November 21, 2022 • 45 mins
Host Jean McCarthy shares some of the moments that most affected her as a host, plus listener favorites. Of course, every single episode had numerous golden moments. It was not easy to decide on a handful when there are litterally hundreds of incredible interviews in the archives! These represent them all, and are presented with gratitude and appreciation for every guest that shared their time and for every listener who reached out. Recovery Research Institute: https://www.recoveryanswers.org Get The Bubble Hour book: Take Good Care: Recovery Readings Inspired by The Bubble Hour podcast *(affiliate link) The Bubble Hour website www.thebubblehour.com Tiny Bubbles podcast https://sites.libsyn.com/448419 Host Jean McCarthy www.jeanmccarthy.ca Support us on Patreon https://patreon.com/thebubblehour
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This podcast includes frank discussions of mature themes that may
not be suitable for all audiences. Listener discretion is advised.
This podcast is intended to provide encouragement and support through
personal storytelling. The views expressed are the opinions of the
participants and not intended to be medical, legal, clinical, or
(00:21):
professional information or advice of any kind.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Welcome to the Bubble Hour. Welcome to the Bubble Hour.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Welcome to the Bubble Hour. Welcome to the Bubble Hour. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome,
Welcome for the Bubble Hour.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
Ownment a diffent, not praps we and let a face
take a little dignity. Not looking for excuses.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
I just want to be free from the power.
Speaker 5 (00:54):
We us head of the Free, Free, Free, Free Free.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
I'm Jean McCarthy, and you're listening to the Bubble Hour.
Hi listeners, I hope you're enjoying this ten parts look
back over the last decade of the Bubble Hour podcast.
You're now on episode eight. This one focuses on some
of my favorite moments of the last decade. Obviously, I've
been able to fill this whole season with standout moments
(01:28):
and in some ways trying to pick highlights and the
best moments is like trying to choose your favorite child.
I mean, I love them all. I've loved every episode,
I've loved my involvement with this podcast from start to finish.
There's not anything that's better than anything else. In this episode,
I was thinking about what changed me, what affected me
(01:48):
as a host of this show when we're times when
I didn't just enjoy doing an interview or work hard
to really bring out the guest's story or to connect
with the listener, but when did I feel especially transformed
or changed by something I learned or experienced in that hour.
And that's what I decided to highlight today. For the
(02:10):
past ten years, we just showed up and recorded the
conversation that unfolded and presented it as such. And this season,
season ten is very different because I'm combing back through
all of the archived materials and I am painstakingly finding
audio clips that demonstrate the spirit of the show or
(02:30):
an idea that I'm trying to connect with you about
the story of the show. The biggest challenge of putting
together this final season has been feeling that it's just
impossible to choose one specific moment or message over another.
So at first it was overwhelming and I wasn't sure
how to go about it, hence the long delay while
I figured that out. There were so many examples of say,
moments of kindness or moments of levity or insight or
(02:54):
goof ups, that I could really just choose anything and
trust that you would connect the dots. If you have
been a guest on this show, or if you have
found yourself connecting with something and you're not hearing it
in this look back, that doesn't mean that it wasn't significant.
This look back had to be ten episodes and not
three hundred. But that's why we're hanging on to the
(03:17):
entire archives of the show and making them available in
fullness through Patreon. So I've enjoyed every single conversation, every guest,
every lesson, every AHA moment. And I know that might
sound like an overstatement, but it's true. And I didn't
even realize how true it was until I started going
back through the archives and show by show, I just
realizing that every single episode held something precious and golden.
(03:42):
Sometimes I would hear something that I didn't hear the
first time and think, oh, you know that hits me
different now because I'm different right, And there's that expression,
you know, when the teacher is no, when the student
is ready, the lesson appears or the teacher appears. We
level up, and things that really were insightful to us
at one stage of our growth, maybe we take them
(04:05):
in stride later on, but we hear something new that
takes us even further that was lost on us before.
Maybe listen to some old episodes that you haven't heard
for a while and see how they hit you differently.
Doing this season and having the incredible experience of revisiting
moments from the past and then bringing my current self
(04:27):
to them, Taking myself ten years back to a conversation
and experiencing it now from here and realizing it still
offers me new ways to grow is exciting to me.
I guess that there's still so much to learn and
that old material still holds so much for us. You know,
we can go back through our entire bookshelf and reread things.
(04:48):
That's the beauty of recovery. It's not that the work
is never done. It's that we have this unlimited capacity
to continually grow in new directions. In fact, as I'm
putting together the books that you're hearing advertised on this
show called Take Good Care, which is a collection of
readings that are based on moments of inspiration from the show.
(05:09):
Each reading has three little boxes so that you can
come back to it three different times and make a
note of how it affects you differently the next time
you read it. So what I decided to do in
this episode is to choose some standout moments that touched
me or shaped my thinking or helped me grow. And
you might have been listening to these podcasts all these
(05:30):
years without really thinking about how some of the interviews
affected us hosts just as much as they affected you
in the audience. Amanda made note of this, it was
true for all of us well.
Speaker 6 (05:40):
I love that we all have our own revelations on
the show and that I see each of us growing
on each show.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
I also loved coming across this exchange between Lle and
me from a few years back, when we talked about
our spirit of goodwill that we felt for other people
in the recovery arena that were pretty podcasts.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
It's really interesting to watch the evolution of the way
people talk about recovery the way they talk about drinking.
It's become more accessible topics to more people, and pretty
amazing evolution to be sort of part of the early
on back in like two thousand and eight, two thousand
and nine, like the blogging movements, and then people got
a hold of other mediums like podcasts and other forums
(06:24):
and there's an abundance of really good ones now and
it's encouraging to me to see that because the more
discourse there is, the more people can be helped.
Speaker 7 (06:32):
And I think it's amazing.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
There was a time in my life, probably when I
wasn't well, I would have been kind of competitive and
protective about whatever project I was doing. I'm really glad
that the healing that recovery does let us acknowledge the
abundance and not have to sink into that sort of
petty competitiveness and know that the more the merrier, and
(06:54):
the more people that talk and put things out there
like this or the new.
Speaker 8 (06:58):
Things that come up better, right.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
I mean, it's not pie.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
You know, we're not fighting over a finite amount of
goodness here. It seems to replenish itself.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
And the more perspective and viewpoints and opinions and insights
to the advice that people share I mean, I learned
things every day from people that I follow online and
talk to in person. That's how it's done.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
You know, that feeling of abundance. It seemed to inform
a mindset of generosity and a lack of ego and
of kindness that set the tone for everything we did
together over the years on this show. One early interview
I participated in that had a profound effect on me
was with doctor John Kelly of the Recovery Research Institute.
(07:43):
I felt that his input validated what I had assumed
up to that point was kind of a folk wisdom.
I didn't realize that there was so much science and
study behind some of the ideas around recovery. I immediately
signed up for a monthly newsletter from the Recovery Research
to and I highly recommend it to all of you.
I'll put a link in the show notes.
Speaker 7 (08:07):
Everything is mediated through the brain, right, All of our
thoughts are generated by the brain. So psychology has a
biological basis always and there and there are ways that
we can change our brain and heal our brain, help
our brain get better. And the way that that happens
(08:27):
typically is that we have, you know, one part of
our brain for example, our prefrontal cortex where we do
a lot of our thinking and judgment and and make decisions.
We can make those decisions with you know, maybe that
that part of the brain that's working that can make
try to make better decisions that then naturally can help
(08:48):
heal the other parts of the brain. And so that's
what the brain does, is that the modules that are
able to that are working a little bit better, will
we'll try and make you know, try and try and
you know, heal the other parts of the brain. Typically,
you know, we obviously we have to make those decisions,
(09:10):
and it's the decisions and the actions that follow those
decisions which actually heal the brain in terms of recovery,
because typically what happens to people have to abstain for
the brain to have a respite from the neurotoxicity of drugs.
Without that, the brain cannot recover while it's still being bombarded.
(09:31):
So one has to make a decision there, Okay, I
really want to quit, and then the person has to
get the help that's necessary or recruit the resources around
them and latch onto those resources for that person to
be able to remain abstinent for a while enough that
the other parts of the brain, and maybe the deeper
subcortical areas of the brain can start to readjust and heal. So,
(09:56):
in other words, you have one part of the brain,
in this case the prefrontal cortex, it's actually helping to
heal another part of the brain. And the brain does
that it uses the best functioning modules, or the best
parts of those models to try and help damage parts
of the brain.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
Another thing that had a profound effect on me was
listening to how people in recovery interact. There's just so
much wisdom and kindness in how people speak to one another.
So if you're around someone who's been in recovery for
a while, watch them, listen to someone, watch them interact
with someone who's maybe a newcomer, and you learn so
(10:33):
much from just observing their interactions, the words they choose,
and their approach. When Lucy Hall described how she greets
newcomers to her recovery center, my ears perked up in
this interview.
Speaker 9 (10:47):
When I walk past admissions and I see a newcomer,
I'll welcome them to Marry Hall Freedom House, and I'll say,
on a scale of one to ten, ten, being you
ready for recovery one day and you wish you would
go back out back before doing go get another hit
where you at and They'll say, well, I'm about a four,
and I'll be like, wow, congratulations a four. Why didn't
(11:09):
you say a three? And then they're gonna tell me
why they set a four? There in lies their hope.
And then I'm gonna say to them, so what do
you think is going to take to get to a five?
Therein lies their outlook. Because you now get me looking
towards I can go. I can be a five and
I can keep moving in the direction to get to
that tanem all in versus turning around and going back.
(11:32):
So teaching people the language of recovery and how to
ask the right questions you know you actually a loved one.
Instead of saying you make me sick because you get
high every day, just ask them, so you use something
every day? How's that working for you?
Speaker 10 (11:51):
So it's all of the questions that we ask as
opposed to accusing people because see, I can't make you
feel that. I can't I can't make you feel bad
because I'm getting high. But my getting high does have
an impact on you, So tell me about that.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Keep it in the high statement, I'm wondering where you
learned to talk to people in that way. I mean,
I love that approach of where are you at and
you know, talking about the hope and bringing out that dialogue.
Speaker 8 (12:18):
Did someone model that for you? Did you stumble upon it.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
Along the way?
Speaker 7 (12:22):
Is it?
Speaker 1 (12:23):
Is it a technique that the rest of us can
learn somewhere? Where did that come from?
Speaker 3 (12:28):
Absolutely?
Speaker 9 (12:30):
I definitely think from my many years of experience. I
also know from my many years of experience on the
receiving side to this day, I don't like for nobody
to accuse me of something, ask ask me the right question.
And also as the CEO of the organization, you know,
(12:51):
I think there are many things that we learned from
many people, and you try different things and then you
put things together and you're like, and that works.
Speaker 5 (13:01):
You know.
Speaker 9 (13:01):
It's one of those things like your mom probably gave
you some recipes and you've got your own flair to
it today. You know, it's her recipe that you took
and made your own. So it's gleaming along the way
different techniques and methodologies, but also you know, different things
that you learn along the way that work, you know,
(13:23):
And I just know that when it comes to motivational
interviewing or encouraging people or keeping people hopeful hopeful, that's
what the product is, keeping people.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Hopeful, and that's why you call yourself a hope dealer.
Speaker 9 (13:39):
Right, you better believe that girl, for real?
Speaker 8 (13:44):
For real?
Speaker 1 (13:51):
Do you ever wish for a little bit of recovery
inspiration on the go? Tiny Bubbles is a new podcast
that brings you the best bits of the Bubble Hour
podcast in quick little episodes, just fifteen minutes long, but
packed with wisdom, insight, and encouragement to live your life
wholeheartedly and alcohol free. Look for Tiny Bubbles wherever you
(14:15):
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recovery goodness brought to you by the Bubble Hour. Sometimes
all you need is a little pep talk so you
can get back to living that beautiful life you're building.
(14:38):
Take Good Care is a new collection of recovery readings
inspired by the Bubble Hour. If you love the encouragement
and support you find here on this podcast, then this
new book is for you. Visit the Bubblehour dot com
for more information or check the show notes for a
link to purchase. You'll find Take Good Care on Amazon worldwide.
Speaker 8 (14:57):
Take good Care.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
Recovery reading inspired by the Bubble Hour the perfect gift
for yourself and friends. I often heard as well from
guests who themselves were surprised at how transformative it was
(15:18):
for them to participate in the show, because as they
prepared to tell their story, documented it, and thought about
sharing it, they often had a ha moments of their own.
To me, this is part of the beauty of the
Bubble Hour, how each interview seemed to have a positive
effect for everyone involved, the guest, the host, and the audience.
And we all did this together, so it's not simply
(15:40):
just a one way consumable entertainment infotainment. It's really been
a series of heart to heart to heart conversations. One
experience I cherished has been recording some interviews for the
show in person. I was helping to facilitate retreats for
women in recovery. I do this on different occasions. You've
(16:04):
heard recordings from retreats that I did at Carpalu in
Massachusetts and as well as one in Mexico. As a
side note, I take part in these retreats occasionally. If
you want to be notified when I'm doing one, follow
me on Instagram, Jean McCarthy writes, or you can follow
my blog Unpickled, or follow Unpickled or the Bubble Hour
(16:25):
on Facebook. If when I do more retreats, I'll be
posting in those places now. Listening back to them, it
just feels so heartwarming because I recall sitting together with
each of these guests while we recorded.
Speaker 11 (16:38):
My name's Alison, and I've been in recovery for four years,
and I never thought I'd be able to stop drinking,
but I did. Every day is a gift now. Every
day that I open my eyes and I don't have
to think if I can pick my head up off
that pillow is a gift and wonderful day.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Did you think he'd ever say?
Speaker 9 (17:00):
No?
Speaker 11 (17:00):
Never, I never thought i'd say any of that. I
used to I would go to meetings and hear other
people say how grateful they are and how thankful they are,
and I'm like, what are you talking about. I never
thought that that would be me saying that. I tried
to stop drinking for a long time, and I kept relapsing.
I kept thinking I could drink like a normal person
(17:23):
and then I'd be sober for a while, and then
I'd try again, and that went on for years, and
then I went to an IOP intensive outpatient that helped
a lot, and it made sense to me. I was
able to remain so before about a year, but then
(17:44):
I went back out again because I thought, oh, I
got this. I can drink like a normal person. And
I just didn't want to give it up.
Speaker 8 (17:52):
I liked it.
Speaker 11 (17:52):
I'd like drinking, I liked how it felt, and I
didn't want to give it up. So that went on
for a while, and then a couple bad things happened,
and my husband really wanted me to go to inpatient rehab,
and I kept resisting. You know, no, no, I won't go.
(18:13):
That doesn't turn out so well. Usually it was his
goal to find me an appropriate rehab, and I had
some restrictions. I wanted non twelve step based. I wanted
nonpunitive rehab. There were a few restrictions that I had
to find an appropriate rehab. Well, he found one. It's
(18:35):
called practical recovery in San Diego, and it's based on
smart recovery and as opposed to a twelve step recovery.
So we went to smart recovery meetings and I'll tell
you a little bit about smart recovery. It's also abstinence
based for people with all kinds of addictions. And it's
(18:57):
self empowering, meaning that I have the power. It's to
my power to take control of my sobriety and my addiction.
It just makes so much sense to me. There are
no labels. I learned how not to use labels. I
don't really will say I'm an alcoholic. I would much
(19:18):
rather say I'm in recovery because I'm so many more
things than an alcoholic. So I just say I'm in
recovery because alcoholic. I don't like that term because then
I'd feel if I said that, that would be my
whole identity, that would be who I was, And I
have many other identities that I just say I'm in recovery.
(19:42):
There are meetings and tools, and it's a behavior based
program and a scientific based program. And the approach to
behavioral change is built around four points. First, one is
building and maintain the motivation to change. The second is
(20:03):
coping with urges, third is managing thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
And the fourth is living a balanced, positive and healthy lifestyle.
And those are the things that I learned when I
was impatient rehab, and those are the things that I
tried to bring back with me into my daily life.
(20:25):
My name is Emma, and I started my recovery journey
about two years ago, and I was working with doctors
and I going to weekly meetings. A few false starts
during that first year, for sure.
Speaker 12 (20:39):
Yeah, I'm just definitely gaining more confidence, and I'm trying
new things that I would never have thought that I
would be doing, which has been amazing well being here.
For example, like just going chatting with you. I never
thought I would do this. I went to I'm terrified
of heights. I went to an indoor skydiving thing, so
that was pretty cool, you know. Just going to different
(21:00):
spiritual retreats which I never thought I would do either.
And yeah, just really always pushing myself out of my
comfort zone and also being more confident at work, which
is really key as well.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
This whole recovery engagement is a very patient process. I
know that some of you listened for years before you
made changes in your life, and some of you might
be listening now and still in the contemplation and or
preparation stage of change, and you're using this podcast to
help you build a courage towards your action. And so
(21:35):
that leads me to one of my very favorite moments
that comes to mind. Remember the Boston meetup where we
mentioned that we had hosted a Pollack dinner from some
of the listeners in the area. One person I met
that night was a lady named Nancy, and she'd come
to the event. She was clearly very uneasy. I could
tell how much courage it had taken for her to
(21:57):
attend that night, because she really looked like she felt
pretty shy and pretty uncomfortable. And she sat off to
the side of the room, just on the edge of
the conversations, and you know, she looked uncomfortable, but she
was there right, she showed up, And I have so
much respect for that. You know, when things are hard
and we do them anyway, there's there's a lot of
power in that. So I struck up a conversation with Nancy,
(22:19):
and we stayed in touch, and she was in and
out of recovery for a while. For a few years. Actually,
she had started to make some of the transformations that
she desired, and eventually she did get to that place
that she envisioned for herself, and she came on the
Bubble Hour to share her story. So to me, her
recovery is a triumph, and her interview is actually one
of the most popular episodes of the entire decade. Nancy
(22:42):
read a poem that she wrote about recovery, and it
has been shared and re shared many many times in
audio and print. It's called I'm Sorry. Here's Nancy reading
her poem.
Speaker 8 (22:54):
I always said I'm sorry for everything I did. I
think that it began when I was just a kid.
I'm sorry that i'm little. I'm sorry I get mad.
I'm sorry if I'm not as smart as my mom
or dad. I'm sorry that I'm shy and that my
chest is flat. I'm sorry I'm not ready to do
the stuff like that. I'm sorry about the baby. He's colicky,
(23:18):
he'll cry. I'm sorry I can't comfort him no matter
how I try. I'm sorry for my house. It's messy.
We have boys. I'm sorry for my car it's making
a strange noise. I'm sorry about my cooking it isn't
always great. I'm sorry that I'm tired. I'm sorry that
i'm late. Sorry about the garden. The yard is such
(23:40):
a mess. I need to do some weeding. We need
to paint the fence. I'm sorry about my dog. He
should be better trained. I'm sorry about my kitchen. I'm
sorry about my brain. I'm sorry about my hair. I'm
sorry i'm a bore. I'm sorry sometimes I forget what
I said before. Sorry I was quiet. Sorry if I
(24:02):
said too much. Sorry I was clumsy. Sorry I was rushed.
Sorry I spent money. Sorry I was cheap. Sorry I'm
so sensitive. Sorry I'm too deep. Sorry that I drank
too much, Sorry that I quit. Sorry if you find
that weird. Sorry for all my shit. I've been sorry
(24:27):
for my flaws each and everyone, and yet I have
to tell you sorry isn't fun. I'm sick of saying
sorry or swallowing my words. It's time I just said
fuck that. All these sorries are absurd. I'm not sorry
for my thoughts, my hips, my breasts, my brain. I'm
(24:50):
not sorry for my feelings. I'm not sorry for my pain.
I'm not sorry for my cooking. It's nourishing and good.
I'm not sorry for my car. It takes me where
I should. I'm not sorry for my home. It's filled
with love and care. I'm not sorry for my body,
my wrinkles or my hair. I'm not sorry for my voice.
(25:12):
I think it should be heard. I'm not sorry for
the many times I'm searching for a word. I'm not
sorry that i'm sober. It's how I want to be.
I'm not sorry if you wish i'd drink, I'll have
a cup of tea. I'm not sorry that I'm human,
warm and soft and kind. I'm not sorry I'm imperfect
(25:35):
in body and in mind. I'm ready for that chapter
of apologies to end. I'm ready for acceptance of everything
I am, and so I'll just apologize one last heartfelt
time to the person that I've been and am, the
person that is fine. I'm sorry, little girl that I
(25:57):
criticized you. So, I'm sorry, teenager. I should have let
you know that you were truly lovely, compassionate, and smart.
I'm sorry, brand new mother with your enormous heart. I'm sorry,
middle aged me. I love you.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
You're a dear.
Speaker 8 (26:15):
I'm sorry that I've hurt you. But that is stopping here.
I'm finding self Compassion the missing link. I think I
know it's what I didn't have when I would choose
to drink. My light is shining brightly my sisters are
at hand. I'm ready to take care of me in
every way I can. I'm rising through my sadness. I'm
(26:38):
rising from my pain. I'm rising from my guilt. I'm
rising from my shame. I'm ready now to stand. I'm
ready soon to soar. I'm ready. Please come with me.
I see an open door.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
Help others find the message of recovery we champion on
the Bubble Hour. Plus get access to the entire backlist
ad free by joining us on Patreon. Patroon support helps
with the ongoing expense of making free versions of the
show available, as well as the cost to make new
content like our spinoff podcast, Tiny Bubbles. Become a Bubble
(27:22):
Hour patron today at patreon dot com. Slash the Bubble
Hour and help us help others through stories of strength
and hope. Now you know I love a good story.
So in addition to the recovery, encouragement and inspiration we
(27:43):
heard week after Weeks, there have been some very memorable
stories of life's twists and turns, and one of my
favorite is from a guest named Kelly, who has become
a dear friend of mine. Kelly realized after she quit
drinking that the only way she could stays over was
to leave her marriage because alcohol played a big role.
It was a difficult decision. She's a mom of fourteens
(28:04):
at the time. It was very hard, but her recovery
served her well and she led her family through this
difficult time. She went on a trip with one of
her sons and he took her to this little town
in the Netherlands. They rented a vacation rental that was
next to a windmill and actual mindmill, and guess what happened, Yeah,
(28:26):
she fell in love. It was basically a Hallmark movie
come to life when the handsome man who was the
keeper of the windmill turned out to be the love
of her life. I'll let her tell the story. It's
best in her words.
Speaker 13 (28:41):
Well, that's a fun story right now, because you know,
I went through my divorce. I was married twenty four
years and I really just thought like, that's it. Well,
I'm not these people who are going to be having
you know, that romance my life or love of my life,
and I'm a piece of that. And I went forward
just to really be happy myself, and I really dove
in for the next few years of you know, really
to know myself and really invested my energy in me,
(29:03):
which was great, and I really cherished that time because
it was a time where I could find out what
does spark my joy and a time of huge growth
for me. But there was something really special about that time.
I feel like it was part of my like a
caterpillar to a butterfly, time of like transition, transformation and
just putting all that energy that I would put into
someone else and to me. And after years of being
(29:25):
a codependent person, that was really a revelation that I
could be super happy and just be on my own
with friends, with my children, living my life and then
it wasn't about finding a man.
Speaker 8 (29:38):
And I did that.
Speaker 13 (29:39):
And one of the things that happened was because of
my sobriety. My twenty four year old son twenty three
at the time invited me to go on this adventure
to Europe and he said, Mom, would you want to
go with me?
Speaker 14 (29:50):
And I want to.
Speaker 13 (29:51):
I want to take you as place he had been
in the Netherlands, and he said, you'll just love it.
It's the cutest town and I need to take you
and let's do this. And another part for my story
was it during that time I kind of started saying
I'm going to say yes to everything I can that
comes in my path, like there've heard that idea like
the Year of Yes, And that was kind of what
I did. Like my brain at first for everything was
say you can't do that. My first response is always no,
(30:14):
because my brain will do that, and I just I
always think it through, like this isn't if this is
coming to me, like why can't I? And I was
really lucky to have, you know, support, a mother to
help me, my other kids and who really encourage me,
like you have to do this, and so I really
just jumped at the chance to travel with my son
and we you know, rented a stopped in Iceland for
a week and we rented a camper van. We had
(30:35):
so much fun and it was just something I never
would have done sober I don't think he ever would
have invited me because it was all about just being
in nature. It wasn't about my old way of traveling,
which would have been restaurants and shopping and you know,
going to cool bars, and it was just about really
the simple things and having a great adventure in hiking.
And and so we went from Iceland and then we
(30:58):
went to Netherlands and we had booked airbnb the windmill
and it was just almost it was kind of like
a fairy tale because I smacked out Brandon to the
first person that I was like, just like, oh my goodness,
there you are. And it was kind of a funny
feeling that after so many, you know, three years of
head down working.
Speaker 2 (31:19):
On myself, to me, so this the airbnb host picked
you up.
Speaker 3 (31:22):
Yeah, at the airpus you picked this up. Yeah, And
he was pretty cute and you had some fleasure there, yeah,
and then.
Speaker 13 (31:29):
Some flutters and then he lives in a windmill and
we stayed in the house he had built next to
the windmill. That was the last September, and then since
then now I've been over there two times and we'll
go back next month. And we went to Paris last month,
and it was just very exciting that things have really
started to go in that direction that I never stopped coming.
(31:50):
It's just a beautiful life over there. And I think
that was the first thing beyond that I was attracted him,
was just I kind of thought I would fall in
love with anyone who had made this beautiful life. It
was such a beautiful life there and then the more
I talked to him, there's more and more that we're like,
oh my gosh, so many things in common. And and
it really did feel like, Wow, how amazing my son
(32:10):
and I are here, And it felt meant to be.
Cause even if my son said you wanna go this
little town in Netherlands, I thought, oh, but there's all
these other places in Europe I haven't been. And I
didn't argue. I was just more like, yes, I wanna
go where you want to take me. And it just
felt very It just was really beautiful, like oh, and
then it has just proven, you know, w you know
over time that we it just does feel really like
(32:31):
I was just meant to be. So yeah, we've had
beautiful experiences and really exciting and I do. When I
left my marriage, I just feel that quote you know,
what if I fall, but what if I fly? All
I could focus on when I left the marriage was
the loss, and and it was really scary and hard
to do and feeling like, y, you know, you just
can't see all the good that will come your way
(32:53):
if you let go of something that's not working for you.
And that's true for drinking, and it's true for anything
that's you to feel like you're not growing to have
that faith that you know there's going to be good
things that come. It's not just what you're letting go of.
What are you making room for? You know, when you
say yes this one thing, you're saying no to another,
And so when you hold on to something that's not working,
(33:15):
you're really not allowing space for whatever other beautiful thing.
Caul phillips the place, and I feel like my life
has been, you know, just really affirming of that feeling
of the beauty taking the place of the things I'd.
Speaker 8 (33:29):
Let go of.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
Now, my friends, the happy ending to this story is that,
after enough plot twists to truly form a sequel to
that movie, Kelly is now married to this handsome wind
mailman and she moved to the Netherlands and they all
lived happily ever after. Another memorable interview I recall participating
(33:55):
in was with Frank, the stepfather of our co host Amanda.
And Rank had come on for a special Father's Day episode,
and what touched me so much about this conversation was
the affection that he had and the emotion in his
voice when he talked about Amanda and what it felt
like for him as a person in recovery to see
(34:16):
his beloved daughter struggling with addiction.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
Our listeners know Amanda's story pretty well, so I think
we're all really curious about your perspective on Amanda. Before
Amanda got sober, were there times where you were worried
about her drinking?
Speaker 11 (34:35):
Oh?
Speaker 14 (34:35):
Yeah, she was a horrible drunk. It was terrible. She
is very, very wilful and mouthy. He just couldn't, you know,
make any sense there, and she was just ob noxious
sometimes Amanda.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
You did you see that emptiness and Amanda too, And
how did you feel knowing that she was going through that?
Speaker 9 (35:02):
Oh?
Speaker 14 (35:03):
I just wanted to help, But I mean I also realized,
you know, through years and years of exposure and talking
in meetings and other places, there's not really much you
can do until the person who's who's suffering decides to
turn their life around. You can be there and encourage them,
(35:25):
but a lot of times that falls on deafy is,
especially if they're stubborn, and she was stubborn. Kind of
heartbreaking to what someone hurting themselves like that. But you
have to believe in you know, I had to believe
in Amanda, you know, I had to believe that she
would find her way because she's such a smart kid
and she's so much fun. She would be able to
(35:48):
straighten her life out, get the idea of being sober
and surrender. I mean, it's a hard thing to do
when you're stubborn, to surrender, believe me.
Speaker 11 (35:57):
I know.
Speaker 2 (35:58):
How did you show you support for her without telling
her what to do or giving her ultimatums? How does
that look to support someone and sort of live out
the solution for them, but not tell them what to do.
Speaker 14 (36:13):
Yeah, it's kind of hard, but I mean you talk
to them and you say to them, I think you're
heading for a problem. There's a lot of people in
our family that you know have the similar problem. I
have had the same problem, and I know a solution
to it. You know, if you haven't needed any help,
please please let me know, and I be glad to help,
(36:34):
no matter what it takes.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
Do you remember those conversations, Amanda?
Speaker 9 (36:39):
Oh?
Speaker 6 (36:39):
Yeah, I do My dad handle things and my mom
the best that they could. You know, I was as
stubborn as could be, and you know, I really did
think that I had it under control. And I remember
I would always say, yeah, I'm watching my drinking. I
wanted to please my parents more than anything in the world,
and I just didn't know how to do it.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
I found that conversation very sweet. I was so struck
by his patients, and it taught me to be more
patient with others in my life that I wanted to
fix and hurry along. I just had never thought of
taking such a measured approach, and Frank was inspirational in
that way. Here's the other thing about that interview that
I will never forget. Here's the part you can't hear.
(37:24):
I was suffering throughout that interview because I was on
vacation at my in laws, and I was recording my
end of the show over the phone while sitting in
a little guest cottage in the woods, and moments before
the interview started, or maybe a few minutes into the interview,
my brother in law and his family were leaving, and
they were there with an RV, and they had drained
(37:46):
the tank on their RV into the septic system before
they left. You know, that's what's supposed to happen. There's
a septic system there for that reason. However, the cottage
I was in just had a new sink put into it,
and the sink did not yet have the back velve
that would have stopped the smell of sewer gas. Fresh stinky, stinky,
(38:06):
stinky blackwater sewer gas that had just been released into
the septic system wafted back up and filled this tiny, little, hot, hot,
hot cabin that I was sitting in. Throughout that entire
hour plus that we spent talking about Father's Day with
Frank and Amanda, I was absolutely dying in this room. Now,
(38:28):
I let me be clear, there was no actual sewer
stuff that.
Speaker 8 (38:33):
Came into the room.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
It was just the smell. But it was horrible and
it was awful, and I couldn't leave because it was
the only quiet spot with cell reception where I could
do my end of the show. But I did see
the humor in the situation. It was all I could
do not to just collapse into a fit of giggles
throughout that entire show. And I kept considering during the show,
(38:56):
should I confess to Amanda and Frank that I was
sitting in this hot, hot, smelly, smelly, awful room with
tears running down my face from the smell. I thought
if I started talking about it, I would absolutely start
laughing hysterically and lose my composure entirely. I just felt
that the conversation between Amanda and her stepfather was so
sweet and so compelling and informative that I didn't want
(39:19):
to take away from that by saying, oh, by the way,
it stinks over here. If you ever go back and
listen to that episode again, you will do so with
the knowledge that I was truly suffering on my end,
and maybe you can hear clues of that. I think
I hit it pretty well. That was season four, episode
twenty three, Father's Day. Hey, I can't leave you there.
(39:44):
I can't end this episode and leave you with the
smell of raw suage as my end note. Let's take
it up a little. How about I leave you with
an inspirational quote from a guest, the Wonderful War and
Wise Kathy Robbins, who said something brilliant that I dotted
(40:05):
down on a piece of paper that is on my
desk to this day, and every time I look at it,
I smile and remember the way that this guest impacted me.
Speaker 15 (40:15):
There's a lot of jokes about affirmations, but there really
is a lot of research base to show that feeding
yourself it's really just about feeding yourself positive thoughts. Like
one of my mantras that's been with me for thirty
years is my life is unfolding perfectly, and I have
(40:37):
it on my desk. My life is unfolding perfectly. And
it's just something about saying that I remember, no matter
what I'm going through, it's okay. And so just whatever
that might be for you. Different people have different mantras
or different affirmations, but find I would say, find certain
affirmations that speak to your inner soul and then when
(41:01):
things are happening, we can say them to yourself. And
a few examples. I deserve to be healthy, I am
a worthwhile person, and there is a place for me.
I am lovable because I am here. I would get
a workshop and I had a client. We were discussing
affirmations and someone said, you are lovable and she said
(41:25):
right back to her partner that she was doing this
exercise with no, I'm not. And it was like oh,
and she surprised herself. She realized, oh my gosh, it
was just the first thing that came was no, I'm not.
So she started working on doing a mirror exercise. You
are lovable and she said she couldn't believe. She couldn't
(41:45):
even look at herself in the mirror, and she had
no idea that she felt this strongly about it. And
so with affirmations and doing some mirror work, by the
end of the workshop it was so fantastic. She stood
up and shared with the group it was a group exercise,
and said, I am I can say it. I am lovable.
(42:07):
This is a wonderful thing. And she didn't even really know.
Speaker 1 (42:10):
That she felt that she wasn't So as Kathy was speaking,
I wrote down on a little piece of paper, my
life is unfolding perfectly. It's still here on my desk.
It's been years, but this little slip of paper, just
slightly larger than what you might pull out of a
fortune cookie. It sits where I can see it every day,
and it not only reminds me that, yes, indeed, my
(42:30):
life is unfolding perfectly, but it also reminds me of
beautiful conversations like some of the ones you've heard today,
that have impacted me and that have changed my life.
And I hope that this episode give you a little
glimpse of maybe what was going on in my head
and my heart on the other side of the microphone.
I'm slightly hesitant to sign off now because I only
(42:51):
have two more episodes left to build for you, and
they are going to be tear jerkers for me. In
the next episode, we'll hear farewell messages from listeners, followed
by dare I say it the last and final episode
with a sign off from my co hosts and me.
So hand on heart, big breath, off we go. We'll
(43:15):
see you next time. Everyone. Until then, take good care.
Speaker 7 (43:20):
I own it.
Speaker 4 (43:21):
I didn't not proud, but that was me and when
I face, let's take that a little dignity. Not looking
for excuses.
Speaker 5 (43:32):
I just want to be free from the power witness
head off me in a dun corners where Shane lives.
To Hannah, wait, gust jobs because you'll keep it up.
(43:54):
Second it just goes and wait there.
Speaker 1 (43:59):
To drop you your friend.
Speaker 3 (44:01):
Turn the light on.
Speaker 2 (44:02):
Turn the light on.
Speaker 5 (44:03):
You can't shine away. You see the corner a different.
Speaker 4 (44:08):
Not proud, but that was me and face. I take
a little.
Speaker 5 (44:14):
Dignity, a lot of excuses.
Speaker 4 (44:19):
I just want to be free long power.
Speaker 15 (44:23):
Oh yes, you.
Speaker 5 (44:30):
Don't have to shout it out on main streets to me.
You don't need to whisper to confession. Person you should
talk to is look again at you in the mirror,
and all who matters alas can always away.
Speaker 4 (44:52):
Do you see an old different, not proud, but that's me?
Speaker 5 (44:57):
And when that face I take a.
Speaker 4 (45:01):
Little dignity.
Speaker 5 (45:04):
Another excuses, I just want to.
Speaker 4 (45:07):
Be free from power. Boys, when you see a different
I'm pride and that would me, and that face, I
take it a little thing to hear.
Speaker 5 (45:24):
Another little from excuses.
Speaker 4 (45:27):
I just want to be free from the power.
Speaker 5 (45:31):
When you s free, free, free, free, free,
This podcast includes frank discussions of mature themes that may
not be suitable for all audiences. Listener discretion is advised.
This podcast is intended to provide encouragement and support through
personal storytelling. The views expressed are the opinions of the
participants and not intended to be medical, legal, clinical, or
(00:21):
professional information or advice of any kind.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Welcome to the Bubble Hour. Welcome to the Bubble Hour.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Welcome to the Bubble Hour. Welcome to the Bubble Hour. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome,
Welcome for the Bubble Hour.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
Ownment a diffent, not praps we and let a face
take a little dignity. Not looking for excuses.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
I just want to be free from the power.
Speaker 5 (00:54):
We us head of the Free, Free, Free, Free Free.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
I'm Jean McCarthy, and you're listening to the Bubble Hour.
Hi listeners, I hope you're enjoying this ten parts look
back over the last decade of the Bubble Hour podcast.
You're now on episode eight. This one focuses on some
of my favorite moments of the last decade. Obviously, I've
been able to fill this whole season with standout moments
(01:28):
and in some ways trying to pick highlights and the
best moments is like trying to choose your favorite child.
I mean, I love them all. I've loved every episode,
I've loved my involvement with this podcast from start to finish.
There's not anything that's better than anything else. In this episode,
I was thinking about what changed me, what affected me
(01:48):
as a host of this show when we're times when
I didn't just enjoy doing an interview or work hard
to really bring out the guest's story or to connect
with the listener, but when did I feel especially transformed
or changed by something I learned or experienced in that hour.
And that's what I decided to highlight today. For the
(02:10):
past ten years, we just showed up and recorded the
conversation that unfolded and presented it as such. And this season,
season ten is very different because I'm combing back through
all of the archived materials and I am painstakingly finding
audio clips that demonstrate the spirit of the show or
(02:30):
an idea that I'm trying to connect with you about
the story of the show. The biggest challenge of putting
together this final season has been feeling that it's just
impossible to choose one specific moment or message over another.
So at first it was overwhelming and I wasn't sure
how to go about it, hence the long delay while
I figured that out. There were so many examples of say,
moments of kindness or moments of levity or insight or
(02:54):
goof ups, that I could really just choose anything and
trust that you would connect the dots. If you have
been a guest on this show, or if you have
found yourself connecting with something and you're not hearing it
in this look back, that doesn't mean that it wasn't significant.
This look back had to be ten episodes and not
three hundred. But that's why we're hanging on to the
(03:17):
entire archives of the show and making them available in
fullness through Patreon. So I've enjoyed every single conversation, every guest,
every lesson, every AHA moment. And I know that might
sound like an overstatement, but it's true. And I didn't
even realize how true it was until I started going
back through the archives and show by show, I just
realizing that every single episode held something precious and golden.
(03:42):
Sometimes I would hear something that I didn't hear the
first time and think, oh, you know that hits me
different now because I'm different right, And there's that expression,
you know, when the teacher is no, when the student
is ready, the lesson appears or the teacher appears. We
level up, and things that really were insightful to us
at one stage of our growth, maybe we take them
(04:05):
in stride later on, but we hear something new that
takes us even further that was lost on us before.
Maybe listen to some old episodes that you haven't heard
for a while and see how they hit you differently.
Doing this season and having the incredible experience of revisiting
moments from the past and then bringing my current self
(04:27):
to them, Taking myself ten years back to a conversation
and experiencing it now from here and realizing it still
offers me new ways to grow is exciting to me.
I guess that there's still so much to learn and
that old material still holds so much for us. You know,
we can go back through our entire bookshelf and reread things.
(04:48):
That's the beauty of recovery. It's not that the work
is never done. It's that we have this unlimited capacity
to continually grow in new directions. In fact, as I'm
putting together the books that you're hearing advertised on this
show called Take Good Care, which is a collection of
readings that are based on moments of inspiration from the show.
(05:09):
Each reading has three little boxes so that you can
come back to it three different times and make a
note of how it affects you differently the next time
you read it. So what I decided to do in
this episode is to choose some standout moments that touched
me or shaped my thinking or helped me grow. And
you might have been listening to these podcasts all these
(05:30):
years without really thinking about how some of the interviews
affected us hosts just as much as they affected you
in the audience. Amanda made note of this, it was
true for all of us well.
Speaker 6 (05:40):
I love that we all have our own revelations on
the show and that I see each of us growing
on each show.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
I also loved coming across this exchange between Lle and
me from a few years back, when we talked about
our spirit of goodwill that we felt for other people
in the recovery arena that were pretty podcasts.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
It's really interesting to watch the evolution of the way
people talk about recovery the way they talk about drinking.
It's become more accessible topics to more people, and pretty
amazing evolution to be sort of part of the early
on back in like two thousand and eight, two thousand
and nine, like the blogging movements, and then people got
a hold of other mediums like podcasts and other forums
(06:24):
and there's an abundance of really good ones now and
it's encouraging to me to see that because the more
discourse there is, the more people can be helped.
Speaker 7 (06:32):
And I think it's amazing.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
There was a time in my life, probably when I
wasn't well, I would have been kind of competitive and
protective about whatever project I was doing. I'm really glad
that the healing that recovery does let us acknowledge the
abundance and not have to sink into that sort of
petty competitiveness and know that the more the merrier, and
(06:54):
the more people that talk and put things out there
like this or the new.
Speaker 8 (06:58):
Things that come up better, right.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
I mean, it's not pie.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
You know, we're not fighting over a finite amount of
goodness here. It seems to replenish itself.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
And the more perspective and viewpoints and opinions and insights
to the advice that people share I mean, I learned
things every day from people that I follow online and
talk to in person. That's how it's done.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
You know, that feeling of abundance. It seemed to inform
a mindset of generosity and a lack of ego and
of kindness that set the tone for everything we did
together over the years on this show. One early interview
I participated in that had a profound effect on me
was with doctor John Kelly of the Recovery Research Institute.
(07:43):
I felt that his input validated what I had assumed
up to that point was kind of a folk wisdom.
I didn't realize that there was so much science and
study behind some of the ideas around recovery. I immediately
signed up for a monthly newsletter from the Recovery Research
to and I highly recommend it to all of you.
I'll put a link in the show notes.
Speaker 7 (08:07):
Everything is mediated through the brain, right, All of our
thoughts are generated by the brain. So psychology has a
biological basis always and there and there are ways that
we can change our brain and heal our brain, help
our brain get better. And the way that that happens
(08:27):
typically is that we have, you know, one part of
our brain for example, our prefrontal cortex where we do
a lot of our thinking and judgment and and make decisions.
We can make those decisions with you know, maybe that
that part of the brain that's working that can make
try to make better decisions that then naturally can help
(08:48):
heal the other parts of the brain. And so that's
what the brain does, is that the modules that are
able to that are working a little bit better, will
we'll try and make you know, try and try and
you know, heal the other parts of the brain. Typically,
you know, we obviously we have to make those decisions,
(09:10):
and it's the decisions and the actions that follow those
decisions which actually heal the brain in terms of recovery,
because typically what happens to people have to abstain for
the brain to have a respite from the neurotoxicity of drugs.
Without that, the brain cannot recover while it's still being bombarded.
(09:31):
So one has to make a decision there, Okay, I
really want to quit, and then the person has to
get the help that's necessary or recruit the resources around
them and latch onto those resources for that person to
be able to remain abstinent for a while enough that
the other parts of the brain, and maybe the deeper
subcortical areas of the brain can start to readjust and heal. So,
(09:56):
in other words, you have one part of the brain,
in this case the prefrontal cortex, it's actually helping to
heal another part of the brain. And the brain does
that it uses the best functioning modules, or the best
parts of those models to try and help damage parts
of the brain.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
Another thing that had a profound effect on me was
listening to how people in recovery interact. There's just so
much wisdom and kindness in how people speak to one another.
So if you're around someone who's been in recovery for
a while, watch them, listen to someone, watch them interact
with someone who's maybe a newcomer, and you learn so
(10:33):
much from just observing their interactions, the words they choose,
and their approach. When Lucy Hall described how she greets
newcomers to her recovery center, my ears perked up in
this interview.
Speaker 9 (10:47):
When I walk past admissions and I see a newcomer,
I'll welcome them to Marry Hall Freedom House, and I'll say,
on a scale of one to ten, ten, being you
ready for recovery one day and you wish you would
go back out back before doing go get another hit
where you at and They'll say, well, I'm about a four,
and I'll be like, wow, congratulations a four. Why didn't
(11:09):
you say a three? And then they're gonna tell me
why they set a four? There in lies their hope.
And then I'm gonna say to them, so what do
you think is going to take to get to a five?
Therein lies their outlook. Because you now get me looking
towards I can go. I can be a five and
I can keep moving in the direction to get to
that tanem all in versus turning around and going back.
(11:32):
So teaching people the language of recovery and how to
ask the right questions you know you actually a loved one.
Instead of saying you make me sick because you get
high every day, just ask them, so you use something
every day? How's that working for you?
Speaker 10 (11:51):
So it's all of the questions that we ask as
opposed to accusing people because see, I can't make you
feel that. I can't I can't make you feel bad
because I'm getting high. But my getting high does have
an impact on you, So tell me about that.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Keep it in the high statement, I'm wondering where you
learned to talk to people in that way. I mean,
I love that approach of where are you at and
you know, talking about the hope and bringing out that dialogue.
Speaker 8 (12:18):
Did someone model that for you? Did you stumble upon it.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
Along the way?
Speaker 7 (12:22):
Is it?
Speaker 1 (12:23):
Is it a technique that the rest of us can
learn somewhere? Where did that come from?
Speaker 3 (12:28):
Absolutely?
Speaker 9 (12:30):
I definitely think from my many years of experience. I
also know from my many years of experience on the
receiving side to this day, I don't like for nobody
to accuse me of something, ask ask me the right question.
And also as the CEO of the organization, you know,
(12:51):
I think there are many things that we learned from
many people, and you try different things and then you
put things together and you're like, and that works.
Speaker 5 (13:01):
You know.
Speaker 9 (13:01):
It's one of those things like your mom probably gave
you some recipes and you've got your own flair to
it today. You know, it's her recipe that you took
and made your own. So it's gleaming along the way
different techniques and methodologies, but also you know, different things
that you learn along the way that work, you know,
(13:23):
And I just know that when it comes to motivational
interviewing or encouraging people or keeping people hopeful hopeful, that's
what the product is, keeping people.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Hopeful, and that's why you call yourself a hope dealer.
Speaker 9 (13:39):
Right, you better believe that girl, for real?
Speaker 8 (13:44):
For real?
Speaker 1 (13:51):
Do you ever wish for a little bit of recovery
inspiration on the go? Tiny Bubbles is a new podcast
that brings you the best bits of the Bubble Hour
podcast in quick little episodes, just fifteen minutes long, but
packed with wisdom, insight, and encouragement to live your life
wholeheartedly and alcohol free. Look for Tiny Bubbles wherever you
(14:15):
get podcasts and subscribe today. Tiny Bubbles little bits of
recovery goodness brought to you by the Bubble Hour. Sometimes
all you need is a little pep talk so you
can get back to living that beautiful life you're building.
(14:38):
Take Good Care is a new collection of recovery readings
inspired by the Bubble Hour. If you love the encouragement
and support you find here on this podcast, then this
new book is for you. Visit the Bubblehour dot com
for more information or check the show notes for a
link to purchase. You'll find Take Good Care on Amazon worldwide.
Speaker 8 (14:57):
Take good Care.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
Recovery reading inspired by the Bubble Hour the perfect gift
for yourself and friends. I often heard as well from
guests who themselves were surprised at how transformative it was
(15:18):
for them to participate in the show, because as they
prepared to tell their story, documented it, and thought about
sharing it, they often had a ha moments of their own.
To me, this is part of the beauty of the
Bubble Hour, how each interview seemed to have a positive
effect for everyone involved, the guest, the host, and the audience.
And we all did this together, so it's not simply
(15:40):
just a one way consumable entertainment infotainment. It's really been
a series of heart to heart to heart conversations. One
experience I cherished has been recording some interviews for the
show in person. I was helping to facilitate retreats for
women in recovery. I do this on different occasions. You've
(16:04):
heard recordings from retreats that I did at Carpalu in
Massachusetts and as well as one in Mexico. As a
side note, I take part in these retreats occasionally. If
you want to be notified when I'm doing one, follow
me on Instagram, Jean McCarthy writes, or you can follow
my blog Unpickled, or follow Unpickled or the Bubble Hour
(16:25):
on Facebook. If when I do more retreats, I'll be
posting in those places now. Listening back to them, it
just feels so heartwarming because I recall sitting together with
each of these guests while we recorded.
Speaker 11 (16:38):
My name's Alison, and I've been in recovery for four years,
and I never thought I'd be able to stop drinking,
but I did. Every day is a gift now. Every
day that I open my eyes and I don't have
to think if I can pick my head up off
that pillow is a gift and wonderful day.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Did you think he'd ever say?
Speaker 9 (17:00):
No?
Speaker 11 (17:00):
Never, I never thought i'd say any of that. I
used to I would go to meetings and hear other
people say how grateful they are and how thankful they are,
and I'm like, what are you talking about. I never
thought that that would be me saying that. I tried
to stop drinking for a long time, and I kept relapsing.
I kept thinking I could drink like a normal person
(17:23):
and then I'd be sober for a while, and then
I'd try again, and that went on for years, and
then I went to an IOP intensive outpatient that helped
a lot, and it made sense to me. I was
able to remain so before about a year, but then
(17:44):
I went back out again because I thought, oh, I
got this. I can drink like a normal person. And
I just didn't want to give it up.
Speaker 8 (17:52):
I liked it.
Speaker 11 (17:52):
I'd like drinking, I liked how it felt, and I
didn't want to give it up. So that went on
for a while, and then a couple bad things happened,
and my husband really wanted me to go to inpatient rehab,
and I kept resisting. You know, no, no, I won't go.
(18:13):
That doesn't turn out so well. Usually it was his
goal to find me an appropriate rehab, and I had
some restrictions. I wanted non twelve step based. I wanted
nonpunitive rehab. There were a few restrictions that I had
to find an appropriate rehab. Well, he found one. It's
(18:35):
called practical recovery in San Diego, and it's based on
smart recovery and as opposed to a twelve step recovery.
So we went to smart recovery meetings and I'll tell
you a little bit about smart recovery. It's also abstinence
based for people with all kinds of addictions. And it's
(18:57):
self empowering, meaning that I have the power. It's to
my power to take control of my sobriety and my addiction.
It just makes so much sense to me. There are
no labels. I learned how not to use labels. I
don't really will say I'm an alcoholic. I would much
(19:18):
rather say I'm in recovery because I'm so many more
things than an alcoholic. So I just say I'm in
recovery because alcoholic. I don't like that term because then
I'd feel if I said that, that would be my
whole identity, that would be who I was, And I
have many other identities that I just say I'm in recovery.
(19:42):
There are meetings and tools, and it's a behavior based
program and a scientific based program. And the approach to
behavioral change is built around four points. First, one is
building and maintain the motivation to change. The second is
(20:03):
coping with urges, third is managing thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
And the fourth is living a balanced, positive and healthy lifestyle.
And those are the things that I learned when I
was impatient rehab, and those are the things that I
tried to bring back with me into my daily life.
(20:25):
My name is Emma, and I started my recovery journey
about two years ago, and I was working with doctors
and I going to weekly meetings. A few false starts
during that first year, for sure.
Speaker 12 (20:39):
Yeah, I'm just definitely gaining more confidence, and I'm trying
new things that I would never have thought that I
would be doing, which has been amazing well being here.
For example, like just going chatting with you. I never
thought I would do this. I went to I'm terrified
of heights. I went to an indoor skydiving thing, so
that was pretty cool, you know. Just going to different
(21:00):
spiritual retreats which I never thought I would do either.
And yeah, just really always pushing myself out of my
comfort zone and also being more confident at work, which
is really key as well.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
This whole recovery engagement is a very patient process. I
know that some of you listened for years before you
made changes in your life, and some of you might
be listening now and still in the contemplation and or
preparation stage of change, and you're using this podcast to
help you build a courage towards your action. And so
(21:35):
that leads me to one of my very favorite moments
that comes to mind. Remember the Boston meetup where we
mentioned that we had hosted a Pollack dinner from some
of the listeners in the area. One person I met
that night was a lady named Nancy, and she'd come
to the event. She was clearly very uneasy. I could
tell how much courage it had taken for her to
(21:57):
attend that night, because she really looked like she felt
pretty shy and pretty uncomfortable. And she sat off to
the side of the room, just on the edge of
the conversations, and you know, she looked uncomfortable, but she
was there right, she showed up, And I have so
much respect for that. You know, when things are hard
and we do them anyway, there's there's a lot of
power in that. So I struck up a conversation with Nancy,
(22:19):
and we stayed in touch, and she was in and
out of recovery for a while. For a few years. Actually,
she had started to make some of the transformations that
she desired, and eventually she did get to that place
that she envisioned for herself, and she came on the
Bubble Hour to share her story. So to me, her
recovery is a triumph, and her interview is actually one
of the most popular episodes of the entire decade. Nancy
(22:42):
read a poem that she wrote about recovery, and it
has been shared and re shared many many times in
audio and print. It's called I'm Sorry. Here's Nancy reading
her poem.
Speaker 8 (22:54):
I always said I'm sorry for everything I did. I
think that it began when I was just a kid.
I'm sorry that i'm little. I'm sorry I get mad.
I'm sorry if I'm not as smart as my mom
or dad. I'm sorry that I'm shy and that my
chest is flat. I'm sorry I'm not ready to do
the stuff like that. I'm sorry about the baby. He's colicky,
(23:18):
he'll cry. I'm sorry I can't comfort him no matter
how I try. I'm sorry for my house. It's messy.
We have boys. I'm sorry for my car it's making
a strange noise. I'm sorry about my cooking it isn't
always great. I'm sorry that I'm tired. I'm sorry that
i'm late. Sorry about the garden. The yard is such
(23:40):
a mess. I need to do some weeding. We need
to paint the fence. I'm sorry about my dog. He
should be better trained. I'm sorry about my kitchen. I'm
sorry about my brain. I'm sorry about my hair. I'm
sorry i'm a bore. I'm sorry sometimes I forget what
I said before. Sorry I was quiet. Sorry if I
(24:02):
said too much. Sorry I was clumsy. Sorry I was rushed.
Sorry I spent money. Sorry I was cheap. Sorry I'm
so sensitive. Sorry I'm too deep. Sorry that I drank
too much, Sorry that I quit. Sorry if you find
that weird. Sorry for all my shit. I've been sorry
(24:27):
for my flaws each and everyone, and yet I have
to tell you sorry isn't fun. I'm sick of saying
sorry or swallowing my words. It's time I just said
fuck that. All these sorries are absurd. I'm not sorry
for my thoughts, my hips, my breasts, my brain. I'm
(24:50):
not sorry for my feelings. I'm not sorry for my pain.
I'm not sorry for my cooking. It's nourishing and good.
I'm not sorry for my car. It takes me where
I should. I'm not sorry for my home. It's filled
with love and care. I'm not sorry for my body,
my wrinkles or my hair. I'm not sorry for my voice.
(25:12):
I think it should be heard. I'm not sorry for
the many times I'm searching for a word. I'm not
sorry that i'm sober. It's how I want to be.
I'm not sorry if you wish i'd drink, I'll have
a cup of tea. I'm not sorry that I'm human,
warm and soft and kind. I'm not sorry I'm imperfect
(25:35):
in body and in mind. I'm ready for that chapter
of apologies to end. I'm ready for acceptance of everything
I am, and so I'll just apologize one last heartfelt
time to the person that I've been and am, the
person that is fine. I'm sorry, little girl that I
(25:57):
criticized you. So, I'm sorry, teenager. I should have let
you know that you were truly lovely, compassionate, and smart.
I'm sorry, brand new mother with your enormous heart. I'm sorry,
middle aged me. I love you.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
You're a dear.
Speaker 8 (26:15):
I'm sorry that I've hurt you. But that is stopping here.
I'm finding self Compassion the missing link. I think I
know it's what I didn't have when I would choose
to drink. My light is shining brightly my sisters are
at hand. I'm ready to take care of me in
every way I can. I'm rising through my sadness. I'm
(26:38):
rising from my pain. I'm rising from my guilt. I'm
rising from my shame. I'm ready now to stand. I'm
ready soon to soar. I'm ready. Please come with me.
I see an open door.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
Help others find the message of recovery we champion on
the Bubble Hour. Plus get access to the entire backlist
ad free by joining us on Patreon. Patroon support helps
with the ongoing expense of making free versions of the
show available, as well as the cost to make new
content like our spinoff podcast, Tiny Bubbles. Become a Bubble
(27:22):
Hour patron today at patreon dot com. Slash the Bubble
Hour and help us help others through stories of strength
and hope. Now you know I love a good story.
So in addition to the recovery, encouragement and inspiration we
(27:43):
heard week after Weeks, there have been some very memorable
stories of life's twists and turns, and one of my
favorite is from a guest named Kelly, who has become
a dear friend of mine. Kelly realized after she quit
drinking that the only way she could stays over was
to leave her marriage because alcohol played a big role.
It was a difficult decision. She's a mom of fourteens
(28:04):
at the time. It was very hard, but her recovery
served her well and she led her family through this
difficult time. She went on a trip with one of
her sons and he took her to this little town
in the Netherlands. They rented a vacation rental that was
next to a windmill and actual mindmill, and guess what happened, Yeah,
(28:26):
she fell in love. It was basically a Hallmark movie
come to life when the handsome man who was the
keeper of the windmill turned out to be the love
of her life. I'll let her tell the story. It's
best in her words.
Speaker 13 (28:41):
Well, that's a fun story right now, because you know,
I went through my divorce. I was married twenty four
years and I really just thought like, that's it. Well,
I'm not these people who are going to be having
you know, that romance my life or love of my life,
and I'm a piece of that. And I went forward
just to really be happy myself, and I really dove
in for the next few years of you know, really
to know myself and really invested my energy in me,
(29:03):
which was great, and I really cherished that time because
it was a time where I could find out what
does spark my joy and a time of huge growth
for me. But there was something really special about that time.
I feel like it was part of my like a
caterpillar to a butterfly, time of like transition, transformation and
just putting all that energy that I would put into
someone else and to me. And after years of being
(29:25):
a codependent person, that was really a revelation that I
could be super happy and just be on my own
with friends, with my children, living my life and then
it wasn't about finding a man.
Speaker 8 (29:38):
And I did that.
Speaker 13 (29:39):
And one of the things that happened was because of
my sobriety. My twenty four year old son twenty three
at the time invited me to go on this adventure
to Europe and he said, Mom, would you want to
go with me?
Speaker 14 (29:50):
And I want to.
Speaker 13 (29:51):
I want to take you as place he had been
in the Netherlands, and he said, you'll just love it.
It's the cutest town and I need to take you
and let's do this. And another part for my story
was it during that time I kind of started saying
I'm going to say yes to everything I can that
comes in my path, like there've heard that idea like
the Year of Yes, And that was kind of what
I did. Like my brain at first for everything was
say you can't do that. My first response is always no,
(30:14):
because my brain will do that, and I just I
always think it through, like this isn't if this is
coming to me, like why can't I? And I was
really lucky to have, you know, support, a mother to
help me, my other kids and who really encourage me,
like you have to do this, and so I really
just jumped at the chance to travel with my son
and we you know, rented a stopped in Iceland for
a week and we rented a camper van. We had
(30:35):
so much fun and it was just something I never
would have done sober I don't think he ever would
have invited me because it was all about just being
in nature. It wasn't about my old way of traveling,
which would have been restaurants and shopping and you know,
going to cool bars, and it was just about really
the simple things and having a great adventure in hiking.
And and so we went from Iceland and then we
(30:58):
went to Netherlands and we had booked airbnb the windmill
and it was just almost it was kind of like
a fairy tale because I smacked out Brandon to the
first person that I was like, just like, oh my goodness,
there you are. And it was kind of a funny
feeling that after so many, you know, three years of
head down working.
Speaker 2 (31:19):
On myself, to me, so this the airbnb host picked
you up.
Speaker 3 (31:22):
Yeah, at the airpus you picked this up. Yeah, And
he was pretty cute and you had some fleasure there, yeah,
and then.
Speaker 13 (31:29):
Some flutters and then he lives in a windmill and
we stayed in the house he had built next to
the windmill. That was the last September, and then since
then now I've been over there two times and we'll
go back next month. And we went to Paris last month,
and it was just very exciting that things have really
started to go in that direction that I never stopped coming.
(31:50):
It's just a beautiful life over there. And I think
that was the first thing beyond that I was attracted him,
was just I kind of thought I would fall in
love with anyone who had made this beautiful life. It
was such a beautiful life there and then the more
I talked to him, there's more and more that we're like,
oh my gosh, so many things in common. And and
it really did feel like, Wow, how amazing my son
(32:10):
and I are here, And it felt meant to be.
Cause even if my son said you wanna go this
little town in Netherlands, I thought, oh, but there's all
these other places in Europe I haven't been. And I
didn't argue. I was just more like, yes, I wanna
go where you want to take me. And it just
felt very It just was really beautiful, like oh, and
then it has just proven, you know, w you know
over time that we it just does feel really like
(32:31):
I was just meant to be. So yeah, we've had
beautiful experiences and really exciting and I do. When I
left my marriage, I just feel that quote you know,
what if I fall, but what if I fly? All
I could focus on when I left the marriage was
the loss, and and it was really scary and hard
to do and feeling like, y, you know, you just
can't see all the good that will come your way
(32:53):
if you let go of something that's not working for you.
And that's true for drinking, and it's true for anything
that's you to feel like you're not growing to have
that faith that you know there's going to be good
things that come. It's not just what you're letting go of.
What are you making room for? You know, when you
say yes this one thing, you're saying no to another,
And so when you hold on to something that's not working,
(33:15):
you're really not allowing space for whatever other beautiful thing.
Caul phillips the place, and I feel like my life
has been, you know, just really affirming of that feeling
of the beauty taking the place of the things I'd.
Speaker 8 (33:29):
Let go of.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
Now, my friends, the happy ending to this story is that,
after enough plot twists to truly form a sequel to
that movie, Kelly is now married to this handsome wind
mailman and she moved to the Netherlands and they all
lived happily ever after. Another memorable interview I recall participating
(33:55):
in was with Frank, the stepfather of our co host Amanda.
And Rank had come on for a special Father's Day episode,
and what touched me so much about this conversation was
the affection that he had and the emotion in his
voice when he talked about Amanda and what it felt
like for him as a person in recovery to see
(34:16):
his beloved daughter struggling with addiction.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
Our listeners know Amanda's story pretty well, so I think
we're all really curious about your perspective on Amanda. Before
Amanda got sober, were there times where you were worried
about her drinking?
Speaker 11 (34:35):
Oh?
Speaker 14 (34:35):
Yeah, she was a horrible drunk. It was terrible. She
is very, very wilful and mouthy. He just couldn't, you know,
make any sense there, and she was just ob noxious
sometimes Amanda.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
You did you see that emptiness and Amanda too, And
how did you feel knowing that she was going through that?
Speaker 9 (35:02):
Oh?
Speaker 14 (35:03):
I just wanted to help, But I mean I also realized,
you know, through years and years of exposure and talking
in meetings and other places, there's not really much you
can do until the person who's who's suffering decides to
turn their life around. You can be there and encourage them,
(35:25):
but a lot of times that falls on deafy is,
especially if they're stubborn, and she was stubborn. Kind of
heartbreaking to what someone hurting themselves like that. But you
have to believe in you know, I had to believe
in Amanda, you know, I had to believe that she
would find her way because she's such a smart kid
and she's so much fun. She would be able to
(35:48):
straighten her life out, get the idea of being sober
and surrender. I mean, it's a hard thing to do
when you're stubborn, to surrender, believe me.
Speaker 11 (35:57):
I know.
Speaker 2 (35:58):
How did you show you support for her without telling
her what to do or giving her ultimatums? How does
that look to support someone and sort of live out
the solution for them, but not tell them what to do.
Speaker 14 (36:13):
Yeah, it's kind of hard, but I mean you talk
to them and you say to them, I think you're
heading for a problem. There's a lot of people in
our family that you know have the similar problem. I
have had the same problem, and I know a solution
to it. You know, if you haven't needed any help,
please please let me know, and I be glad to help,
(36:34):
no matter what it takes.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
Do you remember those conversations, Amanda?
Speaker 9 (36:39):
Oh?
Speaker 6 (36:39):
Yeah, I do My dad handle things and my mom
the best that they could. You know, I was as
stubborn as could be, and you know, I really did
think that I had it under control. And I remember
I would always say, yeah, I'm watching my drinking. I
wanted to please my parents more than anything in the world,
and I just didn't know how to do it.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
I found that conversation very sweet. I was so struck
by his patients, and it taught me to be more
patient with others in my life that I wanted to
fix and hurry along. I just had never thought of
taking such a measured approach, and Frank was inspirational in
that way. Here's the other thing about that interview that
I will never forget. Here's the part you can't hear.
(37:24):
I was suffering throughout that interview because I was on
vacation at my in laws, and I was recording my
end of the show over the phone while sitting in
a little guest cottage in the woods, and moments before
the interview started, or maybe a few minutes into the interview,
my brother in law and his family were leaving, and
they were there with an RV, and they had drained
(37:46):
the tank on their RV into the septic system before
they left. You know, that's what's supposed to happen. There's
a septic system there for that reason. However, the cottage
I was in just had a new sink put into it,
and the sink did not yet have the back velve
that would have stopped the smell of sewer gas. Fresh stinky, stinky,
(38:06):
stinky blackwater sewer gas that had just been released into
the septic system wafted back up and filled this tiny, little, hot, hot,
hot cabin that I was sitting in. Throughout that entire
hour plus that we spent talking about Father's Day with
Frank and Amanda, I was absolutely dying in this room. Now,
(38:28):
I let me be clear, there was no actual sewer
stuff that.
Speaker 8 (38:33):
Came into the room.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
It was just the smell. But it was horrible and
it was awful, and I couldn't leave because it was
the only quiet spot with cell reception where I could
do my end of the show. But I did see
the humor in the situation. It was all I could
do not to just collapse into a fit of giggles
throughout that entire show. And I kept considering during the show,
(38:56):
should I confess to Amanda and Frank that I was
sitting in this hot, hot, smelly, smelly, awful room with
tears running down my face from the smell. I thought
if I started talking about it, I would absolutely start
laughing hysterically and lose my composure entirely. I just felt
that the conversation between Amanda and her stepfather was so
sweet and so compelling and informative that I didn't want
(39:19):
to take away from that by saying, oh, by the way,
it stinks over here. If you ever go back and
listen to that episode again, you will do so with
the knowledge that I was truly suffering on my end,
and maybe you can hear clues of that. I think
I hit it pretty well. That was season four, episode
twenty three, Father's Day. Hey, I can't leave you there.
(39:44):
I can't end this episode and leave you with the
smell of raw suage as my end note. Let's take
it up a little. How about I leave you with
an inspirational quote from a guest, the Wonderful War and
Wise Kathy Robbins, who said something brilliant that I dotted
(40:05):
down on a piece of paper that is on my
desk to this day, and every time I look at it,
I smile and remember the way that this guest impacted me.
Speaker 15 (40:15):
There's a lot of jokes about affirmations, but there really
is a lot of research base to show that feeding
yourself it's really just about feeding yourself positive thoughts. Like
one of my mantras that's been with me for thirty
years is my life is unfolding perfectly, and I have
(40:37):
it on my desk. My life is unfolding perfectly. And
it's just something about saying that I remember, no matter
what I'm going through, it's okay. And so just whatever
that might be for you. Different people have different mantras
or different affirmations, but find I would say, find certain
affirmations that speak to your inner soul and then when
(41:01):
things are happening, we can say them to yourself. And
a few examples. I deserve to be healthy, I am
a worthwhile person, and there is a place for me.
I am lovable because I am here. I would get
a workshop and I had a client. We were discussing
affirmations and someone said, you are lovable and she said
(41:25):
right back to her partner that she was doing this
exercise with no, I'm not. And it was like oh,
and she surprised herself. She realized, oh my gosh, it
was just the first thing that came was no, I'm not.
So she started working on doing a mirror exercise. You
are lovable and she said she couldn't believe. She couldn't
(41:45):
even look at herself in the mirror, and she had
no idea that she felt this strongly about it. And
so with affirmations and doing some mirror work, by the
end of the workshop it was so fantastic. She stood
up and shared with the group it was a group exercise,
and said, I am I can say it. I am lovable.
(42:07):
This is a wonderful thing. And she didn't even really know.
Speaker 1 (42:10):
That she felt that she wasn't So as Kathy was speaking,
I wrote down on a little piece of paper, my
life is unfolding perfectly. It's still here on my desk.
It's been years, but this little slip of paper, just
slightly larger than what you might pull out of a
fortune cookie. It sits where I can see it every day,
and it not only reminds me that, yes, indeed, my
(42:30):
life is unfolding perfectly, but it also reminds me of
beautiful conversations like some of the ones you've heard today,
that have impacted me and that have changed my life.
And I hope that this episode give you a little
glimpse of maybe what was going on in my head
and my heart on the other side of the microphone.
I'm slightly hesitant to sign off now because I only
(42:51):
have two more episodes left to build for you, and
they are going to be tear jerkers for me. In
the next episode, we'll hear farewell messages from listeners, followed
by dare I say it the last and final episode
with a sign off from my co hosts and me.
So hand on heart, big breath, off we go. We'll
(43:15):
see you next time. Everyone. Until then, take good care.
Speaker 7 (43:20):
I own it.
Speaker 4 (43:21):
I didn't not proud, but that was me and when
I face, let's take that a little dignity. Not looking
for excuses.
Speaker 5 (43:32):
I just want to be free from the power witness
head off me in a dun corners where Shane lives.
To Hannah, wait, gust jobs because you'll keep it up.
(43:54):
Second it just goes and wait there.
Speaker 1 (43:59):
To drop you your friend.
Speaker 3 (44:01):
Turn the light on.
Speaker 2 (44:02):
Turn the light on.
Speaker 5 (44:03):
You can't shine away. You see the corner a different.
Speaker 4 (44:08):
Not proud, but that was me and face. I take
a little.
Speaker 5 (44:14):
Dignity, a lot of excuses.
Speaker 4 (44:19):
I just want to be free long power.
Speaker 15 (44:23):
Oh yes, you.
Speaker 5 (44:30):
Don't have to shout it out on main streets to me.
You don't need to whisper to confession. Person you should
talk to is look again at you in the mirror,
and all who matters alas can always away.
Speaker 4 (44:52):
Do you see an old different, not proud, but that's me?
Speaker 5 (44:57):
And when that face I take a.
Speaker 4 (45:01):
Little dignity.
Speaker 5 (45:04):
Another excuses, I just want to.
Speaker 4 (45:07):
Be free from power. Boys, when you see a different
I'm pride and that would me, and that face, I
take it a little thing to hear.
Speaker 5 (45:24):
Another little from excuses.
Speaker 4 (45:27):
I just want to be free from the power.
Speaker 5 (45:31):
When you s free, free, free, free, free,
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