September 20, 2025 • 117 mins
Its DJ's Bday so lets watch a Christian movie and laugh our asses off.
(This version has audio of the movie. We have another version with no movie audio) Watch the movie here: https://youtu.be/ncu9E9W0Q5E?si=6fD3O3BSvR3VbbEP
Princess Cut 2: Hearts on Fire | 2021 Robert and Lauren Anderson are finally pregnant after years of trying to start a family, but Lauren is concerned that she won't be able to maintain her boutique business and be a good mother. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt7988412/
Want More or Less? Click Here: Simplistic.Reviews/links
Site: www.Simplistic.Reviews Podcasts: https://simplistic.media/podcasts Spotify: https://goo.gl/pcBg5V Twitter: https://twitter.com/simpletweeters Facebook: http://facebook.com/SimplisticReviews Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/simplygramming iTunes: https://goo.gl/orhsR4
#movie #Commentary #GoodBadMovies #god #Podcast #christian #jesus #funnymovies
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:04):
I can't believe it. Is it gonna be a little boy or girl? A little
boy would be awesome. But I'm really hoping it's a little girl.
You know, it's all we wanted for four years. But now that it's
here. I don't know. You gotta be a great mom.
(00:24):
I just started working contract for his firm. Wait, this is
your boss's place? Like we said, I manage the farm for mom for
a few more seasons. I take my night classes, get my electronics degree.
Robert, he has all these plans, but I can't see him letting
any of this go. I want to move forward with the Charlotte expansion.
Within six months it could be self sustaining. It's now or
(00:46):
never. Will it ever get easier?
The farm? Probably not.
I'm pregnant. I'm not coming back
to the farm after graduation. What? I sit here and
I listen to all the argument and the doubt and the stress that this place
puts on our lives. We're trying to figure out where it came from.
(01:10):
It just came out of nowhere I.
Don'T belong here I don't fit in I don't see here no, I don't.
Take care of it.
(01:30):
No more pain Courage
Feel it deep down in your. Bones.
As long as we follow after Jesus Christ we
will find a way. Through Just don't give up Even
(01:51):
if no one understands don't give up.
Hey kids. Welcome to Simplicity. Reviews Audio commentary of a
movie that I have no idea. It's because it's a mystery movie.
But you know, it's probably a good one or
(02:14):
a bad one.
Truer words have never been spoken. Justin has decided to.
Justin Blizzard. He decided to surprise me with a film. I don't know what
this is. Yeah, well, today, you know, usually in September
we do sequels. September, Right, Right. And maybe we'll just do that
(02:34):
for Christmas. Who gives a fuck? So it is DJs birthday
month. Just like October is Matt's and November is mine.
Yep. And I do know of a movie that DJ
likes a lot. He likes some. And I know Matt
definitely does not like it. So since
(02:55):
it's DJ and I today I gave DJ a
choice between two movies. And I was happy he picked this one because really
other movie I think would be perfect with Matt and
that movie. I'll talk about that movie real quick.
Right. What was it? What was it called?
(03:15):
Do you remember what it was called? I didn't look. I. I do this cold.
But I remember your description of the movies were. Okay, here's one
that I was told is the worst Movie ever made. I was like,
yeah, the last time we did the worst movie ever made was Beware
Children at Play. I did not want to do that again. This might be as
bad as that. I don't know. I don't ever want that. But mystery
(03:38):
movie number one, which is called Hearts of Hearts on
Fire, which is. That's what it's watching today, is the.
Sequel to Princess Cut,
which is a Christian movie. We watched get my cross out,
homie. Get my cross. I know you enjoyed other
(03:59):
movie, which I might understanding is a lot of the cast comes back
for this one, but it's kind of a different story. What else are they doing
now? I don't know if this is the one where the
tornado happens. I think It's Princess Cut 3. There's a third movie
where our tornado touches down. This is like Angel Studios
(04:19):
or some. Yes. And so this movie could be terrible or
it could be just as funny as the first movie. Oh, the first one was
great. Other movie is also a Christian film.
What and who? It's only done one.
Yes, I know. We haven't done any of these. And I
don't know if this guy will ever get to make another movie ever again.
(04:40):
It is now considered one of the worst movies of all time. Time. It is
on a list. I believe it came out in 2019. Don't hold me on that.
Oh, it's recent. What the is this? And it's made by a
guy that he, he wrote, he produced, he direct, and he stars in.
So it's a vanity project. He can't make it in
(05:01):
life, so he pretends on the radio to be a sassy black woman.
I am so glad. I think I
know what's funny. I think I want you and Matt just to do it.
And I watch you. Oh, I just take notes, like, let me
see where these jokes are going. Let me see. I don't know. It could be
(05:21):
one of the biggest fuck ups of our entire movie. Commentary DEI
in reverse. Yeah. Or it could be a gold mine.
And he's like, girl, you got to leave
him. No, it's like Mrs. Doubtfire without the.
The smart writing. It's a darker version of Mrs. Diefire.
(05:41):
Literally. It's essentially if I was acting like this is Al Pacino's
podcast and you didn't have video and I was just. Like, hey, you gotta,
you gotta cook. The chicken this way. You know, like that's how he does it.
He acts like a black woman given advice. And you go, girl,
it's a very. Probably a Far right movie, I would assume.
Yeah. So based upon how things have been going, I think we
(06:05):
should just dive into it. So I don't know. Maybe we'll never do
it. Maybe it's the movie we'll keep in case we all die.
It gets released, the final commentary will be Laqua.
That's what, you know, we reached the end of with a Thelma and Louise
of commentaries. And so everybody's homework tonight.
Watch when you get home. Watch the trailer.
(06:28):
Get yourself ready. Put it in. Put it. We're gonna put it in the.
We'll put it in the. The comments. Not the comment section. The. The information section.
Just a link to the trailer we're not doing. We'd have a link
for a trailer of a movie we're not doing in this movie. May never ever
do. Or if we do, it's probably going to cause some issues.
I think we're going to be kicking. From YouTube, the Christian movie for tonight.
(06:51):
Celebrate DJ's birthday. I'm getting comfy. Oh, man.
Princess Cut. Prince Cut two. Hearts on Fire.
Hearts on Fire. I believe that's. I believe that's.
Is Rocky in this one?
Princess Cut two. Is Drago gonna kill Apollo Creed?
Yes. Hearts on Fire. That's what it's called. All right, man. I'm at the 00001
(07:16):
mark. Oh, and I'm hitting the play button. And I cannot wait to hit the
play button right about now. Yeah, I just heard Matt
sigh like, oh, thank God I missed that one.
Watchman pictures. Oh, maybe Dr. Manhattan's.
I can't wait for this. For the visual
(07:38):
impaired. She's a woman putting on her shoes and putting this carpet. I don't.
I haven't had carpet in a home that I've lived in maybe 20 years.
Yeah, carpet's not good. No, you don't want carpet.
Now, I always start off these Christian movies with, would you banger?
And I think the question. The answer to that question is, yeah, I'd bang
her. She's Princess Cut. Hearts on
(08:02):
Fire. She's a little skinny. She's a little. She's really feminine.
Skinny, huh? She got some stamina. She's a runner. She's got a camel toe.
She's running to Jesus. Justin. Oh, there's the mom from the first movie.
Of course. Remember her? Do you remember what the creepy father is?
A creepy father back. Because that's the one that I was. You know what?
I looked at the credits. I don't. I think he's like the one person
(08:24):
who isn't the one guy I love. Is not in this. The creepy dad.
But the interesting thing too, I think. Is we see this shot. Did somebody.
Did a. A left wing or right wing person? What's going
on here, man? Calm down. Shoot the camel toe running the camel,
man. Interesting thing about this is the main girl,
(08:45):
which is not this girl from the first movie I believe, and the
man that she eventually marries and gives her life to.
They're in this as like, I think like a secondary.
It's like, it's like a side quest. This is us
from the 40. No, no, from Knocked Up. It's like a version like the
(09:05):
Paul Rudd Lisa man version. From what I gather, I could be completely wrong.
I've never watched this movie. Oh God, she's gonna take this.
Getting around this car. Probably never will watch this movie ever again.
Oh my God, look, it's the father from Frasier.
John Mahoney's here. He's been shot. Has he been shot too? Is everybody
shot? They're acting like something happened. Has he been shot? They're going to hospital.
(09:28):
I think they're going to. He's having a heart attack. Oh no. His leg is
up. What the. Oh, he was shot in the leg. He shot the
leg. Did the wife shoot him? I think one of those,
those dirty Jews cut his leg off. One of those Jew Jew
owned trucks. Tractors. Tractors on the farm.
Oh no. He also looks like the senator From X Men 1.
(09:50):
It turns into like liquid. Is it him?
Oh, wait, let me go get a good look at this guy. Re injects him.
No, I don't think that's okay. I love these. The nurse is the main woman
from the first one. Yeah, she got her print. What the was that?
That's not a medical instrument I've ever seen before. You should use a
scalpel. That's a stabbing device. That was a murder weapon. That's a
(10:12):
device for anyone that doesn't have my color skin. This is O.J.
simpson Hospital, apparently. And I always love these.
Oh, they're going to pray. Are they praying?
And God killed him. You should have
prayed quite quicker. Sorry about that. Is he dead? Did he pass
out? He passed out from the pain because he's. She looks almost happy that he's
(10:35):
in trouble. She looks like she's laughing. Is the hospital a home?
It appears to be a makeshift home. It's like a doc Hollywood situation.
It looks like a, like a vet, like a local vet that they're just using
cows. Crusty ass old people. What's the difference?
Is he Mopping the hospital. Does he work at the hospital? I hope that.
God, he does.
(10:57):
Wait a minute. Why isn't that the. He didn't work there before. He was in
the field, wasn't he?
I'm confused. Yeah, I don't know. This guy just goes around and just
works odd jobs everywhere. I'll clean your hospital. I'll cut your
grass, dear.
Got a little Crispin Glover thing going on there with the hair. Was he in
(11:20):
the first movie? Was that the love interest? Was that the love interest?
I should. I did. If I'd have done my research, I'd have gone back.
It's okay. Looked at it. He looks like generic white guy,
so I'm gonna say he is the first one. I think he is. I think
the two of them got married and now they have this practice. Now that
they're married, you know, shit's gone downhill. Wait a minute. You think it's bad taste?
(11:42):
Oh, no, he didn't have a heart attack. It was a Hearts on Fire.
The first thing is a heart attack, but it's not a heart attack. He got
his leg mangled by a. Probably a plow or some redneck thing.
By a device of some sort. Some kind of oldie device
in the old or. His wife stabbed him for not taking in the trash
cans again. Was the finale of Mob Land and she stabbed him in the leg
(12:04):
this time. That's a deep cut. Kids. Watch Mobland. I'm Hardy.
Is she pregnant? Skinny girlfriend she was having.
No, I think that's morning sickness.
No, that's. Let me. That's a little bit. We're not married, right? Oh,
wait a minute. Was she pregnant out of wedlock?
Not in a Christian movie. Not in a Christian movie.
(12:28):
They are pregnant. Oh, no. She said save up her
husband before they're married. They are married. Okay. Yeah, she did say.
I need to tell. I was worried for the Christians. I was about to say
you're going to hell, but you're. You're fine. D me up, son. There you
go. Yeah, tap me up, son.
Oh, it's sex. Five weeks ago. Wow,
(12:50):
that's some fast sperm. It's the only time she
got morning sickness immediately.
Hello, fall. Don't you just love those Hobby
lobby signs? This guy's creeping me out
a little bit. So they got the creep factor up somewhat.
(13:11):
He reminds me of like a CW actor who now
is old. Like you're making a Batwoman show. You need a Harvey Dent.
He would be the Harvey Dent before the toothpaste. Yeah, yeah. She's Got
the baby tracker. It's in your stomach. If you're looking for it,
it's gonna explode. Your baby.
(13:31):
If you go. If you got five weeks, this thing's gonna explode.
If you have less than five contractions in a minute, your baby will explode.
What do you do, hotshot? Hey, how many? Let's do a
thing real quick. Yeah, yeah, five.
Minorities, minorities or higher? I'm going to
go under minorities. I think we're gonna get one. It's gonna be a Spanish lady.
(13:53):
Damn. I think you're right. I think there's no black people in this. I feel
like 5 is a very low number, but I still don't think it's. I think
it's too high. How about this? Minorities,
but then minorities with speaking roles. What's the number on both of those?
Okay, because you give me in the background, they can be a minority. Five,
but speaking roles, I say two max.
(14:14):
You're five and under. I'll. I'll go five or above. I'll go
five and above. Five and above. You think it's gonna be a DI Christian movie.
Wow. Now I'm gonna lose that. You're losing that big time, buddy. You're making
Warner Brothers bets here.
Nevis. Nevis Foundation. The Nevis Foundation.
He's like the guy who. He's like Dr. Doom. Yes, he is.
(14:37):
Doctor. He's Dr. Doom. Reed Richards. You're gonna get on a shuttle. You're gonna
go Reed Richards as a middle aged man who's going through.
Who looks older than he is. He's actually always. This guy's actually 23 years old.
This guy is 23 years old. That's what Christian Christianity will do to you.
It ages you. It ages you quickly. All that pressure and stress
(14:59):
and guilt.
Sexual sex. He's gonna do it all.
He said it. He'll do it all for him. She looks familiar. The blonde
lady. Her on the right. She looks like generic
lady. Which, I mean. Yeah, be specific with generically. Generically generic
blonde lady. That, that's. That one is. One is cranberry.
(15:22):
I like to call them Cranberry juice. Ad and Playtex. Ad. Play text.
Yeah, Playtex with the running and all.
Yeah. I'm an active woman and I like to make sure
I keep fit. Wait a
minute. My flow is a little off. Hey, is this the actual show?
Hey, we're gonna do a sequel to Princess Cut. She's like,
(15:46):
what? I'm in. I'm down. How much are you paying me?
Don't even ask this. Whatever. I'LL take the money.
I don't want to do the movie. I, I, I have a career now.
I'm a doctor. No, she had a. She,
she got, she got the.
Oh, wait. Start calling them what I believe they are. She's cranberry
(16:10):
juice ad. There's Playtex ad. And this one's more like Yo Play ad. Yo play
yo. She's your play ad. She's like. I was gonna say the main actress got
dwi. She was driving while intoxicated.
So this is court ordered. To be in this movie.
She'S forced to do Christianity. You want to do a year in.
Prison or you want to do a Christian? I'm an atheist. Not anymore. Bitch.
(16:33):
You're gonna believe in Jesus.
Well, I think Playtex ad.
Play pressured by cranberry juice ad
And Yoplait ad. So it feels like. Yeah,
she's out of the conversation. This weird living room they're in,
it. Is a weird setup. It's like a weird angle. Like there's not a lot.
(16:56):
This is a real house. Because that camera angle was like, tough. When's the strippers
coming? Well, I hate to break it to you, Justin, but Christianity,
no strippers. Ah, damn. Not really selling it to me, are you? Unless you're
the pope. Pope gets cake and cake and every day.
Every day. That's what, that's called
(17:16):
a conclave. The smoke is for.
Yeah, that's that white smoke is.
But he's doing some bud. You think that was apple juice she's drinking?
Feeling. They were like, we gotta have apple juice on the set. This is a
Christian movie. If I'm her, I'm drinking some angry orchards. I've got
a beer. We're do a nice salad with some, some apple juice. She's so white.
(17:39):
The salad is just lettuce and lettuce.
Nothing else? No, nothing. She's so white.
She blends into the white wall. Oh, my God. Salt runs away from this house.
Seasoning. What is that? What's this bitch's problem? She likes
apple juice, man. Let her just drink it. She got some attitude.
She gets a husband, she just starts. What are they eating? That's their dinner.
(18:03):
Justin Kale. They're like, oh, my God, I'm so full off of this watery
leaf. I want to know where their men are. Probably some strippers
each other. Circle jerk.
Jesus would have wanted it. I don't see
what's wrong with her. She's doing kind of. She's got a little Elizabeth
Olseny vibe, but it's not there yet. Because Elizabeth
(18:27):
Olsen hasn't developed. Hasn't developed yet. Hasn't got.
What's the word I'm looking for?
Boobage? Poopage.
The Christian movie.
Oh, she's nervous about having the baby. She's nervous about having the
baby. Well, it's fine. Well, that's what God wanted.
(18:49):
Make sure you convert it to Jesus after he's born.
Immediately after he's born. Have a priest in the fucking
delivery room to baptize him immediately.
Make sure to bury the placenta. Yeah, I gotta bury it because it might come
alive. It might come alive. And you know, you don't want that to happen.
Ever see Monster Squad? Oh, that's. What does
(19:10):
that happen? Yeah. Placenta.
Oh, yeah. Lesbians. Oh, God. See? Jesus. Oh, no.
What? Go to bed.
She doing the. The black. The black.
The black phone. I'm. I'm thinking more of Game of Thrones
when the little. And this is how big Stargloss his Arian
(19:34):
Sark watching a little play. Something more Christian than the whole family getting
together watch a little girl put on a play. Play. I rather fall down
a flight of stairs and watch this second thing.
Well, mom, and I don't mean for the baby.
You're just a fat vocal.
(19:54):
Please stop touching me. Please, please stop touching me.
Hey, let it. Hey, whoa. Hey, easy. Get off of that.
Tapping that belly.
They're. They're Christian. They're Christian. They're.
They're a gang of Christians, though.
(20:18):
The whitest men you know. Did the most blackest handshake you've
ever seen. That's not for one black person. They're cool.
Did you see the little homes that spelled home?
Did you catch that? Because this is home.
This is home, Justin. This is home. If you don't believe it's
(20:41):
home, get the out. Oh, he's the brother. I think of the. The main
girl. You didn't think he was a brother. He's gonna. Oh, he's a brother.
That's a brother. He tapped that white ass.
He put a baby in there. Oh, is the baby gonna
be black? Is that gonna be a thing? Oh, I mean, now we got a
movie. What Jesus wanted. It's an immaculate conception.
(21:04):
Honey, you a black guy, didn't you. No, Honey, I have to
say something real quick. The tile in this kitchen is aggravating.
The. It is awful. Morse code for blind people or something.
Oh, my God. It looks like it's from the 60s. The fucking tile. It's all
look like somebody ate fucking Taco Bell and bent over
and sneezed. If somebody touches this bitch's stomach. One more. She's, like,
(21:26):
29 pounds, all right? You could fly on like a kite. Just tie a rope
around her head. What do you feel?
I feel pregnant. What's up, Zachs?
Well, I mean, if it's. It won't danger the baby if it's anal. I mean,
you think he's one of. Those guys, like, I don't want to put it inside
you because the baby's gonna see my penis. Yeah, that's how they say. That's how
(21:47):
those Christians keep their virginity and stay true to God. Anal sex,
Justin. I mean, have you never had sex with a Christian woman before? I think
most of them are like, well, there's a reason why I went gay for a
time. Sign. The decor
of this place. The decor is. What can we find at hobby
lobby? Thrift store. Thrift store. Look at that lamp. Is that the lamp from
(22:10):
Christmas story over there? Fragility.
Fragile. Must be for Italian.
She's moisturizing your hands, which is a good thing to do before you go.
To bed in the jerk off your husband making
the alien. Alien Earth sounds role play tonight. This time,
(22:30):
I'll be Jesus, you'll be a Muslim, you be Muhammad,
you be. The Muslim defusing my bomb in my pants.
I felt like that was ky. Like,
yes. The answer is yes. I feel like they had a sex lube
on their night table there. Is she also a carpenter? What was she doing
(22:50):
there? Well, Jesus was a carpenter. Oh, Justin,
you gotta look at the signs. There's. Think about that. Smart movie.
She's got a. What do they call him? A. A scarf. Scarf. It's a.
It's a infinity scarf. Infinity. It never ends exactly
(23:12):
like this movie. Just like our love
for Jesus, like, Thanos is gonna come down wisdom a today.
Jesus loves me, this I know for the Bible tells me so Another
sign. That says, you are in a home. I thought the
rooftop said that, but all right. Live life. Family.
(23:33):
Yeah. You're built on emotions. You have none.
You are a robot. Your emotional chip has
already got destroyed. We've seen what happened in the first movie. Okay,
black person. Black person. Uncle Drew's here.
Please be Uncle Drew says Uncle Drew. Please be Uncle
Drew. What's happening? You.
(23:56):
You're not pregnant. You're like, five weeks.
She. Dude, this. Was she giving birth to a thumbnail.
It's the skinniest woman I've ever seen. I feel like she cheated on her husband.
That child she had in her arms is fatter. Than her.
Right. It just feels like she's. Like she's
(24:18):
got guilt or something. Like she had like a Teemu Kirsten
dunce look. You think they would do a cheating thing? Not. No. The House
of God does not like, does he
doesn't even think about that stuff. That never would happen. Because once you're married.
Not cover another man's wife. They don't do none of that stuff, bro.
(24:41):
A lightning bolt from the heavens would come down and destroy
them and make them president.
Give them an island. Give them an island of
children. The farm's going to take them.
We might.
I can't believe it. Is it gonna be a little boy or girl? A little
boy would be awesome. But I'm really hoping it's a little girl.
You know, it's all we wanted for four years. But now that it's
here. I don't know. You gotta be a great mom.
(00:24):
I just started working contract for his firm. Wait, this is
your boss's place? Like we said, I manage the farm for mom for
a few more seasons. I take my night classes, get my electronics degree.
Robert, he has all these plans, but I can't see him letting
any of this go. I want to move forward with the Charlotte expansion.
Within six months it could be self sustaining. It's now or
(00:46):
never. Will it ever get easier?
The farm? Probably not.
I'm pregnant. I'm not coming back
to the farm after graduation. What? I sit here and
I listen to all the argument and the doubt and the stress that this place
puts on our lives. We're trying to figure out where it came from.
(01:10):
It just came out of nowhere I.
Don'T belong here I don't fit in I don't see here no, I don't.
Take care of it.
(01:30):
No more pain Courage
Feel it deep down in your. Bones.
As long as we follow after Jesus Christ we
will find a way. Through Just don't give up Even
(01:51):
if no one understands don't give up.
Hey kids. Welcome to Simplicity. Reviews Audio commentary of a
movie that I have no idea. It's because it's a mystery movie.
But you know, it's probably a good one or
(02:14):
a bad one.
Truer words have never been spoken. Justin has decided to.
Justin Blizzard. He decided to surprise me with a film. I don't know what
this is. Yeah, well, today, you know, usually in September
we do sequels. September, Right, Right. And maybe we'll just do that
(02:34):
for Christmas. Who gives a fuck? So it is DJs birthday
month. Just like October is Matt's and November is mine.
Yep. And I do know of a movie that DJ
likes a lot. He likes some. And I know Matt
definitely does not like it. So since
(02:55):
it's DJ and I today I gave DJ a
choice between two movies. And I was happy he picked this one because really
other movie I think would be perfect with Matt and
that movie. I'll talk about that movie real quick.
Right. What was it? What was it called?
(03:15):
Do you remember what it was called? I didn't look. I. I do this cold.
But I remember your description of the movies were. Okay, here's one
that I was told is the worst Movie ever made. I was like,
yeah, the last time we did the worst movie ever made was Beware
Children at Play. I did not want to do that again. This might be as
bad as that. I don't know. I don't ever want that. But mystery
(03:38):
movie number one, which is called Hearts of Hearts on
Fire, which is. That's what it's watching today, is the.
Sequel to Princess Cut,
which is a Christian movie. We watched get my cross out,
homie. Get my cross. I know you enjoyed other
(03:59):
movie, which I might understanding is a lot of the cast comes back
for this one, but it's kind of a different story. What else are they doing
now? I don't know if this is the one where the
tornado happens. I think It's Princess Cut 3. There's a third movie
where our tornado touches down. This is like Angel Studios
(04:19):
or some. Yes. And so this movie could be terrible or
it could be just as funny as the first movie. Oh, the first one was
great. Other movie is also a Christian film.
What and who? It's only done one.
Yes, I know. We haven't done any of these. And I
don't know if this guy will ever get to make another movie ever again.
(04:40):
It is now considered one of the worst movies of all time. Time. It is
on a list. I believe it came out in 2019. Don't hold me on that.
Oh, it's recent. What the is this? And it's made by a
guy that he, he wrote, he produced, he direct, and he stars in.
So it's a vanity project. He can't make it in
(05:01):
life, so he pretends on the radio to be a sassy black woman.
I am so glad. I think I
know what's funny. I think I want you and Matt just to do it.
And I watch you. Oh, I just take notes, like, let me
see where these jokes are going. Let me see. I don't know. It could be
(05:21):
one of the biggest fuck ups of our entire movie. Commentary DEI
in reverse. Yeah. Or it could be a gold mine.
And he's like, girl, you got to leave
him. No, it's like Mrs. Doubtfire without the.
The smart writing. It's a darker version of Mrs. Diefire.
(05:41):
Literally. It's essentially if I was acting like this is Al Pacino's
podcast and you didn't have video and I was just. Like, hey, you gotta,
you gotta cook. The chicken this way. You know, like that's how he does it.
He acts like a black woman given advice. And you go, girl,
it's a very. Probably a Far right movie, I would assume.
Yeah. So based upon how things have been going, I think we
(06:05):
should just dive into it. So I don't know. Maybe we'll never do
it. Maybe it's the movie we'll keep in case we all die.
It gets released, the final commentary will be Laqua.
That's what, you know, we reached the end of with a Thelma and Louise
of commentaries. And so everybody's homework tonight.
Watch when you get home. Watch the trailer.
(06:28):
Get yourself ready. Put it in. Put it. We're gonna put it in the.
We'll put it in the. The comments. Not the comment section. The. The information section.
Just a link to the trailer we're not doing. We'd have a link
for a trailer of a movie we're not doing in this movie. May never ever
do. Or if we do, it's probably going to cause some issues.
I think we're going to be kicking. From YouTube, the Christian movie for tonight.
(06:51):
Celebrate DJ's birthday. I'm getting comfy. Oh, man.
Princess Cut. Prince Cut two. Hearts on Fire.
Hearts on Fire. I believe that's. I believe that's.
Is Rocky in this one?
Princess Cut two. Is Drago gonna kill Apollo Creed?
Yes. Hearts on Fire. That's what it's called. All right, man. I'm at the 00001
(07:16):
mark. Oh, and I'm hitting the play button. And I cannot wait to hit the
play button right about now. Yeah, I just heard Matt
sigh like, oh, thank God I missed that one.
Watchman pictures. Oh, maybe Dr. Manhattan's.
I can't wait for this. For the visual
(07:38):
impaired. She's a woman putting on her shoes and putting this carpet. I don't.
I haven't had carpet in a home that I've lived in maybe 20 years.
Yeah, carpet's not good. No, you don't want carpet.
Now, I always start off these Christian movies with, would you banger?
And I think the question. The answer to that question is, yeah, I'd bang
her. She's Princess Cut. Hearts on
(08:02):
Fire. She's a little skinny. She's a little. She's really feminine.
Skinny, huh? She got some stamina. She's a runner. She's got a camel toe.
She's running to Jesus. Justin. Oh, there's the mom from the first movie.
Of course. Remember her? Do you remember what the creepy father is?
A creepy father back. Because that's the one that I was. You know what?
I looked at the credits. I don't. I think he's like the one person
(08:24):
who isn't the one guy I love. Is not in this. The creepy dad.
But the interesting thing too, I think. Is we see this shot. Did somebody.
Did a. A left wing or right wing person? What's going
on here, man? Calm down. Shoot the camel toe running the camel,
man. Interesting thing about this is the main girl,
(08:45):
which is not this girl from the first movie I believe, and the
man that she eventually marries and gives her life to.
They're in this as like, I think like a secondary.
It's like, it's like a side quest. This is us
from the 40. No, no, from Knocked Up. It's like a version like the
(09:05):
Paul Rudd Lisa man version. From what I gather, I could be completely wrong.
I've never watched this movie. Oh God, she's gonna take this.
Getting around this car. Probably never will watch this movie ever again.
Oh my God, look, it's the father from Frasier.
John Mahoney's here. He's been shot. Has he been shot too? Is everybody
shot? They're acting like something happened. Has he been shot? They're going to hospital.
(09:28):
I think they're going to. He's having a heart attack. Oh no. His leg is
up. What the. Oh, he was shot in the leg. He shot the
leg. Did the wife shoot him? I think one of those,
those dirty Jews cut his leg off. One of those Jew Jew
owned trucks. Tractors. Tractors on the farm.
Oh no. He also looks like the senator From X Men 1.
(09:50):
It turns into like liquid. Is it him?
Oh, wait, let me go get a good look at this guy. Re injects him.
No, I don't think that's okay. I love these. The nurse is the main woman
from the first one. Yeah, she got her print. What the was that?
That's not a medical instrument I've ever seen before. You should use a
scalpel. That's a stabbing device. That was a murder weapon. That's a
(10:12):
device for anyone that doesn't have my color skin. This is O.J.
simpson Hospital, apparently. And I always love these.
Oh, they're going to pray. Are they praying?
And God killed him. You should have
prayed quite quicker. Sorry about that. Is he dead? Did he pass
out? He passed out from the pain because he's. She looks almost happy that he's
(10:35):
in trouble. She looks like she's laughing. Is the hospital a home?
It appears to be a makeshift home. It's like a doc Hollywood situation.
It looks like a, like a vet, like a local vet that they're just using
cows. Crusty ass old people. What's the difference?
Is he Mopping the hospital. Does he work at the hospital? I hope that.
God, he does.
(10:57):
Wait a minute. Why isn't that the. He didn't work there before. He was in
the field, wasn't he?
I'm confused. Yeah, I don't know. This guy just goes around and just
works odd jobs everywhere. I'll clean your hospital. I'll cut your
grass, dear.
Got a little Crispin Glover thing going on there with the hair. Was he in
(11:20):
the first movie? Was that the love interest? Was that the love interest?
I should. I did. If I'd have done my research, I'd have gone back.
It's okay. Looked at it. He looks like generic white guy,
so I'm gonna say he is the first one. I think he is. I think
the two of them got married and now they have this practice. Now that
they're married, you know, shit's gone downhill. Wait a minute. You think it's bad taste?
(11:42):
Oh, no, he didn't have a heart attack. It was a Hearts on Fire.
The first thing is a heart attack, but it's not a heart attack. He got
his leg mangled by a. Probably a plow or some redneck thing.
By a device of some sort. Some kind of oldie device
in the old or. His wife stabbed him for not taking in the trash
cans again. Was the finale of Mob Land and she stabbed him in the leg
(12:04):
this time. That's a deep cut. Kids. Watch Mobland. I'm Hardy.
Is she pregnant? Skinny girlfriend she was having.
No, I think that's morning sickness.
No, that's. Let me. That's a little bit. We're not married, right? Oh,
wait a minute. Was she pregnant out of wedlock?
Not in a Christian movie. Not in a Christian movie.
(12:28):
They are pregnant. Oh, no. She said save up her
husband before they're married. They are married. Okay. Yeah, she did say.
I need to tell. I was worried for the Christians. I was about to say
you're going to hell, but you're. You're fine. D me up, son. There you
go. Yeah, tap me up, son.
Oh, it's sex. Five weeks ago. Wow,
(12:50):
that's some fast sperm. It's the only time she
got morning sickness immediately.
Hello, fall. Don't you just love those Hobby
lobby signs? This guy's creeping me out
a little bit. So they got the creep factor up somewhat.
(13:11):
He reminds me of like a CW actor who now
is old. Like you're making a Batwoman show. You need a Harvey Dent.
He would be the Harvey Dent before the toothpaste. Yeah, yeah. She's Got
the baby tracker. It's in your stomach. If you're looking for it,
it's gonna explode. Your baby.
(13:31):
If you go. If you got five weeks, this thing's gonna explode.
If you have less than five contractions in a minute, your baby will explode.
What do you do, hotshot? Hey, how many? Let's do a
thing real quick. Yeah, yeah, five.
Minorities, minorities or higher? I'm going to
go under minorities. I think we're gonna get one. It's gonna be a Spanish lady.
(13:53):
Damn. I think you're right. I think there's no black people in this. I feel
like 5 is a very low number, but I still don't think it's. I think
it's too high. How about this? Minorities,
but then minorities with speaking roles. What's the number on both of those?
Okay, because you give me in the background, they can be a minority. Five,
but speaking roles, I say two max.
(14:14):
You're five and under. I'll. I'll go five or above. I'll go
five and above. Five and above. You think it's gonna be a DI Christian movie.
Wow. Now I'm gonna lose that. You're losing that big time, buddy. You're making
Warner Brothers bets here.
Nevis. Nevis Foundation. The Nevis Foundation.
He's like the guy who. He's like Dr. Doom. Yes, he is.
(14:37):
Doctor. He's Dr. Doom. Reed Richards. You're gonna get on a shuttle. You're gonna
go Reed Richards as a middle aged man who's going through.
Who looks older than he is. He's actually always. This guy's actually 23 years old.
This guy is 23 years old. That's what Christian Christianity will do to you.
It ages you. It ages you quickly. All that pressure and stress
(14:59):
and guilt.
Sexual sex. He's gonna do it all.
He said it. He'll do it all for him. She looks familiar. The blonde
lady. Her on the right. She looks like generic
lady. Which, I mean. Yeah, be specific with generically. Generically generic
blonde lady. That, that's. That one is. One is cranberry.
(15:22):
I like to call them Cranberry juice. Ad and Playtex. Ad. Play text.
Yeah, Playtex with the running and all.
Yeah. I'm an active woman and I like to make sure
I keep fit. Wait a
minute. My flow is a little off. Hey, is this the actual show?
Hey, we're gonna do a sequel to Princess Cut. She's like,
(15:46):
what? I'm in. I'm down. How much are you paying me?
Don't even ask this. Whatever. I'LL take the money.
I don't want to do the movie. I, I, I have a career now.
I'm a doctor. No, she had a. She,
she got, she got the.
Oh, wait. Start calling them what I believe they are. She's cranberry
(16:10):
juice ad. There's Playtex ad. And this one's more like Yo Play ad. Yo play
yo. She's your play ad. She's like. I was gonna say the main actress got
dwi. She was driving while intoxicated.
So this is court ordered. To be in this movie.
She'S forced to do Christianity. You want to do a year in.
Prison or you want to do a Christian? I'm an atheist. Not anymore. Bitch.
(16:33):
You're gonna believe in Jesus.
Well, I think Playtex ad.
Play pressured by cranberry juice ad
And Yoplait ad. So it feels like. Yeah,
she's out of the conversation. This weird living room they're in,
it. Is a weird setup. It's like a weird angle. Like there's not a lot.
(16:56):
This is a real house. Because that camera angle was like, tough. When's the strippers
coming? Well, I hate to break it to you, Justin, but Christianity,
no strippers. Ah, damn. Not really selling it to me, are you? Unless you're
the pope. Pope gets cake and cake and every day.
Every day. That's what, that's called
(17:16):
a conclave. The smoke is for.
Yeah, that's that white smoke is.
But he's doing some bud. You think that was apple juice she's drinking?
Feeling. They were like, we gotta have apple juice on the set. This is a
Christian movie. If I'm her, I'm drinking some angry orchards. I've got
a beer. We're do a nice salad with some, some apple juice. She's so white.
(17:39):
The salad is just lettuce and lettuce.
Nothing else? No, nothing. She's so white.
She blends into the white wall. Oh, my God. Salt runs away from this house.
Seasoning. What is that? What's this bitch's problem? She likes
apple juice, man. Let her just drink it. She got some attitude.
She gets a husband, she just starts. What are they eating? That's their dinner.
(18:03):
Justin Kale. They're like, oh, my God, I'm so full off of this watery
leaf. I want to know where their men are. Probably some strippers
each other. Circle jerk.
Jesus would have wanted it. I don't see
what's wrong with her. She's doing kind of. She's got a little Elizabeth
Olseny vibe, but it's not there yet. Because Elizabeth
(18:27):
Olsen hasn't developed. Hasn't developed yet. Hasn't got.
What's the word I'm looking for?
Boobage? Poopage.
The Christian movie.
Oh, she's nervous about having the baby. She's nervous about having the
baby. Well, it's fine. Well, that's what God wanted.
(18:49):
Make sure you convert it to Jesus after he's born.
Immediately after he's born. Have a priest in the fucking
delivery room to baptize him immediately.
Make sure to bury the placenta. Yeah, I gotta bury it because it might come
alive. It might come alive. And you know, you don't want that to happen.
Ever see Monster Squad? Oh, that's. What does
(19:10):
that happen? Yeah. Placenta.
Oh, yeah. Lesbians. Oh, God. See? Jesus. Oh, no.
What? Go to bed.
She doing the. The black. The black.
The black phone. I'm. I'm thinking more of Game of Thrones
when the little. And this is how big Stargloss his Arian
(19:34):
Sark watching a little play. Something more Christian than the whole family getting
together watch a little girl put on a play. Play. I rather fall down
a flight of stairs and watch this second thing.
Well, mom, and I don't mean for the baby.
You're just a fat vocal.
(19:54):
Please stop touching me. Please, please stop touching me.
Hey, let it. Hey, whoa. Hey, easy. Get off of that.
Tapping that belly.
They're. They're Christian. They're Christian. They're.
They're a gang of Christians, though.
(20:18):
The whitest men you know. Did the most blackest handshake you've
ever seen. That's not for one black person. They're cool.
Did you see the little homes that spelled home?
Did you catch that? Because this is home.
This is home, Justin. This is home. If you don't believe it's
(20:41):
home, get the out. Oh, he's the brother. I think of the. The main
girl. You didn't think he was a brother. He's gonna. Oh, he's a brother.
That's a brother. He tapped that white ass.
He put a baby in there. Oh, is the baby gonna
be black? Is that gonna be a thing? Oh, I mean, now we got a
movie. What Jesus wanted. It's an immaculate conception.
(21:04):
Honey, you a black guy, didn't you. No, Honey, I have to
say something real quick. The tile in this kitchen is aggravating.
The. It is awful. Morse code for blind people or something.
Oh, my God. It looks like it's from the 60s. The fucking tile. It's all
look like somebody ate fucking Taco Bell and bent over
and sneezed. If somebody touches this bitch's stomach. One more. She's, like,
(21:26):
29 pounds, all right? You could fly on like a kite. Just tie a rope
around her head. What do you feel?
I feel pregnant. What's up, Zachs?
Well, I mean, if it's. It won't danger the baby if it's anal. I mean,
you think he's one of. Those guys, like, I don't want to put it inside
you because the baby's gonna see my penis. Yeah, that's how they say. That's how
(21:47):
those Christians keep their virginity and stay true to God. Anal sex,
Justin. I mean, have you never had sex with a Christian woman before? I think
most of them are like, well, there's a reason why I went gay for a
time. Sign. The decor
of this place. The decor is. What can we find at hobby
lobby? Thrift store. Thrift store. Look at that lamp. Is that the lamp from
(22:10):
Christmas story over there? Fragility.
Fragile. Must be for Italian.
She's moisturizing your hands, which is a good thing to do before you go.
To bed in the jerk off your husband making
the alien. Alien Earth sounds role play tonight. This time,
(22:30):
I'll be Jesus, you'll be a Muslim, you be Muhammad,
you be. The Muslim defusing my bomb in my pants.
I felt like that was ky. Like,
yes. The answer is yes. I feel like they had a sex lube
on their night table there. Is she also a carpenter? What was she doing
(22:50):
there? Well, Jesus was a carpenter. Oh, Justin,
you gotta look at the signs. There's. Think about that. Smart movie.
She's got a. What do they call him? A. A scarf. Scarf. It's a.
It's a infinity scarf. Infinity. It never ends exactly
(23:12):
like this movie. Just like our love
for Jesus, like, Thanos is gonna come down wisdom a today.
Jesus loves me, this I know for the Bible tells me so Another
sign. That says, you are in a home. I thought the
rooftop said that, but all right. Live life. Family.
(23:33):
Yeah. You're built on emotions. You have none.
You are a robot. Your emotional chip has
already got destroyed. We've seen what happened in the first movie. Okay,
black person. Black person. Uncle Drew's here.
Please be Uncle Drew says Uncle Drew. Please be Uncle
Drew. What's happening? You.
(23:56):
You're not pregnant. You're like, five weeks.
She. Dude, this. Was she giving birth to a thumbnail.
It's the skinniest woman I've ever seen. I feel like she cheated on her husband.
That child she had in her arms is fatter. Than her.
Right. It just feels like she's. Like she's
(24:18):
got guilt or something. Like she had like a Teemu Kirsten
dunce look. You think they would do a cheating thing? Not. No. The House
of God does not like, does he
doesn't even think about that stuff. That never would happen. Because once you're married.
Not cover another man's wife. They don't do none of that stuff, bro.
(24:41):
A lightning bolt from the heavens would come down and destroy
them and make them president.
Give them an island. Give them an island of
children. The farm's going to take them.
We might.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Cardiac Cowboys
The heart was always off-limits to surgeons. Cutting into it spelled instant death for the patient. That is, until a ragtag group of doctors scattered across the Midwest and Texas decided to throw out the rule book. Working in makeshift laboratories and home garages, using medical devices made from scavenged machine parts and beer tubes, these men and women invented the field of open heart surgery. Odds are, someone you know is alive because of them. So why has history left them behind? Presented by Chris Pine, CARDIAC COWBOYS tells the gripping true story behind the birth of heart surgery, and the young, Greatest Generation doctors who made it happen. For years, they competed and feuded, racing to be the first, the best, and the most prolific. Some appeared on the cover of Time Magazine, operated on kings and advised presidents. Others ended up disgraced, penniless, and convicted of felonies. Together, they ignited a revolution in medicine, and changed the world.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.