January 7, 2025 • 41 mins
Have you wanted to foster the ability to express and understand your emotions to better navigate success and challenges at work, and to find ways to internalize positive emotions so you can learn valuable lessons from your experiences to elevate your leadership.
In this inspiring episode of Shedding the Corporate Bitch Podcast, host Bernadette Boas sits down with Carrie Vanston, an accomplished executive coach and business strategist, to delve into the intricacies of emotional awareness, self-reflection, and leadership. Together, they unpack the challenges many face in expressing feelings tied to success, the importance of pausing to reflect on accomplishments, and the significance of intuitive listening and communication in fostering a positive workplace environment.
Key Topics:
- Emotional Awareness:
- Value of Reflection:
- Win-Win Situations:
- Communication Strategies:
- Personal Practices for Mindset:
- Celebrating Success:
FREE BONUS from Carrie - check out her 12 Quick and Dirty Leadership Mindset Strategies - https://pages.actmkt.com/(S(jqtoyxhtb4tldulwyjn3y03n))/l/12QuickDirty
Visit Carrie at carrievanston.com
Subscribe to the Shedding the Corporate Bitch Podcast for more uplifting conversations and actionable strategies to enhance your career and personal growth!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Are you ever challenged by your emotions when
it comes to your successes andachievements?
Do you find it hard to findtime to pause and reflect on the
wins you're achieving in thisvery busy, chaotic world?
Well, you're not alone and ourguest, carrie Vanston of
Leadership Mindset Success ishere to help us navigate these
emotional waters.
(00:21):
In this episode, we'll delveinto emotional awareness, the
value of reflection and how pastsuccesses can act as anchors
during challenging times.
Keri will share invaluablecommunication strategies like
asking open-ended questions andpracticing intuitive listening
to foster deeper connections andcreate win-win situations in
(00:43):
leadership.
We'll also discuss practicalmindset techniques, such as
using positive affirmations,journaling and Kerry's unique
anchor technique to staygrounded.
By the end of this episode,you'll have a toolkit full of
actionable strategies to enhanceyour leadership skills and
interpersonal relations and,most importantly, to
intentionally embody theemotions tied to future
successes.
Stay with us.
Skills and interpersonalrelations and, most importantly,
(01:04):
to intentionally embody theemotions tied to future
successes.
Stay with us.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Welcome to Shedding the Corporate Bitch, the podcast
that transforms today'smanagers into tomorrow's
powerhouse leaders.
Your host, bernadette Boas,executive coach and author,
brings you into a world wherethe corporate grind meets
personal growth and success ineach and every episode.
With more than 25 years incorporate trenches, bernadette's
(01:31):
own journey from beingdismissed as a tyrant boss to
becoming a sought-afterleadership coach and speaker
illustrates the very essence oftransformation that she now
inspires in others with her tips, strategies and stories.
So if you're ready to shed thebitches of fear and insecurity,
ditch the imposter syndrome andstep into the role of the
powerhouse leader you were bornto be, this podcast is for you.
Let's do this.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Hi, how are you, Welcome, welcome welcome.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
Hey, it's so nice to be on your show.
Thank you so much for invitingme.
Bernadette, absolutelyabsolutely Well.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
I think it's really important for us to continue to
have conversations withcorporate professionals about
the importance of the value andthe impact that they make in
their job.
But before we get into all ofthat, I always like to ask our
guests to share a little bitabout themselves personally so
we can get to like, know andtrust them.
So can you tell us a little bitabout themselves personally so
we can get to like, know andtrust them?
(02:25):
So can you tell us a little bitabout Perry?
Speaker 3 (02:29):
Oh gosh, I worked for a long time for a forecasting
company.
I kind of got really interestedin helping people that didn't
just want to plan the future butactually wanted to create and
grow companies, and so we puttogether a list of best
practices to find small trends,and that turned into a book
(02:49):
called Many Trends that was backin 2011, won a couple of best
book awards and we started doinga lot of work around that and I
started running a.
I did a conference for threeyears and brought a lot of
people on that and I realizedthat being innovative wasn't
enough.
You really needed to have aculture that really encouraged
(03:11):
innovation, and that kind of ledme to getting involved with
culture.
And then, as I got into culture, I realized that if the
leadership didn't have apositive growth mindset, it was
very hard to stay sustainable.
So I went through an executivecoaching program and kind of
(03:32):
came on the other side of thathaving, you know, really
learning mindset, skills andtechniques to really raise the
energy and raise the leadershipof people.
But probably more importantly,it really taught me how to have
a positive mindset.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
It all starts with us , doesn't it?
Yeah, you're right.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
Yes, I've been doing that since 20.
I guess started my coachingbusiness coaching and I'm also a
speaker.
And I have two kids.
I have a 16 and 19-year-oldboys that I adore.
One started A&M recently andA&M I'm a true die-in-the-wood
(04:18):
Longhorn.
I did a little picnic withLonghorn and it was really tough
and it was really tough, butthe one saving grace was I look
a whole lot better in maroonthan I do burnt orange.
You and me both.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
Thanks, you and me both.
You and me both.
Oh, that's great.
Well, and it's also always funto you know, follow your kids
and cheer them on with you know,whatever school that they're
participating in.
So that's fabulous and at thesame time, I think it's a great
(04:53):
lead-in to our conversation,because it is all about impact,
right.
What we do, you know, in ourdaily lives work or play it's
all around the impact that wemake, and in order to have
impact, we also need to thenlead into that with mindset,
Would you say.
That makes sense.
Speaker 3 (05:13):
Absolutely, absolutely.
You know, what I always say isthat you know we have a thought
which leads to an emotion whichleads to an action.
If you feed neutral, negative,low energy thoughts, then you're
going to have low energyemotions and you're going to
have low energy results andaction, while if you feed in
(05:37):
positive, growth-oriented kindof thoughts, then you're going
to have more positive emotionsand you're going to have much
more positive actions andresults.
So if you came here to thispodcast today and said, oh, I've
got a million things to do butI probably should listen, then
you know your emotion is goingto maybe be more frustrated and
(05:59):
you know, uh, impatient, andthen your action is probably not
going to get a whole lot out ofthis right kind of come in as,
uh, as you know, bernadette andher guest always has good things
to say.
You know, then your emotion ismore matter of fact and your
action, your results, is, you'regoing to get something out of
this.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Right.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
And then like wow, I love what Bernadette said.
Every time there's like thisgreat guest, I'm going to learn
something really special today.
Then your emotion is moreexcitement and your action is
you really bring something backto the office and you really
make a difference for that timethat you spent Right.
And what I feel other peopleyou know I want to impart to
(06:39):
your listeners is you can intent.
There's ways to intentionallyraise that thought process so
that you can have thatintentionality of wow.
You know what I'm curious aboutthis?
What's the adventure here?
(06:59):
What came out positive aboutthis negative thing?
What can I find?
Maybe I learned something, youknow.
So change that thought in anintentional way, because leaders
, the best leaders, areintentional.
You know they are intentionaland then your emotion is in the
right place and then your actionis in the right place and those
wins come better, thosetransitions work out better and
(07:22):
you as a leader are a betterleader and we're all leaders in
one way or the other whether wehave someone reporting to us or
not, each and every one of usare leaders in our lives.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
But let me ask you a question to help break this down
.
Do you have a practice that youdo to put yourself in the
mindset that you're trying toeducate others to be in?
Speaker 3 (07:45):
Yeah, I sure do.
Well, one thing is I exercisein the morning.
I do some waist, my waistexercises and my tummy exercise
A little bit of stretching, butI do.
I have a couple of things I do.
One sometimes I'll journal withlike what my day I put, like
(08:06):
your morning, I mean my day, youknow I put morning, so I know
it's in the morning and not atnight, and then I sort of like
do like a paragraph about myperfect day that day.
So I'm setting myself up andthen later at night, you know, I
might come back and you knowlike say well, it didn't work
out this way, but what are thethings that happened even better
?
You know like say well, itdidn't work out this way, but
what are the things thathappened even better.
(08:26):
That's one thing I do.
Another thing I do is I have agreat app called Zanka, and
Zanka you can put your positiveaffirmations on there.
It's free Three of them arefree at least and I put my
positive affirmations like Iknow that that I'm capable of
all of the things I dream of.
Something you know like,whatever the anchors that you
(08:48):
know affirmations is a hugemindset raiser.
You know, when somethingbothers you, you know, figure
out something that's a positivestatement around that, that you
know you're struggling with, andthen, you know, have those
affirmations handy for you.
Matter of fact, later, when thegift time comes, I have like 12
(09:12):
quick and dirty mindsetstrategies that people can put
on their desk and actually havethem right there.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
But the think up, you can put some dots and then you
just play it over and over andover again and you can just use
the ThinkUp, thinkupcom.
Yeah, t-h-i-n-k.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
T-H-I-N-K-U-P-L-E dot com.
Ok, thinkupcom.
So I'll make sure that we alsoshare that in our show notes as
well, that we also share that inour show notes as well.
Yes, affirmations, you know, isdefinitely one way to, you know
, get out of a blah mindset andkind of shift it into a more
(09:55):
positive mindset.
But let me ask you something.
In the chaos of the, you know,the day of a corporate
professional, at any level ofthe organization, is so
haphazard.
How do you get your clients totake that time?
(10:16):
Even when you say it's like a30 second or a five minute
something, I'm sure many of themget exasperated by just saying
I don't have any time.
So what is a trick that you usewith them, or a tip or
technique you give them to helpthem find that time?
Speaker 3 (10:36):
Well, the best thing is to schedule it in, you know,
like, put it on your calendarI'm going to take a 15 minute
break, right, you know, betweenthis, you know between this and
this, and just breathe a littlebit.
Or, you know, focus onsomething besides what I'm doing
, or get up and walk around and,you know, energize a little bit
, a little bit.
(11:05):
I also think that having somekind of anchor, so that you know
when you are feeling stressedout, you have some kind of
anchor that you can go back to,that, okay, you know this is,
you know this is what I need todo when I'm feeling this way and
kind of go, you know, gothrough them and, you know, try
to relax yourself a little bitthat way.
So, what is an anchor exactly?
(11:26):
An anchor is kind of like aaffirmation, in that it's
something like OK, it's time forme to take a break and rest
here, here, and maybe three orfour things that you can do
maybe to listen to some music,maybe, you know, call your loved
(11:47):
one and see what they're doing,or take a walk, get up and
stretch, you know, but somethings that you know you can.
The thing is that when we'reunder stress.
It's very hard to get out ofstress.
So it's if we have somethingthat we already have planned,
(12:09):
like, for example, if you'refeeling insecure, if you have a
list of things that really wentwell for you, then you have
something to go back to so thatwhen you're in the middle of
that stress then our minds arekind of blank.
So having that you knowsomething to go back to I think
(12:30):
helps a lot.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
I actually have walking my dog and that could be
literally opening up the door,going outside and throwing the
ball for her like three times,because that's all she'll do.
So challenging for cultures,for, you know, leaders to kind
of have a positive mindset or atleast maintain a positive
(13:06):
mindset in the workplace.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
Oh, I think we're kind of wired to worry about
things because we were seekersand hunters originally and so we
tend to just naturally kind ofgo to the negative to try to
protect ourselves.
And so I think you have to beintentional about the more
positive things that are outthere and gratitude is huge.
(13:37):
The minute that you start beinggratitude, you crowd out the
negative feelings, because theyou know you can't, you can only
juggle so much in your brain.
So if you're filling yourselfwith positive thoughts, then you
kind of cloud out thosenegative things that are
bothering you.
So, you know, I think that'susually something that I think
that your listeners might, youknow, really relate to is, you
(14:01):
know, we have this kind of bigemotional part of our brain and
then we had this intellectualpart of our brain and we get
really caught up in thatintellectual part of our brain.
But really the emotional partof the brain is really what
works us, this main thing thatmotivates us, and it really
deals with feelings.
(14:22):
So if you feed intellectualthoughts, it doesn't really pick
them up like feelings.
So the more that you aregrateful or the more that you
feel good, choose good feelings,choose positive feelings, the
more the unconscious mind knowswhat to do and the unconscious
mind can give you what you wantfaster because it's dealing with
(14:43):
the feelings.
I even say with the goals,because goals is a huge a
mindset, you know, raises yourmindset.
I always say mindset mattersmost.
But goals is.
You know if you're settinggoals, goals is great.
You know you set the goals, butgoals is you know if you're
setting goals, goals is great.
You know you set the goals, butnot only thinking about when
you get them, but how you'llfeel when you achieve that goal.
(15:07):
Because your subconscious mindit works with the feelings.
And so, if you have, if youthink, oh gosh, you know when I
get, you know when I make thismuch money, or when I get this
promotion, or when my familygets to this point, or you know,
whatever it is, I'm going tofeel how I'm going to feel
joyful, I'm going to feel sorelieved.
(15:29):
You know, and you actually feelit right now.
And then your subconscious, youknow, you know how to you, you
know, know where yoursubconscious mind knows where to
take you, because you've givenit how you feel, right.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
That's something that's really kind of a kind of
a secret that you know is realvaluable to know now did you
ever at one time I know I diddid you ever at one time
struggle to embody the futureemotion that you want to have?
And therefore you had to workon, in your words, being
(16:08):
intentional about wanting tofeel and experience that outcome
that you're looking for, thatjoy, that happiness, that
fulfillment, that success, likeliterally, like you said,
feeling it right now?
I struggled with that for along time.
I couldn't manifest it withinmyself.
It was like I'm not able tocreate that.
(16:30):
Did you have that issue at alland, if so, what did it take for
you to get to that point whereyou could do it for yourself?
Speaker 3 (16:40):
what did it take for you to get to that point where
you could do it for yourself?
I think that's one of thethings we really do is when we
have a win, you know, it's veryeasy to not celebrate, or when
they, you know you achievesomething and it's like, oh my
God, you know that took me solong.
I should have done it a longtime ago.
I don't have time to deal withthat.
I've got to jump to the nextwin, because now I'm behind and
I think you really have to, andI have to force myself to.
(17:03):
You know, once I learn this, youknow I have to, you know, force
yourself to say wait a minute,it's time to celebrate.
And you know it's time for meto congratulate everybody around
me that helped.
It's time for me to, you know,buy a new shirt to see.
It's like time, you know,celebrate with my family too.
(17:23):
You know the same with.
You know, like, if your kidsget straight A's, take them to
their favorite restaurant.
You know, if your team doeswell, you know, buy a cake.
You know, whatever it is, butit's really important to
celebrate because again, you'repassing those feelings that, hey
, I love this.
This is what I want more of andthen getting stuck.
(17:45):
So I think that's one of thethings.
To not get stuck is to and to,you know, be be able to start
thinking about those feelings isbeing intentionally.
I'm going to be thinking abouthow I'm going to be feeling in
this situation.
It's interesting I had adiscovery session last week with
a guy in my uh what, in my uhdiscussion, discovery sessions I
usually talk about you know,kind of where you want to be in
(18:06):
a year and then, uh, you knowwhere you are now and, and
actually it was, how do you feelin a year?
That's what I asked.
I asked, well, how would thatmake you feel?
Because we went through allthis stuff and he said, well, I
don't know how that would makeme feel, and it was like I had
the hardest time getting him.
And you know, being a man, Iyou know it's not as surprising
as a woman, because a lot oftimes they just businessman, you
(18:30):
know.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
I just guard it.
I find it right, just guard it,wanting to feel yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
Yeah, it was like I said well, would you?
He said, well, I wouldn't feelanything, I would just be, I'd
be, I'd be more.
Yeah, it was like, and I said,well, would you?
He said, well, I wouldn't feelanything, I would just be, I'd
be, I'd be more successful.
I was like, well, how wouldthat feel?
And it's like, well, I don't.
And I said, well, would thatkind of make you feel good if he
goes?
Yeah, it made me feel good.
Can you elaborate on that?
And at the end, well, what wasyour takeaway?
(18:57):
And he said did I have a hardtime expressing how I feel about
this?
Yeah, really.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Well, I know that you know, in defense to him, maybe
I know that you know, throughoutmy corporate career, once there
was a success, the nextstatement out of the boss's
mouth were okay, that was great.
Now what are you going to dofor me?
And to your point, we didn'tget to pause and really take in
(19:27):
and feel.
You know the pride, thegratitude, the.
You know the, the excitementand the you know the energy
around that win.
Speaker 3 (19:38):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
And you're just saying to make sure that you
pause, you feel it, you work,you know, you live in it for a
time, so you can embody it andthen re-feel it when you're not
having a great day.
Would that be right?
Speaker 3 (19:56):
Yes, and I even say you know, write it down, write
it down, write down your winsand your strength around it,
because then you can go back toit and you know, be more, you
know find the joy again, butalso learn the lessons.
You know why, why did this workand what didn't work.
And you know let's celebratewhat did work around that.
(20:18):
So I think that's super, superimportant.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
And to your exercise with that gentleman, where he
was struggling to reallyunderstand how he would feel the
first thing like.
I'm very visual, so I'mpicturing you sitting with him
and you're trying to get him tokind of get to that next level
go deeper, go deeper.
And so would.
(20:43):
Something that our listenerscould do is, if they are
struggling, like he is, toreally understand what that
outcome would feel like and whatthat energy would feel like, to
just like write it down thefirst thing that came to their
mind, which might not have beenanything, ok, but let's go a
little bit deeper.
Okay, so I feel good.
Okay, but what does that looklike?
(21:03):
Is what you said?
So what does that mean and whatdoes that feel like?
And you just keep kind of likedrilling into each one of those
to where you can finally get tothe heart of that experience.
Speaker 3 (21:18):
You know, in that case, bernadette, I would say
look back.
If you have someone strugglingwith that, you know, that's like
looking it back.
You know, one of the things Isay is look at your past
strength and in this case Iwould say, you know, look back
at a time when you were really,you know, really happy and
(21:38):
satisfied.
And then say, well, you know,really happy and satisfied and
then say, well, you know, anexample is one of my clients.
She was really struggling withnetwork and she'd been promoted
to a much higher position andshe was having to go out and
network and at first she thoughtit'd be so fun, but then she
realized that she was, you know,like, would know people and you
know you know, and it was atnight and she felt really
(22:02):
uncomfortable because now shewas kind of a salesy person as
opposed to just a person.
She was just absolutelymiserable.
But one of the things I toldher was well, when did you feel
really comfortable andsuccessful at networking?
And she told me well, about ayear ago I had been at a St
Patrick's Day event and therewas like all these funny
(22:23):
leprechauns on the centerpieceand I was making jokes about it.
I had the whole table institches and I made a couple of
really important contacts thatnight and I said, well, you know
, what strength did you havethere?
And it was like, well, my senseof humor.
And I said, well, what's thefirst thing that flies out the
(22:44):
window when we're nervous andstressed out Our sense of humor.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
It's true.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
You know, we really kind of came up with a couple of
stories that she could tell,some funny stories and a couple
of jokes and stuff, so that shecould feel more uncomfortable,
so she could feel morecomfortable when she was
approaching these people.
So again, it's like, uh,thinking back on, you know, how
how did I was it successful in asituation, similar situation?
(23:09):
How did I feel afterward?
Right, and how could maybe Ibring that to again intentional,
being intentional about lookingat that and then maybe using
that as an anchor or informationtoo, and that you know, I know
that when I feel this way, I'mgoing to think about that time
that I made jokes about thefunny leprechauns.
(23:30):
I'm going to freak.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
If it doesn't make her laugh, I don't know what
would, because that's hysterical.
Yeah, you know what I love that?
And you talk about creatingwin-wins and is this the type of
win-win you're looking for?
Or when you talk about creatinga win-win as a strategy for
(23:55):
really creating impact, whatdoes that look like?
Speaker 3 (24:01):
Well, you know, what I think is that you know,
compromise is kind of what wewere raised as you know how
compromise is great compromise,but actually compromise, one or
both people are losing.
So, as leaders, if we cancreate win-win, then that's a
super positive thing.
And one way you can do that isby really understanding the
(24:23):
other person and what they want.
And you know, I had a CEOclient that I was working with
that he was having troublebecause they were growing, they
were quickly growing and he waskind of losing control of you
know, the beginning conflicts.
He was actually having troublewith one person in particular
and you know we really worked onraising to that when he had a
(24:46):
lot of visionary energy but hehad a lot of compromise too.
So we, we worked on, you knowhow to make that more of a win
win.
And the first thing we did waswe really worked on caring about
the other person andunderstanding because what how
we're really wired as humanbeings is, we really want to be
cared about and appreciate it.
So I asked him to go out andyou know well, what did you do
this weekend?
(25:06):
What kind of hobbies do youlike?
What kind of you know, what youknow, really understand, get a
better sense of what makes thesepeople tick, so they feel like
they're cared about and they'reappreciated.
So that is one thing that Ireally encouraged him to do.
The second thing was askopen-ended questions.
And you know, we probably allhave heard that.
You know in corporate, you knowask open-ended questions, but
(25:29):
we kind of forget that.
And it's super importantbecause if you want to
understand the other person, ifyou ask something like, do you
like your job, it's like yes orno.
But if you say, what do youlove about your job, what really
turns you on about your job,what do you think?
How can you think I could helpyou do a better job?
How do you think that you coulddeal with this conflict?
(25:50):
You know, whatever it is, youask the and then you start
understanding the person.
So you've got the hearing andthe understanding.
And the third thing we reallytalked about too was intuitively
listening.
You know there's different waysto listen.
You can listen, uh,subjectively, where you say,
well, do you, do you like this?
And then, person, I don't know,I, I don't know if I like it.
Oh, let me tell you all the way.
(26:12):
So that's kind of subjectiveand then objective is yeah, you
know, do you like this?
And the person says I don'tknow.
And you say, well, tell me whatit is you don't like about it,
and and that's a lot better.
But intuitive listening isreally like listening between
the lines, kind of how they'rereacting, the tone of voice, how
their eye.
(26:32):
You know what they're doingwith their eyes is, you know how
they're doing physical, howemotional.
So that would be more like well, do you like this?
And they say, well, I don'tknow.
And then you say it I'm gettingthe sense that something's
bothering you here.
Can you tell me more?
Speaker 1 (26:46):
Love it.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
Really listening.
So, yeah, and he really, hetook all this to heart and, yeah
, he told me about this guy thathe was having trouble with and
he said normally he would just,you know, really fussed up and
he did something.
He made one of the clients mad,brought him in, and he had a
real type A personality.
We said no, no, carrie saysthere's always a win-win.
(27:09):
So he brought him in and said,okay, tell me what's going on.
And then rah, rah, rah, rah.
Okay, tell me what you did withthe software.
Rah, rah, rah.
And by the end of theconversation felt heard and he
felt, uh, understood and youknow, and, and, uh, the, uh, the
jeff, they did what didn't haveto fire him, what you didn't
(27:31):
want to do, you know, didn't getinto a big conflict, but
instead the guy felt understood,he started coming to the
meetings and without a blackcloud over his head, and just
started feeling like he was morepart of the team because he was
able to express himself more.
So I think I go on.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
Well, what you said and I actually want you to just
repeat it because I think it'ssomething that anyone that's
listening really needs to taketo heart, especially not only
themselves as an individual, butif they are a leader, and that
is what you said aboutcompromise is a lose-lose.
(28:11):
Someone's losing in compromiseand therefore you want to look
for the win-win.
Did I capture that correctly?
Speaker 3 (28:19):
Yes, and you as the leader and, like you said, all
leaders, no matter if we'releading it at work, in our
community, our families thatwhen you really bring out what
the other person wants by askingopen-ended questions and caring
, then you can reflect that winbecause you know your win and so
then you can reflect that winand then when you have a win-win
(28:42):
situation, then that puts youup.
Then the next step, the magichappens and the higher
intelligence is hit and then youbecome, and then the visionary
energy comes in.
The visionary mindset comes in.
Energy kind of soundswoo-wee-wee, mindset is a little
bit less woo-wee-wee, but youknow you tap into that higher
(29:05):
and actually I've stoppedcalling them soft skills, I now
call them primary skills.
You know, because they'rehaving that ability to bring the
conversation up to higherlevels where people can be
happier and more fulfilled,filled, and you as a leader can
(29:28):
have that stress off of you, ofyou know having to drag, try to
drag people up instead ofbringing them up by finding
their wins and I think, I thinkit's important to call them
primary versus soft, becauseeveryone puts soft skills
secondary.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
You know, it's those hard skills are always get the
limelight, you know, and thefocus, especially when it comes
to training and development.
And so if you can kind ofreframe soft skills to be
primary because they are, Likeyou said at the very beginning
of this mindset is everything.
And mindset is a soft skillRight.
Speaker 3 (30:04):
And it's a primary skill.
Speaker 1 (30:05):
Well, it's a primary skill, Well it's a primary skill
, but fall into that bucket.
Yes, yes, as a primary skill.
That's awesome, that'sbrilliant.
Well, you mentioned at the verybeginning the worksheet, the
gift you have for our listeners.
(30:28):
So why don't you share a littlebit about that?
And in the meantime, you canmake a note, everybody that you
can get that at tinycc forwardslash gift from Carrie.
So very easy, tinycc forwardslash gift from Carrie.
But why don't you share with usa little bit about how they can
leverage that?
Speaker 3 (30:47):
Oh yeah, it's great.
It's a list of 12 quick anddirty mindset strategies
Consider what value you bring,focus on strengths, practice
intuitive listening, look toothers for inspiration.
There's just several of them,with a little description of
them.
But what my clients do is theyjust put it in their desk drawer
(31:09):
, they connect to their desk oryou know whatever, and then when
one of those moments come upthat they need a little bit of
mindset boost, they can justgrab it and it's just real easy
and gives you lots and lots ofideas.
You know, that's the thing is.
You want to be intentional.
You want when you findsomething, because when you're
(31:29):
in the midst of emotionemotional stress, emotional you
know you're in the middle ofsomething.
It's very hard to think aboutintentionality at that point
because you're already in it.
So you have something that youknow.
You're kind of prepared ananchor, an affirmation, a sheet
of paper, whatever it is thatworks for you.
(31:51):
Then you're just so much aheadof the game.
And you know, we don't want tobe stressed out, we want to have
ways to comfort ourselves andto be able to move forward in
better ways and be betterexamples to the people who work
for us too.
So I think that these kind oftechniques really rub off on
(32:13):
other people too, because theysee how you're reacting and your
intentionality and how you'renot reacting, but you're
planning, you're acting, youknow pre-action acting.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
you know pre-action.
I'd like to ask you is sointentional?
If someone listening orwatching needs to kind of really
visualize that, like I often dowhat you're basically saying is
, instead of reacting based onemotion because you're so in it
at the moment, you know, try tofind ways and try to find
anchors in your terms, to thenget proactive or preaction
(32:48):
toward you know that response,so you don't get reacting
reactive through emotion.
Is that fair?
Speaker 3 (32:57):
Yes, and I would say that it's very much about
clarity being clear about whatyou want, being clear about what
you want.
I really, you know, I tell myclients and my audiences that
you know I even have a part ofmy most requested one is about
(33:18):
being really clear about why you, as a leader, and you know why
are you passionate aboutwhatever it is you're trying to
achieve?
Why are you unique in whateveryou're trying to achieve?
Why are you unique in whateveryou're trying to achieve and
what impact you want to have inwhatever you choose?
So I think that's super, superimportant.
You know, like I, my passion isI really, really want to help
(33:39):
people because life is short andyou know we want to be happy
and successful.
And kind of my uniqueness isthat I have this sixth sense
about what's bothering people onkind of that mindset level,
that deeper level.
My family teases me because Ifind out more about the waitress
(33:59):
or the waiter than they knowabout their best friends
sometimes, than they know abouttheir best friends sometimes.
And the impact I want to makeis I, you know I really want to
make organizations better andthe world better.
So when, when women and youknow anyone, but you know, when
we're really clear about who weare and why we're doing what
(34:20):
we're doing, it's so much easierto for other people to pick up
on that and be inspired by that.
So with my coaching work and myspeaking work, I I really try
to help people be really clearabout this is what I'm going for
, this is who I am and I'mauthentic and I have these,
these skills to help otherscreate.
(34:43):
I had the skills to createwin-win and I could help you
also do the same.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
Nice, nice.
So what would one thing youwould advise our listeners and
viewers to do as soon as they'redone here that could get them
in that mindset of impact andsuccess and positivity?
Speaker 3 (35:05):
Well, I would say, take a moment and think about
this podcast and maybe writedown three things that kind of
really struck you.
One would maybe be caring,could be caring about other
people.
Real quick, I'll tell you astory that really shows how
important this is.
(35:25):
I was doing a keynote in SanFrancisco a while back and I had
read someplace to write alittle note to your maid with a
dollar every night not just whenyou left and just say thank you
on the note.
I wrote a little note sayingthank you, didn't think anything
about it, put a dollar, acouple dollars down and I was in
(35:45):
the uh, my room when the maidcame in.
I was working on my presentationand she suddenly tapped me on
the shoulder and she said I'venever had anybody write me a
thank you note.
I've never had anybody do that.
And she almost started cryingand it was like it was like the
littlest thing.
I thought nothing about it andI mean this woman was like
(36:06):
almost in tears because shehadn't ever really been
appreciated like that and Ithought that was so important
for executives, for all of us,that even something tiny, like
another person that I had aclient he was really a grouchy
guy, another person that I was.
I had a client.
He was really a grouchy guy buthe said when he first started
(36:27):
coming in to the work he'dworked there for years but when
he first started they they putballoons all over his office for
his.
He had a little cubby and theyput balloons for his birthday.
He had a little birthday cakeand he said he thought he knew
it was like so stupid.
But at the same time he reallytouched, oh, it really blew him
away Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
That's all there are.
You want are those littlethings.
Speaker 3 (36:55):
So, anyway, that would be.
One thing is, you know, likeyou know, maybe come up with
something that you can ask your.
You know the people around you.
Maybe a question about whatthey did, you know, what do they
care about, might be a goodthing to bring from this.
And you know three thingsyou're grateful for.
I think gratefuls are wonderful.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
Yes, I agree with that.
I agree with that.
Especially if you even have theintention to sit down and write
them out.
It's extremely energetic andmotivating, for sure, carrie,
thank you so much.
This has been powerful.
I so appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (37:38):
Well, thank you, and I've been listening to your
podcast the last couple of daysto prep and I'm just amazed by
how much wisdom you have andyour guests have as well.
Really, am honored and reallydelighted to be on your show and
I hope this helps your audience.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
It absolutely will.
It absolutely will, so much sothat I want everybody to go to
kerryvanstoncom and learn allabout her and the services that
she provides.
Be sure to follow her onInstagram.
Kerry Vanston Real easy.
She makes it easy for us.
And then, of course, wementioned that free worksheet of
the mindset strategy so you cango to tinycc forward slash gift
(38:22):
from Kerry.
Kerry, thank you, I appreciateit.
What a powerhouse conversationwith Carrie Vanston.
All around emotional awareness,intuitive listening, anchoring
or grounding your emotions.
We talked journaling and othertechniques to really elevate
your leadership skills and, moreimportantly, create a more
(38:45):
harmonious work environment foryou and your team members.
Now remember, it's smallgestures that are important.
Simple thank you.
Simple thank you notes thewords of appreciation or
recognition, and it can make ahuge impact not only on your
team members, but even onyourself and your leadership.
So take a listen.
(39:13):
If you have to go back and makenote of one or two of Carrie's
tips and start implementing them, and really pay attention to
the changes, the transformationthat is occurring amongst your
team members and even yourself,I think you'll find that you
will be working your way towardbecoming a powerhouse leader as
a result of it.
On a similar topic, check outour episode the Power of
(39:33):
Gratitude to Elevate TeamPerformance.
It complements our conversationwith Carrie today in regards to
recognition, appreciation,gratitude, critical feedback all
things that are critical toreally elevate your team dynamic
and your team satisfaction withthe work that they're doing and
(39:54):
the partnering with you as aleader.
All right, you can go toballoffirecoachingcom forward
slash podcast to find thatepisode and many more, so be
sure to follow us and subscribeso you don't miss out on any of
our episodes of Shedding theCorporate Bitch.
Thanks for joining us for thispowerful conversation with
(40:15):
Carrie Vanston, and until nexttime I'm Bernadette Bowes.
See you in the next episode.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
Thank you for tuning in to today's episode of
Shedding the Corporate Bitch.
Every journey taken together isanother step towards unleashing
the powerhouse leader withinyou.
Don't miss any of our weeklyepisodes.
Subscribe to our podcast onApple Podcasts, spotify or
wherever you love to listen.
And, for those who thrive onvisual content, catch us on our
Shedding the Bitch YouTubechannel.
Want to dive deeper withBernadette on becoming a
(40:43):
powerhouse leader?
Want to dive deeper withBernadette on becoming a
powerhouse leader?
Visit balloffirecoachingcom tolearn more about how she helps
professionals, hr executives andteam leaders elevate overall
team performance.
You've been listening toShedding the Corporate Bitch
with Bernadette Boas.
Until next time, keep shedding,keep growing and keep leading.
Are you ever challenged by your emotions when
it comes to your successes andachievements?
Do you find it hard to findtime to pause and reflect on the
wins you're achieving in thisvery busy, chaotic world?
Well, you're not alone and ourguest, carrie Vanston of
Leadership Mindset Success ishere to help us navigate these
emotional waters.
(00:21):
In this episode, we'll delveinto emotional awareness, the
value of reflection and how pastsuccesses can act as anchors
during challenging times.
Keri will share invaluablecommunication strategies like
asking open-ended questions andpracticing intuitive listening
to foster deeper connections andcreate win-win situations in
(00:43):
leadership.
We'll also discuss practicalmindset techniques, such as
using positive affirmations,journaling and Kerry's unique
anchor technique to staygrounded.
By the end of this episode,you'll have a toolkit full of
actionable strategies to enhanceyour leadership skills and
interpersonal relations and,most importantly, to
intentionally embody theemotions tied to future
successes.
Stay with us.
Skills and interpersonalrelations and, most importantly,
(01:04):
to intentionally embody theemotions tied to future
successes.
Stay with us.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Welcome to Shedding the Corporate Bitch, the podcast
that transforms today'smanagers into tomorrow's
powerhouse leaders.
Your host, bernadette Boas,executive coach and author,
brings you into a world wherethe corporate grind meets
personal growth and success ineach and every episode.
With more than 25 years incorporate trenches, bernadette's
(01:31):
own journey from beingdismissed as a tyrant boss to
becoming a sought-afterleadership coach and speaker
illustrates the very essence oftransformation that she now
inspires in others with her tips, strategies and stories.
So if you're ready to shed thebitches of fear and insecurity,
ditch the imposter syndrome andstep into the role of the
powerhouse leader you were bornto be, this podcast is for you.
Let's do this.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Hi, how are you, Welcome, welcome welcome.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
Hey, it's so nice to be on your show.
Thank you so much for invitingme.
Bernadette, absolutelyabsolutely Well.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
I think it's really important for us to continue to
have conversations withcorporate professionals about
the importance of the value andthe impact that they make in
their job.
But before we get into all ofthat, I always like to ask our
guests to share a little bitabout themselves personally so
we can get to like, know andtrust them.
So can you tell us a little bitabout themselves personally so
we can get to like, know andtrust them?
(02:25):
So can you tell us a little bitabout Perry?
Speaker 3 (02:29):
Oh gosh, I worked for a long time for a forecasting
company.
I kind of got really interestedin helping people that didn't
just want to plan the future butactually wanted to create and
grow companies, and so we puttogether a list of best
practices to find small trends,and that turned into a book
(02:49):
called Many Trends that was backin 2011, won a couple of best
book awards and we started doinga lot of work around that and I
started running a.
I did a conference for threeyears and brought a lot of
people on that and I realizedthat being innovative wasn't
enough.
You really needed to have aculture that really encouraged
(03:11):
innovation, and that kind of ledme to getting involved with
culture.
And then, as I got into culture, I realized that if the
leadership didn't have apositive growth mindset, it was
very hard to stay sustainable.
So I went through an executivecoaching program and kind of
(03:32):
came on the other side of thathaving, you know, really
learning mindset, skills andtechniques to really raise the
energy and raise the leadershipof people.
But probably more importantly,it really taught me how to have
a positive mindset.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
It all starts with us , doesn't it?
Yeah, you're right.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
Yes, I've been doing that since 20.
I guess started my coachingbusiness coaching and I'm also a
speaker.
And I have two kids.
I have a 16 and 19-year-oldboys that I adore.
One started A&M recently andA&M I'm a true die-in-the-wood
(04:18):
Longhorn.
I did a little picnic withLonghorn and it was really tough
and it was really tough, butthe one saving grace was I look
a whole lot better in maroonthan I do burnt orange.
You and me both.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
Thanks, you and me both.
You and me both.
Oh, that's great.
Well, and it's also always funto you know, follow your kids
and cheer them on with you know,whatever school that they're
participating in.
So that's fabulous and at thesame time, I think it's a great
(04:53):
lead-in to our conversation,because it is all about impact,
right.
What we do, you know, in ourdaily lives work or play it's
all around the impact that wemake, and in order to have
impact, we also need to thenlead into that with mindset,
Would you say.
That makes sense.
Speaker 3 (05:13):
Absolutely, absolutely.
You know, what I always say isthat you know we have a thought
which leads to an emotion whichleads to an action.
If you feed neutral, negative,low energy thoughts, then you're
going to have low energyemotions and you're going to
have low energy results andaction, while if you feed in
(05:37):
positive, growth-oriented kindof thoughts, then you're going
to have more positive emotionsand you're going to have much
more positive actions andresults.
So if you came here to thispodcast today and said, oh, I've
got a million things to do butI probably should listen, then
you know your emotion is goingto maybe be more frustrated and
(05:59):
you know, uh, impatient, andthen your action is probably not
going to get a whole lot out ofthis right kind of come in as,
uh, as you know, bernadette andher guest always has good things
to say.
You know, then your emotion ismore matter of fact and your
action, your results, is, you'regoing to get something out of
this.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Right.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
And then like wow, I love what Bernadette said.
Every time there's like thisgreat guest, I'm going to learn
something really special today.
Then your emotion is moreexcitement and your action is
you really bring something backto the office and you really
make a difference for that timethat you spent Right.
And what I feel other peopleyou know I want to impart to
(06:39):
your listeners is you can intent.
There's ways to intentionallyraise that thought process so
that you can have thatintentionality of wow.
You know what I'm curious aboutthis?
What's the adventure here?
(06:59):
What came out positive aboutthis negative thing?
What can I find?
Maybe I learned something, youknow.
So change that thought in anintentional way, because leaders
, the best leaders, areintentional.
You know they are intentionaland then your emotion is in the
right place and then your actionis in the right place and those
wins come better, thosetransitions work out better and
(07:22):
you as a leader are a betterleader and we're all leaders in
one way or the other whether wehave someone reporting to us or
not, each and every one of usare leaders in our lives.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
But let me ask you a question to help break this down
.
Do you have a practice that youdo to put yourself in the
mindset that you're trying toeducate others to be in?
Speaker 3 (07:45):
Yeah, I sure do.
Well, one thing is I exercisein the morning.
I do some waist, my waistexercises and my tummy exercise
A little bit of stretching, butI do.
I have a couple of things I do.
One sometimes I'll journal withlike what my day I put, like
(08:06):
your morning, I mean my day, youknow I put morning, so I know
it's in the morning and not atnight, and then I sort of like
do like a paragraph about myperfect day that day.
So I'm setting myself up andthen later at night, you know, I
might come back and you knowlike say well, it didn't work
out this way, but what are thethings that happened even better
?
You know like say well, itdidn't work out this way, but
what are the things thathappened even better.
(08:26):
That's one thing I do.
Another thing I do is I have agreat app called Zanka, and
Zanka you can put your positiveaffirmations on there.
It's free Three of them arefree at least and I put my
positive affirmations like Iknow that that I'm capable of
all of the things I dream of.
Something you know like,whatever the anchors that you
(08:48):
know affirmations is a hugemindset raiser.
You know, when somethingbothers you, you know, figure
out something that's a positivestatement around that, that you
know you're struggling with, andthen, you know, have those
affirmations handy for you.
Matter of fact, later, when thegift time comes, I have like 12
(09:12):
quick and dirty mindsetstrategies that people can put
on their desk and actually havethem right there.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
But the think up, you can put some dots and then you
just play it over and over andover again and you can just use
the ThinkUp, thinkupcom.
Yeah, t-h-i-n-k.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
T-H-I-N-K-U-P-L-E dot com.
Ok, thinkupcom.
So I'll make sure that we alsoshare that in our show notes as
well, that we also share that inour show notes as well.
Yes, affirmations, you know, isdefinitely one way to, you know
, get out of a blah mindset andkind of shift it into a more
(09:55):
positive mindset.
But let me ask you something.
In the chaos of the, you know,the day of a corporate
professional, at any level ofthe organization, is so
haphazard.
How do you get your clients totake that time?
(10:16):
Even when you say it's like a30 second or a five minute
something, I'm sure many of themget exasperated by just saying
I don't have any time.
So what is a trick that you usewith them, or a tip or
technique you give them to helpthem find that time?
Speaker 3 (10:36):
Well, the best thing is to schedule it in, you know,
like, put it on your calendarI'm going to take a 15 minute
break, right, you know, betweenthis, you know between this and
this, and just breathe a littlebit.
Or, you know, focus onsomething besides what I'm doing
, or get up and walk around and,you know, energize a little bit
, a little bit.
(11:05):
I also think that having somekind of anchor, so that you know
when you are feeling stressedout, you have some kind of
anchor that you can go back to,that, okay, you know this is,
you know this is what I need todo when I'm feeling this way and
kind of go, you know, gothrough them and, you know, try
to relax yourself a little bitthat way.
So, what is an anchor exactly?
(11:26):
An anchor is kind of like aaffirmation, in that it's
something like OK, it's time forme to take a break and rest
here, here, and maybe three orfour things that you can do
maybe to listen to some music,maybe, you know, call your loved
(11:47):
one and see what they're doing,or take a walk, get up and
stretch, you know, but somethings that you know you can.
The thing is that when we'reunder stress.
It's very hard to get out ofstress.
So it's if we have somethingthat we already have planned,
(12:09):
like, for example, if you'refeeling insecure, if you have a
list of things that really wentwell for you, then you have
something to go back to so thatwhen you're in the middle of
that stress then our minds arekind of blank.
So having that you knowsomething to go back to I think
(12:30):
helps a lot.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
I actually have walking my dog and that could be
literally opening up the door,going outside and throwing the
ball for her like three times,because that's all she'll do.
So challenging for cultures,for, you know, leaders to kind
of have a positive mindset or atleast maintain a positive
(13:06):
mindset in the workplace.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
Oh, I think we're kind of wired to worry about
things because we were seekersand hunters originally and so we
tend to just naturally kind ofgo to the negative to try to
protect ourselves.
And so I think you have to beintentional about the more
positive things that are outthere and gratitude is huge.
(13:37):
The minute that you start beinggratitude, you crowd out the
negative feelings, because theyou know you can't, you can only
juggle so much in your brain.
So if you're filling yourselfwith positive thoughts, then you
kind of cloud out thosenegative things that are
bothering you.
So, you know, I think that'susually something that I think
that your listeners might, youknow, really relate to is, you
(14:01):
know, we have this kind of bigemotional part of our brain and
then we had this intellectualpart of our brain and we get
really caught up in thatintellectual part of our brain.
But really the emotional partof the brain is really what
works us, this main thing thatmotivates us, and it really
deals with feelings.
(14:22):
So if you feed intellectualthoughts, it doesn't really pick
them up like feelings.
So the more that you aregrateful or the more that you
feel good, choose good feelings,choose positive feelings, the
more the unconscious mind knowswhat to do and the unconscious
mind can give you what you wantfaster because it's dealing with
(14:43):
the feelings.
I even say with the goals,because goals is a huge a
mindset, you know, raises yourmindset.
I always say mindset mattersmost.
But goals is.
You know if you're settinggoals, goals is great.
You know you set the goals, butgoals is you know if you're
setting goals, goals is great.
You know you set the goals, butnot only thinking about when
you get them, but how you'llfeel when you achieve that goal.
(15:07):
Because your subconscious mindit works with the feelings.
And so, if you have, if youthink, oh gosh, you know when I
get, you know when I make thismuch money, or when I get this
promotion, or when my familygets to this point, or you know,
whatever it is, I'm going tofeel how I'm going to feel
joyful, I'm going to feel sorelieved.
(15:29):
You know, and you actually feelit right now.
And then your subconscious, youknow, you know how to you, you
know, know where yoursubconscious mind knows where to
take you, because you've givenit how you feel, right.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
That's something that's really kind of a kind of
a secret that you know is realvaluable to know now did you
ever at one time I know I diddid you ever at one time
struggle to embody the futureemotion that you want to have?
And therefore you had to workon, in your words, being
(16:08):
intentional about wanting tofeel and experience that outcome
that you're looking for, thatjoy, that happiness, that
fulfillment, that success, likeliterally, like you said,
feeling it right now?
I struggled with that for along time.
I couldn't manifest it withinmyself.
It was like I'm not able tocreate that.
(16:30):
Did you have that issue at alland, if so, what did it take for
you to get to that point whereyou could do it for yourself?
Speaker 3 (16:40):
what did it take for you to get to that point where
you could do it for yourself?
I think that's one of thethings we really do is when we
have a win, you know, it's veryeasy to not celebrate, or when
they, you know you achievesomething and it's like, oh my
God, you know that took me solong.
I should have done it a longtime ago.
I don't have time to deal withthat.
I've got to jump to the nextwin, because now I'm behind and
I think you really have to, andI have to force myself to.
(17:03):
You know, once I learn this, youknow I have to, you know, force
yourself to say wait a minute,it's time to celebrate.
And you know it's time for meto congratulate everybody around
me that helped.
It's time for me to, you know,buy a new shirt to see.
It's like time, you know,celebrate with my family too.
(17:23):
You know the same with.
You know, like, if your kidsget straight A's, take them to
their favorite restaurant.
You know, if your team doeswell, you know, buy a cake.
You know, whatever it is, butit's really important to
celebrate because again, you'repassing those feelings that, hey
, I love this.
This is what I want more of andthen getting stuck.
(17:45):
So I think that's one of thethings.
To not get stuck is to and to,you know, be be able to start
thinking about those feelings isbeing intentionally.
I'm going to be thinking abouthow I'm going to be feeling in
this situation.
It's interesting I had adiscovery session last week with
a guy in my uh what, in my uhdiscussion, discovery sessions I
usually talk about you know,kind of where you want to be in
(18:06):
a year and then, uh, you knowwhere you are now and, and
actually it was, how do you feelin a year?
That's what I asked.
I asked, well, how would thatmake you feel?
Because we went through allthis stuff and he said, well, I
don't know how that would makeme feel, and it was like I had
the hardest time getting him.
And you know, being a man, Iyou know it's not as surprising
as a woman, because a lot oftimes they just businessman, you
(18:30):
know.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
I just guard it.
I find it right, just guard it,wanting to feel yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
Yeah, it was like I said well, would you?
He said, well, I wouldn't feelanything, I would just be, I'd
be, I'd be more.
Yeah, it was like, and I said,well, would you?
He said, well, I wouldn't feelanything, I would just be, I'd
be, I'd be more successful.
I was like, well, how wouldthat feel?
And it's like, well, I don't.
And I said, well, would thatkind of make you feel good if he
goes?
Yeah, it made me feel good.
Can you elaborate on that?
And at the end, well, what wasyour takeaway?
(18:57):
And he said did I have a hardtime expressing how I feel about
this?
Yeah, really.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Well, I know that you know, in defense to him, maybe
I know that you know, throughoutmy corporate career, once there
was a success, the nextstatement out of the boss's
mouth were okay, that was great.
Now what are you going to dofor me?
And to your point, we didn'tget to pause and really take in
(19:27):
and feel.
You know the pride, thegratitude, the.
You know the, the excitementand the you know the energy
around that win.
Speaker 3 (19:38):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
And you're just saying to make sure that you
pause, you feel it, you work,you know, you live in it for a
time, so you can embody it andthen re-feel it when you're not
having a great day.
Would that be right?
Speaker 3 (19:56):
Yes, and I even say you know, write it down, write
it down, write down your winsand your strength around it,
because then you can go back toit and you know, be more, you
know find the joy again, butalso learn the lessons.
You know why, why did this workand what didn't work.
And you know let's celebratewhat did work around that.
(20:18):
So I think that's super, superimportant.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
And to your exercise with that gentleman, where he
was struggling to reallyunderstand how he would feel the
first thing like.
I'm very visual, so I'mpicturing you sitting with him
and you're trying to get him tokind of get to that next level
go deeper, go deeper.
And so would.
(20:43):
Something that our listenerscould do is, if they are
struggling, like he is, toreally understand what that
outcome would feel like and whatthat energy would feel like, to
just like write it down thefirst thing that came to their
mind, which might not have beenanything, ok, but let's go a
little bit deeper.
Okay, so I feel good.
Okay, but what does that looklike?
(21:03):
Is what you said?
So what does that mean and whatdoes that feel like?
And you just keep kind of likedrilling into each one of those
to where you can finally get tothe heart of that experience.
Speaker 3 (21:18):
You know, in that case, bernadette, I would say
look back.
If you have someone strugglingwith that, you know, that's like
looking it back.
You know, one of the things Isay is look at your past
strength and in this case Iwould say, you know, look back
at a time when you were really,you know, really happy and
(21:38):
satisfied.
And then say, well, you know,really happy and satisfied and
then say, well, you know, anexample is one of my clients.
She was really struggling withnetwork and she'd been promoted
to a much higher position andshe was having to go out and
network and at first she thoughtit'd be so fun, but then she
realized that she was, you know,like, would know people and you
know you know, and it was atnight and she felt really
(22:02):
uncomfortable because now shewas kind of a salesy person as
opposed to just a person.
She was just absolutelymiserable.
But one of the things I toldher was well, when did you feel
really comfortable andsuccessful at networking?
And she told me well, about ayear ago I had been at a St
Patrick's Day event and therewas like all these funny
(22:23):
leprechauns on the centerpieceand I was making jokes about it.
I had the whole table institches and I made a couple of
really important contacts thatnight and I said, well, you know
, what strength did you havethere?
And it was like, well, my senseof humor.
And I said, well, what's thefirst thing that flies out the
(22:44):
window when we're nervous andstressed out Our sense of humor.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
It's true.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
You know, we really kind of came up with a couple of
stories that she could tell,some funny stories and a couple
of jokes and stuff, so that shecould feel more uncomfortable,
so she could feel morecomfortable when she was
approaching these people.
So again, it's like, uh,thinking back on, you know, how
how did I was it successful in asituation, similar situation?
(23:09):
How did I feel afterward?
Right, and how could maybe Ibring that to again intentional,
being intentional about lookingat that and then maybe using
that as an anchor or informationtoo, and that you know, I know
that when I feel this way, I'mgoing to think about that time
that I made jokes about thefunny leprechauns.
(23:30):
I'm going to freak.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
If it doesn't make her laugh, I don't know what
would, because that's hysterical.
Yeah, you know what I love that?
And you talk about creatingwin-wins and is this the type of
win-win you're looking for?
Or when you talk about creatinga win-win as a strategy for
(23:55):
really creating impact, whatdoes that look like?
Speaker 3 (24:01):
Well, you know, what I think is that you know,
compromise is kind of what wewere raised as you know how
compromise is great compromise,but actually compromise, one or
both people are losing.
So, as leaders, if we cancreate win-win, then that's a
super positive thing.
And one way you can do that isby really understanding the
(24:23):
other person and what they want.
And you know, I had a CEOclient that I was working with
that he was having troublebecause they were growing, they
were quickly growing and he waskind of losing control of you
know, the beginning conflicts.
He was actually having troublewith one person in particular
and you know we really worked onraising to that when he had a
(24:46):
lot of visionary energy but hehad a lot of compromise too.
So we, we worked on, you knowhow to make that more of a win
win.
And the first thing we did waswe really worked on caring about
the other person andunderstanding because what how
we're really wired as humanbeings is, we really want to be
cared about and appreciate it.
So I asked him to go out andyou know well, what did you do
this weekend?
(25:06):
What kind of hobbies do youlike?
What kind of you know, what youknow, really understand, get a
better sense of what makes thesepeople tick, so they feel like
they're cared about and they'reappreciated.
So that is one thing that Ireally encouraged him to do.
The second thing was askopen-ended questions.
And you know, we probably allhave heard that.
You know in corporate, you knowask open-ended questions, but
(25:29):
we kind of forget that.
And it's super importantbecause if you want to
understand the other person, ifyou ask something like, do you
like your job, it's like yes orno.
But if you say, what do youlove about your job, what really
turns you on about your job,what do you think?
How can you think I could helpyou do a better job?
How do you think that you coulddeal with this conflict?
(25:50):
You know, whatever it is, youask the and then you start
understanding the person.
So you've got the hearing andthe understanding.
And the third thing we reallytalked about too was intuitively
listening.
You know there's different waysto listen.
You can listen, uh,subjectively, where you say,
well, do you, do you like this?
And then, person, I don't know,I, I don't know if I like it.
Oh, let me tell you all the way.
(26:12):
So that's kind of subjectiveand then objective is yeah, you
know, do you like this?
And the person says I don'tknow.
And you say, well, tell me whatit is you don't like about it,
and and that's a lot better.
But intuitive listening isreally like listening between
the lines, kind of how they'rereacting, the tone of voice, how
their eye.
(26:32):
You know what they're doingwith their eyes is, you know how
they're doing physical, howemotional.
So that would be more like well, do you like this?
And they say, well, I don'tknow.
And then you say it I'm gettingthe sense that something's
bothering you here.
Can you tell me more?
Speaker 1 (26:46):
Love it.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
Really listening.
So, yeah, and he really, hetook all this to heart and, yeah
, he told me about this guy thathe was having trouble with and
he said normally he would just,you know, really fussed up and
he did something.
He made one of the clients mad,brought him in, and he had a
real type A personality.
We said no, no, carrie saysthere's always a win-win.
(27:09):
So he brought him in and said,okay, tell me what's going on.
And then rah, rah, rah, rah.
Okay, tell me what you did withthe software.
Rah, rah, rah.
And by the end of theconversation felt heard and he
felt, uh, understood and youknow, and, and, uh, the, uh, the
jeff, they did what didn't haveto fire him, what you didn't
(27:31):
want to do, you know, didn't getinto a big conflict, but
instead the guy felt understood,he started coming to the
meetings and without a blackcloud over his head, and just
started feeling like he was morepart of the team because he was
able to express himself more.
So I think I go on.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
Well, what you said and I actually want you to just
repeat it because I think it'ssomething that anyone that's
listening really needs to taketo heart, especially not only
themselves as an individual, butif they are a leader, and that
is what you said aboutcompromise is a lose-lose.
(28:11):
Someone's losing in compromiseand therefore you want to look
for the win-win.
Did I capture that correctly?
Speaker 3 (28:19):
Yes, and you as the leader and, like you said, all
leaders, no matter if we'releading it at work, in our
community, our families thatwhen you really bring out what
the other person wants by askingopen-ended questions and caring
, then you can reflect that winbecause you know your win and so
then you can reflect that winand then when you have a win-win
(28:42):
situation, then that puts youup.
Then the next step, the magichappens and the higher
intelligence is hit and then youbecome, and then the visionary
energy comes in.
The visionary mindset comes in.
Energy kind of soundswoo-wee-wee, mindset is a little
bit less woo-wee-wee, but youknow you tap into that higher
(29:05):
and actually I've stoppedcalling them soft skills, I now
call them primary skills.
You know, because they'rehaving that ability to bring the
conversation up to higherlevels where people can be
happier and more fulfilled,filled, and you as a leader can
(29:28):
have that stress off of you, ofyou know having to drag, try to
drag people up instead ofbringing them up by finding
their wins and I think, I thinkit's important to call them
primary versus soft, becauseeveryone puts soft skills
secondary.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
You know, it's those hard skills are always get the
limelight, you know, and thefocus, especially when it comes
to training and development.
And so if you can kind ofreframe soft skills to be
primary because they are, Likeyou said at the very beginning
of this mindset is everything.
And mindset is a soft skillRight.
Speaker 3 (30:04):
And it's a primary skill.
Speaker 1 (30:05):
Well, it's a primary skill, Well it's a primary skill
, but fall into that bucket.
Yes, yes, as a primary skill.
That's awesome, that'sbrilliant.
Well, you mentioned at the verybeginning the worksheet, the
gift you have for our listeners.
(30:28):
So why don't you share a littlebit about that?
And in the meantime, you canmake a note, everybody that you
can get that at tinycc forwardslash gift from Carrie.
So very easy, tinycc forwardslash gift from Carrie.
But why don't you share with usa little bit about how they can
leverage that?
Speaker 3 (30:47):
Oh yeah, it's great.
It's a list of 12 quick anddirty mindset strategies
Consider what value you bring,focus on strengths, practice
intuitive listening, look toothers for inspiration.
There's just several of them,with a little description of
them.
But what my clients do is theyjust put it in their desk drawer
(31:09):
, they connect to their desk oryou know whatever, and then when
one of those moments come upthat they need a little bit of
mindset boost, they can justgrab it and it's just real easy
and gives you lots and lots ofideas.
You know, that's the thing is.
You want to be intentional.
You want when you findsomething, because when you're
(31:29):
in the midst of emotionemotional stress, emotional you
know you're in the middle ofsomething.
It's very hard to think aboutintentionality at that point
because you're already in it.
So you have something that youknow.
You're kind of prepared ananchor, an affirmation, a sheet
of paper, whatever it is thatworks for you.
(31:51):
Then you're just so much aheadof the game.
And you know, we don't want tobe stressed out, we want to have
ways to comfort ourselves andto be able to move forward in
better ways and be betterexamples to the people who work
for us too.
So I think that these kind oftechniques really rub off on
(32:13):
other people too, because theysee how you're reacting and your
intentionality and how you'renot reacting, but you're
planning, you're acting, youknow pre-action acting.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
you know pre-action.
I'd like to ask you is sointentional?
If someone listening orwatching needs to kind of really
visualize that, like I often dowhat you're basically saying is
, instead of reacting based onemotion because you're so in it
at the moment, you know, try tofind ways and try to find
anchors in your terms, to thenget proactive or preaction
(32:48):
toward you know that response,so you don't get reacting
reactive through emotion.
Is that fair?
Speaker 3 (32:57):
Yes, and I would say that it's very much about
clarity being clear about whatyou want, being clear about what
you want.
I really, you know, I tell myclients and my audiences that
you know I even have a part ofmy most requested one is about
(33:18):
being really clear about why you, as a leader, and you know why
are you passionate aboutwhatever it is you're trying to
achieve?
Why are you unique in whateveryou're trying to achieve?
Why are you unique in whateveryou're trying to achieve and
what impact you want to have inwhatever you choose?
So I think that's super, superimportant.
You know, like I, my passion isI really, really want to help
(33:39):
people because life is short andyou know we want to be happy
and successful.
And kind of my uniqueness isthat I have this sixth sense
about what's bothering people onkind of that mindset level,
that deeper level.
My family teases me because Ifind out more about the waitress
(33:59):
or the waiter than they knowabout their best friends
sometimes, than they know abouttheir best friends sometimes.
And the impact I want to makeis I, you know I really want to
make organizations better andthe world better.
So when, when women and youknow anyone, but you know, when
we're really clear about who weare and why we're doing what
(34:20):
we're doing, it's so much easierto for other people to pick up
on that and be inspired by that.
So with my coaching work and myspeaking work, I I really try
to help people be really clearabout this is what I'm going for
, this is who I am and I'mauthentic and I have these,
these skills to help otherscreate.
(34:43):
I had the skills to createwin-win and I could help you
also do the same.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
Nice, nice.
So what would one thing youwould advise our listeners and
viewers to do as soon as they'redone here that could get them
in that mindset of impact andsuccess and positivity?
Speaker 3 (35:05):
Well, I would say, take a moment and think about
this podcast and maybe writedown three things that kind of
really struck you.
One would maybe be caring,could be caring about other
people.
Real quick, I'll tell you astory that really shows how
important this is.
(35:25):
I was doing a keynote in SanFrancisco a while back and I had
read someplace to write alittle note to your maid with a
dollar every night not just whenyou left and just say thank you
on the note.
I wrote a little note sayingthank you, didn't think anything
about it, put a dollar, acouple dollars down and I was in
(35:45):
the uh, my room when the maidcame in.
I was working on my presentationand she suddenly tapped me on
the shoulder and she said I'venever had anybody write me a
thank you note.
I've never had anybody do that.
And she almost started cryingand it was like it was like the
littlest thing.
I thought nothing about it andI mean this woman was like
(36:06):
almost in tears because shehadn't ever really been
appreciated like that and Ithought that was so important
for executives, for all of us,that even something tiny, like
another person that I had aclient he was really a grouchy
guy, another person that I was.
I had a client.
He was really a grouchy guy buthe said when he first started
(36:27):
coming in to the work he'dworked there for years but when
he first started they they putballoons all over his office for
his.
He had a little cubby and theyput balloons for his birthday.
He had a little birthday cakeand he said he thought he knew
it was like so stupid.
But at the same time he reallytouched, oh, it really blew him
away Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
That's all there are.
You want are those littlethings.
Speaker 3 (36:55):
So, anyway, that would be.
One thing is, you know, likeyou know, maybe come up with
something that you can ask your.
You know the people around you.
Maybe a question about whatthey did, you know, what do they
care about, might be a goodthing to bring from this.
And you know three thingsyou're grateful for.
I think gratefuls are wonderful.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
Yes, I agree with that.
I agree with that.
Especially if you even have theintention to sit down and write
them out.
It's extremely energetic andmotivating, for sure, carrie,
thank you so much.
This has been powerful.
I so appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (37:38):
Well, thank you, and I've been listening to your
podcast the last couple of daysto prep and I'm just amazed by
how much wisdom you have andyour guests have as well.
Really, am honored and reallydelighted to be on your show and
I hope this helps your audience.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
It absolutely will.
It absolutely will, so much sothat I want everybody to go to
kerryvanstoncom and learn allabout her and the services that
she provides.
Be sure to follow her onInstagram.
Kerry Vanston Real easy.
She makes it easy for us.
And then, of course, wementioned that free worksheet of
the mindset strategy so you cango to tinycc forward slash gift
(38:22):
from Kerry.
Kerry, thank you, I appreciateit.
What a powerhouse conversationwith Carrie Vanston.
All around emotional awareness,intuitive listening, anchoring
or grounding your emotions.
We talked journaling and othertechniques to really elevate
your leadership skills and, moreimportantly, create a more
(38:45):
harmonious work environment foryou and your team members.
Now remember, it's smallgestures that are important.
Simple thank you.
Simple thank you notes thewords of appreciation or
recognition, and it can make ahuge impact not only on your
team members, but even onyourself and your leadership.
So take a listen.
(39:13):
If you have to go back and makenote of one or two of Carrie's
tips and start implementing them, and really pay attention to
the changes, the transformationthat is occurring amongst your
team members and even yourself,I think you'll find that you
will be working your way towardbecoming a powerhouse leader as
a result of it.
On a similar topic, check outour episode the Power of
(39:33):
Gratitude to Elevate TeamPerformance.
It complements our conversationwith Carrie today in regards to
recognition, appreciation,gratitude, critical feedback all
things that are critical toreally elevate your team dynamic
and your team satisfaction withthe work that they're doing and
(39:54):
the partnering with you as aleader.
All right, you can go toballoffirecoachingcom forward
slash podcast to find thatepisode and many more, so be
sure to follow us and subscribeso you don't miss out on any of
our episodes of Shedding theCorporate Bitch.
Thanks for joining us for thispowerful conversation with
(40:15):
Carrie Vanston, and until nexttime I'm Bernadette Bowes.
See you in the next episode.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
Thank you for tuning in to today's episode of
Shedding the Corporate Bitch.
Every journey taken together isanother step towards unleashing
the powerhouse leader withinyou.
Don't miss any of our weeklyepisodes.
Subscribe to our podcast onApple Podcasts, spotify or
wherever you love to listen.
And, for those who thrive onvisual content, catch us on our
Shedding the Bitch YouTubechannel.
Want to dive deeper withBernadette on becoming a
(40:43):
powerhouse leader?
Want to dive deeper withBernadette on becoming a
powerhouse leader?
Visit balloffirecoachingcom tolearn more about how she helps
professionals, hr executives andteam leaders elevate overall
team performance.
You've been listening toShedding the Corporate Bitch
with Bernadette Boas.
Until next time, keep shedding,keep growing and keep leading.
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