Batman & Robin (1997) - Gala Invitations, Ice Puns & a Bathhouse - That Aged Well

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Why have we as a society decided that we're going
to post like a lot of pictures on Instagram and
call it posting a dump.

Speaker 2 (00:10):
I hate that. I hate that so much photo dump.

Speaker 1 (00:13):
I heard posting a dump three times and look, I'm disgusting. Fine,
I'll accept that accusation.

Speaker 2 (00:19):
You take that ship to Twitter, not on Instagram.

Speaker 1 (00:21):
When you say posting a dump, I think I'm gonna
be looking at a toilet, Like that's where my brain goes,
you know, like.

Speaker 3 (00:29):
There's a there's a corner of the of the Internet
that is just for you, my friend. Yea, if that
is what you are into, no shade, but like, be
be real.

Speaker 2 (00:36):
If you're gonna say post.

Speaker 4 (00:37):
The dump, yeah, post the dump, not.

Speaker 2 (00:40):
Posting photos of yourself and.

Speaker 4 (00:42):
No, no post that dump.

Speaker 2 (00:44):
Post that dump truck. I want to see your ass
ass in them. Thanks.

Speaker 4 (01:03):
Hey, I'm Paul in America and this is that aged well.

Speaker 2 (01:07):
Yesterday's pop culture today.

Speaker 1 (01:09):
And we are at the end of July Erica. It
is the final Monday in July. Superhero July the straightest,
the straightest of genres.

Speaker 3 (01:18):
Oh, absolutely the most masculine of genres.

Speaker 1 (01:22):
Yes, and there is nothing gay about the film that
we were talking about today. It is straight as an arrow.

Speaker 2 (01:27):
Oh my god, it is straight as a Catholic boarding school.

Speaker 1 (01:33):
Before we get to this non homosexual film Erica, we
do have some five star Apple podcast reviews.

Speaker 4 (01:40):
Shall we read the first one?

Speaker 2 (01:41):
Yes? Please?

Speaker 1 (01:42):
Okay, this is from Locutis Borg. I wonder if this
is a Star Trek reference. I'm not getting the Borg
is a Star Trek thing, isn't it it is? They write,
We've had to apologize to our kids so many times.

Speaker 2 (01:55):
Okay, I'm intrigued.

Speaker 1 (01:56):
I'm in Locutis Borg writes, this is just a great
podcast idea. My wife and I have also gone back
and watched some old childhood favorites and been horrified at
what we thought was funny or acceptable behavior. These two
hosts cracked me up and continuously point out some great
observations that I didn't even notice. No notes. I humbly

(02:16):
request that you review Revenge of the Nerds. This is
a white whale for this podcast. I've never seen it.
From what I've heard, it is rife with sexual assault,
but that's really all I know about it. Yeah, Lakutisborg
goes on. We watched it with our two college aged
kids recently and had to apologize so many times.

Speaker 3 (02:36):
College age kids are the worst. They're so judge, they're
so judging learning about the world.

Speaker 2 (02:42):
They're better than us, and they actually are better than us.

Speaker 4 (02:44):
I think they know better. Yeah, that's the.

Speaker 2 (02:46):
Problem is they know it and you're like, ah, shit,
they are better than us.

Speaker 4 (02:49):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (02:49):
They finished the review with I think it would be
a great watch for the both of you. You know what, Lakudisborg.
Good for you for having the wherewithal to apologize to
your kids. Don't defend being defensible. Just didn't you know what?
It was a different time.

Speaker 2 (03:02):
It was funny when we were kids. Okay, what can
I say?

Speaker 1 (03:06):
How about rather than judging me, you understand that this
is what I have conquered.

Speaker 4 (03:10):
How about that? How about that? Finn and Heather?

Speaker 2 (03:14):
Okay, you're absolutely right.

Speaker 3 (03:18):
Look, maybe I didn't notice this was terrible when I
was fourteen, but now I do.

Speaker 4 (03:23):
Yeah, look there, look at me growing.

Speaker 3 (03:25):
Our next review comes from TC Manga and they write,
love you guys. I'm so grateful to have found this podcast.
The friendship is obviously beautiful, and I love the reviews
of films I grew up loving. I mean my wedding
song was it had to be You from when Harry
met Sally. It's wonderful heart emoji.

Speaker 2 (03:47):
Oh, I don't.

Speaker 4 (03:48):
Feel like I've ever heard someone like it had to
be You.

Speaker 1 (03:51):
I've heard as a wedding song, but it never heard
it referenced as from when Harry met Sally.

Speaker 3 (03:55):
I'll admit a lot of my love of that era
of music comes from the or efron like sutrack catalog.

Speaker 1 (04:02):
Yeah yeah, all right, lookudesborg TC Magna. Thank you so
much for these reviews. We so appreciate them. If you
would like, Hey, that Agebel tope bag, you know what
to do? You can email us that Ageble at gmail
dot com. You can contact us on social media Instagram.
DM is totally fine. Let us know this is you
say you want your tote bag and I will send
it off for you. Erica, what is this bastion of

(04:25):
straight culture that we are talking about today?

Speaker 2 (04:29):
Today's Republican nightmare is the nineteen ninety seven super hero
film Batman and Robin.

Speaker 1 (04:40):
Batman and Robin was requested by Chris, by Sophie, by Tony,
by Jan, by Marcus, by Austin, and by our patrons.
We polled Batman and Robin against Supergirl, and the two
of us were very split, like we didn't know which
one we wanted to win.

Speaker 4 (04:54):
We wanted both to win. We want to do both
of them. That's what always happens with these polls.

Speaker 1 (04:57):
I'm like, what if there was more time, What if
we had more time, What if there were more mondays?

Speaker 3 (05:01):
What if we changed this podcast to superheroes and just
did superhero movies for six months?

Speaker 1 (05:05):
Then maybe I would get to talk about the X
Men at some point and really torture you for hours
on end.

Speaker 3 (05:10):
I have to say, the movies we got is partially
our fault, is not your fault, listeners, but we picked
some dumpster fires.

Speaker 2 (05:20):
He did this genre dirty.

Speaker 1 (05:22):
But the patrons voted and Batman and Robin won sixty
four percent to thirty six percent. So Supergirl and Faye
Dunaway as an evil enchantress will have to wait for
another time.

Speaker 4 (05:32):
It'll be another time.

Speaker 2 (05:33):
Hey, done away month?

Speaker 4 (05:34):
Say done Away month?

Speaker 1 (05:35):
Sure, Bonnie and Clyde Chinatown, Supergirl and just Mommy Dearest again,
because why not?

Speaker 4 (05:40):
That's for funzies.

Speaker 1 (05:41):
So Batman and Robin was written by Akiva Goldsman. It
was based on DC Comics characters created by Bill Finger
and Bob Kine. It is the fourth and final film
in Warner Brothers original Batman series, and the only one
in the series with no involvement from Tim Burton.

Speaker 2 (05:57):
Boy, you really needed Tim Burton.

Speaker 4 (05:59):
Yeah, there was an essential component missing.

Speaker 2 (06:02):
Yeah, you really needed his input. You needed him to
come in and be like, uh no.

Speaker 1 (06:08):
So it was directed by Joel Schumacher and it stars
George Clooney, Chris O'Donnell, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Uma Thurman, and Alicia Silverstone.

Speaker 3 (06:18):
Batman and Robin was so poorly received that it fucking
killed the franchise. It calls Warner Brothers to cancel plans
for Shoemacher led sequel Batman Unchained.

Speaker 2 (06:29):
Can you imagine how gay that one would have been?

Speaker 4 (06:32):
Now ringing in chains? Oh my god, let's do this thing.

Speaker 3 (06:35):
Schumacher, Goldsman, and Clooney have all publicly apologized for their
roles in the films. Honestly, there's no reason to apology. Yeah,
you tried something and it didn't.

Speaker 4 (06:43):
Really, it didn't work.

Speaker 3 (06:44):
It's not bad because it's like it didn't try, you know,
And it's not bad because it's offensive.

Speaker 2 (06:49):
It just fails.

Speaker 4 (06:51):
Yeah, it just fails.

Speaker 2 (06:52):
That's all people. You're allowed to fail. It happens. Shoemacher's
insisted that the lion's share of the blame should fall
to him. Well, yeah, you are the director.

Speaker 4 (07:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (07:00):
He also pointed out the studio's insistence on making the
film more quote unquote toy edic.

Speaker 1 (07:05):
So they wanted to have more toys. So they needed
more gadgets. They need more things that they could make
in plastic and sell.

Speaker 2 (07:11):
To kids, like a dildo, like a like a batmobile
dildo for children, babies, first dilto Oh, is that what
they wanted to sell to children?

Speaker 1 (07:19):
How many people in the nineties of appropriate age discovered
themselves using a Batman toy?

Speaker 4 (07:24):
That's the question.

Speaker 3 (07:25):
How many Batman toys did some poor er surgeons have
to remove from someone's rectum.

Speaker 1 (07:31):
From some suburban father's rectum. He was just trying something.

Speaker 2 (07:34):
The answer is not zero, not zero.

Speaker 3 (07:37):
No, the amount of rectal extractions that surgeons have had
to do over the years with Batman to these Batmobile
toys in the nineties, it is a dick with wings Man.
They show it in the movie. I'm like, that is
a fuck. That's a Dick with wings. I swear to
god it has a vein down the middle.

Speaker 4 (08:00):
Kevin Feikey has called the film the most important comic
book movie ever made because it's franchise killing failure forced
film studios to rethink how to make comic book movies,
leading to Spider Man and X Men franchises in the
early two thousands that were far more successful.

Speaker 3 (08:17):
That actually does make a lot of sense, because I
here's the thing is, we are used to We have
now come of age in a world where superhero films
are taken extremely seriously. Yeah, but like you forget, and
well I'd forgotten until we started doing this month of
like eighties and nineties crops of superhero movies. They were
all goofy as fuck. No one took them seriously. Yeah,

(08:39):
and this one.

Speaker 2 (08:40):
Was so unseerious that it broke the franchise.

Speaker 4 (08:43):
It broke the system.

Speaker 1 (08:44):
This is also, this is what the comic books were
like in the sixties.

Speaker 4 (08:48):
Like it was, it was silly.

Speaker 1 (08:50):
I mean, all of my references are Marvel, but like
Magneto flying up in the air and declaiming like I'm
the mutant master of Magnetism and I'm going to take
over the like they weren't like nuanced in any way,
and like the medium has just grown a great deal
and now it's like they're talking about ideas and there's
actual metaphors and allegories and all of that stuff. Like
that's not what this movie is trying to be. This

(09:10):
movie's trying to be a silly, fun, good time, and
boy does it succeed.

Speaker 2 (09:15):
I have to say, it really does succeed at that.

Speaker 4 (09:17):
I'm gonna tell you one thing. I had a great time.

Speaker 3 (09:20):
I did feel bad for Arnold Schwarzenegger. Anytime he's on screen.
All I could think of is the makeup job they
had to do for him to get in that dumb
fucking costume that doesn't fit that he can barely move
in and say the dumbest lines ever committed to film history.
I was like, you know what, I'm glad you got
to be governor of California.

Speaker 2 (09:37):
You earned it. Yeah, you earned it.

Speaker 4 (09:39):
That Okay.

Speaker 1 (09:39):
I want to talk about this because allegedly there are
twenty seven ice punds throughout the movie, and I found
myself essentially disappointed in all of them, and I came
up with like a bunch more. But how about this.
Why after freezing someone did mister Freeze, never say ice,
ice baby, because I.

Speaker 2 (09:55):
Would have thrown by TV through the window.

Speaker 4 (09:57):
That's right, but come on, nineteen ninety seven, that's right now.

Speaker 2 (10:01):
That probably got cut. Even Schumacher was like, no, I can't.

Speaker 1 (10:06):
At the beginning of a battle with Batman, he should
have said, you know what, my favorite game is freeze tag.

Speaker 4 (10:12):
Come on?

Speaker 2 (10:13):
He's like, how.

Speaker 3 (10:13):
About how about we reference an obscure Eugene O'Neill play first.

Speaker 2 (10:17):
How about we do that in this movie four Children?

Speaker 4 (10:20):
That was my favorite one. Actually I was in it.
I was like, that's great. I enjoyed that. Okay, how
come every time after he'd throw out a bomb he
didn't say that's a freezer burn. Come on?

Speaker 1 (10:32):
Every time it would have gotten funny year, and then
it would have gotten unfunny and stupid, and then it
would have circled all the way back around to funny
by the end of the movie.

Speaker 3 (10:39):
Yeah, Paul, would you believe if I told you that
Batman and Robin has an eleven percent critical reading on
Rotten Tomatoes and a sixteen percent.

Speaker 4 (10:52):
Audience score, I would believe that.

Speaker 3 (10:54):
I would believe that entirely. Yeah, forty percent on cherry Picks.

Speaker 2 (10:58):
You know, women were not perfect. We're not We're not.

Speaker 3 (11:01):
We make mistakes, We're not. I we like to like
tell like the female of the species being the better
of the two genders, the two sexes, and we're right
most of the time. This is the one time where
ladies have just hit them like stepped on a rake
and hit themselves in the face.

Speaker 4 (11:18):
I have Okay, So I was thinking about this.

Speaker 1 (11:20):
This is my Let me present a theory to you
as to why this is because I agree with you,
like forty percent. This is not a forty percent good
movie on any.

Speaker 2 (11:26):
Level, on any level.

Speaker 1 (11:27):
But in nineteen ninety seven a the best performance in
the movie Uma Thurman.

Speaker 4 (11:33):
By four light years.

Speaker 2 (11:34):
She's killing it.

Speaker 1 (11:35):
She is killing this movie like it's and and she's
fun and she's memorable. She's making all these stupid puns
work like yeah, great. And then the admittedly deeply stupid
kind of feminist shit they make. Alicia Silverstone try to
say throughout this whole movie, like I wonder if in
nineteen ninety seven Batgirl was a step forward for the genre.

Speaker 4 (12:00):
You won't accept it.

Speaker 2 (12:02):
Even if that's true.

Speaker 4 (12:03):
I think it might be that doesn't make this a
good movie. No, no, it does it. It does not
like you can't just be like.

Speaker 3 (12:09):
It had two female characters and they talk to each other.
Therefore it passes the Bechdel test, so forty percent good.

Speaker 2 (12:17):
No, women can be wrong too, they can be This
is a really great example of that.

Speaker 4 (12:22):
All right, Erica, When did you first see Batman and Robin.

Speaker 2 (12:25):
Have an insane story about that?

Speaker 4 (12:26):
Oh? Good?

Speaker 3 (12:28):
My friends and I were driving to the movie theater
to go see this film Saturday afternoon. We were late,
the movie starting in like ten minutes. It was going
to take us twenty minutes to get to the theater.
So my friend who's driving, I'm in the passenger seat,
she's booking it. The car in front of us doesn't
like a really sudden stop, okay, not opposed to, and

(12:49):
it just does a really sudden stop kind of out
of nowhere to make a turn because I guess they
missed their turn.

Speaker 4 (12:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (12:54):
My friend panics, hits the brakes really hard, her car
starts to fish tail across a three lanes like highways dramatic.
We end up like fish tailing across the highway. Luckily
you haven't hit any cars. But there's cars are creening
out of the way to get like out of our way,
and the car that we're in, there's like a one
eighty yeah, ends up in the.

Speaker 2 (13:15):
Third lane over. We were in the first lane.

Speaker 3 (13:17):
Now we're in the third lane over facing the direction
of the oncoming traffic, and a car hits us like
from front. And luckily that car had like had hit
the brakes enough that it was not a big hit.

Speaker 2 (13:30):
No one was injured. Ok, everyone was fine, but like
both cars had damage. It was a whole thing. It was.

Speaker 3 (13:36):
It's the only car accident I've really ever been in
my life. It was so fucking scary. I saw my
life flash before my eyes. Yeah, and it was all
because we were ten minutes late to cut to us
actually going to the theater to watch that movie.

Speaker 2 (13:50):
I don't know. A week later, probably we go to
see this movie.

Speaker 3 (13:55):
Imagine imagine are appointment, Paul.

Speaker 2 (14:01):
We realized that we almost died to see this nonsense.

Speaker 1 (14:08):
Young Erica had film opinions too. I bet you were
on a war path. You would have docked Joel Schumacher
in a second if you had an edibility.

Speaker 3 (14:16):
Was That's my experience I have. I always saw it one.

Speaker 2 (14:24):
Time in the theater after almost dying to see it. Paul,
when did you first see this film?

Speaker 1 (14:28):
I also saw this in the theater. I don't remember
getting there, so I don't think I almost gotten to it,
I almost killed myself or anything like that on the way.

Speaker 4 (14:36):
I remember thinking it was terrible.

Speaker 1 (14:38):
I do remember even back then being like Uma Thurman, Yes,
if this is the movie you're going to do, that
is the performance you need from everybody, Like everyone needs
to be at that level to be fair.

Speaker 2 (14:48):
I think Schwarzenegger is doing his best.

Speaker 1 (14:50):
Yeah, because we've talked about how funny Arnold Schwarzenegger can be.
But you do kind of have to write to him
because half of the humor is in the accent and
the kind of wooden delivery, and like this guy is
is is mallifluous in his language a little bit like
like he's supposed to be like a tragic hero, a
tragic villain, right, like he has this tragic backstory and everything,

(15:10):
and like it was probably a miscasting. But I don't
think Arnold Schwartzneker is not trying to fulfill the brief
like he's trying. It's just it's it's not his bag.

Speaker 2 (15:19):
Yeah, did you clock any of the gay I'm gonna
call it subject, Sure it's not. But did you clock
any of that when you were watching it?

Speaker 1 (15:29):
I don't think I did. I don't remember that being
the takeaway. I mean I was not out at this time, and.

Speaker 2 (15:35):
But you were alive and breathing.

Speaker 4 (15:37):
I was alive in breathing.

Speaker 1 (15:38):
But I suspect that this was something that I had
repressed far enough down that I, even if I had
noticed it, I was not going to acknowledge noticing it
because now watching him, like, well, how can you not notice?
Like when like Chris o'donald is a perfect spin in
the air and his ass is perfectly lit for like
a second and you're like, well that was just that.
That was on purpose and unnecessary, Like we're good.

Speaker 3 (15:59):
You know, this movie really does George Clooney a solid
because I don't think he is known for his ass,
and they make his ass look spectacular.

Speaker 4 (16:06):
Yeah, he's got a BBL in this movie. Yeah, all right, Erica.

Speaker 1 (16:09):
The tagline of this movie was Heroes, Villains triple Threat.

Speaker 2 (16:14):
I don't even get it.

Speaker 1 (16:15):
I think it's supposed to because there's three main heroes
and three main villains, even though Bain isn't on the poster.

Speaker 4 (16:20):
I think that's what they're going for.

Speaker 3 (16:22):
I forget, literally, I saw this movie two nights ago
for the like the second time ever. Uh huh, and
I forgot Baine was in it already. The Iceman comes
really should have been the tagline.

Speaker 4 (16:31):
Yeah it is clearly yeah, yeah, Like why.

Speaker 2 (16:33):
If we're gonna use it anyway?

Speaker 4 (16:34):
Come on, all right, so the iTunes synopsis Shall I
read for you?

Speaker 5 (16:38):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 1 (16:39):
George Clooney stars as the mysterious Caped Crusader in this
fourth installment of the blockbuster Batman saga. This time he's
up against the cold blooded mister Freeze Arnold Schwarzenegger, who
has joined forces with theem fatal Poison Ivy Academy Award
nominee and Golden Globe winner Uma Thurman Kill Bill Volumes

(17:00):
One and two and the producers to wait a deadly
crime spree against the citizens of Gotham City. Armed with
a new array of high tech fighting gear, Batman enlists
the help of his Daredevil partner Robin Golden Globe nomine
Chris O'Donnell Scent of a Woman, Batman Forever and their
newest secret weapon, Batgirl, Golden Globe nominee Alicia Silverstone, Clueless
plast from the Past. It's an action packed thrill ride

(17:22):
as the forces of good and evil clashed in the
most spectacular Batman ever produced, also featuring Vivika Fox and
supermodels Vendela and El McPherson, directed by Joel Schumacher, Phantom
of the Opera, Phone Booth, Good fucking Board.

Speaker 3 (17:40):
I also forgot Vivica Fox was in this until you
read that, like, and she's in my notes, I wrote
Vivika Fox and then she she's like literally in one
scene and she doesn't that's it.

Speaker 1 (17:48):
I really expected her to come back. I thought in
nineteen ninety seven, Vivica A. Fox was Vivica A. Fox,
and I was like, I guess not.

Speaker 2 (17:54):
Oh fucking a Greed. I was like, wait, why aren't
you back? What the that's it? That's all you're here for?

Speaker 3 (17:59):
Good gravy, Paul, do you have an actual synopsis for
this hot mess?

Speaker 1 (18:02):
The actual synopsis for Batman and Robin is there's such
a fine line between superhero suit and fetish gear.

Speaker 3 (18:12):
I mean, finally a superhero film for the Leather Daddy's
out there.

Speaker 1 (18:16):
Finally a superhero film where I can really picture these
superheroes in a fox sling without having to change the
outfits at all.

Speaker 2 (18:24):
There was a foxling in the movie, though, right I
think I saw one.

Speaker 1 (18:27):
You know, I don't think there was, but I remember
it too. It's almost like it's incepted into you while
you watch this movie.

Speaker 2 (18:33):
Was it in the bath house that's in this movie?
There is a fucking bath house in the film.

Speaker 4 (18:39):
Not a bathouse, a bath house.

Speaker 2 (18:41):
Maath house.

Speaker 4 (18:42):
There's a bath houseuse this.

Speaker 3 (18:44):
One is like Borderline in DCE. This is for children.
This is for children. This genuinely is a Republican nightmare.
Like this will turn your kids gay. Don't let them
watch it?

Speaker 1 (18:56):
All right, everyone, stick around. We are going to play
a couple of mars here. If you don't want to
listen to commercials, you can go to our patreon, patreon,
dot com slash that age wel podcast. You can sign
up for any paid tear and you will get ad
free episodes delivered to your feet every Monday and more.
You can always get more on the patreon. If you
don't want to do that, stick around. You'll listen to
some commercials and then we will be right back to

(19:16):
take you through Batman and Robin.

Speaker 2 (19:28):
Ladies and gentlemen, We're back.

Speaker 4 (19:31):
We're bat Oh, there it is there, It is all right.

Speaker 1 (19:34):
We open with, of course close ups on nipples, asses
and codpieces swathed in rubber and or leather.

Speaker 2 (19:43):
Okay, like ended me.

Speaker 3 (19:45):
In the years since this film has come out, I actually,
weirdly enough, also did not clock any of the gay
shit the first time, or if I did, I forgot,
Like I just I was beat seething with anger that
I almost died to see this movie. And in the
years since that, and like, no, I've heard this is
like the quote unquote gay Batman film, and I was like,
people can be so like they probably mean that pejoratively.

Speaker 4 (20:08):
Yeah, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 (20:09):
It's not pejorative. It's accurate. From the beginning, from the.

Speaker 3 (20:14):
First second of the movie, it is a close up
of cod pieces and like leather bound asses.

Speaker 2 (20:20):
I'm not not into this.

Speaker 1 (20:22):
And they look they are not beating the gay accusations
because when they had like it's as if they they're
pulling up their pants right so they they it's at
the last second, so they're fully covered like the rubbers
already over their asses.

Speaker 4 (20:35):
But then there's a little jiggle.

Speaker 3 (20:36):
Joel Schumacher said, I'm going to make the most fetishistic
children's movie of all time, watch me do it.

Speaker 4 (20:43):
And he succeeded to be fair.

Speaker 1 (20:46):
In the nineties when they were saying it was pejorative,
but it was also true.

Speaker 4 (20:49):
You know what I mean, accurate.

Speaker 3 (20:51):
Now I'm celebrating it. I'm celebrating it. This is the
gayest fucking movie.

Speaker 4 (20:55):
Uh huh.

Speaker 1 (20:55):
These two leather rubber bound heroes, our titicular heroes would
nipples are of course Batman aka Bruce Wayne, played by
George Clooney.

Speaker 2 (21:05):
So so deeply, deeply, deeply miscast.

Speaker 3 (21:08):
I love George Clooney. If nothing against the man, he's
a good actor. This is so I cannot believe they
cast him as Batman. It is so insane to me.

Speaker 1 (21:17):
But I think he's good as Bruce Wayne. He's just
terrible as Batman.

Speaker 2 (21:22):
Yes, but that's a little bit important.

Speaker 1 (21:24):
No, No, absolutely that you have to be able to
do both to be fair. But like, he's actually very
good as Bruce Wayne. There was actually a scene in
this where I was like, oh, that actually almost affected
me emotionally, which is not explaining this movie.

Speaker 3 (21:37):
Imagine Bruce Campbell. Sure it would have worked so well.
George Clooney is like Carrie Grant sexy, you know what
I mean, Like, it's the wrong kind of section.

Speaker 4 (21:47):
He's dignified.

Speaker 1 (21:48):
And so it's also Robin aka Dick Grayson played by
Chris O'Donnell. This is a rough go for mister O'Donnell.
I have enjoyed him in the past. I also think
part of the problem is that we were in a
Selma Blair and Real Intention situation where he is twenty
seven and the movie wants him to be like twenty yeah.

Speaker 3 (22:04):
I think the movie wants him to be like eighteen yeah.
And I'm like, that's an adult.

Speaker 4 (22:09):
Yeshir, that's a full grown man.

Speaker 2 (22:11):
That's a person with a mortgage.

Speaker 1 (22:12):
Yeah, that's a person who can rent a car. It's
the rerural cortex is fully formed.

Speaker 2 (22:16):
Yeah. And he's tasked with saying things like you just
you just want it for yourself.

Speaker 4 (22:20):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (22:21):
He's supposed to play this like petulant kid, and I'm like,
you look dumb man.

Speaker 1 (22:25):
They must have to shave their entire bodies to get
into those suits. They are waxed for the gods to
get waxed and lubed up like a pig at the
county fair.

Speaker 2 (22:33):
Because these suits.

Speaker 3 (22:34):
Look cheap enough to me that I don't think it
feels like they're made of like not rubber rubber, but
like that thick, foamy rubber whatever whatever.

Speaker 4 (22:42):
The rubber equivalent of plether is, yeah, like fake rubber.

Speaker 2 (22:46):
Yeah, like I bet you they're actually like snug as
a bug.

Speaker 1 (22:53):
All right, So these two get suited up and go
out to fucking a sling, I mean, fight crime.

Speaker 4 (22:58):
They're gonna fight crime. Batman gets into the Batmobile.

Speaker 1 (23:00):
He heads out as Alfred Michael Goff implores him, do
try to bring this one back in one pieza, and
Robin hops onto his robin cycle.

Speaker 4 (23:10):
I don't know what that's called, and he follows.

Speaker 1 (23:12):
He tells Alfred not to wait up, and Alfred says
that he'll cancel the pizza, and the hero speed off
and Alfred gets a distressed, almost pained expression on his face.

Speaker 4 (23:22):
Oh no, what's wrong with Alfred.

Speaker 1 (23:23):
My favorite part of the scene, outside of the ass jiggling,
which I did enjoy, is when they first they do
this long pan up like the Batmobile appears the Dickmobile
as you correctly pointed.

Speaker 2 (23:32):
Out looks so much like a penis.

Speaker 1 (23:34):
They pan up to Chris O'Donnell and George Clintony's faces,
and both of them look like they know a mistake
is being made, Like both of them look like oops.

Speaker 2 (23:48):
Here's some like really pained dialogue of the beginning of
the movie where.

Speaker 4 (23:52):
And also the middle and the end of the movie
to be fair, like we're.

Speaker 3 (23:56):
Like where Robin's like, I want my own car, and
Batman's like, this is why works alone, And you just
see waves of regret over George Cleaney's face, handsome, beautiful
face as he's like, oh, this is this is terrible,
but I need to quit. I can't do that, like
why did I agree to this? So Batman and Robin
head to the Gotham Museum of Art as they've been

(24:19):
alerted by Commissioner Gordon pat Hindele that there's a new
villain in town, mister Freeze. M We cut to the
museum where mister Freeze aka Victor Freeze played by Arnold Schwartzenega,
freezes security guards and blocks of ice and announces the
Iceman Cometh, which.

Speaker 1 (24:37):
Is somehow the least gay thing that's happened in this
movie so far he is shooting people with a penis
shaped gun, saying the iceman cometh and it's not that gay.

Speaker 3 (24:48):
He's also like they painted him like like remember a Goldfinger,
it's the silver version of that where it looks like
it's pixie dust and diamond dust all over his body.

Speaker 4 (24:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (24:58):
So mister Freeze spots his target, which is an enormous
diamond in the Museum of Art, you know what?

Speaker 2 (25:03):
Moving on? Moving on, I can't.

Speaker 1 (25:05):
They say it's the Museum of Art, but it's so
clearly a natural history museum because a large Brontosaurus model
like features into this movie as well.

Speaker 2 (25:12):
It's the natural history museum.

Speaker 3 (25:14):
Yeah, he blasts the case apart with his freeze gun.
Not an euphemism, Nope, has he in tones?

Speaker 2 (25:19):
In this universe?

Speaker 6 (25:20):
There is only one absolute everything, please.

Speaker 2 (25:28):
To which Erica goes. Not vodka. No, it's true, vodka
doesn't freeze. You put it in your freezer forever. It's
not gonna freeze.

Speaker 4 (25:34):
What if?

Speaker 1 (25:35):
What if instead he had said he gotten it's time
to roll the ice, and he had like which rolled
the diamond across the floor.

Speaker 2 (25:46):
Honestly, you should have written this movie you love a.

Speaker 4 (25:48):
Pun I do, I really do.

Speaker 2 (25:51):
This is your wheelhouse, my friend.

Speaker 1 (25:52):
So Batman appears by crashing through the skylight and Batman,
enough damage has been done to the museum already. You
didn't need to crash this go He's with the front door.

Speaker 3 (26:01):
Is the front door not open? Is there not a
freight elevator you could have taken?

Speaker 4 (26:04):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (26:05):
I mean to be fair, he's gonna pay for all
the repairs anyway. As Bruce Wayne, so I guess he's
like whatever I have so much. He's the only reason
Gotham City works. He is like Mayor Bloomberg in New
York City. Remember how when Mayor Bloomberg was the billionaire
mayor and everything just kind of worked because he just
made short work because hedn't want stink on his name.
He has a billion dollars. That's Bruce Wayne and got
them good.

Speaker 2 (26:25):
You know what, Bruce Wayne for Mary.

Speaker 1 (26:30):
He confronts mister Freeze, who assures him that you're not
sending me to the koola.

Speaker 4 (26:36):
Some excellent, truly.

Speaker 1 (26:38):
Terrible fight choreography ensues. I mean I'm talking about like
this movie. Watched Goldfinger and said hold my beer on
the fight choreography I can, I can do you one better.

Speaker 3 (26:48):
Arnold Schwarzenegger is never one who moves with the grease
Yeah of a barishna CoV beginning with certainly not but
the amount he cannot move in the outfit they have
put him in, and the amount that George Clooney also
not move. Did you notice Batman can't turn his head?

Speaker 1 (27:03):
That's my favorite part about these movies. He moves like
me after a bad night of sleep. Like his shoulders
in his head are one one fused piece.

Speaker 3 (27:10):
So all the fights look so because it's two men,
two middle aged men in outfits they physically cannot occer.

Speaker 1 (27:20):
So mister Freeze loses his freeze gun in the melee,
and he summons his ice hockey themed henchmen who are
all on ice but are wearing roller blades, and they
have like plastic skull cod pieces.

Speaker 2 (27:34):
The cod pieces.

Speaker 4 (27:37):
I wish everyone could see your face.

Speaker 2 (27:40):
Eric is so upset the skull cod pieces.

Speaker 4 (27:45):
Yeah, uh huh?

Speaker 2 (27:46):
Upset or horny?

Speaker 4 (27:47):
I don't know both.

Speaker 2 (27:48):
They don't know both.

Speaker 4 (27:49):
I'm horny and I'm upset about it.

Speaker 2 (27:51):
Yeah, I'm upset that I'm horny.

Speaker 3 (27:54):
He reminded me so much of what's that movie we
watch with the kids in the like the desert ice skins.

Speaker 4 (27:59):
Oh, solar babies.

Speaker 2 (28:01):
So this was so out of solar babies. Everything is.

Speaker 3 (28:04):
I was like, this is Shoel Schumacher saw solar babies
the night before, like creating the vision board for these characters.

Speaker 4 (28:10):
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (28:12):
Uh, Mister Free shouts at his hockey henchmen to kill
the heeroes, Batman and Robin activate their boots skates by
clicking their heels together like Dorothy at the end.

Speaker 3 (28:21):
Okay, no, we gotta talk to this. I'm sorry, I can't.
I'm sorry, I keep interrupting the ball off for every
sentence he says. But like picture chryst O'Donnell and George
Clooney lying on their backs.

Speaker 4 (28:34):
They've been knocked over by the hockey henchmen.

Speaker 2 (28:36):
Who cares why, Paul.

Speaker 4 (28:37):
They're on their backs and their legs are spread no reason.

Speaker 3 (28:40):
Because Joel Schumacher needed them on their backs so he
could point a camera right up their taints. And George
Clooney turns to Crystal Donald's like now. Then they lift
their legs up and click their heels like Dorothy and
Wizard of Oz so that the ice skates can come.

Speaker 2 (28:59):
Out their shoes.

Speaker 4 (29:01):
Huh.

Speaker 2 (29:02):
I don't know, like what, I don't know what so.

Speaker 3 (29:11):
Overtly homosexual iconography in this movie. I was just like, like,
this is in the first five minutes still and I'm
blown away. I like watching it on my teeth on
my couch, going like, oh my god.

Speaker 1 (29:24):
Yeah, they look like a gay couple that hired a
sex worker over to fuck both of them.

Speaker 4 (29:28):
And they're looking at each other holding hands and me like,
who do you think he's gonna choose first?

Speaker 2 (29:31):
It's so that though, And I'm not angry at it.

Speaker 4 (29:34):
I don't I'm I enjoyed it.

Speaker 2 (29:36):
I'm just surprised.

Speaker 3 (29:38):
What I'm feeling right now is just shocked that this
made it through the studio system without anyone being like,
are we sure we want to do without George Clooney
being like, by all accounts a very intelligent person being like,
I'm not saying no, I'm just saying, is this this
genre that we want to we want to put this.

Speaker 4 (29:59):
In right, all right?

Speaker 1 (30:00):
So Batman and Robin get on their feet and they
engage the hockey henchman in ice hockey melee, giving mister
Freeze time to beat on a lot of security guards
and retrieve his freeze gun. Our heroes recover the diamond,
but mister free shouts what killed the dinosaurs the ice
age and freezes the enormous Brontosaurus model in the middle
of the room, which collapses under its own weight and

(30:23):
causes more chaos.

Speaker 3 (30:25):
I mean, really a meteor did but I guess yeah,
it prompted the ice age.

Speaker 4 (30:29):
Then sure, okay, fine, we'll let this one go. We'll
let this one go, let this one go.

Speaker 2 (30:33):
Like I'm like, you're a doctor, you're a scientist. Soft
for Freeze. He should know about it.

Speaker 1 (30:36):
Canonically, a Nobel Prize winning molecular biologist.

Speaker 2 (30:40):
The Hockey Henchman get the diamond back.

Speaker 3 (30:42):
They slap it like a puck to mister Freeze, who
gets it into his I don't know, freeze tank whatever.

Speaker 2 (30:47):
And he's preparing to leave.

Speaker 3 (30:49):
Batman leaps in to confront him, but mister Freeze knocks
him back and freezes him to the wall. Okay, uh, huh,
the freeze tank is actually an escape hatch. We're gonna
find out in a minute. That's like a rock ship
to the moon.

Speaker 4 (31:01):
Huh.

Speaker 2 (31:01):
Fucking don't worry about it. So he he like freezes
Batman to the wall like like has his hostage and
it's so sexy right like like Batman's hands are over
his head and he's.

Speaker 4 (31:15):
Like, oh no, no, wall.

Speaker 2 (31:21):
Paul and I are both doing it at each other
like dancing.

Speaker 3 (31:25):
Oh no, my nipples are hard, get through my rubber
suits here. Oh, so the freeze tank becomes the rocket
fires into the air. Robin Bear we had time to
leap onto the outside of the rocket for a ride.
Now we have Crystal O'Donnell straddling a rocket that's also

(31:46):
shaped like a penis.

Speaker 2 (31:47):
To be here, this one, it should be shaped like
a penis. It's a rocket.

Speaker 4 (31:50):
Rockets are phallic.

Speaker 3 (31:51):
Has no excuse for the Batmobile. But this literally but
it's very like, it's very that.

Speaker 2 (31:56):
It's very ambiguously gay duo.

Speaker 3 (31:59):
Mister Freeze tells Batman that he'll freeze to death once
the rocket hits thirty thousand feet He, mister Freeze, injects
himself out into the air. He's still holding them to
the diamonds he needs right, Robin manages to get his
way into the rocket to free Batman at like.

Speaker 2 (32:13):
Twenty thousand feet up. Yeah, how Robin hasn't passed out
and fall into his untimely desck.

Speaker 4 (32:18):
Don't worry about it.

Speaker 2 (32:19):
Don't fuck worry about it.

Speaker 3 (32:22):
Robin manages to use like a laser beam to like
unfreeze Batman's arms from the wall, and the two of
them escape the rocket.

Speaker 1 (32:30):
Unlike go Ahead, Erica tell the audience what happens next.

Speaker 3 (32:35):
The two of them use the doors of the rocket
that have come off that once they come off, are
in the exact size and shape of surfboards to surf
their way back down to Earth from space. From literal
walking space, these two are now air surfing.

Speaker 1 (32:56):
This billionaire and a circus performer. That is their qualifications
for one is a billionaire, the other one is a
circus performer, and.

Speaker 3 (33:03):
They're surfing air surfing back down to Earth as the
rest of the rocket ship explodes behind them.

Speaker 1 (33:08):
So Batman attacks mister Freeze midair, who's also on his
way back down to Earth because he had some like
butterfly wings come out of his suit. He shakes the
diamond loose again, Robin grabs it and all three lands
safely back on the ground. Because physics has absolutely no
meaning in this in this in this universe, no, no,

(33:28):
the heroes start chasing mister Freeze through the sewers, and
eventually mister Freeze hits Robin with his freeze ray, stating stay.

Speaker 4 (33:37):
Cool, bird boy.

Speaker 1 (33:39):
He takes the diamond out of Robin's iced upped hand,
and Batman has no choice but to thaw Robin out
because mister free says he only has eleven minutes before
Robin bites it. For the eleven minutes thing is kind
of like it's held throughout the movie, but it has
no meaning. If you were encased in ice like this,
you would be dead as soon as you suffocated, which
would not take eleven minutes, and he lets mister Freeze

(33:59):
escape ape with the diamond. Batman picks up Robin, who's
frozen a full grown man in body armor in case
de ice as if he weighs approximately forty pounds.

Speaker 2 (34:12):
Not forty pounds, by asshole. We picked him up like
a bag of groceries.

Speaker 3 (34:17):
We cut to a lab in Brazil, which I'm learning
in real time is Brazil. It's poorly lake with a
greenish glow, filled with vines and plants, snakes and spiders.

Speaker 2 (34:29):
It's my worst nightmare. Yeah, and we meet the mousey
doctor Pamela Issley played by the great Uma Thurman.

Speaker 4 (34:37):
No notes on Uma Thurman in this movie.

Speaker 1 (34:41):
She is so much better than this film has any
right to ask her to be.

Speaker 2 (34:45):
So she's speaking her notes into a recorder and we
hear the following line, Drats, My experiment to make the
dendronium or kid with the South American rattlesnake have failed again.
But I still have high hopes for the animal plant
cross breedings. If only I can find the correct dose
of venom, these plants will be able to fight back
like animals. I will have given Flora a chance to

(35:07):
fight against the thoughtless ravages of man.

Speaker 4 (35:10):
I mean, take a seat.

Speaker 1 (35:11):
He was in the Amazon with my mom when she
was researching spiders just before she died. This is camp,
this is campus, and she is playing it to the hilt.
I mean, like the angry mad scientist trying to figure
it out, trying to understand. She's not even a mad scientist.
I mean, she's a little bit mad scientist at this point,
but she's gonna get way more mad scientists.

Speaker 4 (35:32):
In like twenty minutes.

Speaker 3 (35:33):
We hear a scream, not from her lab, from like
an adjacent lab, and she goes on to complain that
doctor Woodrw is taking her venom samples back to the
Gilgamesh wing of the laboratory. Okay, okay, okay, there's more
wings here. Yeah, And she's like, what is he doing
back there with venom that's making grown men scream all

(35:56):
the time?

Speaker 1 (35:58):
What is is this like a we work for mad scientist?
Like what is this space that they're in? That's like
it's like half abandoned, like it's it's all very confusing.

Speaker 2 (36:08):
But that's exactly it. It's like it's a we work
for magnet.

Speaker 1 (36:14):
Doctor Esley can't take the suspense anymore, Erica, she has
to know, she has to know what's going on in
the Gilgamesh Wing. So she pushes through the large door
and she sneaks into the lab and she sees doctor
Jason Woodrew John Glover also no notes on John Glover
fucking incredible in this movie. He's doing a demonstration to
a group he refers to as the Ununited Nations, a

(36:37):
group that I was briefly concerned would be the only
people of color in the whole movie.

Speaker 4 (36:41):
Good news, they're.

Speaker 2 (36:42):
Not bad news.

Speaker 3 (36:44):
If you haven't seen the film, just imagine a panel
of people. Uh, there's a delegate from let's say Asia. Yep,
there's a delegate from let's say Africa. Imagine there's a
delegate let's say from South America.

Speaker 4 (36:55):
Huh.

Speaker 2 (36:55):
Imagine the broad stereotypes can for all those demographics. You did,
you done it.

Speaker 1 (37:03):
He announces, And this very much confused me. He announces
the last surviving quote unquote volunteer, a small man who
is a serial killer in prison for life. This volunteer
is strapped to the table. A mask is pulled over
his head as doctor Woodrew administers his super Soldier serum
code named venom. Okay, if he is the last surviving volunteer,

(37:27):
we just heard someone screaming. Just heard it, yeah, which
implies that the second to the penultimate surviving volunteer has
just met his or her maker. Sounded like a man's scream.
I would I would guess it was a man that
was dying in there. But now you're demonstrating this product
for all of these people, And do you know that
it's gonna work?

Speaker 2 (37:46):
That implies that he was gonna get on the call.

Speaker 3 (37:48):
He's dialing into the zoom yeah, yeah, and he's about
to hit the password for Zoom and he's like, you
know what, let me try this one last time.

Speaker 2 (37:54):
Make sure, make sure this one's gonna stick.

Speaker 3 (37:56):
Yeah, And the guy dies and he's like, oh no,
and like the zoom is like is like all your
other callers are on the zoom and you're like, fuck.

Speaker 4 (38:04):
They're waiting to be let in.

Speaker 2 (38:05):
Everyone else is in this meeting. What do I do?
And then he like starts the meeting and he's like, so.

Speaker 4 (38:11):
Strits to vamp a little bit. He's like, hey, so
where do y'all come from? To like how is your flight?
Did you get a good hotel?

Speaker 2 (38:17):
Let's do some icebreakers? What emoji do you use most
off on your phone? Mine is the fire? What's what's yours?

Speaker 4 (38:25):
What's yours?

Speaker 1 (38:26):
So he administers this to the to the last surviving volunteer.
The man screams as his body swells into an enormous,
muscle bound new form. Doctor Woodrew gloats about his quote
unquote ideal killing machine, who he calls Baane.

Speaker 3 (38:42):
So the man that they use is the volunteer is
a serial killer from Mexico.

Speaker 4 (38:48):
Uh huh.

Speaker 3 (38:48):
And he's got it like a Hispanic name. And at
first I was a little annoyed by that.

Speaker 2 (38:52):
I was like boo. I was like, why are we
making the serial killer Hispanic? I don't like it? But
then the bean mask looks like a Luta mask from
like Mexican wrestling, and I was like, actually, I love it.

Speaker 4 (39:06):
Okay, around, I.

Speaker 2 (39:07):
Don't think this is offensive.

Speaker 4 (39:09):
I kind of think it's fun.

Speaker 3 (39:11):
Bain starts to rage and rip through the chains holding
him down and the chaos. Doctor Woodrew is like, ooh,
doctor Isley, are you in here watching my super secret
conference call with all the with the world's most evil people.

Speaker 2 (39:26):
He quickly hurries her out of the room.

Speaker 3 (39:28):
He's like, I need to sell my work because the
original sponsor for all of our labs mine and yours included,
have cut the funding.

Speaker 2 (39:34):
YEP, I can't imagine why.

Speaker 3 (39:38):
And doctor Woodrew says to doctor Eisley that without your
research he could never have gotten as far as he
has gotten. He's like, in fact, we should join forces
and since all of our funding is cut, and like,
use the profits of Bain to continue both of our work.
And then she does the thing that all all hapless
victims in these movies do, and instead of saying, yes,

(40:01):
you're right, we should in fact, I'm going to go
out right now and get some papers and pens to
write down.

Speaker 2 (40:08):
All of our plans.

Speaker 4 (40:08):
Yeah, I'm going to go get a whiteboard and a
dry erase board. Is it? What else do you do?
You want me to pick up lunch.

Speaker 2 (40:13):
I'm going to go drive to staples.

Speaker 3 (40:15):
Yeah, I'm going to get in my car and I
will absolutely be back in fifteen minutes.

Speaker 2 (40:20):
Do not worry.

Speaker 4 (40:20):
You know what I'm going to get.

Speaker 1 (40:21):
I am going to get so many of those alligator
clips so we can clip clip our plans together and properly.

Speaker 4 (40:27):
I'm gonna get a filing cabinet. We need a filing cabinet.

Speaker 2 (40:30):
Well, we need a murder board. Let's do a murder board.

Speaker 4 (40:32):
Is there is there a place I can get red
string around here?

Speaker 2 (40:34):
Let's do that.

Speaker 4 (40:35):
Let's do that.

Speaker 2 (40:36):
If I'm not back in four hours, don't worry. I
really didn't go to the airport, yeah and fly back
home immediately.

Speaker 4 (40:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (40:43):
I just probably had to go to a couple of
different staples to get all the supplies we need for
all of our really good plans.

Speaker 3 (40:48):
Yeah, because they don't really have good, well stocked staples
in this region of the Amazon forest.

Speaker 2 (40:52):
That we're both in for some reason.

Speaker 1 (40:54):
I'm also I just want to let you know I
did notice I am short on beakers, so I'm going
to make a quick trip to the chemistry lab supply store, which,
as you know, is on the opposite side of town
from this store.

Speaker 3 (41:03):
And the ladies bathroom is needing in need of tampons.
I'm gonna also go run by the pharma seat pick
up some tampons.

Speaker 4 (41:09):
Do you need anything?

Speaker 2 (41:10):
Do you need anything like some sads for your research?

Speaker 4 (41:15):
No, we're good, We're good.

Speaker 2 (41:17):
But that's not what Doctor Eisley says. That you are
a monster. When I'm through with you, you won't be
able to get a job teaching high school chemistry, to
which Erica was like, he really shouldn't be teaching high school.

Speaker 4 (41:32):
Anything, that's true anything.

Speaker 3 (41:33):
So she basically calls him a psycho, and doctor Woodry
is like, well, I can respect your opinion of me
and my work. Sadly, i am not good at rejection,
for I am a man, and I'm afraid.

Speaker 2 (41:46):
You will have to die.

Speaker 3 (41:50):
So he shoves her over a table in the lab
and buries her in all of her specimens. The floor
collapses beneath her, as it like disintegrates under all these talk,
and doctor Woodrew watches and says, yes, yes, let the
poison and toxins burn a gray for you deep into
the earth you.

Speaker 2 (42:09):
Love so much.

Speaker 3 (42:11):
Bye bye, dear, And then he turns around and says,
fellow maniacs, bidding begins.

Speaker 1 (42:18):
I wish the entire film had been this. This scene
between the two of them is so much fun.

Speaker 2 (42:24):
These two the villains.

Speaker 1 (42:26):
So we cut to the bat cave where the team
is out of costume and doing some research on mister Freeze.
So this is just a complete exposition dump. It turns
out that mister Freeze was once a Nobel Prize winner
in molecular biology. Like we said before, he was researching
away to cryogenically freeze his wife who was ill with
quote unquote MacGregor syndrome while he searched for a cure. Unfortunately,

(42:50):
he wound up falling in one of those pesky tanks
of chemicals that always seemed to be lying around in
these situations. Erica, very unfortunate.

Speaker 2 (42:58):
How many times are they going to go to this well?

Speaker 4 (43:00):
I can't imagine how many.

Speaker 3 (43:01):
Times went to it with I poison ivy. That's the
Joker origin story like, stop going to.

Speaker 1 (43:08):
This well, stop going to chemical factories, future supervillains, and
everything will go much better.

Speaker 3 (43:13):
This poisonous green gunky well yeah, and then later in
the movie.

Speaker 2 (43:17):
Uh huh uh huh yep, later in the fucking movie,
Robin is going to fall into one of these uh huh,
and there are no consequences. And there are no consequences.

Speaker 1 (43:28):
You know what, when we get there, I'm gonna explain
to you what happened. I'm gonna explain to you what happened.

Speaker 2 (43:32):
I dare you to try.

Speaker 4 (43:37):
So.

Speaker 1 (43:37):
Now, mister Freeze, after being submerging, these chemicals can't live
in a normal temperature. He must wear a special cryogenic
suit that is powered by diamonds to survive. Right, his
body temperature must be kept at absolute zero at all times.
So that's what these diamonds are powering.

Speaker 3 (43:53):
So Bruce and Dick, who I forget Robin's name isn't Robin?
Every time they call every oh my god, every time.

Speaker 2 (44:00):
Every time Alfred says master Dick, my heart grows like
the gurge.

Speaker 4 (44:09):
Yes, mastered, Dick.

Speaker 2 (44:11):
Bruce musta Dick.

Speaker 1 (44:14):
That is so weird that, like I understand the relationship
that they are portraying, but like that that people who
were employees, paid employees used to have to call the
people who paid the master.

Speaker 4 (44:28):
Thank god Alfred's a white man. Thank god he's being
played by a white man.

Speaker 2 (44:32):
And when Alisa Silverstone shows up, she has a breath
of fresh goddamn.

Speaker 4 (44:36):
Yeah, she's like, this is fucking weird.

Speaker 2 (44:38):
Like they're all like, no, it's not. It's so normal.

Speaker 3 (44:42):
It's so normal for this old old man to still
be cleaning everything in this house. Yeah, it appears that
Wayne Manor has exactly one employee, and that is a
ninety five year old man with McGregor's.

Speaker 4 (44:56):
Syndrome spoiler alert, Erica, who needs.

Speaker 2 (45:01):
To fucking clean the entire house every day.

Speaker 4 (45:05):
The entire house is so ugly, it's all marble that
reflects dirt.

Speaker 3 (45:09):
Yes, who is doing all the work. Who's ironing their underwear?
Is that Alfred too?

Speaker 1 (45:15):
The one time we see Alfred laid up in the
in a matter of days, there's just.

Speaker 4 (45:19):
Clothes, goes gardens everywhere.

Speaker 2 (45:23):
Immediately, everything goes great gardens.

Speaker 3 (45:26):
When Alfred is there's three able bodied superheroes in the
the time like living there and they're just like, I
can't be bothered to put the rest of this leftover
pizza in the refrigerator.

Speaker 1 (45:35):
Bruce doesn't know how to do laundry. He just buys
new clothes every time. He every time, every time he
shots in a pair of underwear, he's like, well, these
go into the garbage. Now, I guess I'll get another
one to be fair.

Speaker 2 (45:45):
Every time I shirt a pair, they also in the garbage.

Speaker 4 (45:49):
That's true. If you shart in a pair of underwear,
let it go, but let it go, let it go?

Speaker 3 (45:52):
Yeah, fine, I mean unless you I don't spend a
lot of money on underwear, so I can't I have
that luxury.

Speaker 2 (45:58):
But if you don't buy fancy where is what we're saying?

Speaker 4 (46:01):
Really so?

Speaker 2 (46:02):
Bruce and Dick, whose name is not actually Robin, although
in my brain is just Robin that's his name. What
if his name?

Speaker 3 (46:10):
What if his like superhero name was his real name
and it was like Batman and Dick.

Speaker 4 (46:17):
The movie becomes less ambiguously gay every every adjustment we
make to it. Dick Man, dick Man, dick boy, Oh,
dick boy. No, No, can't do dick boy.

Speaker 2 (46:28):
He's a bick boy. Sorry. That's what's the rule of Paul,
I don't know what to tell you. He's underage.

Speaker 3 (46:33):
He is dick boy, dick boy, dick lad, dick Lad,
dick lad.

Speaker 4 (46:38):
Sounds like a like a like a like a like
a movie star from the.

Speaker 2 (46:41):
Thirties and a porn star from the eighties.

Speaker 4 (46:44):
Yeah, both both. Yeah, So the two.

Speaker 3 (46:46):
Of them, Batman and Robin, because I refuse to call
him dick anymore, set a chap for mister Freeze using
the diamonds that are part of the Weien fortune, because
of course they.

Speaker 1 (46:55):
Are, no doubt they were acquired through absolutely above board means.

Speaker 4 (46:59):
They don't belong to anyone else.

Speaker 2 (47:01):
No, no, no, these are not blood diamonds. It's fine,
don't worry about it.

Speaker 4 (47:04):
We'll learn later.

Speaker 1 (47:05):
They're called the Heart of Isis, which has no Egyptian
overtones whatsoever.

Speaker 3 (47:09):
They get into a pissing match about Robin taking too
many risks during battle. Yeah, he's like, Dick, you have
to protect yourself. You're very sensitive, Dick.

Speaker 1 (47:17):
You have to get into the condom before you go
into battle. What if you may dick into a full
body condom?

Speaker 2 (47:24):
Dick, You're very sensitive. You go off very easily. You're
a young Dick. You don't know any better, Dick.

Speaker 4 (47:33):
Dick, you're primed to blow at any moment.

Speaker 2 (47:35):
Yeah, you're way too much of a hot head, Dick.

Speaker 4 (47:37):
Yeah, when you're a hard headed dick.

Speaker 3 (47:39):
Well, yeah, once you get hard, you blow. And sometimes
a little restraint is what's needed, Dick.

Speaker 2 (47:46):
Lay back and think of England.

Speaker 4 (47:47):
Dick, exactly exactly.

Speaker 2 (47:49):
Bruce is like, you need to train more instead of
just like throwing yourself into these dangerous situations, which is
such reasonable advice that Dick will and just throw in
his face and be like, it's your fault because you
don't know how to trust anyone, because you don't.

Speaker 3 (48:03):
Know how to love, because you're just some stupid orphan.
And then he like stomps off, and I'm like, you're
also a stupid orphan. A and b he's your employer.

Speaker 2 (48:12):
He keeps saying things like that's not how you treat
a partner, and I'm like, what planet are you his partner?
He's your employer.

Speaker 3 (48:19):
Alfred for some reason, takes the kid's side and he's like,
perhaps Master Dick has a point. Bruce says, look, I
trust you, Alfred, so I obviously do know how to trust.

Speaker 2 (48:30):
And then Alfred's like, but I won't to be around forever,
and then.

Speaker 4 (48:34):
He casts into a handkerchief and shows the blood to
the camera like Nicole, and he's.

Speaker 3 (48:41):
Like, I won't be around forever, and Bruce is like,
you sure you will. You're gonna live to be a thousand.

Speaker 4 (48:46):
I'm sure who wills? A I gonna be able to
hire to clean this fucking place.

Speaker 5 (48:49):
At this point, the movie decides to treat us to
like a Bruce Wayne fever dream flash like memory sequence
where he sees himself as a little boy who falls
and scrapes his knee and Alfred comes to help him
because again his parents died.

Speaker 2 (49:05):
Uh huh, and yet left no one in.

Speaker 3 (49:08):
Charge of their kid, correct except for their butler. That
is unfair butler.

Speaker 4 (49:15):
So we cut back to Brazil.

Speaker 1 (49:17):
Doctor Woodrew has made his seal and is quite happy
with how the whole evening has gone. Unfortunately, Erica, things
take a turn for the worse when a rumbling sounds
and the hole where doctor Eisley disappeared glows purple, and
doctor Isley reappears, rising up like Venus on the half shell,

(49:38):
her mousey glasses, her gone, her fire engine red wig
is in place. She's wrapped in vines and stretching like
a femme fatale. She's no longer Pamela Issley. She is
poison ivy. And she draws doctor Woodrew close to her
and she kisses him as she coos at her lips
have been filled with then um and doctor Woodrew dies

(50:02):
from her kiss, and Uma Thurman starts to metaphorically to
the scenery as she goes about destroying the lab. She
definitely winds up Eartha kit Or like May West, but
in this scene she's like Betty Davis, like she hasn't
quite found it yet.

Speaker 4 (50:15):
In this scene, I feel like she's.

Speaker 3 (50:17):
Going through all of them. Honestly, I think it's a
choice that she is making to like throughout the movie
reference because there's a full Marlena Dietrich moment like that
is meant to be a Marlene Dietrick moment later in
the movie, and I'm like, oh, maybe she's doing like
a Golden Age of Hollywood divas thing.

Speaker 1 (50:33):
Yeah, she's cycling through because this is I feel like,
this scene is Betty Davis.

Speaker 2 (50:36):
I agree with you. I fully agree with you. Like
I do think that's the choice she's making, and it's
excellent excellent.

Speaker 1 (50:43):
She lights the lab on fire, and as she does,
she notices the name on one.

Speaker 4 (50:48):
Of the Beaker's Wayne enterprises.

Speaker 1 (50:51):
And she hears Bain roaring in the other room, presumptively
having murdered all of the Ununited Nations people who didn't
purchase his services. I don't know what happened in there.
And she says, come along, Bain, dear, because for some
reason she has.

Speaker 4 (51:03):
Power over Bain.

Speaker 2 (51:05):
This makes no sense.

Speaker 4 (51:06):
I think what the movie wants.

Speaker 1 (51:07):
It's like we will learn that that poison ivy has
like pheromone powers to control men, and in the comics
it's both men and women.

Speaker 4 (51:13):
It feels like it's only men in this movie. But
not clear anyway.

Speaker 1 (51:16):
I think the implication is that she is dosing him
with her pheromones and so he is, you know, enraptured
by her at all times, but they never once show
her actually doing that.

Speaker 2 (51:26):
Wait.

Speaker 3 (51:27):
Cut to mister Freeze's hideout in an abandoned ice cream factory.

Speaker 2 (51:31):
Freeze is trying to get his hockey henchmen to sing
for him. Of all the henchmen, this is the worst
henchman job, right.

Speaker 4 (51:37):
I have that exact note. This has gotta be the worst.

Speaker 3 (51:41):
This is the worst henchman job in Gotham. Like Joker,
maybe's volatile and mean to his henchmen, absolutely, but nothing
like the like the psychological torture that Freeze does to
his men, who he forces to wear.

Speaker 2 (51:54):
First of all, he's.

Speaker 3 (51:55):
Like sexually confusing outfits, and he's trying to get them
all to sing like the Mister Freeze song, the Freeze
Meister song or whatever from like the from like I
can't remember which cartoon is. I think it's I think
it's Frost with a Snowman or something one of those,
and like they're not doing it right and they're all
literally freezing to death in this ice cold environment because

(52:17):
they're not cold blooded.

Speaker 2 (52:18):
The way he is.

Speaker 3 (52:19):
There's not enough health insurance in the world make me
take this gig.

Speaker 1 (52:22):
And I'm gonna say it right now. I don't think
Freeze is providing health insurance. I don't think he is.

Speaker 2 (52:27):
Oh, I would like to think he is.

Speaker 4 (52:28):
You would like to think so, but I question that
he comes from.

Speaker 3 (52:32):
Probably like a socialist leaning European country. He believes in
universal health care. This is also when we meet his
assistant that shows up in one scene never fucking again,
Miss b Haven, I kind of love it.

Speaker 1 (52:49):
Actually, I just don't know why it isn't ice themed
in some way.

Speaker 3 (52:53):
None of this makes any sense. She's played by Vivica
A Fox. She is horney for doctor Freeze.

Speaker 4 (53:01):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (53:02):
She tries to get a little something going on with
mister Freeze, but he's like, I only have eyes for
my wife.

Speaker 1 (53:06):
Yeah, he says that, and I'm like, how do you
not put a pun here? Do you want some Freeze
with that shake to like like scare her off, you know,
like something like that.

Speaker 2 (53:17):
Because that's not going to scare any woman off.

Speaker 4 (53:19):
Well, you gotta put the right spin on it.

Speaker 2 (53:21):
Yeah, that's that, Like, yes, yes, sir, I would, Yes, chef.

Speaker 1 (53:25):
You're a tough hoe to snow something like that. But
we shouldn't call it a fox a hoe?

Speaker 4 (53:34):
That's that?

Speaker 1 (53:35):
That that one flies, well.

Speaker 2 (53:37):
It's ninety seven.

Speaker 3 (53:38):
I don't I think a fox would be like you
know what, a puns upon you, guys, mister Freeze. Then
villain monologues about how he only needs one more gigantic
diamond and then.

Speaker 2 (53:48):
He'll be able to hold Gotham ransom.

Speaker 3 (53:51):
His plan is to create an ice ray like that
will freeze the city, or threaten to that the city
will have no choice but to give him the money
he needs to complete his research and find a cure
for McGregor's syndrome and his wife who then he can.

Speaker 2 (54:08):
Unfreeze, and I guess in maybe the processes will find
a cure for him. Wayne Industries would write so many
grants to this.

Speaker 4 (54:15):
Man if he just asks, did you just ask Bruce Wayne?

Speaker 2 (54:17):
None? If this makes any sense?

Speaker 3 (54:18):
And also like again, this is all for actual science,
Just do the science.

Speaker 2 (54:24):
He goes into this like secret alcove and he gazes
as his wife who waits. In suspended animation.

Speaker 1 (54:29):
We cut to Wayne Manor and the doorbell rings and
Dick rushes to get it. Outside, he finds Barbara Wilson
played by Alicia Silverstone. She is Alfred's niece. Alfred is
thrilled to see her. She is thrilled to see Alfred.
She is in all the way from England. And before
you ask Erica, no, Alicia Silverstone is not attempting a

(54:49):
British accent on any level.

Speaker 2 (54:52):
What the fuck?

Speaker 4 (54:54):
Why not simply say she is my niece and she
grew up in America?

Speaker 2 (54:58):
Why not he went to a boarding school in northern California, and.

Speaker 1 (55:03):
She's his sister's daughter, which is also I'm like, I
don't even understand how the aging is working here, because,
as you said, Michael Goff is conservatively seventeen thousand years old.

Speaker 3 (55:13):
In this movie, they show and they show a picture
of his sister, and the picture looks like.

Speaker 2 (55:17):
It was taken in nineteen forty.

Speaker 3 (55:18):
Yes, and when his sister was twenty years old in
nineteen forty, which would make her also seventy five years
old when this film comes out.

Speaker 2 (55:28):
Yeah, Alasta Silverstone is supposed to be sixteen.

Speaker 4 (55:31):
Yes, the fuck?

Speaker 1 (55:32):
All right, So Barbara was orphaned five years ago and
Alfred has been supporting her ever since from a distance
because he can't take any time off from this mansion
because we leave for one day, the entire thing falls
down and Bruce and Dick won't eat.

Speaker 3 (55:44):
Do you think Alfred was cursed by a gypsy when
he was young? And think part of the curse was
at like any time an orphan just like goes in
his path a vision, he has to support it for
the rest of his life.

Speaker 4 (55:56):
They become his responsibility immediately, Yeah.

Speaker 3 (55:58):
Yeah, immediately, anyone who's an orphan, This man is bound
to take care of you forever.

Speaker 1 (56:06):
So Dick is very into having a woman his own
age around own age quote unquote, because look, in the
parlance of the movie, they are age appropriate, and the
two actors are age appropriate. They're just both playing significantly
younger than they actually although actually a least's supposen is
like twenty one. Here, I think she's not that much
older than what she's supposed to be.

Speaker 2 (56:25):
It doesn't actually look that weird. Like, yeah, with the
two of them flirting, it's fine, except that, like there's
a brother sister vibe that I'm picking up off of
these two that I'm not into.

Speaker 1 (56:34):
Well, there's no chemistry, there's no romantic chemistry at all.
So they seem like brother and sister. And also she
never once shows any interest in him. It's all coming
from him.

Speaker 3 (56:43):
And canonically she is underage. She is a child, Like
I get it. He's also supposed to be like eighteen
maybe and she's seventeen, and it's not weird, yeah, but
it's just fucking weird.

Speaker 2 (56:56):
Uh.

Speaker 1 (56:57):
It's decided that Barbara will stay with them while she
she's in town, and Alfred's like, we do get so
busy around him. Master Bruce, and Master Bruce doesn't pick.

Speaker 4 (57:05):
Up on any of the whole thing of like Alfred
being like, I don't want my high school age niece
around all of the super villains that will, no doubt
be laying siege to this mansion within the week.

Speaker 1 (57:15):
And he's like, no, it's fine, Alfred, what are you
talking about. It's fine. So now Barbara is staying there
with them.

Speaker 3 (57:20):
We have plenty of rooms. Yeah, you don't mind cleaning
another bedroom, right, Alfred?

Speaker 1 (57:23):
Oh you think he doesn't have to clean the empty
bedrooms if no one's staying there. I think he has
to clean them.

Speaker 2 (57:28):
Yeah. You know he rotates those sheets.

Speaker 1 (57:29):
Yeah, it's new linen's at least at least twice a
week in every room.

Speaker 2 (57:33):
Yeah, at least.

Speaker 3 (57:33):
Yeah, he does a linen rotation every week. Otherwise the
moms will get to them, Paul.

Speaker 4 (57:36):
Yeah, otherwise he'll get bored.

Speaker 1 (57:38):
Yeah, we have to keep you know what, as soon
as someone retires, they often will pass away, So they
got to keep Alfred busy, so he doesn't have time
to die.

Speaker 4 (57:45):
Well.

Speaker 3 (57:45):
The thing is part of the curse is that like
every time a new orphan comes in his path, so
he's afraid to leave that house, right.

Speaker 2 (57:52):
And so because as soon as he sees another orphan,
he's like, oh.

Speaker 1 (57:55):
Shit, that's not damn even if you don't know it's
an orphan, just passing one on the street.

Speaker 2 (58:00):
Oh know.

Speaker 3 (58:00):
They find him like the pied piper, like like a
cat to a fish restaurant, walk up to him.

Speaker 1 (58:06):
He has a scent. Yeah, he smells like Turkish delight.
At Christmas that night, Barbara finds Alfred trying to get
in contact with his brother Wilfrid, who is part of
quote unquote the Floating Court of Miran Japour.

Speaker 4 (58:24):
I have no idea. I didn't look into it, no idea.

Speaker 3 (58:27):
I bet it's totally a real thing. Yeah, he didn't
make anything up at all.

Speaker 2 (58:31):
Don't worry about it.

Speaker 1 (58:33):
Hence, Wilfrid is very hard to find in contact because
you never know where the court is. So she kisses
her uncle. She says, I'm here to tuck you in.
He's like, well, that's a change of pace, and I'm like,
is it because she's been in England and you've been
in Gotham presumptively her entire life.

Speaker 4 (58:50):
Whatever. She sneaks out of her room.

Speaker 1 (58:54):
She swipes one of the motorcycles in the garage and
she heads out, So this is kind of an interesting thing.
There were a lot more scenes with Barbara in the
original draft of the script, and a lot of them
got cut because the producers got mad that Alicia Silverstone
gained weight and they made Joel Schumacher cut them.

Speaker 3 (59:11):
Oh my god, huh, that's so fucked that's so nineties though. Yeah,
I know, the idea that that woman was quote unquote fat, right,
that's so fucked up.

Speaker 2 (59:20):
So they just cut her scenes.

Speaker 1 (59:22):
Barbara will now disappear from the movie for like twenty minutes.
You don't see her again.

Speaker 3 (59:27):
I thought it was just because it's already two hours
plus and they have fifteen other characters they.

Speaker 4 (59:32):
Have to deal with possibly that as well, and.

Speaker 3 (59:34):
There's and they're like, Okay, we're just gonna cut Barbara
and Dick the most, because like they're the frankly, the
boring ones. Yeah, oh that sucks, fuck this movie.

Speaker 4 (59:43):
You're saying Dick was not uncut.

Speaker 2 (59:44):
I no, I don't think Dick was cutting up. I
like my dick a little more cut.

Speaker 4 (59:49):
Yeah, you like a clean a clean cut.

Speaker 2 (59:51):
I like a clean cut Dick.

Speaker 4 (59:52):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I.

Speaker 2 (59:53):
Feel like this Dick's a little messy. I don't like that.
I don't like where I went with that.

Speaker 4 (59:59):
This Dick's little cut.

Speaker 2 (01:00:03):
We cut to my favorite person in the film, Poison
Ivy in Gotham with Bain.

Speaker 3 (01:00:09):
She heads to the Gotham Observatory. So the Tim Burton
and Batman films wet full gothic with Gotham. They introduced
a lot of our deco into the into it's still
Gothic and it's our deco.

Speaker 2 (01:00:21):
I'm not complaining. I actually love it. I think it's
really cool.

Speaker 3 (01:00:24):
But like it seems like in this movie all of
Gotham is held up by these like colossuses, Like these giant,
very sexy statues of men are literally holding up all
of Gotham. So you'll have like a highway that's that's
like the pedestal of the highway is this giant colossus
and the man's hand is holding the highway up, and

(01:00:46):
like same with the observatory.

Speaker 2 (01:00:48):
It's it's super interesting.

Speaker 3 (01:00:50):
Uh so that the observatory, which is precariously perched in
the giant colossus, is where Bruce Wayne is giving another
done to Gossam City.

Speaker 2 (01:01:01):
And there's like a dedication for a new telescope. Through
the use of this telescope plus several satellites that Wayne
enterprises has set up around the Earth, they'll be able
to see anywhere on Earth with the telescope and the satellites,
so it's less for looking out at the stars and
more for looking in. But the movie does not engage

(01:01:22):
that at all.

Speaker 1 (01:01:23):
All of America's allies and enemies are thrilled with this telescope.

Speaker 4 (01:01:27):
They're all down with it.

Speaker 3 (01:01:29):
So Bruce Wayne is there and he's with his girlfriend
Julie Madison played by Elle McPherson, who's just doesn't know
what she's doing, a nosy reporter who claims to be
Bruce's best friend.

Speaker 2 (01:01:40):
That woman will never get old. I put that woman
in every scene in this movie.

Speaker 4 (01:01:44):
Gossip, Gurdie, gossip, Gerdy, gossip.

Speaker 3 (01:01:46):
Gerdie asks will you two be tying the not anytime soon,
and Bruce's like, but I'm a confirmed bachelor.

Speaker 2 (01:01:53):
I live with a teenage boy.

Speaker 3 (01:01:55):
And Julie saves the day by like turning to the
reporter and saying, we're madly in love.

Speaker 2 (01:02:00):
But that's good enough for us right now.

Speaker 1 (01:02:02):
Poison Ivy dressed in Pamela Isley drag approaches them over
the protests of security and presents Bruce with a proposal
of how Wayne Enterprises can immediately cease all actions.

Speaker 4 (01:02:14):
That hurt the environment.

Speaker 1 (01:02:15):
I have to admit at this point in the movie,
I'm having a little bit of a Jade Fox reaction
to poison IVM, Like, can anyone point to anything she's
done wrong so far?

Speaker 2 (01:02:23):
That's another villain that like with a little bit, Like
if she had just.

Speaker 3 (01:02:27):
Scaled back her proposal a tiny bit, and like he
would have given her all the money in the world, all.

Speaker 4 (01:02:32):
The money, all of the money.

Speaker 1 (01:02:33):
Bruce tells her that millions of people would die due
to her proposed overhaul of the existing systems, and she
scoffs mammals, and she shouts that the plants and flowers
that watched you grow from the primordial soup are coming
to reclaim the planet. Okay, now we've gone a little
too far. Now lost You've lost me, You've lost her.

Speaker 2 (01:02:53):
So with you, you have to work on your elevator pitch.

Speaker 4 (01:02:56):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:02:56):
The crowd laughs at her, and Bruce says, hey, why
don't you come to this gala that Batman and Robin
are appearing at It's to save the rainforest and we're
auctioning off a diamond. Oh remember they were gonna plant
a trap for mister Freeze. Okay, so everyone's everything's coming
together now. A poison heavy takes the invitation and she
SLINKs away and she monologues to herself. She says, first

(01:03:18):
I'll rid myself of the third and feathered pests, and
then Gotham will be mine for the greening.

Speaker 2 (01:03:26):
Love.

Speaker 4 (01:03:27):
She's so great?

Speaker 2 (01:03:29):
What monster? What a satan? Nion?

Speaker 4 (01:03:34):
I don't I already know what you're gonna say?

Speaker 2 (01:03:36):
Designed for the Save the Rainforest.

Speaker 1 (01:03:42):
Ball, the Save the Rainforest ball, that invitation that used
more paper than any other invitation in the history of time.
It's practically a pop up book.

Speaker 3 (01:03:53):
Is a triple folded It's like those things you get
for a Broadway show in the mail. The middle panel
is like all the information you need Friday night, seven pm.

Speaker 2 (01:04:03):
That's nice.

Speaker 1 (01:04:04):
Batman and Robin are gonna be there with their nipples
and their asses and their god pieces.

Speaker 4 (01:04:09):
Come and dance BYO Fox Ling BYO Fox Lane.

Speaker 3 (01:04:12):
Chicken will be served, And then the side panels instead
of a photo of a beautiful.

Speaker 2 (01:04:18):
Rainforest thriving or a bird.

Speaker 3 (01:04:22):
It is just like the earth on flaming fire and
a red face screaming at you. Like, the rainforests need
to be saved. Not because they're slowly dying because of
environmental toxins. They need to be saved because someone is
literally holding a gun to their head. That's right, a
volcano is being held to the rainforest head. And if

(01:04:43):
you don't give us enough money by midnight, we're gonna
fucking torch the rainforest. What is a ransom? Note this
is not an invitation. We cut to the Save the
Rainforest gala. Performers surround the main events while Batman and
and present the Diamond on loan from Bruce Wayne, and
no one's like, hey, we should Bruce Wayne be here. Yeah,

(01:05:05):
there are women on stage and there is a like
date auction happening right right. You see this a lot
in movies, like this is this is you know so
and so, and like, who's gonna bid five hundred dollars
her like escort for the evening.

Speaker 2 (01:05:19):
Here's my actual problem with this. This is not how
auctions work.

Speaker 3 (01:05:22):
No, the auctioneer is on stage and he's like, these
are the five ladies behind me. They're all named after
a flower. You want to do you want to go
out with the orchid? Do you want to go out
with the rose? Do you want to go out with
the lily? Blah blah blah.

Speaker 2 (01:05:34):
And then men are just shouting from the audience one
thousand dollars for the lily, ten thousand dollars for the orchid,
And I'm like, that's not how bidding.

Speaker 4 (01:05:42):
What did you catch what? They're actually bidding on a
date with the lady. No, that's what I thought too.

Speaker 1 (01:05:49):
They are bidding on a chance to dance with them
while they are wearing the diamond.

Speaker 4 (01:05:56):
That's on loan from Bruce.

Speaker 1 (01:05:58):
Just give money, Just give if you are willing to
spend fifty thousand dollars on something this stupid, just give
the money to the rainforest, you fuckers.

Speaker 3 (01:06:06):
What sexual deviancy I know was involved in that plan,
Whereas like, I want to dance with a young new
Bio woman, but only if she's wearing expensive shoes. It's
my only fetish and I've never had a chance to
fulfill it.

Speaker 1 (01:06:22):
I'm so excited. I should we talk about the performers.

Speaker 3 (01:06:26):
I was trying to figure out because at first I
was like, that music doesn't sound because in my head,
because of where I grew up on this side of
the earth, rainforest equals Brazil. Yes, So I was like,
that's not Brazilian music at all. And then I realized, oh,
it's African music. Okay, so they're talking about.

Speaker 2 (01:06:41):
Like an African rainforest. Sure, whatever. Then the movie just
gets so racist so fast. Yeah, all right, so hay on.
First of all, picture it the set design.

Speaker 3 (01:06:52):
It's like they're all dancing on like the skull of
a giant, like a giant animal skull is what it
looks like. And I think it's meant to evoke voodoo.
So in a moment, there's.

Speaker 2 (01:07:05):
Gonna be two people coming out in gorilla costumes, and
one of them is Poison Ivy and she's in the
gorilla costume and it is an exact reference to a
Marlena Dietrich film called Blonde Venus. Marlena Dietrich is a
cabaret performer.

Speaker 3 (01:07:18):
In the film, she comes out dressed as a gorilla,
and she slowly takes off one glove and slowly takes
off another and then reveals herself to be this gorgeous
blonde woman inside the gorilla costume. I kind of remembered
that scene because it's a very famous scene in film history.
So I rewatched it to this to be like, oh,
they match the choreography and they do.

Speaker 2 (01:07:36):
That's cool. That's cool. Then I watched the rest of
the scene.

Speaker 4 (01:07:39):
Paul, Okay, I don't.

Speaker 3 (01:07:40):
I really, I'm not recommending people watch it because it
is triggering. It is the most racist thing you'll ever see.

Speaker 4 (01:07:45):
Oh wow, Okay, Bond.

Speaker 3 (01:07:46):
Venus scene is like a bunch of white women in
dark face, like in black face, wearing blonde afros. The
blonde afros have like arrows through them. It's I mean,
it's so bad. It's so and that's what the costumes
are evoking in this scene. Doing the costumes in the
Blonde Venus scene, which were very like god like brass skirts,

(01:08:07):
very first thought nineteen twenties of like what is an
like what what do Africans look like when they're dancing?

Speaker 4 (01:08:12):
Got like genuinely and.

Speaker 3 (01:08:13):
I'm like, oh my god, this is so frizd. I
want to love this movie, but meet me halfway. I
guess they don't have any performers in blackface.

Speaker 4 (01:08:23):
I do not, that's true.

Speaker 3 (01:08:24):
So okay, So cut to that scene she pulls off
the gorilla suit. She reveals herself in full Poison Ivy.
Now we've see Poison ivy as as I'm guessing she
appears in the comic books. Yeah, green, the tight green outfit,
the red boufont on her head.

Speaker 2 (01:08:37):
She looks fucking incredible.

Speaker 1 (01:08:38):
Do you notice that the music changes for her strip tease?
Does that imply she sends Baine to the DJ booth?

Speaker 2 (01:08:44):
Yes?

Speaker 4 (01:08:44):
Yeah, okay, okay, just checking.

Speaker 2 (01:08:45):
But it's the set. Do you think the gorillas were
part of.

Speaker 4 (01:08:48):
The act and they're two unconscious performers backstage?

Speaker 2 (01:08:52):
Like?

Speaker 4 (01:08:52):
Why?

Speaker 2 (01:08:52):
Why?

Speaker 1 (01:08:53):
Why are Jennifer and Harvey like acting like this? That's
not where the gorillas are supposed to be. They don't
like they don't realize it.

Speaker 2 (01:08:59):
Who put the song Poison ivy?

Speaker 3 (01:09:02):
Like an acoustic version of Poison ivy?

Speaker 4 (01:09:05):
This is Kenny G doing Poison ivy? What is happening?

Speaker 2 (01:09:08):
Put the jazzy Poison Ivy over? Are weird fake African music? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (01:09:13):
So she comes out in full Poison Ivy regalia. She
walks her pheromones into the crowd and everyone falls under
her spell. So she's got these like pads on her
hands that she blows and in the movie we see
like a pink like mist going through the air that
no one can see, but the audience and the idea
is is she's wafting pheromones into the air so so

(01:09:35):
strongly that anyone but especially men. But I think in
this I think in this world it is women too,
because otherwise white wouldn't the women in the room be like,
what's happening?

Speaker 2 (01:09:44):
What's going on?

Speaker 4 (01:09:44):
Right? Good? Point?

Speaker 2 (01:09:45):
Everyone falls under her spell.

Speaker 1 (01:09:47):
Yeah, So Poison Ivy does a little like kind of
dance number. She SLINKs her way onto the stage with
Batman and Robin, who of course are not reacting as
they normally would to someone placing everyone under mind control
because they're also under her mind control pheromones both of
them right in the face, and she sets them against
each other. She coos to Batman one ats in junior
home early, I've got some wild oats to sew. So

(01:10:08):
now she's she's like May West in the scene.

Speaker 2 (01:10:10):
Right, she's full May West.

Speaker 4 (01:10:11):
Yeah, so good, And then she purrs to Robin forget
the geriatric bat. My garden needs tending. She takes the
diamond and she puts it on and this enormous necklace.
It's kind of ugly, frankly necklace.

Speaker 2 (01:10:24):
It looks like something Elizabeth Taylor would have been like
too much.

Speaker 1 (01:10:28):
It looks like something that the Queen of Shiba would
be like, do you have anything a little more modest?
She asks, there are any bids for a night out
with her and our you know, first the men in
the audience start, but then our two main Jabronis start
bidding against each other. Batman's like a million dollars, Robin's
like two million dollars. Batman's like, you don't have that
amount of money, three million dollars, and Robin's like, I'll
borrow it from you four million dollars. And it's so stupid.

Speaker 2 (01:10:51):
Very loose word borrow up right there, very loose use
of that word borrow implies you're gonna pay him back.

Speaker 1 (01:10:58):
Finally, Batman, and this is truly an idea of the movie,
whips out his Batman Forever goth card, like.

Speaker 4 (01:11:06):
It like a fake credit card.

Speaker 1 (01:11:08):
He bids seven million dollars and says, never leave home without.

Speaker 2 (01:11:12):
It, MasterCard, Never leave home without it. My soul left
my body.

Speaker 1 (01:11:16):
You know what actually think if you watch the movie
closer you can see George Clooney soule leaving his body
as at the same time.

Speaker 2 (01:11:21):
I'm glad George Clooney's career has done as well as
it has. Yeah, Guly, I'm like, we owed him, We
owe him.

Speaker 1 (01:11:26):
For this one, this entire movie. Every time he's in
the batsuit, it feels like he's really upset. When he's
Bruce Wayne, he looks like he's having like a like
something of a good time.

Speaker 4 (01:11:36):
But the batsuit, no.

Speaker 2 (01:11:38):
The Freeze tank mercifully breaks through the door and distracts
us from what just went on. Mister free says, all right,
everyone chill.

Speaker 3 (01:11:49):
That is my favorite pun in the film, Batman and
Robin take on the hockey Henchman. While mister Freeze makes
his way to the stage to get the diamond off
of poison ivy. She's like, well, hell oh, they're sailor,
and she tries to pheromone him, and he says he
smells it, he can smell it on her, and he.

Speaker 2 (01:12:05):
Goes m plant pheromones.

Speaker 3 (01:12:07):
Very clever girl, but I'm immune and it doesn't work
on the cold blooded.

Speaker 2 (01:12:13):
So she's like more intrigued by him, She's not less.
She's like ooh, a man, I can't seduce. He takes
the necklace off of her, which she genuinely didn't care
about the necklace. She was just there to fuck with everyone.
And he climbs back into the freeze tank and heads out,
and Batman and Robin start to chase after him, but
not before poison Ivy catches Robin's eye one more time.

Speaker 4 (01:12:33):
Dick takes one last look.

Speaker 2 (01:12:35):
You know what happens when poison Ivy gets on Dick.

Speaker 1 (01:12:37):
Though, Yes, oh not pleasant. Yeah, I mean talk about
talk about unsightly sores where you don't want them.

Speaker 2 (01:12:44):
Yeah, Master Dick is in for a rough night.

Speaker 1 (01:12:48):
Master Dick is time to get back into the oatmeal bath.
Batman and Robin are chasing after mister Freeze and his
freeze tank. Poison Ivy leaves and she she walks past
the Commissioner Gordon. He said, you've just met one of
the most sinister men in Gotham, and she says, that's
not a.

Speaker 4 (01:13:03):
Man, that is a god.

Speaker 1 (01:13:07):
During the chase, Batman becomes concerned that Dick isn't going
to be able to make the leap. The hole is
gonna be too big for Dick to get all the
way across.

Speaker 4 (01:13:19):
You know what I mean. He's a beautiful dick.

Speaker 1 (01:13:22):
All dicks are beautiful in their own way, but this
one's not going to be able to handle that hole.

Speaker 4 (01:13:28):
Let's put it that way. So Batman's like, Dick, pull out.

Speaker 1 (01:13:34):
He actually says pull back, But it's funny if I
say pull out, given what we're doing here. And Dick's
like no, And Batman overrides the controls on his little
Robin cycle, which in this I found out it's called
Redbird in the scene, but I'm calling it the Robin Cycle.
He hits the brakes, Robin skids to a halt. He
cannot continue the chaser mister Freeze. He screams his rage

(01:13:56):
into the air as that batmobile flies across this hole
and crashes into this other area where mister Freeze has landed.
Mister Freeze sees the car coming. He says it's a
cold town as he hits the car with a freeze right.

Speaker 4 (01:14:12):
I don't I don't know what that means.

Speaker 2 (01:14:13):
That one doesn't work.

Speaker 4 (01:14:14):
I don't even know what that's a fun on.

Speaker 1 (01:14:16):
The car freezes, but Batman injects out of the out
of the driver's seat and he flies through the air,
and mister free suddenly looks up after seeing the car crash.
He goes oh, and Batman crashes through the window of
the Freeze tank. He knocks mister Freeze unconscious. His cape
like flies across the camera, and then we just see
Batman standing above mister Freeze's unconscious body, having defeated him. Erica,

(01:14:38):
that is about halfway through this movie.

Speaker 3 (01:14:40):
Shall we put on our pleasure pants and take a walk,
take a constitutional?

Speaker 1 (01:14:44):
Shall I yank up my pants, get my ass to
the little jiggle? Yeah, the butt rebound that everyone likes.

Speaker 3 (01:14:51):
Should I click my heels Judy Garland style and rollerskate
my way out of here.

Speaker 1 (01:14:56):
There's no place like ads. We will be right back
after these, and we're back back.

Speaker 2 (01:15:10):
At the bat Cave. Robin throws the Hissius of fits.

Speaker 3 (01:15:14):
Crystal Donald is being saddled with like just the most
irritating person ever written.

Speaker 4 (01:15:20):
You want the Joker to come in and kill him.

Speaker 3 (01:15:22):
You want him to die, and then Alicia Silverstone to
become like the new batsidekick and just be like, let's
just do that.

Speaker 2 (01:15:28):
Let's just do that instead of this.

Speaker 3 (01:15:30):
So he's like, you're being overprotective and you're not letting
me grow and you're not letting me grow into my
potential and blah blah blah. And also you just are
jealous of poison Ivy because she wanted me and not you.
And Batman's like, listen, kid, I make the rules. And
Robin's like, you're never gonna trust me, and then they start.

Speaker 2 (01:15:47):
To make out.

Speaker 3 (01:15:47):
Yeah, and well, first Batman grabs Robin's face in his hands,
he cradles his face and he says, damn it, Dick,
don't you know why I stop you from hurting yourself?
And Dick's like no, no, oh, Bruce, why and then
they just gently gently kiss.

Speaker 2 (01:16:06):
Yeah, it's so romantic.

Speaker 1 (01:16:07):
It's so romantic. It's as romantic as two men in
gimpsuits can be with each other.

Speaker 3 (01:16:13):
It's that's what makes it romantic, is it both in gimpsuits.
And they're like, but they're being so tender.

Speaker 2 (01:16:18):
With each other.

Speaker 4 (01:16:18):
They embrace and you hear that squeaking of rubber on rubber.

Speaker 2 (01:16:24):
And Barbara comes in and she sees the scene and
she goes, oh, this is what I'm into. Oh, and
she just slowly walks out. She's like, I'm gonna give.

Speaker 4 (01:16:32):
Them their space and she runs. She runs to her room,
and she masturbates herself into a fucking coma.

Speaker 1 (01:16:39):
Thinking about it, he clips her clip right off. All right,
maybe that actually happened.

Speaker 4 (01:16:44):
You don't know. You don't know.

Speaker 3 (01:16:46):
You haven't seen the movie since sixteen ninety seven because
it was terrible.

Speaker 2 (01:16:49):
Maybe it's in there, Maybe it's not.

Speaker 4 (01:16:50):
Maybe that's exactly what happened. Just believe us.

Speaker 1 (01:16:53):
So we cut to Alfred composing another message to his
brother Wilfred. He's saying they have very little time. Bruce enters.
He's just taking a shower, and he asks, Alfred, is
it always my way or the highway?

Speaker 4 (01:17:06):
That's what Dick said because he wanted me to bottom
this time.

Speaker 1 (01:17:09):
Alfred says, yes, Ever since your parents were killed, you
do everything you can to control the world, but none
of us can control death. So there are a few
scenes with Alfred and Bruce in this movie that are
genuinely like they hit the scene.

Speaker 2 (01:17:25):
Has no right right in this movie?

Speaker 4 (01:17:28):
Uh huh.

Speaker 3 (01:17:28):
For the first time in a whole movie, someone says
something that's actually poignant and meaningful, and I'm like, whoa,
there's chemistry between these two actors. Yeah, yeah, I feel
like an affection between Bruce and Alfred in this seat
and like no, right, I dare you?

Speaker 1 (01:17:46):
And then Joel Schumacher, who I love but he cannot
resist his worst instincts, takes this moment and has like
George Cooley look up. It cuts to like a window frame,
and then it cuts to like another one of those
hallucinations where you see like Alfred leading Bruce to his
parents' graves so he can put flowers on their girds.

Speaker 4 (01:18:04):
Like we got it, Joel. You didn't need to put this,
You didn't need to ice this cake in this way.

Speaker 3 (01:18:10):
This is the fourth of these movies. We we know mythology,
oh this character. We all know that Alfred was cursed
as a young boy.

Speaker 1 (01:18:22):
How Alfred doesn't wind up a super villain in this
story is a mystery to me.

Speaker 2 (01:18:26):
Mystery like because Julie the most justified supervillain origin story
of all time, absolutely.

Speaker 4 (01:18:31):
Of all time.

Speaker 3 (01:18:32):
So we cut to the garage where Barbara is returning
the motorcycle that she took. Dick finds her, Dick and
babs that old duo. He startles her and she she's
like ah, and she flips him over with a.

Speaker 4 (01:18:45):
Bit of judo, you know, like a teenager would exactly.

Speaker 2 (01:18:48):
She's like, oh, I'm so sorry, I you know. And
he's like, why did you learn to do that?

Speaker 3 (01:18:53):
And she's like, well, you know, London's a rough town
and I'm absolutely from London.

Speaker 2 (01:18:58):
She's like, listen, I just couldn't resist. Please don't tell
Uncle Alfred, and I'll clean up everything in the morning.
Thank you bybe and she kind of like runs away.

Speaker 1 (01:19:06):
We cut to Arkham Asylum. Mister Freeze is brought into
his cell. Now the conception of this is that there
is a cold zone in the cell, so like he's
he's brought to the cell by these two asshole guards.
They get in his face a little bit, he knocks
them both down. He tries to escape, but he can't
escape because remember his body has to stay at absolute zero,
so he can't get out of the cell. But they

(01:19:27):
have represented the cold zone with like a blue spotlight
in the center of the center of the cell.

Speaker 4 (01:19:33):
It could not look more.

Speaker 1 (01:19:35):
Like Arnold Schwartznaker is about to burst into a cabaret song.
I really can't stay all but baby, it's cold outside.

Speaker 2 (01:19:45):
I bost go away.

Speaker 4 (01:19:48):
This evening has been so very nice, I'll hold your
hands there just like ice, and he like really hits
all the ice things.

Speaker 2 (01:19:56):
Yes, do you think he does it as like one
of those performers it does like a half man half woman.

Speaker 4 (01:20:01):
He does a jel Hyde thing.

Speaker 2 (01:20:03):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so.

Speaker 3 (01:20:04):
Half his face is in full like like and then
the other half is just mister Freeze. Yeah, and he's
pretending to be a young a young maiden caught in
mister Freeze's my sister will be soft Bishop. We cut
to Poison Ivy, who has Bane break into an old
Turkish bath house. I've said this before earlier, when I

(01:20:27):
was like, there's a literal bath house.

Speaker 2 (01:20:29):
In this movie.

Speaker 3 (01:20:29):
Now, the movie doesn't go any further than having a
bath house. And theoretically it makes some level of sense.
A woman whose whole body is basically like exotic plants
would seek a warm, like humid environment, so this all
makes some level of sense. But again it's Unford. It's
an unfortunate coincidence in a film that is so filled
with like gay subtext. Yeah that like one of the

(01:20:52):
villain's lairs is a literal bath house. So they break
into the bath house. Inside there's a gang. They basically
threatened poison Ivy, and she doesn't break a sweat. She's like, oh, darling,
I'm a lover, not a fighter. However, my man servant Baine,
and she sets Baine on all of them, and then
once the two of them are alone, Ivy tells Baine,

(01:21:13):
a certain gentleman with an icy demeanor has caught my eye.

Speaker 2 (01:21:18):
And she uses her abilities and she turns the entire
building into like a vine swaddled evil lair.

Speaker 4 (01:21:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:21:26):
Why doesn't she use this in battle?

Speaker 1 (01:21:28):
Because then there's no way for Batman, Robin and Backgirl
to defeat her, because she's far outstrips all of them
as far as abilities.

Speaker 2 (01:21:36):
It's like the whole movie.

Speaker 3 (01:21:37):
She's like, I don't fight. I let Baine fight my
battles for me. And then she yah, however, I control
all the plants on earth.

Speaker 4 (01:21:44):
Yeah. Correct, that's a real fucking superpower. Correct.

Speaker 1 (01:21:48):
We cut back to Julie and Bruce. I think they're
in Wayne manner. She proposes marriage to Bruce. He turns
her down flat.

Speaker 2 (01:21:57):
This scene does not need to be in this movie.
Why the fuck does Bruce even have a girlfriend. What's
the point.

Speaker 1 (01:22:04):
That's because they wanted to put more models in the
movie that are gonna be under used or or just
poorly used. Because el Mcherson can act, maybe Vandola can
act either.

Speaker 4 (01:22:11):
I don't know. She asks him to think about it.
He says no, and she's like, wait.

Speaker 2 (01:22:15):
She's never heard no before. She's like, wait, I don't
know that word is.

Speaker 1 (01:22:18):
I don't understand me. Let me just I'll say what
I said again and then you give me the right response.

Speaker 2 (01:22:23):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:22:23):
She kisses him, and as she kisses him, he hallucinates
poison Ivy is kissing him, and although we don't see this,
he apparently calls her Ivy and she pulls back and
she says, who's Ivy and he says, I wish I knew.
So the scene now cuts, which means we are leaving
this scene with this woman having asked her boyfriend to

(01:22:46):
marry her, him saying no, then him calling her another
woman's name, and then when she's like who is that,
he's like, no, no, no, Ivy is what I call dick.

Speaker 4 (01:22:55):
Yeah, uh uh oops.

Speaker 2 (01:22:57):
It's just like she's like, oh, so you are having
with the man who lives in your house?

Speaker 4 (01:23:02):
Yes, He's like, oh, absolutely, was that not clear?

Speaker 2 (01:23:05):
He's part of it.

Speaker 4 (01:23:05):
He's part of it for us, absolutely, he is part
of this. Yes.

Speaker 2 (01:23:09):
Back down in the.

Speaker 3 (01:23:10):
Bat Cave, Dick is investigating poison IVY and he spots
Barbara taking off again. He follows her to what is
essentially a scene from.

Speaker 2 (01:23:20):
Greece but set in the world of the Warriors.

Speaker 3 (01:23:23):
Yeah, where you have thirty five year olds playing teenagers
in weird outfits and they're all gangs. There's a whole
gang that's just clockwork Orange, which is just a reference
to another movie.

Speaker 2 (01:23:34):
And I'm like, but why, but why?

Speaker 4 (01:23:36):
Though?

Speaker 3 (01:23:37):
Also there's women in the Clockwork Orange like a gang,
which makes no sense. No woman would be in that,
you know what, Moving on tighter explaining clockwork Orange to.

Speaker 1 (01:23:45):
People, we cannot start parsing Clockwork Orange two thirds of
the way through Batman and Robin.

Speaker 2 (01:23:51):
So basically, we're here for a motorcycle race, yep.

Speaker 3 (01:23:54):
And Barbara apparently has been going every night to these motorcycles,
these underground, secret motorcycle races, and she's been making side
bets with the assholes. First all, she's winning them, and
then she's making side bets like double her money.

Speaker 4 (01:24:07):
But who is she making the side bets with? Who?
Who is she running all of her entrance fees through
here Erica.

Speaker 3 (01:24:13):
One could say she has entered at Gangsta's Paradise. That's right,
because she's made a side bet with Coolio.

Speaker 4 (01:24:22):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:24:22):
So the motorcycle gang has decided to like undermine Barbara
because they're tired of losing to a girl.

Speaker 2 (01:24:29):
There's a very long sequence that follows basically.

Speaker 1 (01:24:32):
I cannot decide if this is so stupid it's boring,
or so boring. It's stupid, it's but it's one of them.

Speaker 2 (01:24:36):
It is so boring, it's stupid.

Speaker 4 (01:24:38):
Okay, thank you.

Speaker 3 (01:24:39):
So boring and stupid because again, like the two characters
I just don't care about in this movie, I'm like,
oh cool, it's Dick and Babs.

Speaker 4 (01:24:45):
Oh Dick and Babs.

Speaker 2 (01:24:46):
Can I get more poison ivy please?

Speaker 3 (01:24:49):
So, long story short, they sabotage her and they almost
wind up killing her, and she ends up like falling
over a cliff.

Speaker 2 (01:24:56):
Dick manages to save her just in time. Yeah, and
then they cut so it's the two of them dangling
from a cliff.

Speaker 4 (01:25:02):
Uh huh.

Speaker 3 (01:25:03):
And then they just cut to them at back at
Wayne Manor Barbara and Dick like you're not gonna show
me how he got her off that cliff or like,
like to be clear, he has one hand on the
cliff and one hand holding her and they are dangling,
and then they just cut to the two of them
cozy and safe at Wayne Manner.

Speaker 2 (01:25:22):
Fuck this movie.

Speaker 1 (01:25:23):
If I'm not mistaken, Erica, I think you're actually giving
the movie more credit that deserves.

Speaker 4 (01:25:27):
I believe he is.

Speaker 1 (01:25:28):
He has hooked a foot over like a piece of
rebar hanging out because it's like it's like a broken
off bridge that they did like that. Yeah, so I
think he's holding on by a foot. And now remember, Erica,
he is a circus acrobat who they can do anything.

Speaker 3 (01:25:42):
That's my point is, like, you have the money, this
is Batman. They could have done something so cool. Yeah,
and instead they were.

Speaker 4 (01:25:50):
Like just cut just they were as bored with Dick
and Babs as we are.

Speaker 2 (01:25:53):
Fair enough, Apparently she's too fat to get off that mountain.
How's he gonna or her up that bridge? She weighs
one hundred pounds?

Speaker 1 (01:26:03):
All right, so now we get more of Babs's backstory.
A backstory for Babs. She admits that she got kicked
out of college for street racing. Although you say it's
high schools I said college high school? You think its
high school? Okay, she got kicked out of school, genuinely.

Speaker 2 (01:26:18):
What college kicks you off for street racing?

Speaker 4 (01:26:20):
Fair enough? You care?

Speaker 2 (01:26:21):
Not that's fair?

Speaker 4 (01:26:22):
It doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 (01:26:23):
She says she's made enough money street racing now that
she can take Alfred away from his dismal life of servitude.

Speaker 4 (01:26:30):
She doesn't know about the curse. She doesn't know that
Alfred has no choice.

Speaker 1 (01:26:33):
And this is best case scenario because Bruce doesn't like
actually physically abuse him, although he could.

Speaker 4 (01:26:38):
He could if he wanted to, if he wanted.

Speaker 2 (01:26:40):
To, Would I say he should?

Speaker 4 (01:26:42):
Yes, We're just saying he could if Alfred asked nicely
the way Dick does.

Speaker 2 (01:26:46):
Like he could, like if if Bruce wanted to, Alfred
could get a little side action exactly, That's what I'm saying.
You think Alfred has assless chaps up in his closet.

Speaker 4 (01:26:56):
One thousand percent.

Speaker 2 (01:26:58):
Alfred's a freak made with the finest calf's leather because
he is a very hasty, classy gentleman, the.

Speaker 4 (01:27:03):
Calf that he slaughtered, skinned and tanned himself in the
backyard of r manner.

Speaker 3 (01:27:09):
I was so happy when Barbara was like, yeah, I'm
taking my uncle by obviously sick and elderly uncle like
and putting him in a place where he doesn't have
to weight hand and foot on two assholes who don't
seem to take him.

Speaker 2 (01:27:26):
I like, genuinely, this made me so happy. I was like, yes, yes, yes,
what else sees it too?

Speaker 3 (01:27:31):
I feel like this whole this whole series has been
gaslighting me into believing that this is all great for Alfred.

Speaker 2 (01:27:37):
I'm like, it's not. It's not great for Alfred.

Speaker 1 (01:27:40):
They put a lot of lines in Babs's mouth about
like almost of like nineteen ninety seven, commenting on the
mythology of Batman to a certain extent, I don't really
care about the Alfred relationship with Batman because it's from
when did it start? Like I don't remember nineteen forty
Batman appears like it's a different time and it's a holdover,
and like the obvious say's not taking it.

Speaker 2 (01:28:00):
That seriously in the comic books, presumably.

Speaker 1 (01:28:03):
Exactly, and the obvious relationship is father son, right, So
like it's all a metaphor whatever. I don't really care,
but like they put these lines in Babs's mouth and
you're like, and you're like, yes, thank you, and like
later she'll have something about like, h men always have
to do things the hard way, and I'm like, they're
trying to make her like this this feminist icon, it's
so weird.

Speaker 2 (01:28:23):
And then she slut shames Boison ivy lads and I'm
like yes and no both.

Speaker 4 (01:28:27):
Yeah, this is a conversation.

Speaker 2 (01:28:29):
We need to have ladies. This is not This is
not a fight scene. This should be a conbo Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:28:33):
So Dick is like, what are you talking about a
life of servitude. Alfred is with his family, he's happy.
Barbara is like, are you fucking serious? My uncle is sick,
you asshole, and she walks out. But Bruce has heard
this and he fills in from another room. He's like,
Alfred's not sick, he's dying. And then Dick, with all
the emotion of someone in a friendly poker game who

(01:28:57):
just lost twenty dollars when they had a full house, says.

Speaker 4 (01:29:00):
I can't believe it.

Speaker 1 (01:29:01):
It's really not good. I have put more spin on it.
I can't believe it. When I get a triple snumper
in jeopardy, like, I can't believe it.

Speaker 5 (01:29:09):
I did it.

Speaker 4 (01:29:11):
It's so excited.

Speaker 2 (01:29:12):
Meanwhile, mister Freeze gets a visitor in Arkham.

Speaker 4 (01:29:15):
It interrupts his rendition of a do you want to
build a snow man?

Speaker 2 (01:29:23):
It doesn't have to be a snow man.

Speaker 4 (01:29:27):
You're frozen when your heart's not opened.

Speaker 2 (01:29:33):
Ice ice baby.

Speaker 6 (01:29:38):
He stops and he goes, oh my god, it's Queen.
He stole the riff from queen. How did no one
ever catch on?

Speaker 4 (01:29:51):
Did Queen get paid? This is an injustice?

Speaker 2 (01:29:54):
You know what? Forget my wife? I am, I am now,
I am now defending Freddie Mercury.

Speaker 3 (01:30:03):
Poison Ivy breaks into his cell just as he finishes
up his last the last bar of ISOs Baby. She
pheromoones his guards. She gives them both the kiss of deaths,
and then she proposes an alliance with mister Freeze. And
Bain arrives with mister Freeze's cryogenic suit from Arkham's storage
closet presumably mm hmm. They bust through the wall of

(01:30:23):
his cell and mister Freeze tells Poison Ivy to get
his wife while he gets more diamonds, and.

Speaker 2 (01:30:29):
She's like, you never told me I had a wife.

Speaker 4 (01:30:31):
Uh huh.

Speaker 3 (01:30:32):
I almost wish they'd given her if they're gonna do
the may West thing, I have no complaints, to be clear,
but if they're gonna do the may West thing, have
give her some old like may West lines.

Speaker 1 (01:30:40):
Yeah, but she does have a great line in the
scene where he's like, I need the diamond from my
hideout and she says, I'll help you grab your rocks.

Speaker 2 (01:30:48):
Yes.

Speaker 3 (01:30:49):
Later on, she's like flirting with Robin and he's like,
I need a sign that you're not gonna kill me,
and she goes slippery when wet and I'm like, yes,
clutching my pearls.

Speaker 2 (01:30:59):
I was like, my goodness.

Speaker 3 (01:31:02):
So she's not pleased to hear that he has a wife,
but she agrees. She's like, fine, I'll go save your
stupid wife. He would, he would go to the wife first,
but he needs the diamonds to survive.

Speaker 4 (01:31:10):
Yeah, his suit, his suit is losing power.

Speaker 2 (01:31:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:31:13):
Back at Wayne Manor, Bruce asks Alfred about his health.
He's like, now I know you're sick, Like, I can
get you the best treatments. I can get you the
best doctors, and Alfred is like, no, master way, I've
already seen the best treatments. Look, you think you know
the best doctors. I've been taking you to the best
doctors for years, and Bruce wonders if he's ever regretted
his life working for the Waynes, and Alfred says, of course,

(01:31:34):
not to work for heroes, and Bruce says, not all
heroes wear capes, but it really works.

Speaker 2 (01:31:39):
Really fucking works.

Speaker 4 (01:31:41):
Dick bursts in and he's like, Bruce, we gotta lub
up and get those gimpsuits on. Mister Freeze has escaped,
and they run off to jump into like the the
that of ky jelly that they have before. They slide
right into their.

Speaker 2 (01:31:54):
Batsuits absolutely so. Bevan and Robin head to mister Freeze's
hide out and they're like, on their way to mister
Freeze's hide out, they discuss how they realize now that
poison Ivy is not a good guy.

Speaker 4 (01:32:06):
Mmm.

Speaker 3 (01:32:07):
They're like, basically the pheromone power that she has over
them has worn off, so it takes days for this
thing to wear off. They find the secret chamber that
mister Freeze keeps his wife in, and Batman notes that
Freeze has actually managed to find a cure for McGregor's
syndrome in its early stages, but that the disease is
too far advanced for Nora for for mister Freeze to

(01:32:28):
save his wife, currently Yea. From underneath the room, Mister
Freeze and Poison Ivy see the heroes like they're they're they're.

Speaker 4 (01:32:36):
They're in the basement of the ice cream factory.

Speaker 2 (01:32:38):
Cool.

Speaker 4 (01:32:39):
Yeah, not a euphemism, No, not at all.

Speaker 3 (01:32:42):
Mister Freeze goes to get his diamonds so he can
power up and and Poison Ivy stays and she confronts
Batman and Robin by herself. Her pheromones snake up through
the grate, so they have They don't even know she's there,
and she's already affecting them. These pheromones lead the two
heroes to go down into the basement of the building.

Speaker 1 (01:32:58):
In the basement, the two encounter Baine, who easily like
tosses Robin aside. So while Batman is fighting Baine like
like a little ways away, Poison Ivy crouches down in
front of Robin gives him a face full of pheromones.
She tries to do the same to Batman when Batman
lands close to her, but he is intelligent enough to
not breathe in. After that failure, she lets Baine take

(01:33:19):
on Batman again and returns to Robin blowing another set
of pheromones in his face.

Speaker 2 (01:33:24):
She's gonna make this poor kid blow out his pants.

Speaker 4 (01:33:29):
He's gonna have a nocturnal emission mid battle.

Speaker 2 (01:33:31):
He is already a teenaged boy. Yeah, girl, you don't
have to fight this hard.

Speaker 1 (01:33:37):
She almost manages to plant a kiss on Robin when
Batman interrupts.

Speaker 4 (01:33:41):
He's like, hey, remember we heard about their arrival.

Speaker 1 (01:33:44):
We heard about these agents that were they died through
poison introduced to their mouths. If she kisses you, she's
trying to kill you. Her kiss is poison. So Batman
has actually figured out some stuff here. Robin's like, why
are you always stopping pretty ladies from kissing me? He's
like covering the front of his crotch because it's bone
is actually poked through the rubber.

Speaker 4 (01:34:01):
He's like, oh god, he destroyed that suit. His cock
and Poulter out just punch right through. The two heroes
get into a fight. Poison Ivy makes her way upstairs.

Speaker 1 (01:34:15):
So this is when Robin winds up in the vat
of chemicals that you wanted something to happen for, And
this is the explanation they are in the basement of
an ice cream factory that is a pistachio ice cream
base that he was tossed into.

Speaker 3 (01:34:31):
So, by the logic of this world, shouldn't that turn
him into some kind of pistachio supervillain.

Speaker 1 (01:34:37):
Only if there's chemicals in the ice cream. Maybe it's
an all natural ice cream.

Speaker 2 (01:34:41):
Could he be called mister mustachioed Pistachio I hope so,
and turn green and have a long mustache, and his
whole thing would be that he's a creamy delight.

Speaker 4 (01:34:54):
Bruce would love him even more like this.

Speaker 3 (01:34:57):
Bothered me so much that there is a of green
goo in his factory that a character falls into and
nothing happens.

Speaker 1 (01:35:06):
I had the exact same reaction the first time, because
I didn't realize it was an ice cream factory. It
wasn't until I was like, oh, it's an actual ice
cream factory. Okay, I now can at least write a
story in my head for what that is. It's not
toxic waste or your venom or whatever it needs to
be in this world. It's just it's just eggs, cream,
pistachio flavoring, and sugar and touch the salt.

Speaker 3 (01:35:26):
Okay, what if he file into the mint that okay,
but it's like that bad minut ice cream that's green
instead of the good min.

Speaker 2 (01:35:32):
I say, yeah, that's white.

Speaker 4 (01:35:33):
His code name already got it. It's winter green, winter green.
Ooh yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:35:37):
And he like he like subdues you with his sexy breath.

Speaker 4 (01:35:41):
Oh yes, he.

Speaker 2 (01:35:42):
Blows in your general direction and you're like, god, you
smell good. And then it goes in for the punch.

Speaker 4 (01:35:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:35:47):
What if you got flipped into a vat of moose tracks?
Oh no, oh yeah, all of his appendages morphed into
moose into moose hoofs.

Speaker 2 (01:35:55):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah. Oh so it
doesn't have to be green then all right, well come on, now.

Speaker 4 (01:36:01):
We're opening up a whole world.

Speaker 3 (01:36:02):
Oh no, oh no, he falls into a vat of
Neapolitan ice cream.

Speaker 2 (01:36:06):
Oh god, And and and he takes over Europe.

Speaker 1 (01:36:09):
He takes over, He takes over Europe. But he has
three distinct personalities.

Speaker 2 (01:36:13):
In my brain, Neopolitan ice cream is based on Napoleon
and not Naples.

Speaker 4 (01:36:17):
Okay, gotcha.

Speaker 2 (01:36:18):
I want everyone to know where my brain is going
and why. I don't think that's true. I think it's
supposed to be Naples and not Napoleon.

Speaker 3 (01:36:26):
But even as a kid, I was like this, this
ice cream is named after Napoleon, and I refuse to
change my opinion.

Speaker 1 (01:36:32):
It's just dig in your heels, absolutely fucking now. Yeah,
this is a fact.

Speaker 2 (01:36:38):
I have made it a fact. I don't know that
it's true, and it very well could be that Napoleon.
Neapolitan ice cream is named after Napoleon because he did
wear like a tricolor hat.

Speaker 4 (01:36:46):
But well, I know that he I think the the
Napoleon is actually for Napoleon, but.

Speaker 2 (01:36:51):
The Neapolitan ice cream is for nap I.

Speaker 4 (01:36:53):
Feel like that's I'm not positive though, I'm really.

Speaker 3 (01:36:55):
Not never been so sure that I'm wrong about something
and yet refuse to change my opinion, my belief.

Speaker 2 (01:37:02):
It's not an opinion, it's a belief.

Speaker 3 (01:37:03):
But anyway, he falls into that of Neapolitan ice cream
and then becomes Napoleon.

Speaker 4 (01:37:08):
Yeah, is what's happening. It's fantastic cosign.

Speaker 1 (01:37:13):
So anyway, while he's getting out of the that of
chemicals and or pistachio ice cream based.

Speaker 2 (01:37:18):
Oh no, don't fall into the chunky monkey.

Speaker 4 (01:37:24):
Whatever you do, don't fall into the fish food.

Speaker 2 (01:37:27):
Oh no. Oh my god if it was a Ben
and Jerry's factory.

Speaker 3 (01:37:30):
Honestly, no supervillains are made in a Ben and Jerry's factory.

Speaker 2 (01:37:33):
It's all just very mellow, chopy.

Speaker 1 (01:37:35):
Do you want to know what though, I'm now remembering
when I was in college. It's the true story that
my favorite Ben and Jerry's flavor, which hasn't since been discontinued,
it was pistachio ice cream with actual pistachios in it,
and it was swirled together with chocolate ice cream with
chocolate covered almonds in it. And it was called that
of ice cream that you really don't want to fall
into world nuts or swirled nut, swirled nuts. I should say,

(01:38:06):
all right, all right? So anyway, Poison IVY like lets
them fight amongst themselves. She goes upstairs into the room
with Missus Freeze in it, and she disconnects the suspended
animation chamber. She says, I don't like competition, right, so
she is killing Missus Freeze.

Speaker 2 (01:38:24):
We cut to Poison IVS hide out.

Speaker 3 (01:38:27):
She and mister Freeze reconnect and she's like, I'm really
sorry your wife's dead, and he's like, what what happened?
And she goes Batman Batman killed your wife, he deactivated
her chamber. He is enraged, So now his whole like
reason for living has gone, So he's gonna.

Speaker 2 (01:38:46):
Have a new one, vengeance.

Speaker 3 (01:38:50):
No better reason exists, and Poison Ivy says there's no
point in only punishing Batman and Robin and not punishing.

Speaker 2 (01:38:57):
The society that created them. Mister Freeze is like, I
don't follow that logic.

Speaker 3 (01:39:03):
At all, but a mad so yes, yes, yes, and
sure none of that made any kind of sense, but yes,
Poison Ivy is fucking thrilled.

Speaker 2 (01:39:12):
She's like, yes, I have another She's basically another Bane
at her Betman call. Once they murder all humans outside
of themselves, of course, Yeah, her hybrid snake plants will
take over the earth and she and mister Freeze will
rule them. Why would someone whose whole thing is plants
be like into someone whose whole thing is frost.

Speaker 4 (01:39:31):
Well, now we're thinking too hard Erica.

Speaker 2 (01:39:34):
The world he wants is not one that's compatible with plants.

Speaker 1 (01:39:37):
My favorite part about the scene is when she just
mentions her her hybrid snake slash plants, which is the
thing she was talking about in the first scene. Remember,
but we haven't heard from them again. Then Bain hands
her this little Audrey too puppet yeah from off screen,
and she starts cooing at this plant. This plant will
not appear again in the movie. It has not been

(01:39:58):
referenced prior except that one time.

Speaker 4 (01:40:00):
In the scene.

Speaker 3 (01:40:01):
They could not have stolen this Audrey for like this
plant more from Little Shopopa. Absolutely not, and it looks
exactly which is probably a reference.

Speaker 2 (01:40:09):
Right This movie is already referencing a million other movies,
so that's probably the reason I'll give it that pass.

Speaker 1 (01:40:15):
Back at Wayne Manor, the doctor reports that Alfred has
stage one mcgregors syndrome and there's nothing that can be
done for him except for everyone to just sit back
and watch him die because we got nothing. Bruce and
Dick remember that Freeze found a cure for the disease
at the stage, but they don't know how he did it.
They only know that mister Freeze has a cure. Then

(01:40:36):
they get into another pointless fight. This is what should
have been cut, all of these fights with like. It
could have just been that like Dick wants more independence.
No one loves a chained Dick. A cage Dick, I
mean cage Dick is actually very popular in certain circles.
Now that I think about it, I'm not quickly into it,
but you know, I whatever floats your boat amongst consenting adults.

Speaker 2 (01:40:58):
There's a bar in Sandford, Cisco. I'm thinking of it.

Speaker 1 (01:41:01):
Yeah, yeah, it's a pointless fight. Dick is like, you're
jealous because Ivy wants me and not you, while Bruce,
rather than punching the little shit in the throat, correctly
points out that poison Ivy is using her abilities to
make us fight with each other. Dick will hear none
of it. She told me that I should get a
Robin signal in the sky, and that's what I want.
I want my own Robin signal. And he like stalks

(01:41:22):
off in a huff.

Speaker 2 (01:41:23):
Truly an uphill battle with this carric.

Speaker 4 (01:41:25):
Really it's really not Chris O'Donnell's fault.

Speaker 3 (01:41:28):
Alfred is on his deathbed. He asks Barbara to take
a message to his brother. It's like a DVD that's.

Speaker 4 (01:41:34):
Incased CD ROM. It's a CD ROM.

Speaker 3 (01:41:37):
It is one hundred percent of CD ROM in case
and like a CD ROM case. And he's like, it's
a it's a message that I made for my brother.
I trust you because your family but I and I
need you to deliver deliver this to him, but don't.

Speaker 2 (01:41:51):
Read the message or listen to the message. And she's like, absolutely,
promise you, I will absolutely never read this message.

Speaker 1 (01:41:58):
We cut back to the Gotham Observatory, Bruce is scheduled
to dedicate the telescope. Bewilderingly, Julie el McPherson is still
with him. She's still making public appearances with him.

Speaker 4 (01:42:08):
I don't know why. There's no explanation.

Speaker 1 (01:42:10):
He is rich, fair enough and very hot and maybe
you know, I could see him being good in bed?

Speaker 2 (01:42:15):
Oh you know he's good?

Speaker 3 (01:42:16):
Yeah, yeah, Okay, which of the Batman is best in bed?
We have Keaton, we have Kilmer, we have Clooney, we
have Bail. Have there been another bat I feel like
there's another.

Speaker 4 (01:42:27):
One, Ben Affleck, Robert Pattinson.

Speaker 2 (01:42:29):
Jesus Christ. How many of these have they made?

Speaker 4 (01:42:32):
I think that's it for the modern day.

Speaker 2 (01:42:35):
We have to include Adams Adam West. It's not fair
not to include Adam West.

Speaker 4 (01:42:39):
Okay, are we ranking them or we're just doing who's best?

Speaker 2 (01:42:42):
No, just who's bad? Because honestly, I didn't know two
of those were Batman until you mentioned it.

Speaker 1 (01:42:47):
I'm gonna be honest, I'm not super familiar with Adam West,
so I am just gonna rule him out, not not
because of anything about.

Speaker 4 (01:42:54):
Him, I just don't know him well enough. I'm gonna
go with the more modern Batman.

Speaker 2 (01:42:57):
Honestly, Adam West is if Batman had dad. But it's
not the worst thing in the world. But it's not
it's not what you want.

Speaker 1 (01:43:05):
It's not what you Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's absolutely
not Christian Bell's Batman.

Speaker 4 (01:43:09):
He's way too He's too narcissistic.

Speaker 2 (01:43:11):
See, like I would like I feel like there's a
darkness in that one. Yeah, there's a darkness in that
Batman that you kind of want in the in the sheet.

Speaker 4 (01:43:19):
Yeah, you want a darkness, but you don't want all darkness,
which is why I'm leaning Keaton.

Speaker 1 (01:43:23):
Keaton got dark but also seemed like you could have fun.
Keaton fucks eaton Fox exactly fucks.

Speaker 2 (01:43:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:43:31):
Like, here's my issue with Kilmer. He's too good looking. Hmm, No,
one that good looking is good.

Speaker 4 (01:43:36):
It's interesting. I've never found Val Kilmer particularly attractive.

Speaker 1 (01:43:39):
I can recognize, like like a scientist studying a diorama
in the Naturalistory Museum like that is a good looking man,
but I do not find him sexy, understood.

Speaker 3 (01:43:48):
But I again, I think people who are that good
looking are just not going to be as good at
sex as some of our other.

Speaker 4 (01:43:54):
Can you know? I could see Pattinson kind of being
a freak in the sheep.

Speaker 2 (01:43:57):
Oh you know, I'm gonna go with Clooney Batman. I
think it's Batman because also this Batman is obviously fluid.

Speaker 4 (01:44:03):
Oh yeah, Clooney Batman is definitely the one that's gonna
let you peg him.

Speaker 2 (01:44:06):
Yeah, this is the Batman that's like yo, yes, and yeah.
So you're going Keaton, I'm going Clooney, yep. I think
Bail is the number two.

Speaker 1 (01:44:15):
Honestly, No, Bail is low on my list. I mean
Clooney's my number two. Cloney and Keaton were my were my.

Speaker 4 (01:44:21):
Were my top two Yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah they
were my top ten my bottoms.

Speaker 2 (01:44:27):
Listeners, how would you get.

Speaker 4 (01:44:30):
Let us know, let us know. Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:44:33):
So meanwhile, while Bruce and Julie are at the observatory,
poison Ivy is there as well. She's in She's back
in doctor Issley Drag and she gets the keys to
the police station from Commissioner Gordon using her pheromones, and
she's like, where's the bat signal?

Speaker 4 (01:44:46):
I know you know where it is?

Speaker 1 (01:44:47):
And he's like, it's on It's on the roof of
the police building. She's like great, she gets the keys,
she heads to the roof with Baine. This is gets
very confusing. Now it looks like she has Baine set
off the bat signal. I think what actually happens is
she has been ripped the bat signal off the roof
of the police station, then carry it through Gotham somehow

(01:45:08):
to the roof of the Turkish baths and then fashion
a Robin icon so she can replace the bat signal
with a Robin icon, and also somehow get a bunch
of red light bulbs so she can reflect the red
Robin signal into the sky and lead him to the
Turkish bathouse that she has made her evil there.

Speaker 4 (01:45:25):
Because that's what happens in the movie.

Speaker 2 (01:45:28):
Are we sure she stole the og bat signal or
did she just fashion a new one for Robin.

Speaker 1 (01:45:33):
If if she didn't steal it, I don't know what
the purpose of the scene with Baine on the roof
is because it's not like Bruce sees the bat signal
and goes somewhere that that bat signal doesn't mean anything
then unless there's a cut scene where like that's how
she like lured him away from the observatory. But she
does not know that Bruce Wayne is Batman. That wouldn't

(01:45:53):
even be on her list of things to do.

Speaker 2 (01:45:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:45:56):
Meanwhile, remember Barbara being like, I swear to you, my
dam huncle, that I will never read this thing that
you handed to me, and I will make sure it
gets to your brother in India. She immediately ignores that
and opens the message he left for his brother, and
she managed it.

Speaker 2 (01:46:13):
There is a moving target with Barbara and how good
she is at computers. Yeah, that is very funny.

Speaker 3 (01:46:20):
Because at the beginning of the movie she is like
apparently her her top subject in school was computers computer science,
and at the end of the movie she becomes a
computer genius again yep, and like saves the day using
her computer genius skills.

Speaker 4 (01:46:36):
But at this point, she puts.

Speaker 3 (01:46:39):
The CD wrong into her uncle's computer and there's a
password and she she just puts in Alfred.

Speaker 2 (01:46:47):
She uses his name. Whose password is their name?

Speaker 4 (01:46:50):
I agree?

Speaker 1 (01:46:51):
But also the password winds up being peg peg her
mother's name. Can you imagine a world where your password
even could be three characters?

Speaker 2 (01:47:01):
Just three characters?

Speaker 4 (01:47:02):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:47:02):
Well, first she types in her mother's full name, Margaret,
and it's not it, and then she's like peg. I'm
like it should have just been Margaret.

Speaker 4 (01:47:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:47:10):
Yeah, that's a really easy password to decode. The woman's
picture is next to his computer and it says look
peg on it. So okay, So anyway, she figures it
all out. She finds out who Batman is. Blah blah blah.

Speaker 1 (01:47:24):
Bruce is in the bat Cave when a Robin signal
is beamed into the air. Robin appears. He's already lubed
up and gimped up. He's in his suit. He's convinced
that poison ivy is summoning him. He got so many
pheromones that last encounter that he is still completely under
her spell. Bruce and him start arguing. Bruce gets to
say the line, and this is, honestly kudos to Clooney,

(01:47:44):
because again he's so good when he's Bruce. She wants
to kill you, Dick, just the exact right amount of
spin on dick there, and you want the right amount
of spin on Dick too much not good.

Speaker 2 (01:47:55):
Yeah, you don't want to you don't want to overtrque.

Speaker 1 (01:47:57):
Yeah, talk about world nuts. So Robin is convinced again
that Bruce is just jealous. And Bruce like, this is
like the story the movie wants to tell. He remembers
that Alfred told him, you have to like remember your family.
I'm not gonna be here forever. Like, so he implores him.
Bruce says, as a friend, as a partner, as a brother,
you have to trust me. She is a villain, right,

(01:48:20):
And Robin stops and he looks at Bruce, and then
we cut away.

Speaker 4 (01:48:23):
We don't know what he decided.

Speaker 3 (01:48:25):
Meanwhile, mister Freeze heads into the observatory, meaning to co
opt it in order to power his freezing gun of
Gotham City.

Speaker 2 (01:48:31):
Y'all catch up with me?

Speaker 4 (01:48:32):
Cool?

Speaker 3 (01:48:33):
He freezes the two scientists who are working on the
on the whatever Ed proclaims tonight, hell freezes over.

Speaker 1 (01:48:44):
I just want to do one quick shout out to
these two scientists. It's an Asian. It's an Asian man
and a black woman, who are the two largest roles
for people of color in this movie. But this this
actor who's playing the Asian man. The Asian male actor
is either making a choice or this is just his
natural voice. I don't know which, but has given a
thick New York accent. So when mister Freeze walks in,

(01:49:06):
he goes, who is this nutball?

Speaker 2 (01:49:09):
So good?

Speaker 4 (01:49:10):
It's so good.

Speaker 3 (01:49:10):
He's you are doing the Lord's work because they're doing
all the comic there's a comic relief of the movie.
Funny to introduce the comic relief, like an hour and
a half into a two hour movie. But he they are,
and every time they nail it.

Speaker 4 (01:49:22):
So okay.

Speaker 2 (01:49:23):
So Barbara's gone through Alfred shit, she realizes who Bruce is.
Blah blah blah.

Speaker 3 (01:49:27):
She finds the batcave, immediately trips the alarm yep and
instead of the alarm like kicking her out or locking
it down, Alfred shows up as Max headroom.

Speaker 2 (01:49:36):
Yeah it is Max bedroom. And he's like, well, hello, Barbara,
I anticipated that this would happen. And I'm like, then,
why didn't you just give her the what's with all
this subtribuwe He's like, in fact, I knew that you
would ignore what I told you.

Speaker 3 (01:49:53):
Do the thing anyway, find the batcave and become a
hero in your own right.

Speaker 2 (01:49:58):
And therefore I have created. He did a super suit
for you, made to your measurements. When did he get
his niece's measurements? I don't want to know.

Speaker 3 (01:50:05):
So now she has a super suit and there's a
bit there's a montage of Alicia Silverstone doing and like,
you know what equal equal, Yep, it's equal. It's like
the butt they do. Instead of a cod piece, they
just do a full front toal.

Speaker 2 (01:50:18):
Of her coach.

Speaker 4 (01:50:19):
No nipples on her on her boobs though, which that.

Speaker 3 (01:50:21):
Would honestly have been so indecent that I would I
genuinely would have been like, no, that is a teenage girl, No,
stop sexualizing her.

Speaker 2 (01:50:31):
But like they do the butt jiggle with her and everything. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:50:34):
So Robin arrives at the source of the Robin signal, which,
as we said before, is Poison Ivy's Turkish bath hideout.
He heads inside, he finds Poison Ivy waiting for him.
She's she's lounging in this enormous venus fly trap. So
he approaches her. He walks all the way to her.
He lies down in the mouth of this enormous venus

(01:50:54):
fly trap with her and He says he wants to
be with her, but he needs to know she's serious
about turning over a new leaf. He needs a sign
of trust. He says, tell me your plan, and she says,
kiss me. This ends with her telling him that mister
Freeze has turned the telescope at the observatory into a
giant freeze gun and is about to turn Gotham into
an ice cube. So Robin says, I have to go

(01:51:15):
stop mister Freeze, and Poison Ivy says one kiss for luck,
and she kisses him, and she says, bad luck, it's
time to die.

Speaker 4 (01:51:24):
But no, Erica.

Speaker 1 (01:51:25):
It turns out Robin did trust Batman. He's wearing rubber
over his lips, so he's just fine. Never has a
dental dan been so heroic in all of cinema, ha
ha ha.

Speaker 3 (01:51:37):
Poison Ivy shoves Robin into a pond and he's immediately
tangled up in vines. Now he's stuck and he's maybe drowning.
She runs into Batman, who's there to stop her. She
tangles him up in vines because again she actually has
a fucking superpower yep, and she heads out, and that's
when that girl crashes through the Skylight and says, you're
about to become compost.

Speaker 4 (01:51:58):
This is rough.

Speaker 1 (01:51:59):
This like it's not really her fault, but like she
doesn't doesn't have the way with the quip of a
Sarah Michelle Geller.

Speaker 2 (01:52:05):
But also like the fight cooreo is tragic.

Speaker 3 (01:52:09):
They little that they cared enough to try to make
this fight look interesting is actually a little sexist.

Speaker 4 (01:52:14):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:52:14):
So she fights Batgirl and winds up caught up in
her own giant venus fly trap.

Speaker 2 (01:52:20):
But not before she's like.

Speaker 3 (01:52:22):
As I told missus Freeze before I killed her, I
don't like when other women are in the picture. Yeah,
and she's about to land what she thinks is like
a devastating blow on back Girl, and then Backgirl like
kicks her off and she lands into a venus fly trap.

Speaker 4 (01:52:36):
Look, I don't like that. Can I be?

Speaker 1 (01:52:38):
Can I just be a really big comic book nerd
for one second? Yes, you're gonna be really annoyed in me,
And I'm sorry advanced, No, I'm not.

Speaker 2 (01:52:45):
No, I'm not do it.

Speaker 1 (01:52:46):
Poison Ivy's power is that she controls plants. The Venus
flytrap is under her control. That is the basis of
her power set.

Speaker 2 (01:52:57):
That is so stupid. They gave this so little thought.

Speaker 1 (01:53:01):
Yes, just have back Girl kick her in the face
and knock her out and then they they tie her up.

Speaker 2 (01:53:06):
Honestly though, like, have mister freeze over here.

Speaker 3 (01:53:09):
I know that's what's gonna happen later, but mac mister
freeze over here that he killed that she killed his wife, and.

Speaker 2 (01:53:15):
Have him freeze her. Yeah, you know what plants can't survive?

Speaker 4 (01:53:19):
Is fucking frost yep?

Speaker 2 (01:53:21):
Or is it has to be one of the like heroes.
Have them use weed killer on.

Speaker 1 (01:53:25):
Her, right, sure, have them get out a lawnmower, like
what what if that? What if back Girl wrote it
on like one of those little riding mowers or a
weed whacker or or or like a leaf flower. Okay,
So so back Girls on the lawnmower, Batman has a
leaf blower and Robin has a weed whacker, and they're

(01:53:45):
all going after points Ivy.

Speaker 2 (01:53:48):
It's a blood bass. It's a chloroform bath.

Speaker 4 (01:53:52):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:53:53):
So the three heroes like all meet and at at
one point they make poor Alicia Silverstone be like, Bruce,
it's me Barbara, as if he doesn't recognize her, and
he's like, oh, you know our secret identities, and she's like,
it's time to go stop mister Freeze, and they all
like run off right. We cut to the observatory. Freeze
and tones, let's kick some ice and starts to freeze

(01:54:14):
the city.

Speaker 2 (01:54:15):
I'm starting to come around to these, but.

Speaker 4 (01:54:18):
It's just because we've been recording so long.

Speaker 2 (01:54:21):
When you say them, they're good, thank you, thank you.

Speaker 1 (01:54:25):
Batman and company arrive and mister Freeze sees them coming,
so he tells Bain to kill Robin and back girl,
but leave the bat for me. Then Batman and his
two friends arrive at like the control center for this telescope.
Bain and mister Freeze are nowhere to be found. Suddenly
don't know what happened with them. He sets some heaters

(01:54:45):
on the two scientists, who have absolutely been encased in
ice longer than the eleven minutes that this movie arbitrarily
decided a human can survive this treatment.

Speaker 4 (01:54:52):
But whatever, they're fine. He unfreezes the two scientists.

Speaker 1 (01:54:56):
Despite unfreezing the two scientists, it's still the heroes that
come up with the idea of using the satellites connected
to the telescope to reflect the sunlight from the other
side of the Earth.

Speaker 4 (01:55:05):
To thaw Gotham in eleven minutes.

Speaker 2 (01:55:08):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (01:55:08):
Unfortunately, mister Freeze is tired of letting them just stand
around and come up with ways to foil his plan,
so he appears and he attacks. He knocks the two
Beta heroes out the window and he takes on Batman.

Speaker 3 (01:55:22):
Batman grapples with mister Freeze, both of them trying to
reset the telescope in time. Meanwhile, Baine attacks Robin and
back Girl. They're struggling because Bain is superhuman. He can
He's feet the strength of a thousand men and leads
to our teenagers and they're like, oh, we're losing. And
then all of a sudden, Robin.

Speaker 2 (01:55:38):
Goes, hey, what about the hose? What about the hose
in the back of his helmet tee?

Speaker 3 (01:55:44):
And one of them, I think is Batgirl, like kicks
it out and literally, like an exhaust pipe just comes
out like like nothing, huh, from the back of Bain's
head and just starts to spew like exhaust in the air,
and Bane.

Speaker 2 (01:55:58):
Deflates back to his original size.

Speaker 4 (01:56:01):
Yeah, this was so fucking stupid.

Speaker 3 (01:56:04):
Meanwhile, Batman manages to attach one of his heaters to
Freeze's suit and knock him down, and then Batman resets
the satellites and beams sunlight into Gotham.

Speaker 1 (01:56:14):
Batman's like, Haha, Freeze, I've got you now, but Freeze
is like, like, hell you do. He sets off a
series of bombs that he apparently set at some point,
he destroys the telescope. The telescope falls out of the observatory.
Those two scientists we talked about have been hanging on
to the telescope for a while, providing comic relief. He
saves the two scientists as the telescope crashes to the
ground below.

Speaker 4 (01:56:34):
Robin and Batgirl join.

Speaker 1 (01:56:36):
Batman as they try to brainstorm away to thaw Gotham
without the telescope. They could do it with just the satellites,
but they need a computer genius. Luckily, in this scene,
Barbara is one.

Speaker 2 (01:56:45):
Thank god those satellite computers don't have a pass code.
Cut to her going Sun, Moon.

Speaker 4 (01:56:53):
Stars, planet light, NASA.

Speaker 2 (01:56:57):
NASA one, NASA one two, who NASA one two three
password password It was password.

Speaker 1 (01:57:12):
So Barbara reprograms the satellites and thaws the city and
Gotham is saved.

Speaker 3 (01:57:17):
Batman goes to collect mister Freeze and shows him a
video a close up video a Poison Ivy confessing to
the murder of Nora Freeze.

Speaker 2 (01:57:28):
That confession happened during her fight with Backgirl.

Speaker 4 (01:57:31):
Uh huh.

Speaker 2 (01:57:32):
What part of Backgirl's outfit is A is a body
cam that he has access to. I don't like any
of this. I don't like any of this for anyone.
This is inappropriate.

Speaker 4 (01:57:42):
Thata girl, do not go to the bathroom while you're
wearing that outfit.

Speaker 3 (01:57:46):
So okay, So anyway, Poison Ivy confesses to the murder
missus Freese.

Speaker 2 (01:57:50):
Good news.

Speaker 3 (01:57:51):
Batman then tells mister Freeze, I saved your wife. We
found her, we restored her to suspended animation, and we
want to help you.

Speaker 2 (01:57:59):
Save her your wife as well.

Speaker 4 (01:58:00):
Yep.

Speaker 3 (01:58:01):
Batman then asks Freeze to help him cure stage one
of McGregor syndrome, and he's like, there's someone that I
care about deeply who has the same illness and I
need to save them.

Speaker 2 (01:58:10):
Please help me, And mister Freeze just carries it on
his person apparently at all times.

Speaker 1 (01:58:18):
Maybe it's one of those medications that has to stay
cold and the easiest way to do is.

Speaker 4 (01:58:21):
To keep it with him.

Speaker 2 (01:58:22):
Yeah, it's like the zempic he on him.

Speaker 3 (01:58:26):
He grabs two, like, I mean, it looks like canisters.
Is like that icy blue gatorade?

Speaker 4 (01:58:32):
Yeah, uh huh.

Speaker 2 (01:58:32):
Why Bruce even thinks this is actually a cure and
just gives it to Alfred, I will never.

Speaker 4 (01:58:38):
Know, but he does. We cut to Arkham.

Speaker 1 (01:58:40):
Poison Ivy has been imprisoned in the same cell as
mister Freeze.

Speaker 4 (01:58:44):
He walks in.

Speaker 1 (01:58:45):
He's still in his cryo suit because Bruce said, we're
gonna bring your wife to you. You can do all
of your work in Arkham, and he's perfectly happy with that.
That's all he wants to do. He promises to make
her life a living hell Erica. Why did he not
say you don't have a snowballs chance in cell?

Speaker 4 (01:59:02):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (01:59:03):
Come on, come on, you really should write these movies.

Speaker 4 (01:59:09):
We cut to Wayne Manor.

Speaker 1 (01:59:10):
The team administers the cure to Alfred waits two days,
absolutely trashes the place, doesn't do a dish, doesn't pick
up a broom.

Speaker 3 (01:59:17):
That house must smell like a fucking pig side at
the time. Alfred wakes up from his coma and it's like, oh,
so you want me to clean all of this?

Speaker 4 (01:59:26):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:59:26):
Cool, cool, You're cool.

Speaker 1 (01:59:28):
Alfred wakes up with a full recovery. Barbara officially joins
the team, and Alfred says, we're going to need a
bigger cave. That's the that's the that's the kicker. That's
the line that we.

Speaker 4 (01:59:41):
Went out on.

Speaker 2 (01:59:42):
Yeah, and then guess what. High five everyone, We're making
a fifth one of these.

Speaker 4 (01:59:45):
We nailed it.

Speaker 2 (01:59:46):
No fucking noise.

Speaker 4 (01:59:51):
That is the end of Batman and Robin. So everyone
stick around.

Speaker 1 (01:59:55):
We will come right back after these messages with all
of our random observations and final rankings.

Speaker 4 (02:00:09):
And we're back.

Speaker 2 (02:00:10):
Erica.

Speaker 4 (02:00:10):
I have just one question for you. Do you think
when mister Freese has sex, he says, that's just the
tip of the iceberg.

Speaker 2 (02:00:18):
Ha ha. You will feel numb at first, but he's normal.
Let's talk about mister Freeze for sex.

Speaker 3 (02:00:28):
Okay, okay, So the logic of mister Freeze, and I
know looking for logic in this movie is a fool's errand,
but I did it anyway.

Speaker 2 (02:00:35):
The logic of mister Freeze is he has to stay
at ice cold temperatures at all times or else he dies.

Speaker 4 (02:00:39):
Correct.

Speaker 3 (02:00:39):
So when he goes back to his layer, which is
in an ice cream factory, he takes off the suit
that keeps him alive out in the world, and then
as his outfit of choice, puts on a like thick
quilted smoking jacket. Uh huh, with like a with like
a cravat, I think, or Meg maybe making that part
up because it's what I want. And fuzzy slippers, Paul,

(02:01:02):
this is not the outfit of a man who has
to stay cold.

Speaker 1 (02:01:05):
No, he should be bare ass naked, Arnold Schwartzenegger should
be hanging down or in that suit period.

Speaker 4 (02:01:10):
End of story.

Speaker 3 (02:01:11):
He should be wearing a caftan from the Kathy Lee
Gifford collection.

Speaker 1 (02:01:19):
Speaking of mister Freeze, I did cut out this one
scene because it doesn't really matter to the plot. But
there's one point where it cuts back to him and
he's watching his wedding video and crying, and I'm like,
this is too much, Like I don't need to feel
bad for mister Freese.

Speaker 4 (02:01:33):
This is a lot a lot.

Speaker 2 (02:01:35):
Agree agreed, Like the movie went hard. I'm like, Okay,
we get it. He's not a bad bad guy. Yeah, yeah,
uh again with mister Freese.

Speaker 3 (02:01:44):
There's a scene. There's a few of these, but there's
one there. It's really obvious he has frozen over. I
think it's poison Ivy's layer. And the cops are being
flung down a spiral staircase as they're being defeated by
mister Freeze's henchman. All every single one of those extras
hits the icicles on their way down, and you can
see that these icicles.

Speaker 2 (02:02:04):
Are just like I don't even think they're made of rubber.

Speaker 3 (02:02:07):
Yeah, it bounces away from them and moves right back
into space.

Speaker 2 (02:02:11):
Place like just could not look cheaper.

Speaker 4 (02:02:15):
It looked.

Speaker 1 (02:02:15):
They look like just cheap plastic, like something you would
decorate your house with for Christmas that you got it
like the local party city for no more than two
dollars for no more.

Speaker 2 (02:02:26):
But I obviously think it's inflated because they the way they.

Speaker 3 (02:02:29):
Pop out and pop back into the spot. I'm like,
you have so much money. This movie costs like two
hundred million dollars.

Speaker 1 (02:02:36):
My favorite one of those is there at the end
when they freeze all of Gotham. They freeze one of
the police cars with the doors opened, and they like
they come. I don't remember what happens, but they hit
it and it's like they so easily could have just
reshot the shot like it like nothing crucial was happening,
like it just and it just looks like a like
a saloon door.

Speaker 4 (02:02:54):
Swinging back and forth, Like that's not how Ice moves.

Speaker 2 (02:02:57):
I know.

Speaker 1 (02:02:57):
We talked about where Batman and Rober are getting all
their costumes. We talked a little bit about mister Freeze
is getting his costumes. I want to circle back to
our favorite character in the movie, Poison Ivy, whose main
costume is kind of very generic green tights leotard with
kind of a leaf motif on it, but she also
has time to a constantly be getting her hair in

(02:03:18):
larger and larger and larger buns on her head. She
has a multiple different eyebrow like a mask pieces that
are being switched out. But my favorite two things are
when they take over the Turkish bath, she's wearing a long,
flowing cowled cape that appeared from nowhere, and then when

(02:03:38):
she walks in to see mister Freeze at her hideout
and tell him that his wife is dead, she is
wearing what I can only describe as a seventies pimp coat.

Speaker 2 (02:03:48):
Oh fuck, I missed it, it is, and then I
want to see it.

Speaker 1 (02:03:52):
It's enormous. It looks like she skinned Fozzy bear dyed
it green. And now that's the coat that she's wearing.

Speaker 2 (02:03:58):
Oh, I bet it looks fucking fabulous.

Speaker 4 (02:04:00):
Oh all, by the way, all of this is fabulous,
all of it, all of it.

Speaker 2 (02:04:05):
All right.

Speaker 3 (02:04:05):
I'm gonna get into my Poison Ivy section of the
of maruting observations because I have like, she's so goddamn good.
There's there's a couple of lines that I love. There's
one where she she she jumps on top of its
either Batman or Robin, I'm not sure, and she's she
like hers in his face and she says there's something
about an anatomically correct rubber suit that puts fire in

(02:04:26):
a girl's lips.

Speaker 4 (02:04:29):
Excellent, And I'm like, okay, so the movie.

Speaker 2 (02:04:31):
Knows what it's doing, just understands the anatomically correct part
of the suit. Like it's so funny.

Speaker 1 (02:04:37):
Uh, speaking of lines, this is not from Poison IVY.
It's about Poison Ivy. In that brief moment when both
Batman and Robin are not affected by her pheromones and
they're realizing she's a bad guy, They're like, we are
absolutely one hundred percent over her moment of silence, and
then George Clooney goes great stems though, and and crist
o'naland goes buds too, and yeah those were nice.

Speaker 3 (02:04:58):
When you give these two like a little bit of
a riff, they're not bad. I only have one more too,
And speaking this this, this is one of those lines.
It's supposed to be sexy.

Speaker 2 (02:05:08):
And I'm like, what was just said?

Speaker 3 (02:05:12):
In this children's movie Robin goes up to goes up
to a poison ivy when she's like in her layer
at the end and he's like over her, he's not
into her anymore, but he's he's trying to be sexy,
I guess, and like goes.

Speaker 2 (02:05:26):
Is your thumb the only part of you that's green? What?
I'm sorry, what are you asking? What are you asking?

Speaker 4 (02:05:33):
Did this line? Walk?

Speaker 2 (02:05:34):
So?

Speaker 4 (02:05:34):
Is your pussy green? From Wicked Could Run?

Speaker 2 (02:05:36):
He's asking you for pussy? Is green?

Speaker 4 (02:05:38):
Right?

Speaker 2 (02:05:38):
That's what he's asking. He's acting, is your pussy fertile?
And is it second? Does it have a biodome?

Speaker 4 (02:05:48):
Yeah? What is that line?

Speaker 2 (02:05:51):
And like, how is that a line that made the
final cut of this movie?

Speaker 3 (02:05:54):
Yeah, you are not allowed to ask a woman of
what color her pussy is You're just not I'm sorry,
that's not cool Erica.

Speaker 4 (02:06:00):
How are we going to rank Batman and Robin.

Speaker 2 (02:06:06):
One to ten? Orphans that just flock to Alfred.

Speaker 4 (02:06:10):
Like like like stray cats to a fishmonger.

Speaker 2 (02:06:13):
Yeah, yeah, like seagulls to a hot dog stand.

Speaker 4 (02:06:19):
One to ten Arnold Schwarzenegger cabaret numbers like like, she's
cold as ice, willing to sacrifice your love, one.

Speaker 2 (02:06:32):
Two, three, she's a cold hearted snake.

Speaker 4 (02:06:36):
Oh look in the eyes. Oh she's been telling lies.

Speaker 2 (02:06:44):
That actually does apply to poisoner.

Speaker 4 (02:06:46):
Let it go, Let it go, can't hold it back
any more. I bet he can hit that note of
the oh completely.

Speaker 2 (02:06:55):
But the sky is a hazy shade off winter. The
idea that anyone would do a cabaret to the song
hazy shade of Winter.

Speaker 4 (02:07:04):
Yeah, it's excellent and it means that somewhere someone did.

Speaker 2 (02:07:08):
Simon and Garfunkle doesn't scream cabaret to me to begin.

Speaker 4 (02:07:10):
With, but also like, like that song, you're gonna do
the Bengals cover of it?

Speaker 2 (02:07:14):
Fair enough? Fair enough? How about one to ten ice
cream based superheroes?

Speaker 1 (02:07:19):
Oh, oh, you don't want to tip into Rocky Road
because then then then you become a seer and all
you see are the bad things are going to happen
to everybody in the future.

Speaker 4 (02:07:28):
That's bad.

Speaker 2 (02:07:29):
That's a rocky fucking road.

Speaker 3 (02:07:30):
Yeah, you do not want to fuck with strawberries and
cream because they will give you a very light sunburn,
not so much that you're actually in trouble, but just
enough that your skin itches all the time.

Speaker 4 (02:07:40):
Yeah, so it's it's an annoying thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
you don't.

Speaker 1 (02:07:44):
You don't if you're Chris o'donald, you don't want to
tip over into black raspberry, because then you're going to
be in the blonde venus situation. Cultural appropriation of the
highest order.

Speaker 4 (02:07:53):
Uh oh yeah, and.

Speaker 2 (02:07:54):
Then you're gonna run into cookie dough and they will
just give you samonilla.

Speaker 4 (02:07:58):
Right uncooked cookie dough, which, to be clear, I've eaten
my entire life and have never gotten salmonella from never
got not yet once, not yet, not yet.

Speaker 2 (02:08:07):
Your move cookie out.

Speaker 4 (02:08:09):
How about one to ten queer subtexts and dom texts.

Speaker 2 (02:08:12):
Yeah, subtext is actually domb text.

Speaker 4 (02:08:15):
Uh huh huh.

Speaker 2 (02:08:16):
Joel Schumacher, you freak, you freaking freak.

Speaker 4 (02:08:19):
I love you, I love you, you freak, don't ever change.

Speaker 2 (02:08:22):
Let's do that one.

Speaker 3 (02:08:22):
Let's I feel like it celebrates the actual Like, yeah,
it celebrates the film.

Speaker 4 (02:08:27):
Yeah, absolutely? Do you want to go first? Or shall
I go first?

Speaker 2 (02:08:29):
I'll go first on this one.

Speaker 4 (02:08:31):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (02:08:31):
Genuinely, I've never seen a movie before and been like,
how much of this is intentional? And how much of
this is like a collective subconscious coming out ye, like
of a of a I don't know a Kiva Goldsmith's
like or Goldsman's identity, I don't know what his preferences are,
but like Joel Schumacher is a gay man, and like

(02:08:51):
the production design, there's gotta been a lot of gay
gay energy in the space when they were creating the film,
and they were like, oh, but what if.

Speaker 2 (02:09:00):
We make it like Metropolis and then bring in blonde
Venus like the brainstorm that turned into the biggest like
queer baiting of all times. I'm not mad at it
at all. It's just so interesting and also what if
it's not? What if it is fully intentional?

Speaker 3 (02:09:18):
And and like Joel Schumacher's like, how about if I
create a comic book world that's like sexy and like, yeah,
but my interpretation of sexy, which is a gay man's
interpretation of sexy, and like and like, yeah, it's for kids,
and yeah, we're here to sell toys, but also like,
let's make this adult. Batman Returns is so sexy, like

(02:09:39):
all the Catwoman stuff is so so sexy. And so
it was almost like Joel Schumacher's like, I want to
go back to that and do like a sexy Batman.

Speaker 2 (02:09:47):
And then he was like, but how about we queer
this up a bit. I want to believe that that
was an intentional choice. And then it's fucking awesome and
like subversive because it's so in your face, it's so there. Yeah,
now this is a good movie, Paul.

Speaker 4 (02:10:01):
No, no, it's not even a little bit of a
great it's an uma thermon of a good movie.

Speaker 3 (02:10:07):
It's an uma thermon of a good movie. Yeah, it's
like it's entertaining, it's not boring at all. It's so
fucking weird, so it's worth watching, but it's it's it's bad.
And also it doesn't age super well because there is
like some racism in the middle that there. It's like unintentional,
like I think because they're referencing a movie.

Speaker 2 (02:10:28):
That's so racist. They accidentally like fell into it. I
came around.

Speaker 3 (02:10:32):
I was fine with being being a Mexican like serial killer,
like that might rub other people the wrong way, fair, sure,
but and I but I came around.

Speaker 2 (02:10:42):
To it once they made him with luchato it and
I was like why not. And there's not too many
people of color in the film, especially given it's nineteen
ninety seven, Like, yeah, you could do better. I'm gonna
give it a three.

Speaker 4 (02:10:52):
Okay, I'm gonna.

Speaker 3 (02:10:53):
Give it a three because unintentional or not, there's a
lot of queer subjects in this movie and I'm always
here for that, and I love that. And obviously you
can talk far far more about that than I can.
But like, yeah, it's it does fall flat on its
face in other ways. Yeah, and like the one scene
where the two women in the movie talk to each
other is not fantastic.

Speaker 2 (02:11:13):
So yeah, I'll give it a three. How about you?

Speaker 1 (02:11:15):
Yeah, I think I think the big scene at the
gala is it was the one surprising moment for me
as far as like, oh, that doesn't age well at all.
I did not get the the blonde Venus reference. I
didn't know they were referencing something specific. The whole the
whole smell of that scene was bad. I think the

(02:11:36):
queer subtext is a lot of fun. I can't imagine
that he didn't know at least somewhat of what he
was doing, and I I don't think he ever talked
about it.

Speaker 4 (02:11:45):
I read.

Speaker 1 (02:11:45):
I read a couple of different like quotes from him.
He never was like I couldn't believe to the studio,
let me get away with this. But like I could
see him saying that and be like, oh, yeah, I
was gonna put nipples in the batsuit. And then it
came back and they didn't take the nipples off. So
I was like, well, okay, like something like that I
would have expected, But he never says anything like that.

Speaker 4 (02:12:01):
Yeah, I could find it.

Speaker 2 (02:12:02):
By the way, I'm googling to see what the val
Kilmer one had nipples.

Speaker 4 (02:12:05):
Oh, good question, good question.

Speaker 2 (02:12:07):
Apparently the Kilmer one also had nipples.

Speaker 1 (02:12:09):
Okay, so this is this, This is the second suit
with nipples, maybe the first ass jiggling, and definitely the
first Uma Thurman, who was the gayest thing in this movie.
It's kind of like these like quote unquote feminist lines
that they're putting in Alicia Silverstone's mouth are really clunky,
they're really first thought. It feels a little bit like

(02:12:30):
that that moment in the Marvel movies where they try
to give like a go girl moment at the end,
and you're like, yeah, but you haven't given any of
these women any characters. Like they like they're like, oh,
the women are gonna take over, and like none of
them have led a movie, none of them are the
main heroes. You haven't done anything to lift them up
in there, You're you're it's like performative feminism, I guess,
is what I would say, and it I don't know
that it was performative.

Speaker 4 (02:12:49):
In nineteen ninety seven, but it has aged to.

Speaker 1 (02:12:51):
A point now where it feels performative because what she
is saying is so basic. I'm going to agree with you.
I'm gonna give it a three. I'm gonna give it
a three out of ten. Queer subtexts and dom texts.
I enjoyed it more than a three. If you truly
watching them with Therman in this movie is a good time,
and the rest of the movie almost achieves camp. So

(02:13:12):
if this is your thing, like, if it's something you
want to like have a couple of drinks with some
friends with and watch and laugh at Like it's pretty
good for that, but I would say there are better
camp movies for that.

Speaker 3 (02:13:23):
It's weird because I'm wondering if they were trying to
achieve camp, and when you try to achieve camp, it
doesn't work, right. Maybe that's what they were trying to do,
because like the og like Adam West Batman, that's so camp,
that's camp. Yeah, it's one thousand and I think they
were trying to go back to that, but you can't
force it.

Speaker 4 (02:13:41):
Yeah, so maybe maybe my palate cleanser is a better
is a better camp movie?

Speaker 2 (02:13:45):
Better camp movie? That Adam West Batman film from the
sixties is so good and it's got all three of
the major villains in it. It's got Robin and it's
it's so cheesy and cheap and like it's so good.

Speaker 4 (02:13:58):
Yeah. My thought is, can't stop the music. That's a
better camp, that's a better camp.

Speaker 2 (02:14:01):
Oh that's a great camp movie.

Speaker 4 (02:14:03):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (02:14:04):
Yeah, Rocky Horror Picture Show. Absolutely we want something and
that's also kind of sexy.

Speaker 4 (02:14:08):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:14:09):
All right, Erica, that is the end of our show.
Everyone listening here can follow us. On social media. We
are on Blue Sky, we are on Threads. We are
on Instagram, which is the only platform where we accept
requests specifically on our monthly themes. We have a tea
public shop, and we would love it if you would
leave a five star review on Apple Podcasts or any
podcasting platform that you use. If you do that, just

(02:14:30):
like locutus Borg and TC Magnaw from the top of
this year episode, let us know you did it. We'll
send you a that agebel tote bag. And you've always
thought I don't know how to do that, well, I've
done some of that work for you. You can click
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find a link for ratethipodcast dot com slash dot age
Well and that will walk you through it.

Speaker 3 (02:14:48):
That aged Well is produced and edited by Paul Keola.
We would like to thank Chris, Sophie, Tony, Jan Marcus
Austin and our patrons for reaching out and letting us
know what you want to hear. If you want to
have a say in the topics we discussed, you should
join our patreon. Every patron gets to vote in an
exclusive monthly poll to determine one of our subjects, so

(02:15:10):
head on over to patreon dot com slash That Aged
Well podcast to find out more.

Speaker 1 (02:15:16):
This is the time in the episode where we'd usually
have a celebrity guest come in and thank one of
our patrons. We don't have a thank you today, but
this is your reminder that if we owe you a
thank you, would love to give it. We'd we'd love
to yell at someone you hate. We'd love to send
a happy birthday wish to someone that you know.

Speaker 4 (02:15:29):
Anything you want, We're pretty much willing to say it,
provided it's not like super racist or something.

Speaker 2 (02:15:36):
I would hope no one would ask for that.

Speaker 4 (02:15:38):
Yeah, fingers crossed given the premise of this podcast.

Speaker 3 (02:15:41):
Yeah, thanks, Yeah, someone who listens to us would be like, yeah,
that's probably not appropriate.

Speaker 4 (02:15:44):
Yeah, they're probably not gonna do that.

Speaker 2 (02:15:45):
Yeah, genuinely. Any any note you want to give to
someone out in the world, Yeah, let us know.

Speaker 4 (02:15:50):
Yeah, all right, Erica, any final thoughts on Batman and
Robin ice cream? You scream, We all scream for ice cream.

Speaker 1 (02:16:00):
I actually thought you were going into she loves me
ice cream? He bought me ice cream?

Speaker 4 (02:16:08):
Ice cream.

Speaker 2 (02:16:09):
Imagine that perfect song from Mister Freeze's cabaret.

Speaker 4 (02:16:13):
Absolutely.

Speaker 2 (02:16:22):
Sometimes you know, little, little little you know what right I.

Speaker 4 (02:16:25):
Was gonna say something, So you're gonna say something so
disgusting even you won't say it on this podcast.

Speaker 2 (02:16:30):
You know what, girl, Take it back, Take it it's
we're recording this on a Sunday. It's the Lord's Day.

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Batman & Robin (1997) - Gala Invitations, Ice Puns & a Bathhouse

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Batman & Robin (1997) - Gala Invitations, Ice Puns & a Bathhouse