November 22, 2022 • 37 mins
Get the tissues! This is it. What an amazing decade it has been. How can we possibly say enough thanks yous for all of the heartfelt goodness we've experienced this past decade? Loving messages of gratitude from Ellie, Lisa, Amanda, Catherine and Jean. Presenting this show has been the honor of a lifetime. Thank you for joinging us on this amazing journey. We will miss you! *** Get The Bubble Hour book: Take Good Care: Recovery Readings Inspired by The Bubble Hour podcast *(affiliate link) The Bubble Hour website www.thebubblehour.com Tiny Bubbles podcast https://sites.libsyn.com/448419 Host Jean McCarthy www.jeanmccarthy.ca Support us on Patreon https://patreon.com/thebubblehour
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This podcast includes frank discussions of mature themes that may
not be suitable for all audiences. Listener discretion is advised.
This podcast is intended to provide encouragement and support through
personal storytelling. The views expressed are the opinions of the
participants and not intended to be medical, legal, clinical, or
(00:21):
professional information or advice of any kind. Welcome to the
Bubble Hour, Welcome to the Bubble Hour.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Welcome to the Bubble Hour. Welcome to the Bubble Hour.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to the Bubble Hour.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
Ownent, a diffent, not props. We and let a bait
take a little dignity. Not looking for excuses.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
I just want to be free from the power.
Speaker 5 (00:54):
Wus head on to be free, free, free, free Free.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
I'm Jean McCarthy and you're listening to They'll Bobble Hour.
Well here it is the last episode of the last season.
I am recording my last voiceover, and it is emotional,
for sure, but in a good way. Goodbyes are hard
(01:30):
when they're sudden or unexpected, or they feel like they're
coming too soon. And as I'm thinking about this last episode,
I'm thinking about how some funerals are heartbreaking and grief
stricken and agonizing, but sometimes they're a celebration of life
(01:51):
and they can still be emotional and melancholy, but you
know that the end came at the right time, and
that's how this feels. For this last episode, I asked
the other hosts to send in their messages of farewell,
and it happened. So happened this summer that Ellie and
(02:13):
Amanda and Catherine got together for a day and hung
out and they used that as an opportunity to record
a message together to say their goodbyes.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Here it is, Hey, everyone, this is Catherine, and this
is Ellie and this is Amanda, and we're all hanging
out here together for the day and we wanted to
say a few words for the final episode of the
Bubble Hour.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
I can't believe we're at the final episode. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 6 (02:48):
Well, first of all, having had a lot of laughs
and a lot of fun with Amanda and Catherine today,
I mean, what a perfect example of the gifts of recovery,
right that we all get to be together and have
a great time just be who we are meant to
be with each other.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
And I want to give a really.
Speaker 6 (03:05):
Heart felt face to Jeane for keeping this going for
as long as she did. It's been an amazing ten
years of the Bubble Hour and the amazing people that
has brought it into my life, into our lives, and Jane,
you are absolutely one of those people. And I for
one am incredibly grateful to you for all your hard
(03:25):
work and to all the people who have listened and
called in and shared their stories. I'm getting all emotional
shared their stories and kept it kept it real.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
All these years. So thank you very much. Thanks Ellie.
Speaker 7 (03:41):
And this is Amanda, and yes I echo Ellie's sentiments.
I just want to thank everyone and who has listened
over the years, and hopefully it has helped.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
You along the way.
Speaker 7 (03:55):
And Jeane, oh my god, I am so grateful to
you to have continued this on for so long. It's
really nice to know that it's helped people. We've been
every once in a while you hear just one person.
That's all we were ever trying to do. And the
fact that it has gone on for so long and
there's been so many listeners, it's just we love you all.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
We're so grateful to you.
Speaker 7 (04:18):
And like Ellie said, I can't even tell you the
day that we had today.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
It was hysterical and we.
Speaker 7 (04:25):
Did some crazy things, and you know, we did it
all sober, and those are the gifts. So just keep
going on if you've been struggling, and just again, Jeane,
you're a rock star. Thank you for keeping the Bubble
Hour going.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
And this is Catherine and I just have to say Jeane,
huge heartfelt thanks to you. You were definitely here in spirit,
and thank you to everybody who has listened over the years.
I was reflecting today as we were here having a
lot of laughs and a lot of talks. When I
was drinking, I was so lonely and so afraid all
(05:04):
the time.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
And now I have.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
True friends that I can really be myself with and
that I can have laughs and tears and everything in between,
and you're all.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
A part of that.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
Sincerely feeling the energy of everybody over the years who
has listened and sent in feedback, and really all of
this emphasizes for me something that we always said on
the Bubble Hour, which is that we can't do this.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Alone, and we don't have to do it alone.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
And so I think maybe we'll just close on that
message to just say we send love and gratitude to
all of you, so stay sober and stick together other Bye.
Thanks everyone, Hi everyone.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
I say that there are people I wish I could
have interviewed. Every single member of the BFB, the Booze
Free Brigade, the online Facebook group you've heard mentioned since
the very first episode of this show. I wish I
could have every one of you have been on here.
I just went through and counted, and it looks to
(06:21):
me like there's over one hundred episodes of The Bubble
Hour that feature members of the BFB, and I think
there's about one hundred and twenty five different people that
have been on the show, But of course there's hundreds
and hundreds more in that group that I would have
loved to have interviewed. And the same goes for all
the people that I've met on retreats and meetups and
through various organizations, including including she Recovers, and also the
(06:48):
many many friends I have made along the way who
are walking this walk in one way or another. I
wish I could have held the mic and held space
for every single one of you, because I know your story.
Every story has the power to change lives, and so
I want to ask a few to please shine your
light and share your story and ask others to tell
(07:09):
you their stories, and just please keep connecting as you go,
because this is how recovery magic worked along before the
Bubble Hour came along, and how it will go on
to make a difference long after we are gone. Now,
I want to share with you a beautiful message from Lisa,
who was a co founder of the show and co
(07:31):
host in season one and two.
Speaker 8 (07:35):
Hi Jeene and hello bubble Our listeners. This is Lisa
and I have missed you guys. I'm glad to be
here with you today, awkwardly recording myself just like old times,
for what will be the farewell episode of The Bubble Hour.
I'm walking down memory laying here. The Bubble Hour was
the Little Podcast that could. A decade ago, Ellie asked
(07:59):
if I consider co hosting a recovery podcast with her,
and I said yes, even though I barely knew what
a podcast was and I was clueless about what hosting included. Obviously,
it didn't matter, though I have always admired Ellie, her
wisdom and her courage, so I figured with Ellie leading
(08:20):
the way, we could make this happen. So we were
off finding guests who were willing to join us to
share the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful
about their own recovery journey. At some point during our
first year, Ellie and I convinced the unstoppable, brilliant Amanda
to join us as a host, and the three of
us were a team. I will be forever grateful that
(08:43):
I was lucky enough to collaborate with Ellie and Amanda.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
Ladies, are you listening?
Speaker 8 (08:47):
If so, thank you, thank you, thank you, and I
love you both. After co hosting for a year, I
had to make the decision to step away because my
life needed my full attention. I was still new to surprise,
I had a demanding job, and more importantly, I had
two young children who needed their mom.
Speaker 6 (09:07):
But I knew the.
Speaker 8 (09:07):
Future was still bright for the little podcast that could. Catherine,
full of wisdom and beautiful from the inside out, Hello Catherine,
I miss you, agreed to join the show as a
host along with Gene, and of course, they stepped smoothly
in without missing a beat.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Gene is now our fearless.
Speaker 8 (09:25):
Host, and she has been forging ahead with kindness, compassion,
authenticity and wisdom every step.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Of the way.
Speaker 8 (09:33):
As you guys, know thank you, Jane from the bottom
of my heart for carrying the torch for all of us.
The Bubble Hour was a lifeline for me and so
many others because it really did feel like a cushiony
bubble of protection when I needed it the most as
a listener and as a host. My expectations for the
(09:54):
show when we started were minimal. My only motivation for
hosting the show was to help one person, literally, just
one person.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
That would have been enough for me.
Speaker 8 (10:06):
So as we began recording episodes, I visualized one imaginary,
neely sober listener, picturing her as she trudged through the
often lonely and sometimes terrifying early days of sobriety. I
pictured her finding some hope and discovering connection and holding
it tightly as she listened to our episode. If I
(10:29):
could help her feel less alone, my expectation was meant.
It turns out that I could have adjusted my expectations
and made them much higher, because, as I am recording
this today, the Bubble Hour has over four million downloads,
which is completely amazing and also surrill. My favorite memory
(10:53):
of posting the greatest gift really, which is one big
memory for me, is that doing the show and opening
up early in my own recovery really did change the
trajectory of my own healing process. I also cherish little
personal moments, like my sweet puppy barking through the closet
door to remind me that it was time for her walk,
(11:16):
or the times my children, who are no longer little,
made cameo appearances by whisper yelling through the door of
my closet to ask for help finding something like baseball
cleats or theater costumes, or my favorite my son once
interrupted my recording to tell me he couldn't find the
other half of his sandwich, and did I happen to
(11:38):
know where it might be? Are you wondering why I
look back and find that being interrupted has now become
a cherished memory. At the time, I remember feeling frustrated
that now I cherish those memories because of what those
interruptions represented. They were sort of symbolic because unbeknounced to
(11:58):
me at the time, I was becoming a person who
could be counted on to provide help and guidance. I
was becoming someone who would keep things on track, which
was quite a change from the old drunk meat who
ran everything right off the rails. Instead of a person
who hid in her closet to sneak drink wine, I
(12:20):
had become a person who hid in her closet to
help create a sobriety podcast. These memories are my favorite
because they conjure a striking contrast in my mind's eye
of the person I used to be compared to the
person I was slowly but surely becoming. And I did
(12:42):
fight to become her, and I'm proud of her. I'm
happy to tell you that today my recovery is very
much alive and will one day at a time. I
have had continuous sobriety for over a decade now. I
never would have thought it possible, but here I am
still sober and free. Over the years, through continuous therapy,
(13:04):
I've worked hard to discover the root causes of my
unhealthy relationship with alcohol. As you may know yourself. The
work is not easy, and I still have mouths to go.
Some of it has been painful, but it has also
been a gift. I am still meet, but I am
now at home in myself. My life is good because
(13:25):
I am sober even on bad days and in very
painful circumstances at times, I still know that my life
is good. Every day I get to wake up hangover
free and shame free, and I get to.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
Do the next right thing.
Speaker 8 (13:43):
I am so very lucky, and I am eternally grateful.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
Early sobriety was the hardest.
Speaker 8 (13:53):
Thing I have ever done, but also the most empowering
move I have ever made in my life. Getting my
power back by choosing not to drink is a hell
of a life hack, and I highly recommend it. My
wish for you, listener is hope. If you're struggling, my
suggestion to you is to reach out to others who
have been there before. Most importantly, do not give up,
(14:16):
no matter what you deserve recovery. It is so much
better over here on this side. Finally, I will say
goodbye to the bubble hour now with only love and
complete gratitude in my heart.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
It fills me with.
Speaker 8 (14:32):
Joy to know that our little Podcasts that Could, which
came into being with love, did not go gently into
that good night. For a decade, it has shined and
sparkled and gotten brighter with every episode, always a beacon
of hope, reminding us that we are not alone. Thank
you to my fellow hosts, Ellie, Amanda, Catherine, and Gen.
(14:56):
Thank you to every guest who bravely shared their story.
Thank you to every single listener for trusting us enough
to download our next episode.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
Thank you for letting me be.
Speaker 8 (15:06):
A part of your recovery journey, and most of all,
thank you a million times over from being a part
of mine.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Oh. I love that lady so much. It is still
my dream one way that I will get to meet
her in person. Meanwhile, we are both active members in
BFB and Lisa continues to be a huge encourager of others. There.
Being part of this show of the Bubble Hour has
strengthened my own recovery. It's opened my mind. It's made
me less judgmental of others. And I got to tell
(15:41):
you I had a death grip on my recovery when
I joined the show. I was driven by fear and
by shame and by the kind of echoes of perfectionism,
which is ironic because that is also what drove my
addiction to alcohol in the first place. So it's funny
how that goes. I had kind of turned it around
(16:01):
and harnessed it to get sober, but it still wasn't
really maybe the most comfortable way to go forward in recovery.
And now I think through learning more from other people,
and through spending time hosting this show and just hearing
so many different stories and seeing recovery modeled for me
in so many different ways, I'm able to enjoy living
(16:24):
sober much more, and I feel more like my recovery
is a choice that I make every day. And I
know I don't want to go back to drinking ever,
But at the same time, I really release myself from
shame and fear as a motivation. I think I've switched
over to choosing joy and empowerment and health and longevity.
(16:47):
Those are more my y words now, and that's a
big shift. I don't think I really realized how much
of fear and shame were my motivators then, but I
can see it now. If you tell you up the hours,
I suppose I've been here the longest and spent the
most time on air. But to me, the Bubble Hour
story belongs to Ellie, who dreamed it up, literally brought
(17:11):
it to life, and then stepped away when her own
recovery was in jeopardy and came back and talked openly
about relapse, which wasn't easy, and I can tell you
it was transformative for me because it helped me to
understand addiction so much better. I had to untangle myself
from the idea that recovery was kind of a meritocracy
(17:31):
and that there was like a good way to get sober,
or that I better get it right, or I wasn't
worthy of being here. That was really rooted in perfectionism,
that kind of thinking. Ellie showed me, and I think
she showed you too, that relapse sucks, and yet when
it happens, we have to talk about it. And it's
(17:52):
a conundrum to be accepting of the reality of relapse
without sounding permissive. But I think we would have done
you a disservice on this show if we had only
told one kind of story, if we only offered you
stories of one and done success people that quit drinking
and never looked back, never struggled, or relapsed. Encouragement and
(18:14):
motivation has to include a lot of different kinds of stories,
and that it's not fair to imply that if you
don't do it perfectly the first time, you're not doing
it right. You might as well not bother that's just
not true. Including the truth of Ellie's relapse and embracing
(18:36):
stories of recovery that include comebacks is important, and I
think it's one of the greatest accomplishments of the Bubble Hour,
And it certainly was never something that Ellie would have
envisioned when she started this podcast. She didn't know she
was going to relapse. But the fact that she came
back to the show and she told us everything that happened,
(18:57):
she told us all her truth, I feel like that
was her. And then when she later decided to put
her own recovery first and step down from public advocacy altogether,
I was astounded again. And then finally when Ellie graciously
graciously allowed me to carry on her show, her baby,
(19:17):
and allowed me to become the voice and the face
of this show that she created, I felt that that
was a huge lesson in humility and selflessness. I know
there have been hundreds and hundreds of voices on this show,
hundreds of stories, but to me, Ellie's story underpins it all,
(19:39):
and her voice is one of the most powerful.
Speaker 6 (19:43):
Well, hello, all of my beautiful bubbles. I don't know
what to call all of you. I was just reading
a beautiful message from Jeanne talking about what it's like
for her to put together the recap of all of
(20:03):
the shows, and what an incredible and rewarding and amazing
journey being part of the Bubble Hour was for me,
and even when I wasn't part of it, to be
able to continue to listen to all of the amazing
shows and all of the incredible souls who have shared
their experience and strength and hope with all of us.
(20:27):
I am so grateful to Jeanne for everything that she's
done and that she was able to keep this alive
for as long as she did. It was very difficult
decision to step away from it. I think I have
explained it before in other episodes, but for me, I
realized that I needed to be able to focus on
my own recovery journey in a more personal, sacred way,
(20:51):
and the best way for me to do that was
to really stay focused on myself and my own self
care and my own bubble.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
Honestly, and I'm.
Speaker 6 (21:01):
A caretaker, and it's really easy for me to start
to take care of everybody else instead of myself.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
I mean, I'd much rather solve your problems than mine.
Speaker 6 (21:11):
I think we all know what that's like, but I
wanted to send all of you a quick update on
where I am doing well. A lot of things have
happened since the last time I spoke on the Bubble Hour.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
I have moved again.
Speaker 6 (21:26):
My children are now twenty and seventeen, which blows my mind.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
It's ten years or so that.
Speaker 6 (21:34):
We started all of this ago, and it was just
a whimsical thought one evening about starting something that could
help women in particular. But everybody share their stories in
a honest, authentic, vulnerable, safe way.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
The thing that always, always, always.
Speaker 6 (21:55):
Makes the most difference to me when I'm struggling is
to hear the words of somebody else who's been through
or is going through what I am, who's made it
to the other side, or who is fighting the brave
fight alongside me. I love hearing stories of people who've
been sober a long time and the things that they
do to stay sober. And I learned so much from
(22:18):
people's successes. But I really also I derive and take
away so much courage and inspiration and hope from the
challenges and struggles that we all have because I feel
less alone when people share about them and talk about
the facts that they feel isolated or alone, and just
(22:43):
hearing somebody share something that you can identify with and
know that you're not the only person on the planet
that feels the way that you do, or has done
the things that you did, or.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Who thinks the way that you think.
Speaker 6 (22:55):
When it comes right down to it, I've been on
this recovery journey now since two thousand and seven.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
It hasn't been a straight line.
Speaker 6 (23:02):
I've had relapses, I've had to crawl back more than
once to recovery. But I think that I have probably
learned more about myself and strengthen my recovery more by
allowing myself to own the mistakes and missteps and learn
from them and grow as a person. It always sounds
(23:23):
so funny to say that, because in recovery circles people
often don't want you to talk about relapse because it's
not a requirement, and it isn't And if my recovery
had been as strong.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
As it as it could have been, I wouldn't have relapsed.
Speaker 6 (23:37):
But I did, and I have built a really beautiful, quiet, small,
but very cozy, and comfortable life for myself. Staying sober
every day is no longer an active struggle. It hasn't
been for a long time now, But boy, do I
want to erase myself or you know, get my crazy
(23:59):
monkey brain to stop chattering away at me just because I.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
No longer one day at a time in this moment.
Speaker 6 (24:07):
Today, crave an alcohol or substance to help myself feel better,
or feel worthy or understand who I am.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
I have other tools.
Speaker 6 (24:17):
I have meditation and yoga and music and art and
friends and laughter and all kinds of things that I
do that keep me from wanting to pick up a
drink again.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
But it's really the people.
Speaker 6 (24:31):
It's the people like you, the listeners, the guests, the
people I meet in recovery meetings, the people that I
even just meet as I travel through life who are
talking about being people in recovery with their chin held
high and understanding that there's no shame in being somebody
(24:52):
who has overcome the challenge of addiction.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
If anything, we should.
Speaker 6 (24:56):
Be flagging or flags as proudly as we can from
every rooftop to be able to help those that are
out there actively struggling know that it's possible, it's worth it,
and we're here to listen so so much love, so
much gratitude to all of you, especially to Jean and
Catherine and Amanda and Lisa and all of the people
(25:22):
that have been part of the Bubble Hour over the years.
They're my treasured, treasured friends. To all of you who
have reached out to me. I still hear from people
sometimes saying that the Bubble Hour has made a difference
in your life. That is all I've ever needed to hear,
and it makes me feel less alone and keeps me strong.
(25:43):
So lean into the discomfort, keep your chin held high,
keep your shoulders back, walk with pride, and I love
all of.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
You with all of my heart. Thanks.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
Do you ever wish for a little bit of recovery
inspiration on the go? Tiny Bubbles is a new podcast
that brings you the best bits of the Bubble Hour
podcast in quick little episodes, just fifteen minutes long, but
packed with wisdom, insight, and encouragement to live your life
wholeheartedly and alcohol free. Look for Tiny Bubbles wherever you
(26:27):
get podcasts and subscribe today. Tiny Bubbles little bits of
recovery goodness brought to you by the Bubble Hour. Sometimes
all you need is a little pep talk so you
can get back to living that beautiful life you're building.
(26:50):
Take Good Care is a new collection of recovery readings
inspired by The Bubble Hour.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
If you love the.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
Encouragement and support you find here on this podcast, then
this new book.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
Thanks for you.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
Visit the bubbleour dot com for more information or check
the show notes for a link to purchase. You'll find
Take Good Care on Amazon worldwide. Take Good Care recovery
reading inspired by the Bubble Hour, the perfect gift for
yourself and friends. Help others find the message overcovery. We
(27:24):
champion on the Bubble Hour. Plus get access to the
entire backlist ad free by joining us on Patreon. Patroon
support helps with the ongoing expense of making free versions
of the show available, as well as the cost to
make new content like our spinoff podcast, Tiny Bubbles. Become
a Bubble Hour patron today at patreon dot com. Slash
(27:46):
the Bubble Hour and help us help others through stories
of strength and hope. How I would like to ask
for you to hold space for me, if you would
to let me share a story with you. When I
(28:07):
joined the show, I was forty five and I was
working full time and the last of my three sons,
was still living at home in high school. And now
it's a decade later, and I'm semi retired, and my
sons are all married, and my husband and I have
three grandsons. Now I've written numerous books, fulfilling a lifelong
dream of mine, and I can honestly say I am very,
(28:29):
very proud of my accomplishments. Before I quit drinking, there
was never enough alcohol, But there was also never enough accomplishments.
There was never enough accolades, never enough hours in the
day or rungs on the ladder. I was just endlessly
ambitious and driven, and I worked hard, hard heart every day,
(28:51):
and yet nothing I did ever felt satisfying to me.
The second I accomplished something i'd set out to do,
I immediately just looked to the next thing. And if I
received to compliment or praise or a trophy, even something
I know i'd earned, even something I wanted, I still
kind of tossed it aside. It felt hollow, and I
just went on to the next thing. Nothing is ever
good enough when you're hustling for your worthiness, and I
(29:14):
felt like I had to keep moving so that I
could outrun potential criticism and hope that I would just
never get hit. Around the time I took over as
the solo host, my husband and I were transitioning our
home building business and we were downsizing. We were moving
out of a large office that was once full of employees,
and we were pairing down to just the two of
(29:34):
us and going to a home office and trying to
decide what on earth to do with all of the
computers and the desks and the furniture, and the binders
and the pens. You guys, are so many pens. I'm
still using them years years years later. And paper clips.
I've still got a huge basket of paper clips that
seems to never run out. The office supplies may outlive me,
(29:55):
to be honest. One day, my husband he called me
into the boardroom and he pointed to a wall that
was lined with shelves and covered in trophies, numerous Builder
of the Year awards, Volunteer of the Year, Woman of Distinction,
Top Canadian Women in Business awards, numerous home design awards,
advertising awards, and there was literally a truckload of glass
(30:17):
and brass symbolizing my career and some kind of success.
And to me, that display was a little bit heartbreaking.
I didn't like that wall of trophies. It just reminded
me of twenty years of searching for my value and
of trying to prove myself to the people around me,
(30:38):
and most especially to my father, to try to earn
his love and respect, and spoiler alert, that didn't work
out so well. It makes me sad to think of
that time of life, to think of doing so much,
and honestly doing it pretty well, but at the same
time just slowly destroying myself, never liking myself, and never
(31:01):
feeling good enough, and despite all of the outward evidence.
To me, it was almost comical and ironic in how
big of a difference there was between the me that
won those trophies and the me that was so shriveled
and hollowed and hurting. Huh so okay, So by that
(31:22):
I was sober and I wasn't really pursuing trophies anymore.
But what the heck do you do with them? What
do I do with all those trophies? So the thought
of allowing all of that into my home and confronting
them every day just made me feel sick to my stomach.
And never mind the idea of dusting them. I didn't
want to dust them, and I knew no one else
would ever want them, so in the end we decided
(31:44):
to just pile them all up and take a picture,
and then we smashed them one by one into the
big blue dumpster behind our office, and honestly, it felt
pretty triumphant. It felt like letting go of a whole
other addiction. Ever since then, I've been pretty careful about
out my feelings about awards and accolades, and I've learned
to accept compliments. I'm getting better at that. I'm still
(32:07):
working with a therapist to learn how to feel safe
and valued and accepted without feeling like I have to
earn it. That's part of the job of recovery. For me.
It's a much better way to live, and the shift
and the healing has been an unexpected benefit of recovery.
So the other day I was having coffee with a friend,
the very friend who was there for me on my
(32:28):
very first day of sobriety back in twenty and eleven.
And in an earlier episode this season, you heard a
clip of me saying that, you know, on the first day,
I told a friend the damn truth. Well, that's the
friend she's a good one. She's a keeper. And I
was telling her how I'm building this final season of
the show, and how it was such a big job,
and how working through these old episodes has really been
(32:49):
so wonderful. I had been kind of bracing, actually to
feel a bit embarrassed, and I was expecting that I
was going to just cringe as I listened to those
old tracks of myself and heard all the times that
I said like and And I was a little bit
worried that as I listened to the old episodes, I'd
be hearing parts of my story where I wasn't healed yet,
(33:12):
or where I wasn't proud of how I spoke on
that day, and I thought I'd want to scrub all
those archives clean. But instead what I witnessed was this
beautiful arc of growth and of healing and of community.
And instead of cleaning up all those old messes, which
I mean, you did hear a good laugh in episode
four this season where we kind of had some fun
(33:33):
laughing at all the old mistakes. To be honest, I
just felt so proud, very very proud of all of it,
of the show and the community that it created. And
I'm honored to have played a role. And I just
truly feel that I stepped up and I did my best,
and I am so proud of this whole thing. And
(33:54):
I told all this to my friend and she was
kind of cobsbacked. She's never heard me say that before.
She's never heard me sound so authentically proud, especially not
relative to my recovery, which I was very scared and
ashamed of on that very first day. So you see,
I'm healing and this show has been a big part
(34:17):
of that. So I'm grateful to every single listener, every guest,
and every other host of this show for the chance
to be here and to learn and to heal undergo together.
And I won't say I'm sad it's ending, because I'm not.
It's time. I don't want to be cheesy, but I
feel like I need to say it for the final
(34:37):
time because I loved closing the show with the wish
for all of you take good care, and I mean it,
take good care of yourself and of each other.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
Yeah, I offer this up.
Speaker 1 (34:55):
It's complete. Off we go onward.
Speaker 5 (35:01):
I own it.
Speaker 4 (35:02):
I did it, not proud, but that was me. And
when I face it and take a little dignity, not
looking for excuses.
Speaker 5 (35:13):
I just want to be free from the power weakness,
head off me in a dumb corners where shames to happen.
Wait with your jobs, because you'll keep it up the side,
(35:37):
it just says, and.
Speaker 4 (35:38):
Wait there to rob you of your pride.
Speaker 9 (35:41):
Turn the light on.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
Turn the light on.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
You can't shine away?
Speaker 4 (35:46):
You see that or a dip not proud, but that
was me and my face. If I take back a
little dignity, anot of excuses, I just want.
Speaker 2 (36:01):
To be breathe from power.
Speaker 9 (36:04):
Oh your smell. You don't have to shout it out
on main street. You don't need to whisper to confessions.
And the person you should talk to.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
Is lookin at you in the mirror and all the
members as can always away. You see open, different, not proud,
but that to me.
Speaker 4 (36:38):
And when I face, I take back a little dignity.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
Another excuses.
Speaker 5 (36:47):
I just want to be free from power or yours.
Speaker 2 (36:54):
When you see old.
Speaker 4 (36:56):
Different, not prod, that was me and thas I take
that a little thing.
Speaker 9 (37:03):
To hear.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
From excuse suits.
Speaker 9 (37:08):
I just want to be free from pat When.
Speaker 2 (37:12):
You said breathe free, bree breathe free,
This podcast includes frank discussions of mature themes that may
not be suitable for all audiences. Listener discretion is advised.
This podcast is intended to provide encouragement and support through
personal storytelling. The views expressed are the opinions of the
participants and not intended to be medical, legal, clinical, or
(00:21):
professional information or advice of any kind. Welcome to the
Bubble Hour, Welcome to the Bubble Hour.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Welcome to the Bubble Hour. Welcome to the Bubble Hour.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to the Bubble Hour.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
Ownent, a diffent, not props. We and let a bait
take a little dignity. Not looking for excuses.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
I just want to be free from the power.
Speaker 5 (00:54):
Wus head on to be free, free, free, free Free.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
I'm Jean McCarthy and you're listening to They'll Bobble Hour.
Well here it is the last episode of the last season.
I am recording my last voiceover, and it is emotional,
for sure, but in a good way. Goodbyes are hard
(01:30):
when they're sudden or unexpected, or they feel like they're
coming too soon. And as I'm thinking about this last episode,
I'm thinking about how some funerals are heartbreaking and grief
stricken and agonizing, but sometimes they're a celebration of life
(01:51):
and they can still be emotional and melancholy, but you
know that the end came at the right time, and
that's how this feels. For this last episode, I asked
the other hosts to send in their messages of farewell,
and it happened. So happened this summer that Ellie and
(02:13):
Amanda and Catherine got together for a day and hung
out and they used that as an opportunity to record
a message together to say their goodbyes.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Here it is, Hey, everyone, this is Catherine, and this
is Ellie and this is Amanda, and we're all hanging
out here together for the day and we wanted to
say a few words for the final episode of the
Bubble Hour.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
I can't believe we're at the final episode. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 6 (02:48):
Well, first of all, having had a lot of laughs
and a lot of fun with Amanda and Catherine today,
I mean, what a perfect example of the gifts of recovery,
right that we all get to be together and have
a great time just be who we are meant to
be with each other.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
And I want to give a really.
Speaker 6 (03:05):
Heart felt face to Jeane for keeping this going for
as long as she did. It's been an amazing ten
years of the Bubble Hour and the amazing people that
has brought it into my life, into our lives, and Jane,
you are absolutely one of those people. And I for
one am incredibly grateful to you for all your hard
(03:25):
work and to all the people who have listened and
called in and shared their stories. I'm getting all emotional
shared their stories and kept it kept it real.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
All these years. So thank you very much. Thanks Ellie.
Speaker 7 (03:41):
And this is Amanda, and yes I echo Ellie's sentiments.
I just want to thank everyone and who has listened
over the years, and hopefully it has helped.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
You along the way.
Speaker 7 (03:55):
And Jeane, oh my god, I am so grateful to
you to have continued this on for so long. It's
really nice to know that it's helped people. We've been
every once in a while you hear just one person.
That's all we were ever trying to do. And the
fact that it has gone on for so long and
there's been so many listeners, it's just we love you all.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
We're so grateful to you.
Speaker 7 (04:18):
And like Ellie said, I can't even tell you the
day that we had today.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
It was hysterical and we.
Speaker 7 (04:25):
Did some crazy things, and you know, we did it
all sober, and those are the gifts. So just keep
going on if you've been struggling, and just again, Jeane,
you're a rock star. Thank you for keeping the Bubble
Hour going.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
And this is Catherine and I just have to say Jeane,
huge heartfelt thanks to you. You were definitely here in spirit,
and thank you to everybody who has listened over the years.
I was reflecting today as we were here having a
lot of laughs and a lot of talks. When I
was drinking, I was so lonely and so afraid all
(05:04):
the time.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
And now I have.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
True friends that I can really be myself with and
that I can have laughs and tears and everything in between,
and you're all.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
A part of that.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
Sincerely feeling the energy of everybody over the years who
has listened and sent in feedback, and really all of
this emphasizes for me something that we always said on
the Bubble Hour, which is that we can't do this.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Alone, and we don't have to do it alone.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
And so I think maybe we'll just close on that
message to just say we send love and gratitude to
all of you, so stay sober and stick together other Bye.
Thanks everyone, Hi everyone.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
I say that there are people I wish I could
have interviewed. Every single member of the BFB, the Booze
Free Brigade, the online Facebook group you've heard mentioned since
the very first episode of this show. I wish I
could have every one of you have been on here.
I just went through and counted, and it looks to
(06:21):
me like there's over one hundred episodes of The Bubble
Hour that feature members of the BFB, and I think
there's about one hundred and twenty five different people that
have been on the show, But of course there's hundreds
and hundreds more in that group that I would have
loved to have interviewed. And the same goes for all
the people that I've met on retreats and meetups and
through various organizations, including including she Recovers, and also the
(06:48):
many many friends I have made along the way who
are walking this walk in one way or another. I
wish I could have held the mic and held space
for every single one of you, because I know your story.
Every story has the power to change lives, and so
I want to ask a few to please shine your
light and share your story and ask others to tell
(07:09):
you their stories, and just please keep connecting as you go,
because this is how recovery magic worked along before the
Bubble Hour came along, and how it will go on
to make a difference long after we are gone. Now,
I want to share with you a beautiful message from Lisa,
who was a co founder of the show and co
(07:31):
host in season one and two.
Speaker 8 (07:35):
Hi Jeene and hello bubble Our listeners. This is Lisa
and I have missed you guys. I'm glad to be
here with you today, awkwardly recording myself just like old times,
for what will be the farewell episode of The Bubble Hour.
I'm walking down memory laying here. The Bubble Hour was
the Little Podcast that could. A decade ago, Ellie asked
(07:59):
if I consider co hosting a recovery podcast with her,
and I said yes, even though I barely knew what
a podcast was and I was clueless about what hosting included. Obviously,
it didn't matter, though I have always admired Ellie, her
wisdom and her courage, so I figured with Ellie leading
(08:20):
the way, we could make this happen. So we were
off finding guests who were willing to join us to
share the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful
about their own recovery journey. At some point during our
first year, Ellie and I convinced the unstoppable, brilliant Amanda
to join us as a host, and the three of
us were a team. I will be forever grateful that
(08:43):
I was lucky enough to collaborate with Ellie and Amanda.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
Ladies, are you listening?
Speaker 8 (08:47):
If so, thank you, thank you, thank you, and I
love you both. After co hosting for a year, I
had to make the decision to step away because my
life needed my full attention. I was still new to surprise,
I had a demanding job, and more importantly, I had
two young children who needed their mom.
Speaker 6 (09:07):
But I knew the.
Speaker 8 (09:07):
Future was still bright for the little podcast that could. Catherine,
full of wisdom and beautiful from the inside out, Hello Catherine,
I miss you, agreed to join the show as a
host along with Gene, and of course, they stepped smoothly
in without missing a beat.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Gene is now our fearless.
Speaker 8 (09:25):
Host, and she has been forging ahead with kindness, compassion,
authenticity and wisdom every step.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Of the way.
Speaker 8 (09:33):
As you guys, know thank you, Jane from the bottom
of my heart for carrying the torch for all of us.
The Bubble Hour was a lifeline for me and so
many others because it really did feel like a cushiony
bubble of protection when I needed it the most as
a listener and as a host. My expectations for the
(09:54):
show when we started were minimal. My only motivation for
hosting the show was to help one person, literally, just
one person.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
That would have been enough for me.
Speaker 8 (10:06):
So as we began recording episodes, I visualized one imaginary,
neely sober listener, picturing her as she trudged through the
often lonely and sometimes terrifying early days of sobriety. I
pictured her finding some hope and discovering connection and holding
it tightly as she listened to our episode. If I
(10:29):
could help her feel less alone, my expectation was meant.
It turns out that I could have adjusted my expectations
and made them much higher, because, as I am recording
this today, the Bubble Hour has over four million downloads,
which is completely amazing and also surrill. My favorite memory
(10:53):
of posting the greatest gift really, which is one big
memory for me, is that doing the show and opening
up early in my own recovery really did change the
trajectory of my own healing process. I also cherish little
personal moments, like my sweet puppy barking through the closet
door to remind me that it was time for her walk,
(11:16):
or the times my children, who are no longer little,
made cameo appearances by whisper yelling through the door of
my closet to ask for help finding something like baseball
cleats or theater costumes, or my favorite my son once
interrupted my recording to tell me he couldn't find the
other half of his sandwich, and did I happen to
(11:38):
know where it might be? Are you wondering why I
look back and find that being interrupted has now become
a cherished memory. At the time, I remember feeling frustrated
that now I cherish those memories because of what those
interruptions represented. They were sort of symbolic because unbeknounced to
(11:58):
me at the time, I was becoming a person who
could be counted on to provide help and guidance. I
was becoming someone who would keep things on track, which
was quite a change from the old drunk meat who
ran everything right off the rails. Instead of a person
who hid in her closet to sneak drink wine, I
(12:20):
had become a person who hid in her closet to
help create a sobriety podcast. These memories are my favorite
because they conjure a striking contrast in my mind's eye
of the person I used to be compared to the
person I was slowly but surely becoming. And I did
(12:42):
fight to become her, and I'm proud of her. I'm
happy to tell you that today my recovery is very
much alive and will one day at a time. I
have had continuous sobriety for over a decade now. I
never would have thought it possible, but here I am
still sober and free. Over the years, through continuous therapy,
(13:04):
I've worked hard to discover the root causes of my
unhealthy relationship with alcohol. As you may know yourself. The
work is not easy, and I still have mouths to go.
Some of it has been painful, but it has also
been a gift. I am still meet, but I am
now at home in myself. My life is good because
(13:25):
I am sober even on bad days and in very
painful circumstances at times, I still know that my life
is good. Every day I get to wake up hangover
free and shame free, and I get to.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
Do the next right thing.
Speaker 8 (13:43):
I am so very lucky, and I am eternally grateful.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
Early sobriety was the hardest.
Speaker 8 (13:53):
Thing I have ever done, but also the most empowering
move I have ever made in my life. Getting my
power back by choosing not to drink is a hell
of a life hack, and I highly recommend it. My
wish for you, listener is hope. If you're struggling, my
suggestion to you is to reach out to others who
have been there before. Most importantly, do not give up,
(14:16):
no matter what you deserve recovery. It is so much
better over here on this side. Finally, I will say
goodbye to the bubble hour now with only love and
complete gratitude in my heart.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
It fills me with.
Speaker 8 (14:32):
Joy to know that our little Podcasts that Could, which
came into being with love, did not go gently into
that good night. For a decade, it has shined and
sparkled and gotten brighter with every episode, always a beacon
of hope, reminding us that we are not alone. Thank
you to my fellow hosts, Ellie, Amanda, Catherine, and Gen.
(14:56):
Thank you to every guest who bravely shared their story.
Thank you to every single listener for trusting us enough
to download our next episode.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
Thank you for letting me be.
Speaker 8 (15:06):
A part of your recovery journey, and most of all,
thank you a million times over from being a part
of mine.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Oh. I love that lady so much. It is still
my dream one way that I will get to meet
her in person. Meanwhile, we are both active members in
BFB and Lisa continues to be a huge encourager of others. There.
Being part of this show of the Bubble Hour has
strengthened my own recovery. It's opened my mind. It's made
me less judgmental of others. And I got to tell
(15:41):
you I had a death grip on my recovery when
I joined the show. I was driven by fear and
by shame and by the kind of echoes of perfectionism,
which is ironic because that is also what drove my
addiction to alcohol in the first place. So it's funny
how that goes. I had kind of turned it around
(16:01):
and harnessed it to get sober, but it still wasn't
really maybe the most comfortable way to go forward in recovery.
And now I think through learning more from other people,
and through spending time hosting this show and just hearing
so many different stories and seeing recovery modeled for me
in so many different ways, I'm able to enjoy living
(16:24):
sober much more, and I feel more like my recovery
is a choice that I make every day. And I
know I don't want to go back to drinking ever,
But at the same time, I really release myself from
shame and fear as a motivation. I think I've switched
over to choosing joy and empowerment and health and longevity.
(16:47):
Those are more my y words now, and that's a
big shift. I don't think I really realized how much
of fear and shame were my motivators then, but I
can see it now. If you tell you up the hours,
I suppose I've been here the longest and spent the
most time on air. But to me, the Bubble Hour
story belongs to Ellie, who dreamed it up, literally brought
(17:11):
it to life, and then stepped away when her own
recovery was in jeopardy and came back and talked openly
about relapse, which wasn't easy, and I can tell you
it was transformative for me because it helped me to
understand addiction so much better. I had to untangle myself
from the idea that recovery was kind of a meritocracy
(17:31):
and that there was like a good way to get sober,
or that I better get it right, or I wasn't
worthy of being here. That was really rooted in perfectionism,
that kind of thinking. Ellie showed me, and I think
she showed you too, that relapse sucks, and yet when
it happens, we have to talk about it. And it's
(17:52):
a conundrum to be accepting of the reality of relapse
without sounding permissive. But I think we would have done
you a disservice on this show if we had only
told one kind of story, if we only offered you
stories of one and done success people that quit drinking
and never looked back, never struggled, or relapsed. Encouragement and
(18:14):
motivation has to include a lot of different kinds of stories,
and that it's not fair to imply that if you
don't do it perfectly the first time, you're not doing
it right. You might as well not bother that's just
not true. Including the truth of Ellie's relapse and embracing
(18:36):
stories of recovery that include comebacks is important, and I
think it's one of the greatest accomplishments of the Bubble Hour,
And it certainly was never something that Ellie would have
envisioned when she started this podcast. She didn't know she
was going to relapse. But the fact that she came
back to the show and she told us everything that happened,
(18:57):
she told us all her truth, I feel like that
was her. And then when she later decided to put
her own recovery first and step down from public advocacy altogether,
I was astounded again. And then finally when Ellie graciously
graciously allowed me to carry on her show, her baby,
(19:17):
and allowed me to become the voice and the face
of this show that she created, I felt that that
was a huge lesson in humility and selflessness. I know
there have been hundreds and hundreds of voices on this show,
hundreds of stories, but to me, Ellie's story underpins it all,
(19:39):
and her voice is one of the most powerful.
Speaker 6 (19:43):
Well, hello, all of my beautiful bubbles. I don't know
what to call all of you. I was just reading
a beautiful message from Jeanne talking about what it's like
for her to put together the recap of all of
(20:03):
the shows, and what an incredible and rewarding and amazing
journey being part of the Bubble Hour was for me,
and even when I wasn't part of it, to be
able to continue to listen to all of the amazing
shows and all of the incredible souls who have shared
their experience and strength and hope with all of us.
(20:27):
I am so grateful to Jeanne for everything that she's
done and that she was able to keep this alive
for as long as she did. It was very difficult
decision to step away from it. I think I have
explained it before in other episodes, but for me, I
realized that I needed to be able to focus on
my own recovery journey in a more personal, sacred way,
(20:51):
and the best way for me to do that was
to really stay focused on myself and my own self
care and my own bubble.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
Honestly, and I'm.
Speaker 6 (21:01):
A caretaker, and it's really easy for me to start
to take care of everybody else instead of myself.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
I mean, I'd much rather solve your problems than mine.
Speaker 6 (21:11):
I think we all know what that's like, but I
wanted to send all of you a quick update on
where I am doing well. A lot of things have
happened since the last time I spoke on the Bubble Hour.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
I have moved again.
Speaker 6 (21:26):
My children are now twenty and seventeen, which blows my mind.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
It's ten years or so that.
Speaker 6 (21:34):
We started all of this ago, and it was just
a whimsical thought one evening about starting something that could
help women in particular. But everybody share their stories in
a honest, authentic, vulnerable, safe way.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
The thing that always, always, always.
Speaker 6 (21:55):
Makes the most difference to me when I'm struggling is
to hear the words of somebody else who's been through
or is going through what I am, who's made it
to the other side, or who is fighting the brave
fight alongside me. I love hearing stories of people who've
been sober a long time and the things that they
do to stay sober. And I learned so much from
(22:18):
people's successes. But I really also I derive and take
away so much courage and inspiration and hope from the
challenges and struggles that we all have because I feel
less alone when people share about them and talk about
the facts that they feel isolated or alone, and just
(22:43):
hearing somebody share something that you can identify with and
know that you're not the only person on the planet
that feels the way that you do, or has done
the things that you did, or.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Who thinks the way that you think.
Speaker 6 (22:55):
When it comes right down to it, I've been on
this recovery journey now since two thousand and seven.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
It hasn't been a straight line.
Speaker 6 (23:02):
I've had relapses, I've had to crawl back more than
once to recovery. But I think that I have probably
learned more about myself and strengthen my recovery more by
allowing myself to own the mistakes and missteps and learn
from them and grow as a person. It always sounds
(23:23):
so funny to say that, because in recovery circles people
often don't want you to talk about relapse because it's
not a requirement, and it isn't And if my recovery
had been as strong.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
As it as it could have been, I wouldn't have relapsed.
Speaker 6 (23:37):
But I did, and I have built a really beautiful, quiet, small,
but very cozy, and comfortable life for myself. Staying sober
every day is no longer an active struggle. It hasn't
been for a long time now, But boy, do I
want to erase myself or you know, get my crazy
(23:59):
monkey brain to stop chattering away at me just because I.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
No longer one day at a time in this moment.
Speaker 6 (24:07):
Today, crave an alcohol or substance to help myself feel better,
or feel worthy or understand who I am.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
I have other tools.
Speaker 6 (24:17):
I have meditation and yoga and music and art and
friends and laughter and all kinds of things that I
do that keep me from wanting to pick up a
drink again.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
But it's really the people.
Speaker 6 (24:31):
It's the people like you, the listeners, the guests, the
people I meet in recovery meetings, the people that I
even just meet as I travel through life who are
talking about being people in recovery with their chin held
high and understanding that there's no shame in being somebody
(24:52):
who has overcome the challenge of addiction.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
If anything, we should.
Speaker 6 (24:56):
Be flagging or flags as proudly as we can from
every rooftop to be able to help those that are
out there actively struggling know that it's possible, it's worth it,
and we're here to listen so so much love, so
much gratitude to all of you, especially to Jean and
Catherine and Amanda and Lisa and all of the people
(25:22):
that have been part of the Bubble Hour over the years.
They're my treasured, treasured friends. To all of you who
have reached out to me. I still hear from people
sometimes saying that the Bubble Hour has made a difference
in your life. That is all I've ever needed to hear,
and it makes me feel less alone and keeps me strong.
(25:43):
So lean into the discomfort, keep your chin held high,
keep your shoulders back, walk with pride, and I love
all of.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
You with all of my heart. Thanks.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
Do you ever wish for a little bit of recovery
inspiration on the go? Tiny Bubbles is a new podcast
that brings you the best bits of the Bubble Hour
podcast in quick little episodes, just fifteen minutes long, but
packed with wisdom, insight, and encouragement to live your life
wholeheartedly and alcohol free. Look for Tiny Bubbles wherever you
(26:27):
get podcasts and subscribe today. Tiny Bubbles little bits of
recovery goodness brought to you by the Bubble Hour. Sometimes
all you need is a little pep talk so you
can get back to living that beautiful life you're building.
(26:50):
Take Good Care is a new collection of recovery readings
inspired by The Bubble Hour.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
If you love the.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
Encouragement and support you find here on this podcast, then
this new book.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
Thanks for you.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
Visit the bubbleour dot com for more information or check
the show notes for a link to purchase. You'll find
Take Good Care on Amazon worldwide. Take Good Care recovery
reading inspired by the Bubble Hour, the perfect gift for
yourself and friends. Help others find the message overcovery. We
(27:24):
champion on the Bubble Hour. Plus get access to the
entire backlist ad free by joining us on Patreon. Patroon
support helps with the ongoing expense of making free versions
of the show available, as well as the cost to
make new content like our spinoff podcast, Tiny Bubbles. Become
a Bubble Hour patron today at patreon dot com. Slash
(27:46):
the Bubble Hour and help us help others through stories
of strength and hope. How I would like to ask
for you to hold space for me, if you would
to let me share a story with you. When I
(28:07):
joined the show, I was forty five and I was
working full time and the last of my three sons,
was still living at home in high school. And now
it's a decade later, and I'm semi retired, and my
sons are all married, and my husband and I have
three grandsons. Now I've written numerous books, fulfilling a lifelong
dream of mine, and I can honestly say I am very,
(28:29):
very proud of my accomplishments. Before I quit drinking, there
was never enough alcohol, But there was also never enough accomplishments.
There was never enough accolades, never enough hours in the
day or rungs on the ladder. I was just endlessly
ambitious and driven, and I worked hard, hard heart every day,
(28:51):
and yet nothing I did ever felt satisfying to me.
The second I accomplished something i'd set out to do,
I immediately just looked to the next thing. And if I
received to compliment or praise or a trophy, even something
I know i'd earned, even something I wanted, I still
kind of tossed it aside. It felt hollow, and I
just went on to the next thing. Nothing is ever
good enough when you're hustling for your worthiness, and I
(29:14):
felt like I had to keep moving so that I
could outrun potential criticism and hope that I would just
never get hit. Around the time I took over as
the solo host, my husband and I were transitioning our
home building business and we were downsizing. We were moving
out of a large office that was once full of employees,
and we were pairing down to just the two of
(29:34):
us and going to a home office and trying to
decide what on earth to do with all of the
computers and the desks and the furniture, and the binders
and the pens. You guys, are so many pens. I'm
still using them years years years later. And paper clips.
I've still got a huge basket of paper clips that
seems to never run out. The office supplies may outlive me,
(29:55):
to be honest. One day, my husband he called me
into the boardroom and he pointed to a wall that
was lined with shelves and covered in trophies, numerous Builder
of the Year awards, Volunteer of the Year, Woman of Distinction,
Top Canadian Women in Business awards, numerous home design awards,
advertising awards, and there was literally a truckload of glass
(30:17):
and brass symbolizing my career and some kind of success.
And to me, that display was a little bit heartbreaking.
I didn't like that wall of trophies. It just reminded
me of twenty years of searching for my value and
of trying to prove myself to the people around me,
(30:38):
and most especially to my father, to try to earn
his love and respect, and spoiler alert, that didn't work
out so well. It makes me sad to think of
that time of life, to think of doing so much,
and honestly doing it pretty well, but at the same
time just slowly destroying myself, never liking myself, and never
(31:01):
feeling good enough, and despite all of the outward evidence.
To me, it was almost comical and ironic in how
big of a difference there was between the me that
won those trophies and the me that was so shriveled
and hollowed and hurting. Huh so okay, So by that
(31:22):
I was sober and I wasn't really pursuing trophies anymore.
But what the heck do you do with them? What
do I do with all those trophies? So the thought
of allowing all of that into my home and confronting
them every day just made me feel sick to my stomach.
And never mind the idea of dusting them. I didn't
want to dust them, and I knew no one else
would ever want them, so in the end we decided
(31:44):
to just pile them all up and take a picture,
and then we smashed them one by one into the
big blue dumpster behind our office, and honestly, it felt
pretty triumphant. It felt like letting go of a whole
other addiction. Ever since then, I've been pretty careful about
out my feelings about awards and accolades, and I've learned
to accept compliments. I'm getting better at that. I'm still
(32:07):
working with a therapist to learn how to feel safe
and valued and accepted without feeling like I have to
earn it. That's part of the job of recovery. For me.
It's a much better way to live, and the shift
and the healing has been an unexpected benefit of recovery.
So the other day I was having coffee with a friend,
the very friend who was there for me on my
(32:28):
very first day of sobriety back in twenty and eleven.
And in an earlier episode this season, you heard a
clip of me saying that, you know, on the first day,
I told a friend the damn truth. Well, that's the
friend she's a good one. She's a keeper. And I
was telling her how I'm building this final season of
the show, and how it was such a big job,
and how working through these old episodes has really been
(32:49):
so wonderful. I had been kind of bracing, actually to
feel a bit embarrassed, and I was expecting that I
was going to just cringe as I listened to those
old tracks of myself and heard all the times that
I said like and And I was a little bit
worried that as I listened to the old episodes, I'd
be hearing parts of my story where I wasn't healed yet,
(33:12):
or where I wasn't proud of how I spoke on
that day, and I thought I'd want to scrub all
those archives clean. But instead what I witnessed was this
beautiful arc of growth and of healing and of community.
And instead of cleaning up all those old messes, which
I mean, you did hear a good laugh in episode
four this season where we kind of had some fun
(33:33):
laughing at all the old mistakes. To be honest, I
just felt so proud, very very proud of all of it,
of the show and the community that it created. And
I'm honored to have played a role. And I just
truly feel that I stepped up and I did my best,
and I am so proud of this whole thing. And
(33:54):
I told all this to my friend and she was
kind of cobsbacked. She's never heard me say that before.
She's never heard me sound so authentically proud, especially not
relative to my recovery, which I was very scared and
ashamed of on that very first day. So you see,
I'm healing and this show has been a big part
(34:17):
of that. So I'm grateful to every single listener, every guest,
and every other host of this show for the chance
to be here and to learn and to heal undergo together.
And I won't say I'm sad it's ending, because I'm not.
It's time. I don't want to be cheesy, but I
feel like I need to say it for the final
(34:37):
time because I loved closing the show with the wish
for all of you take good care, and I mean it,
take good care of yourself and of each other.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
Yeah, I offer this up.
Speaker 1 (34:55):
It's complete. Off we go onward.
Speaker 5 (35:01):
I own it.
Speaker 4 (35:02):
I did it, not proud, but that was me. And
when I face it and take a little dignity, not
looking for excuses.
Speaker 5 (35:13):
I just want to be free from the power weakness,
head off me in a dumb corners where shames to happen.
Wait with your jobs, because you'll keep it up the side,
(35:37):
it just says, and.
Speaker 4 (35:38):
Wait there to rob you of your pride.
Speaker 9 (35:41):
Turn the light on.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
Turn the light on.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
You can't shine away?
Speaker 4 (35:46):
You see that or a dip not proud, but that
was me and my face. If I take back a
little dignity, anot of excuses, I just want.
Speaker 2 (36:01):
To be breathe from power.
Speaker 9 (36:04):
Oh your smell. You don't have to shout it out
on main street. You don't need to whisper to confessions.
And the person you should talk to.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
Is lookin at you in the mirror and all the
members as can always away. You see open, different, not proud,
but that to me.
Speaker 4 (36:38):
And when I face, I take back a little dignity.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
Another excuses.
Speaker 5 (36:47):
I just want to be free from power or yours.
Speaker 2 (36:54):
When you see old.
Speaker 4 (36:56):
Different, not prod, that was me and thas I take
that a little thing.
Speaker 9 (37:03):
To hear.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
From excuse suits.
Speaker 9 (37:08):
I just want to be free from pat When.
Speaker 2 (37:12):
You said breathe free, bree breathe free,
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