July 16, 2025 • 62 mins
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Thank you very much to Vicky for commissioning this episode!
These chapters are the ones where Miles is physically carried out of Impsec, and then decides to take out the big guns by getting into full Vorkosigan uniform and so many awards and medals that he gains about fifteen pounds, and then stomps down to see the Emperor.
Thank you all so much for listening, and I will see you soon with a new episode!
Wanna talk spoilers? Join the Discord! https://discord.gg/rEF2KfZxfV
Thank you very much to Vicky for commissioning this episode!
These chapters are the ones where Miles is physically carried out of Impsec, and then decides to take out the big guns by getting into full Vorkosigan uniform and so many awards and medals that he gains about fifteen pounds, and then stomps down to see the Emperor.
Thank you all so much for listening, and I will see you soon with a new episode!
Wanna talk spoilers? Join the Discord! https://discord.gg/rEF2KfZxfV
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
This is an Unspoiled Network podcast. This is spoil Me
covering the Vrkosagan Saga Memory chapters fifteen and sixteen. In
these chapters, it's so bad with Alien, y'all. I am
(00:28):
so impressed by how much this author has made me
really care about Alien and care about all of this,
considering the gimmick is how little time Miles has spent
on Barrier real masterful moves. Welcome to spoil Me. Welcome
(01:08):
to the show everyone. I am Natasha. Thank you very
much to Vicky for commissioning this episode. Vicky, I appreciate
you very very much. I don't think Vicky is here
in the chat unless Vicky goes by another name, but
I'm pretty sure Vicky shows up under her that user
name as well here. So I you, guys, this whole
(01:34):
thing is so distressing, and I really wonder how much
you guys had to sort of keep your giggles to yourself.
When I was saying how worried I was about Miles
dealing with memory glitches, this book potentially and shared how
I hated that as a whole concept, and then once
(02:00):
I began this book and it was actually seizures expressed
my relief then that it wasn't going to be about
memory stuff. After all, I am not implying by any
means that I'm mad at you that this is you
(02:21):
were enjoying my pain. I just there are times where
there are reveals in the story that immediately send me
back to something I said, and I can't help but
being like, oh man, they must have been having a
reaction when I said that because it was this, but not,
(02:44):
you know, because this happens not infrequently, I would say,
And the whole what I found wild is the fact
that in the midst of all of this, Miles is
(03:04):
being kept from seeing Ilien, and it does not appear
to have ever occurred to Miles. That maybe there is
some suspicion on him regarding what has happened to Ilian.
And I'm genuinely surprised, because usually Miles can think twistily
(03:27):
enough that he can come at an issue from other
points of view and sort of see potentially what somebody
else would interpret, or you know, something like that. And
I will say, I don't actually have a problem with
the fact that it hasn't occurred to him, because he
(03:48):
isn't such a panic and I think his usual deductive
skills and reasoning are not at the level that they
would normally be if this were something he weren't so
personally distressed by. But it felt clear to me it's
(04:08):
more that this guy doesn't like you, or that he's
trying for a power play. And it might be those
things for sure as well, But it felt like he
has a dislike of you that feels as if it
stretches to this immediate situation for some particular reason. And
(04:33):
I wouldn't be surprised if, like the fact that Alien
keeps asking for you, maybe somebody could interpret that as
like Alien's trying to tell us who did this to him?
You know something, If you wanted to be that kind
of paranoid or think that Alien would waste his breath
on that, you could do it. And I just I'm
(04:56):
not really sure if Miles did put two and two
together and thought of that as part of the problem here,
how much it would really change any way that he
approaches the issue. But it I just want to feel
like he's considering it, you know. So all right, all right,
(05:21):
let's start at the beginning here. A week goes by,
and Miles is really impatient at how little information they
are working with as of now. He really feels like
we knew that it was likely the chip and it
wasn't any internal neurological issue practically on day one, and
(05:45):
that's all you're telling me right now that we're still
working with that information, like that's nothing. And there's an
interesting sort of tone to the conversation where it simultaneously
feels like he's being primanded for being impatient by somebody
who is also really impatient, Like I feel like I
(06:10):
get the sense that Gregor is hiding from Miles that
he himself is upset by this as well, which is
like the role that some people do play. They can
have the same feelings about a thing as a person,
but they are not necessarily in a position where they
(06:31):
can freely share that they feel that way. And you know,
it's sort of like a thing of like a person
a parent versus a child, where a kid can grumble
about how long something is taking and they're bored and
YadA YadA, but a parent has to be polite and
tell the kid to quiet down and just be patient,
(06:52):
even though the parent themselves is ready to fucking snap
on somebody. And that's sort of how this felt for
me was like, Gregor's got a vibe that feels like
the way that he says, it's apparently not easy. That
(07:12):
wording says to me, you got into it with them
a little bit, and that's the response they gave you.
That you're just passing on. And he says, alien has
had this particular neural augmentation in place and running for
longer than any other human being. Ever. There are no
(07:34):
standards for comparison. He's the baseline. No one knows what
thirty five years of accumulated artificial memory does to a personality.
We may be finding out. And he cuts the calm,
and then we have miles here thinking to himself, I
can't keep relying on this secondhand information because Gregor just
(07:58):
gives me a synopsis of their synopsis, and so all
of the details that might actually make a difference are
lost in translation, which I can't agree with enough. This
is something that I think maybe a lot of my
neurodivergent peeps out there are going to understand. But when
(08:23):
I asked somebody, so, what did they say, and that
person was like, oh, they were really mad. I cannot
emphasize enough how useless that is to me. I didn't
ask what was their emotion? I asked what did they say?
(08:46):
That's different because you can be really mad and you
can express that in one of a thousand different ways.
You can handle your anger with maturity, or you can lash,
you can be spiteful, or you can be understanding. There
are a million directions they were really mad can go.
(09:11):
And so if I'm asking what they said and you
tell me something like that, I have no use for it,
Like I just I also hate this with like, you know,
the way that the internet functions now there is a
(09:34):
huge call for like clickbait, but in the form of
videos where somebody will post a video and it will
be this outrageous thing happening, and you'll start to see
the reaction of the person there, and then the video
cuts off and you either have to like find the
second one or there's a link to it in comments,
or and this one happens a surprising amount, there is
(09:55):
no second video because whatever was happening was it was
such a moment that the person actually had to cut
their camera and like take off, and then you just
have somebody in the comments like saying what happened next?
And it's so unsatisfying so and anyway, especially with like
medical stuff, the details are hugely important, you know, I don't.
(10:20):
I It does not surprise me one little bit that
this is the response that Miles is having. This is
a dude who is a control freak, you know, and
I get that I am one too, So his desire
to seize on the raw data and go through it himself,
it's just completely in character. So then we can't Lady
(10:46):
Alice or Patrol calling him up and being like, how
in the fuck did you three little assholes know this
was going on and none of you thought to tell
me about it, you little shits. I can't believe this.
And I love the fact that Miles later on is
(11:11):
talking about the general and is like, this guy doesn't
understand the power that she has because he's blinkered by
her gender. And I'm like, Hi, Miles, hello, it's me
you too, You also are blinkered by her gender. And
I know that it doesn't feel that way because Miles
(11:34):
works with and is involved with so many very strong women.
But it is clear once he is back on Barry Are,
the way that he sees Barry Yarn women particularly is different.
I think that he just underestimates them because they are
(11:56):
allowed a much narrower scope, and he assumes that means
they have less ability, And oh my god, I'm so sorry.
Jen in the chat says, my dog just started barking
at the knock, which is I have had this happen
when there is a doorbell on the TV, and it's
the worst. Sorry, Jen, but yeah, I just couldn't help
(12:21):
but feel like you're also doing this, and the fact
that her junior makes it so much more frustrating, you know.
He asks how things went on Komar, and she says
that Lisa's parents are upset, and like, I'm trying to
(12:43):
calm them down. But the thing is a lot of
what they're worried about is very reasonable. You know, there's
a good reason for them to be upset and concerned
about some of this stuff. So I'm having your mom
stop there on the way home, which it's news to
Miles that his mother is heading home in the first place.
(13:05):
And secondly, he's like, my mom can be a little
bit like abrace it for some people. Are you sure
she's the person? And she's like, the way that your
mom works is that in the moment she seems so
well reasoned that even when something's bonkers, it feels like
(13:28):
it isn't. So I think that she'll be able to
convince them this is a good idea, and they may
take it back later, but it'll be too late and
they'll just be like, why did I ever think that?
She told me it was a good idea? And I
believed her, which I can't help. But also think that
Cordelia is a great person for this job because she
(13:50):
is somebody who has had to move from a planet
that has a really different approach to marriage and gender
and social systems than very are, and she had to
adapt and survive in a position that's only like one
rung down from the position that Lisa is going to
(14:13):
be taking. So personally, I think that she's the perfect
candidate because she can speak to this experience very, very
minutely in a way nobody else can. And I'm into it.
So I wish I could be there to see that conversation.
That would be something. And she says, there be enough
(14:36):
tensions that I can't ease. I don't intend to leave
any hanging that I can eliminate. Goodwill is going to
be at a premium, and then she mentions the fact
that Haroch wouldn't let her into see Ilien either, and
that he was maddeningly vague and that he is obviously
(14:56):
not vore and can you do anything about him? And
Miles is like, I don't even work for Insect anymore.
Of course I can't do anything. They wouldn't let me in.
And he says, I'm annoyed at him myself, and she says,
not annoyed enough. Haroche actually had the nerve to tell
(15:19):
me me that it was no site for a lady.
I asked him what he had been doing during the
war of oor Darian's pretendership. I can't help like her
husband was fucking shot beheaded right in front of her
(15:42):
and she had to like give birth and an alley.
This bitch has been through it, Okay, not a site
for a lady. Get the hell out of my fucking face.
I would have slapped the shit out of him, I
swear to God. Ugh. I gather Heroche has persuaded Gregor
(16:04):
his status as acting chief of Imsect is too new
and fragile to bear interference from such dangerously unauthorized and
female persons such as myself. Simon never had any such qualms.
I wish Cordelia were here. She was always better than
I at cutting through masculinus dribble. And let's see. This
(16:27):
is when Miles says, Haroche is in an excellent position
to persuade Gregor. He's in total control of the flow
of all information to him. And it's like he says
this without fully considering what that sounds like, and once
it's out of his mouth, he sort of stops and
(16:49):
is like, hah, that's sinister sounding, isn't it, And then
sort of moves on like anyway, And and I couldn't
help but laugh a little bit, because, like you'd know,
you can't just anyway. You can't, bro, that's a pretty
(17:10):
big thing you just said there. So he goes to
bed and he gets woken up in the middle of
the night by Lieutenant Warburg, who is like, why the
fuck haven't you shown up yet, And of course Miles
is like, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about,
(17:33):
and he says, I've sent you like four messages that
you are being asked for explicitly by name. He wants
to see you, and Miles is like, I don't know
what to tell you. I haven't heard a thing, and
he just says, impossible. I've passed it on in my
night reports four or five nights in a row. And
(17:58):
Miles thinks to himself, the break was somewhere else up
in Voorburg's chain of command. And I was like, it's
a roche. There's no question, Like instantly, I'm what, there's
a break somewhere. It's Haroche. Obviously, eventually he gets there,
and you know, it doesn't even necessarily seem like he
was doubting it so much, But it was just funny
(18:20):
that it was presented as like it could be anybody. No,
it couldn't. We know who it is, so uh he
he says, I've been hearing a lot of strange things
from the man between the sedatives and before he goes
noisy and wins another dose. Even in his more lucid moments,
(18:42):
it comes out sounding pretty garbled. But I've been getting
the damnedest unpleasant feeling that the problem is half in
me because I don't know the background. I can't decipher
what maybe perfectly clear statements. I have figured out you
were never a bloody courier. No covert ops, high level
overt ops. The highest I don't know quite why he
(19:04):
discharged you. Ah, I really must tell you someday, and
I was like, you really must, but I can understand why.
Now isn't the time. The conversation we had on the
steps outside the residents will do for the one we
(19:25):
had tonight, if anyone inquires, But this conversation better not
have taken place. Well, you covert Ops Fellows were always
the worst bunch of weasels I ever met. So I
don't know even now if I trust you, But if
you're being straight with me, I'm glad for the sake
of the var that you haven't just abandoned your father's liegemen.
(19:47):
There's not many of us who are left who care
enough to enough to I don't know how to say it,
who care enough to make var Re suggested Myles. Yes,
said Vorburg gratefully. That's right, damn straight Vorburg and Uh.
(20:11):
I just like this moment of feeling like maybe they
could be allies. But I know eventually Varberg is going
to have to find out Miles is the one who
cut his legs off, and it's gonna be a whole thing.
It's gonna have to happen. It's eventually it's gonna have
to happen. So Miles goes down to imsect. Well, no,
it's not too imsect. Well it is insect though, right
(20:34):
because they have the doctors there for covering up what's
going on, because like they're trying to keep as many
people as they can from knowing about what's happening with Ilian.
So anyway, he's going in there and he's just trying
to think through what could be happening with Haroche keeping
him from seeing uh Ilien. And he's assuming that it's
(20:55):
the skuy is thick headed, which again I had my
own suspicions by this point I could understand thinking that
he's the headed, but also the dude just doesn't have
the background on what Miles has accomplished really, which is
sort of like he has access to Miles files, I
(21:16):
guess at this point, so he could see everything, but
I don't know, maybe that makes it worse anyway. Anyway, Okay,
so he comes in demands to see Ilien. HaRosh gets
on the calm again and tells him fuck off or
(21:40):
you will be removed, and Miles says, try it, and
he says bet and hangs up and then sends some
actual goons to carry Miles bodily off the premises and
deposit him outside the outer gates, and then those men
give orders to the guards out there that he is
(22:01):
not allowed to be in the building, and if he approaches,
you have permission to stun him, which could fuck Miles
up pretty good. I don't know how much Heroche knows
about that and how much of a threat he realizes
that is, but we know that's a pretty big threat.
(22:23):
And he thinks about the fact that Heroche threatening him,
he's so outraged by and then has to take a
step back and be like, why shouldn't he? And this
is what I thought it was going to be, like
it was going to start to enter his mind that
maybe he suspects me in this, but it never does. Instead,
what it is, why shouldn't her Roche dare mad to
(22:45):
be judged solely on his own supposed merits. Miles himself
had spent the last thirteen years eviscerating Lord Wor Kosekin.
He'd wanted to be seen as himself, not his father's son,
not his grandfather's grandson, nor the descendant of any other Kosekin.
For the last eleven generations, trying so hard, no wonder
he'd succeeded in convincing everyone, even himself that Lord Vorkosigin
(23:09):
didn't count. And this was like I really thought he
was going to be like, well, why shouldn't he threaten
me or dare to threaten me? Because I just got fired.
I don't have any part in this except for, you know,
like potentially having been involved in something that maybe he
(23:31):
thinks seems like shady. I don't know, but I just
really thought this was going to be the moment and
it isn't. So there's a weird moment here where he
thinks through how failing to surrender is a Workosagan tradition,
(23:52):
and there's like, you know, an old story about a
Dindari district that had wanted to surrender, but no, but
he was able to Uh, nobody around was literate enough
to decipher the amnesty offer, so they kept fighting until
they won, even though it wasn't actually necessary. And he
(24:13):
then there's more Hillman in me than I'd thought he
should have suspected it of a man who secretly liked
the taste of maple mead, Naysmith could demonstrably get more
Kosigan killed he could strip mine the little Lord for
every positive human trait, down to bare and naked dundari bedrock,
cold and sterile. Naysmith had embezzled his energy, ransacked him
(24:38):
for time, nerve wit, leached the very volume from his voice,
even stolen his sexuality. But at that point even Naysmith
could go no further. A hillman dumb as his rocks
just didn't know how to quit. I am the man
who owns vorkosigan VASHNOI. Miles threw back his head and
(25:02):
laughed and uh. He then says, I just figured out
why it was. I hadn't gone to get my head
fixed yet, and he'd thought Naysmith was the sly one.
I don't understand this, guys. Is he saying that basically, like,
if I go to get my head fixed, it's admitting defeat,
(25:25):
and so I just couldn't bear to surrender. And because
he uses the word sly and that I don't understand, like,
it just feels like there he comes to a conclusion
here that I meant to understand as a reader, and
I don't feel like I did. It feels like it's
(25:45):
a lot of internal conflict and thinking through his identity
from a different perspective, and all of that is valid,
and I'm getting that, But then the conclusion he reaches
at the end feels like I figured out why it
was I hadn't gone to get my head fixed yet.
(26:09):
Well what I feel like we jumped to that out
of nowhere and I didn't have any like understanding of
the relevance. Jeff Say says, I think it's because he
didn't want to have to embrace Lord warkos Agin as
his full identity. I don't really get how what that
means with his head getting fixed, though, Sylvan says, I
(26:31):
think he's saying that if he gets his head fixed,
it would allow him to run off and become Naysmith,
and Lord Workosigan would die. Oh I see, I see Okay,
So basically a part of him knows that he is
(26:54):
like he would have to actively choose, and he isn't
ready to do that. Okay, I get I get what
you're saying. Now, Sorry, there's somebody here with a username
and without a username, and I don't know how to
refer to you. I was about to say, now says
but that's just now, is just when you sent the
message once he was fired nay Smith of warcosagain can't
(27:18):
both exist. If he ran off to the Dundari, he
couldn't return home. He subconsciously avoided right way, right way,
right Okay, thank you guys, because yeah, it just like
I was. It felt like he was saying like, oh,
there's like some subconscious reason, but I wasn't fully reaching
(27:39):
the end of the thought there. I appreciate you guys.
Oh there's some people saying that they didn't get that either,
So good. I'm glad that we all are learning together.
But yeah, I I you know, I kind of felt
like Nie Smith was something that Miles was going to
(28:00):
eventually leave behind. It never really was a serious concern
to me that he was going to simply drop being
a Vorkosagan and be Naysmith forever. It like it was
certainly a possibility, but it just felt to me like
his family clearly meant too much to him. Barry Are
(28:22):
he feels like a really serious responsibility about even though
he hasn't gone back, He hasn't gone back and done
anything serious in a while, much more because of that
thing that we all have where we perpetually believe we
still have time. So it has always felt for me,
(28:44):
not necessarily like Naysmith was destined to go away so
much as Miles would outgrow Naysmith once he was willing
to embrace his real responsibilities that are not easy to escape,
because in order to escape them, he would have to
(29:05):
let down not only his grandfather's ghost, but he'd let
down his dad. And maybe he could do that. If
his father had passed on, it wouldn't feel like the
same pressure, but I think it would still feel pretty intense.
We see the specter of his grandfather looming over a
(29:25):
lot of the decisions he makes, even now that man
is dad, And if Cordelia were still around, I'm sure
he would feel observed by her. And there is just
a certain seriousness to what he o'sberry are that as
a young person, you can't help but resent. I think
(29:49):
you know, anything that you're sort of born into without choice,
that is like a kind of expectation of you. I
think it's just a human reaction that you regret because
you didn't choose this, You didn't necessarily want this, and
apparently you don't like get to opt out of it,
or if you do, it's seen as something sort of
(30:10):
shameful and It's a big part of the American individualism attitude,
you know, where there isn't that same like expectation of
fulfilling certain duties for your family and legacy the same
way that there are in other cultures. But it used
(30:32):
to be something that I was relieved by when I
was younger that that wasn't as big a thing for
me and my family. And the older I get, the
more I understand the merit of it. But I also
understand how there has to be a period in which
(30:52):
kids get to make their own decisions and choose to
return to the thing that they that many people would
prefer they do that they prefer this person honor. It
isn't honoring it if they're doing it purely because they
feel they have no choice, or that the judgment would
(31:15):
be so acute that they can't bear the shame of it.
You know, I think this is kind of perfect that
he has reached a point where he made a really
bad call in hiding his condition, and then he made
(31:36):
a really really bad call in going out into the field,
and then he made the worst call of all in
falsifying his report, and all of this to try hanging
desperately onto something that like he maybe is outgrowing, and
(31:59):
maybe a part of him even knew it was time
to move on, and he was thinking, I'm trying to
hold onto it, but a part of him was sabotaging himself.
I don't know. But once his judgment became that compromised,
and I don't know, it's like a part of me thinks,
(32:24):
this is great, you can come back to barryar and
start being more of a grown up in your approach
to things. But another part of me is like, well,
you fucked up so badly. Is that indicative of somebody
who's ready for more responsibility? But it does feel like
he has learned his lesson adequately. At the beginning, I
(32:44):
was feeling like he was still trying to just blame
everybody else. And it seems like we finally come around
to him understanding like, no, I really did deserve to
be fired. So maybe that is the right time for
him to start getting serious about others responsibilities. I don't know.
So he goes home and he gets in his official
(33:13):
do not Fuck with Me upeon piece of Shit uniform,
the Vorkosigan house uniform, and also the like a myriad
of awards that he has wound up being given over
(33:34):
the years. He decides to put all of them on
at once Counts and their heirs, honorably retired from more
active imperial service, were permitted by ancient custom to wear
their military decorations on their house uniforms and recognition of
the war's official and historical status as what was that
(33:56):
dippy phrase, the sinews of the Imperium the Emperor's right arm.
Nobody'd ever called them the brains of the Imperium. Miles
noted dryly. Miles had never once worn all his accumulated honors,
in part because four fifths of them related to classified activities,
and what fun was a decoration you couldn't tell a
good story about? And in part because why because they'd
(34:21):
belonged to Admiral Naysmith, Which was an interesting thought. He's like,
why should I wear if I can't tell a good story?
I completely sympathize, because I would fucking desperately want to tell.
But I could also see there being a certain appeal
and like it's classified, you know, although if you're as
(34:42):
paranoid about people thinking you're full of shit as Miles is,
it could certainly be turned around as people just thinking
you got given something due to nepotism and saying it's
classified is just code for I didn't do anything. I
just happened to be standing next to the guy who
did something, and I got this medal. And let's see
the bad look. Badges like the one vor Burg had
(35:04):
just won for getting wounded filled one whole row and
part of another. His very first metal ever was from
the Vervani government. His most recent high honor had drifted
in rather belatedly from the grateful Marilakans by jump mail.
He loved covert ops. It had taken him to such
very strange places. He laid out no less than five
(35:26):
bary Arn Imperial stars in metals of various denominations, depending
more on how much salt Ilien had sweated back at
h Q during the particular missions they represented than the
amount of blood Miles personally had shed on the front lines.
He hesitated then arranged the gold medallion of the Cetaganden
Order of Merit on its colorful ribbon properly around the
(35:48):
tunic's high collar. He could be one of the few
soldiers in history ever to be decorated by both sides
in the same war, though to be true, the Order
of Merit had come later and had been presented to
Lord Borkos again, not the Little Admiral for a change.
When they were all arranged. The effect was just short
(36:13):
of looney. I desperately want to see this on screen,
Like how many? How many is this? I just really,
(36:33):
you know. So he's like, oh god, I didn't know
how many I had? Should I should I do this?
And then he's like, you know what, let's fucking do it,
and he pins him all on and he gets everything
on him, even puts on his grandfather's dagger again, and uh.
(36:56):
He heads over to speak to Gregor. Now, I didn't
think it was going to be like I need help
getting access to Ilien. I thought it was going to
be Gregor, here's all the shit I've done, Go tell
that motherfucker to give me access. And it is that,
(37:17):
but like in a real different, much more bureaucratic way,
which I think is more elegant but is essentially the
same thing. It's just, you know, Miles obviously had a
real different idea of where this was going as well.
So when he walks in, Gregor is just like, oh shit,
(37:40):
oh my god. I never saw you like this before.
This is a lot, and he says, I need you
to know that it's way worse what's going on with
Ilien than he's telling you. You have sensed it too.
Has he ever told you that Alien asked to see me?
(38:00):
And Gregor finally, well, I know he's been demanding a
lot of impractical things. How do you know this isn't
just more of the hallucinations. That's just the point. I
can't judge because I haven't been permitted to see him,
No one has. Haroche has now blocked me twice, and
(38:23):
let's see, stupidity can be just as bad as malice sometimes.
If this chip crash is anything like my cryoamnesia, it
has to be hell for Alien to lose yourself inside
your own head. It was the loneliest I've ever been
in my life, and nobody came for me till Mark
Bold through. At the very least, Haroche is mishandling this
dude to nerves and inexperience and needs to be gently
(38:45):
or maybe not so gently, straightened out. At the worst,
the possibility of deliberate sabotage has to have crossed your
mind too, even though you haven't talked about it much
with me. So yeah, this is when Haroche, it turns out,
has read Myles file. I forgot that he had read
it and had explicitly asked greg Or not to discuss
(39:07):
this with Miles, which again I feel should be an
indicator he suspects you. Why else would he want to
keep you out of that. I mean, it's not like
you wouldn't come to that conclusion potentially yourself, but he
doesn't want to let you know that he's even thinking
(39:27):
that for obvious reasons, Miles. So this is when Miles says,
I want you to assign me an imperial auditor. I
will tell you what, guys. I actually reminded that the
first time I was listening because I thought he was saying,
(39:52):
I want you to assign me as imperial auditor, which
when Gregor comes back with, wait, who do you have
in mind a little bit later, I was like, who
does he have in mind? And it just felt like
(40:12):
we already were. It was going to be so much
easier to just make Miles an imperial auditor that I
was there already. So we have this like in between
moment where he's talking about certain auditors specifically and then
Gregor has to be like, well, you know, you would
(40:35):
really fit the bill, and Miles is just like, oh,
he can't possibly be thinking. I'm like, of course he's thinking, Miles,
I'm thinking, I'm shocked that you're not already thinking. And
you know, I understand after getting discharged the way that
he was, why he would feel like he couldn't consider
me for the job. But it's very funny because you know,
(40:57):
a couple episodes ago, I was saying that I thought
Gregor was about to meet with Miles to talk about
something that was like an assignment outside of IMSECT that
Miles couldn't have been if he were still with ISECT,
And now it's essentially that. But it comes about, for
like by accident due to what's going on with Ilien,
(41:17):
and might not have gone on in this direction at
all otherwise I don't know. So, yeah, Gregor, it will
save ever so many steps if I simply appoint you
as acting Imperial Auditor with the usual broad limits on
a ninth auditor's powers. Of course, whatever you do has
(41:37):
to be at least dimly related to the event you
are assigned to evaluate, in this case, Alien's breakdown. You
can't order executions, and in the unlikely event of you
direct any arrests, I would appreciate it if they came
attached to sufficient evidence for successful prosecutions. One expects a
certain traditional horum in an Imperial auditor's investigations and do care.
(42:06):
But Haroche will know it's a scam. Then Haroche will
be dangerously mistaken. I loved that line. That was the
first time that I felt Gregor was like a badass.
I was genuinely like, oh shit. I was not happy
with the way events seemed to be progressing either, but
short of going down there in person, I didn't see
(42:28):
what to do now I do? Does that satisfy you?
Lord Wark goes again, Oh Gregor, you can't begin to
guess how much working in the chain of command for
the last thirteen years has been like trying to waltz
with an elephant, slow lumbering, ready to step on you
at any moment and reduce you to grease. Do you
have any idea how nice it would be, just once
(42:51):
to be able to dance on top of the damned
elephant instead of under it. Don't get carried away, Gregor cautioned,
eyes crinkling, No miles caught his breath, but I think
this will work just fine, thank you. So they have
to talk about should I go unannounced, as is tradition
(43:13):
for an auditor's first visit anywhere, and he's like, I
don't want to get stunned, but I also feel like
if you call ahead, ah, it's going to ruin the
whole thing. I think I might just fucking go. So
(43:36):
let's see, Gregor says, I did have a thought about
the question of sabotage. It ought to have been followed
up promptly by some sort of attack during the confusion
immediately after Ilion went down, But nothing out of the
ordinary except ilians. I'm not sure what to call it.
An illness and disposition. Nothing else unusual except aliens in
(44:02):
disposition has so far occurred, noted said Miles. Unless the
motivation was something like, say, personal revenge, not a one
to two punch, just a one punch, and he's just like,
that could be such a long list. I kind of
don't even want to think about it. H Let's see.
(44:26):
This is when we jump over to him bringing in
Ivan as his assigned like assigned assistant. Let's see when
Gregor's liveried man came galloping into HQ and yanked me
off work. I thought the damn residence was burning down,
but it was only you. That's Lord Auditor cauz to
(44:50):
you for the duration. Tell me this is a joke, no,
quite real, and he says, the first thing the Imperial
Auditor requested was an assistant. You wanted a donkey to
carry his luggage. And the first ass he thought of
was me. So flattering. And this is when it gets
(45:13):
a little serious, and Miles is like, hey, we're investigating
what's going on with Ilion and this could be a
very big deal. So I'm picking you because I know
I can trust you. This is not me just like
wanting to play a little bit of a prank on
make your life annoying. This is genuinely I think you're
the man for the job. And Ivan is immediately like,
(45:37):
oh good, somebody needed to fucking do something about that.
Well well, and then he says about the chain Miles
is wearing. I must say it does look right on you.
I always thought you needed a choke chain, which is
out of order, Ivan, but probably fair to be perfectly honest.
(46:00):
So we have Miles rolling up at Imsects front gates
again and being like, hey, guys, so let me in,
and they're like, yeah, we just threw you out like earlier.
Today you're the same guy. And Miles is like, I'm
not the same guy. I am not trying to enter.
(46:25):
I am telling you to get somebody out here for me. Now,
let's see what happens. Let's see. Miles came to parade
rest and waited for Heroche to puff to a halt
before him. He permitted himself one brief glorious moment of
(46:47):
enjoyment of the appalled expression on the general's face as
Horoche too took in the details, then set it aside.
I told you not to come back here. Try again.
That can't be real. The penalty for counterfeiting at his death.
(47:09):
Miles felt he could almost hear the gears grinding in
her Roche's head. Some long seconds crawled past, then Horoche
corrected himself in a slightly cracked voice. My Lord, auditor,
thank you, said Myles huskily. The flat filtered air of
(47:31):
Ilian's office was fraught with memory. Myles had sat or
stood in here a hundred times to receive orders or
deliver results. He'd been fascinated excited, certainly challenged, occasionally triumphant,
sometimes exhausted, sometimes defeated, sometimes in pain, sometimes in great pain.
(47:54):
This room had been the center from which his life
had radiated. All that was gone now Miles lean forward,
all right, as you should have deduced by now. Gregor
is seriously displeased with the way this organization has been
treated simon Illien's breakdown. So what I want. I want
(48:15):
to see Alien. I want a conference with his medical staff.
I want them to bring anything they've learned so far
and be prepared to brief me, and I'll figure out
what else after that. You've given me a dilemma. It
was and remains premature to accuse any man of sabotage
(48:36):
in the matter of Ilien's chip failure before the cause
of the chip failure is determined. Potentially very embarrassing if
the cause turns out to be natural. I have a
little list that I'm holding in limbo, pending the arrival
of some data with which to pin it to reality.
On my short list, you are very You're the top. Oh,
(49:05):
and now you've made yourself untouchable. I see they stared
steadily at one another across the black glass. I was like, duh, Miles,
I was actually really relieved Heroche just said it, because,
(49:28):
like I was thinking that he was clearly a suspect,
but that once he showed up here, Horoche was going
to get all the more paranoid and watch every step
for like, is he trying to alter evidence? You know,
I thought it was going to be this weird little
dance of Miles not understanding what Horoche suspected of him
(49:51):
and thinking he was being super efficient and frustrated with
Heroche's obstructionism while still remaining a blue to the suspicion
and Heroche is fucking telling him. Really didn't occur to
me as an option, because so much of the thing
of trying to catch somebody is that you don't let
(50:12):
them know you suspect them at all, and then you
collected enough evidence and you spring it on them, and surprise.
I thought it was you bitch this whole time. So
Aroche says, I don't want you to be near Ilian
because if there's a second attack that comes after you
(50:33):
like debilitate him, I mean, I'm just facilitating that. But
it also doesn't seem like I have any other option,
And Miles says, do you have any motive that you
think I would have to doing this, And he's like,
he fired you, And Miles says, Ilian helped create me.
(50:57):
He had a right to destroy me. He terminated you
for falsifying your reports, a documented fact. I would also
like to formally register. Haroche glanced at Ivan, who remained
wonderfully bland a defensive response. He'd spent a lifetime perfecting
(51:19):
one report once and Gregor already knows all about it.
Miles could almost feel the ground shifting under his feet.
How had he ever classified this man as thick headed? Yeah,
and it didn't occur to me that like falsifying the
(51:41):
report would not only cause him to lose his job,
but if people know about it, it would cause him
to potentially lose the reputation for integrity, which, like the
point is to keep that whole thing secret so that
that doesn't happen. Because I think Ilian still understood he
(52:02):
can be trusted for the most part. This was just
an extreme circumstance because of what was on the line
for him. But you know, Alien's I've been taken out
of the equation now and it just looks really, really bad.
And he says, even if you were guilty. I'm starting
(52:23):
to wonder if I could do anything about it. The
Emperor is the only appeal, and you appear to already
have him sewn up, but attempting to take you out
the career suicide. Well, if our positions were reversed, I
wouldn't give up till I nail you to the wall
with the biggest spikes available. But if after I go
(52:44):
in to see aliens some sort of second shot occurs,
you can better. I'll be measuring its trajectory with utmost care.
Hairoj vented a long sigh. This is premature. I'll be
more relieved than anyone. Bring in a diagnosis of natural causes.
It would short circuit a world of trouble. Myles Grimace
(53:06):
reluctant agreement. You got that right, General Forkosagen, tell me,
is that really aceticand in order of merit? Yeah, and
the rest of it. I didn't clean out my father's
desk drawer, if that's what you're asking. Everything here is
(53:28):
accounted for in my classified files. You be one of
the few men on the planet who doesn't have to
take my word for it. Hmm, well, my Lord Auditor,
carry on, But I'll be watching you good, watch closely.
So this is when they're in the hall and Ivan says,
(53:54):
oh shit, you trotted out the little admiral. And Miles
is like what and he's like, I thought you were
doing that on purpose. You were just like Natesmith in there.
You just didn't have the accent. I mean, you always
make people do whatever you want. It's just that's how
you are. So when they go inside, this is awful.
(54:18):
I hated it so much. So first they have to
talk to a doctor. And when they go in, Ilien
is half covered by a sheet, but he's naked and restrained,
and we find out bro is obstreperous. I'm thinking about
the words. I had to bring my cat to the
(54:40):
vet earlier this year and she was dealing with some
repeated vomiting and they had to do an examination and
eventually they had to sedate her. And the paperwork of
the you know what they did in the examine, everything
there was bunch of notes and the words fractious, obstreperous, aggressive,
(55:10):
There was another one a very a fun like a
little creative one though they were all in the report
about her. And that is what I imagine his report
is looking like, which makes sense because Ilian is literally
the head of security, and it seems to him that
he has been like ganked by enemies and kept in
(55:33):
a fucking prison. He doesn't know what's going on. As
far as he knows, there's just random stopping him from
doing what he fucking needs to do, which changes every
five minutes, because he every time that he tunes back in,
there's a different timeline locked in. And I just felt
for him, like this is just it really is reminding
(55:54):
me of Alzheimer's. And as I said before we started
this book, it's just such a trigger thing for me
because I am likely to develop this at some point
in my life, and it's so frightening. And I have
seen other people dealing with their family, family they love,
(56:17):
but who is draining them of their will to live,
And I hate the idea of that because our country
is not interested in allowing people to take their own
lives when they have reached a certain point and you know,
are still maybe ahead of the curve enough to make
(56:39):
an informed decision about it, but we don't allow that.
You have to go to other countries, you know, and
it's fucking expensive. By the way, I looked into it
because I was thinking, maybe I can get myself like
a setup when my mind starts to go, because I
am certain that will happen, and you know, get a
(57:01):
plan in place so that somebody doesn't have to take
care of me. Despite the fact that I don't recognize them.
I'm getting violent with them. I'm accusing them of stealing
from me or thwarting me in some way. Like there's
so much that goes with that kind of caretaking. That
is just you putting your head down and taking a beating,
(57:23):
whether verbally or physically, from a person that loves you
but doesn't remember that they love you. I don't want
to do that to somebody. But if I don't want
to do it to somebody, I'm gonna have to say
twenty five thousand dollars to prepare to fly somewhere for
end of life. And I don't know about you, but
(57:45):
I don't have twenty five grand to spend for killing myself.
It's on the cards. So anyway, the United States is medieval.
So he goes in and we have this repeated miles,
what the hell are you doing here? Why aren't you
(58:06):
doing blank? Blank blank? And it's like back and forth,
back and forth on all of these different timelines. He
thinks it's months ago, he thinks it's years ago, he
thinks it's decades ago. At one point he's like, Miles
is six years old. And whenever Miles tells him your
chip is malfunctioning, alien takes his word for it right away,
(58:28):
which one of the guys that's working there is just like,
I wish he'd believe us when we said that, because
he just tries to beat the shit out of us
when we say it. Miles, what the hell is going on?
And then five minutes later, who the devil are you?
Miles is five years old? Don't be absurd. Watch out
(58:50):
your grandfather wants to kill you. Trustful Sari, Oh, I
do side Miles. And then finally Miles Warburg found you,
and Miles is able to be like, oh, oh, this
is the one, this is the right timeline. Shit. And
it turns out he understands the chip is going bonkers
(59:12):
in his head and he says, if this can't be fixed,
you need to fucking kill me. And Miles is like, bro,
I am not promising you that. Oh my god, I can't.
I can't do it. And then he's like what did
you get Warburg for? Did you have him get me
because you wanted me to make this promise? And then
(59:32):
who's Warburg? Who the hell are you? And poor Miles
is like trying to stand around waiting for the right
timeline to come back up again, which like it does
eventually again likely, but who knows how many fucking wrong
ones you have to get, you know? So let's see.
(59:57):
Miles's eyes fell on Ivan because he has just been
told the briefing with all of the medical professionals is
ready for you to come and see them, and Ivan says,
I would rather charge a laser canon sight naked than
be in here by myself. I'll keep it in mind
in the meanwhile, stay with him till I get back. Yeah.
(01:00:22):
Ivan took over the chair at Ilian's elbow as Miles
vacated it. As Miles followed Rueball out the door, he
heard Ilian's voice for a change more amiable than stress. Ivan,
You idiot, what are you doing here? Oh man? As
(01:00:45):
much as I want the kind of trust and respect
that Miles gets, I can't help but admit there's a
part of me that understands what an advantage getting treated
like Ivan would be. I really want more Ivan, guys,
I really do. Let's see. Sorry, Jeff says, you could
(01:01:10):
always move to Oregon unless the Supreme Court has struck
down that law. Oh I didn't hear about that, Jeff,
but I'm listening, Jen says, or you can get a
credit card with enough money. I sure can't, Jen. My
credit would never stretch to enough money for that. A
girl is in bankruptcy right now, like literally in the
midst of filing. So yeah, wouldn't work, but who knows,
(01:01:35):
maybe by then I can maybe eventually. Anyway, Sorry to
get heavy there, guys, but you know stuff you think of,
so this is a pretty heavy problem they're dealing with.
All right, Well, I really appreciate all of you guys
coming to hang out with me, and thank you again
(01:01:55):
to VICKI for commissioning this one. I hope that you
guys are enjoying the coverage. And until next time to
the Loo motherfuckers. That was an Unspoiled Network podcast.
This is an Unspoiled Network podcast. This is spoil Me
covering the Vrkosagan Saga Memory chapters fifteen and sixteen. In
these chapters, it's so bad with Alien, y'all. I am
(00:28):
so impressed by how much this author has made me
really care about Alien and care about all of this,
considering the gimmick is how little time Miles has spent
on Barrier real masterful moves. Welcome to spoil Me. Welcome
(01:08):
to the show everyone. I am Natasha. Thank you very
much to Vicky for commissioning this episode. Vicky, I appreciate
you very very much. I don't think Vicky is here
in the chat unless Vicky goes by another name, but
I'm pretty sure Vicky shows up under her that user
name as well here. So I you, guys, this whole
(01:34):
thing is so distressing, and I really wonder how much
you guys had to sort of keep your giggles to yourself.
When I was saying how worried I was about Miles
dealing with memory glitches, this book potentially and shared how
I hated that as a whole concept, and then once
(02:00):
I began this book and it was actually seizures expressed
my relief then that it wasn't going to be about
memory stuff. After all, I am not implying by any
means that I'm mad at you that this is you
(02:21):
were enjoying my pain. I just there are times where
there are reveals in the story that immediately send me
back to something I said, and I can't help but
being like, oh man, they must have been having a
reaction when I said that because it was this, but not,
(02:44):
you know, because this happens not infrequently, I would say,
And the whole what I found wild is the fact
that in the midst of all of this, Miles is
(03:04):
being kept from seeing Ilien, and it does not appear
to have ever occurred to Miles. That maybe there is
some suspicion on him regarding what has happened to Ilian.
And I'm genuinely surprised, because usually Miles can think twistily
(03:27):
enough that he can come at an issue from other
points of view and sort of see potentially what somebody
else would interpret, or you know, something like that. And
I will say, I don't actually have a problem with
the fact that it hasn't occurred to him, because he
(03:48):
isn't such a panic and I think his usual deductive
skills and reasoning are not at the level that they
would normally be if this were something he weren't so
personally distressed by. But it felt clear to me it's
(04:08):
more that this guy doesn't like you, or that he's
trying for a power play. And it might be those
things for sure as well, But it felt like he
has a dislike of you that feels as if it
stretches to this immediate situation for some particular reason. And
(04:33):
I wouldn't be surprised if, like the fact that Alien
keeps asking for you, maybe somebody could interpret that as
like Alien's trying to tell us who did this to him?
You know something, If you wanted to be that kind
of paranoid or think that Alien would waste his breath
on that, you could do it. And I just I'm
(04:56):
not really sure if Miles did put two and two
together and thought of that as part of the problem here,
how much it would really change any way that he
approaches the issue. But it I just want to feel
like he's considering it, you know. So all right, all right,
(05:21):
let's start at the beginning here. A week goes by,
and Miles is really impatient at how little information they
are working with as of now. He really feels like
we knew that it was likely the chip and it
wasn't any internal neurological issue practically on day one, and
(05:45):
that's all you're telling me right now that we're still
working with that information, like that's nothing. And there's an
interesting sort of tone to the conversation where it simultaneously
feels like he's being primanded for being impatient by somebody
who is also really impatient, Like I feel like I
(06:10):
get the sense that Gregor is hiding from Miles that
he himself is upset by this as well, which is
like the role that some people do play. They can
have the same feelings about a thing as a person,
but they are not necessarily in a position where they
(06:31):
can freely share that they feel that way. And you know,
it's sort of like a thing of like a person
a parent versus a child, where a kid can grumble
about how long something is taking and they're bored and
YadA YadA, but a parent has to be polite and
tell the kid to quiet down and just be patient,
(06:52):
even though the parent themselves is ready to fucking snap
on somebody. And that's sort of how this felt for
me was like, Gregor's got a vibe that feels like
the way that he says, it's apparently not easy. That
(07:12):
wording says to me, you got into it with them
a little bit, and that's the response they gave you.
That you're just passing on. And he says, alien has
had this particular neural augmentation in place and running for
longer than any other human being. Ever. There are no
(07:34):
standards for comparison. He's the baseline. No one knows what
thirty five years of accumulated artificial memory does to a personality.
We may be finding out. And he cuts the calm,
and then we have miles here thinking to himself, I
can't keep relying on this secondhand information because Gregor just
(07:58):
gives me a synopsis of their synopsis, and so all
of the details that might actually make a difference are
lost in translation, which I can't agree with enough. This
is something that I think maybe a lot of my
neurodivergent peeps out there are going to understand. But when
(08:23):
I asked somebody, so, what did they say, and that
person was like, oh, they were really mad. I cannot
emphasize enough how useless that is to me. I didn't
ask what was their emotion? I asked what did they say?
(08:46):
That's different because you can be really mad and you
can express that in one of a thousand different ways.
You can handle your anger with maturity, or you can lash,
you can be spiteful, or you can be understanding. There
are a million directions they were really mad can go.
(09:11):
And so if I'm asking what they said and you
tell me something like that, I have no use for it,
Like I just I also hate this with like, you know,
the way that the internet functions now there is a
(09:34):
huge call for like clickbait, but in the form of
videos where somebody will post a video and it will
be this outrageous thing happening, and you'll start to see
the reaction of the person there, and then the video
cuts off and you either have to like find the
second one or there's a link to it in comments,
or and this one happens a surprising amount, there is
(09:55):
no second video because whatever was happening was it was
such a moment that the person actually had to cut
their camera and like take off, and then you just
have somebody in the comments like saying what happened next?
And it's so unsatisfying so and anyway, especially with like
medical stuff, the details are hugely important, you know, I don't.
(10:20):
I It does not surprise me one little bit that
this is the response that Miles is having. This is
a dude who is a control freak, you know, and
I get that I am one too, So his desire
to seize on the raw data and go through it himself,
it's just completely in character. So then we can't Lady
(10:46):
Alice or Patrol calling him up and being like, how
in the fuck did you three little assholes know this
was going on and none of you thought to tell
me about it, you little shits. I can't believe this.
And I love the fact that Miles later on is
(11:11):
talking about the general and is like, this guy doesn't
understand the power that she has because he's blinkered by
her gender. And I'm like, Hi, Miles, hello, it's me
you too, You also are blinkered by her gender. And
I know that it doesn't feel that way because Miles
(11:34):
works with and is involved with so many very strong women.
But it is clear once he is back on Barry Are,
the way that he sees Barry Yarn women particularly is different.
I think that he just underestimates them because they are
(11:56):
allowed a much narrower scope, and he assumes that means
they have less ability, And oh my god, I'm so sorry.
Jen in the chat says, my dog just started barking
at the knock, which is I have had this happen
when there is a doorbell on the TV, and it's
the worst. Sorry, Jen, but yeah, I just couldn't help
(12:21):
but feel like you're also doing this, and the fact
that her junior makes it so much more frustrating, you know.
He asks how things went on Komar, and she says
that Lisa's parents are upset, and like, I'm trying to
(12:43):
calm them down. But the thing is a lot of
what they're worried about is very reasonable. You know, there's
a good reason for them to be upset and concerned
about some of this stuff. So I'm having your mom
stop there on the way home, which it's news to
Miles that his mother is heading home in the first place.
(13:05):
And secondly, he's like, my mom can be a little
bit like abrace it for some people. Are you sure
she's the person? And she's like, the way that your
mom works is that in the moment she seems so
well reasoned that even when something's bonkers, it feels like
(13:28):
it isn't. So I think that she'll be able to
convince them this is a good idea, and they may
take it back later, but it'll be too late and
they'll just be like, why did I ever think that?
She told me it was a good idea? And I
believed her, which I can't help. But also think that
Cordelia is a great person for this job because she
(13:50):
is somebody who has had to move from a planet
that has a really different approach to marriage and gender
and social systems than very are, and she had to
adapt and survive in a position that's only like one
rung down from the position that Lisa is going to
(14:13):
be taking. So personally, I think that she's the perfect
candidate because she can speak to this experience very, very
minutely in a way nobody else can. And I'm into it.
So I wish I could be there to see that conversation.
That would be something. And she says, there be enough
(14:36):
tensions that I can't ease. I don't intend to leave
any hanging that I can eliminate. Goodwill is going to
be at a premium, and then she mentions the fact
that Haroch wouldn't let her into see Ilien either, and
that he was maddeningly vague and that he is obviously
(14:56):
not vore and can you do anything about him? And
Miles is like, I don't even work for Insect anymore.
Of course I can't do anything. They wouldn't let me in.
And he says, I'm annoyed at him myself, and she says,
not annoyed enough. Haroche actually had the nerve to tell
(15:19):
me me that it was no site for a lady.
I asked him what he had been doing during the
war of oor Darian's pretendership. I can't help like her
husband was fucking shot beheaded right in front of her
(15:42):
and she had to like give birth and an alley.
This bitch has been through it, Okay, not a site
for a lady. Get the hell out of my fucking face.
I would have slapped the shit out of him, I
swear to God. Ugh. I gather Heroche has persuaded Gregor
(16:04):
his status as acting chief of Imsect is too new
and fragile to bear interference from such dangerously unauthorized and
female persons such as myself. Simon never had any such qualms.
I wish Cordelia were here. She was always better than
I at cutting through masculinus dribble. And let's see. This
(16:27):
is when Miles says, Haroche is in an excellent position
to persuade Gregor. He's in total control of the flow
of all information to him. And it's like he says
this without fully considering what that sounds like, and once
it's out of his mouth, he sort of stops and
(16:49):
is like, hah, that's sinister sounding, isn't it, And then
sort of moves on like anyway, And and I couldn't
help but laugh a little bit, because, like you'd know,
you can't just anyway. You can't, bro, that's a pretty
(17:10):
big thing you just said there. So he goes to
bed and he gets woken up in the middle of
the night by Lieutenant Warburg, who is like, why the
fuck haven't you shown up yet, And of course Miles
is like, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about,
(17:33):
and he says, I've sent you like four messages that
you are being asked for explicitly by name. He wants
to see you, and Miles is like, I don't know
what to tell you. I haven't heard a thing, and
he just says, impossible. I've passed it on in my
night reports four or five nights in a row. And
(17:58):
Miles thinks to himself, the break was somewhere else up
in Voorburg's chain of command. And I was like, it's
a roche. There's no question, Like instantly, I'm what, there's
a break somewhere. It's Haroche. Obviously, eventually he gets there,
and you know, it doesn't even necessarily seem like he
was doubting it so much, But it was just funny
(18:20):
that it was presented as like it could be anybody. No,
it couldn't. We know who it is, so uh he
he says, I've been hearing a lot of strange things
from the man between the sedatives and before he goes
noisy and wins another dose. Even in his more lucid moments,
(18:42):
it comes out sounding pretty garbled. But I've been getting
the damnedest unpleasant feeling that the problem is half in
me because I don't know the background. I can't decipher
what maybe perfectly clear statements. I have figured out you
were never a bloody courier. No covert ops, high level
overt ops. The highest I don't know quite why he
(19:04):
discharged you. Ah, I really must tell you someday, and
I was like, you really must, but I can understand why.
Now isn't the time. The conversation we had on the
steps outside the residents will do for the one we
(19:25):
had tonight, if anyone inquires, But this conversation better not
have taken place. Well, you covert Ops Fellows were always
the worst bunch of weasels I ever met. So I
don't know even now if I trust you, But if
you're being straight with me, I'm glad for the sake
of the var that you haven't just abandoned your father's liegemen.
(19:47):
There's not many of us who are left who care
enough to enough to I don't know how to say it,
who care enough to make var Re suggested Myles. Yes,
said Vorburg gratefully. That's right, damn straight Vorburg and Uh.
(20:11):
I just like this moment of feeling like maybe they
could be allies. But I know eventually Varberg is going
to have to find out Miles is the one who
cut his legs off, and it's gonna be a whole thing.
It's gonna have to happen. It's eventually it's gonna have
to happen. So Miles goes down to imsect. Well, no,
it's not too imsect. Well it is insect though, right
(20:34):
because they have the doctors there for covering up what's
going on, because like they're trying to keep as many
people as they can from knowing about what's happening with Ilian.
So anyway, he's going in there and he's just trying
to think through what could be happening with Haroche keeping
him from seeing uh Ilien. And he's assuming that it's
(20:55):
the skuy is thick headed, which again I had my
own suspicions by this point I could understand thinking that
he's the headed, but also the dude just doesn't have
the background on what Miles has accomplished really, which is
sort of like he has access to Miles files, I
(21:16):
guess at this point, so he could see everything, but
I don't know, maybe that makes it worse anyway. Anyway, Okay,
so he comes in demands to see Ilien. HaRosh gets
on the calm again and tells him fuck off or
(21:40):
you will be removed, and Miles says, try it, and
he says bet and hangs up and then sends some
actual goons to carry Miles bodily off the premises and
deposit him outside the outer gates, and then those men
give orders to the guards out there that he is
(22:01):
not allowed to be in the building, and if he approaches,
you have permission to stun him, which could fuck Miles
up pretty good. I don't know how much Heroche knows
about that and how much of a threat he realizes
that is, but we know that's a pretty big threat.
(22:23):
And he thinks about the fact that Heroche threatening him,
he's so outraged by and then has to take a
step back and be like, why shouldn't he? And this
is what I thought it was going to be, like
it was going to start to enter his mind that
maybe he suspects me in this, but it never does. Instead,
what it is, why shouldn't her Roche dare mad to
(22:45):
be judged solely on his own supposed merits. Miles himself
had spent the last thirteen years eviscerating Lord Wor Kosekin.
He'd wanted to be seen as himself, not his father's son,
not his grandfather's grandson, nor the descendant of any other Kosekin.
For the last eleven generations, trying so hard, no wonder
he'd succeeded in convincing everyone, even himself that Lord Vorkosigin
(23:09):
didn't count. And this was like I really thought he
was going to be like, well, why shouldn't he threaten
me or dare to threaten me? Because I just got fired.
I don't have any part in this except for, you know,
like potentially having been involved in something that maybe he
(23:31):
thinks seems like shady. I don't know, but I just
really thought this was going to be the moment and
it isn't. So there's a weird moment here where he
thinks through how failing to surrender is a Workosagan tradition,
(23:52):
and there's like, you know, an old story about a
Dindari district that had wanted to surrender, but no, but
he was able to Uh, nobody around was literate enough
to decipher the amnesty offer, so they kept fighting until
they won, even though it wasn't actually necessary. And he
(24:13):
then there's more Hillman in me than I'd thought he
should have suspected it of a man who secretly liked
the taste of maple mead, Naysmith could demonstrably get more
Kosigan killed he could strip mine the little Lord for
every positive human trait, down to bare and naked dundari bedrock,
cold and sterile. Naysmith had embezzled his energy, ransacked him
(24:38):
for time, nerve wit, leached the very volume from his voice,
even stolen his sexuality. But at that point even Naysmith
could go no further. A hillman dumb as his rocks
just didn't know how to quit. I am the man
who owns vorkosigan VASHNOI. Miles threw back his head and
(25:02):
laughed and uh. He then says, I just figured out
why it was. I hadn't gone to get my head
fixed yet, and he'd thought Naysmith was the sly one.
I don't understand this, guys. Is he saying that basically, like,
if I go to get my head fixed, it's admitting defeat,
(25:25):
and so I just couldn't bear to surrender. And because
he uses the word sly and that I don't understand, like,
it just feels like there he comes to a conclusion
here that I meant to understand as a reader, and
I don't feel like I did. It feels like it's
(25:45):
a lot of internal conflict and thinking through his identity
from a different perspective, and all of that is valid,
and I'm getting that, But then the conclusion he reaches
at the end feels like I figured out why it
was I hadn't gone to get my head fixed yet.
(26:09):
Well what I feel like we jumped to that out
of nowhere and I didn't have any like understanding of
the relevance. Jeff Say says, I think it's because he
didn't want to have to embrace Lord warkos Agin as
his full identity. I don't really get how what that
means with his head getting fixed, though, Sylvan says, I
(26:31):
think he's saying that if he gets his head fixed,
it would allow him to run off and become Naysmith,
and Lord Workosigan would die. Oh I see, I see Okay,
So basically a part of him knows that he is
(26:54):
like he would have to actively choose, and he isn't
ready to do that. Okay, I get I get what
you're saying. Now, Sorry, there's somebody here with a username
and without a username, and I don't know how to
refer to you. I was about to say, now says
but that's just now, is just when you sent the
message once he was fired nay Smith of warcosagain can't
(27:18):
both exist. If he ran off to the Dundari, he
couldn't return home. He subconsciously avoided right way, right way,
right Okay, thank you guys, because yeah, it just like
I was. It felt like he was saying like, oh,
there's like some subconscious reason, but I wasn't fully reaching
(27:39):
the end of the thought there. I appreciate you guys.
Oh there's some people saying that they didn't get that either,
So good. I'm glad that we all are learning together.
But yeah, I I you know, I kind of felt
like Nie Smith was something that Miles was going to
(28:00):
eventually leave behind. It never really was a serious concern
to me that he was going to simply drop being
a Vorkosagan and be Naysmith forever. It like it was
certainly a possibility, but it just felt to me like
his family clearly meant too much to him. Barry Are
(28:22):
he feels like a really serious responsibility about even though
he hasn't gone back, He hasn't gone back and done
anything serious in a while, much more because of that
thing that we all have where we perpetually believe we
still have time. So it has always felt for me,
(28:44):
not necessarily like Naysmith was destined to go away so
much as Miles would outgrow Naysmith once he was willing
to embrace his real responsibilities that are not easy to escape,
because in order to escape them, he would have to
(29:05):
let down not only his grandfather's ghost, but he'd let
down his dad. And maybe he could do that. If
his father had passed on, it wouldn't feel like the
same pressure, but I think it would still feel pretty intense.
We see the specter of his grandfather looming over a
(29:25):
lot of the decisions he makes, even now that man
is dad, And if Cordelia were still around, I'm sure
he would feel observed by her. And there is just
a certain seriousness to what he o'sberry are that as
a young person, you can't help but resent. I think
(29:49):
you know, anything that you're sort of born into without choice,
that is like a kind of expectation of you. I
think it's just a human reaction that you regret because
you didn't choose this, You didn't necessarily want this, and
apparently you don't like get to opt out of it,
or if you do, it's seen as something sort of
(30:10):
shameful and It's a big part of the American individualism attitude,
you know, where there isn't that same like expectation of
fulfilling certain duties for your family and legacy the same
way that there are in other cultures. But it used
(30:32):
to be something that I was relieved by when I
was younger that that wasn't as big a thing for
me and my family. And the older I get, the
more I understand the merit of it. But I also
understand how there has to be a period in which
(30:52):
kids get to make their own decisions and choose to
return to the thing that they that many people would
prefer they do that they prefer this person honor. It
isn't honoring it if they're doing it purely because they
feel they have no choice, or that the judgment would
(31:15):
be so acute that they can't bear the shame of it.
You know, I think this is kind of perfect that
he has reached a point where he made a really
bad call in hiding his condition, and then he made
(31:36):
a really really bad call in going out into the field,
and then he made the worst call of all in
falsifying his report, and all of this to try hanging
desperately onto something that like he maybe is outgrowing, and
(31:59):
maybe a part of him even knew it was time
to move on, and he was thinking, I'm trying to
hold onto it, but a part of him was sabotaging himself.
I don't know. But once his judgment became that compromised,
and I don't know, it's like a part of me thinks,
(32:24):
this is great, you can come back to barryar and
start being more of a grown up in your approach
to things. But another part of me is like, well,
you fucked up so badly. Is that indicative of somebody
who's ready for more responsibility? But it does feel like
he has learned his lesson adequately. At the beginning, I
(32:44):
was feeling like he was still trying to just blame
everybody else. And it seems like we finally come around
to him understanding like, no, I really did deserve to
be fired. So maybe that is the right time for
him to start getting serious about others responsibilities. I don't know.
So he goes home and he gets in his official
(33:13):
do not Fuck with Me upeon piece of Shit uniform,
the Vorkosigan house uniform, and also the like a myriad
of awards that he has wound up being given over
(33:34):
the years. He decides to put all of them on
at once Counts and their heirs, honorably retired from more
active imperial service, were permitted by ancient custom to wear
their military decorations on their house uniforms and recognition of
the war's official and historical status as what was that
(33:56):
dippy phrase, the sinews of the Imperium the Emperor's right arm.
Nobody'd ever called them the brains of the Imperium. Miles
noted dryly. Miles had never once worn all his accumulated honors,
in part because four fifths of them related to classified activities,
and what fun was a decoration you couldn't tell a
good story about? And in part because why because they'd
(34:21):
belonged to Admiral Naysmith, Which was an interesting thought. He's like,
why should I wear if I can't tell a good story?
I completely sympathize, because I would fucking desperately want to tell.
But I could also see there being a certain appeal
and like it's classified, you know, although if you're as
(34:42):
paranoid about people thinking you're full of shit as Miles is,
it could certainly be turned around as people just thinking
you got given something due to nepotism and saying it's
classified is just code for I didn't do anything. I
just happened to be standing next to the guy who
did something, and I got this medal. And let's see
the bad look. Badges like the one vor Burg had
(35:04):
just won for getting wounded filled one whole row and
part of another. His very first metal ever was from
the Vervani government. His most recent high honor had drifted
in rather belatedly from the grateful Marilakans by jump mail.
He loved covert ops. It had taken him to such
very strange places. He laid out no less than five
(35:26):
bary Arn Imperial stars in metals of various denominations, depending
more on how much salt Ilien had sweated back at
h Q during the particular missions they represented than the
amount of blood Miles personally had shed on the front lines.
He hesitated then arranged the gold medallion of the Cetaganden
Order of Merit on its colorful ribbon properly around the
(35:48):
tunic's high collar. He could be one of the few
soldiers in history ever to be decorated by both sides
in the same war, though to be true, the Order
of Merit had come later and had been presented to
Lord Borkos again, not the Little Admiral for a change.
When they were all arranged. The effect was just short
(36:13):
of looney. I desperately want to see this on screen,
Like how many? How many is this? I just really,
(36:33):
you know. So he's like, oh god, I didn't know
how many I had? Should I should I do this?
And then he's like, you know what, let's fucking do it,
and he pins him all on and he gets everything
on him, even puts on his grandfather's dagger again, and uh.
(36:56):
He heads over to speak to Gregor. Now, I didn't
think it was going to be like I need help
getting access to Ilien. I thought it was going to
be Gregor, here's all the shit I've done, Go tell
that motherfucker to give me access. And it is that,
(37:17):
but like in a real different, much more bureaucratic way,
which I think is more elegant but is essentially the
same thing. It's just, you know, Miles obviously had a
real different idea of where this was going as well.
So when he walks in, Gregor is just like, oh shit,
(37:40):
oh my god. I never saw you like this before.
This is a lot, and he says, I need you
to know that it's way worse what's going on with
Ilien than he's telling you. You have sensed it too.
Has he ever told you that Alien asked to see me?
(38:00):
And Gregor finally, well, I know he's been demanding a
lot of impractical things. How do you know this isn't
just more of the hallucinations. That's just the point. I
can't judge because I haven't been permitted to see him,
No one has. Haroche has now blocked me twice, and
(38:23):
let's see, stupidity can be just as bad as malice sometimes.
If this chip crash is anything like my cryoamnesia, it
has to be hell for Alien to lose yourself inside
your own head. It was the loneliest I've ever been
in my life, and nobody came for me till Mark
Bold through. At the very least, Haroche is mishandling this
dude to nerves and inexperience and needs to be gently
(38:45):
or maybe not so gently, straightened out. At the worst,
the possibility of deliberate sabotage has to have crossed your
mind too, even though you haven't talked about it much
with me. So yeah, this is when Haroche, it turns out,
has read Myles file. I forgot that he had read
it and had explicitly asked greg Or not to discuss
(39:07):
this with Miles, which again I feel should be an
indicator he suspects you. Why else would he want to
keep you out of that. I mean, it's not like
you wouldn't come to that conclusion potentially yourself, but he
doesn't want to let you know that he's even thinking
(39:27):
that for obvious reasons, Miles. So this is when Miles says,
I want you to assign me an imperial auditor. I
will tell you what, guys. I actually reminded that the
first time I was listening because I thought he was saying,
(39:52):
I want you to assign me as imperial auditor, which
when Gregor comes back with, wait, who do you have
in mind a little bit later, I was like, who
does he have in mind? And it just felt like
(40:12):
we already were. It was going to be so much
easier to just make Miles an imperial auditor that I
was there already. So we have this like in between
moment where he's talking about certain auditors specifically and then
Gregor has to be like, well, you know, you would
(40:35):
really fit the bill, and Miles is just like, oh,
he can't possibly be thinking. I'm like, of course he's thinking, Miles,
I'm thinking, I'm shocked that you're not already thinking. And
you know, I understand after getting discharged the way that
he was, why he would feel like he couldn't consider
me for the job. But it's very funny because you know,
(40:57):
a couple episodes ago, I was saying that I thought
Gregor was about to meet with Miles to talk about
something that was like an assignment outside of IMSECT that
Miles couldn't have been if he were still with ISECT,
And now it's essentially that. But it comes about, for
like by accident due to what's going on with Ilien,
(41:17):
and might not have gone on in this direction at
all otherwise I don't know. So, yeah, Gregor, it will
save ever so many steps if I simply appoint you
as acting Imperial Auditor with the usual broad limits on
a ninth auditor's powers. Of course, whatever you do has
(41:37):
to be at least dimly related to the event you
are assigned to evaluate, in this case, Alien's breakdown. You
can't order executions, and in the unlikely event of you
direct any arrests, I would appreciate it if they came
attached to sufficient evidence for successful prosecutions. One expects a
certain traditional horum in an Imperial auditor's investigations and do care.
(42:06):
But Haroche will know it's a scam. Then Haroche will
be dangerously mistaken. I loved that line. That was the
first time that I felt Gregor was like a badass.
I was genuinely like, oh shit. I was not happy
with the way events seemed to be progressing either, but
short of going down there in person, I didn't see
(42:28):
what to do now I do? Does that satisfy you?
Lord Wark goes again, Oh Gregor, you can't begin to
guess how much working in the chain of command for
the last thirteen years has been like trying to waltz
with an elephant, slow lumbering, ready to step on you
at any moment and reduce you to grease. Do you
have any idea how nice it would be, just once
(42:51):
to be able to dance on top of the damned
elephant instead of under it. Don't get carried away, Gregor cautioned,
eyes crinkling, No miles caught his breath, but I think
this will work just fine, thank you. So they have
to talk about should I go unannounced, as is tradition
(43:13):
for an auditor's first visit anywhere, and he's like, I
don't want to get stunned, but I also feel like
if you call ahead, ah, it's going to ruin the
whole thing. I think I might just fucking go. So
(43:36):
let's see, Gregor says, I did have a thought about
the question of sabotage. It ought to have been followed
up promptly by some sort of attack during the confusion
immediately after Ilion went down, But nothing out of the
ordinary except ilians. I'm not sure what to call it.
An illness and disposition. Nothing else unusual except aliens in
(44:02):
disposition has so far occurred, noted said Miles. Unless the
motivation was something like, say, personal revenge, not a one
to two punch, just a one punch, and he's just like,
that could be such a long list. I kind of
don't even want to think about it. H Let's see.
(44:26):
This is when we jump over to him bringing in
Ivan as his assigned like assigned assistant. Let's see when
Gregor's liveried man came galloping into HQ and yanked me
off work. I thought the damn residence was burning down,
but it was only you. That's Lord Auditor cauz to
(44:50):
you for the duration. Tell me this is a joke, no,
quite real, and he says, the first thing the Imperial
Auditor requested was an assistant. You wanted a donkey to
carry his luggage. And the first ass he thought of
was me. So flattering. And this is when it gets
(45:13):
a little serious, and Miles is like, hey, we're investigating
what's going on with Ilion and this could be a
very big deal. So I'm picking you because I know
I can trust you. This is not me just like
wanting to play a little bit of a prank on
make your life annoying. This is genuinely I think you're
the man for the job. And Ivan is immediately like,
(45:37):
oh good, somebody needed to fucking do something about that.
Well well, and then he says about the chain Miles
is wearing. I must say it does look right on you.
I always thought you needed a choke chain, which is
out of order, Ivan, but probably fair to be perfectly honest.
(46:00):
So we have Miles rolling up at Imsects front gates
again and being like, hey, guys, so let me in,
and they're like, yeah, we just threw you out like earlier.
Today you're the same guy. And Miles is like, I'm
not the same guy. I am not trying to enter.
(46:25):
I am telling you to get somebody out here for me. Now,
let's see what happens. Let's see. Miles came to parade
rest and waited for Heroche to puff to a halt
before him. He permitted himself one brief glorious moment of
(46:47):
enjoyment of the appalled expression on the general's face as
Horoche too took in the details, then set it aside.
I told you not to come back here. Try again.
That can't be real. The penalty for counterfeiting at his death.
(47:09):
Miles felt he could almost hear the gears grinding in
her Roche's head. Some long seconds crawled past, then Horoche
corrected himself in a slightly cracked voice. My Lord, auditor,
thank you, said Myles huskily. The flat filtered air of
(47:31):
Ilian's office was fraught with memory. Myles had sat or
stood in here a hundred times to receive orders or
deliver results. He'd been fascinated excited, certainly challenged, occasionally triumphant,
sometimes exhausted, sometimes defeated, sometimes in pain, sometimes in great pain.
(47:54):
This room had been the center from which his life
had radiated. All that was gone now Miles lean forward,
all right, as you should have deduced by now. Gregor
is seriously displeased with the way this organization has been
treated simon Illien's breakdown. So what I want. I want
(48:15):
to see Alien. I want a conference with his medical staff.
I want them to bring anything they've learned so far
and be prepared to brief me, and I'll figure out
what else after that. You've given me a dilemma. It
was and remains premature to accuse any man of sabotage
(48:36):
in the matter of Ilien's chip failure before the cause
of the chip failure is determined. Potentially very embarrassing if
the cause turns out to be natural. I have a
little list that I'm holding in limbo, pending the arrival
of some data with which to pin it to reality.
On my short list, you are very You're the top. Oh,
(49:05):
and now you've made yourself untouchable. I see they stared
steadily at one another across the black glass. I was like, duh, Miles,
I was actually really relieved Heroche just said it, because,
(49:28):
like I was thinking that he was clearly a suspect,
but that once he showed up here, Horoche was going
to get all the more paranoid and watch every step
for like, is he trying to alter evidence? You know,
I thought it was going to be this weird little
dance of Miles not understanding what Horoche suspected of him
(49:51):
and thinking he was being super efficient and frustrated with
Heroche's obstructionism while still remaining a blue to the suspicion
and Heroche is fucking telling him. Really didn't occur to
me as an option, because so much of the thing
of trying to catch somebody is that you don't let
(50:12):
them know you suspect them at all, and then you
collected enough evidence and you spring it on them, and surprise.
I thought it was you bitch this whole time. So
Aroche says, I don't want you to be near Ilian
because if there's a second attack that comes after you
(50:33):
like debilitate him, I mean, I'm just facilitating that. But
it also doesn't seem like I have any other option,
And Miles says, do you have any motive that you
think I would have to doing this, And he's like,
he fired you, And Miles says, Ilian helped create me.
(50:57):
He had a right to destroy me. He terminated you
for falsifying your reports, a documented fact. I would also
like to formally register. Haroche glanced at Ivan, who remained
wonderfully bland a defensive response. He'd spent a lifetime perfecting
(51:19):
one report once and Gregor already knows all about it.
Miles could almost feel the ground shifting under his feet.
How had he ever classified this man as thick headed? Yeah,
and it didn't occur to me that like falsifying the
(51:41):
report would not only cause him to lose his job,
but if people know about it, it would cause him
to potentially lose the reputation for integrity, which, like the
point is to keep that whole thing secret so that
that doesn't happen. Because I think Ilian still understood he
(52:02):
can be trusted for the most part. This was just
an extreme circumstance because of what was on the line
for him. But you know, Alien's I've been taken out
of the equation now and it just looks really, really bad.
And he says, even if you were guilty. I'm starting
(52:23):
to wonder if I could do anything about it. The
Emperor is the only appeal, and you appear to already
have him sewn up, but attempting to take you out
the career suicide. Well, if our positions were reversed, I
wouldn't give up till I nail you to the wall
with the biggest spikes available. But if after I go
(52:44):
in to see aliens some sort of second shot occurs,
you can better. I'll be measuring its trajectory with utmost care.
Hairoj vented a long sigh. This is premature. I'll be
more relieved than anyone. Bring in a diagnosis of natural causes.
It would short circuit a world of trouble. Myles Grimace
(53:06):
reluctant agreement. You got that right, General Forkosagen, tell me,
is that really aceticand in order of merit? Yeah, and
the rest of it. I didn't clean out my father's
desk drawer, if that's what you're asking. Everything here is
(53:28):
accounted for in my classified files. You be one of
the few men on the planet who doesn't have to
take my word for it. Hmm, well, my Lord Auditor,
carry on, But I'll be watching you good, watch closely.
So this is when they're in the hall and Ivan says,
(53:54):
oh shit, you trotted out the little admiral. And Miles
is like what and he's like, I thought you were
doing that on purpose. You were just like Natesmith in there.
You just didn't have the accent. I mean, you always
make people do whatever you want. It's just that's how
you are. So when they go inside, this is awful.
(54:18):
I hated it so much. So first they have to
talk to a doctor. And when they go in, Ilien
is half covered by a sheet, but he's naked and restrained,
and we find out bro is obstreperous. I'm thinking about
the words. I had to bring my cat to the
(54:40):
vet earlier this year and she was dealing with some
repeated vomiting and they had to do an examination and
eventually they had to sedate her. And the paperwork of
the you know what they did in the examine, everything
there was bunch of notes and the words fractious, obstreperous, aggressive,
(55:10):
There was another one a very a fun like a
little creative one though they were all in the report
about her. And that is what I imagine his report
is looking like, which makes sense because Ilian is literally
the head of security, and it seems to him that
he has been like ganked by enemies and kept in
(55:33):
a fucking prison. He doesn't know what's going on. As
far as he knows, there's just random stopping him from
doing what he fucking needs to do, which changes every
five minutes, because he every time that he tunes back in,
there's a different timeline locked in. And I just felt
for him, like this is just it really is reminding
(55:54):
me of Alzheimer's. And as I said before we started
this book, it's just such a trigger thing for me
because I am likely to develop this at some point
in my life, and it's so frightening. And I have
seen other people dealing with their family, family they love,
(56:17):
but who is draining them of their will to live,
And I hate the idea of that because our country
is not interested in allowing people to take their own
lives when they have reached a certain point and you know,
are still maybe ahead of the curve enough to make
(56:39):
an informed decision about it, but we don't allow that.
You have to go to other countries, you know, and
it's fucking expensive. By the way, I looked into it
because I was thinking, maybe I can get myself like
a setup when my mind starts to go, because I
am certain that will happen, and you know, get a
(57:01):
plan in place so that somebody doesn't have to take
care of me. Despite the fact that I don't recognize them.
I'm getting violent with them. I'm accusing them of stealing
from me or thwarting me in some way. Like there's
so much that goes with that kind of caretaking. That
is just you putting your head down and taking a beating,
(57:23):
whether verbally or physically, from a person that loves you
but doesn't remember that they love you. I don't want
to do that to somebody. But if I don't want
to do it to somebody, I'm gonna have to say
twenty five thousand dollars to prepare to fly somewhere for
end of life. And I don't know about you, but
(57:45):
I don't have twenty five grand to spend for killing myself.
It's on the cards. So anyway, the United States is medieval.
So he goes in and we have this repeated miles,
what the hell are you doing here? Why aren't you
(58:06):
doing blank? Blank blank? And it's like back and forth,
back and forth on all of these different timelines. He
thinks it's months ago, he thinks it's years ago, he
thinks it's decades ago. At one point he's like, Miles
is six years old. And whenever Miles tells him your
chip is malfunctioning, alien takes his word for it right away,
(58:28):
which one of the guys that's working there is just like,
I wish he'd believe us when we said that, because
he just tries to beat the shit out of us
when we say it. Miles, what the hell is going on?
And then five minutes later, who the devil are you?
Miles is five years old? Don't be absurd. Watch out
(58:50):
your grandfather wants to kill you. Trustful Sari, Oh, I
do side Miles. And then finally Miles Warburg found you,
and Miles is able to be like, oh, oh, this
is the one, this is the right timeline. Shit. And
it turns out he understands the chip is going bonkers
(59:12):
in his head and he says, if this can't be fixed,
you need to fucking kill me. And Miles is like, bro,
I am not promising you that. Oh my god, I can't.
I can't do it. And then he's like what did
you get Warburg for? Did you have him get me
because you wanted me to make this promise? And then
(59:32):
who's Warburg? Who the hell are you? And poor Miles
is like trying to stand around waiting for the right
timeline to come back up again, which like it does
eventually again likely, but who knows how many fucking wrong
ones you have to get, you know? So let's see.
(59:57):
Miles's eyes fell on Ivan because he has just been
told the briefing with all of the medical professionals is
ready for you to come and see them, and Ivan says,
I would rather charge a laser canon sight naked than
be in here by myself. I'll keep it in mind
in the meanwhile, stay with him till I get back. Yeah.
(01:00:22):
Ivan took over the chair at Ilian's elbow as Miles
vacated it. As Miles followed Rueball out the door, he
heard Ilian's voice for a change more amiable than stress. Ivan,
You idiot, what are you doing here? Oh man? As
(01:00:45):
much as I want the kind of trust and respect
that Miles gets, I can't help but admit there's a
part of me that understands what an advantage getting treated
like Ivan would be. I really want more Ivan, guys,
I really do. Let's see. Sorry, Jeff says, you could
(01:01:10):
always move to Oregon unless the Supreme Court has struck
down that law. Oh I didn't hear about that, Jeff,
but I'm listening, Jen says, or you can get a
credit card with enough money. I sure can't, Jen. My
credit would never stretch to enough money for that. A
girl is in bankruptcy right now, like literally in the
midst of filing. So yeah, wouldn't work, but who knows,
(01:01:35):
maybe by then I can maybe eventually. Anyway, Sorry to
get heavy there, guys, but you know stuff you think of,
so this is a pretty heavy problem they're dealing with.
All right, Well, I really appreciate all of you guys
coming to hang out with me, and thank you again
(01:01:55):
to VICKI for commissioning this one. I hope that you
guys are enjoying the coverage. And until next time to
the Loo motherfuckers. That was an Unspoiled Network podcast.
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