February 26, 2025 • 24 mins
Send in a question or comment via text.
This week we're looking at why the anxious fear that bothers you most is NOT special - and why that's actually good news for your recovery.
After receiving countless messages asking me to address specific fears (passing out, heart attacks, going insane), I've noticed a pattern: everyone thinks their particular anxiety is unique, more dangerous, or requires special treatment.
Here's the reality: while your fear feels incredibly real and disturbing, all anxiety disorders follow similar patterns. Your anxiety isn't special because:
- Everyone with anxiety believes their fear is "the worst one"
- All anxiety disorders use the same mechanisms to keep you stuck
- The same recovery principles apply regardless of your specific fear
What makes anxiety "irrational" isn't that these fears are impossible - many feared events do happen in real life. It's how the fear is applied: persistently, disproportionately, and in ways that disrupt your daily functioning.
Recognizing that your anxiety isn't special is empowering. It means you can learn from others who've recovered and apply proven principles instead of searching for specialized techniques for your "unique" situation.
You don't have to fully believe this yet - just consider the possibility. That small opening is your first step toward recovery.
For full show notes on this episode:
https://theanxioustruth.com/312
Support The Anxious Truth: If you find the podcast helpful and want to support my work, you can buy me a coffee. Other ways to support my work like buying a book or signing up for a low cost workshop can be found on my website. None of this is never required, but always appreciated!
Interested in doing therapy with me? For more information on working with me directly to overcome your anxiety, follow this link.
Disclaimer: The Anxious Truth is not therapy or a replacement for therapy. Listening to The Anxious Truth does not create a therapeutic relationship between you and the host or guests of the podcast. Information here is provided for psychoeducational purposes. As always, when you have questions about your own well-being, please consult your mental health and/or medical care providers. If you are having a mental health crisis, always reach out immediately for in-person help.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This week on the Anxious Truth.
I have some good news for youand your anxiety, and that is
that the anxious fear thatstalks you the most, that
bothers you the most, thattriggers you the most, is not
special, but you want it thatway, so let's go.
Hello everybody, welcome backto the Anxious Truth.
(00:24):
This is episode 312 of thepodcast we are recording in
February of 2025.
In case you are listening inthe future, I am Drew Linsalata,
creator and host of the AnxiousTruth.
I am a therapist practicingunder supervision in the state
of New York, specializing in thetreatment of anxiety and
anxiety disorders.
I'm a former sufferer ofdisordered anxiety and OCD and
depression for many years of mylife, on and off Better now
(00:46):
three-time author on the topic,clearly a podcaster,
psychoeducator, social mediadude, advocate the whole nine
yards.
And on the Anxious Truth, wetalk about all things anxiety,
anxiety recovery and anxietydisorders.
So if this is your first timehere, welcome.
I hope you find what we'redoing useful.
Of course, if you are areturning viewer or listener,
welcome back.
Thank you for spending timewith me and I hope you find
(01:07):
today's discussion helpful insome way, of course, if you are
listening to the podcast onApple Podcasts or Spotify or
some platform that lets you rateor review and you dig what I do
.
Maybe leave a five star ratingand a review because it helps
other people find the podcast.
And if you're watching theAnxious Truth on YouTube, hit
the subscribe button if youhaven't already, and maybe the
notification bell so you knowwhen there's new episodes.
And if you like the video, thenlike the video and maybe leave
(01:30):
a comment or ask a question.
I'll do my best to interactwith you.
So this week we're going totalk about the fact that your
anxiety is not special.
Now, that might sound like ahorrible thing for a helper or a
therapist to say, but youactually want that to be true.
You do not want your anxiousfear to be special or unique.
There's a reason why I want totalk about this, and that is I
thought that episode 312 wouldbe like viewer mail.
(01:53):
You guys have sent in all kindsof really cool questions and
comments using the little textlink.
So if you're listening as apodcast it's in the podcast
description.
I think it's also in theYouTube video descriptions you
can actually send me a questionor a comment via text.
Feel free to do that if youwould like to.
I don't see your number.
I cannot text you back.
I cannot share your number withanybody.
It's just a way for you to sendsome feedback about the show.
(02:14):
And when I went through all ofthe cool messages that you guys
have sent and, by the way, thankyou for all the kind words One
of the common threads that keptcoming up over and over is
people who wanted me to addresstheir specific fear.
So, in other words, I havepeople who ask well, can you
talk about the fear of passingout?
Can you do an episode about thefear of shouting out
(02:34):
obscenities or shouting thingsthat I don't want to say and
losing control?
Can you talk about the fear ofhaving a psychotic break or
going insane?
Can you talk about the fear ofhaving a heart attack?
Can you talk about the fear ofnever getting better, and so
forth and so on.
As I go through sort of theviewer mail or the listener mail
, there's a common theme herewhich is most of you guys want
me to specifically address thething that you are most afraid
(02:56):
of.
The reason why that isn'tterribly productive is because
in a one-to-many environmentlike a podcast or a YouTube
channel or on social media, it'simpossible to address
everybody's individual, uniquefears.
Now, the good thing is thatmost anxious fears really
overlap from person to person.
So if you think you have a fearthat nobody else has in this
(03:20):
community, I can tell you thatyou are wrong.
I have heard just about all ofthem at this point in the many
years I've been doing thispodcast and interacting with you
guys, and there's nothing newunder the sun.
So, while you might feel aloneor like nobody else could
possibly have this crazy,irrational, anxious fear that I
have, you would be incorrect.
The good news also is thatthose fears tend to fall into
(03:42):
specific categories that are thesame across a very large number
of people.
So, while I cannot possiblyaddress and speak to you
directly because there's so manyof you and only one of me, I
cannot directly address yourspecific fear that you so want
me to talk about I can tell youthat the general principles that
(04:02):
we rely on here, on the AnxiousTruth or on the Disordered
Podcast that I do with my buddy,josh Fletcher, or any of my
social media content or in mybooks the general principles
that we rely on here areapplicable even to your fear.
So, while sometimes, when I saythings like your anxiety or your
core fear isn't special.
It sounds arrogant ordismissive or like I can't be
(04:23):
bothered to try to answer you orhelp you, or I'm mocking you
for asking the question.
Not at all.
I understand why you're askingthe question about your specific
thing that you think is thescariest, but you actually don't
want to be special.
You don't want that fear to beunique or special.
(04:46):
To recognize that an anxiousperson that maybe suffers from a
fear, say cardiophobia, maybesomebody whose anxiety is
centered solely on their heartand they're very aware of their
heartbeat and they're terrifiedof their heartbeat, or they walk
around all day just waiting fortheir heart to spontaneously
stop that was me.
Or somebody whose fear isbreath-centric, somebody whose
core fear is embarrassingthemselves, making a scene
ruining everybody's day.
Somebody whose core fear isembarrassing themselves, making
a scene ruining everybody's day.
Somebody whose core fear ispassing their anxiety onto their
(05:09):
children.
Somebody whose core fear isvomiting, somebody whose core
fear is passing out, like I cango on and on and on.
Every one of those people willtell you that their specific
fear or the symptoms or thoughtsthat they are most connected to
and are disturbed by the most,is the most difficult one, but
you don't understand.
(05:29):
What about when is a very commonobjection that I and people who
do the thing that I do hearfrom members of our community
Like great podcast episode onthis thing.
But what about?
So the rules that you talkedabout can't possibly apply to my
thing, and it's important torecognize that, while your
(05:51):
anxiety or your anxious brain,your oversensitized brain, your
oversensitized and overprimethreat response just thinks it's
doing the right thing, it'sjust trying to keep you safe and
alive, because that's its job,it is going to suggest to you
that no, no, this thing thatwe're afraid of breathing is
super important, right?
Because if I stop breathing,I'm going to die.
So it must be special.
Of course, there can't beanything more important than
your heart, so this must bespecial.
(06:12):
Of course there can't beanything more important than
your brain and your sanity, oryour memory, or your sentience,
or your, your ability to beconnected to who you are.
If my brain breaks, then I'mnot me anymore.
So clearly that must be special.
But it's not.
In the end, an anxiety disorderis going to convince you that
the thoughts that you have, thesensations that you have, the
(06:32):
fears that you have are real,actual threats that you must
respond to with evasive action.
Get away from them, prove themwrong, make sure they don't come
true.
All of those things that is acommon defining characteristic
in just about every I say justabout.
I might want to make astatement and say all anxiety
disorders, and that includespeople who have generalized
(06:53):
anxiety disorder, because whileyou may not necessarily be
fixated on a cardiac disaster orfear of insanity, if you don't
engage in your ruminative,perseverative thinking like
constant problem solving,scanning, checking, make sure
everything is okay.
If I don't worry about peopleactively because I'm a worrier,
I have to do it right.
That's a danger too.
(07:14):
So in the end, an anxietydisorder will convince you that
the things it is whispering intoyour ear all day long are, in
fact, very important.
And often, when you maybe watchor listen to podcasts like this
one or again Disordered, don'thave Anything to Do With Josh or
any other anxiety podcast oryou're watching videos or
following people on social media, it doesn't matter.
(07:35):
And even when you see peoplewho share stories of, say,
inspiration or victory, maybethey overcame their anxiety,
they found a way to get better.
This is what worked for them.
You might find that inspiringand encouraging and it might
make you feel good, but there'sgot to be that part of your
anxiety disorder that whispers,yeah, but that can't possibly
apply to me.
That person couldn't havepossibly been as anxious or
(07:58):
afraid as I am.
They couldn't possibly have hadthis particular thought or
symptom or fear, like no, no,this is really important, like
good for that person, but theydidn't have it as bad as I do
Now.
I'm not trying to insinuate thatyou think that somehow you are
suffering more than anybody else.
That would imply that youpersonally viewer or listener is
(08:18):
somehow really self-centeredand doesn't understand other
people struggle too.
I don't think that at all.
But an anxiety disorder can bevery self-centered and very
self-serving and it will dismiss.
You know success stories, winstories.
You know people who overcametheir anxiety on Disordered we
Do did it anyways and they soundgreat.
But your anxiety disorder willwant to throw them on the floor
(08:40):
and say we really can't trustthat that principle would apply
in our situation.
So cool, cheer for that person,be happy for them, be inspired
for five or 10 minutes after youhear it.
But then let's get back to thebusiness at hand, which is
listening very closely to thefear that I'm handing you says
anxiety disorder, and just kindof stay stuck where you are.
So here's the thing If I cangive you anything in this
(09:02):
particular episode and clearlythat's what I'm trying to do, is
give you something in theseepisodes it would be to hang on
to the principle that youranxious fear, your core fear
where your anxiety or youranxiety disorder is centered is
not special or different.
It doesn't require specialevasive action or special
techniques.
The thing that you are mostafraid is going to happen isn't
(09:28):
more likely to happen to youbecause you fear it the most.
A person who has a differentcore fear, a different core
anxious fear the thing thatdrives their disorder will be
just as afraid of their thing asyou are of yours, which is, I
think, really an important point.
So we were recording an episodeof Disordered this week on
breathing anxiety no-transcriptand that came up in the
(09:49):
conversation.
Like if you are watching thisvideo or listening to this
podcast today and you are beingstalked by a particular maybe
OCD theme, a particular set ofanxious thoughts or disturbing
intrusive thoughts or symptomsor whatever your core fear is,
or you don't understand, I can'tstop ruminating and worrying
and I'm just anxious all daylong, but I can't stop doing
(10:10):
that because that would be toorisky and it violates my
identity.
And I'm just anxious all daylong, but I can't stop doing
that because that would be toorisky and it violates my
identity.
Whatever it is that you thinkis driving the ship, driving the
car, driving the anxiety busfor you, if you sat in a room
with 100 other listeners of thispodcast, people in a similar
situation to you, even thoughyou might have GAD, and that
person might have OCD, and theperson on the other side of the
(10:30):
room might have panic disorder,and the person sitting on the
other side of the room mighthave health anxiety, you would
all share a common experience.
And that would be that thething that scares you most would
probably be disturbing in someway to the other people in the
room, but they would understandthat, like no, that's not
something I would be scared of.
(10:57):
No-transcript, say.
I wish I had that fear.
The fear that I have is theworst one.
Everybody thinks their fear isthe worst one or the one most
likely to come true or the onethat's even more dangerous.
Worst one or the one mostlikely to come true or the one
that's even more dangerous andthat's simply not true.
So there, in a way, while againit might seem dismissive for me
(11:18):
to say your anxiety is notspecial or your anxious fear is
not special, there's a comfortin that.
That's a core principle thatpeople like me rely on when we
help people with anxietydisorders.
It doesn't matter what if youbecome a therapy client, it
doesn't matter what you walk inthe door with.
Kind of heard it already we allhave and we're not gonna be
alarmed about your particularfear.
So while you may have aspecific fear of swallowing or
(11:42):
choking or passing out orsuffocating or having a heart
attack or whatever it happens tobe, we're gonna kind of sit and
shrug our shoulders at youbecause we know that you're safe
.
We understand the mechanics ofthis and if I can give you
something today, it would be.
There's power in that Likenotice that there's a reason why
(12:03):
people like me don't answerquestions about each individual
fear, because we would beanswering that question every
single day, over and over andover and over, and then we were
repeating symptoms and repeatingthoughts and repeating anxious
fears every day, over and overand over, and it would just be
like an endless carousel, wherewe are addressing, we're just
reassuring people every day andnot actually passing along
(12:23):
actionable information.
So let's talk about that for asecond.
When you are trapped in thatsort of cage that your anxiety
disorder builds, where itinsists that your thing is worse
than the other things thateverybody else struggles with,
or yours is more dangerousbecause it's more likely to be
truer, but you don't understandpeople really do get cancer.
So I have to pay attention tothat.
(12:43):
Talking to you health anxiety,when your anxiety disorder
throws that at you, you have tounderstand that at some point
you're just asking for assurance, like, is this okay?
And in a podcast or on aYouTube channel, or when people
like me write books, what we cangive you is a thing called
psychoeducation and we will beable to tell you like, yes,
that's a very common fear, butdon't worry about it, I'm not
(13:08):
concerned that you're going tohave a psychotic break when you
have a panic attack, becausethat just doesn't happen.
I'm not concerned that you'regoing to pass out just because
you think you might pass out.
A very common fear, like well,I'm afraid we're going to pass
out.
Well, have you ever passed out?
No, not ever in my life.
I'm 52 years old and I've neverpassed out, says the anxious
person.
Okay so, but where does thatcome from?
Yeah, but I almost passed out.
Okay, that's a very typicalexample.
(13:29):
So psychoeducation is awesomebecause, especially at the
beginning of someone's sort ofstruggle with disordered anxiety
or chronic anxiety, you needthat.
That's called assurance.
That's productive.
You can use assurance to say,oh well, this is why this crazy
dude on the podcast or thevideos talks about facing the
fear and doing exposures andtolerating and surrendering and
(13:50):
floating and accepting and allof those things.
We can do that because we'rerelying on those principles that
we try to hand you withpsychoeducation.
That says, yeah, I've heardthat fear before.
It's okay, you're safe.
But once you've heard it one,five, 10, 20 times from me maybe
your own therapist, your doctor, your friends, your anxiety
(14:10):
support friends online Onceyou've heard it X number of
times now you're just stuck in acycle where the way you're
going to address your anxietydisorder is to cling to yeah,
but it feels like this isdifferent.
I don't know if I can reallyaccept that explanation.
Or don't tell me that what yousaid about heart anxiety is the
same for, like insanity anxietyor the fear of going insane.
(14:32):
It can't possibly be the same.
So you need to tell me aboutthat particular fear.
Now, if you're working directlywith a therapist or a counselor
in one-on-one, then, yes, theperson would address that.
So if you're my therapy client,I might spend some time
addressing that particular fear,giving you actionable
information that helps youunderstand why that fear is not
necessarily true or it'sdistorted or it's irrational.
(14:52):
That helps you understand whythat fear is not necessarily
true or it's distorted or it'sirrational.
But here, where we can't talkabout every individual fear,
you're going to have to rely onthe principles.
That says, well, when they talkabout the fact that nobody has
a psychotic break when they havea panic attack, that also has
to be applied to the fact thatnobody just blurts out
obscenities in church, eventhough their OCD might be
telling them that could happenand they feel like they have to
(15:14):
hang on so tight, right, orevery time I swallow I'm in
danger of choking.
But you don't understand,people really do choke.
You're going to have to sort ofapply the general principles.
That's a good thing, that's agood thing.
So, again, the thing that youranxiety disorder or your chronic
anxiety will tell you is 100%special and really needs special
attention, and I need to hearagain from someone else that
(15:37):
seems to be some sort of expertor that I trust or I don't know.
This guy has a big, deep, loud,booming voice, so he must know
what he's talking about,whatever it is.
Now I need you, drew, to alsotalk about my particular fear.
But if you've asked 15 otherpeople like me to do that, or
your own therapist, or your ownhelpers, your own medical team,
your own friends and family,your own anxiety buddies online,
at some point you come to therealization that, like, maybe
(16:01):
there's no answer to thisquestion Because it's not a
question I have to ask.
Right, I don't have to keepinsisting over and over.
After I've asked the questionthe first five or 10 times, I
don't have to keep returningagain and again and again.
Yeah, but what about what ifthey're wrong?
Or what if they miss something?
Or what if this?
But you don't understand itfeels so important.
I do understand it does feelvery important, it does feel
(16:22):
very urgent, it does feelpressing, it does feel more
dangerous.
You don't care that the guynext to you is afraid of having
a heart attack.
All you care is that you'reafraid of passing out or losing
your sanity or having DPDR thatnever ends.
It's okay.
I totally understand you arelegitimately afraid and worried
about that.
That is not fake fear, that'sreal fear.
(16:44):
Just that that fear is somewhatuniversal.
And the universality of thatfear in the context of chronic
and distorted anxiety is it'sdistorted sort of twisted and
somewhat irrational nature.
So why do I use the wordirrational?
Why do people like me often usethe word irrational?
Because a lot of people willsay well, I don't fear things
(17:06):
that are impossible, I fearthings that are possible and do
actually happen to people in thereal world or have happened to
people.
You know, I fear a strokebecause my friend's dad had a
stroke, for instance.
Correct.
So irrational is just I'mapplying that fear in a place
where it doesn't belong.
So when we look at things thatreally do happen in the real
(17:28):
world and you want to say myanxiety is special because you
don't understand what I fearreally does happen, which a huge
portion of this community canclaim accurately they would not
be lying you have to say well,in my situation, in a chronic or
disordered anxiety situation, Iapply that as a core fear that
disrupts my daily functioningand then drives my life into
(17:50):
directions that I don't want itto go in.
I don't want it to be that way,I don't like this, I don't like
living this way, whereas peoplewho don't suffer with anxiety
disorders or chronic anxietymight say well, people do in
fact have strokes.
People do in fact get cancer.
People do in fact suffer fromserious People do in fact get
cancer.
People do in fact suffer fromserious mental health issues.
That's all true.
I'm concerned about that.
(18:10):
Every once in a while maybethey'll even say, yeah, I fear
that I don't want that to happento me.
But the difference is thatconcern, that fear if you will,
or the worry if you will, is notpersistent.
They don't get stuck in itconstantly, every day, around
and around and around, and thatfear does not drive their life
into directions that that persondoesn't want it to go in.
(18:30):
So you may argue, my core fear,or my anxious fear, is in fact
special or unique because it'sbased on something that happens
in the real world.
It's true, it could happen,that's right.
But the issue is you'reapplying that knowledge in a
disordered or irrational ordistorted way.
And welcome to anxiety.
Right, it's going to distort,it's going to twist things, it's
(18:52):
going to color things through acatastrophic set of lenses that
you don't really have to bewearing.
And that's why we say it'sirrational.
Only, not because the topicitself is ridiculous or it never
happens, but because the wayyou apply that worry or the
concern in your life isirrational.
It goes sort of out of thebounds of what you would
consider a normal or even aproductive fear or worry.
(19:14):
Because at the core of everyanxious fear might be right in
situations where you're worriedabout things that happen in the
real world, they might be thingsthat, yeah, it's good to have a
healthy concern about that.
I have a healthy concern aboutcardiovascular conditioning
because I don't want to dieearly of a heart attack or have
cardiac problems.
So I can use that to informlifestyle decisions that I make
(19:37):
and take good care of myself.
But if it goes off the railsand I wind up crippled by that
fear because it's being appliedin a rational or distorted way,
well then we have a problem.
So the bottom line here is it'simportant for you to lean on
even though you don't feel likeit's correct to lean on that you
have to lean on the idea thatyou're anxious fear, the thing
(19:58):
that is at the core of youranxiety today, because, by the
way, that often morphs and thething that you're most afraid of
today might not be the thingyou'll be most afraid of in six
months, or might not be thething that you were most afraid
of six months ago, even thoughit feels so important and like
it's special and unique and youneed to know more about it.
In this context, where you'redealing with one helper who's
(20:19):
talking to many, many, manypeople well over 100,000 people
you have to rely on the generalprinciple that it's actually not
unique at all, while it doesscare the heck out of you and
disturb you for sure, no doubt,no joke about that it's still
not unique and that's empowering.
You can use that knowledge tostart to inform a change in the
way you relate to that fear andthe way you react and respond to
(20:41):
it, which is the thing we talkabout all the time on the
anxious truth and all the otherstuff that I do.
So that is a lot of ramblingabout the non-unique
characteristics of your coreanxious fear and the thing that
drives your anxiety disorder.
And while again, I have to makesure that you understand.
I'm not trying to be dismissiveof you or tell you that you're
wrong.
The feeling you have is in factreal.
The emotions you have about itare in fact real.
(21:02):
The emotions you have about itare in fact real, but we got to
rely on the non-unique nature ofit to know that we're applying
that concern in a bit of adistorted or irrational way
which is causing problems inyour life that you would rather
not have, right?
So that is episode 312 of theAnxious Truths, sort of wrapping
up in the books.
If you will, no music.
I think I'm kind of done withthe exit music, other than if I
(21:23):
dub it in in the post processing, which maybe I'll do and maybe
I won't, I don't know.
But I hope you found thisdiscussion helpful in some way,
shape or form.
Take some time, chew on it alittle bit.
You're gonna have to at leastconsider that I might be right,
right?
So I understand if you don'tbelieve me today, especially if
you're kind of stuck in a badspot, you're in a dark place or
(21:45):
you're new to this and this isthe first you're hearing about
the nature of disordered anxietyyou probably won't fully
believe or have faith in what Ijust said.
That's totally okay.
You get there when you getthere.
That doesn't mean you're doingit wrong.
I don't take any offense tothat.
You don't have to believe mejust because I have a microphone
(22:07):
in front of me.
But all I would ask you to do aswe wrap this episode up is at
least consider the possibilitythat I and people who sound like
me, who are delivering thismessage in a consistent basis
all the time, might have a point.
That's a good first start.
If you can at least say well,you know what.
I can keep digging my heels inand insist that no, no, no, no
this.
You don't understand how thisfeels.
You can dig your heels in andlock yourself into that, but
that's pretty rigid.
Or I can at least consider thatmaybe the goofy guy on the
(22:30):
camera with the microphone mightbe on to something, because
he's not the only person I heartalk about this.
If you can at least openyourself up a little bit to that
possibility, then today you arewinning, even if you're not
feeling so great, which you maynot be.
So you are winning, even ifyou're not feeling so great,
which you may not be.
So that is it.
I appreciate you hanging out.
Quick reminder again the AnxiousTruth is more than just this
podcast episode or this video.
(22:51):
There's a ton of otherresources that you can find on
my website at theanxioustruthcom.
Go check it out.
A lot of it is free, like allthe podcast episodes and social
media content, and the stuffthat does carry a cost is very
low cost and everybody seems tohave good things to say about
the stuff I produce.
So go to theanxioustruthcom andavail yourself of all the
goodies.
Of course, again, if you'relistening to the podcast on
(23:11):
Apple or Spotify and you canrate and review and you like
what I'm doing five stars if youreally dig it.
Write a little review if youreally really dig it, because it
helps other people find thepodcast and podcasts.
And, of course, those of you onYouTube hello YouTube maybe
like the video, leave a commentor question.
I will try to get to as many ofthem as I can.
It's getting to the point whereit's virtually impossible for
me to answer all of them, but Iwill do the best that I can, I
(23:33):
promise and subscribe to thechannel if you really dig it.
I mean, if you really think I'mhelpful.
Maybe share the channel withsomebody that you think needs it
.
But you don't have to do any ofthose things.
If you just enjoyed listeningtoday, it helped you some way.
And you're never going to hitthe like button, I'm okay with
that too.
You're still my people.
Thanks for hanging out.
Remember any little step youcan take today toward the light
that you actually want and awayfrom that irrational, distorted,
(23:56):
magnified, twisted fear is agood thing.
Now that means you probablyhave to walk through the
magnified, distorted, irrationalfear.
But if you take a little bit ofa step in that direction facing
the thing you fear, unmaskingit for what it really is,
retraining your anxious brainyou are winning, even if that's
a tiny step.
Thanks for hanging out.
(24:18):
I'll be back in two weeks withsomething else.
See you then.
This week on the Anxious Truth.
I have some good news for youand your anxiety, and that is
that the anxious fear thatstalks you the most, that
bothers you the most, thattriggers you the most, is not
special, but you want it thatway, so let's go.
Hello everybody, welcome backto the Anxious Truth.
(00:24):
This is episode 312 of thepodcast we are recording in
February of 2025.
In case you are listening inthe future, I am Drew Linsalata,
creator and host of the AnxiousTruth.
I am a therapist practicingunder supervision in the state
of New York, specializing in thetreatment of anxiety and
anxiety disorders.
I'm a former sufferer ofdisordered anxiety and OCD and
depression for many years of mylife, on and off Better now
(00:46):
three-time author on the topic,clearly a podcaster,
psychoeducator, social mediadude, advocate the whole nine
yards.
And on the Anxious Truth, wetalk about all things anxiety,
anxiety recovery and anxietydisorders.
So if this is your first timehere, welcome.
I hope you find what we'redoing useful.
Of course, if you are areturning viewer or listener,
welcome back.
Thank you for spending timewith me and I hope you find
(01:07):
today's discussion helpful insome way, of course, if you are
listening to the podcast onApple Podcasts or Spotify or
some platform that lets you rateor review and you dig what I do
.
Maybe leave a five star ratingand a review because it helps
other people find the podcast.
And if you're watching theAnxious Truth on YouTube, hit
the subscribe button if youhaven't already, and maybe the
notification bell so you knowwhen there's new episodes.
And if you like the video, thenlike the video and maybe leave
(01:30):
a comment or ask a question.
I'll do my best to interactwith you.
So this week we're going totalk about the fact that your
anxiety is not special.
Now, that might sound like ahorrible thing for a helper or a
therapist to say, but youactually want that to be true.
You do not want your anxiousfear to be special or unique.
There's a reason why I want totalk about this, and that is I
thought that episode 312 wouldbe like viewer mail.
(01:53):
You guys have sent in all kindsof really cool questions and
comments using the little textlink.
So if you're listening as apodcast it's in the podcast
description.
I think it's also in theYouTube video descriptions you
can actually send me a questionor a comment via text.
Feel free to do that if youwould like to.
I don't see your number.
I cannot text you back.
I cannot share your number withanybody.
It's just a way for you to sendsome feedback about the show.
(02:14):
And when I went through all ofthe cool messages that you guys
have sent and, by the way, thankyou for all the kind words One
of the common threads that keptcoming up over and over is
people who wanted me to addresstheir specific fear.
So, in other words, I havepeople who ask well, can you
talk about the fear of passingout?
Can you do an episode about thefear of shouting out
(02:34):
obscenities or shouting thingsthat I don't want to say and
losing control?
Can you talk about the fear ofhaving a psychotic break or
going insane?
Can you talk about the fear ofhaving a heart attack?
Can you talk about the fear ofnever getting better, and so
forth and so on.
As I go through sort of theviewer mail or the listener mail
, there's a common theme herewhich is most of you guys want
me to specifically address thething that you are most afraid
(02:56):
of.
The reason why that isn'tterribly productive is because
in a one-to-many environmentlike a podcast or a YouTube
channel or on social media, it'simpossible to address
everybody's individual, uniquefears.
Now, the good thing is thatmost anxious fears really
overlap from person to person.
So if you think you have a fearthat nobody else has in this
(03:20):
community, I can tell you thatyou are wrong.
I have heard just about all ofthem at this point in the many
years I've been doing thispodcast and interacting with you
guys, and there's nothing newunder the sun.
So, while you might feel aloneor like nobody else could
possibly have this crazy,irrational, anxious fear that I
have, you would be incorrect.
The good news also is thatthose fears tend to fall into
(03:42):
specific categories that are thesame across a very large number
of people.
So, while I cannot possiblyaddress and speak to you
directly because there's so manyof you and only one of me, I
cannot directly address yourspecific fear that you so want
me to talk about I can tell youthat the general principles that
(04:02):
we rely on here, on the AnxiousTruth or on the Disordered
Podcast that I do with my buddy,josh Fletcher, or any of my
social media content or in mybooks the general principles
that we rely on here areapplicable even to your fear.
So, while sometimes, when I saythings like your anxiety or your
core fear isn't special.
It sounds arrogant ordismissive or like I can't be
(04:23):
bothered to try to answer you orhelp you, or I'm mocking you
for asking the question.
Not at all.
I understand why you're askingthe question about your specific
thing that you think is thescariest, but you actually don't
want to be special.
You don't want that fear to beunique or special.
(04:46):
To recognize that an anxiousperson that maybe suffers from a
fear, say cardiophobia, maybesomebody whose anxiety is
centered solely on their heartand they're very aware of their
heartbeat and they're terrifiedof their heartbeat, or they walk
around all day just waiting fortheir heart to spontaneously
stop that was me.
Or somebody whose fear isbreath-centric, somebody whose
core fear is embarrassingthemselves, making a scene
ruining everybody's day.
Somebody whose core fear isembarrassing themselves, making
a scene ruining everybody's day.
Somebody whose core fear ispassing their anxiety onto their
(05:09):
children.
Somebody whose core fear isvomiting, somebody whose core
fear is passing out, like I cango on and on and on.
Every one of those people willtell you that their specific
fear or the symptoms or thoughtsthat they are most connected to
and are disturbed by the most,is the most difficult one, but
you don't understand.
(05:29):
What about when is a very commonobjection that I and people who
do the thing that I do hearfrom members of our community
Like great podcast episode onthis thing.
But what about?
So the rules that you talkedabout can't possibly apply to my
thing, and it's important torecognize that, while your
(05:51):
anxiety or your anxious brain,your oversensitized brain, your
oversensitized and overprimethreat response just thinks it's
doing the right thing, it'sjust trying to keep you safe and
alive, because that's its job,it is going to suggest to you
that no, no, this thing thatwe're afraid of breathing is
super important, right?
Because if I stop breathing,I'm going to die.
So it must be special.
Of course, there can't beanything more important than
your heart, so this must bespecial.
(06:12):
Of course there can't beanything more important than
your brain and your sanity, oryour memory, or your sentience,
or your, your ability to beconnected to who you are.
If my brain breaks, then I'mnot me anymore.
So clearly that must be special.
But it's not.
In the end, an anxiety disorderis going to convince you that
the thoughts that you have, thesensations that you have, the
(06:32):
fears that you have are real,actual threats that you must
respond to with evasive action.
Get away from them, prove themwrong, make sure they don't come
true.
All of those things that is acommon defining characteristic
in just about every I say justabout.
I might want to make astatement and say all anxiety
disorders, and that includespeople who have generalized
(06:53):
anxiety disorder, because whileyou may not necessarily be
fixated on a cardiac disaster orfear of insanity, if you don't
engage in your ruminative,perseverative thinking like
constant problem solving,scanning, checking, make sure
everything is okay.
If I don't worry about peopleactively because I'm a worrier,
I have to do it right.
That's a danger too.
(07:14):
So in the end, an anxietydisorder will convince you that
the things it is whispering intoyour ear all day long are, in
fact, very important.
And often, when you maybe watchor listen to podcasts like this
one or again Disordered, don'thave Anything to Do With Josh or
any other anxiety podcast oryou're watching videos or
following people on social media, it doesn't matter.
(07:35):
And even when you see peoplewho share stories of, say,
inspiration or victory, maybethey overcame their anxiety,
they found a way to get better.
This is what worked for them.
You might find that inspiringand encouraging and it might
make you feel good, but there'sgot to be that part of your
anxiety disorder that whispers,yeah, but that can't possibly
apply to me.
That person couldn't havepossibly been as anxious or
(07:58):
afraid as I am.
They couldn't possibly have hadthis particular thought or
symptom or fear, like no, no,this is really important, like
good for that person, but theydidn't have it as bad as I do
Now.
I'm not trying to insinuate thatyou think that somehow you are
suffering more than anybody else.
That would imply that youpersonally viewer or listener is
(08:18):
somehow really self-centeredand doesn't understand other
people struggle too.
I don't think that at all.
But an anxiety disorder can bevery self-centered and very
self-serving and it will dismiss.
You know success stories, winstories.
You know people who overcametheir anxiety on Disordered we
Do did it anyways and they soundgreat.
But your anxiety disorder willwant to throw them on the floor
(08:40):
and say we really can't trustthat that principle would apply
in our situation.
So cool, cheer for that person,be happy for them, be inspired
for five or 10 minutes after youhear it.
But then let's get back to thebusiness at hand, which is
listening very closely to thefear that I'm handing you says
anxiety disorder, and just kindof stay stuck where you are.
So here's the thing If I cangive you anything in this
(09:02):
particular episode and clearlythat's what I'm trying to do, is
give you something in theseepisodes it would be to hang on
to the principle that youranxious fear, your core fear
where your anxiety or youranxiety disorder is centered is
not special or different.
It doesn't require specialevasive action or special
techniques.
The thing that you are mostafraid is going to happen isn't
(09:28):
more likely to happen to youbecause you fear it the most.
A person who has a differentcore fear, a different core
anxious fear the thing thatdrives their disorder will be
just as afraid of their thing asyou are of yours, which is, I
think, really an important point.
So we were recording an episodeof Disordered this week on
breathing anxiety no-transcriptand that came up in the
(09:49):
conversation.
Like if you are watching thisvideo or listening to this
podcast today and you are beingstalked by a particular maybe
OCD theme, a particular set ofanxious thoughts or disturbing
intrusive thoughts or symptomsor whatever your core fear is,
or you don't understand, I can'tstop ruminating and worrying
and I'm just anxious all daylong, but I can't stop doing
(10:10):
that because that would be toorisky and it violates my
identity.
And I'm just anxious all daylong, but I can't stop doing
that because that would be toorisky and it violates my
identity.
Whatever it is that you thinkis driving the ship, driving the
car, driving the anxiety busfor you, if you sat in a room
with 100 other listeners of thispodcast, people in a similar
situation to you, even thoughyou might have GAD, and that
person might have OCD, and theperson on the other side of the
(10:30):
room might have panic disorder,and the person sitting on the
other side of the room mighthave health anxiety, you would
all share a common experience.
And that would be that thething that scares you most would
probably be disturbing in someway to the other people in the
room, but they would understandthat, like no, that's not
something I would be scared of.
(10:57):
No-transcript, say.
I wish I had that fear.
The fear that I have is theworst one.
Everybody thinks their fear isthe worst one or the one most
likely to come true or the onethat's even more dangerous.
Worst one or the one mostlikely to come true or the one
that's even more dangerous andthat's simply not true.
So there, in a way, while againit might seem dismissive for me
(11:18):
to say your anxiety is notspecial or your anxious fear is
not special, there's a comfortin that.
That's a core principle thatpeople like me rely on when we
help people with anxietydisorders.
It doesn't matter what if youbecome a therapy client, it
doesn't matter what you walk inthe door with.
Kind of heard it already we allhave and we're not gonna be
alarmed about your particularfear.
So while you may have aspecific fear of swallowing or
(11:42):
choking or passing out orsuffocating or having a heart
attack or whatever it happens tobe, we're gonna kind of sit and
shrug our shoulders at youbecause we know that you're safe
.
We understand the mechanics ofthis and if I can give you
something today, it would be.
There's power in that Likenotice that there's a reason why
(12:03):
people like me don't answerquestions about each individual
fear, because we would beanswering that question every
single day, over and over andover and over, and then we were
repeating symptoms and repeatingthoughts and repeating anxious
fears every day, over and overand over, and it would just be
like an endless carousel, wherewe are addressing, we're just
reassuring people every day andnot actually passing along
(12:23):
actionable information.
So let's talk about that for asecond.
When you are trapped in thatsort of cage that your anxiety
disorder builds, where itinsists that your thing is worse
than the other things thateverybody else struggles with,
or yours is more dangerousbecause it's more likely to be
truer, but you don't understandpeople really do get cancer.
So I have to pay attention tothat.
(12:43):
Talking to you health anxiety,when your anxiety disorder
throws that at you, you have tounderstand that at some point
you're just asking for assurance, like, is this okay?
And in a podcast or on aYouTube channel, or when people
like me write books, what we cangive you is a thing called
psychoeducation and we will beable to tell you like, yes,
that's a very common fear, butdon't worry about it, I'm not
(13:08):
concerned that you're going tohave a psychotic break when you
have a panic attack, becausethat just doesn't happen.
I'm not concerned that you'regoing to pass out just because
you think you might pass out.
A very common fear, like well,I'm afraid we're going to pass
out.
Well, have you ever passed out?
No, not ever in my life.
I'm 52 years old and I've neverpassed out, says the anxious
person.
Okay so, but where does thatcome from?
Yeah, but I almost passed out.
Okay, that's a very typicalexample.
(13:29):
So psychoeducation is awesomebecause, especially at the
beginning of someone's sort ofstruggle with disordered anxiety
or chronic anxiety, you needthat.
That's called assurance.
That's productive.
You can use assurance to say,oh well, this is why this crazy
dude on the podcast or thevideos talks about facing the
fear and doing exposures andtolerating and surrendering and
(13:50):
floating and accepting and allof those things.
We can do that because we'rerelying on those principles that
we try to hand you withpsychoeducation.
That says, yeah, I've heardthat fear before.
It's okay, you're safe.
But once you've heard it one,five, 10, 20 times from me maybe
your own therapist, your doctor, your friends, your anxiety
(14:10):
support friends online Onceyou've heard it X number of
times now you're just stuck in acycle where the way you're
going to address your anxietydisorder is to cling to yeah,
but it feels like this isdifferent.
I don't know if I can reallyaccept that explanation.
Or don't tell me that what yousaid about heart anxiety is the
same for, like insanity anxietyor the fear of going insane.
(14:32):
It can't possibly be the same.
So you need to tell me aboutthat particular fear.
Now, if you're working directlywith a therapist or a counselor
in one-on-one, then, yes, theperson would address that.
So if you're my therapy client,I might spend some time
addressing that particular fear,giving you actionable
information that helps youunderstand why that fear is not
necessarily true or it'sdistorted or it's irrational.
(14:52):
That helps you understand whythat fear is not necessarily
true or it's distorted or it'sirrational.
But here, where we can't talkabout every individual fear,
you're going to have to rely onthe principles.
That says, well, when they talkabout the fact that nobody has
a psychotic break when they havea panic attack, that also has
to be applied to the fact thatnobody just blurts out
obscenities in church, eventhough their OCD might be
telling them that could happenand they feel like they have to
(15:14):
hang on so tight, right, orevery time I swallow I'm in
danger of choking.
But you don't understand,people really do choke.
You're going to have to sort ofapply the general principles.
That's a good thing, that's agood thing.
So, again, the thing that youranxiety disorder or your chronic
anxiety will tell you is 100%special and really needs special
attention, and I need to hearagain from someone else that
(15:37):
seems to be some sort of expertor that I trust or I don't know.
This guy has a big, deep, loud,booming voice, so he must know
what he's talking about,whatever it is.
Now I need you, drew, to alsotalk about my particular fear.
But if you've asked 15 otherpeople like me to do that, or
your own therapist, or your ownhelpers, your own medical team,
your own friends and family,your own anxiety buddies online,
at some point you come to therealization that, like, maybe
(16:01):
there's no answer to thisquestion Because it's not a
question I have to ask.
Right, I don't have to keepinsisting over and over.
After I've asked the questionthe first five or 10 times, I
don't have to keep returningagain and again and again.
Yeah, but what about what ifthey're wrong?
Or what if they miss something?
Or what if this?
But you don't understand itfeels so important.
I do understand it does feelvery important, it does feel
(16:22):
very urgent, it does feelpressing, it does feel more
dangerous.
You don't care that the guynext to you is afraid of having
a heart attack.
All you care is that you'reafraid of passing out or losing
your sanity or having DPDR thatnever ends.
It's okay.
I totally understand you arelegitimately afraid and worried
about that.
That is not fake fear, that'sreal fear.
(16:44):
Just that that fear is somewhatuniversal.
And the universality of thatfear in the context of chronic
and distorted anxiety is it'sdistorted sort of twisted and
somewhat irrational nature.
So why do I use the wordirrational?
Why do people like me often usethe word irrational?
Because a lot of people willsay well, I don't fear things
(17:06):
that are impossible, I fearthings that are possible and do
actually happen to people in thereal world or have happened to
people.
You know, I fear a strokebecause my friend's dad had a
stroke, for instance.
Correct.
So irrational is just I'mapplying that fear in a place
where it doesn't belong.
So when we look at things thatreally do happen in the real
(17:28):
world and you want to say myanxiety is special because you
don't understand what I fearreally does happen, which a huge
portion of this community canclaim accurately they would not
be lying you have to say well,in my situation, in a chronic or
disordered anxiety situation, Iapply that as a core fear that
disrupts my daily functioningand then drives my life into
(17:50):
directions that I don't want itto go in.
I don't want it to be that way,I don't like this, I don't like
living this way, whereas peoplewho don't suffer with anxiety
disorders or chronic anxietymight say well, people do in
fact have strokes.
People do in fact get cancer.
People do in fact suffer fromserious People do in fact get
cancer.
People do in fact suffer fromserious mental health issues.
That's all true.
I'm concerned about that.
(18:10):
Every once in a while maybethey'll even say, yeah, I fear
that I don't want that to happento me.
But the difference is thatconcern, that fear if you will,
or the worry if you will, is notpersistent.
They don't get stuck in itconstantly, every day, around
and around and around, and thatfear does not drive their life
into directions that that persondoesn't want it to go in.
(18:30):
So you may argue, my core fear,or my anxious fear, is in fact
special or unique because it'sbased on something that happens
in the real world.
It's true, it could happen,that's right.
But the issue is you'reapplying that knowledge in a
disordered or irrational ordistorted way.
And welcome to anxiety.
Right, it's going to distort,it's going to twist things, it's
(18:52):
going to color things through acatastrophic set of lenses that
you don't really have to bewearing.
And that's why we say it'sirrational.
Only, not because the topicitself is ridiculous or it never
happens, but because the wayyou apply that worry or the
concern in your life isirrational.
It goes sort of out of thebounds of what you would
consider a normal or even aproductive fear or worry.
(19:14):
Because at the core of everyanxious fear might be right in
situations where you're worriedabout things that happen in the
real world, they might be thingsthat, yeah, it's good to have a
healthy concern about that.
I have a healthy concern aboutcardiovascular conditioning
because I don't want to dieearly of a heart attack or have
cardiac problems.
So I can use that to informlifestyle decisions that I make
(19:37):
and take good care of myself.
But if it goes off the railsand I wind up crippled by that
fear because it's being appliedin a rational or distorted way,
well then we have a problem.
So the bottom line here is it'simportant for you to lean on
even though you don't feel likeit's correct to lean on that you
have to lean on the idea thatyou're anxious fear, the thing
(19:58):
that is at the core of youranxiety today, because, by the
way, that often morphs and thething that you're most afraid of
today might not be the thingyou'll be most afraid of in six
months, or might not be thething that you were most afraid
of six months ago, even thoughit feels so important and like
it's special and unique and youneed to know more about it.
In this context, where you'redealing with one helper who's
(20:19):
talking to many, many, manypeople well over 100,000 people
you have to rely on the generalprinciple that it's actually not
unique at all, while it doesscare the heck out of you and
disturb you for sure, no doubt,no joke about that it's still
not unique and that's empowering.
You can use that knowledge tostart to inform a change in the
way you relate to that fear andthe way you react and respond to
(20:41):
it, which is the thing we talkabout all the time on the
anxious truth and all the otherstuff that I do.
So that is a lot of ramblingabout the non-unique
characteristics of your coreanxious fear and the thing that
drives your anxiety disorder.
And while again, I have to makesure that you understand.
I'm not trying to be dismissiveof you or tell you that you're
wrong.
The feeling you have is in factreal.
The emotions you have about itare in fact real.
(21:02):
The emotions you have about itare in fact real, but we got to
rely on the non-unique nature ofit to know that we're applying
that concern in a bit of adistorted or irrational way
which is causing problems inyour life that you would rather
not have, right?
So that is episode 312 of theAnxious Truths, sort of wrapping
up in the books.
If you will, no music.
I think I'm kind of done withthe exit music, other than if I
(21:23):
dub it in in the post processing, which maybe I'll do and maybe
I won't, I don't know.
But I hope you found thisdiscussion helpful in some way,
shape or form.
Take some time, chew on it alittle bit.
You're gonna have to at leastconsider that I might be right,
right?
So I understand if you don'tbelieve me today, especially if
you're kind of stuck in a badspot, you're in a dark place or
(21:45):
you're new to this and this isthe first you're hearing about
the nature of disordered anxietyyou probably won't fully
believe or have faith in what Ijust said.
That's totally okay.
You get there when you getthere.
That doesn't mean you're doingit wrong.
I don't take any offense tothat.
You don't have to believe mejust because I have a microphone
(22:07):
in front of me.
But all I would ask you to do aswe wrap this episode up is at
least consider the possibilitythat I and people who sound like
me, who are delivering thismessage in a consistent basis
all the time, might have a point.
That's a good first start.
If you can at least say well,you know what.
I can keep digging my heels inand insist that no, no, no, no
this.
You don't understand how thisfeels.
You can dig your heels in andlock yourself into that, but
that's pretty rigid.
Or I can at least consider thatmaybe the goofy guy on the
(22:30):
camera with the microphone mightbe on to something, because
he's not the only person I heartalk about this.
If you can at least openyourself up a little bit to that
possibility, then today you arewinning, even if you're not
feeling so great, which you maynot be.
So you are winning, even ifyou're not feeling so great,
which you may not be.
So that is it.
I appreciate you hanging out.
Quick reminder again the AnxiousTruth is more than just this
podcast episode or this video.
(22:51):
There's a ton of otherresources that you can find on
my website at theanxioustruthcom.
Go check it out.
A lot of it is free, like allthe podcast episodes and social
media content, and the stuffthat does carry a cost is very
low cost and everybody seems tohave good things to say about
the stuff I produce.
So go to theanxioustruthcom andavail yourself of all the
goodies.
Of course, again, if you'relistening to the podcast on
(23:11):
Apple or Spotify and you canrate and review and you like
what I'm doing five stars if youreally dig it.
Write a little review if youreally really dig it, because it
helps other people find thepodcast and podcasts.
And, of course, those of you onYouTube hello YouTube maybe
like the video, leave a commentor question.
I will try to get to as many ofthem as I can.
It's getting to the point whereit's virtually impossible for
me to answer all of them, but Iwill do the best that I can, I
(23:33):
promise and subscribe to thechannel if you really dig it.
I mean, if you really think I'mhelpful.
Maybe share the channel withsomebody that you think needs it
.
But you don't have to do any ofthose things.
If you just enjoyed listeningtoday, it helped you some way.
And you're never going to hitthe like button, I'm okay with
that too.
You're still my people.
Thanks for hanging out.
Remember any little step youcan take today toward the light
that you actually want and awayfrom that irrational, distorted,
(23:56):
magnified, twisted fear is agood thing.
Now that means you probablyhave to walk through the
magnified, distorted, irrationalfear.
But if you take a little bit ofa step in that direction facing
the thing you fear, unmaskingit for what it really is,
retraining your anxious brainyou are winning, even if that's
a tiny step.
Thanks for hanging out.
(24:18):
I'll be back in two weeks withsomething else.
See you then.
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If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!