November 21, 2022 • 38 mins
After nearly four years, the hosts of The Bubble Hour had to make some hard decisions. Was it time to end the show? Utlitimately, we decided to continue but with some big shifts. We look at how, and why, the podcast transitioned from four hosts to one. Get the book: Take Good Care: Recovery Readings Inspired by The Bubble Hour podcast *(affiliate link) The Bubble Hour website www.thebubblehour.com Tiny Bubbles podcast https://sites.libsyn.com/448419 Host Jean McCarthy www.jeanmccarthy.ca Support us on Patreon https://patreon.com/thebubblehour
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This podcast includes frank discussions of mature themes that may
not be suitable for all audiences. Listener discretion is advised.
This podcast is intended to provide encouragement and support through
personal storytelling. The views expressed are the opinions of the
participants and not intended to be medical, legal, clinical, or
(00:21):
professional information or advice of any kind.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Welcome to the Bubble Hour.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Welcome to the Bubble Hour.
Speaker 4 (00:32):
Welcome to the Bubble Hour. Welcome to the Bubble Hour.
Speaker 5 (00:35):
Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to the Bubble Hour.
Speaker 6 (00:38):
A ownent, a diffent, not praps. We and let a face.
Let's take a little dignity. Not looking for excuses. I
just want to be free from the power. We us
head on to be free, free, free, free free.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
I'm Jeen McCarthy and you're listening to They'll Bobble Hour.
Hi everyone, here we are episode six of ten, and
this one will definitely definitely make the most sense if
you are listening to season ten in order. That's nothing
more than a gentle suggestion. If you're episode hopping and
find yourself confused, just go back and catch up. It'll
all make sense.
Speaker 7 (01:25):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
In the last episode. You joined us for a weekend
in Boston in early twenty fifteen, where we four hosts
had gathered to meet in person and recorded an episode
in the process, and I shared with you how spending
that time together cemented the bonds between us and gave
us an even greater appreciation for one another as individuals
(01:45):
and as members of a team. We also hosted a
group of locals and that was so joyful in infused
future shows with energy that comes from feeling that the
audience is really, really real, that they're friends. Whether you've
met them yet or not yet met them, they are friends. Nevertheless,
later that summer, I would go on a vacation with
(02:08):
my husband and we would, for the first time ever,
go to Europe together. I had coffee in a piazza
in Rome with a listener of this show. It was
absolutely an incredible gift. The four of us continued to
record weekly right through the summer of twenty fifteen, and
then we took our usual summer break from recording. This
(02:30):
was when I had said fantastic experience meeting a listener
who was kind enough to reach out when she heard
me mention that I would be traveling in her area.
When we got back from our summer holiday. We reconvened
for a planning phone call in the fall of twenty fifteen.
And now, remember this is pre zoom, so we didn't
have a way to video conference from our four different locations.
(02:51):
A four way phone call was the height of technology,
at least that was within our grasp at that time.
We gathered to talk about scheduling and topic for a
fall when we would start recording new shows again. Now
it was a hectic time for all of us. Amanda
and Catherine had new responsibilities at work and that was
demanding a lot of their time and attention. Ellie was
(03:12):
now a single parent and beginning part time work, still
building back her life bit by bit after the devastating
consequences of her relapse. Ellie had recently gotten her driver's
license back, and she was working hard to keep the
balance between everything she was already doing and the new
things that were possible now that her freedom to drive
had been restored. It would be easy to slide back
(03:33):
into doing too much.
Speaker 4 (03:34):
I have not been able to drive. I lost my
license for eighteen months, and I got my license back
on August third, Very very grateful for that. I won't
lose that gratitude for the freedom to be able to drive,
driving as a privilege, not a right. Because I got
my license back, I'm able to I was able to
start looking for a job again, and I did find
some part time work and a lot of conversations with
(03:56):
myself about balance and self care as part of this,
because as I've talked about before, I definitely have a
sister addiction of busyness. I just love to fill my time. Initially,
when I was looking for a job, I was thinking, oh,
you know, I can work full time. I'll go into
the city, I'll start making more money. I had to
make a really conscious choice after consulting with a lot
of recovery friends too, about how I don't need a
(04:18):
career right now. What I need right now is a
job and some structure and to get out of the
house and meet new people. And I was very lucky
to find a part time job that's only about twenty
minutes from my house and that isn't too taxing. I
can turn it off and on. I don't have to
bring it home with me and do work, and you know,
to really sort of find gratitude in my heart just
for the opportunity to work. I joke about my world
(04:42):
domination plans all the time. I mean, I have the
mission of the Bubble Hour, and I love that and
it sustains my spirit. But to be able to counterbalance
that with basically like a nine to five type of job,
I was laughing at myself. I got up to go
to work on the first day, I'm clacking down the
walkway with my and my little suit on, and I'm
getting in the car to drive to my job. And
(05:04):
you know, my heart was really full because when I
lost my license and everything looked so dark a year
and a half ago, that moment was a really hard
thing for me to envision, to pay my debt to society,
to put my time and focus in on staying sober.
And I didn't view losing my license as a penance
but sort of the worst and best thing that ever
(05:25):
happened to me, because I had to learn how to
sit still. I had to learn how to just be
in my own skin. I had to learn how to
ask for help, and I can't even go to the
grocery store without help. It was a painful time, but
also a time that I grew a lot in my
own recovery and in my ability to you know, invite
other people into my life to help me. So as
I was climbing in the car to try off to
(05:46):
my job the first day, I said some prayers to say,
I hope that I can maintain balance even as these
increased freedoms are coming back into my life, and not
get too too busy, and not lose the focus that
I have right now on things me like exercise, and
like spending time with my children and coaching my daughter's
soccer team, and recovery meetings for me are very important.
(06:09):
I definitely feel that tug of you should be doing more,
you should be busier, you should be I should should
should in my head a lot more than it used
to be, and you can't drive. You can get that
urge to go do something, and you can't. When I
get the freedom to drive back, it became harder to
just kind of be in my own skin and not
worry about doing errands or running around and coming up
(06:30):
on two weeks now that I've been back to work,
and it's about twenty hours a week, which is just
enough for now. My kids are grateful that I can
still be there for them at the end of the
day and I can still get to my meetings and
do things that are important to sustain my own peace
of mind. I find choosing balance to be very challenging.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
At time, my life had drastically changed. Also. My husband
and I were now empty nesters, We had a new
little grandchild, and we were transitioning our business in a
way that meant a whole lot more work for me
every day. All four of us hosts were tired and
stretched thin, but we were very happy to reconnect in
(07:10):
that planning phone call after our summer break, and as
we started to meander through our schedules as to who
was available when and who needed what time off, and
who would do what, and what might need to change
to accommodate all of these differences in our lives right now,
and we started to divvy up the responsibilities for every episode,
and it became very clear to us that after one
(07:32):
hundred and thirty Sunday evening phone calls to record our show,
the novelty of running a podcast was beginning to give way,
and we were all feeling somewhat burdened by this responsibility.
We were juggling dates and topics and formats working around
everybody's needs and their limitation, and for the first time
(07:55):
it occurred to me that the show was going to
run its core, The show was going to end someday.
And I remember asking Ellie on that call, have you
ever thought about what might be a sign that it's
time to be finished? Would it be a nice round
number of episodes like one hundred and fifty or two hundred,
(08:17):
or drop in listenership. How do we know if it's
time to think about winding down? For me, that train
of thought brought a cloud of sadness over our discussion.
We shifted into a philosophical talk about what was the
right thing to do for ourselves and for each other.
We decided that the biggest challenge really was just simply
coordinating our schedules for sessions like the one we were
(08:39):
having right then, and the problem wasn't so much the
weekly hour of recording as it was the planning and
production of each episode in our different ways of coming
at that. Many hands make light work, but too many
cooks spoil the soup. You know how much we love
metaphors in recovery, right, So, after considering a number of
possible options, we decided that the show would go back
(09:00):
into full production with only Ellie and Amanda hosting in
a looser format that would require less preparation and be
easier and more sustainable. We just couldn't consider the idea
of stopping the show. We decided to try this new
way forward, and Catherine and I would be on standby
to fill in if we were ever needed, but otherwise
we would be on pause as hosts, and then we'd
(09:21):
circle back in a few months and assess if the
show would continue on this way. Here's Ellie in the
first episode after that decision, explaining to listeners how the
show would go forward.
Speaker 4 (09:33):
Just to get caught up and share with everybody what
the focus of our format is going to be going forward.
Gene and Catherine have elected to stay on hiatus for
a little bit longer. We're going to send them lots
of love over the airwave and as always, very involved
with the recovery movement as always, but we may not
hear their voices on the show for a little bit yet,
but Amanda and I will be here and we will
(09:54):
be having guests and talking about all sorts of things
that are relevant to recovery.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
I missed the show I missed talking with my dear
friends weekly, and I missed engaging in meaningful conversations about
recovery with the guests who came on the show from
all over the world. I mean, those voices just were
not part of my day to day life way up
here in Alberta, Canada. But I did enjoy the free
time it left me with, and I put my energy
(10:21):
in other directions. For a while, I followed the episodes
that Ellie and Amanda were producing, but then I soon
noticed that reruns were appearing instead, and then nothing. I
waited a few weeks to see if new shows might appear,
but when they didn't, I reached out to make sure
everything was okay. Amanda was simply too swamped at work
(10:42):
to make time for the show, and Ellie had meanwhile
made some very hard decisions herself.
Speaker 8 (10:47):
Right about the time I got my license back and
was very grateful to have a lot of the major
losses kind of wreckage to be ironing itself out. I
got a terrific job at a terrific company that was
going to be twenty hours a week, a punch in,
punch out kind of get well job, and within three
months I had taken a promotion there and was working
(11:07):
full time, and I was kind of doing my world
domination thing where I'm taking care of two kids and
I'm working full time, and I have a foot in
the recovery advocacy world, and I was doing my jewelry,
and I was turning very slowly but steadily turning the
volume up again on all of the things that kind
of keep me busy, almost manically busy.
Speaker 7 (11:29):
And I call it now my regulation problem.
Speaker 8 (11:33):
I just haven't, surprisingly, unsurprisingly, I have a hard time
doing anything in moderation, even things that are good for me,
and even things that on the surface seem to be
really healthy and productive. And so about six months, maybe
seven months into that new job, getting adjusted that the
kids having two different households and the pace was just
absolutely insane, I pretty much found myself having a complete
(11:56):
and total nervous breakdown, even in sobriety. I mean, I
was an absolutely wheels coming off the bus. My anxiety
and depression were through the roof. I couldn't function. I
just woke up one day and I didn't even call work.
I didn't get out of bed, I didn't.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
Go to work.
Speaker 8 (12:09):
I've never even in the worst of my alcoholism had
experienced anything where I basically just shut everything down like
that and kind of curled into the fetal position and
felt very sorry for myself and thought, I guess I'm
somebody who just can't do things.
Speaker 7 (12:21):
I just can't be part of the world.
Speaker 8 (12:22):
And it was an incredibly, incredibly scary experience. And I
was used to getting sober and rebuilding my life and
working on relationships and meditation and spirituality and sobriety. I mean,
I had done so much work on myself, So why
am I curled up position at two o'clock in the morning,
unable to function, just very discouraging and depressing and really
(12:42):
almost hopeless at the time. I have an incredible network
of friends, as you all know, and they never let
me stray too far in any direction from my own
kind of self destructive tendencies, and so they got me
hooked up with a great program, and I really had
to look at my mental health issues, anxiety being number one,
and depression is a piece of that. I left the
(13:03):
job and I checked out of all the other things
I was doing to kind of keep busier than I
needed to be, and I had to sort of surrender
to mental health issues, just like I had to surrender
to addiction. I spoke with a mental health professional who
literally put one hand on either side of my cheeks
and looked me right in the face, and she said, honey,
if you can't get your mental health issues in order,
(13:23):
you know, they're two sides of the same coin, mental
health and addiction. One's just going to keep feeding the other,
and it's either going to feed it in a negative
way or a positive way.
Speaker 7 (13:31):
But they're two.
Speaker 8 (13:31):
Sides of the same coin.
Speaker 9 (13:33):
You know.
Speaker 8 (13:33):
I've been struggling with both for so long. I don't
even They're just sort of how I felt. I felt
anxious a lot, but maybe I'm just an anxious person.
I did not really understand that this was something that
I had to dress, not just medically, but in the
way that I conduct my every day life.
Speaker 7 (13:47):
So I did it again. I really pulled back.
Speaker 8 (13:49):
I sort of unplugged from a lot of things and
took some really quiet introspective time, did a lot of
worker myself. I went to a partial hospitalization program that's
an outpatient basis at a local counseling facility that dealt
with both mental health and addiction, and took another course
after that that was another sort of outpatient course that
really kind of helped me understand how these two, you know,
(14:12):
lifelong chronic conditions need to be managed and dealt with.
And one of the things that I finally realized, and
it was a really really difficult decision for me to make,
is that, you know, I need to be on as
stable a footing as I possibly can be if I'm
going to be out in the world working with people
in recovery or recovery advocacy or even beloved things like
(14:34):
the Bubble Hour, which I adore. It's my baby and
I love it dearly, but it is still a distraction
in some ways from me really focusing on myself and
until I fully understand my own journey to the best
of my ability, and I'll never fully understand it, but
until I feel like I've really taken some sacred time
to get to know me and who I am today
(14:57):
and all the changes that have happened to me over
the last three or four years, it's really an inward
it's an inward journey for now, and so taking some
time away from the Bubble Hour was a piece of that,
as well as making recovery and self care and my
kids and family absolutely my number one priority, which is
something I don't really do well. I'm pretty comfortable at
(15:18):
the bottom of the pile. I kind of like there.
I've said this before on the show, but it's amazing
how if somebody showed me a picture today of what
my life looks like back then, I wouldn't have believed it.
I've learned over and over I can be in really hopeless,
low despairing places and there's always something that can be changed,
There's always something that can be looked at, and all
(15:40):
I have to do is ask the right people for
help and let them help me. And you know that
every single time these things happen, I learned something really
valuable about myself and my recovery and my mental health
and my family. You know, I don't really.
Speaker 7 (15:55):
Have any regrets.
Speaker 8 (15:56):
It's a bit of really tough journey, but sinking each
time these things have occurred, I have honestly come out
sort of a more whole, more grounded, more authentic person.
So I'm very grateful to we're in today.
Speaker 7 (16:07):
So the first time in my life, I really have
to figure out who I am from the inside out
and not based on how the world reacts to me
or perceives me, and that it's that recovery of any
kind is a very sacred personal thing. I had replaced
the exterior element of my recovery, you know, sort of
the more public element to it, with the sycity of
(16:29):
my private recovery. If I had to look really hard
at my mental health diagnoses, I had to accept them,
almost surrender to mental health the same way I had
surrendered to addiction. But it's probably the most important formative
facred time for me to fit in myself as myself
and learn to love and accept me in my entirety,
(16:52):
not just sort of picking and choosing what the world
likes or responds to, but what do I like and
what sort of life do I want to build? And
I won't lie. It was hard in order for me
to be grounded and safe within my own self and
my own recovery and my own sanity. It was important
for me to focus on making everything smaller, and the
ways in which I help people are quieter now and
(17:15):
they're one on one and in person for the most part,
and that's working for me.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
Do you ever wish for a little bit of recovery inspiration?
On the go. Tiny Bubbles is a new podcast that
brings you the best bits of the Bubble Hour podcast
in quick little episodes, just fifteen minutes long, but packed
with wisdom, insight, and encouragement to live your life wholeheartedly
(17:46):
and alcohol free. Look for Tiny Bubbles wherever you get
podcasts and subscribe today. Tiny Bubbles little bits of recovery
goodness brought to you by the Bubble Hour. Sometimes all
you need is a little keep talk so you can
get back to living that beautiful life you're building. Take
(18:13):
Good Care is a new collection of recovery readings inspired
by the Bubble Hour. If you love the encouragement and
support you find here on this podcast, then this new
book is for you. Visit the bubbleour dot com for
more information or check the show notes for a link
to purchase. You'll find Take Good Care on Amazon worldwide.
Take Good Care recovery reading inspired by the Bubble Hour,
(18:35):
the perfect gift for yourself and friends. Knowing that the
show was in limbo, I realized that the changes my
husband and I had made to our business meant I
was often working alone in what used to be at
very chaotic office. The changes in my work life were stressful,
(18:58):
but it left me with much more flexible days. I
realized that if I could simply book one on one
interviews throughout the week, I could post them as a
show on Sunday night instead of recording live. I pitched
the idea to the others and asked if they might
want to be involved. Everyone else was ready to move on,
and they gave me their blessing to try this new
format and carry on alone for as long as I
(19:21):
had the energy to do.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
So.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
I was moving my company and that's just a huge
undertaking and I just couldn't manage it. And I was
so torn because I just think the Bubble Hour is
so important, and you know, I didn't want to say
I wanted to step down because I wanted the show
to continue on. But talk to you, me, you and
(19:44):
Ellie and Catherine, and you said you would continue it on.
And I just have to say, Jean, I can't thank
you enough for continuing on the show. It's so important
to so many people. You know, I really hesitated to
step down, but you know, you have to practic self care.
And I found that it was stressing me out more
(20:04):
than it was helping me, and that I didn't want
that to come through to the listeners because that's not
fair to anyone. My job is very demanding and my
recovery is still number one to me. But the insanity
of how crazy my life has been for you know,
a couple of years now is It's all great, Everything's
been going really well. But I don't have a lot
(20:27):
of free time.
Speaker 7 (20:30):
I have a new job.
Speaker 10 (20:31):
It's a global job.
Speaker 11 (20:32):
I unbelievably travel even more than I used to. And
I know I used to talk about travel all the time,
and now it's like even more. For people who wondered,
like why doesn't Catherine participate in the Bubble Hour anymore,
it's just a capacity issue for me. I work with
three sober people as sponsores.
Speaker 12 (20:53):
I go to.
Speaker 11 (20:54):
Twelve step meetings every day. I do work with a sponsor,
so I have a lot of place is where I'm
sort of plugging in with sober people, and I just
have to sort of manage my calendar. I have such
gratitude for you and for the Bubble Hour community for
how you've helped me over the years, and I just
(21:16):
I'm so grateful.
Speaker 5 (21:17):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
And so I was on my own producing and hosting
the Bubble Hour. This was an intensive period of training
for me, where I had to learn how to run
the controls that Amanda had been managing all these years,
take over all of the registrations for feed, website, social media, email,
audio files, blog everything. It was a steep learning curve
and I was on a first name basis with the
(21:41):
blog Talk help desk for a while there. But soon
I launched Season five, a massive shift in the podcast
where the focus came more squarely onto the story of
one guest, while I demonstrated the power of holding space,
allowing moments of total silence, and that resulted in a
less social, but more experience for the listeners.
Speaker 5 (22:03):
Robin, Welcome to the show.
Speaker 3 (22:05):
Hi Jee, tell us about yourself and how you came
to be a person in recovery.
Speaker 10 (22:12):
I knew, I knew. I am thinking every swig I take,
and I do mean swig. I was not using wine glasses.
These are water goblets and this was not sipping. But
I really did wake up May eighteen. Let's say I'm done.
Speaker 13 (22:31):
And I didn't.
Speaker 10 (22:31):
I have not looked back.
Speaker 3 (22:41):
Sasha, Welcome to the Bubble Hour.
Speaker 14 (22:44):
So good to be here.
Speaker 11 (22:45):
Thanks for having me.
Speaker 3 (22:46):
Before we have you talk about what your life is like. Now,
let's hear about what got you here, why you're in
recovery in the first place.
Speaker 14 (22:53):
It was evident that I had a problem with drinking
and using drugs from the moment it started. I was
so uncomfortable in my skin and I needed a bumper.
So when I found drinking for the first time, when
I slipped alcohol, I immediately loved it because it gave
me the illusion of safety and confidence. My self esteem
(23:18):
was so low, but when I drank, all that went away.
Speaker 5 (23:29):
Son, Welcome to the Bubble Hour.
Speaker 15 (23:31):
Glad to be here. I'm a Bubble Hour fan. I've
been sober since May twenty ninth, nineteen eighty nine. To me,
I was never quite that bad. In reality is I
was very bad. I wasn't doing I wasn't doing well
at all.
Speaker 16 (23:55):
My name is Chakchak Ellis and I am a woman and.
Speaker 12 (24:00):
Long term recovery for ten years.
Speaker 16 (24:04):
Certain situations that we encounter in our lives can kind
of change the full path. It's like a train on
a track and you kind of become derailed from one
simple thing that happened and you were just unware. I
had a great job as a behavior specialist, and I
was working with at risk youth and also youth with
behavioral health.
Speaker 12 (24:24):
Issues at my job. One day I fell.
Speaker 16 (24:27):
I rounded up happening again a moniscaus with parent surgery,
which after the surgery, a doctor gave me a prescription
for a medication.
Speaker 17 (24:34):
Called hydrocodone law set and after my knee surgery, I
had quite a lot of pain. So when I started
taking them, I noticed within a short period of time
that I just felt happy.
Speaker 12 (24:44):
On this medication.
Speaker 16 (24:46):
I wasn't in a situation where I was self medicating
from anything. Everything was great in my life, but I
liked how motivated I felt when taking it, and this
medication took away my pain.
Speaker 17 (24:58):
I started noticing some things about my that was pretty different.
Speaker 16 (25:01):
I don't know where that came from, because I never
did any type of narcotic in my life.
Speaker 12 (25:06):
So I started picking more.
Speaker 14 (25:07):
What I didn't know is that I was in.
Speaker 16 (25:10):
The early status of an addiction substance use disorder. I
was thinking about my medication all the time, and I
was putting it as a priority. Fast forward, my life
fire out of control, and I would say between the
year of two thousand fall the way up until two
thousand and nine, my life turned upside down. I kind
(25:30):
of knew that I had a problem when I started
feeling sick from not having a medication, but I did
not know that was called withdrawal. Unbeknoticed to me, I
was in a wham. I didn't know there are so
many Americans struggling with addictions that are functional, women, that
are great moms, the kids are in college. I had
to kind of save myself. I had an epiphany, a
(25:52):
high moment.
Speaker 18 (25:53):
I said, God, please help me, because nobody knews what
I'm dealing with, and I need hope, and nobody understands
what I'm dealing with, and I am addicted in silent
so I realized that on at Day, I made a step.
Speaker 12 (26:06):
I stepped out of faith. Recovery is so possible.
Speaker 18 (26:10):
All you need is saved the size of a mustard seed.
You need that tiny bit of faith to say I'm helpless.
Speaker 16 (26:18):
I can't live like this.
Speaker 18 (26:19):
The more when I made that decision, it say I
saved my life.
Speaker 12 (26:23):
Set Day.
Speaker 3 (26:36):
Today's guest joins us from Ireland.
Speaker 5 (26:39):
Hi, Breed, how are you hike?
Speaker 19 (26:41):
And I'm brilliant, Thank you very much. I'm absolutely delighted
to be on the Bubble Hour.
Speaker 5 (26:45):
Oh, I love how you say bubble hour. It's so great.
Speaker 19 (26:51):
From pretty much to the very beginning, I was a
blackout drinker. Not every time, but more often than not,
I would blackout. I started to drink more at home,
and wine became a thing. It was around that, you know,
sex and the City Bridge at Jones type time, and
I suppose it just became a thing to drink wine
(27:11):
at home. But what I probably didn't realize at the
time was that I was drinking a lot more wine
at home, I think than other people were. Inevitably, a
night out would end up in either a gray out,
which is what I call when you can't remember parts
of the night or it's a vague or else it
would be a full on blackout. And there were times
when I lost, you know, hours of my night where
Ireland is just absolutely steeped in alcohol. Everything we do,
(27:35):
you know, it's surrounded in alcohol. I knew that I
had a problem with alcohol, but I had this really
egotistical idea that I was going to control this thing.
You know, even though I proved myself time and time again,
if that wasn't the case. On the outside, everything looked
more or less perfect. But I knew inside that it was.
(27:56):
I had this feeling of like there must be other
people out there like me.
Speaker 5 (28:14):
And today we have a listener.
Speaker 3 (28:16):
He first wrote into the show three years ago. Didn't
hear from him again for a while, and sure enough,
a few years later he wrote back and said, guess
what I did it. I'm doing it. I'm living this life.
Hello Brendon, thank you so much for joining us and
telling us your story.
Speaker 13 (28:32):
Hello g and hello listeners. In two thousand and fifteen
is when I started to first I guess look into
this and say, you know, you know, what can I do?
I obviously have a problem. I emailed you and I
was looking at resources. I could never really get over
that hump. Fast forward, another whole year goes by. Another
year goes by. During this time, every ten days or so,
(28:55):
a blackout. Every thirtieth days, fight of some sort with
my spouse, whether it was an alcohol infused argument or
it was an argument about alcohol and what it was
doing to me, got a reputation in certain circles. I
was always a guy for a good time. I was
always a guy that was going to stay out late.
I was going to have one more I was going
to close down the bar. I didn't want the night
(29:15):
to end. So all of the one day at a
time adages they're absolutely one hundred percent true. Think about
all the positive things that you can do. So focus
on the positive. Focus on all the good in your life.
If it can be achieved by people like me, and
then like all these other guests, it can be achieved
by you or by anyone.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
Be Selene.
Speaker 5 (29:45):
Welcome to the Bubble Hour.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Thank you, Jane.
Speaker 20 (29:48):
This is definitely out of my comfort zone. So I've
gotten so much out of this podcast. If this is
useful for anybody who listens to it, I'm thrilled. It
was so funny because I found unpickled.
Speaker 21 (30:00):
Blog of yours. Gene was the first thing I found
that I read that I really identified with. I started
finding all of these places where people were getting sober
without having hit some rock bottom, and so I started
realizing that I wasn't really alone in this and I
didn't need to wait until something terrible had happened in
(30:23):
my life to turn this around.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
I'm going to turn the mic over to you, Kathy,
tell us about yourself and tell us your story.
Speaker 22 (30:43):
Thank you, Jeane. It really is my pleasure if I
decided to stop drinking. On the fourth of July, I
found the Bubble Hour and listened incessantly while gardening, doing
projects around the house, and while driving. Jeane, your soft,
kind voice and the stories of your guests were just
what I needed. I related to so many of your guests,
(31:04):
and I learned so much from the experts you've had
on from time to time. It has now been two
years and four months, and I am not tempted to drink.
When I say I'm not tempted, I mean I don't
crave it. It scares me to imagine what could happen
to me if I started drinking again, especially since I
live alone. This is what's helped me to stop drinking.
(31:27):
Having the experience of stopping and then starting back up
taught me I couldn't moderate. Plus it took so much
effort to stop. I don't ever want to have to
stop again, Jeane. When I found the Bubble Hour, I
felt like I had come home. I needed a supportive environment,
not a shaming one. Being okay with feeling pain, sitting
(31:49):
in it for a little while and not having to
make it go away. Then I do my best not
to stay below the line by reaching out for support, reading,
watching movies, or doing yoga. Jane, I can't express how
grateful I am that I found you and your podcast,
and I thank you for this opportunity to tell my story.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
Help others find the message of recovery. We champion on
the Bubble Hour. Plus get access to the entire backlist
ad free by joining us on Patreon. Patroon support helps
with the ongoing expense of making free versions of the
show available, as well as the cost to make new
content like our spinoff podcast, Tiny Bubbles. Become a Bubble
(32:37):
Hour patron today at patreon dot com. Slash the Bubble
Hour and help us help others through stories of strength
and hope. The audience was kind enough to give me
a chance. We all seem to understand together that the
(33:00):
changes the show was undergoing were really the result of
a spirit of service and dedication and heartfelt affection for
the platform and the history of the show. I'm so
grateful that I was given the space to accommodate these shifts,
and that listeners kept coming back and the show continued
to thrive and grow, and that meant a lot to me,
(33:21):
And what meant even more was that the audience still
included the other co hosts too.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
I was driving home and I'm like, I should listen
to The Bubble Hour and catch up on it. And
I have to tell you you're doing an awesome job, Dane.
I've listened to I listen every day on my way home,
and I just love it. Because when we were on
the show, I never listened to the show. I didn't
want to hear myself talk. I loved listening to you guys,
(33:48):
but I didn't want to hear me I think we
all said that none of us listened to the show.
Speaker 3 (33:53):
It would be like having a conversation and then playing
it back. We've already had the conversation, so yeah, don't
usually listen back to it.
Speaker 5 (34:01):
Well that's so funny.
Speaker 3 (34:02):
So now the Bubble Hour is a pass in your patchwork.
Speaker 4 (34:06):
It is, it is.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
I just love it.
Speaker 8 (34:09):
I'm an avid fan and listener. I think what you
are doing with the show is absolutely amazing, and I'm
beyond grateful that you are able to carry the flag
and do such an unbelievable job with the show, because
it would be really, really heartbreaking to me if my
own need to step away would put the show to bed.
(34:30):
So thank you, first of all for all the hard
work you're doing. You're amazing, and I'm just so grateful
for that.
Speaker 10 (34:37):
Now.
Speaker 1 (34:37):
I recall thinking, when I embarked on this solo mission
that I would just round out the number of episodes
that I would revisit my decision at milestones along the way.
Two hundred episodes seem like a nice round number, But
if I got tired at one seventy five, i'd stop
at one seventy five. Well, two hundred shows came and went,
(34:58):
and I was the experience of connecting so deeply with guests.
I checked in with my heart regularly, trusting that when
it was time to be done, I would know. I
would just know. But meanwhile I'd continue and continue. I
did for another six years and another two hundred plus episodes.
(35:23):
Coming up, on the next episode, we'll look at a
strange email I received and the impact that it had
on the Bubble Hour. All that in more in episode seven.
It's right here when you're ready, so come on back
and listen soon. Until then, my friends take good care.
Speaker 6 (35:40):
I own it. I didn't not proud, but that was me.
Speaker 9 (35:44):
And when I faced and take a little dignity, not
Luke and Bob excuses.
Speaker 6 (35:52):
I just want to be free from the power. Waitus
head off me in a dun corners where Shane lives
to heaven.
Speaker 9 (36:10):
Wait with your jobs, because you'll keep it up the
second it just staves and wait there to rob you
off your pride.
Speaker 11 (36:21):
Turn the light on.
Speaker 6 (36:22):
Turn the light on. You can't shine away.
Speaker 9 (36:25):
You see the dip not proud, but that was me
and have bas I take that a little dignity, A lot.
Speaker 6 (36:37):
Of preful excuses. I just want to be free from
paven Oh yes, s.
Speaker 9 (36:49):
You don't have to shout it out on main street.
Speaker 6 (36:58):
You don't need to whisper to confessions in the person
you should.
Speaker 9 (37:05):
Not to is look in at you in the mirror,
and one who memories moles can always away.
Speaker 6 (37:12):
You see old different, not proud, but damns me.
Speaker 9 (37:17):
And when I face, I take back a little dignity.
Speaker 6 (37:24):
Another from excuses. I just want to be free from
the power or yours. When you see the old a different,
I'm crack. That was me and that face, I take
back a little thing to hear. I'm a looking for
(37:46):
excuse it. I just want to be free from the power.
When you
Speaker 9 (37:55):
Free free free, free free
This podcast includes frank discussions of mature themes that may
not be suitable for all audiences. Listener discretion is advised.
This podcast is intended to provide encouragement and support through
personal storytelling. The views expressed are the opinions of the
participants and not intended to be medical, legal, clinical, or
(00:21):
professional information or advice of any kind.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Welcome to the Bubble Hour.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Welcome to the Bubble Hour.
Speaker 4 (00:32):
Welcome to the Bubble Hour. Welcome to the Bubble Hour.
Speaker 5 (00:35):
Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to the Bubble Hour.
Speaker 6 (00:38):
A ownent, a diffent, not praps. We and let a face.
Let's take a little dignity. Not looking for excuses. I
just want to be free from the power. We us
head on to be free, free, free, free free.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
I'm Jeen McCarthy and you're listening to They'll Bobble Hour.
Hi everyone, here we are episode six of ten, and
this one will definitely definitely make the most sense if
you are listening to season ten in order. That's nothing
more than a gentle suggestion. If you're episode hopping and
find yourself confused, just go back and catch up. It'll
all make sense.
Speaker 7 (01:25):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
In the last episode. You joined us for a weekend
in Boston in early twenty fifteen, where we four hosts
had gathered to meet in person and recorded an episode
in the process, and I shared with you how spending
that time together cemented the bonds between us and gave
us an even greater appreciation for one another as individuals
(01:45):
and as members of a team. We also hosted a
group of locals and that was so joyful in infused
future shows with energy that comes from feeling that the
audience is really, really real, that they're friends. Whether you've
met them yet or not yet met them, they are friends. Nevertheless,
later that summer, I would go on a vacation with
(02:08):
my husband and we would, for the first time ever,
go to Europe together. I had coffee in a piazza
in Rome with a listener of this show. It was
absolutely an incredible gift. The four of us continued to
record weekly right through the summer of twenty fifteen, and
then we took our usual summer break from recording. This
(02:30):
was when I had said fantastic experience meeting a listener
who was kind enough to reach out when she heard
me mention that I would be traveling in her area.
When we got back from our summer holiday. We reconvened
for a planning phone call in the fall of twenty fifteen.
And now, remember this is pre zoom, so we didn't
have a way to video conference from our four different locations.
(02:51):
A four way phone call was the height of technology,
at least that was within our grasp at that time.
We gathered to talk about scheduling and topic for a
fall when we would start recording new shows again. Now
it was a hectic time for all of us. Amanda
and Catherine had new responsibilities at work and that was
demanding a lot of their time and attention. Ellie was
(03:12):
now a single parent and beginning part time work, still
building back her life bit by bit after the devastating
consequences of her relapse. Ellie had recently gotten her driver's
license back, and she was working hard to keep the
balance between everything she was already doing and the new
things that were possible now that her freedom to drive
had been restored. It would be easy to slide back
(03:33):
into doing too much.
Speaker 4 (03:34):
I have not been able to drive. I lost my
license for eighteen months, and I got my license back
on August third, Very very grateful for that. I won't
lose that gratitude for the freedom to be able to drive,
driving as a privilege, not a right. Because I got
my license back, I'm able to I was able to
start looking for a job again, and I did find
some part time work and a lot of conversations with
(03:56):
myself about balance and self care as part of this,
because as I've talked about before, I definitely have a
sister addiction of busyness. I just love to fill my time. Initially,
when I was looking for a job, I was thinking, oh,
you know, I can work full time. I'll go into
the city, I'll start making more money. I had to
make a really conscious choice after consulting with a lot
of recovery friends too, about how I don't need a
(04:18):
career right now. What I need right now is a
job and some structure and to get out of the
house and meet new people. And I was very lucky
to find a part time job that's only about twenty
minutes from my house and that isn't too taxing. I
can turn it off and on. I don't have to
bring it home with me and do work, and you know,
to really sort of find gratitude in my heart just
for the opportunity to work. I joke about my world
(04:42):
domination plans all the time. I mean, I have the
mission of the Bubble Hour, and I love that and
it sustains my spirit. But to be able to counterbalance
that with basically like a nine to five type of job,
I was laughing at myself. I got up to go
to work on the first day, I'm clacking down the
walkway with my and my little suit on, and I'm
getting in the car to drive to my job. And
(05:04):
you know, my heart was really full because when I
lost my license and everything looked so dark a year
and a half ago, that moment was a really hard
thing for me to envision, to pay my debt to society,
to put my time and focus in on staying sober.
And I didn't view losing my license as a penance
but sort of the worst and best thing that ever
(05:25):
happened to me, because I had to learn how to
sit still. I had to learn how to just be
in my own skin. I had to learn how to
ask for help, and I can't even go to the
grocery store without help. It was a painful time, but
also a time that I grew a lot in my
own recovery and in my ability to you know, invite
other people into my life to help me. So as
I was climbing in the car to try off to
(05:46):
my job the first day, I said some prayers to say,
I hope that I can maintain balance even as these
increased freedoms are coming back into my life, and not
get too too busy, and not lose the focus that
I have right now on things me like exercise, and
like spending time with my children and coaching my daughter's
soccer team, and recovery meetings for me are very important.
(06:09):
I definitely feel that tug of you should be doing more,
you should be busier, you should be I should should
should in my head a lot more than it used
to be, and you can't drive. You can get that
urge to go do something, and you can't. When I
get the freedom to drive back, it became harder to
just kind of be in my own skin and not
worry about doing errands or running around and coming up
(06:30):
on two weeks now that I've been back to work,
and it's about twenty hours a week, which is just
enough for now. My kids are grateful that I can
still be there for them at the end of the
day and I can still get to my meetings and
do things that are important to sustain my own peace
of mind. I find choosing balance to be very challenging.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
At time, my life had drastically changed. Also. My husband
and I were now empty nesters, We had a new
little grandchild, and we were transitioning our business in a
way that meant a whole lot more work for me
every day. All four of us hosts were tired and
stretched thin, but we were very happy to reconnect in
(07:10):
that planning phone call after our summer break, and as
we started to meander through our schedules as to who
was available when and who needed what time off, and
who would do what, and what might need to change
to accommodate all of these differences in our lives right now,
and we started to divvy up the responsibilities for every episode,
and it became very clear to us that after one
(07:32):
hundred and thirty Sunday evening phone calls to record our show,
the novelty of running a podcast was beginning to give way,
and we were all feeling somewhat burdened by this responsibility.
We were juggling dates and topics and formats working around
everybody's needs and their limitation, and for the first time
(07:55):
it occurred to me that the show was going to
run its core, The show was going to end someday.
And I remember asking Ellie on that call, have you
ever thought about what might be a sign that it's
time to be finished? Would it be a nice round
number of episodes like one hundred and fifty or two hundred,
(08:17):
or drop in listenership. How do we know if it's
time to think about winding down? For me, that train
of thought brought a cloud of sadness over our discussion.
We shifted into a philosophical talk about what was the
right thing to do for ourselves and for each other.
We decided that the biggest challenge really was just simply
coordinating our schedules for sessions like the one we were
(08:39):
having right then, and the problem wasn't so much the
weekly hour of recording as it was the planning and
production of each episode in our different ways of coming
at that. Many hands make light work, but too many
cooks spoil the soup. You know how much we love
metaphors in recovery, right, So, after considering a number of
possible options, we decided that the show would go back
(09:00):
into full production with only Ellie and Amanda hosting in
a looser format that would require less preparation and be
easier and more sustainable. We just couldn't consider the idea
of stopping the show. We decided to try this new
way forward, and Catherine and I would be on standby
to fill in if we were ever needed, but otherwise
we would be on pause as hosts, and then we'd
(09:21):
circle back in a few months and assess if the
show would continue on this way. Here's Ellie in the
first episode after that decision, explaining to listeners how the
show would go forward.
Speaker 4 (09:33):
Just to get caught up and share with everybody what
the focus of our format is going to be going forward.
Gene and Catherine have elected to stay on hiatus for
a little bit longer. We're going to send them lots
of love over the airwave and as always, very involved
with the recovery movement as always, but we may not
hear their voices on the show for a little bit yet,
but Amanda and I will be here and we will
(09:54):
be having guests and talking about all sorts of things
that are relevant to recovery.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
I missed the show I missed talking with my dear
friends weekly, and I missed engaging in meaningful conversations about
recovery with the guests who came on the show from
all over the world. I mean, those voices just were
not part of my day to day life way up
here in Alberta, Canada. But I did enjoy the free
time it left me with, and I put my energy
(10:21):
in other directions. For a while, I followed the episodes
that Ellie and Amanda were producing, but then I soon
noticed that reruns were appearing instead, and then nothing. I
waited a few weeks to see if new shows might appear,
but when they didn't, I reached out to make sure
everything was okay. Amanda was simply too swamped at work
(10:42):
to make time for the show, and Ellie had meanwhile
made some very hard decisions herself.
Speaker 8 (10:47):
Right about the time I got my license back and
was very grateful to have a lot of the major
losses kind of wreckage to be ironing itself out. I
got a terrific job at a terrific company that was
going to be twenty hours a week, a punch in,
punch out kind of get well job, and within three
months I had taken a promotion there and was working
(11:07):
full time, and I was kind of doing my world
domination thing where I'm taking care of two kids and
I'm working full time, and I have a foot in
the recovery advocacy world, and I was doing my jewelry,
and I was turning very slowly but steadily turning the
volume up again on all of the things that kind
of keep me busy, almost manically busy.
Speaker 7 (11:29):
And I call it now my regulation problem.
Speaker 8 (11:33):
I just haven't, surprisingly, unsurprisingly, I have a hard time
doing anything in moderation, even things that are good for me,
and even things that on the surface seem to be
really healthy and productive. And so about six months, maybe
seven months into that new job, getting adjusted that the
kids having two different households and the pace was just
absolutely insane, I pretty much found myself having a complete
(11:56):
and total nervous breakdown, even in sobriety. I mean, I
was an absolutely wheels coming off the bus. My anxiety
and depression were through the roof. I couldn't function. I
just woke up one day and I didn't even call work.
I didn't get out of bed, I didn't.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
Go to work.
Speaker 8 (12:09):
I've never even in the worst of my alcoholism had
experienced anything where I basically just shut everything down like
that and kind of curled into the fetal position and
felt very sorry for myself and thought, I guess I'm
somebody who just can't do things.
Speaker 7 (12:21):
I just can't be part of the world.
Speaker 8 (12:22):
And it was an incredibly, incredibly scary experience. And I
was used to getting sober and rebuilding my life and
working on relationships and meditation and spirituality and sobriety. I mean,
I had done so much work on myself, So why
am I curled up position at two o'clock in the morning,
unable to function, just very discouraging and depressing and really
(12:42):
almost hopeless at the time. I have an incredible network
of friends, as you all know, and they never let
me stray too far in any direction from my own
kind of self destructive tendencies, and so they got me
hooked up with a great program, and I really had
to look at my mental health issues, anxiety being number one,
and depression is a piece of that. I left the
(13:03):
job and I checked out of all the other things
I was doing to kind of keep busier than I
needed to be, and I had to sort of surrender
to mental health issues, just like I had to surrender
to addiction. I spoke with a mental health professional who
literally put one hand on either side of my cheeks
and looked me right in the face, and she said, honey,
if you can't get your mental health issues in order,
(13:23):
you know, they're two sides of the same coin, mental
health and addiction. One's just going to keep feeding the other,
and it's either going to feed it in a negative
way or a positive way.
Speaker 7 (13:31):
But they're two.
Speaker 8 (13:31):
Sides of the same coin.
Speaker 9 (13:33):
You know.
Speaker 8 (13:33):
I've been struggling with both for so long. I don't
even They're just sort of how I felt. I felt
anxious a lot, but maybe I'm just an anxious person.
I did not really understand that this was something that
I had to dress, not just medically, but in the
way that I conduct my every day life.
Speaker 7 (13:47):
So I did it again. I really pulled back.
Speaker 8 (13:49):
I sort of unplugged from a lot of things and
took some really quiet introspective time, did a lot of
worker myself. I went to a partial hospitalization program that's
an outpatient basis at a local counseling facility that dealt
with both mental health and addiction, and took another course
after that that was another sort of outpatient course that
really kind of helped me understand how these two, you know,
(14:12):
lifelong chronic conditions need to be managed and dealt with.
And one of the things that I finally realized, and
it was a really really difficult decision for me to make,
is that, you know, I need to be on as
stable a footing as I possibly can be if I'm
going to be out in the world working with people
in recovery or recovery advocacy or even beloved things like
(14:34):
the Bubble Hour, which I adore. It's my baby and
I love it dearly, but it is still a distraction
in some ways from me really focusing on myself and
until I fully understand my own journey to the best
of my ability, and I'll never fully understand it, but
until I feel like I've really taken some sacred time
to get to know me and who I am today
(14:57):
and all the changes that have happened to me over
the last three or four years, it's really an inward
it's an inward journey for now, and so taking some
time away from the Bubble Hour was a piece of that,
as well as making recovery and self care and my
kids and family absolutely my number one priority, which is
something I don't really do well. I'm pretty comfortable at
(15:18):
the bottom of the pile. I kind of like there.
I've said this before on the show, but it's amazing
how if somebody showed me a picture today of what
my life looks like back then, I wouldn't have believed it.
I've learned over and over I can be in really hopeless,
low despairing places and there's always something that can be changed,
There's always something that can be looked at, and all
(15:40):
I have to do is ask the right people for
help and let them help me. And you know that
every single time these things happen, I learned something really
valuable about myself and my recovery and my mental health
and my family. You know, I don't really.
Speaker 7 (15:55):
Have any regrets.
Speaker 8 (15:56):
It's a bit of really tough journey, but sinking each
time these things have occurred, I have honestly come out
sort of a more whole, more grounded, more authentic person.
So I'm very grateful to we're in today.
Speaker 7 (16:07):
So the first time in my life, I really have
to figure out who I am from the inside out
and not based on how the world reacts to me
or perceives me, and that it's that recovery of any
kind is a very sacred personal thing. I had replaced
the exterior element of my recovery, you know, sort of
the more public element to it, with the sycity of
(16:29):
my private recovery. If I had to look really hard
at my mental health diagnoses, I had to accept them,
almost surrender to mental health the same way I had
surrendered to addiction. But it's probably the most important formative
facred time for me to fit in myself as myself
and learn to love and accept me in my entirety,
(16:52):
not just sort of picking and choosing what the world
likes or responds to, but what do I like and
what sort of life do I want to build? And
I won't lie. It was hard in order for me
to be grounded and safe within my own self and
my own recovery and my own sanity. It was important
for me to focus on making everything smaller, and the
ways in which I help people are quieter now and
(17:15):
they're one on one and in person for the most part,
and that's working for me.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
Do you ever wish for a little bit of recovery inspiration?
On the go. Tiny Bubbles is a new podcast that
brings you the best bits of the Bubble Hour podcast
in quick little episodes, just fifteen minutes long, but packed
with wisdom, insight, and encouragement to live your life wholeheartedly
(17:46):
and alcohol free. Look for Tiny Bubbles wherever you get
podcasts and subscribe today. Tiny Bubbles little bits of recovery
goodness brought to you by the Bubble Hour. Sometimes all
you need is a little keep talk so you can
get back to living that beautiful life you're building. Take
(18:13):
Good Care is a new collection of recovery readings inspired
by the Bubble Hour. If you love the encouragement and
support you find here on this podcast, then this new
book is for you. Visit the bubbleour dot com for
more information or check the show notes for a link
to purchase. You'll find Take Good Care on Amazon worldwide.
Take Good Care recovery reading inspired by the Bubble Hour,
(18:35):
the perfect gift for yourself and friends. Knowing that the
show was in limbo, I realized that the changes my
husband and I had made to our business meant I
was often working alone in what used to be at
very chaotic office. The changes in my work life were stressful,
(18:58):
but it left me with much more flexible days. I
realized that if I could simply book one on one
interviews throughout the week, I could post them as a
show on Sunday night instead of recording live. I pitched
the idea to the others and asked if they might
want to be involved. Everyone else was ready to move on,
and they gave me their blessing to try this new
format and carry on alone for as long as I
(19:21):
had the energy to do.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
So.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
I was moving my company and that's just a huge
undertaking and I just couldn't manage it. And I was
so torn because I just think the Bubble Hour is
so important, and you know, I didn't want to say
I wanted to step down because I wanted the show
to continue on. But talk to you, me, you and
(19:44):
Ellie and Catherine, and you said you would continue it on.
And I just have to say, Jean, I can't thank
you enough for continuing on the show. It's so important
to so many people. You know, I really hesitated to
step down, but you know, you have to practic self care.
And I found that it was stressing me out more
(20:04):
than it was helping me, and that I didn't want
that to come through to the listeners because that's not
fair to anyone. My job is very demanding and my
recovery is still number one to me. But the insanity
of how crazy my life has been for you know,
a couple of years now is It's all great, Everything's
been going really well. But I don't have a lot
(20:27):
of free time.
Speaker 7 (20:30):
I have a new job.
Speaker 10 (20:31):
It's a global job.
Speaker 11 (20:32):
I unbelievably travel even more than I used to. And
I know I used to talk about travel all the time,
and now it's like even more. For people who wondered,
like why doesn't Catherine participate in the Bubble Hour anymore,
it's just a capacity issue for me. I work with
three sober people as sponsores.
Speaker 12 (20:53):
I go to.
Speaker 11 (20:54):
Twelve step meetings every day. I do work with a sponsor,
so I have a lot of place is where I'm
sort of plugging in with sober people, and I just
have to sort of manage my calendar. I have such
gratitude for you and for the Bubble Hour community for
how you've helped me over the years, and I just
(21:16):
I'm so grateful.
Speaker 5 (21:17):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
And so I was on my own producing and hosting
the Bubble Hour. This was an intensive period of training
for me, where I had to learn how to run
the controls that Amanda had been managing all these years,
take over all of the registrations for feed, website, social media, email,
audio files, blog everything. It was a steep learning curve
and I was on a first name basis with the
(21:41):
blog Talk help desk for a while there. But soon
I launched Season five, a massive shift in the podcast
where the focus came more squarely onto the story of
one guest, while I demonstrated the power of holding space,
allowing moments of total silence, and that resulted in a
less social, but more experience for the listeners.
Speaker 5 (22:03):
Robin, Welcome to the show.
Speaker 3 (22:05):
Hi Jee, tell us about yourself and how you came
to be a person in recovery.
Speaker 10 (22:12):
I knew, I knew. I am thinking every swig I take,
and I do mean swig. I was not using wine glasses.
These are water goblets and this was not sipping. But
I really did wake up May eighteen. Let's say I'm done.
Speaker 13 (22:31):
And I didn't.
Speaker 10 (22:31):
I have not looked back.
Speaker 3 (22:41):
Sasha, Welcome to the Bubble Hour.
Speaker 14 (22:44):
So good to be here.
Speaker 11 (22:45):
Thanks for having me.
Speaker 3 (22:46):
Before we have you talk about what your life is like. Now,
let's hear about what got you here, why you're in
recovery in the first place.
Speaker 14 (22:53):
It was evident that I had a problem with drinking
and using drugs from the moment it started. I was
so uncomfortable in my skin and I needed a bumper.
So when I found drinking for the first time, when
I slipped alcohol, I immediately loved it because it gave
me the illusion of safety and confidence. My self esteem
(23:18):
was so low, but when I drank, all that went away.
Speaker 5 (23:29):
Son, Welcome to the Bubble Hour.
Speaker 15 (23:31):
Glad to be here. I'm a Bubble Hour fan. I've
been sober since May twenty ninth, nineteen eighty nine. To me,
I was never quite that bad. In reality is I
was very bad. I wasn't doing I wasn't doing well
at all.
Speaker 16 (23:55):
My name is Chakchak Ellis and I am a woman and.
Speaker 12 (24:00):
Long term recovery for ten years.
Speaker 16 (24:04):
Certain situations that we encounter in our lives can kind
of change the full path. It's like a train on
a track and you kind of become derailed from one
simple thing that happened and you were just unware. I
had a great job as a behavior specialist, and I
was working with at risk youth and also youth with
behavioral health.
Speaker 12 (24:24):
Issues at my job. One day I fell.
Speaker 16 (24:27):
I rounded up happening again a moniscaus with parent surgery,
which after the surgery, a doctor gave me a prescription
for a medication.
Speaker 17 (24:34):
Called hydrocodone law set and after my knee surgery, I
had quite a lot of pain. So when I started
taking them, I noticed within a short period of time
that I just felt happy.
Speaker 12 (24:44):
On this medication.
Speaker 16 (24:46):
I wasn't in a situation where I was self medicating
from anything. Everything was great in my life, but I
liked how motivated I felt when taking it, and this
medication took away my pain.
Speaker 17 (24:58):
I started noticing some things about my that was pretty different.
Speaker 16 (25:01):
I don't know where that came from, because I never
did any type of narcotic in my life.
Speaker 12 (25:06):
So I started picking more.
Speaker 14 (25:07):
What I didn't know is that I was in.
Speaker 16 (25:10):
The early status of an addiction substance use disorder. I
was thinking about my medication all the time, and I
was putting it as a priority. Fast forward, my life
fire out of control, and I would say between the
year of two thousand fall the way up until two
thousand and nine, my life turned upside down. I kind
(25:30):
of knew that I had a problem when I started
feeling sick from not having a medication, but I did
not know that was called withdrawal. Unbeknoticed to me, I
was in a wham. I didn't know there are so
many Americans struggling with addictions that are functional, women, that
are great moms, the kids are in college. I had
to kind of save myself. I had an epiphany, a
(25:52):
high moment.
Speaker 18 (25:53):
I said, God, please help me, because nobody knews what
I'm dealing with, and I need hope, and nobody understands
what I'm dealing with, and I am addicted in silent
so I realized that on at Day, I made a step.
Speaker 12 (26:06):
I stepped out of faith. Recovery is so possible.
Speaker 18 (26:10):
All you need is saved the size of a mustard seed.
You need that tiny bit of faith to say I'm helpless.
Speaker 16 (26:18):
I can't live like this.
Speaker 18 (26:19):
The more when I made that decision, it say I
saved my life.
Speaker 12 (26:23):
Set Day.
Speaker 3 (26:36):
Today's guest joins us from Ireland.
Speaker 5 (26:39):
Hi, Breed, how are you hike?
Speaker 19 (26:41):
And I'm brilliant, Thank you very much. I'm absolutely delighted
to be on the Bubble Hour.
Speaker 5 (26:45):
Oh, I love how you say bubble hour. It's so great.
Speaker 19 (26:51):
From pretty much to the very beginning, I was a
blackout drinker. Not every time, but more often than not,
I would blackout. I started to drink more at home,
and wine became a thing. It was around that, you know,
sex and the City Bridge at Jones type time, and
I suppose it just became a thing to drink wine
(27:11):
at home. But what I probably didn't realize at the
time was that I was drinking a lot more wine
at home, I think than other people were. Inevitably, a
night out would end up in either a gray out,
which is what I call when you can't remember parts
of the night or it's a vague or else it
would be a full on blackout. And there were times
when I lost, you know, hours of my night where
Ireland is just absolutely steeped in alcohol. Everything we do,
(27:35):
you know, it's surrounded in alcohol. I knew that I
had a problem with alcohol, but I had this really
egotistical idea that I was going to control this thing.
You know, even though I proved myself time and time again,
if that wasn't the case. On the outside, everything looked
more or less perfect. But I knew inside that it was.
(27:56):
I had this feeling of like there must be other
people out there like me.
Speaker 5 (28:14):
And today we have a listener.
Speaker 3 (28:16):
He first wrote into the show three years ago. Didn't
hear from him again for a while, and sure enough,
a few years later he wrote back and said, guess
what I did it. I'm doing it. I'm living this life.
Hello Brendon, thank you so much for joining us and
telling us your story.
Speaker 13 (28:32):
Hello g and hello listeners. In two thousand and fifteen
is when I started to first I guess look into
this and say, you know, you know, what can I do?
I obviously have a problem. I emailed you and I
was looking at resources. I could never really get over
that hump. Fast forward, another whole year goes by. Another
year goes by. During this time, every ten days or so,
(28:55):
a blackout. Every thirtieth days, fight of some sort with
my spouse, whether it was an alcohol infused argument or
it was an argument about alcohol and what it was
doing to me, got a reputation in certain circles. I
was always a guy for a good time. I was
always a guy that was going to stay out late.
I was going to have one more I was going
to close down the bar. I didn't want the night
(29:15):
to end. So all of the one day at a
time adages they're absolutely one hundred percent true. Think about
all the positive things that you can do. So focus
on the positive. Focus on all the good in your life.
If it can be achieved by people like me, and
then like all these other guests, it can be achieved
by you or by anyone.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
Be Selene.
Speaker 5 (29:45):
Welcome to the Bubble Hour.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Thank you, Jane.
Speaker 20 (29:48):
This is definitely out of my comfort zone. So I've
gotten so much out of this podcast. If this is
useful for anybody who listens to it, I'm thrilled. It
was so funny because I found unpickled.
Speaker 21 (30:00):
Blog of yours. Gene was the first thing I found
that I read that I really identified with. I started
finding all of these places where people were getting sober
without having hit some rock bottom, and so I started
realizing that I wasn't really alone in this and I
didn't need to wait until something terrible had happened in
(30:23):
my life to turn this around.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
I'm going to turn the mic over to you, Kathy,
tell us about yourself and tell us your story.
Speaker 22 (30:43):
Thank you, Jeane. It really is my pleasure if I
decided to stop drinking. On the fourth of July, I
found the Bubble Hour and listened incessantly while gardening, doing
projects around the house, and while driving. Jeane, your soft,
kind voice and the stories of your guests were just
what I needed. I related to so many of your guests,
(31:04):
and I learned so much from the experts you've had
on from time to time. It has now been two
years and four months, and I am not tempted to drink.
When I say I'm not tempted, I mean I don't
crave it. It scares me to imagine what could happen
to me if I started drinking again, especially since I
live alone. This is what's helped me to stop drinking.
(31:27):
Having the experience of stopping and then starting back up
taught me I couldn't moderate. Plus it took so much
effort to stop. I don't ever want to have to
stop again, Jeane. When I found the Bubble Hour, I
felt like I had come home. I needed a supportive environment,
not a shaming one. Being okay with feeling pain, sitting
(31:49):
in it for a little while and not having to
make it go away. Then I do my best not
to stay below the line by reaching out for support, reading,
watching movies, or doing yoga. Jane, I can't express how
grateful I am that I found you and your podcast,
and I thank you for this opportunity to tell my story.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
Help others find the message of recovery. We champion on
the Bubble Hour. Plus get access to the entire backlist
ad free by joining us on Patreon. Patroon support helps
with the ongoing expense of making free versions of the
show available, as well as the cost to make new
content like our spinoff podcast, Tiny Bubbles. Become a Bubble
(32:37):
Hour patron today at patreon dot com. Slash the Bubble
Hour and help us help others through stories of strength
and hope. The audience was kind enough to give me
a chance. We all seem to understand together that the
(33:00):
changes the show was undergoing were really the result of
a spirit of service and dedication and heartfelt affection for
the platform and the history of the show. I'm so
grateful that I was given the space to accommodate these shifts,
and that listeners kept coming back and the show continued
to thrive and grow, and that meant a lot to me,
(33:21):
And what meant even more was that the audience still
included the other co hosts too.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
I was driving home and I'm like, I should listen
to The Bubble Hour and catch up on it. And
I have to tell you you're doing an awesome job, Dane.
I've listened to I listen every day on my way home,
and I just love it. Because when we were on
the show, I never listened to the show. I didn't
want to hear myself talk. I loved listening to you guys,
(33:48):
but I didn't want to hear me I think we
all said that none of us listened to the show.
Speaker 3 (33:53):
It would be like having a conversation and then playing
it back. We've already had the conversation, so yeah, don't
usually listen back to it.
Speaker 5 (34:01):
Well that's so funny.
Speaker 3 (34:02):
So now the Bubble Hour is a pass in your patchwork.
Speaker 4 (34:06):
It is, it is.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
I just love it.
Speaker 8 (34:09):
I'm an avid fan and listener. I think what you
are doing with the show is absolutely amazing, and I'm
beyond grateful that you are able to carry the flag
and do such an unbelievable job with the show, because
it would be really, really heartbreaking to me if my
own need to step away would put the show to bed.
(34:30):
So thank you, first of all for all the hard
work you're doing. You're amazing, and I'm just so grateful
for that.
Speaker 10 (34:37):
Now.
Speaker 1 (34:37):
I recall thinking, when I embarked on this solo mission
that I would just round out the number of episodes
that I would revisit my decision at milestones along the way.
Two hundred episodes seem like a nice round number, But
if I got tired at one seventy five, i'd stop
at one seventy five. Well, two hundred shows came and went,
(34:58):
and I was the experience of connecting so deeply with guests.
I checked in with my heart regularly, trusting that when
it was time to be done, I would know. I
would just know. But meanwhile I'd continue and continue. I
did for another six years and another two hundred plus episodes.
(35:23):
Coming up, on the next episode, we'll look at a
strange email I received and the impact that it had
on the Bubble Hour. All that in more in episode seven.
It's right here when you're ready, so come on back
and listen soon. Until then, my friends take good care.
Speaker 6 (35:40):
I own it. I didn't not proud, but that was me.
Speaker 9 (35:44):
And when I faced and take a little dignity, not
Luke and Bob excuses.
Speaker 6 (35:52):
I just want to be free from the power. Waitus
head off me in a dun corners where Shane lives
to heaven.
Speaker 9 (36:10):
Wait with your jobs, because you'll keep it up the
second it just staves and wait there to rob you
off your pride.
Speaker 11 (36:21):
Turn the light on.
Speaker 6 (36:22):
Turn the light on. You can't shine away.
Speaker 9 (36:25):
You see the dip not proud, but that was me
and have bas I take that a little dignity, A lot.
Speaker 6 (36:37):
Of preful excuses. I just want to be free from
paven Oh yes, s.
Speaker 9 (36:49):
You don't have to shout it out on main street.
Speaker 6 (36:58):
You don't need to whisper to confessions in the person
you should.
Speaker 9 (37:05):
Not to is look in at you in the mirror,
and one who memories moles can always away.
Speaker 6 (37:12):
You see old different, not proud, but damns me.
Speaker 9 (37:17):
And when I face, I take back a little dignity.
Speaker 6 (37:24):
Another from excuses. I just want to be free from
the power or yours. When you see the old a different,
I'm crack. That was me and that face, I take
back a little thing to hear. I'm a looking for
(37:46):
excuse it. I just want to be free from the power.
When you
Speaker 9 (37:55):
Free free free, free free
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