August 7, 2024 • 26 mins
Gossip is a prevalent and poisonous sin that is often overlooked, but our words have the power to bring either death or life to our relationships. We are diving into what the Bible says about gossip, its consequences, and practical ways to guard our speech to build others up. We'll explore biblical principles and wise practices to resist gossip and use our words to reflect God's love and grace.
Head over to ThankfulHomemaker.com for full show notes on all the links and resources mentioned in today's episode.
Practical Ways to Cultivate Grace-Filled Speech
EP 67: Speech Seasoned with Grace and Kindness
RESOURCES:
Join Thankful Homemaker for access to the Free Library of Resources
Follow ThankfulHomemaker on Facebook, YouTube, Pinterest & Instagram
Join the Thankful Homemaker Facebook Group
Subscribe to the Podcast on Your Favorite App
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Music.
(00:06):
Welcome to the Thankful Homemaker podcast, a podcast to be an encouragement
and blessing to each other in the role God has called us to as women.
I'm so thankful you've stopped by, so grab yourself a coffee or tea and sit
with me a bit as we talk about how God's Word impacts every area of our lives as Christian women.
Hello, friend. I'm Marci Farrell from Thankful Homemaker, and I'm so glad to be with you today.
(00:32):
Today we're discussing an important topic, Gossip. We can't seem to get away from it.
Gossip is a prevalent and poisonous sin that's so often not dealt with because
our words have power and they can bring death or life to our relationships.
So in today's episode, 164, and I've titled it Resisting Gossip,
(00:54):
Using Words to Build Up, we're going to dive into what the Bible says about gossip.
We're going to talk about its
consequences and practical ways to guard our speech, to build others up.
We're going to walk through together biblical principles and wise practices
to resist gossip and to use our words to reflect God's love and grace.
So let's start today by defining what gossip is according to the Bible.
(01:18):
Because gossip is a really sin. It's a sin that's hard to escape from.
So whether we're the ones speaking it, or we're listening to it,
or we're being the subject of it, gossip can easily infiltrate our conversations.
It's one of the, quote, to Respectable Sins that Jerry Bridges discusses in
his book, Respectable Sins.
That's actually a book that our ladies are going through this year at church,
(01:41):
and I'm really looking forward to that.
And also Matthew Mitchell, he delves into it thoroughly in his book,
Resisting Gossip, which is a book I highly recommend.
So the Bible teaches that our words are powerful and reveal the state of our hearts.
Luke 6.45 says, The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces
(02:02):
good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil,
for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.
So our words, they can bring life or death to our relationships.
Matthew Mitchell, in his book, he defines gossip as bearing bad news behind
someone's back out of a bad heart.
(02:25):
He explains that we gossip because our sinful hearts are attractive to negative
stories, much like moths to a flame.
Scripture clearly defines gossip and underscores its seriousness.
In Romans 1.29, gossip is listed alongside other serious sins.
They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice.
(02:49):
They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness.
They are gossips. So here, gossip refers to whisperers or secret slanderers and detractors.
In 1 Timothy 5.13, Paul warns against young widows becoming idlers,
going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies
(03:13):
saying what they should not.
The King James Version of that text uses the term tattlers, referring to those
who inappropriately reveal secrets or inform others.
So often the motive behind gossip is to make others look bad while elevating
ourselves, selves, even if we rationalize it as being for someone's good.
(03:34):
There's other several verses address the nature and consequences of gossip.
Proverbs 16, 28 says, a perverse person stirs up conflict and a gossip separates close friends.
Proverbs 18, 18 states, the words of a gossip are like choice morsels.
They go down to the inmost parts.
And Leviticus 19, 16 says, do not go about spreading slander among your people.
(03:59):
Gossip involves talking about the faults, failings, or embarrassing situations
of others without their knowledge or approval.
Even if no harm is intended or we convince ourselves it's for their good,
it's still gossip and it's a sin.
It occurs when we speak about someone in a way that's harmful or unkind and
(04:20):
often behind their their back without their knowledge.
We often forget how powerful and potentially destructive our words can be.
James 3, 9-10 points out, it says, how can we bless our Lord and then turn around
and curse people from the same mouth?
The Bible warns against gossip because it leads to strife, mistrust, and division.
(04:40):
It calls believers to use their words to build up others.
As Ephesians 429 advises against corrupting talk, and it encourages speech that's
good for building up, fitting the occasion, and giving grace to those who hear.
So in summary there, gossip is speaking ill of others, often in secret.
(05:02):
And it's discouraged in the Bible because it harms relationships,
and it contradicts our call to love and edify one another.
So what are some examples of gossip? So some examples may be of how we may find
ourselves falling into the sin of gossip.
And again, this is not an exhaustive list of examples, but sadly,
(05:22):
it's ones that I'm familiar with.
We can so often face the temptation to gossip, and especially when we're dealing
with conflict. So first off, when we learn something about someone,
we essentially, we have three options.
So number one, we can talk directly to the person involved.
Number two, which is what we do a lot, number two is we can talk to others about it.
(05:49):
And number three, we can keep it to ourselves and talk directly to God about it.
So as we've discussed, gossip occurs when we choose to say something behind
someone's back that should either be said directly to them or not at all.
It's really important to remember that seeking godly wisdom and counsel,
that is sometimes very necessary, but we need to be careful not to let it turn into gossip.
(06:15):
One common scenario, especially among women, and I'm not saying just women,
but I'm just stating this from my own life.
It's discussing conflicts with
others. And so often we do this to justify ourselves and get validation.
We want others to affirm that we're right and the other person is wrong.
And so often when we do that, we can fall into manipulating the situation and
(06:39):
making us sound better than we really are.
So if we talk about the situation without seeking godly counsel,
and particularly if we're revealing details that should remain private,
we're probably gossiping. So.
When we find enjoyment in sharing a situation that others don't need to know
(07:01):
about, we're engaging in gossip.
Proverbs 18.8 reminds us, seeking counsel for difficult situations should be
a solemn, prayerful process, not a pleasurable one.
So if we find ourselves talking to others more than we're talking to God about
a person or situation, it's probably gossip. And this is especially true when
(07:23):
we bring up issues as prayer requests.
Sometimes we might do this to make ourselves look good or to seem important,
adopting a kind of a look what I know attitude.
Venting can easily turn into gossip. If the person we're sharing with isn't
someone who can actively help resolve the situation, we probably should not be venting to them.
(07:44):
Matthew 18, 16 teaches that the goal should always be reconciliation,
not just airing our grievances to everybody.
So consider whether you're sharing the situation.
So I'm thinking, how do I say that? If you're sharing the situation and the
person's faults with multiple people, you're probably gossiping.
(08:06):
Matthew 18, 15 to 17 emphasizes addressing conflicts with a very narrow audience.
Read through those verses when you get a chance. and ask
your one of some a key question to ask yourself is
where is your heart and thinking here too if it's
a sin issue are you genuinely broken broken over their sin and desiring their
(08:27):
restoration or are you feeling self-righteous and angry so another area we need
to be cautious about is what we share with our husbands before discussing something
with him ask yourself self,
is this really his business and can he do anything about it?
There's sometimes we need to work through it, but we need to be cautious about that.
(08:50):
Those are just some good questions, some good things to work through as to consider
in any situation before we're sharing information with others.
So let's take a look here at Proverbs 31, 26.
I want to talk about wisdom here. It says there, she opens her mouth with wisdom
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
(09:10):
This verse offers a lot for us to think about as wives and mothers.
And what stands out to me always in this verse, I've done a podcast casts on
this verse, I'll link to that in the show notes, is that it states when,
and I put that all in caps here so I would remember to say that,
when she opened her mouth.
It's meaning there, she didn't speak all the time, right? But when she did, it was with wisdom.
(09:35):
So as Christian women, I know that we desire to speak words of wisdom, right?
We need to consider the types of words that come out of our mouths.
And I believe the wise woman would choose her words carefully.
Ensuring that they align with God's word and they're beneficial for others to hear.
To her children, her words would build up and encourage, and they would correct lovingly and gently.
(10:00):
She would speak of God's goodness. She'd speak of the gift of salvation through
Christ, and she would use words that offer grace to their souls.
Her mouth would not be a source of cursing or filthy language or yelling or
slander or any other kind of corrupt communication.
I'm thinking they're referencing like Colossians 3.8 and Ephesians 4.29.
(10:22):
And then Ephesians 4.29 there, it reminds us that our words,
they should be for building up according to the need of the moment so they may
give grace to those who hear.
It can be really easy to speak kindly to others outside our homes, right?
We can so easily put on a good face.
(10:42):
However, our true True hearts, they're revealed by the way we speak to those within our homes.
The example set before us in Proverbs 31 shows that when she speaks to give
instruction, kindness is on her tongue.
So I pray, and this is a prayer for myself continually, that we'll search our
hearts and even more importantly, allow the Lord to search our hearts and do
(11:06):
His work in us, especially in this area where we often need much attention.
Attention because sometimes our words to our children can be sinful or our spouses, right?
And we might overlook our own shortcomings in our speech.
We can tend, right, to have that big log in our own eye before,
you know, as we're like, right, I pull the speck out of somebody else's.
(11:26):
We never tend to take that log out of our own eye.
We tend to miss our own shortcomings.
So we should treat and speak to
our children in the way that we would want them to treat and speak to us.
And after all, when I think about that, who's setting the example here?
Our words should be gracious and gentle, both inside and outside our homes.
(11:46):
It's really essential to practice phrases like, please, and thank you,
and will you forgive me? Those are good things to model to our children.
Take the time to pray before responding to a difficult situation and talk to
the Lord about it first. You can still be firm with your children when needed
while being gentle at the same time.
(12:07):
I have a podcast episode called Gently Correcting Our Children that I'll link to in the show notes.
So if gossip is a sin, then what should we be saying to each other, right?
We should be speaking words that are kind and edifying that build up others.
Ephesians 4.29, I'm going to come back to this verse quite a bit here,
but it's a great verse to memorize and keep in your mind.
(12:29):
May be posted in your house in a few places where it
states let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths but
only such as is good for building up as fits the
occasion that it may give grace to those who hear so let's unpack this verse
a bit because it does serve as a great guideline so as christians as those of
us who have repented of our sins and put our faith in jesus christ alone for
(12:51):
salvation we've been made new we have a new nature and we're called to put off the old self.
So what does it look like for no corrupting or unwholesome speech to come out of our mouths?
Well, it all starts with a change of heart, right? And in Christ,
we've been given a new heart and new desires.
This is true of all believers, right? As our hearts are transformed,
(13:14):
our speech should follow this process of sanctification.
It takes time, right? We're not going to reach perfection here,
but little by little, we are growing more and more in the likeness of Christ.
That the more God's word fills our hearts and shapes our tongues,
the more our speech is going to be used to build others up.
As believers, Christ is living in us and through us, and our words should reflect the supernatural work.
(13:39):
Our speech as new creations should be gracious and uplifting and sensitive to
the needs of others and focus more on others than on ourselves.
When building others up becomes part of our everyday conversation,
gossip naturally fades away.
And just a quick side note, as we talk about what we should be saying to others,
(14:01):
it's really important that we learn to become good listeners.
Truly taking the time to prioritize the needs of others over our own can be so powerful.
To just be a good listener and learn to ask good questions and really pay attention
and not just listen with the intent of thinking what to say next,
but just listen to what they're saying without thinking about a response.
(14:24):
The verse also says, gives grace to those who hear.
So as God's ambassadors, we can serve as channels of his grace in our everyday conversations.
But the only way we can speak gracious words is by continually relying on God's
transforming grace in our lives.
The word unwholesome in Ephesians 429, it means rotten.
(14:46):
And I recall this commentary note that I read by Wayne Barber on this verse,
and this really offered a vivid illustration.
He said, if you put, I know we've heard this, but I just, there's a little bit more to it.
He said, if you put one rotten apple in a barrel of good apples,
the good apples won't make the rotten one good.
Instead, the rotten apple will start to spoil the others. And that's how our speech works.
(15:08):
Rotten speech is decaying and corrupt.
So when we put on the new garment of Christ, he continues, our way of talking
should change accordingly.
Paul emphasizes that our words should be, quote.
So this means our speech should be adaptable and sensitive to the context with
(15:33):
the Holy Spirit guiding us to speak words that build up. End quote there from him.
All that is in the show notes, so you can check that out at thanktheholemaker.com,
which will be linked below wherever you're listening to this.
So our words should speak life to others.
Matthew 12, 34 reminds us that out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.
(15:55):
So what is flowing from your heart? Are your words bringing life to others?
One of those most important messages we can share with our children and those
in our sphere of influence is the gospel, right?
That's the most important. There are no kinder words than those that offer the hope of eternal life.
And our Lord has not left us alone in this challenging area of controlling our tongues.
(16:19):
We have His Word, and if we're in Christ, we have the Holy Spirit within us
to help tame our tongues.
Again, we're not going to reach perfection in this area on this side of heaven.
As we continue, though, to fill our hearts with God's Word and yield to the
Holy Spirit, it, he's going to faithfully sanctify us.
And this work will help us gain victory over our speech.
(16:41):
It's going to ensure that our words reflect who our Father is,
that we are God's children.
So what do we do when all of a sudden we're in the midst of a conversation that's
turning to gossip, right?
So whenever we find ourselves in this awkward lull in a conversation,
it can be tempting sometimes to fill the silence with gossip,
(17:02):
maybe not meaningfully, but all of a sudden you find yourself talking about
something and you're like, I probably shouldn't be talking about this right now.
So what could we as Christian women do in that situation?
Matthew Mitchell in Resisting Gossip, he got some great alternatives.
I just have this sentence from him. He said, instead of gossiping,
you could tell a good story, teach something useful, share a funny joke,
(17:24):
talk about the weather, share a joy of yours, or express a loving concern for someone to help them.
So there's some excellent ideas to have ready in the moment.
You could also share there what the Lord is doing in your life or talk about
a book you're reading or recently read or want to read or ask about what God
has been teaching them or what they're currently studying in the Word.
(17:45):
Ask about their family. There's just so many things you can ask about.
If you feel the conversation going the wrong direction, you could just stop
and redirect that conversation.
And remember, silence is perfectly okay, too. Sometimes we're so afraid of the
quiet that we end up saying things that we shouldn't. And Proverbs 10.19 reminds us.
(18:10):
So it's a really good reminder that we don't always need to fill the silence
with words. Sometimes it's best to simply enjoy the quiet.
So I have written in my Bible these six questions.
I'm not sure where they originally came from, but they've been a great help
to me in being prayerful and slow to speak.
And these are another one to keep posted somewhere.
(18:32):
And again, these will be in the show notes. Number one is, is this the time to say this?
Number two is, am I the person to say this? Number three is, is it necessary?
Number four, is it kind? Number five, is it true? And number six,
the big one to ponder sometimes is, do I need to say this?
Because often we don't have to address everything that troubles or annoys us.
(18:57):
We need to learn when to let things go and overlook an offense.
These questions are pretty self-explanatory and they serve as a good heart check before we speak.
Elizabeth Elliott had a helpful quote to remember from her book, A Lamp to My Feet.
She stated there in a sort of in a prayer, Lord, deliver me from the urge to
open my mouth when I should shut it.
(19:18):
Give me the wisdom to keep silent where silence is wise.
Remind me that not everything needs to be said and that there are very few things
that need to be said by me.
Proverbs 10, 19 tells us, when words are many, transgression is not lacking,
but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.
That verse goes pretty well with Elizabeth Elliot's quote.
(19:41):
Simply talking less would probably solve a lot of our problems if we just kept quiet.
And you know what? We don't need to share our opinions about everything.
We don't have to have a say in everything.
Ecclesiastes 3.7 tells us that there's a time to be silent and a time to speak.
And sometimes we accomplish more by saying nothing at all. Think of all we avoid by choosing silence.
(20:03):
We don't hurt with our words. We avoid conflict. We don't gossip or damage someone's
reputation. reputation, I know for myself that I don't always take enough time
to pray before I respond.
I want to do it. I think about it, but I don't do it every time,
especially in delicate situations where before I get into that situation,
(20:24):
I need to be seeking the Lord's wisdom.
And then on the flip side, there's times when we need to speak up wisely to
maybe protect someone's reputation and take a stand for what's right and address
the situation of gossip to that
person, to correct them or rebuke them in a way that's gentle and kind,
but can be firm, right, and direct.
(20:46):
It's about finding the balance and knowing when to speak, how to speak, when to stay silent.
So, moving into that, I want to talk about what we should do as Christian women
when a friend or acquaintance begins to say something that is or it sounds like it's about to be gossip.
So, first off, we need to work hard at not listening to or engaging in gossip
(21:09):
or slander. So, let's start with ourselves.
Some good questions to ask before speaking about someone else are,
would I mind if the person I'm talking about were standing right here?
And would I be willing to say what I'm about to say to their face?
I wanna share an encouraging and convicting quote about Sarah Edwards,
the wife of Jonathan Edwards.
I shared this quote in an older podcast episode on our speech quite a few years
(21:32):
ago, but it's so good to hear again.
It convicts me every time I hear it. And as always, I love convicting you along
with me, so I'm not alone in this.
And every time I hear it, I wanna be like Sarah Edwards.
So she set a standard that we would do well to follow because it's really easy
to fall into the trap of tearing others down instead of building them up.
(21:53):
And what does the Lord call us to do, right? He calls us to build up and not tear down.
So here's the quote here. It says, Sarah made it her rule to speak well of all
as far as she could, with truth and justice to herself and others.
She was not prone to dwell with delight on the imperfections and failings of
any, And when she heard others speaking ill of someone,
(22:15):
she would say what she thought she could with truth and justice and their excuse
or divert the slander by mentioning those things that were commendable in them.
So in other words there, if Sarah heard someone saying something unkind,
she would try to change the conversation or say something encouraging about
the person being spoke of.
(22:35):
And it goes on to say, it says, Sarah was careful of everyone's character,
even of those who injured and spoke evil of her.
She could bear injuries and reproach
with great calmness without any disposition to render evil for evil.
But on the contrary, she was ready to pity and forgive those who appear to be her enemies.
Okay, what a testimony. How would we all like that to be said about us?
(23:00):
How would we like to be able to be like that? that is a trusting in the sovereignty
of God and just knowing that all things are working for good to those who love
God, to those who are called according to their purpose.
She has a true trust in God and His plans.
I think about that, just that's a commitment to speak well of all,
(23:20):
and that's what Scripture calls us to do.
So we can't get caught up in the moment, but we need to be be prepared to respond
in a way that honors the Lord.
A verse to memorize is Psalm 141.3, Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth.
Keep watch over the door of my lips. So being in Christ.
You and I, we have everything we need to stop this sinful behavior.
(23:43):
We can replace gossip. We don't need to fall into this sin because God in his
goodness and mercy gives us his word and the work of his spirit within us to
speak words that bless and not curse.
I'm coming back to that idea of silence.
Just say nothing because it's pretty easy to avoid gossip if your lips aren't moving.
So stop complaining. Look for ways to build others up.
(24:05):
It doesn't mean pretending or making up good things about others.
I'm not talking about flattery here or anything, but genuinely looking for the
good and talking about it.
No one enjoys being around people who complain all the time or find fault in others.
We all appreciate being around those who have good things to share.
So when you have an issue with someone, deal with it directly.
(24:26):
Don't share it with others. Amy Carmichael wisely stated, never about, always to.
So speak words that will benefit those who are listening.
Share what the Lord is doing in your life. because we can't take our words back
once they've left our mouths.
And James reminds us that our tongue is like a fire that can set a forest ablaze.
That's James 3, 5 through 6.
(24:47):
So we need to carefully choose our words and not just blurt out everything we think or feel.
Our words are powerful. And as we've already seen in this time together,
gossip can be a destructive force, but we can also use our speech to bring life and build others up.
So let's commit to speaking words that are kind and edifying and full of grace.
(25:08):
Remember, we have the Holy Spirit within us to help tame our tongues and guide our speech.
And also, let's try to put what we kind of talked to today into practice.
I don't always do this, and I really should do this more. But if you want to
just reflect a little more on it, make a conscious effort to avoid gossip and
instead use your words to encourage and uplift others.
(25:28):
Reflect on Ephesians 4.29 and let it guide your conversations.
I'm going to read it again. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths,
but only such as is good for building up as it fits the occasion that it may
give grace to those who hear.
And I just pray that we would continue to value God's word above all else,
because Jesus truly is enough always.
(25:49):
I'm so, so grateful for your time today. Again, you can find the full show notes
and most of this podcast is over at the blog in blog post form.
So if you're looking for the quotes or things, it's all there for you.
And also, if you're enjoying our time together here and you're finding the podcast
helpful, I would be so, so grateful if you could just take a moment to leave
a rating and review wherever you listen in.
(26:12):
Your feedback, it not only encourages me, but it also helps others find the podcast.
And I do pray, my dear friend, that you have a very blessed.
Music.
Music.
(00:06):
Welcome to the Thankful Homemaker podcast, a podcast to be an encouragement
and blessing to each other in the role God has called us to as women.
I'm so thankful you've stopped by, so grab yourself a coffee or tea and sit
with me a bit as we talk about how God's Word impacts every area of our lives as Christian women.
Hello, friend. I'm Marci Farrell from Thankful Homemaker, and I'm so glad to be with you today.
(00:32):
Today we're discussing an important topic, Gossip. We can't seem to get away from it.
Gossip is a prevalent and poisonous sin that's so often not dealt with because
our words have power and they can bring death or life to our relationships.
So in today's episode, 164, and I've titled it Resisting Gossip,
(00:54):
Using Words to Build Up, we're going to dive into what the Bible says about gossip.
We're going to talk about its
consequences and practical ways to guard our speech, to build others up.
We're going to walk through together biblical principles and wise practices
to resist gossip and to use our words to reflect God's love and grace.
So let's start today by defining what gossip is according to the Bible.
(01:18):
Because gossip is a really sin. It's a sin that's hard to escape from.
So whether we're the ones speaking it, or we're listening to it,
or we're being the subject of it, gossip can easily infiltrate our conversations.
It's one of the, quote, to Respectable Sins that Jerry Bridges discusses in
his book, Respectable Sins.
That's actually a book that our ladies are going through this year at church,
(01:41):
and I'm really looking forward to that.
And also Matthew Mitchell, he delves into it thoroughly in his book,
Resisting Gossip, which is a book I highly recommend.
So the Bible teaches that our words are powerful and reveal the state of our hearts.
Luke 6.45 says, The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces
(02:02):
good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil,
for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.
So our words, they can bring life or death to our relationships.
Matthew Mitchell, in his book, he defines gossip as bearing bad news behind
someone's back out of a bad heart.
(02:25):
He explains that we gossip because our sinful hearts are attractive to negative
stories, much like moths to a flame.
Scripture clearly defines gossip and underscores its seriousness.
In Romans 1.29, gossip is listed alongside other serious sins.
They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice.
(02:49):
They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness.
They are gossips. So here, gossip refers to whisperers or secret slanderers and detractors.
In 1 Timothy 5.13, Paul warns against young widows becoming idlers,
going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies
(03:13):
saying what they should not.
The King James Version of that text uses the term tattlers, referring to those
who inappropriately reveal secrets or inform others.
So often the motive behind gossip is to make others look bad while elevating
ourselves, selves, even if we rationalize it as being for someone's good.
(03:34):
There's other several verses address the nature and consequences of gossip.
Proverbs 16, 28 says, a perverse person stirs up conflict and a gossip separates close friends.
Proverbs 18, 18 states, the words of a gossip are like choice morsels.
They go down to the inmost parts.
And Leviticus 19, 16 says, do not go about spreading slander among your people.
(03:59):
Gossip involves talking about the faults, failings, or embarrassing situations
of others without their knowledge or approval.
Even if no harm is intended or we convince ourselves it's for their good,
it's still gossip and it's a sin.
It occurs when we speak about someone in a way that's harmful or unkind and
(04:20):
often behind their their back without their knowledge.
We often forget how powerful and potentially destructive our words can be.
James 3, 9-10 points out, it says, how can we bless our Lord and then turn around
and curse people from the same mouth?
The Bible warns against gossip because it leads to strife, mistrust, and division.
(04:40):
It calls believers to use their words to build up others.
As Ephesians 429 advises against corrupting talk, and it encourages speech that's
good for building up, fitting the occasion, and giving grace to those who hear.
So in summary there, gossip is speaking ill of others, often in secret.
(05:02):
And it's discouraged in the Bible because it harms relationships,
and it contradicts our call to love and edify one another.
So what are some examples of gossip? So some examples may be of how we may find
ourselves falling into the sin of gossip.
And again, this is not an exhaustive list of examples, but sadly,
(05:22):
it's ones that I'm familiar with.
We can so often face the temptation to gossip, and especially when we're dealing
with conflict. So first off, when we learn something about someone,
we essentially, we have three options.
So number one, we can talk directly to the person involved.
Number two, which is what we do a lot, number two is we can talk to others about it.
(05:49):
And number three, we can keep it to ourselves and talk directly to God about it.
So as we've discussed, gossip occurs when we choose to say something behind
someone's back that should either be said directly to them or not at all.
It's really important to remember that seeking godly wisdom and counsel,
that is sometimes very necessary, but we need to be careful not to let it turn into gossip.
(06:15):
One common scenario, especially among women, and I'm not saying just women,
but I'm just stating this from my own life.
It's discussing conflicts with
others. And so often we do this to justify ourselves and get validation.
We want others to affirm that we're right and the other person is wrong.
And so often when we do that, we can fall into manipulating the situation and
(06:39):
making us sound better than we really are.
So if we talk about the situation without seeking godly counsel,
and particularly if we're revealing details that should remain private,
we're probably gossiping. So.
When we find enjoyment in sharing a situation that others don't need to know
(07:01):
about, we're engaging in gossip.
Proverbs 18.8 reminds us, seeking counsel for difficult situations should be
a solemn, prayerful process, not a pleasurable one.
So if we find ourselves talking to others more than we're talking to God about
a person or situation, it's probably gossip. And this is especially true when
(07:23):
we bring up issues as prayer requests.
Sometimes we might do this to make ourselves look good or to seem important,
adopting a kind of a look what I know attitude.
Venting can easily turn into gossip. If the person we're sharing with isn't
someone who can actively help resolve the situation, we probably should not be venting to them.
(07:44):
Matthew 18, 16 teaches that the goal should always be reconciliation,
not just airing our grievances to everybody.
So consider whether you're sharing the situation.
So I'm thinking, how do I say that? If you're sharing the situation and the
person's faults with multiple people, you're probably gossiping.
(08:06):
Matthew 18, 15 to 17 emphasizes addressing conflicts with a very narrow audience.
Read through those verses when you get a chance. and ask
your one of some a key question to ask yourself is
where is your heart and thinking here too if it's
a sin issue are you genuinely broken broken over their sin and desiring their
(08:27):
restoration or are you feeling self-righteous and angry so another area we need
to be cautious about is what we share with our husbands before discussing something
with him ask yourself self,
is this really his business and can he do anything about it?
There's sometimes we need to work through it, but we need to be cautious about that.
(08:50):
Those are just some good questions, some good things to work through as to consider
in any situation before we're sharing information with others.
So let's take a look here at Proverbs 31, 26.
I want to talk about wisdom here. It says there, she opens her mouth with wisdom
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
(09:10):
This verse offers a lot for us to think about as wives and mothers.
And what stands out to me always in this verse, I've done a podcast casts on
this verse, I'll link to that in the show notes, is that it states when,
and I put that all in caps here so I would remember to say that,
when she opened her mouth.
It's meaning there, she didn't speak all the time, right? But when she did, it was with wisdom.
(09:35):
So as Christian women, I know that we desire to speak words of wisdom, right?
We need to consider the types of words that come out of our mouths.
And I believe the wise woman would choose her words carefully.
Ensuring that they align with God's word and they're beneficial for others to hear.
To her children, her words would build up and encourage, and they would correct lovingly and gently.
(10:00):
She would speak of God's goodness. She'd speak of the gift of salvation through
Christ, and she would use words that offer grace to their souls.
Her mouth would not be a source of cursing or filthy language or yelling or
slander or any other kind of corrupt communication.
I'm thinking they're referencing like Colossians 3.8 and Ephesians 4.29.
(10:22):
And then Ephesians 4.29 there, it reminds us that our words,
they should be for building up according to the need of the moment so they may
give grace to those who hear.
It can be really easy to speak kindly to others outside our homes, right?
We can so easily put on a good face.
(10:42):
However, our true True hearts, they're revealed by the way we speak to those within our homes.
The example set before us in Proverbs 31 shows that when she speaks to give
instruction, kindness is on her tongue.
So I pray, and this is a prayer for myself continually, that we'll search our
hearts and even more importantly, allow the Lord to search our hearts and do
(11:06):
His work in us, especially in this area where we often need much attention.
Attention because sometimes our words to our children can be sinful or our spouses, right?
And we might overlook our own shortcomings in our speech.
We can tend, right, to have that big log in our own eye before,
you know, as we're like, right, I pull the speck out of somebody else's.
(11:26):
We never tend to take that log out of our own eye.
We tend to miss our own shortcomings.
So we should treat and speak to
our children in the way that we would want them to treat and speak to us.
And after all, when I think about that, who's setting the example here?
Our words should be gracious and gentle, both inside and outside our homes.
(11:46):
It's really essential to practice phrases like, please, and thank you,
and will you forgive me? Those are good things to model to our children.
Take the time to pray before responding to a difficult situation and talk to
the Lord about it first. You can still be firm with your children when needed
while being gentle at the same time.
(12:07):
I have a podcast episode called Gently Correcting Our Children that I'll link to in the show notes.
So if gossip is a sin, then what should we be saying to each other, right?
We should be speaking words that are kind and edifying that build up others.
Ephesians 4.29, I'm going to come back to this verse quite a bit here,
but it's a great verse to memorize and keep in your mind.
(12:29):
May be posted in your house in a few places where it
states let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths but
only such as is good for building up as fits the
occasion that it may give grace to those who hear so let's unpack this verse
a bit because it does serve as a great guideline so as christians as those of
us who have repented of our sins and put our faith in jesus christ alone for
(12:51):
salvation we've been made new we have a new nature and we're called to put off the old self.
So what does it look like for no corrupting or unwholesome speech to come out of our mouths?
Well, it all starts with a change of heart, right? And in Christ,
we've been given a new heart and new desires.
This is true of all believers, right? As our hearts are transformed,
(13:14):
our speech should follow this process of sanctification.
It takes time, right? We're not going to reach perfection here,
but little by little, we are growing more and more in the likeness of Christ.
That the more God's word fills our hearts and shapes our tongues,
the more our speech is going to be used to build others up.
As believers, Christ is living in us and through us, and our words should reflect the supernatural work.
(13:39):
Our speech as new creations should be gracious and uplifting and sensitive to
the needs of others and focus more on others than on ourselves.
When building others up becomes part of our everyday conversation,
gossip naturally fades away.
And just a quick side note, as we talk about what we should be saying to others,
(14:01):
it's really important that we learn to become good listeners.
Truly taking the time to prioritize the needs of others over our own can be so powerful.
To just be a good listener and learn to ask good questions and really pay attention
and not just listen with the intent of thinking what to say next,
but just listen to what they're saying without thinking about a response.
(14:24):
The verse also says, gives grace to those who hear.
So as God's ambassadors, we can serve as channels of his grace in our everyday conversations.
But the only way we can speak gracious words is by continually relying on God's
transforming grace in our lives.
The word unwholesome in Ephesians 429, it means rotten.
(14:46):
And I recall this commentary note that I read by Wayne Barber on this verse,
and this really offered a vivid illustration.
He said, if you put, I know we've heard this, but I just, there's a little bit more to it.
He said, if you put one rotten apple in a barrel of good apples,
the good apples won't make the rotten one good.
Instead, the rotten apple will start to spoil the others. And that's how our speech works.
(15:08):
Rotten speech is decaying and corrupt.
So when we put on the new garment of Christ, he continues, our way of talking
should change accordingly.
Paul emphasizes that our words should be, quote.
So this means our speech should be adaptable and sensitive to the context with
(15:33):
the Holy Spirit guiding us to speak words that build up. End quote there from him.
All that is in the show notes, so you can check that out at thanktheholemaker.com,
which will be linked below wherever you're listening to this.
So our words should speak life to others.
Matthew 12, 34 reminds us that out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.
(15:55):
So what is flowing from your heart? Are your words bringing life to others?
One of those most important messages we can share with our children and those
in our sphere of influence is the gospel, right?
That's the most important. There are no kinder words than those that offer the hope of eternal life.
And our Lord has not left us alone in this challenging area of controlling our tongues.
(16:19):
We have His Word, and if we're in Christ, we have the Holy Spirit within us
to help tame our tongues.
Again, we're not going to reach perfection in this area on this side of heaven.
As we continue, though, to fill our hearts with God's Word and yield to the
Holy Spirit, it, he's going to faithfully sanctify us.
And this work will help us gain victory over our speech.
(16:41):
It's going to ensure that our words reflect who our Father is,
that we are God's children.
So what do we do when all of a sudden we're in the midst of a conversation that's
turning to gossip, right?
So whenever we find ourselves in this awkward lull in a conversation,
it can be tempting sometimes to fill the silence with gossip,
(17:02):
maybe not meaningfully, but all of a sudden you find yourself talking about
something and you're like, I probably shouldn't be talking about this right now.
So what could we as Christian women do in that situation?
Matthew Mitchell in Resisting Gossip, he got some great alternatives.
I just have this sentence from him. He said, instead of gossiping,
you could tell a good story, teach something useful, share a funny joke,
(17:24):
talk about the weather, share a joy of yours, or express a loving concern for someone to help them.
So there's some excellent ideas to have ready in the moment.
You could also share there what the Lord is doing in your life or talk about
a book you're reading or recently read or want to read or ask about what God
has been teaching them or what they're currently studying in the Word.
(17:45):
Ask about their family. There's just so many things you can ask about.
If you feel the conversation going the wrong direction, you could just stop
and redirect that conversation.
And remember, silence is perfectly okay, too. Sometimes we're so afraid of the
quiet that we end up saying things that we shouldn't. And Proverbs 10.19 reminds us.
(18:10):
So it's a really good reminder that we don't always need to fill the silence
with words. Sometimes it's best to simply enjoy the quiet.
So I have written in my Bible these six questions.
I'm not sure where they originally came from, but they've been a great help
to me in being prayerful and slow to speak.
And these are another one to keep posted somewhere.
(18:32):
And again, these will be in the show notes. Number one is, is this the time to say this?
Number two is, am I the person to say this? Number three is, is it necessary?
Number four, is it kind? Number five, is it true? And number six,
the big one to ponder sometimes is, do I need to say this?
Because often we don't have to address everything that troubles or annoys us.
(18:57):
We need to learn when to let things go and overlook an offense.
These questions are pretty self-explanatory and they serve as a good heart check before we speak.
Elizabeth Elliott had a helpful quote to remember from her book, A Lamp to My Feet.
She stated there in a sort of in a prayer, Lord, deliver me from the urge to
open my mouth when I should shut it.
(19:18):
Give me the wisdom to keep silent where silence is wise.
Remind me that not everything needs to be said and that there are very few things
that need to be said by me.
Proverbs 10, 19 tells us, when words are many, transgression is not lacking,
but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.
That verse goes pretty well with Elizabeth Elliot's quote.
(19:41):
Simply talking less would probably solve a lot of our problems if we just kept quiet.
And you know what? We don't need to share our opinions about everything.
We don't have to have a say in everything.
Ecclesiastes 3.7 tells us that there's a time to be silent and a time to speak.
And sometimes we accomplish more by saying nothing at all. Think of all we avoid by choosing silence.
(20:03):
We don't hurt with our words. We avoid conflict. We don't gossip or damage someone's
reputation. reputation, I know for myself that I don't always take enough time
to pray before I respond.
I want to do it. I think about it, but I don't do it every time,
especially in delicate situations where before I get into that situation,
(20:24):
I need to be seeking the Lord's wisdom.
And then on the flip side, there's times when we need to speak up wisely to
maybe protect someone's reputation and take a stand for what's right and address
the situation of gossip to that
person, to correct them or rebuke them in a way that's gentle and kind,
but can be firm, right, and direct.
(20:46):
It's about finding the balance and knowing when to speak, how to speak, when to stay silent.
So, moving into that, I want to talk about what we should do as Christian women
when a friend or acquaintance begins to say something that is or it sounds like it's about to be gossip.
So, first off, we need to work hard at not listening to or engaging in gossip
(21:09):
or slander. So, let's start with ourselves.
Some good questions to ask before speaking about someone else are,
would I mind if the person I'm talking about were standing right here?
And would I be willing to say what I'm about to say to their face?
I wanna share an encouraging and convicting quote about Sarah Edwards,
the wife of Jonathan Edwards.
I shared this quote in an older podcast episode on our speech quite a few years
(21:32):
ago, but it's so good to hear again.
It convicts me every time I hear it. And as always, I love convicting you along
with me, so I'm not alone in this.
And every time I hear it, I wanna be like Sarah Edwards.
So she set a standard that we would do well to follow because it's really easy
to fall into the trap of tearing others down instead of building them up.
(21:53):
And what does the Lord call us to do, right? He calls us to build up and not tear down.
So here's the quote here. It says, Sarah made it her rule to speak well of all
as far as she could, with truth and justice to herself and others.
She was not prone to dwell with delight on the imperfections and failings of
any, And when she heard others speaking ill of someone,
(22:15):
she would say what she thought she could with truth and justice and their excuse
or divert the slander by mentioning those things that were commendable in them.
So in other words there, if Sarah heard someone saying something unkind,
she would try to change the conversation or say something encouraging about
the person being spoke of.
(22:35):
And it goes on to say, it says, Sarah was careful of everyone's character,
even of those who injured and spoke evil of her.
She could bear injuries and reproach
with great calmness without any disposition to render evil for evil.
But on the contrary, she was ready to pity and forgive those who appear to be her enemies.
Okay, what a testimony. How would we all like that to be said about us?
(23:00):
How would we like to be able to be like that? that is a trusting in the sovereignty
of God and just knowing that all things are working for good to those who love
God, to those who are called according to their purpose.
She has a true trust in God and His plans.
I think about that, just that's a commitment to speak well of all,
(23:20):
and that's what Scripture calls us to do.
So we can't get caught up in the moment, but we need to be be prepared to respond
in a way that honors the Lord.
A verse to memorize is Psalm 141.3, Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth.
Keep watch over the door of my lips. So being in Christ.
You and I, we have everything we need to stop this sinful behavior.
(23:43):
We can replace gossip. We don't need to fall into this sin because God in his
goodness and mercy gives us his word and the work of his spirit within us to
speak words that bless and not curse.
I'm coming back to that idea of silence.
Just say nothing because it's pretty easy to avoid gossip if your lips aren't moving.
So stop complaining. Look for ways to build others up.
(24:05):
It doesn't mean pretending or making up good things about others.
I'm not talking about flattery here or anything, but genuinely looking for the
good and talking about it.
No one enjoys being around people who complain all the time or find fault in others.
We all appreciate being around those who have good things to share.
So when you have an issue with someone, deal with it directly.
(24:26):
Don't share it with others. Amy Carmichael wisely stated, never about, always to.
So speak words that will benefit those who are listening.
Share what the Lord is doing in your life. because we can't take our words back
once they've left our mouths.
And James reminds us that our tongue is like a fire that can set a forest ablaze.
That's James 3, 5 through 6.
(24:47):
So we need to carefully choose our words and not just blurt out everything we think or feel.
Our words are powerful. And as we've already seen in this time together,
gossip can be a destructive force, but we can also use our speech to bring life and build others up.
So let's commit to speaking words that are kind and edifying and full of grace.
(25:08):
Remember, we have the Holy Spirit within us to help tame our tongues and guide our speech.
And also, let's try to put what we kind of talked to today into practice.
I don't always do this, and I really should do this more. But if you want to
just reflect a little more on it, make a conscious effort to avoid gossip and
instead use your words to encourage and uplift others.
(25:28):
Reflect on Ephesians 4.29 and let it guide your conversations.
I'm going to read it again. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths,
but only such as is good for building up as it fits the occasion that it may
give grace to those who hear.
And I just pray that we would continue to value God's word above all else,
because Jesus truly is enough always.
(25:49):
I'm so, so grateful for your time today. Again, you can find the full show notes
and most of this podcast is over at the blog in blog post form.
So if you're looking for the quotes or things, it's all there for you.
And also, if you're enjoying our time together here and you're finding the podcast
helpful, I would be so, so grateful if you could just take a moment to leave
a rating and review wherever you listen in.
(26:12):
Your feedback, it not only encourages me, but it also helps others find the podcast.
And I do pray, my dear friend, that you have a very blessed.
Music.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!