The Beaverton Weekly Report

The Beaverton Weekly Report

Every week Beaverton editor-in-chief Luke Gordon Field assembles an all-star Panel of comedians to talk, mock and riff their way through the news of the week. Then he puts their knowledge of the news to the test in a very important quiz where the stakes couldn't be lower. The Beaverton Weekly Report is a hilarious look at what's going on in the world around us. It's just like watching CNN, only funnier and with fewer erectile dysfunction ads.

Episodes

May 14, 2025 57 mins

Prime Minister Carney announces his brand new cabinet of Trudeau-era ministers! Guest host Ian MacIntyre and the Panel (Clare Blackwood, Nile Séguin, and special guest Kat Angus) discuss who’s in, who’s out, and who’s making roast-style jokes! Plus the Woke Pope, and Trump’s Sky Palace. After all that, the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz gets to the bottom of Hamilton’s French equivalent.

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Mr. Carney goes to Washington, and immediately regrets winning the election. Guest host Ian MacIntyre and the Panel (Clare Blackwood, Megan MacKay, and special guest Aaron Hagey-MacKay) discuss Carney’s first face-to-orange-face with Donald Trump, pitches for non-tariffed Canadian Hallmark movies, Western Separatism as understood by 4 Toronto-based comedians, and why Danielle Smith is like that. After all that, the Ap...

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It's our regularly scheduled election special. Brought to you by Henderson's Trail Mix. Henderson's Trail Mix: less candy, more trail! Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre and Megan MacKay) recap the highlights of election night, discuss the Liberals simultaneously over and underperforming with a Minority Government, and try to talk about Pierre Poilievre losing his seat without laughing too hard. Spoiler alert: we failed. 

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This is what happens when you invite Rebel News places. Guest host Ian MacIntyre and the Panel (Nile Seguin, Clare Blackwood and Diana McCallum) talk about the most Canadian reason to re-schedule a debate, right-wing influencers being terrified of pencils and how to get a burner phone if ...

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April 16, 2025 60 mins

Every time we treat Canadian politics just as seriously as U.S. news, a news story comes along that reminds us we're basically a small town about to elect a dog as mayor. Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Nile Seguin and Jocelyn Geddie) talk about Buttongate, the state of the race heading into the Debates, and why the Notwithstanding Clause is the Pringles of...

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Savvy business genius tanks the world's economy, news at 11. Luke and the Panel (Clare Blackwood, Megan MacKay and Andrew Ivimey) talk about Trump's plan to destroy the stock market in order to bring manufacturing jobs back to America (where American robots will do them), brainstorm some ideas for Canada's Conservatives to turn this election around, and wonder why Mark Carney is even bothering to campaign at this point. Then the Ap...

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Donald Trump's Liberation Day Tariffs are here, and this time he won't back down for at least two days! Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and Megan MacKay) talk about the Conservatives' lack of election strategy, Pierre Poilievre's not at all creepy biological clock comments and how Canada's retaliatory tariffs are getting real weird, real fast. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers the worst way to ...

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March 5, 2025 1 min

Welcome (back) to The Beaverton Weekly Report, a satirical panel show where Beaverton editor-in-chief Luke Gordon Field assembes Canada's funniest comedians to riff on the news of the week. From the silly to the serious, the tragic to the tumultuous, we'll be there to make fun of it all. But don't worry. We don't want to be too much of a bummer, so we promise to talk about New Brunswick as little as possible. 

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Luke and the Panel (Andrew Ivimey, Jon Blair, Todd Van Allen) talk about people getting screwed over! Specifically the people of Oshawa getting screwed over by GM (1:00), Paul Manafort maybe getting screwed over by Julian Assange by way of Robert Mueller (18:30) and refugees/human rights/Mexican sovereignty getting screwed over by the Trump admin (32:00). 

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Luke and the Panel (Callum Wratten, Dave Barclay and Ryan Dillon) figure out what is wrong with the NDP, the Conservatives and Canada's private school system! They also discuss the Ontario PC's war on trans people and the french community, and of course the latest in Trumpworld. Then the approximately 10 minute long quiz finds the best way to win a darts competition. 
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Luke and the Panel (Michael Balazo, Kristy LaPointe and Ian MacIntyre) try not to get overwhelmed by how much news there is. They start by recapping the midterm elections and CNN's coverage (1:45), then move on to Trump firing everyone's favourite racist elf in Jeff Sessions (32:00) and Tony Clement's Unsexy Sexy Scandal (39:30). Then the Approximately Ten Minute Long Quiz discovers the best get rich quick scheme of all time. 

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Luke and the Panel (Dave Atkinson, Aaron Hagey-MacKay and Andrew Ivimey) refuse to let the news get them down. They talk Trump’s influence over the mail bomber (2:30) and the Pittsburgh synagogue shooter (11:30), plus his attempt to use an executive order to eliminate the 14th amendment (17:00) while one of his fans plotted to bring down the Mueller investigations (22:30). They also make fun of Brazil’s new crazy leader (31:30) and...

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Luke and the Panel (Alex Huntley, Alice Moran, Diana McCallum) talk elections! The Canadian municipal elections went mostly as expected with Tory being re-elected (1:30), but also contained some highs: goodbye Mammoliti and @norm and some lows: Patrick Brown is mayor of Brampton, a Nazi finished third in Toronto?! (6:00). Meanwhile at Queen's Park Doug Ford is freezing the minimum wage For The People (15:00) and in Ottawa Justin Tr...

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Luke and the Panel (Rebecca Reeds, Craig Fay and Andrew Ivimey) ask the important question: you ever listen to a podcast ON WEED? They talk the media hype over weed legalization (2:00), the vastly different rules/regulations governing legal weed in different provinces and cities (7:30) and shed a tear for the plight of the local weed dealers we all grew up with (12:00). They also celebrate the fact that people are still talking the...

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Luke and the Panel (Nour Hadidi, Courtney Gilmour and Ryan Dillon) talk about how we're all going to die! They break down why the most recent UN Climate Change Report is a warning that can't be ignored (2:00), but will be (12:00). They also discuss why the sexual assault allegations against Brett Kavanaugh did not prevent his assent to the Supreme Court (18:30) and wonder whether anyone will even notice a change once weed is legal ...

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Luke and the Panel (Jocelyn Geddie, Dave Barclay, Jen MacIntyre) make jokes about complicated international trade agreements! They break down why 'USMCA' is a terrible acronym (1:30), the Conservatives suddenly pretending they wanted to play hardball with Donald Trump (9:30) and marvel at how the left have become the champions of free trade (15:30). Then they discuss the CAQ's shocking/completely unsurprising electoral victory in t...

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Luke and the Panel (Miguel Rivas, Alessandra Vite and Callum Wratten) are excited to talk about the news and do fun Australian accents. They do a deep dive into the Brett Kavanaugh scandal, recapping the twitter storm when Ronan Farrow dropped the story of the second accuser (3:30), the insanity of the "I'm a virgin" defence (11:00), how Republicans are turning this into a conspiracy theory (15:00) and predicting what will happen n...

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Luke and the Panel (Craig Fay, Diana McCallum, Aaron Hagey-MacKay) have no shortage of ridiculous stories to discuss this week. They get into the fact that People's Party of Canada sounds like the name of a communist country (2:30), debate whether Bernier has a shot of pulling in Liberal and NDP voters (12:00), talk about little Dougie Ford and the latest adventures in the Notwithstanding Clause (17:00), explore why the people who ...

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