EP1114: Old Gold Comedy Theater: Having Wonderful Crime

Michael Malone is constantly getting into trouble thanks to his friends Jack and Helene and finds a murder while on their honeymoon. Read more ...

Episode Transcript

(00:28):
Welcome to the Great Detectives of OldTime Radio from Boise, Idaho. This
is your host, Adam Graham.If you have a comment, email it
to me Box thirteen at Great Detectivesdot net, and I encourage you to
follow us on Twitter at Radio Detectives. Well, before we get started,

(00:48):
I want to let you know today'sprograms brought to you by the financial support
of our listeners, and I speciallywant to thank Gary so much for his
support. Will send access to thepremium side, which we will do with
all the nations of seven dollars ormore. Now it's time to talk a
little bit about today's show, whichis certainly unusual. This comes from the

(01:15):
comedy Theater of the Air. Itwas hosted by Harold Lloyd. Lloyd was
a comedian whose career began during theSilent Era, and he went on to
produce many films through his own productioncompany, and his name associated with the
theater really did help it to bea success. Over its forty weeks on

(01:41):
the air from nineteen forty four tonineteen forty five, each episode adapted a
Hollywood comedy, and that's the casewith today's episode having Wonderful Crime, having
A Wonderful Crime was actually the titleof a nineteen forty four novel by Craig

(02:02):
Rice starring John J. Malone thatwas then adapted to a screwball comedy slash
mystery. To be honest, I'dlistened to this program before we did the
Malone episodes for this series, butI did not make the connection even though

(02:22):
the main character was named Malone.The story had a very different flavor from
the amazing Mister Malone episodes, andit actually correlates a little bit better to
the books. When I read theMalone books, it was shocking the difference
between the radio show. Lieutenant Brookswas not there the police represented by a

(02:47):
guy named von Flanagan in the actualCraig Rice Malone books. In an edition.
In the books, Malone had acouple of supporting characters, Comrades and
arms more usually though drinking buddies namedJack and Helene, and they of course
were completely absent from the radio program. And I only through reading the books

(03:15):
and then checking through the filmography ofCraig Rice, the author of the John
and ge Alone books, did Inotice this particular story having a wonderful crime.
So we're gonna give you a littlebit of a sample of what the
books were like. So with thatsaid, let's go ahead and take a

(03:37):
listen to this episode from June third, nineteen forty five, Having a Wonderful
Crime or Having a Wonderful Crime fromHollywood, California. The makers of Old

(04:05):
Gold Cigarettes present the Comedy Theater,the only radio program that brings you every
week the greatest stars and the greatestcomedies to night's comedy, the radio version
of Marqueo's picture Success Having Wonderful Crimestarring Paddle Brian with June the Prey and

(04:26):
Tom Conway. And here ends thedirector of the Old Gold Comedy Theater,
mister Harold Layers. Good evening,ladies and gentlemen. Tonight we have chosen
that mad comedy mystery of free lovablezanies who are having a wonderful crime.

(04:50):
And because our play involves three outstandingpeople, we are happy to present three
of the nicest and most talented peoplein this town or any town. Had
O'Brien, June to Pray and TomConway. Now let's get on with the

(05:16):
show. When chicoll this famous criminalattorney Michael Jay Malone, together with Jake
and Helene had solved the Wellington murdercase, Malone said, this is the
last time those two screwball friends andmine will get me to play detective,
and I mean the last time.And when going down by Jake and myself,
Malone is solved in a Taurus Riccardocase and again not smart as the

(05:36):
police, he said, Oh,I should have known better, allowing myself
to be sucked in by those twohalf ways again. But this is the
last time, and I mean thelast time. Then, when Malone learned
that Helene had faced the murder inthe Huntington case and needed his assistance,
he shouted, no, no,no, no, no, no,
no, Hello, Yes, thisis Michael Jame alone. Oh no,

(06:00):
Helene, Helene for the last time. The answer is no, I know
you've got the murder, all right, warmed some tea? Will you?
What do you get? You gothim in my office? No? No,
no, no, what? Yeah? All right? Keeping there,
of course, I'll pick up take. We'll be right over to keep that
pistol pointing in the right direction onyour head. Nah, I warn you,

(06:24):
one move and I'll pull this take. Are you you murder? The
peace on camp my hand to havea dead old life. No, lady
taking me your greyhead murder. Thisis gonna break up poor old heart.
Well you you should have thought ofthat before you shot Huntington. Well you
see, I'm impulsive, you are. Oh that's too bad. Tho is

(06:53):
me? Poor old mother? Iwas just on my way to shar Where
is she in the state? Gottwo more years to go? See?
I will never don't look for thatdoor. I gotta shoot. Where's your
line? Don't mind me? Buthe just shot the wrong man. Honey,

(07:16):
Are you all right? Oh,Jake the murderer, he's behind the
door the dot. Oh no,you don't body that ought to hold up
tender come rade for a while.Oh Jake, Darling, did he hit
you much? I'll just broke theskin on my best. If Ravens don't
set him, I'll be all right. Are you sure you're all right?
Just kiss me. This one's forgallantry under fire. Look, I hate

(07:45):
to disappoint you to love words,but I am still breathing. Oh the
heavens, maloney, you shot No, no, no, just some large
mosquitoes in here. Look alone.You've better let me see that shoulder.
Oh that's nothing, that's just ascram Yeah. Why don't you get a
bigger gun. I'm sorry I shothim alone. Oh that's all right,

(08:16):
Take nothing out and I'll do thesame for you some day. Reel soon
counting this way. Oh the pincherson, let's jump into the standard.
I don't want to go. What'swrong. Let's see this picture in there
before I carry it. Personal appearanceof great love Haill, world's greatest susion
is three tickets, easy, youngman. I was in the line ahead
of you, and so are allthese other people. I'm sorry, lady,

(08:39):
but if I missed the opening corners, I just can't follow the pot.
Come on, kids, and yougot no lady and a gentleman the
lace. I'm all down. I'ma baffling banishing act all time. You
will appeal up to the escape roofcabinet and will reappear on the platform I

(09:00):
spend above your head. We wouldlike a volunteer to pull the car.
I always wanted to go on stage. I'll pull the car. I'll be
quiet. Will you sit down?I'll slug malone slugging a wife as a
privilege reserved exclusive before her husband.Sit down, wife, a dear hill
slug your that's right, you shouldwhat what do you say? Wife?

(09:22):
For sure, didn't you tell youwe did a little disappearing ourselves today?
Mister Malone, missus justice, howdo you do? And uh? Congratulations?
May I suggest a nice honeymoon tripto South Pole as beautiful as time
of the year. Thanks for goingto land Hard Lodge. You volunteer to
pull the cord, madam. Icertainly did. Here you are just pull

(09:45):
the cord for you. Oh thisis fun. Here goes there's no one
in there, and let's pull thewrong card. The guy probably didn't like
the show and went home, andI should have gone with him. Ladies
and gentlemen, something that's just happened. The Great Babella is doing his disappearing
act, has disappeared completely. Wantto leave appear? We started for the

(10:09):
police, Call the police, thepolice. Here we go again. Let's
either say it's exits, I'm sorry, sorry, I have orders to allow
no one to leave, or I'mgonna go. I'm gonna nose blake.
Oh I see what? Well?How about these people never shown before in
my life? Time? His nurse, I'm his doctor, but I've got
orders. Get in, honey.We've got a long drive ahead of us.

(10:39):
So long Alone, We're up toLake Lenhead. Oh kids, happy
honeymoon and good ridens. You deserveeach other and don't forgive alone. I
want to cut that ship check.We're the one you're going to get for
defending a murder in the Huntington Cave. You're talking about? What makes you
think I'm going to defend at guy? Well, I know you're always looking
for new business. So I leftyour cold on his chairs. You left

(11:03):
enough, Jake? Did you hearthat? What can I do if she
loves me? So along? Alone? Ah? No, you don't.
Hunnington case was your idea? Ifyou think I'm gonna sit up all one
asking questions where the copscrew me?You're daffy. I'm going with him,
But Malone, don't you understand whereon a honeymoon? What I'm going with
you? Anyway? Come on?Here comes along? He's a chapperon And

(11:52):
now back to Harold Lloyd and tonight'sall Gold Comedy Theater presentation having Wonderful Crime
starring Pat O'Brien, June the Prey, and Tom Conway. All right,
mister Lloyd, this next act mightvery well be entitled Honeymoon for three on
the road to Lenhard Lodge, wefind Malone, Jake and Helene. Malone

(12:15):
is unhappy. Jake is in loveand Helene is driving. And with that
set up, anything can happen andusually done. That's it justice, would
your mind keeping both hands on thewheel? Miss them alone? The two
bucks I spent for the marriage licensealso includes the privilege of kissing my wife.
He's just jealous because no one wouldever marry him. No, yeah,

(12:37):
I do all right in my ownquiet way. Don't look now,
but just ahead of us, theroad divides. Oh now, let's see
who was it? The left roador the right road. Let's avoid the
middle because there's no road there.It's at the Big Trade. How about
the left road, No, no, that wouldn't be the right road.

(12:58):
How about the right road? No, oh no, that would be the
wrong road. I guess I'm withthe wrong people. By the way,
Darling, there's something I've forgot toask it before we were married. Oh
that's all right, Jake, she'sa big girl. Now we have more

(13:18):
privacy in the Pentagon building. Whatwere you saying, Darling? I forgot
to ask you? Can you cook? Why? No? I thought you
coo? No, no, Ifigured on doing the knitting. Oh,
anyway, Mamma loves Papa, andPapa's burning up with the love for Mamma.

(13:41):
I guess you two know about thebirds and the beans. We had

(14:05):
something colline, honey, he said, it was the lift Road. Well,
I'm looking through the mirror. Ohthat's just what I love about you.
No, let me out of here. I'm walking the rest of the
way into the nearest bar, misterbartender. Yes, mis may I have

(14:35):
a glass of sherry? Oh?Certainly say? Aren't you fillis gray?
The diamond chantem? That's right?I thought I've seen you in a lot
of dives. That was a dandy. You're here for the aquatic meet at
glen hart Mark, don't you ol? From the looks of the posters all
over your bar, I must be. Oh, you know I love the

(14:58):
water and no groom mine a greatdiver. One time he stayed under water
for three weeks. He hit arock, my own man of the danyard.
Right, I hope the bourbon isbetter than that joke. I was
talking to the lady. Oh whatdo you do? Wow? Haven't we

(15:18):
met somewhere before? Said he,with a great deal of magnanimous charm.
We certainly have. Well, I'lladmit that I didn't expect that answer,
but it's nice to know an allacquaintance, is it. Evidently you don't
remember when we met before the Ohwho don't say the people of the state

(15:39):
of Illinois versus Frank Lombardo. Ohsure, sure, Now I remember you
were the witness with the dimple knees. You try to make a perfect liar
out of me. You don't waithim, No, no, no,
no, no, let me explain. You. See, when I'm representing
a client at the bar, I'mone person. But when I'm parked at

(16:00):
the bar with a beautiful girl andsomebody else, I'm really two people.
Well, three's a crowd. Maybei'd better leave. No, no,
no habeas corpus and members of thejury would agree. Not a bad corpus
either. Don't look now, Helene, But doesn't that man remind you of

(16:22):
someone we know? It looks likeMichael J. Malone, But he can't
see We left him on the roadwalking back to Chicago. Friends of yours,
mister Malone just fireflies in the ointmentnow. As I was saying at
Malone, it's open seasoned with himall the year round. Oh wolf and
the yard wife and him with abeautiful wife upstairs. Oh, Malone,

(16:42):
well find must sign must honey?Oh no, here's much two time.
Oh mister m what is your name? So us Gray? Oh yes,
miss Gray, mide shaky and breathless? Now are you're too scram now,

(17:06):
Michael Jane alone, that's no wayto talk to newly weds. Newly weds?
Why didn't you say so, misterMalone. Well, as a matter
of fact, I was just gettingaround to it. In fact, I
was going to advise you to comealong on their honeymoon. Now wait a
minute, Malone. Oh, don'tworry, Jake. I'll take care of
everything. Who protects the poor workinggirl, who protects the rich working girl?
Who protects any working girl? MichaelJane Malone, she doesn't even have

(17:26):
to be working. Look, Malone, I'm a married man, so I'm
not interested any longer. But there'sa fee for legal advice. You know,
how do you manage to attract allthese beautiful women? Oh? Oh,
I just take a big mouse taffand I put it in a piece
of cheese, and when they comeout for the piece of cheese, they

(17:47):
get you naturally, I did yourpardon, but these two nuity rich yes,
par dinner ghastly, aunty, Idon't mind. Say how about getting
the bride? Well, certainly that'sa wonderful idea. I'm gonta getting married

(18:14):
more often. Didn't you call fora drink for the bride and groom?
Say drink for the bride and groom? Wonderful idea? Where they have Jake's
soda water soda bartender to Mickey's withsoda. Wait a minute, no,
no, hold at bartender. Igot a better idea, folks. The
happy groom would like the fire drinkfor the house, Champagne for everybody.

(18:38):
Malone, I said, champagne forevery file. Well it was a sweet
chesterion alone. We'll be seeing you. No, no, don't bother.
I guess let's signed the tab sonnyboy. Give him the check bartender,

(19:02):
Okay, Hey, yeah, sir, nothing like buying a drink for the
boys. Come along, miss ajustice, good night, all oh,
ass a justice. By the way, just a word of advice. When
you carry your husband across the threshold, don't treat he's the collapsible model.
He's a fine man, mister Malone. For a nice chip on the bill

(19:26):
too. Oh, he's one ofthe finest fellars. What malone? Malone?
Well, that's me. Well,if it is, your name's on
the chap for one hundred and fortyseven dollars and sixty seat on a chip.
No, no, miss him alone. What's the idea of dragging me

(19:56):
out of the boat house at thishour? Well? I have a little
fishing agoom is gray? Certain fishbite better at night. I hope fish
of the Malone type. Oh,such lack of faith. All right,
into the canoe, step down.Aren't you going to take any oars with

(20:17):
you? Oh? What do Iwant with oars? I use my arms
for paddles. I do it thehard way. Oh say I you know?
I forgot to ask? Can youswim long distance? Yes? And
if necessary? I have roller skatesthat work on water. Well, aren't
you going to get in? Hello? Hello? Oh? All the boat

(20:41):
alongside the float for a minute,Malone, we need you. What is
this? She'll stop to ask questions. Just come along. This is important,
bon, so is this? We'llcome on? Hello, come along,
I'll go away. Phillis conjecting,show me an oar back as soon

(21:02):
as I can, Honey, comeon, Helene, what gives? Well,
we went up to the suite.The trunk I didn't belong to either.
It was unlocked, so we openedit out this time a rabbit,
a body, anybody I know?I tell you, Malone, we found
a dead man in the trunk.Oh housing Shore. Look, Look,
if we're gonna play games, Igot a gal out there. I'd rather

(21:23):
play post office, Malone. It'sno game to leave me. Oh on
the bright, What are we goingto do, Malone? I'll tell you
what I'm gonna do. Yes,what Malone, I'm gonna pack up and
leave quietly. But Malone, youdon't understand the trunk is in your room
and trucks that was what they takeaway. No, no, no,
no, oh, this is funand now act free of having wonderful crime

(22:06):
starring Pat O'Brien, June the Prey, and Tom Conway. All right,
mister Lloyd, Yes, Trouble seemsto go looking for Michael j Malone.
Trouble sometimes spelled out Jake and Helley, and other times just playing Trouble,
such she's finding a trunk in hisroom at Lenhard Lodge with a dead body
in it, and then later findingthat same trunk and same body. Yes

(22:29):
alone, I tell you if therewas a trunk in the room with a
dead man in it, body's dead. Ones in particular, just don't walk
out of hotel rooms. Well,the there's no trunk and nobody who was,
nothing to worry about, because wherethere's no body, there's no crime
conselor hellok, that trun's gonna showup somewhere there's a body in it.
You can bet your last bucktail tracea little surfice package to us. It
never fails. In that case,we'd better find it before someone else does.

(22:49):
Hello, Disk, this is misterjustice. Do you know anything about
a trunk being taken out of twoo five? No? Okay things?
Oh oh wait a minute, what'sthis lying on the floor. Oh,
it's a kind of paper they puton share it is Huh. This happens
to be a theatrical poster that sawwhy that's the picture of the great movele,
the guy who disappeared? But whatwas he doing here at Lenhardt Lake

(23:11):
and read cancer? It stays righthere on the poster, the great marvel
Master illusion as Lenhardt at at timJune First, then he played here before
we saw his aunt in Chicago.Saw that robe with the poster and Morvell
you want hurry up? Okay,there it's all covered. A man,
I'm mister Wainslow, manager of thehotel here. The clerk told me about

(23:33):
your trunk and frightfully have said thatmakes it unanimous. I don't understand how
anyone could have taken it out withoutour seeing it, and the gentleman I'd
wanted to ask about it, theone in two oh three checked out of
the lodge only deceived me. Mygentleman, Hey, mister Fred King,
you recognized him by a picture?Well, yes, I think so,
Helene, take a robe off thatposter, alex Anne Albert Dab there you

(23:53):
are. That's him, that's him. That's Fred King. That, my
friend, is the great movell Whatthe partner said he saw him prowling around
the role are you folks were downstairsand you did when it was his last
parl? He's been murdered. Murder, not here in my hole. Two
He was here and said that drunk. No, we better call the police
right away. Police. Oh,here we go again. Of course we'll

(24:15):
all be available in case. Soyou want to ask questions Just a minute,
mister Winslow, Best a minute.I wouldn't be in a hurry to
call the police. You see,there's your hotel to think of, and
things like this can ruin. Besides, we've done a bit of dappling these
things ourselves. Now you take thehunting in case. Oh did I step
on your foot? Said darling?You certainly did. Anyway, don't worry

(24:37):
your pretty little head, mister Winslow. We'll have the trunk and everything in
it, including Missus Justice. Ihope before you can see Michael J.
Malone. Well, shall we saytwenty four hours? Shall we say a
day? Can listen that? Goodnight? Good man, my dear girl.
May I be the first to presentyou with a combination Detective the Plumber
Junior g man bade good night?Oh Malone? Where are you going?

(25:00):
Justice? Just let us say Iam allergic to you now looking Malone?
All in the same boat both boomboom, Oh yeah, um, pardon
me. I gotta see your nameabout a canoe us bills by someone Malone?

(25:32):
Oh hell, mister Winslow. Itgoes on. Earlier this evening,
Missus Justice mentioned the Huntington case.No no, no, she said,
my hunting case and so I dida little smoothing on my own. I
already found about it. I learnedthe police are looking for you in the
Huntington murder case. Well, misterWinslow, I also did little smoothing.
I learned that Fred King alias theGreat Marvel, who supposedly checked out of

(25:56):
the lodge, never checked in.Now how to explain there? I think
we understand each other, mister Malone, I'm sure we do. Mister Wenlow,
I've got a deal for you thatpays off in real money. I'm
interested. It pays all to thetune of twelve thousand, five hundred dollars.
Well that's some money, pretty too. It's a deal. Look,

(26:17):
I'm no cop. What's the story? Now? You probably already know that
Lenhart Lodge and all the property hereis owned by the two old Maidle and
Haut sisters. Elizabeth, the oldersister, invited Mobel here for one night
and gave him the check for fiftythousand dollars for his performance, fifty thousand
bucks. When I had to bea lawyer, Well, Myra, the

(26:37):
other sister, asked me to getthe check back I offered, and offered
me twenty five thousands if I couldyou see I handled a great deal of
their business. Hell and brother,how are you handling? I have approached
Mobel said, the old girl wassimple minded. Offered to make a settlement,
but he wouldn't bargained with me.So, oh, you're not the

(27:00):
law. Yeah, backstage at thetheater, any stuff in there? It
was a trunk, yeah, AndI had the trunk shipped up here to
the hot lodge. I planned todrop it off in the lake, but
you beat me to it. Unintentionally, mister Winslow, believe me, unintentionally.
You see, when I registered withoutluggers, the porter figured the m
on mobile's trunk must have stood fromAlan, so he sent it up to

(27:21):
my room. You mean you didn'ttell the porters, but it was your
trunk and doll. No, Ididn't have the vegat idea. There was
a clowns with what was in untilit brought up to my room. I
thought you were in on it fromthe beginning of the law, because I
always prefer being in on deal tothe end. They off still goes.
And then as the Winslow twelve thousand, five hundred blocks for sure, Sure,
I'll give you the doll. It'shere. In my insight out yet

(27:45):
it myself went long and learn mewhile I relieve you that automatic in your
inside pocket? Thanks, don't choot, don't cho blow? What are you
doing up there? We had agrandstand seat in this canoe rack. We
heard wins. I was looking foryou, so we slipped in without paying
admission of what's the canoe? Slippingoff the rad jayad alone? I'm wanting

(28:18):
this, m alone. I'm thenew nurse. How's the heads? Well,
I wouldn't know beautiful until they heldmy hand holds normal. Don't mind
my pulse, honey, how aboutmy eyes? Did you see the morning
papers? How about my heart?It says prominent criminal attorney salves murderments.
Okay, my heart says no thepaper. Do you like that I'm a
celebrity. Isn't it thrilling? Youknow? Three weeks ago we had a

(28:41):
tailor who pressed franks antress pan saythat's wonderful. No, he was in
them. I'll see who that isis? The young lady. I'm to
you, young ladies sent her in. He's with a gentleman, good mob.

(29:06):
Justice mister missus, mister missus justice, no no, no, no,
no, go up I'm going rightthrough that window. It is now

(29:33):
well so close in the story ofHaving Wonderful Crime Right now, Pat O'Brien,
June Duprey and Tom Conway are thanksto you for a most enjoyable half
hour. Thank you, Harol,and do what everybody pleasure certainly was who's
on the old Girl Ross? Andthen well, we're very happy to welcome
next week June Alison with Reginald Gardner, Don DeFore and Bill Williams in the

(29:56):
RCAO production Tom Dick and I'll listeningso alive me too. Hey, good
night folks. Until next Sunday seeevent. Having a Wonderful Crime was presented
through the courtesy of our KAO producersof Enchanted Cottage. That O'Brien's next picture

(30:18):
is r kao's The Amorous Ghost.Tom Conway will soon be seen in the
r KAO production The Falcon in SanFrancisco. And now until next Sunday evening,
don't let little annoyances get you down. Why be irritated? Light an
old gold. Its tobaccos are conditionedwith apple honey to help guard against cigarette
dryness and to give you more smokingpleasures. This is fab william saying good

(30:42):
night, old goal, this isan actually broadcasting company, welcome back.
Well, Pat O'Brien would not bemy choice to play John Malone, and

(31:04):
the no No, No thing wasa bit overdone. In addition, the
lack of mystery, or the minimizationof mystery in this story is notable.
But this is one of the bigchallenges you face when you take a movie
of about an hour and a halflong and you have to condense it into

(31:25):
a thirty minute radio program. Well, we turn now to listener comment and
feedback. Indianna emails in thank youfor all the work you put in the
show. Being able to listen toold shows while I'm working makes the days
go faster. I was thinking thatthe Amazing Mister or Malone should be renamed

(31:48):
the Guesswork of mister Malone. Justabout every show he accuses every one of
the crime and, through the processof elimination, arise at the guilty party.
Not very amazing. Well, it'samazing that he hasn't been sued for
slander or some other offense. Butshe goes on to say, thinks again,

(32:13):
Adam, and keep up the goodwork. Well, I think that's
definitely a point some of these programs. While they're all old time radio detectives,
they're all very different and we Ithink people listen to and enjoy them
for different reasons. I don't thinkwith the amazing mister Malone, one of

(32:36):
those reasons is the high quality ofmysteries. All right, Well, we
do have a listener voicemail, solet's go ahead and take a listen to
that. I listened to the GreatDetectives radio show. Hey, I just
wanted to see he got the goodwork. So yes, well, thanks

(33:00):
so much, Tom. I appreciateyou taking the time to call in,
and you two can call in andleave your message two to eight nine nine
one four seven eight three and thatwill actually do it for today. You
can send your comments to Box thirteenat Great Detectors dot net, follow us
on Twitter Radio Detectors, and becomeone of our friends on Facebook, Facebook,

(33:22):
dot com. Slash Radio Detectors fromBoise, Idaho. This is your
host, Adam Graham signing off.