Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
would you say you
know your true self, what
excites you or drains you, whatlifts you up or pulls you down?
How about what you really wantand desire, not just what you're
settling for or whatexpectations others have of you,
but what you really want, noton the surface, deep down inside
(00:25):
?
Have you ever asked those whatappear to be simple questions
but are so profound, like whatdo you really want out of life?
I thought I knew myself reallywell until I realized I didn't
at all.
I thought my aspirations, mygoals were all centered around
power, position and prosperity,and they were, for a while at
(00:47):
least, on the surface.
And then it took me leavingcorporate and doing a lot of
self-discovery work, innerexcellence and that is what
brought me to reallyunderstanding kind of five key
steps that any individual, letalone a leader, need to walk
themselves through in order toreally discover why they're
(01:10):
working their tails off and whatit is that they're working so
hard to achieve.
And that's what I want to talkwith you on this episode.
I want to go through the fivesteps for you to really discover
you and then, within that, Iwant to give you specific steps,
(01:31):
tips and advice as far as howyou can see immediate results by
just taking some time for youand your goals and aspirations,
your wants and your needs andyour desires, as well as those
things that you don't want orthat are holding you back or
draining you.
I want to help you reallytransform into the powerhouse
(01:54):
leader you're meant to be, but,more importantly, that you want
to be in your career and in yourpersonal life.
Let's dive in.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Welcome to Shedding
the Corporate Bitch, the podcast
that transforms today'smanagers into tomorrow's
powerhouse leaders.
Your host, bernadette Boas,executive coach and author,
brings you into a world wherethe corporate grind meets
personal growth and success ineach and every episode.
With more than 25 years incorporate trenches, bernadette's
own journey from beingdismissed as a tyrant boss to
(02:24):
becoming a sought-afterleadership coach and speaker
illustrates the very essence oftransformation that she now
inspires in others with her tips, strategies and stories.
So if you're ready to shed thebitches of fear and insecurity,
ditch the imposter syndrome andstep into the role of the
powerhouse leader you were bornto be, this podcast is for you.
Let's do this.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
There was a point in
the latter part of my corporate
career, back in the 2006 to 2008period, where I just got really
sick and tired of being sickand tired, really struggling
with what it was that I reallywanted to contribute, what it
was that I was actuallycontributing, and then how I was
(03:11):
going to recognize those thingsand make the changes and make
the shifts that I needed to inorder to really feel fulfilled,
really feel valued, really feelas if I am developing and
growing.
And it was horrific for me tolearn that it was anything but
(03:32):
my career and my personal lifeand my style, especially my
leadership style, was reallydoing far more damage than I
ever really considered and itwas far from really the goals
and the aspirations, the wantsand the desires that I had for
myself.
My corporate career was focusedon, as I mentioned, power,
(03:56):
position and prosperity.
I was extremely self-centered.
I was extremely selfish asopposed to selfless in really
wanting to develop and grow andsupport team members.
Instead, I saw them very muchas taskmasters for me to achieve
(04:17):
my goals, and so it took mebeing fired, leaving corporate
and really digging in to what Inow call kind of my shift from
bitch to rich hence the name ofthe show Shedding the Corporate
Bitch.
That's all about the bitchesbeing your fears, insecurities
and negativities as to why youare self-sabotaging yourself,
(04:42):
let alone damaging therelationships and the people
around you.
And I just recall immersingmyself into Napoleon Hill's
Think and Grow Rich and really,at first, actually through maybe
a reading and a half of theentire book, not getting it, but
(05:05):
then realizing that there wasso much to his commentary about
what we think is what we'reprojecting.
What we think is not only whatwe're feeling and experiencing,
but it's what we're putting outand the experiences we're
creating for other people.
And therefore what I wasrealizing is I was thinking and
(05:29):
feeling very insecure, verynegative, very devil's advocate
all the time, very fatalisticand just really intimidated and
questioning my value and myworth, despite what other people
might say that would contributeto someone feeling worthy and
(05:50):
feeling important and feelingvalued.
And so what we do to ourselves,in the words that we say to
ourselves, is so diminishing toour own spirit, let alone to the
value and the worth and thecontribution that we're making
to the people around us and thelife that we're living, and to
(06:10):
the work and the expertise andthe talent and the skills that
we have.
It just is continually erodingit if we are allowing those
self-sabotaging thoughts andbeliefs in ourselves to wreak
havoc.
And it certainly did for me.
But I had a realization, and itwas something that Napoleon Hill
(06:34):
did say in his book Think andGrow Rich, and that was there
are many things you cannotcontrol, but you can control the
only things that really matter,which is your mind and your
attitude.
And when I really startedthinking about that, like I said
at first it was kind of likewhatever.
And then I thought to myself ohmy gosh, my thoughts were
(06:58):
definitely being projected in mybehavior, in my attitude, in my
facial expressions or my bodyposture, in the words that I
used, in the way that I wasgoing about my life, even when I
was sitting at home alone on mycouch.
So that brought me todiscovering these five steps
(07:19):
that I walked myself through andI continue to walk my clients
through, even though it may notseem so prescribed as what I'm
going to describe to you today,because it's become so natural
for me that it's just a everydaypart of my self-evolution, my
self-learning, myself-development, and in turn,
(07:44):
it's the same for the clientsand for the people around me
that I work to support.
So how did I come aboutdiscovering this?
Well, it was a lot of harddigging, or excavating of my
soul, as I call it Really,asking myself some really hard
questions and even those simplequestions that seem as if I was
(08:09):
well aware of them.
And yet, at the same time, Ibegan to realize that, yes, I
was well aware of the questionsand the answers, but the answers
weren't the true me, weren'twhat I really wanted.
Now, why wouldn't you answer thequestions genuinely and
authentically to what it is youwant or don't want?
Well, for many of us, it'sbecause we're scared of the
(08:33):
answer, we're scared toacknowledge that we want this
big career, we want that corneroffice, we want that
relationship, we want thatincome, we want that freedom, we
want the ability, you know, totravel.
Because if we admit it and wedon't achieve it, then we're
(08:57):
beating ourselves up and we'refeeling less than and or we're
feeling as if we're failing andwe're doing anything.
But we're doing anything.
But Well, first of all, as youprobably have heard time and
time again, failing is learning,failing is growing.
Failing is the lessons fromlife, internally and externally,
(09:19):
that allow us to consider,shift and grow.
And so I just started learning,you know, making a laundry list
of questions that anyone shouldbe able to ask and answer for
themselves, and at first, if itis kind of forced, as I call it,
(09:44):
meaning that, okay, you'reanswering it because maybe it's
the way you know, your bossmight want to hear it, or your
partner might want to hear it,or your children might want to
hear it, but yet it's stillmissing that piece of you, that
genuine, authentic, soul levelpiece of you that really is
(10:05):
craving for something more.
And so you go throughiterations, and that's what I
did.
I went through iterations ofasking myself, over and over and
over again, a series ofquestions and then working
through, isolating, okay, what'sreal, what's not, what's forced
(10:27):
, what's authentic, what is itthat I want to kind of keep and
what is it that I want to throwaway.
And then started working towardmaking the changes in my life,
in my person, in my being, inorder to then move on.
And when I got to what I'llcall the initial other side,
(10:47):
meaning I was starting to feeland experience some major shifts
within myself and therefore myview of the world, my view of my
friends, my view of my family,my view of my work, my view of
my community were all shifting,and that was creating in itself
a lot of change.
(11:08):
Then I realized that there werethese five steps that I was
walking myself through to reallydiscover the type of leader,
the type of woman, the type offriend, the type of sister, the
type of pup mom, the type ofcommunity leader that I wanted
(11:30):
to be.
And then, once I started reallygetting down to that genuine
level, I started justunbelievably transforming.
And those five steps is what Iwant to talk with you about.
So I call it my shift to richesformula, and this is going to
(11:51):
appear to many as like very woowoo, but trust me when I say if
you are questioning where youare today versus where you want
to be, if you have dreams andaspirations, both personally and
professionally, that you'rejust struggling to realize, if
you do know that there's morewithin you than what you're
(12:15):
sharing with the world, then Iwill just challenge you to
follow these five steps.
Start small, small steps, leadto big results, and work your
way through, and again,iteration after iteration after
iteration.
Okay, because as you startworking through discovering you,
(12:37):
as I'll call it, then you justwant to learn more.
You just want to learn more,and as long as we are all on
this earth, breathing, we shouldbe learning.
We are not the smartest peoplein the room.
We should not want to be thesmartest person in the room.
We want to have that gap thatalways keeps us curious,
(12:57):
creative, innovative, verystudent-like.
So we're learning and learningand learning not only about
ourselves, but the people aroundus, the environment, the
community, so forth and so on.
All right, so let's look at whatthese five steps are, and again
, I call it my shift to richesformula.
Let me summarize first.
The summary of the five stepsis you discover yourself, you
(13:24):
confront what it is that you'relearning, you shed what it is
you don't want in your life, andthen you start creating the new
and you accelerating yourgrowth, your learning and your
achievement.
So discover, confront, shed inorder to create and accelerate.
(13:45):
All right, let's break downeach one of them.
So first, discover, but I wasdiscovering.
Discover, but I was discoveringactually initially came full
force on me when I was out on arun with my dog, and Charlie and
I are out there, we're puttingalong, it's hot, I'm sweating
(14:08):
and I am running through my mindwhat had just happened a few
weeks earlier actually maybe acouple months when it was that I
was fired.
So here I am.
I'm replaying things throughoutmy career, and especially in
those last couple of years, inmy head.
I'm just replaying, replaying,replaying, trying to calibrate
(14:31):
how my behavior, how myperformance.
I was a high achieving, highproducing individual, so my
report card looked great from abusiness generation metrics
perspective.
On the other side of thatreport card, when it comes to
leadership style, is where allthe D's and the F's came into
(14:51):
play.
And so I'm running this filmclip in my head of my life and
all of a sudden it just smackedme square in the face to the
point where I physically,literally fell to the ground and
started bawling my eyes out,and fortunately I was sweating.
So part of the tears lookedlike sweat, but at the same time
(15:16):
I was like gasping for air onthe ground.
Charlie's, like you know,leaning over me, trying to
figure out what in the world ishappening.
People are passing me, but whatit was that hit me square in the
eyes was the fact that Irealized, right then and there,
that I was the nastiestindividual bitch of a leader, of
(15:40):
a friend, of a family member,of a woman.
My whole being was justextremely negative, pessimistic,
demanding, curt abrasive,optimistic, demanding, curt,
(16:00):
abrasive.
And I just sat there in justsuch shame and pain and not even
embarrassment, but I justthought to myself oh my God, I
deserve to be fired.
I deserve not to be in a rolethat was so significant, leading
a whole team of individuals,because I wasn't that leader
that I looked up to, that Iwanted to emulate and learn from
(16:24):
.
And so it was right there.
That was my discovery.
That was my initial discoverywas okay, first line in my
journal.
My initial discovery was okay,first line in my journal.
How did I become this bitch?
How did I become so negative?
How did I become so distrusting?
How did I become so intimidated, insecure, pessimistic, so
(16:51):
forth and so on.
So in the discovery phase you'rereally asking yourself just a
laundry list of questions tolearn about you.
Sure, you can initially startwith the initial questions of
okay, so who am I?
Where did I grow up?
What type of childhood did Ihave?
What were the beliefs or thevalues that I had as a child
growing up?
What were those experience,events, situations that might
(17:13):
have kind of altered, who I was,so forth and so on and again
iteration.
So I started off very general,very broad, and then I just
started weeding my way in,especially when I had this
discovery.
I then really had to get intothe muckety muck and the detail
of it.
It hurt, it was not easy, itwas painful, but yet it was the
(17:37):
most liberating and freeingexperience.
And again, you can look at itfrom a personal perspective and
a business perspective andreally kind of try to detail out
how you feel you're showing up,how you feel that other people
are experiencing you, how youfeel you're leading, how you
feel you're showing up, how youfeel that other people are
experiencing you, how you feelyou're leading, how you feel
you're really taking control ofyour career and ensuring that
(18:03):
you're leveling yourself up.
But the discovery phase iscritical because that's the
foundation of then you beingable to look at it as hard as it
is, but look at it in black andwhite, because I do suggest you
get it out of your head andwrite it down and really kind of
reconciling it.
Okay, and I went as far as alsoasking my five sisters and my
(18:28):
mother over cocktails, to giveme one word descriptions of
myself.
Be as forthright and honest andcandid as possible good, bad
and the ugly.
You know where my strengthswere, where my weaknesses were,
where my blind spots were, soforth and so on.
It's the only way that you'regoing to truly understand the
(18:49):
impact you're having on thepeople in your life, at work or
at home.
Okay, so that's discovery.
Now you have all thisinformation and, like I said, it
can be painful, it could bescary.
At the same time, it could befreeing and liberating, and then
you have to kind of confront itall.
So the next phase, beingconfront, means you look at it
(19:11):
and you start acknowledging it,accounting for it, taking
responsibility for it, beinghappy about it and or being
disappointed, you know about it.
Whatever it is that you have toconfront, you want to confront
it Now.
It can also mean that you wantto start confronting situations,
confronting experiences orevents that maybe you've held on
(19:35):
to and you haven't let go.
It could be that you have toconfront individuals in your
life that maybe have contributedto who you are and what it is
that you're learning anddiscovering about yourself.
So confronting can go in amyriad of ways, but it does
(19:55):
involve forgiveness, it involvesself-care, it involves grace,
it involves seeking support andensuring that you're getting
support, whether that'spersonally or professionally.
It is about acknowledging yourfears, your insecurities, your
(20:15):
negativities, your doubts, soforth and so on about yourself.
It involves looking at all ofit, and then you get the
opportunity to move to shedding,which is, you look at all of it
and you say, okay, what do Iwant to start throwing out?
I want to hold on to a bunch ofstuff.
What do I want to startthrowing out?
(20:37):
I want to hold on to a bunch ofstuff, but what is it that I
want to start throwing out orshedding?
And therefore, what is it thatyou need to start doing
differently, new, bigger, better, in order to be able to shift
to riches?
But shift those things that areholding you back, that are
draining you, that are beatingyou down, that are sabotaging
(21:00):
you.
You want to be able to shedthose away so you can then open
up a lot of space withinyourself and within your life in
order to welcome new things in.
So shedding is one of the mostfreeing experiences you could
put yourself through Now again,discovering things about
(21:22):
yourself that you don't like,discovering things about other
people that you don't like,discovering things about
experiences and events in yourlife that you don't like, are
scary, are intimidating, are notserving you well at all.
There could be a lot of pain,there could be a lot of
resistance.
(21:43):
There could be a lot ofopportunities for you to go okay
, enough is enough.
I can't take this anymore.
But if you can push yourselfinto the confronting and get
those things confronted becauseyou also want to focus on really
making sure, as much as you'reconfronting the bitches, as I
call them your fears,insecurities, negativities and
self-doubts you're also honoringyour riches.
(22:04):
You're also taking that side ofthe sheet of all the great
things in your life, confrontingall the things that give you
strength, that give you power,that give you excitement, that
give you love and support andopportunities for growth.
Those things are going to giveyou excitement, that give you
love and support andopportunities for growth, that
those things are going to giveyou the energy to squash out
(22:26):
those negatives.
So the confronting can even beextremely freeing and liberating
because of the fact that youare just taking a deep breath,
as I just did, and recognizingthat there are things in your
life, internally and externally,that are not working for you
and therefore, what do I need todo Now?
(22:47):
Some hard decisions might needto be made when it comes to then
taking those things you want toconfront and shedding.
Personally and professionally,am I working for the right
company, for the right boss,with the right team, with the
right industry, with the righttype of business, with the right
type of goals and whatnot?
As well as personally, am Ihanging out with the right
(23:10):
people, right places?
I have to tell you, as I wasgoing through this, so I was let
go from corporate in late 2007,early 2008.
I started working on myselfover the 2009, 2010 and today,
and by the end of 2010, I wentfrom having this large group of
(23:31):
friends and acquaintances whereI'd have social parties and
whatnot down to a handful, andmost of them were my siblings
not down to a handful, and mostof them were my siblings and I
found myself sitting on thecouch for many, many nights with
my dog and that was it, and Iwas the happiest person in the
world and, more importantly, Ihad started my business.
(23:54):
At the time, it was the BoseGroup and by 2010, it would be
turned into Ball of Fire and Iwas the happiest when it came to
the work I was doing and theleader that I was, because I was
beginning to transform andevolve into the type of leader
that I knew that any team member, any client, any vendor, any
(24:17):
partner would want.
Any client, any vendor, anypartner would want.
And again, it's what I do andwhat I just live for when it
comes to working with my clients.
So, when it comes to theshedding again, hard, painful,
lonely, because you're lettinggo of those things that are not
working for you, you're lettinggo of the people, places, events
(24:40):
, experiences, so forth and soon that are not serving you, but
again you get to take a deepbreath.
It's freeing.
It is so freeing, but more soit's creating confidence and
clarity in yourself.
It's creating energy andexcitement and newness in
(25:02):
yourself.
And that brings you to thecreate phase.
All of a sudden, the goals thatyou had, the objectives, the
aspirations, the dreams, thewants, the desires that you had
before are all now different.
They're all newer, bigger,better, they all have substance,
they all carry a lot of valueto you.
So my power, position andprosperity goals that I went
(25:27):
after for 20, 25 years now hadshifted to being joy, happiness,
fulfillment, client experiences, aha moments, transformation,
discovery, and that was justsomething it's hard to put into
(25:47):
words, it was just all inspiring.
So that forced new goals, newdreams, new wants, new desires,
and I started pursuing thoseEverything from here.
I was this corporate executivefor all these years.
I'm starting my own business.
(26:07):
I'm then writing a book.
I'm then turning that book intoa screenplay.
I'm starting a podcast back in2010.
This one, by the way.
I am taking on new clients, Iam building my business, I have
new relationships, new friends,so forth and so on.
And so you're creating and, ohmy gosh, you know you don't need
(26:31):
caffeine, you know you don'tneed anything to juice you up,
because you will be juiced asyou start realizing and
experiencing the changes withinyourself as a leader and as a
person at home and at work.
It's just tremendous.
(26:51):
And then the accelerate phase.
Now you can only imagine, asyou are shedding and creating
new goals, new aspirations, newwants and desires.
You want to speed them up, youwant to, just, you know, put
your foot on the accelerator andgo.
And that's the acceleratorphase, those goals that you had
even a month ago.
(27:12):
You want them bigger, better,different and newer, and you
have such confidence in yourselfa large degree of self-worth
and value, you believe inyourself, to where you then want
to just move it forward andmove faster.
Now, at times again, I hadmentioned iterations, right?
(27:33):
So there's going to be timeswhen you're going through this
and you fall backwards.
There's going to be times whenyou're going through this and
you fall backwards.
You know there's going to betimes you're going through
discovery and to confront, maybeeven into shedding.
Then you're learning somethingnew about yourself.
So you have to confront itagain and shed.
And then you feel like, okay,I'm finally creating.
But you know, my God, I'mfalling back because now I'm
scared of that new creation,because we do still.
(27:56):
It's not as if we're wiping outall the you know negative
emotions that you're going toexperience through life.
We still are going to havefears and insecurities and doubt
.
You're just going to handlethem differently because now you
have, you know, a process thatyou can walk yourself through.
What is scaring me, what'smaking me feel insecure, what is
causing me to feel intimidated?
Why am I feeling these ways?
(28:17):
Because I have so much proofotherwise.
And so you know, in that createand accelerate, you're also
learning how to deal with yourown bitches, your own
insecurities, your own fears,your own negativities and
self-doubt, and you're feelingconfident, at least in the space
of getting through those things.
(28:39):
It's not as if you'reeliminating them, you're just
learning how to do it so muchbetter.
Now the tools that I've used tosupport my walking through these
five steps, and what I wouldsuggest for you to start really
discovering who you are as aperson, as a leader, as a team
(28:59):
member.
One of them would be a journal.
Now, I've been journaling sinceI was about nine or 10.
My dad taught me he was a dailyjournaler as well, so I carry a
journal with me everywhere I go, and you might find me at a
park, in a restaurant, if I'mwaiting on you for a movie.
I'm sitting there with myjournal and I'm scribbling, so
(29:23):
journaling, especially taking alot of the questions that I
mentioned.
At the same time, you cansearch for questions online, or
you can reach out to me atBernadetteBose, at
BallofireInccom, and ask me fora list of questions that would
help you walk through these fivesteps.
All right, but journal, get itout of your head and onto a
(29:44):
piece of paper.
The next one would be meditation.
I'm not a good meditator, but Ido love to pray, and so prayer
is part of my meditation, so tospeak.
I'll also, along with praying,is I do read in what is known as
Jesus Calling from Sarah Young,and I've had this for about
(30:07):
five years now and it's kind offalling apart at the seams from
all the work or all the readingand all the shedding that I've
been doing.
But this is a beautiful way toalso ground yourself in
something to meditate on or justsimply to sit and pray.
And then there's reading books,books that are referred to you
(30:30):
from a friend, recommendationsonline around self-discovery,
around inner work, and so,speaking of, I picked up Inner
Excellence from Jim Murphy.
If you watch football at all,especially the Philadelphia
Eagles, you may have heard aboutthis.
It's a story in itself how thisgot kind of viral as a result
(30:53):
of one of the pro footballplayers reading it during a game
, and it helps him get groundedin kind of his excellence, his
value, his worth.
So his mindset is where itneeds to be in order to compete
in whatever game he is playing.
The other ones would be Dare toLeave by Brene Brown, I
(31:14):
mentioned, think and Grow Richby Napoleon Hill, and a number,
a slew of other books, butreading, prayer, meditation and
journaling are great ways tojust like I said, excavate your
soul, really dig in and learnabout you.
I mean, at whatever age you are20, 80, there's things you want
(31:38):
to discover in life, and thatone thing, the most important
thing, is you.
While I spend so much timefocused on learning and
contributing and developingexternally, why not spend that
time and that resourceinternally?
All right, so we dug deep todayinto exploring what it truly
(32:01):
means to be you and how youbeing you will elevate your
leadership, will elevate yourvalue, will elevate the
contribution that you're makingto your team and to the business
, to your family and friends andcommunity, but also to you.
We all have this one life tolive and it goes really, really
(32:23):
fast, so we might as well dowhat we can to discover what it
is we really want, confront whatit is we really don't want or
what's really holding us backfrom achieving our dreams, and
shedding those things people,places, events, experiences so
you can really create andaccelerate the aspirations and
(32:46):
the dreams.
I want you to take theseinsights and one of those tools
that we discuss a journal,meditation, prayer, just reading
and really start discoveringyou what you really want, what
you don't want, what your trueaspirations, desires, wants and
(33:09):
needs are, and come up with aplan.
Just come up with three actionitems that you can start
pursuing.
Start experiencing the freedomand the liberation that you can
start pursuing.
Start experiencing the freedomand the liberation that you'll
have and shifting into thoseriches of life that you
(33:30):
absolutely deserve.
Your whole world will change infront of you for the better,
for the bigger, the newer andthe different, and if this
episode got you really excitedto do that and or you might be,
you know, struggling orquestioning yourself as to how
(33:50):
to go about exactly doing whatit is that we discussed, then
don't hesitate.
Reach out and you can go tocoachmebernadettecom.
Forward slash discovery calland we'll have a 30 minute
complimentary call that I canlay out some next steps for you
that are small, leading to bigresults.
I am so grateful that you arehere with us and I look forward
(34:14):
to having you for anotherepisode of Shedding the
Corporate Bitch.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
Bye on visual content
.
Catch us on our Shedding theBitch YouTube channel.
Want to dive deeper withBernadette on becoming a
powerhouse leader?
Visit balloffirecoachingcom tolearn more about how she helps
professionals, hr executives andteam leaders elevate overall
team performance.
You've been listening toShedding the Corporate Bitch
with Bernadette Boas.
Until next time, keep shedding,keep growing and keep leading.