Seven Brides For Seven Brothers (1954) - Cabins, Feminist Reading & a Brassy Ginger - That Aged Well

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Listeners. My friend Ariel recently went to Japan and brought
me back some lovely gifts, one of which was a
box of peach flavored KitKat bars, because she knows that
when I travel, I like to try the weird shit.
I like to try the off menu, left of center shit,
the bags of potato chips that taste like fish, you

(00:22):
know those things. But I thought peach flavored kit cats
sounded kind of delightful. And I showed this to my
friend Paul. He looks like he's gonna vomit right now,
just as I'm talking. Get ready, friend, get ready? Okay.
I showed them to Paul, and the look he gave
me it's as though I had been like, would you
like to try calves brains? They're raw?

Speaker 2 (00:46):
Sounds disgusting.

Speaker 1 (00:47):
You're sure you don't want to try these raw calf brains?
They're delicious? It was a baby like. That's the look
he gave me, like I was committing both, like a
crime against culinary excellence and a crime against humanity.

Speaker 3 (00:59):
Correct, is fucking peach kit cat? What's your problem?

Speaker 2 (01:02):
It sounds disgusting. I stand by it.

Speaker 3 (01:04):
Guess what we're doing here today, Ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 2 (01:07):
Ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 3 (01:09):
Paul Kola, open that kik cat. He's eating it.

Speaker 1 (01:14):
Okay, he took one half of one, tiny little one,
so he's eating like like a.

Speaker 3 (01:20):
A look on his face, he's eating it.

Speaker 2 (01:24):
Here's what I'll say, as promised, it tastes like a
peach fucking kit cat. The inside is unchanged, the outside
is clearly like some kind of imitation white chocolate, and
then it's infused with I'm gonna generously say, like freeze
dried peach powder.

Speaker 1 (01:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:44):
I can still taste it. It kind of coats your
mouth like an oil.

Speaker 3 (01:47):
Uh huh uh huh. That's how you know it's good.

Speaker 2 (01:50):
I don't know if I can perform, but this taste
in my mouth.

Speaker 4 (01:54):
Title of your sex tape, Hey on Fall in America
and this is that aged.

Speaker 1 (02:12):
Well, yesterday's pop culture.

Speaker 2 (02:14):
Today and we are in period peace June. All of
these films this month have been set before nineteen forty.

Speaker 1 (02:20):
That's right. We picked nineteen forty as a random cut
off date.

Speaker 2 (02:23):
Yep. We decided we didn't want to do any World
War two films, so we would just cut those out.

Speaker 1 (02:27):
Honestly, we should have gone further back and just been like,
I can't with these World War two movies.

Speaker 2 (02:32):
I absolutely cannot.

Speaker 1 (02:33):
I have to say, though, a couple of people decided
to go rogue and send us Atonement anyway, which I get.
It's a hottest fuck movie with the hottest fuck sex scene.

Speaker 3 (02:42):
But again, no World War Two.

Speaker 2 (02:43):
We could not have.

Speaker 1 (02:45):
So we decided to do something you know, not traumatic
at all today, like.

Speaker 2 (02:49):
A musical.

Speaker 1 (02:52):
Erica.

Speaker 2 (02:52):
Before we get to the musical, we do have a
couple of five star Apple podcast reviews. Would you like
to read the first one?

Speaker 1 (02:57):
Yes? Please?

Speaker 2 (02:57):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (02:58):
Our first review comes from Funky and the title is
I have since peed my pants.

Speaker 2 (03:05):
Okay, since this review, you think, just.

Speaker 3 (03:08):
Like since this morning, since this morning, girl, you and.

Speaker 2 (03:10):
Me both, no matter where you are, I may peed
a little bit.

Speaker 1 (03:14):
If there's if there's a sneeze happening, run away for me,
get away.

Speaker 2 (03:20):
Erica comes into my house, just hands me a Umbrella's
like just in case, just in case, just in.

Speaker 1 (03:23):
Case there's a sneeze or a or a cough. You
would think I'd had ten children. That's not the case,
not the case at all, all right, g Funky rights canonically.

Speaker 3 (03:41):
Just look like Mudflaps, g Funky Rights.

Speaker 1 (03:48):
Canonically, the first episode I listened to was Newsy's because
I was that drama kid, love you, Love You. Then
on a road trip, my husband demanded raising Arizona. Oh
I love that movie, it's so good. After hearing the
end of your American Psycho review, just bouncing around and
picked off his space. And then I want the listeners

(04:10):
to know this is all caps from here on out.
Peede my pants at work. Not a good look.

Speaker 2 (04:19):
Not a good look.

Speaker 1 (04:19):
It's fair they right, not a good look. Yeah, I
have zero idea how I found you. That's how they
end it. Excellent review, excellent review. So much drama and then.

Speaker 3 (04:29):
You just pieced out.

Speaker 2 (04:30):
Yep, you have a supporting character. Your husband is in
this review. We love a husband joining the listenership. We
love the proselytizing.

Speaker 1 (04:37):
Yeah, absolutely so, thank you, thank you. We apologize for
your dry cleaner.

Speaker 2 (04:42):
And there are underwear for that.

Speaker 1 (04:44):
Yeah yeah yeah, I haven't gone there yet, not yet,
but it's coming.

Speaker 2 (04:48):
Oh I got it for you for your birthday.

Speaker 3 (04:50):
That day's around the corner.

Speaker 2 (04:54):
We do have another review. This is from just now
with an exclamation point right one note, ooh, this podcast
has everything, Paul Erica, Movies, TV show, PSAs, hot Takes,
Paul cracking himself up, Miss Piggy, Audrey, Hepburn, Lorraine Broco,
and more more, even more, more so, much more. Come

(05:18):
for the reviews, stay for the dork jokes. I love
your show. Only one note, my volume has to be
turned up pretty high to hear you too. Oh wait,
hang on, I will address that one second. Either way,
I am a loyal listener. Thanks to my friend Morteganza
Extravaganza for telling me about y'all. That was an issue
in our earlier episodes. I have since fixed it, so

(05:38):
when you hit like halfway through the back catalog, the
volume should fix itself.

Speaker 3 (05:43):
Volume does get fixed.

Speaker 1 (05:44):
If you heard how loud I am in real life,
you would understand Paul's hesitation to turn the volume up
all the way in our early episodes.

Speaker 2 (05:52):
Yes, so yes, I have since fixed that. One day,
when I have more time, I will go back and
continue fixing all the older episodes. But I don't have
the time.

Speaker 1 (06:01):
We simply just the time.

Speaker 2 (06:02):
I just don't.

Speaker 1 (06:03):
Also, just one small note, It's Catherine, not Audrey, but
I will work on an Audrey if that is your desire.

Speaker 2 (06:09):
I did do Audrey Hepburn during breakfast at Tiffany's. We
did a lot of Audrey.

Speaker 3 (06:12):
We did a lot of Audrey there.

Speaker 1 (06:14):
Yeah, but I feel like Audrey needs to get more
plays because I think they probably meant Catherine Hepburn.

Speaker 2 (06:20):
Okay, just now, g Funky. Thank you so much for
these reviews. If you would like ad age well Tope bag,
please let us know this is you. I would so
happily send it off for you. Erica, what is the
musical that we are talking about today?

Speaker 1 (06:34):
Buckle up, kids, It's going to.

Speaker 2 (06:36):
Be a bumpy carriage ride.

Speaker 1 (06:37):
Ah. Today's film is the nineteen fifty four musical Seven
Brides for Seven Brothers.

Speaker 2 (06:46):
This was requested by Amy and Mary, Beth, Tanya, Jessica,
Mary Kimberly, Mara, Shannon Fay, Emily, Kelly, Erica, Olivia, and
a couple of people whose names do not appear on
those social media profiles.

Speaker 1 (06:58):
Also, this has been request a lot over the years,
Like every time there's a month where it kind of
fits in, like a musical month of you or something
like that, or like.

Speaker 2 (07:06):
Comes up every November.

Speaker 1 (07:07):
Oldies, Yeah, like classic movies, some like five people are
like you guys, there's a fever dream that you have
yet to address.

Speaker 5 (07:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (07:16):
Yeah, So seven Brides were Seven brothers, as Eric I said,
was a musical. The music was written by Geene DePaul,
the lyrics were by Johnny Mercer, and the screenplay was
by Albert Hackett, Francis Goodrich, and Dorothy Kingsley. That's at
least two women on that team.

Speaker 1 (07:32):
Look, I'm going to defend this movie more than you
all think I'm going to defend this movie, huh.

Speaker 3 (07:36):
But like, it's not just that there's women writing on it.
There's at least five five people looked at.

Speaker 2 (07:41):
This script and said two thumbs up.

Speaker 1 (07:43):
At least five people were like green light, no notes,
And I'm like, really, are you sure?

Speaker 2 (07:51):
It was based on the short story The Sobin Woman
by Stephen Vincent Benet, which was in turn based on
the Roman legend The Rape of the Women. I believe
it's pronounced.

Speaker 3 (08:02):
What a fun thing to base a musical on.

Speaker 1 (08:04):
Yeah, what a hilarious rump?

Speaker 2 (08:07):
Is there a musical based on the rape of Lucrease?
Is that how you say that?

Speaker 1 (08:10):
I don't know Lucretia lucre She's Roman, after all, there
should be a musical based on that woman who beheaded
the guy Judith and Herodotus. Oh yeah, I watched that musical.

Speaker 3 (08:22):
There is a Salome opera.

Speaker 1 (08:23):
Yeah yeah, can you watch that? U?

Speaker 2 (08:27):
Hey listeners, future Paul here Judith and Holofernes or Holofernes,
not Herodotus. Herodotus was a historian. Judith beheaded Halofernies. Didn't
want anyone to get on Jeopardy and they get an
answer wrong and then blame me for it. Okay, bye,
all right. So this movie was directed by Stanley Donan.
It stars Howard Keel, Jane Powell, Jeff Richards, Julie Numar,

(08:50):
Matt Maddox, Rude Lee, Mark Platt, Norma Daggat, Jacques d'armis,
Virginia Gibson, Tommy Rawl, and Russ Tamblin.

Speaker 1 (08:58):
I adore Russ Hamblin every time I see him.

Speaker 2 (09:01):
Amber Tamblin's father.

Speaker 1 (09:02):
Amber Tambler's father also notably Riff from from West Side Story.

Speaker 2 (09:07):
Like a day ago, when Erica mentioned the Riff from
West Side Story to me, I had not made that connection.
I was like, that guy looks familiar and kind of
presumed it was because he's Amber Tamblin's father, and I'm
just seeing Amber Tamblin's face on on a different human
And then you said he was riff and I almost
fell over. Holy shit, you're right.

Speaker 1 (09:22):
He's I've never known something about a musical that you didn't.
It was a weird feeling. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers
was nominated for five Academy Awards, including Best Picture. What guys,
I'm reading that for the first time. What what? Yeah? Okay,

(09:43):
I have to google. Sorry, I'm stopping to google. What
else was nominated that year? I can tell you now
because Paul wrote this sound for me and lost to
On the Waterfront, wildly different movie. Excuse me, I need
to know what else there was was in the running. Okay,

(10:14):
I'm back. Some of these are not I would say
like classic films. For example, The Cane Mutiny and The
Country Girl were also both nominated, and I have to
admit I don't really know those movies.

Speaker 2 (10:24):
I've only read the book of The Cane Mutiny, which
was great.

Speaker 1 (10:26):
But On the Waterfront was there? And from here to
a Tourney?

Speaker 3 (10:32):
What was nineteen fifty four? How did this make it?

Speaker 6 (10:34):
In?

Speaker 1 (10:35):
Were there only five movies made?

Speaker 2 (10:36):
They saw no problems.

Speaker 3 (10:38):
It's nineteen fifty four.

Speaker 1 (10:39):
Yeah, how much did people jack off to musicals back then?
They really did, They really did. This is after Sorry,
I'm gonna keep irping on this, this is after Singing in.

Speaker 3 (10:49):
The Rain came out. Singing in the Rain was already
a thing.

Speaker 2 (10:52):
Yeah, we know what a good musical is, we know
what it.

Speaker 1 (10:54):
Like, truly brilliant, not only good musical, but like the
perfect film musical.

Speaker 3 (11:00):
And then they were like, we can do this again.

Speaker 1 (11:02):
Hang on u huh. Nailed it, nailed it, nailed me.
I can't believe this was nominated for Best Picture. Okay
it lost. It won one Academy Award for Best Scoring
of a Musical. Fine, sure, whatever, I.

Speaker 2 (11:12):
Got a sad. Actually, while you're on that page, look
up who was nominated against. Because this music is unmemorable.
It sounds like every song that was cut in the
Out of Town try out for Oklahoma God.

Speaker 1 (11:24):
Okay, I take wow, Okay, the movies that came out
that year. I keep just the musicals that came out
that year.

Speaker 3 (11:31):
Yeah, this is bullshit. I'm so sorry.

Speaker 1 (11:33):
This was nominated Best Original Score against Carmen Jones.

Speaker 2 (11:37):
Oh.

Speaker 1 (11:38):
The Glenn Miller story a star is born. Oh, come on,
and there's no business like show business.

Speaker 2 (11:46):
This is an injustice.

Speaker 3 (11:47):
This is a fucking injustice.

Speaker 1 (11:49):
I've never seen the Glenn Miller story, but I've seen
all the others, and like, come the fuck on.

Speaker 2 (11:53):
Yeah. Jacques d'arm bis, one of the principal dancers, was
on loan from the New York City Ballet. He had
to leave before filming was completed. And for the eagle
eyed viewer, a fun thing to do is is Jacques
dan Blois in this scene that's supposed to have all
the brothers, because there's some in there that he's not
that's so punchy. He just disappeared.

Speaker 3 (12:11):
There's so many people in this movie, so many, so
easy to lose track of.

Speaker 2 (12:15):
Yeah, the only one you can always find is the
hot one, the.

Speaker 1 (12:18):
Hot brother, hot brother Benjamin.

Speaker 2 (12:20):
And also Julie Numar, because she's Julie Numar. She pops
and she's five eleven, so she towers over everybody else,
powers over the other women.

Speaker 1 (12:26):
And those two are connected, those two like the two
that are tired up in this movie. Yeah. Seven Brides
for Seven Brothers has an eighty nine percent critical rating
on Rotten Tomatoes and an eighty seven percent audience score.
I mean, look, I'm not gonna lie. I had fun
watching it. I really had fun.

Speaker 2 (12:43):
It's impossible to not have fun watching it. That, however,
does not make it a good movie.

Speaker 1 (12:47):
The critical rating is absurd.

Speaker 2 (12:50):
I will say, like again, I agree with Erica. I
had a good time watching this movie. It genuinely features
one of the greatest dance sequences of movie musical history.
Outside of that, I don't know what there really is
to recommend it. The songs are not good, the story
is insane.

Speaker 1 (13:09):
Insane, and like, nineteen fifty four is not that long
ago like this.

Speaker 3 (13:15):
If this were like.

Speaker 1 (13:16):
If this were like a movie from nineteen ten or whatever,
I don't.

Speaker 2 (13:19):
Know, if this was the only movie that was made
by like the Neanderthals, You're like, okay, okay, sure, like
the Romans actually got their hands on movie making technology. Yes,
but I look, I would critically, I'm trying to like
take some of the Veneer of Today off of it,
not all of it, but like some of the Veneer
off of it, because like it, obviously the backgrounds look

(13:41):
very fake, but that I don't care about that so fake.

Speaker 3 (13:43):
It's I kind of think that's charming exactly.

Speaker 2 (13:46):
I find it charged.

Speaker 3 (13:46):
They're on a stage, which.

Speaker 1 (13:48):
They yeah, yeah, it moves fast.

Speaker 2 (13:52):
It does some of the comedy works I think. I laughed. Yeah,
it doesn't quite get to camp, but it gets.

Speaker 1 (13:58):
Closed close, and Jane Powell is doing the lord's work.
She is She is pulling this fucking movie up on
like hrking it up a hill on her back.

Speaker 2 (14:06):
She is on her little five foot one back. All right, Erica,
when did you first see Seven Brides for Seven Brothers?

Speaker 3 (14:14):
Yesterday?

Speaker 1 (14:15):
Okay, yesterday for the first and probably last time? How
about you, Paul, when did you first see Seven Brides
for Seven Brothers?

Speaker 2 (14:24):
Yesterday? I had heard of this and I went in
with eyes somewhat open, because, as we had said, so
many people have requested it, being like you guys, So
I knew it was gonna be like a wild and I.

Speaker 1 (14:35):
Read not the synopsis, but like the tagline, the log
line before I started watching it, so I was like,
what is this?

Speaker 2 (14:42):
What I basically expected was like, there's gonna be of
the seven brothers, I would say, there's gonna be one
main and then probably two people who get like a
lot to do, and then the other four are kind
of gonna get rushed. But I thought we were gonna
have like parallel plots of a different lots of them
wooing people. Okay, that is not what it's about. We're

(15:04):
about to tell you. That is not the that's not
the way the story goes.

Speaker 3 (15:06):
No, they don't have time for that.

Speaker 1 (15:08):
They gotta rush through this movie.

Speaker 2 (15:10):
It is wild.

Speaker 3 (15:12):
Look, it's old fashioned to the point. I think it
is camp.

Speaker 1 (15:14):
Actually, I don't know.

Speaker 3 (15:16):
It's hard to say. It's you know, the camp is
hard to define.

Speaker 1 (15:18):
Yeah, it's like art is like I don't know what,
but I know when I see it, like, yeah, it
isn't quite but it's so close to camp.

Speaker 2 (15:24):
I think what pulls it back from camp for me
is how good the dancing is. Because the dancing is
so amazing.

Speaker 1 (15:31):
Yeah, there's like a veneer of like premium filmmaking.

Speaker 2 (15:34):
Yeah, and it's just not quite bad enough. I think
because the performers are good. All of the performers are
like some of the some of the dancers who have
to say lines can't really act at all, but like
that's fine. I don't care if they're a little wooden. But like,
I think the dancing pulls it away from that. It
could get there. I know.

Speaker 1 (15:52):
We'll discuss, We'll discuss.

Speaker 2 (15:53):
Yeah, we'll come back to this. H Erica the tagline
for seven brides or seven brothers once. First of all,
I want everyone to all cap ah caps yep. A wonderful, youthful,
loving kissing musical about seven stolen sweeties and their shotgun weddings.
What a Those are not shotgun weddings.

Speaker 1 (16:13):
They are though, like at the end there's three men
in the background. We're shotguns.

Speaker 2 (16:16):
Well yeah, they're literal shotgun weddings, but we perceive that
as these women are all pregnant, which they are not.

Speaker 3 (16:22):
No, but that's a modern take on that.

Speaker 2 (16:24):
Okay, fair enough.

Speaker 1 (16:25):
Back then, like literally, any if a woman was quote
unquote ruined, and that could just mean anything, that could
just mean like she was seen holding hands with a
fella without a chaperone present, then that's it. She's ruined.
Shotgun wedding. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, So that's funny called though,
God imagine if they were all pregnant.

Speaker 2 (16:41):
Oh shall I read the iTunes synopsis?

Speaker 7 (16:45):
Sure?

Speaker 2 (16:45):
All right. When the eldest of seven Oregon Frontier brothers
announces his marriage plans, the others follow his advice and
kidnap six beautiful women of their own. It's a rollicking
musical delight as the brothers compete for the women affections
with a raucous song and dance. Nominated for five Academy Awards,
including Best Picture and Best Screenplay, Oh.

Speaker 1 (17:08):
My God, Blowing my Mind Best Screenplay.

Speaker 2 (17:11):
It won an Oscar for its Outstanding Musical Score, starring
Howard Keel, Jane Powell, Oscar nominee Russ Tamblin, and the
Original Catwoman Julie Numar. Directed by Stanley Donan.

Speaker 1 (17:24):
If I read this side tune synopsis, I would it
would force me to watch this movie because A I
love a lot of those actors be nominated for things.
I bet it's.

Speaker 2 (17:32):
Amazing, it's fantastic.

Speaker 3 (17:33):
I bet it's so clever and well written.

Speaker 2 (17:36):
You know, we read a synopsis and the synopsis says
something wrong, we will interrupt me, like that's not correct.
Everything said in this description of the plot is correct.

Speaker 1 (17:45):
Yes, Look, it's not just that the premise is wild,
but because you can always work around that like that
absolutely peasy to fix or not even fixed. But you
like lean lean it did right. It's just so one note,
I'm like simple and like it is what it is,
and like it's not a bad movie, but it's not
a good one.

Speaker 2 (18:05):
No, it's it's a bad movie that's fun.

Speaker 3 (18:07):
I would say it's a bad movie that's fun.

Speaker 1 (18:09):
And I can't believe it was nominated for Best Picture
and Best Screenplay.

Speaker 2 (18:15):
Erica, do you have an actual synopsis for Seven Brides
for Seven Brothers?

Speaker 1 (18:19):
The amount of red pubes that woman has to fish out.

Speaker 2 (18:23):
Of her bathroom drain, you know, they've never done it,
so when she first gets there, she has to snake
the whole drain.

Speaker 3 (18:30):
She's a snake the drain.

Speaker 1 (18:31):
Yeah, she pulls a red tabby of orange cat out
of that fucking drain.

Speaker 2 (18:36):
It's a full Ronald McDonald wig McDonald.

Speaker 1 (18:39):
Yeah, it's a full Shirley McLean wig.

Speaker 2 (18:44):
It's Meredith from Brave, just coming out of that brain. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (18:47):
Just the amount of red pubes in that woman's bathroom
is disgusting.

Speaker 2 (18:52):
They're sentient at this point. Aha, all right, everyone stick around.
We're gonna take a short commercial break here. When we
get we're gonna take you through Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.
If you don't want to listen to commercials. All you
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Speaker 5 (19:10):
We will be right back, and we're back.

Speaker 2 (19:22):
We open in the Oregon Territory in eighteen fifty. Okay,
not even a state yet. This is the wild Wild West,
h as ginger backwoodsman Adam Pontepee played by Howard Keel,
arrives in town on a horse drawn wagon. How do
we know he's a backwoodsman Erica because his costume is
all brown, swede, leather and fringe. He looks like if

(19:43):
the village people had a sixth, third, or seventh member
and that member was called frontiersman.

Speaker 1 (19:49):
Yeah, yeah, that member was called Daniel Boone.

Speaker 2 (19:51):
Daniel Boone, right, yeah, are there six or seven village
Now there's six village people, so he would be the seventh.
The cop, the gi the construct worker, the Indian, the
leather man, I.

Speaker 1 (20:04):
Think that's it. The accountant, the.

Speaker 3 (20:10):
Actuary, the bus driver, the night.

Speaker 1 (20:17):
Nurse, the nurse, wet nurse.

Speaker 2 (20:26):
Whoever's employing these nurses has a.

Speaker 1 (20:27):
Lot of money, yeah, the lion.

Speaker 2 (20:32):
The sex worker, the rabbi. Oh, the cowboys.

Speaker 1 (20:39):
I desperately want there to be a rabbi in the
village people.

Speaker 2 (20:43):
The cowboy, that's.

Speaker 1 (20:44):
Okay, okay, you can't call yourself a New York band
if you don't have a rabbis true.

Speaker 2 (20:48):
That's true. Korean deli owner.

Speaker 1 (20:54):
The Greek diner owner.

Speaker 2 (20:55):
Absolutely, yep, all right. So Adam heads to They got
the Mexican man serving a little Italy pretending to be Italian.

Speaker 1 (21:04):
The amount of Spanish here in Italy is it's incredible, incredible. Hah.

Speaker 2 (21:10):
Anyway, Adam heads to the Big Speed General Store and
announces that he's there to pick up supplies and also,
as it turns out, a bride. He walks over to
the counter and he says, you wouldn't have a wife
under the counter over there, I'm looking for a wife.

Speaker 1 (21:24):
Great, excellent.

Speaker 2 (21:25):
As we said, he's very ginger, so ginger, and he
has a beard that I believe his spirit comes onto
his face. The beard and the facial hair really combine
to give a I'm I'm playing mister Applegate and dam
Yankees in a local community theater production. Mister Applegate and
dam Yankees is the devil. Just so everyone knows. That's it.
I realized that was a deep cut after I said it.

Speaker 1 (21:44):
But everyone he met me, okay, I have a wildly
hot take on this. Oh I find him hotter with
the beard than without the beard.

Speaker 4 (21:53):
No.

Speaker 1 (21:53):
Yeah, as soon as he shaved his beard, I was like, no,
But with the beard, I was kind of into it. Well,
he is a tall drink of water.

Speaker 2 (22:00):
For Oh, he's six foot three, so he is very tall.

Speaker 3 (22:04):
He's a tall drink of water.

Speaker 1 (22:05):
He's very broad shouldered, masculine, has that deep voice. Yep,
I was into it.

Speaker 2 (22:11):
I was not into it until the beard came off,
and then I was like, Okay, I see it.

Speaker 1 (22:15):
I saw yeah. To me, that like head. His face
is so ordinary and average. He's like a nice looking guy.
It's not like he's ugly or anything. But there's something
about the beard.

Speaker 2 (22:24):
You needed the spice.

Speaker 1 (22:24):
I needed spice, little spice.

Speaker 2 (22:26):
Okay. So he tells the big spis really the audience,
because the big Spies would all know this, But he
lives with six brothers. The whole cabin is a goddamn
pig stye. The food sucks, and the only solution is
to marry a woman to cook and clean. No lies
detected there's nothing else to be done to clean the
cabin except to get a woman to do it. That's it.

Speaker 1 (22:44):
And you know what's so much easier than just hiring
someone is marriage.

Speaker 2 (22:48):
Uh huh.

Speaker 1 (22:49):
Marriage so so much cheaper and so much easier.

Speaker 2 (22:53):
It's so funny because they could just say, like we
work at the farm all day, we work on the
barn all day, like they are maintaining like a lot
of land, and like we don't have time. It's still
not great to be like I'm now going to marry
immediately to do this, but like it just seems like
they're slobs since.

Speaker 3 (23:08):
Eighteen fifty, so I get it.

Speaker 1 (23:10):
No one trained them how to do anything at like
any domestic chores.

Speaker 2 (23:13):
I'm not sure they know how to wipe their asses, but.

Speaker 1 (23:15):
Like honestly, like someone will go up there and clean
it like once a week for them for like the
right amount of money.

Speaker 3 (23:21):
Yeah, oh god, do you think she wipes their asses?

Speaker 2 (23:23):
I think she teaches them how Oh no, you That
first load of laundry is skid mark central marks.

Speaker 1 (23:31):
That first load of laundry is the fast and the
furious Tokyo drifts. That's so rude.

Speaker 2 (23:46):
That took me a second, but once I got it,
absolutely delicious.

Speaker 1 (23:52):
I'm glad you like it.

Speaker 2 (23:54):
The most delicious reference to skid marks I've ever heard,
missus Bixby, and I was very happy to hear this.
Thinks this entire plan sucks out loud and she tells
out of.

Speaker 1 (24:03):
Immediately, She's like, uh, dude, yeah, a, that's not how
women work. B that's not how marriage works. See, that's
not how this convenience store works.

Speaker 3 (24:12):
Yep, the fuck is wrong with you.

Speaker 2 (24:14):
Besides, she says, you'll never find a woman to marry
you in one day because he's got to get back
to the farm, and mister Bixby tells him that the
men outnumber the women ten to one in town. Adam's
gonna have to go back east to find a ride.
These women. This is a valuable resource. We're thin on
the ground on women.

Speaker 1 (24:31):
It's so funny because the amount of single women there
are in this Like in the movie, I'm like, even
if men are out numbered ten to one, all the
women are ten. They don't have a single ugly lady
in that town, even the ones that he rejects later
because she's like too tall, too short, too blah blah blah,
I'm like, damn, those are all ten Yeah.

Speaker 2 (24:50):
All the women they hire to play like the Ultimate
Brides are dancers, so all they're all like statuesque and
courseted to for their waists to be.

Speaker 3 (24:58):
Like Julie Numar.

Speaker 1 (25:00):
I didn't google it in the end because I was like,
I don't want to know, but like, I feel like
she might have had like that surgery to remove some
ribs because her corset is corseted so tightly the whole movie,
like like you could honestly put your hands around waist truly,
And I'm like, oh my god.

Speaker 2 (25:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (25:17):
So just as mix missus Bixby is like, get on
out of here with that nonsense of wouldn't you know it?
Four gorgeous young women walking to the store, and Adam's like, well,
hello ladies, But mister Bixby tells him that these women
are all spoken for. Like someone someone already came up
at this.

Speaker 2 (25:35):
Someone put put a post it on their forehead, peed
in a circle around them.

Speaker 1 (25:39):
Yeah yeah, someone someone at the tag Sail was like
I want this one. Adam is unconcerned. The women can
always change their minds, and again Adam is not He's
a tall drink of water. Yeah he's not. He's not
ugly to look at.

Speaker 2 (25:52):
He's like standing behind the four women, and they cannot
help but be like hello, like.

Speaker 3 (25:56):
Yeah, they're like fanning themselves.

Speaker 2 (25:58):
The man has an energy.

Speaker 3 (26:00):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (26:01):
He strides over oozing masculinity, and the women can't help
but be like a hi. Sir Adam thinks the women
look nice, but he's not deciding who he's gonna marry
until he gets a look at all the local talent.
He says this out loud. I want the audience to
know this is not an internal thought that he has.

Speaker 3 (26:20):
He expresses this thought to the women.

Speaker 1 (26:23):
He's like, you all look great. I bet there's someone better.
Excuse me.

Speaker 3 (26:28):
He's so confident, Paul, wouldn't you know it?

Speaker 1 (26:30):
He burst out into song. He strides through the one
horse town and sings, how does bless your beautiful hide?

Speaker 2 (26:37):
Guy, bless your beautiful hide, wherever you may be.

Speaker 1 (26:43):
Ah, there's a line that is like, don't know your name,
but I'm staking my claim unless your eyes are cross.
That's what we're dealing with. That's the general tenor. And
then there's one woman that walks the town and she's
maybe a size eight compared to thegether with.

Speaker 2 (27:04):
I think she's a size four like she is legitimately.

Speaker 1 (27:07):
Remember in Devilware's Prada when everyone's calling Anne Hathaway fat.
Exactly that situation in this movie where he's like looking
at women and he's like, you know, too tall, too short,
and this woman walks by him and he goes heavenly eyes,
but oh that size.

Speaker 2 (27:22):
The first time. And this is just me hearing it wrong.
I heard heavenly eyes, but oh those thighs, and I
was like, come on, and then I rebound. I was like,
it's not better, but it's.

Speaker 1 (27:32):
Worse actually, because at least if she had like really
bad thighs, I could be like, well, okay, I don't
know what's under those skirts. Maybe she has terrible thighs.
Maybe maybe they're deformed somehow. I don't know, but oh no,
heavenly eyes, but oh that size.

Speaker 3 (27:48):
And I'm like, bitch, don't.

Speaker 1 (27:49):
You want a hearty girl? Come on, you're about to
haul her up into your mountain retreat. Don't you want
someone who's gonna stay tough in the winter?

Speaker 2 (27:55):
You want to work horse? Yes, you want someone's gonna
be able to get through that tough winter with you.
Oh God. You may think this song is about a cow,
it's in fact about his perfect woman. And I want
to clarify something for you, Erica, because I didn't know
this until this morning. I have written the title of
the song bless your Beautiful Hide, with all the words
spelled and shall we say the traditional way?

Speaker 1 (28:16):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (28:16):
Yeah. This morning I was gonking at Spotify. I was
looking at the songs just to be like, can I
remember how these songs? Most of these songs somewhat go,
you know, so I can do what I just did
for you. The title of this song is bless your
like days of Your Beautiful Hide, which means that the
lyricist and the composer sat down. Johnny Mercer, whoever wrote
this music I can't remember his name, sat down, and

(28:36):
we're like, what if the actor doesn't get that it's
supposed to kind of be backwoodsy. Maybe we should misspell
a word in the title of the song to be
sure that he knows.

Speaker 1 (28:45):
But let's also make it a homophone for the actual words,
so that zero people would understand the context of what
we're doing.

Speaker 2 (28:52):
We could write yeer bless your Beautiful Hide, which also
does that, but your is also wrong right.

Speaker 1 (29:00):
Only us and the person singing it would know that.

Speaker 2 (29:04):
It's a message for the actor, So the actor.

Speaker 3 (29:07):
Knows I'm gonna hit something.

Speaker 2 (29:11):
I will say this. I want to say this too.
I think Howard Keel's voice is beautiful. He has a
beautiful resonant baritone voice.

Speaker 1 (29:17):
It's also nice because everyone actually does their own singing.
I think in the movie, I think it's like you
told me yesterday.

Speaker 2 (29:22):
One person, one of the guys, gets dubbed, and then
a lot of all the women outside of Jane Powell,
who's the lead. I think most of them are dubbed
because they are primarily dancers.

Speaker 1 (29:31):
But these two are singing like Jane Powell and Howard
kill have gorgeous voices.

Speaker 2 (29:35):
Near the end of his number, he spots a woman
out behind the local tavern, Choppin Wood. She's got a
long handled axe. It could not look less like an axe,
but that's what it is. This is Millie, played by
the aforementioned Jane Powell. She is the tavern's cook, also
apparently the taverns woodswoman server probably hostess, bar back janitor like.
This woman's doing everything. She rushes in to serve a

(29:57):
table of hungry men folk the stew that she's made,
and Adam walks in eager tests out his potential bride's
skill in the kitchen.

Speaker 1 (30:03):
This is crucial, remember, yeah, because the food sucks where
he is, he.

Speaker 2 (30:07):
Can chop wood. He needs someone who can make a
good stew.

Speaker 1 (30:09):
What have these men been eating, is my question, because
this is not like power bars did not exist right
back then. What on earth did one of them have
to cook for the other other six brothers and like
just kept making oatmeal every single.

Speaker 2 (30:23):
I'm guessing they have like an entire silo of beans
and they just eat beans and fart. Oh no, the
entire house smells like a fart all the time.

Speaker 1 (30:32):
The house like like the hinges are blown off the
doors with this.

Speaker 2 (30:35):
They can't light a match during the winter or else.
The whole house just blows. Because that's why, I mean,
a woman like we have to fart less because it's
gonna be cold soon.

Speaker 6 (30:43):
Ha h.

Speaker 2 (30:44):
So they lock eyes across a crowded table, and Millie
is so taken with Adam that she spoons a large
helping of stew right onto another diner's lap. I gotta
say they are calling this stew and it's being served
the ladle, but they're serving it onto a plate. It
holds shit, and it's being eaten with a fork. I
do not understand what this food is.

Speaker 3 (31:03):
Haha.

Speaker 2 (31:04):
Adam tries it, he deems it worthy of marrying, and
he and Millie have this immediate fassant. I will give
them this. These two actors have chemistry.

Speaker 1 (31:11):
Oh, she is so convincing. The minute she sees him,
she goes like goggly eye.

Speaker 2 (31:16):
Jane Powell was enough of a feminist that she was like,
all right, for this movie to work, I have to
be in love with him the second e Laia eyes
on him.

Speaker 3 (31:23):
Otherwise nothing works.

Speaker 5 (31:24):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (31:25):
After lunch, Adam goes behind the tavern and finds Millie
milking a cow.

Speaker 2 (31:29):
Because she hasn't done enough yet today.

Speaker 1 (31:30):
That's the other thing that movie does that I think
is smart is that they show that she's a she's
a jack of all trades, but also be she works really,
really fucking hard at this tavern. Yeah, and the idea
of like only having to cook for one guy and
only having to tend one house is so appealing. It's
such a like lifestyle upgrade for her. That was smart

(31:51):
to make it so that like her life kind of sucks,
like low key sucks. So he walks up to her
and says, Hi, I'm Adam Pumptepie. Want to be my bride?

Speaker 2 (32:00):
He actually says, how about it? With no explanation, Yeah, no.

Speaker 1 (32:05):
Backstory, and then he starts to paint her a beautiful
picture of the farm he lives on, without mentioning once
the six brothers that also live there. Yeah, he says,
the only thing missing for my life is a woman.
How about it? Right?

Speaker 2 (32:17):
Yeah, I have a question for you because I have
a possibly wild take. I think Howard Keel plays this
as if he's not intentionally lying to her about the brothers.
Like I think he's playing it as if he also
fell in love with her at first sight. And yeah,
he's putting the best spin on it, but it's not
like he's actively lying.

Speaker 3 (32:36):
Do you know what's funny?

Speaker 1 (32:37):
I agree with you only because in my notes, because
it's the first time I've ever seen the movie. In
my notes, I was like, wait, he didn't talk about
the brothers, and I thought it was a mistake of
the movies. Yes that I was like, I was like, oh,
she knows there's other brothers right there. But like the
movie just they forgot to mention it in this scene,
like it's bad writing in this Best Screenplay nominated film.

Speaker 2 (32:57):
Well because also it becomes apparent that the town knows
about the Pontipee brothers immediately, like Adam's not a stranger
come to town.

Speaker 1 (33:05):
Crazy too is like it's a one horse town. There's
probably fifty fucking people in it. And like she's she
works in the tavern. Yeah, so she's the center of
all town gossip.

Speaker 2 (33:14):
They could have solved this by simply having Milly arrive
in town. Yeah, Like if she's new in town, then
this all then then all of this can be explained.
But as soon as you think about it, you're like,
they all know the Pontipee brothers live in the in
the in the fart smelling stinkhouse up on the top
of the mountain.

Speaker 1 (33:30):
So he proposes to her, He says, well, you gotta
tell me now because I won't be back for five months.
Surely you can't think of making me wait five months
just because of your pride.

Speaker 2 (33:40):
Is this proposal to wedding proposals, what Okay spelled out
in scrabble Tiles is to wedding acceptances.

Speaker 1 (33:49):
This is so like, it's so punkers. But he's like,
he's like, want to marry me? I know we literally
you don't.

Speaker 5 (33:55):
Know me at all.

Speaker 1 (33:56):
You literally don't know my name and like, and she's
like I He's like, look, I'm leaving for five months.

Speaker 3 (34:01):
Tell me now, ur it's.

Speaker 1 (34:02):
Over there, like Jesus Chris. But of course she fell
in love at first sight. What can she do about it?
She can't think of a reason to say no. She's like,
let me just finish my chores and I'll be right
with you. And he's like right, and he heads to shave,
and then Erica loses her boner for him. Yeah, and
Paul gains one for the rest of the movie and.

Speaker 2 (34:22):
The boner transfers it's boner transference, aha.

Speaker 3 (34:27):
And then he finds a preacher to marry them.

Speaker 2 (34:30):
Yep. So we cut to them at the Parsons house.
The parson and his wife were like, you go girl,
like blink twice if you'ed rescuing, Like, what's going on?
The parson his wife are very concerned.

Speaker 1 (34:39):
Well done of the film. The general store owners were like,
this guy sucks. And now the parson and his wife
are like, this guy sucks.

Speaker 2 (34:46):
What are we doing? So they cut back to Millie
and Adam. It's a two shot, and it's so funny because,
as we said, Howard Kila is six foot three, Jane
Powell is five foot one. They didn't get her a
tom Cruise box. So the framing of the shot actually
cuts off the top of Howard Keele's head and it
is I am not exaggerating neck up on Jane Powell.

(35:09):
And she has this line where she says, you know,
I get proposals all the time, and I always have
this horrible feeling right here. But you can't see her hands,
so you're.

Speaker 3 (35:17):
Like, where where is she pointing to her knees?

Speaker 2 (35:20):
Is she pointing to her genitals? Is she put into
her stomach, her boobs, her chest? Where where?

Speaker 3 (35:25):
What's happening?

Speaker 2 (35:25):
The only thing we know it's not her face.

Speaker 1 (35:27):
She's pointing to like an inanimate object. She's like, I
was going a bad feeling in this lamp.

Speaker 2 (35:35):
But this time Erica, after Adam proposed, she had no
horrible feeling. She knows that she and Adam are meant
to be, and the parson and his wife are like, okay.

Speaker 3 (35:44):
Well, legally you're an adult. We can't stop you.

Speaker 2 (35:47):
And they get married.

Speaker 1 (35:48):
So Adam loads Milliet onto his cart and they head
off the twelve mile trek up the cabin, which I
guess back in the day would have taken hours.

Speaker 2 (35:57):
Yep, there's a there's a line, is there? Leaving town?
I think it's missus Bixby says it's indecent if you
ask me, one lone woman and seven scroungy backwoodsmen. I'm like,
or it's the start of a porno.

Speaker 3 (36:10):
Or it's a sort of amazing porno.

Speaker 1 (36:12):
Hang on, hang on, I gotta I gotta know, I
gotta know, and we're back.

Speaker 3 (36:26):
Huh Okay.

Speaker 1 (36:28):
I googled seven brides for seven brothers.

Speaker 2 (36:30):
Porno's that's on your surch history.

Speaker 1 (36:33):
Now that's never coming off. Government saw that, and there
is according to I don't know. Look, I refuse to
even read this website's name out loud because I don't
know what I'm looking at. But into google like responses
with seven submissive brides for seven male domb brothers. That

(36:55):
seems to be the only one that was made. I'm sorry,
you guys.

Speaker 2 (36:58):
You're missing out.

Speaker 1 (37:00):
Actually, I think there are just poornos called seven brides
for seven brothers. It's the number seven instead of seven,
which is how they got around getting sued. Yes, there
does seem to be a poor no called seven brides
for seven brothers.

Speaker 2 (37:12):
Good.

Speaker 1 (37:12):
I'm glad, I'm glad. I'm glad the marketplace works, is
what I'm saying, because of course there is.

Speaker 2 (37:18):
We can trust. We can trust the adult video producers
of the world to not miss an obvious gift.

Speaker 1 (37:23):
Yes, So, as they're heading out of town, some of
the local men are not happy that Adam has taken
an available woman away from them. They're like, oh, darn it,
darn it. Now, there's twenty of us. We'll never get married.

Speaker 2 (37:35):
We'll never know what sex is now.

Speaker 3 (37:38):
But Milly is thrilled. She's excited to live outside of town.

Speaker 1 (37:41):
Does not have to work in the tavern anymore, to
only as I said before, she says, and now this
part the quiet port out loud, to only have to
work for one man and one woman and one household.
How cool is that The two of them get to
know each other, and she shows him what her father
left her, which was a copy of the Bible and
a copy of Plutarch's Lives right So Roman History and

(38:04):
the Bible what fun reading.

Speaker 2 (38:05):
Yeah, you might wonder why I'm mentioning that. It's because
it actually does come back.

Speaker 3 (38:09):
Super super matters.

Speaker 1 (38:11):
Because if you give an illiterate man one book to read,
make sure it's The Race.

Speaker 2 (38:19):
Make sure it's Fear of Flying by Erika John, It's
The Feminine Mystique by Betty for Dan, It's The.

Speaker 1 (38:27):
Bluest Eye by Tony Morrison.

Speaker 2 (38:31):
Make sure it's something by Belle Hooks.

Speaker 3 (38:34):
Yes, do not.

Speaker 1 (38:35):
Give an illiterate man Roman History and the Bible, big mistake.

Speaker 3 (38:42):
Lady huge huge, give him a copy of Cosmo.

Speaker 2 (38:45):
Fuck it, Yeah, fuck it teen Vogue, apparently very feminist
forward ha ha.

Speaker 1 (38:51):
So okay, she is so happy she starts to shout
in excitement. Also, she's gonna get late, don't forget.

Speaker 3 (38:58):
There's an undercurrent of that through the whole movie.

Speaker 2 (39:00):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (39:00):
And he's like, ooh, be careful shouting in the winter
as we go through this pass, because we're writing through.
As Paul writes here, Checkov's Mountain fast and a noise
too loud could set off an avalanche and snow them
in until spring.

Speaker 2 (39:14):
Right. So, as Erica said, Millie tells Adam. She's so
excited to cook for this one man. Blah blah blah.
And Adam's like, oh, maybe we shoul take a quick
pit stop. I have a little something I forgot to mention. Whoops.
But Milly is too swept away. She rushes out into
the field, she picks what she says is her bridal bouquet,
and she sings wonderful, wonderful day. It's a song.

Speaker 3 (39:36):
She's a soprano.

Speaker 1 (39:38):
It's like such a so funny because she her speaking
voice doesn't match her singing voice.

Speaker 3 (39:42):
Actually thought she was dubbed.

Speaker 2 (39:43):
Oh ye yeah.

Speaker 1 (39:44):
At first, it's like, oh no, she really is singing
because her speaking voice is like a like a natural
like like it's a little lower, it's a little lower, right,
and like but when she burst out into song, it's
like that old school like Cinderella soprano that you're used
to hearing from the fifties.

Speaker 2 (39:59):
And this is the first time I like really notice
the corset because she's singing, but you can't see her
stomach moving. Yeah, And I'm like, how is she singing?

Speaker 3 (40:06):
Yeah, you can't see her diaphragm.

Speaker 1 (40:08):
I guess she's breathing. This is also the scene where
like she runs into the glen and the glen is
obviously like a state absolutely painted like a high school
painted backdrop. It's cute, though, it's cute.

Speaker 2 (40:21):
Adam is so taken with her. They get all the
way to the farm and he still hasn't mentioned his
sex tet of siblings Row, his ginger sex tet.

Speaker 1 (40:31):
Adam and Milly arrived at the farm and Adam can
no longer lie because the brothers are fucking there. His
brothers are Benjamin aka the Hot One. Yeah, but we
don't know that yet, but we're gonna find out.

Speaker 2 (40:44):
We're gonna find out.

Speaker 1 (40:45):
Caleb, who I don't remember anything about, Daniel, who I
really don't remember anything about, Ephraim, who also don't remember.

Speaker 2 (40:51):
He's the ballet dancer.

Speaker 3 (40:52):
He's the ballet dancer.

Speaker 1 (40:54):
Frank, who is pugnacious to a fault, let's just put
it that way. And Gideon played by the Great Us Tamblin.
They're all there. Their parents wanted to give them all
biblical names in alphabetical order in case you're wondering what
those names are from. Their father was hoping to get
all the way to z but their poor parents crapped out.
The brothers appear. They are in filthy clothes, they're sporting

(41:16):
scraggly facial hair. They all look like the next door
neighbor in the burbs. Remember the teenage boy, the creepy
Nosharatu looking teenage boy in the burbs. This is a
horror movie. This is a Ryan Murphy horror movie. If
I showed up to a house in the middle of nowhere,
I can't get back home at this point, because twelve

(41:36):
miles is apparently an insurmountable amount of space back in
the eighteen fifties, and this greeted me at the door,
I would shit my pants.

Speaker 2 (41:45):
Yeah, I think I'm getting murdered.

Speaker 3 (41:46):
They're terrifying.

Speaker 2 (41:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (41:48):
Also, let's just say their personalities leave something to be desired.

Speaker 2 (41:51):
Yeah, well, how did Adam get all of these social graces,
Because yes, he's a bit of an alpha male asshole,
but like he fits in in town, understands how to
speak to somebody, he knows, oh I should shave.

Speaker 1 (42:04):
Yeah, he's not basically hygiene down I think because he's
the only one that comes down trade and so he
has to be like the face of the company, right,
and so he's he's normal, Like she's like as close
to normal as these guys get.

Speaker 3 (42:18):
And the rest of them are all.

Speaker 1 (42:20):
Just like like fucking like cave dwellers that come out
every ten years. So Milly sees them as they crowd
around her and terrify her. She manages to keep her
cool as Adam leads her through the house, which is
an unfinished, stinky, disgusting dump. But it's not just that

(42:40):
he's leading her around the house like that, Like they
are just like following her and they don't say anything,
and all of them have their mouths open, like the mouth.

Speaker 2 (42:47):
Like they've literally never seen a woman.

Speaker 1 (42:49):
Yes, yeah, like genuinely. And I'm like, oh no, no, no, girl,
get the fuck out, ride a bear back to the
to the homestead.

Speaker 2 (42:57):
Absolutely so, Millie innocently asks about the name frank because
she says, well, I didn't think that was a biblical name,
which isn't Francis a biblical name, Saint Francis.

Speaker 3 (43:07):
I don't know if it's in the Bible.

Speaker 1 (43:09):
I think Francis existed, after gotcha, I don't know.

Speaker 3 (43:12):
I am making that shot.

Speaker 2 (43:13):
I mean, look, I will get I'm not going to
say these writers knew more about many things in me,
but I will easily admit they probably knew more about
the Bible, so I'm sure they're right.

Speaker 3 (43:22):
Okay, So Saint Francis died in twelve twenty six.

Speaker 2 (43:26):
Okay, so well after the Bible and guessing. Yeah, all right,
So the brothers immediately get into a brawl because Frank
is sensitive about his name because his full name, you see,
is Frankensense. I did laugh at that. I was like,
that's actually funny joke. Yeah. Adam finishes the quote unquote
tour by showing Millie the pile of dirty clothes that
need mending and cleaning, the kitchen and the dinner bell

(43:47):
and he leaves. He's like, let us all know when
the dinner's ready, bye bye, And she's just like, holy fuck.

Speaker 1 (43:53):
Also, I have to mention like deoduran hasn't been invented yet,
and I don't know what their soap situation is these woods,
so it's on top of on top of fast and
the furious in their pants.

Speaker 2 (44:06):
Yeah, they are at best climbing into a bucket once
a week and scraping themselves off.

Speaker 1 (44:11):
Oh yeah, growth we cut to Millie. You know what
she's gonna roll up her sleeves make the most out
of the situation.

Speaker 2 (44:18):
One thing we know about Millie, she's a hard worker.

Speaker 1 (44:19):
The hard worker. She's cooked for seven men before at
the same time. In fact, she does it every day.
She's ringing the dinner bell. The brothers run up like
hogs to a trough and they start tearing at the food.
The table actually looks nice, she said it. She's put
the food out. It looks appetizing, it looks normal, like
you are like, it doesn't look like beans in a trough.
Millie's like, hey, guys, you need to say Grace. Hey, Hey,

(44:40):
hey everyone. No one said Grace, what are you? What
are you doing? She gets so angry with them that
she goes real Housewife of Oregon Territory and she's like,
you're a prostitution horror, and she flips the table onto them,
spilling their dinner all over them and onto the floor.

Speaker 2 (44:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (44:58):
And then she heads up stairs in a huff and
slams the bedroom door.

Speaker 2 (45:02):
Yeah. I would love to hear Millie's like, real house
I have Oregon Territory tagline. Haha. You may have seven brothers,
but I've got one fist fucking say.

Speaker 1 (45:11):
Grace, say Grace. I didn't come here to make friends.
I came here to make twelve bits every day.

Speaker 2 (45:21):
Later that night, the brothers are all sitting around downstairs.
They're kind of all like looking around, like they're not
sure what to do. Adam is like, well, it's time
for bed, and they're like, uh huh, because clearly these
six men are dying to know what sex sounds like
that is the only thing they're thinking about.

Speaker 1 (45:36):
This part of the movie creeped the fuck out of me.
I hated it. I hated it.

Speaker 2 (45:41):
So Adam heads upstairs and crucially, he knocks on the door.
There are little moments in the movie like this where
I'm like, thank Like when missus Bixby in the beginning
was like, no, he doesn't just barge in. He actually
knocks and waits for her to tell him it's okay
to come in, which I'm like that, look, it doesn't
fix anything, but it's a bit of a balm.

Speaker 3 (46:03):
Yeah, it's very gentleman.

Speaker 2 (46:04):
Yeah. So Millie tells me he can come in. He does.
He starts to get ready for bed, and Millie's like, look,
you don't want a wife, you want to cook and
a washerwoman. You want a hired girl. Basically, that's what
I am, and that's fine. That's fine. I will cook
for you, I will clean for you. But a hired
girl deserves her own bed, so fuck off. Adam tries
to sweet talker and she's firm. She says, I will

(46:24):
work for you. I will not sleep alongside you. Good
for you, Milly, excellent rebuffed. Adam climbs out the window
and lies down like in the crook of a tree.

Speaker 3 (46:36):
Excellent it.

Speaker 1 (46:38):
But to be clear, he's not like ugh, yeah, he's like,
well okay, then yeah. He just like climbs out the
window like again, It's all very kind of jovial.

Speaker 2 (46:47):
He lies down in this tree, brand She's like, well,
I'll sleep here then, which I would love to see
you try. Milly, for some reason, is moved by this.
She sings when You're in love another that is a song,
completely unmemorable.

Speaker 1 (47:04):
Not gonna lie to you. I don't remember this one
at all.

Speaker 2 (47:07):
Because it makes no sense at all. He climbs out
one window and she's like, I forgot I fell in
love with you at first sight.

Speaker 1 (47:12):
I think honestly part of it. And again, I'm gonna
give Chane Powell a lot of credit here is. She's
playing the horniness in the moment she sees him like
sprawled out on that tree branch.

Speaker 2 (47:21):
He's just like a fucking panther, and she's like, I.

Speaker 3 (47:23):
Want to climb that tree.

Speaker 2 (47:24):
Uh huh. Millie tells Adam he can come back inside,
and now we get truly a red flag. He climbs in,
he trips, he falls onto the bed, and the bed breaks. Okay,
you know what, I probably would have expected some bad manners.
I wouldn't have expected the six brothers, but I would
expect I would have expected a mess. I'm marrying. I'm

(47:46):
marrying a single man. I say, I'm looking forward to
cooking for us. All of this stuff is at least
somewhat in my purview.

Speaker 1 (47:54):
Uh huh.

Speaker 2 (47:55):
You are an Oregon Territory backwoodsman and you can make
a sturdy fucking bed. Oh no, no, no, no, Now
I'm concerned about you holding up your end of this bargain.

Speaker 3 (48:07):
Oh I didn't even think of that.

Speaker 1 (48:09):
You don't.

Speaker 3 (48:09):
You don't think it came from Ikeia.

Speaker 2 (48:10):
No, I don't. I think he fucking built that with
his two hands, and he did a bad job.

Speaker 1 (48:14):
He ordered, He ordered like the cheapest bed for Ikea
getting together himself. But yeah, they were like forty five.

Speaker 2 (48:20):
Forty five pegs. Like, I don't think I need these.

Speaker 1 (48:22):
I guess fine, don't worry about it.

Speaker 2 (48:25):
This does lead to all of the brothers thinking that
them fucking broke the bed because they're all downstairs and
they look up.

Speaker 3 (48:31):
Oh boy, and they're like, is that with sexes?

Speaker 2 (48:33):
Sex is breaking the bed? Got it? Got it.

Speaker 1 (48:36):
The next morning, the six younger brothers wake up in
their barracks. It looks to me, so that house has
two bedrooms. Yeah, one is for Adam because that's how
it was set up when we arrived. The other six
all have to sleep in one room together, like correct,
the seven Dwarves.

Speaker 3 (48:52):
Yeah, snow White and the seven Dwarves.

Speaker 1 (48:54):
Yep. I don't love this. I don't love this dynamic.
I don't love Adam's like superiority for his brothers.

Speaker 2 (49:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (49:01):
I don't care for any of this.

Speaker 2 (49:02):
You're gonna stub your toe on some crunchy socks in
that robe.

Speaker 1 (49:06):
No wonder, these these poor boys don't know anything. Their
brother's been keeping them down. Millie knocks on the door
and like just cheerfully tells them breakfast is ready, your
clothes are washed, and I'll need your pajamas to wash
as well. So she like puts out her hands like
hand them over, and they're all, of course, like, but
we're modest, we don't even know what to do, and
it's very cute. Milly tells them again, hey guys, give

(49:28):
me your dirty pajamas or I'll come in and get
them myself, and they scoff at the thread. She's not
coming in here. Yeah, there's no please come on. But
then she starts to push the door open and they're like, no, no, no, okay, okay,
we get your pajamas, don't.

Speaker 6 (49:41):
Come in here.

Speaker 2 (49:42):
Who had it worst? Millie and Seven Brides for Seven Brothers,
Wendy Darling and Peter pan uh huh or Goldiehn and Overboard.

Speaker 1 (49:52):
Good question. I'm gonna go with Goldiehn. Okay, I'm gonna
go with Goldiehn. Because she didn't know what she was
signing up for. She didn't know what was happening. Sure,
this woman like she also didn't quite know what she
was signing up for, but she seems she's got gumption.

Speaker 2 (50:05):
Yeah, you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (50:06):
You don't worry about Millie.

Speaker 3 (50:07):
She's hail and hearty. She can do this. She's got this. Wendy,
I think it's fine.

Speaker 2 (50:12):
Wendy I think is fully signed up for it. She's
enjoying everything that's happening. It's very retrograde, and we watching
it may not enjoy it, but Wendy Darling is like,
this is great, this is fun. I'm in charge.

Speaker 1 (50:21):
Fuly han and Overboard still has it worse with those
four raccoon children as you call them.

Speaker 2 (50:25):
Yes, we cut down to breakfast. The brothers have shaved
and are all wrapped in blankets since their clothes are
being cleaned, possibly for the first time.

Speaker 3 (50:34):
Can I stop you here for second?

Speaker 2 (50:35):
Benjamin Hot, Benjamin benjam Hot.

Speaker 3 (50:38):
Yeah. So as soon as the guy what's his name.

Speaker 1 (50:40):
Jeff Richards, Jeff Richards. As soon as Jeff Richards, the
actor who plays Benjamin comes downstairs wearing basically just like
sheets wrapped around his torso and you can see his chest,
holy shit, and he's shaved. Ye now, so like good goodravy.

Speaker 2 (50:54):
And it's so funny. Because so they wanted to hire
all dancers for the six brothers, but this studio was like,
you have to take two contract players. So the middle
four brothers are the dancers. The youngest one, Gideon Russ Hamblin,
can dance, but he was also a studio star and
he was like more of a gymnast. But then Jeff
Richards was a former baseball player that was in the

(51:15):
studio system, and he cannot dance. And a delightful game
to play is where's Jeff Richards? During this dance scene,
he is inevitably either standing behind everybody else, like just
moving his arms, or just cheering on his brothers.

Speaker 3 (51:28):
Yeah, I feel like I saw him play the cowbell
at one.

Speaker 2 (51:31):
Yeah, I'm also here. So we go back to the
free ball and breakfast free free balling. Millie tells them
that they're all very handsome, and she said, well, why
why haven't I seen you at the town dances talking
to the girls, And they say they've hardly ever seen
a woman, and she tells them, well, you have a

(51:51):
big sister now, and I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna
help you get married and act appropriately, and also probably
get some other fucking women up here, guess the.

Speaker 1 (52:00):
Women up here, and most importantly move out of his house.

Speaker 2 (52:04):
Yeah. Further, they will say grace and they will act
like adults at the breakfast table. She tells them, and
they all absolutely obey her.

Speaker 3 (52:10):
I'm gonna give a movie credit.

Speaker 1 (52:12):
This is a beautiful dynamic, the way these men all
look up to her and adore her from the jump.
Even when she throws the food on them the night before,
they all just kind of stand there silently and stunned.
Now when no one gets mad at her.

Speaker 2 (52:25):
She is always the alpha with the six brothers, and
they adore her.

Speaker 1 (52:28):
That is crucial to watching this movie into your enjoyment
of watching this movie.

Speaker 2 (52:33):
And they trust her, They trust her more than they
trust Adam. Immediately, Yeah, because.

Speaker 3 (52:37):
She's clearly smarter than all of them combines.

Speaker 2 (52:40):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (52:40):
So Milly is heading off to town and all the
brothers like, can we join you? Can we come with you?
And she's like sure, Which again part of me is like,
should she ask Adam if it's okay if she takes
all his workers away? But whatever?

Speaker 2 (52:51):
Also, why was Adam not coming back for five months?
It seems like Milly's going back a week later, maybe
at the most.

Speaker 1 (52:56):
I think it's been a day. I think literally it's
been one day.

Speaker 2 (52:58):
She like looked at the storage cab and it's just
beans and pork, and she's like, okay, I need a carrot.

Speaker 1 (53:03):
Like yeah, I'm gonna.

Speaker 3 (53:04):
Need some vegetables. I need a broom.

Speaker 2 (53:06):
I need some flower a broom. Do we have a swiffer?

Speaker 3 (53:09):
Yeah? Do we have a dyson?

Speaker 2 (53:12):
I need a toilet plunge with the size of a redwood. Okay,
We're gonna need.

Speaker 1 (53:17):
A lot of backs of tracing in this house, and
maybe some rubbing alcohol.

Speaker 3 (53:23):
We need to disinfect.

Speaker 2 (53:25):
Where is the bleach? I want the full chlorinated going
to cause lung damage bleach.

Speaker 1 (53:32):
So the brothers all come with her to town Alast.
Once they arrive, it only takes about thirty seconds before
Benjamin hot Benjamin has punched a man through the general
through the general store window. A. Millie's like, what are
you doing? Get back in the wagon, Get back in
the wagon, and she makes them all go back to
the farm. They were literally there for like thirty seconds
before like a fight broke out.

Speaker 3 (53:53):
Someone said the wrong thing to the wrong brother and.

Speaker 2 (53:56):
Boom, boom yep.

Speaker 1 (53:57):
Millie's like, Okay, I'm gonna have to teach you some manners,
some hygiene, and most importantly, how to talk to and
impress a woman. If we're going to try this experiment again.
First things first, guys, no more punching people. Yeah, we're
just not doing that anymore. That's the thing of the past.
We're gonna use our words. They're like, wait, not punching.

Speaker 3 (54:17):
Are you sure.

Speaker 2 (54:17):
She's like, yes, Adam always told us to punch people.
Are you positive?

Speaker 1 (54:21):
Yeah? Yeah, And she's like absolutely, this is rule number one.
We are no longer engaging in physical brawls. She's like,
be polite, be friendly. You have to show the women
that you meet that you are above such things as fistfights.

Speaker 2 (54:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (54:35):
The brothers are like confused, and you're like, oh, I
don't how are we How do we communicate otherwise? All right,
well we'll figure it out.

Speaker 2 (54:43):
She seems sure of herself.

Speaker 1 (54:44):
She is broadening their horizons. Yeah, immeasurably. In this scene,
they have a whole month before the barn raising and
the picnic, which is like a thing we're all just
learning about in real time here.

Speaker 2 (54:54):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (54:55):
By the way, in case you're like, wait, what are
you talking about? And you're like, yeah, that's how I
felt when I was watching the movie. She's like, you
know that thing that's happening in a month that's super
important in social that big social event. We're all gonna
like try to be better people in one month. And
she sings the song going Courtin' with Them, which is
a very cute song. Dancing with all the brothers.

Speaker 2 (55:14):
This is the first song I would say like, Okay,
this is cute, Like there's a couple it's very old fashioned,
but like there's a couple of cute lines in it.
And dancing is where it's at. And it's the first
time we get to see the four men that were
hired to be dancers dancing. Yeah, And so they start
dancing around and the dep brothers are dancing with each
other and learning, you know, so it's and hot. Benjamin
is just sitting out the side looking at them.

Speaker 3 (55:34):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (55:35):
Gorgeous, gorgeous hot Benjamin.

Speaker 2 (55:36):
You're just sitting there like being scenery, doing a great job.

Speaker 3 (55:39):
I could watch a dance scene.

Speaker 1 (55:41):
Yeah, all day. I was coming into this movie so
ready to hate it, huh, and so ready to like
be upset by it and be like fuck everything, fuck
this movie, fuck the patriarchy. Yeah, and then I started
watching them all dance and I was like, however, however,
on the flip side, I like watching them dance. This fun.
This is really fun, and it's all bright colors, and

(56:03):
they're like color coded. The brothers are all color coded,
so you can tell them apart from each other. And
I can't help with you, guys. I was charmed. I
was goddamn charmed by some of this movie, fair enough
by a lot of this movie. I'm not gonna lie.

Speaker 2 (56:15):
But anytime you were able to just plug your ears
and close your eyes and not think about the plot, charm, charm.

Speaker 1 (56:22):
For days, just charmed. So at the end of Going Courting,
our six rumpel feral mountain men have been transformed into
a band of well mannered lotharios.

Speaker 2 (56:33):
If only it was this easy, if only so we
cut ahead in time. It's a month later, the pont
to Be clan is getting ready for the barn raising.
As Erica said, all the brothers are color coded in
the bright and brightly colored shirts, right, so you can
identify each one. And also once they get down to
the town, all of the townsmen will be in like
brown and gray, so it's always very easy to spot

(56:55):
the Ponnape's smart costumes.

Speaker 1 (56:56):
On top of the fact that they're all like bright
bright gingers, bright red hair.

Speaker 3 (57:01):
Have we discussed that enough?

Speaker 2 (57:02):
I don't think we have. I don't think we've.

Speaker 1 (57:03):
Really like impressed upon people. How creepy these five Gingers
look standing next to each other. Even the hot one
is creepy when you put them all.

Speaker 2 (57:12):
Next to each other, because he's also the one that
because some of them, like Russ Tamblin I think has
lighter hair, so when they put the red dye, it
kind of works.

Speaker 1 (57:19):
I would say that hard disagree.

Speaker 2 (57:22):
Hot Benjamin I think has darker hair, so it gets
really brassy.

Speaker 3 (57:26):
Yeah, it's a brassy Ginger.

Speaker 1 (57:29):
Would you say their penises probably look like those peach
kit cats from earlier today? Yes, like sprinkled with peach nuts.

Speaker 2 (57:44):
Yeah, yeah, I think that's exactly right. It probably tastes
better though. Damn So the Ponnipees plus plus Millie, who's
now ponape Millie pipe head down the Mountain? Where do
you think they came up with the last name Pontipee?

Speaker 1 (58:02):
Genuinely, I have no idea. That is a weird fucking name.

Speaker 2 (58:06):
Yeah, it could have just been Smith.

Speaker 1 (58:08):
Could have been anything, even if it's the original name
from the original short story. Who cares?

Speaker 3 (58:13):
Who cares?

Speaker 2 (58:13):
Yeah, So they all head down the mountain. The younger
brothers are eager to try out their new social graces.
They arrive in town and the young women immediately spot
the cleaned up, now much more handsome Pontipee brothers who
they may or may not know exist that that's unclear
in the movie. They know Adam exists, they know Millie

(58:34):
got him.

Speaker 1 (58:34):
Okay, look, if no one in this town knows those
brothers exist, that means that Adam is like a monster.
That means that you ever see the horrible movie The
Room with.

Speaker 2 (58:42):
Brie Larson, That's what's happening.

Speaker 1 (58:44):
He's he's telling them that there is like been an
apocalypse down the mountain. There's no town, there's no survivors
where it's only just us.

Speaker 2 (58:55):
He's John Hamm and Kimmy Schmid he is.

Speaker 1 (58:57):
Yes, yes, he's the Reverend Kimmy Schmidt. He's ruining everyone's lives.
This is a horror movie.

Speaker 2 (59:09):
So the women they also spot Milly, who they're all
very friendly with, like, oh Milly. So these women run
up to the pontipe wagon. The local men are none
too pleased about this new competition, and each brother makes
a connection with a pretty lady using the techniques that
Millie taught them, which is again basically just not being uncouth.

Speaker 1 (59:26):
Pigs, polite, friendly, cheerful.

Speaker 2 (59:29):
May offer you my arm and walk you to the
lemonade stand. You know, that's all they're doing.

Speaker 3 (59:33):
You have to be This is crucial, you guys.

Speaker 1 (59:35):
Take some notes men out there if you want, if
you want to impress women, it is crucial that you'd
be good looking. Yeah, Okay, that's it. Huge part yeah, yeah,
huge part of it. It's a little bit.

Speaker 2 (59:46):
What was the problem with dangerous liaisons last week?

Speaker 3 (59:48):
He was a little bit Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just
want everyone to write that part down because.

Speaker 1 (59:51):
That's so crucial. That's so important.

Speaker 3 (59:53):
Yeah, make sure that you are what's the word good looking?

Speaker 2 (59:56):
Yeah? Please. The only important pretty lady is Dorcas, And
she's really only important because she's played by Julie Numar
and she gets to be with hot Benjamin all the time.
So I'm just jealous of her.

Speaker 3 (01:00:08):
She's just so tall and so is like striking.

Speaker 2 (01:00:10):
Looking, she's so beautiful, and she she really does pop.
I'm like, oh, it makes sense that she's the one
who kind of became famous because there's only really like
one big scene where the women get to like define
their characters a little bit, and she manages to just
define her character as the one who wants.

Speaker 3 (01:00:26):
To fuck before they get to a barn or raisin?
What is the country? What is the country?

Speaker 1 (01:00:32):
Anyway, before they get to barn raisin, the town decides
to have a dance.

Speaker 2 (01:00:35):
Shouldn't you dance after the barn raising?

Speaker 3 (01:00:37):
Have you ever been to a barn raising? You up
in the country?

Speaker 1 (01:00:40):
No, No, I was in that country. Come sorry, I'm
always disappointed by your country stories.

Speaker 3 (01:00:44):
You're never is country as I want them to be.

Speaker 2 (01:00:46):
I'll try to throw some more countryisms in for later.

Speaker 1 (01:00:48):
Ha ha ha.

Speaker 2 (01:00:49):
But don't you think they should like they do the
work and then the dance is the reward. You raise
the barn and then you dance.

Speaker 1 (01:00:55):
I think you have to like psych yourself up ahead
of time. It's like it's like like right before a
concert when the opening act comes out and they're like
everyone stand up, like it's.

Speaker 2 (01:01:04):
Like that they're trying to horn the men up so
they have extra energy to get that barn.

Speaker 1 (01:01:07):
Raised exactly exact guys, got to make yourselves look good
in front of all the ten to one ladies we
have out here.

Speaker 2 (01:01:13):
Uh huh.

Speaker 1 (01:01:14):
A truly entertaining and fantastic dance scene happens.

Speaker 3 (01:01:18):
It goes on for about ten minutes. There's so much
of everything.

Speaker 2 (01:01:21):
It's acrobatics. They're using the whole space, Like they start
at the base of the barn as kind of a
dance floor and they start jumping all over like the area.
There's at one point they're doing like balance beam work.
So they have these two by fours spread out and
these four middle the Caleb through Frank Pontipe brothers are
really good dancers, like really good, and so they're they're

(01:01:44):
doing these balancing tricks or doing cartwheels on two by fours.
It's incredible. Yeah, it's genuinely this is.

Speaker 1 (01:01:52):
The moment that the movie is gonna win you over,
if you haven't been one over already.

Speaker 2 (01:01:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:01:55):
He has a lot of one upmanship with the townsmen
and the brothers, right, That's why it's more and more
acrobatic and like athletic as he goes on. So the
Pontipees are always getting the best of the local men, right,
and the women are just delighted by them.

Speaker 2 (01:02:11):
Such a good time for Benjamin spotting find the hot
one during this scene. It's so fun.

Speaker 3 (01:02:16):
He's back making out with Julie Newmar. I don't have
to dance.

Speaker 1 (01:02:20):
It looks like Benjamin he's just has.

Speaker 2 (01:02:22):
A mirror is looking himself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm not
going to risk my knees for this. It's time for
a barn raisin, y'all. There's a contest to see what
group of men can get their side of the barn
up fastest, and the Pontipiece enter as a team hoping
to win the prize, a heifer.

Speaker 1 (01:02:39):
It's cute because there's like the prize is a heifer,
and they're like, man, and then Millie's like, whoo, we
could use a heifer. And then they all get into it.
Millie says, we need that heifer.

Speaker 2 (01:02:48):
We gotta do it, we gotta do this. The rest
of the locals immediately are like fuck that. They all
form teams and once they start raising the barn, they
start basically attacking the Pontepee brothers. They're like literally him
in the hands and feets with hammers. Hit one of
them in the face of the two by four, I mean.

Speaker 1 (01:03:04):
One of them gets breens. Yeah, I'm shocked. The movie
doesn't end there. Well, Frank's dead, that's it. We lost Frank.
We lost Frankensnse, we lost Franknsonse rip.

Speaker 3 (01:03:14):
Yeah, because like they're like.

Speaker 1 (01:03:16):
Someone at one point is like above what the Ponte brother,
I'm not sure which one it is, and like is
like ten feet above him and drops a hammer on
his head from ten feet up, and I'm like, okay,
he'd be dead. There's just no chance he's still alive.

Speaker 2 (01:03:29):
Adam notices this, but then he also notices that his
brothers every time are like apologizing to the man that
attacked them. Oh my god, I'm sorry. My hand shouldn't
have been there. Oh no, it's okay, no big deal.
My fault, my fault. He is shocked. Why are they
being so reticent to fight? I thought I taught you
in the room that if someone attacks you, you attack back.

(01:03:53):
That's the kill command. Come on, Gideon, that's how you
know to eat. They tell him they're trying to impress
the women. This is what Milly told to do. We
don't fight anymore. We're gonna be pacifists now, and he's
disgusted his wife has turned them into a bunch of
lily livered, chicken hearted lickspittles. How damn girl, Adam, you
were born a street rat, You will die a street rat,

(01:04:15):
and only your fleas will mourn you.

Speaker 1 (01:04:18):
You're all prostitution horse. Yes, the one line I know
from Real Housewives, truly, he's I love that line.

Speaker 2 (01:04:25):
I'm actually genuinely trying to think. The other one I
know is, oh, Denise, you're so angry. You're angry, Denise.
Ouch uh. Finally one of the locals hits Adam and
that Gideon cannot abide right. Russ Hamblin says, no, you
can hit me all you want, but you will not
hit my captor.

Speaker 1 (01:04:44):
Brother brother, my father, brother, father, brother brother.

Speaker 2 (01:04:49):
You won't do that. He has raised me from I
don't know. We don't really know when their parents died.
It could have been last month, It could have been
seventeen years.

Speaker 3 (01:04:57):
Ago, could have been when the minute the Gideon was
you don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:05:01):
There is one line in the movie where like Adam
says he wanted to get to Z but then one
day chopped a tree and it fell on him or
something like that, and I'm like, it's hard to get
a tree to fall on you when you're chopping it.

Speaker 1 (01:05:12):
That's your job.

Speaker 2 (01:05:13):
That's your job.

Speaker 1 (01:05:14):
Your job is a wood. Tree is your job, and
you do not manage to successfully do tree.

Speaker 3 (01:05:20):
Yeah, that's a problem.

Speaker 2 (01:05:21):
You know how. Ken's job is beach. Your job is tree.

Speaker 3 (01:05:23):
Your job was tree, and you fucked up. You done
fucked up.

Speaker 2 (01:05:26):
Your job is tree. Your job is barn. Your job
is plow right. Yeah, that was intentional, I'll say it.
He his wife pieced out. His wife was like fuck this.
Eight men, yeah, and then he was like fuck this.
Seven boys. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:05:38):
Adam seems like he's got this under control. Surely he's
not gonna start a weird sex cult up here.

Speaker 2 (01:05:43):
Adam's ten. He can handle this in any case. One
of the locals hits Adam. Gideon fights back, He's like,
fuck that, don't hit my brother. A melee erupts. That
ends with the half raised barn collapsing back to the ground.
The Pontippy brothers Victoria laugh in the wreckage, while Millie,

(01:06:03):
seeing that all of her work has come to naught.
They've probably driven off these women that were supposed to
come up here and help her get some of these
skid marks out of this underwear. Honestly does anyone have
any tricks.

Speaker 3 (01:06:14):
It's gonna take a platoon that we have no.

Speaker 2 (01:06:17):
What we have to burn these I need you to
help me sew them new underwear. I can't make this
as much underwear.

Speaker 1 (01:06:22):
Honestly, if you hang them around the trees around the house,
I bet they'll scare away bears. True, that's that's a
good reason to use some of those underwear around. Just
bury them in the garden. You'll get great corn. I
may never eat again, Erica.

Speaker 2 (01:06:38):
That's about halfway through the movie. Shall we take a
little commercial break here? Sure? All right, everyone stick around.
We're gonna come right back, and we're gonna finish taking
you through the the feminist screed that is Seven Brides
for seven Brothers.

Speaker 3 (01:07:01):
And we're back that night after the melee.

Speaker 1 (01:07:04):
Back at the Pontivy House, Millie is caring for her
brother's little battle scars.

Speaker 3 (01:07:10):
Like there's black eyes, there's.

Speaker 1 (01:07:12):
Barked knuckles, cuts and bruises, and someone do not forget
got brains.

Speaker 2 (01:07:18):
One of them also says, kick in the pants.

Speaker 1 (01:07:23):
God damn this movie. You're not allowed to charm me,
But yeah, what you are. I'd be great if one
of them literally had like like brain matter coming out
of his and his skull, and he's like, can you
fix that? And she's like, no, no, no, I don't think
I have enough. Witch Hazel, just go walking and just
don't stop. Walk into the woods forever Son. So she's

(01:07:43):
being very gentle with them, and she says she understands
why they fought. Gideon walks out to the porch to
find Adam, and Gideon asks, Adam, do you think I
could be in love with the girl I met today?
Couldn't happen that fast? This relationship is very sweet the
Gideon Adam like the younger and older brother relationship because
he really is a dad to him. We find out
that not just getting in, all six of the brothers

(01:08:05):
have fallen hopelessly head over heels butt crazy in love
with Josh.

Speaker 2 (01:08:13):
Yes they have. Everyone must accept now these brothers are
deeply romantically in love. This is not a lust situation.
This is that I want to love, honor, and obey
this woman for the rest of my days.

Speaker 3 (01:08:25):
Yeah, this is so important.

Speaker 1 (01:08:26):
Yeah, that bar must be met in order for any
of this to work. Huh, So that is the bar
we're at, Like we are all but crazy, madly in
love with these women that we met today. Adam says,
you know what, getting in you might indeed be in love?
You might indeed, and then he sings a repriese of
when you're in.

Speaker 2 (01:08:43):
Love, Poor, you're in love.

Speaker 1 (01:08:47):
Millie wanders outside to listen to him sing and is touched,
and she thinks to herself, you know what I do
love that big galut.

Speaker 2 (01:08:53):
Yeah, that big ape can be sweet sometimes sweet.

Speaker 1 (01:08:56):
He's such a sweet man. And he can bone. Yes,
we forgot to mention. Boning down is what these two
do best.

Speaker 2 (01:09:05):
Yeah, he's a backwoodsman, but he's also a front woodsman,
you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (01:09:11):
Not afraid to get a little back with me.

Speaker 2 (01:09:12):
Yeah, you know what I mean exactly, He's not doesn't
only work with wood, he works with pipe. Okay, he
corns my cob better than anyone else I know.

Speaker 1 (01:09:26):
So Milly is like, oh, listen to my beautiful husband
singing about being in love. And then when the song ends,
Gideon's like, what about what about Courton? I mean, I
don't know how to be able to win that girl
back after she's seen me fight everyone. Yeah, and Adam's like,
don't worry about it. If you can't get that one back.
One pretty woman is the same as the next.

Speaker 2 (01:09:47):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (01:09:47):
All women are completely and utterly interchangeable.

Speaker 2 (01:09:52):
They are here to cook and clean and birth.

Speaker 1 (01:09:54):
That is what I have learned.

Speaker 3 (01:09:56):
And of course Milly overhears all of this.

Speaker 2 (01:09:58):
Yep, we cut to winter. The six younger brothers sing
lonesome pole cat about how they can't make no vows
to a herd of cows. This is stupid.

Speaker 3 (01:10:09):
I would like to have seen them try.

Speaker 1 (01:10:12):
I would have liked to have seen them be like Bessie, Elsie, Elsie.
I noticed you looking at me the other day while
you were chewing that cud uh huh. And I just
want to say, I like the I like the cut
of your jib.

Speaker 2 (01:10:23):
Mildred. I ain't ever seen no woman's tits, but your
utter is breathtaking.

Speaker 3 (01:10:28):
Breath taking. Will you be my beloved.

Speaker 2 (01:10:32):
Listen, Bertha, your cowpats are the best manure we got.

Speaker 1 (01:10:38):
That tiny pink asshole just exciting every time I see it.
What if the next time they come to town, not
all of them, just one of them, just the one
that never talks.

Speaker 2 (01:10:49):
Like valet Dancer, just.

Speaker 3 (01:10:51):
Comes down with like a cow.

Speaker 1 (01:10:53):
He puts a little hat on it with a veil
and lipstick like a cartoon, and it's wearing a dress
he had to make for it. And then everyone's like,
what happened, what's going on? That's like, that's his wife.

Speaker 2 (01:11:04):
Millies like, don't ask.

Speaker 1 (01:11:06):
That's his wife. We've decided to find it charming. He
does not have sex with the cow. We've we've made
sure of that. The cow is intact, the cow has
not been violated.

Speaker 2 (01:11:18):
The cow knows it cannot give in musiastic.

Speaker 1 (01:11:20):
Consent, but we have decided to just let him have this.

Speaker 2 (01:11:40):
And so they sing this lonesome polecat song. They're like
chopping wood and dancing in the snow. Maybe the first
use of a splitting wedge in a musical. I'm trying
to be country for it. You know what a splittant
wedge is?

Speaker 1 (01:11:52):
No?

Speaker 3 (01:11:53):
Is that an axe?

Speaker 1 (01:11:54):
Thing?

Speaker 2 (01:11:55):
Is when you're when you're axing, you're axing the wood.
When you're splitting wood. If you have a big piece
of wood and you have it, you have the crack started,
but it's difficult. You put the split in wedge spike
in and you hit it through to complete to complete
the splitting.

Speaker 3 (01:12:10):
The splitting. Yeah, very country that for you.

Speaker 2 (01:12:14):
You're welcome.

Speaker 3 (01:12:15):
Have you ever chopped wood?

Speaker 2 (01:12:17):
I never chopped wood. I would my dad would chop
wood and he would cut down trees and then we
would gather it. But I never my brother was old
enough to be given the acts. I never.

Speaker 3 (01:12:24):
Would it shock you to learn that I have chopped wood?

Speaker 2 (01:12:28):
Oh, because you did it on some like glamping rich
lady trip where they were like, oh, hey, hey, Jennifer, Heather, Gloria,
do you want to learn how to chop wood? And
then some bufflanneled man named Dirk came out and he
was like, all right, ladies, do you want me to
show you how to chop wood? And you're like yes?

Speaker 3 (01:12:49):
And the handle, the handle was bedazzled.

Speaker 1 (01:12:52):
Yeah, that's what I pictured it for you, pink axe
with a bedazzled hammer. That's not the way it went.
But you know what, it's a better story keeping it.
We're keeping it in.

Speaker 6 (01:13:07):
Dark.

Speaker 1 (01:13:07):
And I are madly in love. We have been ever since.
So Millie is you know about the barn doing her chores,
she finds Benjamin hot, Benjamin hot Benjamin super hot, grassy
Benjamin in the barn.

Speaker 3 (01:13:22):
He's moving some hay around.

Speaker 2 (01:13:23):
Roll me in the hey, Benjamin, honestly, Yeah, how do
you think hot Benjamin is maintaining that pompadoor? Huh?

Speaker 1 (01:13:30):
Do you think there's real cream located somewhere on this
on the farm.

Speaker 2 (01:13:34):
Before Millie I would say he's just probably using like lard.
But now I feel like she wouldn't stand for that.

Speaker 1 (01:13:40):
Yeah. She she she went down to the to the
general store and bought some hair, got like one of
those dice and air wraps.

Speaker 2 (01:13:48):
He had heard about moose and he just thought, he like,
he just got his hands greasy on a moose hide
and just slicked his hair.

Speaker 1 (01:13:53):
That's actually how it used to happen in the front
of real moose in frontiers Land before, before moose was invented.

Speaker 2 (01:14:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:14:02):
So Benjamin tells her, look, after this winter, I'm going
to be leaving the farm, and she's like, wo wait,
you're the prettiest one.

Speaker 2 (01:14:08):
Shit. And I was like, oh, I will leave this
fucking movie.

Speaker 1 (01:14:11):
Aha. He's like, I can't live up here anymore. There's
just nothing keeping me here. I want to be married.
I want to have what you and Adam have, and
Formillie doesn't have the courage to be like what Adam
and I have is nothing. Yeah, because that guy sucks.
This is the beginning of the Adam sucks portion of
the film, and it will continue up until the last

(01:14:33):
second of the movie.

Speaker 2 (01:14:34):
Correct.

Speaker 1 (01:14:35):
That is my one major flaw with this movie, aside
from the incredibly dumb plot is but like Adam sue,
Adam sus.

Speaker 2 (01:14:41):
The brothers are have the excuse because they've.

Speaker 3 (01:14:44):
Been roomed, but also they're awesome.

Speaker 1 (01:14:45):
They don't suit. None of them suck.

Speaker 2 (01:14:47):
Only Adam they sue in the beginning because they've been
roomed because they literally don't know Betty. They've they've been
room sucked by their abusive.

Speaker 1 (01:14:57):
Older brother by they're horrifying older brother. If the movie
ended with all of them virtualistically killing Adam, I would
get thrilled.

Speaker 2 (01:15:03):
If they'd done a midsommar on Adam and were like,
we we are just going to honor Milly as our
goddess from here on out.

Speaker 1 (01:15:09):
Ah, Jesus Christ, that's the perfect movie, now that you
say that, that's what I want. So okay, So concerned,
Millie runs out to Adam and she's like, Hey, your
brothers are all in some kind of very deep funk
from having the possibility of a woman's touch taken away.

Speaker 2 (01:15:25):
From them from finally understanding what their downstairs is there.

Speaker 3 (01:15:30):
For, what their peach kit cats are there for?

Speaker 2 (01:15:32):
Exactly? Their peachkit cats need peach kitty cats.

Speaker 1 (01:15:35):
Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, they're redwoods need
polishing exactly.

Speaker 2 (01:15:38):
You know what I'm saying exactly? Yes, exactly.

Speaker 1 (01:15:41):
She's like, Look, they are grieving, they are miserable, they're
going to leave us.

Speaker 2 (01:15:45):
They're walking around with full tents pitched in their pants
twenty four hours a day.

Speaker 1 (01:15:49):
Hah.

Speaker 2 (01:15:51):
And they need to see a doctor. It's lasted too long.

Speaker 1 (01:15:53):
And those skid marks are coming back. Ye, and I
am not cleaning them up anymore. I had taught these
boys a white fair asses, and now they're for they're
too depressed to remember. Adam's like, don't worry, I'll talk
to them. I'll sort them all out. And she's like, excellent,
thank you. Do you need me to supervise you while
you do this? And he's like, nope, not at all.
I don't worry about it. And she's like, okay, do

(01:16:14):
I need to just give you some notes, some talking points?
You don't have to bring the notes with you to
the session, just memorize them in advance. Some bullets, you know,
some bullets, just like run through And he's like, no, no, no,
I'm good. And she's like, are you like, what about
a dress? Rehearsal you and me just talk it through
with me from so that we're on the same page.
He's like, I'm gonna surprise you, girl. I'm gonna riff.

Speaker 3 (01:16:35):
It's gonna be jazz.

Speaker 2 (01:16:36):
I got this.

Speaker 1 (01:16:37):
Don't worry. I will not tell these boys anything that
you would find untoward. And she's like, you know what,
I believe I believe you.

Speaker 2 (01:16:47):
This is the only moment of Millie being an idiot
in the home of it.

Speaker 1 (01:16:50):
I'm good, I am good with you handling this situation.

Speaker 2 (01:16:55):
Be jazz.

Speaker 3 (01:16:56):
They cannot go wrong. This is gonna be excellent.

Speaker 2 (01:17:00):
So he finds his brothers in the barn. They're all
kind of sitting around. Who turns it to go up
to the barrack room and jok it because we gotta
we gotta get the gotta get rid of this. These
boners somehow.

Speaker 1 (01:17:15):
They're just doing a circle jerk in the barn. They're
like a sad none of them are into it.

Speaker 2 (01:17:21):
Millie, Millie, we need hands. We need and moisturizer. Our
hands are too rough. We want if your old a
woman's hand feels like.

Speaker 1 (01:17:29):
Just the world's saddest circle jerk, well whistling.

Speaker 2 (01:17:34):
Yeah, that's what would happen if this was the White
lotus seven brides or seven brothers. Yeah, all right, So
in an attempt to cheer his brothers up, Adam brings
up the sabine woman. Remember remember how in the beginning
Milly brought Plutarch's.

Speaker 3 (01:17:48):
Lives, So the only book he's ever read.

Speaker 1 (01:17:50):
Yeah, now, like, look, some of this is on Milly
because like if that's the only book he ever read,
and he's like, well, this is how the world works
because this this one text told me that, yeah, she
should have brought the Babysitters Club.

Speaker 3 (01:18:04):
Yes, all of it, the whole series.

Speaker 2 (01:18:06):
You read one story about Claudia Kishi and you understand feminism.

Speaker 1 (01:18:10):
You let Christy tell you how it is.

Speaker 3 (01:18:13):
Going to go.

Speaker 2 (01:18:14):
You let Mary Anne Watson teach you how to feel.

Speaker 1 (01:18:17):
Yes, suh.

Speaker 2 (01:18:17):
You let Stacy McGill help you understand the struggle of
the diabetic If they need.

Speaker 1 (01:18:22):
If they need male influences, the hardy boys, they're right there.

Speaker 2 (01:18:25):
Nancy Drew Logan is in the Babysitters Club, a great
first boyfriend from Marianne. If you want to understand California,
Don Schaefer is there.

Speaker 1 (01:18:34):
Ha ha, I love how deep you go with the
Babysitterzen you fuck with the Babysitters Club.

Speaker 2 (01:18:42):
Mallory Pike grew up with eight kids. She understands Adam's place.

Speaker 3 (01:18:47):
And she's also a famous ginger.

Speaker 2 (01:18:49):
And Jesse Ramsey is a dancer. It's perfect for them.

Speaker 1 (01:18:54):
Oh my god, it really is perfect for them. We
need a Seven Brides Babysitters Club crossover.

Speaker 2 (01:18:59):
Crossover yesterday a Terpsichorian crossover. So in case anyone listening
is not familiar with the rape of the Sabine Woman, essentially,
the Romans were low on women.

Speaker 3 (01:19:17):
Paul, Yeah, I'm going to stop you right there.

Speaker 2 (01:19:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:19:19):
Would it thrill you to know that I have the
entire lyrics up right now on my computers. Yes, for
sob and women. Please, I'm gonna do this. I'm not
going to sing it. I'm just gonna read it out
loud like the poetry that it is. Tell you about them,
sob and women, Sobin Sob as in crying s Obb.

Speaker 2 (01:19:37):
I an apostrophe, as in.

Speaker 1 (01:19:38):
Weeping Women who lived in the Roman days. It seems
that they all went swimen while their men was off
to graze, while a Roman troop was riding by and
saw them in their me oh my, oh oh, so
they took them all back home to dry least, that's
what Plutarch says. Oh yeah, them, a woman was sobbin, sobin, sobin,

(01:20:01):
fit to be tied. Every muscle was throbbing, throbbing from
that riotous rise.

Speaker 2 (01:20:07):
Every love muscle was throbbing, throbbing.

Speaker 3 (01:20:09):
I think, oh oh, they cried and kissed and kissed and.

Speaker 1 (01:20:12):
Cried all over that Roman countryside. So don't forget that
when you're taking a bride.

Speaker 2 (01:20:18):
Oh then women was sobbing, sob and sobbin. It's like
this very upbeat, like so cheerful, ho down.

Speaker 1 (01:20:24):
Yeah, one hundred percent. Okay, I'm gonna stop there for
a second and just go to Like later on in
the song, Caleb, one of the brothers goes, now, when
their men folk went to fetch them them, women would
not be fetched. So they enjoyed the kidnapping and rape.
Is what this song is implying. It's not implying, it's outright,
out right saying it. It's outright saying.

Speaker 2 (01:20:44):
He's saying it with a bouncy tune. Those you don't
really hear it.

Speaker 1 (01:20:46):
These weeping, sobbing women that were carted off by the
Romans and forced into like slave sexual slavery were so
impressed with what the Romans.

Speaker 2 (01:20:56):
Had to offer with that Roman pasta.

Speaker 1 (01:21:00):
With their pennies.

Speaker 2 (01:21:01):
Yeah, they had a penne and one plate in Yoki,
and they were like done.

Speaker 1 (01:21:04):
Honestly, that's true. Like back in Roman times, if you'd
be like kidnapped me from my rural farm somewhere and
I'd been like, no, I will not stay here, and
then you handed me a plate of carbonara, I would
have been like, okay, okay, it done.

Speaker 2 (01:21:16):
This works.

Speaker 1 (01:21:17):
I am submissive. Now what do you mean can I get?
Can I guest some parmesan for this? Yeah? So okay.
So when the men folk went to fetch him them
women would not be fetched. It seems the Romans catched
them and their ladies stayed catched. Just last line, I
want to read everyone.

Speaker 3 (01:21:33):
This is Adam, the film's hero.

Speaker 1 (01:21:35):
Adam. Now let this be because it's true. A lesson
to the likes of you treat them rough like them
romans there do, or else they'll think you're touched as
in touched as in not manly. Treat them rough like
them they're Romans do.

Speaker 2 (01:21:53):
I also enjoyed the line they acted angry and annoyed,
but secretly they was overjoyed.

Speaker 1 (01:21:58):
If they just put one line in about the carbonara,
I would have understood, help me help you out.

Speaker 3 (01:22:02):
I would have been on the Roman side.

Speaker 2 (01:22:04):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:22:05):
If they'd been like, hang on a second prosecco.

Speaker 2 (01:22:10):
Think about it, think about it. So, after all of
this convincing, solid logic, no notes, they resolve they're going
to head to town that very night to kidnap their
lady loves.

Speaker 1 (01:22:21):
They're kidnapping these women. The word kidnap is used in
the movie. By the way, the movie.

Speaker 3 (01:22:25):
Multiple times understands what we're doing.

Speaker 2 (01:22:28):
Yeah, Adam is driving the sledge. They head into town.
They find the different women they impressed upon at various points,
like a couple of the women are walking out of
their house. One of the women is about to kiss
her her boyfriend good night. One of the women is
putting a pie in the windowsill and just gets sucked
out of the window like.

Speaker 1 (01:22:46):
A fucking alien abduction. I just want to reemphasize something
Paul said. They are abducted. They're not like lured out.
They're not like, come here, do you want to come
up with me? They are grabbed, a sack is put
over their heads, yet are hauled off physically.

Speaker 2 (01:23:01):
And they scream and struggle.

Speaker 1 (01:23:03):
YEP. At one point one of the men just goes mew,
like stands out, Oh.

Speaker 2 (01:23:07):
My god, that's Russ Samblin, and it's so funny.

Speaker 1 (01:23:10):
It just starts going meow, meow, and then like they're like, oh,
go see what the cat wants. And then it's so weird.

Speaker 7 (01:23:18):
So weird.

Speaker 2 (01:23:18):
Well because the first they send the girl's boyfriend, he
goes out hot Benjamin is there Hot Benjamin knocks him
out and he's like, hurry up to rust Damblin's, who goes, wow, wow,
what is happening? So they kidnap these women. They drag
them back to the sledge, and Adam heads off, just
as the town folk collectively realize that a mass kidnapping

(01:23:40):
is happening and give chase. Adam spurs the horses on
as the brothers keep their various kidnapping Victor, I mean
girlfriends quiet, right, They're literally holding their hands over their
mouths because Erica, they are approaching Chekhov's Mountain pass. The
potpiece sneak past the danger zone and then Adam's like like,
all right, let them go. They let go of their hands,

(01:24:02):
all the women scream. The pont top be brothers start
firing guns into the air. They set off Chekhov's Avalanche.
It looks like Tony Montana sneezed at the end of
the end of Scarface. I actually think that for the time,
the special effect is pretty good.

Speaker 3 (01:24:16):
I think so too. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:24:17):
Yeah, they block the pass up, so they have successfully
cut off the town until the spring thaw. Right, that's
what That's what we learned earlier, Right, you block the pass,
ain't knowing getting through. Unfortunately, in the rush of everything,
in their excitement to kidnap their girlfriends, they have forgotten
to kidnap the parson as well. And I want to
place blame here.

Speaker 1 (01:24:38):
Uh huh.

Speaker 2 (01:24:38):
Look, I'm gonna have a kidnapping plot. And there are
six girlfriends and one parson to kidnap, and there are
six men that are off to get these six girlfriends,
and one man that sits in the sledge.

Speaker 1 (01:24:49):
The whole time, dick older brother.

Speaker 2 (01:24:51):
And doesn't kidnap the parson. Guess whose fault it is
that the parson was.

Speaker 1 (01:24:57):
Not kidnapped the dick.

Speaker 2 (01:24:59):
Dick older brother.

Speaker 1 (01:25:00):
Ye, yeah, yeah, yeah, captain asshole.

Speaker 2 (01:25:03):
So there's no one to perform the weddings and Erica. Look,
the Pannabee brothers might kidnap on suspecting women, but they
draw the line at premarital relations.

Speaker 3 (01:25:13):
Well, that's nice.

Speaker 2 (01:25:13):
That is nice.

Speaker 1 (01:25:14):
That's good for them, and extra good for the terrified
women they've kidnapped.

Speaker 3 (01:25:20):
Does this movie age?

Speaker 1 (01:25:21):
Well, I think it's fine. Fine, it's fine. It's historically accurate.

Speaker 3 (01:25:25):
Yeah, this apparently happened in the Foundation of Rome.

Speaker 2 (01:25:28):
Uh huh. This is why you don't give him Plutarch's lives.
You could give him even if it's not feminist. Give
him the DaVinci code. That's fine.

Speaker 3 (01:25:35):
He'll learn some shit. Yeah, learn about Florence.

Speaker 1 (01:25:37):
It'll be great.

Speaker 2 (01:25:38):
Give him a Stella got her groove back, expand his horizons.

Speaker 1 (01:25:42):
Give him Hunt for Red October. They'll learn about submarines.

Speaker 2 (01:25:45):
They'll love that.

Speaker 1 (01:25:46):
He'll love that novel. The brothers bring their women back
to the cabin, where a horrified. Millie is like, oh,
we should have gone over your talking points.

Speaker 2 (01:25:56):
I see where I went wrong when you said jazz.
That's why I should have cut this up.

Speaker 1 (01:26:00):
There should have been a prep session this, this, this
has gone horribly awry. She comforts the victims and throws
the brothers all out of the house. She's like, you
will all sleep in the barn with the rest of
the livestock. As long as the women are in this house.
You're not sleeping here. Fuck all, y'all. The six younger
brothers are chastised. They listened to Millie. They're like, you

(01:26:21):
know what now that you set.

Speaker 2 (01:26:23):
It out loud, Yeah, I heard it when you said it.

Speaker 1 (01:26:25):
When as soon as you say it out loud, I
realized this plan maybe did not have the legs I
thought it did.

Speaker 2 (01:26:30):
Adam said it in this way that it just sounded good.

Speaker 1 (01:26:33):
Yeah, yeah, we really thought that. Now that, now that
we've worked out all the fighter points, the legalese, yeah,
oh yeah, this probably wasn't such a great idea. Yeah, sorry,
our bed.

Speaker 2 (01:26:45):
Our bet we are gonna go to the barn with
that argument.

Speaker 1 (01:26:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:26:48):
Adam, however, is like.

Speaker 1 (01:26:50):
How a dare you woman? He is humiliated by his
wife's Hutzpah, how dare she contradict him in front of
not just his brothers but his future sister in laws.

Speaker 2 (01:27:02):
Think he's gonna have to room her too.

Speaker 6 (01:27:04):
Ah.

Speaker 1 (01:27:05):
He heads to the barn and tells the brothers that
he's gonna go to the Pontipees trapping cabin until the
spring thaw. What, I'm sorry, we had another property. There's
a second property this family owns. Yeah, fuck you, man,
I didn't know that that would have been good information
to have earlier in the movie.

Speaker 2 (01:27:25):
How many cabins do you think they had? There's a
trapping cabin, a hunting cabin, a shitting cabin, a fishing cabin.

Speaker 1 (01:27:32):
A Late Night with Stephen Colbert.

Speaker 2 (01:27:34):
Cabin, a Jorkin cabin. They need to have a jork
And cabin, the same.

Speaker 1 (01:27:37):
One as the Late Night with Stephen Colbert cabin. Okay,
they just really enjoy Stephen Colbert's humor. Absolutely, Who wouldn't
that's funny.

Speaker 3 (01:27:44):
So basically he fucks off.

Speaker 1 (01:27:45):
He's like, I'm gonna go sit in this other cabin
by myself because my wife has thoughts and I don't
like that.

Speaker 6 (01:27:51):
M M.

Speaker 1 (01:27:52):
Gideon runs the house. He begs Millie to speak with Adam,
but she says Adam has to learn that he cannot
treat people like this, that women are now write this
one down, Gideon, huh not chattle? Uh huh, thank you?

Speaker 2 (01:28:04):
And he's like, what is chattle means?

Speaker 1 (01:28:05):
And she's like, oh, you couldn't have kidnapped some books.

Speaker 2 (01:28:10):
Jesus Christ. So we now get a little bit of
a montage, right. The brothers maintain the farm, they stay
in the barn, They do not come into the house.
The women start to get their revenge, shall we say,
on them. They they're throwing snowballs on them. They're dumping
water on them while they're outside, like shoveling the walk.
They should be jump dumping chamber pots.

Speaker 3 (01:28:28):
Frankly, frankly, does she be just like a hail of tampons?

Speaker 2 (01:28:32):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (01:28:33):
I used tampons and these men.

Speaker 2 (01:28:35):
There is a great moment where Dorcas. Can we just
briefly talk about the hilarity of naming Julie Newmar Dorcas. Yes,
I know it's a real name, it's a biblical name.
I know it, but like Dorcas Dorcas, Yeah, leave it
to the once in future catwoman to spike her snowballs
with rocks. So when she hits Benjamin, he's.

Speaker 1 (01:28:54):
Like, OW love you.

Speaker 5 (01:28:56):
That really hurt.

Speaker 2 (01:29:01):
Still, Erica, they just can't resist those Pontipe brothers. There's
actually a very cute sequence where Millie's inside she's like
reading from the Bible to actually she's reading the Sabine women.
I think to all these girls, the brothers like knock
on the door and they each have a different problem.
When I was like, can I get a blanket please,
and she's like okay. And the next one knocks on
the door and he's like, I need some linen liniment.

(01:29:23):
I have a sore leg. She's like okay, And then
knock on the door and there's all of them and
she's like, just come in and get what you need.
And every time they walk in like they're designated girl.
It's like who the women Erica start to thaw long
before the weather does.

Speaker 3 (01:29:36):
Yeah, well these guys are hot.

Speaker 1 (01:29:38):
Yeah, I don't know if did anyone take notes earlier
and I when the most crucial thing to wooing a
woman is just being attractive.

Speaker 2 (01:29:44):
Yeah, there will be a test later.

Speaker 3 (01:29:46):
These boys all.

Speaker 1 (01:29:48):
All but one. Let's get there's one there's one. There's
one that doesn't pass the test.

Speaker 2 (01:29:53):
He has a goofy charm. Yeah, if that's your type,
if you like a little nerd, he does it. And
you know what, he's a damn or so. The body
is slick.

Speaker 3 (01:30:02):
Yeah, that's true, that's fair.

Speaker 2 (01:30:04):
But the face, the face is rough.

Speaker 1 (01:30:06):
Face. The face card does decline. As the winter wears on,
the girls start to get cabin fever. And by cabin fever,
I mean their bloomers are boiling locked up in the
boy's old barrack. Dorcas, Oh geez, Louise, Julie Newmar, this
is Catwoman. We're not calling her doorcass, I refuse. Catwoman

(01:30:29):
gets a mischievous glint in her eye, and she wonders
which of the brother's beds she's sleeping in, and like
she goes full Catwoman, and I'm like, it's actually a
little like.

Speaker 2 (01:30:40):
The same thought.

Speaker 1 (01:30:42):
She like lays down on her stomach on the bed
and is kind of like like rubbing up against the sheets.

Speaker 2 (01:30:46):
And I was like, this is a movie that holds
it's like biblical uh uh beliefs, very forward uh huh. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:30:55):
Yeah. So she's like, hmm, I wonder who's bed I'm in?
I wonder if I'm in.

Speaker 2 (01:30:58):
Benja just starts big a pillow.

Speaker 1 (01:31:04):
The other women are scandalized, Oh, dorkiss cat woman, how
dare you? And they like one of them turns her
nose up at her, and another one goes, wait a minute,
I see you looking out the window at the men
as they're doing their chores.

Speaker 2 (01:31:17):
Every time Frankin sends trots that hot little ass past
the window, you're up there. Your nose is pressed up
against it like Charlie Bucket out of chocolate factory.

Speaker 1 (01:31:24):
Ha ha.

Speaker 3 (01:31:25):
And she's like, how dare you?

Speaker 1 (01:31:27):
And the other one's like, I heard you rubbing went
out the other night and screaming out Caleb's name.

Speaker 2 (01:31:32):
Thinking about Caleb's dumper. I know what you did.

Speaker 1 (01:31:37):
The massive amount of pheromones and horniness that's in this room.

Speaker 2 (01:31:41):
Their periods have also by this time, saying.

Speaker 3 (01:31:43):
Oh, they have definitely all sank.

Speaker 2 (01:31:45):
They are.

Speaker 1 (01:31:46):
They are a coven of horny, horned up women and
the only way they could get it out is a
fucking fist fight, and they do. They end up fighting
each other. It's like a melee, just like the brothers
at the beginning of the movie. They've lost their mind.
Millie runs in and stops them by revealing that she's pregnant. Okay,
that gets everyone to shut up. What now?

Speaker 2 (01:32:08):
What?

Speaker 1 (01:32:08):
What now?

Speaker 3 (01:32:09):
They're all like a baby, and I'm.

Speaker 1 (01:32:13):
Like, there's no hospital, there's barely running water. I don't
love this for anyone.

Speaker 2 (01:32:18):
Uh huh.

Speaker 1 (01:32:18):
They're like, oh, we'll help you give birth in the
spring when the time comes. Oh a spring baby, how delightful.
Like they're all into bully. Millie then leaves, and the
women sing a song called June Bride about how excited
they all are to be married someday.

Speaker 2 (01:32:34):
I have two notes about the scene. Number one, they say,
when you marry in June, you will always be a bride.
Do they say that? I don't think they say that.
I think I think you get a day.

Speaker 1 (01:32:46):
I think they say when you marry in June, you've
paid too much for exac. When you marry in June,
you get screwed by the vendors. Getting married in June
is a flex, But getting married on US Saturday and
you are in Russian Oligarch's daughter, that.

Speaker 2 (01:33:06):
Is the only way. Second second point of order, Millie
is pregnant. She says I'm giving birth in the spring. Now,
I believe they say in this scene that they have
been there for like two months. Okay, so presumptively, in
the song they're about to sing, they're going to say
it starts snowing in November. So let's give them that
it started snowing in November at the Pontipee farm. Mm hmm,

(01:33:27):
you can go downtown see their women. Let's give it
a month. That's December. She's now giving birth in spring.
She does not look pregnant. Her waist is as coursed
as it has ever been.

Speaker 1 (01:33:38):
Oh, let's start talking for a second about Jane Powell's
looks in this movie, the entire movie, even when she
is wielding an axe, when she is plowing a field,
milking a cow, scrubbing a foot. The hair is a
perfect flouncy blonde ponytail, ponytail tied in the back, curled
for the gods faces beat a huge amount of cream

(01:34:02):
blush all over her face. There is perfect lipstick. There
is perfect eyeshadow and blush and like mascara. Yeah, come
the fuck on, come on, is this part of it
for you? Like, and she's not pregnant, She's just not pregnant.

Speaker 2 (01:34:14):
She's simply not pregnant. My only point is if she's
giving birth in June, she only has like at most
two months left before June hits, and she is still corseted,
so she would be she's like seven months pregnant at
this point and she's corseted. That is what I'm trying
to say, very unclearly.

Speaker 1 (01:34:28):
But I, oh, Paul, fat women, Well for sure, we're
not putting that in our movie.

Speaker 2 (01:34:33):
Don't remember what he said about the but oh that size.

Speaker 3 (01:34:35):
Yeah, oh that size. Heavenly sighs.

Speaker 1 (01:34:38):
But oh that size. I know he said eyes, but
I think thighs is funnier.

Speaker 2 (01:34:41):
Okay, So the June Bride song segues directly into spring.
Spring spring, as the snow melts away and the entire
livestock population of the farm gives birth to various fowls
and calves and chicks, et cetera. All the women have
now impressed upon their respective kidnappers, so they've all gotten

(01:35:01):
on board this entire things.

Speaker 1 (01:35:03):
Stockholm syndrome is a real thing, y'all.

Speaker 2 (01:35:05):
Yep, Millie gives birth to a little girl with a
minimum of fuss, and everyone is very sweet to her.
There's a very cute scene all the brothers like run
upstairs to meet to meet the baby. They're all kissing
her blah blah blah and and and Gideon says I'm
an uncle and just falls over and faints.

Speaker 3 (01:35:21):
God bless russ hamblin.

Speaker 1 (01:35:22):
Very cute, so good. Gideon rides up to the trap
and Cabin to tell Adam that he's a father, but
of course Adam is not at the trap and Cabin
because Adam has ensconced himself to the fap and cabin,
where he has been for the last three months. And
then later on he's gonna go to the wrapping cabin
where he's gonna lay down some beats.

Speaker 2 (01:35:45):
And after that's he's gotta go to the crap and cabin, Yeah, to.

Speaker 1 (01:35:50):
Dump out, to dump out, Yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:35:53):
And then and then he goes to the slaping cabin,
where he has an effigy of Millie set up and
he slaps her because he knows he can't slap his
actual wife. Yep, that's the one line this movie does
not cross.

Speaker 1 (01:36:00):
Not cross. No, we will not hit a woman, that's right.
Then he heads on over to the nap and Cabin
because he's pooped, guys, it's been a long day. He
laid down some sick beat.

Speaker 2 (01:36:10):
He'sapped, wrapped, crapped and slapped. It's time to nap.

Speaker 3 (01:36:12):
Yep, yep, yep.

Speaker 2 (01:36:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:36:13):
And then he's going to go to the mapping cabin
where it's just full of maps. But I digress. Gideon
finds him at one of the many cabins. Yeah, and
he's like, guess what, You're going to be a father,
And Adam is so happy just to see his brother,
and but then he's like, wait a minute, this is
not real. I'm not a dad.

Speaker 3 (01:36:32):
You're it's just one of her tricks to get me back.

Speaker 2 (01:36:36):
What is the trick?

Speaker 1 (01:36:37):
What's the trick?

Speaker 2 (01:36:38):
Man?

Speaker 1 (01:36:39):
The trick? I guess the trick is to lure him
back with the idea that he's a dad and then
be like sick, which is such a mean trick. That's
fucking harsh.

Speaker 2 (01:36:49):
He also says a girl. I might have known she'd
have a girl. Cool cool.

Speaker 1 (01:36:54):
Gideon gets real without him. Gideon like is like, okay,
I've always looked up to you. You are my older brother,
my surrogate father, and my mentor and my terrible teacher.

Speaker 3 (01:37:06):
But you are being a real dick.

Speaker 2 (01:37:10):
You're being a real butt head.

Speaker 3 (01:37:12):
You're being a class A asshole.

Speaker 2 (01:37:15):
Yeah, right now, we're not going to the dap in
cabin because I'm not giving you DAPs. How's that?

Speaker 3 (01:37:20):
How's that dap in cabin is off limits to you, sir.

Speaker 2 (01:37:23):
You are DAP free until further notice. Dappin privileges revoked.

Speaker 1 (01:37:30):
Gideon says he knows that Adam can wipe the floor
with him, but he doesn't care. He wants to make
his feelings clear. He's like, you can hit me if
you want, ye, but I'm just gonna tell you to
your face that you are a dick. Millie deserves better.
And then Gideon punches Adam in the face. Yeah, I'm
so horny for Gideon right now. Adam takes it, Yep,

(01:37:51):
doesn't retaliate. He just puts Gideon on his horse and
sends him back. He says, I'll be back once the
thaw reaches all the way to this trap cabin yep.

Speaker 2 (01:38:01):
And Gideon's like, you better go to the wrap and
cabin do wr rapin' and wrap some presents and bring
them back for a million your daughter.

Speaker 1 (01:38:07):
Yes, Yeah, they'd have a rapping cabin, just like just
like Candy Spelling had that rapping that gift in her mansion.

Speaker 2 (01:38:15):
Absolutely one hundred percent by the way point of water.
In case anyone's wondering how much time is left in
this movie for them to wrap all of this up,
the answer is eight minutes.

Speaker 1 (01:38:26):
Eight minutes because you know why, because they went to
the snap and cabin and they got snappy, snappy with it.

Speaker 2 (01:38:34):
We cut to town and we hear the locals announced
that the pass is open. It's time to go get
their women back. It's amazing that these people are being
like cast as the villains and they are just like,
our daughters were kidnapped. We have to go rescue that.

Speaker 1 (01:38:47):
Yeah, can we rescue our daughters and sisters and friends.

Speaker 2 (01:38:50):
Please at the cabin, not not any of the app
and cabins, just the main cabin. Huh, Millie. The brothers
and their girlfriends are playing musical chairs.

Speaker 1 (01:38:59):
It's so hold, so cute, it's so wholesome.

Speaker 2 (01:39:03):
Adam appears and he's like, the pass is open, and
everyone knows what that means. That means the townsfolk are
gonna be coming to get their kidnapped relatives. Everyone springs
into action. And Adam finally meets his daughter. He asks
what her name is, and Millie says she was thinking
Hannah or Hagar or Hepsiba to keep up the family
tradition of biblical names. Sadly they choose Hannah. And I

(01:39:26):
am here to say justice for Hagar Pontipee. Ha ha,
justice for Hagar.

Speaker 1 (01:39:32):
It's gonna be a real rough road. Yeah for Hagar Pontipee.

Speaker 2 (01:39:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:39:37):
Adam says that as a father of a daughter, this
is what he says.

Speaker 2 (01:39:43):
He if he doesn't say in those words, but this
is the sentiment.

Speaker 1 (01:39:46):
This is where this, all that bullshit all comes from.
How's the father of a daughter? He has realized that, guys,
these women are now hang on to your.

Speaker 3 (01:39:57):
Hats when I tell you this people.

Speaker 1 (01:39:59):
Oh, they are actual fucking people. Yeah, and we got
to take them back because you're not allowed to checkt notes,
steal people. Yeah, didn't know that.

Speaker 2 (01:40:08):
I know it. My bad, Yeah, my fault, It's my fault.

Speaker 1 (01:40:11):
No one ever taught me that. Plutarch certainly led me
astray here.

Speaker 2 (01:40:14):
I went to the yapp in cabin and I listened
to some women yappin, and they told me that they
were people and.

Speaker 1 (01:40:20):
Then I was feeling piqued, so I went to the
snacking cabin, had some Dorido's.

Speaker 2 (01:40:26):
Then came back and I have come to realize.

Speaker 1 (01:40:32):
He also tells Millie that he loves her, and then
they embraced because I guess whatever, that must be some
world class dick.

Speaker 2 (01:40:39):
Yeah you deserved better, Millie.

Speaker 1 (01:40:40):
That has to be like world class a plus premium effect,
like like one thousand dollars dick for her to be like, okay,
cool cool. Adam tells his brothers they have to return
the women to their families. It's the only way they'll
have a real chance to be with them for real
as people as what's the word it mics to pronounce

(01:41:01):
this correctly, equals, equals, equals, equals, I don't know the
words equals. That's what Millie says. Yeah, the brothers kind
of disagree. They're like, or counterpoint, These ladies seem fine
with us. Now, maybe we just leave things as they are.
Adam's like, no, no, no. If we fight all the
women's families, someone will wind up getting hurt, and then

(01:41:21):
those women will never marry us, like marry into this
family because they'll see us as hooligans.

Speaker 2 (01:41:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:41:26):
Wow, he suddenly got some sense, some strategy. It wasn't
been in the map and cabin that he learned.

Speaker 2 (01:41:30):
Strategy, learn strategy.

Speaker 1 (01:41:32):
The brothers have no answer to this, and honestly, it's
very sound logic. So they're like, all right, let's go
get our women. And all of a sudden, Milly appears
and she's like, problem. The women have all run away.
They all just pieced out. The brothers realize that the
girlfriends have all hid so as not to be forced
to leave their beloved assigned pontipiece.

Speaker 2 (01:41:54):
We have what amounts to a chase scene. The brothers
scramble all over the farmstead trying to find the women
and force them to go back into town. Erica. I
have a very important question for you. What is a
worse hiding place? Is it sitting on the awning of
the porch, maybe six feet in the air, when half
of these brothers are over six feet tall or under

(01:42:17):
a cow an active cow, an active.

Speaker 1 (01:42:19):
Cow, and one of their wives, yeah, and a beloved.

Speaker 2 (01:42:24):
Ride, a beloved bride to one of the.

Speaker 3 (01:42:26):
Brothers, to the simplest of the brothers.

Speaker 1 (01:42:31):
These women maybe deserve their fate A little bit, I
little bit, A little bit because they are clinically stupid.

Speaker 2 (01:42:36):
Uh huh. Meanwhile, the townsfolk arrive and the parson here
is Hannah crying. Much to his dismay, he.

Speaker 1 (01:42:42):
Goes, oh, no, Hannah, by the way, is the baby.

Speaker 2 (01:42:45):
There's a general melee, and eventually the townsfolks subdue the
Pontipee brothers and announce they're going to hang them all
from the nearest tree. The women are beside themselves. Oh
my god, but I love them, But Papa no, And
Parson says, wait, wait, wait, we're all fathers here. We
love you, and we want you to tell us the truth.
Whose baby is it that I heard crying? And the

(01:43:08):
women all pause and they look at each other and
they look back and they all say at the same time, mine,
how long is the winter?

Speaker 3 (01:43:17):
Also?

Speaker 1 (01:43:18):
Yes, this is where I'm on board with you with
your dubious pregnancy mass. Is that there is no These
women have not been there more than three months? No,
what do men think happen? Truly? How does this happen?

Speaker 2 (01:43:32):
With no other choice? The families all co sign a
six way shotgun wedding. The parson marries them. The Pontipee
brothers all stand with their brides. The fathers stand behind
them with shotguns and they all get married as Adam
and Millie kiss off to the side, and that is
the end of the movie.

Speaker 1 (01:43:53):
Wow yeah, all right, way to rehabilitate Adam in the
last fucking.

Speaker 8 (01:43:57):
Minute of the movie as the father of a daughter,
as the brother of a sister, as the son of
a mother.

Speaker 2 (01:44:09):
As someone who has met women or really humans.

Speaker 3 (01:44:14):
Incredible, all right, you know they are people too.

Speaker 1 (01:44:17):
What that is crazy? Insane?

Speaker 2 (01:44:21):
All right, everyone stick around. We were going to be
right back with our random observations and final rankings for
seven brides for seven brothers.

Speaker 3 (01:44:39):
And we're back.

Speaker 1 (01:44:40):
Paul has kidnapped me and brought me, kicking and scream
into this studio yep, to hear his random observations. Everyone
pay attention. A man is speaking, go, I've kind of
roomed you, roomed.

Speaker 2 (01:44:54):
I've roomed you. Okay, So there's you know, we talked.
I talked about how like with the friend when Milly
was like, I got an awful feeling here and you
couldn't see it.

Speaker 1 (01:45:03):
Uh huh.

Speaker 2 (01:45:04):
It happens again in the movie because after they fight,
Milly is talking to Gideon russ Hamlin, the youngest one
and all the other brothers have left, and he says,
I feel awful strange like Milly here, but the way
they have it staged. He has like one hand up
to his face and it's blocking the rest of his body.
So you're like, where you're crotch. What is he pointing

(01:45:25):
to is? I know it's his heart, but like I
can't see his hand.

Speaker 3 (01:45:30):
It would be amazing.

Speaker 1 (01:45:31):
He was pointing right at his buttthole, like he was
leaning back and pointing.

Speaker 2 (01:45:34):
At his I've got a fire down below. Yeah, and
I'm not talking about my pubes this time.

Speaker 3 (01:45:39):
I hate to say there's a growth.

Speaker 1 (01:45:41):
Can you look at it for me?

Speaker 2 (01:45:43):
You may need to boil the butcher knife and cut
it off.

Speaker 3 (01:45:47):
We're gonna need a LANs In cabin.

Speaker 2 (01:45:49):
It's a Lanson cabin.

Speaker 1 (01:45:52):
If this is an unprecedented because yeah, I left everything
on the field, everything, all my notes I had about
this movie, I said during the regular regular run of
the show. Okay, so I just want to bring this
back to the great Opus, the American opis that is
sob and women and regale you with a couple of
lines that I neglected to give you earlier.

Speaker 2 (01:46:12):
Okay, this is Adam.

Speaker 1 (01:46:14):
While the Romans was going out hobbin nobbin, starting up fights.
They kept occupied by sowing lots of little old togas
for them tots and saying, someday women folks have rights.

Speaker 2 (01:46:28):
And if anyone's wondering, that is presented as a joke, Yeah,
a full joke.

Speaker 1 (01:46:33):
Hi, hilarious that these women think they have rights. Not
funny now, Look I get there's like a sheen of
irony to it because we are watching this. It's of
course this story takes place in eighteen fifty, but we're
watching it in nineteen fifty, right when.

Speaker 3 (01:46:49):
The movie comes out some one hundred years later, and.

Speaker 2 (01:46:51):
So audience everything has been fixed.

Speaker 3 (01:46:53):
Presumably in nineteen fifty.

Speaker 1 (01:46:55):
Audiences are like, isn't that funny how backwards people were
in Frontiers time. Anyway, I'm gonna go to the whites
only bathroom.

Speaker 2 (01:47:04):
I only have one more. I only have one more.
I also left a lot in the field. And it's
simply a compliment for the movie because obviously we've been
very harsh on I've been very harsh in the music.
I don't think any of the music is priticarly good.
One lyric I actually heard it. I was like, that's
a good lyrics. That's clever, Johnny Mercer. I see the
fact that I know you're an incredibly talented lyricist. In

(01:47:25):
this lyric, it's during the song spring Spring Spring, as
we are looking at all of the all the different
ducks and geese and young animals around the farm, and
one of the brothers of the women saying, I don't
know which one my nature's lyrical with her yearly miracle,
And I.

Speaker 1 (01:47:42):
Was like, you know what, it's clever, that is clever,
it's horrible.

Speaker 2 (01:47:45):
Yeah, I've never heard that rhyme before.

Speaker 1 (01:47:47):
Congratulations, Touch yourself on the back, Johnny Mercer.

Speaker 2 (01:47:51):
That one was good. Erica. How are we gonna rank
seven brides for seven brothers.

Speaker 3 (01:47:58):
Seven unholy skid marks?

Speaker 1 (01:48:00):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (01:48:01):
You know what? She needed to get holy water?

Speaker 1 (01:48:03):
That holy water to need a full priest.

Speaker 2 (01:48:06):
The power of Christ compels you on their underwear.

Speaker 1 (01:48:09):
To cleanse that cabin. Sage is not going to cover it. No,
you can't just sage that cabin.

Speaker 2 (01:48:14):
Popery is not up to the test.

Speaker 1 (01:48:16):
No, no, no, Yeah, we're gonna need a flamethrower. Yeah,
you gets this shit clean.

Speaker 2 (01:48:20):
A glad day plug in is not going to be enough.
How about one to ten brassy gingers, hot Benjamins, Yeah,
hot Benjamin, I'd like ten. I'd like a full ten.

Speaker 3 (01:48:32):
Baker's doesn't frankly hot Benjamins.

Speaker 2 (01:48:35):
Please, please, and thank you.

Speaker 1 (01:48:37):
How About one to ten cabins different types of cabins.
For example, Adam would at some point go to his
scrapping cabin. That's where he goes to scrap book.

Speaker 2 (01:48:45):
Oh see, I thought you're gonna say, he goes he
goes to like practice fighting.

Speaker 1 (01:48:49):
No, no, no, no no, it's where it's where he
really enjoys arts and crafts.

Speaker 2 (01:48:52):
Okay, yeah. Or sometimes they go to the tap and
cabin where they try to teach hot Benjamin how to dance.

Speaker 1 (01:48:57):
Ooh yeah yeah. Or sometimes they go to the lapp
in Cabin, which is where they just go to the
y and swim laps. It's a y, it's it's not
actually a cabin. Here's a ymca near their homestead.

Speaker 2 (01:49:11):
They go to the cap and cabin. It's where they
keep their hats.

Speaker 3 (01:49:13):
Yeah, exactly, you.

Speaker 2 (01:49:14):
Gotta go to the capin cabinet, you do hat? How
about one to ten babysitters club crossovers? Yes, what this
movie really needed was those seven young girls to come
in Christy Thomas to set these boys right.

Speaker 1 (01:49:28):
She would have whipped them all into shape. I mean,
not that Millie didn't do an amazing job.

Speaker 2 (01:49:32):
No notes on Millie.

Speaker 3 (01:49:33):
Millie is perfect.

Speaker 1 (01:49:34):
Yes, I mean except for her like weird blind devotion
to the worst man alive. She is perfect. Let's do
this one, this one.

Speaker 2 (01:49:44):
Yeah, okay, do you want to go first? Or shall
I go first?

Speaker 6 (01:49:46):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (01:49:47):
I cannot wait to hear what you're gonna say. I'm
sure to be surprised by whatever Paul comes up with
for this. Absolutely, How does this film A I just.

Speaker 2 (01:49:57):
Think it's It just portrays a time that I think
we're a nostalgic four where were yearning to go back
where things weren't called gender stereotypes and gender roles. There
was just a feeling of who does what, whose job is?
Who is? The lines were simply clear, and that's all
we want. Clarity. No, he just terribly. It's a it's

(01:50:18):
a zero erica. The whole thing is rotten to the core.

Speaker 1 (01:50:25):
I still can genuinely like, Look, it's because it's a
fun movie. I get why an audience in nineteen fifty
four would have been. I do not understand the Academy
Award nominations.

Speaker 3 (01:50:35):
I simply do not.

Speaker 1 (01:50:37):
Like A Star Is Born came out the same year
Carmen Jones came out the same year.

Speaker 2 (01:50:46):
I enjoyed it. I did because it at this point,
it really is so so backwards. It's like that thing
where they circle just all the way back around to
be like, you know what, I can't even get upset
about this.

Speaker 1 (01:50:57):
Yeah, I actually totally agree, so I was not annoyed.

Speaker 2 (01:51:00):
But if we're just gonna be honest, does it eight?
You know what? Actually, Millie is almost a good enough
character that I think Milli's so good I think I
can give it a one. Oh yeah, because Millie, to
the movie's credit, like you said, outside of just buying
Adam at all is great. She is a hard worker.
She is like I have to like find my way

(01:51:22):
out of this. I'm going to like teach these boys
how to be acceptable to like just go with Millie,
don't think about how they wind up with the women.
But like, yeah, she is she takes action. She's an
active character. She is not like, oh this is great, Yes,
you should go kidnap those women and bring them up here.
Because this is the pontipee Eden and the men all
adore her and they and they really do treat her

(01:51:45):
very well and very very honorably. And there's no that
she never gets hit, which would be well within the
possibility of this movie, right.

Speaker 1 (01:51:53):
Yeah, not even in a like a Ricky Ricardo shoulder
like I'm.

Speaker 3 (01:51:57):
Gonna, you know, like thank you kind of way.

Speaker 1 (01:52:00):
Like. No, they are very respectful to Millie.

Speaker 6 (01:52:02):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:52:02):
So as awful as this movie ages, I think I'm
gonna give it a one rather than a zero, just
to honor.

Speaker 3 (01:52:09):
Milli and Jane Powell's performance of Milli.

Speaker 2 (01:52:11):
Which is very very good. And I other than that,
I don't think I need to explain anything there. The
closest gets to gay content is when all the brothers
learn how to dance together.

Speaker 1 (01:52:21):
Uh huh uh uh.

Speaker 2 (01:52:23):
There are no people of color. The women certainly don't
talk to each other about anything other than men. Although
all of the bride I didn't bother to name all
the brides. All of the brides are named in the movie.

Speaker 1 (01:52:34):
I didn't bother because it's just because you heard the
word Dorcas and your brain froze stopped.

Speaker 2 (01:52:38):
I'm gonna give it a one out of ten Babysitters
Club crossovers, Erica, what do you think?

Speaker 1 (01:52:43):
You know? I don't disagree with you. I think it
was really funny the journey of watching the movie, because
I was waiting to get like, my eyre up. I mean,
I knew it was gonna be absurd and ridiculous, So
I wasn't expecting to be like actually offended or anything,
but I was waiting to be like, fuck this movie. Honestly,
it kind of got a new my skin. And I
was like, I showed up to Paul's and I was like,
you're gonna be shocked by this. I enjoyed that. I

(01:53:05):
actually really enjoyed that dumb movie, and so like that
is the that is the beauty of the movie, right,
Like it's the saving grace of the movie.

Speaker 2 (01:53:13):
And the dancing, obviously.

Speaker 3 (01:53:14):
Dancing, the performances, everything you just said.

Speaker 1 (01:53:18):
True. Millie is a great character. The way the other
brothers all treat Milly is wonderful. There is truly like
a Wendy Darling situation here where they all kind of
make her their surrogate mom and they're very respectful and
they listen to her, and it's it's very nice, it's
very charming. Unfortunately, their surrogate dad is the fucking devil himself.

(01:53:39):
So there's like an like almost like a wide eyed
innocence to the whole thing that makes it very easy, yeah,
to swallow, very palatable. However, it's a zero. It's a
zero for all the reasons that we normally like women
only talk about Menuh the there's no people of color.

Speaker 2 (01:53:59):
There is no sexual assault, which is which is good.

Speaker 3 (01:54:01):
I mean no, but I there's kidnapping.

Speaker 1 (01:54:05):
Yes, there's putting.

Speaker 2 (01:54:06):
There's actual assaults.

Speaker 1 (01:54:07):
There's putting a there's putting like a fucking blanket over
a woman's head and snatching her away from her house
in the middle of the night, and then that woman
falling in love with her kidnapping.

Speaker 2 (01:54:18):
Yeah, remember we got all mad at Beauty and the Beast.

Speaker 1 (01:54:21):
Yeah, no, this is bad, you guys, this is really
fucking bad. And like again, like like it would have
been great if if like one of those women really
like the Benjamin obviously, Yeah, like if dor Kiss and
Benjamin were.

Speaker 3 (01:54:34):
Like, we are horned for each other and I'm fine
with being kidnapped.

Speaker 1 (01:54:37):
Yeah, and like two of the others were like you
know what, I was gonna be an old maid anyway,
so this is fine.

Speaker 3 (01:54:41):
Yeah, And then two of the other women were like,
these guys suck.

Speaker 2 (01:54:44):
Yeah, am I wrong?

Speaker 1 (01:54:45):
I got the ugly one. I don't want to be
in this marriage at all. I'm gay, so I couldn't.
That would have been fantastic. It's nineteen fifty four. It's
certainly not gonna happen. So yeah, no, it's gotta be
a zero. It's got to be does not age well
in any way, which is why all of our listeners
were like, you, guys, you gotta watch this dumpster fire. However,

(01:55:07):
if you have seen it in the past, if it's
like something could send me near and dear to you
because like you grew up watching it, or like maybe
it was like your parents liked this movie and whatever,
Like that's fine. It's it is basically harmless because of
what Paul said, It's so absurd and so dumb and
so over the top that it does circle around to
being fine. I guess, because like no one's taking this seriously.

(01:55:28):
Yeah again. Though nominated for Best Picture.

Speaker 2 (01:55:31):
Best Picture, Best Picture, Best Screenplay, I can almost see
Best Picture more than Best Screenplay.

Speaker 1 (01:55:39):
This came out after Casablanca and After All About Eve
and After Sunset Boulevard, like all those movies happened first
and then this one, and the Academy was like, yeah, yeah,
this deserves to be a best picture, not its awesome,
so wild Wild. I don't have the background in musical

(01:56:01):
theater to offer a proper palette cleanser, because I don't
know what would be like a proper equivalent to this movie.
I would suggest, because I'm really am in love with
Russ Hamblin, I would suggest West Side Story. However, that
is an enormous bummer.

Speaker 2 (01:56:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:56:17):
So if you're looking for like a jazzy good time, Paul,
do you have something for that?

Speaker 2 (01:56:20):
Well? So I went a little more specific because the
dance sequences were so good in this one. I was like,
what is like a lesser known amazing dance sequence. And
my friend Michael sent me this a little while ago.
If you look up gene Kelly tap dancing in roller skates, Oh,
it's so good, you're gonna be brought to a video
of Gene Kelly singing I like myself from the musical

(01:56:42):
It's Always fair Weather.

Speaker 6 (01:56:43):
Hm.

Speaker 2 (01:56:44):
I don't know what this movie is about. I don't
know what at ages well overall, but you can just
watch the scene where Gene Kelly is literally doing difficult
tap dancing in actual roller skates. Yeah, and it's incredible.

Speaker 3 (01:56:57):
Oh god, singing in the Rain.

Speaker 1 (01:56:58):
Singing in the Rain came out before this movie and
they were like best Picture nominally.

Speaker 3 (01:57:04):
This is as good as Singing in the Rain.

Speaker 2 (01:57:08):
This.

Speaker 1 (01:57:08):
Yeah, Singing in the Rain has really nothing to do
with this movie. I don't think there's any crossover. But
Singing in the Rain is perfect.

Speaker 2 (01:57:13):
Okay, there you go.

Speaker 6 (01:57:14):
Movie.

Speaker 2 (01:57:15):
All right, Erica, That is the end of our show.
Everyone listening, All you backdoor broncos, all you stage door
salies out there. You can follow us on social media.
We're on Blue Sky, We're on Threads, and we are
on Instagram. Instagram is where we post our monthly themes,
where we accept requests specifically for those monthly themes. If
you want to get into on that, you gotta follow
us on Instagram. We have a tea public shop. We

(01:57:37):
would love it if you were you a five star
review on Apple Podcasts or on any podcasting platform that
you use. If you do that, just like g Funky
and just now from the top of this episode, and
let us know you did. We will send you with
that age well tope bag and if you don't know
how to do it well. In the show notes of
this episode, I have left a link to rate this
podcast dot com slash that age well and that will
just guide you through the whole process quick and painless.

Speaker 1 (01:58:00):
Title of my sex tape, Yeah That Aged Well is
produced and edited by Paul Brassy Ginger Kola. We would
like to thank Amy and Marybeth, Tanya, Jessica, Mary Kimberly, Mara,
Shannon Fay, Emily Kelly, Erica different Erica, not me, Olivia,
and a couple of people whose names cannot be determined

(01:58:21):
from their social media profiles. Also, I just want to
give a shout out to the people who for years
have been shouting at us to do this movie, to
cover this film, and we're not just mentioned because they
did it two years ago or a year ago. You've
been heard, We heard you, and we're not sorry. We
watched it. Thank you all for reaching out consistently and

(01:58:42):
letting us know what you want to hear.

Speaker 3 (01:58:44):
If you want to.

Speaker 1 (01:58:44):
Have a say in the topics we discussed, you can
join our Patreon. Every patron gets to vote in an
exclusive monthly poll to determine one of our subjects. So
head on over to patreon dot com slash that Aged
Well podcast to find out more. Speaking of which, some
tears and our Patreon come with thanks from a podcast character.
And today we're hearing from the one, the Only, the

(01:59:05):
icon the moment, Miss Piggy.

Speaker 3 (01:59:11):
Piggy is everything. Okay, yo, you what really salts my pork?

Speaker 1 (01:59:15):
Uh No, that was rhetorical.

Speaker 5 (01:59:18):
I'll tell you who does it?

Speaker 1 (01:59:20):
Martha Stuart.

Speaker 5 (01:59:23):
I left her a message asking for a nice.

Speaker 6 (01:59:25):
Lunch between old friends, and her team responded that they
wanted more to make an on screen appearance with Martha.

Speaker 3 (01:59:33):
Oh okay, I can see how that could be upsetting.

Speaker 2 (01:59:36):
Who would you know about it?

Speaker 1 (01:59:37):
You have a lot of old friends with teams mmmmm.

Speaker 6 (01:59:41):
So even though it really spirals my hand to be
talking to underlings when I know Martha has my number,
I said, certainly, and I sent in the basics in
my appearance. Fee.

Speaker 1 (01:59:52):
Oh okay, I take it. They they didn't want to
meet your feet.

Speaker 5 (01:59:55):
Oh wow, step aside, miss Gleo. There's a new act
in town.

Speaker 2 (01:59:59):
You got any one hundred number to go with that?

Speaker 1 (02:00:01):
Crystal ball.

Speaker 3 (02:00:02):
Hey, nobody cares.

Speaker 2 (02:00:04):
Martha's lucky that your email came in right as I
received the counter offer, because my bacon.

Speaker 6 (02:00:09):
Was sizzling enough.

Speaker 2 (02:00:10):
Then I might have sent her financials to the FBI again, huh.

Speaker 6 (02:00:16):
At least I know my fee is always met here.

Speaker 1 (02:00:20):
So I'm thrilled to come and say.

Speaker 6 (02:00:21):
Thank you to Michael Escobie though for being a patron
of that age.

Speaker 3 (02:00:26):
Dwell, well, thank you, Peggy.

Speaker 1 (02:00:28):
Were very reclaiming my time.

Speaker 7 (02:00:30):
Okay, Michael, you seem like a lovely person. And just remember,
if you are ever speaking to a legend of a
stage and screen, the appearance fee is not a starting
point for a negotiation. And if you ever speak to Martha.

Speaker 6 (02:00:44):
Stewart, you can remind you that I am not a
flea market vendor.

Speaker 5 (02:00:48):
I am goddamn miss Peggy.

Speaker 2 (02:00:51):
Wow she was hot today.

Speaker 1 (02:00:53):
Ouch. Yeah, I thought she might hit me.

Speaker 3 (02:00:56):
Yeah, I'm so glad.

Speaker 2 (02:00:57):
I'm surprised me get a hia.

Speaker 1 (02:00:59):
She was violence today.

Speaker 2 (02:01:01):
She was she was sizzling, which she said she was sizzling,
and she was right.

Speaker 1 (02:01:05):
It smelled really good in here.

Speaker 2 (02:01:06):
It was delicious.

Speaker 3 (02:01:07):
Yeah, I have to say it smelled real.

Speaker 2 (02:01:09):
I want breakfast, all right, Erica, any final thoughts on
seven Brides for seven Brothers.

Speaker 3 (02:01:15):
I'm going to go out to my whacking cabin.

Speaker 1 (02:01:17):
That's where that's where Joe Pesci from Goodfellas lives, and
he and I are going to go whack some people.

Speaker 2 (02:01:22):
Have you see miss Piggy there? Run?

Speaker 1 (02:01:24):
Run run? What if you got like kidnapped by the
ugly one?

Speaker 2 (02:01:34):
Right?

Speaker 3 (02:01:35):
What if the ugly one?

Speaker 1 (02:01:36):
Like and I'm not naming names, yeah, because you know what,
there might be someone different for other people. Sure, but
you and I both know who we're talking about. If
that was the one that came to my door, and
and like I could, I just looked at Benjamin or like,
I think Daniel one of them is hot, Caleb and
Daniel I like, but I can't remember.

Speaker 3 (02:01:54):
There is a middle one that's like a very close second.

Speaker 2 (02:01:58):
We're going this through process of a limiting. Frank's also hot.
They're all hot.

Speaker 1 (02:02:02):
Look and Russ Tamblin is unimpeachable. I am not talking
about Russ Hamplin. He does have a bulldog face, but
I am not talking about Russ Hamplin.

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Seven Brides For Seven Brothers (1954) - Cabins, Feminist Reading & a Brassy Ginger

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