April 17, 2019 • 27 mins
http://www.SpousalSupportShow.com
On this episode, we discuss the early days of when we first started dating, and how our relationship has evolved over the years after getting marring and having a baby. We share some integral marriage advice for new parents, as well as, the joys of cursing in front of our kid and the future of having more kids or maybe just more pets!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Get serious sued your screws.
We're going to do a podcast now,so just have my nose touching it
at all times.
And then, I don't know, I'mclose enough to have a is going
to say that it's going to takeabout 10 episodes.
Get used to talking to you witha microphone in my face.
I mean, it's been, I've onlytalked to you without a
microphone in my face for 20minutes.
Yeah.
(00:22):
You're like, how I segue intothat.
That was good.
Right up, right.
Wanted to talk about how longwe've been together here.
This is episode two, the Kingand I.
Oh.
And we, we try to have like alittle drink you drink every
time.
So today we're using a littleBailey's almond milk lick here
(00:44):
because we're both terribly.
Lactose is hard a lot.
No, I'm allergic to dairy.
Shake it, shake it, shake it.
Oh, I did.
I mean, I did before we evenmore time.
Good.
Okay.
Yeah.
Um, I'm actually allergic todairy, so I still drink it
(01:08):
occasionally.
A lot.
You don't want anymore.
I don't want anymore.
It wasn't a lie that was likewasted.
All right.
So, yeah.
(01:29):
Okay.
So Paul and I, so we tell theTall Hi Paul.
And I pop up Paul and I, theking and I ever seen that movie.
I think it was, no, it wasn'tJulie Andrews.
I used to watch it when I wassick.
I don't know.
I watch six sick when I was sixand I would get sick.
(01:51):
My mom would let me watch theking and I am sound of music and
I'd just sit on the couch allday.
And I saw the king's speech.
Totally.
I am the least fascinated by theroyal family.
I think the world is fascinatedby these people.
But like that was an okay.
That was a good movie.
(02:13):
Uh, and then we tried watchingthat.
Was it Netflix or prime?
She plays Queen Elizabeth, thecrown, the crown that's on
Netflix, I think.
Whatever it is.
We got through two or threeepisodes and I was like,
Speaker 2 (02:29):
okay,
Speaker 1 (02:29):
I don't care about these people.
Ah, he didn't, just the historyof the country and stuff.
I'm going to have to be honest,I don't, I don't really care
that much either.
So anyway, you were, you weretalking to anyway, you call me
the king and Paul and I, um, wemet way, way, way while, while,
(02:50):
while, while, while way back wewere not get into at all.
No, you don't want to talkabout, well let's see.
We were 18, 19 going on 19 or19, going on 2019 going on 20.
So it was in like[inaudible] 98this was in 2014 cause we're
(03:13):
very young.
Um, no like maybe after Steviewas born.
No, we uh, sorry.
Starting over.
Paul and I met when we were like19 years old.
Don't tell me, I know when wemet, am I looking at the camera?
What do you want from me?
Oh my God.
(03:34):
And we dated for a couple ofyears before we broke up.
So sad broke up for like threeyears and then we got back
together.
I coerced her, got married, hada kid.
It wasn't that quick.
No weed.
It wasn't that quick, but it wasgood.
(03:57):
Yeah.
I think there's more to tell,but he doesn't want to tell.
Right.
That doesn't matter.
I think it matters how we met,doesn't matter, and like what
happened when we were apart andall that, but we could spend
three hours here talking aboutthat.
It's true.
The point is, is that we weretogether.
We liked each other a lot.
We love each other.
Yes.
We compare to every otherrelationship too, but when we
(04:19):
broke up, we didn't break upbecause we didn't like each
other.
No, we broke up because youneeded to go away.
Yeah.
I got fired from my job.
It was actually kind of funny.
Huge.
Dave Matthews.
Yeah.
Spans both of us.
We've been DMB followers sincethe beginning of our
relationship.
Him a little longer than me.
(04:40):
He got me into the band in a theyear 2000 I don't think he does
that anymore.
No, I know.
Old School.
Anyway, in the year 2000 I wontickets on k rock to breakfast
(05:03):
with Dave Matthews, which wasbasically a very small show in a
very small club with like ahundred people and Dave Matthews
and Kevin and beam.
So to get out of work thatmorning.
I told them I had a doctor'sappointment, however, I did not.
She didn't use her brain thatday.
I did not use my brain.
(05:24):
I emailed from my work computerto make arrangements with Paul
and a couple of days later theydid an email inventory and found
my emails about the breakfastwith Dave.
Found out that I was lying abouthaving a doctor's appointment
called me into the office.
(05:44):
That's so basically you werelying and that's like, yes, I
was.
And then she broke down and thenthey have this job, so they me,
I was like slept at my deskbefore.
I never found creative ways tofall asleep at work.
(06:05):
You guys.
I really would.
I would like hold a pencil inone hand and I could literally
sleep resting on the other, butit looked like I was right.
They never knew.
What she doesn't know is thatshe snores pack.
I didn't start back then.
Now I do, but anyway, I gotfired and so I looked for
(06:28):
another job for a week or two,went to a couple interviews.
I really have worked on it.
You did.
I did a temp agency and then Ijust couldn't find anything
permanent.
So I thought, you know what, I'mgoing to go like, rent is
getting hard to come by.
I'm going to go stay with my momin Utah for just a few months
(06:48):
just to get back on my feet andthen I'll be back.
And I ended up staying in theseoff for like three years.
Six months.
Yeah.
So we broke up during that time,lived some other adventures
without each other.
And then when I wanted to moveback to La Paul, Ken and told me
(07:10):
like, hey, you know, enough isenough.
Yeah.
Quit playing games with myheart.
Let's move in together.
And I was like, Whoa, Whoa,whoa.
We've barely even dated or seeneach other in three years.
We have seen each other off andon, but we weren't serious.
And um, it was like, well,what's the worst that can
(07:32):
happen?
I was like, all right, let'smove in together.
And we did.
And it was like perfect.
I think as I think whatconvinced you, I said I'll take
care of you.
Well, big convincing points onmy part and the rest is history.
He would never leave me hangingand he's kept that word for the
last, uh, I've given you, I waslike 15 years ago that this
(07:57):
happened and he's never let medown.
Not yet.
Listen, we don't have a hugehouse.
I like it that way.
Yeah, I do too.
Yeah.
We don't need a lot of, it wouldbe nice.
He just wants an office.
Something that's bigger than acloset.
(08:18):
Yeah.
I'm like the smaller the betterbecause then we have less stuff.
And when I clean, I don't wantto injure myself.
I just don't want to have tocome out to the garage to record
a podcast to work on mycomputer.
Yeah, no, it's totallyunderstandable.
I don't love you coming out tothe garage either cause you feel
really far away and it's coldout here and it's really cold at
(08:40):
night.
It brings a little space heatercore thing.
So yeah.
So that's the, that's the story.
The early story.
Yeah.
And that's how it all began.
We got married five and thenfive.
Six we got engaged in five.
Yeah.
(09:01):
Whatever.
It doesn't matter at this point.
It doesn't matter.
And then, um, um, and then wegot married and sex and then we
had a kid in 10.
Yeah.
Oh God.
And then everything changed.
Everything changed.
And now we hate each other.
(09:22):
Right?
Speaker 3 (09:22):
No, we hate each other so much that we want to
stay here and talk to each otherwith microphones.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
No, I think, uh, I think after we had a kid you
really kind of start taking onyour roles, you know what I
mean?
But I think, I don't know howyou feel.
I think I changed more than youdid.
Hmm.
How well?
A couple of ways.
Some were negative as in I guessI was always anxious.
(09:52):
Huh?
I feel like I'm more anxious,like less fun, loving, more
serious.
But then the other part of me islike, but I also started
drinking alcohol and drinkingcoffee and just like trying to
cope with me in a parent.
So I don't know.
Right.
Because you didn't, you didn'treally drink prior to you
getting knocked up?
No.
(10:13):
Well I didn't drink while I wasknocked up either.
No, but I can drink after Steviecame along.
The day you got knocked up, youhadn't had a drink?
I think I had.
So you started dabbling?
Yeah, in that time.
That's true.
So it wasn't Stevie that madeyou start enjoying adult
beverages?
It was mostly CV though.
(10:36):
I have to be honest.
Right, because back then it wasmore just like, well I think I
was sad too that we couldn't getpregnant I guess a really long
time to get pregnant and itwould be like babies on parade
every time we were walkingaround Burbank and then so I'd
have a drink just to, you know,and now when we see babies we, I
(10:56):
want more dogs.
Speaker 3 (10:59):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
No more babies smell more babies for a while.
Listen, we'll wait until youreggs dry up and then we'll
Speaker 3 (11:06):
try.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Oh, we might have more.
I don't think it became veryclear until more recently
because there was a long timewhere I thought I wanted another
one and
Speaker 4 (11:19):
I wasn't using it.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
Birth control or anything.
I know, God forbid
Speaker 3 (11:25):
just fine about this
Speaker 1 (11:30):
and kept thinking, you know, if it happens to
happen, no.
And then we got to a point maybetwo years ago where I was like,
dude, we cannot have anotherkid.
Like we need to start usingprotection.
Right.
This is too hard.
(11:51):
Like I can't go back it.
Sure.
That's what she said.
Um, I kissed a little too hard.
Yeah, let's wait until itsoftens up and then we'll try it
again.
I just couldn't imagine goingback to newborn, sleepless
nights when we had a six yearold who still want it to look.
And it's weird that I'm moreopen to it.
(12:15):
Yeah.
Obviously.
And it's not that I don't doanything.
What do you mean?
Meaning like, obviously I can'thave the baby and do all that
stuff, but in terms of are thebaby, I can't, yeah, that stuff
is hard and I can't be, I can'tdo it.
Um, but I do get up a lot atnight.
(12:36):
He does as a really good dad topat myself on the back for that
one.
I do get up in that and so we'reall, he always has to.
We're always getting up.
We're still, we haven't slept ineight years.
No.
So might as well add one moresince we're already waking up.
We can add another one.
(12:57):
At least a dog, but oh, anothercad.
One more dog.
Well, we're really lucky withthe dog we have now because he,
knock on wood, he's only gotenough in the middle of the
night a couple times to go peein the last month.
And that's it.
He's not a, he's not a midnightpooper.
No, no, no.
Really early morning or like therest of us.
(13:19):
Yeah, he brings, could be like asong or a band name.
Yeah.
That could be the name of thispot.
Midnight poopers morning.
Shit takers.
Yeah, yeah.
No, but he shuts four times inthe morning.
Minimum.
It's minimum deposits.
As for deposits, you have amosquito or something.
(13:40):
It's not every time.
Not everything is a machine.
Not, everything's a Skeeto.
Ooh, there it is.
That's one.
A mosquito.
Oh, it a that, well, Californiahad a mosquito infestation this
last year and they didn't goaway for a really long time.
We were covered in mosquitobites.
Yeah.
But yeah, look, it's not a dealbreaker.
Obviously I'm still with you.
(14:01):
The mosquitoes, babies, babiesand a second dog.
Right.
I think the second dog is moreof a deal breaker for me.
Then like if we do not get asecond dog, you're like out
totally out.
Shared custody.
Listen, I have to train the dog.
She does not have to train thedogs to the dog to dog.
(14:23):
Went away to be trained, butthen when he gets home, who has
to keep it up?
Both of us did.
You're at work for like 12 hoursa day.
10, nine, 10 hours a day.
Nine hours a day.
Well, I'm just saying that's alot, but yeah, now that's TVs at
school for like five hours.
They don't have a great excused.
(14:45):
I mean really like my one is onedog is already a problem.
He's not, he sleeps whileStevie's at snow, but it's like,
oh, if we're, if we're going tobe gone all day or it's a long
day or we're going to go onvacation, we have to board him
or leave him at grandma's orleaving him outside and let him
tear up the backyard.
His philosophy.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
So what's another one?
Speaker 1 (15:05):
I mean, as long as they get along, I guess it's not
that big of a deal.
No issue.
We fostered another pit bull ayear after we got Fergus.
She Hade at Fergus, like she lethim have it and so we couldn't
keep them together.
The trainer was like, no, no,no,
Speaker 3 (15:23):
this is not, I think she, I think she genuinely
genuinely liked him and liked toplay with him, but she was kind
of rough.
She was just a rough and tumblerand he's
Speaker 1 (15:31):
not, yeah, she bit his neck.
She like made him bleed.
She wasn't nice and he didn'tlike that.
He's a real sensitive, sensitivesoul.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
So, I mean, yes, yesterday you know the story you
were there.
Tell everyone, but I want totell the friends, he's literally
easier to behave then an eightyear old child.
He is.
I was like, he doesn't likewater.
So if he's outside in the, in arain storm or something, he
(16:03):
freaks out and he tries to breakinto the house.
Um, uh, he doesn't necessarilylike baths, but I called him
over.
I called him into the bathroom.
I told them, I said, get in thebathtub and with his ears back,
he has the pointiest pointedears, ears, huge ears.
And they instantly go rightbehind his head.
He was so sad and he just didn'twant to go in it.
(16:26):
And, and then he did.
He took one foot at a time.
He pushed himself into thebathtub and he just sat there
and he was so upset and so sadabout it.
And he took the bath like africking champ.
He didn't complain.
He didn't whine.
He didn't bark, bark, nothing.
He bathed, he took a bath.
(16:48):
He has a real sweet pub.
Yeah, he's, his name is,
Speaker 1 (16:54):
that's our purpose.
And I love, Paul is a littleobsessed with him.
Like whenever the dog sleeps atGrandma's because we're going to
be gone all day.
Paul was just like devastated.
Like, who am I going to snugglewith tonight?
I'm like,
Speaker 3 (17:09):
oh, that's true.
Hi, I'm here.
Yeah.
But she gets up a lot.
Not a great sleeper, but that's,that's what's so nice about, you
know, having been together for20 years.
Like we don't share a blanket.
We don't.
Um, I mean if we could, the bedwould be made, you know, it
would be a split, but it wasjust too expensive and I still
(17:34):
liked her enough that I didn'twant to invest the extra 2000
bucks in a split Kit.
But we know that when we wake upin the morning that we still
like each other a little bit.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Say That's true.
There was a time in the earlyyears of Stevie that we made a
rule integral.
Speaker 3 (17:50):
This is like for any new parents out there, this is
a, this is a life rule to liveby
Speaker 1 (17:55):
Missouri city.
Yeah.
So middle of the night, thebaby's crying.
I can't get the damn snaps onthe one z closed dark.
I mean we were just like at ourwit's end and we're screaming at
each other.
He's like, yeah,
Speaker 3 (18:10):
what's wrong?
Get the thing,
Speaker 1 (18:15):
you know there's like two o'clock in the morning.
This is like date to, no, thiswas like a week later.
Whenever they day three beinghome, my God.
And so we're just like losingour minds.
And then the next morning, did Isay it to you?
I was just like, babe, anythingsaid between midnight and 5:00
(18:35):
AM just doesn't count towardsthe marriage at all.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
I think I said Fuck No.
He agreed and she's like, it'snot two o'clock in the morning.
You can't talk to him the wholeway out.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Yeah.
Cause it's just, I think thatlike survival mode is just,
you've got to cut each othersome slack.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
Yeah.
But also number one, there issuch a thing called velcro.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I want to know which monsterdecided that they would put
tiny, tiny, tiny little snapbuttons.
Like maybe what, eight, nine, 10of them around the crotch to
(19:15):
down to the leg.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
Yeah.
This was a winter one V so thatit wasn't three buttons.
It was like 10 buttons.
Speaker 3 (19:21):
And so part of it is you don't want to turn the light
on because you don't want towake up, you wanna you wanna you
don't want the light to wake youup and you don't want the light
to bother the kid and freak thekid out and bother your partner.
You're trying to like discretelychanging a diaper.
And so, um, you know, you wantto make it as easy as possible
and some monster who works fortarget or whatever company makes
(19:45):
this thing go ones the one onone, they all have snaps on it
and it's like, but you could uselike any other material or
securing device like Velcro weinvented, developed by NASA.
They put men on the moon usingVelcro, tempurpedic, pajamas,
tempurpedic.
(20:05):
It doesn't make sense.
But, right.
I mean like anything, a paperclip would have been better.
So I don't know.
Maybe we should invent that.
I think we should.
Yeah, yeah.
Good call.
Well, that's it though.
That's our time.
I Dunno.
(20:26):
I look, if I could imagine thatone, I would, but I have no use
for it anymore.
Oh yeah.
We're far past the onesy stage.
I mean, do you miss the ones youstage?
I am.
I miss the baby that fits in theonesy now.
It's like such a differentworld.
Yeah, totally different animal.
(20:46):
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's, he's so opinionated.
He has an opinion.
He's got an attitude problem.
Although when he was a baby, hecried a lot.
He got an attitude then too.
But he's still very cute.
He's a cute kid.
And now he just says shit thatyou're like, that's really
(21:07):
funny.
Good for you.
He said the f word today.
No, he didn't know.
Okay.
So some, I'm taking them tograndma's house and I'm not
proud of.
This crowd is so funny.
(21:29):
You're excited driving tograndma's house.
It's only a mile away.
It's one straight shot tograndma's house.
One Mile.
And which is how we have time torecord this podcast, by the way,
grandma and his aunt or, or thethe best.
Okay.
So we're driving, we're halfwaythere and some woman is crossing
the street.
(21:49):
So I stop.
It's not a crosswalk, it'sanother light.
I stopped.
She's, she's Jay walking acrossthe street.
I stopped, she comes across anda car is waiting, blocking the
intersection on the other sideand she gets into this, it must
be an Uber because Uber driversare notorious for not coming to
you where you, where you are.
They want to make it asdangerous as possible.
Yeah, it's true.
(22:10):
So she's crossing the street andgets into the car and I'm
looking behind me and I see allthese cars stopping very quickly
because they don't want to killher.
And um, I said you effing dummyor something mother f something
and then it's TV.
(22:31):
I didn't say it out loud and Ifigured he didn't hear me cause
it just say the actual wordthough.
I did.
You said, I said effing idiot.
Did you actually say you fuckingidiot?
Stupid motherfucker.
That's what I said.
I forgot it was back there forlike two seconds.
(22:52):
I forgot CV was going to be, hewas quiet the whole, for the
first minute of the drive, hewas quiet.
That doesn't happen.
It doesn't happen.
So he's quiet and I, and Itotally forgot.
So I said, you fucking idiot,motherfucker, you're going to
kill yourself.
And uh, he goes, what did yousay?
(23:16):
I love you son.
And that's what I said.
He said, you said you said fuckno, I did it.
And he goes, yeah you did.
I said, no.
I said, Schmucker parenting saidPaul's notorious for swearing
(23:41):
while he drives, he gets it fromhis father who also had a filthy
while he was driving.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
Um, but there was one time where he's just cussing up
a storm because people arestupid and this and that.
And I said, hey, but like, watchyour mouth, can you please just
like take it down a notch.
There's no reason to get so bentout of shape and like cursing so
much.
And uh, so the next car that didsomething stupid, I could see
him like really struggling tofind his words and he was just
(24:10):
like this.
It just starts making up visits.
So that has become a state, wellin my vocabulary, but I'll hold
the butthole bitch.
It's the equivalent of a fuckingidiot.
Yeah.
Her mother ever mother up butmean.
Yeah, he's so, he just startedmaking stuff up in that like
(24:31):
killed me to hear him use inwords.
It was so creative.
You're welcome.
Well done.
So he was also saying bad ass alot today cause I that that's on
youtube too.
There's a guy who's awesome, badass cars and he was like, this
one's definitely a bad ass car.
That's when he told me.
But I have also been encouraginghim.
(24:54):
It's hard when you have a childlike Mike, Stevie, um, all the
little things.
Yeah.
All the little milestones andyou know, achievements need to
be celebrated, including usingcurse words in context,
including using curse words.
(25:14):
It contacts or pronouncing the fword properly.
Sure.
Um, I, I don't encourage it.
Obviously I don't want toencourage it.
However, when he does somethingcool or that puts his shoes on
or the other day he startedusing my computer and typing on
the keyboard, which he's neverdone before.
Um, I told him like, that's badass.
(25:35):
You're bad ass.
Yeah.
And you know, bad ass, bad ass.
He just went through anotherheart procedure about us.
Bad Ass, bad ass.
And if he ends up using thewords, oh, teens abusing or,
yeah, because teachers will belike, Oh, don't say that, but
whatever.
Whatever.
That's nice to see it when he'solder.
Anyway, the Nice thing is Ithink there's a lot of slack
(26:00):
given to kids with specialneeds.
Yeah.
So he can get away with it for alittle bit.
Yeah, that's true.
Well, let him, and it's alsocute when he says it.
It's really cute.
It's like this was definitelybad ass.
Yeah.
Or he'll look at the car andthis car has a lot of Nice t
tail.
It's bad.
(26:20):
It's bad ass.
Oh, again.
Well then remember that therewas a time where Paul said
something about, what am Isupposed to call you, Paul?
You there was, yeah.
There was this one time that yousaid something.
I feel like I'm talking to otherpeople though to then talk to
the marina.
Hi, Paul here.
(26:43):
Said he was in the car and hewas like, that's a Badass car
that drove by and Stevie goes,don't say that word.
Bad Ass.
It's a good ass.
Speaker 3 (26:57):
Hey guys, thanks for watching.
Thanks for listening.
I hope you enjoyed it.
Make sure you like press thelike button, right.
Smash the like button, subscribeand stuff.
The kids, all this luck.
If you liked it, if you likedit, you know what to do.
You know what to do like it andtell your friends and stuff and
(27:18):
of course, visit our website atspousal support podcast.
Doug.
Speaker 5 (27:24):
Cool.
Get serious sued your screws.
We're going to do a podcast now,so just have my nose touching it
at all times.
And then, I don't know, I'mclose enough to have a is going
to say that it's going to takeabout 10 episodes.
Get used to talking to you witha microphone in my face.
I mean, it's been, I've onlytalked to you without a
microphone in my face for 20minutes.
Yeah.
(00:22):
You're like, how I segue intothat.
That was good.
Right up, right.
Wanted to talk about how longwe've been together here.
This is episode two, the Kingand I.
Oh.
And we, we try to have like alittle drink you drink every
time.
So today we're using a littleBailey's almond milk lick here
(00:44):
because we're both terribly.
Lactose is hard a lot.
No, I'm allergic to dairy.
Shake it, shake it, shake it.
Oh, I did.
I mean, I did before we evenmore time.
Good.
Okay.
Yeah.
Um, I'm actually allergic todairy, so I still drink it
(01:08):
occasionally.
A lot.
You don't want anymore.
I don't want anymore.
It wasn't a lie that was likewasted.
All right.
So, yeah.
(01:29):
Okay.
So Paul and I, so we tell theTall Hi Paul.
And I pop up Paul and I, theking and I ever seen that movie.
I think it was, no, it wasn'tJulie Andrews.
I used to watch it when I wassick.
I don't know.
I watch six sick when I was sixand I would get sick.
(01:51):
My mom would let me watch theking and I am sound of music and
I'd just sit on the couch allday.
And I saw the king's speech.
Totally.
I am the least fascinated by theroyal family.
I think the world is fascinatedby these people.
But like that was an okay.
That was a good movie.
(02:13):
Uh, and then we tried watchingthat.
Was it Netflix or prime?
She plays Queen Elizabeth, thecrown, the crown that's on
Netflix, I think.
Whatever it is.
We got through two or threeepisodes and I was like,
Speaker 2 (02:29):
okay,
Speaker 1 (02:29):
I don't care about these people.
Ah, he didn't, just the historyof the country and stuff.
I'm going to have to be honest,I don't, I don't really care
that much either.
So anyway, you were, you weretalking to anyway, you call me
the king and Paul and I, um, wemet way, way, way while, while,
(02:50):
while, while, while way back wewere not get into at all.
No, you don't want to talkabout, well let's see.
We were 18, 19 going on 19 or19, going on 2019 going on 20.
So it was in like[inaudible] 98this was in 2014 cause we're
(03:13):
very young.
Um, no like maybe after Steviewas born.
No, we uh, sorry.
Starting over.
Paul and I met when we were like19 years old.
Don't tell me, I know when wemet, am I looking at the camera?
What do you want from me?
Oh my God.
(03:34):
And we dated for a couple ofyears before we broke up.
So sad broke up for like threeyears and then we got back
together.
I coerced her, got married, hada kid.
It wasn't that quick.
No weed.
It wasn't that quick, but it wasgood.
(03:57):
Yeah.
I think there's more to tell,but he doesn't want to tell.
Right.
That doesn't matter.
I think it matters how we met,doesn't matter, and like what
happened when we were apart andall that, but we could spend
three hours here talking aboutthat.
It's true.
The point is, is that we weretogether.
We liked each other a lot.
We love each other.
Yes.
We compare to every otherrelationship too, but when we
(04:19):
broke up, we didn't break upbecause we didn't like each
other.
No, we broke up because youneeded to go away.
Yeah.
I got fired from my job.
It was actually kind of funny.
Huge.
Dave Matthews.
Yeah.
Spans both of us.
We've been DMB followers sincethe beginning of our
relationship.
Him a little longer than me.
(04:40):
He got me into the band in a theyear 2000 I don't think he does
that anymore.
No, I know.
Old School.
Anyway, in the year 2000 I wontickets on k rock to breakfast
(05:03):
with Dave Matthews, which wasbasically a very small show in a
very small club with like ahundred people and Dave Matthews
and Kevin and beam.
So to get out of work thatmorning.
I told them I had a doctor'sappointment, however, I did not.
She didn't use her brain thatday.
I did not use my brain.
(05:24):
I emailed from my work computerto make arrangements with Paul
and a couple of days later theydid an email inventory and found
my emails about the breakfastwith Dave.
Found out that I was lying abouthaving a doctor's appointment
called me into the office.
(05:44):
That's so basically you werelying and that's like, yes, I
was.
And then she broke down and thenthey have this job, so they me,
I was like slept at my deskbefore.
I never found creative ways tofall asleep at work.
(06:05):
You guys.
I really would.
I would like hold a pencil inone hand and I could literally
sleep resting on the other, butit looked like I was right.
They never knew.
What she doesn't know is thatshe snores pack.
I didn't start back then.
Now I do, but anyway, I gotfired and so I looked for
(06:28):
another job for a week or two,went to a couple interviews.
I really have worked on it.
You did.
I did a temp agency and then Ijust couldn't find anything
permanent.
So I thought, you know what, I'mgoing to go like, rent is
getting hard to come by.
I'm going to go stay with my momin Utah for just a few months
(06:48):
just to get back on my feet andthen I'll be back.
And I ended up staying in theseoff for like three years.
Six months.
Yeah.
So we broke up during that time,lived some other adventures
without each other.
And then when I wanted to moveback to La Paul, Ken and told me
(07:10):
like, hey, you know, enough isenough.
Yeah.
Quit playing games with myheart.
Let's move in together.
And I was like, Whoa, Whoa,whoa.
We've barely even dated or seeneach other in three years.
We have seen each other off andon, but we weren't serious.
And um, it was like, well,what's the worst that can
(07:32):
happen?
I was like, all right, let'smove in together.
And we did.
And it was like perfect.
I think as I think whatconvinced you, I said I'll take
care of you.
Well, big convincing points onmy part and the rest is history.
He would never leave me hangingand he's kept that word for the
last, uh, I've given you, I waslike 15 years ago that this
(07:57):
happened and he's never let medown.
Not yet.
Listen, we don't have a hugehouse.
I like it that way.
Yeah, I do too.
Yeah.
We don't need a lot of, it wouldbe nice.
He just wants an office.
Something that's bigger than acloset.
(08:18):
Yeah.
I'm like the smaller the betterbecause then we have less stuff.
And when I clean, I don't wantto injure myself.
I just don't want to have tocome out to the garage to record
a podcast to work on mycomputer.
Yeah, no, it's totallyunderstandable.
I don't love you coming out tothe garage either cause you feel
really far away and it's coldout here and it's really cold at
(08:40):
night.
It brings a little space heatercore thing.
So yeah.
So that's the, that's the story.
The early story.
Yeah.
And that's how it all began.
We got married five and thenfive.
Six we got engaged in five.
Yeah.
(09:01):
Whatever.
It doesn't matter at this point.
It doesn't matter.
And then, um, um, and then wegot married and sex and then we
had a kid in 10.
Yeah.
Oh God.
And then everything changed.
Everything changed.
And now we hate each other.
(09:22):
Right?
Speaker 3 (09:22):
No, we hate each other so much that we want to
stay here and talk to each otherwith microphones.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
No, I think, uh, I think after we had a kid you
really kind of start taking onyour roles, you know what I
mean?
But I think, I don't know howyou feel.
I think I changed more than youdid.
Hmm.
How well?
A couple of ways.
Some were negative as in I guessI was always anxious.
(09:52):
Huh?
I feel like I'm more anxious,like less fun, loving, more
serious.
But then the other part of me islike, but I also started
drinking alcohol and drinkingcoffee and just like trying to
cope with me in a parent.
So I don't know.
Right.
Because you didn't, you didn'treally drink prior to you
getting knocked up?
No.
(10:13):
Well I didn't drink while I wasknocked up either.
No, but I can drink after Steviecame along.
The day you got knocked up, youhadn't had a drink?
I think I had.
So you started dabbling?
Yeah, in that time.
That's true.
So it wasn't Stevie that madeyou start enjoying adult
beverages?
It was mostly CV though.
(10:36):
I have to be honest.
Right, because back then it wasmore just like, well I think I
was sad too that we couldn't getpregnant I guess a really long
time to get pregnant and itwould be like babies on parade
every time we were walkingaround Burbank and then so I'd
have a drink just to, you know,and now when we see babies we, I
(10:56):
want more dogs.
Speaker 3 (10:59):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
No more babies smell more babies for a while.
Listen, we'll wait until youreggs dry up and then we'll
Speaker 3 (11:06):
try.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Oh, we might have more.
I don't think it became veryclear until more recently
because there was a long timewhere I thought I wanted another
one and
Speaker 4 (11:19):
I wasn't using it.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
Birth control or anything.
I know, God forbid
Speaker 3 (11:25):
just fine about this
Speaker 1 (11:30):
and kept thinking, you know, if it happens to
happen, no.
And then we got to a point maybetwo years ago where I was like,
dude, we cannot have anotherkid.
Like we need to start usingprotection.
Right.
This is too hard.
(11:51):
Like I can't go back it.
Sure.
That's what she said.
Um, I kissed a little too hard.
Yeah, let's wait until itsoftens up and then we'll try it
again.
I just couldn't imagine goingback to newborn, sleepless
nights when we had a six yearold who still want it to look.
And it's weird that I'm moreopen to it.
(12:15):
Yeah.
Obviously.
And it's not that I don't doanything.
What do you mean?
Meaning like, obviously I can'thave the baby and do all that
stuff, but in terms of are thebaby, I can't, yeah, that stuff
is hard and I can't be, I can'tdo it.
Um, but I do get up a lot atnight.
(12:36):
He does as a really good dad topat myself on the back for that
one.
I do get up in that and so we'reall, he always has to.
We're always getting up.
We're still, we haven't slept ineight years.
No.
So might as well add one moresince we're already waking up.
We can add another one.
(12:57):
At least a dog, but oh, anothercad.
One more dog.
Well, we're really lucky withthe dog we have now because he,
knock on wood, he's only gotenough in the middle of the
night a couple times to go peein the last month.
And that's it.
He's not a, he's not a midnightpooper.
No, no, no.
Really early morning or like therest of us.
(13:19):
Yeah, he brings, could be like asong or a band name.
Yeah.
That could be the name of thispot.
Midnight poopers morning.
Shit takers.
Yeah, yeah.
No, but he shuts four times inthe morning.
Minimum.
It's minimum deposits.
As for deposits, you have amosquito or something.
(13:40):
It's not every time.
Not everything is a machine.
Not, everything's a Skeeto.
Ooh, there it is.
That's one.
A mosquito.
Oh, it a that, well, Californiahad a mosquito infestation this
last year and they didn't goaway for a really long time.
We were covered in mosquitobites.
Yeah.
But yeah, look, it's not a dealbreaker.
Obviously I'm still with you.
(14:01):
The mosquitoes, babies, babiesand a second dog.
Right.
I think the second dog is moreof a deal breaker for me.
Then like if we do not get asecond dog, you're like out
totally out.
Shared custody.
Listen, I have to train the dog.
She does not have to train thedogs to the dog to dog.
(14:23):
Went away to be trained, butthen when he gets home, who has
to keep it up?
Both of us did.
You're at work for like 12 hoursa day.
10, nine, 10 hours a day.
Nine hours a day.
Well, I'm just saying that's alot, but yeah, now that's TVs at
school for like five hours.
They don't have a great excused.
(14:45):
I mean really like my one is onedog is already a problem.
He's not, he sleeps whileStevie's at snow, but it's like,
oh, if we're, if we're going tobe gone all day or it's a long
day or we're going to go onvacation, we have to board him
or leave him at grandma's orleaving him outside and let him
tear up the backyard.
His philosophy.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
So what's another one?
Speaker 1 (15:05):
I mean, as long as they get along, I guess it's not
that big of a deal.
No issue.
We fostered another pit bull ayear after we got Fergus.
She Hade at Fergus, like she lethim have it and so we couldn't
keep them together.
The trainer was like, no, no,no,
Speaker 3 (15:23):
this is not, I think she, I think she genuinely
genuinely liked him and liked toplay with him, but she was kind
of rough.
She was just a rough and tumblerand he's
Speaker 1 (15:31):
not, yeah, she bit his neck.
She like made him bleed.
She wasn't nice and he didn'tlike that.
He's a real sensitive, sensitivesoul.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
So, I mean, yes, yesterday you know the story you
were there.
Tell everyone, but I want totell the friends, he's literally
easier to behave then an eightyear old child.
He is.
I was like, he doesn't likewater.
So if he's outside in the, in arain storm or something, he
(16:03):
freaks out and he tries to breakinto the house.
Um, uh, he doesn't necessarilylike baths, but I called him
over.
I called him into the bathroom.
I told them, I said, get in thebathtub and with his ears back,
he has the pointiest pointedears, ears, huge ears.
And they instantly go rightbehind his head.
He was so sad and he just didn'twant to go in it.
(16:26):
And, and then he did.
He took one foot at a time.
He pushed himself into thebathtub and he just sat there
and he was so upset and so sadabout it.
And he took the bath like africking champ.
He didn't complain.
He didn't whine.
He didn't bark, bark, nothing.
He bathed, he took a bath.
(16:48):
He has a real sweet pub.
Yeah, he's, his name is,
Speaker 1 (16:54):
that's our purpose.
And I love, Paul is a littleobsessed with him.
Like whenever the dog sleeps atGrandma's because we're going to
be gone all day.
Paul was just like devastated.
Like, who am I going to snugglewith tonight?
I'm like,
Speaker 3 (17:09):
oh, that's true.
Hi, I'm here.
Yeah.
But she gets up a lot.
Not a great sleeper, but that's,that's what's so nice about, you
know, having been together for20 years.
Like we don't share a blanket.
We don't.
Um, I mean if we could, the bedwould be made, you know, it
would be a split, but it wasjust too expensive and I still
(17:34):
liked her enough that I didn'twant to invest the extra 2000
bucks in a split Kit.
But we know that when we wake upin the morning that we still
like each other a little bit.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Say That's true.
There was a time in the earlyyears of Stevie that we made a
rule integral.
Speaker 3 (17:50):
This is like for any new parents out there, this is
a, this is a life rule to liveby
Speaker 1 (17:55):
Missouri city.
Yeah.
So middle of the night, thebaby's crying.
I can't get the damn snaps onthe one z closed dark.
I mean we were just like at ourwit's end and we're screaming at
each other.
He's like, yeah,
Speaker 3 (18:10):
what's wrong?
Get the thing,
Speaker 1 (18:15):
you know there's like two o'clock in the morning.
This is like date to, no, thiswas like a week later.
Whenever they day three beinghome, my God.
And so we're just like losingour minds.
And then the next morning, did Isay it to you?
I was just like, babe, anythingsaid between midnight and 5:00
(18:35):
AM just doesn't count towardsthe marriage at all.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
I think I said Fuck No.
He agreed and she's like, it'snot two o'clock in the morning.
You can't talk to him the wholeway out.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Yeah.
Cause it's just, I think thatlike survival mode is just,
you've got to cut each othersome slack.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
Yeah.
But also number one, there issuch a thing called velcro.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I want to know which monsterdecided that they would put
tiny, tiny, tiny little snapbuttons.
Like maybe what, eight, nine, 10of them around the crotch to
(19:15):
down to the leg.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
Yeah.
This was a winter one V so thatit wasn't three buttons.
It was like 10 buttons.
Speaker 3 (19:21):
And so part of it is you don't want to turn the light
on because you don't want towake up, you wanna you wanna you
don't want the light to wake youup and you don't want the light
to bother the kid and freak thekid out and bother your partner.
You're trying to like discretelychanging a diaper.
And so, um, you know, you wantto make it as easy as possible
and some monster who works fortarget or whatever company makes
(19:45):
this thing go ones the one onone, they all have snaps on it
and it's like, but you could uselike any other material or
securing device like Velcro weinvented, developed by NASA.
They put men on the moon usingVelcro, tempurpedic, pajamas,
tempurpedic.
(20:05):
It doesn't make sense.
But, right.
I mean like anything, a paperclip would have been better.
So I don't know.
Maybe we should invent that.
I think we should.
Yeah, yeah.
Good call.
Well, that's it though.
That's our time.
I Dunno.
(20:26):
I look, if I could imagine thatone, I would, but I have no use
for it anymore.
Oh yeah.
We're far past the onesy stage.
I mean, do you miss the ones youstage?
I am.
I miss the baby that fits in theonesy now.
It's like such a differentworld.
Yeah, totally different animal.
(20:46):
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's, he's so opinionated.
He has an opinion.
He's got an attitude problem.
Although when he was a baby, hecried a lot.
He got an attitude then too.
But he's still very cute.
He's a cute kid.
And now he just says shit thatyou're like, that's really
(21:07):
funny.
Good for you.
He said the f word today.
No, he didn't know.
Okay.
So some, I'm taking them tograndma's house and I'm not
proud of.
This crowd is so funny.
(21:29):
You're excited driving tograndma's house.
It's only a mile away.
It's one straight shot tograndma's house.
One Mile.
And which is how we have time torecord this podcast, by the way,
grandma and his aunt or, or thethe best.
Okay.
So we're driving, we're halfwaythere and some woman is crossing
the street.
(21:49):
So I stop.
It's not a crosswalk, it'sanother light.
I stopped.
She's, she's Jay walking acrossthe street.
I stopped, she comes across anda car is waiting, blocking the
intersection on the other sideand she gets into this, it must
be an Uber because Uber driversare notorious for not coming to
you where you, where you are.
They want to make it asdangerous as possible.
Yeah, it's true.
(22:10):
So she's crossing the street andgets into the car and I'm
looking behind me and I see allthese cars stopping very quickly
because they don't want to killher.
And um, I said you effing dummyor something mother f something
and then it's TV.
(22:31):
I didn't say it out loud and Ifigured he didn't hear me cause
it just say the actual wordthough.
I did.
You said, I said effing idiot.
Did you actually say you fuckingidiot?
Stupid motherfucker.
That's what I said.
I forgot it was back there forlike two seconds.
(22:52):
I forgot CV was going to be, hewas quiet the whole, for the
first minute of the drive, hewas quiet.
That doesn't happen.
It doesn't happen.
So he's quiet and I, and Itotally forgot.
So I said, you fucking idiot,motherfucker, you're going to
kill yourself.
And uh, he goes, what did yousay?
(23:16):
I love you son.
And that's what I said.
He said, you said you said fuckno, I did it.
And he goes, yeah you did.
I said, no.
I said, Schmucker parenting saidPaul's notorious for swearing
(23:41):
while he drives, he gets it fromhis father who also had a filthy
while he was driving.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
Um, but there was one time where he's just cussing up
a storm because people arestupid and this and that.
And I said, hey, but like, watchyour mouth, can you please just
like take it down a notch.
There's no reason to get so bentout of shape and like cursing so
much.
And uh, so the next car that didsomething stupid, I could see
him like really struggling tofind his words and he was just
(24:10):
like this.
It just starts making up visits.
So that has become a state, wellin my vocabulary, but I'll hold
the butthole bitch.
It's the equivalent of a fuckingidiot.
Yeah.
Her mother ever mother up butmean.
Yeah, he's so, he just startedmaking stuff up in that like
(24:31):
killed me to hear him use inwords.
It was so creative.
You're welcome.
Well done.
So he was also saying bad ass alot today cause I that that's on
youtube too.
There's a guy who's awesome, badass cars and he was like, this
one's definitely a bad ass car.
That's when he told me.
But I have also been encouraginghim.
(24:54):
It's hard when you have a childlike Mike, Stevie, um, all the
little things.
Yeah.
All the little milestones andyou know, achievements need to
be celebrated, including usingcurse words in context,
including using curse words.
(25:14):
It contacts or pronouncing the fword properly.
Sure.
Um, I, I don't encourage it.
Obviously I don't want toencourage it.
However, when he does somethingcool or that puts his shoes on
or the other day he startedusing my computer and typing on
the keyboard, which he's neverdone before.
Um, I told him like, that's badass.
(25:35):
You're bad ass.
Yeah.
And you know, bad ass, bad ass.
He just went through anotherheart procedure about us.
Bad Ass, bad ass.
And if he ends up using thewords, oh, teens abusing or,
yeah, because teachers will belike, Oh, don't say that, but
whatever.
Whatever.
That's nice to see it when he'solder.
Anyway, the Nice thing is Ithink there's a lot of slack
(26:00):
given to kids with specialneeds.
Yeah.
So he can get away with it for alittle bit.
Yeah, that's true.
Well, let him, and it's alsocute when he says it.
It's really cute.
It's like this was definitelybad ass.
Yeah.
Or he'll look at the car andthis car has a lot of Nice t
tail.
It's bad.
(26:20):
It's bad ass.
Oh, again.
Well then remember that therewas a time where Paul said
something about, what am Isupposed to call you, Paul?
You there was, yeah.
There was this one time that yousaid something.
I feel like I'm talking to otherpeople though to then talk to
the marina.
Hi, Paul here.
(26:43):
Said he was in the car and hewas like, that's a Badass car
that drove by and Stevie goes,don't say that word.
Bad Ass.
It's a good ass.
Speaker 3 (26:57):
Hey guys, thanks for watching.
Thanks for listening.
I hope you enjoyed it.
Make sure you like press thelike button, right.
Smash the like button, subscribeand stuff.
The kids, all this luck.
If you liked it, if you likedit, you know what to do.
You know what to do like it andtell your friends and stuff and
(27:18):
of course, visit our website atspousal support podcast.
Doug.
Speaker 5 (27:24):
Cool.
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