May 27, 2025 • 32 mins
This week on Shedding the Corporate Bitch, Bernadette sits down with powerhouse executive coach and social psychologist Dr. Benah Parker of Level 42 Consulting to unpack the real habits sabotaging today’s high-achieving leaders — and how to reclaim your power through presence, resilience, and redefining success.
From overworking and under-delegating to struggling with control and burnout, Dr. Parker shares how the very habits that got you promoted may now be holding you — and your team — back. Through actionable insights and bold truths, you'll learn how to lead with trust, authenticity, and alignment, while still crushing results.
This conversation is for ambitious professionals and executives ready to stop surviving and start leading — with presence, purpose, and power.
🎧 Listen now to learn:
- Why “executive presence” is NOT about confidence or clothing — and what it truly takes
- How perfectionism is actually self-sabotage (and how to overcome it)
- Why redefining success is essential for sustainable leadership
- What overachievers must do to lead without burning out
- The surprising power of boundaries, delegation, and trust
- Why managing up and gathering feedback are leadership superpowers
💥 Whether you're climbing the ladder or managing a large team, this episode will shift how you think about leadership, success, and showing up as your best self — at work and beyond.
Dr. Benah Parker
Executive Coach & Founder, Level 42 Consulting
🔗 level42consulting.com
📲 LinkedIn: @BenahParker | Instagram: @Level42Consulting
🔗 Connect with Bernadette Boas:
- Website: balloffirecoaching.com
- YouTube: Shedding the Corporate Bitch - https://www.youtube.com/@ShedtheCorpBitchTV
- LinkedIn & Instagram: @BernadetteBoas
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
What if the very habits that got you to the top
hard work, overachievement,perfectionism are the same ones
that are holding you back fromreally becoming the powerhouse
leader you're meant to be?
Today, we're redefiningleadership with our guest, dr
Baina Parker of Level 42Consulting, an elite executive
coach and social psychologistwho helps high-achieving
(00:25):
professionals break free fromburnout, master executive
presence and lead withresilience.
In this episode, we're divinginto why overperforming and
underdelegating are sabotagingyour executive presence, the
hidden cost of overachievementand the real strategies that
help you command respect,influence decisions and create
(00:48):
sustainable impact.
If you're ready to stopoverworking and start leading on
your teams, then stay with us.
This conversation is going tochallenge everything you've
known about leadership.
Let's dive in.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Welcome to Shedding the Corporate Bitch, the podcast
that transforms today'smanagers into tomorrow's
powerhouse leaders.
Your host, bernadette Boas,executive coach and author,
brings you into a world wherethe corporate grind meets
personal growth and success ineach and every episode.
With more than 25 years incorporate trenches, bernadette's
own journey from beingdismissed as a tyrant boss to
(01:23):
becoming a sought-afterleadership coach and speaker
illustrates the very essence oftransformation that she now
inspires in others.
So if you're ready to shed thebitches of fear and insecurity,
ditch the imposter syndrome andstep into the role of the
powerhouse leader you were bornto be, this podcast is for you.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Let's do this you, let's do this, baina welcome,
welcome, welcome.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
How are you?
I'm doing great.
Thank you so much for allowingme to be here today.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Oh, I am thrilled because I think this whole
conversation about resilienceand presence is critical for
both the men and the women thatare trying and working their
tails off to really make adifference, stand out and to
rise up and be the powerhousesthey're meant to be.
But before we get into all that, I love our listeners and
viewers to get to know a littlebit about our guests personally,
so could you share with us alittle bit about Baina?
Speaker 3 (02:18):
Absolutely.
I live in the Phoenix Arizonaarea.
My husband is a voiceover actor.
We have two kids One juststarted college and one's about
to graduate high school.
So I get to do my executivecoaching, be a psychologist, in
the space of working from homeand supporting the family.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Speaking of what we are going to be talking about
today.
How critical is that?
Because that certainly ensuresthat you are showing up, you do
have a presence, and certainlyresilience plays a huge part
when you're trying to juggle somany things and both men and
women do that when it comes totheir families, their work,
(02:56):
their friends and theircommunity.
So help me understand what ledyou and your company, level 42
Consulting, to really focus inthe space of presence and
resilience.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
I started studying leadership when I was 14.
I went to my first leadershiptraining seminar when I was an
officer in the marching band inhigh school, and so they took
the officers to a leadershiptraining and at that point I was
just fascinated by this ideathat, you know, in this
leadership space you could studyit and you could learn and you
could be better at it.
(03:30):
And so over the years, as I,you know, went through college
and then graduate school in thespace of psychology was really
looking at, you know, how do wetake everything from our
background, our upbringing, ourconditioning of who we're
supposed to be and how we'reexpected to show up, and turn
that into this leadership space.
And really, I mean mydissertation was really looking
(03:52):
at how people manage all thedifferent identities and the
roles that we play and where wecan find that resilience.
And so if you're threatened orchallenged in one area of your
life you have a bad day at workhow does your identity as a
partner, as a friend or as aparent build that resilience so
that your whole self-conceptdoesn't fall apart and crumble?
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Now let me ask you something, because that last
comment you made about what'sgoing on in your personal life
doesn't affect your work.
Personal life doesn't affectyour work.
I don't know about you.
I'm sure you run into a lot ofsituations where a professional,
even executive they do lose itat times in the workplace and
what is going on outside theworkplace is brought in and
(04:38):
affects their leadership.
How do you help them reallylearn what it takes to have
composure and calm and gracewhen it is more than just work
pressure but also personaldynamics?
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Yeah, I think that's a great question and the funny
thing is, like you mentioned,how the personal things impact
the work, and we see it goingboth ways.
We see the work stressesimpacting the work, and we see
it going both ways.
We see the work stressesimpacting the relationships at
home, and so when I'm workingwith my clients, you know
one-on-one.
A lot of things I always comeback to is, well, the way you do
one thing is the way you doeverything.
So if you're struggling tocommunicate in the office, if
(05:17):
you're struggling with howyou're showing up with your team
, chances are you're strugglingwithin your personal
relationships too.
So while we typically start inthis professional sphere of what
is your executive presence,it's more than just confidence.
It's how you show up, how youmake decisions, how you
communicate.
All of those things go intoexecutive presence.
(05:37):
But when you are intentionaland mindful and aware of how
you're showing up in thosespaces, it's going to have
benefits in the other areas ofyour life with your friends,
with your family, thoserelationships as well.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
What do you do to get people out of their head and
out of the hurriedness of thatlong to-do list that they have
in the workplace, especially atthe executive level, to really
sit back and be reflective onwhat is the things that?
What are?
Who are the people?
(06:10):
What are the situations thatare causing them to not be at
their best and not have thatexecutive presence?
Speaker 3 (06:19):
It's interesting because sometimes some clients
come to me when they are clearlyin this space of I'm not
showing up the way I want to,I'm not delivering the way I
want to, and I have otherclients who are very proactive
about it.
Nobody has a favorite client,but one of my favorite clients,
when he first started workingwith me, he came to me and he
said you know, I have thispromotion, I know I'm getting
this promotion coming up.
(06:39):
I want to be the leader I'venever been.
I want to be the leader I'venever been.
I want to be the leader I'venever had, because he recognized
he had had leaders that got thejob done, but he was like I
want to show up in a way that ismuch more attentional, much
more mindful, much more.
I want to know that when I gointo a room I'm not just leading
a meeting because I have thetitleitas, the confidence, of
course, but also the connectionsthat he wanted to have with his
(07:07):
team, the vision and themission that they were all
supporting.
So when I'm working, thoseclients, like I said, some are
coming from the space of I'mdoing all the things I've done
before and they're not hittingthe mark anymore.
So and so, I guess, step backand go okay, great, let's take a
look at.
What are these habits, what arethese patterns, what are these
(07:28):
unconscious things that eithergot them they clearly got you to
this level of success, but wereyou doing them because you
thought they were expected ofyou?
And maybe they were, but maybeyou're in a different
environment now, maybe you're ina different organization, or
maybe those things don't alignwith how you want to lead.
So we're going to do some ofthat work to say how do we
(07:49):
interrupt these habits and whatare we going to replace them
with that is really aligned withyou as a leader and your own
vision for leadership.
Because if you've been in anorganization for a while and you
got promoted, people come intothat space thinking, well, I
need to lead the way all theother leaders lead, and you can
do it for a while.
But if you're missing thatalignment, then it's time to get
(08:11):
that clarity and say what isthe clarity of your leadership,
what are the parts that work foryou and what are the parts that
aren't?
And we're going to dig intothose and go okay, then what are
the habits and behaviors anddecision making that you need to
change, and how do we help youbuild that in, so it's not
something you're doing just bygritting your tea, but that it
becomes natural and aligned withhow you want to lead.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Now a lot of people will throw around the term
executive presence.
I want to gain executivepresence, but they really don't
understand what that reallylooks like, but more so what it
feels like, Because you saidit's not about confidence and
would you also agree it's not aphysical.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
I would say it's not about just confidence and it's
not about just the physical,because I think all of those
play a part.
Of course.
When I'm working with a clientwho's really focused on, if
we're focusing on theirexecutive presence, I always say
executive presence it's not amonolith.
I mean we can saystereotypically, okay, if you
think of an executive and youknow, take a poll and what
people are going to come up with.
(09:17):
But the question is, in yourorganization, in your industry,
I mean you take an executive inSilicon Valley, I mean the tech
bro model, they're going to showup in a hoodie and jeans and
you know that kind of relaxedlook, but I mean not 30 years
ago, that's, you know, fairlyrecent.
But then you look in healthcareor in the legal fields and
(09:41):
people are in suits and it's youknow.
There's these different thingsof what does the executive look
like in your industry but alsowithin the culture of your
organization.
I mean if you're the founder ofthe organization, you have some
more leeway.
But if you're, you know, in alarger corporation or a more
established business, there issome, you know there are some
(10:01):
expectations for theirleadership, but then it's also
you know you can lookprofessional and not look not
always be completely buttoned up, and I know I want to say that
women might have some moreflexibility and professional
looks.
Men, it's often suits or sportcoats or you know those types of
things, but it's reallystepping back and going okay.
(10:23):
So, for the physical side, whatdoes that look like in your
organization?
But then we get into all thosethings that are beyond the
physical.
So, yes, confidence matters.
But it's not just confidence,it's having you know.
If your culture, the culture ofyour organization, is based on
fun, then coming in superserious all the time to figure
(10:51):
out what is the humor, what arethe interactions that align with
the culture of the organizationand how, as a leader, do you
promote those for your team anddo you embody them for your team
.
So it's not a one-size-fits-allwhen it comes to executive
presence at all.
I think one of the best thingswhen I'm working with my clients
and leaders is like we talkedabout that being the leader
you've never had.
But it's not always about beingled the way that you want to be
(11:12):
led.
It's being aware that thepeople in your team, in your
organization, whether it's ayou're having a one-on-one
meeting, whether you're meetingwith your you know C-suite team
or whether you're in front ofyour company with an all hands.
It's about how do the people inyour audience need to be
communicated with so they canactually hear your message.
So, as a leader, it's not justabout well, I mean, I went out
(11:36):
there and I had my bullet pointsand I checked it off and I said
this is the goal.
And everyone smiled and noddedtheir head and a week later
nothing got done.
Maybe you have people in yourorganization that don't need a
checklist.
Maybe they need the visionfirst.
Maybe they need their ownspotlight to know that they are
already recognized and valuedfor what they've already brought
to the team.
(11:56):
Because you know, if you have ateam that's delivering and
they're not getting therecognition, they're not getting
the recognition piece for thework they've already done some
people will start to shut downNot everybody in your team.
But as a leader, it's aboutbeing aware that the way that
(12:16):
you want to be led or want to becommunicated with is typically
not always the way thateverybody in your organization
wants to.
So it's about crafting yourmessages and your communication
and how you're showing up tomeet all of their needs so they
can actually hear where you'retaking them.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
Would you ever recommend to a leader to go and
seek out that type of feedbackfrom their people, to just not
make assumptions in regards toit, but really learn to
understand, if it's not everysingle individual, but what are
the major themes of how theirteam of individuals want to be
communicated to, engaged with?
So go on.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
I do think that's important and I remember, you
know, my own corporate career,when I started leading a team,
when I would have one-on-oneswith them our first one-on-one I
would go in and ask and say, ok, so some people love public
recognition, some people don't.
Some people just want an emailthat says you know, hey, great,
I appreciate you got this to me.
Other people want to be calledout and said, hey, this person's
really shiny, you know.
(13:17):
So that recognition piece canbe very different.
I would always ask you knowwhat is your best thing?
Because I would come in with myown expectations, for you know
how we're going to communicate,and at the same time, I want to
say, well, this is what worksfor me, you know, where?
Where does this feel like areally heavy lift for you?
Because I worked inorganizations where end of day
(13:38):
Friday, everybody's supposed toemail something to the leader of
.
This is what I did this week.
But if you're busy and you'regetting things done, who wants
to stop at the end of the dayand be like and now I'm going to
do a check?
No, you have momentum and youknow I could see that clash for
different people.
So I think, as a leader going inand clearly, if you're leading
(13:59):
an entire organization, you'renot going to ask everybody
individually, but having thosepeople with different
perspectives, once you've askeda handful of people, you'll know
, okay, some people I mean weall know those people that you
work with that they'll come intoyour office and ask about your
weekend and you're like, why areyou interrupting me?
And you go oh, this person'sasking about my weekend and my
family because that matters tothem.
So they need connection.
(14:20):
And now I know, before I go askthis person for deliverable,
I'm going to say well, you knowhow was your kid's soccer game
did?
Did you go to this event withyour friends that I heard about?
Because once that connection ismet, I know that they feel seen
.
And so, recognizing that thereare some people, if you go in
and ask them about their weekendas a leader, they're like I
(14:41):
don't have to share this withyou, that's private, I'm not
bringing that to work.
And you go.
Okay, I don't want to crossthat line either.
Having those conversationsone-on-one gives you an idea of
where people have theirdifferent preferences, so that I
mean, you're not going to beable to tailor every
conversation, but it's about howdo you hit all of those marks
when you're communicating with agroup, but with those people
(15:04):
that you do meet with one-on-oneor in smaller organizations,
the smaller groups you know kindof who needs what to be able to
get to the meat of where you'retrying to lead them.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
And no one ever said leadership is easy, no.
So you better be careful whatyou ask for, when you want, when
you want to.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
What could be the people who really want?
I mean, I think there arepeople who absolutely want to
get into leadership for all theright reasons, and there are
other people who sit back andthey go oh, that person over
there has the fancy office andthey get all the money and
they're not even here all thetime and I'm like do you know
how much they're working whenthey're not here?
They're not here becausethey're meeting with funders or
with donors or with and they'vesacrificed a lot to get.
(15:44):
So yeah, leadership looks greatfrom the outside, and from the
inside it can still be great andit's a lot of work, absolutely
Well.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
More importantly, meeting people's needs humans'
needs is challenging and it'shiring and it's very.
You have to be invested and youhave to want the best for
people, correct.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
Yes, and I think that's one of the biggest things
is you know, when I'm workingwith clients, they may come in
and go.
Oh well, I want to.
I want to take my executivepresence to the next level and I
will always come back and say,absolutely, you know you're here
, you're in this position, youcare about your organization,
you care about you know themission that you're working
towards and you know you have toput on your own mask first.
(16:29):
So where are your boundaries?
You might show up.
I mean, we talk aboutperfectionism all the time, but
perfectionism is just anotherform of self-sabotage.
If you're showing up in thatspace, you're overworking,
you're under-delegating, you'recommunicating that you don't
trust your team, you'remicromanaging and nobody wants
that.
You dial it back and go.
Ok, you have this belief abouta leader shows up and make sure
(16:50):
that everything's perfect.
That's let's disabuse you inthe notion of what leadership is
Right.
And so I think being able toshow up and, yes, absolutely
give your all, but not all all,because you have to keep some
for yourself, for the thingsoutside of work.
We work to live, not live towork.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Love that, it's so true.
Not live to work.
Love that Because it's so true.
It's so true.
But break down, let's get intoperfectionism a bit more,
because you threw out a bunch ofthings that trigger people
Managing and you know.
So let's break that down alittle bit more.
What does a perfectionist looklike as a leader?
Speaker 3 (17:32):
A lot of leaders are perfectionists and a lot of
perfectionists become leadersbecause they like to step into
that space and kind of havecontrol over making sure that
everything's perfect andpolished right, and in small
bursts and small amounts.
Okay, that's great.
But over time, being aperfectionist leader, like I
said, you tend to overworkbecause you don't want anything
(17:54):
out of your control.
Yes, this person might, youmight, delegate some pieces of
the work, but then you're stillgoing to spend the time going
over everything with a finetooth comb.
I mean, I think of, I meanhonestly, the people who stay in
graduate school forever becausethey keep rewriting one chapter
and eventually you have to go.
You're never going to makeeverybody perfectly happy all
(18:14):
the time.
You have to figure out what isthe appropriate.
Success isn't always 100percent.
There are moments in businessand, honestly, in personal life,
where you go solid B plus isgood for now.
This does not have to be A pluswork, and I mean again for my
time working in corporate tech.
You know this phrase of theminimum viable product.
(18:36):
What is our MVP right now thatwe can get out and delivered, so
that then we can get feedbackon it and we can get, you know,
get people's perspective on whatelse is needed and how do we
tweak it.
But if you wait for everythingto be perfect, you're never
going to launch, like I said.
So that leads to that overoverworking and under delegating
.
But if you've hired as a leader, if you've hired a team or
(18:59):
you've inherited a team andyou're developing them, they
have to know that you believe intheir abilities and skills too.
So if you're not giving themanything to prove themselves,
they're not prove themselves,they're not getting the practice
, they're not getting theexperience.
And again, you are sorrythere's you're getting burned
out, right, yeah?
And so it's about how do youlet go of this idea of well, as
(19:21):
the leader, I'm responsible, soeverything has to be perfect
because it all reflects on meand going well, I'm going to
delegate and, yes, if somethinggoes wrong, I'm still
responsible.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
And it may not be my fault, but it's still my job to
fix it.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
So I'm still going to figure out how.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
Yes, and but you also then earlier mentioned how that
breaks down trust, and trust islike the foundation of any
relationship, especially of ateam that you're trying to make
very cohesive.
Yes, what are the damagingeffects of breaking that trust
as a result of one just wantingto hold on to everyone?
(20:15):
Well, I mean.
A lot of it is when that trustis broken of one just wanting to
hold on to everything.
Speaker 3 (20:16):
Well, I mean a lot of it is when that trust is broken
.
People don't want to show upfor you, they don't want to do
the work, and I mean not to takeit out of the workplace.
I always think of this exampleas when my kids were growing up,
you know, as I'm teaching themhow to do things around the
house, it got to the point whereI was kind of you know I'm like
you know it got to the pointwhere I was kind of you know I'm
like you know I need you tojust load the dishwasher.
And finally, my daughter waslike Mom, every time I load the
(20:36):
dishwasher, you come behind meand redo it.
So if I'm already, if I'malready doing it wrong, then why
am I even going to do it at all?
And that was a moment for me togo oh I, in this moment, do I
want it to be perfect the way Iwant the dishwasher loaded, or
(20:57):
do I just want the chore donewhere I don't have to do it?
And I had to give up that needfor, like, it's not the way I
want it done, going oh, I didn'tdo it, it's fine.
And that's another thing inleadership.
As long as it gets done, doesit have to be done your way.
Yes, you have the experience.
You have the background.
You might know the right way todo it, but that's not always
the only way, and, over time,the people that you're hiring
might have different skills.
(21:17):
They might have differenttechnical abilities.
They might know of a platformthat you don't know of.
They may know solutions fromtheir own experience.
Hopefully, you're hiring peoplethat have the experience they
need for the job.
You end up learning from them.
Yes, I mean, I never want to bethe smartest person.
If I'm the smartest person inthe room, I'm in the wrong room.
You're reading my mind.
You're reading my mind.
I always want to be learning.
(21:38):
I always want to be growing,and we do that from the people
that we hire, from the peoplethat we work with, as well.
Let them lead, Let them makemistakes, Let them do the things
you brought them in to do.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
And I mean yes, if you see somebody you know
driving a truck into oncomingtraffic, use their experience
and let them test things out andgo.
Hey, that actually works betterthan the way I used to do it.
Well, you mentioned that youhave children.
I do not, but what I witness,you know, with parents is just
you have to let them fly.
You have to let them fly, youhave to just let them go and
trust, even when they'reclimbing up this huge ladder,
you know to get down a slide andyou're just like sitting there
cringing, you know.
(22:23):
You just have to trust in themand you'll be there to pick up
the pieces.
And that applies exactly to aleader, wouldn't you agree?
Speaker 3 (22:31):
Yeah, and I think that's one of the best things
about leadership is getting tobe that safety net for your team
.
I mean, I always said you know,my job as a leader is to be the
umbrella, so that whatever ishappening with you know board
members or whatever you knowother parts executive, whatever
political, you know officepolitics are coming.
I'm the umbrella sheltering myteam from whatever fallout so
(22:54):
they can do their jobs.
And I'm also the foundation.
I'm the umbrella sheltering myteam from whatever fallout so
they can do their jobs.
And I'm also the foundation.
I'm here to make sure you havethe tools, the training, the
resources, the support that youcan build your own experience
and expertise on.
And this space here is wherewe're going to deliver what our
team's supposed to deliver andyou're going to get to show up
as your best self.
And my goal is to help you grow, to get to whatever your next
level is, and my goal is to helpyou grow to get to.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
whatever your next level is, and beyond what we
talked about, what do you findto be the biggest challenge for
leaders and I'll actually callthem managers to not allow
themselves to be that type ofleader?
Speaker 3 (23:39):
What is holding them back?
I think so much of the timeit's really working towards a
definition of success that's notnecessarily yours.
I think one of the big steps Ido with my clients is like let's
redefine success and maybe yourversion of success ends up
looking pretty much like how itwas when you came in.
But now you know it's yourversion, because so much of the
time you go to school, you getthe degree, you get the job.
So much of the time you knowyou go to school, you get the
degree, you get the job, youstart the family, you get the
promotion, you do all thesethings and you're very
(24:01):
successful On paper.
I mean, you've got the fancyoffice, the fancy car, the big
paycheck, and you know I workwith leaders that go, I can do
all these things and where isthat fulfillment?
Where's that passion I had whenI started?
And I go okay, but this is whatsuccess looks like on paper or
in day-to-day.
But what is your success?
(24:22):
And they go well, I reallywanted to write this book, or I
really want to travel more.
I go okay, cool.
How do we work that in?
And some people know what thething is that they're missing.
But there's all these fears andconcerns of at this level of
success.
I have too many people countingon me.
(24:43):
I can't go do what feelsfulfilling for me, and we're
going to work through that.
And other people don't know.
They don't know what it is,they go.
Something's just not right andwe go.
Well, let's figure out whatsuccess means.
And how do we align this withyour own personal values so that
, as you're, because you loveyour work and you know if you're
good at it and you getrecognized for it that's not
necessarily something you wantto walk away from?
I mean, we, we all love a goodself-esteem, pat, and you don't
have to.
(25:03):
But it's also you don't have tolive by somebody else's rules
all the time.
There are moments you do.
Of course, you know, in someorganizations or in some
industries, there's compliance.
There's yes, you have to checkthose boxes.
But for the area where you havesome leeway, how do we make
sure that your role as a leaderand as a human is aligned with
(25:25):
what you actually want for yourlife?
Speaker 1 (25:27):
And you said earlier about you shouldn't be operating
against someone else'sexpectations.
Right?
It's your definition of success, as you just said.
And what is it that you want toachieve and accomplish?
Speaker 3 (25:41):
I absolutely love that.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
So if you had one takeaway for them to actually
like walk away from here andstart putting something into
action, what would that be?
Speaker 3 (25:59):
I would say definitely redefine success for
yourself.
You know, sit down and thinkthrough and recognize that.
What success looked like whenyou started, what you thought
success was going to be, andwhat success, what you want or
need success to be now.
It's OK if those are different.
You know we, hopefully, we'regrowing and changing over time.
(26:21):
So you know, some core valuesstay the same throughout life
and other values shift throughdifferent periods of life.
So, in this moment, what arethe values that matter the most
to you?
And then how are you able toshow up as a leader to achieve
those goals for yourself?
So, redefining success and stopoverworking.
Recognize that you know youhave people around you, ask for
(26:42):
help, trust the people you'vehired or you brought in in your
organization and delegate.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
And well, and on your second point about overworking,
that's also creating boundaries, like recognize the boundaries
that you have and if you don'thave any, would you say to
define them and live by them.
Why.
Speaker 3 (27:07):
Yeah, it is funny because I have a client when we
start working together, you knowfiguring out when we're going
to meet, and she's like I haveno meeting Thursdays.
Thursdays are days of nomeetings or days for me to work,
so the perfect days for her andI to connect.
And every time we meet I'm like, okay, so we're meeting
Thursday afternoon.
She's like I had two meetingstoday.
I'm like, yeah, like you saidthe boundary, but you didn't you
(27:37):
didn't stick with it, so we'regoing to practice this, the,
because it's also being true toyourself.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
Yes, making sure that if that's the boundary that one
defines, then say no.
Do you get a lot of issues withthose individuals that just
aren't comfortable saying no.
Yes, yes.
Speaker 3 (27:49):
It's hard to say no, because everybody I mean we all
want to be liked to some extentand if you're the person you're
like, I'm the go-to.
People know I'm the problemsolver, and it's great to be a
problem solver, it's great to bethe person that comes in with
the solutions.
But then if everybody's comingto you, the things that matter
to you, you're putting outeverybody else's fires.
So I often give people thisexample of if somebody's asking
(28:15):
you to do something and it'ssomething that you feel is worth
your time, but you don't havethe bandwidth right now, you can
simply say I'm focused on thispriority right now.
Can we revisit this in a week,Rather than saying yes, let me
get right on that for you andputting all your stuff to the
side.
It's about how do you come upwith the ways of saying no that
you're comfortable with, andsometimes it's a flat out.
(28:36):
I think that's a great projectfor you to work on.
Or I think that's a greatproject why you bring somebody
else from this team in tocollaborate.
It doesn't always have to beyou, but finding the ways that
no feels aligned with how youagain, how you want to show up
and lead.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
Right Even to your own boss, not just the peers.
Speaker 3 (28:57):
No managing up is a good skill.
I mean it's a very good skillbecause I mean, we've all seen
those bosses A lot of times.
Very visionary people get intoleadership roles and they don't
always understand the details ofwhat it takes to make their
vision work and make theirvision work.
So, as one of those detailproblem solver people, if your
boss is coming to you with thisand then I need this and it
(29:17):
feels like they're chasing thesesquirrels, eventually one of
the skills is coming in andsaying wait, this is a list of
things I'm working on which arewe taking off?
For me to add the new thing on.
Speaker 1 (29:27):
Love that.
Well, you gave us a lot of keytakeaways and they could just
pick one, even to just getstarted right, maybe steps.
Speaker 3 (29:37):
Every baby step is still a step in the right
direction.
If you try to eat the wholeelephant at once, it's not going
to go well.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
Thank you so much for your time.
Thank you very much, but whileyou're here, I do want to remind
everyone please go tolevel42consultingcom and learn
all about Baina and the workthat she does.
Follow her on LinkedIn veryeasy, baina Parker and also on
Instagram it's atlevel42consulting.
(30:03):
But thank you so much, Iappreciate it.
Thank you very much, brenda.
What a powerhouse conversationwith Baina Parker of Level 42
Consulting house.
Conversation with Baina Parkerof Level 42 Consulting.
What I'm taking away from theconversation is just how a
leader needs to really be theleader their people need not the
leader that they want leadingthem, but actually, what is it
(30:28):
that your people need and wantin order to work at their best?
And her other point was if youdon't know, that's okay.
Go and seek that feedback, andif it's not from every single
person on your team, if you havea large one, start asking and
you'll pick up themes that willaddress what it is that your
overall team needs from you, andthen that way you can ensure
(30:51):
that you're adapting your styleand approach to really meet them
where they are.
The other thing that she talkedabout is the fact that feedback
and recognition isn't the samefor every one of your team
members process, that you'rereally learning about what each
(31:13):
individual needs when it comesto recognition, when it comes to
the feedback that they wantregarding their performance,
regarding their opportunities,their career path, so forth and
so on.
I just love this conversationbecause it was simple but very
powerful, and I hope you feelthe same Now.
(31:34):
If you enjoyed this topic.
We have so many more and wehave many more coming in the
future, so be sure to befollowing the show.
You can go toballoffirecoachingcom forward
slash podcast and follow usthere.
Follow us on our Shedding theCorporate Bitch YouTube channel,
as well as on Apple, spotify oranywhere you get your streaming
(31:56):
.
Thank you for being here thisweek and I'll look forward to
seeing you right back here foranother episode.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
Bye.
Thank you for tuning intotoday's episode of Shedding the
Corporate Bitch.
Every journey taken together isanother step towards unleashing
the powerhouse leader withinyou.
Don't miss any of our weeklyepisodes.
Subscribe to our podcast onApple Podcasts, spotify or
wherever you love to listen.
And, for those who thrive onvisual content, catch us on our
Shedding the Bitch YouTubechannel.
(32:23):
Want to dive deeper withBernadette on becoming a
powerhouse leader?
Visit balloffirecoachingcom tolearn more about how she helps
professionals, hr executives andteam leaders elevate overall
team performance.
You've been listening toShedding the Corporate Bitch
with Bernadette Boas.
Until next time, keep shedding,keep growing and keep leading.
What if the very habits that got you to the top
hard work, overachievement,perfectionism are the same ones
that are holding you back fromreally becoming the powerhouse
leader you're meant to be?
Today, we're redefiningleadership with our guest, dr
Baina Parker of Level 42Consulting, an elite executive
coach and social psychologistwho helps high-achieving
(00:25):
professionals break free fromburnout, master executive
presence and lead withresilience.
In this episode, we're divinginto why overperforming and
underdelegating are sabotagingyour executive presence, the
hidden cost of overachievementand the real strategies that
help you command respect,influence decisions and create
(00:48):
sustainable impact.
If you're ready to stopoverworking and start leading on
your teams, then stay with us.
This conversation is going tochallenge everything you've
known about leadership.
Let's dive in.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Welcome to Shedding the Corporate Bitch, the podcast
that transforms today'smanagers into tomorrow's
powerhouse leaders.
Your host, bernadette Boas,executive coach and author,
brings you into a world wherethe corporate grind meets
personal growth and success ineach and every episode.
With more than 25 years incorporate trenches, bernadette's
own journey from beingdismissed as a tyrant boss to
(01:23):
becoming a sought-afterleadership coach and speaker
illustrates the very essence oftransformation that she now
inspires in others.
So if you're ready to shed thebitches of fear and insecurity,
ditch the imposter syndrome andstep into the role of the
powerhouse leader you were bornto be, this podcast is for you.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Let's do this you, let's do this, baina welcome,
welcome, welcome.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
How are you?
I'm doing great.
Thank you so much for allowingme to be here today.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Oh, I am thrilled because I think this whole
conversation about resilienceand presence is critical for
both the men and the women thatare trying and working their
tails off to really make adifference, stand out and to
rise up and be the powerhousesthey're meant to be.
But before we get into all that, I love our listeners and
viewers to get to know a littlebit about our guests personally,
so could you share with us alittle bit about Baina?
Speaker 3 (02:18):
Absolutely.
I live in the Phoenix Arizonaarea.
My husband is a voiceover actor.
We have two kids One juststarted college and one's about
to graduate high school.
So I get to do my executivecoaching, be a psychologist, in
the space of working from homeand supporting the family.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Speaking of what we are going to be talking about
today.
How critical is that?
Because that certainly ensuresthat you are showing up, you do
have a presence, and certainlyresilience plays a huge part
when you're trying to juggle somany things and both men and
women do that when it comes totheir families, their work,
(02:56):
their friends and theircommunity.
So help me understand what ledyou and your company, level 42
Consulting, to really focus inthe space of presence and
resilience.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
I started studying leadership when I was 14.
I went to my first leadershiptraining seminar when I was an
officer in the marching band inhigh school, and so they took
the officers to a leadershiptraining and at that point I was
just fascinated by this ideathat, you know, in this
leadership space you could studyit and you could learn and you
could be better at it.
(03:30):
And so over the years, as I,you know, went through college
and then graduate school in thespace of psychology was really
looking at, you know, how do wetake everything from our
background, our upbringing, ourconditioning of who we're
supposed to be and how we'reexpected to show up, and turn
that into this leadership space.
And really, I mean mydissertation was really looking
(03:52):
at how people manage all thedifferent identities and the
roles that we play and where wecan find that resilience.
And so if you're threatened orchallenged in one area of your
life you have a bad day at workhow does your identity as a
partner, as a friend or as aparent build that resilience so
that your whole self-conceptdoesn't fall apart and crumble?
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Now let me ask you something, because that last
comment you made about what'sgoing on in your personal life
doesn't affect your work.
Personal life doesn't affectyour work.
I don't know about you.
I'm sure you run into a lot ofsituations where a professional,
even executive they do lose itat times in the workplace and
what is going on outside theworkplace is brought in and
(04:38):
affects their leadership.
How do you help them reallylearn what it takes to have
composure and calm and gracewhen it is more than just work
pressure but also personaldynamics?
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Yeah, I think that's a great question and the funny
thing is, like you mentioned,how the personal things impact
the work, and we see it goingboth ways.
We see the work stressesimpacting the work, and we see
it going both ways.
We see the work stressesimpacting the relationships at
home, and so when I'm workingwith my clients, you know
one-on-one.
A lot of things I always comeback to is, well, the way you do
one thing is the way you doeverything.
So if you're struggling tocommunicate in the office, if
(05:17):
you're struggling with howyou're showing up with your team
, chances are you're strugglingwithin your personal
relationships too.
So while we typically start inthis professional sphere of what
is your executive presence,it's more than just confidence.
It's how you show up, how youmake decisions, how you
communicate.
All of those things go intoexecutive presence.
(05:37):
But when you are intentionaland mindful and aware of how
you're showing up in thosespaces, it's going to have
benefits in the other areas ofyour life with your friends,
with your family, thoserelationships as well.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
What do you do to get people out of their head and
out of the hurriedness of thatlong to-do list that they have
in the workplace, especially atthe executive level, to really
sit back and be reflective onwhat is the things that?
What are?
Who are the people?
(06:10):
What are the situations thatare causing them to not be at
their best and not have thatexecutive presence?
Speaker 3 (06:19):
It's interesting because sometimes some clients
come to me when they are clearlyin this space of I'm not
showing up the way I want to,I'm not delivering the way I
want to, and I have otherclients who are very proactive
about it.
Nobody has a favorite client,but one of my favorite clients,
when he first started workingwith me, he came to me and he
said you know, I have thispromotion, I know I'm getting
this promotion coming up.
(06:39):
I want to be the leader I'venever been.
I want to be the leader I'venever been.
I want to be the leader I'venever had, because he recognized
he had had leaders that got thejob done, but he was like I
want to show up in a way that ismuch more attentional, much
more mindful, much more.
I want to know that when I gointo a room I'm not just leading
a meeting because I have thetitleitas, the confidence, of
course, but also the connectionsthat he wanted to have with his
(07:07):
team, the vision and themission that they were all
supporting.
So when I'm working, thoseclients, like I said, some are
coming from the space of I'mdoing all the things I've done
before and they're not hittingthe mark anymore.
So and so, I guess, step backand go okay, great, let's take a
look at.
What are these habits, what arethese patterns, what are these
(07:28):
unconscious things that eithergot them they clearly got you to
this level of success, but wereyou doing them because you
thought they were expected ofyou?
And maybe they were, but maybeyou're in a different
environment now, maybe you're ina different organization, or
maybe those things don't alignwith how you want to lead.
So we're going to do some ofthat work to say how do we
(07:49):
interrupt these habits and whatare we going to replace them
with that is really aligned withyou as a leader and your own
vision for leadership.
Because if you've been in anorganization for a while and you
got promoted, people come intothat space thinking, well, I
need to lead the way all theother leaders lead, and you can
do it for a while.
But if you're missing thatalignment, then it's time to get
(08:11):
that clarity and say what isthe clarity of your leadership,
what are the parts that work foryou and what are the parts that
aren't?
And we're going to dig intothose and go okay, then what are
the habits and behaviors anddecision making that you need to
change, and how do we help youbuild that in, so it's not
something you're doing just bygritting your tea, but that it
becomes natural and aligned withhow you want to lead.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Now a lot of people will throw around the term
executive presence.
I want to gain executivepresence, but they really don't
understand what that reallylooks like, but more so what it
feels like, Because you saidit's not about confidence and
would you also agree it's not aphysical.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
I would say it's not about just confidence and it's
not about just the physical,because I think all of those
play a part.
Of course.
When I'm working with a clientwho's really focused on, if
we're focusing on theirexecutive presence, I always say
executive presence it's not amonolith.
I mean we can saystereotypically, okay, if you
think of an executive and youknow, take a poll and what
people are going to come up with.
(09:17):
But the question is, in yourorganization, in your industry,
I mean you take an executive inSilicon Valley, I mean the tech
bro model, they're going to showup in a hoodie and jeans and
you know that kind of relaxedlook, but I mean not 30 years
ago, that's, you know, fairlyrecent.
But then you look in healthcareor in the legal fields and
(09:41):
people are in suits and it's youknow.
There's these different thingsof what does the executive look
like in your industry but alsowithin the culture of your
organization.
I mean if you're the founder ofthe organization, you have some
more leeway.
But if you're, you know, in alarger corporation or a more
established business, there issome, you know there are some
(10:01):
expectations for theirleadership, but then it's also
you know you can lookprofessional and not look not
always be completely buttoned up, and I know I want to say that
women might have some moreflexibility and professional
looks.
Men, it's often suits or sportcoats or you know those types of
things, but it's reallystepping back and going okay.
(10:23):
So, for the physical side, whatdoes that look like in your
organization?
But then we get into all thosethings that are beyond the
physical.
So, yes, confidence matters.
But it's not just confidence,it's having you know.
If your culture, the culture ofyour organization, is based on
fun, then coming in superserious all the time to figure
(10:51):
out what is the humor, what arethe interactions that align with
the culture of the organizationand how, as a leader, do you
promote those for your team anddo you embody them for your team
.
So it's not a one-size-fits-allwhen it comes to executive
presence at all.
I think one of the best thingswhen I'm working with my clients
and leaders is like we talkedabout that being the leader
you've never had.
But it's not always about beingled the way that you want to be
(11:12):
led.
It's being aware that thepeople in your team, in your
organization, whether it's ayou're having a one-on-one
meeting, whether you're meetingwith your you know C-suite team
or whether you're in front ofyour company with an all hands.
It's about how do the people inyour audience need to be
communicated with so they canactually hear your message.
So, as a leader, it's not justabout well, I mean, I went out
(11:36):
there and I had my bullet pointsand I checked it off and I said
this is the goal.
And everyone smiled and noddedtheir head and a week later
nothing got done.
Maybe you have people in yourorganization that don't need a
checklist.
Maybe they need the visionfirst.
Maybe they need their ownspotlight to know that they are
already recognized and valuedfor what they've already brought
to the team.
(11:56):
Because you know, if you have ateam that's delivering and
they're not getting therecognition, they're not getting
the recognition piece for thework they've already done some
people will start to shut downNot everybody in your team.
But as a leader, it's aboutbeing aware that the way that
(12:16):
you want to be led or want to becommunicated with is typically
not always the way thateverybody in your organization
wants to.
So it's about crafting yourmessages and your communication
and how you're showing up tomeet all of their needs so they
can actually hear where you'retaking them.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
Would you ever recommend to a leader to go and
seek out that type of feedbackfrom their people, to just not
make assumptions in regards toit, but really learn to
understand, if it's not everysingle individual, but what are
the major themes of how theirteam of individuals want to be
communicated to, engaged with?
So go on.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
I do think that's important and I remember, you
know, my own corporate career,when I started leading a team,
when I would have one-on-oneswith them our first one-on-one I
would go in and ask and say, ok, so some people love public
recognition, some people don't.
Some people just want an emailthat says you know, hey, great,
I appreciate you got this to me.
Other people want to be calledout and said, hey, this person's
really shiny, you know.
(13:17):
So that recognition piece canbe very different.
I would always ask you knowwhat is your best thing?
Because I would come in with myown expectations, for you know
how we're going to communicate,and at the same time, I want to
say, well, this is what worksfor me, you know, where?
Where does this feel like areally heavy lift for you?
Because I worked inorganizations where end of day
(13:38):
Friday, everybody's supposed toemail something to the leader of
.
This is what I did this week.
But if you're busy and you'regetting things done, who wants
to stop at the end of the dayand be like and now I'm going to
do a check?
No, you have momentum and youknow I could see that clash for
different people.
So I think, as a leader going inand clearly, if you're leading
(13:59):
an entire organization, you'renot going to ask everybody
individually, but having thosepeople with different
perspectives, once you've askeda handful of people, you'll know
, okay, some people I mean weall know those people that you
work with that they'll come intoyour office and ask about your
weekend and you're like, why areyou interrupting me?
And you go oh, this person'sasking about my weekend and my
family because that matters tothem.
So they need connection.
(14:20):
And now I know, before I go askthis person for deliverable,
I'm going to say well, you knowhow was your kid's soccer game
did?
Did you go to this event withyour friends that I heard about?
Because once that connection ismet, I know that they feel seen
.
And so, recognizing that thereare some people, if you go in
and ask them about their weekendas a leader, they're like I
(14:41):
don't have to share this withyou, that's private, I'm not
bringing that to work.
And you go.
Okay, I don't want to crossthat line either.
Having those conversationsone-on-one gives you an idea of
where people have theirdifferent preferences, so that I
mean, you're not going to beable to tailor every
conversation, but it's about howdo you hit all of those marks
when you're communicating with agroup, but with those people
(15:04):
that you do meet with one-on-oneor in smaller organizations,
the smaller groups you know kindof who needs what to be able to
get to the meat of where you'retrying to lead them.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
And no one ever said leadership is easy, no.
So you better be careful whatyou ask for, when you want, when
you want to.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
What could be the people who really want?
I mean, I think there arepeople who absolutely want to
get into leadership for all theright reasons, and there are
other people who sit back andthey go oh, that person over
there has the fancy office andthey get all the money and
they're not even here all thetime and I'm like do you know
how much they're working whenthey're not here?
They're not here becausethey're meeting with funders or
with donors or with and they'vesacrificed a lot to get.
(15:44):
So yeah, leadership looks greatfrom the outside, and from the
inside it can still be great andit's a lot of work, absolutely
Well.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
More importantly, meeting people's needs humans'
needs is challenging and it'shiring and it's very.
You have to be invested and youhave to want the best for
people, correct.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
Yes, and I think that's one of the biggest things
is you know, when I'm workingwith clients, they may come in
and go.
Oh well, I want to.
I want to take my executivepresence to the next level and I
will always come back and say,absolutely, you know you're here
, you're in this position, youcare about your organization,
you care about you know themission that you're working
towards and you know you have toput on your own mask first.
(16:29):
So where are your boundaries?
You might show up.
I mean, we talk aboutperfectionism all the time, but
perfectionism is just anotherform of self-sabotage.
If you're showing up in thatspace, you're overworking,
you're under-delegating, you'recommunicating that you don't
trust your team, you'remicromanaging and nobody wants
that.
You dial it back and go.
Ok, you have this belief abouta leader shows up and make sure
(16:50):
that everything's perfect.
That's let's disabuse you inthe notion of what leadership is
Right.
And so I think being able toshow up and, yes, absolutely
give your all, but not all all,because you have to keep some
for yourself, for the thingsoutside of work.
We work to live, not live towork.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Love that, it's so true.
Not live to work.
Love that Because it's so true.
It's so true.
But break down, let's get intoperfectionism a bit more,
because you threw out a bunch ofthings that trigger people
Managing and you know.
So let's break that down alittle bit more.
What does a perfectionist looklike as a leader?
Speaker 3 (17:32):
A lot of leaders are perfectionists and a lot of
perfectionists become leadersbecause they like to step into
that space and kind of havecontrol over making sure that
everything's perfect andpolished right, and in small
bursts and small amounts.
Okay, that's great.
But over time, being aperfectionist leader, like I
said, you tend to overworkbecause you don't want anything
(17:54):
out of your control.
Yes, this person might, youmight, delegate some pieces of
the work, but then you're stillgoing to spend the time going
over everything with a finetooth comb.
I mean, I think of, I meanhonestly, the people who stay in
graduate school forever becausethey keep rewriting one chapter
and eventually you have to go.
You're never going to makeeverybody perfectly happy all
(18:14):
the time.
You have to figure out what isthe appropriate.
Success isn't always 100percent.
There are moments in businessand, honestly, in personal life,
where you go solid B plus isgood for now.
This does not have to be A pluswork, and I mean again for my
time working in corporate tech.
You know this phrase of theminimum viable product.
(18:36):
What is our MVP right now thatwe can get out and delivered, so
that then we can get feedbackon it and we can get, you know,
get people's perspective on whatelse is needed and how do we
tweak it.
But if you wait for everythingto be perfect, you're never
going to launch, like I said.
So that leads to that overoverworking and under delegating
.
But if you've hired as a leader, if you've hired a team or
(18:59):
you've inherited a team andyou're developing them, they
have to know that you believe intheir abilities and skills too.
So if you're not giving themanything to prove themselves,
they're not prove themselves,they're not getting the practice
, they're not getting theexperience.
And again, you are sorrythere's you're getting burned
out, right, yeah?
And so it's about how do youlet go of this idea of well, as
(19:21):
the leader, I'm responsible, soeverything has to be perfect
because it all reflects on meand going well, I'm going to
delegate and, yes, if somethinggoes wrong, I'm still
responsible.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
And it may not be my fault, but it's still my job to
fix it.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
So I'm still going to figure out how.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
Yes, and but you also then earlier mentioned how that
breaks down trust, and trust islike the foundation of any
relationship, especially of ateam that you're trying to make
very cohesive.
Yes, what are the damagingeffects of breaking that trust
as a result of one just wantingto hold on to everyone?
(20:15):
Well, I mean.
A lot of it is when that trustis broken of one just wanting to
hold on to everything.
Speaker 3 (20:16):
Well, I mean a lot of it is when that trust is broken
.
People don't want to show upfor you, they don't want to do
the work, and I mean not to takeit out of the workplace.
I always think of this exampleas when my kids were growing up,
you know, as I'm teaching themhow to do things around the
house, it got to the point whereI was kind of you know I'm like
you know it got to the pointwhere I was kind of you know I'm
like you know I need you tojust load the dishwasher.
And finally, my daughter waslike Mom, every time I load the
(20:36):
dishwasher, you come behind meand redo it.
So if I'm already, if I'malready doing it wrong, then why
am I even going to do it at all?
And that was a moment for me togo oh I, in this moment, do I
want it to be perfect the way Iwant the dishwasher loaded, or
(20:57):
do I just want the chore donewhere I don't have to do it?
And I had to give up that needfor, like, it's not the way I
want it done, going oh, I didn'tdo it, it's fine.
And that's another thing inleadership.
As long as it gets done, doesit have to be done your way.
Yes, you have the experience.
You have the background.
You might know the right way todo it, but that's not always
the only way, and, over time,the people that you're hiring
might have different skills.
(21:17):
They might have differenttechnical abilities.
They might know of a platformthat you don't know of.
They may know solutions fromtheir own experience.
Hopefully, you're hiring peoplethat have the experience they
need for the job.
You end up learning from them.
Yes, I mean, I never want to bethe smartest person.
If I'm the smartest person inthe room, I'm in the wrong room.
You're reading my mind.
You're reading my mind.
I always want to be learning.
(21:38):
I always want to be growing,and we do that from the people
that we hire, from the peoplethat we work with, as well.
Let them lead, Let them makemistakes, Let them do the things
you brought them in to do.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
And I mean yes, if you see somebody you know
driving a truck into oncomingtraffic, use their experience
and let them test things out andgo.
Hey, that actually works betterthan the way I used to do it.
Well, you mentioned that youhave children.
I do not, but what I witness,you know, with parents is just
you have to let them fly.
You have to let them fly, youhave to just let them go and
trust, even when they'reclimbing up this huge ladder,
you know to get down a slide andyou're just like sitting there
cringing, you know.
(22:23):
You just have to trust in themand you'll be there to pick up
the pieces.
And that applies exactly to aleader, wouldn't you agree?
Speaker 3 (22:31):
Yeah, and I think that's one of the best things
about leadership is getting tobe that safety net for your team
.
I mean, I always said you know,my job as a leader is to be the
umbrella, so that whatever ishappening with you know board
members or whatever you knowother parts executive, whatever
political, you know officepolitics are coming.
I'm the umbrella sheltering myteam from whatever fallout so
(22:54):
they can do their jobs.
And I'm also the foundation.
I'm the umbrella sheltering myteam from whatever fallout so
they can do their jobs.
And I'm also the foundation.
I'm here to make sure you havethe tools, the training, the
resources, the support that youcan build your own experience
and expertise on.
And this space here is wherewe're going to deliver what our
team's supposed to deliver andyou're going to get to show up
as your best self.
And my goal is to help you grow, to get to whatever your next
level is, and my goal is to helpyou grow to get to.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
whatever your next level is, and beyond what we
talked about, what do you findto be the biggest challenge for
leaders and I'll actually callthem managers to not allow
themselves to be that type ofleader?
Speaker 3 (23:39):
What is holding them back?
I think so much of the timeit's really working towards a
definition of success that's notnecessarily yours.
I think one of the big steps Ido with my clients is like let's
redefine success and maybe yourversion of success ends up
looking pretty much like how itwas when you came in.
But now you know it's yourversion, because so much of the
time you go to school, you getthe degree, you get the job.
So much of the time you knowyou go to school, you get the
degree, you get the job, youstart the family, you get the
promotion, you do all thesethings and you're very
(24:01):
successful On paper.
I mean, you've got the fancyoffice, the fancy car, the big
paycheck, and you know I workwith leaders that go, I can do
all these things and where isthat fulfillment?
Where's that passion I had whenI started?
And I go okay, but this is whatsuccess looks like on paper or
in day-to-day.
But what is your success?
(24:22):
And they go well, I reallywanted to write this book, or I
really want to travel more.
I go okay, cool.
How do we work that in?
And some people know what thething is that they're missing.
But there's all these fears andconcerns of at this level of
success.
I have too many people countingon me.
(24:43):
I can't go do what feelsfulfilling for me, and we're
going to work through that.
And other people don't know.
They don't know what it is,they go.
Something's just not right andwe go.
Well, let's figure out whatsuccess means.
And how do we align this withyour own personal values so that
, as you're, because you loveyour work and you know if you're
good at it and you getrecognized for it that's not
necessarily something you wantto walk away from?
I mean, we, we all love a goodself-esteem, pat, and you don't
have to.
(25:03):
But it's also you don't have tolive by somebody else's rules
all the time.
There are moments you do.
Of course, you know, in someorganizations or in some
industries, there's compliance.
There's yes, you have to checkthose boxes.
But for the area where you havesome leeway, how do we make
sure that your role as a leaderand as a human is aligned with
(25:25):
what you actually want for yourlife?
Speaker 1 (25:27):
And you said earlier about you shouldn't be operating
against someone else'sexpectations.
Right?
It's your definition of success, as you just said.
And what is it that you want toachieve and accomplish?
Speaker 3 (25:41):
I absolutely love that.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
So if you had one takeaway for them to actually
like walk away from here andstart putting something into
action, what would that be?
Speaker 3 (25:59):
I would say definitely redefine success for
yourself.
You know, sit down and thinkthrough and recognize that.
What success looked like whenyou started, what you thought
success was going to be, andwhat success, what you want or
need success to be now.
It's OK if those are different.
You know we, hopefully, we'regrowing and changing over time.
(26:21):
So you know, some core valuesstay the same throughout life
and other values shift throughdifferent periods of life.
So, in this moment, what arethe values that matter the most
to you?
And then how are you able toshow up as a leader to achieve
those goals for yourself?
So, redefining success and stopoverworking.
Recognize that you know youhave people around you, ask for
(26:42):
help, trust the people you'vehired or you brought in in your
organization and delegate.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
And well, and on your second point about overworking,
that's also creating boundaries, like recognize the boundaries
that you have and if you don'thave any, would you say to
define them and live by them.
Why.
Speaker 3 (27:07):
Yeah, it is funny because I have a client when we
start working together, you knowfiguring out when we're going
to meet, and she's like I haveno meeting Thursdays.
Thursdays are days of nomeetings or days for me to work,
so the perfect days for her andI to connect.
And every time we meet I'm like, okay, so we're meeting
Thursday afternoon.
She's like I had two meetingstoday.
I'm like, yeah, like you saidthe boundary, but you didn't you
(27:37):
didn't stick with it, so we'regoing to practice this, the,
because it's also being true toyourself.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
Yes, making sure that if that's the boundary that one
defines, then say no.
Do you get a lot of issues withthose individuals that just
aren't comfortable saying no.
Yes, yes.
Speaker 3 (27:49):
It's hard to say no, because everybody I mean we all
want to be liked to some extentand if you're the person you're
like, I'm the go-to.
People know I'm the problemsolver, and it's great to be a
problem solver, it's great to bethe person that comes in with
the solutions.
But then if everybody's comingto you, the things that matter
to you, you're putting outeverybody else's fires.
So I often give people thisexample of if somebody's asking
(28:15):
you to do something and it'ssomething that you feel is worth
your time, but you don't havethe bandwidth right now, you can
simply say I'm focused on thispriority right now.
Can we revisit this in a week,Rather than saying yes, let me
get right on that for you andputting all your stuff to the
side.
It's about how do you come upwith the ways of saying no that
you're comfortable with, andsometimes it's a flat out.
(28:36):
I think that's a great projectfor you to work on.
Or I think that's a greatproject why you bring somebody
else from this team in tocollaborate.
It doesn't always have to beyou, but finding the ways that
no feels aligned with how youagain, how you want to show up
and lead.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
Right Even to your own boss, not just the peers.
Speaker 3 (28:57):
No managing up is a good skill.
I mean it's a very good skillbecause I mean, we've all seen
those bosses A lot of times.
Very visionary people get intoleadership roles and they don't
always understand the details ofwhat it takes to make their
vision work and make theirvision work.
So, as one of those detailproblem solver people, if your
boss is coming to you with thisand then I need this and it
(29:17):
feels like they're chasing thesesquirrels, eventually one of
the skills is coming in andsaying wait, this is a list of
things I'm working on which arewe taking off?
For me to add the new thing on.
Speaker 1 (29:27):
Love that.
Well, you gave us a lot of keytakeaways and they could just
pick one, even to just getstarted right, maybe steps.
Speaker 3 (29:37):
Every baby step is still a step in the right
direction.
If you try to eat the wholeelephant at once, it's not going
to go well.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
Thank you so much for your time.
Thank you very much, but whileyou're here, I do want to remind
everyone please go tolevel42consultingcom and learn
all about Baina and the workthat she does.
Follow her on LinkedIn veryeasy, baina Parker and also on
Instagram it's atlevel42consulting.
(30:03):
But thank you so much, Iappreciate it.
Thank you very much, brenda.
What a powerhouse conversationwith Baina Parker of Level 42
Consulting house.
Conversation with Baina Parkerof Level 42 Consulting.
What I'm taking away from theconversation is just how a
leader needs to really be theleader their people need not the
leader that they want leadingthem, but actually, what is it
(30:28):
that your people need and wantin order to work at their best?
And her other point was if youdon't know, that's okay.
Go and seek that feedback, andif it's not from every single
person on your team, if you havea large one, start asking and
you'll pick up themes that willaddress what it is that your
overall team needs from you, andthen that way you can ensure
(30:51):
that you're adapting your styleand approach to really meet them
where they are.
The other thing that she talkedabout is the fact that feedback
and recognition isn't the samefor every one of your team
members process, that you'rereally learning about what each
(31:13):
individual needs when it comesto recognition, when it comes to
the feedback that they wantregarding their performance,
regarding their opportunities,their career path, so forth and
so on.
I just love this conversationbecause it was simple but very
powerful, and I hope you feelthe same Now.
(31:34):
If you enjoyed this topic.
We have so many more and wehave many more coming in the
future, so be sure to befollowing the show.
You can go toballoffirecoachingcom forward
slash podcast and follow usthere.
Follow us on our Shedding theCorporate Bitch YouTube channel,
as well as on Apple, spotify oranywhere you get your streaming
(31:56):
.
Thank you for being here thisweek and I'll look forward to
seeing you right back here foranother episode.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
Bye.
Thank you for tuning intotoday's episode of Shedding the
Corporate Bitch.
Every journey taken together isanother step towards unleashing
the powerhouse leader withinyou.
Don't miss any of our weeklyepisodes.
Subscribe to our podcast onApple Podcasts, spotify or
wherever you love to listen.
And, for those who thrive onvisual content, catch us on our
Shedding the Bitch YouTubechannel.
(32:23):
Want to dive deeper withBernadette on becoming a
powerhouse leader?
Visit balloffirecoachingcom tolearn more about how she helps
professionals, hr executives andteam leaders elevate overall
team performance.
You've been listening toShedding the Corporate Bitch
with Bernadette Boas.
Until next time, keep shedding,keep growing and keep leading.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Ridiculous History
History is beautiful, brutal and, often, ridiculous. Join Ben Bowlin and Noel Brown as they dive into some of the weirdest stories from across the span of human civilization in Ridiculous History, a podcast by iHeartRadio.