Goldfinger (1964) - Rompers, Passion Juice & a Private Pilot - That Aged Well

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You know when you get the giggles in public, Oh,
the church giggles, the church giggles. Yeah, like this wasn't
even the church girls, really because it wasn't inappropriate for
me to me laughing. It's just that nobody knew what
I was laughing about. And I don't know if you've
seen on the subway these ads. It's like these ads
that they're real estate ads. They want people to buy
in New York, so like it's the conceit is. They
show you a picture of like a New Yorker who

(00:20):
brought outside of New York and are so disappointed. But
if you go with us, we'll find you a great apartment.
Got it? Yeah? Oh yeah, yeah those apps? Okay, all right,
there's this one where it's about pizza, and it's like, oh,
it's it's kind of New York pizza, right, and it
has this couple so.

Speaker 2 (00:33):
Like people who move outside of the city who dared.

Speaker 1 (00:35):
To leave, Yeah, they got shitty pizza.

Speaker 2 (00:37):
The majesty and wonder that is New York City.

Speaker 1 (00:40):
And the woman I'm gonna show Erica a picture. The
woman in this photo is giving the stankiest stank face.

Speaker 2 (00:47):
And it ordered pizza in Connecticut. Yeah, it's it's also delicious.

Speaker 1 (00:50):
By the way. Yeah, this is the expression on her face. Honestly,
I hope she gets a sitcom. I hope this woman
gets a sitcom off of this job.

Speaker 2 (01:00):
It's a sitcom.

Speaker 1 (01:00):
She is.

Speaker 2 (01:01):
She is living her best four character quadrant sitcom life.

Speaker 1 (01:05):
She is Diliadets. Yes, she is Deli in this photo.

Speaker 2 (01:08):
The idea is she like, She's like, oh, this pizza sucks.
Let's move back to the most expensive rat chested city
in the country. Got it.

Speaker 1 (01:17):
That's the idea.

Speaker 2 (01:33):
And this is that aged Well, yesterday's pop culture.

Speaker 1 (01:36):
Today it's Spy Movie may Erica. And actually it's the
finale of Spy Movie May because next week is Memorial.

Speaker 2 (01:43):
Day, yay, the beginning of summer, the.

Speaker 1 (01:45):
Beginning of summer. We're gonna take We're gonna take a
little mini break. Yeah, little mini break. You'll have a little,
a little summer treat in your feed next week.

Speaker 2 (01:52):
Yeah, we're gonna have something in there for you. Don't worry.
We haven't forgotten you.

Speaker 1 (01:55):
We still love you. We're just gonna take a little
take a little summer break. Sure, Yeah, but not yet,
because today we have a movie.

Speaker 2 (02:03):
We have a hum dinger.

Speaker 1 (02:06):
And before we get to that hum dinger, we have
Apple podcast reviews. Do you want to read the first one? Sure?

Speaker 2 (02:12):
The first review comes from Sam. Eighty eight miles per
hour breaking the speed limit? Yes, isn't that the speed
limit in It's it's a no, no, no, it's the
it's you have to go eighty eight miles per hour
in back to the future. Back to the future, going there,
that's what they're doing. I see you, Sam, revisiting movie
magic that aged well with Paul and Erica. I want

(02:33):
to point out that this title is revisiting movie magic
colon that aged well with Paul and Erica. This person
takes care of business. Yeah, Sam, eight eighty eight miles
per hour does not fuck around.

Speaker 1 (02:46):
If you are a reporter, please let us know if
you'd like to do an interview.

Speaker 2 (02:50):
Yeah, this fucking thing has a byeline. So Sam Wrights
that aged well is like having a reunion with your
friends from the eighties and nineties movie era. Paul and
Erica don't just dissect plot twists and poke fun at
the insanity they unearthed very childhood nightmares. Thanks Labyrinth, was
it hobble?

Speaker 1 (03:10):
Hobble was the name of the it was the name
of her mini friend there.

Speaker 2 (03:13):
I don't remember, but it is a full living nightmare. Yeah,
with sharp wit and infectious laughter. This podcast is your
ticket to relive the classics while doubling down on the
hilarity of hindsight. Grab your popcorn and settle in for
a nostalgia trip that's as entertaining as it is enlightening.
I'd love to hear a review of Now.

Speaker 1 (03:35):
This is actually what the review says. I am not
incorrecting this. I wonder if maybe it was now and
Then and it got cut off.

Speaker 2 (03:41):
Maybe I don't know. Now I'm gonna look it up.
By the way, aside from potentially a typo at the end,
excellent review, excellent rex. I was just gonna say, really
good writing. I feel like you write me better than
I write me, So thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah, Yeah, okay, update,
I googled it. There does not seem to be a
movie named now.

Speaker 1 (03:59):
Yeah, oh Sam, eighty eight miles per hour.

Speaker 2 (04:01):
This got cut off at the end. We're gonna assume now.

Speaker 1 (04:03):
And then Now and then let us know if we're wrong.

Speaker 2 (04:05):
Yeah, maybe there's another now now boyager.

Speaker 1 (04:08):
Sure, sure we have another review, shall I read sure?
This is from Cookies for Breakfast twenty two to twenty two.
They write no notes. Thank you Kimberly and Katie for
introducing me to Paul and Erica. I'm a nineties baby,
so this pod has inspired me to watch so many
of these classics that I wasn't yet alive for or
was too young to see. I love hearing their thoughtful takes.

(04:31):
If you can appreciate calling out cringey behavior that was
once socially acceptable while also being able to agree that
some things are horrible but also objectively funny, Yes, this
is the pod for you.

Speaker 2 (04:41):
They have distilled our mission statement to a perfect sentence
that is horrible, but it's funny, and I laughed, and
I laughed at it, and I'm.

Speaker 1 (04:50):
Gonna be honest, I laughed. They go on, please cover planes, trains,
and automobiles this holiday season. Hey, guess what we did.

Speaker 2 (04:58):
It's in your feed.

Speaker 1 (04:59):
It's in your feed. Growing up, my family watched it
every year on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. And although I
love it, I'm still not sure if it's even a
good movie, and would love y'all's takes. I think it's
a good movie.

Speaker 2 (05:09):
It's a good movie.

Speaker 1 (05:10):
It is.

Speaker 2 (05:10):
I want to I have an update on this. Finish
this out, and I do want to talk. I have
an update on planes traising auto movie.

Speaker 1 (05:16):
I'm excited. Okay, So Cookies for Breakfast finishes love the
pod ten out of ten.

Speaker 2 (05:20):
Thank you, Cookies for Breakfast. Yes, real quick. We are
recording this in twenty twenty five. We are like deep
into twenty twenty five. And I forgot to tell Paul
this months ago when it happened at Christmas this year.
I asked my assembled family. I was like, in that
scene in Planes, Trains and Automobiles, and he says, those
aren't pillows. Yeah, is he talking about is he talking

(05:41):
about his butt cheeks or is he talking about his thighs?
And I didn't tell them who was which one of
us was on which side? And everyone agreed with you.
Really everyone was like, it's butt cheeks, that's the joke.
And I'm like, it's his thigh cheeks. Don't make any sense.
And then someone pointed out to me he's wearing boxer
short yeah, And because that was my whole thing, I'm like,
he's wearing boxer shorts. You would know if your hand
was between someone's butt cheeks. Yeah, through boxer shorts and

(06:03):
there and then and they're not wrong. I don't remember
which one of my uncles said this. They're like, but
that would be like pillowcases.

Speaker 1 (06:10):
The shams the sham. The boxer shorts are the sham
mess on the hams.

Speaker 2 (06:13):
And then I was like, fuck me. Paul was right
and I was wrong. My whole family agrees with Paul.
I want you to know that my family agrees with you.

Speaker 1 (06:21):
Thank you, Thank you for representing me. Danny. I know
you're listening. Thank you. No.

Speaker 2 (06:25):
I honestly, Danny was like maybe the only one on
my side, but I think that's because I was in
the room with him. He felt bad for me.

Speaker 1 (06:33):
All right, Sam, eighty eight miles per hour Cookies for
Breakfast twenty two, twenty two. If you would like at
that age ball tote bag, please let us know this
is you. I would love to send it off for you. Erica,
what is our spy movie finale?

Speaker 2 (06:47):
Today's film you all is the nineteen sixty four spy
classic gold Finger.

Speaker 1 (06:58):
All right, So Goldfinger was specifically actually only requested by Marcus,
but we obviously had a cavalcade of Bond movie requests this.

Speaker 2 (07:06):
Month, so many Bond movies.

Speaker 1 (07:07):
Michelle actually requested a whole double oh seven month, which
we did briefly consider, but decided it would be it
would be too much.

Speaker 2 (07:13):
It's a lot, It's so much misogyny, you guys.

Speaker 1 (07:15):
Yeah, So we decided to leave the Bond film up
to our patrons. We pulled Goldfinger, our Sean Connery option
against of You to a Kill, our Roger More option
against GoldenEye, our Pierce Brosen option. We left the other
ones out. Sorry, George Lasmbie, you didn't make the poll.

Speaker 2 (07:29):
Ha.

Speaker 1 (07:30):
Sean came out on top fifty three percent to Roger
Moore's seventeen percent and Pierce Brosnian's thirty percent.

Speaker 2 (07:36):
Wow, I will say the Roger Moore one of You
to a Kill did get more requests. It did then
this one did. But also I also wonder how many
people wrote GoldenEye thinking they were talking about Goldfinger, Yeah,
and vice versa.

Speaker 1 (07:51):
Honestly, I will say that as soon as Goldfinger was
in the poll, the presence of double O pantege was
felt in the poll. I think.

Speaker 2 (07:58):
I think so. And also this that what is a
classic for a reason. It's got kussy galore.

Speaker 1 (08:04):
It's got not a euphemism.

Speaker 2 (08:05):
It's got no mister Bond, I expect you to die.
It's got all the class, it's got all the humdingers
in it.

Speaker 1 (08:11):
It sure does all right. So Goldfinger is the third
installment in the ongoing James Bond series. It was written
by Richard Maybaum and Paul Den. It was based on
the nineteen fifty nine Ian Fleming novel of the same name.
It was directed by Guy Hamilton and stars Sean Connery,
Honor Blackman, Gert Froeb, Shirley Eaton, Tanya Mallett, and Harold Sakata.

Speaker 2 (08:35):
Goldfigure won an Academy Award for Best Sound Effects, making
it the first Bond film to win an.

Speaker 1 (08:41):
Oscar Now you've already previewed this a little bit erica.
But while I'm glad it won for Best Sound, it
was robbed for Best Song.

Speaker 2 (08:49):
Was there not a best song category?

Speaker 1 (08:50):
Back there? Yah? I checked there was chim chimmery from
Mary Poppins.

Speaker 2 (08:56):
Was absolutely not no chim chimmery from Mary happens when
the fucking oscar over Shirley Bassie's iconic gold Finger.

Speaker 1 (09:06):
Yes, look, Goldfinger is not even Shirley Bassi's best Bond theme.
The best one she did is Diamonds Are Forever, but Goldfinger,
those are the two best Bond themes ever, accept possibly
Carly Simon's Nobody Does It Better.

Speaker 2 (09:19):
I really like Skyfall, Yeah, I really do. I'm a
sucker for adult I.

Speaker 1 (09:22):
Think Skyfall is boring the movie or the song. I
think I fell asleep in the movie, so I think
I can safely say both.

Speaker 2 (09:29):
But yeah, no. Also, you know what, we dogged Paul
McCartney in the last episode a little.

Speaker 1 (09:37):
Bit, and he deserves He deserved it.

Speaker 2 (09:39):
He deserved it for that one. But Livin Let Die
is a fucking good song.

Speaker 1 (09:44):
It is a lot of the Bond songs are really good.
I just feel like Shirley Bassy is the platonic ideal. Yes, yes, yes,
a British woman fog horning her way through a song.
That's what I want. Concerned about US censors, the producers
consider changing Pushing to Kitty Galore. Oh no, but they
and Hamilton decided, quote, if you were a ten year

(10:06):
old boy and knew what the name meant, you weren't
a ten year old boy. You were a dirty little bitch.
The American censor was concerned, but we got round that
by inviting him and his wife out to dinner and
we told him we were big supporters of the Republican Party.

Speaker 2 (10:20):
That is the greatest thing I've ever heard.

Speaker 1 (10:23):
Apparently Honor Blackman enjoyed it so much she would force
reporters to say the name to her and she was
doing agrees about it.

Speaker 2 (10:29):
Yes, holy shit, this is the perfect what an amazing anecdote.
You were a dirty little bitch?

Speaker 1 (10:41):
Oh, yes, I think what I've gotten When I.

Speaker 2 (10:44):
Was I would have I was a dirty little piss you. Well,
come on, ten years old, we knew what the word
pussy was.

Speaker 1 (10:52):
I'm genuinely not sure. I know my nephews one of it, Tana,
I think, but I feel like I was more at
shelter than they were.

Speaker 2 (10:59):
But like how sheltz, you went to school.

Speaker 1 (11:01):
That's true. Yeah, it's like I mean, I definitely would
have known, Like Dick, I just feel like, like eighth
pussy's a step.

Speaker 2 (11:06):
Above if you were not homeschooled by ten, you've heard
you've heard someone called someone else a pussy.

Speaker 1 (11:12):
Wow, you live on the mean streets in Miami.

Speaker 2 (11:16):
I am sure of it. I'm absolutely sure if you
even sheltered little Paul so I was a dirty little bitch,
true dirty little bitch. Goldfinger has a shocking ninety nine
percent critical rating on Rotten Tomatoes. We are grading on
a curve here because I'm assuming this. These are critics

(11:37):
in nineteen sixty four, I presume, and not the current
day critics, and an eighty nine percent audience score. It
has a one hundred on Cherry Picks.

Speaker 1 (11:48):
That's insane, that's hilarious. That is insae.

Speaker 2 (11:52):
This is what's this is all ass backwards. It should
be a two thousand percent audience score. Yeh, because no complaints,
a truly forty critical rating, and Cherry Picks needs to
shut its dirty horror mouth. Yeah that's the correct Actually, no, no, no,
they wouldn't call Cherry Picks a whore. This is bond,

(12:13):
this is classier. Yeah, it would be like, oh, hello,
Cherry Picks, why don't you put that pen down and
play with my fiddle for a while.

Speaker 1 (12:22):
Why don't you stop over extending yourself and start extending
your legs? Ha, this is so high. Look, I baseline
enjoyed the movie. It's it's way more fun than it
is not it's bonkers. But it's bonkers. It's not a
ninety nine percent good movie.

Speaker 2 (12:38):
It is not even I mean, I'm being generous at forty. Honestly,
I'm being generous.

Speaker 1 (12:43):
I would actually say because of what it is in
the sense that like it is a comedy in many ways,
like they do, they are aware they're being ridiculous.

Speaker 2 (12:51):
From the opening shot. Yeah you get comedy.

Speaker 1 (12:54):
Yeah I will.

Speaker 2 (12:55):
We will talk about that opening shot because I'm living
for that opening. Yeah you get comedy.

Speaker 1 (12:59):
Yeah. So I would say the comedy land. The comedy
lands way more often than it doesn't. Yeah, And and
so for me, I would probably give it like a
sixty five percent critical. But if we talk about like pacing.

Speaker 2 (13:11):
And special effects and a plot that makes sense.

Speaker 1 (13:15):
Yep, and uh and a way with the camera that
lets the audience follow an action scene, No.

Speaker 2 (13:20):
None of that.

Speaker 1 (13:21):
None of that is yet fight choreo.

Speaker 2 (13:22):
No. No, you reminds me of a as I'm talking
about it, I'm remembering you probably never saw this the
old nineteen I want to say, seventy Batman movie starring
Adam West.

Speaker 1 (13:35):
I've seen clips from it, I've never actually seen him.

Speaker 2 (13:37):
It has like all three of the main villains in it,
and like it like Caesar Romero is and we're just Meredith,
and like it's like that where they know they're making
a comedy, but it's like an action movie, like wrapped
in a comedy. And that's what this. This gave very
strong that vibe.

Speaker 1 (13:53):
So Sean Connery is fully aware that he is in
a comedy. Yeah, yeah, and actually to before I think
Honor black Aakman knows too.

Speaker 2 (14:01):
Gert Froub, never seeing the guy who plays Goldfinger, he
must know he's in a comedy.

Speaker 1 (14:05):
Yeah. Do you know I didn't know this going in.
That is a dubbed performance.

Speaker 2 (14:09):
Oh.

Speaker 1 (14:09):
It is widely considered to be one of the most
successful dubbed performances ever because he didn't speak English and
he learned his lines phanatically, and they were like he
was either too slow or they were unintelligible, so they
would like, go and make him just say the lines
phatically faster than dubbed an actor over him.

Speaker 2 (14:23):
I had no idea.

Speaker 1 (14:24):
Yeah, it's really really good dubbing. All right, when did
you first see gold Finger?

Speaker 2 (14:30):
Last night?

Speaker 1 (14:31):
Okay?

Speaker 2 (14:31):
Okay, true story A little behind the scenes of the pod.
I was very busy this week, and I overscheduled myself
and I didn't have time to watch the movie before
we recorded this. So I came over early to Paul's
house and last night I spent the night and we
invited friends over. We made popcorn, Paul made popcorn, and
we all watched Goldfinger together. So I watched it last

(14:53):
night for the first time in your home with a
group of our friends.

Speaker 1 (14:56):
Yeah, which is.

Speaker 2 (14:57):
The absolute ideal way to watch this movie. Would I
have enjoyed it like if I'd watched it by myself
at home? Yes, one hundred percent. What I've laughed out loud. Yes.
Would I have had half as much fun as I
did watching it with other people? Absolutely not.

Speaker 1 (15:14):
This movie is almost like I want to watch a
drag queen, like talking over it while it plays. Yes,
it's it's It might be like just two ticks below
that level, But I think it could be really fun.

Speaker 2 (15:24):
I think it's camp. You think it's I think pussy galore. Paul,
pussy galore, pussy galore, pushy, pushy. He doesn't say shit,
he says pusy, poozy, pusy galore.

Speaker 1 (15:33):
There's only one line in it, and I wrote it
down where he gets a little of their going h huh.

Speaker 2 (15:38):
So, Paul, we all know my answer. When I saw
this film for the first time, when did you see
gold Finger for the first time?

Speaker 1 (15:44):
A mere two days prior to you, I saw this
film for the first time. So much of Austin Powers
is pulled from this It's so awesome.

Speaker 2 (15:51):
I have a same I actually said a line before
it happened in this movie, and one of our friends
was like, I thought you said you'd never seen this before,
and I was like, no, that's from Austin Power.

Speaker 1 (16:00):
It's a direct lift from this film. I overall enjoyed it.
I have some notes on the pacing that.

Speaker 2 (16:08):
Got funnier and funnier because we watched it with other people. Yeah,
at one point, so late in the movie, when we're
already so like tired, Yeah, there's like a slow elevator
ride down the Bond takes and there's a full twenty
seconds of real estate in this movie, and everyone just
started laughing hysterically because we were just like, oh my god,
why are we watching this.

Speaker 1 (16:31):
All right? Erica. The tagline for this movie was Miss
Honey and Miss Galore, have James Bond back for more? Yes, Yeah, yes,
but who's miss honey?

Speaker 2 (16:41):
Is it should have had money, miss money? Like moneypenny?

Speaker 1 (16:44):
Oh, miss moneypenny.

Speaker 2 (16:46):
It must have been a honey? Was it not a honey?

Speaker 1 (16:47):
No, it's it's it's it's Tilly and Jill Masterson or
the other two women in it.

Speaker 2 (16:53):
There's no.

Speaker 1 (16:53):
Oh.

Speaker 2 (16:53):
Maybe that that first lady, the dancer in the er,
Maybe she was honey. Maybe she was honey.

Speaker 1 (16:58):
Yeah, yeah, okay, let's go with that's because I really
want this to work. Yeah. How do you say honey
in spanishell? Because this is funny. This is the exact
right tone for this movie. Do you want to read
the iTunes synopsis? Sure?

Speaker 2 (17:15):
In this fourteen Carrot Adventure and the third film in
the Double O seven series, James Bond is pitted against
one of his most memorable villains, the power hungry and
infamous international gold smuggler Auric Goldfinger.

Speaker 1 (17:30):
Gold Finger ha ha.

Speaker 2 (17:34):
Goldfinger is not planning to rob fort not's no no no.
I added that they did write no no no, they
should have, though they should have. He intends to detonate
a nuclear device in the fortress and contaminate the world's
gold supply with radiation, making it unusable for hundreds of
years and increasing tenfold the value of his own gold holdings,

(17:55):
making him the richest most powerful man on earth.

Speaker 1 (18:00):
It's so one billion dollars.

Speaker 2 (18:07):
It's crazy funny too. It's like the reveal we are
getting right now in this anopsis does not come until
like an hour and fifty minutes in a two hour movie,
Like they are giving it all away.

Speaker 1 (18:19):
Yeah, the movie is really I can't tell if it
works or it doesn't work. It's just not how we
would make a movie now. So maybe one of those
situations like in spies like us last week, we're like,
this is not how we consume entertainment anymore. But it
really like it presents a problem, and then that problem
is leads you to another problem. So you don't get
to this problem until so far into the movie, and

(18:42):
you spent so much time being like what are we
actually looking for? And the thing is like Bond doesn't
know what he's looking for because he's just been assigned
to watch this guy. That's all he's told. They're like,
we think he's smuggling gold, so maybe we can figure
out how he's doing that, and then like we possess
his gold. Yeah, that's the setup, and then an hour
of movie goes by.

Speaker 2 (19:01):
An interminable golf scene goes by.

Speaker 1 (19:04):
That golf scene. I had seen this for Erica, and
I told her and our friends, when you watch this movie,
just think about when you're watching a scene and the
scene comes to an end, if anything has.

Speaker 2 (19:16):
Actually changed, if anything happened.

Speaker 1 (19:18):
If anything actually happened to provide more information to change
Bond's situation to anything. There's like four or five five
minute stretches where the answer to that is no, Absolutely
nothing happened.

Speaker 2 (19:32):
Nothing happened, no changes were made, no plot was developed.

Speaker 1 (19:36):
No.

Speaker 2 (19:38):
Paul, what is the actual synopsis for Goldfinger?

Speaker 1 (19:41):
The actual synopsis for Goldfinger is it was a different time.
You guys don't understand.

Speaker 2 (19:48):
It was a different time. It's fine, it's fine. Stop
feminists calmed the fuck down. It was a different time.

Speaker 1 (19:55):
It's a different time.

Speaker 2 (19:56):
Okay. Those women wanted to be exploited. They enjoyed it.

Speaker 1 (20:02):
They understood, they understood the insight.

Speaker 2 (20:04):
It was the only time a woman could get Yeah,
do you not want honor black men to work?

Speaker 1 (20:08):
Come on, do you want her back in the kitchen?
All right, everyone stick around, we're gonna play some commercials
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if you're not gonna do that, that's okay. Stick around,

(20:29):
listen to these ads and we'll be right back to
take you through gold Finger.

Speaker 2 (20:46):
Hello, pushy catch, We're back.

Speaker 1 (20:48):
Watch new push a catch who who?

Speaker 2 (20:54):
And we're back.

Speaker 1 (20:55):
And we're back all right. We open in what appears
to be a South American country. Don't worry about it.
He's in South America.

Speaker 2 (21:04):
It's a monolith, don't worry.

Speaker 1 (21:05):
Potentially Central America. Actually fair configure one right, a dock,
kind of dirty garbage floating in the water, dark water.
You see a bedraggled looking seagull swimming swimming through the dock.
And then the seagull as we zoom in, it's not
really moving in the same way a swimming bird would move.

(21:26):
And then oh, up pops the head of James Bond.
It's just a decoy seagull stuck on the top of
his scuba suit.

Speaker 2 (21:31):
Okay, right here, this is it. They start with this.
You know you're watching a comedy. Yeah, A man, a
grown man, a grown man, a grown ass man has
a giant stuffed seagull attached to the top of his
scuba suit on his head. This is a comedy to
provide cover, yep.

Speaker 1 (21:48):
I mean, if you're in a scuba suit, you're already underwater.

Speaker 2 (21:50):
He's under murky blackwater wearing a dark scuba suit. This
wasn't necessary necessary at all. Film provided it anyway.

Speaker 1 (21:58):
So James Bond, if you don't know, I was played
by one Sean Connery. Look, when I think of Sean Connery,
I think of Sean Connery and Indiana Jones in The
Last Crusade.

Speaker 2 (22:06):
Yeah, we have old Connery.

Speaker 1 (22:07):
I've never even seen that movie, but that is how
I think of Sean Connery. I did not remember what
young Sean Connery looked like, and I enjoyed it. I had.

Speaker 2 (22:15):
This is my first young Sean Connery movie. I think
I've seen him pre like in the early eighties and things,
so I've seen him earlier than like Indiana Jones, but
he was still middle aged. Yeah, this is definitely the
youngest Sean Connery performance I've ever seen.

Speaker 1 (22:27):
It looks a little like Jeen Kelly.

Speaker 2 (22:28):
Right to me, he looks a little like Jean Kelly
with a sousson of Carry Grant's. Oh okay, there's a
carry Grant as well too.

Speaker 1 (22:35):
Yeah, all right, So James Bond is on a mission
that frankly, neither I nor the movie care about. So
I'm just I'm just gonna move on. He sets explosives
on a bunch of barrels marked nitro something that appeared
to be sitting in the middle of a living room.
That's it. I cannot explain it further that it's an office, right,
I thought it was a living room.

Speaker 2 (22:54):
It's the strangest thing. So it looks like a Google office.
It looks like it looks like someone went into a
tech office.

Speaker 1 (23:00):
Right, but that's not what offices looked like in nineteen
sixty whatever.

Speaker 2 (23:04):
Yeah, I don't care what's happening either. You're right, it
looks like a living room, but it also has like
a nuclear thing in the middle of it.

Speaker 1 (23:10):
He sets off, not even on the side on a wall.
It appears to be sitting in the middle of the
living room like a like a showpiece. So he scadaddles outside.
He strips off his wetsuit, revealing a perfectly pressed tuxedo underneath.
He drops a rose in his lapal, and he heads
to the local bar.

Speaker 2 (23:26):
And this was my first yeah, when I was watching
the movie, because I love a quick change. I'm a
quick change diva. In the bar, he makes eye contact
with the dancer shaking her maracas. She looks like the
poster for like, Welcome to Cuba, Welcome to Havana. Yeah,
and she's like shaking her tits at this bar. Just
as the explosion rocks a nearby building, So it's the

(23:48):
explosion he set off. All the patrons rush outside, while
the dancer gives Bond a look, a little saucy look
as she stalks.

Speaker 1 (23:55):
Out, this is mishoney, we should this is Senorita.

Speaker 2 (23:58):
Senorita honeypots yea believe. His contact at the bar recommends
that he not go back to his hotel. M James
is like, don't worry, I'll be on a plane to
Miami in an hour. I just have some unfinished business
to attend to.

Speaker 1 (24:13):
I don't know if you caught this line, but the
contact is like, oh, mister, whatever you took him down
or whatever, and James Bond says, at least he won't
be using heroin flavored bananas to finance revolutions.

Speaker 2 (24:25):
Yes, everything, yes, all of it.

Speaker 1 (24:27):
Uh huh. All right, So James Bond's unfinished business is
obviously finding out if that dancer likes to be shaken
her stirt? Right answer, both shake me up, stir me around,
and then do it backwards.

Speaker 2 (24:37):
Haha.

Speaker 1 (24:38):
He heads up to her room. She's already in a
full bath, beautiful tiled bathroom, full bath with the door
wide open. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (24:44):
Actually it seems like an open concept dressing room, honestly,
like and so the bathtub is just in the dressing room.

Speaker 1 (24:50):
He hands her a towel and they immediately start making out,
and she exclaims, oh as the holstered gun on his
chest digs into her side. So I'm so sorry.

Speaker 2 (24:58):
Actually he's a line here. She goes, why do you
always wear that thing? And he goes, I have a
slight inferiority complex.

Speaker 1 (25:05):
Oh excellent. He takes it off. They commenced with the
bang sash and we see a man appear from behind
the boudoir behind Bond. He has like a pipe or
something in his hand. He's gonna he's gonna bludge and Bond,
Oh no. We see the dancer see the other man,
and she says nothing, she's complicit. Oh my goodness on it.
Then we see Bond see his attacker's reflection in Senorita

(25:28):
Honey's eyeball.

Speaker 2 (25:30):
Yes, yeah, okay, we're gonna say that again, because you
don't know. If you haven't seen it, you don't understand
the awesomeness of what just happened. James Bond, while making
out with this Honeypot, looks in deep into her eyes,
sees the reflection of his assailant behind him in her
mellow colored eyes.

Speaker 1 (25:51):
He swings around just in time, and he uses Mishoney
as a human shield. She takes the blow from the assailants. Again.

Speaker 2 (25:57):
I'm gonna stop it here because if you didn't hear
what he just said, you need to understand the hilarity
that just happened. He uses her as a human chield.
He puts her in front of him and she accidentally
gets hit with the lead pipe. And because she's a villain,
we're not meant to feel fo we don't care, we
don't care. I'm throwing all my feminist ideals out the

(26:18):
fucking window for this movie, it was.

Speaker 1 (26:19):
A different time. A Bond and his attacker scuffle. Bond
throws the other man into the bathtub, but oh no,
that's right next to Bond's holstered gun. The man starts
scrambling for it, but Bond sees a plugged in fan
next to the tub. He pushes it into the tub
and then electrocutes his attacker, sparking everywhere, killing him. He

(26:39):
gathers his things, he says.

Speaker 2 (26:42):
Shocking, positively shocking.

Speaker 1 (26:45):
And leaves theme song gold fingal. He loves only gold.

Speaker 2 (26:53):
I said destray Mission Impossible, and I'll say it again.
If I heard this song forty five times during this movie,
it would not have been enough.

Speaker 1 (26:59):
Yeah, in a not even close.

Speaker 2 (27:01):
Is this better than the Mission Impossible theme song?

Speaker 1 (27:03):
For me?

Speaker 2 (27:04):
It's two different They're fulfilling two different purposes. Mission Impossible
theme song is meant to pump you up. This song
is meant to make you feel sexy. Yeah, I love
them both.

Speaker 1 (27:12):
I will say that given the number of instrumentals of
this song in the movie, you may hear it forty
five times.

Speaker 2 (27:18):
Honestly, the whole score is did you Moon River? Yes,
Moon every time, every time they didn't have her singing Goldfinger,
I was just hearing moon River.

Speaker 1 (27:33):
Why are they a mall?

Speaker 2 (27:35):
It's a moon that's fall love.

Speaker 1 (27:37):
River, a river fall of moons.

Speaker 2 (27:47):
Okay, I have to stop us here. If you watch
one of these old timey bond movies, especially given a
couple of weeks ago when we watched Tom Cruise fucking
almost kill himself, what is it expected of an action now?
What is expected of Daniel Craig? What we as a
society have put Daniel Craig and Tom Cruise through? What

(28:09):
we demand, well, we fucking demand of our actors now,
and that they become professional fucking assassins to make us
entertained was not a thing in nineteen sixty four. These
are the laziest punches. These are the most half assed
of throwing people across the rooms. Nothing lands, Everything looks.

Speaker 1 (28:29):
Dumb, yep, And it is a feature, not a bug.

Speaker 2 (28:34):
Every punches comes from four feet away and is so
quickly and easily telegraphed. Truly, like, I cannot get over
the difference between what an old action movie required, yeah
for an audience to be entertained, and when a current
day action movie requires it's insane.

Speaker 1 (28:55):
It's the delta is enormous, like chasm.

Speaker 2 (28:58):
I almost. I hope, I hope. Daniel Craig has not
seen one of these since he was a child, and
he remembers it differently, and he doesn't because if if
you showed this fucking shit to Daniel Craig and then
forced him to do one of his stunts that he
has to do for his movie, he would be like,
you need to pay me the most money that's ever

(29:19):
been paid anyone in history, because otherwise.

Speaker 1 (29:22):
No, absolutely, absolutely.

Speaker 2 (29:24):
What fucking connor he was getting away with. We cut
to Miami Beach, where CIA agent Felix Lighter, played by
the person's name is cec. I'm gonna guess check check
or sex Linder.

Speaker 1 (29:40):
Oh maybe cecil cecil cess, Oh ceys maybe I don't know.

Speaker 2 (29:44):
Sex Felix Lighter, the character's name, walks through a resort
area complete with a pool and an ice skating rink.
Having grown up in Florida, I cannot tell you where
the fuck they are. I've never seen that.

Speaker 1 (29:57):
But is the reason we have global warming? Now? Why
is there an ice skating rink in Miami?

Speaker 2 (30:01):
Worth it? Moving on? Okay, I don't have time to
dissect every moment of this movie. Felix finds Bond and
a pair of teeny tiny, delicious swim trunks.

Speaker 1 (30:12):
I have to interrupt you. You must, I have to
interrupt you.

Speaker 2 (30:14):
I must. Let's talk about this.

Speaker 1 (30:16):
Okay. First of all, Sean Connery delicious, no notes. I
do not understand, as a man who has worn many
swim trunks in my life, do not understand what the
internal infrastructure of these swim trunks are. Because, to be clear,
we are calling them swim trunks. They are boy shorts. Boys,
they are tight. There is nary a hint of moose knuckle.

(30:40):
And we will know later in the movie that Sean
Connery is not afraid to hang down inside a pair
of pants. So I want to know, did he talk.
Did a drag queen come over and tuck Sean Connery
into these shorts?

Speaker 2 (30:53):
I don't know, because yeah, he is packing here.

Speaker 1 (30:55):
You know that joke from from a Liar Liar, where
they're like, how's it hanging to Jim Carrey's a short
shrivel and always to the left. Not so for Sean Conray,
big brawny and always to the left.

Speaker 2 (31:05):
Always to the left. Always to the left, a lean,
mean and leaning neft.

Speaker 1 (31:10):
Yet, what if all of our pictures on Instagram this
week were just Sean Connry's moose knuckle.

Speaker 2 (31:15):
I see no problems with that, no problem, none, none, whatsoever.

Speaker 1 (31:18):
He is the John Ham of nineteen nineteen.

Speaker 2 (31:21):
Sixty a thousand percent, except we actually know from those
photos that John Ham dress is right. Yeah, he does
not dress left.

Speaker 1 (31:30):
But they share a similar reversion to undershorts.

Speaker 2 (31:34):
They share they hanged on like nobody's business. Yeah, okay,
I think those shorts are made out of tweed because honestly,
they looked sick.

Speaker 1 (31:42):
They did.

Speaker 2 (31:42):
It did not look like like something that would be
comfortable to swim in.

Speaker 1 (31:46):
I think what they were was like an elastic but
ribbed Maybe that's what I got from you.

Speaker 2 (31:52):
You're also so short that like I think if if
he if he hitched them up a little bit by accident,
we would see the bottom of his penis. It's all
or the top of his heat whatever, however you want
to describe that.

Speaker 1 (32:03):
The tip. We see the tip. It's literally a situation
of where is your penis? Because if it wasn't just
a normal pouch.

Speaker 2 (32:11):
Right, I want everyone to know Paul is making hand
gestures so that I understand what he what a penal
pouch looks like.

Speaker 1 (32:20):
The shorts are so short that the pouch would hang low.
You would get like one of those photos you get
in like a like a like a gay magazine where
the guy is wearing little boy shorts but his big
old package is hanging like lower than the of the.

Speaker 2 (32:33):
Thought very attractive.

Speaker 1 (32:35):
Yeah, oh yeah, none of this is a complaint, to
be clear. But his penis, which again we know is
majestic based on evidence later in the film, has disappeared.

Speaker 2 (32:48):
Okay, here's what I think is happening. I think you're right.
I think they used to make boy shorts like his
four Men, and there was a.

Speaker 1 (32:55):
It just coiled it around that waist.

Speaker 2 (32:56):
No, no, I think I think there's an internal like
cupping system that like sucks it up into your body. Almost.

Speaker 1 (33:04):
Yeah. It was in a time when people actually had modesty,
is what you're saying.

Speaker 2 (33:08):
Yes, I think so. I think that's what's happening. We
haven't even gotten to like the other sartorial choice of
this scene that is frankly more important. He will be
talking about it for even longer than we've already talked
about this.

Speaker 1 (33:20):
We have been recording for forty minutes.

Speaker 2 (33:26):
Okay, So Felix finds Bond. He is getting a massage
from a woman named Dink. Yes, Dink. She turns to
him and she goes, Hi, I'm Dink.

Speaker 1 (33:38):
Sure.

Speaker 2 (33:38):
I don't know what to say you guys. Yeah, if
pussy Galore is not the dumbest name in your movie,
your name is Dink. And the man tells Bond that
alas your vacation is over, mister Bond, we have work
to get to. He's received word from m that I
six has a new mission for Bond to keep an

(33:58):
eye on our Rick Goldfinger. A Paul writes here British. No, No,
he's German.

Speaker 1 (34:06):
Right in the movie they say he's British, but he
doesn't sound like it. They actually say that in the movie.

Speaker 2 (34:11):
Oh okay, because I did I miss that? I miss that. Okay,
he's British, but he doesn't sound like did Just make
him Cherman, just make him Germany, just make him whatever.
The fucking voiceover guy is Dutch. I don't know what
that actor is doing. Okay, moving on, I don't have guys,
there's too many stupid things. If we stop to talk
about every stupid thing. This episode's gonna be eight hundred hours, okay.

(34:33):
Goldfinger is a British businessman who was also staying at
the resort. Unfortunately, we cannot tell you what else happens
because at this point Erica and Paul go through a
fugue state. He's like, there's Goldfinger over there, mister, And
then the man turns back to mister Bond and is like,
what are you wearing? Because Sean Connery, acting legend and

(34:59):
icon v star Sean Connery has walked into a cabana,
uh huh, and to cover himself up from because he's
only wearing those boy shorts, he puts on a baby
blue terry cloth onesie, a ramp fucking romper. The shorts

(35:20):
are so short they are shorter than the boy shorts
he is wearing, so the boy short things that were
already so short are sticking out from under the romper.
And an elastic ways complete with a belt feature a
little belt, a jaunty little belt, and it's got a
zip up and he leaves enough on zips you see

(35:42):
the majestic rug of chest hair that must be shown
in every Bond scene. My brain stopped, my heart stopped,
my brain stopped. I'm younger now than I was when
I started watching the movie. I first in.

Speaker 1 (35:56):
Time when he started putting it on, and like, I first,
because it just looks like it looks like a robe.
You think he's gonna go put on a bathrobe or
like a kimono of some sort like which, And honestly,
bond and a kimona would have been delightful enough.

Speaker 2 (36:09):
That would have been you had me at bonded a kimono, I.

Speaker 1 (36:12):
Would have been like, what a great gay moment.

Speaker 2 (36:13):
I bet you Pierce Brosnan did that at some point.

Speaker 1 (36:16):
But then he steps in to the pant legs of
this ramper and he starts to pull it.

Speaker 2 (36:23):
Up, and you're like, well, okay, it's pants.

Speaker 1 (36:25):
And my brain started to, like you know when that
fan fell into the bathtub and the scene earlier and
everything sparked. That was what my brain was doing. What
is it? It couldn't I couldn't come. Do you remember
like five or ten years ago when there was like
this thing like all the gay men were getting rampers
and like the straits lost their mind about it. It
was like anti masculine and it was like it was

(36:45):
a whole thing.

Speaker 2 (36:45):
I actually forgot about that. I do remember when they
expected women to wear them. Yeah, and I was not
having it. No, there's a specific body type that can
wear that shit and the rest of us.

Speaker 1 (36:54):
No, No, James Bond. This the paragon of masculinity right
deep in poon at all times. James Bond. I'm gonna
say it again. For the cheap seats, a terry cloth
baby blue onesie romper with short shorts and a belt feature.

Speaker 2 (37:15):
I'm gonna call them booty shorts.

Speaker 1 (37:17):
They're booty you're right, shorts.

Speaker 2 (37:19):
They're booty shorts. That's how short these shorts are.

Speaker 1 (37:21):
If he didn't have the boys shorts on, you would
be getting under as.

Speaker 2 (37:24):
Yeah, you'd be getting under asked he could in those
credibly credibly shorts.

Speaker 1 (37:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (37:31):
Do we need to move on or should we just
stop the episode?

Speaker 1 (37:33):
I think I think we've done it.

Speaker 2 (37:34):
I think we've done it. We're then there's a lady
later that's gonna be pussy glorious. It's a funny and
we're done. A lot of Asians for some reason, a
lot of Asians. But it's not a good thing. You
think it's gonna be a good thing. You're like, oh wow,
look at the diversity.

Speaker 1 (37:51):
But all right, we will let you know when the
scene changes and he is no longer in the ramper.

Speaker 2 (38:00):
Because if you think he's gonna serve you romper for
like an appetizer, yeah, you are mistaken. The romper is
the meal.

Speaker 1 (38:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (38:10):
The romper is the roast.

Speaker 1 (38:12):
The ropper is there for a while.

Speaker 2 (38:14):
The romper is the potatoes. The romper is the veggie side.
The romper is the thing.

Speaker 1 (38:20):
They said, Sean Connery, James Bond. He can seduce anyone.
Let's up the difficulty level. Can he seduce a woman
while wearing this outfit?

Speaker 2 (38:28):
The answer is yes.

Speaker 1 (38:31):
I will move on, but I will still be thinking
about the romper. Goldfinger himself, Gert Frub appears. He joins
a man who's sitting by the pool. Turns out this
guy and Goldfinger played Gin together, and Goldfinger's been taking
him for all the money he's worth for like days.

Speaker 2 (38:47):
But like ten thousand dollars, which I didn't do the math,
but in nineteen sixty four money is like three billion
dollars today.

Speaker 1 (38:53):
So he's going to sit down. He greets his quote
unquote friend. He makes a point of wine to sit
in his specific chair. He's an extremely obvious ear piece
and wire, which I think is meant to he's acting
as if it's a hearing aid. I think is what
it is. Oh.

Speaker 2 (39:08):
I thought he was acting like it was like a
radio when he was listening to classical music or something.
I did not watch this film in the optimal conditions
in which to actually pay attention, so I'm not sure.

Speaker 1 (39:18):
The only reason I say that is because at one
point the guy says something, he goes what and he
seems to like turn up the volume.

Speaker 2 (39:23):
Oh, okay, hearing aid.

Speaker 1 (39:24):
Yeah, so I think that's what we're going. Okay, So
Romper Bond heads upstairs. He's like when he's walking, like
the camera is low too, So he's.

Speaker 2 (39:34):
Walking because this director understood the assignment, and they're like,
people want to see his ass moving in those shows.
Women came here to watch this guy.

Speaker 1 (39:43):
Women came women can't period.

Speaker 2 (39:45):
Period. That's where that's where it ends. It's nineteen sixty four.
We're not thinking about the gays yet. They're assuming straight
women are coming to this so that later on that
night when they're having sex, horrible vanilla boring sex with
their husbands they are thinking of Sean Connery.

Speaker 1 (39:58):
I'll tell you what if we get five Patreons signed
up because of this episode, and you say you signed
up because of this, I will do my best to
find this rapper, and I will and I wear it
and it on Instagram.

Speaker 2 (40:12):
Guys, you guys, that is That is a real fucking that.
That's incentive.

Speaker 1 (40:20):
We have to start incentivizing people to sign up. I
think we have to start offering that offering real shit.
Can you imagine wearing this rapper and going to a
Halloween party and being like, I'm James Bond.

Speaker 2 (40:37):
See who gets it?

Speaker 1 (40:38):
I'm a deeply accurate James Bond.

Speaker 2 (40:42):
If this romper does not exist, I will make one
for Paul. I will learn how to sew and make one.

Speaker 1 (40:51):
All right. So he's upstairs. He lifts a key card
from a maid and the maid is still attached. It's
like a edge. So she's like, oh my god, what
are you doing? And he just goes to Goldfingers Sweet
and then made's like, that's mister Goldfinger's Sweet, and he's like,
I know, don't worry about it, darling. And he's so
handsome she just wouldn't report him.

Speaker 2 (41:06):
And she just goes Okay.

Speaker 1 (41:08):
He heads inside. He walks through, and on the balcony
he finds Jill Masterson played by Shirley Eaton. She is
relaying Goldfinger's opponent's cards to him through his wire. Right,
so this is how Goldfinger's winning. He's cheating with the
help of this woman.

Speaker 2 (41:21):
Yes, she's like she's looking at through binoculars.

Speaker 1 (41:23):
Yep. She turns around deeply underreacts to seeing a strange
man and a baby blue terry cloth ramper approaching and
then looming over her.

Speaker 2 (41:32):
You forget, it's shun Khan, it's shunk hotness.

Speaker 1 (41:35):
Privilege of the highest order, the highest order.

Speaker 2 (41:38):
A single woman in this movie is like, no.

Speaker 1 (41:41):
You wonder what. Actually, that's not true. One woman, at
least briefly.

Speaker 2 (41:45):
One woman does not succumb to his charms right away,
but for the most part, every other one is like okay, yeah.

Speaker 1 (41:52):
She tells him that Goldfinger pays her for her help
with the card game and to be seen with him,
but nothing else, because we don't want to think she's
a whore. Yeah, Bonda side that the best thing for
the greatest spie in the world to do at this
point is to fuck with his mark a ha, So
he commandeers the radio. He tells Goldfinger that he better
start losing or he'll report his cheating to the Miami

(42:12):
Beach Police. Which I don't think this is a crime,
to be fair, it's shitty, but it's not a crime.

Speaker 2 (42:16):
Maybe gambling in and of itself is a crime, which
means the other guy, you guy, would be get in
trouble too. But also the idea that the Miami police
would do anything about this is pretty fucking hilarious.

Speaker 1 (42:28):
So after that he sets about getting to the important thing,
getting Jill to take a ride on his aston Martin nice. Yeah,
and at this point, the terry cloth baby blue ramper
alas does depart the movie. Yeah, it does not appear again.

Speaker 2 (42:43):
If you liked watching him put it on, you're gonna
love watching him take it off. Let me tell you,
let me just put it that way.

Speaker 1 (42:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (42:49):
So, okay, the two of them go to the Bone Zone.
Do they stay there? They go to his room, right,
they don't stay in gold Fingers, see, they go to
his room. That's what I thought. So we're now gonna
cut to Bond and Jill in Bond's room at this
hotel Basking in the post coital glow. The champagne has
gone room temperature, and James Bond has fucking rules about this.

(43:13):
Champagne must be drunk at a certain temperature or it
is garbage.

Speaker 1 (43:19):
Thirty eight degrees fahrenheit, to be precise, to be.

Speaker 2 (43:21):
Precise, because she's like, just drink it the way it is,
and he basically looks at her like she's trashed garbage.
How dare you? Yeah that I want to point that out,
And I want to point out that he calls champagne
passion juice. Oh, which is so gross.

Speaker 1 (43:34):
Oh pushy. I love your passion juice.

Speaker 2 (43:37):
Let me lictum passion juice. Off your off your sweet
sweet melons.

Speaker 1 (43:43):
He says that you don't drink dom Perignon fifty three
above a temperature of thirty eight degrees fahrenheit. That's as
bad as listening to the Beetles without ear muffs. What
I get it.

Speaker 2 (43:54):
It could be either you're going to a Beatles concert
you have to wear ear muffs because all the girls
are screaming because it'snineteen sixty for at this point, okay,
or he's talking about headphones.

Speaker 1 (44:03):
Yeah, and it's like, you listen to it so you
can hear the.

Speaker 2 (44:05):
Music, you can really hear the music better. Yeah, it's
one of those I can't. I think it's the first
because in nineteen sixty four they are still pretty much
known as the band that teenage girls go to scream at. Yeah,
so I think that's what's happening, gotcha, which case, Hey,
fuck off, the Beagles are great. Shut up, Bond, you
he's jealous your pretty little champagne rules. I love that

(44:25):
he's a little bit about this. It really made me happy.
So Bond heads over to the fridge for a new
bottle of dom Perion. I'm not kidding, guys. He opens
up that fridge stocked head to toe with Don Perignon
fifty three. I don't know what spies earn. I don't
know if this is in his writer, if he's like,
if I have to fly all the way to America
for an assignment, you are stalking my mini fridge with

(44:45):
full sized bottles of champagne, at least like thirty thousand
dollars worth of champagne. As he bends down to get
the bottle, a hand appears and with a single karate chop.
This is what they're walking in Austin powers when you
go Judo chop. Yeah, it looks exactly like that. He
is knocked fully fucking unconscious. Someone walks up behind him,

(45:08):
does the thing that messus is due to the back
of your neck? And James Bond goes down like a trout.

Speaker 1 (45:14):
What's the thing from Friends that Ross has unagi?

Speaker 2 (45:17):
Yeah, unagy.

Speaker 1 (45:18):
James Bond is severely lacking in hunagi for a superspy.
He has no spatial awareness of anything that's going on
around him ever in the movie, so.

Speaker 2 (45:29):
We only see the shadow of a man with a
bowler hat on the wall. Ooh, a villain appears. When
Bond wakes up, he finds Jill naked in his bed,
painted head to toe in gold and she is Deadoo.
This is a very iconic, fairly famous scene. It's fucking
sexy too. Oh yeah, I hate to say it because

(45:50):
she is dead and that's a bummer, But the like
this woman has legs for days gorgeous and having them
painted with like gold dust. She must have walked around
that set feeling like a billion dollar I hope. So
look how fucking sexy I am. He calls Felix immediately,
his cia content to be like I have to. I
hate to report this. The lady I just shagged to

(46:10):
be fully dead.

Speaker 1 (46:11):
Oh no, oh dear, it wasn't me, it.

Speaker 2 (46:14):
Was she must have drunk the bad dumb per yon.

Speaker 1 (46:17):
How long was he unconscious from that karate chop because
that okay, presumptively this is odd job. Will meet him
later officially. But odd job is in the room, yep.
Presumptively knocks out Jill first, then knocks out Bond or
maybe that other way around which whatever. Yeah, Jill is unconscious,
strips her naked, paints her head, and remember we will

(46:38):
find out later there can be no breathing room. So
he's got to get in between the hairs on her head,
there's any spot that's not covering this paint.

Speaker 2 (46:46):
It doesn't work her inside of her ears.

Speaker 1 (46:48):
Inside of her ears, the bottom of her feet, in
between her toes. He has to lacker this woman. Yeah,
and then she has to have time.

Speaker 2 (46:55):
To die and dry. Don't forget even longer.

Speaker 1 (46:59):
Prava strung her up first and then paint her like that,
and then once she dried, put her back in the bed.

Speaker 2 (47:04):
I wonder if, like the bathtub is filled with the lacquer.

Speaker 1 (47:06):
Just a dipping situation. But then like Achilles and the sticks.

Speaker 2 (47:09):
But then you don't see like a trail from I
don't know, So then he would have had to tarp
the room. Yeah, put her in the lacquer, take her
to the bed, detarp the room, right, clean the tub,
drain and clean the tub.

Speaker 1 (47:22):
And that's not a quick clean.

Speaker 2 (47:23):
No, no, no no. So I would say Bond is
conservably unconscious for thirty six hours.

Speaker 1 (47:29):
Yeah, that sounds about right. So we cut to Bond
in London meeting with em played by Bernard Lee. He's
lamenting Jill's death by quote unquote skin suffocation.

Speaker 2 (47:41):
By the way, real quick, there is a like conspiracy
theory that this actress passed away because of the gold
dust they put on this. It's not true. It's our
friend who watched it with us last night was like, wait,
was that true or not. I'm like, let me look
it up because I'd never heard it, and it turns
out no, it's like a it's like an old wives
tale that Yeah, this woman actually lived quite a long time.

(48:02):
She's fine.

Speaker 1 (48:03):
I think I think the tin man came closer, probably
dying from that paint in the wish. They were so
it was purely toxic.

Speaker 2 (48:09):
It was just as best that they were just spraying
him with so.

Speaker 1 (48:13):
Em reminds him that the gold Finger assignment is not personal. Look,
you were supposed to observe your mark, not fuck his girlfriend.
Fair note.

Speaker 2 (48:21):
That is such a good note. Also like, truly her
death is on you, buddy, a hundred percent, because you
didn't actually murder her. But don't get don't get outsiders involved.
I don't think James Bond is good, is what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (48:33):
No, no, he's not great good at this. No, you're not wrong.
Bond dessorrees m that he can be objective and he
would like to continue the assignment. He leaves and on
his way out, he has a very cute and somewhat
retrograde interaction with Moneypenny played by Lois Maxwell. This woman
played Moneypenny for fourteen films.

Speaker 2 (48:51):
She's amazing too, she's great, she's really charming, he's so funny.
So basically the like if you've never seen one of these,
which actually I hadn't, had never seen a Moneypenny like
scene with this this dynamic in it. She's basically like,
so when are you gonna like stop fucking around and
marry me, and he's like, oh she's She's like, I
want to have dinner tonight and he's like, I have plans,
and she goes, oh plans. What's her name? But she's

(49:11):
not really jealous, she's just it's like flirty and friendly
and like they're almost on the same page. It's very
very cute. Also this movie, the styles, the fits on
the women in this movie, because it's nineteen sixty four,
so stylish. There's more than one woman wearing an enormous
oversized pinky ring. Money Penny is one of them. Hers
just turquoise and it matches the exact color of her

(49:33):
dress that she's wearing. Stunning, Okay, very stunning. So that
night Bond meets with em and a banker. There's this
hilarious scene where they're in a what appears to be
a castle. Yeah, I don't know, I don't it's England,
maybe that's the thing. First of all, like m when
like earlier in the scene is like, you're having dinner
with me tonight in a very important contact dress. We're

(49:55):
wearing tuxes and I'm like, oh my god, this is
so like so old timey. So they're dressed for dinner.
They're all wearing tuxedos, they all have the world's largest
brandy sniffers in front of them. It's a very long scene.
Thank god, it's like visually very funny because like the
scene itself, there's not much to talk about. Basically, we
find out Goldfinger is somehow moving gold overseas and they

(50:18):
don't know how. Right, so if they can determine that
he's moving his gold illegally, they can shut down his
whole operation.

Speaker 1 (50:25):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (50:25):
Bond decides to arrange a quote unquote chance meeting with
Goldfinger and he gets it and I'm not like, You're
gonna be like what And I'm like, look, I understand,
I understand. What I'm about to say is so so ridiculous.
He gets a not see gold bar, yep, a gold
bar with a with a Schwatska in it. Honestly, though,

(50:47):
even if this wasn't a thing and you wanted to
say it was a thing, can't you just put a
Swatsaka on a current day gold bar, right.

Speaker 1 (50:54):
Like you are a spy organization, mock one up, mock
something up.

Speaker 2 (50:58):
But regardless, he gets Nazi gold yeah to use in
his interactions with his target. Because that is apparently like
a find if you're a collector of antique gold bars,
the Nazi ones are apparently high on the list.

Speaker 1 (51:12):
Cool. Before leaving MI I six, Bond goes to meet
up with Q, played by Desmond Llewellyn. He played Q
seventeen times.

Speaker 2 (51:19):
He was Q for so long that I saw movies
with him.

Speaker 1 (51:23):
Oh, so Q outfits him with a new car. It's
an Aston Martin. There's bulletproof glass. There's rotating license plates
for every country. Defenses include a smoke screen and an
oil slick. He has mounted machine guns on either side
and a passenger side ejector button built into the gearstick.

Speaker 2 (51:40):
All of these were written by Chekov yep. I want
you to know all Chekhovs Chekhovs Q arement will all
be deployed.

Speaker 1 (51:49):
He also gives Bond two homing devices, one large and
one small that will report back to the car's dashboard
and to headquarters. And he shows him like the screen,
this big green s circle in the car where the
homing device report back to it looks like she.

Speaker 2 (52:03):
Hulks tit HAA. By the way, I was looking this
up while you were talking. Desmond Llewellyn passed away in
nineteen ninety nine. He was in all the Bond movies
up until nineteen ninety nine's The World Is Not Enough
playing Q. So he was in I believe that's the
last even of the Pierce Brosnan era Bonds. Yeah, yeah,

(52:24):
he was in all the Bond movies.

Speaker 1 (52:26):
You No Die Another Day is the Brosn's last one.

Speaker 2 (52:29):
I think, Oh, I don't know, Okay, I could be
wrong about that. I'm looking at this man's IMDb, not
the Bond Ones. So yeah, he is in. He is
all the way up until the late nineties playing Q
in these movies. That's incredible. Good times, good times. We
cut to a golf.

Speaker 1 (52:43):
Course, a famously riveting sport.

Speaker 2 (52:46):
If you want to give Tom Cruise a fucking aneurysm,
make him watch this movie, yeah, because he will be like,
are you fucking kidding me? This man played golf for days, days,
and I had to climb the tallest building in the world,
fuck everyone, and he'll just like get depressed and eat

(53:07):
a bucket of ice cream. The idea that they would
put golf in a spy thriller is shocking, just shocking.
Bond manages to engage Goldfinger in a quote unquote friendly game. Right,
So he's set it up, so he gets hours alone
with Goldfinger to pump him for information. It's a meet
cute basically, Goldfinger introduces his caddy and manservant Odd Job

(53:31):
played by Harold Sakata. Odd Job is they say he's Korean.
I'm gonna assume the actors Korean too. I don't know
if that's true or not. He does not speak the
entire film. He's silent. He's like this big, hulking menacing presence.
But he is dressed like an English butler the entire time,
including a bowler hat. That is truly the dumbest thing

(53:52):
I've ever seen up set to film, and I've seen
so many dumb things.

Speaker 1 (53:55):
Yeah, he is, in fact Japanese.

Speaker 2 (53:58):
You know what the name Sakata. I don't really know
that much about Asian culture, I have to be honest,
but the same Sicata did sound vaguely a Japanese comatie.

Speaker 1 (54:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (54:05):
I was like, that doesn't sound Korean to me. Oh
keoki w Did I not just say he's because they
didn't care.

Speaker 1 (54:12):
It was all the same.

Speaker 2 (54:14):
They don't care.

Speaker 1 (54:15):
They did not care.

Speaker 2 (54:16):
So Bond introduces the Nazi gold. At some point in
the middle of the game.

Speaker 1 (54:20):
He just drops it on the green.

Speaker 2 (54:22):
As one does as when he's like, oh, this Nazi
gold is weighing down my pocket. Maybe that's why my
swing isn't swinging as much as it should. Goldfinger is
like basically salivating at the Nazi gold and he's like
ooh ooh, And he gets Bond to bet the gold
bar on the outcome of the game, yep. And Bond's like, well,
what I get if I win? And he's like, the
money equivalent, the financial equivalent of the gold bar five

(54:43):
thousand dollars, which again in nineteen sixty four, it must.

Speaker 1 (54:46):
Be so much money, so much money.

Speaker 2 (54:48):
Goldfinger cheats with odd jobs. Help right, he's dropping the
wrong balls, he's moving around. I don't you know what, honestly, guys,
I don't even know enough about golf to understand what's happening.
And this scene is interminable. It's too long, genuinely, Paul,
how long does it go? Do you think like six
seven minutes?

Speaker 1 (55:05):
It has to be at least five minutes long.

Speaker 2 (55:07):
It's like in a movie that's just under two hours.
It is so much realistic. Bond realizes that he's cheating.
He allows Goldfinger to believe that he's won, but then
pulls a swap on the golf ball to prove that
according to the strict rules of golf. That everyone suddenly
gives a shit about Goldfinger actually lost.

Speaker 1 (55:25):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (55:26):
So I'm what is this scene accomplish in the story?

Speaker 1 (55:29):
It like gives them a chance to meet.

Speaker 2 (55:31):
I guess I circle around each other.

Speaker 1 (55:33):
Yeah, but you can also do that in thirty seconds.

Speaker 2 (55:35):
Uh huh yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. I just want to
point that out. Nothing thing happens was accomplished.

Speaker 1 (55:40):
If you think this Nazi gold bar is going to
be a crucial plot point, it will never be brought
up again in the film.

Speaker 2 (55:46):
We were just forced to remember the Nazis for no
fucking reason.

Speaker 1 (55:50):
Also, Moose knuckle watch. This is the first appearance.

Speaker 2 (55:54):
Of Big Sean, Yes, big Daddy Sean.

Speaker 1 (55:59):
Big Daddy Sean when he down to swap the golf balls. Yeah,
there's a shadow.

Speaker 2 (56:04):
I didn't see it in this scene, but you and
another one of our friends were like, well hella, and
I was like, damnit, I miss it. I'll catch it
next time.

Speaker 1 (56:12):
Yeah. So we cut to after the game. Odd Job
is loading the car and Bond places the larger of
his homing devices in the backseat. Goldfinger, who is a
sore loser, comes over and makes it clear that he
knows exactly who Bond is. He says, this is our
second encounter. He warns, Bond back off. People think they
want to play with me. They don't want to play.
They do not want to play with me, mister Bond.

(56:33):
He has odd Job demonstrate his skills with his bowler hat.
Odd Job takes off his hat. He frisbees it across
the yard, shearing the head off of a marble statue.

Speaker 2 (56:44):
Okay, I'm gonna pause here and repeat that yeap for
those of you who are like, wait, huh, what what
did you say? Here's what he said. The man takes
off his bowler hat uses it like a boomerang, because
it boomerangs back to him. Doesn't it doesn't, be sure
in my head canon it does. That wouldn't make it
any more stupid than what is actually happening. Okay, so

(57:08):
it doesn't boomerang, fine, it should. If the if the
filmmaker thought of it would happen, it would have fucking boomerang?
Is it? You know what I think the shoe and
Austin Powers does, and that's what I'm thinking of. By
the way, the shoe at Austin Powers is stupid, but
it's not stupider than the actual thing.

Speaker 1 (57:23):
The hat is actually stupid. Austin Power.

Speaker 2 (57:27):
Yeah, I'm sorry, Mike Myers. You did an excellent job
with Austin Powers, but you didn't this scene. You fucked up.
The man takes off his hat and decapitates a marble
statue with the sheer power of a bowler hat that
otherwise doesn't seem to be reinforced with any steal or anything.
It is simply a bowler hat. So it's the strength

(57:49):
of the way that he's throwing it that's causing the
decapitation of the statue.

Speaker 1 (57:56):
Okay, do you have any questions?

Speaker 2 (57:58):
No, okay, no, no, no, mister and he questions, Oh nope,
he's just you know what, he's on his sheet cake.

Speaker 1 (58:03):
He's mister Cruz is sheet caking.

Speaker 2 (58:06):
Well, we'll ask him later what he thinks of this.

Speaker 1 (58:09):
So Goldfinger gives Bond the check, Bond gives odd Job
the golf ball, and odd Job stares him as he
crushes it in his hand like an egg. Goldfinger drives
off and Bond follows him using the homing device.

Speaker 2 (58:20):
Bond follows Goldfinger all the way to Geneva, where we
pick up with him following his targets up a mountain.
It's peaceful, it's beautiful. The scenery is gorgeous.

Speaker 1 (58:30):
That is lovely.

Speaker 2 (58:31):
If nothing else by month has brought us vistas. All
three of these movies have had absolutely stunning vistas. Bond
looks behind him. He sees a I don't know, impatient
young woman. She's played by Tanya Mallet. She's leaning on
her horn. Move move it, buddy, and she speeds around him.

(58:52):
He rolls his eyes. Women drivers a right right. Eventually,
Goldfinger and Odd Job stop at a roadside stand to
eat as villains do. Bond stops above them on the
mountain and watches. We pull even further up the mountain
and we see that the speeding woman from earlier before.
By the way, she is a beautiful blonde, alabaster skin,

(59:14):
blue eyes. I don't think I have to tell you
that woman in the beginning of the movie, beautiful blonde,
alabaster skin, blue eyes. Every single woman we meet in
this movie looks exactly like the last woman she.

Speaker 1 (59:27):
Looks enough like Honor black Men that I know what
Pussy Gilore looks like, and I know what Honor Blackman
looks like. And I was like, is that Honor black.

Speaker 2 (59:35):
If you had told me that every single woman in
this movie was played by the same actress, I would
have believed you. Yeah, I would. I would have been like,
Oh cool, what an interesting conceit. So this woman is
leaning down on the mountain. She's watching them both through
the barrel of a rifle. She takes aim and just
barely misses Bond with her shot. He ducks back into
his car and starts driving again, so.

Speaker 1 (59:57):
Bond pulls off. He lets the woman speed past him
in her car and then starts a game of road
chicken with her. She pulls past him, and he destroys
her tire with one of his gadgets. She crashes off
the road, luckily not off a sheer cliff, because most
of this has been up a sheer cliff. But now
there's a field.

Speaker 2 (01:00:13):
Yeah, he's they're on the fucking matterhorn. How are they
not falling off? By the way, I just want to
point out the little gadget he uses the same thing
that the Evil Gang uses in Greece to destroy Grease.

Speaker 1 (01:00:22):
You're right, it does.

Speaker 2 (01:00:23):
Are they called the scorpions what they call Yeah, it's
that the scorpions used to defeat the tea birds in
Grease in the movie Grease.

Speaker 1 (01:00:31):
So she crashes off the road. She's unharmed. He goes
to try and charm her, but she's not interested. She
is genuinely like fuck off, but she accepts his offer
of a ride to a garage. She says garage, and
he grabs a wooden case out of the back seat
with the initials TM on it yep, starts driving her.
She says her name is Tilly Solmes.

Speaker 2 (01:00:50):
It gets an eyebrow lift yep.

Speaker 1 (01:00:52):
And the wooden case holds her ice skates. So she says,
holding the ice skates. This is the closest we get
to a real Sean Connery line read you know when
he goes lovely spot Haha, really really close. They arrive
at a garage. They tell Tilly will be twenty four
hours before they can replace her tires. Bond is like,
all right, let me give you a lift a hotel.
She's like, I can take care of myself. Get out

(01:01:14):
of here. He finally takes the hint and drives off.

Speaker 2 (01:01:16):
Yep. What's funny is she thinks that he drove her
off the road by accident, and like that her both
her tires just popped by themselves, like the amount of
carnage done to those tires. Like she had even half
a brain, she'd be like, well, you just tried to
kill me. Yeah, now fair because I almost just killed you.
But this is getting awkward now, but we're even now, Yeah,
now we're even bond. Eventually pulls up to Auric Enterprises,

(01:01:40):
a large factory situated deep in the forests of the mountains.
He observes from afar until night falls, and then makes
his approach. As he sneaks through the grounds, he sees
gold fingers employees, all of whom are Asian men in
blue and gold outfits.

Speaker 1 (01:01:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:01:57):
I cannot tell if this is Raycister.

Speaker 1 (01:02:00):
It's weird now.

Speaker 2 (01:02:02):
The actors all appear to genuinely be Asian.

Speaker 1 (01:02:05):
Yes, one hundred percent, but the outfits.

Speaker 2 (01:02:07):
Are of like a Chinese yeah, like they're meant to
vocal like a certain look. And I can't tell if
it's historically accurate, if it's what like a factory worker.

Speaker 1 (01:02:17):
I do not know.

Speaker 2 (01:02:18):
In China or Japan or Korea. I'm not even sure
I think.

Speaker 1 (01:02:21):
I mean, these men I think are specifically meant to
be Chinese, are they? Okay? The only one who has
lines is Sky mister ling. Later they identify him as Chinese.

Speaker 2 (01:02:29):
God, that's right. They yeah, no, no, no, Paul, they
don't read identify him Chinese. They identified him as a
red Chinese.

Speaker 1 (01:02:36):
That's right.

Speaker 2 (01:02:36):
They say, a red Chinese.

Speaker 1 (01:02:37):
And I'm like, oh, didn't love how that made me feel?

Speaker 2 (01:02:40):
Hello nineteen sixty four. Yeah, I genuinely don't know. I
don't have any historical context. This movie was filmed in
nineteen sixty four. Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:02:51):
And to be clear, the movie makes no point of
explaining why all of ORX employees are Asian men. I
think the movie things is because golfing Or has this
deal with the Chinese government. So like the idea is
like he's been provided these men by the Chinese government
to do his bidding, because like, I think that's the implication,
but that's never made clear. So to a casual viewer,

(01:03:12):
it just appears that for some reason, he has like
a seemingly never ending clown car of Asian Asian men.
Dozens of these men will die in the course of
this film. All right, that's true, and it's it's almost
just weird, like it is.

Speaker 2 (01:03:28):
Honestly, their presence isn't what I think is racist. I can't.
I can't determine if the outfits or the racist thing
or not that. And it's very possible the or not.
And I'm just being overly sensitive to it because I
don't know what, Yeah, what am I looking at? And
the script for this movie is so backwards and like
loose and like was written on a bunch of napkins
and then thrown at the actors like, I don't know,

(01:03:49):
make something of this that, like none of this makes
any sense.

Speaker 1 (01:03:52):
Yeah. So he sees Goldfingers speaking with the associate mister
Ling that we just discussed that mister Ling is a
Chinese nuclear fission exit.

Speaker 2 (01:04:00):
A red Chinese, Red Chinese. It's so weird.

Speaker 1 (01:04:03):
Goldfinger is explaining that basically, he takes his gold, he
melts it down, he gilds his rolls Royce in gold,
then he ships his car to other countries and the
gold is smelted back down. Now we know how he's
smuggling gold Erica. This could not possibly matter less to
the rest of the movie. Forget it, it does not matter.

Speaker 2 (01:04:21):
It does matter a little tiny bit later for something
absolutely hysterical.

Speaker 1 (01:04:27):
But you're right, Yeah, you're right.

Speaker 2 (01:04:28):
But but again, this is how he's smuggling his gold.

Speaker 1 (01:04:30):
Now we know.

Speaker 2 (01:04:31):
Honestly, James's mission is over yea, because all he had
to do was find out how he smuggled his gold.
He found out, He's good, should be a hop on
the next plane in England and be like I figured
it out everyone.

Speaker 1 (01:04:42):
Yep. More important is Bond overhearing Goldfinger mentioned to mister
Ling Operation Grand Slam.

Speaker 2 (01:04:49):
They're into baseball.

Speaker 1 (01:04:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:04:50):
Bond heads back to the forest and he sees the
same woman from before, Tilly Solmes, setting up a shot. Honestly,
it's set up to make it seem like she is
a professional snake, yeah, or like sharpshooter. Right, it's so
not the case. He tackles her and her gun flies
up out of her hand and accidentally touches one of

(01:05:11):
the like the trip wires on the estate and sets
off an alarm. It turns out that her name is Tilly,
but her last name is Masterson. She is out for
revenge on Goldfinger because she is Jill's sister, Jill, the
lady that he turned into a gold bar earlier in
the film. And the shot that just missed Bond earlier
was not for Bond, it was for Goldfinger. She missed

(01:05:33):
Goldfinger and almost killed Bond and and said, I don't
think she's a sharpshooter, Paul.

Speaker 1 (01:05:39):
Turns out she's just a really terrible shot and also
has a rifle.

Speaker 2 (01:05:43):
Turns out she's not a sniper. She's a fucking school
teacher with a gun. So because the alarm is gone off,
these two have to stop their little fight and flee
because a bunch of guards have started approaching. Armed guards,
he rushes her into his car. They flee by car
by Aston Martin and despite Bond pulling out all of
his defenses, this is where that scene with Q pays off.

(01:06:05):
We see the oil slick, we see the smoke screen,
smoke screens.

Speaker 1 (01:06:09):
With machine guns, the bulletproof glass.

Speaker 2 (01:06:12):
All of it. He uses all of that stuff, but
more men keep coming, because like you said, there's an
endless amount of henchmen in gold Fingers payroll. They wind
up cornered on a cliff. He tells Tilly to run
into the surrounding forest when when he says go, he
says go and she runs for it. Only a last
odd job is on the scene, dum foot. He throws

(01:06:35):
his bowler hat and hits Tilly with it. She falls
to the ground, Bond rushes over to her and she's dead. Okay, yes,
bye bowler hat.

Speaker 1 (01:06:46):
First of all, First of all, how did this hat not?
Shear her head right off and sheered through marble.

Speaker 2 (01:06:51):
It cheered through marble.

Speaker 1 (01:06:52):
Do you think it has settings like a blender? Yes,
like like it was on. It was on. It was
on puret before, but now it's a bludgeting weapon, a
crushed Aha.

Speaker 2 (01:07:01):
This movie wrote a check and fucking cashed it. Yeah,
this is so stupid. She literally it just hits her
on the head very lightly and she goes, oh it
falls down.

Speaker 1 (01:07:11):
Yeah, and that's it. Dead bird bones on a woman.

Speaker 2 (01:07:13):
I'm gonna say it again for the cheap seats death
by bowler hat. Our parents loved this movie, you guys.

Speaker 1 (01:07:21):
Yeah, they thought it was great.

Speaker 2 (01:07:22):
All of our dads thought this was fucking cool. I
just want that context out in the open. Yeah, all
of our dads thought this was cool.

Speaker 1 (01:07:33):
It's also really nice of everyone to stop shooting so
Bond can run over to her. It's like firefight, firefight, firefight,
bowler hat dead, everyone stops as Bond runs over.

Speaker 2 (01:07:41):
Yeah, let him check on his girl, for God's sake.
Bond is surrounded and captured.

Speaker 1 (01:07:45):
All right. There's a long sequence a Bond attempting to flee,
most notable for its use of the final Chekhov defense
the passenger side ejector.

Speaker 2 (01:07:53):
Seat, which is fucking awesome.

Speaker 1 (01:07:55):
It was awesome. But for some reason they've they've loaded
Bond back into his own car and make it they're
making him drive back to the factory.

Speaker 2 (01:08:02):
Sure like there's a man holding a gun to Bond's head,
so he drives in the direction where the rest. And
it's not one car, there's like six cars.

Speaker 1 (01:08:11):
In the fleet. Yes, so there's also a small Swiss
grandmother using a machine gun. Very fun, also awesome. Yeah,
there's also complete incoherence as far as to what is
exactly happening. They like, go through the gate, he drives
back out of the gate, so you think he's in
the forest, but he's not in the forest. He's still
on the grounds there. It is almost like like like

(01:08:33):
a chase scene in a comedy movie where people keep
running back and forth across the same thing. Like it's
really incoherent.

Speaker 2 (01:08:39):
Honestly, I'm trying to even remember it. I watched it
twelve hours ago.

Speaker 1 (01:08:42):
Yeah. Bond winds up eventually crashing into a wall and
knocking himself unconscious. So he's captured again at the end
of this, making this entire thing narratively pointless. Excellent, nothing
happened here. He is captured at the beginning, He is
captured at the.

Speaker 2 (01:08:55):
End, narratively pointless, but ejection seat point full.

Speaker 1 (01:08:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:08:59):
Bond wakes up mmmm, strapped spread eagle to a table.
It's like this movie read my diary. Goldfinger jovially greets
him as Double O seven. He's like, hello, Double O seven,
I know exactly who you are. He wants to show
him his new industrial laser that can see if I
can get through this, that can project all the way

(01:09:21):
to the moon. It can laser a spot to the moon,
or also cut through solid.

Speaker 1 (01:09:29):
Gold a little more earth bound use.

Speaker 2 (01:09:35):
He demonstrates his capabilities by having it start to cut
through the solid gold table that Bond is strapped to.
Bond is strapped spread eagle. I don't know if I
said that part spread Eagle again, all your dreams. Yeah,
I'm gonna say it the third time, I really spread
eagl What if.

Speaker 1 (01:09:49):
He was in the terry cloth baby blue rampa, Oh
my god, it would have been obscene.

Speaker 2 (01:09:53):
This is actually that would be pornography. That would have
been that would have been banned in the United States.
And honestly, I'm with the censors on that one.

Speaker 1 (01:10:00):
There's no way you're not getting sidecock.

Speaker 2 (01:10:01):
Yeah, I'm with the MPAA on that one. So the
laser starts creeping ever closer to Bond's greatest weapon, his
cocktail stick and Martini olives. What do we think James
Bond's singed pubs smell like I would say leather and whiskey.

Speaker 1 (01:10:22):
I was gonna say, I was gonna say baby powder
and aqua velva.

Speaker 2 (01:10:30):
Brought worst and dreams come true exactly. Oh god, Hagis haggis. Yes,
you're right, it wouldn't be brought worst. It would be
haggis and fresh like moss from the from the Highlands
Highlander moss. When his pubes start to singe, they sound
like like bagpipes rolling to the hills. So it is

(01:10:56):
the slowest laser ever this is where we start to
get because we've gotten that we haven't really gotten to
this part of the movie yet. This is where it starts. Uh,
Bond being put in increasingly dangerous situations that are also
unbelievably slow. If we took the time to watch as
the laser makes it all the way to his balls,
it would take hours.

Speaker 1 (01:11:18):
It is so slow.

Speaker 2 (01:11:21):
But he's getting increasingly nervous, as one would, right, and
he's like, what do you expect me to talk just
because you're gonna singe my penis off? Because I will,
And of course Goldfinger says the iconic line from the movie, No,
mister Bond, I expect you to die amazing. He exits
the room as they make fun of an Austin powers

(01:11:42):
to not actually watch the guy die.

Speaker 1 (01:11:45):
Desperate, Bond says, I know about Operation Grand Slam. The
laser creeps ever closer to Bond's crown jewels as Goldfinger
hems over his decision if what to do.

Speaker 2 (01:11:55):
He has time to think about this though, because I
can't tell you enough that laser is hours away from
actually hitting his anything.

Speaker 1 (01:12:02):
It's one of the lesser known slug lasers. Hah. Luckily,
for the heterosexual female population of the world. Goldfinger decides
that Bond is worth more to him alive. After all,
Bond says, hey, if I die, double A eight will
be deployed. And he knows everything I know, So if
Goldfinger keeps Bond alive, then at least he will have
eyes on the enemy. He has another faithful servant, a

(01:12:24):
man named Kish, turn off the laser and knock Bond
out with a tranquilizer.

Speaker 2 (01:12:29):
Is okay? Question?

Speaker 1 (01:12:30):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:12:31):
Is it like Buffy? And like The Slayers where one
dies and then another one is called up? Have there been?
Is a double A one, double A two like? Is
it triple zero like triple Z? Double O one, double
O two double? Are they all dead? And that's why
we have double O seven?

Speaker 1 (01:12:46):
That's interesting? I don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:12:47):
Are they like concurrently up to nine double oh one
nine nine out in the field elsewhere? And why is
double oh eight the one that's back up for double
oh seven?

Speaker 1 (01:12:59):
Right?

Speaker 2 (01:13:00):
Misumably double eight is out there doing his own thing, because.

Speaker 1 (01:13:03):
If they're ranked the then Bond should be double A
one or double O nine, depending on the ranking set.

Speaker 2 (01:13:07):
I think it's not a ranking system. I think it's
when they were hired. It's a hiring system. So he
is the seventh of this class of superspy that was
hired to the team. Okay, let's presume. Let's presume not
there's no triple Z. Let's presume it starts at double
O one and goes up to double O nine.

Speaker 1 (01:13:25):
All right, with that figured out, we are about halfway
through the movie. Erica, shall we take a short break? Sure,
we will be right back after these messages.

Speaker 2 (01:13:32):
Do you expect us to break, Paul.

Speaker 1 (01:13:35):
No, Erica, I expect us to pee and we're back.

Speaker 2 (01:13:49):
Bond wakes up on an airplane to his favorite site.
A beautiful blonde woman that looks exactly like every other
woman he's looked at for the last three weeks. She's
hovering over him. This is the one, the only pussy Galore,
pussy poosy pussy Galore, played by Honor Blackman. Honestly, the

(01:14:10):
name Honor Blackman is.

Speaker 1 (01:14:12):
So good that's almost yeah, It's like that's.

Speaker 2 (01:14:14):
Almost a Bond villain name too. They didn't have to
go the extra mile and give us pussy Galore, but
they did, and I bless them for it. She is
and I was not expecting this because I really had
never given this movie any thought.

Speaker 1 (01:14:25):
Before watching it last night.

Speaker 2 (01:14:27):
I knew there was a woman named pussy Galore in it,
and I was like, period, end of story, period, end
of story, and it's going to know. And if you
had asked me what is pussy Galore's profession, I would
have said, like gangster's malla or a professional assassin.

Speaker 1 (01:14:42):
A cabaret singer.

Speaker 2 (01:14:43):
The answer would not have made the top one thousand
guesses of what I thought pussy Galore does for a
living in this film, Guys, Pussy Galore is Goldfingers private pilot.
She a pilot. That means, at some point in her
life before she got this private gig, she worked for

(01:15:04):
a commercial airline. She worked at TWA, and passengers going
from Paris to Berlin had to hear this is your pilot,
pussy Galore. You are going to take off the seatbelt
sign because it seems like we're gonna have smooth skies
here for a while and we'll be in Berlin in

(01:15:25):
about four hours, so just smoke them if you got them,
enjoy your in flight entertainment, whatever the fuck that was.
In nineteen sixty four, and once again, this is your pilot,
pussy Galore.

Speaker 1 (01:15:36):
Even it's even better because she also has like a
kind of almost a Catherine Hepburn accent.

Speaker 2 (01:15:42):
She does.

Speaker 1 (01:15:42):
She's like, Hello, this is your pilot, pussy Galore.

Speaker 2 (01:15:45):
Hello, this is pussy Glare, your pilot speaking. That's right,
you heard me, pussy Galore. They let me fly this
plane that you and your family are on. I don't
want to be sexist, No, I don't.

Speaker 1 (01:15:57):
I do. She is proven in the movie to be
in excellent pilot.

Speaker 2 (01:16:00):
But if I get on a fucking plane and it's.

Speaker 1 (01:16:03):
A woman pilot.

Speaker 2 (01:16:05):
And it is a Brittany, I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding.
You need to be Susan. I need a real fucking
adult name. If your name is Finn. If you're like, hi,
I'm a male pilot and my name is Finn, I'd
be like, no, no, absolutely, who is your co pilot?
Is their name something normal? Because that's who I want

(01:16:25):
flying this fucking plane. I want a man or a
woman who was alive in the seventies flying this. I
want Sully Sullenberger or nothing. So once again, our pilot,
pussy Galore, he does.

Speaker 1 (01:16:38):
Say, I must be dreaming. She says that.

Speaker 2 (01:16:44):
Who I should mention at this moment in the film,
it's not piloting. The plane they are on is in
the is in the is out in the general seating
area with mister Bond. She tells him that she's flying
him to Goldfingers private estate, where he will be a
quote unquote guest, also known as a hostage. He tries
to charm her with his James BONDI and charms, but

(01:17:05):
she's like, no, no, no, sir, I am immune to
your chums, so just put them away. I'm pussy galore.

Speaker 1 (01:17:12):
I did kind of believe her. She put him in
his place pretty well.

Speaker 2 (01:17:14):
I think so too. I like, yes, I agree. She's
she's a professional pop She's a fucking pilot.

Speaker 1 (01:17:19):
She is a private pilot.

Speaker 2 (01:17:21):
Professional Take her seriously. She is a pupa private pilot,
n a pussy galore.

Speaker 1 (01:17:26):
All right. As they near their destination, Bond asks to
freshen up in the bathroom. So there is a there
is an Asian flight attendant, because of course there is.
Her name is Miley. She tries to spine him through
the peepole through this little like hidden people. He keeps
foiling her while he's in the bathroom, Bond activates the
mini homing device and hides it inside the heel of

(01:17:47):
his shoe. He eventually re emerges in a three piece
gray suit. And if you are a moose knuckle watcher,
this is where you are going to get your money's worth.

Speaker 2 (01:17:54):
Yes, this is where I saw it.

Speaker 1 (01:17:55):
And I was like, whoa. Yeah, there's repeatedly throughout this
movie because he's in this suit for a while.

Speaker 2 (01:18:02):
He's hanging down.

Speaker 1 (01:18:02):
Yeah, he's hanging down.

Speaker 2 (01:18:03):
No other way to say, no other way to say it.
If she is Pussy Galore, he is, he is.

Speaker 1 (01:18:10):
He is sausage links McGee.

Speaker 2 (01:18:12):
Yep, yep, yep, yep.

Speaker 1 (01:18:16):
So he walks out, Pussy is there, and she tells
him behave or I'll shoot you. And this is in
a trank gun, it's a real one. And he points out, Oh, Pussy,
you know more about planes and you about guns. If
you shoot me here, the bullet will go through me
and then through the fuselage and they'll both be sucked
out into outer space. But you know, don't worry about it.
I prefer more common landing. Excellent. He promises to make

(01:18:39):
no trouble when being transferred to Goldfinger.

Speaker 2 (01:18:41):
Meanwhile, well, while this foreplay in the sky is going on.
By the way, I want to just clock something very
very quickly. This film technically passes the Bechdel test. Yeah,
because Miley and Pussy Galore talk about they are talking
about a man. They're talking about James Bond, but they're
talking about him in the context of he is work.
So they're talking about like how to foil him, how

(01:19:02):
to follow him, what to do, like they're talking about
their jobs. So I'm gonna give this a Bechdel test pass,
which was unexpected.

Speaker 1 (01:19:12):
Yeah, this is shocking, shocking, positively shocking, shocker.

Speaker 2 (01:19:17):
This is the first film, the only film this month
that passes the Bechdel test. Just go ahead and take
a nap, right now.

Speaker 1 (01:19:26):
It's a squeaker, to be clear, the squeaker, but.

Speaker 2 (01:19:29):
I'm going to give it a pass.

Speaker 1 (01:19:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:19:30):
So while this is happening, we see Felix reporting to
em that Bond's homing signal has gone online. EM tells
him to keep an eye on it, but not to
blow the operation. Trust Bond. He knows what he's doing.
He's got everything under control. Yeah, obviously, Pusher Captain Pussy.
Captain Pussy pulls the plane again. I can't get it

(01:19:51):
over it. She's a fucking pilot. It's just not what
I was expecting. Captain Pussy pulls the plane into a
hangar marked Pussy Galore's Flying Circus and we learn a
that Pussy Galore has a flying circus and b it

(01:20:14):
is located in the great state of Kentucky. Despite the
fact that this woman sounds like she just walked off of.

Speaker 1 (01:20:20):
A fucking a state in Connecticut, a state.

Speaker 2 (01:20:23):
In Connecticut, She just walked off a lobster boat in Maine,
but she is actually a Kentuckian with a flying circus.
Bond sees the other planes in Pussy Galore's flying circus
fleet and remarks on how impressive those pilots are. There
are the blue Angels of their day they are doing.
They're bobbing and weaving through the sky. Yeah, she says,

(01:20:44):
of course they're impressive. She trained them all. Pussy Galore
doesn't miss odd Job is there to take custody of Bond,
and she's like, goodbye, mister Bond, and Bond wars Pussy
that odd Job is known to kill women, and she goes, well,
he's also known to kill men, isn't he? And so

(01:21:05):
she understands the stakes, she knows exactly who she's working for.
She's not dumb dumb, she's also very very strong. They
drive off the planes land and we see that all
of her planes are piloted by women who look exactly
like Honor Black men.

Speaker 1 (01:21:19):
Bond would not know where to point his deck and
he would like and also, just to be clear, so
this flying circus is indeed pussy galore.

Speaker 2 (01:21:27):
Oh, oh my god, it is excellent, yeah, excellent, honestly,
And this must be where like Austin Power got the
ideas for the fembots, like, but they got the idea
for that in Austin Powers because it is like they
are fembots. They report that dress rehearsal went like a dream.
So they're rehearsing for some unknown aerial act.

Speaker 1 (01:21:47):
All right, So we cut to a large horse farm
called Auric stud I don't love that. Bond is greeted
by Goldfinger and promptly locked in a cell in the basement.
We also see that Felix, that's the American CIA contact
from the beginning of the movie who reported that the
homing signal is online. Felix is in the area, but
he is keeping his distance, as instructed by Am, don't
mess with Bond. He knows what he's doing.

Speaker 2 (01:22:08):
This is one of those horse farms in Kentucky that
also has a dungeon. Yeah, like, just to be clear,
I didn't want anyone to gloss over that this is
a horse farm in Kentucky that also has a dungeon.

Speaker 1 (01:22:20):
Moving on, moving on, Kish that's the other. That's Goldfinger's
other right hand man tells him that his guests are here.
We cut to an enormous great room where mob bosses
from all over the country, most importantly one mister Solo
await Goldfingers arrival. Hubbub hubbub, PE's and carrots, peas and carrots.
They're talking, they're talking, they're talking.

Speaker 2 (01:22:39):
Okay, these mob bosses. Uh, we have to stop again.
First of all, the movie never outright says, oh, these
are the five Families or whatever. You get a lot
of funny lines like what are you trying to pull
goldfing up? I don't work with anyone from Chicago, and like,
let's just say, the gold fingers layers suddenly got a
lot more girlicky smelling, let's put it that way. Well,

(01:22:59):
but a little bit, a little bit if they're doing
like the James Cagney mob Loss from the nineteen thirties movie.
All of these men are and it is excellent. They're
also playing like just the dumbest mobsters ever. You do
not understand what they're there for.

Speaker 1 (01:23:13):
They're idiots.

Speaker 2 (01:23:14):
At one point, what point, Goldfinger shows them a map
and one of them goes, what's that map there?

Speaker 1 (01:23:20):
Like, just look at it.

Speaker 2 (01:23:21):
It's a fucking map.

Speaker 1 (01:23:22):
It's a map. It becomes self explanatory once you realize
it's a map.

Speaker 2 (01:23:28):
I didn't got to no fancy school. I don't know
about no maps.

Speaker 1 (01:23:30):
So Goldfinger comes in. He announces, I owe all of
you a million dollars and I can pay you that
if you want, or tomorrow, I can pay you ten
times that amount. What what are you talking about?

Speaker 2 (01:23:42):
Is this a merry go round?

Speaker 1 (01:23:43):
That's a madness? Goldfinger? He plans on robbing the biggest
bank in America, Fort Knox. This is met with general
scoffs and disbelief, but he says, hear me out a
great deal of unnecessary pomp and circumstance starts happening. The
important crucial part for us to know is that a
model of Fort Knox rises up from the ground floor.

(01:24:06):
He says, Man has climbed Mount Everest, gone to the
bottom of the ocean.

Speaker 2 (01:24:10):
But when man has not yet perfected Yeah, is crime
crime crime set in a fully British accent. Yeah, that's
Goldfinger's whole thing. He's going to perfect crime.

Speaker 1 (01:24:20):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (01:24:21):
That's the stakes of this film. That's the stakes we're
living under.

Speaker 1 (01:24:25):
He is. If you will forgive me because you will
not understand about to say the Napoleon of crime. That
is for all your musical theater kids out there, I
will not explain it any further.

Speaker 2 (01:24:34):
I wish you wouldn't.

Speaker 1 (01:24:36):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:24:40):
We cut down to Bond in his dungeon, who manages
to tempt his guard into the cell. Okay, okay, okay,
we gotta talk about this scene.

Speaker 1 (01:24:48):
We gotta talk about the bde going on in this scene.

Speaker 2 (01:24:51):
We gotta talk about the flirty smiles. He's flirting, He's flirting,
he's flirting. Okay, So they have Sean Connery go up
to the cell the door of the sell where there's
a little window at the windows, there's a there's a
guard like one of the one of the Asian men,
sitting right outside the cell with a gun, like just
in case mister Bond tries to escape. He waggles his
eyebrows at him. The guard is unmoved. He smiles that

(01:25:14):
thousand watch Sean Connery smile. The guard is not not moved. Yeah,
he's not not intrigued. He looks intrigued.

Speaker 1 (01:25:22):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:25:23):
Then Bond waggles his eyebrows and smiles simultaneously and then
winks right at him. Now he is peaked, His interest
is peaked. Paul, is this a gay moment that we're watching?

Speaker 1 (01:25:36):
Here's what I think through my lens. Now, there's no
way this is not a gay moment. I think in
nineteen sixty four it wasn't even considered possible. It is
him being charming. He's being a man's man. Yeah, yeah,
And you.

Speaker 2 (01:25:52):
Know men's men act. They put on their blue rompers
and wink at each other. That's a real man's man,
if you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (01:26:02):
It's one of the situations where you like that the movie.
Maybe the movie didn't even think of it. I don't
think it crossed their minds that this could come across
as homosexual.

Speaker 2 (01:26:11):
Uh, as a panji moment, this was super intriguing, So Okay.
So after he winks, waggles his eyebrows, smile the bagpipe, haha,
would you care to learn? He gets the guard to
like get interested and stand up and be like, what
are we doing here? Are we doing what I think
we're doing? And then Sean Connery, as he's smiling as

(01:26:33):
he's waggling his eyebrows, moves down. I said what I said. Yeah,
he moves down out of view because he moves out
of the window of the doors the doorstep. But is
the implication that he is getting on his knees. Yeah,
that is the implication. I am now getting on my knees.
Would you care to open this door and find out
what I'm going to do on my knees to get
out of this situation? I said what I said. You

(01:26:55):
guys just said what I said.

Speaker 1 (01:26:56):
If we learned anything from the Americans, we know that
spies are trained too far anyone that they need to fuck. Yes,
that's what we get out of the situation.

Speaker 2 (01:27:04):
Get out of a pickle. The guard opens with your pickle.
With your pickle, Get out of the pickle with your pickle.
The guard opens the door because who the fuck wouldn't see? Yeah,
and in the two seconds that Bond was out of sight,
he has disappeared. The guard looks around the cell. Where
the fuck is this guy? He's no longer here. The
camera slowly pans up and we see them Sean Conry

(01:27:25):
is Spider manning on the ceiling of the cell.

Speaker 1 (01:27:30):
We can't tell you enough how much there is not
room for him to have gone down, gone to the side,
and then Spider manned.

Speaker 2 (01:27:36):
Up the wall like in the amount of time no less.

Speaker 1 (01:27:38):
Yeah, utterly impossible.

Speaker 2 (01:27:39):
Utterly impossible, so completely ridiculous, also hilarious, yep. So he
knocks the guard out and he flees the cell. He
wanders through the downstairs and eventually manages to get underneath
the Fort Knox model so that he can watch and
hear gold Fingers plan as he's as Goldfinger is telling
the mobster's upstore. The plan is they're going to knock

(01:28:02):
out all the soldiers at Fort Knox with Delta nine gas,
which will cause twenty four hour unconsciousness, and they're gonna
use Pussy's flying circus. Yeah, okay, don't what don't Black
Paul is a serious captain. Pussy is a serious pilot.

Speaker 1 (01:28:18):
What what kind of sex act? Is a Pussy's Flying circus.

Speaker 2 (01:28:25):
I'm glad you.

Speaker 1 (01:28:25):
Asked, Paul. I'm assuming it involves ropes.

Speaker 2 (01:28:29):
Yes, it involves a rope and pulley system. You can
buy one at all the major sex shop retailers. Actually
Goop sells one.

Speaker 1 (01:28:37):
Goop Goop came up with it, up.

Speaker 2 (01:28:39):
With the pussy flying circuits. There's also a clown involved.
Of course, it has to be a clown. It's a circus. Yeah,
there's three rings. You have to jump through the three rings.
I'll just show you later.

Speaker 1 (01:28:51):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:28:52):
You know what, if I talk about it, it'll ruin
it for you.

Speaker 1 (01:28:55):
We'll just tease you with this. There's a clown Wigmerkin involved.

Speaker 2 (01:28:58):
Absolutely, There's a hoop of fire that someone has to
jump through. Yeah, your penis so okay, So Pussy's Flags circuit.
He's gonna gas everyone and then they will go in
and rob the place. Bond is writing the plan down

(01:29:18):
on a piece of scrap paper that he has. He
wraps it around his homing device and he puts it
in his suit pocket. At that moment, Bond is discovered
by pushing Hello, Pushing Pusy, Hello, Poosy who with the
aid of some armed guards recaptures Bond. Bond is bad
at not getting captured. Bond is a professional hostage yep.

Speaker 1 (01:29:43):
Upstairs again, mister Solo is the lone crime boss who
has not taken in with gold Fingers plan. There's also
a really femmy moment for mister Solo this scene where
he's like, what are you talking about? It really made
me laugh. He says, you know what, I'm gonna take
my million and I'm gonna go, and Goldfinger graciously leads

(01:30:03):
him out.

Speaker 2 (01:30:04):
He's like, all right, if you don't want to be
part of the plan, you don't, no problem. That's fair,
that's fair.

Speaker 1 (01:30:07):
I will pay you what I owe you. We can
do business another time. Once he's gone, kish the other
the other man servant seals the great room with all
the crime bosses inside and gases the whole group. They
all collapse.

Speaker 2 (01:30:20):
What the fuck? Yeah, was the point of any of this?

Speaker 1 (01:30:26):
It was so we could learn what the plan was,
only we're not actually learning the plan.

Speaker 2 (01:30:30):
This may this I this is so infuriating. Genuinely, What
is the point of this scene that we just watched
with the mob bosses? There is none? The answer is
there isn't the actual point was to get James Bond
to hear the plan that we heard. Yeah, but I
mean he could have just told it to one of
his henchmen and Bond could have overheard it. Like moving on,

(01:30:50):
moving on, And it's.

Speaker 1 (01:30:51):
Going to lead to another tangent because now we have
to deal with mister Solo. Yes, and truly the most
egregious tangent of the entire film.

Speaker 2 (01:30:58):
Oh no, no, no, that golf worse. I will stand
by that, that line, the golf scene because.

Speaker 1 (01:31:04):
If there's no moose knuckle in the mister Solo scene.

Speaker 2 (01:31:06):
Because at least the mister Solo scene involves an insane
amount of violence and I'm here for that. So outside,
Goldfinger loads one million dollars worth of gold bars into
a case and brings it to Solo in his car.
Pussy walks up with Bond, who for some reason is
not in his cell. She's like, hey, I just wanted
to show you what I happened. Like you know, like
a cat will sometimes like catch a mouse or a

(01:31:28):
bird or something and then take it to you and
put it at your feet and be like look what
I've done.

Speaker 1 (01:31:31):
That's why she's called Pussy.

Speaker 2 (01:31:32):
That's why she's called pussy, Guys, get your fucking heads
out of the gutter. She's called pussy because she loves
to bring him treats. So she brings him to Goldfinger
as like, look what I did. I captured mister Bond,
and Bond manages to put the homing device with the
note into Solo's pocket as Solo gets in his car,
odd Job then gets into driver's seat and drives off

(01:31:55):
the Solo. Felix notices Bond's homing device is on the
move and follows it. Well, Felix is onto mister Solo.

Speaker 1 (01:32:02):
Yep, what it now happens? Erica? Yeah, is a four
and a half minute sequence.

Speaker 2 (01:32:06):
Holy shit, it's four and a half minute.

Speaker 1 (01:32:09):
I timed it.

Speaker 2 (01:32:10):
It is four and a half minutes too much time.

Speaker 1 (01:32:12):
In which, with Felix always on his tail, odd Job
drives Solo past the airport onto a side street shoots him, which, honestly, Solo,
I knew you were getting shot. How did you not
know you're getting shot? I'm not even a criminal.

Speaker 2 (01:32:24):
Everyone knew he was getting shot.

Speaker 1 (01:32:26):
Yep. He brings the car to a lot, presumably with
Solo's body still inside. It's crushed into a little square.
We don't see entrails popping like a ZiT because this
was made nineteen sixteen before.

Speaker 2 (01:32:39):
We have loved that, though I would have loved to
hear a crunch.

Speaker 1 (01:32:44):
Then the crushed car is put back into another car
that odd Job brings back to gold Fingers so they
can somehow, he says, separate my gold from mister solo.

Speaker 2 (01:32:55):
Excellent.

Speaker 1 (01:32:55):
Why didn't odd Jobs simply not remove the gold from
the car before or it was crushed?

Speaker 2 (01:33:01):
None of this makes sense except to make a really
gross joke about this guy's body and bones being crushed
into the gold.

Speaker 1 (01:33:07):
Also, is someone at the dump on gold Fingers payroll
because they're they're crushing a car then placing it back
into the car of the very suspicious man.

Speaker 2 (01:33:15):
That's just like, that's just do you mean the giant
butler dressed like the giant the man dressed like an
English butler for no reason who doesn't speak Yeah. Also,
the weight of that car, the crushed car putting in
putting that in the truck, that is literally putting another
car into a car. This odd Jobs car wouldn't be
able to drive out of that lot. It would be

(01:33:37):
too heavy. Remember, like mister Rogers. They used to show
like scenes from a crayon factory and you'd watch like
how crayons are made. It was really this was giving
a little bad Like when we were watching a car
getting compacted over and over again. I know it was
ridiculously long and stupid. Yeah, but part of me was
really enjoying watching the compacting process.

Speaker 1 (01:33:58):
Actually, my note here is I guess it was cool
watching the car get crushed, right, it was a little
oh wow.

Speaker 2 (01:34:03):
I would watch footage of cars getting crushed.

Speaker 1 (01:34:04):
Because I actually because it looks like they're actually crushing
a car. They're doing that for real.

Speaker 2 (01:34:08):
Oh yeah, this looks like one of those mister Rogers
film clips.

Speaker 1 (01:34:11):
Yeah. All right, So Felix follows odd Job the whole way.
He decides, right, I'm just going to go back to
the farm because there's nothing else to be done. The
note that Bond wrote is never discovered. The homing device
just goes offline and has no bearing on the plot.

Speaker 2 (01:34:27):
Weird, You're right. I thought this was going to come
back later, but it.

Speaker 1 (01:34:31):
Actually does not. I thought I thought what was going
to happen was odd Job was going to throw Felix
Solo's body, yes out of the car, Felix finds the note,
and then we go from there. That is not what happens.

Speaker 2 (01:34:45):
This movie is so dumb. Got this? This got a
ninety nine percent critical reading in its day. Ninety nine
percent of critics were like, everything in this plot makes
one hundred percent of sense. I have no issues with
this film. Back at the stud farm, Goldfinger and pus, he.

Speaker 1 (01:35:02):
Don't finger your pussy with gold.

Speaker 2 (01:35:04):
Gold fanngal, hell fanga you with his gold and fanngal.
He'll ruin the pH balance of y'all. Pussy.

Speaker 1 (01:35:21):
I think we've lost the ballady.

Speaker 2 (01:35:25):
Okay. So they are sitting on the veranda enjoying mint
julips and delighting in the amount of money they'll be
receiving from Operation Grand Slam. They're villains. They are villaining.
Kish arrives to tell them that Felix is very surreptitiously
hanging on the horse fence with vernoculars.

Speaker 1 (01:35:42):
He's so out in the open.

Speaker 2 (01:35:46):
Here's a CIA agent thirty feet away from you, looking
at you through binocular Should we be worried about that?
Anyone anyone care? Goldfinger suspects that this might be one
of Bond's allies, and he summons Bond in the hopes
of showing Felix that he isn't in any kind of trouble.
He even asks Pusher to put on something that might
show Felix how much fun mister Bond is having. She's

(01:36:09):
wearing she loves a job, purse, she loves a job.
She's wearing like crushed velvet jodpurs.

Speaker 1 (01:36:13):
And could not be more from Maine. You're right, Like,
she's so northeastern.

Speaker 2 (01:36:18):
She's so Northeast, she's so patrician. She's wearing like a
proto wrap dressed top and like joggers. And he's like,
why don't you go put on a little something sexy
to entice our guests, And she's like, absolutely What.

Speaker 1 (01:36:29):
I love about this is that she goes and just
puts on the same outfit in a different color.

Speaker 2 (01:36:34):
It's not velvet, it's lemae. I guess that's what makes
it sexy the second time. You're absolutely right, all right.

Speaker 1 (01:36:40):
So Bond is brought to Goldfinger and he starts talking
to him. He's like, look, first of all, Delta nine
gas is fatal. Doesn't knock people out for twenty four hours,
It fucking kills them, And b He's like, this is
a lost cause, you're never gonna pull off your heist
because the golden Fort Knox simply weighs too much for
him to remove it quickly enough before like all of
the arm forces that aren't knocked out by the Knight

(01:37:01):
Delta nine gas react. Goldfinger wonders, who said I was
going to remove the gold? He's had his associate, mister Lang,
the red Chinese.

Speaker 2 (01:37:10):
Yeah, this is where you get that little moment.

Speaker 1 (01:37:12):
Make a dirty bomb that will irradiate the gold, making
it unusable for over fifty years. Other gold, most importantly his,
will increase in value ten times with the store at
Fort Knox no longer viable. Bond can't help but be
impressed with Goldfinger's dastardly vision, and Goldfinger promises that you'll

(01:37:32):
have a chance to see it up close, perhaps too
close for comfort. What well. At one point, Bond is like,
you're going to kill sixty thousand people uselessly, and Goldfinger says,
American motorists kill that many every two years, And you're like,
it's not.

Speaker 2 (01:37:47):
The same thing.

Speaker 1 (01:37:49):
That's not even apples and oranges, that's apples and zebras.

Speaker 2 (01:37:52):
Like apples and murder you're doing apples and murder here.
That's not the same thing. Also, seatbelts didn't exist back then.
Did you know that that's why so many people died
in car accidents. Pussy returns in a purple outfit. Sexy.
She takes mister Bond for a walk. Now they're flirting,
they're having a good time. She is actually not immune

(01:38:12):
to his charms. It turns out Felix leaves, he's like, well,
mister Bond's gonna get his dick wet.

Speaker 1 (01:38:17):
Yep, so he's gonna see it.

Speaker 2 (01:38:19):
Bond and Pushy pushing henzy poosy head into a barn
and Bond tries to appeal to her better nature about
Operation Grand Slam. She's not interested in his appeals. No,
she has no conscious She wants the money. He tries
to like seductively pull her towards him. She uses that
momentum to judoli him, flip him like across the barn.

Speaker 1 (01:38:44):
Ah, Now you're asking for this.

Speaker 2 (01:38:45):
And the two of them start to tussle. She throws him,
he throws her. They judo chop each other, but in
a sexy way. No one gets knocked out. They wind
up like just rolling around in the hay, the literal
rolling in the hay. They can no longer resist each other.
She's like, is that She's like, is that an enormous
penis in your pocket? Or are you carrying a gun?

Speaker 1 (01:39:06):
Or is it a tremendous penis in your podcet ha ha.

Speaker 2 (01:39:10):
And Bond let's pussy in on the biggest benefit of
his double O seven status, his license to drill. Fuck yeah,
these too go to the bone zone.

Speaker 1 (01:39:22):
This is an operation grand Slam, all right. From that
high we cut to the next day. We hit the
part of the movie where really too much time is
passing by. Poozies. Flying Circus takes off Spray's Fort Knox,
the Delta nine gas, everyone on site collapses. It takes

(01:39:42):
three full minutes of screen time.

Speaker 2 (01:39:44):
Okay, while that was happening, here's what I was thinking.
Because it takes three full minutes of screen time, what
are the names of the other pilots in the Flying Circus.
Here's what I came up with. Cuntie McGee, Snatch for Days,
Cooter Shenanigans, Slice of Slidz, axe Wound Margaret. That's that's

(01:40:15):
the beauty of these long sequences. You have time to
really think.

Speaker 1 (01:40:18):
Lots of snooch. All right, So all of these soldiers collapse.
There is one soldier you see him. He's already on
the ground and he clearly doesn't want to fall, and

(01:40:39):
he's just slowly like going down to his knee and
then like down to his elbow. Very funny.

Speaker 2 (01:40:45):
There's one in every fucking action sequence in every movie,
like one extra who's like, my knee hurts, I'm.

Speaker 1 (01:40:51):
Sorry, I can't do that. We also see that Felix
is on site. That's the CIA agent, so we think, okay, fine,
three minutes have gone by. It was it was a
little boring, but we got to see lots of snooch
and hooters McGee, nope and aha and uh and snatch
for days, snatch for days, uh uh gas, all of
these men Fine, Goldfinger, odd job, Kish and all of

(01:41:14):
their men move in. They set about their plan. They
check the air for any remaining gas. Goldfinger arrives and
a helicopter piloted by Poozy. They have to they have
to get through all of the defenses. This goes on
for another five minutes.

Speaker 2 (01:41:31):
It is almost ten minutes interminable.

Speaker 1 (01:41:35):
Of nothing happening. Like I get They have to get
into the bank, right, you can show them spraying the
gas in the air, and then you can just cut
to them arriving and everyone to sleep.

Speaker 2 (01:41:48):
Let's check it on Tom Cruise, shall we, Yeah, let's
check it in. We've brought it. We brought in Daniel Craig,
and we brought in Keanu Reeves from the John Wick
franchise to take a look at this and just tell
us what they think in general about the act in
films of their forefathers. Oh no, they're kicking puppies there.
Oh no, they're all kicking, but they're taking turns.

Speaker 1 (01:42:05):
Guys, the puppies fault. Oh they're not interested.

Speaker 2 (01:42:07):
They're okay, yep, that's fair. You know what I get it.
Take your aggression out on those puppies.

Speaker 1 (01:42:11):
Yeah, they're not cute puppies, Guys, don't worried. They're ugly puppies.
So they set the bomb to explode crucially in three
minutes and forty five seconds. I'm gonna say that again.
Three minutes and forty five seconds. That's how long we
have before the bomb explodes.

Speaker 2 (01:42:32):
Got it done. As soon as the bomb goes online,
Felix and everyone else wakes.

Speaker 1 (01:42:37):
Up Oh my gosh, it's fake out.

Speaker 2 (01:42:40):
Okay, look, I'm gonna admit I didn't see that one coming. Okay,
I didn't see that one coming, and I was happy
when it happened.

Speaker 1 (01:42:45):
Yeah, because otherwise you've witnessed these women innocently.

Speaker 2 (01:42:48):
Not innocently, they would have well, I guess not, because
they would have thought they.

Speaker 1 (01:42:50):
Were knocking They were knocking them out. They were criminals,
but did not think they were committing a mass murder.

Speaker 2 (01:42:54):
Of yes, we would have seen a huge mass murder.
That's not what happened. So I was pleased. Okay, Why
did they have to wait for them to prime the
bomb before moving in. We don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:43:05):
We don't know, we may never know.

Speaker 2 (01:43:07):
It doesn't make any sense in any case. Felix calls
for all the soldiers to head in and apprehend Goldfinger
and his crew.

Speaker 1 (01:43:15):
My favorite thing that he says is minimum offensive fire
until the bomb has been neutralized. Listeners, we cannot possibly
explain to you how much offensive fire there is before
the bomb is neutralized.

Speaker 2 (01:43:26):
Ha ha a oh, I just thought of something. When
they gassed the town, could we say that they got
PUSSI they did?

Speaker 1 (01:43:36):
Hah, you've been poosied.

Speaker 2 (01:43:37):
You've been pussied. Some pussis are toxic. Yeah, what did
the gas smell like? You ask? You know what, I'm
not gonna answer because I'm a lady.

Speaker 1 (01:43:46):
Goldfinger handcuffs Bond to the dirty bomb and puts him
on an elevator that lowers so slowly.

Speaker 2 (01:43:53):
This is the point where everyone started hysterically laughing in
our group that everyone like, no one said anything. We
just watched thirty seconds of Sean Connery going down a
slow elevator and we all lost our fucking minds because
we have been now been subjected to so many scenes
like this.

Speaker 1 (01:44:11):
A Goldfinger leaves he sees the assault beginning. He immediately
runs and seals the vault, with Kish and odd Job
still inside with the dirty bomb. He disguises himself as
an American soldier and starts shooting his own men, including
mister Ling. He heads out into the fray. He's killing
indiscriminately to ensure his own escape. We see him running

(01:44:31):
towards the helicopter where Poosy is waiting.

Speaker 2 (01:44:34):
Yes, I mean he's gone mad, He's just a Goldfinger
has Goldfinger.

Speaker 1 (01:44:40):
Has left the building.

Speaker 2 (01:44:41):
He has lost his mind.

Speaker 3 (01:44:43):
And all of his gold He also pulls out a
gold gun, which is very interesting because there's a James
Bond movie called The Man with the Golden Gun which
does not feature or a goldfinger.

Speaker 1 (01:44:53):
From what I know.

Speaker 2 (01:44:54):
Oh interesting, I did not know that.

Speaker 1 (01:44:55):
I don't know that.

Speaker 2 (01:44:56):
Meanwhile, in the vault, Kish decides to take the few
out of the bomb and save himself. Odd Job, not
seeing the wisdom of this, decides to fight Kish, and
Kish at one point goes, let's not be heroes. Yeah,
and I'm like, okay, but are you be heroes?

Speaker 1 (01:45:12):
What's happening? Like, Let's not be stupid. We don't have
to die.

Speaker 2 (01:45:15):
We do not have to die. This is we are caught.
Let's just get caught and not die today by via
atomic bomb, which does not sound like a pleasant way
to die.

Speaker 1 (01:45:27):
Agreed.

Speaker 2 (01:45:28):
Odd Job does not care. He is a man on
a mission. He flings Kish over the side of a
flight of stairs. Kish falls down. I'm not kidding, maybe
thirty feet. It dies on impact. It's not far enough.
It's not far enough for someone to die on impact.
It doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 1 (01:45:43):
Stupid or death him or Tilly. Tilly is stupider because
that's death by hat.

Speaker 2 (01:45:48):
That's death by hat. But this one, this is close.
This is close. You know what. I'm gonna cut back
to our three actors and ask them, hey, guys, hey,
oh my god, Kendu Reeves is throwing his head against
the wall. Oh no, oh no, kill Kanu.

Speaker 1 (01:46:00):
Got your face? Keanu, your face.

Speaker 2 (01:46:03):
Bond sees this, and he starts to maneuver closer to
get the handcuff key off of Kish, off of Kish's corpse.
Say that ten times fast.

Speaker 1 (01:46:10):
Luckily, the bomb is on wheels. The bomb is.

Speaker 2 (01:46:13):
We really, there's stupid things. I can't even point the
ball out, there's too many. The bomb is on wheels.
Odd Job hurries down and he flings his hat at Bond.
Bond ducks and manages to get free of the handcuffs.

(01:46:35):
The hat cuts through a power cable on the wall,
which lands in sparks on the floor. Ye okay, so
now we have live electricity in the action.

Speaker 1 (01:46:45):
It's also funny because later it will just be fire
when it's crucially supposed to be electricity. It's fire, But
who cares? Bond an odd Job scuffle, Bond seemingly unable
to land any damage on his opponent. Every time he
punches him. The guy just smiles, silent, no effect, just
a scuffle.

Speaker 2 (01:47:02):
We mean, just the dumbest fight choreo. Picture, the dumbest,
worst middle school fight choreography. Stop, you got it, you
nailed it.

Speaker 1 (01:47:10):
Done. The timer on the bomb is ticking ever downward.
Bond finally has the idea of using odd Job's own
hat against him. Surely he can't stand up to the
power of the bowler hat. Ha ha. He throws it and
it lodges in the bars, protecting the gold the gold
stash at Fort Knox. Right, odd Job smiles. He goes

(01:47:31):
to retrieve his greatest weapon. Bond sees the sparking slash
on fire cable and shoves it into the metal bars.
It travels through the bars. Odd Job is holding his hat.

Speaker 2 (01:47:43):
A felt hat. I mean, there must be something else
in that hat to make it lethal, But whatever.

Speaker 1 (01:47:48):
It conducts enough electricity that it electrocutes odd Job, killing him.
This apparently like seriously burned this actor.

Speaker 2 (01:47:56):
What really?

Speaker 1 (01:47:57):
Yeah, I have no idea, but see here, Sakata, you
want to make it big in Hollywood, You're gonna have
to take enough electricity to stun a horse.

Speaker 2 (01:48:06):
Can I have a line at least if I'm gonna
do No, you're mute? Okay?

Speaker 1 (01:48:10):
Cool?

Speaker 2 (01:48:10):
Can I can you actually identify me correctly as a
Japanese man rather than a.

Speaker 1 (01:48:15):
Career No one knows the difference. It's nineteen sixty four.

Speaker 2 (01:48:17):
Okay, thank you so much, sir.

Speaker 1 (01:48:20):
Thank you for the opportunity.

Speaker 2 (01:48:20):
Thank you for the opportunity.

Speaker 1 (01:48:22):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (01:48:22):
Bond rushes over to the bomb. He tries to get
the case open so he can diffuse it as a
firefight makes its way into the vault. Remember, there's like
a whole fucking thing happening outside. I don't have time
for this. He only has twenty four seconds left. This
is a full eight minutes after we initially saw the
timer starting to count down from three minutes and forty
five seconds. Paul wants everyone to know he did the work.

(01:48:42):
Bond finally gets the case open. He's looking at a
cartoonish mockup of what they think on atomic bomb. Looks
like it is dumb.

Speaker 1 (01:48:51):
It looks like a dumb It looks like a train station,
a play play train station.

Speaker 2 (01:48:56):
Looks like an ice cream maker, model train station, a
model train station, go through an ice cream maker. It's
like there's wheels, that turn. It doesn't make any fucking sense.
Bond has no idea how to diffuse the bomb. Then,
at the last minute, a man we have genuinely never
seen before in this movie, although I have to say
he looks so much like Felix that I was like,
I don't know, I guess that's Felix. Another CIA guy

(01:49:18):
who's just like an anonymous white guy shows up and
appears to hit I'm not joking an off switch. He
goes around the bomb and he's like, you didn't see
the switch at the side that said off, and he
goes click, turning it off, disarming the bomb.

Speaker 1 (01:49:34):
Yep, Felix appears. He wonders where odd job is. Bond says,
he blew a fuse, but I'm bump. He asks if
they got Goldfinger, and Felix admits that they didn't, but
promises he won't get far. Bond asks after Poosy, and
Felix tells him that she called the authorities and switched
the gas and the canisters. Bond says, huh, I must

(01:49:56):
have appealed to her maternal instinct. It's no positively, sit,
it's no work.

Speaker 2 (01:50:02):
No, I mean, it's winking at the audience, because it's like, like,
I know that that's I appealed to another instinct altogether.
It's talking about that Felix brings James to a private
plane that will be taking him to meet the President
of the United States. I don't know if anyone's that
excited to meet LBJ but okay, sure, I had it

(01:50:24):
in my head while we were watching the movie that
this was earlier than nineteen sixty four, and so I
had Jackie Kennedy in mind, and I thought it would
be really funny if it was, like I hear the
first lady really wants to meet me. The idea of
James Bond fucking Jackie Kennedy made me so happy. Yeah,
she deserves that, She fucking deserved it. But I know
it's it's actually Lady Bird Johnson. I don't I don't
know what her deal is. He gets on board and

(01:50:46):
is immediately held at gunpoint by gold Finger, who promises
him that he will deal with Pussy soon. Right now,
she's at the controls of the airplane. So ladies and gentlemen,
this is your captain Pussy Galore. Fly this plane under duress. Yep,
Goldfinger and Bond struggle the gun goes off, breaking the
window of the airplane. And remember five hours ago in

(01:51:10):
this movie when when Bond was warning Pussy that like,
should something go through the fuselage of the airplane, they
will be sucked out into outer space. And you're like,
that's not a real thing, that's not gonna happen. The
movie wrote the check and then fucking cash it.

Speaker 1 (01:51:23):
The also don't fly on Boeing Boeing.

Speaker 2 (01:51:29):
The window breaks, the cabin pressure drops, Bond has to
hang on for dear life as they're all almost getting
sucked out of the plane. Goldfinger, a man twice the
size of the of the circumference of the window that
was shot out, gets sucked out into outer space and dies.

Speaker 1 (01:51:49):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (01:51:50):
Paul lost his mind, you guys when this happened last
night when we were watching the movie. He could not
stop laughing because it is so cartoonishly stupid.

Speaker 1 (01:52:01):
He's simply the man simply wouldn't fit through the window.

Speaker 2 (01:52:05):
He would not fit.

Speaker 1 (01:52:07):
Simply, not how it would work.

Speaker 2 (01:52:09):
We all thought was gonna happen, was he was gonna
plug up the whole in his body with his torso
and they would land the plane with Goldfinger half in
and half out of.

Speaker 1 (01:52:18):
The po and the airplane window. Ask to the wind
pants just blown off, ass out, that's what.

Speaker 2 (01:52:30):
We all thought was going to happen. That's not what happens.
Holy shit. Bond manages to make his way to the
cockpit where Pussy is now struggling to regain control of
this fucking plane because all the cabin pressure's gone. He
tries to help, it's of no use.

Speaker 1 (01:52:44):
So we cut to Felix that he and others are
watching on the radar as the plane plummets towards the
ground at forty feet. This plane is in free fall.

Speaker 2 (01:52:54):
We see it visually, forty feet.

Speaker 1 (01:52:56):
They are forty feet above impact. We see another dot
appear right, So obviously Poosy and Bond have ejected. Yes, sure,
the plane crashes into a large body of water, large
enough that you don't see shore. It's just water.

Speaker 2 (01:53:11):
It's the ocean, presumably. Yeah, they are flying famously from
Kentucky to Washington, d C.

Speaker 1 (01:53:17):
Yeah, there are.

Speaker 2 (01:53:18):
No bodies of water unless that is I don't even
know if the Mississippi River is between those two places.

Speaker 1 (01:53:23):
It is not.

Speaker 2 (01:53:24):
I'm shit at geography.

Speaker 1 (01:53:25):
It is not.

Speaker 2 (01:53:25):
It does not make any sense.

Speaker 1 (01:53:27):
Then we see Felix soaring over some forested terrain in
a helicopter. We pan down, we see Poosy trying to
wave for help, before Bond pulls her back down and says,
I've got a license to fill Poosy. He doesn't say that.
I wish he did. I really wish he did. He doesn't.
That was that was me. That was me, I said that.

(01:53:50):
Bond says, this is no time to be rescued. He
pulls the parachute over them, and they they they use
that license.

Speaker 2 (01:53:58):
They use the license to drill, to fill, to kill,
to thrill.

Speaker 1 (01:54:02):
Yeah, there you go. Yeah, end of film.

Speaker 2 (01:54:08):
End of Classic American cinema. Yeah, British cinema.

Speaker 1 (01:54:12):
British cinem I'm gonna tell you right now. I'm gonna
tell you right now. I'm not offering a palate cleanser.
Absolutely not. No, no, no, I mean, I don't care.

Speaker 2 (01:54:21):
My palate cleanser is imagining Tom Cruise watching this.

Speaker 1 (01:54:24):
Movie and furiously like punching children.

Speaker 2 (01:54:28):
Yeah. Actually Tom Cruise wants to do those stupid stunts.
Daniel Craig forcing Daniel Craig to watch this movie.

Speaker 1 (01:54:37):
All right, stick around, We will be right back with
our random observations and final rankings for gold Finger. And
we're back Erica. What final titbits do you have? Titspits

(01:54:57):
do you have to tell us about gold Finger?

Speaker 2 (01:55:03):
They do a thing in this movie where every time
they have Sean Connery doing a quote unquote stunt. Uh,
I cannot tell you enough how these are not real
stunts like they when they have him like like throwing
someone over his shoulder, or like punching a man or
using a woman as a human shield, they speed up
the film two time. Yeah, I love that make it

(01:55:23):
look more impressive than it actually is, but.

Speaker 1 (01:55:26):
It just makes it look inhuman.

Speaker 2 (01:55:27):
It just looks so dumb.

Speaker 1 (01:55:29):
Yeah. Yeah, there's one point where he throws Poozy and
she like she just goes too fast through the air, Like, yeah,
it's like she got launched from a trebaget.

Speaker 2 (01:55:38):
She was catapulted through that bar.

Speaker 1 (01:55:42):
We did miss one moment of it was a different time.
It was a different time, and which one It takes
place with Dink In the very beginning, Felix comes up.
He's like, Felix, this is DINKDNK, this is Felix. Felix, like,
I have talked to you, and he says Shay, goodbye
to Felix. Man talk, and then he slaps around the
asses he walks away.

Speaker 2 (01:56:00):
That's right, I forgot. I forgot. I think my brain
was still processing the name Dink. Yeah, and I missed
that party.

Speaker 1 (01:56:06):
Shit. Yeah, look there's a lot coming at you.

Speaker 2 (01:56:08):
We did not make enough hay out of Dink.

Speaker 1 (01:56:10):
Dink, Dink.

Speaker 2 (01:56:12):
Yeah, there was a woman named Dink.

Speaker 1 (01:56:13):
He was planning on making hay out of dink, but
he got distracted by Jill.

Speaker 2 (01:56:17):
Yeah, yep, yep, yep. Men talk, fuck off, Bond.

Speaker 1 (01:56:20):
I only have one more. I left a lot in
the field on this one. But the this moment he
goes down, he sees q Q was leading him through
like the I guess research and development area that he runs.

Speaker 2 (01:56:32):
Oh, yes, I know exactly what you're talking about.

Speaker 1 (01:56:35):
They passed one where they like, the two guys are
in a sealed room and they have a parking meter,
and like all of a sudden, gas starts exploding out
of the parking meet. I'm like, I know what that is.
Then they pass without comment. Basically, a man standing in
a trench coat, he's kind of like clenching, like he's
bracing for something. A man not even ten feet away
from him, opens fire on him with an oozy yeah, yep, yep.

(01:56:58):
Holes are blown in the coat. The man is fine.
He opens it. He reveals he's wearing a bulletproof vest,
at which point Q says, it's not perfected yet.

Speaker 2 (01:57:09):
Why would you try it? Why would you put why
would you do a human trial?

Speaker 1 (01:57:12):
Why are you testing it on people? I guess we
can be lucky that man wasn't blown into a fine
mist by the by the dozens of rounds that were
emptied into his bulletproof best at point blank rain from
a machine.

Speaker 2 (01:57:27):
Gun is that the intern is that what they have
the interview.

Speaker 1 (01:57:31):
If you survive your internship, your month long internship at
R and D, you can get into the double O program. Ah.

Speaker 2 (01:57:38):
I only have one word too, because really we did
leave a lot on the field.

Speaker 1 (01:57:41):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:57:42):
The line when Felix is watching Bond towards the end
of the film through the binoculars and they see Pussy
leading him into the barn, right, the line just to
like put a hat on a hat. Someone goes where
is Bond headed? And Felix goes, ten will get you one.
It's a drink or a dame yeah, excellent. That's just good, right.

Speaker 1 (01:58:00):
It's good writing. Yeah, yeah, absolutely so good.

Speaker 2 (01:58:02):
Okay, Paul, how are we going to rank?

Speaker 1 (01:58:05):
Go?

Speaker 2 (01:58:06):
Like, you know what, I can't sing anymore.

Speaker 1 (01:58:08):
I'm done saying done.

Speaker 2 (01:58:09):
How are you gonna rank.

Speaker 1 (01:58:09):
Golden one to ten deaths by bowler hat? Oh?

Speaker 2 (01:58:14):
So many deaths by bowler hat?

Speaker 1 (01:58:16):
I mean, actually, when you think about odd job had
a death by bowler hat? Yeah? Yeah, is that irony?
I've never been able to define it, but I think
that's irony.

Speaker 2 (01:58:23):
That's the irony right there.

Speaker 1 (01:58:24):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:58:24):
How about one to ten pussy galorees, flying circuses manned
by tons of.

Speaker 1 (01:58:30):
Muff, man by man by Fanny Abundance.

Speaker 2 (01:58:35):
Also a drag queen name. Such an excellent drag queen name,
Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to this stage. Fanny Abundance.

Speaker 1 (01:58:43):
How from the House of Abundance, a famous actual house.

Speaker 2 (01:58:45):
Yes, pooter a plenty, plenty of pooter plenty, poona.

Speaker 1 (01:58:52):
Plenty, cornicopia, beaver.

Speaker 2 (01:59:00):
Scads of men.

Speaker 1 (01:59:03):
Of men.

Speaker 2 (01:59:04):
She's English, she's right. Ah.

Speaker 1 (01:59:09):
How about one to ten baby blue terry cloth rompers
that evoke the height of masculinity.

Speaker 2 (01:59:16):
So masculine all our fathers again, I just need to
point out thought this was the most masculine character ever
on film. Yeah, I think we should do this one
baby blue terry cloth ass booty rompers.

Speaker 1 (01:59:27):
Yeah, do you want to go first?

Speaker 2 (01:59:30):
Sure?

Speaker 1 (01:59:31):
Okay, all right, I've got it.

Speaker 2 (01:59:32):
I don't know, I don't.

Speaker 1 (01:59:33):
Know, I don't know. I'm kind of glad you said
you were going to go first.

Speaker 2 (01:59:37):
Okay. A lot of Asian henchmen that are just not explained,
just not explained. The irony is there's a lot of
diversity in the film because of it, and there's a
lot of like roles for Asian people as a result.
But they're all like wordless, quiet henchmen who don't say
anything except.

Speaker 1 (01:59:55):
For mister Ling and Miley. They both have like a
handful of lines.

Speaker 2 (01:59:59):
Yeah and Miley, and like they're in the most Like
Miley is exactly dressedic how you think Miley is going
to be dressed as like a flight attendant on his
like Asian dream private plane.

Speaker 1 (02:00:11):
I would say too, although odd job is mute and
that's annoying, says how many lines? I actually think the
actor like he has a kind of great face and
he utilized like like I don't not notice him as
a character because he's not speaking, he takes up space
in the film. Yeah, and I'm not just trying to
cover for the film because I thought it was funny,
Like I think it's you can have a good wordless performance,

(02:00:32):
and I think this is a good wordless performance.

Speaker 2 (02:00:34):
Yes, it's hop notch henchmen, I have to say. I
and again, I don't have the historical context. I do
not understand if the outfits they're wearing are offensive or not.
I'm gonna air on the side of probably they are.
I don't know. I don't know, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (02:00:47):
I was with you, I was like, I have no
idea why they're all in this uniform. Why would they
not be in Western clothing if they're in Kentucky or
or Geneva, Geneva.

Speaker 2 (02:00:58):
Or something, yeah, or England. And so there's that. I mean,
I was joking that it passes the Bechdel test, but honestly, like,
let's get real, like this is the most misogynist thing ever.
It's so misogynist, it's so misogynistic that it's funny, and
that it almost circles.

Speaker 1 (02:01:13):
Back around it's a roadhouse.

Speaker 2 (02:01:15):
It almost circles back around to being empowering because it's
like almost a parody of misogyny. Yeah, and Pussy Galore,
despite the fact that her name is Pussy Galore, is
a really great character.

Speaker 1 (02:01:25):
She owns it.

Speaker 2 (02:01:26):
She fucking owns it.

Speaker 1 (02:01:27):
I think I always assumed her name was like Elizabeth
and like, but people call me pussy. But now her
name it appears her parents named her pussy.

Speaker 2 (02:01:37):
Pussy Galore is this pilot's name, and she has a profession,
and it's not gangsters mall, which is one hundred percent
when I thought it was going to be. I mean,
Tillie Masterson's also a really interesting character.

Speaker 1 (02:01:49):
Yeah, I wish they had more with her.

Speaker 2 (02:01:51):
She like reaches her untimely demise.

Speaker 1 (02:01:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (02:01:54):
Yeah, it's misogynistic as fuck. But honestly, it's so misogynistic
that I don't find it even that offensive because it's
all it is, like exactly, it's roadhousing. It is a
parody of itself. It's fun, it's very fun. It's meant
to be it's not meant to be taken seriously. It's
all very winky winky at you. Yeah, I am going
to give this film. I have so much enjoyment watching it.

(02:02:15):
It doesn't age well in any way though, I'm trying
to think of what I could even give it, Like, well.

Speaker 1 (02:02:18):
That game moment kind of aged into being good. Yeah,
because I don't think it's how it was intended. But
now we just watch it, we're like, oh my god,
Bond is flirting with that card. That's really funny.

Speaker 2 (02:02:29):
Bon bond is you know bond is verse when we.

Speaker 1 (02:02:31):
Say we are, we are covering this movie's ass in ways.
It does not deserve for it.

Speaker 2 (02:02:37):
It doesn't. It really really doesn't. Okay, like, let's get real,
does it age well, no, no, no, no it doesn't.
Let's give it a one. I'm gonna give it a one.

Speaker 1 (02:02:45):
Monster, I'll give it a one.

Speaker 2 (02:02:46):
I'm giving it an eight one aging poorly. No, pussy
Glore is a good character. I'm gonna give it a three.

Speaker 1 (02:02:54):
Okay, that's fair.

Speaker 2 (02:02:55):
Let's add points for pussy as one should.

Speaker 1 (02:02:57):
As you always show.

Speaker 2 (02:02:58):
So yeah, I'm gonna give it a three out of ten.
Baby Blue terry Cloth rompers. It is so enjoyable, it
is so entertaining. It is a little slow, and there are,
as we talked about, interminable scenes. So I would highly
recommend gathering friends watching this at the revival house. If
they played off the screen, making sure you are with
other people, that you have a martini shaken, not stirred

(02:03:20):
to watch this with you have you have popcorn to
watch this. This is the ultimate popcorn movie.

Speaker 1 (02:03:25):
Agreed. It was so fun watching with other people last night. Yeah,
people have similar sensitive humor, and.

Speaker 2 (02:03:31):
A bunch of us hadn't seen it before, so it
was a bunch of people encountering that is so funny
because again Paul had seen it already because he's watched
it for the recap, and he he was giggling at
things before they happened. And at one point you were
out of the room, I can't remember what point, and
you ran back in. You're like, I need to see
everyone's reacting.

Speaker 1 (02:03:49):
For what's about the hep it was terry cloth baby
blue rompers.

Speaker 2 (02:03:52):
Yeah, so yeah, I mean it's it is super enjoyable,
how about you, Paul?

Speaker 1 (02:03:59):
Yeah, excactly. It is specifically meant to be a male
fantasy from nineteen sixty four. It ages like fish like
does not age well, you guys, it's so fun and
it's so stupid, like and I would say that even
in nineteen sixty four, they are not taking it seriously.

(02:04:19):
It is. It is not presented as reality by the filmmakers.
It is meant to be a male fantasy. It is.
It's essentially like soft core porn without the porn part,
Like like that's what James Bond is at this point
in history. Yeah, he gets all the women. All the
women love him. He can walk into a woman's room
and she just turns around and just, oh my god,
drops your pants. Yeah, like basement flooded. Let's do this

(02:04:42):
thing right, Like it's a penthouse letter.

Speaker 2 (02:04:44):
He has cartoonishly bad at his job, and everyone says
he's the greatest Bible time.

Speaker 1 (02:04:50):
I don't think it's offensive because it's so silly, but
it doesn't age well, Like there are things that, like
a perhaps harder core feminist would be like, no, I
don't find this funny, and that is fair. I'm going
to agree with you. I'm going to say three. I
think it deserves a three. But exactly what Erica said,
get some friends, get martiniz or the drink of your

(02:05:14):
choice or the mind altering substance of your choice, and
watch this movie like at midnight, showing like a rocky
horror yeah kind of thing you'll have a great time.
As soon as they hit the golf course, just fast
forward to the moose Knuckle and keep fast forwarding and
when Pussy Glor's flying circus starts spraying, just fast forward
eight minutes you will miss I promise nothing.

Speaker 2 (02:05:34):
Nothing at all. I have a question for you before
we wrap up for today, because I actually I meant
to ask this earlier and I forgot. Do you think
that Sean Connery is the hottest of the Bonds. Oh,
we have, like, just to remind everyone, we have Connery,
I believe. We have a guy named George Lazerbi, who
I have to admit I've never even I looked up
who the Bonds were.

Speaker 1 (02:05:55):
I just look it up.

Speaker 2 (02:05:56):
We have Roger Moore, who is actually the most Bond
He's done the most Bond films of anyone else.

Speaker 1 (02:06:01):
Roger Moore.

Speaker 2 (02:06:02):
We have Timothy Dalton. We have Pierce Brosnan, and then
Daniel Craig and then an unnamed future Bond possibly I
don't know. I think they're going with Henry Golding. Maybe
I don't know who they're looking for.

Speaker 1 (02:06:12):
Are you looking at Oh, well, they don't know, because
the head of Amazon Studio has just lost her job
over this. That's like literally this week over this. Because
they acquired Bond all these years ago, they haven't gotten
a movie made because it's all this, it's all this
red tape bullshit suit stuff. They haven't named a Bond
because Amazon's been shitting the bed trying to get a
movie made.

Speaker 2 (02:06:31):
That's absurd. It's absurd maker a woman.

Speaker 1 (02:06:34):
They're not going to come on. Okay, if you're gonna
say fucking stupid things.

Speaker 2 (02:06:40):
You know what, man talk, move away. And also I
have to be I have to be all honest about
something here. I've only seen photos of these men. I
haven't seen a single Bond film from most of these guys.
The only ones I've seen prior to, like Sean Connery's
to this one was Pierce Brosnan and Daniel Craig.

Speaker 1 (02:06:59):
I think he's up the Sean Connery is really hot
in this movie. But there is something about stars in
this era that I think they're gonna smell like cigarettes
and whiskey all the time. Yeah, like it.

Speaker 2 (02:07:08):
So it's feature not a book.

Speaker 1 (02:07:11):
And it's also it's also like we have been trained
to believe these men should look like gods. And he
looks like a normal fit man, which is how it
should be.

Speaker 2 (02:07:22):
Sick apple Bottom, though, I have to say, I have
to say.

Speaker 1 (02:07:26):
But we're talking like just facially, just let's just.

Speaker 2 (02:07:28):
Do face, just because otherwise Daniel Craigan will walk. It's
not even close.

Speaker 1 (02:07:32):
I think it might be Roger Moore.

Speaker 2 (02:07:36):
You think Roger Moore has the prettiest face of all
the bonds.

Speaker 1 (02:07:39):
Yes, I'm seeing piercing blue eyes.

Speaker 2 (02:07:42):
I was not expecting that answer, A.

Speaker 1 (02:07:44):
Just just face because Pierce Browsman's almost like he looks
like a picture. Mm hmm. I feel like Roger Moore's
a little character.

Speaker 2 (02:07:52):
Oh, I feel okay, okay, okay, but.

Speaker 1 (02:07:54):
I'm not sold yet. This is off the top of
my head.

Speaker 2 (02:07:57):
I'm gonna zagzig u zig too, because I actually thought
you were gonna say Daniel Craig or Chris Brosnan one
of our bonds, but you are also so hot for
Sean Connery. Last night we were watching this movie that
I thought maybe Conrie was gonna swoop it in a
I think Conrie is just is the third hottest bond. Okay,
I'm gonna go and this is people are gonna be
People are gonna be like, what did she just say?

(02:08:19):
Timothy Dalton so fucking hot? Okay, I love Timothy Dalton. Okay,
Timothy Dalton hottest Bond. I said what I said, But
are you.

Speaker 1 (02:08:27):
Are you adding in personality? Are you adding in rakishness?

Speaker 2 (02:08:30):
Yes? Okay, because that's the that is the whole basis
of which Bond is based on the I love that smile,
that Timothy Dalton smile. It's so hot. I'm gonna go.
I'm gonna go Pierce Brosnan just based on prettiness. He's
very pretty. And then I'm gonna go Sean Connery.

Speaker 1 (02:08:45):
Yeah, I mean I think facially Daniel Craig, who is,
to be clear, light years better looking than I am.
It's probably the least like like handsome handsome. He looks
like a like like a gangster in a in a
in a Guy Richie movie.

Speaker 2 (02:08:58):
Yeah he has got he's got a mug, he's got character.

Speaker 1 (02:09:00):
Face.

Speaker 2 (02:09:01):
He's physically the hand the best of them all. But yes,
but face.

Speaker 1 (02:09:04):
We will all remember his tiny little boy shorts walking
out of that rush.

Speaker 2 (02:09:09):
Do you know I never saw that that one that
was worth.

Speaker 1 (02:09:11):
It, worth it for that moment alone. Okay, so let
us know who you think the hottest bond is.

Speaker 2 (02:09:17):
We should do a bond bracket, a.

Speaker 1 (02:09:19):
Bond bracket maybe maybe we'll get some voting going.

Speaker 2 (02:09:21):
And also I have to give George Lazimbia a shot.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (02:09:23):
Maybe we have to look at George last. I genuinely
don't know what he looks like. He maybe he's gorgeous. Okay,
that's the end of the show because I'm not offering
your palate cleanser. Are you suck? No? No, no, no
go listen to Shirley Bassie. If you want a palate cleanser,
just listen to Shirley Bassie. Everyone listening can please if
they would be so kind, follow us on social media.

(02:09:44):
We are on Blue Sky, We're on Threads. We are
on Instagram. Instagram is where we post the monthly themes
and we accept request on them. We have tea public shop.
We would love it if you leave a five star.
You ont Apple podcast or any podcasting platform that you use.
Do we need a baby blue terry cloth romper on
a T shirt? On a T shirt? Maybe just just

(02:10:04):
the actual look.

Speaker 2 (02:10:05):
Maybe we sell baby blue rompers.

Speaker 1 (02:10:07):
Look, I am serious. We get enough sign ups on Patreon.
I think I said five before, let's up it to ten.
Ten signups on Patreon. I will do my level best
to find that rapper.

Speaker 2 (02:10:17):
I will make one. It'll take a while, but I'll
do it.

Speaker 1 (02:10:21):
Uh leave a five star of you on Apple Podcasts
or any podcasting platform that you use, just like Sam
eighty eight miles per hours and cookies for breakfast two
two two two from the top of this episode. Let
us know you did it. We'll send you a tope
bag and if you don't know how to do it,
you can go to the show notes and you'll find
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age Well, which we'll tell you how.

Speaker 2 (02:10:40):
That aged Well is produced and edited by Paul Pushykola,
Oh Big Polly, Big Polly, Paul Haggish Precaola. We would
like to thank everyone who requested any of the Bond
films this month. There were so many, specifically Marcus for
bringing up Goldfinger Yeah, and our for voting for Goldfinger.

(02:11:01):
There was one very impassioned plea for of you to
a kill which made me want to watch it.

Speaker 1 (02:11:06):
It did so.

Speaker 2 (02:11:07):
I don't remember exactly who requested that one, but you
were seen. I just want you to know. Thank you
all for reaching out letting us know what you want
to hear. If you want to have a say in
the topics we discuss, you can join our Patreon. Every
patron gets to vote in this exclusive monthly poll to
determine one of our subjects. Head on over to patreon
dot com slash That Aged Well podcast to find out more.

Speaker 1 (02:11:27):
Some of those tears come with thank you. We don't
have a thank you today. We don't have a visit
from double ow Panties. Oh no, no, if only we
had had a chance to do the voice earlier in
the episode A but yes, Erica, do you have any
final thoughts on Goldfinger?

Speaker 2 (02:11:42):
Gold Finger? We're gonna blow out my voice?

Speaker 1 (02:11:46):
Why are than a mile?

Speaker 2 (02:11:51):
He's got a gold paint. It's a schlog, a schlong
made of solid gold.

Speaker 1 (02:12:07):
He loves only per se.

Speaker 2 (02:12:10):
He'll put gold in your possess.

Speaker 1 (02:12:15):
Oh I'm gone.

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Goldfinger (1964) - Rompers, Passion Juice & a Private Pilot

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Goldfinger (1964) - Rompers, Passion Juice & a Private Pilot