October 22, 2024 • 35 mins
In this episode of the Inside Out Entrepreneur® Podcast, Suzi Belmont delves into the topic of overachieving and its tie to self-sabotage for women, especially those within the entrepreneurial, business and leadership world.
Drawing on her own extensive experience as a multi 7 figure entrepreneur, coach, mental health and psychology expert, Suzi explains how overachieving often masks deeper emotional patterns and beliefs rooted in childhood and societal conditioning. Suzi's goal is to give you actionable steps to identify and begin to shift these patterns, emphasizing the significance of emotional intelligence and self-awareness in overcoming self-sabotage. Suzi also (formally) introduces her Emotional Survival Patterns® (ESP) quiz, designed to help all women, includign entrepreneurs, leaders and high achieving women to recognize their own self-sabotaging behaviors. After all, awareness is the very first step!
The episode aims to help women and entrepreneurs in any industry to give themselves permission to lead themselves authentically from the inside out, balancing important financial and life ambitions with emotional and mental well-being.
Who is Suzi Belmont?
Suzi Belmont is a multi 7 figure entrepreneur (15 years), therapist, coach, mental health and psychology expert known for ‘creating seismic shifts in women and entrepreneurs’, causing ‘quantum leaps in their abilities’ and ‘completely transforming confidence’ in her clients. Her work has been described by clients as ‘mind-blowing’, ‘like having a fairy godmother around’, ‘the most extraordinary coach’, ‘pure gold’ and ‘absolutely life changing’.
She blends her 15 years entrepreneurial experience with psychology, emotional intelligence, leadership, energetics, consciousness, early childhood development, trauma, mindset, neuroscience and a touch of ancient wisdom (she can read Ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs fluently) to help you understand how you inner world REALLY operates so that you can harness it to create massive success as an entrepreneur.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
This week, I'm talkingall about overachieving.
This is one of those really sneakythings in that you are often
aware you're doing it, but youkind of don't know how to stop.
And that is often because there'sa lot more going on beneath the
surface than you might think.
So take the next.
20 to 30 minutes just for you.
This is your time now.
Okay, let's go.
(00:22):
Hi, I'm Suzi Belmont, a multi sevenfigure entrepreneur with 15 years
experience, as well as a psychologyexpert, qualified coach, and therapist.
This podcast is your secret resourceto help you grow from the inside out.
It's like personal development forentrepreneurs and leaders, all wrapped
up in fun, positivity, and motivation.
(00:43):
So, pull up your chair and getready to change your life and
your business from the inside out.
This is the Inside OutEntrepreneur Podcast.
Hello everyone.
And welcome back to the showand to this week's episode.
If you are new around here, don't forgetto subscribe to the show on whatever
player you are listening on, or just comeand say hello and follow me on socials.
(01:06):
And if you've been around in myworld for many years, then thank
you for tuning back in today.
Just a quick reminder that there isalso a secret episode of the show
that you can get for yourself overon my website at www.suzibelmont.com.
You'll find it on the podcast page there.
When you access that VIP show, youalso get added to a special VIP list
(01:28):
for other future secret episodes.
So that's a list youprobably want to be on.
It's all over on www.suzibelmont.comat the top of the podcast page.
Right onto today's show.
And hello?
Hello?
Hello.
And let's jump into this week'stopic, which is all about
overachieving and self-sabotage.
And the reason I'm kicking off withthis topic is because it is near
(01:50):
on impossible to be a coach and atherapist working on the inner worlds
of female entrepreneurs, women.
leaders and high performingindividuals without having a very
deep understanding of the emotionallife of entrepreneurs, women
and leaders.
And in particular, self-sabotageI have seen masses of ways
that self-sabotage manifests.
And I've personally experiencedthe vast majority over the past 14
(02:13):
years as you will have heard if youlistened to episode one of the show.
One of the most common waysself-sabotage shows up is
overworking and over achieving.
But overachieving in your businessis one of those really sneaky things
in that you are often aware thatyou're doing it, but you still
can't seem to get a handle on it.
You kind of know what I mean if you'renodding along there, and that's because
(02:36):
there's often a lot more happeningbelow the surface than you might think.
For example, although overworking is oneway that entrepreneurs self sabotage, you
aren't usually doing it because you wantto overwork or you want to overachieve.
The overworking and the overachievingis actually more of a side effect of
something else that's going on deepinside of you, connected to your inner
(02:56):
beliefs, your past experiences, stress,trauma, your emotions, and a lot more.
So for the rest of the show today, Iwant to talk a little bit more about
how you know if you have this patternof self sabotage and some of the steps
you can take to start to unravel this.
But I want to be clear that by focusingon this particular overachieving pattern
first, I'm not ranking it as the topone or the only one, or the main one
(03:21):
that entrepreneurs use to self sabotage.
It's not that at all.
In fact, there are at least 13 verycommon patterns of behavior that I've
identified from my own experiences, myown journey, my own study, including my
master's in psychology, mental health, andwellbeing, my work into trauma, and so on.
And these are patterns thatentrepreneurs adopt that limit or
sabotage Your success in business.
(03:43):
And if you want to get a little bitmore visibility on what those 13 are,
then head on over to my emotionalsurvival patterns quiz on my website.
So this is a new quiz up onmy new website, and you'll
see it at www.suzibelmont.
com under the quiz tab.
I think it's on the homepage as well.
You'll see it there.
It's called the emotionalsurvival patterns quiz.
And that quiz will show you your topemotional survival patterns, many of which
(04:07):
are linked to self sabotaging behaviors.
Lots of other behaviors thatare linked under there as
well, but that's not for today.
I will also put the link to theEmotional Survival Patterns quiz
in the show notes to this episode.
Now I'm going to switch to calling itthe ESP quiz because Emotional Survival
Patterns is a long sentence and there's alot of syllables in it, so just ESP quiz.
(04:27):
For today though, let's dig alittle deeper with this pattern of
entrepreneurial behavior where youoverwork and overachieve and usually end
up in a state of burnout as a result.
It's kind of counterproductive.
You don't really get out of it what you'resupposed to be trying to get out of it.
So I have to start with this one becausenot only was this my story in 2012,
when I hit a mega burnout after makingThe first million in my business in,
(04:51):
in just under two years, but becauseoverworking overachieving and overdoing
is a pattern that is often there from veryearly childhood for many entrepreneurs.
It doesn't start in yourentrepreneurial journey.
It starts way before that.
And it forms part of an adaptationthat you make when you're very, very
young to compensate for areas in yourlife where just accepting yourself as
(05:13):
you are was just too difficult to do.
On top of that, overachieving isalso almost perversely encouraged
in the way that society, especiallyin the West, tends to set up
life in the first 25 years.
And what I mean by that is both schoolsand employee life, if you go into the
corporate world, which is where schoolskind of tend to direct most of the
(05:34):
children, promote and applaud a cultureof overachieving, overworking, and the
consequent long hours that go with that.
So not only is this an innerpattern that you may now hold as an
entrepreneur, and that may have beenthere since you were very, very young,
but it's also one that's hard to tobreak, not just because it's inside
of you, but because you see it beingglorified externally across the globe.
(05:57):
Now let's hit this one head on.
You're an entrepreneur, right?
You're a high achieving person, you'rean entrepreneur, and actually you
probably have no big problem with doingsomething differently to other people,
at least theoretically, because that'sthe very essence of entrepreneurship.
Albeit some of us strugglewith that as well.
And to be honest, if you are anentrepreneur and you aren't happy to
(06:17):
go out on a bit of a limb on your own,you've got some other issues usually
going on around that that also needaddressing on your inside world.
But what really makes the overachieverpattern so much harder to then manage
is even when you really, really wantto change it, the roots are so deep
inside, embedded in your inner world.
Inner Emotional World.
That conscious change in willpower,determination, and, well, being
(06:40):
honest, trying to do or achieveor work your ass off until you
destroy this pattern won't work.
You can't beat an overachieverpattern by overachieving.
That's not how you get out of it.
So think of youroverachiever a bit like this.
Imagine you have this programming set up.
It's then causing you to show upa certain way in your business
(07:01):
and your personal life as well.
So in that case, how wouldyou know that it's there?
How would you know that it's in your core?
And this is where you can startto become your own detective.
So what I'm going to suggest you dois think for a moment about your life
and your business and how you show up,because this pattern shows up not just in
your business, but in your life as well.
And just think about whether anyof the following things that I'm
(07:23):
going to read out now apply to you.
And I'm going to go through about10 different things and you can
kind of mentally tick off yesthat's me or no that's not me.
So, number one, you are alwaysdoing something and you feel
uncomfortable if you stop doing things.
Number two, you You spend all day atyour desk but actually only work a tiny
bit of that time, yet you feel reallybad if you go away from your desk,
(07:45):
or you leave the office, or you justtake a break, even though you're not
really working when you're at work.
Number three, you use work tostop you feeling something.
For example, if you're feeling a bitempty inside or a bit low, you turn to
work to kind of plug that gap because youdon't know what to do with that feeling.
Number four, you do too much.
You know that you do too much,but you can't seem to stop.
(08:06):
Like you've got this kindof internal program that's
making you operate this way.
Number five, you drive yourself beyondlimits in pursuit of your goals.
Number six, one that I'm reallyguilty of, you overcomplicate things.
Number seven, you're really hard onyourself and you push yourself to
the absolute max all of the time.
(08:27):
Number eight, your relationships maybe difficult to sustain as you impose
your really high standards on others,or you don't value your relationships
as much as your achievements , evenif you don't want to admit that.
Number nine, you feel safer andcalmer in your life If you do well
at work or you do well academically,that might have always been there.
(08:49):
You just feel better if you do well.
You really achieve high grades,for example, at school or you
achieve a lot in your business.
Number 10, I think we're up to number 10.
You easily get addicted to workor other things, actually, but you
get easily addicted to your work.
I'll give you a couple more.
Number 11, you take.
All of the courses on a topic,as one doesn't feel enough.
(09:12):
You're not okay with just learningabout something, you have to
learn all of the different kindsof things about everything.
Number 12, you need to be, and it's areal need, the best entrepreneur, the
best client, the best podcaster, the bestcourse creator, the best anything, really.
As long as you're the best, itdoesn't really matter what it
is . Number 13, I think we're upto, you work excessively long hours.
(09:34):
And I'll give you two more.
Number 14, you judge work by how manyhours you spend at your desk and the jobs
that you're ticking off a list ratherthan things that actually move the needle.
That's a really hard one toadmit that you might be doing.
And then the last one, just by wayof example, because there are loads
more of these, is You are highlycompetitive, so sometimes you might
struggle with collaborating, eventhough you want to, you want to build
(09:56):
a business network and with people,but it's actually really hard because
you're really competitive and need tobe better than everyone else around you.
So that's just a really short snapshotlist of some of the classic traits of
this emotional survival pattern, theoverachiever emotional survival pattern.
And if you want to know for surewhether this one applies to your life
and your business, as I mentionedearlier, head on over and take
(10:18):
the quiz at www.suzibelmont.com.
And you'll find out whether theoverachiever and overworking
ESP is one of your top patterns.
There's a whole load of others thatyou can find out there as well,
but for the sake of this podcast,let's assume for the moment that
you do have the overachiever ESP.
Well, first up.
Congratulations forrecognizing that you do.
(10:38):
The awareness alone is a huge step.
Actually admitting that toyourself is a massive step forward.
So huge congratulations if you'reright now thinking, yeah, that's me.
Or maybe you don't see it in yourself,but you can spot it in your business
partner, or your spouse, or yourkids . But turning back to you, so
much of this pattern, if you do haveit, is rooted in your childhood.
(11:00):
So, it may have become so normalthat you don't actually realize
that it's the thing that might besabotaging some of your success.
Not the only thing, there arelots of other things, but it might
be one thing that's causing youto sabotage your own success.
Now, let's just briefly address thepotential elephant in the room here,
because I can hear in my head someof you saying, but wait, Suzi, surely
working hard and achieving lots is whatentrepreneurship and high performance
(11:23):
and leadership is all about, right?
If you didn't do that, thenhow would you be successful?
And to a certain degree, I'm with youhere, but this is where it gets hard.
You see, there's a huge differencebetween working hard and achieving because
you're really in alignment with yourwork and that doesn't feel like work and
you're going through things, delegatingproperly and so on and moving forward
in your business and moving the needle.
(11:44):
You aren't exhausted, you can taketime off when you choose, you might
feel like you're achieving withthis almost unbelievable ease, and
achievement feels like it's fun.
Business feels like pleasure and fun.
And then there's the other kind ofoverachieving, which is where there's a
constant struggle, feeling like you'retrapped in a hamster wheel of achieving,
afraid to let go of anything becauseyou're overachieving is like the.
(12:07):
Scaffolding that's holdingup your business and kind
of holding you up as well.
And this is the side whereit becomes a sabotage.
So it's really important todistinguish between those two things.
There's nothing wrong with achieving perse and achieving lots of things in your
business, but there's a difference betweenthe first example I gave and the second.
The second one, where you have thissense of achieving due to constant
(12:28):
struggle and feeling like you'retrapped in this hamster wheel.
This is where I hear my clients sayingthings like, I made 10, 000 or 100, 000 in
my business, but I don't really like it.
Or I'm so exhausted I'm wondering whyI'm even doing this in the first place,
or I work all of the time and I putso much effort in and nothing seems
to work, I'm just working, working,working, but I'm not making the money
(12:50):
that I want to make, or I've plateauedat a certain level even though I'm
working and working and working.
These are the things that kind of indicatethat the overachiever ESP is showing up.
For some of you, you may also be seeingit in a different way in that you might
be having success in your business.
A lot of success, potentially,but your health isn't great.
All your relationships are going downthe toilet, because you're essentially
(13:12):
running in a constant state of semiexhaustion, not feeling free to stop
and take time off, or to reorganize yourbusiness in a way that works for you, not
just a way that works for your customer.
Another flag, another big flag thatyou might notice is that you just
don't have the energy to createsomething new because you're so
stuck in the overachieving mindset.
(13:32):
This is where the hamsterwheel analogy comes in.
And then when your inner radar says, Hey,there's, there's something wrong here.
You start to then lookoutside for validation that
you're doing the right thing.
And this is where the culture andsociety that I spoke about earlier.
almost stops you breaking free.
As you ponder how business could bedifferent for you, how it could be more
(13:53):
accepting of your needs, how you couldget off the hamster wheel a little and
feel some inner freedom whilst also makinglots of money, you might be hit slap in
the face with messaging from the outsideworld saying, work hard, play hard.
You might recall how you were toldwhether at school or at work or
in a corporate life that hard workproduced results or only those who
(14:13):
work really hard succeed in life.
That was certainly my experience ofcorporate life, and childhood actually.
So it becomes really difficult toreconcile the outside messaging you're
getting with the inside feeling that youhave that this isn't right, this isn't
how entrepreneurship was supposed to be.
And for those of you who don't knowa little bit about my background,
I'll give you an example here ofexactly where I experienced this.
(14:35):
As some of you already know, I used tobe a lawyer, way way back, before I was
an entrepreneur, so 15 years ago or so.
And I was almost brainwashed intothinking that long hours were
everything when it came to success.
I had the same experiencein school as well.
So the long hours took precedenceover my health, my mental wellbeing,
my nervous system regulation, whichby the way, no one had even heard
(14:57):
about back then, my relationships.
And it showed up in really cleverways, whether being assessed as a
lawyer on how many billable hoursI had done, what time I had arrived
or left, how long I took for lunch.
The measure of my successwas based on putting time in.
And my gosh, this mentality was sostrong that I would leave my jacket on
(15:18):
the back of my chair when I went home.
I would go home even in the middleof winter with just a shirt on my
back, so it looked like I was stillworking if anyone came into my office.
My jacket was there, a drinkwas half drunk on my desk,
and a paper was half opened.
It was set up to look like I'd just poppedto the toilet or out for a quick coffee.
Now, before you think I was a totalunique weirdo at work, I wasn't.
(15:39):
Everyone did this.
It was the corporate culture.
There was a heavy, Emotional connectionto the lowest frequency emotion of shame.
Resting, leaving the office, goinghome, and sleeping were shameful.
The good lawyer, the good lawyer thatthey promoted, was the lawyer who did
3, 000 hours a year, ate their lunch atthe desk, ideally in 10 minutes maximum,
(16:02):
sacrificed everything, including holidays,relationships, family time, for the job.
This was the workingculture I spent my 20s in.
But what I found even more curiouswhen I started to study this was that
this overworking, overachieving mindsetstarted even earlier than in my 20s.
It was also there in school.
It was also there a lot before that.
I'm going to stick withschool for the moment.
(16:23):
And it's still there in many schools.
You see, we have this reallyweird phenomenon in society
today where As adults, we nowtalk about work life balance.
We're getting a lot healthier.
We talk about not taking the office home,ensuring that we switch off when we're at
home, that we turn our work mobiles off,and that we're present with our children,
and that we eat mindfully and slowly.
(16:44):
We're all becoming aware of thisand the benefits of doing this.
But at the exact same time, do you noticehow children are not treated the same way?
We send them to school to work hard,but then almost universally, they're We
tell them to bring the office home andwork in their bedroom or in their home
after school, sometimes for hours andhours, especially when they're teenagers.
(17:05):
And a large part of the evening becomeshomework, especially for those teenagers.
It's really upside down.
And you may have seen this, and itoften gets justified in a really
flimsy way by saying, well, homeworkencourages independent learning.
No.
No.
Independent learning encouragesindependent learning, and that can
take place within the office hours.
Homework, by which I mean work thatis designed to be done after dinner,
(17:30):
when you get home, in the evening,any time between, for example, 6 p.
m.
and 11 p.
m., is the complete oppositeof what we tell adults to do.
We tell adults to avoid this.
for their health, fortheir mental well being.
And so why is this happening?
Well, because homework is focusedaround promoting a culture where hustle,
overworking, long hours are glorified.
(17:52):
Meanwhile, self care, rest,emotional and mental well being
are almost seen as weaknesses orthings that you have to justify.
And we have a long way to goin correcting this, but as
entrepreneurs, we get to take the lead.
This is what typically entrepreneurs do.
Now just for a moment, come back intosort of corporate life because I know
many people have experienced that.
(18:12):
So compare if I was talking to a newcorporate business, or your business,
let's say it was your business andyou're running it with your team as
an entrepreneur, and you have a policythat every employee takes around two
hours work home with them per night,which is about the same as what most
teenagers end up with at homework.
Your employees and people and yourpeers would say, well, that's not
really promoting a work life balance.
(18:34):
I wouldn't expect myown employees to do it.
So why don't we start allhumans out on this path?
And if you think about it, thinkabout why schools were created.
You know, go back to schools.
They are institutions designed toprepare children for working life in
a factory where long hours mattered.
Being able to work 15 hours a daymade the factory owner a lot of
money a hundred, 150 years ago.
(18:57):
But you, you are an entrepreneur.
You're not working in a factory.
And so the school system that you wentthrough will have played into your
mentality and your inner world to letyou believe that productivity and success
was linked to the hours that you put in.
But it isn't.
That is not how it worksin entrepreneurship.
Now I'm not saying that you don't haveto get really good at what you're doing.
(19:17):
You have to get good at yourskill and putting in your 10, 000
hours or whatever it is to getgood at your skill is one thing.
But I'm talking about whenyou've got good at your skill and
you are running your business.
Putting in all of the hours isn't how yourinner world works, if you really want to
enjoy your life and your business as well.
You see why I've gone into all of this,you see why this is such a hard pattern
(19:38):
to break, and I haven't even touchedupon the true core, the origin of the
overachiever pattern, which is rooted inyour inner emotional world, and that's
something I dig into in my programs.
The point I want to make for today isthere is a big difference in how you need
to show up as an entrepreneur and how youwere taught to show up in school, which
was geared towards being an employee.
(19:59):
And frankly, as an entrepreneur,you get to set the rules.
You are the leader.
You get to lead yourself.
You get to choose to do a four dayweek or three hours a day or a six day
week, if that floats your boat, or afive day week, whatever you want to do.
That's up to you.
You get to choose what prices youwant to charge, you get to set
(20:19):
prices that match what works for you.
You get to place a high value onfamily time, on relaxing, on presence
with your spouse or your kids.
You get to choose it all.
You get to choose tostop working each day.
You get to choose to take asabbatical if you can afford it.
And then if you're like me, you realizethat this is the least entrepreneurial
move ever and super, super hard,way harder than running a business.
(20:40):
More about that in the secret podcastepisode that's over on my website.
Every single part of your business is achoice, but when you have conditioning and
societal influence, and when you have coreemotional survival patterns running the
show that are rooted in your inner world,it doesn't feel like you have a choice.
So if you're hearing what I just saidabout choice and thinking, well, I
(21:01):
don't feel like I have a choice here.
I really try.
I really try and not do this, butit's like the choice isn't happening.
Then this is another clue thatyour ESPs are running the show,
not the true inner leader andthe powerful human that you are.
But what is really importantto remember is this can change.
This pattern can be broken.
This ESP that's inside of you, theemotional survival pattern can be changed.
(21:25):
So this is where you kind ofhit the jackpot and the paradigm
shift, because once you realizethat you, and only you, have.
to change your way of thinking and beingan entrepreneur, then you have to start
to recode yourself from the inside out.
And this is where I tendto help entrepreneurs, as
I mentioned in my programs.
But on your own, you can start torecognize and become truly aware just how
(21:47):
much society is rewarding overworking.
That awareness is such a big step.
Awareness will also help youunderstand that the original
seed for this, is in you.
was not usually school.
It is usually even earlier than school
. So please don't blame yourself if you're struggling to beat this pattern because
everything is kind of stacked againstyou in the society that we live in.
(22:08):
So why is this relevant toentrepreneurial self sabotage?
Well, the problem with overworkingor working after work or around the
clock or in the evening after a longday in the office is that all of that,
that way of being, those beliefs,that pattern, is about glorifying
nervous system dysregulation.
If you look at what's happeninginside of you when you're
(22:28):
overworking, it's not pretty.
Your nervous system isn't happy,but your brain is confused.
Because society creates thismessage that long hours, hustling,
pushing yourself outside whatyou feel is your limit is normal.
Society teaches you to literallyignore what your body is telling you.
But you know what?
Your body will tell you.
It will tell you the momentyour head hits the pillow.
(22:50):
By not letting you sleep becauseyou're exhausted, it will send
your mind into overdrive trying tothink about how to resolve issues.
Or if you do crash into bed, you'llwake up at 3am and be constantly
in this 3 to 5am wake up schedule.
It Even when you're really, really tired.
Or, you might keep getting sick withmysterious illnesses you can't explain.
Now, I'm assuming that if youdid get sick, you would have gone
(23:12):
and checked with a doctor thatthere isn't any actual illness.
But if it's an illness, there's nothingshowing up and you keep getting the
same thing, this is probably linkedsomewhere to your nervous system.
And if you ignore it long enough, youwill end up with physical pain as a
result of ignoring those inner needs.
Your body is pretty amazingand communicating from the
inside out all of the time.
And the problem is that you aretrained from this really early
(23:34):
age just to not listen to it.
A great example there is my daughtertold me literally this morning on
the way to school, she said, she wastelling me that yesterday she was really
proud of herself because she didn'tgo to the toilet all day at school.
And I said, well, why did you do that?
You need to go to thetoilet when you need to go.
And she said, yeah, but the teachersdon't like it when we go to the toilet.
So we were told to hold itin until the end of the day.
And I said to her, no, that's not okay.
(23:55):
You listen to your body.
If you need to go to the toilet, you'vegot to do what your body's telling you to.
So I'm kind of reverse teaching her themessage that she's getting from society.
This very early training, not tofollow your intuition, not to follow
your bodily needs, but instead tofollow the rules, the regimes, the
work rules, the cultural rules, thesociety rules, and push through.
(24:17):
Maybe it's what your parents said as well.
Maybe they pushed you this way as well.
This is what makes thisproblem an ongoing thing.
You're ultimately trained to measureyour success not on how you feel,
but on how many hours you're puttingin or how much money you make.
Let me say that again.
You're trained to measure yoursuccess not on how you feel, but
(24:37):
on how many hours you're puttingin or how much money you're making.
Think about how you measure success.
Which one is it?
And worse, you end up feeling inadequateso frequently that this can end up
driving you to overwork even moreas it kind of makes you feel better.
Your inner world is tellingyou that there's an issue, but
instead of addressing the emotionsinside, you reach out for a fix.
(24:59):
And that fix is to overwork.
And then to neglect your self careand what is so sticky about this and
why I class this as a hidden sabotageis because when you really dig into
the inside world of what is happeninginside of you, that causes you to
overwork and to overachieve, there isso much self rejection behind this.
This is why so many of my clients telltheir friends about my programs, because
(25:19):
once you've worked with me and I showyou what's going on inside of you.
You realize that unless you remove thesabotaging patterns within your business
and within your life, your business isjust not going to work in the long run.
Even if you're making money, you're notgoing to feel that you're successful.
Sure, you might push through fora couple of years or get some
financial success as a result.
(25:39):
You may be into multi sixfigures or whatever it might be.
But ultimately, what I see over and overagain is bloody good entrepreneurs and
leaders not realizing that their inabilityto understand their emotions, their inner
world, and the big signals it is sendingthem cause them to create a business they
end up not really liking very much, or onewhere they almost feel trapped in a cycle
(26:00):
of overachieving, like a hamster runningon a wheel that it just can't get off.
Emotional intelligence is soimportant when it comes to business.
And understanding your own emotions andyour own emotional survival patterns.
These are the things that I've created.
These things called ESPs is vital.
It's what I help
Women and.
entrepreneurs with because it's a totalgame changer in your business and in
(26:23):
your life and in your relationships.
So if you want to learn a littlebit more about how to handle your
emotional inner world and stop thatself sabotage cycle, have a look at my
programs over on www.suzibelmont.com.
com.
For now though, for those of you whoare just beginning to realize that you
might be caught in an overachiever trap,what can you do as your first step?
This is what I want to give you as anactionable takeaway from today's show.
(26:45):
So grab your phone and your notes inyour phone or a piece of paper and a pen,
whatever works for you and I'm going togive you three steps that you can take.
Step number one, that's to become aware.
So that's sort of what we've beendoing for part of this podcast.
So start to notice and record thetimes when you're using work and highly
masculine doing energy, where you'rejust doing, doing, doing all of the
(27:08):
time, to get through difficult times.
And some of the things you wantto try and notice that you might
be doing might be driving yourselfbeyond your normal, natural, healthy
limits in pursuit of your goals.
Overcomplicating things, beingreally hard on yourself and pushing
yourself always to the absolute max.
Your relationships areanother area to look.
(27:29):
Are they difficult to sustain becauseyou're putting such high standards on
other people and you're valuing yourachievements more than your relationship?
Do you feel safer and calmerin life if you do well in work?
or you're achieving a lot, oryou're excelling academically, or
was that how you used to be in thepast and have you changed from that?
(27:50):
Do you think others will be impressedby all of the things you are achieving?
Are you easily addictedto work or other things?
Do you find that when you take courses,online courses, on a particular topic,
one course about it doesn't feel enough?
You have to take three or four differentcourses to make sure that you've
covered every single possible angle?
Do you find that you'reconstantly trying to be the best?
(28:13):
The best entrepreneur, the bestclient, the best creator of courses,
the best parent, the best child,the best sister, the best whatever.
Is it always your goalto always be the best?
Being the best really matters to you orif you can't achieve that, you actually
end up being focused on being the bestat rejecting what needs to be done.
So maybe being the best at beingthe worst becomes your goal.
(28:36):
Does that happen to you?
Do you work excessively long hours?
Do you find that when you're stressed,maybe you've got stress with your
children or your friends or your partner,that you go to work to calm down?
That's a really big red flag forthe overachiever ESP kicking in.
Does your self worth come fromwhat you're doing and what you're
achieving in your business?
(28:56):
Do you sit at your desk for hourson end even when you know you
aren't really being productive?
Do you find you're losing touchwith your inner emotional world?
Because all of your energy is spenton what you're trying to achieve
in your outer business world.
Do you find it really hard to say no?
Do you find that no levelof achievement appeases you?
(29:18):
You always want more, no matterhow successful you get, you
always feel that it's not enough.
Do you find yourself going after goalspurely to achieve them, even if you aren't
sure you really need them or want them?
It's kind of a collector of achievements.
Do you fear being seen asa failure by other people?
I'm going to stop there because otherwisethis will go on for a long time.
(29:39):
But if you find that you're recognizing afair few of these patterns, this is where
you're going to have to step up a bit.
These patterns stem from a complex innerworld that you will need help to unravel,
but you absolutely can unravel them.
And if you've made it this far in theshow, you know, you know that there
is something that's been blockingyou from achieving your success.
or the success that youtruly would deserve.
(30:00):
And you know that it's probablytime to start to address that.
But this is not about fixing you.
It's about unwrapping the true you insideof you who's currently blocked from
showing up in the most powerful way foryou because of this overachiever ESP.
You are self sabotaging and it'scausing you not to be aligned with
who you really are on the inside.
(30:20):
You're an entrepreneur, you'rea leader, you can lead yourself,
you can find out what you love andgrow that with ease without the
overachieving hustle all of the time.
And this is the first step aboutrecognizing how you are showing up
externally and how that is completelydictated by what is going on internally.
And likely just by listening to this, youmight be realizing that just by working
(30:42):
harder or doing more stuff or achievingmore or adding more things to your to
do list in your business, you're notgoing to move the needle in fixing this.
Equally, having someone say to you, justdo less, will be about as appealing as
being asked to cut out your own kidney.
Too hard, too painful, absolutely no wayyou could do that even if you wanted to.
Because it's not as easy as just saying,well I need to do less, because it's your
(31:03):
inner programming that's driving this.
So, just take the first steponly and start to become aware
of what patterns you might have.
That's enough for this step.
And remember, if you're not sureabout whether you've got the
patterns, you can always takemy ESP quiz over on my website.
Step two, document whenyou do this the most.
So, the things that I'vejust been talking about.
(31:25):
When are you showing upand acting like this?
Becoming aware is one thing, but startingto notice any trends or patterns may
help you realise when this pattern,this ESP pattern, shows up the most.
For example, do you find that when yourincome dips, this creates a fear that
makes you want to achieve more, butwhen your income is stable, you take
the foot off the accelerator a bit?
(31:46):
This kind of pattern will be a big clueas to how much your emotions are driving
or sabotaging your success . Step 3.
Start to take ownershipOf your boundaries.
So you are the one who is going to beresponsible for changing your patterns,
and absolutely someone like me can coachand mentor you around how to do this.
But at the very get go, as you startto apply your awareness, start to look
(32:10):
at the goals and boundaries you have inyour business and your personal life.
If you were employed by someoneelse and your boss was telling you
to work evenings without pay, you'dhave to set a boundary, right?
This is no different.
Your boss is you.
You are the entrepreneur,you are the leader.
You are the master of your own life.
So, you have to be the one whostarts to say no to overwork.
(32:32):
Now, I'm not saying this is easy andthere's a lot more inner work that
goes with doing this, but this is thefirst step in the right direction.
And in my programs that I do and Icover and they talk about on my website,
there's a lot more that you can do here,but trying to take those first steps
will show you where you are right now.
You may find it quite easy toset boundaries to overachieving.
You may find it hard, butuntil you try, you won't know.
(32:54):
Either way, I'm here for youand any questions you have,
you know how to reach me.
So as a starter, think about how you areprioritizing things that you have to do.
For example, do you have a big long listof jobs and then each day you just fill
the day by picking off those jobs thatare the easiest to do, but actually don't
really move the needle in your business?
Are you just busy looking busy?
(33:14):
If you're doing this, one of the firststeps you can do is ditch the to do
list and start time blocking instead.
This is something I'll talk aboutin another episode I've spoken about
before in previous shows and it's areally good way to get on top of your
work but I'm not going to say moreabout that here other than to flag that
your boundaries and self leadership isgoing to need you to start recognising.
what you're doing right now.
(33:36):
Because without knowing that, it'shard to then notice when you've
stopped doing it, or when you'vemoved forward and made some progress.
And on that note, I'm goingto set a boundary here.
There's so much I can share with youabout this topic, about sabotage,
about all of the different ESPs, andparticularly the overachiever ESP.
And being honest, my overachieverESP would love for me to keep going
(33:57):
and tell you everything possible.
But true Suzi, the real Suzi inside saysit's time to stop and to let you know that
that's it for this week on the podcast.
So thank you for being with me here todayand I will see you in the next episode.
Oh, and don't forget, head over tothe website and take the ESP quiz
if you're curious to know abouthow emotional survival patterns
are showing up in your life and inyour business . See you next time.
(34:22):
Oh, one thing before you go.
If today's show helped you, please leavea five star review over on apple podcasts.
for those of you who take thetime to write a written review,
I will be sending lots of lovelypositive vibes right back at you.
It's your reviews that really let me knowwhether you're enjoying this new show,
whether you're happy for me to be back,and then I get feedback to produce more.
(34:43):
So please do share any positive reviews.
Over on iTunes, or wherever youchoose, or you can even email me.
Please also feel free to share theshow with your friends and family.
Let's help more women and entrepreneursbuild their business from the inside out.
Bye.
This week, I'm talkingall about overachieving.
This is one of those really sneakythings in that you are often
aware you're doing it, but youkind of don't know how to stop.
And that is often because there'sa lot more going on beneath the
surface than you might think.
So take the next.
20 to 30 minutes just for you.
This is your time now.
Okay, let's go.
(00:22):
Hi, I'm Suzi Belmont, a multi sevenfigure entrepreneur with 15 years
experience, as well as a psychologyexpert, qualified coach, and therapist.
This podcast is your secret resourceto help you grow from the inside out.
It's like personal development forentrepreneurs and leaders, all wrapped
up in fun, positivity, and motivation.
(00:43):
So, pull up your chair and getready to change your life and
your business from the inside out.
This is the Inside OutEntrepreneur Podcast.
Hello everyone.
And welcome back to the showand to this week's episode.
If you are new around here, don't forgetto subscribe to the show on whatever
player you are listening on, or just comeand say hello and follow me on socials.
(01:06):
And if you've been around in myworld for many years, then thank
you for tuning back in today.
Just a quick reminder that there isalso a secret episode of the show
that you can get for yourself overon my website at www.suzibelmont.com.
You'll find it on the podcast page there.
When you access that VIP show, youalso get added to a special VIP list
(01:28):
for other future secret episodes.
So that's a list youprobably want to be on.
It's all over on www.suzibelmont.comat the top of the podcast page.
Right onto today's show.
And hello?
Hello?
Hello.
And let's jump into this week'stopic, which is all about
overachieving and self-sabotage.
And the reason I'm kicking off withthis topic is because it is near
(01:50):
on impossible to be a coach and atherapist working on the inner worlds
of female entrepreneurs, women.
leaders and high performingindividuals without having a very
deep understanding of the emotionallife of entrepreneurs, women
and leaders.
And in particular, self-sabotageI have seen masses of ways
that self-sabotage manifests.
And I've personally experiencedthe vast majority over the past 14
(02:13):
years as you will have heard if youlistened to episode one of the show.
One of the most common waysself-sabotage shows up is
overworking and over achieving.
But overachieving in your businessis one of those really sneaky things
in that you are often aware thatyou're doing it, but you still
can't seem to get a handle on it.
You kind of know what I mean if you'renodding along there, and that's because
(02:36):
there's often a lot more happeningbelow the surface than you might think.
For example, although overworking is oneway that entrepreneurs self sabotage, you
aren't usually doing it because you wantto overwork or you want to overachieve.
The overworking and the overachievingis actually more of a side effect of
something else that's going on deepinside of you, connected to your inner
(02:56):
beliefs, your past experiences, stress,trauma, your emotions, and a lot more.
So for the rest of the show today, Iwant to talk a little bit more about
how you know if you have this patternof self sabotage and some of the steps
you can take to start to unravel this.
But I want to be clear that by focusingon this particular overachieving pattern
first, I'm not ranking it as the topone or the only one, or the main one
(03:21):
that entrepreneurs use to self sabotage.
It's not that at all.
In fact, there are at least 13 verycommon patterns of behavior that I've
identified from my own experiences, myown journey, my own study, including my
master's in psychology, mental health, andwellbeing, my work into trauma, and so on.
And these are patterns thatentrepreneurs adopt that limit or
sabotage Your success in business.
(03:43):
And if you want to get a little bitmore visibility on what those 13 are,
then head on over to my emotionalsurvival patterns quiz on my website.
So this is a new quiz up onmy new website, and you'll
see it at www.suzibelmont.
com under the quiz tab.
I think it's on the homepage as well.
You'll see it there.
It's called the emotionalsurvival patterns quiz.
And that quiz will show you your topemotional survival patterns, many of which
(04:07):
are linked to self sabotaging behaviors.
Lots of other behaviors thatare linked under there as
well, but that's not for today.
I will also put the link to theEmotional Survival Patterns quiz
in the show notes to this episode.
Now I'm going to switch to calling itthe ESP quiz because Emotional Survival
Patterns is a long sentence and there's alot of syllables in it, so just ESP quiz.
(04:27):
For today though, let's dig alittle deeper with this pattern of
entrepreneurial behavior where youoverwork and overachieve and usually end
up in a state of burnout as a result.
It's kind of counterproductive.
You don't really get out of it what you'resupposed to be trying to get out of it.
So I have to start with this one becausenot only was this my story in 2012,
when I hit a mega burnout after makingThe first million in my business in,
(04:51):
in just under two years, but becauseoverworking overachieving and overdoing
is a pattern that is often there from veryearly childhood for many entrepreneurs.
It doesn't start in yourentrepreneurial journey.
It starts way before that.
And it forms part of an adaptationthat you make when you're very, very
young to compensate for areas in yourlife where just accepting yourself as
(05:13):
you are was just too difficult to do.
On top of that, overachieving isalso almost perversely encouraged
in the way that society, especiallyin the West, tends to set up
life in the first 25 years.
And what I mean by that is both schoolsand employee life, if you go into the
corporate world, which is where schoolskind of tend to direct most of the
(05:34):
children, promote and applaud a cultureof overachieving, overworking, and the
consequent long hours that go with that.
So not only is this an innerpattern that you may now hold as an
entrepreneur, and that may have beenthere since you were very, very young,
but it's also one that's hard to tobreak, not just because it's inside
of you, but because you see it beingglorified externally across the globe.
(05:57):
Now let's hit this one head on.
You're an entrepreneur, right?
You're a high achieving person, you'rean entrepreneur, and actually you
probably have no big problem with doingsomething differently to other people,
at least theoretically, because that'sthe very essence of entrepreneurship.
Albeit some of us strugglewith that as well.
And to be honest, if you are anentrepreneur and you aren't happy to
(06:17):
go out on a bit of a limb on your own,you've got some other issues usually
going on around that that also needaddressing on your inside world.
But what really makes the overachieverpattern so much harder to then manage
is even when you really, really wantto change it, the roots are so deep
inside, embedded in your inner world.
Inner Emotional World.
That conscious change in willpower,determination, and, well, being
(06:40):
honest, trying to do or achieveor work your ass off until you
destroy this pattern won't work.
You can't beat an overachieverpattern by overachieving.
That's not how you get out of it.
So think of youroverachiever a bit like this.
Imagine you have this programming set up.
It's then causing you to show upa certain way in your business
(07:01):
and your personal life as well.
So in that case, how wouldyou know that it's there?
How would you know that it's in your core?
And this is where you can startto become your own detective.
So what I'm going to suggest you dois think for a moment about your life
and your business and how you show up,because this pattern shows up not just in
your business, but in your life as well.
And just think about whether anyof the following things that I'm
(07:23):
going to read out now apply to you.
And I'm going to go through about10 different things and you can
kind of mentally tick off yesthat's me or no that's not me.
So, number one, you are alwaysdoing something and you feel
uncomfortable if you stop doing things.
Number two, you You spend all day atyour desk but actually only work a tiny
bit of that time, yet you feel reallybad if you go away from your desk,
(07:45):
or you leave the office, or you justtake a break, even though you're not
really working when you're at work.
Number three, you use work tostop you feeling something.
For example, if you're feeling a bitempty inside or a bit low, you turn to
work to kind of plug that gap because youdon't know what to do with that feeling.
Number four, you do too much.
You know that you do too much,but you can't seem to stop.
(08:06):
Like you've got this kindof internal program that's
making you operate this way.
Number five, you drive yourself beyondlimits in pursuit of your goals.
Number six, one that I'm reallyguilty of, you overcomplicate things.
Number seven, you're really hard onyourself and you push yourself to
the absolute max all of the time.
(08:27):
Number eight, your relationships maybe difficult to sustain as you impose
your really high standards on others,or you don't value your relationships
as much as your achievements , evenif you don't want to admit that.
Number nine, you feel safer andcalmer in your life If you do well
at work or you do well academically,that might have always been there.
(08:49):
You just feel better if you do well.
You really achieve high grades,for example, at school or you
achieve a lot in your business.
Number 10, I think we're up to number 10.
You easily get addicted to workor other things, actually, but you
get easily addicted to your work.
I'll give you a couple more.
Number 11, you take.
All of the courses on a topic,as one doesn't feel enough.
(09:12):
You're not okay with just learningabout something, you have to
learn all of the different kindsof things about everything.
Number 12, you need to be, and it's areal need, the best entrepreneur, the
best client, the best podcaster, the bestcourse creator, the best anything, really.
As long as you're the best, itdoesn't really matter what it
is . Number 13, I think we're upto, you work excessively long hours.
(09:34):
And I'll give you two more.
Number 14, you judge work by how manyhours you spend at your desk and the jobs
that you're ticking off a list ratherthan things that actually move the needle.
That's a really hard one toadmit that you might be doing.
And then the last one, just by wayof example, because there are loads
more of these, is You are highlycompetitive, so sometimes you might
struggle with collaborating, eventhough you want to, you want to build
(09:56):
a business network and with people,but it's actually really hard because
you're really competitive and need tobe better than everyone else around you.
So that's just a really short snapshotlist of some of the classic traits of
this emotional survival pattern, theoverachiever emotional survival pattern.
And if you want to know for surewhether this one applies to your life
and your business, as I mentionedearlier, head on over and take
(10:18):
the quiz at www.suzibelmont.com.
And you'll find out whether theoverachiever and overworking
ESP is one of your top patterns.
There's a whole load of others thatyou can find out there as well,
but for the sake of this podcast,let's assume for the moment that
you do have the overachiever ESP.
Well, first up.
Congratulations forrecognizing that you do.
(10:38):
The awareness alone is a huge step.
Actually admitting that toyourself is a massive step forward.
So huge congratulations if you'reright now thinking, yeah, that's me.
Or maybe you don't see it in yourself,but you can spot it in your business
partner, or your spouse, or yourkids . But turning back to you, so
much of this pattern, if you do haveit, is rooted in your childhood.
(11:00):
So, it may have become so normalthat you don't actually realize
that it's the thing that might besabotaging some of your success.
Not the only thing, there arelots of other things, but it might
be one thing that's causing youto sabotage your own success.
Now, let's just briefly address thepotential elephant in the room here,
because I can hear in my head someof you saying, but wait, Suzi, surely
working hard and achieving lots is whatentrepreneurship and high performance
(11:23):
and leadership is all about, right?
If you didn't do that, thenhow would you be successful?
And to a certain degree, I'm with youhere, but this is where it gets hard.
You see, there's a huge differencebetween working hard and achieving because
you're really in alignment with yourwork and that doesn't feel like work and
you're going through things, delegatingproperly and so on and moving forward
in your business and moving the needle.
(11:44):
You aren't exhausted, you can taketime off when you choose, you might
feel like you're achieving withthis almost unbelievable ease, and
achievement feels like it's fun.
Business feels like pleasure and fun.
And then there's the other kind ofoverachieving, which is where there's a
constant struggle, feeling like you'retrapped in a hamster wheel of achieving,
afraid to let go of anything becauseyou're overachieving is like the.
(12:07):
Scaffolding that's holdingup your business and kind
of holding you up as well.
And this is the side whereit becomes a sabotage.
So it's really important todistinguish between those two things.
There's nothing wrong with achieving perse and achieving lots of things in your
business, but there's a difference betweenthe first example I gave and the second.
The second one, where you have thissense of achieving due to constant
(12:28):
struggle and feeling like you'retrapped in this hamster wheel.
This is where I hear my clients sayingthings like, I made 10, 000 or 100, 000 in
my business, but I don't really like it.
Or I'm so exhausted I'm wondering whyI'm even doing this in the first place,
or I work all of the time and I putso much effort in and nothing seems
to work, I'm just working, working,working, but I'm not making the money
(12:50):
that I want to make, or I've plateauedat a certain level even though I'm
working and working and working.
These are the things that kind of indicatethat the overachiever ESP is showing up.
For some of you, you may also be seeingit in a different way in that you might
be having success in your business.
A lot of success, potentially,but your health isn't great.
All your relationships are going downthe toilet, because you're essentially
(13:12):
running in a constant state of semiexhaustion, not feeling free to stop
and take time off, or to reorganize yourbusiness in a way that works for you, not
just a way that works for your customer.
Another flag, another big flag thatyou might notice is that you just
don't have the energy to createsomething new because you're so
stuck in the overachieving mindset.
(13:32):
This is where the hamsterwheel analogy comes in.
And then when your inner radar says, Hey,there's, there's something wrong here.
You start to then lookoutside for validation that
you're doing the right thing.
And this is where the culture andsociety that I spoke about earlier.
almost stops you breaking free.
As you ponder how business could bedifferent for you, how it could be more
(13:53):
accepting of your needs, how you couldget off the hamster wheel a little and
feel some inner freedom whilst also makinglots of money, you might be hit slap in
the face with messaging from the outsideworld saying, work hard, play hard.
You might recall how you were toldwhether at school or at work or
in a corporate life that hard workproduced results or only those who
(14:13):
work really hard succeed in life.
That was certainly my experience ofcorporate life, and childhood actually.
So it becomes really difficult toreconcile the outside messaging you're
getting with the inside feeling that youhave that this isn't right, this isn't
how entrepreneurship was supposed to be.
And for those of you who don't knowa little bit about my background,
I'll give you an example here ofexactly where I experienced this.
(14:35):
As some of you already know, I used tobe a lawyer, way way back, before I was
an entrepreneur, so 15 years ago or so.
And I was almost brainwashed intothinking that long hours were
everything when it came to success.
I had the same experiencein school as well.
So the long hours took precedenceover my health, my mental wellbeing,
my nervous system regulation, whichby the way, no one had even heard
(14:57):
about back then, my relationships.
And it showed up in really cleverways, whether being assessed as a
lawyer on how many billable hoursI had done, what time I had arrived
or left, how long I took for lunch.
The measure of my successwas based on putting time in.
And my gosh, this mentality was sostrong that I would leave my jacket on
(15:18):
the back of my chair when I went home.
I would go home even in the middleof winter with just a shirt on my
back, so it looked like I was stillworking if anyone came into my office.
My jacket was there, a drinkwas half drunk on my desk,
and a paper was half opened.
It was set up to look like I'd just poppedto the toilet or out for a quick coffee.
Now, before you think I was a totalunique weirdo at work, I wasn't.
(15:39):
Everyone did this.
It was the corporate culture.
There was a heavy, Emotional connectionto the lowest frequency emotion of shame.
Resting, leaving the office, goinghome, and sleeping were shameful.
The good lawyer, the good lawyer thatthey promoted, was the lawyer who did
3, 000 hours a year, ate their lunch atthe desk, ideally in 10 minutes maximum,
(16:02):
sacrificed everything, including holidays,relationships, family time, for the job.
This was the workingculture I spent my 20s in.
But what I found even more curiouswhen I started to study this was that
this overworking, overachieving mindsetstarted even earlier than in my 20s.
It was also there in school.
It was also there a lot before that.
I'm going to stick withschool for the moment.
(16:23):
And it's still there in many schools.
You see, we have this reallyweird phenomenon in society
today where As adults, we nowtalk about work life balance.
We're getting a lot healthier.
We talk about not taking the office home,ensuring that we switch off when we're at
home, that we turn our work mobiles off,and that we're present with our children,
and that we eat mindfully and slowly.
(16:44):
We're all becoming aware of thisand the benefits of doing this.
But at the exact same time, do you noticehow children are not treated the same way?
We send them to school to work hard,but then almost universally, they're We
tell them to bring the office home andwork in their bedroom or in their home
after school, sometimes for hours andhours, especially when they're teenagers.
(17:05):
And a large part of the evening becomeshomework, especially for those teenagers.
It's really upside down.
And you may have seen this, and itoften gets justified in a really
flimsy way by saying, well, homeworkencourages independent learning.
No.
No.
Independent learning encouragesindependent learning, and that can
take place within the office hours.
Homework, by which I mean work thatis designed to be done after dinner,
(17:30):
when you get home, in the evening,any time between, for example, 6 p.
m.
and 11 p.
m., is the complete oppositeof what we tell adults to do.
We tell adults to avoid this.
for their health, fortheir mental well being.
And so why is this happening?
Well, because homework is focusedaround promoting a culture where hustle,
overworking, long hours are glorified.
(17:52):
Meanwhile, self care, rest,emotional and mental well being
are almost seen as weaknesses orthings that you have to justify.
And we have a long way to goin correcting this, but as
entrepreneurs, we get to take the lead.
This is what typically entrepreneurs do.
Now just for a moment, come back intosort of corporate life because I know
many people have experienced that.
(18:12):
So compare if I was talking to a newcorporate business, or your business,
let's say it was your business andyou're running it with your team as
an entrepreneur, and you have a policythat every employee takes around two
hours work home with them per night,which is about the same as what most
teenagers end up with at homework.
Your employees and people and yourpeers would say, well, that's not
really promoting a work life balance.
(18:34):
I wouldn't expect myown employees to do it.
So why don't we start allhumans out on this path?
And if you think about it, thinkabout why schools were created.
You know, go back to schools.
They are institutions designed toprepare children for working life in
a factory where long hours mattered.
Being able to work 15 hours a daymade the factory owner a lot of
money a hundred, 150 years ago.
(18:57):
But you, you are an entrepreneur.
You're not working in a factory.
And so the school system that you wentthrough will have played into your
mentality and your inner world to letyou believe that productivity and success
was linked to the hours that you put in.
But it isn't.
That is not how it worksin entrepreneurship.
Now I'm not saying that you don't haveto get really good at what you're doing.
(19:17):
You have to get good at yourskill and putting in your 10, 000
hours or whatever it is to getgood at your skill is one thing.
But I'm talking about whenyou've got good at your skill and
you are running your business.
Putting in all of the hours isn't how yourinner world works, if you really want to
enjoy your life and your business as well.
You see why I've gone into all of this,you see why this is such a hard pattern
(19:38):
to break, and I haven't even touchedupon the true core, the origin of the
overachiever pattern, which is rooted inyour inner emotional world, and that's
something I dig into in my programs.
The point I want to make for today isthere is a big difference in how you need
to show up as an entrepreneur and how youwere taught to show up in school, which
was geared towards being an employee.
(19:59):
And frankly, as an entrepreneur,you get to set the rules.
You are the leader.
You get to lead yourself.
You get to choose to do a four dayweek or three hours a day or a six day
week, if that floats your boat, or afive day week, whatever you want to do.
That's up to you.
You get to choose what prices youwant to charge, you get to set
(20:19):
prices that match what works for you.
You get to place a high value onfamily time, on relaxing, on presence
with your spouse or your kids.
You get to choose it all.
You get to choose tostop working each day.
You get to choose to take asabbatical if you can afford it.
And then if you're like me, you realizethat this is the least entrepreneurial
move ever and super, super hard,way harder than running a business.
(20:40):
More about that in the secret podcastepisode that's over on my website.
Every single part of your business is achoice, but when you have conditioning and
societal influence, and when you have coreemotional survival patterns running the
show that are rooted in your inner world,it doesn't feel like you have a choice.
So if you're hearing what I just saidabout choice and thinking, well, I
(21:01):
don't feel like I have a choice here.
I really try.
I really try and not do this, butit's like the choice isn't happening.
Then this is another clue thatyour ESPs are running the show,
not the true inner leader andthe powerful human that you are.
But what is really importantto remember is this can change.
This pattern can be broken.
This ESP that's inside of you, theemotional survival pattern can be changed.
(21:25):
So this is where you kind ofhit the jackpot and the paradigm
shift, because once you realizethat you, and only you, have.
to change your way of thinking and beingan entrepreneur, then you have to start
to recode yourself from the inside out.
And this is where I tendto help entrepreneurs, as
I mentioned in my programs.
But on your own, you can start torecognize and become truly aware just how
(21:47):
much society is rewarding overworking.
That awareness is such a big step.
Awareness will also help youunderstand that the original
seed for this, is in you.
was not usually school.
It is usually even earlier than school
. So please don't blame yourself if you're struggling to beat this pattern because
everything is kind of stacked againstyou in the society that we live in.
(22:08):
So why is this relevant toentrepreneurial self sabotage?
Well, the problem with overworkingor working after work or around the
clock or in the evening after a longday in the office is that all of that,
that way of being, those beliefs,that pattern, is about glorifying
nervous system dysregulation.
If you look at what's happeninginside of you when you're
(22:28):
overworking, it's not pretty.
Your nervous system isn't happy,but your brain is confused.
Because society creates thismessage that long hours, hustling,
pushing yourself outside whatyou feel is your limit is normal.
Society teaches you to literallyignore what your body is telling you.
But you know what?
Your body will tell you.
It will tell you the momentyour head hits the pillow.
(22:50):
By not letting you sleep becauseyou're exhausted, it will send
your mind into overdrive trying tothink about how to resolve issues.
Or if you do crash into bed, you'llwake up at 3am and be constantly
in this 3 to 5am wake up schedule.
It Even when you're really, really tired.
Or, you might keep getting sick withmysterious illnesses you can't explain.
Now, I'm assuming that if youdid get sick, you would have gone
(23:12):
and checked with a doctor thatthere isn't any actual illness.
But if it's an illness, there's nothingshowing up and you keep getting the
same thing, this is probably linkedsomewhere to your nervous system.
And if you ignore it long enough, youwill end up with physical pain as a
result of ignoring those inner needs.
Your body is pretty amazingand communicating from the
inside out all of the time.
And the problem is that you aretrained from this really early
(23:34):
age just to not listen to it.
A great example there is my daughtertold me literally this morning on
the way to school, she said, she wastelling me that yesterday she was really
proud of herself because she didn'tgo to the toilet all day at school.
And I said, well, why did you do that?
You need to go to thetoilet when you need to go.
And she said, yeah, but the teachersdon't like it when we go to the toilet.
So we were told to hold itin until the end of the day.
And I said to her, no, that's not okay.
(23:55):
You listen to your body.
If you need to go to the toilet, you'vegot to do what your body's telling you to.
So I'm kind of reverse teaching her themessage that she's getting from society.
This very early training, not tofollow your intuition, not to follow
your bodily needs, but instead tofollow the rules, the regimes, the
work rules, the cultural rules, thesociety rules, and push through.
(24:17):
Maybe it's what your parents said as well.
Maybe they pushed you this way as well.
This is what makes thisproblem an ongoing thing.
You're ultimately trained to measureyour success not on how you feel,
but on how many hours you're puttingin or how much money you make.
Let me say that again.
You're trained to measure yoursuccess not on how you feel, but
(24:37):
on how many hours you're puttingin or how much money you're making.
Think about how you measure success.
Which one is it?
And worse, you end up feeling inadequateso frequently that this can end up
driving you to overwork even moreas it kind of makes you feel better.
Your inner world is tellingyou that there's an issue, but
instead of addressing the emotionsinside, you reach out for a fix.
(24:59):
And that fix is to overwork.
And then to neglect your self careand what is so sticky about this and
why I class this as a hidden sabotageis because when you really dig into
the inside world of what is happeninginside of you, that causes you to
overwork and to overachieve, there isso much self rejection behind this.
This is why so many of my clients telltheir friends about my programs, because
(25:19):
once you've worked with me and I showyou what's going on inside of you.
You realize that unless you remove thesabotaging patterns within your business
and within your life, your business isjust not going to work in the long run.
Even if you're making money, you're notgoing to feel that you're successful.
Sure, you might push through fora couple of years or get some
financial success as a result.
(25:39):
You may be into multi sixfigures or whatever it might be.
But ultimately, what I see over and overagain is bloody good entrepreneurs and
leaders not realizing that their inabilityto understand their emotions, their inner
world, and the big signals it is sendingthem cause them to create a business they
end up not really liking very much, or onewhere they almost feel trapped in a cycle
(26:00):
of overachieving, like a hamster runningon a wheel that it just can't get off.
Emotional intelligence is soimportant when it comes to business.
And understanding your own emotions andyour own emotional survival patterns.
These are the things that I've created.
These things called ESPs is vital.
It's what I help
Women and.
entrepreneurs with because it's a totalgame changer in your business and in
(26:23):
your life and in your relationships.
So if you want to learn a littlebit more about how to handle your
emotional inner world and stop thatself sabotage cycle, have a look at my
programs over on www.suzibelmont.com.
com.
For now though, for those of you whoare just beginning to realize that you
might be caught in an overachiever trap,what can you do as your first step?
This is what I want to give you as anactionable takeaway from today's show.
(26:45):
So grab your phone and your notes inyour phone or a piece of paper and a pen,
whatever works for you and I'm going togive you three steps that you can take.
Step number one, that's to become aware.
So that's sort of what we've beendoing for part of this podcast.
So start to notice and record thetimes when you're using work and highly
masculine doing energy, where you'rejust doing, doing, doing all of the
(27:08):
time, to get through difficult times.
And some of the things you wantto try and notice that you might
be doing might be driving yourselfbeyond your normal, natural, healthy
limits in pursuit of your goals.
Overcomplicating things, beingreally hard on yourself and pushing
yourself always to the absolute max.
Your relationships areanother area to look.
(27:29):
Are they difficult to sustain becauseyou're putting such high standards on
other people and you're valuing yourachievements more than your relationship?
Do you feel safer and calmerin life if you do well in work?
or you're achieving a lot, oryou're excelling academically, or
was that how you used to be in thepast and have you changed from that?
(27:50):
Do you think others will be impressedby all of the things you are achieving?
Are you easily addictedto work or other things?
Do you find that when you take courses,online courses, on a particular topic,
one course about it doesn't feel enough?
You have to take three or four differentcourses to make sure that you've
covered every single possible angle?
Do you find that you'reconstantly trying to be the best?
(28:13):
The best entrepreneur, the bestclient, the best creator of courses,
the best parent, the best child,the best sister, the best whatever.
Is it always your goalto always be the best?
Being the best really matters to you orif you can't achieve that, you actually
end up being focused on being the bestat rejecting what needs to be done.
So maybe being the best at beingthe worst becomes your goal.
(28:36):
Does that happen to you?
Do you work excessively long hours?
Do you find that when you're stressed,maybe you've got stress with your
children or your friends or your partner,that you go to work to calm down?
That's a really big red flag forthe overachiever ESP kicking in.
Does your self worth come fromwhat you're doing and what you're
achieving in your business?
(28:56):
Do you sit at your desk for hourson end even when you know you
aren't really being productive?
Do you find you're losing touchwith your inner emotional world?
Because all of your energy is spenton what you're trying to achieve
in your outer business world.
Do you find it really hard to say no?
Do you find that no levelof achievement appeases you?
(29:18):
You always want more, no matterhow successful you get, you
always feel that it's not enough.
Do you find yourself going after goalspurely to achieve them, even if you aren't
sure you really need them or want them?
It's kind of a collector of achievements.
Do you fear being seen asa failure by other people?
I'm going to stop there because otherwisethis will go on for a long time.
(29:39):
But if you find that you're recognizing afair few of these patterns, this is where
you're going to have to step up a bit.
These patterns stem from a complex innerworld that you will need help to unravel,
but you absolutely can unravel them.
And if you've made it this far in theshow, you know, you know that there
is something that's been blockingyou from achieving your success.
or the success that youtruly would deserve.
(30:00):
And you know that it's probablytime to start to address that.
But this is not about fixing you.
It's about unwrapping the true you insideof you who's currently blocked from
showing up in the most powerful way foryou because of this overachiever ESP.
You are self sabotaging and it'scausing you not to be aligned with
who you really are on the inside.
(30:20):
You're an entrepreneur, you'rea leader, you can lead yourself,
you can find out what you love andgrow that with ease without the
overachieving hustle all of the time.
And this is the first step aboutrecognizing how you are showing up
externally and how that is completelydictated by what is going on internally.
And likely just by listening to this, youmight be realizing that just by working
(30:42):
harder or doing more stuff or achievingmore or adding more things to your to
do list in your business, you're notgoing to move the needle in fixing this.
Equally, having someone say to you, justdo less, will be about as appealing as
being asked to cut out your own kidney.
Too hard, too painful, absolutely no wayyou could do that even if you wanted to.
Because it's not as easy as just saying,well I need to do less, because it's your
(31:03):
inner programming that's driving this.
So, just take the first steponly and start to become aware
of what patterns you might have.
That's enough for this step.
And remember, if you're not sureabout whether you've got the
patterns, you can always takemy ESP quiz over on my website.
Step two, document whenyou do this the most.
So, the things that I'vejust been talking about.
(31:25):
When are you showing upand acting like this?
Becoming aware is one thing, but startingto notice any trends or patterns may
help you realise when this pattern,this ESP pattern, shows up the most.
For example, do you find that when yourincome dips, this creates a fear that
makes you want to achieve more, butwhen your income is stable, you take
the foot off the accelerator a bit?
(31:46):
This kind of pattern will be a big clueas to how much your emotions are driving
or sabotaging your success . Step 3.
Start to take ownershipOf your boundaries.
So you are the one who is going to beresponsible for changing your patterns,
and absolutely someone like me can coachand mentor you around how to do this.
But at the very get go, as you startto apply your awareness, start to look
(32:10):
at the goals and boundaries you have inyour business and your personal life.
If you were employed by someoneelse and your boss was telling you
to work evenings without pay, you'dhave to set a boundary, right?
This is no different.
Your boss is you.
You are the entrepreneur,you are the leader.
You are the master of your own life.
So, you have to be the one whostarts to say no to overwork.
(32:32):
Now, I'm not saying this is easy andthere's a lot more inner work that
goes with doing this, but this is thefirst step in the right direction.
And in my programs that I do and Icover and they talk about on my website,
there's a lot more that you can do here,but trying to take those first steps
will show you where you are right now.
You may find it quite easy toset boundaries to overachieving.
You may find it hard, butuntil you try, you won't know.
(32:54):
Either way, I'm here for youand any questions you have,
you know how to reach me.
So as a starter, think about how you areprioritizing things that you have to do.
For example, do you have a big long listof jobs and then each day you just fill
the day by picking off those jobs thatare the easiest to do, but actually don't
really move the needle in your business?
Are you just busy looking busy?
(33:14):
If you're doing this, one of the firststeps you can do is ditch the to do
list and start time blocking instead.
This is something I'll talk aboutin another episode I've spoken about
before in previous shows and it's areally good way to get on top of your
work but I'm not going to say moreabout that here other than to flag that
your boundaries and self leadership isgoing to need you to start recognising.
what you're doing right now.
(33:36):
Because without knowing that, it'shard to then notice when you've
stopped doing it, or when you'vemoved forward and made some progress.
And on that note, I'm goingto set a boundary here.
There's so much I can share with youabout this topic, about sabotage,
about all of the different ESPs, andparticularly the overachiever ESP.
And being honest, my overachieverESP would love for me to keep going
(33:57):
and tell you everything possible.
But true Suzi, the real Suzi inside saysit's time to stop and to let you know that
that's it for this week on the podcast.
So thank you for being with me here todayand I will see you in the next episode.
Oh, and don't forget, head over tothe website and take the ESP quiz
if you're curious to know abouthow emotional survival patterns
are showing up in your life and inyour business . See you next time.
(34:22):
Oh, one thing before you go.
If today's show helped you, please leavea five star review over on apple podcasts.
for those of you who take thetime to write a written review,
I will be sending lots of lovelypositive vibes right back at you.
It's your reviews that really let me knowwhether you're enjoying this new show,
whether you're happy for me to be back,and then I get feedback to produce more.
(34:43):
So please do share any positive reviews.
Over on iTunes, or wherever youchoose, or you can even email me.
Please also feel free to share theshow with your friends and family.
Let's help more women and entrepreneursbuild their business from the inside out.
Bye.
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