Shag (1989) - Lipstick Hygiene, Unsexy Songs & a Confederate Flag Bikini - That Aged Well

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Zoran mam Donnie is Mira Nair's.

Speaker 2 (00:02):
Son, not Mira Naiir, right, yes.

Speaker 1 (00:06):
Zoran mom Donnie, the Democratic nominee for Mayor of New
York is Mira Naiir, the filmmaker from Salam Bombay and
Monsoon Wedding. He is her son.

Speaker 3 (00:16):
Miraa Naire lives in New York City.

Speaker 1 (00:18):
Miara Nair lives in New York City.

Speaker 3 (00:20):
That's actually the weirdest thing about that to me is
that I've I have lived in the same city as
Mira Naiir for like ever, and I didn't know, Like
I genuinely thought that woman lived in and like either
in India or in like London or Hollywood. I never
knew she lived in New York City. Someone I did
hear someone mentioned that his mom was a filmmaker, and
I was like, oh, that's nice. I didn't do like

(00:42):
the second step to.

Speaker 1 (00:43):
Be like who right, Yeah, you didn't do the second google.
You just presume like, oh, she teaches film in some colleges.

Speaker 3 (00:50):
Makes really artsy films that I like, they show up
the Film Forum, and I've which mir Nair does. To
be fair, well, look at that. I had no idea.

Speaker 1 (00:59):
I had no idea. I found that out literally minutes ago.

Speaker 3 (01:01):
You know what that his videos should have been better.

Speaker 1 (01:19):
Hey, I'm Paul in America and this is that aged well.

Speaker 3 (01:24):
Oh no, oh no, he's doing the corn pone Son thing.
Yesterday's pop culture. Don got it here today?

Speaker 1 (01:36):
It's here today, it's here today, We're there's gonna. You know,
we did Australian accents last week, We're doing Southern accents today.

Speaker 3 (01:43):
We're doing Southern accents today.

Speaker 1 (01:45):
We apologize to everybody below the Mason Dixon line.

Speaker 3 (01:48):
Let me go watch The Help real quick, just to
get a perfect Southern accent Erica.

Speaker 1 (01:54):
It is dance movie August. It's the finale La Bamba
bambas and down ups yah bala MoU let the rhythm
take you over, Balam.

Speaker 3 (02:09):
I love that we both went Hispanic with that one.

Speaker 1 (02:11):
But before we get to this Southern fraud dance movie,
we do have a couple of Apple podcast reviews. Do
you want to read the first one?

Speaker 3 (02:18):
Sure thing? The first review comes from Pamo Muse, Pamo muse.

Speaker 1 (02:24):
It sounds like pomp la moose, pampl mouse. Canonically, the
most fun French word is pampla mouse mouse.

Speaker 3 (02:32):
Uh they right? I learned about this podcast from the
Lovely Ladies at Date with Dateline, and I'm so glad
I did. Paul and Erica's unimpeachable reviews have me laughing.
I love I love that they're unimpeachable. Yeah, because I'm
going to upset some people today have me laughing and
also wondering what were we thinking in the eighties and nineties.

(02:55):
They're hilarious and they have the best chemistry.

Speaker 1 (02:57):
No notes, we are we we are a chemistry class.
We're a periodic table. We're the best chemistry.

Speaker 3 (03:04):
We are a beaker and a Bunsen burner.

Speaker 1 (03:06):
That's exactly I think. I'm Bunsen.

Speaker 3 (03:09):
You're definitely Bunsen because the chaos.

Speaker 1 (03:12):
Yes, exactly. Yeah, we can't we can't determine which of
us is Statler, which of us is Waldorf, but we
do know that I'm Bunsen and your beaker. We also
have a review from Wild Will eighty three and they write,
you had me at Ursula falls out of a vagene.
Oh that's an old, old school poll.

Speaker 3 (03:34):
Yeah, that's from that's from Beauty the Beast. That's the Beast,
that's from a Little Mermaid.

Speaker 1 (03:39):
Yeah. Paul and Erica also the names of my two
dearest friends in my whole life, all forty two years
of it.

Speaker 3 (03:45):
Oh shit, that's amazing.

Speaker 1 (03:47):
Oh my god, A Paul and Erica from across the
stars like a cosmic connection. You both are stunningly delightful
and bring me such joy. While I'd heard other scattered episodes,
the episode that hooked me ha ha fish pund was
The Little Mermaid. I uncontrollably cackled so much that I
cried at worked for ten minutes. I bet it was

(04:08):
when you asked if the carpets match the drapes for
Aeriel's That's that is the quote from that episode that
lives rent free in my head after she gets her legs.
Does the carpet match the drapes?

Speaker 3 (04:20):
Does the seaweed match the sands does?

Speaker 1 (04:25):
Does does the squid match the anenemy? Something like that?
Wild will goes on. All of your episodes are pure joy.
I can't go a day without listening to at least
a portion. Here's to our budding Thrupple relationship that you
didn't know we had, but now we do and we
are co signing.

Speaker 3 (04:43):
I'm in, I'm all in.

Speaker 1 (04:44):
Big hugs from Southwest Indiana hashtag things Wilbur likes. All right,
I got to be honest with you, Wilbert, I love
the Thrupple idea. I'm not moving to Southwest Indiana though,
I no judgments. I'm sure you have a beautiful life there.
I don't think it's for me.

Speaker 3 (04:59):
I don't know. I could do a couple of weeks
getting some like Midwest food in me.

Speaker 1 (05:04):
Yeah, okay, okay, we could do it. We could do
a tour through Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'd be down, all right,
Pamo muse wild Will eighty three. If you would like
a that age VL topeag. All you have to do
is let me know this is you. I'll send it
off for you. Erica, what is the cinematic motion picture
that we are talking about today? I actually changed Southern
accents in the middle of that sentence. Did you hear that?

(05:26):
I went from Cornpone to Blanche Devereaux as I was talking.

Speaker 3 (05:32):
Paul, today's film is the nineteen eighty eight dance rom
com Shag.

Speaker 1 (05:39):
This is nineteen eighty eight. This might be nineteen eighty nine.
I may have the year wrong. Anyway, it's nineteen eighty
it's the late eighties.

Speaker 3 (05:44):
Oh, that makes all the difference.

Speaker 1 (05:46):
Yeah, Yeah, Erica. Shagg was requested by Mary, Kelly Kessler,
Another Kelly, Sarah, Rebecca, Jana, Lana, Carrie, Kara, Beth, Heather, Christy,
Leah Shannon, Josie, Laurie, Another Heather, Angie Parker, Karen, Jenny Margaret,
five star reviewer MHL twenty sixteen, and our patrons. We

(06:08):
put Shag up against Saturday Night fever. And I will
admit I was the chaos demon behind this one.

Speaker 3 (06:13):
I when I saw the breakdown of like what movies
were requested this month, I was like, we have to
do shag. People have been begging us to do shag
for fucking years. They will riot in the streets in
these streets if we do not do shag. And then
Paul was like, how about I make them work harder
for it? How about I make them pay for it?

(06:35):
And I was like, you are a capitalist pig and
I love it.

Speaker 1 (06:38):
Yeah, it was entirely made. This is all on. While
I am generally the Bunsen and Erica is the beaker,
she was the Bunson in this case, and I was
the beaker.

Speaker 3 (06:46):
I was the scooter. I was like, she just shit together.

Speaker 1 (06:50):
Everybody, let's keep the train on the tracks.

Speaker 3 (06:52):
And I was like, no, Now, if anyone who was like,
who feels a little bit of ir for that story,
is like, ooh, Paul is wrong. I want you to
hang on to that for as long as you can
because it's gonna.

Speaker 1 (07:03):
Turn all right. So we put Shag. I really put
Shag up against Saturday Night Fever, and Shag won fifty
three forty seven percent. It was close, y'all. It was
it was close. People were advocating for both things. These
were both the losers of our first two Patreon pick poles. Wow,
Shag originally got trounced by the wedding singer, while Saturday

(07:26):
Night Fever lost hard to value of the dolls. Put
him back up, and now Shag gets the gets the
full treatment.

Speaker 3 (07:31):
Okay, you know what, I kind of love this. Now
it's a bracket exactly. We're doing it like sports.

Speaker 1 (07:36):
Yes, a lot of people were like, Saturday Night Fever
is too depressing to do right now.

Speaker 3 (07:41):
The crazy thing is is I think I would have
liked Saturday Night Fever more.

Speaker 1 (07:45):
O well, November's coming, y'all.

Speaker 3 (07:48):
Yeah, Yeah, I think I as a movie I would
have been like Saturday Fevers ultimately ages better than Shag.

Speaker 1 (07:56):
All right. So. Shag is a dance written by Robin Swychord,
Lanier Laney and Terry Sweeney. It was directed by Zelda
barn and stars Phoebe Kates, Ridget Fonda, Annabeth Gish, Paige
Hannah Scott Coffee, Robert Rustler, and Tyrone Power Junior.

Speaker 3 (08:14):
After its initial VHS release, Shagg was re released with
different music in the late nineties due to copyright issues. However,
allegedly the original music was restored for the two thousand
and one DVD release.

Speaker 1 (08:27):
And that is the one that we watched. We got
many people when they would request this movie in including
my friend Lisa. My friend Lisa sent me a picture
of her holding her copy of Shag to be like,
do you need me to bring this to you? Yeah,
to the right one. We got it through some slightly
less than perfectly above board means yeah, we got the
the Blu ray release of Shag. And I found a

(08:49):
post online that like listed all of the quote unquote
correct original music and I believe this all tracks, by.

Speaker 3 (08:55):
The way, for the listeners who don't know. His friend
Lisa lives in England, So that is a serious that
is a serious offer. That was like, I will fly
around the world to send this, to give this to you.

Speaker 1 (09:06):
You can't do the wrong one. The music is so important,
and look, I the music in this movie, the version
we watched unimpeachable. There were some deep, deep cuts from
people I'd never heard of before that were excellent songs.

Speaker 3 (09:17):
It's really good. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (09:19):
Erica Shagg has a sixty five percent critical rating on
Rotten Tomatoes and an eighty eight percent audience score. What
do you think.

Speaker 3 (09:27):
Look, I'm gonna spoil something real quick. Now. I've never
seen this movie when I was I didn't see it
when I was like the appropriate age to see this
vie for sure, So I understand that like when something
hits you right in the chest when you're like a kid,
or when you're like a teenager, and how it becomes
part of your DNA and like just lives with you
forever and you just love it. But as a critic,

(09:48):
as like someone who's like critically watching the movie, sixty
five seems slightly generous. But I'm gonna give it that
because like there's a million moving parts. Everyone's doing their
fucking life level best. This is not easy material for
quite a few of these people. It flies by. Everyone
gets a moment too.

Speaker 1 (10:07):
It's not like no one gets short changed.

Speaker 3 (10:09):
Yeah, there's no character that I feel like it's fully
short changed. Yeah, so I think this all matches. How
about you?

Speaker 1 (10:15):
Yeah, I think that's about right. So let me go
to the next question, which is when did you first
see the movie. You had already said you've never seen
it before. I had never seen it before either. I
did the recap this week, so I watched it once
and I actually texted you and I was like, just FYI, like,
I know a lot of people are very excited for
us talking about this movie, but there's stuff, like, there's
stuff here I think. I was like, it's it's almost

(10:38):
a little bit like drop Dead Fred, but drop dead Fred,
I think succeeds way more. What I mean when I
say that not in the sense of like what it's
nonsense of the story it's telling, in the sense of, like,
I see them trying to do something that is not
that they're not quite succeeding in what they're trying to do,
but I see them trying. Because what I was what
I meant to evoke when I said that, and then

(10:59):
I watched it again for the recap, and I liked
it a lot more.

Speaker 3 (11:03):
But that happens with you every time almost yes, you
watch a movie, you like it better the second time.
I only saw it the one time I saw it
yesterday and I was like, I don't know about this movie,
you guys.

Speaker 1 (11:16):
Yeah, which was exactly where I was the first time
I watched it, and then I liked it much more
the second time. So this will be a very interesting
conversation because also, like you said, there's so many moving
parts that the second time, I was able to just
understand what was going on, yeah, without having to be like, wait,
what what, who knows what? When? Who wants to do? What?

(11:38):
What is this? Cat? Where? Where are actually where are they? Like?
What is happening? And there are a couple of times
in the movie where I'm like, there was something was
something was cut. There was a time jump here that
they haven't like indicated by like just cutting away from
from the scene to somewhere else and then coming back
like like and stuff like that. So I I think

(12:00):
the movie is fun and I liked it much more
the second time, And I think what you said is
exactly right. If you saw this when you were twelve
or thirteen and it was just like an arrow right
to your chest and impressed upon you. And I think
that's like we both have those kinds of movies, right,
So like this is oh.

Speaker 3 (12:17):
Yeah, I mean this is this For many people, this
is their overboard. Yeah, it's just like that overboard? Is
that for me? It's the movie I watched and I
was a kid that I was like, this is romance,
And then I watched it as an adulthood Like that
is not romance.

Speaker 1 (12:29):
That's not romance.

Speaker 3 (12:30):
I have to reevaluate what I think romance.

Speaker 1 (12:33):
Is, all right, Erica. The tagline for Shag is on
a summer weekend in nineteen sixty three, four girlfriends made
memories that would last a lifetime.

Speaker 3 (12:46):
Okay, yeah sure, yeah. Weekend is so important, you guys.
All of this shit happens in forty eight hours.

Speaker 1 (12:52):
Yeah it's two nights. Yeah, I think two nights.

Speaker 3 (12:55):
Yeah yeah, yeah it's forty eight hours.

Speaker 1 (12:57):
Yeap?

Speaker 3 (12:57):
Shall I read the TV Guide synopsis. Summer of nineteen
sixty three, Carson is getting married to her boyfriends or
her friends Melna, Pudge and Luayanne take her to Myrtle
Beach for one last irresponsible weekend also their first irresponsible weekend.
It's clear none of these characters have gone together anywhere

(13:20):
in an irresponsible way.

Speaker 1 (13:23):
I feel like Melna has had irresponsible weekends, but the
other three haven't been there with her.

Speaker 3 (13:27):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Paul, what is the actual synopsis
that to this film?

Speaker 1 (13:34):
Oh don't want to be in the land of Shag
in old times there or not for brag and look Away,
look Away, look Away Confederacy.

Speaker 3 (13:42):
I want everyone to know I wrote that, but I
don't know how to do the songs. So Paul's doing
it for me. That came from me.

Speaker 1 (13:48):
That was your brain, that was me. Look, you're not wrong.
You are not wrong in that actual synopsis.

Speaker 3 (13:55):
This is not a movie for forty four year old
women to watch.

Speaker 1 (13:58):
The first you have to say forty four because you
know I'm forty five and you have another month to
rub it in my face. By the way, I got
your birthday present today. It arrived too. Yeah. Okay, this
is completely off topic from this movie, but I'm so
excited to give it to you. Yay, all right, all right,
everyone stick around. We are gonna come right back. We

(14:19):
are gonna take you through Shag but before we do that,
we have a couple of commercials, a couple of commercials
to run. If you don't want to listen to commercials,
you can go to Patreon That is patreon dot com
slash that Age Well podcast. You sign up for any
paid tier and you will get ed free episodes and more.
But if you're not gonna do that, stick around and
we will be right back.

Speaker 3 (14:36):
I hope we get commercials for like brill cream and Myrtle.

Speaker 1 (14:38):
Beach fingers crossed, and we're back.

Speaker 3 (14:50):
We open in nineteen sixty three with Luen Clatterbuck played
by Paige Hannah, who I learned this morning is Daryl
Hanna's I had no idea.

Speaker 1 (15:01):
Yeah, she married a billionaire and became like a philanthropist
and now she helps like terminally ill children. So you
know what good for you? Page Hannah.

Speaker 3 (15:08):
Once you see it, though, once you know it, you're like, Okay,
now I do see it. They do have similar faces.

Speaker 1 (15:13):
Yeah. I also realized I did leave out the title
card in this synopsis, which is Shag comes up in
big bubble letters and then it is immediately filled with
an image of the Confederate flag.

Speaker 3 (15:23):
Yeah, sure is I want to read my notes here, Paul.
For the second, I'm just going to read like four
notes that I wrote throughout the film. Now this, by
the way, these notes are throughout the entire film. They're
not all from the very beginning. But my very very
first two notes are whoa Confederate flag alert?

Speaker 1 (15:39):
Uh huh?

Speaker 3 (15:40):
Oh oh, black maid alerts uh huh. And then about
halfway through the film, oh no, black musicians alert. And
then the last one I want to read is, well,
at least the Black Maid got the best line in
the movie.

Speaker 1 (15:53):
Yeah. Yeah, everyone who's seen the movie knows exactly what
line you're talking about. I'm trying to figure out genuinely
what the movie thinks of this time in South Carolina,
because the first time I watched it, I had what
I think your reaction is, which is it has no
opinion on the Confederacy. It's like, the Confederacy is the
thing that we don't need to have an opinion on.

Speaker 3 (16:12):
Uh yeah, I would agree with you.

Speaker 1 (16:14):
Yeah, like this is just normal, this is what's happening
in South Carolina, and that's what we're gonna portray. Yeah,
but then it does go to the trouble, Like I
remember when we did Dirty dancing way back when, and
we were talking about how, like we wish there could
have been more points about like the like the one
character is the the line about the freedom writers, and
we're like, they should have made more of that.

Speaker 3 (16:34):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (16:35):
I and my mother listened to the episode and she
was like, to me, as soon as you say that,
I get exactly what you're saying. Yeah, right, and like
and I don't need any more explanation to understand. So
I was like, okay. So I was trying to watch
this through my mother's eyes, and I was like, well,
if this was made in nineteen eighty nine, my mother
was born in nineteen oh, I can't say. I can't

(16:56):
say a woman's age, which she was born in the fifties.
Let's say my mother could not possibly care less. All
of the servants are black, the people who perform in
the club are black, and then everyone dancing is white.
And I don't know if the movie is making a
point by doing that. They don't ever hang a lampshade
on it, to be clear, they don't ever.

Speaker 3 (17:15):
I disagree. I think the thousand Confederate flags we see
peppered in throughout the film are the lampshades well, but
to be fair, I don't think the movie has like
a necessarily positive feeling about that. I don't think this
movie is like Southern Confederate propaganda. I think you're right.
I think, first of all, the filmmaker is British. The

(17:36):
filmmaker is not from here, and so I think, like,
and I know this because my parents are not from here.
And so when you're not from here and you grow
up in a certain era and the entertainment you take
in from the United States gives you this like the
South or the rebels, there's a romanticism there. This is
gone with the wind. This is people who like, yes,

(17:58):
it was racist, but it was also beautiful. And I'm
telling you that is the stuff that like my parents
were fed in South America that when they got here
they were like, show me these rebels, what's happening And
then they kind of figured out what America really was.
That they were disillusioned, and then they were like, oh,

(18:19):
it's less cowboy and more just like creeps. Okay, cool.
So like, I think there is a like a romanticism
underneath everything in the film that like reinforces that idea.
Maybe I'm putting too much of my own story into
this because my parents are foreigners who came here and
were like, had this romanticized view of America. But I

(18:41):
feel like a British filmmaker would have had the same thing.

Speaker 1 (18:44):
Yeah, because what I meant to say, when the movie
doesn't lampshade, it's like they never have even like like
Molayna is the rebel, the like lowercase rebel, rebellious character
of the main four. They never have anyone be like
this is bullshit. No main character ever is like calls
out no what it is. So like I admit I

(19:05):
am doing work for the movie. Yeah, I fully take
that charge. I'm doing work for the movie. I think
it's interesting what you're saying about like your parents experience,
whereas both of my parents were born here, I don't
have that perspective. So it's just interesting right like that
my mother, who was who was born here immediately is
like you need to say one thing to me about that,
And I get it, and I and I understand it.
And the propaganda that's put out by the US Hollywood

(19:29):
industry to people who weren't born.

Speaker 3 (19:31):
Here, propaganda of like the Confederate flag being a symbol
of it's not racist, you guys, it's about it's about home,
it's about it's about a place. It evokes an era,
you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (19:46):
And I don't even think when I.

Speaker 3 (19:47):
Don't know, you guys. No, I definitely didn't think that
when I was growing up. And in fact, one of
my favorite television shows when I was a kid was
The Dukes of Hazard, where they had they'd rown around
in a Confederate flag car called the General Lee, and
I fucking loved that show. It's different now, we see
it all differently, and it just like, you're not supposed

(20:07):
to see this movie as a forty something year old.
You're just not You're not supposed to see this movie
for the first time in twenty twenty five because it
hits very different.

Speaker 1 (20:16):
It doesn't age well, it does not age well.

Speaker 3 (20:18):
But not even from that, just that perspective, I'm just
going to start in now. The messaging to women in
this movie is a full nightmare, like just top to
bottom trash.

Speaker 1 (20:34):
We'll get into it, all right. We have gotten through
the first half sentence of this recap.

Speaker 3 (20:46):
Okay. We open in nineteen sixty three, after the Confederate
Flag opening with Leunn Clatterbuck, the rich daughter of a
Southern senator. As she hurries out of the house, her
mother appears. Her mother's this like very great, like Southern
bell a dame. She's in a silk robe. She is

(21:07):
demanding that lu Anne change out of her shorts. She's
wearing shorts because it's summer in South Carolina, and she's like, listen,
you cannot wear such such trashy clothes in Fort Sumter.

Speaker 1 (21:19):
They're going to Fort but to me doing the work
for the movie they're going to, they chose to say
Fort Sumter.

Speaker 3 (21:26):
Because it would be it's what the parents would approve. Yeah,
I agree, I agree. They're gonna go look at their heritage.
For those of you who are like what Fort Sumter
is like where the Civil.

Speaker 1 (21:35):
War American Civil War started, the first shots are fired
at Fort Sumter. If for all of our Australian and
British listeners who are like America, you are not the
whole world, that's Fort Sumter.

Speaker 3 (21:45):
Also literally for like most Americans who can't remember that
shit from from Elementary.

Speaker 1 (21:50):
For all of you who don't watch Jeopardy Fort Sumter,
I'm just going to read.

Speaker 3 (21:57):
This as Paul wrote it. One of their black maids
put Luanne's bags into the back of her mother's gorgeous
top down Cadillac convertible, and Luanne heads out to pick
up a girlfriends. Her mother is calling out to her
all these rules like don't let anyone else drive the car,
blah blah blah.

Speaker 1 (22:13):
I specifically wrote one of their black maids because I did.
There is another one of their black maids that is
a small character at the end of the movie. And
I triple check. These are different women. This is not
the same woman.

Speaker 3 (22:25):
Of course they're different, with different ages. How could you
not notice they were different?

Speaker 1 (22:29):
I did notice. I'm just fucking making sure Erica named.

Speaker 3 (22:35):
Neither of them are named No.

Speaker 1 (22:36):
On second one is named Oh is she right? She is?

Speaker 3 (22:40):
Of course she is, of course she is. Because there's
that confusion.

Speaker 1 (22:42):
She didn't get her name, Erica. How could you think
she wasn't name?

Speaker 3 (22:46):
I got her fake nicknames. I forgot her real name. Okay,
you're right, you're right, because you're right, because otherwise the
movie doesn't differentiate. Really, because honestly, Paul, who cares. They're
just the help. I want you in the background, just
to just picture fi Iola Davis in the It's like
looking at everyone and going you motherfuckers. Just looking in

(23:06):
the background, and there's there's Whoopy Goldberg and Karina, Karina
got you motherfuckers.

Speaker 1 (23:13):
There's Morgan Freeman and driving Miss Daisy, just bearing down
on the entire audience, getting the accelerator not stopping. Lewan
heads to pick up Caroline Carmichael played by Annabeth Gish. Okay,
if you had asked me what I knew about Shag
before the movie started, I would have said I know
one thing about it. I know that Annabeth Gish plays

(23:35):
a character nicknamed Pudge, and I thought that was gonna
be really, really rough. And I will just say this
for the movie. No one in the movie, with the
exception of her mother and the adults, posits that she
is in any way overweight. Yeah, agreed, which is good
and in a film that has a lot of terrible

(23:55):
messaging for women, I was relieved that the movie itself
was not being like this size four is a real tubbo.
The point of the character is that she is a
perfectly normally if anything, she's thin. Everyone recognizes that except
her mother and of course Caroline, because she's been kind
of trained by her mother.

Speaker 3 (24:16):
This is my favorite character in the movie. This has
the best tracking throughout the movie. She's yeah, she's great. Actually,
no no real notes on no notes on Pudge.

Speaker 1 (24:25):
My favorite character in the movie is who Pudge winds
up with.

Speaker 3 (24:28):
Yes, Pudge and Chip are excellent.

Speaker 1 (24:29):
They are perfect.

Speaker 3 (24:31):
Yeah. This I actually thought was good because this happens
to a lot of girls when they're younger and they're
like kind of type cast in their own lives, is
the fat girl, and then their parents can't see anything else.
And the mom tries to give her this like this.

Speaker 1 (24:46):
Metricyle, like this slim fast of the sixties.

Speaker 3 (24:49):
Yeah, yeah, like this diet supplement. She's like, don't forget
to take this every day, don't eat too much while
you're out. And I'm like, oh my god, yep, I
feel seen.

Speaker 1 (24:58):
So the girls drive off. Luanne wonders why Pudge's mother
is still making her diet. She says there'll be nothing
left Pudge, and Pudge responds that her mother still hasn't noticed, right,
so that's everything right there. It becomes clear that the
girls have no intention of going to Fort Sumter, and
Pudge tosses her metrocyle out the window, and she tosses
the pepper jam that her mother wanted her to give

(25:20):
to like this aunt they're supposedly visiting out the window.
She's like, hooray, we're free.

Speaker 3 (25:24):
She throws those things out the window two blocks from
her own house. I'm like, girl, you got to learn
how to hide some evidence. If you're if you're gonna be,
if you're gonna try rebellion, if you're gonna try, if
you're gonna try to like break free from your family. Yeah,
you put that stuff in a dumpster of five miles
outside of town. Come on, they had to pick up
Melana Buehler played by Bridget Funda, one of two NEPO

(25:48):
babies in this film.

Speaker 1 (25:49):
Two NEPO babies and and three three actresses with bright
young careers who left Hollywood and were like fuck this.

Speaker 3 (25:55):
Oh, I guess you're right.

Speaker 1 (25:56):
Yeah yeah. Annabeth Gish is the only one of these
actress who still works. Really.

Speaker 3 (26:00):
Uh. Melena is the rebellious preacher's daughter. She's the blonde
Richet Fonda is so gorgeous in this movie, Like she's
been beautiful in other things I've seen. We've seen her.
We loved her in singles, we did, but in this movie,
in particular, there is some there's like a luminousness to her.

Speaker 1 (26:17):
She wears the sixty styles really well, so well.

Speaker 3 (26:20):
So so well. Okay, they pull up to her house,
they honk the horn, and we cut to her putting
on her makeup and she's locked the bedroom door as
her father, the preacher, growls at her that you're not
gonna go anywhere, and she's like, okay, old man, and
he's like, I don't believe for one moment that you
girls are heading out to Fort Sumter. And she's like,
uh huh. She climbs out of her window, which inexplicably

(26:42):
has a ladder right next to it. Smart enough to
figure out she wasn't gonna go to Support Sumter, but
not smart enough to go, I should look outside my
own house.

Speaker 1 (26:50):
Can you imagine being a parent and having a kid's
a flight risk and be like, you know what I'm
gonna do. I'm just gonna put I'm gonna permanently install
a ladder that goes right to her bedroom window. That's
a Melena Molena. You don't use the helipad. Don't use
the helipad is not for your use, Molena Molena.

Speaker 3 (27:06):
I don't want to see four or five guys climbing
up that ladder every night to get into your.

Speaker 1 (27:10):
Bedroom, Melena, I did not put the slide. I did
not install the slide out of your window for you
to use. That is decorative, that is for fun. That's
for fun only only.

Speaker 3 (27:19):
To be used on Labor Day. And that's it, Morgle Day.
In labor day, it's like wearing white. You're not supposed
to use the window slide after labor Day, otherwise it's
a ghost.

Speaker 1 (27:29):
Yeah. The father's basically like, don't leave, and then ties
up all of her bed sheets for her and throws
it out the window and be like, but you can
actually get the fuck out.

Speaker 3 (27:37):
So she rushes to the car. She jumps right in.
The girls drive off as the father the preacher appears
to the door and he's like get back here, you girls,
And I'm like, what is this relationship?

Speaker 1 (27:47):
Yeah? The girls had to pick up Carson McBride played
by Phoebe Kates. She is the final member of their crew.
She is engaged to her high school boyfriend Harley Ralston
played by Tyrone Power Junior. She's being fitted for her
wedding dress. Harley is complaining that she's leaving him to
deal with all the wedding planning. She's like, it's only

(28:07):
for three days. So it's interesting what they do with
Harley here. The movie does not want him to be
a bad guy. He is a traditional guy, but he's
not a bad guy. That's what the movie wants. Yeah,
but this is like the first instance of like the
forty four year old and the forty five year old.
The older person also watched it watching me being like, no,

(28:27):
he looks like a tattoo of the word patriarchy.

Speaker 3 (28:30):
He does. He looks like he looks like he's going
to be a senator, like you know what I mean,
Like he looks like he's gonna run for president or
some shit. Like he does a good job in the film,
it's really nothing. And he also Harley sucks, just Harley
just sucks, Like even though he's not a bad guy,
he still sucks totally. He's whiny and he's like, why
are you leaving me to do wedding planning by myself
and blah blah blah. And you're the girl, that's your job,

(28:52):
Like her mother.

Speaker 1 (28:53):
Isn't going to take that shit over immediately, give me
a break, immediately.

Speaker 3 (28:57):
Yeah, Yeah, so like, this is maybe one character in
the film that does not get enough footage or time
to develop.

Speaker 1 (29:05):
Yeah, yeah, I agree.

Speaker 3 (29:06):
He's st ups at the top, and then by the
end he's basically he's still pretty much sucks.

Speaker 1 (29:11):
He had best climbs up to baseline, fine and best.

Speaker 3 (29:15):
Ye.

Speaker 1 (29:16):
So the three girls arrived. They're watching from a distance
as Carson is talking with Harley, and it quickly becomes
clear that these three girls have three different opinions on
this guy. Pudge can't imagine marrying anyone, so Dullsville. And
then Molena makes a comment about, oh, they haven't even
done it yet, they're saving it for their wedding night,
and then he'll spring it on it. That doesn't have
a tallywagon, right, So Melayna does not care for Harley,

(29:38):
and Luanne says, don't talk about Harley in front of Carson.
So these are the three tiers of how do we
all feel about Harley.

Speaker 3 (29:45):
I'll have to say, I wish they'd given me a
little bit more of a hint on Luanne because where
the story goes. I was like, what I do see
it here? But because she's making it about Carson and
it's good advice. It's solid advice. You don't talk shit
about the guy your friend is about to marry, because
that's he is now in your life forever unless you

(30:07):
cut that friend out right, Like so you can't be
like the dick who's like I had never liked him.

Speaker 1 (30:12):
And then you gotta say that after the divorce, y'all
after the divorce.

Speaker 3 (30:16):
I mean even then, what if they get back together.
You know, Elizabeth Taylor had some friends who were like,
Richard Burton sucks. You're so much better without him, and
then like they got back together and all her friends
were like, fuck yeah, now I have to eat shit
at their second wedding.

Speaker 1 (30:29):
It was really hard when Erica accidentally hit send on
that email that she wrote about my husband, like three
months before the wedding. That was really hard for us
to get.

Speaker 3 (30:36):
Past the friend when I was like, hey, guys, can
we set Paul up with anyone else? Literally anyone? Let's
show him what's out there.

Speaker 1 (30:47):
So Luwan says, we have to make this the best
weekend of Couson's life.

Speaker 3 (30:52):
This is good friendship. This is good friendship right here.
These girls.

Speaker 1 (30:55):
I really unabashedly enjoyed the chemistry between the four women.

Speaker 3 (30:59):
You know what else is good friendship? Paul? Yeah, buying
your best girlfriend a pony for her birthday? Is that
what I got?

Speaker 1 (31:05):
The gift?

Speaker 3 (31:05):
The gift is that you got me? Is it a pony?
Please tell me it's a pony? A pony?

Speaker 1 (31:09):
I can't, I can. I can either confirm nor deny.
I can say that I did have to bring a
shovel and I had to buy some hay.

Speaker 3 (31:18):
Okay, okay? Is it a pin pony? Is like chaperone?

Speaker 1 (31:22):
Is it a pink pony? Club? I bought your whole club?

Speaker 3 (31:24):
Did you got me a club? Did you buy me
a club? Am I a business owner? Now?

Speaker 1 (31:28):
A gift for your birthday? I got you more work?
There you go.

Speaker 3 (31:33):
By the way, the mortgage is one thousand dollars. Good luck,
have fun. By the girls head off, reveling in their
freedom and friendship. Okay, I am basically still into this movie. Look,
I love four women together. This By the way, they
break down into the sex and the City women tropes. Beautiful.

Speaker 1 (31:55):
Oh yeah, like a dream.

Speaker 3 (31:56):
Carson is your Charlotte, Luanne is your Miranda, Melina is
your Samantha. Pudge is your Carrie. That's the one that
doesn't quite work.

Speaker 1 (32:04):
But I think I think, I think Pudge is your Charlotte,
Carson is your Carry. Carson has the main character syndrome, sure.

Speaker 3 (32:13):
But Carson, like Pudge, isn't in any way. She's kind
of a romantic like Charlotte is, which is sweet, but
so is Carrie. And Carson is the like straight, straight
and narrow who like good girl who breaks breaks bad
a little.

Speaker 1 (32:28):
I think no, she's been wild all along, like it
like like Carry at the end of season three, but
so has Charlotte.

Speaker 3 (32:35):
Charlotte has those moments show too. Charlotte is the one
who lets that artist paint her vagina and then took
up in the gallery. Have you forgotten? Charlotte is the
one who like falls in with the lesbians.

Speaker 1 (32:46):
Yeah, and is like maybe that's one Pudge. Pudge would
absolutely fall in with lesbians and be like maybe maybe.

Speaker 3 (32:56):
So Carson still thinks her headed to Fort Sumter and
she's like, hey, we're just ask the exit what's happening,
and then the girls are like, surprise, we're kidnapping you
and taking you to Myrtle Beach for one last fun
weekend before you get married.

Speaker 1 (33:09):
So we cut to the girls arriving at Myrtle Beach
for the sun Fun Festival. At that moment, Buzz played
by Robert Rustler pulls up alongside their car and says, Hi,
with like this this shit eating smirk on his face.
His friend Chip played by Scott Coffee.

Speaker 3 (33:24):
That aged well, favorite Scott Coffee. We loved him in
some kind of wonderful.

Speaker 1 (33:29):
We did, and I loved him, but I didn't have
like a real like attachment to him. And now and
now I love him also gay in real life?

Speaker 3 (33:38):
Nice?

Speaker 1 (33:38):
Yeah, So Chip is hanging out the passenger side of
the car. He's eating an apple. To be clear, they're
like creeping through town. They're going like barely five miles
an hour, right.

Speaker 3 (33:48):
Would you say he's hanging out the passenger side of
his best friend's ride trying to holler at these girls.

Speaker 1 (33:52):
I would say, yeah, I would say, And Luenne immediately says, no,
I don't want no scrubs. A scrub is a guy
that can't get no love from me.

Speaker 3 (34:01):
Nuh huh. Yeah, yeah, Look, I don't want to be
seen by Luanne the most. I don't want to see
myself from the Luanne. But guys, I'm the Luanne.

Speaker 1 (34:10):
Well, the problem. One of the problems of the movie
is that, like Luan's reason for not giving these boys
the time of day is that they're townies, right, Like,
she's a snob and her father's a senator and they
come to town for vacation, and then all of these
towny characters are not worthy of their attention. Yeah, so
that take is not good. Unfortunately, the Buzz character doesn't

(34:31):
really quite rise above that take.

Speaker 3 (34:33):
It's a real bad in this film. Chip is the
only decent town.

Speaker 1 (34:38):
Chip is the only granted, he is perfect, but again
it feels like the exception, not the rule, you know
what I mean?

Speaker 3 (34:46):
Yeah, yeah, the only person who doesn't suck in this town.

Speaker 1 (34:50):
So Luanne is like, we don't date local balls, and
Melana points out that I'm not stuck Maren the son
of some plantation owner. I can have fun, and she
starts like trying to flirt with Buzz and Chip. The
boys drive past and they shake up a beer and
spray it in the top of the open convertible. All

(35:10):
the girls think this is hilarious except Luenne. Now I'm
on Luanne's side.

Speaker 3 (35:16):
I don't want to be the Luan. I want to
be the Pudge, goddamn it on the Luann.

Speaker 1 (35:20):
Well, because we're both the Miranda, that's the problem.

Speaker 3 (35:25):
I was doing the work with you here. Paul I
was like, Okay, just try to remember these are teenagers.
This is charming.

Speaker 1 (35:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (35:31):
I don't love Buzz, but I don't hate them either.
I have no opinion really on Buzz.

Speaker 1 (35:34):
So as they're driving to Luen's vacation home, they pass
a local bar called the Pavilion, and they see that
it's hosting a shag contest that weekend. All the girls
are interested, none more so than Pudge. She like her
eyes light up for the thought of a shag contest.

Speaker 3 (35:48):
They arrive at the Anti Bella mansion, That's what it is.
They arrive at Tara and twelve. There will be a
barbecue of twelve holks today.

Speaker 1 (35:58):
You guys, we can't be mad at Blake Len Ryan
Reynolds were getting married at one and then just completely
forgive this movie for just putting it up there with
no comment upon it.

Speaker 3 (36:07):
Remember a couple of months ago or a few months
ago when that plantation burned down in Louisiana. Yeah, and
everyone online was like, oh no. Luanne immediately starts enumerating
the rules. This is a huge mansion, right, this is
a beautiful house, I will say, a beautiful relic of

(36:28):
our country's storied history. She immediately starts enumerting the rules.
It's like, hey, guys, listen, don't use the phone because
if my father sees the phone bill, we'll no people
were here this weekend. Don't drink any of his bourbon,
and she like locks up the liquor cabinet and she's
like off limits. And then which Erica is like, yeah,
those all track. That does make sense, yes, yeah, obviously,

(36:51):
and then she goes and don't sit on the furniture,
and I'm like, girl.

Speaker 1 (36:54):
Far too far.

Speaker 3 (36:56):
What do you think. She's like, just use the floor down.

Speaker 1 (37:00):
Your supple sit in the goddamn floor, bitches.

Speaker 3 (37:04):
Other than that, make yourselves at home. She's still a
Southern bell, she's still a consummate hostess.

Speaker 1 (37:11):
That night, all the girls are getting ready to go
out for their first night in Myrtle Beach. Pudge is
practicing the shag. Their tight friendship is on full display.
I love this scene. I really do love this scene.
There's this great line. Molena is reading a magazine and
she points she's talking about some actress. She's talking about eyeliner,
and Carson says, eyeliner looks trashy, and Molena looks up
and says, I wear eyeliner, And Carson looks her and says, well,

(37:33):
I like how it looks on some people, but she doesn't.
Phoebe Kate's makes this acting choice to say it and
then smile. Yeah, And then Molena smiles, And it's this
thing of like she didn't get caught, like accidentally saying
the quiet part out loud or something like these girls
are close enough that yeah, she probably does think eyeliner
looks trashy, and she didn't think about the fact that
her friend wears it. But all's forgiven. This is not

(37:55):
a thing going forward. Yeah, And I like that, Like
it felt very lived in to me.

Speaker 3 (38:00):
Yeah, very lived in. Like buying your best friend Cadillac
convertible for her birthday, Yep, I mean I don't drive, Honestly, Paul,
I couldn't accept same.

Speaker 1 (38:08):
Erica. If I'm gonna buy you a Cadillac convertible, I'm
not gonna buy you any Cadillac convertible. I'm gonna buy
you Hollywood's Cadillac convertible from mannequin.

Speaker 3 (38:16):
Come on, I'm sweating now. I would live in that convertible.
I would get rid of my apartment and just live
in it.

Speaker 1 (38:22):
Uh So, Carson insists that she isn't going to dance
when they go out, and the other scoff, this is
her weekend. You have to have fun, and all of
this kind of like pressure to have fun, it's your
last week before you get married, suddenly becomes too much,
and Carson starts to cry, and they're like, what's wrong,
And she says, I love you all so much. You're
all going to college and you're all gonna forget about me,

(38:44):
and also maybe I'm a little jealous, you know. And Malena,
like Liza, She's like, I'm not going to college and great.
Milanna is also pretty great the whole movie. She she
I don't know how Molena's life works out, but I
enjoy her through the whole movie. Let's put it that way.
So Carson asks them if they think she's doing the
right thing marrying Harley, and Luene is quick to assure her,

(39:06):
we do. You'll be happy. It'll be wonderful. Pudge is
totally silent, and then Molena, who has left the room,
pops her head back in and says, well, there's always divorce.

Speaker 3 (39:15):
Yeah, and Pudge and Luana like girl, they are ratting.
Luanne is ratting Carson's hair, and like this whole scene
is played while Phoebe Kates has the most enormous helmet
of hair you've ever seen her hair. It looks like
she stuck her finger in a light socket and her
hair it's all over the place.

Speaker 1 (39:36):
I have a I'm so glad you brought this up
because I have I'm a dumb boy question. Yeah, I
know women ratted their hair, but I don't know why, Like,
why do you do? Because then she slicks it down
and it's in that like Jackie O kind of flip.

Speaker 3 (39:47):
If you don't get the height, it's it's teasing. Ratting
is just what we would call teasing. Okay, So you
tease your hair so that it becomes big, so that
when you kind of smooth it back down, you still
have height and like volume, Yes exactly, it doesn't leaves
super flat on your head.

Speaker 1 (40:02):
Okay, there's teasing.

Speaker 3 (40:04):
Like eighties was very about teasing hair. The sixties was
about ratting your hair. Just just tease the fuck out
of it.

Speaker 1 (40:11):
Well, Erica, As I've always said, I don't drink or swear,
I don't wrap my hair. I get ill from one cigarette.
Keep your filthy paws off my silky draws. Would you
pull that stuff with a net reference?

Speaker 3 (40:25):
I got it, Yeah, I got it. That's grease.

Speaker 1 (40:27):
That's yeah.

Speaker 3 (40:29):
The girls head out and they're crawling through town and
they're convertible. I there is like a I'm gonna try
to say nice things throughout the song, throughout the recap.
There is like a nice like vibe to the movie
when the when they're in town and like there's a
totally major is everywhere and it's this beach town.

Speaker 1 (40:46):
There's a moment in the scene where they like spot
an extra walking through the crowd who is so good looking.
I presumed he was one of their love interests, and
I kept waiting for him to come back, and it
wasn't until like thirty minutes later. I was like, I
guess that guy's not coming back. But he's so hot.

Speaker 3 (41:00):
I know exactly what you're talking about. They see a
billboard in town that has a picture of Jimmy Valentine
on it. He's a pop star, a teen iey and
he will be at the festival that weekend. He'll be
judging both the Miss Sun Queen pageant, the winner of
which will get a date with him, and the shag contests.

Speaker 1 (41:18):
Okay, point about this movie. They don't bring up these
plot points of what Jimmy Valentine will be doing in
the movie or at the festival until he's actually doing them.
So we don't actually hear about the Miss Sun Queen
pageant until Molna starts practicing for the Miss Sun Queen pageant,
and then we don't hear that the winner gets a

(41:38):
date until the winner gets a date, Like, wait, what
is going on? That's where like the shagginess of shag
really shows.

Speaker 3 (41:47):
I thought this entire movie was gonna be about Shaggy
from Scooby Doo, And so that's maybe where my problem
was is. I was like, where where's the mystery qushion?

Speaker 1 (41:57):
Where's the dog? Where's this saint?

Speaker 3 (42:00):
There isn't a single Saint Bernard in this entire fucking movie.

Speaker 1 (42:04):
Wait, wait, I don't think it's it's it's another thing.
It's a Oh, I can't think it's a great Dane.

Speaker 3 (42:12):
Where is the goddamn missed crime solving Great Dane in
this movie, so Buzz and Chip Drive pass. I can't
let another second go on without pointing out that Buzz
looks exactly like the poor Man's Matt Dylan, and it's
not the actors fault. He's actually been in other stuff
I've seen. He was in Nightmare and elm Street too. Unfortunately,

(42:33):
I compared him to Matt Dylan the entire time. I
was like that Dylan would have nailed this role. Remember,
would have creeked Matt Dylan played in singles, but he
made it lovable.

Speaker 1 (42:41):
That's true, that's true.

Speaker 3 (42:43):
I could like what this movie could have been if
they'd cast if they'd been able to cast Matt Dylan instead,
And they were like, clearly they couldn't get him, And
they were like, what about the brother who eventually is
an entourage They're like when he says no, and they're like, fine,
we'll get the third string Dylan.

Speaker 1 (43:00):
See Team Dylan. I came down on this role more
on the side of like, no one could make this work,
and so I think I was a little bit more
forgiving ultimately than you were. But you are right, this
guy sucks. This guy sucks.

Speaker 3 (43:11):
This is what I mean, because like This is a
lot of this shows up in a lot of pop
culture we took in when we were kids.

Speaker 1 (43:17):
Yeah, yeah, the like.

Speaker 3 (43:19):
Girl has to play hard to get and the boy
has to pursue, pursue, pursue, and the girl really does
want it, and she says no when she means yes,
and it is dumpster fire garbage all the time, And like,
I really wish I could say, like the Buzz gets
better by the end of the movie for me, I
think for the movie he does, but like for me,
it's a it's a hard no on Buzz.

Speaker 1 (43:41):
That's fair.

Speaker 3 (43:41):
The entire movie.

Speaker 1 (43:42):
That is one hundred percent fair. It was it was
for me, like at the first time I watched it,
and then once I started doing the work for the movie,
I was able to like come around a little bit
on him. By the end. There is a demarcation of
change in behavior in the movie, but the problem is
the behavior doesn't change enough on the other side of it.
And it's so bad in the first half that it
would have to be like a night and day situation.

Speaker 3 (44:05):
So Buzz and Chip drive past, and you know they
do that classic thing of trying to get a girl's attention,
trying to make yourself seem suave and worldly and sophisticated
to a young lady by throwing a condom filled with
god I hope is water.

Speaker 1 (44:21):
It is clear liquid. To be clear, it's not.

Speaker 3 (44:24):
I'm not saying it's jizz because I don't have that
much jizzy. Even between them, I'd be like.

Speaker 1 (44:29):
Guys, gosh, you're now pornographers like that is.

Speaker 3 (44:33):
Yeah, you're not pornographers and or stud farming.

Speaker 1 (44:36):
I don't know, I don't know what's happening.

Speaker 3 (44:37):
There's a lot of people who can't who can't conceive.
Let's sell that firm, let's make some money. No, no, no,
I'm just saying. I'm like, it could be beer, could
be pissed, I know. Yeah, but let's assume it's water,
because they're not trying to be that gross. But they
start all condem filled with water onto the girl's windshield.
I have just now having a memory of when I
was in high school. Okay, my girlfriends and I were
in the car and one of our guy friends because

(45:01):
see now, I thought it was funny. So maybe maybe
I'm just put his whole dick and balls up against
the class. But honestly, I thought it was hysterical.

Speaker 1 (45:16):
I thought I was expecting ass and he.

Speaker 3 (45:18):
Wasn't anyone's boyfriend and none of us dated him. He
was just like the class clown. And it was fucking funny.

Speaker 1 (45:25):
Do you lift up the shaft so like you could
get like a almost like a yeah.

Speaker 3 (45:30):
Because my friend, because the woman, the friend who was
driving was like my most conservative friend. She was so
annoyed because it like left an imprint on the windshield,
not on the window. Wasn't the windshield on the driver's
he didn't on the driver's side window, And the whole
time we were driving, she's like, it's still there, and
I'm like, I'll wash it off for you. Don't worry.

(45:52):
You don't have to wash it off. But again, a
we know this person. We don't feel threatened to buy
this person. He's not trying to fuck any of us
where he is if he's listening that.

Speaker 1 (46:02):
It didn't work the wrong that was the wrong tactic,
but it.

Speaker 3 (46:07):
Was hilarious, like anyway, so I look, I just I'm
not trying to be a killjoy. But they don't know this,
these guys at all.

Speaker 1 (46:15):
Well, also, like Buzz at this point is intentionally hazing
the snobby girls he's not trying to be charming, He's
trying to be an asshole. That that is my impression
of the character, and he is succeeding. To me. Yeah, yeah, so.

Speaker 3 (46:28):
Much like my most conservative friend driving the car and
that story. Glue Anne is driving the car and this story.
She screams, oh my god, it's a thing, like she
can't say the word condom. I'm surprised to even know
what a prophylactic is.

Speaker 1 (46:43):
Frankly, yeah, I honestly, I think it's Molayna who says
it's a thing, which is of any of them, she
would be the one I would expect to actually be
able to say condom. Yeah, I think it's Molaane. I'm
not sure.

Speaker 3 (46:53):
So they're all screaming ah no, gross, and then Buzz
and Carson make meaningful eye contact.

Speaker 1 (46:59):
Is the girls head into the pavilion, where the absolute
stars of this movie, Big Dan and the sand Dollars
played by the Voltage Brothers, are singing Stay not Lisa Lobe.

Speaker 3 (47:11):
I love this song.

Speaker 1 (47:11):
So this song is so good. But now I even
though I said it's not stay by Lisalobe, now I
want the Voltage Brothers to do a duop cover of
Stay by Lisa Loope. Yes, a bunch of white teenagers
are dancing much more poorly than the band is dancing.
It is very stark watching it these days, of like, well,
that's where the black people could be in this town. Yeah.

(47:35):
The girls find a table. Pudge hopes that someone will
ask her to dance, and Melayna advises her to always
say no the first time someone asks, so they don't
think you're desperate. Then a boy comes over and asks
if any of them would like to dance, and Pudge
kind of takes deep breath and says no, thank you,
and Molina says I'd love to and goes and starts
to dance with this guy.

Speaker 3 (47:54):
Excellent move.

Speaker 1 (47:56):
At this point, Luanne is, I don't know how to
say it, mauled. She's mauled by an extra. Okay, this
is this is Chevy Chase taking the test and spies
like us. This is something that is one hundred percent
meant to be funny, and I think in nineteen eighty
nine would have been funny. At no point am I
concerned for Luan's safety with this guy. He's drunk, he's

(48:19):
nerdy looking, he has like a straw hat and Hawaiian
shirt on. He is meant to be dancing so wild
and crazy that it's funny, and Luan is literally screaming
for help and trying to run off the dance floor
and her friends are openly laughing at her at the table.
So like, yeah, the difference in from nineteen eighty nine
where this is just this is just a comic set piece.

(48:41):
That's all this is meant to be and what it
reads as today it's an abyss between the two things exactly.

Speaker 3 (48:47):
It's supposed to be funny. Yeah, Chip and Buzz arrive
at the table. Buzz immediately makes intense eye contact with Carson.
He offers to buy her a beer and she's like, no,
thank you, all have a soda and he goes barkeep
beer and Buzz, who carries around a cooler with the
Confederate flag on it because again, you can't go more
than five minutes without seeing a Confederate flag, opens the

(49:09):
cooler and Drisp puts out four perhaps blue ribbons on
the table. Buzz asks Carson to dance and she says,
I'm sorry, I'm engaged. Then she flashes her enormous cage
with ring at him.

Speaker 1 (49:20):
Harley is Rich Harley has cigarette money, not cotton money,
so it could have been worse. He has cigarette money.

Speaker 3 (49:27):
I don't know that tobacco is so much better tobacco farming.
His tricoli also pretty You're right, it's not cotton money
like that the note James Martinson in the Notebook, he
says and Buzz says, well, I'm sorry, you're engaged too now.

Speaker 1 (49:45):
I just I just highlighted that line because that like
in out of context, that line, that's where the character
needed to live.

Speaker 3 (49:53):
He's supposed to be smart, right, He's going to Yale.

Speaker 1 (49:56):
They drop that he's going to Yelle in the last
fifteen minutes of this movie, like we all knew it
the whole time.

Speaker 3 (50:02):
No, they waited, and he Chip brings it up pretty early,
doesn't he.

Speaker 1 (50:06):
If he does, I missed it.

Speaker 3 (50:07):
I can't remember when. But he and not to Carson.
I don't think he brings it up to Pudge, but yeah,
he does mention that that the Buzz is going to walk,
So Carson's trying to like get the heat off of her.
She's She's immediately into Buzz. Who wouldn't be He's so
attractive and thus far he's been kind of a dick,
but nothing irredeemable, and and she's like, why don't you
dance with Pudge? She really wants to dance with someone,

(50:30):
and so he does. He takes Pudge on the dance.

Speaker 1 (50:32):
Floor, so he and Pudge you like a kind of
faster dance. And then after the song finishes, he collects
his dance with Carson as since I Don't have You
plays right, so a much slower, more romantic song. This
leaves Pudge alone at the table with Chip, and let
me just put it this way, everybody relaxed when it's
just Pudge and Chip. If this was a short film
about Pudge and Chip ten out of ten, life classic,

(50:54):
purely perfect the whole time. So there's like this awkward
silence and then Chip asks, well, do you know any elephant?
And she immediately takes this as a comment on her weight,
and Chip is confused. He says what weight. Buzz, meanwhile
is talking to Carson. He asks her if she wants
to go to Weewa Point and she's like, as if
I would go parking with you? And she says I

(51:14):
don't even know you, and Buzz says, I to know you, Eva,
and he gives her a little titty brush with his fingers.

Speaker 3 (51:20):
If you want to track where I turned on buzz.

Speaker 1 (51:22):
Yeah, this is it.

Speaker 3 (51:23):
It is so weird what he does. They're dancing. He's like, Hey,
do you want to go fuck in my car? And
she's like no, thank you, and he just kind of
like face palms her boot. She jumps back with this
look on her face, like what the fuck and he's like,
you had something on your shirt? And she keeps dancing
with him because she's the biggest fucking pushover. I also

(51:46):
don't like Carson.

Speaker 1 (51:47):
I don't.

Speaker 3 (51:48):
I'm sorry. I know, I know she's the hero of
our little film here that I fucking hate Carson.

Speaker 1 (51:54):
Well, I feel like the movie wants this to be
like a sexual awakening, like she'll say later, like she's
been with the only guy she's ever dated is Harley,
Like she's never flirted with boys, and it wants it
to be this story of her getting in touch with
her sexuality and stuff. But they they've made the person
putting her in touch with her sexuality someone who doesn't

(52:16):
listen to her saying no, he's a.

Speaker 3 (52:18):
Fucking creep and he's weird about it. And also then
make Harley like obviously gay. I don't buy for one
fucking minute that those two haven't gone to at least
second base.

Speaker 1 (52:29):
I just want to let all of the gay guys,
all the queer gentlemen listening. I just want you all
to note the titty grays is not the same as
a bulgetickle in the club. We're all cool with bulge
tickles generally speaking. Don't worry. You didn't do anything wrong.

Speaker 3 (52:43):
Did you buy me a bulgetickler?

Speaker 1 (52:46):
But that's your secondary gift.

Speaker 3 (52:48):
I've been asking for one for years.

Speaker 1 (52:51):
I got you a French bulge tickler too.

Speaker 3 (52:53):
Oh my god, amazing.

Speaker 1 (52:54):
His name's Pierre, Excellent, excellent dies.

Speaker 3 (52:57):
He come with loub.

Speaker 1 (53:00):
He's self lubricating. So while all of this is going on,
Molena is kind of like floating through the club. She's
having a great time. She's preparing for her turn on
the limbo stick and the local cool towny girls Suet
and Nadine played by Leilani Sorel aka Roxy from Basic Instinct.

Speaker 3 (53:18):
I love her every time she shows up.

Speaker 1 (53:20):
I'm like Roxie yep and Carrie Hamilton aka Carol Burnett's
daughter No way, Yeah, that's Carol Burnette's daughter.

Speaker 3 (53:28):
She a professional dancer, because she's a very good dancer
in this movie.

Speaker 1 (53:32):
No, not that I not that I know of. She was.
She was an actress. She she very sadly died very
young of cancer. Like she she died before she was forty.
I think. But yeah, that's that's Carol Burnet's daughter. Oh
that's the third NEPO baby. Three NEPO babies in this film.

Speaker 3 (53:45):
I don't realize. You're right, there's a she's an undercover
Nepple baby. I didn't know who she was.

Speaker 1 (53:49):
So Suwet and Nadine decide that Molane is a little
bit too much competition, and Suet just walks over and
like literally kicks her feet out from under her as
she's preparing to go into the limbo bar. In retaliation, Melena,
not want to back down from a fight, makes eyes
at their guy friend named Big Bob.

Speaker 3 (54:05):
We cut to Suett and Nadine in the bathroom. Nadine
is writing on the wall with her lipstick, and I
worry that she's writing on the bathroom wall with her lipstick,
And then leader she's gonna put that lipstick on the
stay for this episode.

Speaker 1 (54:22):
Yeah, please, I get it.

Speaker 3 (54:23):
Writing on walls and mirrors with lipstick is fun. Just
do yourself a favor. Go to the drug store by
the dollar lipstick, by the wet and wild. Take one
of those. Use that as your wall writing lipstick. Don't
put that on your face after its touchday checks notes
girls' bathroom wall.

Speaker 1 (54:42):
Now, if you do do that, can you then take
it and like kind of scrape off the top layer
on a paper towel. Would that be okay? Or still?

Speaker 3 (54:48):
No?

Speaker 1 (54:49):
Ew?

Speaker 3 (54:49):
No? Maybe? I mean yeah, technically so, I suppose anytime
I see, like a tester lipstick at Sophora, my blood
goes Why why would you do that to yourself? Why
would you give yourself whatever has been on everyone else's lips?

Speaker 1 (55:06):
Yeah. The one that freaks me out more is the
is the eye stuff, because you get an eye infection.
I'm like, good, like I feel I feel like, look,
this is completely not based in science in any way,
much like most of our health policy. But I feel
like lipstick, the worst you're gonna get is like a cold.
I know that's not true. Whereas eyes, You're like, I'm like,
I'm gonna go blind like that. That's that's how my

(55:26):
brain processes it.

Speaker 3 (55:28):
You're right, that is worse. That is worse, but the
cold is not the worst thing you can get from
from someone else's true lips touched the bathroom wall.

Speaker 1 (55:36):
No, well, well I was thinking of the tester the
bathroom wall. No, then you're getting hepatitis.

Speaker 3 (55:40):
Oh that's that is so many cold stories. You're gonna
look like you can like blowing Russian sailors. Yeah, down
by the docks. So Nadine is like pumping up her
friend Suet and she says, I can't wait till you win,
miss sun Cooin tomorrow. Big Bubble bowed down when you
walk off with Jimmy Valentine.

Speaker 1 (56:03):
Erica, that was such a fantastic cold read. I have
one note and truly at like ninety eight percent on that.
But it's Big Bobble bowed down when you walks off
with Jimmy Valentine walks off. Oh, Gordy, Carrie Hamilton, this
is the moment where you see Carol Burnette. You're like, oh,

(56:24):
there's that is an actual character from the Carol Burnette show.

Speaker 3 (56:29):
That's Carol Burnette coming down the stairs of Taro wearing
the curtain.

Speaker 1 (56:33):
I saw it in the window and I had to
have it.

Speaker 3 (56:39):
Suet. The blonde Roxy is trying to wins Miss Son
Queen tomorrow and Melina just walks out of the bathroom stall.
She's been there the whole time, listening to them scheming
and dreaming. Chief faces swet down and she's like, oh,
I have news for you. You're gonna lose Miss Son Queen
because there's an you head bitch in town. And she

(57:02):
leaves with Big Bob. These two are like, hell no,
you can't get our man, and they get in their
car and they pursue them. Then and Luan sees what's happening,
and she's like, where's my friend going with some random dude?
Can I am?

Speaker 1 (57:18):
We are Luan like, but PSA for this episode, Ladies
out there, don't split the party. The party stays together.
In these situations, I came with you, I'm leaving with you.

Speaker 3 (57:31):
You could, you could go, but you have There has
to be a bedding process, they like, the guy who's
leaving with you has to be at least like, I
have to know where you're going. Just tell me your name, sir.
Can I get your Can I get your license plate number?

Speaker 1 (57:45):
Thank you? Thank you. I'm just gonna take a quick
picture of you with my phone, so I know who
the last person I saw my friend with was.

Speaker 3 (57:52):
Yeah, yeah, for the for the episode of Unsolved Mysteries.

Speaker 1 (57:55):
This is going to end up on and I'm just
gonna openly hand this can of mace and a butcher
knife to my friend, putting her purse. Okay, by.

Speaker 3 (58:03):
So Luanne is like also in pursuit. She's like, what
the fuck is she thinks she's doing? Thank god, Luanne
follows Yeah. Meanwhile, Buzz says to Carson, guess what we're
leaving and she's like, I'm not going anywhere with you,
and he's like, don't play hard to get you might
miss something. And they all leave along with Pudge and Hips.
So they'll fource them leave together.

Speaker 1 (58:23):
All right, so we'll go with We'll go with Molna
and Luanne first, right, So they're just driving on the
beach like people are on the beach. These three cars
are going down the beach. Sure. At one point, the
Nadine and Suet, the two towny girls, realize that Luanne
is following them. They say, oh, we're gonna lose her.
They do something and Molana's skirt like flies up into her.

Speaker 3 (58:47):
Face and Adam what's happening here either this.

Speaker 1 (58:50):
Is one of the things. It doesn't quite make sense.
In any case, Luanne winds up like five ten minutes
behind the other two. They need to stall Luanne. This
is how they do it. So Big Bob takes Melena
to weewa Point and he sexually assaults her right there
in the car. She is saying, I'm a Christian, no stop,
and he is groping her and not stopping. Suet and

(59:12):
Nadine pull up. They throw open the door in time
to stop Big Bob from getting any further. They drag
Molena out of the car. Suwet sprays some shaving cream
into it, so Big Bob takes off. Now, Erica, in
my head, what was going to happen here was we
were maybe going to have a meeting of the minds
between Molena and Suet and Nadine. There's one person who's

(59:33):
deeply in the wrong here, but they've vanquished him. So
Suet and Nadine turn on Melena. They hold her down.
They start spraying shaving cream all over her and rubbing
it in her hair. They're covering her with tissues. They're
pouring some kind of alcohol down her throat and Suet
crows this is the most fun, while Molena is like
screaming at them.

Speaker 3 (59:53):
To stop a secondary assault. No better Yeah, still better
than the first assault. So it's a win, I guess
for Milena. Yeah, why would you waste good bourbon on
someone you hate? If you're gonna pour something down someone's throat,
hot sauce, vinegar, I don't know, but not perfectly good bourbon. Ladies,
what are we doing.

Speaker 1 (01:00:12):
At least crappy beer? If it must be alcohol? If
it must be, this town is clearly populated with paps,
blue ribbon. Just grab one, it's everywhere. Okay, So this
all ends and then well the movie cuts away, does
more scenes, but this storyline ends. When Luanne pulls up,
she finds Molena lying on the ground. She's singing a
hymn like she seems like deeply traumatized by this experience.

Speaker 3 (01:00:35):
This is the weirdest, Okay, She is naive enough to
go off with some random and like, there's nothing about
this dude that doesn't scream creep monster. She's naive enough
to do that. But then later the movie like spins
her as this very worldly like Yeah, I'm gonna use

(01:00:56):
my sexuality to get what I want kind of thing.

Speaker 1 (01:00:59):
And I'm like, which is it.

Speaker 3 (01:01:01):
That's a huge chasm to cross. Sorry, keep going because
this scene is I found this scene really deeply sad.

Speaker 1 (01:01:08):
So Luanne calls her name. Molena sits up. She says, daddy,
like her preacher father, who she clearly hates, is rebelling against,
is who she wants, which is like, it's fine that
she wants her parent, but like, that's not the relationship
you've set up. And you've also you made it seem
like the movie doesn't think that guys are particularly good parent.
It seems like the movie is punishing her for not

(01:01:30):
doing what her father.

Speaker 3 (01:01:30):
Said right right, But that's not where it goes later.

Speaker 1 (01:01:35):
Yeah at all.

Speaker 3 (01:01:36):
And I'm like, what why do we even have this
scene in this movie?

Speaker 1 (01:01:41):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (01:01:41):
I get it, like to like build up the rivalry
between these other girls, but like, then just have the
other girls, don't have Molena be someone who is so
naive she doesn't understand the situation she's putting herself in. Yeah,
this random fucking dude going into the middle of nowhere
with him in her car. Look, I don't want a
victim blame here. And I know this sounds like when

(01:02:02):
it's what I'm doing, but it's like she that's just
not the character we see fifteen minutes later.

Speaker 1 (01:02:08):
So Luanne takes Molena home, she puts her in the bathtub.
She's helping her wash herself off. Molena vows to get
back at Suet and Nadine no mention a big bob.
Luanne like shoves her head under the water when she
says that. Luanne clearly being like, just stop arguing with people, like,
just stay away from these people. They don't like you.

Speaker 3 (01:02:28):
Meanwhile, the other storyline, which is far less rapee. Yeah, Luckily, Carson,
Pudge and the two boys are headed. They go to
a carnival. Pudge and Chip get along famously. There's like
they're on the carousel. They're laughing, they're joking with each other.
Carson keeps like putting up these stop signs to buzz

(01:02:48):
and he continues to blow past them. Now the movie
in the movie is like visual parlance. She's going no,
now stop. I'm engaged, like she she's doing the thing
where she's saying no but meaning yes. I just hate this,
Like anytime might see this in pop culture, this drives me.

(01:03:11):
I get it like women were socialized to do this
for so so, so long, But it sucks. It sucks.
It just makes women. It seem infantile. It gives men
and boys the wrong idea of what like the actual
signals are that they should be listening to, and so
like this is what this is what I mean where
I'm like, if you grew up watching this, if you

(01:03:32):
were twelve and you thought this this storyline was romantic,
I would definitely rewatch this movie through your adult eyes
because it does not read as romantic when you are
an adult. So Carson and Buzz. Buzz is a little
annoyed with Carson for being so I guess what he

(01:03:53):
thinks is as uppity, and so he gets on her.
He gets her on like a tiltal world ride. She's like,
this is gonna make me sick? Is it. He's like, no,
it's fine, don't worry about it. Of course it isn't fine.
The total world starts to go and she gets ill.
She hunches over in a position that looks like she's
giving him a blowjob, but I think it's actually her
throwing up in his lap, and then Buzz like pats

(01:04:15):
her head with this shit eating grin on his face
and says, Oh, this is the most fun. No, no,
I hope she does throw up all over the lat.

Speaker 1 (01:04:25):
We cut to them at the diner and Carson has
excused herself to the bathroom where she or she actually
does hrl. She comes back out, buzz I will say
seems to genuinely apologize for making her go on the ride,
and she accepts it. He sits next to her. They're
in the back of the car, and he apologizes for
getting fresh. I think this is where the movie wants
the turning point to be. Up until this point, buzz

(01:04:49):
obviously thinks Carson is pretty, she's Phoebe Kate's, but is
kind of hate flirting with her because she's a snob
and he's a towny and she looks down on him,
and he knows she looks down on him, and and
he's being an asshole to her because of it. He's
he's pushed. He's a little boy pushing the little girl
over on the playground because he likes her. Yeah, both
of these apologies read to me as if he's genuinely apologizing,

(01:05:10):
And then he says, I suppose you must be used
to it. You're so pretty. You must have guys doing
this to you all the time, and Carson says she's
never dated anyone but Harley, and Harley's very level headed.
And then Buzz says, I think marriage is just a
legal form of prostitution. I'm like, okay, sure.

Speaker 3 (01:05:25):
I think they're trying to because they're trying to make
it seem like he's like, in his own way, very bohemian. Meanwhile,
on the other side of the diner, there's music playing,
there's kids dancing. They're led by this waitress on roller skates.
This is very cute. This is adorable, very very cute.
Pudge asks Chip to dance with her. She's like, oh,
let's dance, and he's like, oh no, I can't dance.
I'm sorry, I'm really bad at it. And she's like, okay,

(01:05:48):
I'll go ask someone else. There's this really cute moment
here where he like, she tries to pull him on
the dance floor and he hugs a pole.

Speaker 1 (01:05:53):
He's hugging the pole. It's so cute.

Speaker 3 (01:05:55):
Running a pole and he's like, no, no, I can't.
She's like fine that I'm going to dance with someone
else else. He's like no, no, no, I'll dance with you.
And then she just like shows him some steps like
how to dance, and he picks them up kind of
quickly and starts to dance. She's like, say, you are good,
and they're just so sweet. The chemistry it's lived in.
It feels real. This makes sense to me. This is

(01:06:17):
the trajectory that makes sense to me. Buzz and Carson
make no sense to me.

Speaker 1 (01:06:22):
There's also this great little thing in the movie where
when she first goes to the club, Pud shays, I
wish a girl could ask a boy to dance, right,
And then when she's with when she's with Chip, without
even thinking about it, she asks him to dance, so
like like the lived in immediate chemistry between them is
like palpable.

Speaker 3 (01:06:40):
Okay, let's just get to it. We cut back to
fucking Buzz and Carson. Carson tells Buzz, you know, you're
just not like anyone I've ever met, and I'm like,
you mean.

Speaker 1 (01:06:49):
Poor, and Carson's like, yes, poor poor?

Speaker 3 (01:06:55):
Is that the way am I saying that?

Speaker 1 (01:06:57):
Rot?

Speaker 3 (01:06:57):
Poor? Buzz tells Carson, well, you are just like every
single girl I've ever met. You know what, that's not
the line you think it is buddy, Nope, you're stuck up,
tight ass and conventional. She gasps, and she's like she's
upset because he called her conventional. But the only thing
she can think to say is don't swear in front

(01:07:18):
of me. But is maybe the most conventional thing anyone
has ever said? Yeah, And then she's she tries to
take like some power back in the moment. She's like, well,
maybe I just don't believe in practicing free love. Who does?
And he says I do? And then Carson's like, you
know what, maybe we shouldn't talk anymore because you are
infuriating and I hate you, and Buzz is like okay, fine,

(01:07:41):
and then he kisses her yep, and she looks shocked
and then she like turns away from him and like,
we see that she's deeply charmed.

Speaker 1 (01:07:49):
Yep.

Speaker 3 (01:07:49):
I get it. Look, there's a whole genre I hate you,
I hate you, I love you, I love you, Sparks fly,
sparks fly. There's ways to make it work. This does
not work for me. I don't like either of these characters,
and I'm just like.

Speaker 1 (01:08:03):
I don't think it really works at all. I agree
with you, and I'm giving the movie credit. It doesn't
really deserve because this is bad. This is not like
this relationship is bad. And I don't think these two
actors have chemistry, like if you put them next to
Annabeth Gish and Scott Coffee, who are like, I mean
approaching the kidder Reeve's level of chemistry over here, Like

(01:08:26):
it's just falls flat, all right. So we cut to
that night at the house. Carson calls Harley. She tells
him where she is, and he tells her, well, you
better come home right away, And in the face of
all of his questions and his suspicions, She's like, no,
I don't have to come home. I'm okay, nothing happened,
and she hangs up on him. I think the Carson
character works for me in the sense of, like, this

(01:08:47):
is a very conventional, sheltered young woman who on the
eve of her wedding realizes that this conventional, sheltered life
is not what she wants and break free of it,
which on its face is like the arc that it
goes through. But I think the engine for the arc
is her meeting this guy, and this guy is a

(01:09:08):
bad engine, so the thing crumbles.

Speaker 3 (01:09:12):
That's the thing. If they had made Buzz even if
at first he's like, oh, you think you're better than me,
and he kind of treats her badly, And if they
had turned it around and made him like deep and smart, yes,
interesting and worldly and all the things on paper he
is supposed to be. The movie is trying to set
this guy up as that, but it also just fails

(01:09:37):
with all of his actions completely.

Speaker 1 (01:09:39):
So the next morning, Pudge is making breakfast, Chip surprises her.
She's thrilled to see him, horrified at what she looks like.
She's trying to get the curlers out of her hair.
It's very cute. Upstairs, Buzz wakes Carson up by doing
that thing, you know that thing, the other thing where
someone's someone's asleep and you get onto the bed and
you stand over them and you dangle a fishing lore
on their face to wake.

Speaker 3 (01:10:00):
I hope it's I really hope it's a used fishing lore.
Oh please, yeah, I would love to know that. That's that.
Laura has touched some fish guts in it day. Now
it's roked directly on my face.

Speaker 1 (01:10:10):
He asks her to go fishing with him, and he
promises it'll be fun. It won't be fun. It will
not be fun. I don't know why everyone keeps telling
me fishing is fun. Fishing is not fun.

Speaker 3 (01:10:19):
The idea, the idea that you would go away for
a fun girl's weekend and wind up fishing with some
asshole that you just met, is the dumbest thing.

Speaker 1 (01:10:35):
She rolls over in bed, and the fact that she's
not shocked that he's in her bedroom. Why why are
you doing in my like I'm a lady, you know
like that. I would think that would be the reaction,
and she doesn't have it at all. She just rolls
over and she kind of smiles at him, and she says,
nothing is going to happen between us, and he says,
I'm glad. I'm glad you said something. I think we
should just be friends. So Carson smiles for me. If

(01:10:58):
you remove the first part of the movie. From here
on out, he doesn't. He genuinely doesn't do anything that
is offensive. I don't think maybe I'm forgetting something.

Speaker 3 (01:11:08):
I'm gonna read something shitty into everything he does from
here on out. Basically, let's you know what.

Speaker 1 (01:11:13):
Let's let's let's discover it together.

Speaker 3 (01:11:16):
Let's go through this together. Let's this together.

Speaker 1 (01:11:18):
We're archaeologists, we're trying to find misogyny.

Speaker 3 (01:11:21):
Yeah, let's dig. Let's dig further at this, at this little.

Speaker 1 (01:11:25):
Let's brush off some some patriarchal fossils and see what
we find.

Speaker 3 (01:11:29):
At this dinosaur graveyard. Let's just dig a little. So downstairs, Hey, Paul,
how long has it been in this movie. It's been
at least five or ten minutes.

Speaker 1 (01:11:40):
I think I think the beer cooler was the last one.

Speaker 3 (01:11:42):
Oh, thank god, another another Confederate flag. Downstairs, Dixie is
playing and Molena is dancing around in a bikini with
a Confederate flag to Dixie. I'm actually willing to believe
that this this scene is camp, and I'm fine with it.
This is how you do Southern. If you want to
have a like Confederate flag in your movie, if you

(01:12:03):
want to play Dixie in your movie, have Bridget fucking Fonda.

Speaker 1 (01:12:07):
Dancing badly and rolling around on the floor with the flag.

Speaker 3 (01:12:10):
One of the fondas like, let's get that right. Think
about who this woman's family is. Let's get Jane Fonda's
niece out here and have her rolling around on the
floor in a bikini with a Confederate flag to Dixie.
No notes on this sea shore, this is. This is
fucking funny. So Luanne sees her and she's like, what

(01:12:34):
are you doing? And Molena is like, I'm practicing my
talent for the missun Queen contest. And Luyne's like, you
will do no such thing. This is trashy. You are
reading as trash right now, So she tries to help
Molena practice a different talent. It's a recitation of Scarlett

(01:12:54):
O'Hara's famous as God as My Witness speech from About
with the Wind, and again no notes. This scene is
so fucking funny. She's still in her bikini and she's
walking down the stairs doing the scene after Scarlet has
shot a Union soldier in her house. And Molena's like,
I don't think this is gonna win me any kind

(01:13:15):
of contest, and Luene says it's bad manners to think
about women, and she's like, well, I'm not going to
go to college like you and Pudge so and I'm
not getting married to some rich dude like Carson, so
I have got to figure out ways to get discovered.
And this is the moment we find out Molana's whole
game plan. I am as pretty as any Hollywood starlet

(01:13:36):
I know. I am if I just get myself in
front of a Hollywood star, he will fall in love
with me. He will take me back to Hollywood and
I will meet all the agents and producers and blah
blah blah and directors, and I will be the next
insert name here. I've a gardener. It's not just about
beating Suwet. It's about getting in front of Jimmy Valentine.
So while this is happening, by the way, I forgot

(01:13:57):
to mention, Pudge is helping Chip learn how to shag,
how to do this little dance in the kitchen. Again,
just more adorableness between the two of them.

Speaker 1 (01:14:04):
So cute Carson goes to the docks with Buzz and
watches him fish, which might be the only thing on
the planet more boring and actually fishing. It makes the
idea of going to some boy's house and watching him
play video games sound like literally the most fun thing
on the whole fucking planet.

Speaker 3 (01:14:19):
I disagree, because at least when you're fishing, there's the ocean.

Speaker 1 (01:14:22):
There's the bait, there's the guy telling you there's fisher
jump in today. Oh my god, I would I would
watch someone. I would watch someone play the entirety of
the legend of Zelda the Ocarina of Time before I
spent five minutes on a dock watching someone fish.

Speaker 3 (01:14:38):
Ooh disagree, I would, because at least outside there's there's
a skate there's there's like, oh, look there's someone selling
ice cream.

Speaker 1 (01:14:47):
Excap.

Speaker 3 (01:14:49):
Five minutes by ice cream. I genuinely can't think of
anything worse than watching someone else play video games.

Speaker 1 (01:14:56):
I have an uncle who loves fishing. He goes fishing
all of the time, and he has a joke. He
has a great dad joke because he'll bring like my
nephews and they'll be like, oh, we didn't catch anything,
and he goes that's why it's called fishing, not catching,
because nothing happens when you're fishing. It's just existing watching

(01:15:16):
someone with a line in someplace that you can't see.

Speaker 3 (01:15:20):
Oh no, I'm not defending fishing. I'm just saying I've
been saying watching someone play video games the worst thing
I could think of.

Speaker 1 (01:15:27):
Uh, all right, So he takes off his shirt. She says,
put y'all shirt back on, and he says no. Then
he's like, can you put some sun cream on my back?

Speaker 3 (01:15:36):
And remember he's been sweating, he's fishing, and again I'm like.

Speaker 1 (01:15:41):
Ew, no, I didn't even have an issue with this.
I'm an issue with the fact that he is sitting
out in the South Carolina sun. He sits in front
of her, She's like no. He's like, cousin, have I
laid a finger on you today? And she's like no,
And he's like, can you please just put sunscreen on
my back? And he gives her like a dab of
sunscreen on like two fingers, and she like dots it
on his back and does two little shoulder rubs. And

(01:16:02):
that is what they think proper sunscreen application is. And
this is dangerous.

Speaker 3 (01:16:07):
Also, now I'm wondering, is that sunscreen like SBF or
is that sun lotion to get him more tan. It's
nineteen sixty three and people didn't know the sun was
a carcinogen.

Speaker 1 (01:16:16):
Yet, Yeah, it's true.

Speaker 3 (01:16:18):
They thought it was good for you.

Speaker 1 (01:16:19):
Yeah, what a fun time.

Speaker 3 (01:16:22):
So meanwhile, Chip and Pudge go to the beach. They're
so cute, I can't He finds one of those like
magazine quizzes that the girls were reading out in the car,
and I actually don't think it's a magazine quiz. What
he finds is like a quiz that Pudge made up
for the car ride with the other girls, because no
magazine in nineteen sixty three would ask questions this explicit.

(01:16:45):
Either that or she's pulled it out of a much
more adult magazine like a Cosmopolitan or whatever, and he's like,
what's this and she's like nothing, nothing, nothing, and she
tries to grab it out of his hand. The two
of them do this thing where like they go through
the twenty questions of like, have you ever gone all
the way? Have you ever kiss someone? Have you ever
made out with someone in their ear? They're both so
embarrassed that it like she puts a literal towel over

(01:17:06):
her head while she answers the questions and none of
the questions in her aside though or yes, he at
least has done some stuff. And like the funny one
is he tries to deny having kissed someone in their
ear because he goes yes, and then she looks at
him horrified. He's like, no, no, no, okay, yes, but
she asked me to and I couldn't say no, and

(01:17:26):
it was weird and I didn't like it. Like it's
all very very cute. Both of them admit to each other,
that they're virgins, and that neither of them, neither of
them have ever said I love you to anyone. He
asks her what her real name is. She's like, no, no, no, no, no,
it's terrible. It's horrible. And I'm like, I'm waiting for it.
I'm like, if it's how is it worse than Pudge?
What is what?

Speaker 1 (01:17:45):
What is Southern nightmare? Name are we about to hear?

Speaker 3 (01:17:48):
Is it Magnolia Von's slave owner? Is that your name?

Speaker 1 (01:17:55):
Is it Julip cotton Plantation? What is your name that's
so bad?

Speaker 3 (01:18:00):
Is it forty acres in a marine? And she goes,
it's Caroline, And I'm like, girl.

Speaker 1 (01:18:10):
Girl, that's a lot better than Pudge. So many cute
little shortenings you can do with Caroline, Caro, Lena, Lina. Yeah, yeah, Carrie.
It's way better than Bourbon vander Auction, auction, Oh my god.

Speaker 3 (01:18:30):
Moving on, moving on, and they look into each other's
eyes as Ooh by Jackie Oh starts to play the
song is hot, Yeah, it is, It's hot. And then
meanwhile down at the docks, Carson and Buzz kiss.

Speaker 1 (01:18:45):
All right, so Erica, that is halfway through shag. Shall
we take a little short break, pop in some commercials,
and then meet everyone back here afterwards.

Speaker 3 (01:18:52):
Sounds good. I'm just gonna go down by the fishing
hole and see if I can catch me a husband.
Excuse me, all right, grab you min Jules, y'all, we're back.

Speaker 1 (01:19:10):
It's Jimmy Valentine Day, y'all. The teen idol played by
Jeff Jaeger appears to judge the Miss Sun Queen pageant.
He's ushered through the crowd by his unnamed manager played
by Paul Lieber. This character is just called the manager.
He is pretty important to not have a name, but
his name is never said in the film, and he
is billed as the manager on IMDBA.

Speaker 3 (01:19:32):
So Ollie was a character actor that we have all
seen a hundred times. Huh that I've never seen him
like this early and I'm like, you look weird that young.
I don't know why what you do? Man?

Speaker 1 (01:19:43):
We cut backstage. Molina is enraged as her friends have
dressed her up in a sunflower pattern cover up with
Pom pom detailing, which is fair, and she says, I
want my bikini. At that moment, Suet appears in a
full Confederate flag bikini.

Speaker 3 (01:20:03):
I will actually defend this choice again because this is camp.
It's just so over the top. It's a tacky, tiny
beauty pageant on a beach during spring break. Like it's
so tacky, and so I'm I'm actually fine with this,
Like this doesn't bother me.

Speaker 1 (01:20:20):
So Suet is in her full Confederate bikini, Molena rips
off her cover up to reveal, Honestly, I think a
pretty cute sailor themed outfit in.

Speaker 3 (01:20:27):
The disagree, Paul, that is a travesty.

Speaker 1 (01:20:31):
I mean it's not great, but like if if her
point is I want to be showing skin, like that's
her idea, Like it's not like this is covering her
up so much.

Speaker 3 (01:20:39):
Yes, it is.

Speaker 1 (01:20:40):
Her legs are out.

Speaker 3 (01:20:42):
She's showing her ankles like a harlot.

Speaker 1 (01:20:45):
Are you Erica? You can if if they're practically under cheek.
That skirt is so short. She has not covered her
legs at all.

Speaker 3 (01:20:52):
It is a bathing suit, and it is absurd. It
is like Grandma's bathing suit. That's it is. It has
a skirt.

Speaker 1 (01:21:00):
It looks like a tap costume.

Speaker 3 (01:21:01):
It looks like a tap costume. If it were the
tap costume would be adorable. But it is a bathing suit. Okay,
it hands like a little like flappy in the back
that's like supposed to be like a little capelet kind
of look.

Speaker 1 (01:21:13):
Okay, dumb, I will grant you that I did not
think of it as a bathing suit. I still think
she looks pretty cute in it, but a tap costume cute,
a bathing suit not. She again demands her bikini, but
Luanne reminds her that those others may think this contest
is about barren skin, but Melaya is a flower of
the South. I think this contest is about baring skin.

(01:21:35):
I think I think that's exactly what wiscons about Luanne's.

Speaker 3 (01:21:39):
The beauty pageants that Luanne has participated in have clearly
been more of the debutante yeah variety. This is white
trash on the beach. So we're at the pageant. All
the contestants are walking in front of judges and they're
variously revealing bathing suits.

Speaker 1 (01:21:56):
Guys interrupt really quickly to explain for the listening audience
what the setup of this scene is, like, the actual
physical setup, because it makes no sense. So the judges
are on like a temporary stage that's been built on
the beach or maybe a permanent stage. They're on a
stage on the beach. There's a little walkway set up
in front of it where the contestants walk, and then
everyone on the beach is watching them from behind. So

(01:22:17):
they'll have to do these different talents and face the judges,
so their asses are out to the to the crowd
the entire time. It makes no sense.

Speaker 3 (01:22:27):
And the funny thing is, it's like, this is clearly
an annual event that this town has, and I'm like,
maybe it was the first time you did it. If
you thought of it yesterday, sure, and you're like, let's
quickly throw something together on the beach for this talent show.
But no, this is like, this is like the thirtieth
annual Sun Queen Contests. I'm like, guys, building it out stage,

(01:22:48):
what are you doing?

Speaker 1 (01:22:49):
Put the theater department on this for one day. They
will figure it out.

Speaker 3 (01:22:53):
I just love everyone facing the contestants in the same way.
So Melena is doing her best, her level best to
be like sexy and charming. She manages to coax a
little wink out of Jimmy Valentine and then the quote
unquote talent portion starts and sweat does almost exactly what

(01:23:13):
Molena had planned on doing. Yeah, but instead of having
actually having a Confederate giant Confederate flag, she is wearing
the Confederate flag and she's doing a quote unquote modern ballet.
It is excellent. It is hysterical. No notes.

Speaker 1 (01:23:28):
They have Nadine in the stands Mama rosing for her,
which is excellent.

Speaker 3 (01:23:32):
Yes, she's doing you said Mama Rose. I was thinking
Amy Poehler and mean girls. She's in the background like
doing this sex with her like five six seven eight.
It is set to the same song. It's set to Dixie.

Speaker 1 (01:23:43):
It's set to Dixie, which is.

Speaker 3 (01:23:45):
Weird because I'm like, okay, so what would have happened
if they'd both done the exact same thing? Would that
have helped her hurt Melena? Because I'm not gonna lie
you guys, Susan's not bad.

Speaker 1 (01:23:54):
She's not great, but she definitely is better than Melina was.

Speaker 3 (01:23:58):
Yeah, I mean she's not great, right, This is in
no way ballet or monoy.

Speaker 1 (01:24:04):
She does manage to a backbend at one point, just
like a walk over a split.

Speaker 3 (01:24:07):
She doesn't bet that what point she does what seems
to be like like trenches like a proto version of
the of the Robot and she at the end. It
ends with her taking little mini Confederate flags and like
her little flats.

Speaker 1 (01:24:25):
So it's Melanea's turn. She introduces herself even though no
one else has, and she launches into the monologue from
Gone with the Wind. She's also not great, but she
does get a small smile from Jimmy Valentine. The crowd
cheers when she finishes, but as they're applauding, Carson spots
something awful. Harley is walking through the crowd. He's he's

(01:24:45):
far away from on the beach to kind of like
up in the stands. She immediately shouts, hide me. Look,
we've been We've been on the wand side for through
a lot of this. We've we've begrudgingly said we are
also the killed joys of our friend group. We have
admitted that we have been honest. Luanne does turn a
little bit. In the end of the movie, Harley's fiance,
one of your best friends, says, oh my god, Harley's here,

(01:25:07):
Hide me, hide, I don't want him to see me.
Luanne jumps up yells's name Holly, and then runs to
meet him.

Speaker 3 (01:25:15):
It's gonna get explained by the end of the movie.
And I really don't care because they don't do enough
for poor Luanne to give her like the arc she deserves.
But like I thought at this moment that she was
like she does not care for Buzz, which fair fair,
And she's like, oh, like, there's one way to end
this budding romance, and that's to bring Harley back into
the equations. So she's trying to get Harley. It's like,

(01:25:35):
come over here, Harley, come see Carson, and Carson will
remember that she's supposed to marry you and be in
love with you and like because also Luanne is the
most conventional of these girls, and she's like, you're supposed
to get married. She says a line at the beginning
of the movie where she goes, if I'm not engaged
by the time I'm twenty, I'm gonna kill myself. Yes,
back at the pageant Suet one, what is Jimmy Valentine's

(01:25:59):
acts by the way, because he's not Southern, He's.

Speaker 1 (01:26:01):
Clear Jimmy Valentine comes from New York. He comes from
the Rafael the teenage Mutant, Ninja Turtle, and uh, the
Bob Hoskins view of New York.

Speaker 3 (01:26:09):
That's what I thought. Like, they're doing a fucking Frankie Valley, right.

Speaker 1 (01:26:12):
He's like voting grease. He's got his voice onind up here.
He talks like this.

Speaker 3 (01:26:16):
But this actor can do it even less than Bridget Fondo.
Like the accent work in this film, It's wild wild.

Speaker 1 (01:26:27):
There are a couple of times where like in the
middle of the middle of the line, someone just drops
it and this that goes right into their normal voice.

Speaker 3 (01:26:34):
Valentine mostly drops it and then everyone and then he
turns a corner and it's Polly Walnuts and I'm like what.
So meanwhile, Luanne, Pudge, Melayna, and Chip are trying to
cover up Carson's absence to Harley because Harley walks up
to them. He's like one, two three, where's the fourth girl.
Pudge and Chip are barely in it. Chip is only

(01:26:55):
there because he likes Pudge and Pudge likes Chip and
like she's just doing that. But Lena, who can barely
cover her distain for Harley, is like, I think she
and buzz went somewhere, and Harley's like, who is buzz
And Luenne's like the maid the maid Buzzy you know
my maid Buzzy, she does a reasonable job. Harley is
just dumb enough to believe all of this.

Speaker 1 (01:27:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:27:16):
They see Jimmy Valentine leaving with Suet and Melene is like.

Speaker 1 (01:27:20):
Not today, Satan, I do like Molna's get up and go.
The woman is ambitious and she goes after what she wants.

Speaker 3 (01:27:28):
Yeah, so she demands that Luyne go push herself in
front of all the screaming teenage girls that are like
trying to claw their way to Jimmy Valentine and invite
him to come back to the house for a party.
Mate like throat your father's name in say, like the
Senator would like to invite you to the house, and
she even says he wants to invite you to the
White House. Go go. Luanne refuses at first, and Molene

(01:27:51):
is like, if you don't do it, Pudge and I
are never going to speak to you again. And Pudge
in the background is like yeah, but then really She's.

Speaker 1 (01:27:56):
Like no, not really, We're fine, don't worry about it.

Speaker 3 (01:27:58):
We're good, don't worry about it. But Luenne, and being
a good soldier, does it.

Speaker 1 (01:28:01):
Yeap. We cut to Jimmy's car. It's being swarmed by
fans they have. It's this very interesting thing with Jimmy
Valentine where like the actor is in the back of
the car. He's hugging his knees to his chest and
he looks like a little boy. The movie has a
lot of like not even subtle, but like I guess,
quiet messaging about like what the life of a young

(01:28:22):
teen idol is. That's and it's not fun and it's
not great.

Speaker 3 (01:28:26):
It's really bad.

Speaker 1 (01:28:28):
Yeah. Luyanne, Pudge and Chip make their way to the window.
And Luanne and now Chip, unlike Erica's friend, doesn't press
his cockin balls up against the window, which would have
gotten the attention.

Speaker 3 (01:28:38):
I think, yeah, I think, I think, look, if you
want to make if you want to make someone.

Speaker 1 (01:28:42):
Laugh, Yeah, oppressed meet and two edge up against their
up against their driver's side window is always a good idea.

Speaker 3 (01:28:52):
I gotta find that guy. But he's still fun.

Speaker 1 (01:28:55):
Uh. Luanne invites Jimmy to the house. He's like, no, no,
I I got like a publicity thing I gotta do.
And Pudge declares, you know, there's gonna be a party.
It's a huge party. Everyone's coming, and Jimmy's tempted as oh,
you know, I never been to a party, Like, are
you sure there's gonna be girls, And Chip's like, oh, absolutely,
there's gonna be girls on girls on girls. You're that
Motley Crussan girls, girls, girls, That's what's gonna be at

(01:29:17):
this party. Girls, girls, girls. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:29:19):
Smash cut back to the house that night, Carson is
packing and declaring that she's leaving with Harley to Elope.
Buzz is standing right there, you guys, right there, whatever,
But I don't care enough about Buzz to be upset
for his At that moment, Jimmy Valentine arrives. Everyone's like, fuck,
Jimmy Valentine's here, we gotta go. They leave Carson alone
with Buzz and she tells and she can't bring herself
to hurt a decent guy like Harley. She hears Harley

(01:29:41):
arrived downstairs, and then immediately she's like, oh my god,
what do I do? And the two of them sneak away.
They make their way onto the yacht, onto Luanne's dad's yacht,
which is called Daddy's Little Girl.

Speaker 1 (01:29:52):
No, I don't like it, Oh I hate it.

Speaker 3 (01:29:55):
The idea of a yacht being called Daddy's Little Girl
is so so gross, just so creepy. I hate everything
about it.

Speaker 1 (01:30:03):
Downstairs in the mansion, Jimmy Valentine is hanging out in
an empty room. He's excited for his first party. I've
never been to a pawnee before. He asks Chip one
of the girls, and on cue, Molena appears in a
gold pant and brightly striped top combo, one of those
tops that like is tied under her bust with one

(01:30:25):
of those waistcapes on it, like the fart the fart mufflers. Yeah,
on the waist that matches the brightly striped top. And
this is Josephine in the amazing technical or dream coat.
She looks amazing, but it's over the top.

Speaker 3 (01:30:37):
But I kind of love it. I gotta say, I
really love it.

Speaker 1 (01:30:40):
So she asks him to dance and they get right
to it. He says she'll do, and they start dancing together.

Speaker 3 (01:30:45):
Oh she'll do so yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:30:48):
Romantic, don't go too far. Jimmy Valentine can't wait for
the day.

Speaker 3 (01:30:52):
Someone looks at me across a crowded dance floor and
says she'll do.

Speaker 1 (01:30:58):
Okay, So I think this is I mentioned before. There's
like a time lapse. This is where the time lapse
happens because I thought they cut to another room in
the house, but they don't. They just it's the same room,
but it looks like only Pudge and Chip are in
the room. But then like we'll turn the camera around eventually,
Melina and Jimmy are still dancing in this room, so like,
I don't know, thirty minutes, an hour has gone by.

(01:31:19):
Who knows Pudge and Chip are doing the shag? They
remain perfect. She's like, Chip, why do you lie? You
said you couldn't do the shag? And he's like, I
was just embarrassed because they're dancing the shag. They're having
great time, and he asks her if she wants to
enter the shag contest with him the next day. And Pudge,
who we must remember, whose real name is Caroline, not
debutante War of Northern Aggression, It's just Caroline. They could

(01:31:41):
be calling her Caroline this entire time.

Speaker 3 (01:31:44):
My name is so terrible, I don't want to tell
you what it is. No, no, come on, tell me.
It can't be worse than Pudge. My name is brotherfucker Beulah.
It's an old Southern name.

Speaker 1 (01:32:00):
Budge momentarily thinks that He's going to ask her something
more romantic than just enter the contest in me. He's
going to ask her can I kiss you? Or do
you want to be my girlfriend? Should we go steady whatever?
So she is like momentarily speechless, but she agrees to
enter the dance with him. Luanne meanwhile, starts to dance
with Harley, while Jimmy has clearly started to be bored

(01:32:22):
with dancing with the same girl. At it frankly a
crap party. There are six people here. He says he's
going to leave, and he starts to head out, and
Molina turns to Chip and is like, we need guests.
Don't you have any friends?

Speaker 3 (01:32:33):
And then that classic high school hijiinx thing happens where
he makes one phone call off screen we don't see
it and remembering ten things I hate about you. That
must be Nigel with thebree yeah, And then like a
crowd of Vikings just de send on the party. Smash
cut to every towny in Myrtle Beach arriving at the

(01:32:53):
vacation home of Senator Buford clatter Book.

Speaker 1 (01:32:56):
Yes that's that's his name.

Speaker 3 (01:32:58):
His actual name is Youd and Chanting Purple. Jesus purple Jesus.

Speaker 1 (01:33:06):
I looked up. I looked up a recipe for purple Jesus.

Speaker 3 (01:33:09):
Is it just everything you own?

Speaker 1 (01:33:10):
It's one and a half ounces of vodka, one ounce
of lime juice, one ounce of purple kool Aid syrup,
and a Miller High Life floater. According to the Internet.

Speaker 3 (01:33:20):
That sounds better than what these kids are doing. They
fill up an old bathtub, like an old like ingub
via our trough with genuinely every bit of booze they
all own together, all at the same time. I didn't
realize it was purple kool Aid in it. I thought
it turned purple because it's like all the colors of reaction.

Speaker 1 (01:33:40):
I think they dump grape juice in it or something.

Speaker 3 (01:33:43):
Oh gotcha, gotcha, gotcha? Yeah, I think it's it's trash juice. Basically,
there is, as one would imagine, given the embibment, immediate chaos.
They're dragging the furniture out of the house and onto
the lawn to make room. They're drinking purple Jesus out
of their shoes. They're just taking their shoes off, jumping
it in the trough, and then drinking out of their

(01:34:04):
their shoes.

Speaker 1 (01:34:05):
Better or worse, than putting on the lipstick from the
bathroom wall.

Speaker 3 (01:34:08):
Worse, so much worse.

Speaker 1 (01:34:09):
I agree.

Speaker 3 (01:34:09):
Yeah, the only way it's not worse, it's if you
are the absolute first person to take off your pristine
shoe that you bought that day, put it in the trough,
and drink out of it. Anyone else after that. That's it.

Speaker 1 (01:34:22):
That's it. You're drinking feces immediately.

Speaker 3 (01:34:25):
You're drinking all of the dogshit that town has ever had.
The kids are also like dunking their heads into it.
They're spraying it into the crowd. They're knocking off the
wall decorations. There's like a kid doing like a slip
and slide across the floor with like I'm guessing just
like purple juice, but also like god knows what else
is on the floor, and he's he takes his shirt
off and there's enough goo on the floor that he's

(01:34:46):
slipping sliding over the floor. This party made me itch,
you know that game you play that, Like what party
would you ever want to attend? From a pop culture
in a movie or a TV show? This is deadlesss
not this one, not this one. Now, Jimmy Valentine is
a piece. He's like Yes, it's a real party, just
like I've always wanted to go to. He and Molena

(01:35:09):
continue to neck.

Speaker 1 (01:35:10):
We cut to the boat, whose name I will not
repeat here. It's just the clatter Buck yacht.

Speaker 3 (01:35:15):
Daddy's little Girl. Is that boat trying to fuck me?

Speaker 1 (01:35:20):
Yes?

Speaker 3 (01:35:20):
No, No, I do not consent boat, I do not consent.

Speaker 1 (01:35:26):
Carson and Buzz have a drink. They lie back, the
sounds of the party in the distance, and they start
to make out, and Buzz starts to unbutton Carson's top
and she raises no objection. The party continues to escalate.
This is when the slipping slide is happening. Okay, if
we may just leave behind the disgustingness of the slip
and slide for one moment and just talk about the actual,

(01:35:48):
the actual, like real life usage of it. It makes
no sense because what you're doing is you're flopping on
the ground sliding forward, yeah, towards the trough of Purple Jesus.
But you can't. It's not a pool. You don't get
to like slide forward and just like tip over your
head into the trough. You have to stop your slide
and then climb up onto the trough and then take

(01:36:10):
some of the fecal contaminated purple Jesus out and it
just doesn't make sense.

Speaker 3 (01:36:17):
It's disgusting.

Speaker 1 (01:36:18):
Uh Suet and Nadine who who earlier tried to get
into the party through the window, and Luanne noticed them,
and she and Molena like beat them out so they
couldn't get into the party tepee the yard. Luenne is
still trying to regain some sort of control. She can't
call the police lest her father hear about it. She
gives up. She starts drinking the purple Jesus. Luanne, No,
at this point, just get the bourbon from your father's cabinet.

(01:36:40):
Drink that. Don't drink the purple Jesus.

Speaker 3 (01:36:42):
Luanne out of her shoe, she takes off her pump.

Speaker 1 (01:36:45):
That's where we are, not Luenn. Neither one else would
ever have done that. No, I can confidently say, at
my stupidest I would not have done that. This gives her,
This gives Luanne the bravery to start dancing with Harley,
who's also seemingly gotten a little bit drunk.

Speaker 3 (01:36:59):
She drunk that of nowhere. He went from zero to drunk.
He also went, look, I'm just gonna spoil it here
he went from zero to suddenly interested in Luanah, I
don't like it. Just make it make a little more sense.
Just the tiniest bit more sense is all I need.

Speaker 1 (01:37:13):
So the main action of the party spills out onto
the front yard, and the whole celebration starts to dissipate
this party. It burned bright and fast.

Speaker 3 (01:37:22):
We cut to Pudge and Chip upstairs in a bathtub.
To be fair, like, to be clear, there's no water.
I don't think in the bathtub.

Speaker 1 (01:37:29):
I don't think so.

Speaker 3 (01:37:30):
No, yeah, I don't think they're fully clothed. They're just
hanging out in the bathtub where it's quiet and peaceful.
Upstairs in the house together, he tells her he's heading
to Annapolis in a few days. He's going to be
a marine. He's going to go to the academy. Then
he makes the only mistake Chip makes in the whole movie.
He says to her, he says, I was really hoping
I would fall in love with a girl this summer
so I would have someone to write to when I

(01:37:52):
was away at the academy. And Pudge is just like,
oh my god, it's happening. Then he's like, you know what,
it's okay that I didn't fall in love because now
I have you and I could write to you because
you're my friend, and is like, yeah, you could see
like the moment her heart breaks and her face crumbles
in real time.

Speaker 1 (01:38:12):
Yeah. We cut back to the boat. Carson has a
moment of clarity. She stops what's going on? She sits up.
She says, I can't it's wrong, and Buzz says, well,
I'm not going to force you.

Speaker 3 (01:38:22):
He says it like, well, I'm not going to force you.

Speaker 1 (01:38:26):
I don't think he says it like that. No, I
disagree with that. He says, I'm not going to force you.
But then he says, even if you want me to,
which is.

Speaker 3 (01:38:38):
What what is romance to these people?

Speaker 1 (01:38:43):
I don't think any actor could have made that line work.

Speaker 3 (01:38:46):
No, agreed.

Speaker 1 (01:38:47):
That line is toxic from the where it begins. No
one can fix it.

Speaker 3 (01:38:50):
I would like to see Hugh Grant try. Yeah, only
the only beta male I think that could make that work.

Speaker 1 (01:38:57):
I guess, I guess if you try to make the
second hand half of the line just a pure joke,
you know, it's it's a it's a five to two
guy sleeping with a six five woman and then maybe
maybe that would work.

Speaker 3 (01:39:15):
I don't know Nick Mohammad from Ted.

Speaker 1 (01:39:19):
Maybe she says she can't go around sleeping with every
boy that likes her, and he says, don't you know,
we'll remember this for the rest of our lives, And
for some reason, that's the line that does it. They kiss,
She tells him not to tell anybody, and Erica listen.
Is that the bone Zones entrance music? I hear the

(01:39:49):
bone Zone is like, no, no, the bone Zone does
not does not support the Confederate States of America.

Speaker 3 (01:39:56):
No. Rather bone down, okay, or to ave.

Speaker 1 (01:40:02):
Maria easily, Ave Maria, Let's get weird. Let's get weird.
That Dixie I can't disassociate from all of that. Ave Maria. Now,
I'm just defrocking a priest. That's fun.

Speaker 3 (01:40:17):
Would you rather bone down to Dixie or to the
song Jeremy by.

Speaker 1 (01:40:27):
That's it? I would. I would listen to me, listen
to me. I would rather go watch someone fish and
then bone down to Dixie on the dock in the
sun than boned down to Jeremy.

Speaker 3 (01:40:44):
I found it. I found the song of all time. Everyone,
we could stop the search.

Speaker 1 (01:40:50):
It's over. We did it.

Speaker 3 (01:40:52):
If you are too young to get that reference. Yeah,
the video is genuinely one of the saddest things you've
ever seen, So I wouldn't even recommend I don't watch it.
Maybe just listen to the song.

Speaker 1 (01:41:02):
It's a song about child.

Speaker 3 (01:41:05):
It's so bad, so bad. Yeah, I found it. I
found the world's least section song. You're All Welcome.

Speaker 1 (01:41:13):
Maria sounds like a verified smushtrack copared to that one.

Speaker 3 (01:41:16):
Ah. The next morning, Dawn's and Elvira, played by Pearl Cook,
another one of the Clatterbox's maids. Do I have to
tell you what her race is? Sucked up? She arrives
and she finds carnage. Yeah, the man who has passed
out on the couch in the front yard because remember

(01:41:37):
the the furniture was all moved out.

Speaker 1 (01:41:39):
Uh.

Speaker 3 (01:41:40):
Wakes up and she's like what in the hell. She
sees Alvira, and she's like, Elvira, why are you here?
And Alvira's like, because your parents have decided to come
down and they are flying in in one hour. They
will be here in one hour or actually, I don't
even think she gives them that time limit.

Speaker 1 (01:41:58):
Like she says, Noon, I think we don't know what
time it is. But yes, I think she says nude in.

Speaker 3 (01:42:03):
My head canon. They have an hour to turn this
shit around, yeap. Luanne rightfully starts panicking Jimmy's manager. Meanwhile,
who has Jimmy's manager has a very creepy vibe. Oh yeah,
so hereries looking for Jimmy, and he's here to collect
his client his meal ticket, right, because Jimmy's worth all
he sees when he sees Jimmy is money. Melena tries

(01:42:24):
to give Jimmy her phone number before he can be
whisked away, but the manager is like, no, I've invested
a lot in Jimmy. I have put the money into
this show, pony, and I am not going to let
you derail my whole thing. So thank you, but no
thank you. He does not need some piece of Dixie
ass parading in here and crapping all over my dream.

Speaker 1 (01:42:47):
I kind of do love. Molena's response to it, Melena
isn't looking for love. She's not looking She's not looking
for love in all the wrong places. She is looking
for a ticket out of fucking South Carolina. And she's
like that guy, That guy is the ticket out. The
kids kind of start to clean but somehow Alvira is
a witch or something, because she's obviously doing the lion's

(01:43:09):
share of the work. I'm cleaning this house that has
been destroyed. The girls realize that Carson never came home
the night before, and we cut to the boat. Carson
and Buzz are lying on those little like cots that
are on a boat, and she sits up. Her hair
still looks good. They both look great fully clothed.

Speaker 3 (01:43:26):
He's wearing shorts, jorts, georgs he's wearing jeorts.

Speaker 1 (01:43:30):
He looks. He said a lot of nice things about Buzz.
He makes the jorts work. No, no, I'm into it.
I'm into the jorts.

Speaker 3 (01:43:37):
I agree, I do it.

Speaker 1 (01:43:39):
Carson wonders what she's going to tell Harley, and Buzz
suggests telling him you're in love with me, and she
sighs and says, oh, he'll never believe that, which I
did laugh at. That was funny. Buzz then suggests she
tell Harley that she's going to college, and she smiled
and says, with you, and he says, crazy women don't
go to Yale, but there's plenty of women's colleges around there.

Speaker 3 (01:43:57):
That you did an exact line reading of how that
acts did that line. The line's supposed to be crazy
women don't go to Yale, but he goes crazy women
don't go to Yale, like regular women go to Yale,
but not you. Now I am just blaming the actor.
He's not even trying.

Speaker 1 (01:44:15):
He's not like he.

Speaker 3 (01:44:16):
Genuinely was, like, well did the writer didn't put a
comma in there, so I guess the line is crazy
women don't go to Yale. That drove me, Like I
was already so against everything else happening, and now I
am actively blaming the actors.

Speaker 1 (01:44:31):
But this was the line that radicalized you.

Speaker 3 (01:44:32):
This is now I don't even just hate Buzz. I
hate the actor who plays Buzz.

Speaker 1 (01:44:39):
Are you gonna hate him eve bit more? Because the
next line is, I mean they don't expect Yale men
to go four years without sex. Gross. Carson is offended.
You expect me to go to school just to be
close to you so I can draft you every weekend
and they can practice free love. And he smirks and says,
well not every weekend, and Carson pushes him off the bed.

Speaker 3 (01:44:58):
She didn't say school, she says, Yankee school.

Speaker 1 (01:45:00):
A Yankee school. You're right, these.

Speaker 3 (01:45:02):
Girls are Southern to their core in the worst possible way.
The girls are still sort of at the house, but
they realized at the last moment that Carson is headed
back from the yacht, and they make Chip hustle hardly upstairs.
Carson arrives and tells her friends that she went all
the way with Buzz. She says, y'all wild. Now, I

(01:45:25):
guess I've been wild all along. I just didn't know
it till now. Luanne scandalized, but Pudge is like, what
did it feel like? And Molina's like did it hurt?
And Luyne's like, you guys, stop asking in appropriate questions.
The first time a friend of mine ever told me
she had sex, I was fifteen, okay or fourteen, I

(01:45:46):
can't remember. I think it was fourteen, and that was
genuinely my first question. I was like, did it hurt?

Speaker 1 (01:45:51):
Oh? Fair? None of my friends have ever had sex.

Speaker 3 (01:45:56):
No, including me. That first girl told me it hurt,
and I was like, you know what, I'm out, I'm dumb.
Fuck it. To be fair, she didn't say it her
she said it hurt a little bit, it was fine.

Speaker 1 (01:46:09):
Okay, And some of my friends have had sex. And
what I've learned from them is you don't have enough lub.
You need more lube. You got very much lube, you
think you need.

Speaker 3 (01:46:20):
Double it with the old. What all the girls do
agree on is that you have to jump Hurley Buzz
appears and Luanne calls him a rape artist, which that
made me laugh, and Carson's like, he didn't attack me,
and she's like, I don't care, he's a rape artist.
Harley appears as everyone is having this very heightened conversation.

(01:46:42):
He's like, who's this guy to Buzz and Carson, for
some reason, just can't bring herself to say anything truthful,
so she covers up. She's like, oh, that's Luanne's boyfriend.
Luanne's like what, and he's like, don't deny my love,
don't deny our love, and he like grabs her and
kisses her. Yeah, And Alvira just looks at everyone and goes,
guess you're not helping me clean.

Speaker 1 (01:47:02):
Look look at all the not cleaning you're doing. Pudge,
who we must remember his real name is Caroline. It's
not it's not honeysuckle, States Rights, It's just Caroline Honeysuckle.
Pudge goes to Molayna for advice on how to deal
with Chip. Remember when we last left them, Chip had

(01:47:23):
like friend zoned her, and Molena tells her this is
how you deal with a boy like that. You make
yourself look irresistible and then you act like you can't
stand him. Meanwhile, downstairs, Luanne has dragooned Chip into going
to pick up her parents at the airport, with strict
instructions not to return until the girls have left for home.
So Luene's current plan is, we're gonna restore this house.

(01:47:45):
We're gonna send Chip this person that my parents don't know.
He's gonna go to the airport as their driver. He's
gonna pick them up. In the meantime, we're gonna fix
up this house and we're going to leave the house
swep Pristine will be gone by the time my parents
get here, and I will not get caught. Sure, Elvira
is apparently being like, you know what, this is white nonsense.
I'm not being involved in this. I will just clean

(01:48:06):
the house so I don't have to deal with whatever
the fallout for this is, because I know it's going
to wind up lending more work for me, without a doubt.
So Luanne tells Chip, why don't you just take my
parents to the shag contest. And he's like, no, I'm
supposed to be in the shag contest with Pudge. And
she's like, don't be stupid. Pudge is going home with me.
This is over. We are leaving. We cut to Carson

(01:48:27):
and Harley in the kitchen. They're talking. She has clearly
expressed some doubt about the marriage to him, and he says,
no one ever wants to get married, including me. That's
no reason to call off a weddon. I laughed at that.
That was fine.

Speaker 3 (01:48:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:48:42):
Carson takes a beer out of the fridge and he's like,
oh my god. You know earlier she had said I
don't drink during the day, and he says, don't test me, cowson,
which I don't care for that line at all. And
she pops the beer and she holds eye contact and
she SIPs the beer as holding eye contact with him.
She's wild now, y'all.

Speaker 3 (01:48:58):
Chip goes to find Pudge, who has now been glammed
up by Melena. She opens the door. He's speechless at
the side of her. He's like wow. He like, you
look incredible, and he's like, well, but maybe if I
don't see you again this weekend. I can come visit
you from Annapolis sometime, and she says, I wouldn't go
to the shag contest with you if you were the
last man in the free world and slams the door

(01:49:20):
in his face, and then Molena says, good, wait five
minutes and then offer him a chance to apologize. Unfortunately,
when PUDJ does so, Chip has already been sent off
to pick up Luan's parents. Can we talk really really
quick about Molena's final look? Sure, So she's she's again
rifling through Luanne's mother's closet to find like just the

(01:49:43):
right thing to wear in front of the manager, to
like make herself seem Hollywood, make herself seem seem like
a starlet. But at this point she's still in her
underwear basically, so we have her in like it's like
Varius sixties underwear, so she's very covered up. She's wearing
like a corset and like a bra, but a lacey
blackbraw and her hair is done up in this like

(01:50:03):
French twist that goes to the sky, and she's got
this like white blonde hair. Paul, she looks exactly like
riff Raff at the end, of rocky hole. It is
so deeply unsexy.

Speaker 1 (01:50:23):
I didn't know where you were going with that. The
entire time.

Speaker 3 (01:50:27):
It's a little it's it's Frankenferter from the neck down
with the black lace. But it is a full riff
raff at the remember the end of takes the hair
and puts it up into like a buffon. That's what
she looks like. I can't unsee it, and I'm like,
that's how you're gonna try to whop this guy over

(01:50:47):
with that look?

Speaker 1 (01:50:49):
Okay, okay, all right. So we are now certain that
Elvira's a witch because the house has been fully restored
to its former glory. Carson is quote unquote helping by
putting away a vacuum. Only Buzz is waiting for her
in the broom closet. How long has he been in
the broom closet.

Speaker 3 (01:51:04):
That's how poor people live, Paul, in other people's broom closets.
It's time you found out from your high perch over there.
We all grew up in broom closets. So you find
a wealthy he's one of the richest poor people because
he's in the yell. Yeah, he's in the wealthy houses,
broom closet. Some of us had to live in a

(01:51:25):
poor house. Is broom closet.

Speaker 1 (01:51:27):
That's like the servant who had to serve in Emma,
she had to serve Sophie Thompson and her mother. Yeah,
the person who's the servant for the poorest.

Speaker 3 (01:51:33):
Family, like, yeah, the roal doll character.

Speaker 1 (01:51:40):
So Buzz asks Carson what she's doing with Harley. He's
completely wrong for you, And Carson says, you don't know me,
you don't love me, You sure as all damn don't
want to marry me, So why don't you leave me
the hell alone? And Buzz says, I don't think I can,
and the two close the door and make out in
the broom closet. The individual scenes work if you take

(01:52:02):
out all the scenes that come before.

Speaker 3 (01:52:04):
It, it is you are building on a mountain of
garbage and nonsense and like just the most tenuous little
scraps of affection that this woman is supposed to lap
up like a fucking labradoodle who's been running a mile.

Speaker 1 (01:52:24):
Supposed to lap up the love colonels.

Speaker 3 (01:52:27):
Yeah, droplets, Yeah, exactly exactly, Well, really freezy ex girlfriend
just nails it. Harley, meanwhile, is packing up Luan's car
for her, and they make out. Alvira, who's been breaking
her fucking back cleaning this fucking antebella mansion, sees them

(01:52:49):
kissing outside and goes and then sees the other two
in the broom closet like making out. She goes, y'all
is the horniest bunch of white folks I ever seen.
That's when I wrote I'm so glad they at least
gave her the best line in the movie.

Speaker 1 (01:53:04):
Meanwhile, Pudge again Pudge named Caroline, not named not named
Dixie three fifths compromise. It could just be calling her
carro the whole time.

Speaker 3 (01:53:13):
Aha.

Speaker 1 (01:53:15):
Pudge and Melayna steal Luanne's car and they head off
for the Shag contest. Harley is like, oh my god,
come on, He's gonna drive Luanne there, but his Ta
Bird is the only car that apparently a. Vira is like,
not this dickhead, and she doesn't clean his car. His
car is still covered in toilet paper, everything else pristine.

(01:53:35):
Harley's car a disaster.

Speaker 3 (01:53:37):
We cut the chip picking up the Clatterbucks, and we
learned that the Clatterbucks are in town to judge the
shag contest.

Speaker 1 (01:53:44):
Okay, sure sure.

Speaker 3 (01:53:46):
Pudge meanwhile has stolen the other car has stolen the Cadillac.
She drops Molena off at the pavilion, and Molena thanks
her for the lift and promises to write from California
when she's a big star. They say they love each
other and they hug, and then Molena heads inside, not
hearing Pudge call to her that she forgot her bag. Yeah,

(01:54:06):
Milena heads right for Jimmy's manager. Jimmy's manager looks at
her up and down, sees the potential, sees how beautiful
she is, and he goes, have I seen you before?
And then she says an excellent line. She goes, well
maybe in one of your better dreams.

Speaker 1 (01:54:21):
Wow, we see that Chip King. Chip has also made
his way to the pavilion. He's leaning on a post.
His feet are like marking the shag. As everyone dances
on the dance floor, Pudge comes in with Molena's bag
and she spots him and a smile bursts onto her
face like the sun comes up. The contest starts. The

(01:54:42):
first couple starts to dance, and Pudge goes to Chip
and she taps on his shoulders and she's like surprise
and we see that she got them dance numbers for
the competition, and they kiss, and Melena from across the
bar sees that Pudge is there, and the two of
them wave at each other, and Molena says good luck,
and they have these enormous smiles on their face. It

(01:55:02):
almost looks like they actually haven't seen each other for
like a year or something like that.

Speaker 3 (01:55:05):
It's been four minutes.

Speaker 1 (01:55:06):
It's been four minutes. But it's so cute. It's just
another moment of like the friendship between these four girls.
Really like singing in the movie. I think they're not
singing Jeremy by Pearl Jam. They're not singing Hell Is
for Children by Pat Benattar. They're singing a beautiful song
about friendship.

Speaker 3 (01:55:21):
They're not singing Tears in Heaven by Eric, They're.

Speaker 1 (01:55:26):
Not singing Creep by Radiohead. To be clear, Jeremy is
so much shatter than any of those other songs.

Speaker 3 (01:55:36):
I was gonna say, which is those songs is still worse?

Speaker 1 (01:55:39):
It's Jeremy.

Speaker 3 (01:55:40):
It's still Jeremy. Hallelujah. The Jeff Buckley version, No, no,
not even close.

Speaker 1 (01:55:47):
I cannot think of a single song. I think you
got it right with Jeremy, so Jimmy's manager is quite
taken with Melena. They make their way over to and
Pudge asks Molina how she's doing, and she says, I'm
having the most fun.

Speaker 3 (01:56:05):
The other four went in as Pudge and Chip take
to the dance floor. Okay, I didn't need to talk
about this dance contest. We see three other contestants. We
see a brother, a sister, a married couple, and we
see Nadine and is that the same guy who assaults
who tried to assault? Yeah, it is right, it's actually
Big Bob. I'm like, oh no, it's Big Bob that
taints it because I have to say those two are

(01:56:27):
the best ones. You deserve to win this fucking contest.
And then when they do show Pudge and Chip dancing,
I'm like, I wrote, this is cute, and in my
notes I wrote, they better not win this. They're not bad,
they're just not the best ones. The other three couples
are better.

Speaker 1 (01:56:44):
I didn't think any of them were particularly good, so
I was totally fine.

Speaker 3 (01:56:47):
I literally thought Nadine and Big Bob did an amazing job.

Speaker 1 (01:56:51):
I thought they had the one good move where Nadine
like goes almost all the way down to the floor,
She's very bendy and then comes back up. But I
was totally fine with this because I actually thought I
did a good job of being like a bunch of
amateur people doing this dance, so everyone looked kind of
in a good way amateurish. They didn't like hire a
bunch of ballroom dancers to come and do the shag
and then and then have Anabeth Gush and Scott Coffee

(01:57:13):
take it for one hour and be like, Okay, now
you guys are gonna win, which I appreciated that at least.

Speaker 3 (01:57:18):
I was genuinely like, they shouldn't win this.

Speaker 1 (01:57:20):
I love.

Speaker 3 (01:57:22):
Spoiler alert the this.

Speaker 1 (01:57:24):
They've already won life. They found each other, okay.

Speaker 3 (01:57:27):
So they're adorable. Pudge and Chip. They danced to stagger
Lee by Lloyd Price. Luanne panics about her parents being
at the fucking thing. Carson suggests, listen, let's just tell
everyone the truth, and Luanne's like, well, I'll tell my
parents the truth. When you tell Harley the truth. Carson's like,
you know what, You're right. She goes up to Harley
and she says, Harley, I can't marry you. I'm in

(01:57:49):
love with Buzz. Harley's taken this information in and Luanne
can't stop herself. She goes, they went all the way.

Speaker 1 (01:58:00):
I'm not the luen here. I wouldn't do that to
my friend.

Speaker 3 (01:58:02):
I would never, never do that to my friend. Yeah, Harley,
even though he's not in love with Carson either, he
still takes Umbridge and he tries to punch Buzz Buzz ducks.
Harley ends up hitting a mirror and shattering it, to
which no one else in the room seems to notice.
We cut to Pudge and Chip and they are announced
as the winners of the shag contest. Whatever they select

(01:58:24):
their trophies, they kiss again as the crowd applauds.

Speaker 1 (01:58:27):
So we cut to a party at the Clatterbuck home.
Harley charms Missus Clatterbuck, telling her that it was his
idea that the girls go to Myrtle Beach, pretending that
they actually did go to Fort Sumter and then arrived
at the last minute to surprise Luan's parents. So Luenne
not only blew up Carson spot, she never actually told
her parents the truth. Not a great look on lun
at the end here Jimmy's manager. So this is a

(01:58:50):
very dark moment in the movie, and I think the
movie really reckons with how dark it is. Jimmy's manager
is standing next to Molna, who he has decided is
his next ticket after Jimmy. She goes. She reaches for
a cupcake and he just smacks it out of her hand.

Speaker 3 (01:59:03):
He hands her an apple, and you hear it in
the background. You hear Bridget Fonda go, but I don't
like apples.

Speaker 1 (01:59:10):
Oh, I need to hear that.

Speaker 3 (01:59:11):
That's how that ends. But I don't like apples. Get
used to it. How do you like them? Apples?

Speaker 1 (01:59:17):
So the three main couples walk together, arm in arm.
They have little like final moments with each other, and
then the movie ends. We cut to the four girls
standing on the porch and they're singing their high school
song to the assemblage, and this like broke my brain.

(01:59:38):
I was like, why is this the final image of
the movie? Because it the only the artistic reason that
I came up with, Like why the director chose to
or the writer chose to end their film with this
image is to highlight how young all of these girls are.
That's the thing I can come up with.

Speaker 3 (01:59:58):
I thought they wanted a unified for these girls singing
in harmony something together. Why this song that I do
the brain work on that, but I get the input,
the impetus to have them singing something together, to show
them like as a unified force.

Speaker 1 (02:00:13):
Totally I get that. But again, this this the song
choice that makes me think it's to highlight that they're
all just eighteen and they're at the start of their lives.
But the rest of the movie, and this is not
specifical this movie any teen rom com ends with like
and then you found your forever love. It almost like
pulls the rug out from the rest of the movie

(02:00:34):
to me to have them be singing this high school song.
So it just makes me think about how young they
are and like, well, none of none of their lives
are going to work out the way they have it pictured,
that's not real life at all.

Speaker 3 (02:00:43):
That's why I think if you hate the South, this
is a good movie to a serious fucking horror movie
about like like people who ascribe to these like quote
unquote Southern values and what they're gonna get in the
end is just truly like the mas storyline is dark.
It's dark. That ending is dark.

Speaker 1 (02:01:05):
And also like, if he's going to be a Marine,
the Vietnam War is not.

Speaker 3 (02:01:08):
Yeah, if you think ahead to what chip is about.

Speaker 1 (02:01:11):
To happen like the Door and the movie like doesn't
ever like lampsh I mean lamp shades it with the
Molina storyline a little bit nothing else. It's just like
if if And this is again reminds me what my
mother said about dirty dancing, Like she wouldn't have needed
the context of nineteen sixty three to be hit on
the head. Remember what's about to happen right like, because

(02:01:31):
she that's her lived experience. She remembers the Vietnam War
like you know, all of that, so that's that all
makes sense to her. But like now, I think the
movie has a perhaps aged where that's out of where.
That's enough for a casual viewer. Yeah, anyway, that's the
end of the movie, So stick around. We're gonna come
right back with our random observations and final rankings.

Speaker 3 (02:02:01):
I have Dixie stuck in my head now, yeah, and
I'm so mad that I'm going to be thinking of
that song all day today.

Speaker 1 (02:02:08):
You wanna what Carly ray Jeckson's Emotion album just turned
like ten. Listen to that. That'll blow anything else out
of your head.

Speaker 3 (02:02:13):
Yeah, thank you, I appreciate you.

Speaker 1 (02:02:15):
Yeah, Paul.

Speaker 3 (02:02:16):
Any random observations.

Speaker 1 (02:02:17):
On a check Shag, I do have a random observation.
I have a couple actually on Shag. But in the
very beginning, the four girls are driving, Carson sees that
they missed the exit. She's like, what's happening. We're supposed
to go to Fort Sumter, and the other girls like,
we're taking you to Myrtle Beach.

Speaker 3 (02:02:32):
Ah.

Speaker 1 (02:02:33):
Luanne is driving. She makes the decision to pick all
of her limbs up at the same time to take
off her skirt and I presume reveal a bathing suit
underneath her skirt. We can't really see because of the
shot angle and everything like that. Just a very strong choice.
You could just say, yay, you don't have to, Like

(02:02:55):
Molena is happy to take off her clothes and show
that she's having has a bikini top on. Let her
take that, Luann, you just drive, just drive.

Speaker 3 (02:03:04):
The character of Luanne from the beginning of the movie
is not the same person at the end of the movie.
It is two fully different people.

Speaker 1 (02:03:12):
Huh.

Speaker 3 (02:03:13):
One thing I did love is when they get to
Myrtle Beach and they drive past this motel called the
Magnolia Court and they all look at it like it's
a horror house. And I don't know which one of
them says it, but one of them goes, it's where
Florin Showers got pregnant last year. And they're like, we're
not stepping foot inside the hotel. That's where pregnancies happen.

Speaker 1 (02:03:38):
If you're in a hotel, you get pregnant. Has nothing
to do with who you're with. It's the motel that
does it.

Speaker 3 (02:03:43):
Don't even walk through the lobby. Yeah, instant pregnancy.

Speaker 1 (02:03:46):
Instant pregnancy. I'm sure that everyone who knows love this
movie is screaming at us that we have not brought
up this line yet. So I'm going to do it
right now. It's been the first night. All of the
girls are sitting around, they're waiting to get ready. They're
gonna go dancing. I don't even remember how this comes up,
but Pudge says Maya Pat Montgomery is the one who
told me about bona Is. It isn't a bone at all,

(02:04:07):
it's a muscle. This cousin of host dated a Clemson
tiger who sprained. Isn't a game and she had the
massage every night when it got hard because he was
in so much pain, and the other girls were all like,
oh Pudge.

Speaker 3 (02:04:18):
Oh Pudge. Seem like Pudge is younger.

Speaker 1 (02:04:21):
It seems like she's younger.

Speaker 3 (02:04:23):
Not right age. Like this scene really made me giggled
because I'm like, why is she so much more innocent
than yeah, than the others.

Speaker 1 (02:04:31):
And how dumb is Pudge's cousin? What does she think
happens at the end with a muscle, Well, that's.

Speaker 3 (02:04:35):
When the puss comes out, Paul, of course you believe
in the pale. Gross.

Speaker 1 (02:04:39):
Gross, What a terrible experience she's gonna have with Pus
the first time she has it for real?

Speaker 3 (02:04:44):
Oh, I just for myself, for everyone, So sorry you guys.
They makes some really fun and weird choices with Carson
throughout the movie that like there's like there's a scene
when they're at the carnival or at the at the
drive in. I think actually, and she's just eating a
hamburger bun. She's not like picking at it and eating

(02:05:05):
it piece by piece as one would maybe a piece
of bread. She's eating it like it's a hamburger, but
it's just a bun and just the top butN not
the bottom.

Speaker 1 (02:05:12):
Bun. I think that's because she just got sick.

Speaker 3 (02:05:15):
Yeah, she's just.

Speaker 1 (02:05:17):
Trying to eat something. But like it's also because you know,
like when you do movies or film or whatever, like
you often you want to spit. You don't want to
eat a lot because you have to do multiple takes.
Phoebe Kates takes the tiniest nibble of this bund yeah,
and then picks a sesame seed off of it and
puts the sesame seed in her mouth. And I'm like, girl,
just take a bite and spit if the take is over, Like,

(02:05:38):
come on, I only have one more. And it's just
another moment that I thought was very funny in the movie.
I remember talking about how when Harley arrives, the girls
mentioned buzz and then and then Luyenn tries to cover
with Buzzy the maid blah blah blah blah blah. There's
a moment after the party Harley wakes up, Elvira is there.
He looks at Elvira and he goes, oh, are you Fuzzy,

(02:06:00):
And she goes, you shut y'all filth the mouth.

Speaker 3 (02:06:03):
And then Elvira looks behind her and sees Hattie McDaniel
and They're like, no more black maids in movies. Everyone,
let's just miratorium, moratorium on that. I just have one more.
It is a strange line that I picked up. It's
one of those throwaway lines you almost don't hear.

Speaker 1 (02:06:23):
Yeah, And I'm like, what does that mean?

Speaker 3 (02:06:27):
When Chip and Puge're dancing in the living room and
she's teaching him the steps and she goes, you lied
to me, you are a good dancer, and then they
keep dancing and she goes, you could be on American
Bandstand and Chip says, I think you have to be
Italian to be on a Bandstand. And I'm fully willing
to admit I just don't understand that. Understand there is

(02:06:47):
like people who are slightly older than us are screaming
at their phones right now, going, you idiots, it's because
the both of American Bandstand is Italian. I don't understand.

Speaker 1 (02:06:57):
I don't understand. No, I agree, I didn't. I heard
that line too, and I was like, I whatever, and
I just I just kept going because I don't get it.
I don't understand what that means. Erica, how shall we
rank shag.

Speaker 3 (02:07:10):
One to ten birthday presents you bought me, including my
very own de wap band.

Speaker 1 (02:07:15):
Fingers crossed, Fingers Crossed.

Speaker 3 (02:07:18):
Follows me around everywhere.

Speaker 1 (02:07:21):
One to ten Confederate flag bikinis.

Speaker 3 (02:07:23):
Oh, I'm gonna buy one. I bet i'd look really
good bikini.

Speaker 1 (02:07:27):
Yeah, when I get the blue romper from gold Finger,
you should get the Confederate flag bikini and we should
post together.

Speaker 3 (02:07:34):
I definitely will wear that in public, No problem, No
problems there. One to ten songs you don't want to smash?

Speaker 2 (02:07:43):
Two like uh Hurt by Johnny Cash, Like nothing compares.

Speaker 3 (02:07:55):
To you Byaan O'Connor, It make you love me if
you don't by Bonnie Raid. What about River by jo Oh? No,
has anyone out there ever masturbated to all by myself?
Because I bet that.

Speaker 1 (02:08:12):
I'm pretty sure Bridget Jones did that in a cutscene.
How About one to ten Southern names that would be
worse than Caroline.

Speaker 3 (02:08:23):
Like like NASCAR fan Nelly m how.

Speaker 1 (02:08:27):
About Gladiola, pickup truck, Hoopskirt Harriet, Veranda, Mason Dixon, Hume
and bird Cake Stone Paul Jacksons were the same words.
All right, all right, I think we should do this one. Yeah,
and you're going first.

Speaker 3 (02:08:44):
Yeah, I'm gonna go first on this one. I love
a coming of age story. It's my favorite genre, and
so I'm particularly harsh when they don't live up to
my standards. That said, I think if you watch this
movie when you were younger and you were coming of
age along with the film, I like, I don't want
you to feel like like you should just never watch

(02:09:06):
it again or not appreciate it or not love it.
The music's fantastic, so of the performances are great. The
like just casual southernness of it all. And I'm not
coming for the South. The South has like the food
in the South is unimpeachable.

Speaker 1 (02:09:22):
And look, hey, fucking New York was a slave port.
We're none of our hands are clean here, Yeah, our
ancestors hands. Yeah, like we should mention that.

Speaker 3 (02:09:31):
Yeah, my skin is far too pale for me to
be Like, I had nothing to do with this. So look,
I'm not coming for the South, like I said, But
like this, like Confederate I don't know, like glorification, glorification
this like this like corn bread and mint juliup lifestyle,
It just doesn't. It just turns me off. And it

(02:09:53):
turns me off because the movie doesn't lampshade it enough.
Like again, if it was just like bridget fond dance
with the Confederate flag and rolling around on the floor
with it like that, again, I could fully fully live with.
And also I understand they were trying to make it
seem realistic. And in nineteen sixty three we're still segregated,
so of course there wouldn't be any black kids in
a southern dance hall in South Carolina. But then, I

(02:10:16):
don't know, maybe make the band white instead. I mean,
then you don't get this like amazing band that we
get in the movie. I don't know, it doesn't sae.

Speaker 1 (02:10:23):
Or have one of the characters say it's awful the
way that they aren't allowed to eat in this restaurant
or something like that. Like you can have Pudge say that,
you know what, You.

Speaker 3 (02:10:33):
Put that line in Buzz's mouth.

Speaker 1 (02:10:35):
Yeah, and my whole outlook on.

Speaker 3 (02:10:38):
Buzz changes because he's supposed to be like the smart
kid is going to Yale. Right, you give Buzz a
little bit of like consciousness of what's happening in the
world and like the just the tiniest amount. But that's
not even my real problem with the movie.

Speaker 1 (02:10:53):
Not Gonna Lie is the real problem. With the movie Erica, let.

Speaker 3 (02:10:56):
Me Have It's it's the sexual politics of it all.
The sexual politics at that time are not written in stone.
It didn't have to be this way. And the Buzz
character is so toxic. He's supposed to be the romantic
hero of the film and it's just so hard to watch.
It rings so false to me, and it rings so

(02:11:18):
like ugly to me. And by the way, this is
Dance Month. It's not enough dancing.

Speaker 1 (02:11:24):
More dancing, that's true. Need more dancing.

Speaker 3 (02:11:26):
I'm better dancing. Look, this is not an Anabeth Gish
and Scott Coffee. They're doing their level best. But they
shouldn't be the only dancers in this movie.

Speaker 1 (02:11:33):
There.

Speaker 3 (02:11:33):
Remember Footlooths, the end of Footloots, when it was like
a bunch of teenagers who had never danced in their
lives and suddenly they're all amazing. It should make it
should make no sense, But I don't care, because there's
an amazing dance break on the beach with all these characters.
I'm gonna give it a three three out of ten.
Terrible Southern names like sweet Potato Cass for Old Dixie Carter,

(02:11:58):
the third, the.

Speaker 1 (02:11:59):
Third, how about you? I I do not disagree with
anything that you said. I think the second viewing of
the movie improved it for me. I mean, I know
it did, because might I know. I have my two
reactions recorded in texts to you, and they were very different.
So I do think that for the most part, after

(02:12:22):
the turn in the Buzz character, for the most part,
the Buzz character works. I don't think there's a lot
of chemistry between the two actors. Yeah, that's like you said,
the well on the character is too poisoned by that time.
They went too hard in the beginning of him, like
ignoring her saying no, and pushing and pushing and like

(02:12:44):
grazing her breast and like all of this stuff that
the movie seems to think is charming. On a certain level,
that character works a little bit, a little bit better
for me than it does for you, but not much.
I don't want to I don't want to over sell this.
I enjoyed the Carson character. I'm glad that Carson realized

(02:13:05):
she didn't want to marry herhigh school boyfriend and decided
not to. I love the Pudge. It's so weird calling
her that the pudgche arc. I loved Chip and Scott
Coffee's performance. The movie is funny. There are definitely parts
of the movie that are very funny and intentionally so
to be clear, there are parts of the movie that
are not intentionally funny that I left at but I

(02:13:26):
would say the humor mostly works. I'm very confused about
the use of the Confederate flag and why it's being used.
It feels I think I'm coming down on the side
that it's being used in the movie because that was
just how it was used in the sixties, and the
movie does not have an opinion on it.

Speaker 3 (02:13:46):
I think so, And I think it's like to put
you in the place where the movie is, so, you know,
it's like the South, deep South.

Speaker 1 (02:13:52):
So the prevalence of the Confederate flag is very odd
and off putting now today to me, at least, there's
no gay content in the movie. That's fine. I'm gonna
rank it a four A four out of ten. Names
that are worse than Caroline, like like like Grits six,

(02:14:14):
semper Tyrannis that would be a worse name than Carolina.

Speaker 3 (02:14:19):
That is a deep cut. Half the audience is.

Speaker 1 (02:14:24):
Like, what names that are worse like David Duke.

Speaker 3 (02:14:28):
David Duke is the worst other name, that's the worst name,
that's the worst name. Yeah, you nailed it, You nailed it.

Speaker 1 (02:14:33):
I was a little more forgiving of the movie. I
don't think any of what you're saying is wrong. I
think it's all actually very right. And I'm doing a
lot of work for the movie because I find certain
parts of it extremely charming, and I like the performers,
for the most part, to make the movie work, perhaps
more than it actually does. So I'm going to give
it a four out of ten.

Speaker 3 (02:14:53):
I just want you to know that while you were talking,
I googled Myrtle Beach to make sure it was in
South Carolina, because I was like, I think it's a
Carolina right, because that's where the movie takes place. But
and I googled it and it is. It's in South Carolina.
And you like, do one zoom ount on Google, like
one tiny little zoom ount, And twenty miles away there
is a full on plantation home that you can visit.

(02:15:13):
Oh do this day, fantastic service. Enjoyed every minute of
this beautiful location rights a five star reviewer on Google.

Speaker 1 (02:15:23):
Oh well, Erica, you have a palate cleanser, have any
vacation on vacation recommendations.

Speaker 3 (02:15:28):
Oh my god, Okay, I just have to. They'll like
blurb about it is elegant quarters on a former rice plantation,
offering complimentary breakfast and loner bikes. So you could go
stay at this plantation home and get a free bike,
rental your borrow a bike, yeah, and have complimentary breakfast
in apparently the original dining room where the original family.

Speaker 1 (02:15:51):
It's a dream. It's a dream come true.

Speaker 3 (02:15:54):
America. We gotta do better. Yeah, yeah, I was thinking
about palate cleansers. I was thinking about like coming of
age stories that I love, And I don't know why
this came to mind because these are way way younger characters.
But I was thinking about that movie My Girl with
Anna Klemsky and mcaulay culkin, and it's also like the
summer of like early nineteen sixties, and it's about a

(02:16:15):
girl like coming of age and the music's very good.
That's a much younger film. There's no like, there's no
sex in it or anything like that. How about you.

Speaker 1 (02:16:24):
I just said, just go watch Drop Dead Fred. These
two movies are connected because of Phoebe Kate's and they're
both coming of age stories. They're very different. It's not
a dance movie, but it's it's a movie that has
a lot of big swings and I think, I think
it it connects a lot more than this one does,
in my opinion.

Speaker 3 (02:16:42):
If you want to go the opposite way and a
movie that age is even worse, I highly recommend the
actual movie from the sixties where the boys are oh
about four three or four girls like he remember's three
or four now, who go down to They don't go
to Myrtle Beach. I think they go they go to
like Daytona Bee spring Break and shit gets real.

Speaker 1 (02:17:05):
All right, all right, so everyone, That is the end
of our show. You can follow us on social media.
We are on Blue Sky, we are on Threads, and
we are on Instagram. Instagram is the only platform where
I post the monthly themes and we accept requests on them.
We have a tea public shop where you can pick
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(02:17:25):
leave a five star review on Apple Podcasts or any
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We'll send you at that age weel tope bag and
if you've always thought I don't know how to do that.
While there is a link in this year show notes
you can click on it will take you to rate
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give you instructions on how to rate and review.

Speaker 3 (02:17:46):
That Age Well. Is produced and edited by Paul Southern
Bell Kayola. We would like to thank Mary, Kelly Kessler,
Another Kelly Sarah, Rebecca, Jana, Lana, Kerrie, Kara. You should
do the ones that rhymed next to each other, because
that makes it saying next time I don't want to
talk about it, I don't tell you. Beth, Heather, Christy,

(02:18:09):
Leah Shannon, Josie Laurie Another Heather, Angie Parker, Karen Jenny Margaret,
five star reviewer MHL twenty sixteen, and of course are
patrons of course for reaching out first of all for
being patrons of that Age Well. Thank you very much,
and thank you for reaching out and letting us know
what you want to hear. So in the future, if

(02:18:31):
you want to have a say in these topics we discuss.
If you are like Justice for Saturday Night Fever, you
can join our Patreon every patron gets to vote in
one of these exclusive monthly polls where Paul pits your
favorite films against each other in a maniacal ploy for more.

Speaker 1 (02:18:47):
Viewership, Supervillain origin story.

Speaker 3 (02:18:49):
For more listenership, so head on over to patreon dot
com slash That Aged Well podcast to get in the
conversation and to find out more.

Speaker 1 (02:19:00):
This is the point where would usually have a shout
out for a patron. We don't have one today, but
we might owe you one if you are a new patron.
If you're on one of those levels, you have an
email from us in your Patreon inbox asking what you
would like to hear. Doesn't have to be a thank you.
It can be a shout out. It can be I'm
annoyed at this, yell about this. Let us know what
you want to hear. We'll dance for money, Yeah, for sure, Erica.

(02:19:22):
Any final thoughts on Shag?

Speaker 3 (02:19:23):
Oh look at this, Paul, I just found this old
letter from a Southern Civil War soldier. Oh can I
open it up and read it?

Speaker 1 (02:19:30):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (02:19:31):
Yeah, my dearest Beulah, I understand that you hate my
favorite movie from my childhood, Shag. I will think of
you during these long, hard campaigns and think, boy, I
really dodged a bullet not marrying that one, for she
has ruined my childhood forever. Ps you stink love listeners

(02:19:59):
of that A well, Carson is getting married to her boyfriend,
so her friends. No, I want to say, Milania, sorry Melina.
Should we cut to the end till we get Luanne

(02:20:20):
pulling up and finding Milania. Man, that's gonna be a problem.

Speaker 1 (02:20:25):
Pudge comes in with Milania's God damn it.

Speaker 3 (02:20:30):
Milania says that if you don't do it, that makes
me so angry that that fucking woman's name is in
my head. He's back in the game. He and Melania
start to make out.

Speaker 1 (02:20:47):
He said, Milania again, every time I do.

Speaker 3 (02:20:55):
That, tell me I have to donate ten dollars to
Act Blue every time from from I was gonna say retroactively,
but it's already now. I'm down like fifty bucks.

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Shag (1989) - Lipstick Hygiene, Unsexy Songs & a Confederate Flag Bikini

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Shag (1989) - Lipstick Hygiene, Unsexy Songs & a Confederate Flag Bikini