October 29, 2024 • 31 mins
In today's episode of the Inside Our Entrepreneur® Podcast, I am talking about your emotions and emotional intelligence. I also give you 3 things you can look out for to start becoming aware of your own emotional intelligence and how it might be impacting your life and business.
This is such a hugely important area for learning and growth for female entrepreneurs, visionaries, creatives etc and yet, it is something that is probably the least well known. During the show, I explain what EI / EQ / Emotional Intelligence is as well as talking you through some real life examples of good and not so good emotional intelligence.
You don't want to miss this episode if you are ready to level up in your life and your business!
Who is Suzi Belmont?
Suzi Belmont is a multi 7 figure entrepreneur (15 years), therapist, coach, mental health and psychology expert known for ‘creating seismic shifts in women and entrepreneurs’, causing ‘quantum leaps in their abilities’ and ‘completely transforming confidence’ in her clients. Her work has been described by clients as ‘mind-blowing’, ‘like having a fairy godmother around’, ‘the most extraordinary coach’, ‘pure gold’ and ‘absolutely life changing’.
She blends her 15 years entrepreneurial experience with psychology, emotional intelligence, leadership, energetics, consciousness, early childhood development, trauma, mindset, neuroscience and a touch of ancient wisdom (she can read Ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs fluently) to help you understand how you inner world REALLY operates so that you can harness it to create massive success as an entrepreneur.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Today I'm talking about youremotions and emotional intelligence.
I'm also going to give you three thingsthat you can look out for to start
becoming aware of your own emotionalintelligence and how it might be
impacting your life and your business.
This is your time now.
Okay, let's go!
Hi, I'm Suzi Belmont, a multi sevenfigure entrepreneur with 15 years
(00:22):
experience, as well as a psychologyexpert, qualified coach, and therapist.
This podcast is your secret resourceto help you grow from the inside out.
It's like personal development forentrepreneurs and leaders, all wrapped
up in fun, positivity, and motivation.
So, pull up your chair and getready to change your life and
(00:43):
your business from the inside out.
This is the Inside OutEntrepreneur Podcast.
Hello, hello, hello and welcome backto another episode of the podcast
with me, your host Suzi Belmont.
I cannot tell you how good it feelsto be back doing these regular shows.
So much of me comes out of my podcastsand so many of my original one to one
(01:06):
clients way, way back with the first everpodcast came through that first show.
So it's really nice just being backand sharing my thoughts for the
week . And this week, I am diggingdeep into emotional intelligence or EQ,
which stands for emotional quotient.
And this week is a good one.
It's one of my favorite topics.
So grab yourself a cuppa and a chairor a water bottle or some trainers or a
(01:28):
dog, whatever it is that will make youjust focus for the next 20 minutes or so.
You get to treat yourself to ashow, to listening, and your body
gets to just relax a little bit.
Now, before I start, a little favorto ask each and every one of you.
If you are enjoying the show, please canyou pause and hit subscribe on iTunes,
Spotify, or wherever you're listening.
It makes it easier for me totrack which episodes people like,
(01:51):
and whether people are joining,whether the numbers are going up
up because that obviously affects whereI go with this show in the future.
And let's be honest, let's not pretend.
It's also really nice for me to seesubscriber numbers going up because
I'm the one that records the shows.
So don't forget to dothat if you are minded to.
Okay, back to emotional intelligence.
And first up, what exactlyis emotional intelligence?
(02:12):
Well, some, including me, argue that it issomething that is so critical to success
and mastery when it comes to businessthat a lack of it can really put you
behind or really mess up your business.
And indeed your life, whether that'syour relationships, your social life.
your family life, justgenerally your life.
Yet, it is not something that most ofyou will have been taught in school.
(02:33):
I certainly wasn't, andmy kids certainly aren't.
And sadly, most
parents don't teach it eitherto their kids because they
weren't taught it either.
I wasn't taught it by my parents.
I didn't teach it to mykids in the early years.
It's only when I realized what wasgoing on and I started to study it,
I was like, oh my god, I kind ofneed more of this in my world and
I need more of this in my business.
(02:54):
And that makes me a little bit sadbecause it's the applicability of
emotional intelligence in the contextof entrepreneurship and business
that makes such a massive difference
. So what is it?
Well, emotional intelligence, which isoften abbreviated to EI or EQ, is simply
(03:14):
the ability to understand, manage, andeffectively express your inner feelings
to others In any aspect of your life.
For example, when you'rerunning a business.
Whilst also at the same time beingable to balance and navigate the inner
feelings, the inner world, the emotionsof your customers, clients, team, and
those who you come into contact with.
(03:35):
It's a bit like an emotional seesaw.
Balancing your emotions on oneend with the rest of the world's
emotions on the other end, or therest of the world in your world,
so like your customers or whoever.
That seesaw that's in your mind right now.
Imagine if you put your emotionsfirst, all of the time, without
anyone else's emotions ever coming up.
What would happen to the seesaw?
(03:56):
You'd see that your end of the seesawwould go down, but then the other
end of the seesaw would stay up.
Equally, if you put everyone else'semotions and feelings and everything
else that's coming from them at theother end of the seesaw first, you put
everyone else first all of the time,all of their feelings and their emotions
you put before yours, and I'm talking toyou, you people pleasers out there, then
(04:16):
the other side would go down and youremotions would be suspended in the air.
And this is the key.
It's about balancing the two,so you are happy and your other
people in your life are happy too.
And this always makes methink of something my estate
agent Charlie said to me.
He said that when he sells houses,he always aims for the buyer and the
seller to both be a little bit happy,but there's always going to be something
(04:38):
that they're not quite happy about.
So it's almost they'reboth a little bit happy.
That way he gets deals over the line.
Whereas what most other agents do is theyfocus only on their client, only on the
buyer, if that's their client, or onlyon the seller, if that's their client,
typically they're acting for the seller.
So they're, they're only focusingon the seller and then the buyers
get upset because they're like,well, I'm not happy with the deal.
And then the transaction fails.
(05:00):
So he's balancing the seesaw rather thangoing too much one way or the other.
So bring this to yourbusiness in your life.
When you have high emotional intelligence,it's like you have this extra superpower
that helps you tune into your own emotionsas well as those of the people around you.
And when you can do this, you openup a world of choice that is based
on responding to situations ratherthan emotionally reacting to them.
(05:23):
Let me give you an example here.
You've all seen posts on Facebook wheresomeone comes on and has a big old rant
about a customer, another business, orsomething that just annoys them, something
that's just really annoying them.
I've done this too.
I've done this in my past learningjourney, and I won't hide that because
it was my experiential journey thattaught me so much of what I know.
Not just my qualifications in mentalhealth and well being and trauma and
(05:45):
psychology and all those things, it's myexperience that has taught me so much too.
But often when someone posts to Facebookand has a big old reactive rant about
something, or they go really toofar and they start, you know, naming
somebody and having a real go at themand really attacking them, there's often
a real lack of emotional intelligence.
For example, I've seen real businessowners come on and bitch about other
(06:07):
business owners because they couldn'thandle their own emotions around what
the other business owner was doing.
They got triggered and lashed outwithout thinking about how their
own customers might perceive this.
Their seesaw was out of whack.
They were just thinking about theirown emotions, they were not thinking
about the other business ownersemotions, and they were sure as hell
not thinking about their existingcustomers emotions, because otherwise
(06:27):
they probably wouldn't have done it.
There's this line that somebodysaid to me in 2011, and it's stuck
in my mind ever since, which was,keep your side of the street clean.
And that is how I approach social media.
If you've got a grievance withsomebody and you're managing your
emotions well, you're not goingto not do anything about it.
You'll have a conversation with them,but you don't need to do it in public.
(06:48):
You don't need to put yourdirty laundry in public.
Because actually when thathappens, no one ever really wins.
And you end up see it with some customersgoing, Ooh, that doesn't look great.
The way that she'shandling that situation.
Maybe I won't buy from that business.
And remember, it's not justyour own existing customers
that might be watching this.
It's your prospects whoare sitting and watching.
And these really count.
(07:08):
They get to see via socials the good,the bad , and the ugly of a business
owner who is driven by their emotions.
And I think you could probably allcall one or two examples into mind.
If it's not another businessowner, then it's maybe someone in
your family, something like that.
So in the same way, how a businessresponds to a customer in a public space
also reveals emotional intelligence.
(07:28):
And again, I've seen real businessescome on and rant about a customer
rather than trying to resolvethe issue with the customer.
I've actually seen therapistsdo that do this on Instagram.
Where they come on and they rantabout somebody who was having
therapy and how much they annoyedthem and things like that just in
the name of getting more likes.
And I'm like, Oh God.
The see saw is really out of whack herebecause what if your client sees this?
(07:50):
This never looks good.
And let's be honest here,you know, we're not perfect.
Everyone has probably seen someoneor knows of someone who's got into a
bit of a Facebook fight with a totalstranger over something quite trivial
because they've been triggered by it.
And it actually takes quite a lot ofemotional intelligence to navigate that
when you're on the receiving end ofsomeone else doing this to you as well.
Think of emotional intelligence assomething that you can spot, you
(08:13):
can spot in other people, but youwant to try and spot it in yourself.
And it's this blend of high selfawareness, high empathy and high
social skills that allow you to handleinterpersonal relationships with the
right energetic and emotional response.
And the reference there to the two E's,energetic and emotional, is important.
This is both an energetic and an emotionalresponse, which is why I cover energy and
(08:36):
consciousness and emotions in my programs.
Hopefully that's making it a littlebit clearer as to where emotional
intelligence starts to sit.
Now obviously there are lots ofother applications but I just
wanted to give you a simple example.
Let's look as well at empathy fora moment, because yes, you need
empathy, but often that gets mixedup in business, particularly with
women, funnily enough, with sympathy.
(08:57):
Another example is judgment.
Yes, you need strong judgmentin your business and very strong
discernment, but that often getsmixed up with this need to be right.
Just saying what you think all of the timein the name of authenticity isn't enough.
Saying what you think, beingauthentic, and the real you, Great.
And using discernment and emotionalintelligence also matters.
(09:21):
This is why understanding yourinner world, your emotions, and
your emotional intelligence matterso much because otherwise you're
missing parts of the puzzle.
So let me put a littleflesh on the bones here.
Imagine you are at a partyand you can sense when someone
feels left out or uncomfortable.
That's emotional intelligence at work.
It's not just about being nice.
(09:42):
It's not about overgiving andsacrificing your own needs for others.
It's not about losing your ownpersonal boundaries, it's about
recognizing emotions in real time,understanding what they mean,
and using your awareness and yourintuition to interact more effectively.
And hopefully you can see how alack of this can create an emotional
tornado in business, which endsup potentially destroying the very
(10:05):
thing that you're trying to build.
High emotional intelligencemeans really getting to
understand your own inner world.
Once you have that, you reallystart to revolutionize your
relationship with yourself.
And when you do that, you uplevel yourcommunication with others around you,
you reduce your stress because youunderstand what's happening internally,
and your relationships get betterboth at work and at home because
(10:28):
everything becomes much stronger andmuch more healthy from the inside out.
I guess emotional intelligence is reallylike having a powerful inner compass
that guides you through the complexlandscape of your emotions and how they
link to your beliefs and your actions.
And then how that impacts yourability to make money, to build
relationships, and ultimately bothsee success and truly feel it.
(10:52):
Contrary to what all the bro marketerswill tell you about being one funnel away
from success or whatever it is they say,true success comes with understanding
your emotions, which ultimately thengets you to a place of real freedom.
I can't even begin to tell you what it'slike when I observe when my clients get
here and they've suddenly have got it.
And they understand what'sgoing on in their inner world,
(11:13):
and they just feel so free.
That's exactly the words that they use.
I feel free.
I feel like everything's solight, and everything is free.
It's brilliant, and it's so nice to watch.
Now, let me tell you a lovelystory about understanding emotions.
You see, I have two children.
Two neurodivergent kids, as I'vementioned, and one neurotypical child.
And my youngest child, little Wren,who is nine, for those of you who used
(11:35):
to listen when she was three in thefirst ever podcast episode, I have been
working with her for a couple of yearson building her emotional intelligence
because she has a lot of big emotions.
And they kind of operate a little bitlike a pinball machine at times, just sort
of firing off in every single direction.
And she's quite feisty, which iskind of expected with me as a mum.
(11:55):
I'm quite energetic, she'spicked up some of that as well.
I'm probably quite feisty as well.
And she really struggles sometimesto make friends in school due
to neurodiversity complications.
Now, she has a very high understandingof her own inner world, because
I have spent so much time withher, taking her to a place where
she's not afraid of her feelings.
And it wasn't always that way.
(12:15):
She used to be really scared of herown emotions, and then the cognitive
process that would happen where theysort of become feelings once she's
thought about what they are, alsoused to terrify her or confuse her.
And yes, she still has lots to learn.
She's only little.
But when she was eight, in a formerschool, she was riding on a minibus
to the sports match at another school.
And while she was on the bus,She got bored, as she often does.
(12:37):
And she started fidgeting andtackling her hockey stick, this
is part of her neurodiversity.
And she was doing this in a rhythmon the bus while the bus was moving.
Well, a couple of bangs on the floorand the PE teacher completely lost it.
And she was shouted at and toldto stop, according to her story.
And, well, when she didn't do thisstraight away She got a detention.
Now, whether that was right or wrongdoesn't really matter for this story.
(12:59):
I know some of you will be thinking, what?
Wait, what went on?
And other people will be thinking,yeah, she should have got a detention.
It's not relevant, notrelevant for this story.
It's what happened next that matters.
The following week, she got on thebus and before she did anything,
the coach punished her just in case.
He was still mad from the week before,and he was holding a lot of energy
around that from the week before.
And so he excluded herfrom the match that week.
(13:20):
just because he was stillholding the punishment.
So she went along to the match,but she wasn't actually playing.
And in her little head, because youhave to do things very proximately
with children, she was strugglingto piece together why she was being
told off, why she's being excluded.
And if you've got children, youwill know that time really matters.
You have to kind of make the thing thatthey did wrong or incorrect proximate
to the punishment that you're giving.
(13:41):
Otherwise, It's pointless, theydon't know what you're talking about.
And so she couldn't understand why thisteacher was in a bad mood a week later.
She was really confused and she wasa bit upset about it because she
couldn't work out what she'd done.
Anyway, she came home and told me allabout this, and this is where EQ, or
emotional intelligence, kicks in a bit.
Because as a parent, I had to managemy emotions, because in truth, If I'm
(14:01):
being really honest, I was thinking whatkind of teacher punishes a child before
they've done anything, and why on earthis he still holding a grudge a week later?
He's an adult, for crying out loud.
What is going on there?
But I also, at the same time, had tocreate a place for her to open up and
feel safe to share what she was feeling.
And we did this, and then thefollowing week, she had another match.
And after school, I was a bit nervous.
(14:22):
And I said, how did it go?
Thinking, oh god, what if he'spunished her again, or what if she
was being difficult, or somethinglike that in the class, or she
was rude, or something like that.
And she said, yeah, he was mean again.
And then boom, in a waythat only kids really do.
Like, kids just surprise youhow quickly they take up things.
She upped her emotionalintelligence way above mine.
Because I was feeling my emotionskick off, and I was debating
(14:45):
how I would respond to this.
And I was really focused on my endof the seesaw, and I was thinking,
What is wrong with this teacher?
It's been a couple of weeks, whyis he still holding a grudge?
What is going on?
Maybe I should email.
What's he playing at?
I'm really annoyed.
Maybe I should say something.
Maybe I should expressmy frustration to Wren.
And before I said anything,she said, It's okay, Mum.
I spoke to him.
And I was like, uh oh, uhoh, what happened here?
(15:06):
And she said, I went over and I said,Sir, it's okay that you're still
angry with me and the other children.
I can see that you're hurting, and Ithink it's because you believe that
the class doesn't really listen to you.
How true is that, and how can I help you?
And I was like, okay, I have no words.
You've just done like an amazingjob of listening and understanding
your teacher and your emotions.
(15:27):
She had worked out that he wasangry, not because of her, but
because he was dealing with his ownemotions and his own frustrations
.And I don't need to tell you the rest of the story, but it
all worked out really well.
. But it was pretty much at thatpoint that I realised that Wren, who
sometimes struggles academically,who is neurodivergent, was going to
be totally fine in life, because heremotional intelligence is really high.
(15:49):
And you don't just need academicsin life, you need a lot of emotional
intelligence to succeed in business.
Almost, I would say, it's moreimportant, well it is more important than
academics, I would absolutely say that.
Not almost, I would absolutely say that.
So at best, you know, highintellectual intelligence and high
emotional intelligence, great.
But if you've got low intellectualintelligence, but you've got
high emotional intelligence,you will be just fine.
(16:10):
And yet, we don't teach this in school.
We don't teach emotionalintelligence in school.
There's no emotions class, there'sno emotional intelligence class.
Weird, right?
Really weird, because actually inbusiness, emotional intelligence is really
important in life, in relationships, inlooking after yourself, in understanding
your own world, in your own mental health.
It's all important, yetwe don't really teach it.
(16:31):
Anyway, you get where I'm going here.
You see that it's this 360 degreeawareness of both your own emotions
and other people's emotions, whetherthat other person is your client, a
prospect, a team member, or someoneyou're collaborating with who's a peer
that is so powerful.
It means if you've got this emotionalintelligence and you understand it
and you understand yourself becausethat's where you really get to do
(16:52):
the work, it means you can navigatethe entrepreneurial journey through
really fast flowing waters withoutfalling out of the boat that you're in.
You don't end up feeling a victimor a hostage to your own feelings.
And when your own emotional intelligenceis high, you really get to choose how
you respond in any given situation, asyou're able to control that knee jerk
(17:12):
emotional response, that emotionalreaction, so much more easily.
Having that little bit of time to choosehow you're going to respond, rather than
just knee jerk react, is a game changer.
So, now you know a little bit moreabout what emotional intelligence
is, how can you identify if you havehigh or low emotional intelligence?
And what I want to do for yourtakeaway for today's podcast is give
(17:34):
you three things that you can lookout for to start becoming aware of
your own emotional intelligence.
But be aware, this is not so you canself criticise if you have indications
that you might need to do some work onyour emotional intelligence or you might
not be understanding your emotions.
This isn't so you canhave a go at yourself.
Self compassion is so important.
And again, as I always mention, if youwant to know a little bit more about
(17:57):
your emotions and what's going on in yourinner world and how your emotions might
be sabotaging your business then or anypart of your life go check out my ESP
quiz over on my website at suzibelmont.
com.
That's the emotionalsurvival pattern quiz.
You'll see it there.
It's at the top of the page.
There's a, there's a page for it andhave a look at that because that will
give you some more insight for free.
Just remember that the things that I'mgoing to cover in the next little part of
(18:19):
this podcast are there to help you learnabout your own emotional intelligence,
not to help you put yourself down or notto say I'm better than everyone else.
Awareness is neutral.
So allow yourself to be neutralabout this when you self reflect.
Okay, when it comes to looking at your ownemotional intelligence, three things that
you might want to start becoming aware of.
(18:39):
Number one thing.
The first thing to become awareof or start becoming aware of is
your own levels of self awareness.
How aware are you of your own emotions?
Like properly aware.
I don't mean can you tell ifyou're angry, like most people
can tell when they're angry.
Hopefully you can at least.
What I mean is how clearly can youidentify where they are in your body
(19:01):
and what they're trying to tell you?
Can you understand the method ofcommunication, realizing that the
feelings that you might be having arefeedback, not facts, and that they might
be connected to underlying emotions?
Or, do you tend to make decisions basedon your emotional world as if those
emotions are facts ? If your answerto this is that you are definitely not
(19:21):
understanding your emotions and feelingin control of them, or that you're
not sure, then you may need to do somework on your emotional intelligence.
Entrepreneurs, female entrepreneurswho are high in emotional intelligence
really understand the link to thoughtsand behaviors, and this adds a totally
new layer of self confidence, selfacceptance, self awareness, and self
(19:41):
compassion, which really changes howyou show up in your day to day business.
Number two thing to check as to yourown emotional intelligence is empathy.
How easy do you find it to understandand share the feelings of others?
How easy do you find it to step intoyour customer's shoes, especially when
you think that they have wronged you?
(20:02):
That's a really big one.
If your customer or your competitoror your supplier has done something
that you think has wronged you, howquickly do you just go to your end
of the seesaw and dealing with that?
Maybe you get angry, maybe youget frustrated, maybe you get
sad, maybe you get depressed.
How quickly do you go there as opposedto actually being able to step into their
shoes as well and say, well, what wouldthey be doing on their end of the seesaw?
(20:25):
How much of your empathy is about you andhow much of your empathy is about them?
And how much are you mixing upempathy with sympathy sometimes?
Or do you go the other way around andfocus always on your customers and then
totally neglect your own emotional needs?
Always putting your customersemotions way above your own so you
actually feel quite unhappy in yourbusiness because you can't quite work
(20:46):
out how to get that balance right.
And perhaps you feel a little bitafraid of your own emotions and you're
not quite sure what to do with themso you just defer to putting your
customers emotions above yours andyour customers needs above yours.
Remember the seesaw of emotions.
How is yours balanced?
Is it going up and down on both endsor is it going just up at one end?
(21:07):
Now I just want to pause here and lookat the mix up of sympathy and empathy
because this one is really common.
If you find yourself really feeling fora customer but then doing something you
don't want to do and doing it becauseyou almost feel like you don't have
choice and you just kind of got to doit because they're in a bad situation
and you think you're empathizing,you may not be, you probably aren't.
(21:27):
You may actually be sympathizing andthis can lead you to do what the customer
wants even when it's completely notthe right thing for you to do for your
own wellbeing or for your business.
Now, a great example of this iswhen someone asks for a refund.
So let's say they'vepurchased your course, right?
You're selling an online course, andyour customer has completed it all, the
14 day refund has long since passed, butthen a few months later they reach out
(21:50):
to you and ask for a refund, setting outthe list of life problems that they have.
And that list of life problems might bereally big problems that they've got.
This can send your emotions, yourend of the seesaw, into real turmoil.
A high emotional intelligence willhelp you navigate this situation in
a way that you don't feel means thatyou're emotionally reacting, which
often results in just doing whatthe customer wants through fear.
(22:13):
But instead, you're really assessingthe situation and choosing your
response . Because often theemotional reaction, when you're not
in control, flips over into sympathy.
And all your decisions are made from thisenergy of sympathy, rather than using
your emotional intelligence to work out,well, what's the good thing to do here?
What's the right thing?
Where's the balance of the seesaw?
(22:33):
Now, let's say the same customer, let'simagine the same customer says they want
their money back, because all of theselife catastrophes they're having mean that
they're really struggling financially.
This is where sympathy could lead you tomake a decision to refund, whereas empathy
enables you to empathize with them butstill maintain your business boundaries.
Emotional intelligence will also tapinto your communication skills and you
(22:56):
will be able to communicate in a waythat is kind and supportive but not at
the mercy of your sympathetic responseor your emotional response to this.
Not just having sympathy, makingyou feel like you need to just do
whatever the customer says, becauseyou feel bad for them, right?
Because we're all human, wedo feel bad for customers who
have misfortune in their lives.
But it's a very separate thing towhat's going on in your business
(23:18):
and being able to manage youremotions and understand emotional
intelligence is a game changer here.
Another thing to be aware of withempathy is that it can actually be
really sky high in entrepreneurs.
So you might be thinking, Ihave a lot of empathy, right?
For some, especially empaths, and alsomany neurodivergent entrepreneurs who
(23:38):
have a lot of empathy, you can reallyfeel those emotions almost too much.
And this can negatively upset the applecart when it comes to your business
and your emotional intelligence.
The seesaw can get a little, littlebit more difficult to navigate.
And what I mean by that is even whenyou know, you want to make a decision
to go left, your emotions seem to makeyou go right because they're really
(23:58):
strong, they're really powerful.
It's like you're playing on the seesaw butyou're really going fast, you're bouncing
it up and down and you're trying tobalance and you're really good at playing
seesaw and you're going up and downand up and down and up and down at both
ends but actually you're kind of losingcontrol that way because the emotions
and the empathy is is really really high.
So getting a grip on your emotions andyour emotional survival patterns is
(24:18):
really critical for your business success.
And as I mentioned a few moments ago,if you don't know what your emotional
survival patterns are, go and find out.
Go and look on my website at suzibelmont.
com where you can take the quiz, find out,and find out a little bit more from those.
ESPs, emotional survivalpatterns, are my model that help
women entrepreneurs, businessowners, visionaries, creatives,
(24:38):
whatever it is that you mightdo, as long as you're human.
It helps you understand your emotions.
Female entrepreneurs are whoI focus on, but actually any
entrepreneur can take this quiz.
I will also add the linkto this in the show notes.
Okay thing number three to dowith your emotional intelligence.
This third thing you want to checkto start becoming aware of your own
(24:59):
levels of emotional intelligence is howready you are to both make mistakes and
to let go when you do make mistakes.
And now this is one where school, whichI talk about a lot because it impacts
a lot of people, school has a reallypowerful impact because so much of
school is about not making mistakes.
It's about coming top,being the best, not failing.
(25:20):
Often with parents as well.
For a lot of people, their parentsreally expected them to do well and
not fail, and so so much of theirchildhood was about not making mistakes.
Yet so much of entrepreneurshipis the complete opposite.
Do you find that you don't dothe thing you want to do because
you're scared of failing?
Or do you find that you don't do somethingbecause you don't want to make a mistake,
or you don't want to be criticized, or youdon't want anyone to see you get it wrong?
(25:43):
If this is happening to you, thenit's likely your emotions are in total
control of your decisions, and thetrue you, who should be making the
decisions, is a complete bystander, andnot truly leading you and your business.
Your emotions are in charge.
Think of it like this.
Imagine you are an artist, perhapsas yet undiscovered, and you have
a blank canvas in front of you.
(26:04):
Now when you were younger, theydidn't know that you were an artist,
that this was your true gift, thatthis was what was inside of you.
So you went to regular school,you didn't go to special artist
school, you went to regular school.
And there you were told in your regularschool to colour inside the lines.
To make everything perfect,to avoid any mistakes.
And you were told that only certaincolours went together, and that
(26:24):
a certain style was the one thatyou should paint in every day.
You should do colouring likethis, this is how we do colouring,
everyone does it the same.
Every stroke needed to be precise, everycolour was in the prescribed boundaries
because that is how you need to do it.
That's how everyone was taught to do it.
But inside of you, this didn't feel right.
You were painting, but it felt wrong.
(26:45):
This is the same with yourbusiness and your emotional world.
As an entrepreneur, youhave an unlimited canvas.
You may have been taught to paint oneway and inside the lines and doing
it in certain ways and colors andwithin the boundaries and within the
outline so you don't go over the edge.
But actually, as an entrepreneur, youcan paint whatever the hell you like.
Even better, you don't evenhave to choose what you want
(27:07):
to paint if you don't want to.
You can go and find customers, orpotential customers, and ask them
what they want you to paint beforethe painting, so that this guarantees
that you will sell the painting.
These rules are very different fromthe ones that you would have been
taught in school and in your childhood.
And when you get this, it's areal game changer, because most
people buying a painting wantsomething different and original.
(27:28):
They don't want a paintingwhere you paint inside the lines
perfectly with no mistakes.
They want something that's not been seenbefore, or that's a little bit different,
or that's authentic and true to you.
Whether you're inside the lines or notdoesn't matter as long as it's authentic.
And if you're too afraid to makea mistake, it's like hesitating
to put any paint on the canvas.
(27:48):
You're worried that one wrongbrushstroke will ruin the entire
picture, so you don't even start.
You keep your ideas in your mind.
You never let them flow ontothe canvas because you fear the
criticism and the imperfections.
But here's the thing,masterpieces are rarely created
without a few messy strokes.
Think of all of the ancient painters,the older painters, not ancient,
(28:11):
but the ones from centuries ago.
If you actually take the painting off thetop layer of the canvas, they've quite
often got a whole mess of other stuffunderneath where they did it wrong the
first time and they've overpainted it.
Wrong is the wrong word.
They did it differently the firsttime, and then they've over painted it.
True artistry comes from being bold,from experimenting, from making
mistakes, from learning from yourmistakes, and not letting your
(28:31):
emotions stop you from doing that.
If you find you're holding yourselfback, it's likely that your
emotions are dictating your actions.
And they're keeping you fromexpressing your true vision.
The true artist within you should bethe one holding the brush, not holding
on to the fear of making mistakes.
And allowing emotions to flowbut holding on to them so
(28:51):
they can't move is a problem.
If you have high emotional intelligence,then each stroke, whether perfect or not,
contributes to the final masterpiece.
You get to embrace the parts of you thatare imperfect, that are messy, that make
mistakes, and they're all part of you.
You get to learn from everysingle brushstroke that you
make, and you get to flow freely.
(29:14):
By doing so, you allow your true selfto lead, and your business canvas
will transform into this reallyunique work of art that is truly
valuable to you and your customers.
And this, this example thatI've just given, I'm hoping
that's making sense to you.
This is why understanding youremotions and building your emotional
intelligence is so important.
Understanding how to process thoseemotions so they don't stop you from
(29:36):
doing the painting, that incrediblepainting, and being different and
focused on showing the true you andall your messiness and going over
the lines if you want to or stayingin the lines if that's who you are.
Those two things are about buildingyour skills and those things are
essential if you want to achievetrue success, mastery and freedom.
Okay.
I could go on here, as there aremany other markers that would enable
(29:59):
you to understand and better dealwith your emotional intelligence,
as well as helping you to understandand process your emotions better.
But instead, as I've mentioned earlier,you can take my ESP quiz on the website
to have a look at where your emotionsmight be sabotaging your success.
That's over at www.suzibelmont.com or makesure you just hit follow on the podcast
because I'm going to put other stuff out.
You can also make sure you'reon my mailing list as well.
(30:21):
You can just go over to the bottomof my website in the black footer
of space where you can sign up tothe general mailing list there.
For now, though, thatis it for me this week.
I hope you enjoyed this week's showand it gave you lots to think about.
If nothing else, just keep in mind,the idea or the concept in your
head of an emotional seesaw and justthink about what yours is doing.
(30:42):
Before I press stop on the recordingthough, don't forget to subscribe to
the show, and you will automatically getnotified when new ones come out, including
any additional little ones that popup that aren't in the normal schedule.
And if you're minded to and you'reenjoying everything, then please do
leave me a five star rating and alittle written review over on iTunes.
And remember, as always, if youneed to contact me, you can reach
(31:04):
out at support@suzibelmont.com too.
Have a great week, everyone,and see you next time!
Today I'm talking about youremotions and emotional intelligence.
I'm also going to give you three thingsthat you can look out for to start
becoming aware of your own emotionalintelligence and how it might be
impacting your life and your business.
This is your time now.
Okay, let's go!
Hi, I'm Suzi Belmont, a multi sevenfigure entrepreneur with 15 years
(00:22):
experience, as well as a psychologyexpert, qualified coach, and therapist.
This podcast is your secret resourceto help you grow from the inside out.
It's like personal development forentrepreneurs and leaders, all wrapped
up in fun, positivity, and motivation.
So, pull up your chair and getready to change your life and
(00:43):
your business from the inside out.
This is the Inside OutEntrepreneur Podcast.
Hello, hello, hello and welcome backto another episode of the podcast
with me, your host Suzi Belmont.
I cannot tell you how good it feelsto be back doing these regular shows.
So much of me comes out of my podcastsand so many of my original one to one
(01:06):
clients way, way back with the first everpodcast came through that first show.
So it's really nice just being backand sharing my thoughts for the
week . And this week, I am diggingdeep into emotional intelligence or EQ,
which stands for emotional quotient.
And this week is a good one.
It's one of my favorite topics.
So grab yourself a cuppa and a chairor a water bottle or some trainers or a
(01:28):
dog, whatever it is that will make youjust focus for the next 20 minutes or so.
You get to treat yourself to ashow, to listening, and your body
gets to just relax a little bit.
Now, before I start, a little favorto ask each and every one of you.
If you are enjoying the show, please canyou pause and hit subscribe on iTunes,
Spotify, or wherever you're listening.
It makes it easier for me totrack which episodes people like,
(01:51):
and whether people are joining,whether the numbers are going up
up because that obviously affects whereI go with this show in the future.
And let's be honest, let's not pretend.
It's also really nice for me to seesubscriber numbers going up because
I'm the one that records the shows.
So don't forget to dothat if you are minded to.
Okay, back to emotional intelligence.
And first up, what exactlyis emotional intelligence?
(02:12):
Well, some, including me, argue that it issomething that is so critical to success
and mastery when it comes to businessthat a lack of it can really put you
behind or really mess up your business.
And indeed your life, whether that'syour relationships, your social life.
your family life, justgenerally your life.
Yet, it is not something that most ofyou will have been taught in school.
(02:33):
I certainly wasn't, andmy kids certainly aren't.
And sadly, most
parents don't teach it eitherto their kids because they
weren't taught it either.
I wasn't taught it by my parents.
I didn't teach it to mykids in the early years.
It's only when I realized what wasgoing on and I started to study it,
I was like, oh my god, I kind ofneed more of this in my world and
I need more of this in my business.
(02:54):
And that makes me a little bit sadbecause it's the applicability of
emotional intelligence in the contextof entrepreneurship and business
that makes such a massive difference
. So what is it?
Well, emotional intelligence, which isoften abbreviated to EI or EQ, is simply
(03:14):
the ability to understand, manage, andeffectively express your inner feelings
to others In any aspect of your life.
For example, when you'rerunning a business.
Whilst also at the same time beingable to balance and navigate the inner
feelings, the inner world, the emotionsof your customers, clients, team, and
those who you come into contact with.
(03:35):
It's a bit like an emotional seesaw.
Balancing your emotions on oneend with the rest of the world's
emotions on the other end, or therest of the world in your world,
so like your customers or whoever.
That seesaw that's in your mind right now.
Imagine if you put your emotionsfirst, all of the time, without
anyone else's emotions ever coming up.
What would happen to the seesaw?
(03:56):
You'd see that your end of the seesawwould go down, but then the other
end of the seesaw would stay up.
Equally, if you put everyone else'semotions and feelings and everything
else that's coming from them at theother end of the seesaw first, you put
everyone else first all of the time,all of their feelings and their emotions
you put before yours, and I'm talking toyou, you people pleasers out there, then
(04:16):
the other side would go down and youremotions would be suspended in the air.
And this is the key.
It's about balancing the two,so you are happy and your other
people in your life are happy too.
And this always makes methink of something my estate
agent Charlie said to me.
He said that when he sells houses,he always aims for the buyer and the
seller to both be a little bit happy,but there's always going to be something
(04:38):
that they're not quite happy about.
So it's almost they'reboth a little bit happy.
That way he gets deals over the line.
Whereas what most other agents do is theyfocus only on their client, only on the
buyer, if that's their client, or onlyon the seller, if that's their client,
typically they're acting for the seller.
So they're, they're only focusingon the seller and then the buyers
get upset because they're like,well, I'm not happy with the deal.
And then the transaction fails.
(05:00):
So he's balancing the seesaw rather thangoing too much one way or the other.
So bring this to yourbusiness in your life.
When you have high emotional intelligence,it's like you have this extra superpower
that helps you tune into your own emotionsas well as those of the people around you.
And when you can do this, you openup a world of choice that is based
on responding to situations ratherthan emotionally reacting to them.
(05:23):
Let me give you an example here.
You've all seen posts on Facebook wheresomeone comes on and has a big old rant
about a customer, another business, orsomething that just annoys them, something
that's just really annoying them.
I've done this too.
I've done this in my past learningjourney, and I won't hide that because
it was my experiential journey thattaught me so much of what I know.
Not just my qualifications in mentalhealth and well being and trauma and
(05:45):
psychology and all those things, it's myexperience that has taught me so much too.
But often when someone posts to Facebookand has a big old reactive rant about
something, or they go really toofar and they start, you know, naming
somebody and having a real go at themand really attacking them, there's often
a real lack of emotional intelligence.
For example, I've seen real businessowners come on and bitch about other
(06:07):
business owners because they couldn'thandle their own emotions around what
the other business owner was doing.
They got triggered and lashed outwithout thinking about how their
own customers might perceive this.
Their seesaw was out of whack.
They were just thinking about theirown emotions, they were not thinking
about the other business ownersemotions, and they were sure as hell
not thinking about their existingcustomers emotions, because otherwise
(06:27):
they probably wouldn't have done it.
There's this line that somebodysaid to me in 2011, and it's stuck
in my mind ever since, which was,keep your side of the street clean.
And that is how I approach social media.
If you've got a grievance withsomebody and you're managing your
emotions well, you're not goingto not do anything about it.
You'll have a conversation with them,but you don't need to do it in public.
(06:48):
You don't need to put yourdirty laundry in public.
Because actually when thathappens, no one ever really wins.
And you end up see it with some customersgoing, Ooh, that doesn't look great.
The way that she'shandling that situation.
Maybe I won't buy from that business.
And remember, it's not justyour own existing customers
that might be watching this.
It's your prospects whoare sitting and watching.
And these really count.
(07:08):
They get to see via socials the good,the bad , and the ugly of a business
owner who is driven by their emotions.
And I think you could probably allcall one or two examples into mind.
If it's not another businessowner, then it's maybe someone in
your family, something like that.
So in the same way, how a businessresponds to a customer in a public space
also reveals emotional intelligence.
(07:28):
And again, I've seen real businessescome on and rant about a customer
rather than trying to resolvethe issue with the customer.
I've actually seen therapistsdo that do this on Instagram.
Where they come on and they rantabout somebody who was having
therapy and how much they annoyedthem and things like that just in
the name of getting more likes.
And I'm like, Oh God.
The see saw is really out of whack herebecause what if your client sees this?
(07:50):
This never looks good.
And let's be honest here,you know, we're not perfect.
Everyone has probably seen someoneor knows of someone who's got into a
bit of a Facebook fight with a totalstranger over something quite trivial
because they've been triggered by it.
And it actually takes quite a lot ofemotional intelligence to navigate that
when you're on the receiving end ofsomeone else doing this to you as well.
Think of emotional intelligence assomething that you can spot, you
(08:13):
can spot in other people, but youwant to try and spot it in yourself.
And it's this blend of high selfawareness, high empathy and high
social skills that allow you to handleinterpersonal relationships with the
right energetic and emotional response.
And the reference there to the two E's,energetic and emotional, is important.
This is both an energetic and an emotionalresponse, which is why I cover energy and
(08:36):
consciousness and emotions in my programs.
Hopefully that's making it a littlebit clearer as to where emotional
intelligence starts to sit.
Now obviously there are lots ofother applications but I just
wanted to give you a simple example.
Let's look as well at empathy fora moment, because yes, you need
empathy, but often that gets mixedup in business, particularly with
women, funnily enough, with sympathy.
(08:57):
Another example is judgment.
Yes, you need strong judgmentin your business and very strong
discernment, but that often getsmixed up with this need to be right.
Just saying what you think all of the timein the name of authenticity isn't enough.
Saying what you think, beingauthentic, and the real you, Great.
And using discernment and emotionalintelligence also matters.
(09:21):
This is why understanding yourinner world, your emotions, and
your emotional intelligence matterso much because otherwise you're
missing parts of the puzzle.
So let me put a littleflesh on the bones here.
Imagine you are at a partyand you can sense when someone
feels left out or uncomfortable.
That's emotional intelligence at work.
It's not just about being nice.
(09:42):
It's not about overgiving andsacrificing your own needs for others.
It's not about losing your ownpersonal boundaries, it's about
recognizing emotions in real time,understanding what they mean,
and using your awareness and yourintuition to interact more effectively.
And hopefully you can see how alack of this can create an emotional
tornado in business, which endsup potentially destroying the very
(10:05):
thing that you're trying to build.
High emotional intelligencemeans really getting to
understand your own inner world.
Once you have that, you reallystart to revolutionize your
relationship with yourself.
And when you do that, you uplevel yourcommunication with others around you,
you reduce your stress because youunderstand what's happening internally,
and your relationships get betterboth at work and at home because
(10:28):
everything becomes much stronger andmuch more healthy from the inside out.
I guess emotional intelligence is reallylike having a powerful inner compass
that guides you through the complexlandscape of your emotions and how they
link to your beliefs and your actions.
And then how that impacts yourability to make money, to build
relationships, and ultimately bothsee success and truly feel it.
(10:52):
Contrary to what all the bro marketerswill tell you about being one funnel away
from success or whatever it is they say,true success comes with understanding
your emotions, which ultimately thengets you to a place of real freedom.
I can't even begin to tell you what it'slike when I observe when my clients get
here and they've suddenly have got it.
And they understand what'sgoing on in their inner world,
(11:13):
and they just feel so free.
That's exactly the words that they use.
I feel free.
I feel like everything's solight, and everything is free.
It's brilliant, and it's so nice to watch.
Now, let me tell you a lovelystory about understanding emotions.
You see, I have two children.
Two neurodivergent kids, as I'vementioned, and one neurotypical child.
And my youngest child, little Wren,who is nine, for those of you who used
(11:35):
to listen when she was three in thefirst ever podcast episode, I have been
working with her for a couple of yearson building her emotional intelligence
because she has a lot of big emotions.
And they kind of operate a little bitlike a pinball machine at times, just sort
of firing off in every single direction.
And she's quite feisty, which iskind of expected with me as a mum.
(11:55):
I'm quite energetic, she'spicked up some of that as well.
I'm probably quite feisty as well.
And she really struggles sometimesto make friends in school due
to neurodiversity complications.
Now, she has a very high understandingof her own inner world, because
I have spent so much time withher, taking her to a place where
she's not afraid of her feelings.
And it wasn't always that way.
(12:15):
She used to be really scared of herown emotions, and then the cognitive
process that would happen where theysort of become feelings once she's
thought about what they are, alsoused to terrify her or confuse her.
And yes, she still has lots to learn.
She's only little.
But when she was eight, in a formerschool, she was riding on a minibus
to the sports match at another school.
And while she was on the bus,She got bored, as she often does.
(12:37):
And she started fidgeting andtackling her hockey stick, this
is part of her neurodiversity.
And she was doing this in a rhythmon the bus while the bus was moving.
Well, a couple of bangs on the floorand the PE teacher completely lost it.
And she was shouted at and toldto stop, according to her story.
And, well, when she didn't do thisstraight away She got a detention.
Now, whether that was right or wrongdoesn't really matter for this story.
(12:59):
I know some of you will be thinking, what?
Wait, what went on?
And other people will be thinking,yeah, she should have got a detention.
It's not relevant, notrelevant for this story.
It's what happened next that matters.
The following week, she got on thebus and before she did anything,
the coach punished her just in case.
He was still mad from the week before,and he was holding a lot of energy
around that from the week before.
And so he excluded herfrom the match that week.
(13:20):
just because he was stillholding the punishment.
So she went along to the match,but she wasn't actually playing.
And in her little head, because youhave to do things very proximately
with children, she was strugglingto piece together why she was being
told off, why she's being excluded.
And if you've got children, youwill know that time really matters.
You have to kind of make the thing thatthey did wrong or incorrect proximate
to the punishment that you're giving.
(13:41):
Otherwise, It's pointless, theydon't know what you're talking about.
And so she couldn't understand why thisteacher was in a bad mood a week later.
She was really confused and she wasa bit upset about it because she
couldn't work out what she'd done.
Anyway, she came home and told me allabout this, and this is where EQ, or
emotional intelligence, kicks in a bit.
Because as a parent, I had to managemy emotions, because in truth, If I'm
(14:01):
being really honest, I was thinking whatkind of teacher punishes a child before
they've done anything, and why on earthis he still holding a grudge a week later?
He's an adult, for crying out loud.
What is going on there?
But I also, at the same time, had tocreate a place for her to open up and
feel safe to share what she was feeling.
And we did this, and then thefollowing week, she had another match.
And after school, I was a bit nervous.
(14:22):
And I said, how did it go?
Thinking, oh god, what if he'spunished her again, or what if she
was being difficult, or somethinglike that in the class, or she
was rude, or something like that.
And she said, yeah, he was mean again.
And then boom, in a waythat only kids really do.
Like, kids just surprise youhow quickly they take up things.
She upped her emotionalintelligence way above mine.
Because I was feeling my emotionskick off, and I was debating
(14:45):
how I would respond to this.
And I was really focused on my endof the seesaw, and I was thinking,
What is wrong with this teacher?
It's been a couple of weeks, whyis he still holding a grudge?
What is going on?
Maybe I should email.
What's he playing at?
I'm really annoyed.
Maybe I should say something.
Maybe I should expressmy frustration to Wren.
And before I said anything,she said, It's okay, Mum.
I spoke to him.
And I was like, uh oh, uhoh, what happened here?
(15:06):
And she said, I went over and I said,Sir, it's okay that you're still
angry with me and the other children.
I can see that you're hurting, and Ithink it's because you believe that
the class doesn't really listen to you.
How true is that, and how can I help you?
And I was like, okay, I have no words.
You've just done like an amazingjob of listening and understanding
your teacher and your emotions.
(15:27):
She had worked out that he wasangry, not because of her, but
because he was dealing with his ownemotions and his own frustrations
.And I don't need to tell you the rest of the story, but it
all worked out really well.
. But it was pretty much at thatpoint that I realised that Wren, who
sometimes struggles academically,who is neurodivergent, was going to
be totally fine in life, because heremotional intelligence is really high.
(15:49):
And you don't just need academicsin life, you need a lot of emotional
intelligence to succeed in business.
Almost, I would say, it's moreimportant, well it is more important than
academics, I would absolutely say that.
Not almost, I would absolutely say that.
So at best, you know, highintellectual intelligence and high
emotional intelligence, great.
But if you've got low intellectualintelligence, but you've got
high emotional intelligence,you will be just fine.
(16:10):
And yet, we don't teach this in school.
We don't teach emotionalintelligence in school.
There's no emotions class, there'sno emotional intelligence class.
Weird, right?
Really weird, because actually inbusiness, emotional intelligence is really
important in life, in relationships, inlooking after yourself, in understanding
your own world, in your own mental health.
It's all important, yetwe don't really teach it.
(16:31):
Anyway, you get where I'm going here.
You see that it's this 360 degreeawareness of both your own emotions
and other people's emotions, whetherthat other person is your client, a
prospect, a team member, or someoneyou're collaborating with who's a peer
that is so powerful.
It means if you've got this emotionalintelligence and you understand it
and you understand yourself becausethat's where you really get to do
(16:52):
the work, it means you can navigatethe entrepreneurial journey through
really fast flowing waters withoutfalling out of the boat that you're in.
You don't end up feeling a victimor a hostage to your own feelings.
And when your own emotional intelligenceis high, you really get to choose how
you respond in any given situation, asyou're able to control that knee jerk
(17:12):
emotional response, that emotionalreaction, so much more easily.
Having that little bit of time to choosehow you're going to respond, rather than
just knee jerk react, is a game changer.
So, now you know a little bit moreabout what emotional intelligence
is, how can you identify if you havehigh or low emotional intelligence?
And what I want to do for yourtakeaway for today's podcast is give
(17:34):
you three things that you can lookout for to start becoming aware of
your own emotional intelligence.
But be aware, this is not so you canself criticise if you have indications
that you might need to do some work onyour emotional intelligence or you might
not be understanding your emotions.
This isn't so you canhave a go at yourself.
Self compassion is so important.
And again, as I always mention, if youwant to know a little bit more about
(17:57):
your emotions and what's going on in yourinner world and how your emotions might
be sabotaging your business then or anypart of your life go check out my ESP
quiz over on my website at suzibelmont.
com.
That's the emotionalsurvival pattern quiz.
You'll see it there.
It's at the top of the page.
There's a, there's a page for it andhave a look at that because that will
give you some more insight for free.
Just remember that the things that I'mgoing to cover in the next little part of
(18:19):
this podcast are there to help you learnabout your own emotional intelligence,
not to help you put yourself down or notto say I'm better than everyone else.
Awareness is neutral.
So allow yourself to be neutralabout this when you self reflect.
Okay, when it comes to looking at your ownemotional intelligence, three things that
you might want to start becoming aware of.
(18:39):
Number one thing.
The first thing to become awareof or start becoming aware of is
your own levels of self awareness.
How aware are you of your own emotions?
Like properly aware.
I don't mean can you tell ifyou're angry, like most people
can tell when they're angry.
Hopefully you can at least.
What I mean is how clearly can youidentify where they are in your body
(19:01):
and what they're trying to tell you?
Can you understand the method ofcommunication, realizing that the
feelings that you might be having arefeedback, not facts, and that they might
be connected to underlying emotions?
Or, do you tend to make decisions basedon your emotional world as if those
emotions are facts ? If your answerto this is that you are definitely not
(19:21):
understanding your emotions and feelingin control of them, or that you're
not sure, then you may need to do somework on your emotional intelligence.
Entrepreneurs, female entrepreneurswho are high in emotional intelligence
really understand the link to thoughtsand behaviors, and this adds a totally
new layer of self confidence, selfacceptance, self awareness, and self
(19:41):
compassion, which really changes howyou show up in your day to day business.
Number two thing to check as to yourown emotional intelligence is empathy.
How easy do you find it to understandand share the feelings of others?
How easy do you find it to step intoyour customer's shoes, especially when
you think that they have wronged you?
(20:02):
That's a really big one.
If your customer or your competitoror your supplier has done something
that you think has wronged you, howquickly do you just go to your end
of the seesaw and dealing with that?
Maybe you get angry, maybe youget frustrated, maybe you get
sad, maybe you get depressed.
How quickly do you go there as opposedto actually being able to step into their
shoes as well and say, well, what wouldthey be doing on their end of the seesaw?
(20:25):
How much of your empathy is about you andhow much of your empathy is about them?
And how much are you mixing upempathy with sympathy sometimes?
Or do you go the other way around andfocus always on your customers and then
totally neglect your own emotional needs?
Always putting your customersemotions way above your own so you
actually feel quite unhappy in yourbusiness because you can't quite work
(20:46):
out how to get that balance right.
And perhaps you feel a little bitafraid of your own emotions and you're
not quite sure what to do with themso you just defer to putting your
customers emotions above yours andyour customers needs above yours.
Remember the seesaw of emotions.
How is yours balanced?
Is it going up and down on both endsor is it going just up at one end?
(21:07):
Now I just want to pause here and lookat the mix up of sympathy and empathy
because this one is really common.
If you find yourself really feeling fora customer but then doing something you
don't want to do and doing it becauseyou almost feel like you don't have
choice and you just kind of got to doit because they're in a bad situation
and you think you're empathizing,you may not be, you probably aren't.
(21:27):
You may actually be sympathizing andthis can lead you to do what the customer
wants even when it's completely notthe right thing for you to do for your
own wellbeing or for your business.
Now, a great example of this iswhen someone asks for a refund.
So let's say they'vepurchased your course, right?
You're selling an online course, andyour customer has completed it all, the
14 day refund has long since passed, butthen a few months later they reach out
(21:50):
to you and ask for a refund, setting outthe list of life problems that they have.
And that list of life problems might bereally big problems that they've got.
This can send your emotions, yourend of the seesaw, into real turmoil.
A high emotional intelligence willhelp you navigate this situation in
a way that you don't feel means thatyou're emotionally reacting, which
often results in just doing whatthe customer wants through fear.
(22:13):
But instead, you're really assessingthe situation and choosing your
response . Because often theemotional reaction, when you're not
in control, flips over into sympathy.
And all your decisions are made from thisenergy of sympathy, rather than using
your emotional intelligence to work out,well, what's the good thing to do here?
What's the right thing?
Where's the balance of the seesaw?
(22:33):
Now, let's say the same customer, let'simagine the same customer says they want
their money back, because all of theselife catastrophes they're having mean that
they're really struggling financially.
This is where sympathy could lead you tomake a decision to refund, whereas empathy
enables you to empathize with them butstill maintain your business boundaries.
Emotional intelligence will also tapinto your communication skills and you
(22:56):
will be able to communicate in a waythat is kind and supportive but not at
the mercy of your sympathetic responseor your emotional response to this.
Not just having sympathy, makingyou feel like you need to just do
whatever the customer says, becauseyou feel bad for them, right?
Because we're all human, wedo feel bad for customers who
have misfortune in their lives.
But it's a very separate thing towhat's going on in your business
(23:18):
and being able to manage youremotions and understand emotional
intelligence is a game changer here.
Another thing to be aware of withempathy is that it can actually be
really sky high in entrepreneurs.
So you might be thinking, Ihave a lot of empathy, right?
For some, especially empaths, and alsomany neurodivergent entrepreneurs who
(23:38):
have a lot of empathy, you can reallyfeel those emotions almost too much.
And this can negatively upset the applecart when it comes to your business
and your emotional intelligence.
The seesaw can get a little, littlebit more difficult to navigate.
And what I mean by that is even whenyou know, you want to make a decision
to go left, your emotions seem to makeyou go right because they're really
(23:58):
strong, they're really powerful.
It's like you're playing on the seesaw butyou're really going fast, you're bouncing
it up and down and you're trying tobalance and you're really good at playing
seesaw and you're going up and downand up and down and up and down at both
ends but actually you're kind of losingcontrol that way because the emotions
and the empathy is is really really high.
So getting a grip on your emotions andyour emotional survival patterns is
(24:18):
really critical for your business success.
And as I mentioned a few moments ago,if you don't know what your emotional
survival patterns are, go and find out.
Go and look on my website at suzibelmont.
com where you can take the quiz, find out,and find out a little bit more from those.
ESPs, emotional survivalpatterns, are my model that help
women entrepreneurs, businessowners, visionaries, creatives,
(24:38):
whatever it is that you mightdo, as long as you're human.
It helps you understand your emotions.
Female entrepreneurs are whoI focus on, but actually any
entrepreneur can take this quiz.
I will also add the linkto this in the show notes.
Okay thing number three to dowith your emotional intelligence.
This third thing you want to checkto start becoming aware of your own
(24:59):
levels of emotional intelligence is howready you are to both make mistakes and
to let go when you do make mistakes.
And now this is one where school, whichI talk about a lot because it impacts
a lot of people, school has a reallypowerful impact because so much of
school is about not making mistakes.
It's about coming top,being the best, not failing.
(25:20):
Often with parents as well.
For a lot of people, their parentsreally expected them to do well and
not fail, and so so much of theirchildhood was about not making mistakes.
Yet so much of entrepreneurshipis the complete opposite.
Do you find that you don't dothe thing you want to do because
you're scared of failing?
Or do you find that you don't do somethingbecause you don't want to make a mistake,
or you don't want to be criticized, or youdon't want anyone to see you get it wrong?
(25:43):
If this is happening to you, thenit's likely your emotions are in total
control of your decisions, and thetrue you, who should be making the
decisions, is a complete bystander, andnot truly leading you and your business.
Your emotions are in charge.
Think of it like this.
Imagine you are an artist, perhapsas yet undiscovered, and you have
a blank canvas in front of you.
(26:04):
Now when you were younger, theydidn't know that you were an artist,
that this was your true gift, thatthis was what was inside of you.
So you went to regular school,you didn't go to special artist
school, you went to regular school.
And there you were told in your regularschool to colour inside the lines.
To make everything perfect,to avoid any mistakes.
And you were told that only certaincolours went together, and that
(26:24):
a certain style was the one thatyou should paint in every day.
You should do colouring likethis, this is how we do colouring,
everyone does it the same.
Every stroke needed to be precise, everycolour was in the prescribed boundaries
because that is how you need to do it.
That's how everyone was taught to do it.
But inside of you, this didn't feel right.
You were painting, but it felt wrong.
(26:45):
This is the same with yourbusiness and your emotional world.
As an entrepreneur, youhave an unlimited canvas.
You may have been taught to paint oneway and inside the lines and doing
it in certain ways and colors andwithin the boundaries and within the
outline so you don't go over the edge.
But actually, as an entrepreneur, youcan paint whatever the hell you like.
Even better, you don't evenhave to choose what you want
(27:07):
to paint if you don't want to.
You can go and find customers, orpotential customers, and ask them
what they want you to paint beforethe painting, so that this guarantees
that you will sell the painting.
These rules are very different fromthe ones that you would have been
taught in school and in your childhood.
And when you get this, it's areal game changer, because most
people buying a painting wantsomething different and original.
(27:28):
They don't want a paintingwhere you paint inside the lines
perfectly with no mistakes.
They want something that's not been seenbefore, or that's a little bit different,
or that's authentic and true to you.
Whether you're inside the lines or notdoesn't matter as long as it's authentic.
And if you're too afraid to makea mistake, it's like hesitating
to put any paint on the canvas.
(27:48):
You're worried that one wrongbrushstroke will ruin the entire
picture, so you don't even start.
You keep your ideas in your mind.
You never let them flow ontothe canvas because you fear the
criticism and the imperfections.
But here's the thing,masterpieces are rarely created
without a few messy strokes.
Think of all of the ancient painters,the older painters, not ancient,
(28:11):
but the ones from centuries ago.
If you actually take the painting off thetop layer of the canvas, they've quite
often got a whole mess of other stuffunderneath where they did it wrong the
first time and they've overpainted it.
Wrong is the wrong word.
They did it differently the firsttime, and then they've over painted it.
True artistry comes from being bold,from experimenting, from making
mistakes, from learning from yourmistakes, and not letting your
(28:31):
emotions stop you from doing that.
If you find you're holding yourselfback, it's likely that your
emotions are dictating your actions.
And they're keeping you fromexpressing your true vision.
The true artist within you should bethe one holding the brush, not holding
on to the fear of making mistakes.
And allowing emotions to flowbut holding on to them so
(28:51):
they can't move is a problem.
If you have high emotional intelligence,then each stroke, whether perfect or not,
contributes to the final masterpiece.
You get to embrace the parts of you thatare imperfect, that are messy, that make
mistakes, and they're all part of you.
You get to learn from everysingle brushstroke that you
make, and you get to flow freely.
(29:14):
By doing so, you allow your true selfto lead, and your business canvas
will transform into this reallyunique work of art that is truly
valuable to you and your customers.
And this, this example thatI've just given, I'm hoping
that's making sense to you.
This is why understanding youremotions and building your emotional
intelligence is so important.
Understanding how to process thoseemotions so they don't stop you from
(29:36):
doing the painting, that incrediblepainting, and being different and
focused on showing the true you andall your messiness and going over
the lines if you want to or stayingin the lines if that's who you are.
Those two things are about buildingyour skills and those things are
essential if you want to achievetrue success, mastery and freedom.
Okay.
I could go on here, as there aremany other markers that would enable
(29:59):
you to understand and better dealwith your emotional intelligence,
as well as helping you to understandand process your emotions better.
But instead, as I've mentioned earlier,you can take my ESP quiz on the website
to have a look at where your emotionsmight be sabotaging your success.
That's over at www.suzibelmont.com or makesure you just hit follow on the podcast
because I'm going to put other stuff out.
You can also make sure you'reon my mailing list as well.
(30:21):
You can just go over to the bottomof my website in the black footer
of space where you can sign up tothe general mailing list there.
For now, though, thatis it for me this week.
I hope you enjoyed this week's showand it gave you lots to think about.
If nothing else, just keep in mind,the idea or the concept in your
head of an emotional seesaw and justthink about what yours is doing.
(30:42):
Before I press stop on the recordingthough, don't forget to subscribe to
the show, and you will automatically getnotified when new ones come out, including
any additional little ones that popup that aren't in the normal schedule.
And if you're minded to and you'reenjoying everything, then please do
leave me a five star rating and alittle written review over on iTunes.
And remember, as always, if youneed to contact me, you can reach
(31:04):
out at support@suzibelmont.com too.
Have a great week, everyone,and see you next time!
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