296. Why Do Leaders Fear Being Honest with Their Congregation? with Tom Bennardo, author of Open-Hearted People, Soul-Connected Church

Why is it so hard for pastors and church people to be truly open and honest with one another? In ministry, we talk a lot about authenticity, vulnerability, and grace—but in reality, putting those ideals into practice can feel risky, messy, and even dangerous.

In this episode, Tom Bennardo, author of Open-Hearted People, Soul-Connected Church, draws on decades of pastoral experience to unpack the journey from guarded exteriors to soul-connected community, offering practical wisdom for leaders who want to foster deeper spiritual formation and resilience through messy, honest, and grace-filled relationships.

THIS EPISODE'S HIGHLIGHTS INCLUDE:

• Markus Watson introduces the idea that some traditions focus on good behavior as the main thing God desires.
• Tom Bennardo strongly asserts that God is most interested in our hearts and souls, not primarily our outward behavior.
• The center of spiritual life is the soul—the inner person—and when our hearts are transformed, right behavior naturally follows.
• Many people develop performance-based Christianity and need to unlearn legalistic mindsets to embrace grace.
• Tom Bennardo describes his journey from legalism to understanding grace as central to authentic spiritual formation.
• The true spiritual transformation flows from inward honesty, authenticity, and a willingness to reveal one's real self to God and others.
• Tom Bennardo defines “open heartedness” as direct, honest engagement of one’s soul—with God, oneself, and others.
• Spiritual growth requires level-three honesty: openly acknowledging the present condition of our soul, not just past mistakes or surface facts.
• Open hearted living involves being vulnerably honest not only with God, but also with ourselves and select others.
• Markus Watson suggests that being open hearted in relationship—with self, God, and others—can provoke anxiety, especially regarding sharing with other people.
• Creating authentic community requires churches to move beyond surface relationships, foster deeper honesty, and cultivate environments where vulnerability is safe and valued.
• Tom Bennardo highlights the importance of leaders modeling open heartedness before expecting it from congregations.
• Spiritual leaders must prioritize genuine relationships rather than merely teaching principles from a distance; transformation is “caught as much as taught.”
• Open heartedness builds resilience in leaders, enabling them to face challenges and change with trust in God rather than rigid control or certainty about the future.
• Tom Bennardo encourages leaders to pursue a collaborative, open-handed approach, trusting God’s guidance and fostering group discernment rather than solitary authority.

RELEVANT RESOURCES AND LINKS:

• https://tombennardo.com/
• Books mentioned:
  • Open-hearted People, Soul-Connected Church, by Tom Bennardo
• Related episodes:
  • 262. From Fired to Flourishing, with Chuck DeGroat
  • 266. The Church as Shalom Maker, with Terry A. Smith
  • 288. Leadership

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