November 26, 2023 • 13 mins
Experiencing the holiday season sober may seem like a daunting challenge, but rest assured, it's one that you can face successfully. Join me, a former fashion model and now a competitive athlete. I will provide pragmatic advice on tackling triggering situations that could potentially interfere with your path to sobriety.
These are my secret weapons to maintain sobriety: laying out a robust plan and having a non-alcoholic drink at your disposal, always. I also talk about "playing the tape", a mental exercise to visualize the possible outcomes before succumbing to temptation. I also open up about my personal experience of choosing sobriety during a particularly taxing holiday season, which led to healing old wounds and strengthening relationships.
Finally, remember that choosing sobriety doesn't equate to missing out on holiday cheer; it's about celebrating the season in a healthier, more fulfilling way. So let's hold steadfast to our commitment to sobriety and make this holiday season worth remembering.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Whether you are sober , curious or actively recovering
from addiction.
This episode is about how tostay sober through the holidays.
My name is Lucy Beatrix and I'man athlete and former fashion
model who got sober five yearsago, and it goes without saying
that that simple action ofabstaining from substances
(00:35):
radically changed my life in bigways, in ways that I couldn't
have ever envisioned when I madethat first step to stop
drinking alcohol.
So a little bit more about me.
I was an unhealthy fashionmodel living in New York City,
doing all the big things, livingthis crazy life, and then one
day I decided to stop drinking,and whether or not you fall into
(00:58):
that category as someone whohad a problem had to radically
change or you're just decidingto take a break and see what can
happen if you do give upalcohol or any kind of substance
.
This episode is about some ofthe tips and tricks that I've
learned in how to stay soberthrough the holidays, and
something that I learned that Ithought was very interesting,
(01:20):
that I heard in the rooms or inbehind closed doors in recovery
sober communities, is that thisseason that we're in right now,
the period from Halloween to NewYear's, is what a lot of sober,
recovering.
People call hurricane season.
I thought that was a reallyinteresting term, because they
were saying that it's just astorm of triggering situations
(01:43):
and environments and all kindsof grounds that could lead to
wanting to use a substance toescape or to feel like it's less
stressful.
And so I want to talk aboutsome of the things that I
personally use as a way to staysober and not feel like I have
to resort to old ways in orderto make it through.
(02:05):
So the first thing on this listis to have a plan.
So if you're going somewheremaybe a holiday party or hanging
out with family, or you'regoing to be out of your normal
routine of what you typically dowhen you're alone, or maybe
when it's not the holidays, andyou just know like this is what
I do to stay sober when you'rewalking into these unknowns,
(02:28):
have a plan, and for me that cantypically mean having somebody
to check in with either before,during or after a potentially
triggering environment orpotentially triggering event,
and even just knowing that youhave that check in waiting for
you.
That can keep you kind of inthe sobriety mindset of like you
(02:49):
know what this moment right nowmight feel.
Weird, I'm seeing peoplepouring wine and I want to
engage, but I know I have thatphone call waiting for me in an
hour and I want to make surethat I'm ready for that.
Or you know that somebody elseis going to be reaching out to
you and you want to stay justpresent enough to know that
you're not going to pick upbecause you have that waiting
(03:10):
for you.
Another thing that comes withhaving a plan is having
something physically in yourhand, and this goes without
saying.
That it's probably the easiestthing that you can possibly do
in these environments is thatwhen everybody else is pouring a
glass of something, you canhave that glass in your hand and
no one has to know what's in it.
So for me that could be assimple as a seltzer water with a
(03:33):
little bit of lime in it, orsome kind of a mocktail, or even
just grape juice.
I just had Thanksgiving a fewdays ago with my boyfriend and
his family, and what did I have?
I had a fun little mocktail ofmango puree and grape juice, and
I even had some sparkling applecider in there, and just having
(03:53):
something like that to liketangibly hold kind of alleviates
this pressure of thinking likesomeone's going to ask you do
you want something to drink, areyou sure?
And so on.
So those are some things that Ipersonally use with, like my
plan of how to go into thesesituations.
Another suggestion that I wouldmake to anybody, and something
(04:14):
that I do for myself, issomething that we call playing
the tape, and the first time Iever heard someone say this to
me, I thought it was reallyfascinating, because basically,
what you do is, before you wouldengage in using a substance,
you basically walk yourselfthrough every step of what that
would look like until you get tothe end of the tape of what
(04:36):
this leads to.
So maybe it means thatsomebody's handing you a glass
of wine or some champagne orsomething and you think, well,
what would happen if I took thatfirst sip, or if I broke the
seal and started drinkingalcohol?
And maybe in the beginning youcould even see yourself enjoying
it and feeling a wave of reliefand feeling like, oh, this is
(04:56):
exactly what I wanted to do.
I want this to make me feel alittle bit more relaxed and more
like I'm part of the community,or feeling like I'm having fun
at the party.
And then what happens an hourlater?
What happens when you finishthat first glass of champagne
and the night is carrying on andyou want another one, or you
know that that one is going tolead to finishing the entire
(05:18):
bottle and sometimes it's noteven about that, leading to a
crazy debauchery night ofsomething that you're not proud
of.
But what does that do for thefuture of the next time somebody
offers you a glass of wine orsomething when you're out, when
the holidays are over, or a fewdays later on a random Tuesday
night and you're like well, wait, I broke the seal.
(05:38):
So now this is just somethingthat becomes routine and a
pattern yet again and thenbecomes part of that vicious
cycle of thinking that you canhave it all the time.
So playing the tape can lookdifferent for different people,
because maybe if somebodydoesn't have the terrible rock
bottom experiences to reflect onand know that it can lead to
(06:00):
that, they might think well, itjust leads to this redundant
feeling like you have to use it,or feel like you can get into
this routine of just drinkingall the time without really
thinking too hard about it andthen waking up 10 years later
and thinking why did I feel likeI needed that substance part of
my life when I could have justenjoyed the experiences above
(06:22):
the influence.
So playing the tape isdefinitely a really awesome
thing to do if you're in themoment and somebody hands you
something or you feel triggeredby wanting to drink alcohol.
The next tip is to stayconnected with fellow sober
people, and this goes back tothe first tip of having phone
calls or checking in withfriends, even if it just means
(06:44):
texting.
I've definitely had a bunch offriends over the years that we
would just text each otherthroughout these kinds of
weddings or holiday parties orevents that were happening, just
to say hey, I'm thinking of you.
And just bouncing off thelittle stresses and the
moment-to-moment connection withsomebody else can alleviate the
pressure of feeling like youwant to pick up, because it just
(07:08):
feels like you're part of acommunity of people that want to
stay in it.
And sometimes it's hard to findother people who are in that
same journey with you of beingsober, curious or being
completely sober.
But there are a lot of us outthere.
So I would say, just try tofind people who don't drink and
more often than not and I foundthis with myself when I moved to
(07:29):
a completely different citylast year I just reached out to
people that I saw were sober,adjacent somehow, and slowly but
surely just made friends thatwere in that community, and they
met me with arms open becausethey were like I want to help
however I can.
So more often than not, peoplewho are sober want to help other
people who are also on thispath.
(07:50):
So staying connected.
Another thing is this idea ofpausing before reacting.
So say, you find yourself in anextremely stressful situation.
You're at a dinner or some kindof a holiday thing with your
family, people you don'tnormally see, you're feeling
interrogated, there's questionsyou don't want to answer.
You know, like stressfulsituations, kids screaming and
(08:13):
just feeling like that need towant to escape, and I know that,
like the holidays definitelybring up a lot of opportunities
where you're just kind of likestuck in a situation and you
want to get out of thatsituation.
And sometimes the most temptingand accessible thing to do in
that moment is to consumesomething that's going to make
you feel a different way.
(08:34):
And the way I look at that isthinking instead of trying to
escape that moment, experiencingit and then thinking about what
you can do to escape thatfeeling.
That isn't by ingesting asubstance, because ultimately,
when we ingest something that isgoing to alter our mood,
there's an equal and oppositereaction to that when you do,
(08:56):
inevitably sober up, and thatdoesn't solve the feeling of
tension inside of you thatyou're trying to escape.
That's still waiting for youwhen you sober up.
So it's like maybe, if you'rehaving an uncomfortable
conversation or you're in anuncomfortable situation,
whatever you can do to removeyourself, that isn't by altering
yourself chemically.
That is something that I wouldencourage people to do.
(09:18):
So that would maybe even meanjust having your therapy locked
and loaded and having extrasessions and check-ins
surrounding stressful situationsto process and deal with why
these things feel uncomfortable.
Why does that family membersaying that thing every year
bother you and how can you dothe work for yourself to make it
(09:39):
so that you don't feel like youhave to escape with some kind
of a substance?
So that pausing and thenreflecting, that's something
that I think is a very valuabletool, because it's saying I'm
going to sit with it for asecond, even if it's
uncomfortable, much like whenI'm training or trying to excel
as an athlete.
There's a lot of moments thatyou learn how to feel really
(10:00):
uncomfortable and just go.
This is really horrible rightnow, but I'm going to feel
better on the other side if Ijust push through.
So the last tip that I wouldhave for anybody who's trying to
stay sober through the holidaysis to just ask for help and
reach out.
And going back to this theme ofconnection, I think that the
(10:20):
biggest thing that people can dois not feel like you have to
solve or handle all of theseproblems alone, because so often
you might think that it makesmore sense to retreat inside of
yourself and just deal andwhite-knuckle your way through
stressful situations.
But I find by offloading ordiffusing those feelings out
(10:42):
into the universe and relying onthe people that you trust, or
your loved ones or yoursignificant other, that can help
to alleviate some of thatexternal pressure and ask for
help for having how to solve andmanage some of these feelings,
because really, all of this, thestress around the holidays, can
(11:03):
be a great opportunity to thendeal with some of the things
that might be stressing you outall the other days of the year
and all the other seasons.
And I know for me last year Ispent my first Thanksgiving with
my family.
I hadn't seen them in six years.
I hadn't spent any time withthem.
But I went into that situationcompletely sober, expecting all
(11:23):
kinds of outcomes, and when itended up happening was pretty
amazing.
I ended up having all of thosepast traumas and problems come
to the surface, but in a verylevel, headed way, where I was
then able to address and solveand fix some of the things I
don't think I could have if Iwould have just chosen to numb
(11:45):
out and remove myself fromactually trying to fix what was
going on.
And so what ended up happeningended up making it so that that
one holiday of actually goingand being with my family solved
and healed a lot ofrelationships that had been kind
of tumultuous for a very longtime.
So really it's kind of amazingwhat can happen if we do decide
(12:07):
to commit to giving ourselvesthis gift of sobriety through
the holidays, through the moststressful time of year, through
hurricane season, and so Iencourage you to at least give
it a shot and see what it doesfor you, because at the very
worst this is what people sayall the time you can always go
back, you can always drinkeventually, but what if you just
(12:28):
don't today?
Like what if right now youdecide not to, because then
maybe you'll see all of theseamazing things unfold and want
to keep it going.
That's kind of my story, whereit's the kind of thing where I
saw so many amazing benefitscome from this decision that it
fuels me and makes me moreinspired than ever to keep it
(12:49):
going.
So that's what I have for youguys today.
I hope this was a handy, handylittle set of resources that you
can use for how to stay soberthroughout the holidays, and I
hope you are enjoying theholidays and until next time,
just be fast Swing.
Whether you are sober , curious or actively recovering
from addiction.
This episode is about how tostay sober through the holidays.
My name is Lucy Beatrix and I'man athlete and former fashion
model who got sober five yearsago, and it goes without saying
that that simple action ofabstaining from substances
(00:35):
radically changed my life in bigways, in ways that I couldn't
have ever envisioned when I madethat first step to stop
drinking alcohol.
So a little bit more about me.
I was an unhealthy fashionmodel living in New York City,
doing all the big things, livingthis crazy life, and then one
day I decided to stop drinking,and whether or not you fall into
(00:58):
that category as someone whohad a problem had to radically
change or you're just decidingto take a break and see what can
happen if you do give upalcohol or any kind of substance
.
This episode is about some ofthe tips and tricks that I've
learned in how to stay soberthrough the holidays, and
something that I learned that Ithought was very interesting,
(01:20):
that I heard in the rooms or inbehind closed doors in recovery
sober communities, is that thisseason that we're in right now,
the period from Halloween to NewYear's, is what a lot of sober,
recovering.
People call hurricane season.
I thought that was a reallyinteresting term, because they
were saying that it's just astorm of triggering situations
(01:43):
and environments and all kindsof grounds that could lead to
wanting to use a substance toescape or to feel like it's less
stressful.
And so I want to talk aboutsome of the things that I
personally use as a way to staysober and not feel like I have
to resort to old ways in orderto make it through.
(02:05):
So the first thing on this listis to have a plan.
So if you're going somewheremaybe a holiday party or hanging
out with family, or you'regoing to be out of your normal
routine of what you typically dowhen you're alone, or maybe
when it's not the holidays, andyou just know like this is what
I do to stay sober when you'rewalking into these unknowns,
(02:28):
have a plan, and for me that cantypically mean having somebody
to check in with either before,during or after a potentially
triggering environment orpotentially triggering event,
and even just knowing that youhave that check in waiting for
you.
That can keep you kind of inthe sobriety mindset of like you
(02:49):
know what this moment right nowmight feel.
Weird, I'm seeing peoplepouring wine and I want to
engage, but I know I have thatphone call waiting for me in an
hour and I want to make surethat I'm ready for that.
Or you know that somebody elseis going to be reaching out to
you and you want to stay justpresent enough to know that
you're not going to pick upbecause you have that waiting
(03:10):
for you.
Another thing that comes withhaving a plan is having
something physically in yourhand, and this goes without
saying.
That it's probably the easiestthing that you can possibly do
in these environments is thatwhen everybody else is pouring a
glass of something, you canhave that glass in your hand and
no one has to know what's in it.
So for me that could be assimple as a seltzer water with a
(03:33):
little bit of lime in it, orsome kind of a mocktail, or even
just grape juice.
I just had Thanksgiving a fewdays ago with my boyfriend and
his family, and what did I have?
I had a fun little mocktail ofmango puree and grape juice, and
I even had some sparkling applecider in there, and just having
(03:53):
something like that to liketangibly hold kind of alleviates
this pressure of thinking likesomeone's going to ask you do
you want something to drink, areyou sure?
And so on.
So those are some things that Ipersonally use with, like my
plan of how to go into thesesituations.
Another suggestion that I wouldmake to anybody, and something
(04:14):
that I do for myself, issomething that we call playing
the tape, and the first time Iever heard someone say this to
me, I thought it was reallyfascinating, because basically,
what you do is, before you wouldengage in using a substance,
you basically walk yourselfthrough every step of what that
would look like until you get tothe end of the tape of what
(04:36):
this leads to.
So maybe it means thatsomebody's handing you a glass
of wine or some champagne orsomething and you think, well,
what would happen if I took thatfirst sip, or if I broke the
seal and started drinkingalcohol?
And maybe in the beginning youcould even see yourself enjoying
it and feeling a wave of reliefand feeling like, oh, this is
(04:56):
exactly what I wanted to do.
I want this to make me feel alittle bit more relaxed and more
like I'm part of the community,or feeling like I'm having fun
at the party.
And then what happens an hourlater?
What happens when you finishthat first glass of champagne
and the night is carrying on andyou want another one, or you
know that that one is going tolead to finishing the entire
(05:18):
bottle and sometimes it's noteven about that, leading to a
crazy debauchery night ofsomething that you're not proud
of.
But what does that do for thefuture of the next time somebody
offers you a glass of wine orsomething when you're out, when
the holidays are over, or a fewdays later on a random Tuesday
night and you're like well, wait, I broke the seal.
(05:38):
So now this is just somethingthat becomes routine and a
pattern yet again and thenbecomes part of that vicious
cycle of thinking that you canhave it all the time.
So playing the tape can lookdifferent for different people,
because maybe if somebodydoesn't have the terrible rock
bottom experiences to reflect onand know that it can lead to
(06:00):
that, they might think well, itjust leads to this redundant
feeling like you have to use it,or feel like you can get into
this routine of just drinkingall the time without really
thinking too hard about it andthen waking up 10 years later
and thinking why did I feel likeI needed that substance part of
my life when I could have justenjoyed the experiences above
(06:22):
the influence.
So playing the tape isdefinitely a really awesome
thing to do if you're in themoment and somebody hands you
something or you feel triggeredby wanting to drink alcohol.
The next tip is to stayconnected with fellow sober
people, and this goes back tothe first tip of having phone
calls or checking in withfriends, even if it just means
(06:44):
texting.
I've definitely had a bunch offriends over the years that we
would just text each otherthroughout these kinds of
weddings or holiday parties orevents that were happening, just
to say hey, I'm thinking of you.
And just bouncing off thelittle stresses and the
moment-to-moment connection withsomebody else can alleviate the
pressure of feeling like youwant to pick up, because it just
(07:08):
feels like you're part of acommunity of people that want to
stay in it.
And sometimes it's hard to findother people who are in that
same journey with you of beingsober, curious or being
completely sober.
But there are a lot of us outthere.
So I would say, just try tofind people who don't drink and
more often than not and I foundthis with myself when I moved to
(07:29):
a completely different citylast year I just reached out to
people that I saw were sober,adjacent somehow, and slowly but
surely just made friends thatwere in that community, and they
met me with arms open becausethey were like I want to help
however I can.
So more often than not, peoplewho are sober want to help other
people who are also on thispath.
(07:50):
So staying connected.
Another thing is this idea ofpausing before reacting.
So say, you find yourself in anextremely stressful situation.
You're at a dinner or some kindof a holiday thing with your
family, people you don'tnormally see, you're feeling
interrogated, there's questionsyou don't want to answer.
You know, like stressfulsituations, kids screaming and
(08:13):
just feeling like that need towant to escape, and I know that,
like the holidays definitelybring up a lot of opportunities
where you're just kind of likestuck in a situation and you
want to get out of thatsituation.
And sometimes the most temptingand accessible thing to do in
that moment is to consumesomething that's going to make
you feel a different way.
(08:34):
And the way I look at that isthinking instead of trying to
escape that moment, experiencingit and then thinking about what
you can do to escape thatfeeling.
That isn't by ingesting asubstance, because ultimately,
when we ingest something that isgoing to alter our mood,
there's an equal and oppositereaction to that when you do,
(08:56):
inevitably sober up, and thatdoesn't solve the feeling of
tension inside of you thatyou're trying to escape.
That's still waiting for youwhen you sober up.
So it's like maybe, if you'rehaving an uncomfortable
conversation or you're in anuncomfortable situation,
whatever you can do to removeyourself, that isn't by altering
yourself chemically.
That is something that I wouldencourage people to do.
(09:18):
So that would maybe even meanjust having your therapy locked
and loaded and having extrasessions and check-ins
surrounding stressful situationsto process and deal with why
these things feel uncomfortable.
Why does that family membersaying that thing every year
bother you and how can you dothe work for yourself to make it
(09:39):
so that you don't feel like youhave to escape with some kind
of a substance?
So that pausing and thenreflecting, that's something
that I think is a very valuabletool, because it's saying I'm
going to sit with it for asecond, even if it's
uncomfortable, much like whenI'm training or trying to excel
as an athlete.
There's a lot of moments thatyou learn how to feel really
(10:00):
uncomfortable and just go.
This is really horrible rightnow, but I'm going to feel
better on the other side if Ijust push through.
So the last tip that I wouldhave for anybody who's trying to
stay sober through the holidaysis to just ask for help and
reach out.
And going back to this theme ofconnection, I think that the
(10:20):
biggest thing that people can dois not feel like you have to
solve or handle all of theseproblems alone, because so often
you might think that it makesmore sense to retreat inside of
yourself and just deal andwhite-knuckle your way through
stressful situations.
But I find by offloading ordiffusing those feelings out
(10:42):
into the universe and relying onthe people that you trust, or
your loved ones or yoursignificant other, that can help
to alleviate some of thatexternal pressure and ask for
help for having how to solve andmanage some of these feelings,
because really, all of this, thestress around the holidays, can
(11:03):
be a great opportunity to thendeal with some of the things
that might be stressing you outall the other days of the year
and all the other seasons.
And I know for me last year Ispent my first Thanksgiving with
my family.
I hadn't seen them in six years.
I hadn't spent any time withthem.
But I went into that situationcompletely sober, expecting all
(11:23):
kinds of outcomes, and when itended up happening was pretty
amazing.
I ended up having all of thosepast traumas and problems come
to the surface, but in a verylevel, headed way, where I was
then able to address and solveand fix some of the things I
don't think I could have if Iwould have just chosen to numb
(11:45):
out and remove myself fromactually trying to fix what was
going on.
And so what ended up happeningended up making it so that that
one holiday of actually goingand being with my family solved
and healed a lot ofrelationships that had been kind
of tumultuous for a very longtime.
So really it's kind of amazingwhat can happen if we do decide
(12:07):
to commit to giving ourselvesthis gift of sobriety through
the holidays, through the moststressful time of year, through
hurricane season, and so Iencourage you to at least give
it a shot and see what it doesfor you, because at the very
worst this is what people sayall the time you can always go
back, you can always drinkeventually, but what if you just
(12:28):
don't today?
Like what if right now youdecide not to, because then
maybe you'll see all of theseamazing things unfold and want
to keep it going.
That's kind of my story, whereit's the kind of thing where I
saw so many amazing benefitscome from this decision that it
fuels me and makes me moreinspired than ever to keep it
(12:49):
going.
So that's what I have for youguys today.
I hope this was a handy, handylittle set of resources that you
can use for how to stay soberthroughout the holidays, and I
hope you are enjoying theholidays and until next time,
just be fast Swing.
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