What do men really want in marriage? The answer might surprise you—and it goes deeper than stereotypes.
In this honest and down-to-earth conversation, Pastor Mike and Pastor Julie continue their marriage series by exploring the complex emotional and physical needs men often struggle to express. They break down the difference between physical touch and affection, appreciation and affirmation, and how each of these plays a crucial role in creating connection and restoring intimacy in a marriage.
From exhaustion, unspoken trauma, and cultural expectations, to the power of a well-timed hug or a kind word—this episode is packed with real talk that both men and women need to hear.
🔑 You’ll hear about:
- Why non-sexual physical touch matters more than you think
- What appreciation does to a man’s heart
- How women can unintentionally trigger insecurity—and how to reverse it
- Words of affirmation: the lowest level of prophecy with the highest impact
- Creating safety through affection, not pressure
Marriage isn’t just about knowing your spouse—it’s about serving them in the little things, consistently.
📲 For more tools and resources to strengthen your marriage, visit www.mikesignorelli.com
Mentioned in this episode:
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:33):
Hey.
So I'm back again with mylovely wife Julie.
Say hello.
Hello.
This is what men really wantand what Women really want part two.
And we're going to talk todayabout what men really want is physical
touch and appreciation.
Okay.
What women really want iswords of affirmation and.
(01:01):
Hugs.
I don't remember affection.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So we're gonna make adistinction between physical touch
and affection and thenappreciation and words of affirmation.
Okay, so we're gonna breakthis down and my wife and I have
been married for almost 20 years.
We're gonna come up on 20.
We're, we're coming up to our20th year very soon.
(01:22):
We've been together for 23 years.
Two.
22 years.
No, we were only together fortwo years before we got married.
Yeah, two years.
We were trying to jump startthis thing.
And then We've got an 18 yearold daughter and we have a 10 year
old and we have a dog.
I hate.
Yeah.
Okay.
So poor star.
Yeah.
You're joining us from NewYork City and let's just jump right
(01:44):
in.
We're not going to hold back.
You also need to know this.
We are not scripting this.
We.
As you can tell, there are no notes.
And the reason why there areno notes is because we wanted to
be authentic and we wanted toteach with our lives.
And to be honest with you, Iwanted to get the raw unfiltered,
like, like, you know what I'm saying?
Because if you prepare it, myphone is dead.
(02:05):
I couldn't even, I couldn'teven grab a note.
If I tried, he wouldn't evenlet me grab my notes or anything.
Yeah, because I wanted, Idon't even have a teleprompter.
There's nothing you guys don't need.
Another Christian couple justsaying stuff that sounds good.
Cuz a lot of these people,they're real good with their words,
you know what I mean?
(02:26):
They got the word play andthey're dropping all these one liners
need to.
Do is I'm like, okay, your wife.
Yells at you, you guys hateeach other.
I mean there's been timeswhere we've been at marriage conferences
and we're looking up front,we're like, these people hate each
other.
So I just felt for me, forthis we and, and listen, I just felt
(02:48):
like the value would be whatmen really want and what women really
want.
So let's break it down.
Okay.
So men want physical touch andthey want like, you know, affirmation.
Okay.
Right.
So all men well, let's talkabout it.
Okay, let's talk about that.
Because I feel like I wouldsay when we first got married in
(03:08):
our 20s, I would be like,yeah, you're right, that's, that's
what they want.
But now I'm in my 40s and Icounsel some, many women and I just,
I feel like it's different inthat diff in that other season.
So maybe you could enlighten me.
I don't know, maybe it's justa coincidence.
Marriages go through seasons,you know what I mean?
(03:31):
And I think that, likesometimes let me just empathize with
all the men right now.
Yeah.
Because this is the podcastthat I haven't heard.
Like the honest, real.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Well, like right now, nobody'scoming to save us.
If you're a man right now,nobody's going to write you a check.
Nobody's going to buy you a house.
(03:52):
No, nobody's going to do itfor you.
And by the way, you know,America, I'm speaking on behalf of
the Americans, but I mean, myCanadian brothers are going through
the same thing.
My European brothers areexperiencing the same thing.
It's hard to be a man, right?
You, you can't just get a joband, you know, provide for your wife
(04:12):
to be a stay at home mom andall that.
Like that is not the norm anymore.
You just go back one generation.
My dad, you know, he worked atWhite Cat or He worked at McDonald's
when he was a.
Your mom worked at White Castle.
That's how you said it.
I know exactly.
Shout out all my white.
If you know what White Castleis, let me know your order in the
comment section right now.
(04:33):
But McDonald's is where my dadworked as a teenager.
He graduated high school andgot a job at a steel mill in northwest
Indiana.
And this was in the 80s.
And guess what?
He made enough money to buy ahouse, buy a new car, and my mom
was a stay at home mom.
This was of course, beforethey got divorced.
(04:53):
But one generation later, his son.
We are the generation of theside hustles.
Three jobs, you know what I mean?
Like, and, and so what?
The reason why I say that isbecause what a man really wants and
what a man can do and what aman can have is different.
So like, yeah, in an idealworld, I would work one eight hour
(05:14):
shift and, and I would workfive days a week and I enough money
for a house, a car and a stayat home wife and even to pay for
college.
Like that was the 80s and we've.
In the last 40 years, in thisnation and many nations of the world,
it's like you could work threejobs and still not even come close.
And so a lot of men, theirphysical desires are connected to
(05:37):
the reality of, like, I'mfighting for my life.
Tired.
I'm.
Yeah.
I'm emotionally tired.
I'm mentally tired right now.
Men are.
Are.
I don't know how to say this,so it doesn't trigger the algorithm,
but there's a lot of men onthe brink of giving up forever.
I'll put it like that.
Yeah.
And so that's why I think alot of men retreat to the convenience
(06:00):
of pornography, theconvenience of whatever, because,
you know, there it's.
It has become so difficult.
So why do I say that?
I know I'm starting this on aheavy note.
No, no, no.
I think this is good.
Honestly, I'm sick of theChristian podcast is like, all you
got to do is have sex withyour husband, and you're gonna be
fine.
Yeah.
But it's.
It's really complicated.
It's not that simple.
(06:22):
So I think this is actuallyreally freeing for a lot of women
who listen to the same podcastthat we all listen to, and they're
like, ah, it's not my reality.
You know what I mean?
Like, I'm living somethingdifferent than what these Christian
books are telling me.
Yeah.
At least that's what I can sayfor what I am in touch with.
Yeah.
(06:42):
Right now, testosterone levelsamong men are incredibly low, and
a lot of it is environmentalas well, and a lot of it is, like,
socioeconomic.
So dudes are just struggling,and that could affect that dynamic.
Who a man is well restedversus who a man is completely exhausted.
And so I think if you were towork together in a marriage, maybe
(07:05):
it's like, go to the root.
So in other words, how can Icreate an environment of rest?
How can I create anenvironment of recharging?
How can I reduce or eliminateother responsibilities?
Because I know they're workingso hard now.
If you're a dude and you'renot out there grinding and you're
not out there working, you'vegot a whole nother problem.
Yeah.
And we know that that doesn'tfit the profile for all men.
(07:28):
Like, there are some men whoare like, I'm fine, bra.
And they're in the commentslike, okay, good for you.
Great.
We're proud.
I just wanted to bring up thefact that there's this whole other
group of men that when theylisten to that stuff, they need to
hear, like, man.
It's like, I want to be a manafter God's own heart.
I want a godly marriage.
I want that part of my life tobe fulfilled.
(07:49):
But it's.
It's complicated, you know,abuse and all those things.
I remember we tried the let'sdo it every day challenge.
How long did that last?
Day three.
We were, like, over it.
No, it wasn't day.
No, maybe it was day.
I don't.
I don't know.
I think I.
It.
It was been a while.
But we.
At one time, we were like,let's just.
(08:10):
You know what?
We're going to do it everysingle day.
And I remember we got to acertain point, we're just like, dude,
this is exhausting.
Everyone's tired.
No one's into.
No, I mean, we got pretty farinto the challenge, I think.
Yeah, I think we did.
I'm remembering more and more.
Yeah.
But.
(08:30):
But my point is, like, findingthe frequency, the duration, the
type, the.
All that stuff matters.
Matters.
You know, sexuality isincredibly complex.
So there's sometimes where,like, a good man, I believe, wants
to, like, cause his wife to,you know, try to, like, word this
in such a way.
(08:50):
I'm like, try.
Keep the video up, please.
If the moderators arelistening, if the YouTube.
I started laughing like, I'm 12.
Every man wants their wife toexperience enjoyment.
See, this is why we didn'tscript it, because this.
(09:11):
But.
Okay, I'm gonna make a point here.
I'm gonna make a point.
Sometimes the counterbalanceto that is camera.
If.
Yeah, you just go ahead and look.
The counterbalance to it is.
If you think that it's goingto be a big production, then that
might even be exhausting.
The pressure.
And the pressure of it towhere you're like, man, like.
(09:32):
Because I.
Because I want to do a goodjob, which means that I am ensuring
that you are enjoying it,which I.
I will.
I don't know if you want to.
I don't know if you want tohelp me here, but I typically do
a pretty good job.
A plus.
(09:53):
But then sometimes there needsto be this.
Hey, you know what?
I'm gonna.
As your wife.
It's gonna be selfless.
Yeah.
So that you don't have to, inyour mind, think, okay, I've got
to allocate all this time,energy and effort.
Because when you're, like aSicilian male, you know, you're like,
I'm romantic.
I'm.
You know, this is gonna befull passion.
Like, you know.
(10:13):
Yeah.
The full.
So, like.
But again, so what I'm sayingis sometimes there's not anything
wrong with your intimacy.
There's something wrong withthe type, the, the frequency of it.
You know, it's like.
And so adding that variety ofbeing like, hey, you know what?
Mike does want physical touch,but he doesn't want to have to go
(10:36):
through the whole menu becauseright now there's a lot going on.
So like we're.
And we've done that indifferent seasons or even different
weeks.
Yeah.
Like one week is the full menu.
Then another week is only onething from the menu.
Another week's theory.
Stop using menu.
(10:56):
So weird.
Well, because I want tointroduce a level of complexity.
I'm so glad I know becausethat's what I feel like we need in
the kingdom right now.
Is that menus?
Hey, we put the menu in the description.
No, but it's like it, it is so complex.
(11:17):
I mean, you think about a lotof trauma, especially from childhood,
and I'm sure a lot of peoplecan relate.
It doesn't surface untilsometimes you're in your 40s or you.
You just get the courage totalk about it till late at least.
This is from, you know, peoplewho I've discussed it with.
Like very few people havedealt with that in real time.
(11:40):
They're usually dealing withit much later.
So.
So it's like all that couldplay a factor.
Work, finances.
We're in a hard economy.
Yeah.
Cuz I don't have.
That isn't my thing.
So I want to understand whatyou're saying is there's people who've
experienced trauma.
Yes.
That affects their intimacy,but they never address the trauma.
Right.
Okay.
(12:00):
I just want to make sure I understand.
I thought I said that, butmaybe I was stuck on menus.
Well, of all the wounds thatI've incurred in life, thankfully
that's not one of them.
Right.
For me.
So I want to make sure I understand.
So you're just saying.
Yeah, there are some peoplethat you might think that your spouse
doesn't want physical touch.
Yeah.
I'm talking to more people.
But in fact, it's just the trauma.
There's a wound there thatneeds to be addressed and you're
(12:22):
taking it personally.
Okay.
And then what was that thingyou said after that?
So it's like.
So you're saying there's thatstage of life.
What do they call it?
Perimenopausal?
Menopausal.
Yeah.
Know there's different seasonsand phases of life.
Pre pregnancy.
Yeah, I was just going to sayempty nest.
I mean, there's so manydifferent seasons that we go through.
(12:45):
And so I guess my question foryou, if it's okay to take it here
is how what does that look like?
What, what can we do as womenwhen men are going through all those
different seasons?
How can you encourage women tostay encouraged?
You know?
Yeah, I mean, I think that I'mgoing to say something you probably
(13:06):
won't hear on these Christianpodcasts is, you know, sometimes
the best lead up to physicalintimacy is try not to get triggered
on the.
But is actually, you know, nonsexual physical touch.
So like in public, you know,showing, showing affection in public,
(13:29):
holding hands, those, thosesilent gestures of, you know, the
way that a woman holds a man,treats a man, caresses a man, flirts
with a man.
Like, you know, people, Ithink oftentimes just try to portray
men as animals.
Like one, oh yeah, like, oh, dude.
They just want to go in theroom and just, you know, they're
(13:49):
complete animals.
There's not.
The truth is, and this is whythere's such a phenomenon happening
of like the work wife is.
There's so much tension, youknow, good tension, but it's, it's
unrighteous because they'renot married.
But like, there's this womanon the job and you know, you're,
it's like, you know, theflirtation and the, the small touches
(14:09):
and it's all adding up andthat's part of it.
And so I think that for men, it's.
What's weird is oftentimes youget married and all of the things
that created the physicaltension that you were like, oh, I
can't wait to do this, allthose things are removed.
And ironically, none of thosethings were sexual.
(14:30):
And so it's like a lot oftimes guys.
And right now there's, I'mtelling you, there's thousands of
guys watching this right nowbeing like, bro is telling our playbook.
Like, they're watching meright now being like, he's literally
telling them, you know, Imean, you know, I don't know if he
should even be explained, butit's like, I'm telling you the secrets
to a man is it's like, youknow, we like women who are flirtatious,
(14:54):
women who are like jovial andhappy and like, because what happens
is before you marry, likebefore you marry a woman, the.
That's what they're doingaround you.
Like a woman who is interestedin you, her voice gets higher.
Yeah, she's bubbly.
She like, she's laughing,she's shy, a little Bit.
She's hiding her face.
(15:14):
She's like, you know, there'sways women that women act.
Yeah.
And, and so like they touchtheir hair.
I'm like, but you know,there's all these things and men
instinctively pick up on it.
Yeah.
Oh, I think she likes me.
You know, like, I think she'sdigging me.
And like there's all that.
And that produces like sexualtension and you want to.
(15:35):
And actually it activates aman to be a hunter.
Like, I want to pursue hermore because she's giving me some
clues that I think she mightbe interested in me.
And there's that game.
And then ironically, whathappens in marriage is that whole
thing gets deleted.
And a lot of it's because thewoman doesn't feel those feelings
anymore.
Like, and some of that's good,you know, because like when you're
(15:56):
dating you feel like all thosetingling, you know, the women.
Butterflies in my stomach.
And I'm so nervous around him.
Like you can't live in thatfeeling, but you should live in that
activity.
Yeah.
So it's like, it's like youdon't feel the butterflies like you
used to all the time becausethat's kind of weird.
You know what I mean?
Let's.
Nerve wracking.
(16:17):
You know, like when you'relike, I.
Still, I feel like that whenyou come home, like, yay.
Yeah.
You know, but that's rekindled.
It's work.
You know, it's like we'veworked at that and I'm so glad you
brought that up because that'sa conversation that we've talked
about a lot in our own marriage.
Like you'll, I'll say thingslike, oh, I wish you would do this.
(16:41):
Remember how we used to hugwhen we were dating?
Or go, I don't know, littlethings like, like you said, like
non sensual touching.
Right.
Like rubbing, you know,playing with my hair, stuff like
that.
And then you've also broughtup like, hey, I really like when
you are engaged with what I'mtalking about and you're talking
(17:03):
back to me and it's like youthink those things are on autopilot
in marriage, but you actuallyjust go on autopilot and you stop.
Like you just start existing.
Lot of it's survival, youknow, I mean, it doesn't come from
like me waking up in themorning and think, how can I make
him feel insignificant by notlaughing at his jokes and not, you
(17:24):
know, engaging flirting or whatever.
A lot of it's like, I havethis to do list.
I have to get this done, Ihave to take these things, you know,
off of his plate, or we gottamake dinner or whatever.
You know, like, we startburdening with responsibility.
But I think the cool thingabout dating is, is you never have
(17:44):
to find the time to do that.
It just comes out of you.
And so I think in marriage youhave to find the time to do that.
Like, it does change.
(18:48):
Yeah.
I don't know.
Well, yeah, because whenyou're dating, you prioritize.
I remember that I drove 400miles in one day to take you to Red
Lobster.
Yes, you did.
And I was a college student.
I lived 200 miles away.
And.
And I drove four hours, tookyou to a restaurant, fed you cheddar
bay.
Biscuits, which shout out, wemiss you, Red Lobster.
(19:10):
Yeah.
And then I drove 200 milesback and.
And, like, you know, but it'sfunny because you can get married
and not be willing to drive 20 miles.
It's so true.
So it's like.
And I think that that's partof it.
And so that's all physical touch.
I think that women also,there's a tenderness that they want
from a man, you know, to feel,but, like a firmness.
(19:32):
And correct me if I'm wrong,because I want to ask you about that.
But, like, you know, there's alot of times where, especially now,
you literally just want orneed a hug from me.
Oh, at least twice a day.
Yeah, but I think you, like,at least you deal with your own fears,
you deal with your own insecurities.
Matter of fact, sometimes itbreaks my heart thinking about the
(19:55):
women who can't get those hugs.
I know single women who, like,just feel that desire but don't have
it.
I suppose that in this season,that's God's way of saying, like,
learn how to let me embrace you.
Because man is fallible and,you know, flawed, and I'm never going
to be enough.
But I also think that goingback to the Genesis 3 account of
creation, like, imagine when Iimagine when Adam held Eve, he was
(20:22):
holding an extension of his side.
And when Eve held Adam, shewas holding her origins.
Like, literally this.
I'm going back to where I came from.
Like, if you think about themystery of oneness in marriage, when
Eve hugged Adam, she wasreconnecting her flesh to the flesh
she was made from.
(20:43):
Like, it was like a puzzlepiece being put together.
And so I do think that for asmuch as we need a relationship with
God, the one thing I want toemphasize is that God had a relationship
with Adam.
Adam had a relationship with God.
And it will.
It was still not enough tosatiate his longing and his loneliness
and God created companion.
So I think for, you know, foryou, you have a relationship with
(21:06):
God but you still need a husband.
Yeah, I, I have a relationshipwith God.
I still need a wife.
So you know, you need a hugprobably twice a day at least, you
know.
Yeah.
There's times where you justneed me to rub you.
Yeah.
Tickle you.
Yeah.
Like you play with my hair.
(21:26):
And what is that like?
Because there's a lot of womenwatching right now, but there's a
lot of men that I'm speakingto who, you know, they might be thinking
about the menu but they're notthinking about.
Yeah.
Like th.
Those things as well.
Yeah.
I think there's.
If I were to unload on youevery thought I had in a day like
(21:47):
you couldn't handle it.
There's no way.
And so I think sometimes likewhen you do, like when you're hugging
or when you're, you know, likeif you like play with my hair or
put your hand on my leg orsomething like that, there's some
at least for me.
And I don't even know, I don'teven know how biblical this is.
(22:08):
I mean I hope it is but likeemotionally when we're like engaging
physically like in those nonsensual touching, I feel like a lot
of that tension that I havein, in the day.
Fears like you said, insecurity.
Oh, I'm not good enough.
(22:29):
My, my, I can't keep my houseclean enough.
I can't.
My, I'm feeling with my kids,I'm feeling with my job.
Like you know, these are just thoughts.
Women, I don't know if menhave these but like all day long
and women, you can comfort mein the comments if I'm not telling
it right.
But it's like sometimes whenwe engage like that, a hug, it makes
(22:49):
me feel like you're going tobe okay.
You're doing.
It's like we're communicatingwithout communicating.
It's comfort without youhaving to comfort me or saying anything.
And it's kind of just like Ican't even process this, these thoughts
out loud because it's justtoo, it's just too much at the end
of the day.
(23:10):
It's like when we cometogether and connect in that way
it like does something for.
It like encourages my heart,you know.
I don't know if that puts likelanguage behind it.
Does that make sense?
Well, I think a lot of timesmen think we're so logical that we
just think, oh, I need tologically say something to convince
my wife.
(23:30):
Okay, so, like, your fixing a.
If this.
If this is good.
Men love to fix things.
I know my husband.
When I'm like, no, no, no,just listen.
Yeah, I have a solution forall her problems.
He's, like, sweating.
Like sweating.
Trying to listen.
I have.
It's all figured out.
Yes, yes, always.
But when you hug me, you'refixing something in me.
(23:52):
Like, you are fixing something.
Yeah.
It's something only you can fix.
It's only in the context ofour marriage relationship and our
marriage covenant.
And it's like you're fixing aproblem that you don't even know
exists in my heart.
That's how I feel.
Yeah.
And that's powerful.
And I think that a lot of menneed to learn.
(24:13):
And if you're watching rightnow, and I want to speak to the men
that you know, for as much asyou are a good communicator and you're
logical, it's actuallysomething that's going to seem counterintuitive
and illogical.
That's going to work the best,which is a physical embrace because
it.
It.
That produces in and ofitself, safety.
(24:34):
Yes.
And I do.
I tell you all the time, I.
We're really good.
I mean, you guys were 20 yearsin of making a ton of mistakes, and
we're getting a lot better.
So I don't want you to feellike we're light years ahead of you.
We're probably not.
We're probably only a fewsteps ahead.
But I will say that'ssomething we've gotten really.
We've gotten better at, isjust constantly verbalizing, like,
(24:58):
hey, when you do that, thatreally helps me.
That really encourages me.
Or, you know.
Yeah.
Not.
I agree.
And I think a lot of argumentscan be solved by giving your wife
a snack and by hugging her,which to me sounds like how you care
for a puppy.
(25:18):
You know what I mean?
It's like the same.
It's literally the same prescription.
Like, and what.
Give them a treat and start.
Scratch them, you know?
Yeah.
But, like, it's funny becausewomen's brains are wired differently
than men, and you are thinkinga lot of complex thoughts all day.
And there's something about,you know, there's that phenomenon
where women's brains can,like, almost turn off in the presence
(25:41):
of the right man.
And there's a lot of viralvideos where women are, like, when
my husband's driving, I haveno idea where we're going, how we're
getting There, I don't care.
Airport.
Airports can't help you.
Yeah, it's because it's like the.
The presence of a strong manwill make a strong woman feel like
she's able to actually stop.
(26:03):
And I think that that's one ofthe biggest compliments is a silent
or quiet wife in the presenceof a man is almost an indicator of
how much they trust you.
Yeah.
And so it's like, I've learnedthat over the years as well.
Like, you know, the fact thatyou don't know, you don't care is
the evidence that you trust that.
I've got it locked down right now.
(26:24):
On the other hand, what I'velearned is that.
And I'm going to really stepinto enemy territory.
Okay, but let me just say I.
I'm going into enemy territory.
I don't know what you're goingto say.
I realize that women competewith other women even in their own
mind.
We do.
(26:45):
Like, we do.
You do it on accident.
Oh, I'm not going to say whatyou said today.
But you literally, you'll saya statement.
Like, I'll say what I said.
Our house is clean.
You know, so and so wouldn'tdo this.
No.
And you, you gotta preface it.
Like, pull the mic up closefor it.
So, you know, I'm not outing.
(27:05):
I'm just saying, like, menhave their own problems.
You ain't telling no lie.
Men have their own problems,and I'm gonna out men.
I'm.
I'm doing it.
But when I.
What I've observed is that I get.
Into the nitty gritty.
Not just you, but all women.
No, no, but I want to givecontext because I don't want to make
it about cleaning.
This was not about cleaning.
I get into nitty gritty, likechurch work.
(27:27):
Like, I will go outside andlike, shovel, be dirty, like, lift
things, move things.
Like, I just, I've always beenlike that.
And so today I had to get in,like, this gritty area, dig out this
book.
Like, you know, I was findingsomething for you that you needed
for, you know, your, Your ministry.
(27:48):
And I, I came upstairs and Idropped the book and I said, other
women could never.
And I, you know, I was just like.
You basically said, pastor, soand so.
Got him.
But the thing was, what youwere doing was you were comparing
and you.
Were saying, I.
I know.
And it's almost like, like awoman doesn't necessarily have a
(28:10):
problem with their house beingdirty sometimes.
But if you find out anotherwoman's house is clean, if I come
over.
In your house, dirty.
I literally don't care.
Just so.
Right.
Yes.
That's what I'm trying to say.
Like, but I don't want you tocome over to mine and it be dirty.
Yes.
So there's like this.
Yes.
Kind of comparison thing.
Like.
Right, right.
You got your hair done, but myroots are showing.
(28:30):
Then, like, I'm getting an appointment.
I make an appointment, I gotto give up.
Right.
And I think that's why LouisVuitton is explaining floating right
now.
Because Louis Vuitton as abrand, it gives way.
We all went in there.
Yeah.
It's like a status.
It's like a, hey, you know,like, look, I.
I'm.
I got something going formyself, too.
Like, you know, and it'srelated to the social hierarchy.
(28:50):
It's related to the feelingof, like, how do I measure up against
other women?
Do I work more, you know, ordo I work less?
Do you know, do I have moregrays or less grays?
Do I weigh more or do I weigh less?
And women.
What.
And I'm come.
I'm making a point.
So stay with me because, youknow, I'm an encouraging preacher.
I end with encouragement, evenif we got to do some surgery.
(29:11):
But the comparison is what.
It could cause some anxiety.
The comparison could.
It could cause even feelingsof inadequacy because you're comparing.
How do I stack up againstthese other women?
Right.
Yeah, but the encouragingthing is, is that if you can get
to the point where you'relike, you know what?
(29:33):
God, this is my journey withmy husband, my marriage, my relationship,
my children, my house.
And there.
It's not even comparable.
It's like a thumbprint.
Your thumbprint is the only one.
There's 7 billion people, one thumbprint.
There's, you know, whatever.
There's millions of marriages,but there's only one of yours, that
(29:54):
configuration.
And I.
Therefore, I'm not going tocompare to anybody else.
Then you could say, who am Imeasuring against?
Myself.
Right.
And like, so what does that mean?
Sometimes the house is goingto be dirty because this is my house.
And.
And the decision we made wasto sleep instead of clean.
And that's okay.
Now, if it's always dirty,that's a problem.
(30:16):
But.
Or, hey, you know what?
I'll get my hair done when Iget my hair done, or I'll let the
grays out, because I'm goingto rock the grays.
And that's the look I want togo for.
I'm not.
I'm just telling you.
But, like, More power to youif you are right.
But the encouragement is.
And I think the pro.
Like, the encouragement is ifyou'll embrace who God has called
(30:37):
your family to be and stopcomparing your family against another
family.
Yeah.
Because that creates thisartificial goal where it's like,
don't try to be the signorellibecause our life doesn't make sense
for your life.
Right.
And our marriage may not likethe way we do life and the rhythms
and how we.
(30:57):
What's special to us may notbe special to you.
You know, like, staying in isa better date night for us than going
out.
But sometimes we go out.
Sometimes.
Yeah.
But like, when, when you ask,like, do you want to go out or stay
in?
What do I always say?
Yeah, well, we are on theLower east side of Manhattan.
The last time we went on adate, and I, this is the stupid millennial.
(31:21):
That was the last one.
And the funny thing was, was we.
I, I said, you know what?
We love Mexican food.
And so we looked up.
I looked up a place in theLower east side of Manhattan because
we live in Queens, and it waslike, I want to have the best Mexican
in my life.
So this place was five starrated every.
Every single review.
(31:41):
This place is amazing as thebest ever.
We get there.
They, they, they put on, theyput down on my plate boiled chicken.
We've determined that review was.
Well, here's what happened.
Then they pour the sauce over.
It was the worst food I'veever in my life.
And then I, I found onlinethat all those reviews were a joke.
And that place is so bad thatall the hipsters and the young people
(32:04):
reviewed it five stars and didthat as a tr.
Like, they trolling.
They're trolling you.
So it was the worst day we've ever.
I mean, the worst food we'veever had on a day.
Then we go walking down thestreet, there's that guy butt naked.
He was face down on the ground.
Yeah, he was okay.
Don't worry.
We checked on him.
And I thought, this is why Iordered door Dash.
(32:27):
Like, this is why.
But the thing is that for us,that's the season we're in.
Yeah, that's the.
What we're doing.
We work super hard.
We're tired.
At the end of the week, like,we're out and about running around.
And so by the time Fridayhits, like, we're ready to be home.
Yeah.
And what I wanted to say toeverybody watching right now is this
is why words of affirmationare so important, because your spouse
(32:51):
already feels like, they're failing.
And when you're critical,you're only contributing to the voice
of criticism that's inside oftheir own mind.
So you're basically.
You're collaborating with theaccuser instead of actually breaking
them out of the accusation.
And so, like, women, youalready feel like, how do I stack
up against the other women?
(33:12):
You know, well, how is my bodyversus their body?
How is my hair versus their hair?
(34:25):
My nail versus their nail?
Yeah, we're listening to thedemon as women.
We're listening to the demonicchatter all day long.
Now, of course, we try to castdown every thought.
We try to silence that.
But the reality is, is ifyou're a man watching, there is a
plan against your wife fromthe enemy to destroy her, to destroy
(34:46):
how she feels about herself,destroy her marriage, destroy her
sex sexuality, destroy herconfidence, destroy her motherhood.
So, like, don't partner with that.
If there is a genuine concern,try giving words of affirmation in
the area that she is killing it.
Or maybe try encouraging herin the areas where she wants to kill
(35:09):
it.
Like, for example, if she'sstruggling with her weight, you don't
have to, like, don't buy herworkout clothes.
Like, maybe just be like, hey,you know I love you.
I want to go on record.
Because they're like, he did what?
They're gonna.
You're gonna start some gossip.
He didn't buy me a treadmill.
He did not buy me workout clothes.
(35:32):
But if he did, I would cry.
Like, I.
I would not be encouraged bythat, you know?
So you really have to ask theHoly Spirit.
And this is why I think theHoly Spirit is that it's a part of
that threefold cord, right?
Yeah.
And a threefold cord is noteasily broken.
There is a husband, a wife,and the Holy Spirit.
(35:55):
And the Holy Spirit willliterally tell me or help me.
Like, when I do want to bedisrespectful, when I do think, like,
okay, he's had a stressfulday, but I know he needs something.
What does he need?
He may not even know what he needs.
Sometimes the Holy Spirit willbe like, just celebrate.
Yeah.
(36:15):
Or just go to bed and leavehim alone.
Like, there's.
Sometimes that's a strategy,but I always ask the Holy Spirit,
and I think, like, for yourwife, asking the Holy Spirit, show
me how I can encourage my wife today.
I can't tell you how manytimes you've prayed that prayer,
and you've come home and beenlike, hey, I did this thing, or you
(36:41):
shot me this text, and I Wouldrespond with, oh, my gosh.
I just prayed about that.
You know, like, I don't knowif you can think of a couple different.
There's been many times.
Many times I've just said,lord, you know, give me an encouragement
for my wife.
Yeah.
And it's funny because there'sa lot of men that are in these, like,
weird codependent men's groupswhere, you know, they encourage each
(37:04):
other all day.
Yeah.
And they don't.
They don't extend the sameencouragement to their own wife.
Brother, we're in thistogether, brother.
Well, your brother's not goingto sleep with you tonight.
At least he shouldn't.
Yeah.
Like, you know what I mean?
You're literally.
You're literally.
The Bible says, wash your wifewith the word washer with the word.
(37:24):
You talked about the thoughtsthat run through your mind all day
that needs to be washed withthe word.
Right.
And so you've got men who arewashing each other with the word,
and grand group to chats thatdon't wash their own wife with the
word.
It's a problem.
And you.
I'll tell you why.
Because boys know how to bebrothers, but men know how to be
(37:45):
fathers.
And when a father is rulingtheir home, they're the king of their
own castle.
And they have to say, under myleadership in this place, people
are going to be safe.
They're going to feel loved,they're going to feel cherished,
they're going to feel valued.
They're going to be challengedat times.
Right.
But they're also going to knowthat nobody has their back more.
(38:07):
Nobody loves them more than I do.
And here in the Signorellihome, I'm the king of the castle.
And that's not.
But.
But when I say that that's notthe top position, that's the bottom
position.
Right.
That's me saying I'm at thelowest position.
I'm the one pushing everybodyelse up every.
Let the greatest among you bethe servant.
So it's like, I'm encouraging my.
(38:28):
Like, I should be the lead encourager.
I'm.
I'm the one that says, hey,you know what?
You know, you guys all aretired, but I'll go an extra mile.
Yeah.
You know, you guys are exhausted.
And how many times does that happen?
Oh, so many.
I mean, I can't tell you howmany times.
Like, a few weeks ago, youknow, one of our kids was sick with
a fever, and I'm one of thoseparents, like, I cannot sleep when
(38:50):
they have a fever because Idon't know, I just.
It's.
I.
My instinct.
It won't let me.
And I had been up three nightsin a row with a sick kid with a fever,
not sleeping, and you came in,and it makes me cry because you had
a really long week and areally hard week, and you came in
and it was like, closing in onSunday, too.
(39:12):
So this is like coming intothe weekend where you need to be,
like, your strongest.
And you're like, babe, I'm gonna.
I'm gonna take care of this.
You're going to sleep.
You're gonna shut your door,you're gonna go to bed, and I got
this.
I'll wake you up if I need you.
And I had the best sleep of my life.
It was so great.
And you just handled it, andyou checked on her.
(39:34):
You took her temp.
You did all the things that Iwould have done.
And I know you were tired, butyou served us in that way.
Yeah.
And you got it.
And there's many, many storiesof that.
That was just recently.
You're a man, you know, it's like.
It's just part of it, andthat's what you chose to do.
And so it's like words ofaffirmation are, you know, encouragements.
(39:56):
Because I.
I think for me, and I strugglewith this because I, you know, it's
not that I'm critical, but I'mvery, very like, precision.
I know how to, you know, do things.
So I'm like.
I see it.
I'm like, okay.
Because I treat myself that way.
You know what I mean?
Like, I need to.
And you don't like peoplefluffing you up?
No.
Like, just get.
Shoot it to me.
(40:17):
Matter of fact, like, don'tgive me any fluffs on me.
Yeah, the most.
And it does work.
Personal trainer who comesover to the house now to help me
with, you know, because I'm.
I had a lot of injuries, like,physically, so I.
I was, like, having a hardtime working out because I had a
shoulder injury, a knee injury.
Back one.
Yeah, back.
You know, just injuries.
So, like, this guy comes overand it's.
(40:38):
He.
There's no compassion.
No.
It's like, hey, do this.
You're doing it wrong.
But.
But for me, I fire up.
But sometimes when you treatyour wife like the drill sergeant,
she doesn't get inspired by that.
She actually gets uninspiredand she shuts down.
Yeah.
I've had to remind you acouple times, like, hey, we're all
girls in this house.
(40:59):
Like, Mike doesn't have, like,feminine, like, Inner, like, there's
nothing feminine about you.
Like, you're not soft aroundthe edges.
Like, even when you, like,like, tickle, like, it hurts.
Like, it doesn't even.
It's like you're, like, rough,you know, and so you're rough in
your communication.
(41:20):
And I'll have to remind you,like, hey, we're all like little
girls in here.
Like, you're talking to uslike we're Navy seals.
We're just looking at you,like, too much.
That's funny.
And you, I, I, I love howhaving girls, you know, we don't,
we don't have boys has, like,softened you.
(41:44):
And so it's been really fun towatch that over the years.
And now as they're older,they, like, the tougher.
Especially our littlest reallyresponds to, like, tougher.
Like, communicate.
Like, she likes it.
She kind of gives it back, andit's, like, really cute.
So I don't know.
Yeah.
And I think, like, what welearned from this one.
(42:06):
Yeah.
Is that when, when it, when wesay that a man desires physical touch,
what does that mean?
We delved into all thecomplexities of it when we talked
about, like, a woman needsphysical touch.
Like, we talked about howthat's connected to your mind psychologically
and, you know, kind of like how.
And then we talked aboutcommunication verbally and how we
(42:26):
serve each other, you know,with affirmation.
Like, you're someone where ifI start, like, encouraging you and
affirming you and pumping youup, it'll make you want to work out
more.
Oh, my gosh.
But if I start talking to youthe other way, I'm like, I will.
Just go gain £40.
Don't care.
Gain £40.
Just.
(42:49):
So.
It's like, I used to think,like, yeah, man, I'm just gonna tell
her straight to her face,girl, you got.
And she's like, oh, yeah, I'mon my way to Dunkin Donuts right
now, and you're eating arevenge donut.
And you're like, keep talkingbecause I'll keep eating.
You keep talking, I'll keep eating.
Well, but I've learned thatencouragement works for you.
(43:10):
And, and you know what's funny?
And I'm going to end on this.
You know, the lowest form ofprophecy in the New Testament, if
you read the scriptures, isexhort and encourage.
I was, okay, look, let's go tothe wide angle.
I'm holding my hand.
Tell you.
And Julie's like, you're doingsomething weird.
(43:31):
This is.
It just looks so.
This looks weird on camera.
If I go like this.
Yeah, I'm holding my leg up.
People have like a wholetheory about that.
I don't know, like, what's a theory?
Probably some new age thingyou're doing.
You're so silly.
I just know how they, they're bored.
They gotta think of something.
(43:53):
I was trying to do it without.
Hey, you don't.
Don't hold your leg.
A trauma response.
I know it's because, like, yougot like low key nervousness, but
I'm like, stop doing that.
Well, my wife has seen Megarner like 70 million views online,
(44:13):
and unfortunately, people pickapart every single thing you do and
they attribute meaning to itthat's not there.
Right.
And so you probably are tryingto avoid me getting a video coming
out about how I did Namaste orsomething on or whatever.
I was, I was really justholding my leg up.
I was trying to figure outwhere is it going through.
(44:37):
So speaking of.
Yeah.
Physical.
But yeah.
Just to wrap.
And we're gonna do.
We have two more episodes.
I know this has been anincredible journey.
And you know what?
This, the fact that we'relaughing together.
Like, did you know that therewould be another couple where if
the guy was like, you know,holding his leg and the woman thought
it was weird, that could be afull blown argument.
(44:59):
Yeah.
I do want to say, like, thatin and of itself was an object lesson
because I don't have any egoabout me.
I'm not.
I don't take things personallyin an offensive way.
And we laughed about it.
Right?
You got the giggles.
I got the giggles from it.
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
But.
But you've seen the guys whoblow up over the.
(45:21):
That kind of stuff.
Yeah.
And they're just.
It says.
And so it's like, I guess thelesson from this is you get to choose
how you react and it's alwaysa choice.
Yeah.
And anger and bitterness andrage and ego and pride.
Makes you feel like you don'thave a choice.
Right, Right.
But you actually, it's like,yeah, whatever.
I.
You know.
Yeah.
And by the way, if you arelike one of those Christian marriage
(45:46):
speakers and you talk abouthow you're not supposed to blow up
on your wife, but you do blowup on your wife.
We could tell.
I don't do that.
No, you don't.
I'm saying we can tell.
Oh, yeah.
All the time.
We're like, yeah, that guytells his wife, shut up.
Shut up.
(46:06):
Just shut up.
I feel like this podcast isjust for us.
Yeah.
Have a good time.
No, you know what?
This is good for people.
I think so.
I think it's good.
Yeah.
And what I was closing on,this is why you don't get invited
on my channel.
I'm done.
I know, I know.
No, but I love you and I'mglad you're here.
(46:28):
Is that the words ofaffirmation are so necessary because
the lowest level of prophecyis exhortation and encouragement.
And there's been many timeswhere I've went to go encourage you.
And I started and I startedwith encouragement and it ended with
prophecy.
And I really believe thatthere's a lot of men that need to
start trying to encouragetheir wife.
(46:48):
You know, I don't know ifyou're ready to share that testimony
publicly, but.
Like, I was just thinkingabout that.
Yeah, go ahead.
Let's save it.
You can save it.
Okay.
Cliffhanger.
Yeah, cliffhanger.
Let's save it.
Hey.
So I'm back again with mylovely wife Julie.
Say hello.
Hello.
This is what men really wantand what Women really want part two.
And we're going to talk todayabout what men really want is physical
touch and appreciation.
Okay.
What women really want iswords of affirmation and.
(01:01):
Hugs.
I don't remember affection.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So we're gonna make adistinction between physical touch
and affection and thenappreciation and words of affirmation.
Okay, so we're gonna breakthis down and my wife and I have
been married for almost 20 years.
We're gonna come up on 20.
We're, we're coming up to our20th year very soon.
(01:22):
We've been together for 23 years.
Two.
22 years.
No, we were only together fortwo years before we got married.
Yeah, two years.
We were trying to jump startthis thing.
And then We've got an 18 yearold daughter and we have a 10 year
old and we have a dog.
I hate.
Yeah.
Okay.
So poor star.
Yeah.
You're joining us from NewYork City and let's just jump right
(01:44):
in.
We're not going to hold back.
You also need to know this.
We are not scripting this.
We.
As you can tell, there are no notes.
And the reason why there areno notes is because we wanted to
be authentic and we wanted toteach with our lives.
And to be honest with you, Iwanted to get the raw unfiltered,
like, like, you know what I'm saying?
Because if you prepare it, myphone is dead.
(02:05):
I couldn't even, I couldn'teven grab a note.
If I tried, he wouldn't evenlet me grab my notes or anything.
Yeah, because I wanted, Idon't even have a teleprompter.
There's nothing you guys don't need.
Another Christian couple justsaying stuff that sounds good.
Cuz a lot of these people,they're real good with their words,
you know what I mean?
(02:26):
They got the word play andthey're dropping all these one liners
need to.
Do is I'm like, okay, your wife.
Yells at you, you guys hateeach other.
I mean there's been timeswhere we've been at marriage conferences
and we're looking up front,we're like, these people hate each
other.
So I just felt for me, forthis we and, and listen, I just felt
(02:48):
like the value would be whatmen really want and what women really
want.
So let's break it down.
Okay.
So men want physical touch andthey want like, you know, affirmation.
Okay.
Right.
So all men well, let's talkabout it.
Okay, let's talk about that.
Because I feel like I wouldsay when we first got married in
(03:08):
our 20s, I would be like,yeah, you're right, that's, that's
what they want.
But now I'm in my 40s and Icounsel some, many women and I just,
I feel like it's different inthat diff in that other season.
So maybe you could enlighten me.
I don't know, maybe it's justa coincidence.
Marriages go through seasons,you know what I mean?
(03:31):
And I think that, likesometimes let me just empathize with
all the men right now.
Yeah.
Because this is the podcastthat I haven't heard.
Like the honest, real.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Well, like right now, nobody'scoming to save us.
If you're a man right now,nobody's going to write you a check.
Nobody's going to buy you a house.
(03:52):
No, nobody's going to do itfor you.
And by the way, you know,America, I'm speaking on behalf of
the Americans, but I mean, myCanadian brothers are going through
the same thing.
My European brothers areexperiencing the same thing.
It's hard to be a man, right?
You, you can't just get a joband, you know, provide for your wife
(04:12):
to be a stay at home mom andall that.
Like that is not the norm anymore.
You just go back one generation.
My dad, you know, he worked atWhite Cat or He worked at McDonald's
when he was a.
Your mom worked at White Castle.
That's how you said it.
I know exactly.
Shout out all my white.
If you know what White Castleis, let me know your order in the
comment section right now.
(04:33):
But McDonald's is where my dadworked as a teenager.
He graduated high school andgot a job at a steel mill in northwest
Indiana.
And this was in the 80s.
And guess what?
He made enough money to buy ahouse, buy a new car, and my mom
was a stay at home mom.
This was of course, beforethey got divorced.
(04:53):
But one generation later, his son.
We are the generation of theside hustles.
Three jobs, you know what I mean?
Like, and, and so what?
The reason why I say that isbecause what a man really wants and
what a man can do and what aman can have is different.
So like, yeah, in an idealworld, I would work one eight hour
(05:14):
shift and, and I would workfive days a week and I enough money
for a house, a car and a stayat home wife and even to pay for
college.
Like that was the 80s and we've.
In the last 40 years, in thisnation and many nations of the world,
it's like you could work threejobs and still not even come close.
And so a lot of men, theirphysical desires are connected to
(05:37):
the reality of, like, I'mfighting for my life.
Tired.
I'm.
Yeah.
I'm emotionally tired.
I'm mentally tired right now.
Men are.
Are.
I don't know how to say this,so it doesn't trigger the algorithm,
but there's a lot of men onthe brink of giving up forever.
I'll put it like that.
Yeah.
And so that's why I think alot of men retreat to the convenience
(06:00):
of pornography, theconvenience of whatever, because,
you know, there it's.
It has become so difficult.
So why do I say that?
I know I'm starting this on aheavy note.
No, no, no.
I think this is good.
Honestly, I'm sick of theChristian podcast is like, all you
got to do is have sex withyour husband, and you're gonna be
fine.
Yeah.
But it's.
It's really complicated.
It's not that simple.
(06:22):
So I think this is actuallyreally freeing for a lot of women
who listen to the same podcastthat we all listen to, and they're
like, ah, it's not my reality.
You know what I mean?
Like, I'm living somethingdifferent than what these Christian
books are telling me.
Yeah.
At least that's what I can sayfor what I am in touch with.
Yeah.
(06:42):
Right now, testosterone levelsamong men are incredibly low, and
a lot of it is environmentalas well, and a lot of it is, like,
socioeconomic.
So dudes are just struggling,and that could affect that dynamic.
Who a man is well restedversus who a man is completely exhausted.
And so I think if you were towork together in a marriage, maybe
(07:05):
it's like, go to the root.
So in other words, how can Icreate an environment of rest?
How can I create anenvironment of recharging?
How can I reduce or eliminateother responsibilities?
Because I know they're workingso hard now.
If you're a dude and you'renot out there grinding and you're
not out there working, you'vegot a whole nother problem.
Yeah.
And we know that that doesn'tfit the profile for all men.
(07:28):
Like, there are some men whoare like, I'm fine, bra.
And they're in the commentslike, okay, good for you.
Great.
We're proud.
I just wanted to bring up thefact that there's this whole other
group of men that when theylisten to that stuff, they need to
hear, like, man.
It's like, I want to be a manafter God's own heart.
I want a godly marriage.
I want that part of my life tobe fulfilled.
(07:49):
But it's.
It's complicated, you know,abuse and all those things.
I remember we tried the let'sdo it every day challenge.
How long did that last?
Day three.
We were, like, over it.
No, it wasn't day.
No, maybe it was day.
I don't.
I don't know.
I think I.
It.
It was been a while.
But we.
At one time, we were like,let's just.
(08:10):
You know what?
We're going to do it everysingle day.
And I remember we got to acertain point, we're just like, dude,
this is exhausting.
Everyone's tired.
No one's into.
No, I mean, we got pretty farinto the challenge, I think.
Yeah, I think we did.
I'm remembering more and more.
Yeah.
But.
(08:30):
But my point is, like, findingthe frequency, the duration, the
type, the.
All that stuff matters.
Matters.
You know, sexuality isincredibly complex.
So there's sometimes where,like, a good man, I believe, wants
to, like, cause his wife to,you know, try to, like, word this
in such a way.
(08:50):
I'm like, try.
Keep the video up, please.
If the moderators arelistening, if the YouTube.
I started laughing like, I'm 12.
Every man wants their wife toexperience enjoyment.
See, this is why we didn'tscript it, because this.
(09:11):
But.
Okay, I'm gonna make a point here.
I'm gonna make a point.
Sometimes the counterbalanceto that is camera.
If.
Yeah, you just go ahead and look.
The counterbalance to it is.
If you think that it's goingto be a big production, then that
might even be exhausting.
The pressure.
And the pressure of it towhere you're like, man, like.
(09:32):
Because I.
Because I want to do a goodjob, which means that I am ensuring
that you are enjoying it,which I.
I will.
I don't know if you want to.
I don't know if you want tohelp me here, but I typically do
a pretty good job.
A plus.
(09:53):
But then sometimes there needsto be this.
Hey, you know what?
I'm gonna.
As your wife.
It's gonna be selfless.
Yeah.
So that you don't have to, inyour mind, think, okay, I've got
to allocate all this time,energy and effort.
Because when you're, like aSicilian male, you know, you're like,
I'm romantic.
I'm.
You know, this is gonna befull passion.
Like, you know.
(10:13):
Yeah.
The full.
So, like.
But again, so what I'm sayingis sometimes there's not anything
wrong with your intimacy.
There's something wrong withthe type, the, the frequency of it.
You know, it's like.
And so adding that variety ofbeing like, hey, you know what?
Mike does want physical touch,but he doesn't want to have to go
(10:36):
through the whole menu becauseright now there's a lot going on.
So like we're.
And we've done that indifferent seasons or even different
weeks.
Yeah.
Like one week is the full menu.
Then another week is only onething from the menu.
Another week's theory.
Stop using menu.
(10:56):
So weird.
Well, because I want tointroduce a level of complexity.
I'm so glad I know becausethat's what I feel like we need in
the kingdom right now.
Is that menus?
Hey, we put the menu in the description.
No, but it's like it, it is so complex.
(11:17):
I mean, you think about a lotof trauma, especially from childhood,
and I'm sure a lot of peoplecan relate.
It doesn't surface untilsometimes you're in your 40s or you.
You just get the courage totalk about it till late at least.
This is from, you know, peoplewho I've discussed it with.
Like very few people havedealt with that in real time.
(11:40):
They're usually dealing withit much later.
So.
So it's like all that couldplay a factor.
Work, finances.
We're in a hard economy.
Yeah.
Cuz I don't have.
That isn't my thing.
So I want to understand whatyou're saying is there's people who've
experienced trauma.
Yes.
That affects their intimacy,but they never address the trauma.
Right.
Okay.
(12:00):
I just want to make sure I understand.
I thought I said that, butmaybe I was stuck on menus.
Well, of all the wounds thatI've incurred in life, thankfully
that's not one of them.
Right.
For me.
So I want to make sure I understand.
So you're just saying.
Yeah, there are some peoplethat you might think that your spouse
doesn't want physical touch.
Yeah.
I'm talking to more people.
But in fact, it's just the trauma.
There's a wound there thatneeds to be addressed and you're
(12:22):
taking it personally.
Okay.
And then what was that thingyou said after that?
So it's like.
So you're saying there's thatstage of life.
What do they call it?
Perimenopausal?
Menopausal.
Yeah.
Know there's different seasonsand phases of life.
Pre pregnancy.
Yeah, I was just going to sayempty nest.
I mean, there's so manydifferent seasons that we go through.
(12:45):
And so I guess my question foryou, if it's okay to take it here
is how what does that look like?
What, what can we do as womenwhen men are going through all those
different seasons?
How can you encourage women tostay encouraged?
You know?
Yeah, I mean, I think that I'mgoing to say something you probably
(13:06):
won't hear on these Christianpodcasts is, you know, sometimes
the best lead up to physicalintimacy is try not to get triggered
on the.
But is actually, you know, nonsexual physical touch.
So like in public, you know,showing, showing affection in public,
(13:29):
holding hands, those, thosesilent gestures of, you know, the
way that a woman holds a man,treats a man, caresses a man, flirts
with a man.
Like, you know, people, Ithink oftentimes just try to portray
men as animals.
Like one, oh yeah, like, oh, dude.
They just want to go in theroom and just, you know, they're
(13:49):
complete animals.
There's not.
The truth is, and this is whythere's such a phenomenon happening
of like the work wife is.
There's so much tension, youknow, good tension, but it's, it's
unrighteous because they'renot married.
But like, there's this womanon the job and you know, you're,
it's like, you know, theflirtation and the, the small touches
(14:09):
and it's all adding up andthat's part of it.
And so I think that for men, it's.
What's weird is oftentimes youget married and all of the things
that created the physicaltension that you were like, oh, I
can't wait to do this, allthose things are removed.
And ironically, none of thosethings were sexual.
(14:30):
And so it's like a lot oftimes guys.
And right now there's, I'mtelling you, there's thousands of
guys watching this right nowbeing like, bro is telling our playbook.
Like, they're watching meright now being like, he's literally
telling them, you know, Imean, you know, I don't know if he
should even be explained, butit's like, I'm telling you the secrets
to a man is it's like, youknow, we like women who are flirtatious,
(14:54):
women who are like jovial andhappy and like, because what happens
is before you marry, likebefore you marry a woman, the.
That's what they're doingaround you.
Like a woman who is interestedin you, her voice gets higher.
Yeah, she's bubbly.
She like, she's laughing,she's shy, a little Bit.
She's hiding her face.
(15:14):
She's like, you know, there'sways women that women act.
Yeah.
And, and so like they touchtheir hair.
I'm like, but you know,there's all these things and men
instinctively pick up on it.
Yeah.
Oh, I think she likes me.
You know, like, I think she'sdigging me.
And like there's all that.
And that produces like sexualtension and you want to.
(15:35):
And actually it activates aman to be a hunter.
Like, I want to pursue hermore because she's giving me some
clues that I think she mightbe interested in me.
And there's that game.
And then ironically, whathappens in marriage is that whole
thing gets deleted.
And a lot of it's because thewoman doesn't feel those feelings
anymore.
Like, and some of that's good,you know, because like when you're
(15:56):
dating you feel like all thosetingling, you know, the women.
Butterflies in my stomach.
And I'm so nervous around him.
Like you can't live in thatfeeling, but you should live in that
activity.
Yeah.
So it's like, it's like youdon't feel the butterflies like you
used to all the time becausethat's kind of weird.
You know what I mean?
Let's.
Nerve wracking.
(16:17):
You know, like when you'relike, I.
Still, I feel like that whenyou come home, like, yay.
Yeah.
You know, but that's rekindled.
It's work.
You know, it's like we'veworked at that and I'm so glad you
brought that up because that'sa conversation that we've talked
about a lot in our own marriage.
Like you'll, I'll say thingslike, oh, I wish you would do this.
(16:41):
Remember how we used to hugwhen we were dating?
Or go, I don't know, littlethings like, like you said, like
non sensual touching.
Right.
Like rubbing, you know,playing with my hair, stuff like
that.
And then you've also broughtup like, hey, I really like when
you are engaged with what I'mtalking about and you're talking
(17:03):
back to me and it's like youthink those things are on autopilot
in marriage, but you actuallyjust go on autopilot and you stop.
Like you just start existing.
Lot of it's survival, youknow, I mean, it doesn't come from
like me waking up in themorning and think, how can I make
him feel insignificant by notlaughing at his jokes and not, you
(17:24):
know, engaging flirting or whatever.
A lot of it's like, I havethis to do list.
I have to get this done, Ihave to take these things, you know,
off of his plate, or we gottamake dinner or whatever.
You know, like, we startburdening with responsibility.
But I think the cool thingabout dating is, is you never have
(17:44):
to find the time to do that.
It just comes out of you.
And so I think in marriage youhave to find the time to do that.
Like, it does change.
(18:48):
Yeah.
I don't know.
Well, yeah, because whenyou're dating, you prioritize.
I remember that I drove 400miles in one day to take you to Red
Lobster.
Yes, you did.
And I was a college student.
I lived 200 miles away.
And.
And I drove four hours, tookyou to a restaurant, fed you cheddar
bay.
Biscuits, which shout out, wemiss you, Red Lobster.
(19:10):
Yeah.
And then I drove 200 milesback and.
And, like, you know, but it'sfunny because you can get married
and not be willing to drive 20 miles.
It's so true.
So it's like.
And I think that that's partof it.
And so that's all physical touch.
I think that women also,there's a tenderness that they want
from a man, you know, to feel,but, like a firmness.
(19:32):
And correct me if I'm wrong,because I want to ask you about that.
But, like, you know, there's alot of times where, especially now,
you literally just want orneed a hug from me.
Oh, at least twice a day.
Yeah, but I think you, like,at least you deal with your own fears,
you deal with your own insecurities.
Matter of fact, sometimes itbreaks my heart thinking about the
(19:55):
women who can't get those hugs.
I know single women who, like,just feel that desire but don't have
it.
I suppose that in this season,that's God's way of saying, like,
learn how to let me embrace you.
Because man is fallible and,you know, flawed, and I'm never going
to be enough.
But I also think that goingback to the Genesis 3 account of
creation, like, imagine when Iimagine when Adam held Eve, he was
(20:22):
holding an extension of his side.
And when Eve held Adam, shewas holding her origins.
Like, literally this.
I'm going back to where I came from.
Like, if you think about themystery of oneness in marriage, when
Eve hugged Adam, she wasreconnecting her flesh to the flesh
she was made from.
(20:43):
Like, it was like a puzzlepiece being put together.
And so I do think that for asmuch as we need a relationship with
God, the one thing I want toemphasize is that God had a relationship
with Adam.
Adam had a relationship with God.
And it will.
It was still not enough tosatiate his longing and his loneliness
and God created companion.
So I think for, you know, foryou, you have a relationship with
(21:06):
God but you still need a husband.
Yeah, I, I have a relationshipwith God.
I still need a wife.
So you know, you need a hugprobably twice a day at least, you
know.
Yeah.
There's times where you justneed me to rub you.
Yeah.
Tickle you.
Yeah.
Like you play with my hair.
(21:26):
And what is that like?
Because there's a lot of womenwatching right now, but there's a
lot of men that I'm speakingto who, you know, they might be thinking
about the menu but they're notthinking about.
Yeah.
Like th.
Those things as well.
Yeah.
I think there's.
If I were to unload on youevery thought I had in a day like
(21:47):
you couldn't handle it.
There's no way.
And so I think sometimes likewhen you do, like when you're hugging
or when you're, you know, likeif you like play with my hair or
put your hand on my leg orsomething like that, there's some
at least for me.
And I don't even know, I don'teven know how biblical this is.
(22:08):
I mean I hope it is but likeemotionally when we're like engaging
physically like in those nonsensual touching, I feel like a lot
of that tension that I havein, in the day.
Fears like you said, insecurity.
Oh, I'm not good enough.
(22:29):
My, my, I can't keep my houseclean enough.
I can't.
My, I'm feeling with my kids,I'm feeling with my job.
Like you know, these are just thoughts.
Women, I don't know if menhave these but like all day long
and women, you can comfort mein the comments if I'm not telling
it right.
But it's like sometimes whenwe engage like that, a hug, it makes
(22:49):
me feel like you're going tobe okay.
You're doing.
It's like we're communicatingwithout communicating.
It's comfort without youhaving to comfort me or saying anything.
And it's kind of just like Ican't even process this, these thoughts
out loud because it's justtoo, it's just too much at the end
of the day.
(23:10):
It's like when we cometogether and connect in that way
it like does something for.
It like encourages my heart,you know.
I don't know if that puts likelanguage behind it.
Does that make sense?
Well, I think a lot of timesmen think we're so logical that we
just think, oh, I need tologically say something to convince
my wife.
(23:30):
Okay, so, like, your fixing a.
If this.
If this is good.
Men love to fix things.
I know my husband.
When I'm like, no, no, no,just listen.
Yeah, I have a solution forall her problems.
He's, like, sweating.
Like sweating.
Trying to listen.
I have.
It's all figured out.
Yes, yes, always.
But when you hug me, you'refixing something in me.
(23:52):
Like, you are fixing something.
Yeah.
It's something only you can fix.
It's only in the context ofour marriage relationship and our
marriage covenant.
And it's like you're fixing aproblem that you don't even know
exists in my heart.
That's how I feel.
Yeah.
And that's powerful.
And I think that a lot of menneed to learn.
(24:13):
And if you're watching rightnow, and I want to speak to the men
that you know, for as much asyou are a good communicator and you're
logical, it's actuallysomething that's going to seem counterintuitive
and illogical.
That's going to work the best,which is a physical embrace because
it.
It.
That produces in and ofitself, safety.
(24:34):
Yes.
And I do.
I tell you all the time, I.
We're really good.
I mean, you guys were 20 yearsin of making a ton of mistakes, and
we're getting a lot better.
So I don't want you to feellike we're light years ahead of you.
We're probably not.
We're probably only a fewsteps ahead.
But I will say that'ssomething we've gotten really.
We've gotten better at, isjust constantly verbalizing, like,
(24:58):
hey, when you do that, thatreally helps me.
That really encourages me.
Or, you know.
Yeah.
Not.
I agree.
And I think a lot of argumentscan be solved by giving your wife
a snack and by hugging her,which to me sounds like how you care
for a puppy.
(25:18):
You know what I mean?
It's like the same.
It's literally the same prescription.
Like, and what.
Give them a treat and start.
Scratch them, you know?
Yeah.
But, like, it's funny becausewomen's brains are wired differently
than men, and you are thinkinga lot of complex thoughts all day.
And there's something about,you know, there's that phenomenon
where women's brains can,like, almost turn off in the presence
(25:41):
of the right man.
And there's a lot of viralvideos where women are, like, when
my husband's driving, I haveno idea where we're going, how we're
getting There, I don't care.
Airport.
Airports can't help you.
Yeah, it's because it's like the.
The presence of a strong manwill make a strong woman feel like
she's able to actually stop.
(26:03):
And I think that that's one ofthe biggest compliments is a silent
or quiet wife in the presenceof a man is almost an indicator of
how much they trust you.
Yeah.
And so it's like, I've learnedthat over the years as well.
Like, you know, the fact thatyou don't know, you don't care is
the evidence that you trust that.
I've got it locked down right now.
(26:24):
On the other hand, what I'velearned is that.
And I'm going to really stepinto enemy territory.
Okay, but let me just say I.
I'm going into enemy territory.
I don't know what you're goingto say.
I realize that women competewith other women even in their own
mind.
We do.
(26:45):
Like, we do.
You do it on accident.
Oh, I'm not going to say whatyou said today.
But you literally, you'll saya statement.
Like, I'll say what I said.
Our house is clean.
You know, so and so wouldn'tdo this.
No.
And you, you gotta preface it.
Like, pull the mic up closefor it.
So, you know, I'm not outing.
(27:05):
I'm just saying, like, menhave their own problems.
You ain't telling no lie.
Men have their own problems,and I'm gonna out men.
I'm.
I'm doing it.
But when I.
What I've observed is that I get.
Into the nitty gritty.
Not just you, but all women.
No, no, but I want to givecontext because I don't want to make
it about cleaning.
This was not about cleaning.
I get into nitty gritty, likechurch work.
(27:27):
Like, I will go outside andlike, shovel, be dirty, like, lift
things, move things.
Like, I just, I've always beenlike that.
And so today I had to get in,like, this gritty area, dig out this
book.
Like, you know, I was findingsomething for you that you needed
for, you know, your, Your ministry.
(27:48):
And I, I came upstairs and Idropped the book and I said, other
women could never.
And I, you know, I was just like.
You basically said, pastor, soand so.
Got him.
But the thing was, what youwere doing was you were comparing
and you.
Were saying, I.
I know.
And it's almost like, like awoman doesn't necessarily have a
(28:10):
problem with their house beingdirty sometimes.
But if you find out anotherwoman's house is clean, if I come
over.
In your house, dirty.
I literally don't care.
Just so.
Right.
Yes.
That's what I'm trying to say.
Like, but I don't want you tocome over to mine and it be dirty.
Yes.
So there's like this.
Yes.
Kind of comparison thing.
Like.
Right, right.
You got your hair done, but myroots are showing.
(28:30):
Then, like, I'm getting an appointment.
I make an appointment, I gotto give up.
Right.
And I think that's why LouisVuitton is explaining floating right
now.
Because Louis Vuitton as abrand, it gives way.
We all went in there.
Yeah.
It's like a status.
It's like a, hey, you know,like, look, I.
I'm.
I got something going formyself, too.
Like, you know, and it'srelated to the social hierarchy.
(28:50):
It's related to the feelingof, like, how do I measure up against
other women?
Do I work more, you know, ordo I work less?
Do you know, do I have moregrays or less grays?
Do I weigh more or do I weigh less?
And women.
What.
And I'm come.
I'm making a point.
So stay with me because, youknow, I'm an encouraging preacher.
I end with encouragement, evenif we got to do some surgery.
(29:11):
But the comparison is what.
It could cause some anxiety.
The comparison could.
It could cause even feelingsof inadequacy because you're comparing.
How do I stack up againstthese other women?
Right.
Yeah, but the encouragingthing is, is that if you can get
to the point where you'relike, you know what?
(29:33):
God, this is my journey withmy husband, my marriage, my relationship,
my children, my house.
And there.
It's not even comparable.
It's like a thumbprint.
Your thumbprint is the only one.
There's 7 billion people, one thumbprint.
There's, you know, whatever.
There's millions of marriages,but there's only one of yours, that
(29:54):
configuration.
And I.
Therefore, I'm not going tocompare to anybody else.
Then you could say, who am Imeasuring against?
Myself.
Right.
And like, so what does that mean?
Sometimes the house is goingto be dirty because this is my house.
And.
And the decision we made wasto sleep instead of clean.
And that's okay.
Now, if it's always dirty,that's a problem.
(30:16):
But.
Or, hey, you know what?
I'll get my hair done when Iget my hair done, or I'll let the
grays out, because I'm goingto rock the grays.
And that's the look I want togo for.
I'm not.
I'm just telling you.
But, like, More power to youif you are right.
But the encouragement is.
And I think the pro.
Like, the encouragement is ifyou'll embrace who God has called
(30:37):
your family to be and stopcomparing your family against another
family.
Yeah.
Because that creates thisartificial goal where it's like,
don't try to be the signorellibecause our life doesn't make sense
for your life.
Right.
And our marriage may not likethe way we do life and the rhythms
and how we.
(30:57):
What's special to us may notbe special to you.
You know, like, staying in isa better date night for us than going
out.
But sometimes we go out.
Sometimes.
Yeah.
But like, when, when you ask,like, do you want to go out or stay
in?
What do I always say?
Yeah, well, we are on theLower east side of Manhattan.
The last time we went on adate, and I, this is the stupid millennial.
(31:21):
That was the last one.
And the funny thing was, was we.
I, I said, you know what?
We love Mexican food.
And so we looked up.
I looked up a place in theLower east side of Manhattan because
we live in Queens, and it waslike, I want to have the best Mexican
in my life.
So this place was five starrated every.
Every single review.
(31:41):
This place is amazing as thebest ever.
We get there.
They, they, they put on, theyput down on my plate boiled chicken.
We've determined that review was.
Well, here's what happened.
Then they pour the sauce over.
It was the worst food I'veever in my life.
And then I, I found onlinethat all those reviews were a joke.
And that place is so bad thatall the hipsters and the young people
(32:04):
reviewed it five stars and didthat as a tr.
Like, they trolling.
They're trolling you.
So it was the worst day we've ever.
I mean, the worst food we'veever had on a day.
Then we go walking down thestreet, there's that guy butt naked.
He was face down on the ground.
Yeah, he was okay.
Don't worry.
We checked on him.
And I thought, this is why Iordered door Dash.
(32:27):
Like, this is why.
But the thing is that for us,that's the season we're in.
Yeah, that's the.
What we're doing.
We work super hard.
We're tired.
At the end of the week, like,we're out and about running around.
And so by the time Fridayhits, like, we're ready to be home.
Yeah.
And what I wanted to say toeverybody watching right now is this
is why words of affirmationare so important, because your spouse
(32:51):
already feels like, they're failing.
And when you're critical,you're only contributing to the voice
of criticism that's inside oftheir own mind.
So you're basically.
You're collaborating with theaccuser instead of actually breaking
them out of the accusation.
And so, like, women, youalready feel like, how do I stack
up against the other women?
(33:12):
You know, well, how is my bodyversus their body?
How is my hair versus their hair?
(34:25):
My nail versus their nail?
Yeah, we're listening to thedemon as women.
We're listening to the demonicchatter all day long.
Now, of course, we try to castdown every thought.
We try to silence that.
But the reality is, is ifyou're a man watching, there is a
plan against your wife fromthe enemy to destroy her, to destroy
(34:46):
how she feels about herself,destroy her marriage, destroy her
sex sexuality, destroy herconfidence, destroy her motherhood.
So, like, don't partner with that.
If there is a genuine concern,try giving words of affirmation in
the area that she is killing it.
Or maybe try encouraging herin the areas where she wants to kill
(35:09):
it.
Like, for example, if she'sstruggling with her weight, you don't
have to, like, don't buy herworkout clothes.
Like, maybe just be like, hey,you know I love you.
I want to go on record.
Because they're like, he did what?
They're gonna.
You're gonna start some gossip.
He didn't buy me a treadmill.
He did not buy me workout clothes.
(35:32):
But if he did, I would cry.
Like, I.
I would not be encouraged bythat, you know?
So you really have to ask theHoly Spirit.
And this is why I think theHoly Spirit is that it's a part of
that threefold cord, right?
Yeah.
And a threefold cord is noteasily broken.
There is a husband, a wife,and the Holy Spirit.
(35:55):
And the Holy Spirit willliterally tell me or help me.
Like, when I do want to bedisrespectful, when I do think, like,
okay, he's had a stressfulday, but I know he needs something.
What does he need?
He may not even know what he needs.
Sometimes the Holy Spirit willbe like, just celebrate.
Yeah.
(36:15):
Or just go to bed and leavehim alone.
Like, there's.
Sometimes that's a strategy,but I always ask the Holy Spirit,
and I think, like, for yourwife, asking the Holy Spirit, show
me how I can encourage my wife today.
I can't tell you how manytimes you've prayed that prayer,
and you've come home and beenlike, hey, I did this thing, or you
(36:41):
shot me this text, and I Wouldrespond with, oh, my gosh.
I just prayed about that.
You know, like, I don't knowif you can think of a couple different.
There's been many times.
Many times I've just said,lord, you know, give me an encouragement
for my wife.
Yeah.
And it's funny because there'sa lot of men that are in these, like,
weird codependent men's groupswhere, you know, they encourage each
(37:04):
other all day.
Yeah.
And they don't.
They don't extend the sameencouragement to their own wife.
Brother, we're in thistogether, brother.
Well, your brother's not goingto sleep with you tonight.
At least he shouldn't.
Yeah.
Like, you know what I mean?
You're literally.
You're literally.
The Bible says, wash your wifewith the word washer with the word.
(37:24):
You talked about the thoughtsthat run through your mind all day
that needs to be washed withthe word.
Right.
And so you've got men who arewashing each other with the word,
and grand group to chats thatdon't wash their own wife with the
word.
It's a problem.
And you.
I'll tell you why.
Because boys know how to bebrothers, but men know how to be
(37:45):
fathers.
And when a father is rulingtheir home, they're the king of their
own castle.
And they have to say, under myleadership in this place, people
are going to be safe.
They're going to feel loved,they're going to feel cherished,
they're going to feel valued.
They're going to be challengedat times.
Right.
But they're also going to knowthat nobody has their back more.
(38:07):
Nobody loves them more than I do.
And here in the Signorellihome, I'm the king of the castle.
And that's not.
But.
But when I say that that's notthe top position, that's the bottom
position.
Right.
That's me saying I'm at thelowest position.
I'm the one pushing everybodyelse up every.
Let the greatest among you bethe servant.
So it's like, I'm encouraging my.
(38:28):
Like, I should be the lead encourager.
I'm.
I'm the one that says, hey,you know what?
You know, you guys all aretired, but I'll go an extra mile.
Yeah.
You know, you guys are exhausted.
And how many times does that happen?
Oh, so many.
I mean, I can't tell you howmany times.
Like, a few weeks ago, youknow, one of our kids was sick with
a fever, and I'm one of thoseparents, like, I cannot sleep when
(38:50):
they have a fever because Idon't know, I just.
It's.
I.
My instinct.
It won't let me.
And I had been up three nightsin a row with a sick kid with a fever,
not sleeping, and you came in,and it makes me cry because you had
a really long week and areally hard week, and you came in
and it was like, closing in onSunday, too.
(39:12):
So this is like coming intothe weekend where you need to be,
like, your strongest.
And you're like, babe, I'm gonna.
I'm gonna take care of this.
You're going to sleep.
You're gonna shut your door,you're gonna go to bed, and I got
this.
I'll wake you up if I need you.
And I had the best sleep of my life.
It was so great.
And you just handled it, andyou checked on her.
(39:34):
You took her temp.
You did all the things that Iwould have done.
And I know you were tired, butyou served us in that way.
Yeah.
And you got it.
And there's many, many storiesof that.
That was just recently.
You're a man, you know, it's like.
It's just part of it, andthat's what you chose to do.
And so it's like words ofaffirmation are, you know, encouragements.
(39:56):
Because I.
I think for me, and I strugglewith this because I, you know, it's
not that I'm critical, but I'mvery, very like, precision.
I know how to, you know, do things.
So I'm like.
I see it.
I'm like, okay.
Because I treat myself that way.
You know what I mean?
Like, I need to.
And you don't like peoplefluffing you up?
No.
Like, just get.
Shoot it to me.
(40:17):
Matter of fact, like, don'tgive me any fluffs on me.
Yeah, the most.
And it does work.
Personal trainer who comesover to the house now to help me
with, you know, because I'm.
I had a lot of injuries, like,physically, so I.
I was, like, having a hardtime working out because I had a
shoulder injury, a knee injury.
Back one.
Yeah, back.
You know, just injuries.
So, like, this guy comes overand it's.
(40:38):
He.
There's no compassion.
No.
It's like, hey, do this.
You're doing it wrong.
But.
But for me, I fire up.
But sometimes when you treatyour wife like the drill sergeant,
she doesn't get inspired by that.
She actually gets uninspiredand she shuts down.
Yeah.
I've had to remind you acouple times, like, hey, we're all
girls in this house.
(40:59):
Like, Mike doesn't have, like,feminine, like, Inner, like, there's
nothing feminine about you.
Like, you're not soft aroundthe edges.
Like, even when you, like,like, tickle, like, it hurts.
Like, it doesn't even.
It's like you're, like, rough,you know, and so you're rough in
your communication.
(41:20):
And I'll have to remind you,like, hey, we're all like little
girls in here.
Like, you're talking to uslike we're Navy seals.
We're just looking at you,like, too much.
That's funny.
And you, I, I, I love howhaving girls, you know, we don't,
we don't have boys has, like,softened you.
(41:44):
And so it's been really fun towatch that over the years.
And now as they're older,they, like, the tougher.
Especially our littlest reallyresponds to, like, tougher.
Like, communicate.
Like, she likes it.
She kind of gives it back, andit's, like, really cute.
So I don't know.
Yeah.
And I think, like, what welearned from this one.
(42:06):
Yeah.
Is that when, when it, when wesay that a man desires physical touch,
what does that mean?
We delved into all thecomplexities of it when we talked
about, like, a woman needsphysical touch.
Like, we talked about howthat's connected to your mind psychologically
and, you know, kind of like how.
And then we talked aboutcommunication verbally and how we
(42:26):
serve each other, you know,with affirmation.
Like, you're someone where ifI start, like, encouraging you and
affirming you and pumping youup, it'll make you want to work out
more.
Oh, my gosh.
But if I start talking to youthe other way, I'm like, I will.
Just go gain £40.
Don't care.
Gain £40.
Just.
(42:49):
So.
It's like, I used to think,like, yeah, man, I'm just gonna tell
her straight to her face,girl, you got.
And she's like, oh, yeah, I'mon my way to Dunkin Donuts right
now, and you're eating arevenge donut.
And you're like, keep talkingbecause I'll keep eating.
You keep talking, I'll keep eating.
Well, but I've learned thatencouragement works for you.
(43:10):
And, and you know what's funny?
And I'm going to end on this.
You know, the lowest form ofprophecy in the New Testament, if
you read the scriptures, isexhort and encourage.
I was, okay, look, let's go tothe wide angle.
I'm holding my hand.
Tell you.
And Julie's like, you're doingsomething weird.
(43:31):
This is.
It just looks so.
This looks weird on camera.
If I go like this.
Yeah, I'm holding my leg up.
People have like a wholetheory about that.
I don't know, like, what's a theory?
Probably some new age thingyou're doing.
You're so silly.
I just know how they, they're bored.
They gotta think of something.
(43:53):
I was trying to do it without.
Hey, you don't.
Don't hold your leg.
A trauma response.
I know it's because, like, yougot like low key nervousness, but
I'm like, stop doing that.
Well, my wife has seen Megarner like 70 million views online,
(44:13):
and unfortunately, people pickapart every single thing you do and
they attribute meaning to itthat's not there.
Right.
And so you probably are tryingto avoid me getting a video coming
out about how I did Namaste orsomething on or whatever.
I was, I was really justholding my leg up.
I was trying to figure outwhere is it going through.
(44:37):
So speaking of.
Yeah.
Physical.
But yeah.
Just to wrap.
And we're gonna do.
We have two more episodes.
I know this has been anincredible journey.
And you know what?
This, the fact that we'relaughing together.
Like, did you know that therewould be another couple where if
the guy was like, you know,holding his leg and the woman thought
it was weird, that could be afull blown argument.
(44:59):
Yeah.
I do want to say, like, thatin and of itself was an object lesson
because I don't have any egoabout me.
I'm not.
I don't take things personallyin an offensive way.
And we laughed about it.
Right?
You got the giggles.
I got the giggles from it.
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
But.
But you've seen the guys whoblow up over the.
(45:21):
That kind of stuff.
Yeah.
And they're just.
It says.
And so it's like, I guess thelesson from this is you get to choose
how you react and it's alwaysa choice.
Yeah.
And anger and bitterness andrage and ego and pride.
Makes you feel like you don'thave a choice.
Right, Right.
But you actually, it's like,yeah, whatever.
I.
You know.
Yeah.
And by the way, if you arelike one of those Christian marriage
(45:46):
speakers and you talk abouthow you're not supposed to blow up
on your wife, but you do blowup on your wife.
We could tell.
I don't do that.
No, you don't.
I'm saying we can tell.
Oh, yeah.
All the time.
We're like, yeah, that guytells his wife, shut up.
Shut up.
(46:06):
Just shut up.
I feel like this podcast isjust for us.
Yeah.
Have a good time.
No, you know what?
This is good for people.
I think so.
I think it's good.
Yeah.
And what I was closing on,this is why you don't get invited
on my channel.
I'm done.
I know, I know.
No, but I love you and I'mglad you're here.
(46:28):
Is that the words ofaffirmation are so necessary because
the lowest level of prophecyis exhortation and encouragement.
And there's been many timeswhere I've went to go encourage you.
And I started and I startedwith encouragement and it ended with
prophecy.
And I really believe thatthere's a lot of men that need to
start trying to encouragetheir wife.
(46:48):
You know, I don't know ifyou're ready to share that testimony
publicly, but.
Like, I was just thinkingabout that.
Yeah, go ahead.
Let's save it.
You can save it.
Okay.
Cliffhanger.
Yeah, cliffhanger.
Let's save it.
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