644: Blaine Anderson - The #1 Dating Coach In The World Teaches You How To Genuinely Connect With People

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The Learning Leader Show with Ryan Hawk

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Guest: Blaine Anderson is a dating coach and matchmaker. She’s helped more than 3,000 happy clients attract and build long-term relationships. Her work has been featured in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Forbes, and she earned a deal with Mark Cuban on Shark Tank.

Notes:

• Someone asked Charlie Munger… How do I get a great wife? Deserve one. The best way to find a good spouse is to deserve one, he often said. In business, this translates to working hard and behaving with integrity consistently over time. “To get what you want, you have to deserve what you want.”
• What is the #1 reason you don’t get a second date? You talk about yourself too much. 
  • When you go out to eat with someone, what percentage of the time are you talking? Aim to talk 30% and listen 70%. The reason we don’t get the second date or the follow-up meeting with the prospect is because we are talking too much.
  • Pull conversational threads: Avoid rapid-fire questioning by following up on answers with related questions. Share brief personal connections to create dialogue rather than interrogation. "You want to pull the conversational thread... ask a follow-up question about that same thing. That's where you can start having a conversation."
• Marketing your trajectory matters: People want to know you're going places. Share your goals, dreams, and aspirations authentically to demonstrate upward momentum. "You want to find the balance of sharing things about yourself that indicate you are on an upward trajectory... from a place of getting to know one another."
• Nice guys need boundaries: Being overly accommodating to people you barely know signals weakness. Hold boundaries and don't put others before yourself too quickly. "The general problem with the nice guy is he's putting other people before himself, including people he doesn't know very well."
• Confidence must be genuine: Authentic confidence comes from actually becoming confident through mastery, not just faking body language. Get genuinely good at something. "You have to become that... get really good at something... picking something in your life and getting really good at it is gonna help you build confidence."
• Don't rush to the close: Whether in dating or sales, focus on building connection and trust before asking for commitment. The close is the period at the end of a long sentence. "If you approach a woman or you approach a deal and you're just trying to get to the final step... you're going to rush through a lot of the important and essential steps."
• High-value people are in demand: Present yourself as someone others want to be around. People are naturally drawn to those who appear sought-after by others. "We want the thing that's in demand. We want the thing that other humans recognize as high value."
• Genuine curiosity creates connection: Being authentically interested in others' experiences is a powerful form of respect and love. Ask questions that take conversations deeper. "Your underlying emotion is important... becoming a genuinely curious person who is interes