The Beaverton Weekly Report
Every week Beaverton editor-in-chief Luke Gordon Field assembles an all-star Panel of comedians to talk, mock and riff their way through the news of the week. Then he puts their knowledge of the news to the test in a very important quiz where the stakes couldn't be lower. The Beaverton Weekly Report is a hilarious look at what's going on in the world around us. It's just like watching CNN, only funnier and with fewer erectile dysfunction ads.
Episodes
"I'll just hang out with my new friends: bitumen and petroleum." Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and Nile Seguin) talk about the fallout from the Pipeline MOU for Carney and Smith, Pete Hegseth's war on narco smugglers/human decency and Quebec hitting the racism disguised as secularism button again. Then The Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz reveals the most cinematic way to commit pension fraud.
If you'd like a...
"I hope Smith didn't notice I had the fingers on my other hand crossed." Luke and the Panel (Megan MacKay, Clare Blackwood and Ian MacIntyre) talk about Carney and Smith coming to an "understanding" on pipelines, the tall task facing Poilievre's new campaign manager and the impossible position Trump has put Zelensky in. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers why porn is about to get a little less Canadian.
If you'd l...
"We're off to see the Epstein File!" Luke and the Panel (Clare Blackwood, Nile Seguin and Megan MacKay) talk about the Liberals (barely) passing their budget, the Conservatives new 'hide behind the curtain' voting strategy, and Donald Trump's Epstein problem getting worse by the day. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz reveals just what smug Toronto assholes we are.
If you'd like an extended cut version of this episode that...
"When your job is politics, you shouldn't be so bad at politics" Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre and Nile Seguin) delight in the chaos consuming the Conservative Party, wonder why the Democrats are incapable of not shitting the bed, and try to understand the government's plan to put 300,000 civil servants in the armed forces. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers just how easy international art heists are.
If you'...
"It's a generational budget. And the next generation will pay for it!" Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and Megan MacKay) dive into the details of Mark Carney's budget, speculate on the politics of getting it passed, debate Carney's cozying up to China and pour one out for our beloved Blue Jays. Then The Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz proves that we don't know what a double entendre is.
If you'd like an extend...
Trick or Treat or Definitely Trick!!! Just in time for Spooky Season Doug Ford is back to wreak havoc! Guest Host Ian and the Panel (Clare Blackwood and Andrew Ivimey) discuss the Ronald Reagan ad that pissed off Trump, how Ontario rent control got saved (for now), and catch up on Newfoundland politics. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz hits the mean streets with Toronto grocery store cashiers.
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We discuss the most exciting news on every Canadian's mind this week - Bail Reform! Guest Host Ian and the Panel (Clare Blackwood, and Craig Fay) discuss the why we Canadians barely know anything about bail, AI datacentres coming for all our water, and what's good in Saskatchewan. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz uncovers the best household item to fix your Honda Civic with.
If you'd like an Extended Cut version that als...
We tried. We really tried. Luke and the Panel (Clare Blackwood, Nile Seguin and Craig Fay) discuss the reasons to be optimistic about the Ceasefire Deal, and the many many reasons for pessimism, Trump's proclamation of a New Dawn in the Middle East, and the Conservatives attacking birthright citizenship. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers with a B&E&BM is.
If you'd like an Extended Cut version that also talks abo...
Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Megan MacKay and Nile Seguin) break down the suspiciously positive Trump-Carney meeting, Danielle Smith's latest pipeline gambit, and Alberta's teacher strike. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers where the Ford Cabinet Members were rushing off to when they racked up all those Speed Camera violations.
If you'd like an extended cut version of this episode that also talks about the ...
Hopefully the Jays deliver, because Canada Post won't. Luke and the Panel (Nile Seguin, Clare Blackwood, Megan MacKay) talk about Trump's 20 point plan to end the war in Gaza, Mark Carney's plan to end Canada Post, and the Toronto Blue Jays' plan to end the Yankees. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers the sinister criminal conspiracy to steal apples from local orchards.
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"The best way to fight fascism is with money, everyone knows that." Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Megan MacKay and special guest Brandon Hackett) talk about Jimmy Kimmel's absurd suspension, wonder how anyone could be mad at Canada recognizing the State of Palestine and are shocked (SHOCKED WE SAY) by a Liberal Minister's admission that the Party does somethings just to help with their electoral chances in Quebec. Then the App...
We're back baby! And so is Parliament but who cares about that. Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood, Nile Seguin) talk about Poilievre v. Carney Round 2, the Right's attempt to punish anyone who acknowledges Charlie Kirk was not a saint, and what demands we would have made to MLSE in 2019 if we were Kawhi Leonard. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers the worst scenario to get caught using AI.
If you'...
Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and Nile Seguin) detail what Trump's EU deal means for Canada, break down the bombshell news that Canada is still sending arms to Israel and discuss why it doesn't feel like housing is getting any cheaper even as prices fall. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers the worst place you can inject yourself with Botox.
"Break out the Caesars Carney!" Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre and Craig Fay) talk the government's attempt to consult with Indigenous Peoples about Bill C-5 after the fact, wonder what a trade deal with Trump would even look like at this point, and break down just how pathetically weak Canada's latest statement on Gaza is. Then The Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz reveals the most direct way to stop your son from eloping with ...
"In Alberta, your future lies." Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and Megan MacKay) speculate about what strategies Poilievre can use to win his by-election, break down Danielle Smith's over the top list of demands for constitutional amendments, and delight in the Maga world's meltdown over Trump's refusal to release the Epstein list. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz finds a new, ornothological way to win...
"Slash and burn, Carney style!" Luke and the Panel (Nile Séguin and Clare Blackwood) break down Mark Carney enacting spending cuts that even Harper wouldn't dream of, and then dive into the biggest sports stories going on in the world: The Blue Jays are soaring, Rogers is screwing over the Raptors, and the Mitch Marner saga makes us wonder how hockey players can be the toughest athletes in sports if they're afraid to answer media q...
Canada turns 158! Ian and the Panel (Nile Séguin, plus special guests Andrew Ivimey and Diana McCallum) discuss how that "elbows up" thing is working for Mark Carney, some of our favourite things about this country, and invent a new Canadian accent. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz reveals who or what the Baronet of Nova Scotia is.
If you would like an extended cut version of this episode that ...
Israel and Iran may not "know what the fuck they're doing", but is it possible Trump does? Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Megan MacKay and Nile Seguin) talk about Trump starting WWIII and then getting a ceasefire 48 hours later, debate whether this is the one in a million ceasefire that Israel won't break, and break down the dangers of the recently passed Bill C-5. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz finds the sexiest wa...
Party at Carney's house! Ian and the Panel (Clare Blackwood, Megan MacKay, and special guest Andrew Ivimey) discuss how the G7 definitely still exists, why Canada's No Kings protest would need an asterisk*, and Netenyahu and Trump's tag team against Tehran. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz uncovers who the most embarrassing Canadian of the week was (for once, it's not Drake!)
Check your mailbox right now! Luke and the Panel (Nile Seguin, Ian MacIntyre and Clare Blackwood) talk about the ICE protests and Donald Trump turning to page 1 in the dictator playbook, Mark Carney's popularity with Conservatives and international human rights abusers, and the weak sanctions imposed on two Israeli far-right Ministers. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers the grossest way you can put money in Sydney...
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