May 19, 2025 • 21 mins
LEARN MORE at http://teach4theheart.com/346
Disrespectful students can be challenging to even the best teachers. So how do we handle them with grace while also maintaining our authority? Listen in as Linda shares strategies for dealing with disrespect in the classroom.
00:00 Navigating Disrespect in the Classroom
04:37 Our Identity as Teachers
12:05 Practical Strategies for Addressing Disrespect
18:38 Empowering Students Through Repentence
Resources/Links Mentioned:
Pocket Phrases: http://teach4theheart.com/310
CM 101: http://teach4theheart.com/cm101
If you liked this episode, check out episode 41 10 Classroom Management Changes to Make Right Now at https://teach4theheart.com/10-keys-to-a-controlled-effective-classroom/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Disrespectful students can be challenging to even the best teachers.
(00:04):
So how do we handle them with grace while also maintaining our authority?
Let's get into it.
Welcome back to the Teach 4 the Heart podcast where we tackle teaching challenges from abiblical perspective.
Why are we here?
Because we don't believe that our spiritual walk and teaching profession should exist intwo separate domains.
Rather, the hope we have in Christ should change how we approach everything, not just athome, but at school as well.
(00:28):
So join us as we explore both the spiritual and practical sides of key teachingchallenges, integrating them together so we can succeed at teaching, glorify God, and make
a lasting difference in our students' hearts and lives.
This episode is brought to you in partnership with the Herzog Foundation.
We also want to thank our sponsor, InterVarsity Press Kids.
(00:48):
For teachers looking to nurture faith and character in the classroom, InterVarsity PressKids offers resources that are both educational and inspiring.
Designed to spark meaningful discussions, these books introduce children to importantvalues like compassion, resilience, and justice through captivating storytelling.
(01:09):
With age-appropriate language and beautiful illustrations, they're perfect for read-aloudsessions or quiet reading time.
To find out more, visit ivpkids.com and explore their collection of kids' books that willsupport your students' growth emotionally and spiritually and help you have a lasting
impact.
That's IVPkids.com.
(01:31):
Well, today I'm joined by Karly our podcast manager.
Karly, thank you so much for being with us today.
Always fun to come on the podcast.
And today we're talking about disrespectful students.
And we're going to talk about this from a few different angles.
We're going to start by talking about how we as teachers process that disrespect, becausesometimes it can really affect us and our mental state and our emotional state.
(01:58):
So we're going to talk first about that.
And then we're going to kind of dive into some of the practicals of, what am I actuallygoing to do in the classroom when students are disrespectful?
Karly, have you?
noticed either in your own teaching or in talking to other teachers, some of the emotionsthat disrespect can evoke in us as teachers.
(02:18):
Yeah, I mean, when you think about uh when a student is suddenly disrespectful, I feellike a lot of times it happens sort of unexpectedly.
Like, you're not looking for a student to just talk back to you and you're not necessarilyexpecting that, you know, all the time, hopefully.
ah But it happens and there can be this visceral reaction of like, excuse me, who do youthink you are?
(02:42):
You know, like inside.
ah
And so it's just, it's really interesting to have to navigate that quickly and figure outhow to bypass, you know, my response that wants to be like, don't you dare talk to me that
way uh and figure out what the student actually needs uh when they're being disrespectfuland what's underneath that disrespect.
(03:03):
But yeah, it can be a very visceral reaction, especially when you're not ready for it orit's a student that maybe doesn't normally disrespect you and they say something and, you
know.
There's so much behind that of their intention, what they don't know about, how it's gonnabe perceived and things like that.
So there's so much to keep in mind, but it's challenging to deal with disrespectfulstudents.
(03:27):
And I think some of the generations coming up feel different to us as teachers.
And so we're learning different ways of these cultural divides of what they think isrespect and what we think is respected.
Yeah, it's just, there's a lot there and it can be very intensely visceral.
Like, don't you dare.
I'm offended.
Yes, and that's just can be so our natural response, right?
(03:49):
And once again, like you said, it's happening in a split seconds.
It's not like, oh, I thought about this response and this is what I came up with.
But that's why I think it's helpful to do some pre-thinking so that when these things dohappen, obviously, I think when we all step back and think about it, we know if I respond
with that, don't you dare.
Like, that's probably not going to be the most helpful response.
(04:09):
If I'm upset by this, I'm probably not going to be responding with the
best thing that I could say.
So that's why the first thing we kind of want to talk about is, how do we, how should we,how should we ideally be thinking when disrespect comes and how can we be confident in who
we are in Christ so that when that happens, we don't feel attacked personally and we canaddress the problem without so much of the emotional baggage or concerns for ourselves.
(04:37):
Yeah.
And I think some of that has to do with our identity, right?
I think as teachers, we highly value having good relationships, a good teacher highlyvalues having good relationships with their students.
And if it feels like that relationship is at risk of disintegrating because of thisdisrespect, then it can be like a visceral reaction of uh trying to hold on to a good
(05:03):
relationship and force it back into something that you thought it was.
or just prioritizing having a good relationship over what is best for the student andwhat's best for you as well.
So like just thinking about who are you as a teacher, your relationship with every singlestudent doesn't define you.
There's always gonna be a student that you butt heads with.
You're not gonna, and that killed, that crushed my heart.
(05:26):
I was like, I wanna be that teacher that I can reach every single student.
And there's ways in which we can reach them, but it doesn't mean that we're gonna havelike the best relationship with that student.
Yeah, that's really, really helpful to think about.
As you were saying that, was realizing there's just different teachers.
We have different reasons why the disrespect makes us upset.
(05:48):
And I think that's a really good one.
And some of you guys will really resonate that with the fact that like, yeah, it's becauseI really want the student to, I don't know if like me is even the best word, but I wanna
have that good relationship, right?
I wanna be liked.
It's kind of that feeling.
I think another uh thing that can come up is we can be,
unconfident in our authority.
So this is a bit of a different, you know, dynamic where we can feel like, my goodness, myauthority is being questioned and I feel threatened and now what's going to happen, ah you
(06:18):
know, because of that.
And I think in both of these cases and maybe in some other ones that we can think of,stepping back and thinking about, well, what does God say that I am that can't be changed
by how I'm treated, I think is really, really helpful.
Karly, does anything come to mind?
for that are things that we should keep in mind as, yes, this is a truth that I need toremember about who God says I am regardless of what my students do.
(06:44):
Well, yeah, because we can't necessarily, I think there's a lot of ways in which we try tomeasure who we are by the way that people respond to us.
And there are things to reflect on and note about the way that people respond to us.
ah It should cause us to pause or reflect on, know, am I doing the right thing?
(07:04):
Am I thinking about this well?
Am I reacting well?
But at the end of the day, we're not who.
people treat us as, we're who God says we are.
And so that can be really challenging to keep that as your anchor.
But when you do, it's so much more freeing.
It almost feels like you step back a little bit, you your perspective.
You can just sort of almost out of body experience, right?
(07:27):
You can look at yourself in your classroom and be like, okay, this is what's happening.
This is what I need to do.
So it's like that stepping back and getting a little bit of the bigger picture of I'mloved by God.
He cares about me.
This is a situation he's going to help me navigate instead of being like, oh no, this isthe worst.
And what do I do?
(07:47):
And we can ask those questions, but you know, I think as we grow in maturity in Christ andanchor our identity in who God says we are, ah it's easier to let that brief moment be
brief and then move on to, okay, what are we going to do?
Let's do it.
Oh, there's so many good things in there.
I love to say like, I am God's child.
(08:08):
I am loved by him and he's gonna help me.
That, remember, it's always super helpful for me, because sometimes I'm just like, what amI gonna do?
And it's like, well, wait a second, I'm not on my own.
Like God is with me in this situation.
Another thing that comes to mind is when we think about that authority piece, recognizingthat like God has placed you as the authority in the classroom.
And that is a reality that's firm and fixed.
(08:31):
comes, your authority comes actually from God.
um So when it's threatened, recognizing it's not actually threatened, like God has placedyou there.
So you need to deal with it well, or it will undermine things.
But basically, like you don't need to be threatened by students' behavior.
You just need to respond correctly to it.
um But try not to take it personally, trying to just recognize too, right?
(08:56):
I mean, and then this whole other aspect of like what the kids are dealing with, right?
Kids are kids.
Kids, teens, they are not mature.
They are not going to respond right all the time.
They are learning.
We don't know always what they're dealing with.
Now, does any of this excuse the behavior?
No, absolutely not.
But recognizing that there are reasons for this and just immaturity is a huge one to justkeep in mind, right?
(09:18):
They are not who God is making them yet, and neither are we.
So just kind of recognizing we're part of that process.
Some of this should be a little bit expected.
So when it happens, our socks don't have to be knocked off quite so badly if we're like,yeah, this is going to happen.
OK, it happened.
Now I'm going to deal with it.
And I think I was reading about middle schoolers and because in my one teaching job, Iwork with middle schoolers and I never had before.
(09:41):
One of the things that the study was saying, and I can't remember the percentage, but it'sa very high percentage that students will misinterpret emotions, especially from adults,
like 70 % of the time.
So they're still learning what reactions mean and what is laced under there.
(10:01):
I feel like I hear a lot of kids saying, my teacher hates me.
And I always tell them, I'm like, they do not.
I'm like 90 % sure.
You know, there might be one exception and hopefully not, but I'm like, they wereprobably, one of them were annoyed at you or you were being disrespectful and they were
just redirecting.
(10:22):
I mean, I had students misinterpret just simple, straightforward redirection as targetingthem.
I was like, well, you were talking.
So I said, stop talking.
Or, you know, I asked you to stop talking, whatever it was.
And, you know, they're still learning how to interpret what people mean.
And I think we will be for the rest of our lives, you know, different people come acrossdifferently.
(10:43):
So there's room to kind of explain.
I think also when we're redirecting the disrespect, this is what I'm doing and this iswhy.
The end.
Yeah, that's really great.
And yeah, just recognizing that dynamic is there.
can think of, I have multiple even parenting examples popping in my head right now.
Yes, that was not understood correctly.
(11:05):
This episode is brought to you in partnership with the Herzog Foundation.
Did you know that the Teach for the Heart podcast is part of the Herzog Foundation PodcastNetwork?
The Herzog Foundation Podcast Network is a hub for thought-provoking discussions,insightful narratives, and inspiring content around education from a Christian
perspective.
So if you enjoy this podcast, we encourage you to check out all of the Herzog Foundationpodcasts at herzogfoundation.com / podcasts.
(11:32):
One in particular that you might enjoy is the School Success Podcast, where school leadersshare their stories of successes and failures to inspire and motivate us.
Find this podcast and more at HerzogFoundation.com / podcasts.
Now back to our program.
So we're gonna transition from talking about our mindset into, okay, what are some of thethings we can actually do?
(11:55):
And as we do that, I was thinking about how, you know, we've talked about how, you know,God has given us this authority.
And I think that when we are actually confident in that and who God says we are,
We don't need to come out of these things from a defensive attitude.
We don't need to defend ourselves.
That confidence can be backed up with actions and not needing to be backed up withbluster, right?
(12:18):
That like, know, caduc sound like, ah, no, it's just our firm confidence in our authorityand then our calm responses really back that up well.
So as we were talking about this, me and Karly, before we were talking about how having aplan,
A classroom management plan and just knowing how you're going to respond can make such adifference.
(12:39):
And if you've been with Teacher for the Heart long, you know, we talk about this a lot,but it's because it helps with so many different things.
ah Karly, we were talking a little bit about how sometimes another reason that wesometimes get angry or upset is because we don't know what to do.
Right?
I know I've, this has definitely happened to me.
The student is that I think I gotta do something, but I don't know what to do.
(13:00):
So maybe I'll just like be mad, you know?
And so we're just like, I don't know what to do.
It stresses us out.
I have to do something and I don't know.
So thinking through ahead of time, okay, this is how I'm gonna deal with us, helps us tobe able to react calmly.
um Even if we are still upset on the side, we kind of know how we wanna respond and we cango in that way.
(13:22):
Yeah, and I think I almost think about it as like a tool belt.
You might not know, because you can't plan for every situation.
But if you have some options to try, that's great.
You you have a hammer if you need to nail something back in, you've got a screwdriver ifyou need to use that.
Like you have some different options that you can kind of work with.
(13:44):
even when people are using tools, I'm a metaphor gal, so this is how my mind works.
But even when people are using tools, sometimes you don't use them exactly for what theywere.
like intentionally designed for, but it's what you needed them for.
and they work in that way.
So there's ways that if we have some tools, then we can at least try some things and, gofor it.
And I actually love, um I was thinking a lot about a podcast episode we did a while backabout pocket phrases, um, and like keeping something in your pocket.
(14:11):
Like your plan is like, it's a, your pocket plan, right?
You keep it in your back pocket and you pull it out when you need it, um, as you'reteaching.
So.
Yes.
So let's talk about some ways that we can do that.
And by the way, we'll link to that episode about pocket phrases at teach4theheart.com /three, four, six, if you want to check that one out.
um But yeah, so let's start with maybe some pocket phrases, which if those of that aren'tfamiliar, um a pocket phrase is a term we use here at Teach For The Heart to talk about
(14:38):
phrases where it's like, I have this phrase in my back pocket, as Karly was saying, and Ican pull it out and use it.
And they're extra powerful when you use them a lot and students start to know they'regoing to say that thing again.
you
can work really well.
So one pocket phrase that comes to my mind that once again, one tool in the tool belt thatyou could use is when a student's talking to you or being disrespectful is saying, um,
(15:02):
I'll be glad to discuss this when you can do so respectfully.
Um, so just kind of saying like, we can't talk about this right now.
You're really, but, that phrase, just using that phrase kind of takes some of the emotionout of it.
It kind of takes, it's like, I'm not arguing with you.
I'm not like going on this big lecture.
It's just.
I'm happy to talk about this when we can do so respectfully.
And they might still talk to you.
(15:23):
You just repeat it.
I'm happy to talk about this when we can do so respectfully.
I'm to go over here.
I'll come talk to you again in a little bit.
uh So that's one that comes to mind.
And even when we're thinking about delivering the Paga phrase, as even keeled as possible,as little emotion as possible, just very, very respectfully, I will discuss this with you
(15:44):
when you're ready to be respectful, and whatever.
And you can adjust all of these to whatever is comfortable for your way of speaking sothat it's not awkward.
But I think we do this naturally a little bit as teachers.
But if we can actually leverage that thing that we start to do.
It can have a lot of benefit because again, the students know, oh, Ms.
(16:07):
Smith is just going to say this again.
So I might as well not.
She's going to stick to it and she's going to be consistent with it.
So there's no point in fighting it.
I have to take a minute, cool off and do that thing.
So the consistency and your tone, think, in pocket phrases are also very important.
Yes, very, very good point.
(16:28):
And I love what you said about like, yeah, make them your own.
Don't take a phrase that you're like, this is super awkward.
Like, well, what would you say?
And then just make a, well, I'll always say this same thing, you this way.
That's perfect.
um Some other ways to deal with it.
um Sometimes there might be a consequence.
uh One thing that can be helpful is to ask the student to please step outside.
(16:48):
um So you might say, hey, let's, or step to the back of the room.
So finding a place that's a little more private, removing that audience so you're not
getting into any data, if they're responding poorly, that's not happening in front of thewhole class.
OK, let's step outside, or let's step to the back, or sometimes even, hey, I'm going comesee me after class, or we're going to talk about this later.
(17:09):
Saying something like that to them is, I think, very helpful because you're giving somespace for it.
You're kind of changing the environment.
You might be giving time.
But it also signals to the entire class, I am going to deal with this.
I'm not just like,
This is not fine, but I'm not gonna deal with it in front of all you.
(17:30):
I'll deal with it later.
But it does tell them, okay, they're not just completely letting it go.
And it doesn't feed, sometimes the attention seekers want you to deal with it in front ofclass.
So it sort of helps navigate the attention seeking behavior.
Absolutely, yes.
um You know, sometimes another way you might deal with home.
(17:52):
And this obviously depends on the student and the parent relationship and the age and allof that.
But sometimes a note home or a phone call home or calling a parent together and saying, iswhat we're dealing with.
Just obviously, that's a totally at your discretion, but that's another tool that youmight pull out.
um One other one is sometimes one of our strategies we talk about in classroom manager 101is having students redo.
(18:14):
And once again, this depends on the situation and the age and everything.
um But in certain situations, you might simply ask them like, hey, know, I don't respondwhen that tone.
Can you try asking again respectfully?
So if you notice they're not super upset, they just did not say that right.
You can just ask them right away.
Hey, do you want to try that again?
Do want to rephrase that and see if they can kind of pick that up right away?
(18:38):
Which I love as we're sitting here thinking, I'm like, the thing that's really nice aboutthese, even just, especially these like, "we'll discuss it later, "I'll respond to a
different tone." is you're giving the student the opportunity to adjust course.
And having used some of these, a lot of times they will.
a lot of times this diffuses the situation and you're good to go.
(19:00):
Because again, they're not.
realizing how they're coming across.
I love how much that this embodies like a way of showing them grace and giving them theopportunity to do their own adjustment and then move along.
And you you may not even have to give a consequence then because you're you're giving themthe opportunity to grow and change their course a little bit.
(19:22):
So I love that about the pocket praises and some of these that we've been talking about.
Yeah, yeah, that's such a good point, right?
Sometimes we think, I gotta go right to a consequence because they were disrespectful.
And no, no, you don't always have to.
Sometimes you need to go there.
And obviously, if this is a continual big problem, you might need to get admin involved orother people, and you might have to take those steps.
But a lot of times, a lot of times it can just be dealt with on these lower levels.
(19:46):
And like you said, helping students learn self-correct and learn how to do it differentlyis the goal, right?
That's what we want to see.
So that's awesome.
Any other thoughts here, Karly, that you want to share before we wrap up?
I think it's just, you know, thinking through having a plan, having some pocket phrases togo to.
It takes some time, but it's worthwhile on the front of the class, from the front of theclassroom, it's worthwhile to have some tools in your toolkit.
(20:14):
And I we have a lot of really awesome resources about making a plan and lots of podcastepisodes about that.
And if you want to talk a little bit about classroom management 101, that's a greatresource.
Yes, especially over the summer if you're saying, there's a lot, yes, I wanna figure outdisrespect, but there's a lot of issues in my classroom that I kinda need to think through
and figure out how I'm gonna handle.
(20:35):
We would love to help you with that in Classroom Management 101, and the summer is a greattime to go through that.
So if you're interested in that, I actually wanna offer all of our podcast listeners um a30 % discount.
So if you go to teach4theheart.com / CM101 for Classroom Management 101, use the codePODCAST30 when you check out and it'll knock.
30 % off your enrollment.
(20:55):
So that's teach4theheart.com / cm101, use the code PODCAST30 Yeah, and join us thissummer.
I think you find it really, really helpful.
Well, thank you guys so much for being here.
Thank you, Karly, so much for joining us in this conversation.
This episode has been brought to you in partnership with the Herzog Foundation.
All views and opinions are our own and don't necessarily reflect those of the HerzogFoundation.
(21:17):
All the notes and links from this episode can be found at teach4theheart.com / three foursix.
And if you've enjoyed this podcast, please do like, subscribe, leave a review, all thethings that you know to do, but we don't always actually do.
Those really are super, super helpful.
Well, thank you so much for being here.
I look forward to speaking with you again soon.
In the meantime, teacher, remember God is at work in you and through you, and he's usingyou to make a difference.
(21:40):
Keep your eyes on him and teach for the heart.
Disrespectful students can be challenging to even the best teachers.
(00:04):
So how do we handle them with grace while also maintaining our authority?
Let's get into it.
Welcome back to the Teach 4 the Heart podcast where we tackle teaching challenges from abiblical perspective.
Why are we here?
Because we don't believe that our spiritual walk and teaching profession should exist intwo separate domains.
Rather, the hope we have in Christ should change how we approach everything, not just athome, but at school as well.
(00:28):
So join us as we explore both the spiritual and practical sides of key teachingchallenges, integrating them together so we can succeed at teaching, glorify God, and make
a lasting difference in our students' hearts and lives.
This episode is brought to you in partnership with the Herzog Foundation.
We also want to thank our sponsor, InterVarsity Press Kids.
(00:48):
For teachers looking to nurture faith and character in the classroom, InterVarsity PressKids offers resources that are both educational and inspiring.
Designed to spark meaningful discussions, these books introduce children to importantvalues like compassion, resilience, and justice through captivating storytelling.
(01:09):
With age-appropriate language and beautiful illustrations, they're perfect for read-aloudsessions or quiet reading time.
To find out more, visit ivpkids.com and explore their collection of kids' books that willsupport your students' growth emotionally and spiritually and help you have a lasting
impact.
That's IVPkids.com.
(01:31):
Well, today I'm joined by Karly our podcast manager.
Karly, thank you so much for being with us today.
Always fun to come on the podcast.
And today we're talking about disrespectful students.
And we're going to talk about this from a few different angles.
We're going to start by talking about how we as teachers process that disrespect, becausesometimes it can really affect us and our mental state and our emotional state.
(01:58):
So we're going to talk first about that.
And then we're going to kind of dive into some of the practicals of, what am I actuallygoing to do in the classroom when students are disrespectful?
Karly, have you?
noticed either in your own teaching or in talking to other teachers, some of the emotionsthat disrespect can evoke in us as teachers.
(02:18):
Yeah, I mean, when you think about uh when a student is suddenly disrespectful, I feellike a lot of times it happens sort of unexpectedly.
Like, you're not looking for a student to just talk back to you and you're not necessarilyexpecting that, you know, all the time, hopefully.
ah But it happens and there can be this visceral reaction of like, excuse me, who do youthink you are?
(02:42):
You know, like inside.
ah
And so it's just, it's really interesting to have to navigate that quickly and figure outhow to bypass, you know, my response that wants to be like, don't you dare talk to me that
way uh and figure out what the student actually needs uh when they're being disrespectfuland what's underneath that disrespect.
(03:03):
But yeah, it can be a very visceral reaction, especially when you're not ready for it orit's a student that maybe doesn't normally disrespect you and they say something and, you
know.
There's so much behind that of their intention, what they don't know about, how it's gonnabe perceived and things like that.
So there's so much to keep in mind, but it's challenging to deal with disrespectfulstudents.
(03:27):
And I think some of the generations coming up feel different to us as teachers.
And so we're learning different ways of these cultural divides of what they think isrespect and what we think is respected.
Yeah, it's just, there's a lot there and it can be very intensely visceral.
Like, don't you dare.
I'm offended.
Yes, and that's just can be so our natural response, right?
(03:49):
And once again, like you said, it's happening in a split seconds.
It's not like, oh, I thought about this response and this is what I came up with.
But that's why I think it's helpful to do some pre-thinking so that when these things dohappen, obviously, I think when we all step back and think about it, we know if I respond
with that, don't you dare.
Like, that's probably not going to be the most helpful response.
(04:09):
If I'm upset by this, I'm probably not going to be responding with the
best thing that I could say.
So that's why the first thing we kind of want to talk about is, how do we, how should we,how should we ideally be thinking when disrespect comes and how can we be confident in who
we are in Christ so that when that happens, we don't feel attacked personally and we canaddress the problem without so much of the emotional baggage or concerns for ourselves.
(04:37):
Yeah.
And I think some of that has to do with our identity, right?
I think as teachers, we highly value having good relationships, a good teacher highlyvalues having good relationships with their students.
And if it feels like that relationship is at risk of disintegrating because of thisdisrespect, then it can be like a visceral reaction of uh trying to hold on to a good
(05:03):
relationship and force it back into something that you thought it was.
or just prioritizing having a good relationship over what is best for the student andwhat's best for you as well.
So like just thinking about who are you as a teacher, your relationship with every singlestudent doesn't define you.
There's always gonna be a student that you butt heads with.
You're not gonna, and that killed, that crushed my heart.
(05:26):
I was like, I wanna be that teacher that I can reach every single student.
And there's ways in which we can reach them, but it doesn't mean that we're gonna havelike the best relationship with that student.
Yeah, that's really, really helpful to think about.
As you were saying that, was realizing there's just different teachers.
We have different reasons why the disrespect makes us upset.
(05:48):
And I think that's a really good one.
And some of you guys will really resonate that with the fact that like, yeah, it's becauseI really want the student to, I don't know if like me is even the best word, but I wanna
have that good relationship, right?
I wanna be liked.
It's kind of that feeling.
I think another uh thing that can come up is we can be,
unconfident in our authority.
So this is a bit of a different, you know, dynamic where we can feel like, my goodness, myauthority is being questioned and I feel threatened and now what's going to happen, ah you
(06:18):
know, because of that.
And I think in both of these cases and maybe in some other ones that we can think of,stepping back and thinking about, well, what does God say that I am that can't be changed
by how I'm treated, I think is really, really helpful.
Karly, does anything come to mind?
for that are things that we should keep in mind as, yes, this is a truth that I need toremember about who God says I am regardless of what my students do.
(06:44):
Well, yeah, because we can't necessarily, I think there's a lot of ways in which we try tomeasure who we are by the way that people respond to us.
And there are things to reflect on and note about the way that people respond to us.
ah It should cause us to pause or reflect on, know, am I doing the right thing?
(07:04):
Am I thinking about this well?
Am I reacting well?
But at the end of the day, we're not who.
people treat us as, we're who God says we are.
And so that can be really challenging to keep that as your anchor.
But when you do, it's so much more freeing.
It almost feels like you step back a little bit, you your perspective.
You can just sort of almost out of body experience, right?
(07:27):
You can look at yourself in your classroom and be like, okay, this is what's happening.
This is what I need to do.
So it's like that stepping back and getting a little bit of the bigger picture of I'mloved by God.
He cares about me.
This is a situation he's going to help me navigate instead of being like, oh no, this isthe worst.
And what do I do?
(07:47):
And we can ask those questions, but you know, I think as we grow in maturity in Christ andanchor our identity in who God says we are, ah it's easier to let that brief moment be
brief and then move on to, okay, what are we going to do?
Let's do it.
Oh, there's so many good things in there.
I love to say like, I am God's child.
(08:08):
I am loved by him and he's gonna help me.
That, remember, it's always super helpful for me, because sometimes I'm just like, what amI gonna do?
And it's like, well, wait a second, I'm not on my own.
Like God is with me in this situation.
Another thing that comes to mind is when we think about that authority piece, recognizingthat like God has placed you as the authority in the classroom.
And that is a reality that's firm and fixed.
(08:31):
comes, your authority comes actually from God.
um So when it's threatened, recognizing it's not actually threatened, like God has placedyou there.
So you need to deal with it well, or it will undermine things.
But basically, like you don't need to be threatened by students' behavior.
You just need to respond correctly to it.
um But try not to take it personally, trying to just recognize too, right?
(08:56):
I mean, and then this whole other aspect of like what the kids are dealing with, right?
Kids are kids.
Kids, teens, they are not mature.
They are not going to respond right all the time.
They are learning.
We don't know always what they're dealing with.
Now, does any of this excuse the behavior?
No, absolutely not.
But recognizing that there are reasons for this and just immaturity is a huge one to justkeep in mind, right?
(09:18):
They are not who God is making them yet, and neither are we.
So just kind of recognizing we're part of that process.
Some of this should be a little bit expected.
So when it happens, our socks don't have to be knocked off quite so badly if we're like,yeah, this is going to happen.
OK, it happened.
Now I'm going to deal with it.
And I think I was reading about middle schoolers and because in my one teaching job, Iwork with middle schoolers and I never had before.
(09:41):
One of the things that the study was saying, and I can't remember the percentage, but it'sa very high percentage that students will misinterpret emotions, especially from adults,
like 70 % of the time.
So they're still learning what reactions mean and what is laced under there.
(10:01):
I feel like I hear a lot of kids saying, my teacher hates me.
And I always tell them, I'm like, they do not.
I'm like 90 % sure.
You know, there might be one exception and hopefully not, but I'm like, they wereprobably, one of them were annoyed at you or you were being disrespectful and they were
just redirecting.
(10:22):
I mean, I had students misinterpret just simple, straightforward redirection as targetingthem.
I was like, well, you were talking.
So I said, stop talking.
Or, you know, I asked you to stop talking, whatever it was.
And, you know, they're still learning how to interpret what people mean.
And I think we will be for the rest of our lives, you know, different people come acrossdifferently.
(10:43):
So there's room to kind of explain.
I think also when we're redirecting the disrespect, this is what I'm doing and this iswhy.
The end.
Yeah, that's really great.
And yeah, just recognizing that dynamic is there.
can think of, I have multiple even parenting examples popping in my head right now.
Yes, that was not understood correctly.
(11:05):
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(11:32):
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Now back to our program.
So we're gonna transition from talking about our mindset into, okay, what are some of thethings we can actually do?
(11:55):
And as we do that, I was thinking about how, you know, we've talked about how, you know,God has given us this authority.
And I think that when we are actually confident in that and who God says we are,
We don't need to come out of these things from a defensive attitude.
We don't need to defend ourselves.
That confidence can be backed up with actions and not needing to be backed up withbluster, right?
(12:18):
That like, know, caduc sound like, ah, no, it's just our firm confidence in our authorityand then our calm responses really back that up well.
So as we were talking about this, me and Karly, before we were talking about how having aplan,
A classroom management plan and just knowing how you're going to respond can make such adifference.
(12:39):
And if you've been with Teacher for the Heart long, you know, we talk about this a lot,but it's because it helps with so many different things.
ah Karly, we were talking a little bit about how sometimes another reason that wesometimes get angry or upset is because we don't know what to do.
Right?
I know I've, this has definitely happened to me.
The student is that I think I gotta do something, but I don't know what to do.
(13:00):
So maybe I'll just like be mad, you know?
And so we're just like, I don't know what to do.
It stresses us out.
I have to do something and I don't know.
So thinking through ahead of time, okay, this is how I'm gonna deal with us, helps us tobe able to react calmly.
um Even if we are still upset on the side, we kind of know how we wanna respond and we cango in that way.
(13:22):
Yeah, and I think I almost think about it as like a tool belt.
You might not know, because you can't plan for every situation.
But if you have some options to try, that's great.
You you have a hammer if you need to nail something back in, you've got a screwdriver ifyou need to use that.
Like you have some different options that you can kind of work with.
(13:44):
even when people are using tools, I'm a metaphor gal, so this is how my mind works.
But even when people are using tools, sometimes you don't use them exactly for what theywere.
like intentionally designed for, but it's what you needed them for.
and they work in that way.
So there's ways that if we have some tools, then we can at least try some things and, gofor it.
And I actually love, um I was thinking a lot about a podcast episode we did a while backabout pocket phrases, um, and like keeping something in your pocket.
(14:11):
Like your plan is like, it's a, your pocket plan, right?
You keep it in your back pocket and you pull it out when you need it, um, as you'reteaching.
So.
Yes.
So let's talk about some ways that we can do that.
And by the way, we'll link to that episode about pocket phrases at teach4theheart.com /three, four, six, if you want to check that one out.
um But yeah, so let's start with maybe some pocket phrases, which if those of that aren'tfamiliar, um a pocket phrase is a term we use here at Teach For The Heart to talk about
(14:38):
phrases where it's like, I have this phrase in my back pocket, as Karly was saying, and Ican pull it out and use it.
And they're extra powerful when you use them a lot and students start to know they'regoing to say that thing again.
you
can work really well.
So one pocket phrase that comes to my mind that once again, one tool in the tool belt thatyou could use is when a student's talking to you or being disrespectful is saying, um,
(15:02):
I'll be glad to discuss this when you can do so respectfully.
Um, so just kind of saying like, we can't talk about this right now.
You're really, but, that phrase, just using that phrase kind of takes some of the emotionout of it.
It kind of takes, it's like, I'm not arguing with you.
I'm not like going on this big lecture.
It's just.
I'm happy to talk about this when we can do so respectfully.
And they might still talk to you.
(15:23):
You just repeat it.
I'm happy to talk about this when we can do so respectfully.
I'm to go over here.
I'll come talk to you again in a little bit.
uh So that's one that comes to mind.
And even when we're thinking about delivering the Paga phrase, as even keeled as possible,as little emotion as possible, just very, very respectfully, I will discuss this with you
(15:44):
when you're ready to be respectful, and whatever.
And you can adjust all of these to whatever is comfortable for your way of speaking sothat it's not awkward.
But I think we do this naturally a little bit as teachers.
But if we can actually leverage that thing that we start to do.
It can have a lot of benefit because again, the students know, oh, Ms.
(16:07):
Smith is just going to say this again.
So I might as well not.
She's going to stick to it and she's going to be consistent with it.
So there's no point in fighting it.
I have to take a minute, cool off and do that thing.
So the consistency and your tone, think, in pocket phrases are also very important.
Yes, very, very good point.
(16:28):
And I love what you said about like, yeah, make them your own.
Don't take a phrase that you're like, this is super awkward.
Like, well, what would you say?
And then just make a, well, I'll always say this same thing, you this way.
That's perfect.
um Some other ways to deal with it.
um Sometimes there might be a consequence.
uh One thing that can be helpful is to ask the student to please step outside.
(16:48):
um So you might say, hey, let's, or step to the back of the room.
So finding a place that's a little more private, removing that audience so you're not
getting into any data, if they're responding poorly, that's not happening in front of thewhole class.
OK, let's step outside, or let's step to the back, or sometimes even, hey, I'm going comesee me after class, or we're going to talk about this later.
(17:09):
Saying something like that to them is, I think, very helpful because you're giving somespace for it.
You're kind of changing the environment.
You might be giving time.
But it also signals to the entire class, I am going to deal with this.
I'm not just like,
This is not fine, but I'm not gonna deal with it in front of all you.
(17:30):
I'll deal with it later.
But it does tell them, okay, they're not just completely letting it go.
And it doesn't feed, sometimes the attention seekers want you to deal with it in front ofclass.
So it sort of helps navigate the attention seeking behavior.
Absolutely, yes.
um You know, sometimes another way you might deal with home.
(17:52):
And this obviously depends on the student and the parent relationship and the age and allof that.
But sometimes a note home or a phone call home or calling a parent together and saying, iswhat we're dealing with.
Just obviously, that's a totally at your discretion, but that's another tool that youmight pull out.
um One other one is sometimes one of our strategies we talk about in classroom manager 101is having students redo.
(18:14):
And once again, this depends on the situation and the age and everything.
um But in certain situations, you might simply ask them like, hey, know, I don't respondwhen that tone.
Can you try asking again respectfully?
So if you notice they're not super upset, they just did not say that right.
You can just ask them right away.
Hey, do you want to try that again?
Do want to rephrase that and see if they can kind of pick that up right away?
(18:38):
Which I love as we're sitting here thinking, I'm like, the thing that's really nice aboutthese, even just, especially these like, "we'll discuss it later, "I'll respond to a
different tone." is you're giving the student the opportunity to adjust course.
And having used some of these, a lot of times they will.
a lot of times this diffuses the situation and you're good to go.
(19:00):
Because again, they're not.
realizing how they're coming across.
I love how much that this embodies like a way of showing them grace and giving them theopportunity to do their own adjustment and then move along.
And you you may not even have to give a consequence then because you're you're giving themthe opportunity to grow and change their course a little bit.
(19:22):
So I love that about the pocket praises and some of these that we've been talking about.
Yeah, yeah, that's such a good point, right?
Sometimes we think, I gotta go right to a consequence because they were disrespectful.
And no, no, you don't always have to.
Sometimes you need to go there.
And obviously, if this is a continual big problem, you might need to get admin involved orother people, and you might have to take those steps.
But a lot of times, a lot of times it can just be dealt with on these lower levels.
(19:46):
And like you said, helping students learn self-correct and learn how to do it differentlyis the goal, right?
That's what we want to see.
So that's awesome.
Any other thoughts here, Karly, that you want to share before we wrap up?
I think it's just, you know, thinking through having a plan, having some pocket phrases togo to.
It takes some time, but it's worthwhile on the front of the class, from the front of theclassroom, it's worthwhile to have some tools in your toolkit.
(20:14):
And I we have a lot of really awesome resources about making a plan and lots of podcastepisodes about that.
And if you want to talk a little bit about classroom management 101, that's a greatresource.
Yes, especially over the summer if you're saying, there's a lot, yes, I wanna figure outdisrespect, but there's a lot of issues in my classroom that I kinda need to think through
and figure out how I'm gonna handle.
(20:35):
We would love to help you with that in Classroom Management 101, and the summer is a greattime to go through that.
So if you're interested in that, I actually wanna offer all of our podcast listeners um a30 % discount.
So if you go to teach4theheart.com / CM101 for Classroom Management 101, use the codePODCAST30 when you check out and it'll knock.
30 % off your enrollment.
(20:55):
So that's teach4theheart.com / cm101, use the code PODCAST30 Yeah, and join us thissummer.
I think you find it really, really helpful.
Well, thank you guys so much for being here.
Thank you, Karly, so much for joining us in this conversation.
This episode has been brought to you in partnership with the Herzog Foundation.
All views and opinions are our own and don't necessarily reflect those of the HerzogFoundation.
(21:17):
All the notes and links from this episode can be found at teach4theheart.com / three foursix.
And if you've enjoyed this podcast, please do like, subscribe, leave a review, all thethings that you know to do, but we don't always actually do.
Those really are super, super helpful.
Well, thank you so much for being here.
I look forward to speaking with you again soon.
In the meantime, teacher, remember God is at work in you and through you, and he's usingyou to make a difference.
(21:40):
Keep your eyes on him and teach for the heart.
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