January 1, 2025 • 20 mins
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In this episode of The Anxious Truth, we tackle a question that comes up constantly in anxiety recovery: Should you take time off from work or school because of anxiety? We explore why this seemingly simple question has a complex answer, and why what feels intuitively right might not always serve your recovery.
Key Topics Covered:
- Why the urge to take time off is completely normal
- The paradox of anxiety recovery
- Understanding avoidance vs. strategic rest
- How to make decisions that serve your recovery
- Practical alternatives to taking time off
- Using time off effectively if you choose to take it
For full show notes on this episode:
https://theanxioustruth.com/308
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Disclaimer: The Anxious Truth is not therapy or a replacement for therapy. Listening to The Anxious Truth does not create a therapeutic relationship between you and the host or guests of the podcast. Information here is provided for psychoeducational purposes. As always, when you have questions about your own well-being, please consult your mental health and/or medical care providers. If you are having a mental health crisis, always reach out immediately for in-person help.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What if your anxiety is feeling so overwhelming to
you that you're not even surethat you can or should continue
to go to work or school?
You might wake up every morningfilled with fear and anxiety
and apprehension andanticipation and you may be
wondering is it time for me totake an extended period of time
off so I can heal or recover?
Well, if that's you, then today, on the Anxious Truth, that's a
(00:23):
question we're going to address.
Should I take time off from mywork or my school to recover
from my anxiety disorder?
What I'm going to try to dohere is help you understand that
question, maybe find an answerthat works for you.
But, more important, I want youto sort of understand that
asking the question isn'tfailure and there isn't always a
right answer.
Sometimes we're going to get itwrong, and that's okay.
(00:44):
Hello everybody, drew here,welcome back to the Anxious
Truth.
This is episode 308 of thepodcast.
We are recording December 31st,2024, last day of the year, in
case you're listening from thefuture, if you're not, happy new
year.
So today we're going to talkabout the idea that taking time
(01:09):
off from work or school,especially an extended leave of
absence, is a good idea whenyou're trying to recover from an
anxiety disorder.
I want to talk about why youmight think that's a good idea,
why it might be a good idea, whyit might not be a good idea,
what can go wrong and why it'sokay to not really know the
answer to this question, and Iwant to sort of use three
(01:31):
examples to help us illustratewhere you might be right now and
why you might be strugglingwith this question that feels at
the same time urgent I got toknow the answer to this, should
I take off from work or schooland also unanswerable.
I don't actually know if I'mdoing the right thing if I do
that.
So I want to use three examplesand I'll give you a little bit
of an example from my own lifethat might help.
Let's look at somebody who hasdeveloped recurring panic
attacks in their place of work.
We'll call this person, saySarah, this is not real people,
(01:54):
these are not therapy clients,these are not actual members of
our community.
They're just examples to helpillustrate why you might find
yourself in a situation whereyou feel overwhelmed, like you
can't cope with this anxiety andyou think you need to take time
off in order to do that.
So if Sarah maybe startedhaving panic attacks at work.
Maybe it started with one panicattack in a meeting, maybe
three or four months ago, butthen another one happened, and
(02:16):
another one happened and nowshe's having panic attacks every
single day at work and nowshe's afraid to go to work.
She might be spending timedriving there terrified the
whole time and then sitting inthe parking lot hemming and
hawing as to whether or not sheeven wants to go in.
She wants to go home, where shefeels better, where the panic
won't happen and where she feelssafe.
And this may lead her tobelieve that work is the problem
(02:38):
, work is making her worse andmaybe she needs to take an
extended leave of absence sothat she can get over her
anxiety.
And maybe she needs to take anextended leave of absence so
that she can get over heranxiety.
Or maybe we can say we have afriend named Mike and he has
generalized anxiety disorder and, of course, like all gad brains
, mike's brain is in constantproblem-solving,
question-answering overdrive andhe finds himself anxious and
(03:00):
worked up all day long and hecan't seem to get a handle on
that.
And it's happening while he'sat work and work seems to be
exacerbating that.
Maybe he has a lot ofresponsibilities, maybe he has a
lot of projects going on, maybethere's just politics at work
that are stressful and would befor anybody.
So he starts to form theconclusion when I go to work, my
mind gets even louder,everything feels like a disaster
(03:21):
and everything feelsunhandleable.
So I really need a break fromall this because clearly it's
the work that's causing this andmaking me worse.
And if I could just take timeoff and rest, then my brain will
settle down.
It will not be like thisanymore.
Or for somebody with OCD, forinstance, they may find that
let's say they're a collegestudent and they're having a
(03:42):
really hard time in class, intheir lectures or doing their
projects or studying, becausetheir brain is just constantly
firing scary, intrusive,unwanted, triggering thoughts at
them and then they're fightingwith that because they don't
like those thoughts and they'rereally afraid and they're
anxious and they're panicking.
And then they have to start toengage in physical or mental
compulsions to try to calmthemselves down in the moment.
And it's getting really, reallydifficult to be a college
(04:02):
student.
That person may feel like, well, I have so many classes, so
many credits, my professors aredifficult, I have so much
writing on this.
My future is uncertain.
Clearly it's being at school ismaking it even worse, so maybe
I should take an extended leaveof absence or an entire semester
or a year off so that I cancalm down and get my thoughts
under control before I go backand resume.
(04:26):
These might sound familiar toyou and from my own personal
experience I can talk abouthonestly.
The Christmas breaks were areally good illustration of the
idea of taking a break andtrying to use that as part of
recovery.
So we're at the end of theholiday break in 2024.
And for me, I used to lookforward to the holiday break
when I was at my worst, becauseit was a time where I would get
(04:46):
a week, or sometimes two fullweeks where I could literally
hibernate and not leave thehouse and nobody would care
because nobody was expecting meto leave the house.
And I thought that would be agreat opportunity for me to kind
of get my oomph back and sortof get my mojo back and rest and
get away from this constantanxiety.
And I'd be feeling much betterby January 2nd.
(05:10):
And, as it turns out, I wasn't.
So while it seemed like a goodidea to do that, it would tend
to backfire and I would have areally hard time being forced to
go back after the holiday breakJanuary 2nd always
traditionally one of the hardesttimes of the year for me
because of the avoidance thatcame in with the idea that I
should be taking an extendedbreak to get better.
So some of those things mightresonate with you and it's
really common.
If you find yourself in asituation where you feel
(05:31):
overwhelmed and you areseriously considering taking an
extended leave of absence fromwork because you feel that you
are genuinely like justexhausted mentally, emotionally,
physically by this, I get you.
It makes perfect sense for yourbrain to decide like this is
all too much.
We got to get away from this sothat we can be better or at
least feel better.
That wouldn't make you wrong orweak or defective.
(05:51):
It would make you human.
In fact, if you didn'texperience at least some drive
to get away from bad experiences, something would be weird about
that, right?
Remember the stuff we talkabout around here especially if
you've been around the podcastor the YouTube channel long
enough is quite paradoxical, youknow.
It makes sense that we wouldwant to avoid these things and
escape from them, but in the end, what our brain thinks is right
(06:14):
for us in any given momentisn't always what's right for us
on the long term.
So it's normal to find yourselfin a situation where you're
thinking that you might want totake an extended period of time
off and you're thinking that theextended rest and quiet will
somehow help you get over this.
Or you might be thinking that Ineed to take time off so that I
(06:35):
can do recovery as a full-timejob.
I'm going to go all in, I'mjust going to spend all day long
doing exposures.
In all of these cases you mightbe kind of aiming at the wrong
target or at least going on somewrong information.
So I just sort of want to talkabout that.
In a situation where you taketime off because you actually do
(06:55):
need the time off, there'snothing wrong with that.
Everybody needs time off.
And if you're really tired andyou're exhausted because an
anxiety disorder is anexhausting kind of thing I get
that and it's okay to take timeto rest and recharge and take
care of yourself there's nothinginherently wrong about that and
that doesn't mean that you'renot recovering.
But sometimes we have to reallyask is that why we're really
(07:15):
doing it, or are we doing itbecause I just can't even bear
the idea of getting up in themorning and going back to school
because I'm struggling, feelinganxious all day long.
It feels overwhelming andunhandleable and I feel much
better if I just retreat back tomy safe or my quiet zone.
I get that.
But if you're doing itprimarily because of avoidance
and the need to get away fromthese experiences that you feel
(07:38):
like you can't control, can'tget a handle on and are too
scary for you, then we sort ofhave to rethink that a little
bit.
Or the idea that you're going totake time off and just go all
in in full-time recovery andjust every day you're going to
go at it like the hammers ofhell and you're just going to
recover faster and betterbecause you've dedicated your
whole life to that.
Often that doesn't really workeither, because there's no such
(07:59):
thing as full-time, everyworking moment, recovery.
That can lead to even moreburnout and it can even lead to
being a little bit obsessedabout recovery and making bad
decisions and winding up on atreadmill where you're running
and running and running but notactually moving forward all that
well.
So to try to answer thequestion should I take time off,
an extended period of time offfrom work or school in order to
(08:21):
focus on recovery or to recover.
You've got to really be honestwith yourself.
What is my motivation?
Am I truly burnt?
Do I really need this time off?
In which case, sure, take it.
But also, you have to reallyreally look at this and say am I
just trying to get away from it?
I just need to get away from it, and that's not a good primary
(08:41):
motivator to take extendedperiods of time off.
Everybody is allowed to getaway from the struggle now and
then.
It's a good idea.
We all need to do thatsometimes.
Just be careful.
If your primary motivation is,I think that if I could get away
from this for two months, thatI'll just somehow magically get
better because I'm quieter andnot being triggered, and somehow
it'll fade into the backgroundbecause my anxiety, immune and
(09:02):
recharge response will kick inand fix it.
For me it doesn't do that.
So be careful about that.
But if you do choose to taketime off because it's the right
thing for you, I would fullyendorse that.
But you also have to askyourself how am I going to use
(09:22):
that time?
What am I going to do with thattime?
You don't want to just bepassive.
You don't want to sit there andhope that something kicks in to
make you better, like mighthappen if you had the flu or if
you broke a bone and you had to,like, sit on your sofa with
your foot in a cast for sixweeks while your bone healed.
It just doesn't work that way.
This is not how anxiety disorderrecovery works.
It's not a passive healing andresting process like when you
have a sinus infection.
It's an active process where wechoose to stay connected to and
(09:45):
engaged with our experiences,even the ones we hate and fear
and are trying to get away from.
So even if you do decide I'mgoing to take extended amounts
of time off from work or schoolto take care of myself there's
nothing wrong with that.
But please be careful aboutdeciding I'm just going to rest
for three months, because restalone isn't going to really help
(10:06):
you and sometimes it evenbackfires and makes things worse
, because we create thatavoidance loop that says, if I
get away from this, I feel great, but then, if I go back to life
, I feel bad again.
So life is dangerous andunhandleable and I can't ever go
back to life.
You don't want to wind up there.
So why am I taking the time off?
Do I need it to rest andrecharge?
Cool, am I just trying to getaway from this?
(10:27):
Probably not so cool, but maybeit's both of those things,
because more than one thing canbe true at a time, and sometimes
our motivations are mixed andour motivation is unclear and
our motives are unclear toourselves.
Welcome to being human.
This is the way people work.
It's how the world works andhow the universe works.
Often there's no certainty, sothere could be conflicting
things or multiple reasons whyyou feel like you want to take
(10:49):
time off.
So take the time off if youneed some rest.
Nothing wrong with that.
Experiment with it a little bit, but also make sure you don't
decide that you're going to justpassively take time off.
You're going to have to decidehow am I going to spend this
extended time where I can workmore on my recovery?
It can't be just resting.
It cannot be just not beinganxious because I'm in my safe
(11:11):
place.
What can I do?
What steps can I take while Ihave this time off to also
incorporate active recovery?
Now, if you're exhausted, itdoesn't mean you're going to go
out there and just do crazy biggiant heavy exposures every
single day to get better.
You're not going to be involvedin crazy big giant ERP
exercises every single day ifyou're just exhausted and have
(11:33):
no ability to be flexible orresilient.
That's not going to work foryou either.
We may have to scale it wayback, but we do want to make
sure that we incorporateconsistent, systematic,
repetitive recovery, activerecovery, into our extended time
off.
So you have rest time, you haverecharge time, you have you
time, you have self-care timeand you also have active
(11:53):
recovery time built into that.
So is my motivation in the rightplace?
If I'm not really sure, I mighthave to make the best decision
that I can.
But either way, I'm going tohave to make sure that I don't
make the mistake of justpassively sitting and retreating
from those anxious feelings formonths on end and hoping that
things will be different whenit's time to go back, because
(12:13):
often they won't be, and thenyou start to draw those
incorrect conclusions aboutbeing hopeless or broken or not
being able to ever get betterRight.
So those are the main things,and one of the things that I
really wanna talk about is theidea that there's no right
answer, because I think thatmakes things even harder for
anxious people.
In the absence of absolutecertainty and knowing, yes, this
(12:35):
is the correct choice that willhelp make me better, because I
get it, you want to be better.
You do not want to feel the wayyou feel anymore.
I understand that.
But sometimes the need to makethe perfect, right recovery
decision becomes almostcompulsive or it becomes a
little bit obsessive and youstart to really worry like what
(12:56):
if I make the bad choice?
Am I going to not recover?
Am I going to ruin my recover?
Am I going to go backwards inmy recovery?
These are very common thingsthat happen to anxious people.
They can get paralyzed in thisvery decision because they're
terrified to make the wrongchoice.
But one of the things that Italk about a lot around here is
the concept of psychologicalflexibility.
Psychological flexibility isone of the foundations upon
(13:17):
which recovery from an anxietydisorder is built, and
psychological flexibility meansthat I can be with all of my
experiences, regardless of whatthey are, and I could be with
them for what they are, withoutresisting them or fighting them
or forcing specific outcomes ordemanding that things be
different, and that sometimesmeans oof.
I think I might have made thewrong choice here because this
(13:39):
time off isn't helping me.
I'm feeling like a lump.
I'm starting to get depressed.
I don't like being isolated andhome by myself all the time.
I need to change gears.
It's okay to do that.
It's okay to do that.
You might make what you thinkwas the wrong decision and then
you may have to reevaluate andshift.
A common pitfall for anxiouspeople would be to take that
(14:01):
situation and declare failureand declare disaster like I did
it wrong.
I blew it.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't know what I wasthinking.
Clearly, this isn't working forme.
I'm never going to get better.
There's no hope.
You start to frantically lookfor people who made the same
mistake as you to see if itturned out okay.
It's okay if you have to shift.
Sometimes, and especially withthis particular question, should
(14:22):
I take an extended amount oftime off from work or school to
recover or so I can recover?
There is no right answer,there's no wrong answer, and the
difference between right orwrong may really be a moving
target, even sometimes from dayto day or week to week.
So be flexible, be patient, bekind to yourself.
You may have to adjust on thefly as you go.
(14:43):
You may decide I actually don'tlike being completely off from
work.
It was better for me to go towork and struggle through the
day than it is for me to isolatecompletely and take this
extended amount of time off.
Or you may discover I'm gladthat I took the time off, but I
need to start to use it a littlebit more productively, because
I'm just sitting around all daylong and, yes, this is
(15:03):
comfortable, but I don't likewhere it's headed.
So there's nuance, there'ssubtlety and, honestly, if you
were working with me as yourtherapist, it would take us some
time to sort that all out.
It would take you some time toreally kind of discover what's
working for you, what's rightfor you, what gives you the best
opportunity to move forward andreally how you can learn from
(15:23):
whatever experiences you'rehaving.
So I know that the object of thegame here in this podcast
episode or this YouTube video isto try to answer the question
should I take time off torecover?
But the point of this is maybeor maybe not, or maybe yes and
no at the same time.
There's just some basicprinciples that you want to look
for, which I've talked aboutearlier.
(15:45):
What's your motivation?
Is there mixed motivation?
And how are you going to usethat time more than just
passively resting and hoping toheal without doing anything and
then, after that kind of makingit up as you go along and
learning as you go through thoseexperiences, while you remain
connected to and engage with theexperiences that you think you
need to escape from?
What is that teaching you andhow are you going to adjust,
(16:06):
going forward?
I'm sorry, I keep hitting mymicrophone, so that's what I
have to say.
Where am I?
I'm about 60 minutes into this.
That's kind of what I have tosay about this question.
There's no right or wronganswer, and it's okay if you're
not sure.
It's okay if you're even askingthe question to begin with.
If you're one of those peoplethat declares I shouldn't have
to take time off from work, Ishouldn't even be answering this
(16:26):
question.
This means I'm weak, this meansI'm broken.
You could stop doing that.
Everybody starts to askquestions like this at some
point in this process, and ifyou're really unsure or you've
already made this decision andyou feel like this isn't working
out the way I thought, it'salso okay to change your mind
and shift gears.
Show some flexibility, showsome resiliency, because the
ability to change gears, learn,adjust and be okay with not
(16:48):
feeling so good about yourinitial decision it's part and
parcel of the recovery process.
So you can't really get thiswrong.
Maybe from a practical leveland from a logistical and
scheduling level there certainlywould be implications.
I'm not trying to say thateverybody lives in a perfect
world where you could just comeand go out of work and school as
you see fit.
Clearly there are going to bepractical things to consider,
but in the end, as far as theanxiety disorder itself goes and
(17:12):
your relationship with anxietyand fear and triggers and
uncertainty, and your ownthoughts and feelings and your
thoughts and feelings about yourthoughts and feelings, that's a
fluid situation and you got tobe willing to sort of dance
around a little bit and seewhat's working out for you as
you go, and that's it.
I don't really have anythingelse to add so much to that
other than, yeah, to remind youthat if you have any questions
(17:33):
about this and you're listeningto this podcast episode as, in
fact, a podcast episode, thenone of the things you can do is
to click the link that's rightat the top of the podcast show
notes and allows you to send mequestions or comments about this
episode by a text.
I'm not gonna see your number,I can't text you back, but you
can send in a question or acomment and I think next episode
I'm going to do viewerquestions and answers and I'm
(17:54):
probably going to start to dothose a little bit more
frequently, every few months, sosend them in.
That's fine, of course, ifyou're listening or watching on
YouTube and you want to ask aquestion there.
I know I've been promising toget back into the comments in
the new year I'm going have timeto actually do that, but if
you're really struggling withthe situation and you want to
use the YouTube comment sectionto talk about it, your
experience might help someoneelse if you're willing to share.
(18:16):
So if you figured out what todo in this situation and you
want to talk about what you did,cool.
If you're still not sure whatto do and you want to ask a
question about it, maybesomebody else will even
volunteer their you know theirexperience and that might help
you, so feel free to reach outthat way as well.
Taking time off or not takingtime off, it isn't that simple.
Everything is nuanced,everything is complicated.
(18:36):
It is what it is.
This is what we got.
This is the reality we have interms of anxiety disorders.
But that's all okay.
I promise it might feeloverwhelming.
I don't really know what to dowith this.
I'm looking for some sort ofexpert advice.
I don't know what to do next.
It's okay, everybody findsthemselves there at some point.
Some aspect of recovery.
It's really okay.
So that's it.
I'm going to wrap it up here.
(18:56):
Of course, the other thing Ialways ask you guys to do if
you're listening on ApplePodcasts or Spotify is to maybe
leave a five-star review if youreally dig the podcast, or maybe
even write a review as opposedto just leaving stars, because
it helps more people find thepodcast and the more people get
help.
And, of course, if you'rewatching on YouTube, you want to
like the video, subscribe tothe channel, maybe hit the
notification bell so you knowwhen I upload new stuff.
(19:18):
That would be super cool and Ithink that's it.
Remember, I always try andremind you of something at the
end of every episode, and thisis no exception.
Remember that recovery isn'tabout eliminating anxiety and
it's definitely not about likejust taking a long amount of
time off from work or school sothat the anxiety goes away and
then you can call yourselfbetter and then you can go back
to life.
It doesn't work that way.
Recovery is about learning tobe engaged in life and living
(19:43):
the best way you can, even whenanxiety is present.
Like every small step that youcan take toward doing that and
away from anxious, fearful,avoidant responses counts, even
though it might feel like a tinystep and it doesn't feel like
it counts in the moment, it does.
I promise.
Give yourself some time andspace to explore and experiment
and learn from each thing thatyou do, no matter how small it
(20:04):
is.
It will get you there.
Take your time.
You're allowed to take yourtime.
I'll be back in two weeks,probably with some questions and
answers, or maybe with anothertopic, I don't know.
Thanks for hanging out thisweek.
I appreciate you guys.
We're out.
We'll see you next time.
What if your anxiety is feeling so overwhelming to
you that you're not even surethat you can or should continue
to go to work or school?
You might wake up every morningfilled with fear and anxiety
and apprehension andanticipation and you may be
wondering is it time for me totake an extended period of time
off so I can heal or recover?
Well, if that's you, then today, on the Anxious Truth, that's a
(00:23):
question we're going to address.
Should I take time off from mywork or my school to recover
from my anxiety disorder?
What I'm going to try to dohere is help you understand that
question, maybe find an answerthat works for you.
But, more important, I want youto sort of understand that
asking the question isn'tfailure and there isn't always a
right answer.
Sometimes we're going to get itwrong, and that's okay.
(00:44):
Hello everybody, drew here,welcome back to the Anxious
Truth.
This is episode 308 of thepodcast.
We are recording December 31st,2024, last day of the year, in
case you're listening from thefuture, if you're not, happy new
year.
So today we're going to talkabout the idea that taking time
(01:09):
off from work or school,especially an extended leave of
absence, is a good idea whenyou're trying to recover from an
anxiety disorder.
I want to talk about why youmight think that's a good idea,
why it might be a good idea, whyit might not be a good idea,
what can go wrong and why it'sokay to not really know the
answer to this question, and Iwant to sort of use three
(01:31):
examples to help us illustratewhere you might be right now and
why you might be strugglingwith this question that feels at
the same time urgent I got toknow the answer to this, should
I take off from work or schooland also unanswerable.
I don't actually know if I'mdoing the right thing if I do
that.
So I want to use three examplesand I'll give you a little bit
of an example from my own lifethat might help.
Let's look at somebody who hasdeveloped recurring panic
attacks in their place of work.
We'll call this person, saySarah, this is not real people,
(01:54):
these are not therapy clients,these are not actual members of
our community.
They're just examples to helpillustrate why you might find
yourself in a situation whereyou feel overwhelmed, like you
can't cope with this anxiety andyou think you need to take time
off in order to do that.
So if Sarah maybe startedhaving panic attacks at work.
Maybe it started with one panicattack in a meeting, maybe
three or four months ago, butthen another one happened, and
(02:16):
another one happened and nowshe's having panic attacks every
single day at work and nowshe's afraid to go to work.
She might be spending timedriving there terrified the
whole time and then sitting inthe parking lot hemming and
hawing as to whether or not sheeven wants to go in.
She wants to go home, where shefeels better, where the panic
won't happen and where she feelssafe.
And this may lead her tobelieve that work is the problem
(02:38):
, work is making her worse andmaybe she needs to take an
extended leave of absence sothat she can get over her
anxiety.
And maybe she needs to take anextended leave of absence so
that she can get over heranxiety.
Or maybe we can say we have afriend named Mike and he has
generalized anxiety disorder and, of course, like all gad brains
, mike's brain is in constantproblem-solving,
question-answering overdrive andhe finds himself anxious and
(03:00):
worked up all day long and hecan't seem to get a handle on
that.
And it's happening while he'sat work and work seems to be
exacerbating that.
Maybe he has a lot ofresponsibilities, maybe he has a
lot of projects going on, maybethere's just politics at work
that are stressful and would befor anybody.
So he starts to form theconclusion when I go to work, my
mind gets even louder,everything feels like a disaster
(03:21):
and everything feelsunhandleable.
So I really need a break fromall this because clearly it's
the work that's causing this andmaking me worse.
And if I could just take timeoff and rest, then my brain will
settle down.
It will not be like thisanymore.
Or for somebody with OCD, forinstance, they may find that
let's say they're a collegestudent and they're having a
(03:42):
really hard time in class, intheir lectures or doing their
projects or studying, becausetheir brain is just constantly
firing scary, intrusive,unwanted, triggering thoughts at
them and then they're fightingwith that because they don't
like those thoughts and they'rereally afraid and they're
anxious and they're panicking.
And then they have to start toengage in physical or mental
compulsions to try to calmthemselves down in the moment.
And it's getting really, reallydifficult to be a college
(04:02):
student.
That person may feel like, well, I have so many classes, so
many credits, my professors aredifficult, I have so much
writing on this.
My future is uncertain.
Clearly it's being at school ismaking it even worse, so maybe
I should take an extended leaveof absence or an entire semester
or a year off so that I cancalm down and get my thoughts
under control before I go backand resume.
(04:26):
These might sound familiar toyou and from my own personal
experience I can talk abouthonestly.
The Christmas breaks were areally good illustration of the
idea of taking a break andtrying to use that as part of
recovery.
So we're at the end of theholiday break in 2024.
And for me, I used to lookforward to the holiday break
when I was at my worst, becauseit was a time where I would get
(04:46):
a week, or sometimes two fullweeks where I could literally
hibernate and not leave thehouse and nobody would care
because nobody was expecting meto leave the house.
And I thought that would be agreat opportunity for me to kind
of get my oomph back and sortof get my mojo back and rest and
get away from this constantanxiety.
And I'd be feeling much betterby January 2nd.
(05:10):
And, as it turns out, I wasn't.
So while it seemed like a goodidea to do that, it would tend
to backfire and I would have areally hard time being forced to
go back after the holiday breakJanuary 2nd always
traditionally one of the hardesttimes of the year for me
because of the avoidance thatcame in with the idea that I
should be taking an extendedbreak to get better.
So some of those things mightresonate with you and it's
really common.
If you find yourself in asituation where you feel
(05:31):
overwhelmed and you areseriously considering taking an
extended leave of absence fromwork because you feel that you
are genuinely like justexhausted mentally, emotionally,
physically by this, I get you.
It makes perfect sense for yourbrain to decide like this is
all too much.
We got to get away from this sothat we can be better or at
least feel better.
That wouldn't make you wrong orweak or defective.
(05:51):
It would make you human.
In fact, if you didn'texperience at least some drive
to get away from bad experiences, something would be weird about
that, right?
Remember the stuff we talkabout around here especially if
you've been around the podcastor the YouTube channel long
enough is quite paradoxical, youknow.
It makes sense that we wouldwant to avoid these things and
escape from them, but in the end, what our brain thinks is right
(06:14):
for us in any given momentisn't always what's right for us
on the long term.
So it's normal to find yourselfin a situation where you're
thinking that you might want totake an extended period of time
off and you're thinking that theextended rest and quiet will
somehow help you get over this.
Or you might be thinking that Ineed to take time off so that I
(06:35):
can do recovery as a full-timejob.
I'm going to go all in, I'mjust going to spend all day long
doing exposures.
In all of these cases you mightbe kind of aiming at the wrong
target or at least going on somewrong information.
So I just sort of want to talkabout that.
In a situation where you taketime off because you actually do
(06:55):
need the time off, there'snothing wrong with that.
Everybody needs time off.
And if you're really tired andyou're exhausted because an
anxiety disorder is anexhausting kind of thing I get
that and it's okay to take timeto rest and recharge and take
care of yourself there's nothinginherently wrong about that and
that doesn't mean that you'renot recovering.
But sometimes we have to reallyask is that why we're really
(07:15):
doing it, or are we doing itbecause I just can't even bear
the idea of getting up in themorning and going back to school
because I'm struggling, feelinganxious all day long.
It feels overwhelming andunhandleable and I feel much
better if I just retreat back tomy safe or my quiet zone.
I get that.
But if you're doing itprimarily because of avoidance
and the need to get away fromthese experiences that you feel
(07:38):
like you can't control, can'tget a handle on and are too
scary for you, then we sort ofhave to rethink that a little
bit.
Or the idea that you're going totake time off and just go all
in in full-time recovery andjust every day you're going to
go at it like the hammers ofhell and you're just going to
recover faster and betterbecause you've dedicated your
whole life to that.
Often that doesn't really workeither, because there's no such
(07:59):
thing as full-time, everyworking moment, recovery.
That can lead to even moreburnout and it can even lead to
being a little bit obsessedabout recovery and making bad
decisions and winding up on atreadmill where you're running
and running and running but notactually moving forward all that
well.
So to try to answer thequestion should I take time off,
an extended period of time offfrom work or school in order to
(08:21):
focus on recovery or to recover.
You've got to really be honestwith yourself.
What is my motivation?
Am I truly burnt?
Do I really need this time off?
In which case, sure, take it.
But also, you have to reallyreally look at this and say am I
just trying to get away from it?
I just need to get away from it, and that's not a good primary
(08:41):
motivator to take extendedperiods of time off.
Everybody is allowed to getaway from the struggle now and
then.
It's a good idea.
We all need to do thatsometimes.
Just be careful.
If your primary motivation is,I think that if I could get away
from this for two months, thatI'll just somehow magically get
better because I'm quieter andnot being triggered, and somehow
it'll fade into the backgroundbecause my anxiety, immune and
(09:02):
recharge response will kick inand fix it.
For me it doesn't do that.
So be careful about that.
But if you do choose to taketime off because it's the right
thing for you, I would fullyendorse that.
But you also have to askyourself how am I going to use
(09:22):
that time?
What am I going to do with thattime?
You don't want to just bepassive.
You don't want to sit there andhope that something kicks in to
make you better, like mighthappen if you had the flu or if
you broke a bone and you had to,like, sit on your sofa with
your foot in a cast for sixweeks while your bone healed.
It just doesn't work that way.
This is not how anxiety disorderrecovery works.
It's not a passive healing andresting process like when you
have a sinus infection.
It's an active process where wechoose to stay connected to and
(09:45):
engaged with our experiences,even the ones we hate and fear
and are trying to get away from.
So even if you do decide I'mgoing to take extended amounts
of time off from work or schoolto take care of myself there's
nothing wrong with that.
But please be careful aboutdeciding I'm just going to rest
for three months, because restalone isn't going to really help
(10:06):
you and sometimes it evenbackfires and makes things worse
, because we create thatavoidance loop that says, if I
get away from this, I feel great, but then, if I go back to life
, I feel bad again.
So life is dangerous andunhandleable and I can't ever go
back to life.
You don't want to wind up there.
So why am I taking the time off?
Do I need it to rest andrecharge?
Cool, am I just trying to getaway from this?
(10:27):
Probably not so cool, but maybeit's both of those things,
because more than one thing canbe true at a time, and sometimes
our motivations are mixed andour motivation is unclear and
our motives are unclear toourselves.
Welcome to being human.
This is the way people work.
It's how the world works andhow the universe works.
Often there's no certainty, sothere could be conflicting
things or multiple reasons whyyou feel like you want to take
(10:49):
time off.
So take the time off if youneed some rest.
Nothing wrong with that.
Experiment with it a little bit, but also make sure you don't
decide that you're going to justpassively take time off.
You're going to have to decidehow am I going to spend this
extended time where I can workmore on my recovery?
It can't be just resting.
It cannot be just not beinganxious because I'm in my safe
(11:11):
place.
What can I do?
What steps can I take while Ihave this time off to also
incorporate active recovery?
Now, if you're exhausted, itdoesn't mean you're going to go
out there and just do crazy biggiant heavy exposures every
single day to get better.
You're not going to be involvedin crazy big giant ERP
exercises every single day ifyou're just exhausted and have
(11:33):
no ability to be flexible orresilient.
That's not going to work foryou either.
We may have to scale it wayback, but we do want to make
sure that we incorporateconsistent, systematic,
repetitive recovery, activerecovery, into our extended time
off.
So you have rest time, you haverecharge time, you have you
time, you have self-care timeand you also have active
(11:53):
recovery time built into that.
So is my motivation in the rightplace?
If I'm not really sure, I mighthave to make the best decision
that I can.
But either way, I'm going tohave to make sure that I don't
make the mistake of justpassively sitting and retreating
from those anxious feelings formonths on end and hoping that
things will be different whenit's time to go back, because
(12:13):
often they won't be, and thenyou start to draw those
incorrect conclusions aboutbeing hopeless or broken or not
being able to ever get betterRight.
So those are the main things,and one of the things that I
really wanna talk about is theidea that there's no right
answer, because I think thatmakes things even harder for
anxious people.
In the absence of absolutecertainty and knowing, yes, this
(12:35):
is the correct choice that willhelp make me better, because I
get it, you want to be better.
You do not want to feel the wayyou feel anymore.
I understand that.
But sometimes the need to makethe perfect, right recovery
decision becomes almostcompulsive or it becomes a
little bit obsessive and youstart to really worry like what
(12:56):
if I make the bad choice?
Am I going to not recover?
Am I going to ruin my recover?
Am I going to go backwards inmy recovery?
These are very common thingsthat happen to anxious people.
They can get paralyzed in thisvery decision because they're
terrified to make the wrongchoice.
But one of the things that Italk about a lot around here is
the concept of psychologicalflexibility.
Psychological flexibility isone of the foundations upon
(13:17):
which recovery from an anxietydisorder is built, and
psychological flexibility meansthat I can be with all of my
experiences, regardless of whatthey are, and I could be with
them for what they are, withoutresisting them or fighting them
or forcing specific outcomes ordemanding that things be
different, and that sometimesmeans oof.
I think I might have made thewrong choice here because this
(13:39):
time off isn't helping me.
I'm feeling like a lump.
I'm starting to get depressed.
I don't like being isolated andhome by myself all the time.
I need to change gears.
It's okay to do that.
It's okay to do that.
You might make what you thinkwas the wrong decision and then
you may have to reevaluate andshift.
A common pitfall for anxiouspeople would be to take that
(14:01):
situation and declare failureand declare disaster like I did
it wrong.
I blew it.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't know what I wasthinking.
Clearly, this isn't working forme.
I'm never going to get better.
There's no hope.
You start to frantically lookfor people who made the same
mistake as you to see if itturned out okay.
It's okay if you have to shift.
Sometimes, and especially withthis particular question, should
(14:22):
I take an extended amount oftime off from work or school to
recover or so I can recover?
There is no right answer,there's no wrong answer, and the
difference between right orwrong may really be a moving
target, even sometimes from dayto day or week to week.
So be flexible, be patient, bekind to yourself.
You may have to adjust on thefly as you go.
(14:43):
You may decide I actually don'tlike being completely off from
work.
It was better for me to go towork and struggle through the
day than it is for me to isolatecompletely and take this
extended amount of time off.
Or you may discover I'm gladthat I took the time off, but I
need to start to use it a littlebit more productively, because
I'm just sitting around all daylong and, yes, this is
(15:03):
comfortable, but I don't likewhere it's headed.
So there's nuance, there'ssubtlety and, honestly, if you
were working with me as yourtherapist, it would take us some
time to sort that all out.
It would take you some time toreally kind of discover what's
working for you, what's rightfor you, what gives you the best
opportunity to move forward andreally how you can learn from
(15:23):
whatever experiences you'rehaving.
So I know that the object of thegame here in this podcast
episode or this YouTube video isto try to answer the question
should I take time off torecover?
But the point of this is maybeor maybe not, or maybe yes and
no at the same time.
There's just some basicprinciples that you want to look
for, which I've talked aboutearlier.
(15:45):
What's your motivation?
Is there mixed motivation?
And how are you going to usethat time more than just
passively resting and hoping toheal without doing anything and
then, after that kind of makingit up as you go along and
learning as you go through thoseexperiences, while you remain
connected to and engage with theexperiences that you think you
need to escape from?
What is that teaching you andhow are you going to adjust,
(16:06):
going forward?
I'm sorry, I keep hitting mymicrophone, so that's what I
have to say.
Where am I?
I'm about 60 minutes into this.
That's kind of what I have tosay about this question.
There's no right or wronganswer, and it's okay if you're
not sure.
It's okay if you're even askingthe question to begin with.
If you're one of those peoplethat declares I shouldn't have
to take time off from work, Ishouldn't even be answering this
(16:26):
question.
This means I'm weak, this meansI'm broken.
You could stop doing that.
Everybody starts to askquestions like this at some
point in this process, and ifyou're really unsure or you've
already made this decision andyou feel like this isn't working
out the way I thought, it'salso okay to change your mind
and shift gears.
Show some flexibility, showsome resiliency, because the
ability to change gears, learn,adjust and be okay with not
(16:48):
feeling so good about yourinitial decision it's part and
parcel of the recovery process.
So you can't really get thiswrong.
Maybe from a practical leveland from a logistical and
scheduling level there certainlywould be implications.
I'm not trying to say thateverybody lives in a perfect
world where you could just comeand go out of work and school as
you see fit.
Clearly there are going to bepractical things to consider,
but in the end, as far as theanxiety disorder itself goes and
(17:12):
your relationship with anxietyand fear and triggers and
uncertainty, and your ownthoughts and feelings and your
thoughts and feelings about yourthoughts and feelings, that's a
fluid situation and you got tobe willing to sort of dance
around a little bit and seewhat's working out for you as
you go, and that's it.
I don't really have anythingelse to add so much to that
other than, yeah, to remind youthat if you have any questions
(17:33):
about this and you're listeningto this podcast episode as, in
fact, a podcast episode, thenone of the things you can do is
to click the link that's rightat the top of the podcast show
notes and allows you to send mequestions or comments about this
episode by a text.
I'm not gonna see your number,I can't text you back, but you
can send in a question or acomment and I think next episode
I'm going to do viewerquestions and answers and I'm
(17:54):
probably going to start to dothose a little bit more
frequently, every few months, sosend them in.
That's fine, of course, ifyou're listening or watching on
YouTube and you want to ask aquestion there.
I know I've been promising toget back into the comments in
the new year I'm going have timeto actually do that, but if
you're really struggling withthe situation and you want to
use the YouTube comment sectionto talk about it, your
experience might help someoneelse if you're willing to share.
(18:16):
So if you figured out what todo in this situation and you
want to talk about what you did,cool.
If you're still not sure whatto do and you want to ask a
question about it, maybesomebody else will even
volunteer their you know theirexperience and that might help
you, so feel free to reach outthat way as well.
Taking time off or not takingtime off, it isn't that simple.
Everything is nuanced,everything is complicated.
(18:36):
It is what it is.
This is what we got.
This is the reality we have interms of anxiety disorders.
But that's all okay.
I promise it might feeloverwhelming.
I don't really know what to dowith this.
I'm looking for some sort ofexpert advice.
I don't know what to do next.
It's okay, everybody findsthemselves there at some point.
Some aspect of recovery.
It's really okay.
So that's it.
I'm going to wrap it up here.
(18:56):
Of course, the other thing Ialways ask you guys to do if
you're listening on ApplePodcasts or Spotify is to maybe
leave a five-star review if youreally dig the podcast, or maybe
even write a review as opposedto just leaving stars, because
it helps more people find thepodcast and the more people get
help.
And, of course, if you'rewatching on YouTube, you want to
like the video, subscribe tothe channel, maybe hit the
notification bell so you knowwhen I upload new stuff.
(19:18):
That would be super cool and Ithink that's it.
Remember, I always try andremind you of something at the
end of every episode, and thisis no exception.
Remember that recovery isn'tabout eliminating anxiety and
it's definitely not about likejust taking a long amount of
time off from work or school sothat the anxiety goes away and
then you can call yourselfbetter and then you can go back
to life.
It doesn't work that way.
Recovery is about learning tobe engaged in life and living
(19:43):
the best way you can, even whenanxiety is present.
Like every small step that youcan take toward doing that and
away from anxious, fearful,avoidant responses counts, even
though it might feel like a tinystep and it doesn't feel like
it counts in the moment, it does.
I promise.
Give yourself some time andspace to explore and experiment
and learn from each thing thatyou do, no matter how small it
(20:04):
is.
It will get you there.
Take your time.
You're allowed to take yourtime.
I'll be back in two weeks,probably with some questions and
answers, or maybe with anothertopic, I don't know.
Thanks for hanging out thisweek.
I appreciate you guys.
We're out.
We'll see you next time.
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