December 10, 2024 • 33 mins
In this week’s episode, Suzi is talking about your attachment style and how it is impacting your business and your income.
Suzi explains the 4 attachment style, then specifically looks at how your personal style impacts how you show up in business and your attitude to money or your money blocks.
At the end of the show, Suzi gives you some easy take aways for things you can implement now for the more tricky attachment styles.
Enjoy the episode!
Links mentioned in the show:
- The free attachment download is HERE
- The blog post to the episode is HERE
- Leaving a review on Apple is HERE
Who is Suzi Belmont?
Suzi Belmont is a multi 7 figure entrepreneur (15 years), therapist, coach, mental health and psychology expert known for ‘creating seismic shifts in women and entrepreneurs’, causing ‘quantum leaps in their abilities’ and ‘completely transforming confidence’ in her clients. Her work has been described by clients as ‘mind-blowing’, ‘like having a fairy godmother around’, ‘the most extraordinary coach’, ‘pure gold’ and ‘absolutely life changing’.
She blends her 15 years entrepreneurial experience with psychology, emotional intelligence, leadership, energetics, consciousness, early childhood development, trauma, mindset, neuroscience and a touch of ancient wisdom (she can read Ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs fluently) to help you understand how you inner world REALLY operates so that you can harness it to create massive success as an entrepreneur.
Free Resources
Take the Emotional Survival Patterns® Quiz
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Receive the Inside Out® Wisdom Series
Ways to connect with Suzi
Suzi's Facebook Page: Suzi's largest following is on Facebook.
Suzi's Personal Facebook: You can also follow Suzi here.
Suzi's Instagram: Suzi's super personal cosy corner is on Instagram where she keeps it intimate.
Suzi's YouTube: If you want videos to help you with your inner journey, see Suzi's youtube channel.
Suzi's Linked In: If you like the Linked In way, this is your place.
Suzi's X / Twitter: You can find Suzi here as well.
Contact Suzi and her team on the Website.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
You're listening to the InsideOut Entrepreneur Podcast. In this
week's episode, I am talkingabout your attachment style and how
it is impacting your businessand your income. Alright, buckle
up, enjoy the ride. This isyour time now. Okay, let's go. Hi,
I'm Suzi Belmont, a multipleseven figure entrepreneur with 15
(00:23):
years experience building andselling businesses, as well as being
a psychology expert, qualifiedcoach and therapist. Think of this
show as personal developmentfor women like you who want to master
your inner world in order tolead yourself to greater external
success, whether that's inrelationships, emotionally, in business
(00:43):
or financially. So pull upyour chair and get ready to change
your life and your businessfrom the inside out. This is the
Inside Out EntrepreneurPodcast. Hello. Hello and welcome
back to another episode of theInside Out Entrepreneur Podcast with
me, your host, Susie Belmont.And today we are doing a little bit
(01:04):
of a dive into the psychologybehind how you might be showing up
in your business and how thatmight be impacting your income and
your money. Now, there is alot I could say about showing up
or not showing up in life orbusiness. I have certainly experienced
the times of showing up everysingle day for years on end and times
of completely disappearing andthen the in between times. I've also
(01:27):
experienced times when I'mexperimenting with different ways
of showing up and differentways of doing things. And I've kind
of done a360 on all of it. Andwhat I've really, really learned
is that it's how you show upthat really changes everything. And
I'm not necessarily talkingabout how frequently you show up,
how many times you show up,but actually who you're being when
you show up. And again, Idon't mean the content that you produce,
(01:49):
what you're actually teaching,the how and so on. I mean what energetic
frequency you are showing upwith. Because this affects people,
disconnects or repels them.And so you have to decide what your
intention is and how.Intentional. Bull. That's not a word.
But intentional. You're goingto be about this. Whilst thinking
about that today, Ispecifically want to dive into something
(02:12):
that will have an impact onhow you show up, how you do business,
how you do life. And I'm goingto talk about your attachment style
because this plays such a hugerole in your life, your relationships,
your business, your money andso on. And in particular, in times
of stress, the effect of yourattachment style or styles could
be more apparent. And asentrepreneurship tends to bring about
(02:32):
a fair amount of stress attimes, I thought this would be a
really Good topic to talkabout this week. Now, I want to be
really clear here right at theget go that just because you have
a certain attachment styledoes not mean it's fixed for life.
It's not like a part of youthat you can never change. You can
change your attachment style.So don't panic if you recognize yourself
in some of the things I'mtalking about today. And you're like,
(02:54):
eek, that's not kind of how Iwant it to be. And I didn't realize.
And you are in a place whereyou're like, okay, I need to work
on this. You can work on thisand you can change things, as I always
say. And the reason behind whyI put so much free content out in
my podcast, awareness is thevery first step. So enjoy the show
today. Knowing that knowledgeand awareness is a good thing because
(03:15):
it empowers you to then takesteps forward by choice. If you recognize
attachment patterns today, youknow that you can make a mental note
of them and take them intoconsideration in what you do going
forward in your life andbusiness. And when I say take them
into consideration, I don'tmean give yourself grief, feel sorry
for yourself, go into aplummeting, descending of, oh my
God, this is terrible. I can'tdo anything about this. That's not
(03:37):
what I mean. I meancompassionately understanding who
you are and getting to knowwhat some of your obstacles might
be. Because as I also alwayssay, you are not broken in any way.
You are not broken. There isnothing about you that needs fixing.
I really hate the word fixing.You just need to learn to undo some
of the social, environmental,relationship, and educational conditioning
(04:01):
that might have changed oraltered who you are at your core.
And if that's changed duringyour life, it's about getting back
to the true you, the true youat the core, the wonderful and full
woman that you are and who youwere born to be. Okay, that said,
let's get on and start withwhat are attachment styles? Because
some of you won't know whatI'm talking about. And attachment
(04:21):
styles are frameworks that areheavily researched and rooted in
psychology. And they describeand explain how you form emotional
bonds and interact with otherpeople. Everyone has an attachment
style that is their dominantone. And unless you've done work
on this, your attachment stylewill have been created probably right
at the very beginning of yourlife based on how you interacted
(04:42):
and bonded with your primarycaregiver at the time. So if you
just for a moment imagineyourself as a young baby or a young
infant, you needed to survivein the world, and you were 100% dependent
on your primary caregiver foryour survival, whoever that was.
So your priority was makingsure that that relationship worked.
This means that depending onhow your primary caregiver acted
(05:04):
around you, you will haveadapted your behavior in order to
stay attached to them. If youdidn't adapt your behavior, you would
not have remained attached tothem, and that ultimately would have
meant you would have died. Soas a young baby, this would have
been all about your ownsurvival, despite you not knowing
that as a young baby or ayoung infant, for some of you listening,
(05:25):
you might not have had tochange very much about your true,
authentic self in order toremain attached to that person. Or
you might not think that youhad to change very much. That's not
always true. Our memories arenot always accurate representations
of what actually happened. Butthat's another topic for others of
you. You may have had tocompromise your authenticity, to
compromise your true self inorder to maintain that attachment
(05:46):
bond to a primary caregiver.So let me give an example here. Let's
say your primary caregivershouted a lot when you were a young
baby or an infant. Despiteyour young age, you would have learned
that if you, for example,cried a lot, perhaps there was going
to be more shouting. Orperhaps if you cried a lot, there
was a complete withdrawal fromanyone coming to care for you. Whatever
(06:07):
happened would have impactedyour ability to form a relationship
or a bond with your caregiver.And this is where there can be a
rupture of attachment. Perhapsyou adapted to become more anxious.
Perhaps you adapted by pushingpeople away and shutting down and
not crying and thinking, Idon't need anyone. Whatever you did
was there to ensure that yourprimary caregiver stayed present.
(06:29):
You adapted your behavior tomake sure that they always came back
to you. And you do whatever ittakes to make sure that they always
came back to you. You see howthis kind of adaptation works. So
in your early months and yourearly years, you would have set in
place a style or a behavioralpattern that became a kind of blueprint
for how your later adultrelationships in business and in
(06:49):
life functioned. And usuallythose early patterns remain stable
over time right intoadulthood. Although, as I've already
mentioned, that doesn't meanyou can't change them. It just means
that self awareness is reallyvital. So you can spot the issues
and you can then start to workon resolving them. And just to be
really clear here, thisattachment theory, as it's called,
is very heavily supported inthe psychology and academic world.
(07:13):
So it's not like things likeMyers Briggs, which are actually
quite criticized in the, inthe psychology scientific world.
This attachment theory is notreally disputed. It has its roots
in the work of a psychologistcalled John Bowby, who developed
the primary original theoriesof attachment around the 1970s. And
then it has been expanded onand developed by others since then.
(07:33):
And it holds out really,really well as a scientific theory.
I tell you that because thisis pretty solid science. For those
of you who are wondering aboutthe origins and whether this is just
another kind of thing that'sout there, this is. This is a really
solid one. Now you know whatattachment theory is. I want to explain
the attachment styles andthere are four main types and these
are known as number one,secure attachment, number two, anxious
(07:56):
attachment, number three,avoidant attachment, and number four,
disorganized attachment,although that's kind of better known
these days as fearfulattachment. So I'm going to go over
each one, but if you want wanta really quick visual on these, I've
put a lot of this informationfrom this podcast, in summary, into
a Download over atsusiebelmont.com forward/podcast9
(08:17):
so that those of you whoreally like to have a visual representation
of this can print that out andyou've got it there and you can really
see clearly what is going onin the four different styles. And
that's just a summary. It'snot a big long document, just a summary
for those of you who want it.So before I go through each one,
I want to just take a momentto read out the review of the week,
which this week comes fromJulie Bose, that's the username from
(08:39):
Switzerland, who wrote areview on Apple Podcasts and she
says definitely me time. Suzy,you have an incredible talent for
expressing ideas, theories andsuggestions in such an engaging and
captivating way. I enjoy everysecond of the podcast. It's truly
my me time and leaves mefeeling inspired every time. Thank
you, Julie for your review. AsI always say, it means so much to
(09:03):
me when people just take amoment. It's only a couple of minutes
to leave one. So if you havebeen enjoying the podcast, please
do leave a review over onApple Podcasts or a comment over
on Spotify. I personally seethem all and I respond to them. Or
you might get picked to be theperson who is made a little bit more
famous as I read out yourreview as the review of the week.
Okay, back to the episode andgoing through the four types of attachment.
(09:26):
So we're going to start withsecure attachment, which is the first
type. And this is when a childwas able to form a really secure
bond to their primarycaregiver. Hence the name secure
attachment. And this thenmanifests later in life by you. If
this is you having an abilityto connect really well with other
people and have really securerelationships with others, it also
(09:47):
means that you tend to bequite happy to trust other people.
And you will usually have abelief that you are worthy of being
loved by others. You won'treally call that into question. So
you will typically feel safe,secure, valued, understood and heard
by other people that arearound you and that are in relationships
with you in your life. And youwon't have too many issues around
(10:07):
that. Having said that, thereis a caveat here. If you are someone
with secure attachment, butyour partner does not have secure
attachment or vice versa, thatwill inhibit your normal way of doing
things. So if you are bothsecurely attached, then obviously
everything I've just said willapply to build a very strong foundation
in your relationship. But ifone of you isn't, then that will
(10:29):
change things a little bit.And I'm gonna be honest and say at
the outset, to me, secureattachment is a kind of weird thing
to think about because I justdon't know many people, although
I do know some who are veryclearly securely attached individuals.
I was definitely not one. Soto me I'm like, wow, what is that
like? Like that's how I kindof imagined it when I first learned
(10:49):
about this. I'm not one, but Imention this because it's also, as
I often say, about selfcompassion here, about understanding
yourself, but then not kind offalling into this place of, oh, no,
I didn't get that. That meansI can't succeed. I was not in any
way a securely attachedindividual. I'm still not. And yet
I still made millions in mybusiness. So please remember that
this information is about yourways of doing things, not a diagnostic
(11:14):
about your future and how wellyou're going to succeed or not succeed.
This is about learning moreabout who you are and what went into
making who you are. Once youhave an idea of your pattern, your
secure attachment pattern, youcan then take steps to adjust it,
which is where the real goldlies. That knowledge gives you power
because you have total controlonce you know who you are and how
(11:36):
you came into being who youare. And I know for me, I didn't
discover much of thispsychological knowledge until much
later in my business journey.And so I'm sharing this with you
so you can discover and tapinto this during your Life and during
your business journey,whatever age you are, it doesn't
matter. As you're not aimingto live backwards, you're not aiming
to travel backwards in timeand do things and redo them in the
(11:57):
past. You're aiming to takeknowledge and then travel forwards
with that knowledge, with thatself influence and with that ability
to lead yourself becauseyou've got this new knowledge. Okay,
I'm going to get off mypedestal a little bit there because
I just really wanted toemphasize that because I know some
of you might be listening andthinking, oh no, I wasn't securely
attached. That's not me atall. And as I've just said, that's
not the main focus here. It'sabout knowledge and learning. Okay,
(12:19):
we're going to go on to thenext one, which is anxious attachment.
And this second type ofattachment style is characterized
by a concern that other peoplewill not reciprocate your desire
for connection or intimacy. Soyou become quite anxious. Anxious
attachment arises usually whena baby learns that their primary
caregiver is unreliable. Soperhaps as a young child or a baby,
(12:40):
you didn't consistently getthe responses that you needed when
you cried or whatever it was.And then as an adult, if you have
an anxious attachment pattern,you might have a fear of rejection
or a fear of abandonment byothers. So that manifests by you
constantly seeking validationfrom someone else about everything
that you do. You might worryexcessively over whether you've upset
(13:02):
someone. And as I come to in amoment, this can impact how you sharpen
your business or also in yourbeliefs around money. Okay, avoidant
attachment. This is a thirdtype, and this is characterized by
a child who has learned toavoid interacting with their caregiver.
So a child in that situationwill show little or no distress.
If the primary caregiver isnot there, they've kind of become
(13:24):
hyper independent. Andtypically this arises when the primary
caregiver, for example, let'ssay it's the mum, has ignored attempts
by the child to be intimate orto connect with the primary caregiver
in some way. So the childforms a belief that she or he can't
depend on anyone else. It is abit of a I can do it alone belief
system or I don't need anyoneelse belief system because it was
(13:47):
too difficult when that child,that young person, wanted to have
someone else and they kind ofgot no response, no connection. So
as an adult, you mightrecognize this if you push others
away, if you keep them at adistance or you avoid relationships
getting too close, you mightnot Trust others and avoid any kind
of emotional based commitment.So this would be typically somebody
(14:07):
who, you know in your, let'ssay in your 20s, you would end relationships
before someone could end themwith you, for example, because you
didn't want anything to gettoo close because of the underlying
root fears that you're holdingin your body around rejection and
the strong emotions that comewith that. Okay, the next and final
type is disorganized orfearful attachment. And this final
style came up a little laterthan the original three because some
(14:31):
infants just didn't fit thepatterns for those original three
that we've gone through, thesecure, the anxious and the avoidant
types. So this fourth patternwas created around the 1980s, that
sort of time, and ischaracterized by a fear of close
relationships. The person withthis attachment style will have some
confusion and conflict aboutrelationships and how they should
behave. So they will use a bitof a mix of anxious and avoidant
(14:55):
patterns to try and soothetheir fears. In other words, a person
with fearful attachment can besuper anxious one minute and then
pushing someone else away thenext minute. Hence is sometimes also
referred to as, asdisorganized attachment. Okay, so
hopefully now you've got alittle bit of a summary of the four
styles so we can get onto howthis is relevant to your business
and your entrepreneurialjourney. What does all of this mean?
(15:17):
Well, it starts withrelationships. Businesses need relationships.
Your business needsrelationships. Whether that is with
your customers, your team,your clients, your contractors, your
employees, or just the generalpublic. There is almost no way you
can do business and make moneywithout interacting with people in
some way. And of course, thiswill impact how you make money and
your thoughts and beliefsaround money too. So I'm going to
(15:40):
explain that by going backthrough each of the four types and
explaining how this looks inreality. So let's take secure attachment
first. If you are a securelyattached person, you will likely
feel confident in yourself andin your relationships. In business,
you will likely easily trustothers and not self doubt that trust.
And you don't find itparticularly difficult to balance
(16:01):
your own sense of independencewith having close connections with
others. You're probably alsoquite likely to be happy both giving
support to others andreceiving support as well. Now, the
concept of being comfortablewith receiving support might make
your ears pop up a little bitif you're an entrepreneur or a female
leader you see as astereotypical group. Entrepreneurs
in particular are not alwaysthe greatest at receiving support.
(16:25):
This is of course not all downto attachment styles, but a lot of
entrepreneurs have a bit of abelief that they can do it all themselves
and they don't need otherpeople, or that it's too much hassle
to deal with other people andyou've got to think about where that
might be rooted. And whilstnot all attachment related, sometimes
it can be. Sometimessurrendering into this and trusting
a team to do things can bereally hard. And often the first
(16:48):
response is reactionary. Ifsomething goes wrong, it's to blame
the team if it's not working,and then to start micromanaging or
not delegating or not trustingthem, which is something that they
will feel even if they don'tvocalize it. In truth, it's usually
more about understanding youfirst, as your team will be responding
to you in so many ways,whether to your beliefs, whether
(17:08):
to your actions, or justwhether to your energetic frequency.
And being able to address whyyou might be struggling with your
thoughts around your teamenables you to better understand
yourself so you can moveforward. Anyhow, that was a little
bit of a detour as I wanted tomention that. So back to securely
attached individuals. Securelyattached entrepreneurs are more likely
to find an ability to thrivein business by building strong, trusting
(17:30):
relationships with clients,partners, and for example, your team.
You're also a little bit morelikely to take risks without being
paralyzed by a fear offailure. And you will probably not
have too many issues due toyour high levels of self trust with
staying consistent andresilient and so on. And of course
this is going to positivelyimpact your income and the growth
of your business. On top ofthat, when you have a setback, which
(17:52):
we all do in business, ifyou're securely attached, you're
typically more able to handlethat and maintain a healthy work
life balance. It all kind ofsounds marvelous, doesn't it? In
a way that feels a little bitunrelatable. And I want to emphasize
that I don't know manyentrepreneurs like this. There are
those that I suspect that arelike this, and I'm sure you can think
of some too. But it would bewrong of me not to tell you what
(18:13):
that attachment style is like,because for some people it does exist.
And remember that if youdidn't have an idyllic childhood
in any way, or if yourecognize some of the other styles,
you can always work towards amore securely attached way of being.
So you are flexible, you'vegot a neuroplastic brain. You can
change things in your brainand in your body. So I want to kind
of make sure that I completethis description on secure attachment
(18:34):
so you kind of know what itcan be like. On that note, I want
to just touch upon moneybeliefs and securely attached individuals
will trust themselves tomanage their money and attract abundance
so that they're less likely tohave money blocks and they will more
easily set boundaries, chargeappropriately, and probably invest
more in whether that's inthings or in themselves. They are
(18:55):
also more likely to findcollaboration easy and absent any
other issues, will havehealthy emotional regulation to help
them navigate through the upsand downs of entrepreneurship. All
right, I'm going to stop thereon secure attachment, because if
you're a securely attachedentrepreneur, you're probably not
listening to this episodeanyway. If you are not this person,
then you just need to knowthat it can be like that. So know
(19:17):
and take away from what I'vejust said that whatever your attachment
style is, it's changeable andit's something that you can absolutely
address to get back to theoriginal true you as you were born
to be. And I want you to hearwhat I'm saying here and realize
that if things haven't gonebrilliantly in your life or your
business, it's not fate. It'snot not your destiny for it not to
work. It's not that you werenot cut out to be successful, it's
(19:38):
that you didn't have all theinformation that you needed about
yourself to put all the piecestogether. And this is what you're
doing right now. By listeningto this episode, you're gathering
up more pieces of the puzzle.So let's get stuck in with the slightly
more problematic attachmentstyles and see what they look like
for you, your business, yourmoney, and in entrepreneurship, anxious
attachments. So for theanxious ones out there, this is probably
(20:01):
actually making you a littlebit anxious. Listening if you have
anxious attachment, you willprobably feel quite a lot. So to
recap, with anxiousattachment, your blueprint means
that at your very core youfear abandonment. And so you might
show up in business constantlyseeking reassurance and approval
from other people. And youwill likely really need feedback
(20:21):
from clients and customers andhave to remind yourself to keep going
when you don't get thatfeedback. And as you can imagine,
that can be quite hard,especially if you don't know this
is what's going onsubconsciously. You might also have
had a strong element of selfdoubt. So even when you're doing
all of the things right andmaking money, you constantly doubt
yourself unnecessarily. Andthat can lead to self sabotaging
(20:43):
your business, to destroyingthings that didn't need destroying,
to burning things down becauseyou've got this strong element of
inner self doubt. You may alsobe really likely to worry about what
other people think about you,so this might impact your visibility.
How you show show up with yourvisibility concerns being heightened.
As you can see, this will havean impact on your business day to
(21:04):
day. But as before, awarenessis power. So what might this all
start to look like? Well, ifyou are anxiously attached, you might
be prone to overworking, whichcan then lead to burnout because
you're so anxious about thingsthat you're overworking to try and
make yourself feel better. Butthat doesn't work. I spoke about
overworking and overachievingin episode one and two of the podcast.
(21:25):
So if you're a bit of anoverachiever, go back and have a
listen to those if you haven'talready. You might also undervalue
your services, so you mightunderprice or over deliver out of
fear of rejection. And thenyou might also have struggles with
procrastination due to selfdoubt and self questioning. Now this
does not mean that you won'tcreate any income at all in your
(21:45):
business. It just means yourincome might feel a little bit more
like a feast and famine rideas your inner world and your inner
emotional rollercoaster willaffect your decision making and your
confidence to trust yourself.Remember though, all of this is changeable.
So if it sounds like this isabsolutely you absolutely do not
give up. Know that you canchange anything you choose to. Even
(22:06):
better, this is not even thetrue you remember what I said at
the beginning. These patternsare adaptations that you learned
in order to survive when youwere an infant. So anything that
you can learn, you can alsounlearn. It's why I sometimes respond
to the question that peopleask me when they say, what do you
do, Susie? I quite oftenshorten it to say, I help female
entrepreneurs unlearn beliefsand behaviors so they can get back
(22:28):
to who they were truly born tobe. And you can see why that kind
of fits with what I'm doing. Ihelp you unlearn behaviors. I don't
help you fix yourself becausethere's nothing to fix. It's about
getting back to the true youin terms of your money beliefs. If
you are anxiously attached,you might have beliefs like I need
to work harder to deservemoney. Or you might believe that
(22:50):
if you don't make enough thenyou're failing or you're not good
enough enough. So you'reconstantly thinking I need more,
I need more. And yourunderlying money blocks might include
this fear of rejection. Sothat might Cause you to keep your
prices low so no one rejectsyou. You might have a scarcity mindset,
or you will likely have ascarcity mindset which shows up as
a constant fear that you willrun out of money. And that will lead
(23:10):
you to overwork and to overdeliver to prove that you are worth
money so that you don't haveto face that worry that you might
run out. You may also have ablock, which means you seek almost
constant approval of others tofeel secure, like we've already mentioned.
Now on the positive sidethere, when you do get the approval
or you do receive money, itwill impact you way more than most
(23:31):
other people. So it willreally ignite your fire inside. Once
you hit a place where you'regetting lots of feedback, you will
be unstoppable. The problemwith this is it's not long lasting
because it's an outside inapproach. You're relying on people
to give you the feedback inorder to feel good rather than feeling
good and continuing with whatyou're doing and then receiving feedback
because of that. So the secretis to learn about how you work from
(23:54):
the inside out so that you canreally understand and change these
patterns that come from thisattachment style. That's when you
truly start to rocket ship tothe next level of unstoppable. A
couple of other things thattend to show up with anxious attachment.
You may find that you reallystruggle to say no to unpaid work,
or you feel guilty aboutmaking large amounts of money, so
(24:15):
you try and stop those thingshappening. Or your financial decisions
may all be a little biterratic as they reflect your anxiety
in your patterns. So yourdecisions are really driven by this
inner emotional drive ratherthan strategy, or this inner emotional
rollercoaster rather than yourstrategy. This ultimately ends up
with burnout because this isquite hard to exist and run your
(24:36):
business like this when you'renot addressing it and you're not
sure what's going on. Andagain, I want to make this point
because it's really importantin case you're thinking, oh no, this
is me. This is exactly what Ido. Well, this was me too. This is
me. At times I have somereally anxious attachment patterns
in me and I likely alwayswill. But that doesn't stop me completely.
Lately I've learned tounderstand them. I've learned to
understand their triggers andwhat their core causes so that I
(24:59):
can compassionately handlethem when they flare up, because
they tend to flare up when I'mmore stressed. And then they try
and hide the true me toprotect me. It all Starts with this
awareness. Nothing in yourbusiness is permanent, nothing in
your life is permanent. So ownthis knowledge and understand that
this is your past, it's notnecessarily your future. You get
to choose your future and youget to rewrite what was the original
(25:20):
future plan. Anytime youchoose to, you just change course.
You jump onto a new timeline.Okay, let's go on to avoidant attachment.
If you are dealing withavoidant attachment as an entrepreneur,
you might notice that youreally value independent. To the
extent that you may suppressemotions and avoid any deep connections,
you might struggle withvulnerability and asking for help
(25:42):
at all. You just don't likeasking for help. So, for example,
you might find thatcollaboration with others is really
difficult for you. You, youmight hesitate to delegate to your
team and you might end upleading with inefficiency and ultimately
stagnating a little bit. Andyou might sometimes come across as
a little bit distant or alittle bit unapproachable to others,
which can obviously impactyour clients or your team members
(26:04):
or your customers. A big thingwith avoidant entrepreneurs is that
you might really enjoy yourbusiness in bursts, so you have short
term stability, but then yourincome growth can plateau because
you resist embracingcollaboration and support. So what
does this look like when youthink of your money beliefs if you're
an avoidantly attachedentrepreneur? Well, a typical belief
for an avoidantly attachedentrepreneur might be money equals
(26:28):
independence and control. Oryou might think relying on others,
even for business growth isnot how I work. And you might see
that as a weakness, likerelying on others is a weakness.
And one of the biggest thingshere for avoidant entrepreneurs is
struggling to market,struggling with marketing and personal
branding. Because you have areal resistance to vulnerability.
Your business and financialgrowth can feel lonely or or unsatisfying
(26:50):
as you might focus on yourgrowth and your metrics, constantly
checking on your numbers,rather than focusing on building
genuine and trustingrelationships and connections. Because
that's really hard for you.And obviously your income flows from
those connections and thoserelationships. But you can't control
that because you don't findthat easy. Now something important
to mention here. You can be alittle bit anxious and a little bit
(27:12):
avoidant at the same time. Andthis leads me onto the final attachment
style of the fearfulattachment or the disorganized attachment
attachment. If you have thisattachment style, you will have this
mix of both anxious andavoidant traits. So what does that
look like in this situation?You might really want connection
with others, but at the sametime, you might really, really fear
it. And this leads tocompletely conflicting behaviors
(27:33):
in your business. And thisliterally drains your energy. You
might get stuck in patternsthat are about not trusting other
people, or you might haveperiods of real instability that
then cause you to feeldrained. Typical things that might
happen for you areexperiencing cycles of intense productivity
followed by completewithdrawal, which then of course
creates incomeinconsistencies. To be clear here,
(27:56):
I don't mean the kind ofwithdrawal when you're first starting
your business and you'refinding your way where you're trying
things out. You maybe try onesocial media platform, then you withdraw,
go try another one, and you'reswitching and pausing and you're
very intentionally doing that.That's not the kind of withdrawal
I'm meaning. I mean, when yourbusiness is actually up and running
and you have products to sell,you've got everything there that
you need. So technicallynothing should stop you from marketing.
(28:19):
But you find that you do. Youfind that you have a real burst of
it and you do loads and thenyou just completely stop. You just
don't want to do any at all.You might also really fear success
as this means you'll have tohave relationships and trust people.
And you don't want to do thatbecause your inner core is saying,
I don't like theserelationships and this connection.
It's really difficult for me.So you kind of avoid too much success
because the feelings that comewith that are really hard and this
(28:41):
is really emotionallyturbulating. I don't know if that's
a word. It creates a lot ofemotional turbulence of this flip
flop between styles and that'sobviously going to hinder your long
term business stability andyour business growth. In terms of
money beliefs, if you're inthis fearful attachment style, you
might think things like moneyis unpredictable, it can create both
freedom, but it also cancreate stress. Or you might think,
(29:04):
I'm not sure I trust myself tohandle money. So you give away your
power to other people. Andthis fearful avoidance style becomes
a little bit self fulfillingas you experience this feast and
famine cycle alternatingbetween overworking and then completely
avoiding any work. You mightalso overprice or underprice your
services as you're unsure ofyour own value because your value
(29:25):
gets mixed up with thesepatterns. Very typically, you might
make very impulsive decisionsand then find yourself massively
overspending or massively thenunderspending in this swinging pendulum
between the two levels, thetwo patterns, one of being really
anxious and one of beingreally avoidant. So what can you
do about all of this? Ifyou're Hearing yourself in some of
(29:45):
these and you're thinking, Ineed to know a little bit more about
this. I need to understandthis a bit more obviously. As I've
said throughout this episode,the main initial step is awareness.
And there is work that you cando, quite deep work. I work on this
stuff quite a lot with myclients. There's some really good
work that you can do here tochange this. But that's more than
a podcast episode. What I dowant to give you today is a focus
for each of these three moretricky styles. So I'm not going to
(30:09):
focus on secure attachmentbecause there aren't too many problems
that are going on there.That's more like the holy grail.
For the other three, though, Ijust want to give you a couple of
really quick takeaways just toend the show. Show. So for anxious
attachment, it's reallyimportant to do the following things.
Practice self validation.Really validate yourself. That means
affirming what you're doing,recognizing, I'm doing a really good
(30:29):
job here. I'm actually, okay,I'm moving forward here. I'm taking
steps. I don't need to beperfect. Validate yourself. Second,
adopt an abundance mindset.This is really important. Instead
of focusing on lack the wholetime, which is part of where your
anxiety is going, allowyourself to just notice the small
things that make you feelabundant and great. Another thing
you can do is focus on settingreally clear pricing boundaries.
(30:52):
Now that you know you're goingto have issues around pricing, set
the boundaries and then tryand stick to them. Remind yourself
that your worth is not tied toother people's approval. You don't
need to be anxiously seekingtheir approval. You just have to
learn to set your prices andstick to it. And if somebody says
no, that's because they're notfor you. It was never going to work
out. Focus on what you're ableto do and the prices that you want
(31:14):
to charge and then stick to itand deliver and really deliver on
it. The next one. For avoidantattachment, some of the things that
you can focus on would be,number one, learning to delegate,
really learning and takingsome practice to do this, to delegate
to others and start to trustothers. In your business, you also
might want to focus onconnecting money with purpose and
(31:36):
meaning, not connecting itwith independence, which is where
you've likely got it at themoment. And I think that's really
a big point there. Like, somany avoidantly attached entrepreneurs
will connect money with thissense of freedom and independence.
And like, oh, I've Got thisfreedom if I've got money. But for
an avoidant, the attachedentrepreneur, that independence is
something that's actuallyholding them back. That belief in
(31:56):
the independent, it's moreabout trying to have connection.
And so the halfway house is tostart looking at what's your purpose,
what's your meaning andlinking the money to that. And then
finally, for the fearfulpeople, for the fearfully attached,
the disorganized attachmentpeople, your big goal is working
on self trust and emotionalregulation. You will need to develop
consistent financial habits toreduce this roller coaster or this
(32:19):
pendulum. That means that youswing between anxious and then avoidant.
So it's really about havingconsistency in your habits, in what
you're doing in your business,and then learning to stick with that.
And that sometimes meanssimplifying your business so that
you can just focus on notfeeling too anxious and not feeling
too avoidant. It's a lot totake in and it's how you address
(32:39):
all these things that I coverin my coaching or my program. So
if this is something that'sreally resonated with you this week,
make sure you are on themailing list to find out about future
programs, programs or have alook on the website for things that
you can be on Waitlist for nowor sign up for, depending on when
you're listening to thispodcast. And if you have found this
podcast or any of them so farhelpful, please do take a screenshot
of you listening to theepisode and post it on stories on
(33:00):
Instagram or Facebook and tagme in there. You can find me at Suzi
Belmont or I am Suzi Belmont.You can also find me on LinkedIn
and places like that. So justwhatever is your platform, just give
me a little shout out there ifyou're. If you're enjoying it. And
as always I was mentioned, ifyou can post a review on Apple Podcasts,
I would really like that. Irecently found a couple there that
I didn't know existed becauseof the way that Apple does things
(33:20):
according to countries. So ifyou do do a review, please feel free
to let me know by tagging meor dming me in some way. And I will
put the link to whether youcan do a review in the show notes
under this podcast or on thepodcast page on my website for this
episode. Finally, remember,you matter and only you can change
your future. And it all startswith awareness. After that, it all
(33:42):
moves into a place of choice.It is all your choice. Have a good
week everyone. I'll see younext week.
You're listening to the InsideOut Entrepreneur Podcast. In this
week's episode, I am talkingabout your attachment style and how
it is impacting your businessand your income. Alright, buckle
up, enjoy the ride. This isyour time now. Okay, let's go. Hi,
I'm Suzi Belmont, a multipleseven figure entrepreneur with 15
(00:23):
years experience building andselling businesses, as well as being
a psychology expert, qualifiedcoach and therapist. Think of this
show as personal developmentfor women like you who want to master
your inner world in order tolead yourself to greater external
success, whether that's inrelationships, emotionally, in business
(00:43):
or financially. So pull upyour chair and get ready to change
your life and your businessfrom the inside out. This is the
Inside Out EntrepreneurPodcast. Hello. Hello and welcome
back to another episode of theInside Out Entrepreneur Podcast with
me, your host, Susie Belmont.And today we are doing a little bit
(01:04):
of a dive into the psychologybehind how you might be showing up
in your business and how thatmight be impacting your income and
your money. Now, there is alot I could say about showing up
or not showing up in life orbusiness. I have certainly experienced
the times of showing up everysingle day for years on end and times
of completely disappearing andthen the in between times. I've also
(01:27):
experienced times when I'mexperimenting with different ways
of showing up and differentways of doing things. And I've kind
of done a360 on all of it. Andwhat I've really, really learned
is that it's how you show upthat really changes everything. And
I'm not necessarily talkingabout how frequently you show up,
how many times you show up,but actually who you're being when
you show up. And again, Idon't mean the content that you produce,
(01:49):
what you're actually teaching,the how and so on. I mean what energetic
frequency you are showing upwith. Because this affects people,
disconnects or repels them.And so you have to decide what your
intention is and how.Intentional. Bull. That's not a word.
But intentional. You're goingto be about this. Whilst thinking
about that today, Ispecifically want to dive into something
(02:12):
that will have an impact onhow you show up, how you do business,
how you do life. And I'm goingto talk about your attachment style
because this plays such a hugerole in your life, your relationships,
your business, your money andso on. And in particular, in times
of stress, the effect of yourattachment style or styles could
be more apparent. And asentrepreneurship tends to bring about
(02:32):
a fair amount of stress attimes, I thought this would be a
really Good topic to talkabout this week. Now, I want to be
really clear here right at theget go that just because you have
a certain attachment styledoes not mean it's fixed for life.
It's not like a part of youthat you can never change. You can
change your attachment style.So don't panic if you recognize yourself
in some of the things I'mtalking about today. And you're like,
(02:54):
eek, that's not kind of how Iwant it to be. And I didn't realize.
And you are in a place whereyou're like, okay, I need to work
on this. You can work on thisand you can change things, as I always
say. And the reason behind whyI put so much free content out in
my podcast, awareness is thevery first step. So enjoy the show
today. Knowing that knowledgeand awareness is a good thing because
(03:15):
it empowers you to then takesteps forward by choice. If you recognize
attachment patterns today, youknow that you can make a mental note
of them and take them intoconsideration in what you do going
forward in your life andbusiness. And when I say take them
into consideration, I don'tmean give yourself grief, feel sorry
for yourself, go into aplummeting, descending of, oh my
God, this is terrible. I can'tdo anything about this. That's not
(03:37):
what I mean. I meancompassionately understanding who
you are and getting to knowwhat some of your obstacles might
be. Because as I also alwayssay, you are not broken in any way.
You are not broken. There isnothing about you that needs fixing.
I really hate the word fixing.You just need to learn to undo some
of the social, environmental,relationship, and educational conditioning
(04:01):
that might have changed oraltered who you are at your core.
And if that's changed duringyour life, it's about getting back
to the true you, the true youat the core, the wonderful and full
woman that you are and who youwere born to be. Okay, that said,
let's get on and start withwhat are attachment styles? Because
some of you won't know whatI'm talking about. And attachment
(04:21):
styles are frameworks that areheavily researched and rooted in
psychology. And they describeand explain how you form emotional
bonds and interact with otherpeople. Everyone has an attachment
style that is their dominantone. And unless you've done work
on this, your attachment stylewill have been created probably right
at the very beginning of yourlife based on how you interacted
(04:42):
and bonded with your primarycaregiver at the time. So if you
just for a moment imagineyourself as a young baby or a young
infant, you needed to survivein the world, and you were 100% dependent
on your primary caregiver foryour survival, whoever that was.
So your priority was makingsure that that relationship worked.
This means that depending onhow your primary caregiver acted
(05:04):
around you, you will haveadapted your behavior in order to
stay attached to them. If youdidn't adapt your behavior, you would
not have remained attached tothem, and that ultimately would have
meant you would have died. Soas a young baby, this would have
been all about your ownsurvival, despite you not knowing
that as a young baby or ayoung infant, for some of you listening,
(05:25):
you might not have had tochange very much about your true,
authentic self in order toremain attached to that person. Or
you might not think that youhad to change very much. That's not
always true. Our memories arenot always accurate representations
of what actually happened. Butthat's another topic for others of
you. You may have had tocompromise your authenticity, to
compromise your true self inorder to maintain that attachment
(05:46):
bond to a primary caregiver.So let me give an example here. Let's
say your primary caregivershouted a lot when you were a young
baby or an infant. Despiteyour young age, you would have learned
that if you, for example,cried a lot, perhaps there was going
to be more shouting. Orperhaps if you cried a lot, there
was a complete withdrawal fromanyone coming to care for you. Whatever
(06:07):
happened would have impactedyour ability to form a relationship
or a bond with your caregiver.And this is where there can be a
rupture of attachment. Perhapsyou adapted to become more anxious.
Perhaps you adapted by pushingpeople away and shutting down and
not crying and thinking, Idon't need anyone. Whatever you did
was there to ensure that yourprimary caregiver stayed present.
(06:29):
You adapted your behavior tomake sure that they always came back
to you. And you do whatever ittakes to make sure that they always
came back to you. You see howthis kind of adaptation works. So
in your early months and yourearly years, you would have set in
place a style or a behavioralpattern that became a kind of blueprint
for how your later adultrelationships in business and in
(06:49):
life functioned. And usuallythose early patterns remain stable
over time right intoadulthood. Although, as I've already
mentioned, that doesn't meanyou can't change them. It just means
that self awareness is reallyvital. So you can spot the issues
and you can then start to workon resolving them. And just to be
really clear here, thisattachment theory, as it's called,
is very heavily supported inthe psychology and academic world.
(07:13):
So it's not like things likeMyers Briggs, which are actually
quite criticized in the, inthe psychology scientific world.
This attachment theory is notreally disputed. It has its roots
in the work of a psychologistcalled John Bowby, who developed
the primary original theoriesof attachment around the 1970s. And
then it has been expanded onand developed by others since then.
(07:33):
And it holds out really,really well as a scientific theory.
I tell you that because thisis pretty solid science. For those
of you who are wondering aboutthe origins and whether this is just
another kind of thing that'sout there, this is. This is a really
solid one. Now you know whatattachment theory is. I want to explain
the attachment styles andthere are four main types and these
are known as number one,secure attachment, number two, anxious
(07:56):
attachment, number three,avoidant attachment, and number four,
disorganized attachment,although that's kind of better known
these days as fearfulattachment. So I'm going to go over
each one, but if you want wanta really quick visual on these, I've
put a lot of this informationfrom this podcast, in summary, into
a Download over atsusiebelmont.com forward/podcast9
(08:17):
so that those of you whoreally like to have a visual representation
of this can print that out andyou've got it there and you can really
see clearly what is going onin the four different styles. And
that's just a summary. It'snot a big long document, just a summary
for those of you who want it.So before I go through each one,
I want to just take a momentto read out the review of the week,
which this week comes fromJulie Bose, that's the username from
(08:39):
Switzerland, who wrote areview on Apple Podcasts and she
says definitely me time. Suzy,you have an incredible talent for
expressing ideas, theories andsuggestions in such an engaging and
captivating way. I enjoy everysecond of the podcast. It's truly
my me time and leaves mefeeling inspired every time. Thank
you, Julie for your review. AsI always say, it means so much to
(09:03):
me when people just take amoment. It's only a couple of minutes
to leave one. So if you havebeen enjoying the podcast, please
do leave a review over onApple Podcasts or a comment over
on Spotify. I personally seethem all and I respond to them. Or
you might get picked to be theperson who is made a little bit more
famous as I read out yourreview as the review of the week.
Okay, back to the episode andgoing through the four types of attachment.
(09:26):
So we're going to start withsecure attachment, which is the first
type. And this is when a childwas able to form a really secure
bond to their primarycaregiver. Hence the name secure
attachment. And this thenmanifests later in life by you. If
this is you having an abilityto connect really well with other
people and have really securerelationships with others, it also
(09:47):
means that you tend to bequite happy to trust other people.
And you will usually have abelief that you are worthy of being
loved by others. You won'treally call that into question. So
you will typically feel safe,secure, valued, understood and heard
by other people that arearound you and that are in relationships
with you in your life. And youwon't have too many issues around
(10:07):
that. Having said that, thereis a caveat here. If you are someone
with secure attachment, butyour partner does not have secure
attachment or vice versa, thatwill inhibit your normal way of doing
things. So if you are bothsecurely attached, then obviously
everything I've just said willapply to build a very strong foundation
in your relationship. But ifone of you isn't, then that will
(10:29):
change things a little bit.And I'm gonna be honest and say at
the outset, to me, secureattachment is a kind of weird thing
to think about because I justdon't know many people, although
I do know some who are veryclearly securely attached individuals.
I was definitely not one. Soto me I'm like, wow, what is that
like? Like that's how I kindof imagined it when I first learned
(10:49):
about this. I'm not one, but Imention this because it's also, as
I often say, about selfcompassion here, about understanding
yourself, but then not kind offalling into this place of, oh, no,
I didn't get that. That meansI can't succeed. I was not in any
way a securely attachedindividual. I'm still not. And yet
I still made millions in mybusiness. So please remember that
this information is about yourways of doing things, not a diagnostic
(11:14):
about your future and how wellyou're going to succeed or not succeed.
This is about learning moreabout who you are and what went into
making who you are. Once youhave an idea of your pattern, your
secure attachment pattern, youcan then take steps to adjust it,
which is where the real goldlies. That knowledge gives you power
because you have total controlonce you know who you are and how
(11:36):
you came into being who youare. And I know for me, I didn't
discover much of thispsychological knowledge until much
later in my business journey.And so I'm sharing this with you
so you can discover and tapinto this during your Life and during
your business journey,whatever age you are, it doesn't
matter. As you're not aimingto live backwards, you're not aiming
to travel backwards in timeand do things and redo them in the
(11:57):
past. You're aiming to takeknowledge and then travel forwards
with that knowledge, with thatself influence and with that ability
to lead yourself becauseyou've got this new knowledge. Okay,
I'm going to get off mypedestal a little bit there because
I just really wanted toemphasize that because I know some
of you might be listening andthinking, oh no, I wasn't securely
attached. That's not me atall. And as I've just said, that's
not the main focus here. It'sabout knowledge and learning. Okay,
(12:19):
we're going to go on to thenext one, which is anxious attachment.
And this second type ofattachment style is characterized
by a concern that other peoplewill not reciprocate your desire
for connection or intimacy. Soyou become quite anxious. Anxious
attachment arises usually whena baby learns that their primary
caregiver is unreliable. Soperhaps as a young child or a baby,
(12:40):
you didn't consistently getthe responses that you needed when
you cried or whatever it was.And then as an adult, if you have
an anxious attachment pattern,you might have a fear of rejection
or a fear of abandonment byothers. So that manifests by you
constantly seeking validationfrom someone else about everything
that you do. You might worryexcessively over whether you've upset
(13:02):
someone. And as I come to in amoment, this can impact how you sharpen
your business or also in yourbeliefs around money. Okay, avoidant
attachment. This is a thirdtype, and this is characterized by
a child who has learned toavoid interacting with their caregiver.
So a child in that situationwill show little or no distress.
If the primary caregiver isnot there, they've kind of become
(13:24):
hyper independent. Andtypically this arises when the primary
caregiver, for example, let'ssay it's the mum, has ignored attempts
by the child to be intimate orto connect with the primary caregiver
in some way. So the childforms a belief that she or he can't
depend on anyone else. It is abit of a I can do it alone belief
system or I don't need anyoneelse belief system because it was
(13:47):
too difficult when that child,that young person, wanted to have
someone else and they kind ofgot no response, no connection. So
as an adult, you mightrecognize this if you push others
away, if you keep them at adistance or you avoid relationships
getting too close, you mightnot Trust others and avoid any kind
of emotional based commitment.So this would be typically somebody
(14:07):
who, you know in your, let'ssay in your 20s, you would end relationships
before someone could end themwith you, for example, because you
didn't want anything to gettoo close because of the underlying
root fears that you're holdingin your body around rejection and
the strong emotions that comewith that. Okay, the next and final
type is disorganized orfearful attachment. And this final
style came up a little laterthan the original three because some
(14:31):
infants just didn't fit thepatterns for those original three
that we've gone through, thesecure, the anxious and the avoidant
types. So this fourth patternwas created around the 1980s, that
sort of time, and ischaracterized by a fear of close
relationships. The person withthis attachment style will have some
confusion and conflict aboutrelationships and how they should
behave. So they will use a bitof a mix of anxious and avoidant
(14:55):
patterns to try and soothetheir fears. In other words, a person
with fearful attachment can besuper anxious one minute and then
pushing someone else away thenext minute. Hence is sometimes also
referred to as, asdisorganized attachment. Okay, so
hopefully now you've got alittle bit of a summary of the four
styles so we can get onto howthis is relevant to your business
and your entrepreneurialjourney. What does all of this mean?
(15:17):
Well, it starts withrelationships. Businesses need relationships.
Your business needsrelationships. Whether that is with
your customers, your team,your clients, your contractors, your
employees, or just the generalpublic. There is almost no way you
can do business and make moneywithout interacting with people in
some way. And of course, thiswill impact how you make money and
your thoughts and beliefsaround money too. So I'm going to
(15:40):
explain that by going backthrough each of the four types and
explaining how this looks inreality. So let's take secure attachment
first. If you are a securelyattached person, you will likely
feel confident in yourself andin your relationships. In business,
you will likely easily trustothers and not self doubt that trust.
And you don't find itparticularly difficult to balance
(16:01):
your own sense of independencewith having close connections with
others. You're probably alsoquite likely to be happy both giving
support to others andreceiving support as well. Now, the
concept of being comfortablewith receiving support might make
your ears pop up a little bitif you're an entrepreneur or a female
leader you see as astereotypical group. Entrepreneurs
in particular are not alwaysthe greatest at receiving support.
(16:25):
This is of course not all downto attachment styles, but a lot of
entrepreneurs have a bit of abelief that they can do it all themselves
and they don't need otherpeople, or that it's too much hassle
to deal with other people andyou've got to think about where that
might be rooted. And whilstnot all attachment related, sometimes
it can be. Sometimessurrendering into this and trusting
a team to do things can bereally hard. And often the first
(16:48):
response is reactionary. Ifsomething goes wrong, it's to blame
the team if it's not working,and then to start micromanaging or
not delegating or not trustingthem, which is something that they
will feel even if they don'tvocalize it. In truth, it's usually
more about understanding youfirst, as your team will be responding
to you in so many ways,whether to your beliefs, whether
(17:08):
to your actions, or justwhether to your energetic frequency.
And being able to address whyyou might be struggling with your
thoughts around your teamenables you to better understand
yourself so you can moveforward. Anyhow, that was a little
bit of a detour as I wanted tomention that. So back to securely
attached individuals. Securelyattached entrepreneurs are more likely
to find an ability to thrivein business by building strong, trusting
(17:30):
relationships with clients,partners, and for example, your team.
You're also a little bit morelikely to take risks without being
paralyzed by a fear offailure. And you will probably not
have too many issues due toyour high levels of self trust with
staying consistent andresilient and so on. And of course
this is going to positivelyimpact your income and the growth
of your business. On top ofthat, when you have a setback, which
(17:52):
we all do in business, ifyou're securely attached, you're
typically more able to handlethat and maintain a healthy work
life balance. It all kind ofsounds marvelous, doesn't it? In
a way that feels a little bitunrelatable. And I want to emphasize
that I don't know manyentrepreneurs like this. There are
those that I suspect that arelike this, and I'm sure you can think
of some too. But it would bewrong of me not to tell you what
(18:13):
that attachment style is like,because for some people it does exist.
And remember that if youdidn't have an idyllic childhood
in any way, or if yourecognize some of the other styles,
you can always work towards amore securely attached way of being.
So you are flexible, you'vegot a neuroplastic brain. You can
change things in your brainand in your body. So I want to kind
of make sure that I completethis description on secure attachment
(18:34):
so you kind of know what itcan be like. On that note, I want
to just touch upon moneybeliefs and securely attached individuals
will trust themselves tomanage their money and attract abundance
so that they're less likely tohave money blocks and they will more
easily set boundaries, chargeappropriately, and probably invest
more in whether that's inthings or in themselves. They are
(18:55):
also more likely to findcollaboration easy and absent any
other issues, will havehealthy emotional regulation to help
them navigate through the upsand downs of entrepreneurship. All
right, I'm going to stop thereon secure attachment, because if
you're a securely attachedentrepreneur, you're probably not
listening to this episodeanyway. If you are not this person,
then you just need to knowthat it can be like that. So know
(19:17):
and take away from what I'vejust said that whatever your attachment
style is, it's changeable andit's something that you can absolutely
address to get back to theoriginal true you as you were born
to be. And I want you to hearwhat I'm saying here and realize
that if things haven't gonebrilliantly in your life or your
business, it's not fate. It'snot not your destiny for it not to
work. It's not that you werenot cut out to be successful, it's
(19:38):
that you didn't have all theinformation that you needed about
yourself to put all the piecestogether. And this is what you're
doing right now. By listeningto this episode, you're gathering
up more pieces of the puzzle.So let's get stuck in with the slightly
more problematic attachmentstyles and see what they look like
for you, your business, yourmoney, and in entrepreneurship, anxious
attachments. So for theanxious ones out there, this is probably
(20:01):
actually making you a littlebit anxious. Listening if you have
anxious attachment, you willprobably feel quite a lot. So to
recap, with anxiousattachment, your blueprint means
that at your very core youfear abandonment. And so you might
show up in business constantlyseeking reassurance and approval
from other people. And youwill likely really need feedback
(20:21):
from clients and customers andhave to remind yourself to keep going
when you don't get thatfeedback. And as you can imagine,
that can be quite hard,especially if you don't know this
is what's going onsubconsciously. You might also have
had a strong element of selfdoubt. So even when you're doing
all of the things right andmaking money, you constantly doubt
yourself unnecessarily. Andthat can lead to self sabotaging
(20:43):
your business, to destroyingthings that didn't need destroying,
to burning things down becauseyou've got this strong element of
inner self doubt. You may alsobe really likely to worry about what
other people think about you,so this might impact your visibility.
How you show show up with yourvisibility concerns being heightened.
As you can see, this will havean impact on your business day to
(21:04):
day. But as before, awarenessis power. So what might this all
start to look like? Well, ifyou are anxiously attached, you might
be prone to overworking, whichcan then lead to burnout because
you're so anxious about thingsthat you're overworking to try and
make yourself feel better. Butthat doesn't work. I spoke about
overworking and overachievingin episode one and two of the podcast.
(21:25):
So if you're a bit of anoverachiever, go back and have a
listen to those if you haven'talready. You might also undervalue
your services, so you mightunderprice or over deliver out of
fear of rejection. And thenyou might also have struggles with
procrastination due to selfdoubt and self questioning. Now this
does not mean that you won'tcreate any income at all in your
(21:45):
business. It just means yourincome might feel a little bit more
like a feast and famine rideas your inner world and your inner
emotional rollercoaster willaffect your decision making and your
confidence to trust yourself.Remember though, all of this is changeable.
So if it sounds like this isabsolutely you absolutely do not
give up. Know that you canchange anything you choose to. Even
(22:06):
better, this is not even thetrue you remember what I said at
the beginning. These patternsare adaptations that you learned
in order to survive when youwere an infant. So anything that
you can learn, you can alsounlearn. It's why I sometimes respond
to the question that peopleask me when they say, what do you
do, Susie? I quite oftenshorten it to say, I help female
entrepreneurs unlearn beliefsand behaviors so they can get back
(22:28):
to who they were truly born tobe. And you can see why that kind
of fits with what I'm doing. Ihelp you unlearn behaviors. I don't
help you fix yourself becausethere's nothing to fix. It's about
getting back to the true youin terms of your money beliefs. If
you are anxiously attached,you might have beliefs like I need
to work harder to deservemoney. Or you might believe that
(22:50):
if you don't make enough thenyou're failing or you're not good
enough enough. So you'reconstantly thinking I need more,
I need more. And yourunderlying money blocks might include
this fear of rejection. Sothat might Cause you to keep your
prices low so no one rejectsyou. You might have a scarcity mindset,
or you will likely have ascarcity mindset which shows up as
a constant fear that you willrun out of money. And that will lead
(23:10):
you to overwork and to overdeliver to prove that you are worth
money so that you don't haveto face that worry that you might
run out. You may also have ablock, which means you seek almost
constant approval of others tofeel secure, like we've already mentioned.
Now on the positive sidethere, when you do get the approval
or you do receive money, itwill impact you way more than most
(23:31):
other people. So it willreally ignite your fire inside. Once
you hit a place where you'regetting lots of feedback, you will
be unstoppable. The problemwith this is it's not long lasting
because it's an outside inapproach. You're relying on people
to give you the feedback inorder to feel good rather than feeling
good and continuing with whatyou're doing and then receiving feedback
because of that. So the secretis to learn about how you work from
(23:54):
the inside out so that you canreally understand and change these
patterns that come from thisattachment style. That's when you
truly start to rocket ship tothe next level of unstoppable. A
couple of other things thattend to show up with anxious attachment.
You may find that you reallystruggle to say no to unpaid work,
or you feel guilty aboutmaking large amounts of money, so
(24:15):
you try and stop those thingshappening. Or your financial decisions
may all be a little biterratic as they reflect your anxiety
in your patterns. So yourdecisions are really driven by this
inner emotional drive ratherthan strategy, or this inner emotional
rollercoaster rather than yourstrategy. This ultimately ends up
with burnout because this isquite hard to exist and run your
(24:36):
business like this when you'renot addressing it and you're not
sure what's going on. Andagain, I want to make this point
because it's really importantin case you're thinking, oh no, this
is me. This is exactly what Ido. Well, this was me too. This is
me. At times I have somereally anxious attachment patterns
in me and I likely alwayswill. But that doesn't stop me completely.
Lately I've learned tounderstand them. I've learned to
understand their triggers andwhat their core causes so that I
(24:59):
can compassionately handlethem when they flare up, because
they tend to flare up when I'mmore stressed. And then they try
and hide the true me toprotect me. It all Starts with this
awareness. Nothing in yourbusiness is permanent, nothing in
your life is permanent. So ownthis knowledge and understand that
this is your past, it's notnecessarily your future. You get
to choose your future and youget to rewrite what was the original
(25:20):
future plan. Anytime youchoose to, you just change course.
You jump onto a new timeline.Okay, let's go on to avoidant attachment.
If you are dealing withavoidant attachment as an entrepreneur,
you might notice that youreally value independent. To the
extent that you may suppressemotions and avoid any deep connections,
you might struggle withvulnerability and asking for help
(25:42):
at all. You just don't likeasking for help. So, for example,
you might find thatcollaboration with others is really
difficult for you. You, youmight hesitate to delegate to your
team and you might end upleading with inefficiency and ultimately
stagnating a little bit. Andyou might sometimes come across as
a little bit distant or alittle bit unapproachable to others,
which can obviously impactyour clients or your team members
(26:04):
or your customers. A big thingwith avoidant entrepreneurs is that
you might really enjoy yourbusiness in bursts, so you have short
term stability, but then yourincome growth can plateau because
you resist embracingcollaboration and support. So what
does this look like when youthink of your money beliefs if you're
an avoidantly attachedentrepreneur? Well, a typical belief
for an avoidantly attachedentrepreneur might be money equals
(26:28):
independence and control. Oryou might think relying on others,
even for business growth isnot how I work. And you might see
that as a weakness, likerelying on others is a weakness.
And one of the biggest thingshere for avoidant entrepreneurs is
struggling to market,struggling with marketing and personal
branding. Because you have areal resistance to vulnerability.
Your business and financialgrowth can feel lonely or or unsatisfying
(26:50):
as you might focus on yourgrowth and your metrics, constantly
checking on your numbers,rather than focusing on building
genuine and trustingrelationships and connections. Because
that's really hard for you.And obviously your income flows from
those connections and thoserelationships. But you can't control
that because you don't findthat easy. Now something important
to mention here. You can be alittle bit anxious and a little bit
(27:12):
avoidant at the same time. Andthis leads me onto the final attachment
style of the fearfulattachment or the disorganized attachment
attachment. If you have thisattachment style, you will have this
mix of both anxious andavoidant traits. So what does that
look like in this situation?You might really want connection
with others, but at the sametime, you might really, really fear
it. And this leads tocompletely conflicting behaviors
(27:33):
in your business. And thisliterally drains your energy. You
might get stuck in patternsthat are about not trusting other
people, or you might haveperiods of real instability that
then cause you to feeldrained. Typical things that might
happen for you areexperiencing cycles of intense productivity
followed by completewithdrawal, which then of course
creates incomeinconsistencies. To be clear here,
(27:56):
I don't mean the kind ofwithdrawal when you're first starting
your business and you'refinding your way where you're trying
things out. You maybe try onesocial media platform, then you withdraw,
go try another one, and you'reswitching and pausing and you're
very intentionally doing that.That's not the kind of withdrawal
I'm meaning. I mean, when yourbusiness is actually up and running
and you have products to sell,you've got everything there that
you need. So technicallynothing should stop you from marketing.
(28:19):
But you find that you do. Youfind that you have a real burst of
it and you do loads and thenyou just completely stop. You just
don't want to do any at all.You might also really fear success
as this means you'll have tohave relationships and trust people.
And you don't want to do thatbecause your inner core is saying,
I don't like theserelationships and this connection.
It's really difficult for me.So you kind of avoid too much success
because the feelings that comewith that are really hard and this
(28:41):
is really emotionallyturbulating. I don't know if that's
a word. It creates a lot ofemotional turbulence of this flip
flop between styles and that'sobviously going to hinder your long
term business stability andyour business growth. In terms of
money beliefs, if you're inthis fearful attachment style, you
might think things like moneyis unpredictable, it can create both
freedom, but it also cancreate stress. Or you might think,
(29:04):
I'm not sure I trust myself tohandle money. So you give away your
power to other people. Andthis fearful avoidance style becomes
a little bit self fulfillingas you experience this feast and
famine cycle alternatingbetween overworking and then completely
avoiding any work. You mightalso overprice or underprice your
services as you're unsure ofyour own value because your value
(29:25):
gets mixed up with thesepatterns. Very typically, you might
make very impulsive decisionsand then find yourself massively
overspending or massively thenunderspending in this swinging pendulum
between the two levels, thetwo patterns, one of being really
anxious and one of beingreally avoidant. So what can you
do about all of this? Ifyou're Hearing yourself in some of
(29:45):
these and you're thinking, Ineed to know a little bit more about
this. I need to understandthis a bit more obviously. As I've
said throughout this episode,the main initial step is awareness.
And there is work that you cando, quite deep work. I work on this
stuff quite a lot with myclients. There's some really good
work that you can do here tochange this. But that's more than
a podcast episode. What I dowant to give you today is a focus
for each of these three moretricky styles. So I'm not going to
(30:09):
focus on secure attachmentbecause there aren't too many problems
that are going on there.That's more like the holy grail.
For the other three, though, Ijust want to give you a couple of
really quick takeaways just toend the show. Show. So for anxious
attachment, it's reallyimportant to do the following things.
Practice self validation.Really validate yourself. That means
affirming what you're doing,recognizing, I'm doing a really good
(30:29):
job here. I'm actually, okay,I'm moving forward here. I'm taking
steps. I don't need to beperfect. Validate yourself. Second,
adopt an abundance mindset.This is really important. Instead
of focusing on lack the wholetime, which is part of where your
anxiety is going, allowyourself to just notice the small
things that make you feelabundant and great. Another thing
you can do is focus on settingreally clear pricing boundaries.
(30:52):
Now that you know you're goingto have issues around pricing, set
the boundaries and then tryand stick to them. Remind yourself
that your worth is not tied toother people's approval. You don't
need to be anxiously seekingtheir approval. You just have to
learn to set your prices andstick to it. And if somebody says
no, that's because they're notfor you. It was never going to work
out. Focus on what you're ableto do and the prices that you want
(31:14):
to charge and then stick to itand deliver and really deliver on
it. The next one. For avoidantattachment, some of the things that
you can focus on would be,number one, learning to delegate,
really learning and takingsome practice to do this, to delegate
to others and start to trustothers. In your business, you also
might want to focus onconnecting money with purpose and
(31:36):
meaning, not connecting itwith independence, which is where
you've likely got it at themoment. And I think that's really
a big point there. Like, somany avoidantly attached entrepreneurs
will connect money with thissense of freedom and independence.
And like, oh, I've Got thisfreedom if I've got money. But for
an avoidant, the attachedentrepreneur, that independence is
something that's actuallyholding them back. That belief in
(31:56):
the independent, it's moreabout trying to have connection.
And so the halfway house is tostart looking at what's your purpose,
what's your meaning andlinking the money to that. And then
finally, for the fearfulpeople, for the fearfully attached,
the disorganized attachmentpeople, your big goal is working
on self trust and emotionalregulation. You will need to develop
consistent financial habits toreduce this roller coaster or this
(32:19):
pendulum. That means that youswing between anxious and then avoidant.
So it's really about havingconsistency in your habits, in what
you're doing in your business,and then learning to stick with that.
And that sometimes meanssimplifying your business so that
you can just focus on notfeeling too anxious and not feeling
too avoidant. It's a lot totake in and it's how you address
(32:39):
all these things that I coverin my coaching or my program. So
if this is something that'sreally resonated with you this week,
make sure you are on themailing list to find out about future
programs, programs or have alook on the website for things that
you can be on Waitlist for nowor sign up for, depending on when
you're listening to thispodcast. And if you have found this
podcast or any of them so farhelpful, please do take a screenshot
of you listening to theepisode and post it on stories on
(33:00):
Instagram or Facebook and tagme in there. You can find me at Suzi
Belmont or I am Suzi Belmont.You can also find me on LinkedIn
and places like that. So justwhatever is your platform, just give
me a little shout out there ifyou're. If you're enjoying it. And
as always I was mentioned, ifyou can post a review on Apple Podcasts,
I would really like that. Irecently found a couple there that
I didn't know existed becauseof the way that Apple does things
(33:20):
according to countries. So ifyou do do a review, please feel free
to let me know by tagging meor dming me in some way. And I will
put the link to whether youcan do a review in the show notes
under this podcast or on thepodcast page on my website for this
episode. Finally, remember,you matter and only you can change
your future. And it all startswith awareness. After that, it all
(33:42):
moves into a place of choice.It is all your choice. Have a good
week everyone. I'll see younext week.
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