350 - Redesign Your Reality and Your Family Life with Marc Barlow

Justin talks finances with Redesign The Reality of Your Finances Author Marc Barlow

Marc Barlow
Redesign Your Finances available wherever books are sold
RedesignTheReality.com

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Episode Transcript

(00:12):
Listen to me, listen to mywho thats the Vanished? Thank you,
Chase. That's hello and welcome tothe Dad Podcast. I am your host.

(00:39):
Justin Worsham with me today is authorof Redesign The Reality of Your Finances,
Mark Barlow, Thank you so muchfor joining us. Mark. Wow,
there's an uproarious applause. Are youthat got? That? Got really
a tense right at the beginning.I'm so sorry. Are you there?

(01:00):
You travel, you travel with people. I was I was really excited to
have you on the show, andI was, I mean, I am
obviously, I just I feel likeI just fell out of love with you.
And that's not what I'm trying tosay. Is that the idea of
family finances, I think is justsuch an underrated topic, Like it's not

(01:22):
a It always frustrated me that itwasn't covered more in high school. I
feel like there was a time,well before my time is that, where
you had like a home economics classand everybody believes that it was just about
making keyshes and everything, But I'veactually looked into it and it was also
about like how do you manage moneyand everything that comes with having a family
life. And now that's kind ofgone the way of the Dodo, right,

(01:45):
and I went through my own whenI got married. I bought a
house about almost a year after Igot married because we celebrate our first anniversary
in this house. And then Igot appendicitis and my wife was working at
as a manager of a dance apparelstore at the same time, so we
did not have health coverage or anythinglike that. I was I had my

(02:07):
own improvisational theater company and was workingat a theme park, but it was
seasonal employment that kind of stuff,and we were making enough money to make
ends meet, but there was verymuch a vibe of we each had three
jobs to try to pay all thebills. There was. During the darkest
time of all of that, mywife had to turn in aluminum cans so

(02:27):
that we could get the redemption moneyfor it, so she had had enough
money to put gas in her carto go to work. And I went
to my dad and I just waslike, there's gotta be a better way
to live, Like I just there'ssomething I'm missing. And my dad said,
you know what you should do,because he'd heard his radio show.
He said, you should check outthis total money makeover by Dave Ramsey,

(02:50):
and so I said great, andso I bought the book. I literally
read it in four hours because Iskipped most of the testimonials. I just
got to the meat and potatoes ofit because and I loved it. And
then we went and my wife camehome from work that day and I said,
I just read this book. Wehave to do this. I think
it's going to change our lives.I was right. But we went and
sat down and put together a budgetand figured out how much money we had

(03:13):
coming in and how much we werespending. Because this is the stupidest part
about all this. I'm a nerdabout the finances. Like I'm a guy
who gets up in the morning evenwhen I was broke, and I would
make sure that all of the transactionsfrom the day before were hitting the account
and I put them in a financialtracking software. But that's all I did.
I just had a computer that wasmy checkbook and made sure it balanced
with the account. But I didn'tknow what I was spending on, how

(03:35):
much of it it was. Ididn't I couldn't tell you how much I
made any of that crap. Andso we figured all that out, and
I literally no exaggeration. I literallystarted crying because we had a mortgage.
This is our first house, andI realized that we were just we were
spending so much more money than whatwe made, and it seemed so overwhelming
and so daunting, and you didn'tfeel like you were living luxuriously by any

(04:00):
stretch of the imagination. I mean, I mean, I mean, at
this point, I think I'm twentytwo if memory serves, Oh wow,
and I just it was like,oh, oh gosh. And and but
then what happens, as I'm sureyou're well aware, once you start doing
this with a certain intent, acertain focus, it kind of gets easier
and you start to realize that youactually have more money than what you thought

(04:23):
when you're when you start prioritizing whatyou're spending on because you're more aware of
it. Is that is that fairto say? Oh? Yeah, absolutely?
I think what what you describe though, Justin is I think a lot
of people's stories and if you don'tmind a hit on a couple of things
that you had mentioned, absolutely,So you know Ramsey, the guys,

(04:44):
I mean, was it six stepshe writes about and I read the book
as well, and this very powerfulstuff I've applied it to our finances as
well. I'm here pitching Ramsey.But but a good thing is a good
thing, you know what I mean? Um, But what I found is
that sometimes people they make a lotof money, and they're no better off
than someone who doesn't make a lotof money because they're driving around in Mercedes

(05:08):
bends that they can't afford. Theywere in Rolex watches, or living in
homes they can't afford. So eventhough they're making more money, they're always
making it like month to month,if that makes sense. Yeah. So
sometimes when I've been reading and thinkingand reflecting on and doing research, is
it's really important to understand, likewhy do we do what we do?

(05:28):
You know, the advice that weget from Ramsing some other financial people is
good advice, But if we don'tunderstand like our own internal motives, like
why do I have to have Mercedesbands or why do I have to have
a certain type of watch? Orwhy do I have to eat at these
nice expensive restaurants when I really can'tafford it? Like those are the things
that I'm finding that people really indeedto address. So what I'm hearing is

(05:53):
that the numbers part of it right, which is kind of what he breaks
down a lot like he just kindof gives you a recipe book. But
what your book is about is aboutunderstanding almost the psychology behind why it is
that what you're doing, so thatyou can start to adjust that, to
rethink what are your priorities, whatis important? Is that fair to say
exactly because some research out there showedlike eighty percent of people that get a

(06:15):
huge windfall of money or they winthe lottery, like eighty percent are worse
off than they were like five yearsafter getting that money. Yeah, because
people just don't know how to managethat. They don't know what to do
when they get money, because theyfall back into that old mindset of like,
hey, I've always been broke,so I'm only comfortable when I'm broke.
So then they start spending money andthey just kind of end up how

(06:39):
they started. I got a storyfor that. I mean, my wife
and I we have we've been marriedabout twenty eight years. Actually, we
disilvered our twentieth anniversary in January,and we have a twenty seven year old
son and a twenty four year olddaughter. And for the longest tim and
we were living like what you weresaying in your story, I can totally
relate to that. I remember rollingpennies and taking them to the bank to

(07:00):
buy some food for our family.And but what happened is that I got
used to being totally broke, soI wasn't I didn't feel comfortable until my
bank account was like pretty much atzero. And when I started making more
money. I'm an education so Igot my master's degree, I started moving
up in administration, I was makingmore money, but I truly didn't feel
comfortable until my bank account was atzero. Because of these these lies,

(07:24):
I kind of believed about myself thathey, I'm never gonna be rich,
I'm never gonna have enough money.I might as well just get used to
live in check paycheck to paycheck.Well, tell me about that, Like,
so, what's what's your story.So you grew up kind of like
from a low income family, brokeor what was the situation? No,
I think I would. I wouldclassify myself as maybe middle class, lower

(07:45):
middle class. Growing up. Imoved out and as eighteen, my wife
and I got married. I wastwenty, she was nineteen. We had
our first son at the same age, nineteen twenty. We struggled. You
know, as I was going tocollege, we got food stamped, so
we were on state insurance for fiveyears as trying to get through get through
college. When I finally graduated andI got a teaching job, was blessed

(08:09):
to get that rather than good go. But you know a reason a family
of four on a teaching salery.I think my take home pay that first
year was about fourteen hundred bucks.And the listeners don't know this, but
you're down in San Diego. Whereis that where you've been from the time
you grew up until now? Yeah, raised in San Diego. Yeah,
so California for everybody out there andthe rest of the country and world,

(08:30):
like, California pretty expensive state overallto live in. And while San Diego
is a smaller, say city thanLos Angeles, the property values do not
represent that. Like I had aplan to retire in San Diego, and
still I started looking at the propertyvalue because oh I'll save some money,
but I still get the nice weather. Nope, nope, just it's expensive.

(08:50):
So yeah, that that teachers salaryisn't isn't gonna go a long ways.
And yeah, you got you gotfour kids, what was the moment.
Is there a moment that you canremember that kind of said like what
am I doing here? Like what'sgoing on? Like what turned it around?
Yeah? It was once again justjust working hard all the time and

(09:11):
not having enough money. And whatthe moment, to be honest with you,
is exactly what we're saying about thehousing market. They went through the
roof about the seventh year we ownedour house. So within a matter of
like four months, we gained abouttwo hundred thousand dollars in equity, and
the banks are like, hey,here's some checks, here's an equity line
of credit, go ahead and spendall this money. Yeah, and we

(09:33):
started spending money like never before,and it was all on credit. And
I look back at that moment intime now I look back and I do
you know what, Like we weretrying to fulfill these dreams and goals of
living a life that we really couldn'tafford. But what we were doing is
that we were going to eat allthe time. You know, we bought
a new truck. We did allthese things because we thought those would make

(09:54):
us feel good. And now,not now because we paid the debt back,
but for a long time there wewere strouded with some massive debt and
then we just started learning, youknow what we have to be accept We
have to accept and enjoy what wehave right now in the moment and live
for what we have now and notalways wanting something better. Yeah, that's
and that's huge, right, Imean, and at its worst, if

(10:16):
you don't mind me asking or sharingat like, what was the most debt
you would accumulated besides your house?Say, well, probably close to I
mean I mean embarrassed to even saythis, but probably close to over one
hundred thousand dollars. And that's creditcards and cars and personal loans that kind
of stuff. Yeah, equity lineof credit, credit cards, cars,

(10:37):
you know, things that we werejust buying on credit. And every month
you got money coming in and it'sbasically all going out at and then some
exactly and then when you look atthe interest or charging it, you know,
you just get sick. But howmuch every month that you're just almost
just burning that money away? Andcan I ask at that time, like

(10:58):
how much were you guys bringing inmonthly? Well, my wife was working
as like a part time hair stylist. I remember, this is probably I
would say ten years ago, maybeeleven years ago, so it's obviously changed
quite a bit. But I wasprobably bringing in um after taxes, maybe
four thousand bucks, and my wifeis maybe bringing in thousand, wow,

(11:22):
five thousand dollars, you know.And so you've got sixty grand a year
in income, give or take right, and then you and you've but you've
got over one hundred grand in debtand that's not counting your mortgage. And
that's that's not and you would agree, I'm sure in the research you've done
and kind of this turnaround and theand in writing the book, is that
this that is definitely more than thenorm than it is an anomaly in at

(11:45):
least here in America. I don'tI can't speak for the rest of the
world. Maybe you can. Butand it's hard, right, it's hard
to it's hard to figure out becausewe kind of we're talking about this,
you know, even off the airsaid in high school, like all that
stuff, they don't they don't teachyou to get ready for this part of
life. And it very much is. And I don't want to stab them
because I also came from a middleclass upbringing. But it is a thing

(12:09):
like where you there are certain thingsin life that the middle class tends to
try to emulate the upper class,and it's it's interesting to me because I
would not qualify myself as being upperclass now, but I think what you
kind of come out of this Idon't know how to describe it, but
you come out of this financial debtcocoon. That's super sappy. But the

(12:31):
point is that once you come outon the other side, you like.
What you're describing is that you youyou figure out what's really important. Is
it important that I drive a nicecar? Is it important that I have
a nice watch, or that wego on a nice, luxurious tropical vacation
because we deserve it, right,We've earned it. I want to be
able to give I think a commonthing for people listening to the show is

(12:54):
that I want to give my kidsthe life that I never had. Kind
of stuff. So you want themto have every possible opportunity available to them,
to the point where you're spending overa thousand dollars a month just an
extracurricular activities alone. Absolutely, absolutely, And that's that's that's the problem with
where we are today, right becauseeverything on social media is showing like people

(13:16):
are posting up what they're doing.They're great times, are having all the
fun they're having, And if youlook at that enough, you start comparing
yourself to that, you're like,man, I don't I'm not doing those
types of things. I wonder howthey can afford that. And I think
the ultimate reality is there's a lotof people just flat out can't afford it.
You know, they can't afford thestuff they have, but everything's on
credit and a lot of people justpay for the minimum bearer um payment every

(13:41):
month on almost everything, and that'swhere they get racked up on that credit
card debt. They're paying all thosehigh interest credit cards, high inso car
loans because they're trying to keep upwith the Joneses. Yeah, and my
grandfather said this a long time ago. He grew up in the Great Depression.
I did an episode with him andmy dad, and it was funny

(14:03):
because my grandfather barely high school educated. You would definitely qualify him as a
redneck truck driver. But he saidone of the most interesting things about parenting
today in media theory that just blewmy mind, where he said, I
don't know how parents can do ittoday. This is before social media was
a thing even But he said,kids today they watched TV and they see
commercials that just showed them all thethings that they want to have. He

(14:24):
said, when I was a kidgrowing up, we played with eton corn
cobs. That was where I pretendedthey were horses, and that was until
somebody needed them to wipe their buttwith in the outhouse. And he said,
but we didn't even know what ourneighbors were because they were two miles
away, let alone what they hador what they were doing. So therefore,
you kind of grew up in thisbubble that you didn't have to worry

(14:45):
about all that stimulus. You didn'thave to worry about, you know,
this expectation. And it's interesting toobecause there's research out there that I've seen
that that's one of the biggest Iguess what they're saying or hypothesizing of this
increase of depression and an anxiety isit has to do with the bar for
happiness, which I think is exactlywhat your book is talking about and redesign
the reality of your finances. Isthat where you set the bar. So

(15:09):
if you if your bar for happinessright, is that, well, I
want to have nice things I wantto do. I want to I want
to live puff Daddy's lifestyle. Right. If that's what I want to be
and you can't achieve that, chancesare you're going to be severely stressed trying
to get there. You're going tobe frustrated with your inability to get there.
But when you compare it to thegeneration that grew up coming out of

(15:31):
the Great Depression, their bar forhappiness was so much significantly lower than all
of ours that therefore it was easierfor them to achieve. And it's one
of those rare instances where I thinklowering the bar is really helpful. Right,
I agree? Man, I agree, And I mean to answer to
you justin like what you're saying justresonates so much with me. In the

(15:54):
book I try to draw, Ireally try to help people draw that out
for themselves, you know what Imean? Like sometimes people and me included,
like you don't want to get deep, you know, want you want
to keep it shallow sometimes and sometimeswhen you're reading a book, you don't
want to face things that you arestruggling with with like why am I spending
money on this? Am I trulyhappy? Are these things that I'm purchasing

(16:14):
going to truly make a difference.Some of those financial books out there,
they're they're great stuff, they're greatadvice, but it's like it's like people
who go on diet all the time, they they're truly not they're not getting
at the root of why were theyeating a certain way to begin with?
You know, I believe getting atroot causes is extremely important. When I
was when I worked in educational asan assistant principle, you know, I'd

(16:37):
have meetings with students who weren't doingvery well, and we'd have these meetings
of parents were their guardians, someare foster group homes, and the teachers
and administrators are there and they're askingthese kids all these questions like why aren't
you doing well? What's going on? You know? And the kids were
just like they just have their headdown. The guy, I don't know,
I don't know, I don't know. And I got to port like,
you know what, we just needto find out, like what are

(17:00):
you doing? What's going on insideof you that's manifesting in being truan,
using drugs and alcohol, getting infights. You know, we can address
the symptoms, but we really needto get out to the root problem of
why are you behaving this way?And that that's hard to do. That
takes time and energy and being vulnerableand in the world today, like I

(17:21):
said, we don't necessarily always wantto do that. So the book,
the book once again it requires peopleto kind of read and think about why
am I doing what I'm doing?And the last two chapters are all about
gratitude. It's like we were talkingabout, you know, if if the
bar is set so high, you'renever going to accumulate enough crap in your

(17:41):
life to make you feel good.Ever, you're never going to be You're
never going to reach that. Yeah, yeah, And what is it,
like, is there any kind oftip that you can offer, Like,
what's the difference between, you know, trying to have two grandiosa lifestyle and
ambition? Right, Because I feellike there's got to be a balance to
everybody wants to not only improve theirown quality of life, but also the

(18:04):
quality of life of their children.And I'm always fascinated by that too,
where you know, you see peoplearound you that they have zero interest in
improving their quality of life. Butit almost comes across to me, not
in the way that you're talking aboutnot in the way of appreciating what they
have, but it's almost out offear of trying to make things better at

(18:26):
a failing you know what I mean. So I know I'm throwing you a
lot a lot at you with thisloaded question, but I just I'm just
curious to get your take on isthat balance between wanting a better life and
ambition but not overshooting what you canhandle? And I mean, I'll be
honest with just like I strove withthat all the time too, right,
Like, how much of it amI striving to accomplish these things that I

(18:49):
think might make me happy. Butwhen you when you've accomplished certain things,
your happiness doesn't increase. I mean, just go the tabloys, look at
People magazine to look at the innerall these people who are in the world's
eyes, successful movie stars, proathletes. I mean, how of them
are are cheating on their spouses,drugs and alcohol? You know, someone
are even committing suicide And you think, like, man, you had everything

(19:11):
that the world is telling us iswhat we want, and you're still not
happy. And I think we haveto be careful. There's a fine line
between yeah, I'm striving for things, and I also want to get better.
I think we need to look atinternally, like what's our motivation for
wanting to get better? Is it? Is it to make a better life
for our family or is it totry to be worshiped by the world like

(19:33):
we've accomplished these great things. Sothat's why I'm going forward. Yeah,
And for me, I'm trying tokeep in balance. Because one more story.
When I was an assistant principal,believe it or not, this kid
walked up with a hand gernaid inhis hand and he said, mister Barlow,
someone I just saw someone throw thishandgarnaid into this into a trash can

(19:55):
and he was freaking out. Andhe walks up with a handgarnade. He
was during lunchtime, about seventeen hundredstudent and you know, handgunas have a
very specific timeline. I'm like,how long have you had this freaking thing?
And he said, I just nowgrabbed. So I ran up and
I threw it behind this big oldbowler behind the classroom, and I evacuated
all these students out of the classroom. I called lockdown. All the kids

(20:15):
were lockdown. They went to theirclassrooms and we had the bomb squad show
up and everything. Well, longstory short, as a student who was,
you know, severely mentally disabled,the hand grenade was a nerd.
It was a real hand grenade,but all the explosives were taking out.
He had no idea what it wasor what he was doing with it.
But the reason I tell that storyis, you know, at the end,
when I'm sitting there, after theadrenaline subsided, you know, you

(20:37):
really start thinking about your your wife, my kids. You know, those
are the things that that made thatevent so powerful to me because I was
like, I wanted to be withthem. You know, I didn't want
to get my BMW and drive tomy my mansion. I don't have a
mansion, by the way, butI didn't want to get into that.
I didn't want I didn't want tosit in my you know reclie. I
didn't want to look at my Rolexwatch, which I don't have also,
But you know, it really goesback. I know it might be corny.

(21:00):
I know it's a cliche, butcus lads can be true. It's
like, you know, in theend, we really want the people that
we love to be around us andfor them to respect us and for us
to respect them and to have thatcohesiveness that I think being a dad that
can know your show is about beinga dad. Is that's a hard thing
to do in today's world. Yeah, it's it's And it's interesting is that

(21:25):
perspective is one of those things thatis very It's not innate, right,
you cannot be born with a differentperspective than the one that you've already given.
I've, I've when I get frustratedwith my kids, I often I'm
a lecturer like unfortunately, so Ido a lot of talking when I when
I there's lots of come to Jesusmeetings in the Worsham House, there's lots

(21:45):
of Dad on a tirade, thosekinds of things. And I recently I
went off on one of my tiradesand I said that, you know,
I get that it is impossible foryou guys to truly appreciate how good you
have it, because all you knowis how you have it, like you
don't have that other part. Andit's hard for me as a parent to

(22:07):
instill in that. But what Ialways find interesting about that concept of perspective
is that usually the most perspective andI would argue to say, the best
perspective is provided with some kind ofadversity, Like you gave an extreme example
of where you were literally confronted witha life or death situation and it brought

(22:29):
all of your priorities, It justshoved them all to the foreground without any
effort really at all, like justbecause you had that presented. Sometimes it
takes you having an acquaintance or afriend who has lost a family member close
to them, or sometimes you haveto lose one yourself, and it's so
unfortunate that that is the case.But I think, and it's interesting because

(22:51):
you talk about connection with other people, is I do believe that a big
part of why parents today feel thispressure to give so much to their kids
is because there's this weird subconscious Idon't know, it doesn't seem to be
manifest. It seems to be likejust in there. I don't know that
it's a realistic expectation. But inorder for our kids to have social interactions,

(23:15):
they have to have a certain levelof status. Like that's the belief.
Like to me, there's nothing,don't no better example than the recent
trend of parents hiring fortnite coaches fortheir kids, excuse me, so that
their kids could get better at fortniteand then get better achievements just so they
would have something to connect with theother kids in their classroom. Like that

(23:38):
was the honest motivation of parents.And here's the thing, it's like,
I right when you say it,like in that context, it sounds crazy,
but I bet you if somebody elsewas to kind of look over anything,
or even you look at yourself ofwhat it is that I do for
my kids in order for them tobe able to fit in or socially,
or whether it's the kind of shoesyou buy them or anything. It's it's

(24:00):
a horrible message to send. Butthere's also that caveat of like, well
I can't. I can't just sendthem with nothing right, they can't.
It's and it's it's such a it'ssuch as a lack of a better term,
it's a horrible landline field that youhave to walk through, like you
you just have to figure out andhope that you hope for the best.

(24:21):
And then to add to that,you don't really know if what you're doing
while you're doing is the right thingto do until till they're older, Like
your kids are you know what Imean, like how how long? And
let's let's go into that a littlebit, like do do you feel that
your kids gained any kind of perspectiveat the same time that you guys kind
of started to figure things out financiallywell? I mean, I hate to

(24:42):
say it's justin but like hearing youstruggle with what exactly what I struggle with,
Like it's comforting. So I don'twant I'm glad. I'm not glad
that you experience a pain I didof being a father. But it's a
universal thing, right, Like yeah, like how much do you give to
your chill grin? But how muchis too much? Because you enable them

(25:03):
and you make you know, youdon't have them appreciate that because they're they're
giving them everything. And that's somethingI've always struggled with, is like I
have the means to provide, butI don't want to provide everything because I
want them to appreciate what they have. Yep. And and you know,
so one quick story, we wouldgo down to Mexico because it's literally seven
miles We lived seven miles from theborder, and we would go down there

(25:26):
and we built a couple homes forfamilies there and they lived in like five
door they call them five garage doorhomes. So people would literally get garage
doors bring down to Mexico and they'dbuild you know, four walls in a
roof out of garage doors on thedirt floor. Yeah, so you know
right there, it kind of givesyou a perspective of man, Like I
look in my closet like right now, and I'm looking at all my clothes

(25:48):
and sometimes they get all email inthe morning because like, I don't know,
I'm awhere today and I literally gotI got like twelve pairs of shoes
sitting on the ground. So it'sinstalling those types of things, um into
our kids. One one birthday,I was never more proud of my son.
Do you remember street sharks? Yes, an old school street sharks,

(26:11):
But my son had like I know, ten of them and he just wanted
to give six of them to hisfriend for his birthday. And I felt
that was like a very selfless thing. You know, He's going to give
these toys that it really likes tohis friend. Um. And so when
I seen things like that, Iwould always encourage my kids to you know,
no one's gonna care how smart youare if you're a total ahole,

(26:33):
you know what I mean, Like, you just need to be a good
person because people are going to rememberyou as a human being more than gonna
remember how much income you had allthese things. So instilling those things in
my kids was it was important,you know, to do that. You
know that Jim Shields, who Ithink you actually listened to that episode in

(26:55):
preparation for coming on this show.But he pointed out something. It's funny,
I have lots of parenting experts comeon the show, and he's just
a dude with a family who wrotea book, right, like that's and
he's a real estate investor who's donewell for himself financially. But his whole
thing is like we all bring ourperspective to the table, and his whole
thing is that, you know,I'm a guy who works a lot and

(27:15):
and and loves what I do,but I got to figure out a way
to balance, you know, withwith family because I'm an entrepreneur kind of
a thing, right And he hepointed out to me this idea that if
you are really concerned about your parentingand really nailing it, that you can
unintentionally pass that along to your kidwhere they are hyper concerned about nailing everything

(27:36):
too. Like so, by theby the nature of giving yourself grace in
life, you can subconsciously or asubtextually, He's a better way of putting
it is to pass that on tooyour kids. And I think the same
thing could be said about what you'retalking about and redesign the reality of your
finances. Right, is that ifyou if you feel like it's important that
your kids have every opportunity, thenyou're teaching them that they have to give

(28:00):
every opportunity as well to their kids, and that opportunity is what's really important.
But I think even especially a middleclass this is what's interesting is I
really think it's a middle class mentality, is that it's not just the opportunity.
I don't believe that it's part ofthe middle class zeitgeis to think that,
well, it's all about giving anopportunity that if you have to wait
for that chance or anything like that. I think a middle class mentality is

(28:22):
that you've got to work hard forwhat you have and what you want to
get. And so therefore that's whatwe should be instilling in our kids.
That and I think it's what you'redoing that you could provide that through giving.
Right, That's the biggest way inall the researchers that I've talked to
and research I've read, the bestway to fight against entitlement is to teach
your kids the mentality of giving.But also, like what you describe,

(28:45):
is that you want them to knowwhat it's like to earn it. Everything
I've ever had in my life thatI cherish is something that I have earned.
Very little that I cherish is somethingthat is given to me, which
is very interesting. I mean,and I'm talking Birthday gives, Christmas gifts,
and I mean it could be arguedpeople have been listening to show for
a long time. They know thatI'm not a gift person. But maybe

(29:07):
that's why. I don't know,But I don't think so. I think
that naturally our brains are wired towork for something and we get a little
dopamine release when we accomplish that goal. Would you agree? Oh? Absolutely?
And what she said, you knowthat no perspective about your own,
like I only know my perspective,Like what you said. So when somebody

(29:29):
says, oh, this guy's makingI think he said sixty thousan ten years
ago. Some people might go onthat that's an incredible amount of money and
into some people like they'll that's moneythat they may never ever have in their
life, you know, just becauseof maybe their life choices, their circumstances.
Like when we were talking about sometimespeople don't know how to improve themselves.

(29:51):
M So it's hard to know,like am I am I where I'm
at now because of my hard work? Or am I here right now because
of all the opportunities that's been providedto me? You know what I'm saying,
Like, like, am I herebecause if it wasn't for the military
protecting me, then I wouldn't beable to have the opportunity to go to
school and better my life. Ifit wasn't for my parents providing that foundation

(30:11):
for me, I wouldn't be ableto have gone to school and move on.
It wasn't for my wife, youknow, supporting us and providing a
place for us to to thrive.You know, maybe when I'm conscious of
the things I have and when Ifound in you know, being an education
and traveling different parts of the world. Is Yeah, some people, they
have a tough life. They havea lot of things to overcome that that

(30:33):
I haven't personally had to overcome,but I do know that once you don't
you understand who you are, whatyou're about, what's important to you,
and then appreciating what you have rightnow in the moment, then all these
other things that we that we goafter that we try to accomplish for the
wrong reasons. My theory is thatthey slowly but I think surely, like

(30:56):
fade away and then what lies infront you. It's like, truly,
this is what I'm about, thisis what's important to me, and I'm
going to go after that. Butthat's a huge process. Yeah, And
in today's world, like you knowhow it is, we we want things
immediately, like literally, I'll refreshmy computer after like a second if it's
not loading already, because we don'twant to go through the process. My

(31:18):
wife all the time says my computeris broken. I'm like, no,
it just takes a couple of seconds, Like just give us some times,
I know. On so true,yeah, out of curiosity and you and
you're this whole redesigning of reality foryour finances. Where does where do gifts
come into play in that? Isit like is it a big deal or

(31:41):
is it not as not as importantas other things? Well? Do you
are you remember with the five lovelanguages by doctor Chapman, I sure am,
Yeah, we talk about a loton the show, and did you
So if you don't mind me askingyou what's what's your what's your love legue?
My love language is off the chartsacts of service and then after that
it's a distant second to um qualitytime and then words of affirmation. Oh

(32:07):
so gifts is not even not eventhe top two. Gifts is my bottom,
right, And that's exactly that's that'sme one hundred percent too. Gifts
are are very low and sometimes inthat book was powerful too? Is that
you know, we we give howwe like to receive. Ye, So
if gifts was number one, andthen people sometimes often give a lot of
gifts because that's what they like toreceive. So I think, like,

(32:29):
like everything speaks, right, nomatter what we do, everything speaks.
So when it comes to like literallygifts that your question was, and that
that can cost money. But sometimesnot taking a promotion because like like you
and and I were talking about beforethis interview, it was taking you away
from your family too much, youknow, sometimes that is a gift in
itself is gift of time, butthat time could have made you more money.

(32:52):
And that's kind of why I'm tryingto get at. Like, you
know, we have to know what'simportant to us. Like I became an
assistant principle, but I waited tillmy kids were out of high school because
I didn't want to have the longdays when my kids still kind of needed
me to be around. So didI take a financial hit for that,
Yes, I did, But forme being there physically, mentally, emotionally

(33:13):
for my kids was more important thanme making more money and moving up that
ladder. Quicker, It's interesting.I want, I wanna, Oh,
am I cutting you off? No, No, you're good, Okay.
I want to ask you a questionabout kind of my circumstance, just as
a guy who's kids are twenty sevenand twenty four, my sons are ten
and seven and h and been downthe road. I don't think that there's
there doesn't seem, at least inmy opinion, to be too much of

(33:36):
an age difference between the two ofus. But I just feel like you've
got more life experience, and I'djust be curious to hear your take on
this. So currently I'm building areal estate you know business, like I
want to get into real estate investments. I'm using my license and I'm a
full time agent and building that.And I my kids are ten and seven,

(33:57):
and I'm a guy who when Iwas building my stand up career,
I was to stay at home parent, like I took care of my sons
when they were infants and was alwaysthe dad at pickup at preschool and stuff
like that. And it wasn't untilthe last probably two to three years of
my stand up career where I wasreally it was taken off like it was
two to three months or two tothree weeks at least out of every month,

(34:17):
if not four weeks sometimes that Iwas gone. And now I'm kind
of wrestling with this idea of likeI'm trying to build this thing and I
work. And the whole reason Imade this choice is because I didn't like
the nine to five right. Ididn't feel like it it was effective for
me personally, and it made itharder for my wife to work. And

(34:38):
my wife flourishes in the nine tofive and I flourish in being the guy
who's home with the kids and goingto the PTA meetings like that's where I
think we all kind of find ourstrength and play into it. But there's
lots of times where it literally,like two days ago, my son was
like, hey, can we gooutside and throw the football around? Now,
in my defense, we were itout the door to go do a

(35:00):
thing as a family. It's notlike I was doing this, but I
said, I go, well,I can't right now. I got to
send this email, and and itthat stung me. If that, you
know, like there's a part ofme that's like, oh, what if
I'm what if I'm failing, Likeif I'm what if I'm letting him down?
Because on top of that, there'sthis idea that I wonder because this

(35:21):
is my first time having a tenand a seven year old, right that
what it is? How much ofit, in your opinion, is me
a kind of coming to grips withthe fact that my kids are getting older
and need less of me, whichis my intent, that is my plan.
I am not the I'm the guywho's like, I want you to
be as autonomous as I could possiblyget you to be, not because I

(35:43):
don't love you, not because Idon't want you around, but because I
think that's what's best for you inthe long term, right, And then
you throw into that fact of like, I have this priority of trying to
build this career in that and Ithink it goes into your redesigning the reality
your fine dances is that I'm sittinghere going, well, if I just
do this work now, then that'lleventually get me to the point where I

(36:07):
will always have time to throw theball around and have a catch, or
if I if I pass on throwingthe ball now, it gives me more
time to build to where when they'reolder, I can I can have unlimited
amount of time to help them changethe breaks in their car, or even
further down the road is that Icould be a full time babysitter for the

(36:30):
kids, like and I could playwith my grandkids and stuff like that.
Because and I know I talk alot, and I'm sorry, Mark,
but I'm just trying to bring ina lot of this stuff because I do
think that we a beat ourselves upa lot as parents and are way harder
on ourselves than we ever are.Over confident, especially if you're the kind
of person who who seeks out ashow like this one, right, and

(36:52):
that there is kind of a naturalarc of life where it is supposed to
be grandparents are supposed to be lotsof fun and all that. So I
might dad worked a lot, butI never felt like he was neglectful or
wasn't there for me by any stretchof the imagination. But there were lots
of times where I said, hey, can we do this and he said
no? And I didn't overpersonalize it. I never felt like he failed me.
And it also makes me angry thatin every movie that you see that's

(37:15):
intended for families or about kids orsomething like that, the dad is always
working too much and uh and doesn'tappreciate to life. But every but they're
always staying in two thousand square footplus houses with the most updated finishes and
like, and it makes me wantto throw my television that I'm like,
does anybody want to know how thatgets paid for? Does anybody ever want
to talk about that? Is it? Do we have to villainize the guy

(37:36):
who's building a life for his familyfor Fox's sake? Right? So,
having said all that, Mark,what are your thoughts that that's sounds softball?
That's like, I'm sorry, Mark, I'm sorry, No way I
can I get it. You watchthose kids in movies that are really written
for adults, right, and hejust was happening here. Well, so

(38:00):
just real quick once again, justinI think I'm connecting with you on another
level of parenthood because man, everythingyou struggle with, I struggle with.
And I think thousands of years agoin their own dating time, like fathers
from struggle with that too. Sothe whole thing what I feel is that
going to just to talk about thebook real quick, is you know,

(38:22):
it's all about making choices, soif you want to because we all have
to work. I mean, forthe most part, we all have to
work. But do we have towork more to pay for things that we
really don't care about? At theexpensive things that we really really truly cherish.
You know what I'm saying, Like, am I buying a house because
I want to feel like I've arrived? But that house I'm buying is going

(38:45):
to overextend me to the point whereI'm stressed out. I'm always anxious,
I'm always nervous. I'm never trulypresent because always in the back of my
head, I'm thinking about how muchI owe on this house, and when
I am with my kids, I'mnot true one hundred percent present because I'm
always worried about I don't know ifI can afford this. And then the

(39:06):
other thing you said that I thinkit's really important is and trust me,
I messed at my kids. Ithink everything. I think we all should
do that, right. My mybuddy, now he has a kid,
but my buddy, Heath, who'sbeen on the show, I was talking
about parents and when my kids arereally young, and he goes, well,
you understand that you've already screwed themup, right, Like everybody grows
up with the assumption that my parentsdid this, and that's why I'm this

(39:29):
way, like kind of anyway,sorry, go ahead. Yeah, so
hey, if you guys are towant group therapy when you get older,
like I'm in, don't don't evenhave to ask. I'm just going to
show up. But I think it'simportant for kids, you know, to
see that this is myself. Hope'scoming out the right way. But they're
like second class who compared to youand your wife. Like you and your

(39:50):
wife, I believe is the mostimportant relationship, and kids need to understand
their relation to that relationship because youknow, when you're ninety years old.
Your kids aren't living with you,yeah, you know is you and your
wife? So having kids like youcan't neglect your kids, but they need
to understand, like, listen,your mom and I, this is the
most important relationship because of the lovewe have for each other. We give

(40:12):
that love to you guys, rightand absolutely correct? You know, sitting
boundaries kids. If a kid getsevery time you want to go play catch
with dad, and dad stops whatthey're doing and just does it. Like,
I don't think that's healthy either.You know, kids need to know
like, hey, you know what, sometimes I have to say no,
and then you explain to them,Hey, I mean the middlest email.
It's very important for my work andso I can provide, Well, when
I'm done, we'll go and playcatch. Give me about ten minutes.

(40:36):
Right, I think there's anything wrongwith kids learning boundaries, say they have
to. Our minds are going tozero in on those times, right that
we have to say no, andvery rarely are they going to recall all
the times that we did something solelyfor them because we're It's it's interesting that
I think that there is a parallelbetween the financial part of life today and

(40:58):
the parental part of life today isthat there is a financial expectation that you
were constantly trying to achieve or havemore or act like you have more than
what you actually have. And thenthere's also a parental thing where there's just
you're never enough. There's never you'renever doing enough for the kids, and
that when you feel like you've tappedyourself out and get exhausted and lose your

(41:19):
temper, right then now you feellike now you've you've dug the hole by
giving too much. It becomes asnake eating itself. Whereas if I tell
my wife this all the time wheremy wife works, you know, she
works from home now and has beenaround a lot more because of that.
But there's when she was nine tofive at the bank, all the time,
she was like she will every weekend. There had to be some kind

(41:39):
of magical experience that we all hadto have as a family because she was
wrestling with the guilt of not beingthere for the kids. And I kept
saying, they don't need magic,they just need you, like they just
need you sitting on a couch withyour arm around them, watching a stupid
show or playing a board game orgoing on a walk like that's what they
need. They need that they donot need to have this magical museum experience

(42:04):
where everybody has a great time,or we don't need a vacation or to
go to a theme park all thetime, like those are supposed to be
treats and that everything else is supposedto be normal. Because if you make
their life magical at every turn,then when they leave your house and there's
nobody there to make that magic happen, that's a hard fall, right,
that it is hard. I keeptelling her, I'm like, you understand

(42:25):
that these boys are going to growup and they're gonna marry someone else who
is very little interest in making everydaymagical for them. Right, you get
right the disneland right they right?Exactly, Bro, Do you think I'm
crazy with that that this idea oflike trying to keep up with the Joneses
as a parent and keep up withthe joins us with your finances. Oh

(42:47):
and that's once again, that's theguilt that I think we all kind of
live with. Is because we wantto provide, we want to help our
children. And you're right, youknow, psychology shows us that you know,
people focusing on the negative so you'llget ninety nine positive reviews and then
you get one negative and it's likeyou just you you sit there and thinking

(43:07):
you dwell on that one negative andyou totally overlooked the ninety nine positives.
So that was a great thing yousaid about, Hey, you know what,
like, yeah, we did allthese wonderful things for our kids,
but then we focusing on the onething that we dropped the ball, you
know. Yeah, And I'm gonnaI'm gonna bear my soul to you right
now, justin like I coached mykids' soccer team for four years, two

(43:30):
for my son, two with mydaughter. And my record as a coach
in four years ten games each.I was four and thirty six. Yeah,
we won four games in four years, and I think we scored ten
goals in four years. It wasit was like horrible. I didn't have
any assistant coaches. You know,some of the parents have dropped their kids
hop from this bolt, but youknow, there, I'm hoping that my

(43:53):
kids remember, like, hey,the time that dad was there on the
field with me. You know,at the time, my dad took us
there the time and that was likeall by himself. We got our bus
kick like twenty to nothing. Butwe still went out and we got something
to eat, and we hung outand we laugh. We had a good
time about it. You know,I'm going to make a lot of mistakes
as a grandpa too. I'm sureif my kids have kids, there are

(44:14):
no mistakes as a grandparent. Thereare no no no. That is That
is why being a grandparent is sofucking awesome. It's because there's no mist
you, there's no responsibility. Allyou are is the fun. That's that's
why we do this. See,I didn't know this, Like I thought
you had kids to contribute to societyand everything, right, which is a
part of it. There is apart of it that I do believe that

(44:35):
I want these two kids to becomenot necessarily pillars like that isn't my expectation,
But I want them to be positiveimpact, have a positive impact on
the people around them as they getolder, and thus lee will make their
life better. I think too.But then when you have the children,
you realize that the real reason tohave children is so that they can provide
grandchildren for you, to which youcould just have fun and do whatever the

(44:59):
hell you want with zero expectation onthat, right, I like that.
Yes, that's what it is.Let me ask you this because I want
to go back to what you weresaying about the soccer, is that I'm
always fascinated at the connection between beinga parent today and being a parent before
it. What's give me an exampleof something that your dad did for you

(45:20):
or with you that you now thatyou're a parent, right, you look
back and you see it as havinga different impact on you than necessarily it
did as when you were a kid. Does that make sense? Is that?
Yeah? I think so. Nowdo you do you ever study or
read about restored your practices? It'sfunny chance, No, I don't even
know what that is light and lightenme. Well, yeah, you should
look it up. Anyways. Thewhole premise is like, you know,

(45:43):
we we should ask people human beings. We should do things with people and
never like to them, not atall or for them. So yeah,
with parents, you know, wedon't. We need to punish sometimes,
but we want to do it ina with manner. So we're explaining to
the child like here's expectation, here'swhy you didn't meet it, and here's
your consents. Fort okay, Butback to um the dad question. You

(46:04):
know, when we were younger,we would go camping m my mom,
my dad, my brother and I. So, you know, having those
experiences of taking the kids camping,you know that that was important to me.
That kind of like resonated with me. So as now as a parent,
you know, when I was aneducation I still am, but as
a teacher, we'd have you know, summers off, so we would do
on like thirty day road trips.We drove up to Canada and we go

(46:28):
camping all along the way for thirtydays we'd go up there, and and
so those memories are attribute back tomy parents, you know, taking the
time, taking us outside, understanding, appreciating nature, you know, how
to build a fire, those allthose all little things which means a lot
to me. And like I said, those are the things that that I

(46:49):
don't know if kids really are goingto always appreciate like the awesome, incredible
modern kitchen that your hard work paidfor, Dad, but they're going to
remember like, hey, I rememberthat camping trip that we went on and
it was it was amazing. MSo having all those things balanced when it
comes, you know, bring itback to the finances, because like you
said, perfectly today's world, financesare so intertwined with the raising our family.

(47:12):
Um, but I do think wedo make choices with our finances that
limit the amount of happiness that wecan truly achieve. If we were looking,
if we really understood why are wespending the money the way we're spending
money? Yeah? Yeah, AndI'm curious, do you think now that
your kids are kind of becoming youhave either of your kids had kids yet?

(47:37):
No? Okay, well they bothwe we once again because we changed
our mindset, we were actually toactually pay cash for their colleges. So
they both graduated college in the lastcouple of years. My son's an English
teacher, so he got his teachingcredentially, he's looking for a job now
but he's got that. And mydaughter graduating general business, so she's out
come on the market. She graduatedrecently as well. So no, they

(48:00):
haven't had kids yet. Um,but I feel like as a parent,
even though yeah, I mean mistakeson the way, like there's really not
much more I can do. It'slike, hey, you're college educated,
you're debt free, Like you goout, you need to go out and
make life happen now, Yeah,and do you do you get those moments,
because I'm always fascinated by it,like the spectrum. I guess that's
not a very good way of puttingit, but of parenting, the path

(48:22):
of it is that like when Ilook back, I was helping a mom,
a young mom who has a sixteenmonth old and you know, he
has croup cough and you know whatI mean, and he's and I remember
when my son's had croup cough.And it's funny how you look back at
how exhausted you were then, andif I was to compare that to now,
I'm not nearly as exhausted as Iwant. I was obviously when they

(48:44):
were infants, right, And soeverybody here, I imagine, is somewhere
between that, you know, youngkid to teenager or or maybe they're my
kid's age of ten and seven andnow you, for all intents and purposes,
are done. Right. I knowthat parenting never really agains, at
least that's what I've heard from myfather, but that the idea is that
you mission accomplished. What what doyou look back? Do? You do?

(49:07):
You look back at it now andgo, man, I wish I
wasn't so worried because everybody came outokay, or do you look back and
uh and and is there moments whereyou see like, oh that definitely this
value came across and I never wouldhave thought that would have come across.
Is there anything along those lines.Yeah, you know when you're when you're
nineteen and twenty and you're thrust inyour parenthood. And I know people have

(49:30):
kids when they're you know, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen,
but you know when you're thrust intothat. I didn't know I shouldn't
be exhausted for like seven years.I was literally exhausted for seven years and
and and after my kids finally gotto that point, the best point was
when they on a Saturday, whenthey learned to get up and get their
own cereal. Oh yeah, andI can sleep in on a Saturday.

(49:53):
That was like that was a presentfrom heaven. But until that happened,
it was like it it was exhausting. And I didn't know that how exhausted
I was until I wasn't exhausted anymore. And that was a good five years.
But the nice things we kind ofgrew up with our kids and and
not having a lot of money,we found a lot of ways to just

(50:15):
like but we were talking about justhave that fun special time together, walking
around the streets, getting on thetrolley, taking the trolley. We get
we get zoo passes, annual zoopasses, so we'd go there. We
brought we bring our own food,cost us nothing. Take the trolley down
there. It costs five dollars frommy wife and I and then the kids
went for free. And you know, just having those times together we're important.

(50:38):
And if I can give any adviceto any parent looking back after twenty
seven years, I'm gonna give itto if that's okay. So what I
found is playing board games, that'sthat's awesome, wonderful. But if we
can create memories with our kids thatthey almost need us to do those things,

(51:00):
especially the beginning, like going fishing, you know, going skiing,
going mountain bike and going these thingsthat actually might cost a little bit of
money if you have it, thenwhen they get older, when they become
young adults, then it's like,hey, I can't afford this, but
you know what, I can gowith mom and dad. So now as
an adult, you have time withyour kids doing something that you both really
enjoy because for us. All wedid is play, you know, tape

(51:23):
of board games. They don't wantto play board games when they're twenty five
years old, you know what I'msaying. They do, but they would
rather go ski and they'd rather gocamp, and they'd rather go all these
other things with us. So ifI can go back, I would have
tried to instilled more things that theywould have to do with me because there
may be a little bit more expensive. That makes sense. Well, what
about the idea I'm gonna play alittle Devil's advocate to you, is that

(51:45):
what about the idea that that that'sjust the natural arc of life right now
that your kids are older and outof the house, chances are just the
way things progress. You've got alittle bit more expendable income, and so
I could I would argue to you, not that I disagree with anything you're
saying, but I would argue toyou that the idea is that now you

(52:07):
have a carrot on a stick tokeep these twenty something your old independent spirits
still around the house. And uh, and for selfish reasons or not,
you know what I mean. Like, let's say, hey, I guess
what, Dad's got some cash.So we're gonna go We're gonna go camping
this weekend. Everything's on me,you know what I mean, that kind
of stuff. You know what,that's a great point. I have nothing

(52:29):
to say to that. That's whatyou want to do, right. It's
like, if you can afford it, you want to go hanging on what
you guys, just come over here. We're all gonna go up to Palm
Springs for the weekend, all onus, right, That's exactly what you
want to do. And I wouldargue that it's interesting what I have.
I think the biggest thing. Iusually have some kind of aha moment whenever

(52:50):
I'm doing these shows, whether it'ssomebody I've talked to before or not,
And I think what you've given meis the the the benefits of just going
on a walk. I'm curious tosee what you would think of. My
reaction of this is that if youare struggling financially, the one thing that
you could do for your family thatis universally good on all levels is to
go on a walk. And thereare people here that are listening to this

(53:15):
that have very young children that theidea of trying to get out of the
house and go on a walk.Sounds like a nightmare, right, But
I would challenge you, like mostthings, is that initially it will be
a nightmare, but once you canactually make it a routine. I think
that the benefits the return on investment, the ROI on that is so incredible,

(53:35):
the idea, and we used todo it all the time, my
wife and I, but because ofall this work stuff, like my wife
is just coming off of choreographing acouple of numbers, and the kids like
Variety show, it's like there there, everybody does a talent show, like
you know, they're a little talentthing. And I feel, honestly,
I feel very disconnected from my wifeand my family, yet I see them
every single day. It's very interestingto me to be in this situation because

(54:00):
I went from a guy who wasgone almost every week out of the month,
but I talked to him via videoscreen once or twice a week,
to being the guy who's there andin their face. But I feel like
there's not especially with my wife,like that's the part that and everybody experiences
that. You know, you havethe valleys. But I think if I
was to go on a walk andI could talk with my kids, and

(54:21):
we and talk with my wife andyou know, you go out with the
dogs. It costs nothing. There'stons of health benefits, there's tons of
psychological benefits and and and it's great, and you could that's something that you
can easily do without spending a time. Would you agree with that or what
do you think to believe it ornot? In the book, I actually
talk about it's called savoring walks,and my wife and I it makes our

(54:43):
kids get sick, but we callthem lovers walks. So we say,
you know what, We're gonna goon a lover's walk. So my walks
and I will just go out andwe'll just go out for anywhere between five
to like twelve miles. And welive in once again, San Diego,
So downtown San Diego, there's awhole bunch of just incredible, like goodle
neighborhoods all around downtown. So we'llgo down there and we'll we'll share meals,

(55:07):
you know, so we'll stop andwe'll get coffee. It will stop
for lunch, we'll share lunch.We'll walk some more miles and we'll have
stop and get dinner, might stopand get a couple of drinks. And
one of the bars down there.But yeah, it when you do that,
it forces you to actually like havea conversation because right now when you
go like sometimes when we found whenwe go out to dinner in a movie,

(55:30):
you drive to the place to getdinner, so you have a conversation
there. During the time you're havingconversation, then you're probably ate too much,
so you're like, man, I'mtired. Then you go to the
movie, you're not talking at all, and then you go home. So
you had a five six hour experience, but there really was a lot of
interaction. But when you go onthe walk, I mean you're you're forced
to talk, and you're forced totalk for a long time, and and

(55:52):
that's a good thing because you startreally kind of learning more about your kids,
about your wife, about things thatare going on their lives. And
like what you said, it doesn'thave to cost a lot of money and
taking kids on that. Yeah,you're not gonna go in up five to
twelve mile walk with your kids,but you can definitely get them out and
about and give them, you knowwhat, give like three bucks each,
two bucks whatever, and say,you know what, we're gonna stop at

(56:14):
a couple of different places, andyou guys got two or three bucks,
go in there and get whatever youwant. But remember we're gonna be gone
for like you know, two hours, So make sure you spend your money
wisely so you can help train yourkids. Like you're not gonna get everything
you want, but you can buysome things if you're disciplined of what you
want. Yeah, so I threehundred percent getting outside, walking around,

(56:34):
exercise is free. And that's anotherreason why I feel bad sometimes, Like
I'm looking at my window or herein San Diego and it's like there's not
a cloud of sky, right,I mean it's like it's like maybe sixty
two degrees. But like when Iwhen I'm done with you, I'm gonna
go on a walk. And Iknow some other people they just where they
live. Maybe they're they're physical circumstances. They can't do that. But get

(56:55):
outside as much as you can humanlycan. I really believe this. I
don't mean to I don't. Idon't like to be heavy handed on the
show. I hope I'm not comingacross it. But I do think that
if you're wrestling with something in yourlife, right, like it's something that
you need if you need your partner, Like, if you feel disconnected from
your partner, then you need toyou need a date night, regardless of

(57:16):
how cliche that is. And ifthat date night is literally you just describing
doing what Mark just described of goingout a walk having a cup of coffee.
I mean, that's gonna be eightbucks that you're gonna spend, and
that the return on investment on thateight dollars is so huge. Uh.
And but also on top of thatis that if it's not your partner,
like let's say you feel really connectedwith your life, but you're struggling with

(57:37):
your professional life, just going outon a walk and putting some music that
you like, you know what Imean like and or not, like forcing
yourself to kind of think about it, not have a distraction. It really
does help every time. I haven'tdone it a long time, because I
used to do it to write material. If I ever felt like I was
hitting a wall and I couldn't comeup with new ideas for stand up,

(57:59):
I would just go on a walkand it would just leave me alone in
my brain, and my brain wouldjust naturally give me ideas with zero pressure,
you know what I mean, Likethere's it's not it's it's I don't
know why, but in my mindI started and I can't I have to
say it now because I giggled.But to me, it's like it's I
thought of the sexual pressure of Promnitefor some reason. I'm sorry, Mark,

(58:19):
but that when you put you knowwhat I mean, Like all of
us have been there right where.It's like if you have, if you
have pressure to perform sexually, chancesare you're not going to do so well.
I felt the same way about aboutwriting jokes in that moment. I
wish you knew me at least twohours longer before I dropped that on your
Mark. But here's the thing.We're recording this on the week of Valentine's

(58:47):
Day, right and I and Iwant to throw this out to you Mark
and get your thoughts on it,because I do think based on what I've
learned from you, my other kindof aha moment. And it's something else
I heard of on another pod castcalled The Bigger Pockets Podcast. It's a
real estate investment podcast, and oneof the guys, Brandon Turner, who's
what he does every year for NewYears is him and his wife go to

(59:08):
the exact same restaurant every year fortheir date, and they have a nice
date, but they talk about theirgoals and not just their goals for that
year, but their goals five yearsdown the road, and they come up
with a combined plan. And Iand I lately I've thought, well,
I think that's what I'm gonna doto try to make sure that I feel
more connected, you know, tomy wife. And I would argue that

(59:29):
you can redesign you your approach toValentine's Day in that find an if you're
gonna take her out, or you'regonna make a nice dinner, make it
at dinner where you sit down andyou talk about not just you know,
you don't just try and get hernice things right, but that you sit
out and you say, hey,how how are you as far as like,
where's your happiness level with their life? And and and try to get

(59:52):
a genuine answer. Don't don't letit just be passed off as small talk
and check in right, have thatcheck in moment where you could say,
hey, is our things good withyou? Because I'm concerned about this or
things are really great for me,And then what do you want to try
to get done? This year,like what do you and then do what
about five years from now? Wherewould we like to be five years from
now? Because there's something very powerfulabout setting goals and doing that with your

(01:00:16):
partner. Not only creates a naturalsituation of accountability when you say it out
loud to the person that you loveand are sharing this life with, but
it creates a team right because nowyou've got something that you're both working together
to accomplish. And it almost createslike a magnetic force where it forces you
to kind of stay connected, inmy opinion, And when I said this

(01:00:38):
to my wife and pitched it toher, I didn't pitch it to her
for Valentine's Day, but I said, Hey, I want to do a
date night where we go over andwe just kind of go over our goals.
I'm not gonna lie to you.She looked at me like I was
insane. She looked at me likethat sounds like the most boring thing ever.
But there are certain things in mylife with my wife that I know
that are good for us that shedoesn't necessarily see. Call me a misogynists,

(01:00:59):
call me whatever you one, Idon't care, but I know it.
I know how to take care ofthat lady, and because she takes
care of me, like it's notI feel like I'm stepping on lots of
bullshit here. But my point isI think that I know that it's gonna
be good for us, and Iknow that it's going to be a better
connection. And I think, likemany things that have happened in our life,
that she's done for me and I'vedone for her, is that it
sounds horrible, but then after youdo it, you're like, oh,

(01:01:21):
that was great. I'm so gladwe do that now, and it becomes
a part of like your tradition.So why not why not Redesign the Reality
of Valentine's Day for the love ofMark Barlow? How about that? How
about that? That's right? Allright? So the book is Redesigned the
Reality of Your Finances. It's availablewherever books are sold. Yes, yes,
Mark, Yes, yes, yes, Yes. Redesign the Reality dot

(01:01:44):
com is the website that you cango to find out more about the book,
more about Mark all that stuff,and shoot me an email, shoot
him an email or whatever to saythanks for coming on the show, whatever
you got, am I forgetting anything? Mark? No, you know,
I hope justin I hope is tocome out Amy Jenal because it's I mean
it. But I've just met youand you're the genuine guy. Man.

(01:02:05):
I really appreciate your demeanor where youtalk with me, the way you help
me through this, the way youyou have your passionate about your wife and
your children. You know, Ijust I just think that's amorable. So
thank you, thank you man.It's it's it's a good life. And
I think that's that's the crux ofI think it's why you can appreciate and
whatever my behavior is is that Ireally think that what's great about your book

(01:02:28):
is that at the crux of it, that's what it's about, right,
is that people are gonna find thisbook because they have a natural inclination towards
prioritizing a family life. Right.We joke about how boring and mundane it
is, but secretly we all lovehow boring and mundane it is. Right,
Like we love we love just watchingNetflix shows with our with our family
or a good old family movie.Like there's lots of people who are secretly

(01:02:52):
excited about the new Lego movie becausetheir kids are gonna laugh and they're gonna
laugh and it's a it's a combinedexperience, and that we go through some
very extreme moments of hell, right, Like, I can't imagine the levels
of hell I'm about to go throughwhen my kids become teenagers and the stress
and anxiety, right, I'm sureyou could. Maybe we should have you
back on the show soon, justto get us through that whole path.

(01:03:13):
But my point is is that that'swhat it's all about. And as sappy
and cliche as it sounds, it'sokay. It's okay that that's what it's
all about. It's okay that allyou want to do is watch a TV
show and put your arm around yourwife before you go to bed at night,
and kiss your kids on the head. And it's okay, And that
the easiest thing to do is toforget that priority. It is so easy

(01:03:37):
to get caught up in your joband to get caught up in all the
bullshit of you know, teething anddiapers and the cost and the budgets.
All of that stuff is so easyto get wrapped up in. And every
once in a while you just needa little bit of a touchstone, right,
You need something that you can comeback and kind of realign your priorities
and if you feel lost. Itruly believe this. I'm not saying this

(01:03:57):
as a commercial, but I thinkyou got to get redesign the reality of
your finances because it's gonna walk youthrough not just what you need to do
financially, but more importantly, whatyou need to do mentally to get the
life that you want. I couldtell you from firsthand experience that when I
started budgeting and spending my money withan intent and with a purpose, my
entire life shifted, no exaggeration,none whatsoever. It gave me the ability

(01:04:25):
to pass up on jobs that Ididn't really want, or if I found
a job like the whole reason,I could go down that road of radio
and go, you know what thisis, this is bullshit, I'm gonna
walk away and do something else.Is because of the skills I learned from
managing my money. Yeah, andI think Mark can help you get there
to where you can make those samechoices. If you feel like you're you're
you're struggling in your professional life andpersonal life. Let's be honest, the

(01:04:49):
biggest fights, the most common fightsthat people mary and marriages have is about
money. So why not take asmall step, throw down fifteen twenty bucks.
I don't even know how much thebook costs. I'm sorry, Mark,
what if it's forty and I messyou up? But extremely reasonable?
Trust me? Right, So youget a kindle, you read the book
in a few weeks, and thensuddenly it's the whole shift. I'm telling

(01:05:11):
you, I'm telling you that this, this is a this is a great
book because the Total Money Makeover.I read that in four hours and it
literally flipped my life around. Andit's and Marks doing the same thing.
He's just adding that that psychological,the prioritization element to it, which is
gonna make it even more effective.It's gonna make it easier for you to
make those decisions because you're making goals, just like what we talked about.

(01:05:33):
All right, really there we go? Oh my god, that was what
a what a fucking blowhard? Disguy? Is am? I? Right?
I don't know? You know?Are we still on the air?
A yeah, We're still on theair, always on the air, always
rolling way? Like I said,um, you that last part you just
said there, you didn't capsulated everything. I don't know if what I was
speaking, you know, brought thatpoint across. But but what you just

(01:05:57):
said there in the end was exactlyit. So so you're in two demand.
So I appreciate that. Oh thanksMark, you're a good guy.
We'll do this again, man,well you well, I'm gonna extend this
you. You give me a callanytime you want to be on the show,
and we'll definitely do this again.And uh and we'll have a good
time. But again. Redesign theReality dot Com. Get the book Redesign
The Reality of Your Finances by MarkBarlow. All the information is in the

(01:06:18):
description of this episode. Thank youagain, Mark for not only being you,
but for being on the show onbehalf of the fantastic Mark Barlow.
This is justin warsh from saying,hug your kids, hump your loved one,
and stay frosty my friends,