August 25, 2025 • 27 mins
In this episode, we explore the connection between Strengths and communication. Learn how identity shapes the way you speak and listen, the four shaping influences that impact your style, and practical tools to adapt your communication for better outcomes.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Because I don't think it's bending over backwards and
(00:02):
I don't think it's alwayssacrificing your voice, but what
is most helpful now, or what ismost helpful in this moment,
right now.
For this reason, one of thethings that we have seen in the
clients and that's why we'retrying to marry some of the
strengths and the communicationtopic together is we have found
(00:25):
that the strengths languagegives you a great tool to be
able to harness those talents,those expressions, those
behaviors in a way that can helpyou communicate better, for
greater happiness or whateveryou're shooting for.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
You are listening to the Leadership Vision Podcast,
our show helping you buildpositive team culture.
Our consulting firm has beendoing this work for the past 25
years so that leaders arementally engaged and emotionally
healthy.
To learn more about us, you canclick the link in the show
notes or visit us on the web atleadershipvisionconsultingcom.
Hello everyone, my name isNathan Freeberg and today I am
(01:06):
joined live in studio with DrLinda and Brian Schubring and we
are going to be talking aboutstrengths in communication.
Brian and Linda are going to besharing some information and
insights that they have gainedfrom some clients that they
recently worked with.
We're going to be doing thiskind of live, not quite like a
(01:28):
post-game summary pressconference, but with some recent
clients.
Obviously, we're not going totell you who they are, brian and
Linda.
We're talking aboutcommunication, which is one of,
I think, the most challengingtopics in all of the world, not
just on teams, but inrelationships in general, be
(01:48):
that with your significant other, your friends, your kid's
school, whatever it is.
How do you want to set this up?
Paint the picture or kind ofgive us some metaphors or
analogies about how we want totalk about communication before
we sort of dive into thestrength side of the pool.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Well, fundamental to our consulting practice is the
10-year research study that wedid on what creates a positive
team culture and part of thefindings of that is the
importance and the role thatcommunication plays on a team.
So when we engage teams, weengage teams in this particular
way.
We meet with the team for 90minutes.
(02:32):
We talk about one topic.
Following that 90-minutesession, we meet with each
individual team member for anhour to talk about what the
topic of communication, whateverit is, means to them.
And so in today's conversationwe want to talk about, just on a
high level, what is it thatwe're talking about when we
introduce the topic ofcommunication and, specifically
(02:53):
for this podcast today, how isit that an individual's
strengths not only shape theirunderstanding and perspective on
what communication is, but howthey show up in the
communication process, whattheir expectations are and how
they react and respond to thecommunicators around them?
Speaker 3 (03:13):
So, much fun.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
That's good.
Well, yeah, it is.
So here we go.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
Ready.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
One of the things, one of the phrases that we start
with that gets people'sattention right away, and this
is.
We created this statement onpurpose, and that is
communication is an experienceand an expression of our inner
identity, and that statement,that communication is an
experience and an expression ofour inner identity that creates
(03:39):
this paradigm or this dichotomy.
That communication is anexpression.
It happens outside of us, andhow we communicate is somehow an
extension of who we are as anindividual, which then leads to
using the language of strengthsto help us better understand who
we are as communicators.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
And the reason why communication is so important
right now is we are taking astrengths lens.
Yes, that's where some of thisinitial research came from, when
we were meeting with teams andnoting the elements of positive
team culture.
Why it's so important right nowis communication.
(04:24):
Like you said, whenever you getpeople together, this is going
to be an issue.
We have found that strengthshelp us describe how people
communicate, what some of theirpatterns and preferences are
when it comes to communication.
But since we released our bookUnfolded, some of the things
(04:48):
that we have learned aboutcommunication is that we are
just communicating by the shapeof who we are.
We are communicating by thefolds of where we have come from
, that some of these well-wornsuper highways that allow people
(05:23):
to start to notice for thefirst time that this is how they
communicate and these are theirpreferences when it comes to
communication.
So we're just we're taking akind of a nuanced view and
listening with another lens.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
So one of the ways that we actually engage these
individuals when we're doingthese coaching sessions is we're
focusing on one section of ourcoaching and helping people
understand who they are asindividuals and what were some
of the shaping influences in howthey communicate and why they
communicate, what theycommunicate.
And that process of discoveryis another way that we kind of
(06:03):
use a certain set of prompts tohelp us get more insight into
the role that an individual'sstrengths play.
So here's an example of some ofthe four questions that we use.
We ask people to consider fourinfluences that have shaped how
they show up as a communicator.
So number one is family.
So we ask the people to considertheir family of origin.
Second, we ask people toconsider their culture ethnic
(06:26):
culture, religious culture.
Maybe they were a culturalminority in the neighborhood
that they grew up in, but whatwas the role that culture played
in communication expectations?
Next is environments.
We ask people to think aboutthe environment they were raised
in, whether it's community orsuburb or school, and also time
of history.
Time of history can tell a lotto us about someone's
communication, because time inhistory could be technology or
(06:50):
pre-technology, it could be aparenting style or just the ways
people that express themselves.
When you hear people tell thestories of how these four
elements shape the communication, you can begin to listen with
the language of strengths andhear their strengths pop up.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Now I know that we've recorded on this.
Maybe five or six years ago,the evolution of our thinking
and our practice came because,during the time of the pandemic,
people were forced tocommunicate in new ways.
One of the things that we havebegun to notice when we're
having conversations now ispeople are saying, well, I used
(07:27):
to communicate this way and nowI've had to pick up that.
Or they're shaped by theinfluences of social media or
some of the polarization kind ofmessaging and language and pot
stirring right that happens.
So we wanted to take a refresh,take a new perspective on
(07:53):
inviting people not to justconsider where did your strength
of positivity begin?
Or how were some of the habitsof ideation fostered in your
life?
Or how are you doing helpingyour your child, do standup
comedy to the twotwo.
(08:13):
So the the conversation todayis how do we not just say, okay,
all these things shaped us andnow that just excuses all the
behavior?
Today, the importance of thisconversation is the future lean,
the unfolded lean, the gettingready to communicate in a way
(08:36):
that will help bring healing andwholeness to teams, to families
, to organizations, that mighteven bring a kind of healing to
yourself, to understand thatyou've been shaped by your map,
you've been shaped by yourstrengths, you've been shaped by
your folds, the shape that youare in, and what are ways that
(08:58):
you can communicate better forthe betterment of humanity.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
Because when people consider the shaping influences
of their lives, those shapinginfluences and how they
communicate are clearly beforethe pandemic.
The pandemic created a one tothree to four year disruption in
how people communicate witheach other.
So people are now strugglingwith their normative ways of
expressing themselves, eitherlanding or not landing, and so
(09:26):
it's creating a sense ofconfusion or disillusionment or
a lack of familiarity with evenoneself, because what worked
before doesn't work now, and sowhat we want to do is we want to
give people a chance in thesehour-long sessions when we're
coaching them is to be able toexpress that.
What are their frustrations?
And usually that frustration isnamed and labeled on the
(09:49):
outside Like it's this person orit's this context or this
client did this.
But what Linda and I are tryingto do is we're trying to lean
into that expression and speakto the person's identity that
seems to be interrupted ordisrupted or not connecting.
Most of the time, it's not theperson's fault when their
(10:11):
communication is not landing.
It's an environmental, it's adifferent type of of like
collective community cocktail.
That's happening becauseeveryone in that team is going
through the same type ofreorientation of how to express
oneself in a new dynamic, in anew workplace that has, for the
(10:33):
moment, forever been changed andhow to receive that expression
right so, the, so, the, the.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
What happens after these hour long conversations
when we start to to get to thebottom of where, where some of
those patterns and preferencescame from, when they're then
invited to go back and interactwith one another?
there's this opportunity whereit's not just given something,
giving someone grace, where it'snot just giving someone grace,
it is this opportunity to saylike well, tell me more about
(11:02):
that.
I'm in a posture of listening.
It might be I might have thestrength of activator, so I want
to quick say all of thesethings and instead I'm going to
take a beat.
I'm going to take a pausebecause I'm practicing a new way
of communicating in a way thatonce again brings health and
wholeness.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
Something that I'm practicing.
I've heard this phrase manytimes, but do you want to be
right or do you want to be happy?
Speaker 2 (11:32):
I want to be heard and there is.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
I have the strength of communication and it's very
important to me that I'm heard.
That you know if I told youthis.
You know.
Here's all the evidence of howI've told you this.
But what I'm trying to learn isor do I want to just be like
you know what?
I would rather not do what Itold you so or?
(11:59):
This is the evidence of where Isaid this and be happy.
That's a little too simplistic,but I think you know what I'm
getting at.
Your ability to communicatewith others, regardless of the
medium, regardless of theenvironment or the context, how
(12:21):
much of it is me being aware of?
I need to adapt, I need toadjust versus like.
Well, all you yahoos are theproblem and I did it right.
So, argh, you know what I mean.
Like.
If I want to be a trulyeffective communicator, should I
always be bending overbackwards to figure out how to
make my message heard ifsometimes I have to yell and
sometimes I have to whisper, doyou know what I'm asking?
Speaker 2 (12:46):
I can answer that, but I'm not sure it's where you
want to go.
Part of this conversation isredirecting a person's attention
from what they're saying andhow many times they've said it
to the influences that areinforming what they need to say,
because we are in a time inhistory where words are so
(13:13):
carefully chosen, narratives areso tightly woven, that words
really really matter.
However, the science has shownus that, when it comes to
communication, the importance ofwords only comprises 7% of what
the brains actually payingattention to, because the brain
(13:34):
is paying more attention to thenonverbal cues.
For example, up to 55% of whatwe pick up in communication is
communicated through bodylanguage.
Up to 40% is tone of voice.
That doesn't even talk aboutthe emotional energy that is
created between people who aretrying to communicate.
And all these things are beingpicked up by our brains and
(13:55):
interpreted by our minds in howwe're going to be communicating.
So so much of what we're tryingto ask people to consider is
what are the influences that arecausing us to react and
communicate and say what we'retrying to say?
Because all of those factorsthe non-verbals, the emotional
energy, the body language isinterpreted through our own
(14:16):
perception, our own livedexperience, our own bias and
beliefs, and that too is shaded.
So it's really complicated whenyou get a team together to not
only communicate in healthypatterns but to express
themselves in ways that actuallyclearly communicate what
someone's trying to communicate.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
Because I don't think it's bending over backwards and
I don't think it's alwayssacrificing your voice, but what
is most helpful now, or what ismost helpful in this moment,
right now.
For this reason, marry some ofthe strengths and the
communication topic together iswe have found that the strengths
(14:55):
language gives you a great toolto be able to harness those
talents, those expressions,those behaviors in a way that
can help you communicate better,for greater happiness or
wherever you're shooting for.
(15:16):
Nathan, even talking about whatstrengths will you use to
listen in the next meeting?
And so I've had people writedown notes about oh, it's
because not my strength ofcommunication was misunderstood,
it was my strength of maximizerthat was misunderstood, or this
(15:39):
strength felt offended anddidn't maybe respond really well
.
And so we're giving tools topeople to not just say so, be a
better communicator, or keepjust bending to whatever the
group wants.
Just, you know, bending towhatever the group wants.
(16:01):
Instead, harness your capacityof what you already have inside
you in order to do somethingbetter for the greater whole.
So there's times where you'reyou know you hold the line,
nathan, and there's times whereyou know, at this part, this one
doesn't matter.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
So let's pivot and figure it out.
Can you give some examples fromsome of these clients?
What I'm curious to learn isjust what are those moments
where people have sort of beenlike, oh, this is something I
could do very practically toimprove my communication in a
(16:36):
given set, a given setting.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
I have several that come to mind.
Um, I'm thinking of oneindividual where, um, when
communication's going well, uh,he has a perspective that is
inclusive of the people that areat the table and he's weaving
everyone together and everyone'sfeeling like they can express
themselves, and being hurt.
When things are going poorly,he'll focus on one statement
(17:01):
that is being misdirected, um,or misinterpreted, and um, in
our work like this, this guy hasthe strength of a ranger and
the strength of woos.
When things are going well,he's weaving things together,
and when something is disruptive, um, his strength of positivity
can really shut him down tofocus on the one negative
statement that that's not goingwell.
(17:22):
But that then introduces himinto his new role.
You know how can he be awarethat these things are happening
and then course correct asneeded as he's going?
Speaker 1 (17:33):
For us the language of strengths.
Allow us to go a step furtherand not just label someone out
of the gate.
So, there's a leader I'mthinking about and she has the
strength of deliberative, she isthoughtful, she is careful, she
is really caring.
She is also very regimented inher approach and she could
(18:00):
easily be labeled as quiet oreasily be labeled as you know.
How does she communicate?
Oh, quiet, but guess what?
When she speaks, things change,makes things change when she is
(18:21):
given the courage to say, likeleverage, like like extroverts
some like say out loud some ofthe things that that you are
thinking or seeing, with thatstrength of deliberative, and
say it out loud to the group.
And when she says it out loud,it's almost like the whole.
You can watch the group turningin a different direction Once
again, moving, moving the needleforward in, in communicating in
(18:43):
more healthy and hopefulpatterns.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Do you want me to go to another one?
Do you want?
Speaker 3 (18:48):
another one.
Yeah, give me another one.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
I have another one.
Um, this is a a woman that hasa very strong presence.
Not only does she have a strongpresence as she's standing or
in a room with you, when shetalks.
Her messages are very smooth,articulated, well thought
through, and they have adirection to them.
She has the strength ofintellection, the strength of
(19:12):
learner, the strength ofachiever, so her thoughts are
complex and directionallyfocused.
What what happens, then is,when she talks it, that
directionality can serve as awedge that separates people from
talking to each other, becauseshe's so decisive in what she
says.
She's aware of this, and soshe's working on how can she ask
(19:35):
more questions, to gain moreinformation and to withhold
saying something until she feelslike it's too late to say
anything, because then the groupmay be more ready to hear what
she's saying that we are workingwith and his strength of
(19:59):
responsibility is so strong andhe wears it in a way.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
He wears the strength of responsibility and those
talents and behaviors in a waythat you can feel the weight of
it.
Other people can feel theweight of it and some people
just they don't understandbecause they don't come from
that perspective.
And my challenge to him waswhere do you find some renewal
where you don't have to carrythe weight or you find ways to
(20:24):
offload some of the weight orshare it or move it around so
that you can be heard in adifferent way and you can feel
more free?
in your communication style andattitude and approach.
Speaker 3 (20:38):
That's good.
I was in a meeting yesterday atmy kid's school that I didn't
call, but a meeting that I'vebeen wanting to have for a while
, specifically aboutcommunication in the school, and
I was one of five people there,one of whom was the principal,
and so we get in and the personwho actually called the meeting
(21:00):
was a little late, and so I waslike so what do you know about
what's happening?
She's like nothing.
I'm not even sure what we'redoing here.
I was kind of looking at theseother two guys.
It's like well, okay, and so Ijust kind of started talking and
no one else was providing anydirection of like is this the
(21:21):
right way to go?
And so I would pause and kindof like what do you think?
And people would just kind oflike I don't know, and so I was
reflecting on this later, youknow, in hindsight it's.
You know, the whole thing waskind of a mess from the
beginning, but as I was thinkingabout, and even now, as we're
talking about this, it is reallyimportant for me that there's a
(21:42):
point to communication insettings like that.
We know what we're doing, we'regoing to get somewhere, and if
there's a lack of that, I'lljust keep going and keep
throwing things at the wall.
This is maybe my communicationideation.
Until something sticks, Icannot figure like.
(22:03):
The two men in the room wereclearly like one guy who I'm
pretty good buddies with, almostdidn't say anything.
I'm just like what's happeninghere, like what's happening here
, so.
But my point is, this is kindof something I've known about
myself for a while.
But like, what is the learningfor me of?
Like more isn't better, but mysort of strategy is like you
(22:27):
know, if I just keep enough reps, something is going to stick,
something's going to jar thesepeople into action of some kind.
Um, unfortunately it didn'thappen yesterday, but if I was a
client of yours, how might youcoach me with that little?
I know we're almost out of timehere, but with that little
nugget, how might you coach mefor next time I'm in a similar
(22:51):
situation.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
The next time you're in a situation, start with the
purpose of the meeting, that'sgood we were just in a.
What is the purpose of thismeeting?
And make sure there's someunderstanding so that you have a
foundation from which to speak.
We were just in a meetingyesterday.
We're doing a lot of differentthings with this client.
(23:13):
One of the things that we do tostart the meeting with the
client.
She'll also do this with us.
All right, what's the purposeof this meeting?
And so I kind of preempted it.
I was like the purpose of thismeeting is this, this and this.
She's like nope False.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
True and correct.
That's a true story and soapplied to you, nathan.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
It's not just assuming that everyone's there
that even with the greatestintentions, sometimes the
meeting was named wrong or weput together things from an
email that that assume that thisis the way that we need to show
up yeah and I can'toveremphasize, so it's not.
It's not you not being clear,it's getting alignment from the
(23:53):
get-go.
Are we talking about the samething?
Speaker 2 (23:55):
yes, and wanting to get to the same place and
generally for all of us, it isin the beginning of those
conversations ask for what youneed and don't answer the
question yourself.
So you ask the question andwait.
What do you mean?
Like, for example, you didn'tknow what the purpose of meeting
was.
You kept talking.
I know, well I.
Speaker 3 (24:15):
So it's funny, as I I mean we don't need to get into
this, but't know what thepurpose of meeting was.
You kept talking.
I know well I.
So it's funny as I I mean wedon't need to get into this, but
I did know the purpose, but theother people didn't.
The people I thought were incharge, who had called the
meeting.
They were sort of like okay,we're here, um, but it's a
meeting I've been wanting tohave for several months and we
finally happened.
I was like I think I'm incharge, even though I'm not I'm
(24:36):
not the decision maker, but yeah, in hindsight I should have
cause.
I basically started saying whatdo you think this meeting is
about?
She's like I don't know.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
So I should have guess.
Speaker 3 (24:46):
Yeah, I should have said like here's where really
good at that, she's great and Iwould told yeah and I would have
recommended to whoever it isyou, that you ask each person to
give their perspective.
I know each person yeah, I saythat to leaders a lot that the
(25:07):
one guy who I said I know prettywell, he's like I have an idea
to do this, and the person incharge, the principal, is just
like nope, I kind of like whatyou're saying and that like I
think that's what shut him downfor the rest of the meeting.
But I was like, oh guys, thisis not going well.
Anyway.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
There's always room for improvement when it comes to
communication.
Speaker 3 (25:23):
Always room for improvement and I don't think
the goal is to become perfect.
The goal is to continue to bein a continual state of practice
of improvement.
So, brian and Linda, thank you.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
Thank you.
State of practice, ofimprovement.
So, brian Linda, thank you Onbehalf of our entire team.
Speaker 3 (25:40):
And thank you, listeners, for listening to the
Leadership Vision Podcast, ourshow helping you build positive
team culture by learning how tocommunicate more effectively
with one another.
We have a lot of resources onour website,
leadershipvisionconsultingcom,and I'll include a few specific
resources in the show.
Notes to these resources willhelp you learn how to
communicate better, give yousome ideas different ones than
(26:03):
we just shared today, and a lot,lot, lot of other resources as
well.
Please make sure to sign up forour free email newsletter,
follow us on the socials andsubscribe to our podcast
wherever you get good podcasts,and don't forget to pick up your
copy of Unfolded Lessons inTransformation from an Origami
Crane, available wherever youget your books.
(26:24):
I'm Nathan Friberg.
I'm Linda Schubring.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
And I'm Brian Schubring.
Speaker 3 (26:28):
And on behalf of our entire team thanks for listening
.
Because I don't think it's bending over backwards and
(00:02):
I don't think it's alwayssacrificing your voice, but what
is most helpful now, or what ismost helpful in this moment,
right now.
For this reason, one of thethings that we have seen in the
clients and that's why we'retrying to marry some of the
strengths and the communicationtopic together is we have found
(00:25):
that the strengths languagegives you a great tool to be
able to harness those talents,those expressions, those
behaviors in a way that can helpyou communicate better, for
greater happiness or whateveryou're shooting for.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
You are listening to the Leadership Vision Podcast,
our show helping you buildpositive team culture.
Our consulting firm has beendoing this work for the past 25
years so that leaders arementally engaged and emotionally
healthy.
To learn more about us, you canclick the link in the show
notes or visit us on the web atleadershipvisionconsultingcom.
Hello everyone, my name isNathan Freeberg and today I am
(01:06):
joined live in studio with DrLinda and Brian Schubring and we
are going to be talking aboutstrengths in communication.
Brian and Linda are going to besharing some information and
insights that they have gainedfrom some clients that they
recently worked with.
We're going to be doing thiskind of live, not quite like a
(01:28):
post-game summary pressconference, but with some recent
clients.
Obviously, we're not going totell you who they are, brian and
Linda.
We're talking aboutcommunication, which is one of,
I think, the most challengingtopics in all of the world, not
just on teams, but inrelationships in general, be
(01:48):
that with your significant other, your friends, your kid's
school, whatever it is.
How do you want to set this up?
Paint the picture or kind ofgive us some metaphors or
analogies about how we want totalk about communication before
we sort of dive into thestrength side of the pool.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Well, fundamental to our consulting practice is the
10-year research study that wedid on what creates a positive
team culture and part of thefindings of that is the
importance and the role thatcommunication plays on a team.
So when we engage teams, weengage teams in this particular
way.
We meet with the team for 90minutes.
(02:32):
We talk about one topic.
Following that 90-minutesession, we meet with each
individual team member for anhour to talk about what the
topic of communication, whateverit is, means to them.
And so in today's conversationwe want to talk about, just on a
high level, what is it thatwe're talking about when we
introduce the topic ofcommunication and, specifically
(02:53):
for this podcast today, how isit that an individual's
strengths not only shape theirunderstanding and perspective on
what communication is, but howthey show up in the
communication process, whattheir expectations are and how
they react and respond to thecommunicators around them?
Speaker 3 (03:13):
So, much fun.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
That's good.
Well, yeah, it is.
So here we go.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
Ready.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
One of the things, one of the phrases that we start
with that gets people'sattention right away, and this
is.
We created this statement onpurpose, and that is
communication is an experienceand an expression of our inner
identity, and that statement,that communication is an
experience and an expression ofour inner identity that creates
(03:39):
this paradigm or this dichotomy.
That communication is anexpression.
It happens outside of us, andhow we communicate is somehow an
extension of who we are as anindividual, which then leads to
using the language of strengthsto help us better understand who
we are as communicators.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
And the reason why communication is so important
right now is we are taking astrengths lens.
Yes, that's where some of thisinitial research came from, when
we were meeting with teams andnoting the elements of positive
team culture.
Why it's so important right nowis communication.
(04:24):
Like you said, whenever you getpeople together, this is going
to be an issue.
We have found that strengthshelp us describe how people
communicate, what some of theirpatterns and preferences are
when it comes to communication.
But since we released our bookUnfolded, some of the things
(04:48):
that we have learned aboutcommunication is that we are
just communicating by the shapeof who we are.
We are communicating by thefolds of where we have come from
, that some of these well-wornsuper highways that allow people
(05:23):
to start to notice for thefirst time that this is how they
communicate and these are theirpreferences when it comes to
communication.
So we're just we're taking akind of a nuanced view and
listening with another lens.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
So one of the ways that we actually engage these
individuals when we're doingthese coaching sessions is we're
focusing on one section of ourcoaching and helping people
understand who they are asindividuals and what were some
of the shaping influences in howthey communicate and why they
communicate, what theycommunicate.
And that process of discoveryis another way that we kind of
(06:03):
use a certain set of prompts tohelp us get more insight into
the role that an individual'sstrengths play.
So here's an example of some ofthe four questions that we use.
We ask people to consider fourinfluences that have shaped how
they show up as a communicator.
So number one is family.
So we ask the people to considertheir family of origin.
Second, we ask people toconsider their culture ethnic
(06:26):
culture, religious culture.
Maybe they were a culturalminority in the neighborhood
that they grew up in, but whatwas the role that culture played
in communication expectations?
Next is environments.
We ask people to think aboutthe environment they were raised
in, whether it's community orsuburb or school, and also time
of history.
Time of history can tell a lotto us about someone's
communication, because time inhistory could be technology or
(06:50):
pre-technology, it could be aparenting style or just the ways
people that express themselves.
When you hear people tell thestories of how these four
elements shape the communication, you can begin to listen with
the language of strengths andhear their strengths pop up.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Now I know that we've recorded on this.
Maybe five or six years ago,the evolution of our thinking
and our practice came because,during the time of the pandemic,
people were forced tocommunicate in new ways.
One of the things that we havebegun to notice when we're
having conversations now ispeople are saying, well, I used
(07:27):
to communicate this way and nowI've had to pick up that.
Or they're shaped by theinfluences of social media or
some of the polarization kind ofmessaging and language and pot
stirring right that happens.
So we wanted to take a refresh,take a new perspective on
(07:53):
inviting people not to justconsider where did your strength
of positivity begin?
Or how were some of the habitsof ideation fostered in your
life?
Or how are you doing helpingyour your child, do standup
comedy to the twotwo.
(08:13):
So the the conversation todayis how do we not just say, okay,
all these things shaped us andnow that just excuses all the
behavior?
Today, the importance of thisconversation is the future lean,
the unfolded lean, the gettingready to communicate in a way
(08:36):
that will help bring healing andwholeness to teams, to families
, to organizations, that mighteven bring a kind of healing to
yourself, to understand thatyou've been shaped by your map,
you've been shaped by yourstrengths, you've been shaped by
your folds, the shape that youare in, and what are ways that
(08:58):
you can communicate better forthe betterment of humanity.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
Because when people consider the shaping influences
of their lives, those shapinginfluences and how they
communicate are clearly beforethe pandemic.
The pandemic created a one tothree to four year disruption in
how people communicate witheach other.
So people are now strugglingwith their normative ways of
expressing themselves, eitherlanding or not landing, and so
(09:26):
it's creating a sense ofconfusion or disillusionment or
a lack of familiarity with evenoneself, because what worked
before doesn't work now, and sowhat we want to do is we want to
give people a chance in thesehour-long sessions when we're
coaching them is to be able toexpress that.
What are their frustrations?
And usually that frustration isnamed and labeled on the
(09:49):
outside Like it's this person orit's this context or this
client did this.
But what Linda and I are tryingto do is we're trying to lean
into that expression and speakto the person's identity that
seems to be interrupted ordisrupted or not connecting.
Most of the time, it's not theperson's fault when their
(10:11):
communication is not landing.
It's an environmental, it's adifferent type of of like
collective community cocktail.
That's happening becauseeveryone in that team is going
through the same type ofreorientation of how to express
oneself in a new dynamic, in anew workplace that has, for the
(10:33):
moment, forever been changed andhow to receive that expression
right so, the, so, the, the.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
What happens after these hour long conversations
when we start to to get to thebottom of where, where some of
those patterns and preferencescame from, when they're then
invited to go back and interactwith one another?
there's this opportunity whereit's not just given something,
giving someone grace, where it'snot just giving someone grace,
it is this opportunity to saylike well, tell me more about
(11:02):
that.
I'm in a posture of listening.
It might be I might have thestrength of activator, so I want
to quick say all of thesethings and instead I'm going to
take a beat.
I'm going to take a pausebecause I'm practicing a new way
of communicating in a way thatonce again brings health and
wholeness.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
Something that I'm practicing.
I've heard this phrase manytimes, but do you want to be
right or do you want to be happy?
Speaker 2 (11:32):
I want to be heard and there is.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
I have the strength of communication and it's very
important to me that I'm heard.
That you know if I told youthis.
You know.
Here's all the evidence of howI've told you this.
But what I'm trying to learn isor do I want to just be like
you know what?
I would rather not do what Itold you so or?
(11:59):
This is the evidence of where Isaid this and be happy.
That's a little too simplistic,but I think you know what I'm
getting at.
Your ability to communicatewith others, regardless of the
medium, regardless of theenvironment or the context, how
(12:21):
much of it is me being aware of?
I need to adapt, I need toadjust versus like.
Well, all you yahoos are theproblem and I did it right.
So, argh, you know what I mean.
Like.
If I want to be a trulyeffective communicator, should I
always be bending overbackwards to figure out how to
make my message heard ifsometimes I have to yell and
sometimes I have to whisper, doyou know what I'm asking?
Speaker 2 (12:46):
I can answer that, but I'm not sure it's where you
want to go.
Part of this conversation isredirecting a person's attention
from what they're saying andhow many times they've said it
to the influences that areinforming what they need to say,
because we are in a time inhistory where words are so
(13:13):
carefully chosen, narratives areso tightly woven, that words
really really matter.
However, the science has shownus that, when it comes to
communication, the importance ofwords only comprises 7% of what
the brains actually payingattention to, because the brain
(13:34):
is paying more attention to thenonverbal cues.
For example, up to 55% of whatwe pick up in communication is
communicated through bodylanguage.
Up to 40% is tone of voice.
That doesn't even talk aboutthe emotional energy that is
created between people who aretrying to communicate.
And all these things are beingpicked up by our brains and
(13:55):
interpreted by our minds in howwe're going to be communicating.
So so much of what we're tryingto ask people to consider is
what are the influences that arecausing us to react and
communicate and say what we'retrying to say?
Because all of those factorsthe non-verbals, the emotional
energy, the body language isinterpreted through our own
(14:16):
perception, our own livedexperience, our own bias and
beliefs, and that too is shaded.
So it's really complicated whenyou get a team together to not
only communicate in healthypatterns but to express
themselves in ways that actuallyclearly communicate what
someone's trying to communicate.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
Because I don't think it's bending over backwards and
I don't think it's alwayssacrificing your voice, but what
is most helpful now, or what ismost helpful in this moment,
right now.
For this reason, marry some ofthe strengths and the
communication topic together iswe have found that the strengths
(14:55):
language gives you a great toolto be able to harness those
talents, those expressions,those behaviors in a way that
can help you communicate better,for greater happiness or
wherever you're shooting for.
(15:16):
Nathan, even talking about whatstrengths will you use to
listen in the next meeting?
And so I've had people writedown notes about oh, it's
because not my strength ofcommunication was misunderstood,
it was my strength of maximizerthat was misunderstood, or this
(15:39):
strength felt offended anddidn't maybe respond really well
.
And so we're giving tools topeople to not just say so, be a
better communicator, or keepjust bending to whatever the
group wants.
Just, you know, bending towhatever the group wants.
(16:01):
Instead, harness your capacityof what you already have inside
you in order to do somethingbetter for the greater whole.
So there's times where you'reyou know you hold the line,
nathan, and there's times whereyou know, at this part, this one
doesn't matter.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
So let's pivot and figure it out.
Can you give some examples fromsome of these clients?
What I'm curious to learn isjust what are those moments
where people have sort of beenlike, oh, this is something I
could do very practically toimprove my communication in a
(16:36):
given set, a given setting.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
I have several that come to mind.
Um, I'm thinking of oneindividual where, um, when
communication's going well, uh,he has a perspective that is
inclusive of the people that areat the table and he's weaving
everyone together and everyone'sfeeling like they can express
themselves, and being hurt.
When things are going poorly,he'll focus on one statement
(17:01):
that is being misdirected, um,or misinterpreted, and um, in
our work like this, this guy hasthe strength of a ranger and
the strength of woos.
When things are going well,he's weaving things together,
and when something is disruptive, um, his strength of positivity
can really shut him down tofocus on the one negative
statement that that's not goingwell.
(17:22):
But that then introduces himinto his new role.
You know how can he be awarethat these things are happening
and then course correct asneeded as he's going?
Speaker 1 (17:33):
For us the language of strengths.
Allow us to go a step furtherand not just label someone out
of the gate.
So, there's a leader I'mthinking about and she has the
strength of deliberative, she isthoughtful, she is careful, she
is really caring.
She is also very regimented inher approach and she could
(18:00):
easily be labeled as quiet oreasily be labeled as you know.
How does she communicate?
Oh, quiet, but guess what?
When she speaks, things change,makes things change when she is
(18:21):
given the courage to say, likeleverage, like like extroverts
some like say out loud some ofthe things that that you are
thinking or seeing, with thatstrength of deliberative, and
say it out loud to the group.
And when she says it out loud,it's almost like the whole.
You can watch the group turningin a different direction Once
again, moving, moving the needleforward in, in communicating in
(18:43):
more healthy and hopefulpatterns.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Do you want me to go to another one?
Do you want?
Speaker 3 (18:48):
another one.
Yeah, give me another one.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
I have another one.
Um, this is a a woman that hasa very strong presence.
Not only does she have a strongpresence as she's standing or
in a room with you, when shetalks.
Her messages are very smooth,articulated, well thought
through, and they have adirection to them.
She has the strength ofintellection, the strength of
(19:12):
learner, the strength ofachiever, so her thoughts are
complex and directionallyfocused.
What what happens, then is,when she talks it, that
directionality can serve as awedge that separates people from
talking to each other, becauseshe's so decisive in what she
says.
She's aware of this, and soshe's working on how can she ask
(19:35):
more questions, to gain moreinformation and to withhold
saying something until she feelslike it's too late to say
anything, because then the groupmay be more ready to hear what
she's saying that we are workingwith and his strength of
(19:59):
responsibility is so strong andhe wears it in a way.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
He wears the strength of responsibility and those
talents and behaviors in a waythat you can feel the weight of
it.
Other people can feel theweight of it and some people
just they don't understandbecause they don't come from
that perspective.
And my challenge to him waswhere do you find some renewal
where you don't have to carrythe weight or you find ways to
(20:24):
offload some of the weight orshare it or move it around so
that you can be heard in adifferent way and you can feel
more free?
in your communication style andattitude and approach.
Speaker 3 (20:38):
That's good.
I was in a meeting yesterday atmy kid's school that I didn't
call, but a meeting that I'vebeen wanting to have for a while
, specifically aboutcommunication in the school, and
I was one of five people there,one of whom was the principal,
and so we get in and the personwho actually called the meeting
(21:00):
was a little late, and so I waslike so what do you know about
what's happening?
She's like nothing.
I'm not even sure what we'redoing here.
I was kind of looking at theseother two guys.
It's like well, okay, and so Ijust kind of started talking and
no one else was providing anydirection of like is this the
(21:21):
right way to go?
And so I would pause and kindof like what do you think?
And people would just kind oflike I don't know, and so I was
reflecting on this later, youknow, in hindsight it's.
You know, the whole thing waskind of a mess from the
beginning, but as I was thinkingabout, and even now, as we're
talking about this, it is reallyimportant for me that there's a
(21:42):
point to communication insettings like that.
We know what we're doing, we'regoing to get somewhere, and if
there's a lack of that, I'lljust keep going and keep
throwing things at the wall.
This is maybe my communicationideation.
Until something sticks, Icannot figure like.
(22:03):
The two men in the room wereclearly like one guy who I'm
pretty good buddies with, almostdidn't say anything.
I'm just like what's happeninghere, like what's happening here
, so.
But my point is, this is kindof something I've known about
myself for a while.
But like, what is the learningfor me of?
Like more isn't better, but mysort of strategy is like you
(22:27):
know, if I just keep enough reps, something is going to stick,
something's going to jar thesepeople into action of some kind.
Um, unfortunately it didn'thappen yesterday, but if I was a
client of yours, how might youcoach me with that little?
I know we're almost out of timehere, but with that little
nugget, how might you coach mefor next time I'm in a similar
(22:51):
situation.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
The next time you're in a situation, start with the
purpose of the meeting, that'sgood we were just in a.
What is the purpose of thismeeting?
And make sure there's someunderstanding so that you have a
foundation from which to speak.
We were just in a meetingyesterday.
We're doing a lot of differentthings with this client.
(23:13):
One of the things that we do tostart the meeting with the
client.
She'll also do this with us.
All right, what's the purposeof this meeting?
And so I kind of preempted it.
I was like the purpose of thismeeting is this, this and this.
She's like nope False.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
True and correct.
That's a true story and soapplied to you, nathan.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
It's not just assuming that everyone's there
that even with the greatestintentions, sometimes the
meeting was named wrong or weput together things from an
email that that assume that thisis the way that we need to show
up yeah and I can'toveremphasize, so it's not.
It's not you not being clear,it's getting alignment from the
(23:53):
get-go.
Are we talking about the samething?
Speaker 2 (23:55):
yes, and wanting to get to the same place and
generally for all of us, it isin the beginning of those
conversations ask for what youneed and don't answer the
question yourself.
So you ask the question andwait.
What do you mean?
Like, for example, you didn'tknow what the purpose of meeting
was.
You kept talking.
I know, well I.
Speaker 3 (24:15):
So it's funny, as I I mean we don't need to get into
this, but't know what thepurpose of meeting was.
You kept talking.
I know well I.
So it's funny as I I mean wedon't need to get into this, but
I did know the purpose, but theother people didn't.
The people I thought were incharge, who had called the
meeting.
They were sort of like okay,we're here, um, but it's a
meeting I've been wanting tohave for several months and we
finally happened.
I was like I think I'm incharge, even though I'm not I'm
(24:36):
not the decision maker, but yeah, in hindsight I should have
cause.
I basically started saying whatdo you think this meeting is
about?
She's like I don't know.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
So I should have guess.
Speaker 3 (24:46):
Yeah, I should have said like here's where really
good at that, she's great and Iwould told yeah and I would have
recommended to whoever it isyou, that you ask each person to
give their perspective.
I know each person yeah, I saythat to leaders a lot that the
(25:07):
one guy who I said I know prettywell, he's like I have an idea
to do this, and the person incharge, the principal, is just
like nope, I kind of like whatyou're saying and that like I
think that's what shut him downfor the rest of the meeting.
But I was like, oh guys, thisis not going well.
Anyway.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
There's always room for improvement when it comes to
communication.
Speaker 3 (25:23):
Always room for improvement and I don't think
the goal is to become perfect.
The goal is to continue to bein a continual state of practice
of improvement.
So, brian and Linda, thank you.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
Thank you.
State of practice, ofimprovement.
So, brian Linda, thank you Onbehalf of our entire team.
Speaker 3 (25:40):
And thank you, listeners, for listening to the
Leadership Vision Podcast, ourshow helping you build positive
team culture by learning how tocommunicate more effectively
with one another.
We have a lot of resources onour website,
leadershipvisionconsultingcom,and I'll include a few specific
resources in the show.
Notes to these resources willhelp you learn how to
communicate better, give yousome ideas different ones than
(26:03):
we just shared today, and a lot,lot, lot of other resources as
well.
Please make sure to sign up forour free email newsletter,
follow us on the socials andsubscribe to our podcast
wherever you get good podcasts,and don't forget to pick up your
copy of Unfolded Lessons inTransformation from an Origami
Crane, available wherever youget your books.
(26:24):
I'm Nathan Friberg.
I'm Linda Schubring.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
And I'm Brian Schubring.
Speaker 3 (26:28):
And on behalf of our entire team thanks for listening
.
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