October 20, 2025 • 104 mins
Its Matt's Bday so lets watch a horror movie must people might skip on.
Watch the movie here: https://youtu.be/nRzYn5a-2c8?si=aCPo095GAwGWrBuk
Jack-O | 1995 Grave robbers unwittingly awaken two evil spirits, one a warlock hanged for murder nearly 100 years earlier. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0113449/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:20):
Mr. Jack will snap your spine
Cut you in half with a scaly vine. Dad.
A monster's real. A fairy
tale born from a legend. A truth more terrifying than
the tale. Say prayer for Daddy tonight. Okay. Only one
(00:41):
man had the courage to stand against the forces of darkness.
But when a secret that lay dormant for nearly a century is
accidentally unearthed. A vicious avenger is summoned
to fulfill a. An age old prophecy sent us a demon
from hell. Then I'll quit before you die. Mr.
(01:01):
Jack will stew your eyes. Mr. Jack will.
Mr. Jack will. Guided by a vision,
the young boy stands between good and evil.
Haunted by his family's secret past, he must face
and fulfill his destiny. Only Sean can stop
(01:22):
this monster. Give us the boy,
Jack.
Evil lurks in the shadows.
Fear has a new soldier. Mr. Jack.
And Terror has a new name. Mr. Jack will steal
(01:43):
your soul. Jacko.
Hey, kids. Welcome to B's audio commentary for a movie I
know little about, Jack o'.
Ness, and I hope this movie has something to do with Jackie Onassis.
I'm joined by Matthew Stewart and just biographies. Are we gonna watch Jackie.
(02:06):
Jackie Onassis. This is our first brains.
That's basically where this movie starts out.
And Jack.
Oh, we watch horror
movies and comedies and action films. I think we get into the
biopics. This is the 90s. We rarely do 90s. I like 90s.
(02:26):
I know. Well, that's one thing that, you know, 95 I thought was a pretty
good year, that we love the eight. We love the 80s though. But this when
we go into the 90s, like, oh, this is different. We do a lot of
70s and 80s and 90s horrors.
Early 90s horror is a little, it's a little rough sometimes.
(02:47):
This is the same year that I think Vampire in Brooklyn came out.
Talk about all the movie. I want you to look up the highest grossing movie
in 95. And I guarantee you in Brooklyn is where you went to.
Yeah, I love that movie. Why do you love that movie?
Because it's about a vampire. It's about a Caribbean vampire. I,
(03:08):
I, I, I stand corrected. I mean it's got, it's got, it's got Eddie
Murphy and a mullet.
Did he say, did he go in as a vampire in that mov
to. Suck your whole life? He had a really bad accent too.
Well, he had that Caribbean like, y', all, boy, he was,
(03:30):
it's like Juan Guan, man. Hey, do you think he was channeling?
He's from the Caribbean in, in the movie. He's from the Caribbean. The way 95
had quite a bit of movies, by the way. 95 was a busy year.
What's the name of the name of the guy from Game of Thrones? Tywin Charles
Dance. You think Eddie was channeling little Charles Dance in his. In Vampire?
(03:52):
He's. He's got that weir, you know, I. Think he
was handling more Kadeem Hardison other
than Sean because it's.
He was Eddie's co star in Vampire Brooklyn.
Do we need to do. Because I don't remember anything about
(04:13):
this movie. Remember when Alan Payne was supposed to be a big thing in the
black? I do remember Alan. Isn't that the guy from New Jack City?
Yeah. And. And CB4.
It was supposed to be like the new thing. Don't ever question Matthew Stewart
on Black Cinema.
Expert. When I have a question about
(04:36):
black cinema, I go to one man and one man only. Yeah, he owns a
stamp collection of famous black actors.
Every year. Every year they put out a new. His Mike Epps collection is amazing.
Mike Epps, Alan Payne. That's a. That's a shot and a
half, by the way. Tay Diggs. Hey, Diggs. Morris Chestnut. Oh,
(04:56):
don't forget young Chappelle. Almost Michael Eames. Throw him in there somewhere.
Gooding junior.
All the Waynes, all the way. All the way every way
Insane for all those lands. Oh, easy,
easy. They might. Have you been watching the news lately? They might.
(05:17):
The Underground Railroad. But you know, hey.
A train for the Waynes is like the greatest.
That's gonna be the. The Wayne Train autobiography
I'm writing for. I'm gonna get you suckered, bro. You know about Fred Williamson?
Fred Williamson. John. John Witherspoon. John Witherspoon,
(05:37):
of course. Uhhuh. Tiny Zeus Lister. Rest in peace. I felt
bad. Got a
50 cent. Got a tailored suit with all his album covers
in the inside. And he was with a bunch of people. They must have been
young. He goes, I'm like the guy from. And he said, Friday.
The father from Friday. I'm like, you're referencing Boomerang, but you're
(05:59):
he. Nobody knew what he was talking about, but I knew what he was talking
about. But I'm watching the video. I'm like, it's boomerang. 50. It's boomerang.
If only you were there. Only I was there to tell 50. 50 from
Boomerang. If you don't know, don't try. Buddy with the
boomerangs. Doing the suit, the. The coordinate. That was the joke. Anyway.
(06:21):
Well, it is, it is. It is Halloween time. Yes. October.
It's A spooky time of the season. It's Matthew's birthday now.
It's true. So we're on the Matthew track.
That's scary. That's very scary. And what better
way to celebrate I'm. A vampire in Nashville then
Jack. Oh, Jacko. That is a movie.
(06:44):
Jacko might. If Jacko was about a vampire,
that would be terrifying. I'm hoping this is more kind of like remember we.
We watched Uncle Sam. I'm thinking thanks.
Killing. I'm thinking a pumpkin going around killing people.
No, that's pretty much what it is. You're dead man. With Gary Busey. Come on.
With the longest credits you've ever seen. The credits that move. The credits
(07:07):
were like seven minutes. I think they were going backwards. At one point. They stopped.
Reverse went bad. We gotta get to this. Stevie Wonder
was driving it. Am I doing it right?
It hit me. I'm at the00000 mark
and I'm hitting the play button on 1995's Jack O right about
(07:28):
now. Oh my God. Jesus Christ. The American Independent
presents American After Effects by sharing
production. All right. Production is a Shiron production
of a Steve Lap. Sh. Sound like something you get
for a dog. Gets Lantern.
(07:54):
Lantern. Lantern's the very calm lantern.
Jericho Lantern. Hey. We figure out how
to use after effects for the first time. So I think according to this,
this. This is a paranormal thriller. Really?
Is that a crime, Matthew? Is that a horror crime? That's a
horror crime right there. Him talking to that kid. That is a little creepy.
(08:15):
That little. Are we going to get molested? Oh boy.
Epstein Island. It's a me. You're molester.
Oh, I thought he cut his own throat. That's his Halloween costume.
Slow down movie. I'll make him remember this day.
You know when you go to Spirit spirit Halloween and they have like
costumes and they have like generic names for and everything like that.
(08:37):
His thing would be just molester. Molester guy. Yeah.
Molested children with a child would be the other one. The little mustache
with the hair coming out of the chest. It looks like Tony Soprano trying to
kind of has a hit out on him. It looks like
Tony Soprano that got stung by a whole bunch of bees.
Is that Tim Curry? Is it? Are we rocking? Who are picture showing right now.
(09:00):
That sweet transvest about it. Dr.
Frankenfurter. Tom Holland's career started really weird.
So start somewhere. Let's. Let's go into some stuff
here for the. Oh, yes, yes.
Horrible. I created four tricks and treats for you boys.
(09:21):
Oh, it's themed. Yeah, the first one. This is gonna be an interesting
one. So you know how we always do deaths all the time? Right. I wanted
to do something a little bit trickier. Just use your head a little bit.
All right, we're going with death ratio. So this
is going to be death per minutes of the. Oh, my God, the film.
So there's 87 minutes in this film. Right.
(09:43):
So I'm going to go with general time or general ratios.
But whoever's closest and picks it wins and everything. So we're going to go
with a 4 to 1 death ratio. So if you do the math on that,
you kind of generally know what that is. I'm not going to tell you what
what it is, but. Okay. No. So we have four to one, eight to one
or 12 to one. I'm gonna go eight to one.
(10:04):
Okay. DJs going eight. One. Eight to one. That's what I was
gonna pick. Eight to one. Yeah. You can pick it as well. All right,
I'll pick it. Okay. It seems like it's gonna take it. It's gonna build to
the death. I don't know. This could. This is like one of those movies that
you would see a blockbuster, you know, that you're like, oh, I want to rent
this. And that's kind of the feeling. I want us here. This. So that's got
(10:25):
a little bit of money. This is all the money. The money's. Every last
dollar is on the shack. Yeah. This is like maybe like a park.
Like the visitor center at a park. Yeah. This is where they also gotta shoot
a picture where they filmed the village as well. That's true. I think I see
Joaquin Phoenix. Oh, that creep. Look at that guy. It's Arthur Kelly,
(10:45):
man. Get out of here. Kelly. He's a farrier. That's not.
That's not what it means. Was that. Was that Mel Brooks?
I thought it was a pagoda. It's the ratio in old
people and photos.
That photo Michael Madsen with a fake mustache. That photo keeps rotating,
(11:07):
by the way. 37 to 1, if anything. Don't look
at my dad. We gotta put him down before I start jerking off.
I don't want him to see. I think every last. All the dialogue
in this was all adr. Hey, I'm just waiting for this kid to kill his
mom by. By order. The Peaky Blinders. This kid's got
the Peaky Blinders head on. The reason why it's probably all ADR is because they
(11:29):
didn't know how to do audio on set. It's Wind. What do we do with
this wind, guys? I don't know. Record whatever. Yeah, have them mouth the dialogue
and. Record it later like a Chinese. That's real movie magic.
Oh. Next is. I don't know. I had bad puns on
here. But this movie looks like it's going to take itself way too seriously.
(11:50):
Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. But.
But bad puns will also require us really paying attention to this. So it
has to be kind of. Like, you gotta listen. Yeah, I'm gonna
kind of forego that. But I'm gonna say five and a half for the kids
playing at home. So if you're playing at home and you're actually watching this,
the line is. Five and a half. The line is five and a half on
(12:11):
this one. Okay. So DJ is going to go under and, you know, we're not
going to know whether anybody wins Murphy. But, you know, whatever.
What do you say, Justin, just for the sake of the game?
I'll go. I'll go. He said five and a half. Five and a half.
Bad puns. You know, maybe Jack o' Lantern says like, hey,
don't. Why?
(12:32):
I'll go above that. You're gonna go? Okay. Yeah.
I don't know. Do you want me to give you a number? No, no,
no, no. It's like walk the line. The beginning of it when you brother.
Gets killed in the pants right here. Next one's gonna be wonky. Cg.
Oh, well, we kind of saw one already. I've already saw the pumpkin.
(12:52):
Well, it's an intro. It is what it is. It's an intro. So we can't
quite give it, but I don't know. That's a tough question. I'll be honest with
you. I would. It is 95 thing. I guess it's okay.
Better than Walmart. Outdated. CG. Yeah,
outd. I'm gonna go with outdated is better than wonky
because at the time it was probably. Whoa. Yeah,
(13:15):
yeah. After a fair.
I'm high as six
and a half. Oh, I'm gonna go under. I'm gonna go under. They can.
They can only do a little bit. Because I feel like this production is gonna
be mostly done. I do like this scene so
(13:37):
far. It's kind of. It's creepy. You're on the set. They got a little light
there. I like doing this, like, I like the, you know, the effect of,
you know, that's very. Yeah. I don't like his
view. I like the kids view. The kids view. Yeah. They did
a Fake up. A fake. Wake up. It. Was that a drink? Was he drinking?
It was a dream. Yeah. He woke up. They saw the pumpkin man. He woke
up again. What the is that? Oh. Oh, hey. Our good friend Linnea. Quick.
(14:00):
Oh, thank God. Quickly down under. That was. That was.
Might be the only reason. Wink, wink. We are watching this movie.
Perhaps. So what do you think? Okay, so under on. I'm gonna go under on
that. Yeah. I feel like they did it. This is kind
of outdated CG with the lightning here. Well, it's the. The CG I think they
(14:21):
would have used in. In the intro. And I think that's pretty much where it's
gonna be. But it's got to be like this. This production was
50 bucks, you know. Yeah. This wasn't a lot. I do like the fact that
they did the who. Who was in the production. The title. Then they went
cold open and they got their. Had their look.
(14:43):
We're getting some friend. Hide your belts and Cameron Mitchell.
Sitting the entire time. That's the bonus. The bonus.
Gotta add one. Matthew is going to be Cameron Mitchell. Will he
stand? Will he actually be walking or will. All his scenes
be shot at his home? How many different loc. I guarantee you we're
(15:06):
gonna see. I almost want to say that last movie we watched,
those two scenes he was in, he was like at an office, which I think
was in his. In a hot tub with two. And he had his hand on
one of her. And I think we're probably. I want to see. We might see
that same scene again. It might see this. Is he gonna go replay it?
All right. Not replay it, but use the scene setting.
(15:28):
I'll only be in your picture if I get to beat up some broads.
I'll give you credit. They are milking these credits,
Matthew, instead. Of putting it at the beginning. This is a quick movie.
This is gonna be one of those back in the day when they gave you
all the credits in the beginning. And then they'll give it to you. Again at
the end of Oz. This is the wizard of Oz, by the way. 87 minutes,
(15:49):
but really it's 40. I like this. I like this opening shot here. This is
a little Dutch angle. I like this. I like the way that little Kenneth Branagh.
It looks cool. Like I like that. The last
thing we'll go over is cliche costumes. You know,
Cliche costumes. We all know somebody's dressed as the witch or
the black cat or the zombie.
(16:12):
Like, it's like how many costumes? What's your.
What's Your line at. Oh, Canadian tuxedo. Right there. I'm going
with. And we could shout it out as we see it.
14 and a half and. Are you saying wood.
Would Halloween trick or treaters count?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Yeah, I'll go over.
(16:33):
You go over. Okay. That's the play. If there
is a scene of trick or treater. Yeah, there is. It's. There is. Yeah.
If there. Have you seen this movie? I haven't seen it.
No, I have not. I just don't know if there's trick or treaters. If there's
no trick or treaters, then I would say it's under. That's the thing. I don't
know if there is or not. I'm gonna go under them. He said above.
(16:54):
Yeah. I'm gonna do it over. Yeah, the molesters
here. Oh, God. She's driving the new Ford Escort from Ford.
Seatbelts yourself.
How come they got rid of the automatic seatbelt? I think they kept killing people,
Matthew. Too many people died last year.
Look at the rocks.
(17:19):
Damn, this kid's a. I think you'll. Hit her in
the face. I thought so, too. She does look witchy.
How much hairspray you think she does on the daily. She. It looks like
Karen from Goodfellas. She does look like Karen.
Karen. Don't show me Karen.
(17:39):
95 is also the year of the kiss. I'm touching those kids. Karen.
I'll kill you. You hear me?
Oh, she has, like, the witch sash. Oh.
Oh, wow. He's mine.
I'm gonna kill him.
Get off of him. He's. Get off of him. Fran Drescher in who
(18:05):
has the more annoying lap? Let's get you home and get some more
of that LA hair gel. Yeah, LA. Looks is coming
your way. This kid looks like a nerd. Yeah,
see, but I mean, in the 90s, all you had to do is have glasses
and you're automatic. You're automatic, but then you. Loser.
And you're beautiful. Loser. Loser is our boy. John.
(18:27):
Karen. This ain't John. Carried no. Some Brando.
John Carrandine. Cameron Mitchell.
That's. That's like a recipe for disaster. This is like the Avengers before.
The Avengers are a thing. They're all sitting. Everybody's sitting,
all sitting, jerking off, choking each other.
He kind of looks like a young version of the guy from the. The movie
(18:51):
where he falls into the vagina. What was that movie? Getting falls into the vagina.
Getting lucky. Getting lucky. He looks like a young version of that guy.
It looks like he belongs in the page master. Yeah.
What's the name of the kid from Never Ending Story?
Atreyu. Not the fake kid. The real
kid that was kidding about it. The kid from Ladybugs.
(19:14):
Oh, Jonathan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was in the second one. Didn't he choke
himself to death? He killed himself. Did he. Did he hang
himself? I want to say he hung. I think he did. I think. I think
he did hang himself. Like on a pipe. Yeah. When Sequest DSV went off the
air, he's like, I can't live. I can't. No more. No more secret Royce Schreider
made me do. I can't talk to dolphins. Nobody can.
(19:37):
Jesus. Hung on a
little bit longer. That's laying on the first time. Hey, that's a bad pun.
I should add that to the list. Put it in the list. How many bad
puns will we have? Apparently, Snoop Dogg's in my backyard.
He's smoking up a storm. Yes. Hey, kid, for shizzle.
Come out here and just walk in and that's. We know we didn't switch.
(20:00):
I think he's dreaming again. Man. Is he. He keeps blacking out. I think
this kid has autism. I'm just gonna put it out. Maybe this kid's choke jerking
already. Maybe the Predator is gonna find. What's his name?
What's the name of the kid of different room in the Predator movie?
Oh, converted in doctor sleep. Oh, Trembly.
(20:21):
Does he go by. Does he go by Trembly or tremble? Oh, that was a
weird little flash.
Between worlds. Worlds.
I guess this guy is setting up his house as a. It's gonna be.
He's doing a really bad job. The Toyota Corolla. A fancy car for the
modern man. The haunted garage. Enter if you dare.
(20:46):
What'd she say her name was? Maggot. I think it's. Or.
The other word. No, I don't think she sues.
Somebody got video Toaster Emperor Palpatine.
Oh, good. I came
(21:09):
down with all your hate. John Carradine is.
Oh, the emperor. I should be fighting
Frankenstein's daughter. Oh, she feeling it.
The witch is like feeling. He's feeling Kelly's farm. Kelly's farm.
He's a cut some of the edges of her. You know what I mean?
(21:30):
This guy loves his Dutch angle. I don't know what you mean.
I'm gonna hold the camera sideways. Sideways.
Kids, in film parlance, if you use a Dutch angle, it gives you
a sense of uneasiness, uncertainty. It makes you more
Dutch or Dutch. Yeah. Or maybe the cameraman had a peg Leg. He might
have been on a limp, you know? Yep. Like Bill,
(21:53):
I think it was the cinematographer. Yeah, he's one of the best. Doesn't work
that much anymore, though. Not until they invented the self leveling the
tripod.
The what? We got a little religious movie here. We got some devil's work
to do. We just did a religious movie back to back. Religious movies. DJ jokes
(22:14):
on you. This is Princess. The Princess 3.
Who's getting married today? Not them.
God. God. The devil. The devil's
work has never died. God and Lucifer are gonna. I really love
this transition, Matthew. I mean, how many transitions will we have is the real question.
(22:36):
Obviously, like seven of them. What the is this? I'm a zombie.
Watch the bone Temple.
Theaters January 27th.
This kid has autism. He's got a lot of problems. I mean, I guess he
is kind of like Jacob Tremblay and. And the Predator, because wasn't. He was on
(22:57):
the spectrum and autism. Was the next evolution of mankind in
that movie. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's what Shane Black said. So this.
This. This woman is just in this kid's. I get all my news from Shane
Black. That's what he said, man.
This is 90s. His kids got dinosaurs on as well. Yeah. Hey, man. Because he's
cool. All the kids cool kids have dinosaurs. What the Is that?
(23:19):
Is that a reef or something in the mirror? That's a dream catcher or something.
Is that like his sister's hair? After the accident, they kept it. Yeah, they kept
it just in case. They always want to keep a part of her. Is her
hair on fire? It looks like there's smoke behind her head. Oh, it's a light
flare. J.J. abrams came on set today.
Yeah. Okay, guys, be cool. J.J. abrams is here.
(23:42):
Who? We're from the Earth where every man has to wear plaid. Dude,
the mom's nose is ridiculous. You think
of Pinocchio a little bit? I don't know. That's a coke nose and a half.
If I've ever seen it. Yeah, long fingernail nostril.
He's got his own zip code. A little dope to your
(24:02):
friends. Not quite. Deviated septum. Yeah, not quite. It might. It might
be deviated. I don't know, but it's a honker. Definitely a
U turn. A U turn of a septum. The Ford F120.
We inject it again. Another man wearing
plaid. Three men. It's the 90s. Yeah.
(24:26):
Is he wearing plaid too? If he's wearing plaid, I win. He might be
have plaid underneath under the jacket, right? It might be under. Under platting.
How many men will not wear Vlad Limited. This episode of
the Simplistic Reviews Commentary is brought to you by. Scotch looks
like Johnny Depp. Like fat Johnny Depp from Nightmare on Elm Street. You need to
(24:49):
tape something. And then
random Asian girl drinking. Somebody's burning this forest down for some reason.
California. They filmed in California.
Mr. Jack will snap your spine
Cut you in half with a scaly vine. Dad.
A monster's real. A fairy
tale born from a legend. A truth more terrifying than
the tale. Say prayer for Daddy tonight. Okay. Only one
(00:41):
man had the courage to stand against the forces of darkness.
But when a secret that lay dormant for nearly a century is
accidentally unearthed. A vicious avenger is summoned
to fulfill a. An age old prophecy sent us a demon
from hell. Then I'll quit before you die. Mr.
(01:01):
Jack will stew your eyes. Mr. Jack will.
Mr. Jack will. Guided by a vision,
the young boy stands between good and evil.
Haunted by his family's secret past, he must face
and fulfill his destiny. Only Sean can stop
(01:22):
this monster. Give us the boy,
Jack.
Evil lurks in the shadows.
Fear has a new soldier. Mr. Jack.
And Terror has a new name. Mr. Jack will steal
(01:43):
your soul. Jacko.
Hey, kids. Welcome to B's audio commentary for a movie I
know little about, Jack o'.
Ness, and I hope this movie has something to do with Jackie Onassis.
I'm joined by Matthew Stewart and just biographies. Are we gonna watch Jackie.
(02:06):
Jackie Onassis. This is our first brains.
That's basically where this movie starts out.
And Jack.
Oh, we watch horror
movies and comedies and action films. I think we get into the
biopics. This is the 90s. We rarely do 90s. I like 90s.
(02:26):
I know. Well, that's one thing that, you know, 95 I thought was a pretty
good year, that we love the eight. We love the 80s though. But this when
we go into the 90s, like, oh, this is different. We do a lot of
70s and 80s and 90s horrors.
Early 90s horror is a little, it's a little rough sometimes.
(02:47):
This is the same year that I think Vampire in Brooklyn came out.
Talk about all the movie. I want you to look up the highest grossing movie
in 95. And I guarantee you in Brooklyn is where you went to.
Yeah, I love that movie. Why do you love that movie?
Because it's about a vampire. It's about a Caribbean vampire. I,
(03:08):
I, I, I stand corrected. I mean it's got, it's got, it's got Eddie
Murphy and a mullet.
Did he say, did he go in as a vampire in that mov
to. Suck your whole life? He had a really bad accent too.
Well, he had that Caribbean like, y', all, boy, he was,
(03:30):
it's like Juan Guan, man. Hey, do you think he was channeling?
He's from the Caribbean in, in the movie. He's from the Caribbean. The way 95
had quite a bit of movies, by the way. 95 was a busy year.
What's the name of the name of the guy from Game of Thrones? Tywin Charles
Dance. You think Eddie was channeling little Charles Dance in his. In Vampire?
(03:52):
He's. He's got that weir, you know, I. Think he
was handling more Kadeem Hardison other
than Sean because it's.
He was Eddie's co star in Vampire Brooklyn.
Do we need to do. Because I don't remember anything about
(04:13):
this movie. Remember when Alan Payne was supposed to be a big thing in the
black? I do remember Alan. Isn't that the guy from New Jack City?
Yeah. And. And CB4.
It was supposed to be like the new thing. Don't ever question Matthew Stewart
on Black Cinema.
Expert. When I have a question about
(04:36):
black cinema, I go to one man and one man only. Yeah, he owns a
stamp collection of famous black actors.
Every year. Every year they put out a new. His Mike Epps collection is amazing.
Mike Epps, Alan Payne. That's a. That's a shot and a
half, by the way. Tay Diggs. Hey, Diggs. Morris Chestnut. Oh,
(04:56):
don't forget young Chappelle. Almost Michael Eames. Throw him in there somewhere.
Gooding junior.
All the Waynes, all the way. All the way every way
Insane for all those lands. Oh, easy,
easy. They might. Have you been watching the news lately? They might.
(05:17):
The Underground Railroad. But you know, hey.
A train for the Waynes is like the greatest.
That's gonna be the. The Wayne Train autobiography
I'm writing for. I'm gonna get you suckered, bro. You know about Fred Williamson?
Fred Williamson. John. John Witherspoon. John Witherspoon,
(05:37):
of course. Uhhuh. Tiny Zeus Lister. Rest in peace. I felt
bad. Got a
50 cent. Got a tailored suit with all his album covers
in the inside. And he was with a bunch of people. They must have been
young. He goes, I'm like the guy from. And he said, Friday.
The father from Friday. I'm like, you're referencing Boomerang, but you're
(05:59):
he. Nobody knew what he was talking about, but I knew what he was talking
about. But I'm watching the video. I'm like, it's boomerang. 50. It's boomerang.
If only you were there. Only I was there to tell 50. 50 from
Boomerang. If you don't know, don't try. Buddy with the
boomerangs. Doing the suit, the. The coordinate. That was the joke. Anyway.
(06:21):
Well, it is, it is. It is Halloween time. Yes. October.
It's A spooky time of the season. It's Matthew's birthday now.
It's true. So we're on the Matthew track.
That's scary. That's very scary. And what better
way to celebrate I'm. A vampire in Nashville then
Jack. Oh, Jacko. That is a movie.
(06:44):
Jacko might. If Jacko was about a vampire,
that would be terrifying. I'm hoping this is more kind of like remember we.
We watched Uncle Sam. I'm thinking thanks.
Killing. I'm thinking a pumpkin going around killing people.
No, that's pretty much what it is. You're dead man. With Gary Busey. Come on.
With the longest credits you've ever seen. The credits that move. The credits
(07:07):
were like seven minutes. I think they were going backwards. At one point. They stopped.
Reverse went bad. We gotta get to this. Stevie Wonder
was driving it. Am I doing it right?
It hit me. I'm at the00000 mark
and I'm hitting the play button on 1995's Jack O right about
(07:28):
now. Oh my God. Jesus Christ. The American Independent
presents American After Effects by sharing
production. All right. Production is a Shiron production
of a Steve Lap. Sh. Sound like something you get
for a dog. Gets Lantern.
(07:54):
Lantern. Lantern's the very calm lantern.
Jericho Lantern. Hey. We figure out how
to use after effects for the first time. So I think according to this,
this. This is a paranormal thriller. Really?
Is that a crime, Matthew? Is that a horror crime? That's a
horror crime right there. Him talking to that kid. That is a little creepy.
(08:15):
That little. Are we going to get molested? Oh boy.
Epstein Island. It's a me. You're molester.
Oh, I thought he cut his own throat. That's his Halloween costume.
Slow down movie. I'll make him remember this day.
You know when you go to Spirit spirit Halloween and they have like
costumes and they have like generic names for and everything like that.
(08:37):
His thing would be just molester. Molester guy. Yeah.
Molested children with a child would be the other one. The little mustache
with the hair coming out of the chest. It looks like Tony Soprano trying to
kind of has a hit out on him. It looks like
Tony Soprano that got stung by a whole bunch of bees.
Is that Tim Curry? Is it? Are we rocking? Who are picture showing right now.
(09:00):
That sweet transvest about it. Dr.
Frankenfurter. Tom Holland's career started really weird.
So start somewhere. Let's. Let's go into some stuff
here for the. Oh, yes, yes.
Horrible. I created four tricks and treats for you boys.
(09:21):
Oh, it's themed. Yeah, the first one. This is gonna be an interesting
one. So you know how we always do deaths all the time? Right. I wanted
to do something a little bit trickier. Just use your head a little bit.
All right, we're going with death ratio. So this
is going to be death per minutes of the. Oh, my God, the film.
So there's 87 minutes in this film. Right.
(09:43):
So I'm going to go with general time or general ratios.
But whoever's closest and picks it wins and everything. So we're going to go
with a 4 to 1 death ratio. So if you do the math on that,
you kind of generally know what that is. I'm not going to tell you what
what it is, but. Okay. No. So we have four to one, eight to one
or 12 to one. I'm gonna go eight to one.
(10:04):
Okay. DJs going eight. One. Eight to one. That's what I was
gonna pick. Eight to one. Yeah. You can pick it as well. All right,
I'll pick it. Okay. It seems like it's gonna take it. It's gonna build to
the death. I don't know. This could. This is like one of those movies that
you would see a blockbuster, you know, that you're like, oh, I want to rent
this. And that's kind of the feeling. I want us here. This. So that's got
(10:25):
a little bit of money. This is all the money. The money's. Every last
dollar is on the shack. Yeah. This is like maybe like a park.
Like the visitor center at a park. Yeah. This is where they also gotta shoot
a picture where they filmed the village as well. That's true. I think I see
Joaquin Phoenix. Oh, that creep. Look at that guy. It's Arthur Kelly,
(10:45):
man. Get out of here. Kelly. He's a farrier. That's not.
That's not what it means. Was that. Was that Mel Brooks?
I thought it was a pagoda. It's the ratio in old
people and photos.
That photo Michael Madsen with a fake mustache. That photo keeps rotating,
(11:07):
by the way. 37 to 1, if anything. Don't look
at my dad. We gotta put him down before I start jerking off.
I don't want him to see. I think every last. All the dialogue
in this was all adr. Hey, I'm just waiting for this kid to kill his
mom by. By order. The Peaky Blinders. This kid's got
the Peaky Blinders head on. The reason why it's probably all ADR is because they
(11:29):
didn't know how to do audio on set. It's Wind. What do we do with
this wind, guys? I don't know. Record whatever. Yeah, have them mouth the dialogue
and. Record it later like a Chinese. That's real movie magic.
Oh. Next is. I don't know. I had bad puns on
here. But this movie looks like it's going to take itself way too seriously.
(11:50):
Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. But.
But bad puns will also require us really paying attention to this. So it
has to be kind of. Like, you gotta listen. Yeah, I'm gonna
kind of forego that. But I'm gonna say five and a half for the kids
playing at home. So if you're playing at home and you're actually watching this,
the line is. Five and a half. The line is five and a half on
(12:11):
this one. Okay. So DJ is going to go under and, you know, we're not
going to know whether anybody wins Murphy. But, you know, whatever.
What do you say, Justin, just for the sake of the game?
I'll go. I'll go. He said five and a half. Five and a half.
Bad puns. You know, maybe Jack o' Lantern says like, hey,
don't. Why?
(12:32):
I'll go above that. You're gonna go? Okay. Yeah.
I don't know. Do you want me to give you a number? No, no,
no, no. It's like walk the line. The beginning of it when you brother.
Gets killed in the pants right here. Next one's gonna be wonky. Cg.
Oh, well, we kind of saw one already. I've already saw the pumpkin.
(12:52):
Well, it's an intro. It is what it is. It's an intro. So we can't
quite give it, but I don't know. That's a tough question. I'll be honest with
you. I would. It is 95 thing. I guess it's okay.
Better than Walmart. Outdated. CG. Yeah,
outd. I'm gonna go with outdated is better than wonky
because at the time it was probably. Whoa. Yeah,
(13:15):
yeah. After a fair.
I'm high as six
and a half. Oh, I'm gonna go under. I'm gonna go under. They can.
They can only do a little bit. Because I feel like this production is gonna
be mostly done. I do like this scene so
(13:37):
far. It's kind of. It's creepy. You're on the set. They got a little light
there. I like doing this, like, I like the, you know, the effect of,
you know, that's very. Yeah. I don't like his
view. I like the kids view. The kids view. Yeah. They did
a Fake up. A fake. Wake up. It. Was that a drink? Was he drinking?
It was a dream. Yeah. He woke up. They saw the pumpkin man. He woke
up again. What the is that? Oh. Oh, hey. Our good friend Linnea. Quick.
(14:00):
Oh, thank God. Quickly down under. That was. That was.
Might be the only reason. Wink, wink. We are watching this movie.
Perhaps. So what do you think? Okay, so under on. I'm gonna go under on
that. Yeah. I feel like they did it. This is kind
of outdated CG with the lightning here. Well, it's the. The CG I think they
(14:21):
would have used in. In the intro. And I think that's pretty much where it's
gonna be. But it's got to be like this. This production was
50 bucks, you know. Yeah. This wasn't a lot. I do like the fact that
they did the who. Who was in the production. The title. Then they went
cold open and they got their. Had their look.
(14:43):
We're getting some friend. Hide your belts and Cameron Mitchell.
Sitting the entire time. That's the bonus. The bonus.
Gotta add one. Matthew is going to be Cameron Mitchell. Will he
stand? Will he actually be walking or will. All his scenes
be shot at his home? How many different loc. I guarantee you we're
(15:06):
gonna see. I almost want to say that last movie we watched,
those two scenes he was in, he was like at an office, which I think
was in his. In a hot tub with two. And he had his hand on
one of her. And I think we're probably. I want to see. We might see
that same scene again. It might see this. Is he gonna go replay it?
All right. Not replay it, but use the scene setting.
(15:28):
I'll only be in your picture if I get to beat up some broads.
I'll give you credit. They are milking these credits,
Matthew, instead. Of putting it at the beginning. This is a quick movie.
This is gonna be one of those back in the day when they gave you
all the credits in the beginning. And then they'll give it to you. Again at
the end of Oz. This is the wizard of Oz, by the way. 87 minutes,
(15:49):
but really it's 40. I like this. I like this opening shot here. This is
a little Dutch angle. I like this. I like the way that little Kenneth Branagh.
It looks cool. Like I like that. The last
thing we'll go over is cliche costumes. You know,
Cliche costumes. We all know somebody's dressed as the witch or
the black cat or the zombie.
(16:12):
Like, it's like how many costumes? What's your.
What's Your line at. Oh, Canadian tuxedo. Right there. I'm going
with. And we could shout it out as we see it.
14 and a half and. Are you saying wood.
Would Halloween trick or treaters count?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Yeah, I'll go over.
(16:33):
You go over. Okay. That's the play. If there
is a scene of trick or treater. Yeah, there is. It's. There is. Yeah.
If there. Have you seen this movie? I haven't seen it.
No, I have not. I just don't know if there's trick or treaters. If there's
no trick or treaters, then I would say it's under. That's the thing. I don't
know if there is or not. I'm gonna go under them. He said above.
(16:54):
Yeah. I'm gonna do it over. Yeah, the molesters
here. Oh, God. She's driving the new Ford Escort from Ford.
Seatbelts yourself.
How come they got rid of the automatic seatbelt? I think they kept killing people,
Matthew. Too many people died last year.
Look at the rocks.
(17:19):
Damn, this kid's a. I think you'll. Hit her in
the face. I thought so, too. She does look witchy.
How much hairspray you think she does on the daily. She. It looks like
Karen from Goodfellas. She does look like Karen.
Karen. Don't show me Karen.
(17:39):
95 is also the year of the kiss. I'm touching those kids. Karen.
I'll kill you. You hear me?
Oh, she has, like, the witch sash. Oh.
Oh, wow. He's mine.
I'm gonna kill him.
Get off of him. He's. Get off of him. Fran Drescher in who
(18:05):
has the more annoying lap? Let's get you home and get some more
of that LA hair gel. Yeah, LA. Looks is coming
your way. This kid looks like a nerd. Yeah,
see, but I mean, in the 90s, all you had to do is have glasses
and you're automatic. You're automatic, but then you. Loser.
And you're beautiful. Loser. Loser is our boy. John.
(18:27):
Karen. This ain't John. Carried no. Some Brando.
John Carrandine. Cameron Mitchell.
That's. That's like a recipe for disaster. This is like the Avengers before.
The Avengers are a thing. They're all sitting. Everybody's sitting,
all sitting, jerking off, choking each other.
He kind of looks like a young version of the guy from the. The movie
(18:51):
where he falls into the vagina. What was that movie? Getting falls into the vagina.
Getting lucky. Getting lucky. He looks like a young version of that guy.
It looks like he belongs in the page master. Yeah.
What's the name of the kid from Never Ending Story?
Atreyu. Not the fake kid. The real
kid that was kidding about it. The kid from Ladybugs.
(19:14):
Oh, Jonathan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was in the second one. Didn't he choke
himself to death? He killed himself. Did he. Did he hang
himself? I want to say he hung. I think he did. I think. I think
he did hang himself. Like on a pipe. Yeah. When Sequest DSV went off the
air, he's like, I can't live. I can't. No more. No more secret Royce Schreider
made me do. I can't talk to dolphins. Nobody can.
(19:37):
Jesus. Hung on a
little bit longer. That's laying on the first time. Hey, that's a bad pun.
I should add that to the list. Put it in the list. How many bad
puns will we have? Apparently, Snoop Dogg's in my backyard.
He's smoking up a storm. Yes. Hey, kid, for shizzle.
Come out here and just walk in and that's. We know we didn't switch.
(20:00):
I think he's dreaming again. Man. Is he. He keeps blacking out. I think
this kid has autism. I'm just gonna put it out. Maybe this kid's choke jerking
already. Maybe the Predator is gonna find. What's his name?
What's the name of the kid of different room in the Predator movie?
Oh, converted in doctor sleep. Oh, Trembly.
(20:21):
Does he go by. Does he go by Trembly or tremble? Oh, that was a
weird little flash.
Between worlds. Worlds.
I guess this guy is setting up his house as a. It's gonna be.
He's doing a really bad job. The Toyota Corolla. A fancy car for the
modern man. The haunted garage. Enter if you dare.
(20:46):
What'd she say her name was? Maggot. I think it's. Or.
The other word. No, I don't think she sues.
Somebody got video Toaster Emperor Palpatine.
Oh, good. I came
(21:09):
down with all your hate. John Carradine is.
Oh, the emperor. I should be fighting
Frankenstein's daughter. Oh, she feeling it.
The witch is like feeling. He's feeling Kelly's farm. Kelly's farm.
He's a cut some of the edges of her. You know what I mean?
(21:30):
This guy loves his Dutch angle. I don't know what you mean.
I'm gonna hold the camera sideways. Sideways.
Kids, in film parlance, if you use a Dutch angle, it gives you
a sense of uneasiness, uncertainty. It makes you more
Dutch or Dutch. Yeah. Or maybe the cameraman had a peg Leg. He might
have been on a limp, you know? Yep. Like Bill,
(21:53):
I think it was the cinematographer. Yeah, he's one of the best. Doesn't work
that much anymore, though. Not until they invented the self leveling the
tripod.
The what? We got a little religious movie here. We got some devil's work
to do. We just did a religious movie back to back. Religious movies. DJ jokes
(22:14):
on you. This is Princess. The Princess 3.
Who's getting married today? Not them.
God. God. The devil. The devil's
work has never died. God and Lucifer are gonna. I really love
this transition, Matthew. I mean, how many transitions will we have is the real question.
(22:36):
Obviously, like seven of them. What the is this? I'm a zombie.
Watch the bone Temple.
Theaters January 27th.
This kid has autism. He's got a lot of problems. I mean, I guess he
is kind of like Jacob Tremblay and. And the Predator, because wasn't. He was on
(22:57):
the spectrum and autism. Was the next evolution of mankind in
that movie. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's what Shane Black said. So this.
This. This woman is just in this kid's. I get all my news from Shane
Black. That's what he said, man.
This is 90s. His kids got dinosaurs on as well. Yeah. Hey, man. Because he's
cool. All the kids cool kids have dinosaurs. What the Is that?
(23:19):
Is that a reef or something in the mirror? That's a dream catcher or something.
Is that like his sister's hair? After the accident, they kept it. Yeah, they kept
it just in case. They always want to keep a part of her. Is her
hair on fire? It looks like there's smoke behind her head. Oh, it's a light
flare. J.J. abrams came on set today.
Yeah. Okay, guys, be cool. J.J. abrams is here.
(23:42):
Who? We're from the Earth where every man has to wear plaid. Dude,
the mom's nose is ridiculous. You think
of Pinocchio a little bit? I don't know. That's a coke nose and a half.
If I've ever seen it. Yeah, long fingernail nostril.
He's got his own zip code. A little dope to your
(24:02):
friends. Not quite. Deviated septum. Yeah, not quite. It might. It might
be deviated. I don't know, but it's a honker. Definitely a
U turn. A U turn of a septum. The Ford F120.
We inject it again. Another man wearing
plaid. Three men. It's the 90s. Yeah.
(24:26):
Is he wearing plaid too? If he's wearing plaid, I win. He might be
have plaid underneath under the jacket, right? It might be under. Under platting.
How many men will not wear Vlad Limited. This episode of
the Simplistic Reviews Commentary is brought to you by. Scotch looks
like Johnny Depp. Like fat Johnny Depp from Nightmare on Elm Street. You need to
(24:49):
tape something. And then
random Asian girl drinking. Somebody's burning this forest down for some reason.
California. They filmed in California.
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