parenthood and the language that you use postparenthood should
(09:31):
not be the same words because they don't describe the
same thing. The word hard doesn't mean the same, the
word tired doesn't mean the same. So we really just
should have a new language so everyone knows what page
we're on. It is definitely the hardest thing I've ever done,
and I've always been somebody to embrace getting out of
my comfort zone to do things I didn't think I
could do. But I have never sat on the floor
(09:53):
and cried feeling like this is impossible, like I have
since having a baby. But at the same time, I
think one of the things someone said to me, I
think it was just before we took Teddy overseas when
he was really little, was that, of course, it will
be the hardest thing you've ever done, and some experiences
and moments in chapters will be harder than others. But
(10:14):
looking back, you only remember the good bits. And that's
really interesting because especially a year on and looking back
that is so true. Of course you remember that you
had hard times. And it's the same in life. It's
such a good life lesson for when you get out
of the comfort zone. You look back at times you
did something really hard that felt impossible, even times you
(10:34):
broke a leg or you broke an arm, anything that
kind of encompasses pain. You look back at that and
you know logically that there was pain. You know logically
you remember that it was hard, but you can't feel
that pain again in your memory. You don't actually feel
it again. Every time you look back, you logically remember it,
but not emotionally. And what overrides that is that emotionally
(10:56):
you do remember the good bits. And I feel like
it's like when you finish a marathon, that I finished
a marathon, but you know that kind of analogy. You
finish the hardest thing you've ever done, and like a
week later, you've forgotten how much it hurts, but you
remember what an achievement was. That's the same with any
time you do something hard, and it's the same with parenthood.
I look back at that trip and sure, taking a
newborn on a plane was absolutely crazy. At the time,
(11:18):
it was so scary and it was really really hard,
and there were moments at the time where I was like,
this is the worst thing I've ever done, But I
logically know that I don't emotionally remember that. I emotionally
remember the best memories that will always come back to
me as the good bit. So if you're ever in
doubt about doing something and you're in the hard moment
at the time, you won't remember that bit, You'll remember
the overarching beautiful memories. Pain is something you only feel
(11:41):
at the time, and I think that's yeah, really helped
guide me in those moments that feel really tough. Number
three is kind of similar. They're all really closely related. Again,
I don't really know who this is for. I think
it is more a dear diary download that in the
way that I use all social media, there's something that
I share what I'm doing in real time, and then
(12:02):
if anyone incidentally benefits, then that's just a bonus. Number
three is that it's so cliche and it's so annoying
when you're not a parent and everyone tells you, oh
my god, the time passes more quickly than anyone could
ever explain to you, But then you get there and
it is truly faster than you could ever imagine. Truly
faster than you could ever imagine. Again, referring back to
(12:24):
a meme, I saw a mem yesterday that was re
enactment of adults having dinner, and it was a scene
where instead of actually having a conversation, it was just
the adults saying the topic of what adults sit down
and talk about, and it was them going, ha, time passing, ha,
the weather, mortgage, baby, kids, kids, tired, back.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Pain, ha.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
And I was like, yeah, that's all I talk about,
how fast time is going, how much my kids are
annoying me, how how much my back hurts, and how
much I'm not sleeping. But truly, the time passes just
so quickly. I blinked, and my newborn is a little
one year year old. And on that same token, the
other thing I've actually written down everywhere. I have it
(13:05):
written down in my diary, it's on my mirror. Everything
is temporary, and that applies to the good and the bad.
So if you're in a really hard moment right now,
we are in, as you guys know, another sleep regression.
We are barely sleeping, and you just come back to
the fact that you can cope and you can get
through it because it's temporary. You don't know how long
it will last, but it won't be forever. And that
(13:28):
applies to the good times as well. When you're in
a really good chapter, hold on to it with everything
you have, because that also will be temporary and won't last.
Time does pass really quickly, it will happen really quickly.
So embrace every chapter that you're in. And I also
think you will never regret spending time.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
With your kids.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
Whether it costs you. You know, it'll cost you so
many things. It's cost me work opportunities, it's cost me
social opportunities. In the middle of sleep deprivation, it's cost
me it's sanity. Also, him not being able to be
put to bed by anyone else at the means I
can't go out at night. I've had to say, notice
so many things, But I don't think I will ever
look back, knowing how fast it's going, and regret every
(14:07):
second that I could spend with him being spent with him.
And I flip it to you know, I was on
the in the cot last night at six times and
I just thought, yes, I could focus on how horrible
this season. Yes, of course it's okay to be having
a mental breakdown about it, but try and flip it
to the fact that one day he will be sleeping
(14:29):
in his own bed, or one day he will have
moved out of our house and he won't want me
or need me the way he does right now, and
I will wish I could go back and have this moment.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
So flipping it.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
To that temporal, temporary, fleeting time kind of message always
helps me get through Number four. Coming back to that
idea that you will only remember the good bits sometimes
and actually a lot of the time, I've realized the
kind of logistical hurdles and obstacles to leaving the house
(14:58):
with a child are insurmountable. They are so difficult. It
is infinitely more difficult to even go to the supermarket,
let alone, to go to a party, to go on
a trip, to travel, and you know, in a world
where we're all tired and we're trying to do self
care and we're trying to pick up all the boxes,
past me would have said, you know what, you stay
at home. It's too hard. You don't have to do
(15:19):
the hard things, and of course you don't. But this party,
for example, in that main I was like, you know what,
he's not going to remember it it's so hard. We're
coming back from a troop.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
It's a lot for all of us.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
You know, we don't need to do it. But the
fourth lesson I've learned is that maybe I'm not doing
it for him because he won't remember it, and maybe
I'm not even doing it for me right now, because
I will be I'd happily have spent the weekend just
as a family, But is to do things for your
future self. Do things like the party, or you know,
(15:51):
do things like going on troops, even though it's really
hard and easier to stay at home where all your
comforts are. Do those things because your future self and
their future self will be so glad that you did.
And it's so true again with that thing that you
only remember the good bits. You'll look back and be
so glad you did the hard thing. You won't remember
how hard it was.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
You remember how beautiful it was.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
And that kept me going when I was party planning
and thinking, oh my god, my kid is not even
going to remember this, but it was the most beautiful day.
It's only been one day, and all I remember was
how special it was. I'll always look back on the
photos and videos and just be so glad we did it.
Number five and this is where they start to get
just like the same as life lessons. They're the same
(16:29):
as all the life lessons I teach myself, and I
feel like kids really make that more acute and they
you don't have the same latitude and leeway to not
realize these life lessons, I think, and number five is
just comparison is futile. I talk about it all the time.
The grass is green, then you order it. I've said
it in so many different ways, and everyone has said
it in so many different ways, but it's easier said
than done in a time where social media splashes the
(16:52):
details of everyone's lives.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
I've always talked.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
About it more in the sense of other people's success, careers, pathways,
travel houses, financial positions, whatever it may be. But there's
nothing like the way you compare yourself as a parent.
It's just even more intense the comparison of my kids
not doing this. They I even sometimes find myself analyzing
(17:14):
in the background of someone's photo of their child what
food is on their plate at what age, and how
much they're eating and how big the size of the
pieces are. Because Teddy can't chew pieces that big like
the comparison. I think because you do want to be
the best mum and you do want the best for
your child. It's just insane the way you'll beat yourself
up about crazy things and small triggers or you know,
(17:35):
they all start doing different milestones at different times, in
no particular order, for no particular reason. Why is he
walking before my child? Why is he you know, all
the things, there's always something that you can compare, and
it is truly futile. Firstly, it all works out in
the wash. I mean, kids who do some things first
will do other things second, and vice versa. It really
(17:55):
doesn't matter in what order they do things. I find
myself wishing and rush that he would crawl and then walk,
and then the minute happens, you're like, oh my god,
I should slow down. I really loved when I could
put him down in one spot and he'd be there
when I came back. Not only is comparison futile for that,
but every baby is different. And not only is every
baby different, every family, every family's priorities and values and
(18:17):
life setup is different and it has to work for you,
and that's the same in your life. I always say,
why would you bother comparing your life to someone else
when they have a different threshold for social interaction, or
they really need to work in an office and you don't,
or they have different financial obligations and you don't like
you don't know why people do the things they do
and why the criteria for their life means they make
(18:40):
the choices they do. So your life is always going
to be different and it has to work for you.
There are certain things that I look at and I'm like,
that is absolutely amazing how that mum does that, But
it wouldn't work for me to do that. My life
structure is so different to all of my friends who
are still in corporate. Of course, our setup is going
to be completely different. I work from home, they're in
the office all day. There are just so many things
(19:01):
that make your life just unable to be compared, and
your children unable to be compared.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
So of course it's.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
Natural to find yourself doing that. But please please be
kind to yourself and try to put on the blinkers
and just remember all you have to do is look
after you and your little is.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
Especially with sleep. Oh my god, it's so hard.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Number six similar, I'm getting really long wounded. I meant
this to be really short, but as you guys know,
I haven't taken a breath so far. This is quite unusual, actually,
that I haven't stopped in the stream of consciousness at
least to re record one part or the other. So
you're really getting real and raw Sarah here, which you
usually do, but this is even more unedited and unfiltered.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
Number six.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
You won't get everything right. In fact, I don't even
know if there is a right or wrong. But your
little ones are really resilient. Be kind to yourself. I
just find myself thinking, oh my gosh, I am not
cooking him sources from scratch. I'm giving him some things
from a packet. Sometimes I am getting myself takeaway and
spending too much on uberys and blah blah blah. And
(20:03):
there's so many boxes coming back to that one hundred percent,
You'll never give everything one hundred percent. There's so many
boxes you need to tick, and we're all going to
be ticking different ones, well, not ticking other ones, forgetting
about other ones. And it's so easy to just beat
yourself up about being either a failure or about parent,
or a bad friend or about person you won't get
everything right. It's just not possible. Remember Ellen Pompeo saying,
(20:25):
you just cannot do it, or you will be split
into a million different pieces. And especially when it comes
to parenting. I look at all the ways that I
am trying to be the ideal parent, and I'm not
meeting most of them. I want to make all of
his food from scratch. I want to be feeding him
beef broth that's organic from the blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
I can't.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
I don't have time for that because I also want
to be a working mum that's saving his school fees
and all of that kind of thing. And I think
you just have to let yourself off the hook. They
are loved, if they're safe and clean and fed, you know,
they're resilient little things.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
They're adaptable.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
And one of the biggest lessons and this is the
same in business that really helped prepare me for for
this time of my life, and that's if there's something
that is really really causing you anxiety and pain and distress,
and if it is within your means, outsource what you
are really not enjoying and keep the things to do
for yourself that you do enjoyer that you're good at
(21:21):
and that you know it's already a really really stressful time.
Don't keep beating yourself over the head. Like an example,
for me to make my own chicken stock and broth
like or sauces from scratch. It's just it would take
up so much bandwidth and take me away from the
other things that I know I am good at meeting
the standard that I want to meet. It is okay
(21:41):
if I give him packet food or packet sauce every
now and then, it's fine.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Like, give yourself a break.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
Choose the things that you really care about, and those
can be the things.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
That you do.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
That's a really long, way winded way of saying that
you won't get everything right, but give yourself a break.
And actually number seven, I don't know why I put
this as a separate DOB. I think I meant to
I don't know niche down in this description, but it
was to choose the path of least resistance. It's okay
to do that. Sometimes you don't have to make it
so hard for yourself. Sometimes we choose the harder thing
(22:12):
because we think we have to, and then that comes
back to comparison. But it's okay to do the easy thing.
Sometimes I catch myself going that is so lazy, like
I should have just like I don't even know what
an example is when I like even small things like
buying disposable nappies, I would love to use reusable nappies.
I would love that to be the area where I'm
more sustainable, and they sustainability is one of my core values,
(22:35):
and it feels really dissonant to sometimes not always live
up to that. But sometimes it's okay to choose the
path of least resistance. Sometimes it's a matter of survival
because you can't again choose the hard thing or the
right thing or one hundred and ten percent thing every
single time. Again, that was two points that were kind
of really similar. I think maybe I just wanted to
get to ten and I only had nine, and I
had to separate them out. Oh my gosh, number eight
(23:00):
big one. If you have listened to the podcast for
a while, you'll just be like, Babe, these are all
the same dot points in life lessons that you go
on about all the time. But I think I've just
relearnt them all in a different context and had to
apply them to this new context of parenthood. And again,
most of it is just saying, don't worry. If you're
a failure, it's okay. So hopefully that's relatable to anyone else.
Number eight, you can't do it alone. It is okay
(23:23):
to lean on people, but not just is it okay.
It's actually the best thing to have a village. It
is the best thing to surround your little one and
yourself and your family with lots of different influences. The
way that Teddy, even in one two hour period of
having so many different kids around at his party, so
many different adults around, so many different sounds and smells,
(23:44):
they develop so much for the experience. We took him
to Tazzy and I thought, oh my god, he's going
to be out of routine, out on the road for
five days in a row, and he's going to be
held by different people. He's going to be oh my gosh,
and he developed more than I've seen him in months.
It is so good for them to be exposed to
a wide village. But it's so good for you as well,
(24:04):
because you need lots of different influences, You need lots
of different help. I'm so lucky to have so many
close family members and close friends nearby, but even people
you aren't as close to our people at cafes who
you see every day, people in your mother's group, or
people who I meet online have been huge helps. There's
been so many sleep consultants who I've never met in
(24:26):
person but who have become an incidental part of the
village because we've connected over sleep stories. No one can
do it alone, but also no one should do it alone,
because not only do you need other people in the
hard moments, in the good moments. Yesterday, looking around I
will never forget. And it's the only part we don't
have a photo of because all the cameras were focusing
on Teddy getting his cake, but I was looking back
(24:48):
at everyone's faces. I will never forget looking around at
all the people who were part of his village and
have made him into the child he is, but made
me into the parent I am. And that was just
so special to think I get to sh share this
sharing like I'm one of those people that if I
don't share a milestone, it doesn't mean anything. If I'm
just quiet about something and just keep it inside. I
(25:09):
haven't really realized it yet, and Andre and I I
think you've probably heard us talk about it before. We
call it stomping. We have to stomp out something we're
excited about. If you don't stomp with someone and share it,
it's not exciting because you've kept it in your body.
And I feel like that's the same with parenting. You
can't cry alone, but you also can't celebrate alone. And again,
it's okay to lean on people. And I'm sure that
(25:30):
this will have new meaning for me as well when
we move on to daycare and kinder and school and
the idea of feeling so guilty for leaving them with
other people, but it's good for them. It's okay to
lean on other people. It's okay to not be the
only person they see all day every day, and it's
probably good for them as well. So I'm sure this
one will have new meaning in due course.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
Number nine, guys, I've really.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
Stretched out to ten. I think I probably could have
consolidated this a little bit better, but one that keeps
me going in the moments where I think, I really
I think this is number six or five, I don't know,
maybe seven anyway, slightly differently worded, but it came back
to me when I was writing these stop points very quickly,
so it must be an important one. And I'd rather
(26:14):
regret doing something than regret not doing it. And on
a really small scale, our tazzy trip recently, it was
for a travel job for Luxury Escapes, who are a
brand we love working with. I haven't actually had the
founder on yet, but the founder, Adam Schwab, is an
incredible human being who, in a full circle moment, actually
(26:36):
happened to be the person I spoke to when I
couldn't decide whether or not to leave law. He was
a contact of a client of mine and we had
a lunch and he just changed my life with the
advice that he gave. He's been a huge influence in
our life. And then also one of the heads of
partnerships is a dear friend from a totally different chapter
of our lives. Anyway, really really beautiful experience. But I
(26:58):
did think Teddy's not sleeping, We're going to be out
on the road. He's going to have no routine whatsoever,
how we're going to feed him, there's no micro blah
blah blah, like. There were so many obstacles And I
always think, and I've always applied this outside of parenting.
I would actually rather regret doing it. I'd rather do
it and find it really hard, then wonder what it
would have been like. And I feel like doing things
(27:18):
that way and making choices that way have always made
me come through my life and not regret anything. I
actually can safely say there are things that didn't go
the way I hope they did. There are things I
cringe about, there are things I wish maybe went differently,
but I don't regret any of those things because I
don't think I could have made a different decision at
the time.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
And that is an incredibly.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
Liberating, happy way to live your life. Sure I regret
the outcomes of certain things, but I never regret the
choice that I made in relation to them, unless I
didn't make it with that lens. So that's something that's
really stuck with me. Number ten And this is such
a weird one to end on, and so not the
sort of big emotional, meaningful quote that I did this
(27:58):
in the wrong order. Guys, you're hearing the in real time,
but it's a practical one because it's right in the
forefront of my mind. And that is when you do
become a parent, and especially in your first year, because
set yourself up right the first time.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
Deal with your photos, videos.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
And memories as you go, take notes as you go.
Don't get to the first birthday and realize you haven't
done it all along, and then try and remember everything,
because I remember very little of very big chunks. But
I have kept even just a note on your phone.
I'm looking at it right now. The notes for this
episode are in my phone, and just below it are
the notes for every week of the fifty two weeks
(28:33):
of Teddy so far, just noting when he did certain
new sounds, certain new facial expressions, when he crawled for
the first time, when he even tried to reach for something,
you know, when he giggled, and all those things that
you will never remember off the top of your head,
and you might wish that one day you could look
back at them, even just dot points. They're not even
full sentences. The first night he slept through the night,
the first tooth that he got, all of those scenes.
(28:56):
And same with photos. You take fifty thousand photos these days,
our parents, it's had to be so much more selective,
with twenty four pieces of twenty four photos on a
camera roll, which made them so much more selective and
possibly a bit, you know, more discerning about the photos
they take. We take eighty five million, and then of
course we're going to get a new fine every now
and then, and the storage is going to run out
(29:16):
and all that kind of stuff. I feel like one
of the things that I started too late, to be fair,
I think it was like six months in and then
I had to spend like a week and a half
doing it. But I'm glad that I started then and
not now. And that's also cataloging all the photos, getting
rid of the triples and quadruples of the same photo,
and organizing them into folders and backing them up so
that you can always look back at them. You never
(29:38):
lose any really special ones. They're really really special ones.
Print them or put them in a photo book. I
did a big post. I got a lot of recommendations.
I asked for your recommendations on memory.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
Books or photo books?
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Are apps to use to kind of catalog better? And
how you do it and how often you do it?
And I put them all in a post, which is
so helpful, just to make sure that those treasured memories
never lost and that you do actually get to look
back and enjoy them, because it's so easy to just
take a million and ever look back at them. So
I think that would be my one practical tip is to, yeah,
(30:12):
do all those things as you go, knowing that you
won't be able to remember them off the top of
your head. And that's kind of another favor for your
future self, which comes back to them before. So it
all kind of links in. Really, this was just a
big babble of like three different things that I extended
out into ten. But it was a really really nice
occasion for me to sit down and get that all
out of my brain, because it just has been a
(30:32):
year of not really stopping. I think that's one of
the things that if I've lamented anything of not having
as much time, it's that I don't really sitdn't consolidate.
I just kind of am in the moment. I think
I've gone from being really in the worrying that I'm
not in the moment and that I'm just jumping from
thing to thing to being so in the moment that
(30:54):
I don't actually stop and realize that time has passed.
I used to sort of stop every month and think
what happened this month, what happened to my goals, what
would I like to do differently next month? Like I
was on top of the time passing and the milestones
and the goals and whatever. And I feel like this
past year, I've just gone from this day last year
to this day this year, and I haven't really stopped
(31:14):
and thought about it or really let all the emotions
sit and wash over you. I feel like that might
sound that might be something that a lot of parents
listening resonate with, that it's just a blur and it
all goes past and it never really sit and think,
oh my God, and let it all catch up with you.
And forcing myself to sit down on my birthday and
on the morning of my birthday, before I get into
the day of just doing normal stuff, to sit down
(31:35):
and reflect on how I felt, what I learned, how
special it's been, how hard it's been, how beautiful it's
been to share, how much I feel like it humbles you,
how much I have said goodbye to this former person,
but how much I love the person that I've become
in her place. All of those things, I think, I'm
just really glad that I had the occasion to do that,
(31:56):
and again so grateful for a neighborhood that listens and
gives me the platform an opportunity to share it with
you and to share in it. One of the really
nice messages that a lot of you have sent over
the last little while is thank you for sharing Teddy
with us, and it is I've actually not spoken about it,
and to be fair to you guys, you've all been
so polite to not really ask about it that much.
But it is a really big choice whether you'll share
(32:18):
your child on social media and when you have a big,
big platform, and coming back to that whole like, do
things for your future self and think about future you.
Speaker 2 (32:26):
There will probably come.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
A time where he's a little bit older and his
face is changing a lot less quickly, where we might
follow in the footsteps of say Steph Smith and start
to share him less or once he starts getting recognized
at kinder and all that kind of thing. But in
this first year where he's changed every five seconds, it
was a decision we actively made not to sort of
(32:48):
hide his face. And again coming back to that, it
has to work for you. It has to feel comfortable
for you, and you can't compare to everyone else who's
doing different things. And we have a lot of friends
who we know through the media, who are in similar
jobs with similar platforms, who have chosen not to share
their children, and we all just have such respect for
each other's decisions. There's sort of no judgment either way.
(33:08):
It's got to work for you. But yeah, we just
decided that we did want to share him because I
just physically couldn not really. I share so much of
my life and I wasn't quite sure how I'd have
the same relationship I do with social media without sharing
that part of my life because it's part of my
way of being excited about things. And we also felt
we could protect him later on in a different way.
(33:30):
But it has been also so lovely that you have
continued to be the kindest audience. I don't think I've
had a propertrol with nearly one hundred and fifty thousand
followers over nearly ten years on social media, and that.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
Is such a credit to all of you guys.
Speaker 1 (33:43):
I feel so incredibly grateful that all you do is
celebrate and ask genuine questions and give genuine suggestions, and
that you have shared in this journey and embraced it
so beautifully. You do kind of worry that you'll drop
off the face of the earth and become this person
that is over the heel and a marle and that
that's daggy and boring. But you've all really really come
(34:03):
along on the ride. And I'm so grateful for anyone
who's listened this long, because oh my god, I really
need to cut myself off. I'm actually glad it's only
been half an hour. I think it could have been longer.
But thank you for spending the morning of my thirty
six birthday with me. Thank you for having done that
on my birthday. For the seven years of the podcast,
listen to my dear dary episodes, oh my goodness me
and I hope you guys have taken something from it,
(34:27):
even if not just to reaffirm how I'm hinged I
can be when I'm left my own.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
Devices, but really grateful for you all.
Speaker 1 (34:33):
Let me know what you would like to hear in
any future episodes of Seize the Baby, or any future
solo episodes, or any guests you'd like to hear from.
We are in kind of a stage of flux where
I'm not really sure. I'm really really enjoying just going.
Like I said, going in the moment to moment, but
I haven't done any macro planning in a while, so
I think that's coming. I think that now I've got
(34:54):
a little bit more structure and routine, once we get
the sleep under control again, I feel like something's coming.
I'm not sure what, but please do send any feedback suggestions,
because it really does get taken into account and means
a lot that this is a yagihood production. I hope
you're having a wonderful week and is seizing your ya
Welcome to the Sees the Yay Podcast. Busy and happy,
but tired and worn, just some of the feelings when
baby is born. There's magic, elation, there's chaos and tears,
but everyone goes through the same hopes and fears. So
this is a segment we hope helps you feel supported
and valid. The mum juggles real, the good, bad, the ugly,
the best and worst day. It's part of the journey.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
To seize the Babe.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
I'm Sarah Davidson, a lawyer turned entrepreneur who hung up
the suits and heels to co found Macha Maiden a
Macha Milk Bar, become a TV and radio presenter, and
of course, host The Sees the Ya Podcast. This year,
I added motherhood to that list, which is the best
job I've ever had with our beautiful baby Teddy, and
this segment was designed to house all the conversations we've
been having about parenthood. We'll still do our regular episodes,
(00:46):
and just like real life, it's a constant balance between
our parent identity and everything else. I hope you guys
enjoy this segment as much as I have enjoyed creating it. Hello,
Lovely neighborhood. I hope you've all had an amazing week.
We certainly have at this end celebrating Teddy's first birthday.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
I think the.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Exact phrase that I used last week was that I
was a walking hot mess of emotions as this very
special milestone approached, and it only intensified tenfold, maybe even
one hundredfold, as the celebrations began, which started with a
lovely intimate family dinner on the actual day, just with
our close family at home. We did a little traditional
Korean takeaway dinner, not very aesthetic, but it's a family tradition.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Teddy tried his first book.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Goggie, which he really enjoyed. We got him into his
harm bok, you might remember for his hundred day celebration
we borrowed one, but he finally fits into my little
brothers so that was a really special, full circle moment.
And then a couple of days later we followed it
up with a little birthday party. I don't think anyone
truly prepares you for the feelings that will hit you
(01:55):
when all of your loved ones, your whole village starts
singing Happy Birthday to your baby on their first birthday.
I don't even know how I did not just pass
away on the spot. It was so emotional and so beautiful.
I just really still I was only yesterday at the
time of recording, so I haven't really processed all of
those emotions. But if you did listen to the throwback
(02:18):
episode to our birth story last week, you will, of
course remember the timing of Teddy's birth that still gives
me goosebumps to think about how it was all meant
to be, and that is that he of course arrived
a little bit early, right on thirty eight weeks on
the dot, which was just a couple of days before
my own birthday, which I share with my younger brother,
(02:38):
which in itself is pretty crazy. We were both born
to different biological families and then adopted together. He's four
years younger, but somehow we were born on the exact
same day, which happens to be today this year, and
only three days after Teddy. So today I'm recording on
the morning of my.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Thirty sixth birthday.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
So it really did feel last year like Teddy was
the best birthday present I ever could have imagined, and
I think it'd be pretty hard to top last year.
Sitting there, you know, three days after giving birth and
just reflecting on how incredible that was. There will never
be a birthday a special as that, but I am
so grateful to be sitting here this morning with a
healthy one year old and a beautiful family and so
(03:21):
many friends around us that we have spent the weekend with.
It's funny it's the first year that I am closer
to forty than thirty officially, and it's one of those
things that I think there is a lot of sadness
maybe or resistance to aging. Of course that's such a
big part of our societal norms. But one thing I
always come back to when I start to feel like,
(03:42):
oh my goodness, I am no longer. Definitely can't ever
say that I'm in my early thirties anymore. Possibly can
stretch and keep using mid thirties for a little while.
But every time I start to feel those feels, I
just come back to a quote that if you've been
listening for a while, you've definitely heard me say probably
every birthday, maybe every news episode. And the quote that
keeps me grounded when I feel that way is to
(04:05):
never regret growing older, for it is a privilege denied
to many, and that just reminds me how lucky we
are to have every day and that, yeah, aging really
is a privilege that you should never take for granted.
So I'm trying to sit here and feel very, very
lucky to be a healthy thirty six year old and
to be spending my morning with you guys. In a
(04:25):
little deer diary sees the baby reflection, which I haven't
really planned or scripted like I usually would. You might
already be able to tell the wild tangents and stream
of consciousness and verbal diary that's coming out right now.
Normally my legal brain insists on a few dot points
to kind of keep me on track. But it has
of course been a well win few days pulling the
(04:46):
party together. Actually a well winned three hundred and sixty
five days and more. But I guess that's all been
part of the big adjustment to this new chapter. It's
all those extra little things that I used to have
endless time for and be able to give up one hundred,
one hundred and ten one hundred and fifty percent to
to make them absolutely perfect. It's just been having to
learn to cope with just getting them done, or in fact,
(05:08):
not getting half of them done. I'm just getting a
few of them done. I really would love to have
been able to plan things a lot better in podcast land,
in workland, in everything, but in friendships and relationships. But
that really leads me to the first big lesson that
I've had to learn, and that has been actually probably
something I needed to learn, very humbling and a wonderful
lesson of parenthood. I don't really know who this episode
(05:30):
is for, by the way, Maybe for other parents in
solidarity with all the feelings and reflections, maybe just for
me to look back on. As you know, I love
to use the podcast as a little time capsule for
who I am. But I thought i would share the
top ten lessons and reflections that I've had over the
past year, and I'm sure that many more will get
added as Teddy inches further into toddlerland, where things get.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Hard are different.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
I feel like every new level has new herds and
new easies.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
But here we go.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
So my first big and probably the biggest of all,
coming back to that idea of not being able to
give one hundred and ten percent to everything like I
used to, is that one of the biggest anxiety's apprehension
often fear about becoming a parent, even when you just
start trying, is the idea of sacrifice, that you sacrifice
your time, your sleep, your freedom, your spontaneity. There are
(06:21):
so many things that you do think of as losing,
and that's a really big fear, of course it is.
It's something you can't really understand before you do it,
before you go through it, and it does feel like
a big exchange of one thing for another. But I
think I focused a lot in the lead up on
what that would mean and how that would feel. But
the minute that Teddy was born, I realized, yes, I
(06:43):
lost the person I was before. I don't even remember
who that person was. I don't remember what that life
felt like. But it's what you gain in its place.
You lose parts of your identity, but you gain a
new identity that is so much better. It is so
much more multifaceted. My emotions are so much deeper, my
life is so much richer. And it's just something I
(07:04):
never could have explained before it actually happened, because I
was so focused on what I would lose. And that's
because that's all you know before you know, as I've
talked about before, before you arrive on planet parent and
realize what everyone else is experiencing. So I think if
you have ever focused on fearing what you'll lose, try
and think of that, you'll gain so much more in
(07:26):
its place. And it was put so beautifully recently in
a video of Ellen Pompio, the star of Gray's Anatomy.
It came out on the Call Her Daddy podcast. I
think it's quite recent. I saw a snippet my wonderful
friend manager role model Genevieve Day sent it to me.
I've had actually a couple of people send it to me,
and it was her talking about this idea of never
being one hundred percent at work. I think there is
(07:47):
a lot of pressure in our modern day, fast paced
society to interpret the jugglers meaning that you do everything,
and you do everything one hundred percent as a mom,
at work, at home, in your personal life and your relationships.
But she just called it was a big surrender. You
are not one hundred percent at work. You cannot be
a mother and have children and have a career and
(08:08):
give one hundred percent to your job at the same time.
And I really liked that she just called that upfront,
because sometimes I really do feel like I'm trying to
do one hundred percent to all of it, and I can't,
but sometimes just accepting that you can't causes you a
lot less angst. And the way she put it was
that you are split into lots of different pieces, but
(08:29):
it makes you more soulful, it makes you richer. Those
are the exact words that she used, and I just
wanted to save it and send it to everyone and
plaster the video on my head and put it on
a moving T shirt because that is exactly what I
feel has been my biggest lesson over the past year,
that you are split into a hundred different pieces. I
don't think I'll ever be one hundred percent focused on
(08:49):
anything ever again, and particularly if we have more children.
And I've lamented that so much because I'm just such
a perfectionist, but the things you get in return and
the life you get in return is just worth infinitely more.
To watch a tiny human and be their guardian, be
the person that guides them through the world. There's nothing better.
(09:11):
Having said that, though, number two, the second thing that
has also been a big act of surrender and acceptance
is that it is at once the best thing and
the hardest thing I've ever done. It's hard in a
way I never have conceived of. I've actually said to
someone recently that I think the language that you use
pre parenthood and the language that you use postparenthood should
(09:31):
not be the same words because they don't describe the
same thing. The word hard doesn't mean the same, the
word tired doesn't mean the same. So we really just
should have a new language so everyone knows what page
we're on. It is definitely the hardest thing I've ever done,
and I've always been somebody to embrace getting out of
my comfort zone to do things I didn't think I
could do. But I have never sat on the floor
(09:53):
and cried feeling like this is impossible, like I have
since having a baby. But at the same time, I
think one of the things someone said to me, I
think it was just before we took Teddy overseas when
he was really little, was that, of course, it will
be the hardest thing you've ever done, and some experiences
and moments in chapters will be harder than others. But
(10:14):
looking back, you only remember the good bits. And that's
really interesting because especially a year on and looking back
that is so true. Of course you remember that you
had hard times. And it's the same in life. It's
such a good life lesson for when you get out
of the comfort zone. You look back at times you
did something really hard that felt impossible, even times you
(10:34):
broke a leg or you broke an arm, anything that
kind of encompasses pain. You look back at that and
you know logically that there was pain. You know logically
you remember that it was hard, but you can't feel
that pain again in your memory. You don't actually feel
it again. Every time you look back, you logically remember it,
but not emotionally. And what overrides that is that emotionally
(10:56):
you do remember the good bits. And I feel like
it's like when you finish a marathon, that I finished
a marathon, but you know that kind of analogy. You
finish the hardest thing you've ever done, and like a
week later, you've forgotten how much it hurts, but you
remember what an achievement was. That's the same with any
time you do something hard, and it's the same with parenthood.
I look back at that trip and sure, taking a
newborn on a plane was absolutely crazy. At the time,
(11:18):
it was so scary and it was really really hard,
and there were moments at the time where I was like,
this is the worst thing I've ever done, But I
logically know that I don't emotionally remember that. I emotionally
remember the best memories that will always come back to
me as the good bit. So if you're ever in
doubt about doing something and you're in the hard moment
at the time, you won't remember that bit, You'll remember
the overarching beautiful memories. Pain is something you only feel
(11:41):
at the time, and I think that's yeah, really helped
guide me in those moments that feel really tough. Number
three is kind of similar. They're all really closely related. Again,
I don't really know who this is for. I think
it is more a dear diary download that in the
way that I use all social media, there's something that
I share what I'm doing in real time, and then
(12:02):
if anyone incidentally benefits, then that's just a bonus. Number
three is that it's so cliche and it's so annoying
when you're not a parent and everyone tells you, oh
my god, the time passes more quickly than anyone could
ever explain to you, But then you get there and
it is truly faster than you could ever imagine. Truly
faster than you could ever imagine. Again, referring back to
(12:24):
a meme, I saw a mem yesterday that was re
enactment of adults having dinner, and it was a scene
where instead of actually having a conversation, it was just
the adults saying the topic of what adults sit down
and talk about, and it was them going, ha, time passing, ha,
the weather, mortgage, baby, kids, kids, tired, back.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Pain, ha.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
And I was like, yeah, that's all I talk about,
how fast time is going, how much my kids are
annoying me, how how much my back hurts, and how
much I'm not sleeping. But truly, the time passes just
so quickly. I blinked, and my newborn is a little
one year year old. And on that same token, the
other thing I've actually written down everywhere. I have it
(13:05):
written down in my diary, it's on my mirror. Everything
is temporary, and that applies to the good and the bad.
So if you're in a really hard moment right now,
we are in, as you guys know, another sleep regression.
We are barely sleeping, and you just come back to
the fact that you can cope and you can get
through it because it's temporary. You don't know how long
it will last, but it won't be forever. And that
(13:28):
applies to the good times as well. When you're in
a really good chapter, hold on to it with everything
you have, because that also will be temporary and won't last.
Time does pass really quickly, it will happen really quickly.
So embrace every chapter that you're in. And I also
think you will never regret spending time.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
With your kids.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
Whether it costs you. You know, it'll cost you so
many things. It's cost me work opportunities, it's cost me
social opportunities. In the middle of sleep deprivation, it's cost
me it's sanity. Also, him not being able to be
put to bed by anyone else at the means I
can't go out at night. I've had to say, notice
so many things, But I don't think I will ever
look back, knowing how fast it's going, and regret every
(14:07):
second that I could spend with him being spent with him.
And I flip it to you know, I was on
the in the cot last night at six times and
I just thought, yes, I could focus on how horrible
this season. Yes, of course it's okay to be having
a mental breakdown about it, but try and flip it
to the fact that one day he will be sleeping
(14:29):
in his own bed, or one day he will have
moved out of our house and he won't want me
or need me the way he does right now, and
I will wish I could go back and have this moment.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
So flipping it.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
To that temporal, temporary, fleeting time kind of message always
helps me get through Number four. Coming back to that
idea that you will only remember the good bits sometimes
and actually a lot of the time, I've realized the
kind of logistical hurdles and obstacles to leaving the house
(14:58):
with a child are insurmountable. They are so difficult. It
is infinitely more difficult to even go to the supermarket,
let alone, to go to a party, to go on
a trip, to travel, and you know, in a world
where we're all tired and we're trying to do self
care and we're trying to pick up all the boxes,
past me would have said, you know what, you stay
at home. It's too hard. You don't have to do
(15:19):
the hard things, and of course you don't. But this party,
for example, in that main I was like, you know what,
he's not going to remember it it's so hard. We're
coming back from a troop.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
It's a lot for all of us.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
You know, we don't need to do it. But the
fourth lesson I've learned is that maybe I'm not doing
it for him because he won't remember it, and maybe
I'm not even doing it for me right now, because
I will be I'd happily have spent the weekend just
as a family, But is to do things for your
future self. Do things like the party, or you know,
(15:51):
do things like going on troops, even though it's really
hard and easier to stay at home where all your
comforts are. Do those things because your future self and
their future self will be so glad that you did.
And it's so true again with that thing that you
only remember the good bits. You'll look back and be
so glad you did the hard thing. You won't remember
how hard it was.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
You remember how beautiful it was.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
And that kept me going when I was party planning
and thinking, oh my god, my kid is not even
going to remember this, but it was the most beautiful day.
It's only been one day, and all I remember was
how special it was. I'll always look back on the
photos and videos and just be so glad we did it.
Number five and this is where they start to get
just like the same as life lessons. They're the same
(16:29):
as all the life lessons I teach myself, and I
feel like kids really make that more acute and they
you don't have the same latitude and leeway to not
realize these life lessons, I think, and number five is
just comparison is futile. I talk about it all the time.
The grass is green, then you order it. I've said
it in so many different ways, and everyone has said
it in so many different ways, but it's easier said
than done in a time where social media splashes the
(16:52):
details of everyone's lives.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
I've always talked.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
About it more in the sense of other people's success, careers, pathways,
travel houses, financial positions, whatever it may be. But there's
nothing like the way you compare yourself as a parent.
It's just even more intense the comparison of my kids
not doing this. They I even sometimes find myself analyzing
(17:14):
in the background of someone's photo of their child what
food is on their plate at what age, and how
much they're eating and how big the size of the
pieces are. Because Teddy can't chew pieces that big like
the comparison. I think because you do want to be
the best mum and you do want the best for
your child. It's just insane the way you'll beat yourself
up about crazy things and small triggers or you know,
(17:35):
they all start doing different milestones at different times, in
no particular order, for no particular reason. Why is he
walking before my child? Why is he you know, all
the things, there's always something that you can compare, and
it is truly futile. Firstly, it all works out in
the wash. I mean, kids who do some things first
will do other things second, and vice versa. It really
(17:55):
doesn't matter in what order they do things. I find
myself wishing and rush that he would crawl and then walk,
and then the minute happens, you're like, oh my god,
I should slow down. I really loved when I could
put him down in one spot and he'd be there
when I came back. Not only is comparison futile for that,
but every baby is different. And not only is every
baby different, every family, every family's priorities and values and
(18:17):
life setup is different and it has to work for you,
and that's the same in your life. I always say,
why would you bother comparing your life to someone else
when they have a different threshold for social interaction, or
they really need to work in an office and you don't,
or they have different financial obligations and you don't like
you don't know why people do the things they do
and why the criteria for their life means they make
(18:40):
the choices they do. So your life is always going
to be different and it has to work for you.
There are certain things that I look at and I'm like,
that is absolutely amazing how that mum does that, But
it wouldn't work for me to do that. My life
structure is so different to all of my friends who
are still in corporate. Of course, our setup is going
to be completely different. I work from home, they're in
the office all day. There are just so many things
(19:01):
that make your life just unable to be compared, and
your children unable to be compared.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
So of course it's.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
Natural to find yourself doing that. But please please be
kind to yourself and try to put on the blinkers
and just remember all you have to do is look
after you and your little is.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
Especially with sleep. Oh my god, it's so hard.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Number six similar, I'm getting really long wounded. I meant
this to be really short, but as you guys know,
I haven't taken a breath so far. This is quite unusual, actually,
that I haven't stopped in the stream of consciousness at
least to re record one part or the other. So
you're really getting real and raw Sarah here, which you
usually do, but this is even more unedited and unfiltered.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
Number six.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
You won't get everything right. In fact, I don't even
know if there is a right or wrong. But your
little ones are really resilient. Be kind to yourself. I
just find myself thinking, oh my gosh, I am not
cooking him sources from scratch. I'm giving him some things
from a packet. Sometimes I am getting myself takeaway and
spending too much on uberys and blah blah blah. And
(20:03):
there's so many boxes coming back to that one hundred percent,
You'll never give everything one hundred percent. There's so many
boxes you need to tick, and we're all going to
be ticking different ones, well, not ticking other ones, forgetting
about other ones. And it's so easy to just beat
yourself up about being either a failure or about parent,
or a bad friend or about person you won't get
everything right. It's just not possible. Remember Ellen Pompeo saying,
(20:25):
you just cannot do it, or you will be split
into a million different pieces. And especially when it comes
to parenting. I look at all the ways that I
am trying to be the ideal parent, and I'm not
meeting most of them. I want to make all of
his food from scratch. I want to be feeding him
beef broth that's organic from the blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
I can't.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
I don't have time for that because I also want
to be a working mum that's saving his school fees
and all of that kind of thing. And I think
you just have to let yourself off the hook. They
are loved, if they're safe and clean and fed, you know,
they're resilient little things.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
They're adaptable.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
And one of the biggest lessons and this is the
same in business that really helped prepare me for for
this time of my life, and that's if there's something
that is really really causing you anxiety and pain and distress,
and if it is within your means, outsource what you
are really not enjoying and keep the things to do
for yourself that you do enjoyer that you're good at
(21:21):
and that you know it's already a really really stressful time.
Don't keep beating yourself over the head. Like an example,
for me to make my own chicken stock and broth
like or sauces from scratch. It's just it would take
up so much bandwidth and take me away from the
other things that I know I am good at meeting
the standard that I want to meet. It is okay
(21:41):
if I give him packet food or packet sauce every
now and then, it's fine.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Like, give yourself a break.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
Choose the things that you really care about, and those
can be the things.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
That you do.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
That's a really long, way winded way of saying that
you won't get everything right, but give yourself a break.
And actually number seven, I don't know why I put
this as a separate DOB. I think I meant to
I don't know niche down in this description, but it
was to choose the path of least resistance. It's okay
to do that. Sometimes you don't have to make it
so hard for yourself. Sometimes we choose the harder thing
(22:12):
because we think we have to, and then that comes
back to comparison. But it's okay to do the easy thing.
Sometimes I catch myself going that is so lazy, like
I should have just like I don't even know what
an example is when I like even small things like
buying disposable nappies, I would love to use reusable nappies.
I would love that to be the area where I'm
more sustainable, and they sustainability is one of my core values,
(22:35):
and it feels really dissonant to sometimes not always live
up to that. But sometimes it's okay to choose the
path of least resistance. Sometimes it's a matter of survival
because you can't again choose the hard thing or the
right thing or one hundred and ten percent thing every
single time. Again, that was two points that were kind
of really similar. I think maybe I just wanted to
get to ten and I only had nine, and I
had to separate them out. Oh my gosh, number eight
(23:00):
big one. If you have listened to the podcast for
a while, you'll just be like, Babe, these are all
the same dot points in life lessons that you go
on about all the time. But I think I've just
relearnt them all in a different context and had to
apply them to this new context of parenthood. And again,
most of it is just saying, don't worry. If you're
a failure, it's okay. So hopefully that's relatable to anyone else.
Number eight, you can't do it alone. It is okay
(23:23):
to lean on people, but not just is it okay.
It's actually the best thing to have a village. It
is the best thing to surround your little one and
yourself and your family with lots of different influences. The
way that Teddy, even in one two hour period of
having so many different kids around at his party, so
many different adults around, so many different sounds and smells,
(23:44):
they develop so much for the experience. We took him
to Tazzy and I thought, oh my god, he's going
to be out of routine, out on the road for
five days in a row, and he's going to be
held by different people. He's going to be oh my gosh,
and he developed more than I've seen him in months.
It is so good for them to be exposed to
a wide village. But it's so good for you as well,
(24:04):
because you need lots of different influences, You need lots
of different help. I'm so lucky to have so many
close family members and close friends nearby, but even people
you aren't as close to our people at cafes who
you see every day, people in your mother's group, or
people who I meet online have been huge helps. There's
been so many sleep consultants who I've never met in
(24:26):
person but who have become an incidental part of the
village because we've connected over sleep stories. No one can
do it alone, but also no one should do it alone,
because not only do you need other people in the
hard moments, in the good moments. Yesterday, looking around I
will never forget. And it's the only part we don't
have a photo of because all the cameras were focusing
on Teddy getting his cake, but I was looking back
(24:48):
at everyone's faces. I will never forget looking around at
all the people who were part of his village and
have made him into the child he is, but made
me into the parent I am. And that was just
so special to think I get to sh share this
sharing like I'm one of those people that if I
don't share a milestone, it doesn't mean anything. If I'm
just quiet about something and just keep it inside. I
(25:09):
haven't really realized it yet, and Andre and I I
think you've probably heard us talk about it before. We
call it stomping. We have to stomp out something we're
excited about. If you don't stomp with someone and share it,
it's not exciting because you've kept it in your body.
And I feel like that's the same with parenting. You
can't cry alone, but you also can't celebrate alone. And again,
it's okay to lean on people. And I'm sure that
(25:30):
this will have new meaning for me as well when
we move on to daycare and kinder and school and
the idea of feeling so guilty for leaving them with
other people, but it's good for them. It's okay to
lean on other people. It's okay to not be the
only person they see all day every day, and it's
probably good for them as well. So I'm sure this
one will have new meaning in due course.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
Number nine, guys, I've really.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
Stretched out to ten. I think I probably could have
consolidated this a little bit better, but one that keeps
me going in the moments where I think, I really
I think this is number six or five, I don't know,
maybe seven anyway, slightly differently worded, but it came back
to me when I was writing these stop points very quickly,
so it must be an important one. And I'd rather
(26:14):
regret doing something than regret not doing it. And on
a really small scale, our tazzy trip recently, it was
for a travel job for Luxury Escapes, who are a
brand we love working with. I haven't actually had the
founder on yet, but the founder, Adam Schwab, is an
incredible human being who, in a full circle moment, actually
(26:36):
happened to be the person I spoke to when I
couldn't decide whether or not to leave law. He was
a contact of a client of mine and we had
a lunch and he just changed my life with the
advice that he gave. He's been a huge influence in
our life. And then also one of the heads of
partnerships is a dear friend from a totally different chapter
of our lives. Anyway, really really beautiful experience. But I
(26:58):
did think Teddy's not sleeping, We're going to be out
on the road. He's going to have no routine whatsoever,
how we're going to feed him, there's no micro blah
blah blah, like. There were so many obstacles And I
always think, and I've always applied this outside of parenting.
I would actually rather regret doing it. I'd rather do
it and find it really hard, then wonder what it
would have been like. And I feel like doing things
(27:18):
that way and making choices that way have always made
me come through my life and not regret anything. I
actually can safely say there are things that didn't go
the way I hope they did. There are things I
cringe about, there are things I wish maybe went differently,
but I don't regret any of those things because I
don't think I could have made a different decision at
the time.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
And that is an incredibly.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
Liberating, happy way to live your life. Sure I regret
the outcomes of certain things, but I never regret the
choice that I made in relation to them, unless I
didn't make it with that lens. So that's something that's
really stuck with me. Number ten And this is such
a weird one to end on, and so not the
sort of big emotional, meaningful quote that I did this
(27:58):
in the wrong order. Guys, you're hearing the in real time,
but it's a practical one because it's right in the
forefront of my mind. And that is when you do
become a parent, and especially in your first year, because
set yourself up right the first time.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
Deal with your photos, videos.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
And memories as you go, take notes as you go.
Don't get to the first birthday and realize you haven't
done it all along, and then try and remember everything,
because I remember very little of very big chunks. But
I have kept even just a note on your phone.
I'm looking at it right now. The notes for this
episode are in my phone, and just below it are
the notes for every week of the fifty two weeks
(28:33):
of Teddy so far, just noting when he did certain
new sounds, certain new facial expressions, when he crawled for
the first time, when he even tried to reach for something,
you know, when he giggled, and all those things that
you will never remember off the top of your head,
and you might wish that one day you could look
back at them, even just dot points. They're not even
full sentences. The first night he slept through the night,
the first tooth that he got, all of those scenes.
(28:56):
And same with photos. You take fifty thousand photos these days,
our parents, it's had to be so much more selective,
with twenty four pieces of twenty four photos on a
camera roll, which made them so much more selective and
possibly a bit, you know, more discerning about the photos
they take. We take eighty five million, and then of
course we're going to get a new fine every now
and then, and the storage is going to run out
(29:16):
and all that kind of stuff. I feel like one
of the things that I started too late, to be fair,
I think it was like six months in and then
I had to spend like a week and a half
doing it. But I'm glad that I started then and
not now. And that's also cataloging all the photos, getting
rid of the triples and quadruples of the same photo,
and organizing them into folders and backing them up so
that you can always look back at them. You never
(29:38):
lose any really special ones. They're really really special ones.
Print them or put them in a photo book. I
did a big post. I got a lot of recommendations.
I asked for your recommendations on memory.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
Books or photo books?
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Are apps to use to kind of catalog better? And
how you do it and how often you do it?
And I put them all in a post, which is
so helpful, just to make sure that those treasured memories
never lost and that you do actually get to look
back and enjoy them, because it's so easy to just
take a million and ever look back at them. So
I think that would be my one practical tip is to, yeah,
(30:12):
do all those things as you go, knowing that you
won't be able to remember them off the top of
your head. And that's kind of another favor for your
future self, which comes back to them before. So it
all kind of links in. Really, this was just a
big babble of like three different things that I extended
out into ten. But it was a really really nice
occasion for me to sit down and get that all
out of my brain, because it just has been a
(30:32):
year of not really stopping. I think that's one of
the things that if I've lamented anything of not having
as much time, it's that I don't really sitdn't consolidate.
I just kind of am in the moment. I think
I've gone from being really in the worrying that I'm
not in the moment and that I'm just jumping from
thing to thing to being so in the moment that
(30:54):
I don't actually stop and realize that time has passed.
I used to sort of stop every month and think
what happened this month, what happened to my goals, what
would I like to do differently next month? Like I
was on top of the time passing and the milestones
and the goals and whatever. And I feel like this
past year, I've just gone from this day last year
to this day this year, and I haven't really stopped
(31:14):
and thought about it or really let all the emotions
sit and wash over you. I feel like that might
sound that might be something that a lot of parents
listening resonate with, that it's just a blur and it
all goes past and it never really sit and think,
oh my God, and let it all catch up with you.
And forcing myself to sit down on my birthday and
on the morning of my birthday, before I get into
the day of just doing normal stuff, to sit down
(31:35):
and reflect on how I felt, what I learned, how
special it's been, how hard it's been, how beautiful it's
been to share, how much I feel like it humbles you,
how much I have said goodbye to this former person,
but how much I love the person that I've become
in her place. All of those things, I think, I'm
just really glad that I had the occasion to do that,
(31:56):
and again so grateful for a neighborhood that listens and
gives me the platform an opportunity to share it with
you and to share in it. One of the really
nice messages that a lot of you have sent over
the last little while is thank you for sharing Teddy
with us, and it is I've actually not spoken about it,
and to be fair to you guys, you've all been
so polite to not really ask about it that much.
But it is a really big choice whether you'll share
(32:18):
your child on social media and when you have a big,
big platform, and coming back to that whole like, do
things for your future self and think about future you.
Speaker 2 (32:26):
There will probably come.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
A time where he's a little bit older and his
face is changing a lot less quickly, where we might
follow in the footsteps of say Steph Smith and start
to share him less or once he starts getting recognized
at kinder and all that kind of thing. But in
this first year where he's changed every five seconds, it
was a decision we actively made not to sort of
(32:48):
hide his face. And again coming back to that, it
has to work for you. It has to feel comfortable
for you, and you can't compare to everyone else who's
doing different things. And we have a lot of friends
who we know through the media, who are in similar
jobs with similar platforms, who have chosen not to share
their children, and we all just have such respect for
each other's decisions. There's sort of no judgment either way.
(33:08):
It's got to work for you. But yeah, we just
decided that we did want to share him because I
just physically couldn not really. I share so much of
my life and I wasn't quite sure how I'd have
the same relationship I do with social media without sharing
that part of my life because it's part of my
way of being excited about things. And we also felt
we could protect him later on in a different way.
(33:30):
But it has been also so lovely that you have
continued to be the kindest audience. I don't think I've
had a propertrol with nearly one hundred and fifty thousand
followers over nearly ten years on social media, and that.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
Is such a credit to all of you guys.
Speaker 1 (33:43):
I feel so incredibly grateful that all you do is
celebrate and ask genuine questions and give genuine suggestions, and
that you have shared in this journey and embraced it
so beautifully. You do kind of worry that you'll drop
off the face of the earth and become this person
that is over the heel and a marle and that
that's daggy and boring. But you've all really really come
(34:03):
along on the ride. And I'm so grateful for anyone
who's listened this long, because oh my god, I really
need to cut myself off. I'm actually glad it's only
been half an hour. I think it could have been longer.
But thank you for spending the morning of my thirty
six birthday with me. Thank you for having done that
on my birthday. For the seven years of the podcast,
listen to my dear dary episodes, oh my goodness me
and I hope you guys have taken something from it,
(34:27):
even if not just to reaffirm how I'm hinged I
can be when I'm left my own.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
Devices, but really grateful for you all.
Speaker 1 (34:33):
Let me know what you would like to hear in
any future episodes of Seize the Baby, or any future
solo episodes, or any guests you'd like to hear from.
We are in kind of a stage of flux where
I'm not really sure. I'm really really enjoying just going.
Like I said, going in the moment to moment, but
I haven't done any macro planning in a while, so
I think that's coming. I think that now I've got
(34:54):
a little bit more structure and routine, once we get
the sleep under control again, I feel like something's coming.
I'm not sure what, but please do send any feedback suggestions,
because it really does get taken into account and means
a lot that this is a yagihood production. I hope
you're having a wonderful week and is seizing your ya
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