June 27, 2023 • 19 mins
You're about to step behind the camera and explore the unvarnished truth of my early years in the world of fashion modeling. Imagine a shared living space in Athens, Greece, a small apartment in New York City, and a myriad of experiences and emotions tied up in each. The struggles, the loneliness, and the sheer effort of figuring out basic life skills on my own. This episode takes you through a world of castings, nightlife, and pressure, but also the lesser-known reality of model apartments and club promoters.
But this journey isn't just about glitz and glamour - there's a darker side to it all. As we move deeper into my experiences, I recount unsettling encounters with club promoters and reveal a chaotic lifestyle that often left me questioning my place in it all. I share stories that might surprise you - of young girls I met, of introduction to harmful behaviors like drugs, alcohol, depression, and starvation. This is a raw and honest account of my modeling journey, breaking down the facade of glamour and laying bare the reality of what goes on behind the scenes. Come, walk through this journey with me.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Testing, testing, testing.
Okay, so we're rolling, we'rerolling.
The podcast situation is alittle different right now
because I'm just feeling likedoing this cash, kind of like
Emma Chamberlain.
Today's episode is about modelsapartments and I realize a lot
of you might not know what thatis.
So what is a models apartment?
(00:22):
A models apartment is somethingthat your agency, or a modeling
agency that represents models,sets up its housing for the
models that they represent.
So, basically, when a modelsigns with an agency and they
are either coming from overseasto work in a different market,
the agency has housing that theyset up that the girls can live
(00:44):
in.
So my connection to all of thisis that way back in the day in
2007, when I signed with myfirst agency in Europe, i went
and stayed in a models apartmentand I stayed in about six
models apartments over the years, but it was pretty much in the
beginning of my career until Ihad like way before I ever had
(01:07):
like my L cover or anything.
That was a big break.
I was staying in modelsapartments trying to make it
work.
So I thought that I would justtalk about what that was like,
because it was pretty crazy,doesn't even crazy, doesn't even
scratch the surface of what itwas actually like living in
models apartments.
So the first one that I everlived in was in Athens, greece,
(01:32):
and so I signed with an agencywhen I was still in high school
and before I even graduated highschool, i went and lived there
for a month And I think that waskind of like a crash course on
what models apartments are like,because it was Athens, so it
wasn't even like a major fashioncity.
It was just one of these citiesthat my mother agency had
(01:53):
selected that I go and work at.
So I went there when I was 18years old and I remember showing
up.
I went from the airport to thisaddress, which was the models
apartment, which was at the baseof the Acropolis in Athens, and
it was just this.
It felt like a hostel with abunch of different rooms And in
(02:17):
each room they had three beds ofgirls and guys, male models and
female models where we all werejust staying And basically
there were roommates that youwere signed And so I like got to
the hotel or the like modelsapartment It was technically
called a hotel but it was amodel's apartment And I met
(02:40):
these two girls who were fromlike Lithuania and Estonia,
didn't really speak English Andbasically that was my first
models apartment.
So you walk in and it's liketiled floors, metal cot beds,
twin size beds in one littleroom and a kitchen, no washing
(03:02):
machine or anything like that,and a little standing shower
area.
But right away when I got thereI felt very alone or very much
like it was like you have tofigure it all out on your own.
I didn't know anything aboutwhere to go to a grocery store
or even to just like do laundryor anything like that, like life
(03:24):
skills Cause this was also likethe first time I was kind of on
my own, cause as a highschooler, it was the first time
I was like just away from homeby myself.
So I think all of the factorslike having it be a totally
different country where I didn'tspeak the language, and they
actually faxed us our castingsLike every morning you wake up,
(03:44):
you go down to the front deskreception area and there's like
a fax waiting for you with yourname on it that says what your
castings are And so, and thenthat was your day.
It's like you get your fax fromyour agency of what your
castings were and then you go.
So I would latch on with theother girls and say like, oh, do
you have this casting?
Okay, cool, like let's gotogether.
(04:05):
So I could like learn where togo, based on where they would
like take me and just kind offollow their lead.
But so that was the firstmodels department And one thing
I learned right away is that thedays are for castings but the
nights are for going out, andthat was what really like that
was how people did.
(04:25):
It is they would go on theircastings all day long and then
at night the club promoterswhich is the very first time I
ever encountered this Clubpromoters who take the girls to
the different clubs around town,show up at the models
department and then they takeyou out to the fancy clubs and
stuff.
So that was the first time Ihad ever even gone to a club.
(04:48):
But it was kind of like youjust do that because that's what
your roommates are doing, andso I remember the girls were
everyone would be smoking in ouractual physical room And that
was also the first time I was upclose and personal with
cigarette smoke like that in ashared space.
But it was also surprising tome because the girls I was
(05:09):
living with were like 15, 16.
I was the old one, i was an18-year-old, and so to think
that we're all sitting in theselittle rooms, there's smoke
everywhere, we have long day ofcastings, and then Hong Kong
there's a club promoter outsidewaiting to take everyone out to
the clubs.
And it's not that you don't say, it's not that you can't say no
(05:32):
, but you just don't.
People just go because it'sjust what you did.
You go to the castings, you gohome, you change and then you go
to the club And then, yeah, itwas just so weird.
This was all completely foreignand new, even just getting
around.
It was just such an eye-openingexperience.
(05:53):
But that's why I latched ontothe other girls that I met in
this model department.
So that was the first one.
The second one was when I was inNew York and I bounced around a
couple of models departments inNew York when I first signed
with my New York agency after Igot back from that Athens trip,
and those were very cramped.
(06:14):
But it was more of living withyour agents, because with those
set of models departments that Ilived in, you lived with the
people who were getting you thejobs, like the bookers too, with
the other models.
And the crazy thing is is thatone of those first departments I
think it was in the financialdistrict those models that I
lived with, one of them went onto be a really big actress.
(06:38):
She's all over the place now.
It's kind of funny to think Shewasn't the most successful
model but she went on to be areally big actress, so it's kind
of funny.
I think we shared a little roomat one point.
So those rooms were also verycramped because it was New York
City for one, but also just thenature of models departments
that they're typically prettycramped.
And that was when things got alittle bit more real with other
(07:04):
things.
Like I remember the first timeI was around drugs was in a
models department One of theones, i think it was in Midtown
in like this basement apartment.
Everybody was sharing.
We had a ton of girls to a roomand there was like a mold
problem.
Everybody was in a bad mood.
(07:24):
There was lots of fights oflike dishes in the sink and,
like you know, matches of likeyou're like nobody's going to
clean up after you anymore, likethese kinds of like bickering
kind of things.
But then also that's when itwas fast, it was my first
fashion week when I was stayingin that model department And so
people were just stressed.
But I also remember being faceto face with weird food stuff of
(07:49):
like people like thesebeautiful girls that were from
foreign countries that were likeafraid to eat dinner because
they had to be casting in themorning or stuff like that, and
then just I don't know, i feltlike it was just like a very
dark, dingy environment And itwas actually where I began my
descent into probably badbehaviors, like very bad
(08:12):
behavior surrounding food,because I was so concerned with
like what my agency was going tosay about me whenever I would
go in to get measured and stuff.
So that was the first model'sapartment that I ever actually
got.
Very weird about food was thatone the one in midtown that I'm
thinking of where I was thefirst time I had ever gone three
whole days without eating,which is pretty crazy.
(08:32):
And I remember one of mybookers was like kind of
praising me, being like reallyproud of me.
She lived in the apartment, shewas really proud of me for like
losing weight like that And sheactually this is so crazy She
gave me this prescriptionmedication.
She kind of gave me a bottleand said so it's an anti-seizure
medication.
(08:53):
I don't remember the name of it, but she said that it'll make
you not wanna eat.
She's like, if you take thisyou won't wanna eat.
Kind of crazy to think aboutthat.
Somebody that I was living withan agency that I was
represented by that I'm notgonna say the name of it, wasn't
the major agency that I wasrepresented by later when I went
on to do bigger things but thatshe gave me this crazy
(09:17):
medication that was not for me,it was not a doctor, it was
literally just to make it so Ididn't eat or want to eat.
So yeah, weird model's apartmentsituation.
I remember my dad came to visitNew York and he came to that
model's apartment and he didn'tthink it was that bad, because
it wasn't that bad.
It was just that like you'reliving with strangers in a
crammed environment and it'sjust not fun, like it just
(09:39):
wasn't a good environment ingeneral.
So then I kind of bouncedaround from a few different
apartments and then I got this.
I had to go work in Milan for alittle bit, so I went to a
model's apartment.
Out there One of my New Yorkfriends, was already living in
that one.
When I got there I saw her Andthat was the first time that I I
(10:01):
mean this girl was somethingelse And she, i think I got
there and she poured me awhiskey Coke and was like I
think it was like 11 am I wentfrom the airport to the model's
apartment.
She was like let's have a drink?
And I was like, okay, i waslike I kind of need to figure
out where the grocery store isand stuff and get settled in.
And she was like, yeah, likelet's have a drink to go to the
(10:23):
grocery store.
That was the first time I everlike day drink, i think day
drink in my life, i think.
But again, that was very muchclub promote, like you go on
castings during the day and thenyou go to clubs at night in
Milan.
And that was kind of a crazyliving situation, cause I think
there were like six of us in aroom with the beds kind of like
(10:45):
Annie, like lined up like thetwin beds of lots of girls from
Eastern Europe, like Lithuaniaand Estonia and Poland and Czech
Republic, and we're all in thisroom in Milan And I remember I
was having a really hard timeadjusting to the sleep schedule.
I was on a totally differentschedule, so I would be waking
up at two in the morning tostart my day, basically cause I
(11:07):
just could not sleep And I wasso miserable because I had to go
to this one little like part ofthe apartment that had the wifi
.
There was only one part of theapartment that had wifi and I
had to go out there and I wouldlike be on my computer and it
was just dark.
It was really dark.
So, that said, every modelsapartment experience I feel like
(11:28):
was just like really sad, causeeverybody was just sad and
stressed about work And thatdynamic of you're not having,
you don't have any personalspace, you're just living your
life.
Like in such close quartersThere's always someone on their
phone talking in a foreignlanguage to somebody else, like
you're always like just sharing.
There's also a lot of stressfor, like when you are or aren't
(11:50):
working.
So if you're working a lot, ifyou're doing all these crazy
shoots and stuff and you'retired, there's a lot of jealousy
of other girls being like, well, she's working so much, like
why is she getting all the jobs?
Oh, it's because she's anAmerican and she's this and that
or whatever.
But like, even I was confusedsometimes when I would get jobs.
I'd be like I don't know whyyou guys didn't get them cause
you're so amazing.
(12:10):
This is the other aspect ofmodels departments I thought was
so fascinating was it was thefirst time I was face to face
with the girls that I saw inmagazines.
So I was like you were, you'rea big model, you're a big name,
you're a big face.
And I'm face to face with themin the morning, at night, like
when they have no makeup on, andthey look even better than they
(12:31):
did in their advertisements andtheir magazines.
So I think that was kind of aninteresting case study was to be
like wow, everyone thinks that,like, these girls and these
magazines are all Photoshop andthey're not real.
No, they are real and they'reeven better than what you think
they are.
They're stunning, they'regorgeous.
There's specimens from anotherplanet like models.
Like these kinds of modelsespecially.
I was blown away by like whatthey actually looked like and
(12:55):
what they were actually like,like you know, completely not
glamored up.
So that was an interesting casestudy.
They also like there was thisidea that, like a lot of times
with the work ethic, modeling ismore about like truly making a
living, as opposed to justsomebody thinks they're like,
they look a certain way and theyshould be modeling.
(13:16):
I feel like in America, a lotof people would like think of
themselves as attractive andthey'd be like I should be a
model, like selfie, selfie,selfie.
I felt like in modelsapartments especially models
apartments overseas there wasn'tthat as much as like how can I
make a living to provide for myfamily and send money back home?
Like that's more the likementality, which is maybe why it
(13:38):
was kind of dark, because itwas like modeling was just it is
a job.
It's not like how someone seesthemself or something.
So I think that the the otherinteresting thing that I saw was
that there were no rules withwhat we should and shouldn't be
doing, like I feel like there'sthere was no boundaries with
(13:59):
like our agents living with us,telling us what we should and
shouldn't do, things that just Idon't know.
I just don't think it wastotally like clear boundaries of
having separation from work,like even just the fact that
like I think there's like,especially if somebody's like
getting into modeling, likethere should be a time and a
place you go that has nothing todo with modeling and with
(14:20):
models apartments there was noneof that.
So it was just constant 24-7,like.
I think that's probably why Iwas so depressed inside of it
was because it was like I didn'treally feel like I belonged
half the time I show up tocastings and I was like I don't
know why I'm here, i don't getit like.
I think the imposter syndromewas very strong.
But, um, yeah, i definitelywant to want to go back to the
those days.
(14:40):
But I think that the craziestthing to me was just to see like
this lifestyle that was sochaotic, of like so much like
physical work, of going on thesecastings and then going out at
night and having these creepypromoters that were like older,
like late 20s, 30s, coming andpicking up 15 year old girls and
(15:01):
expecting them to like go out.
I remember this one girl Ibonded with I can't remember
what her name was, god.
She was so beautiful, she wasfrom Poland and she was so young
and we went on castingstogether.
She kind of like was showing mearound, i think in Milan It was
either Milan or Athens and she,um, she didn't want to go to
the club but she like felt likeshe had to.
(15:23):
She was so tired just like I'mso tired from the shoots, from
this and that and she was likeplease, please, please, come
with me.
And I said I would.
But then I was tired, i didn'twant to.
So there was a night when I waslike I just want to have the
house to myself, i want to havethe apartment to myself.
Everyone's gonna go out ateight o'clock, i want to be
alone.
And uh, so I said I couldn't go, and she got so mad at me, she
(15:46):
was just so sad that she didn'thave like a friend or a wingman
to go with, and I think thatthat, like that's very telling,
because she just felt soobligated like she had to go out
.
The other thing was that, like alot of times the promoters,
like these club promoters, wouldconvince the girls to come
because they would take them todinners beforehand, like really
fancy, nice dinners.
But the whole thing was like Ithink like these rich guys would
(16:10):
pay for these fancy dinnerswith models, and so then the
promoters would come to themodel department and bring the
models and they get these fancydinners, but there would be like
these weird dudes at the tableand it was like are we supposed
to talk to?
like what is this?
what's going on?
what's going on?
that's what I was, i feel likeI was always asking, like who
are these guys?
why are these guys here?
(16:31):
and even the clubs, like you'dhave like there'd be a table of
the model, table of champagne,like crazy stuff, and then there
would be these like dudes atthe table that nobody really
knew but we were supposed to besitting with them and stuff.
So that was weird.
I didn't fit in.
As you can tell, i was not thearchetype of what, who thought
(16:51):
that was fun or cool.
But I will say that there wasone time I was on the highway in
in a club promoters, the backof a club promoters car, going
like 100 miles an hour on ahighway, with a bunch of people
everyone was on something, drunk, whatever, and I just remember
(17:14):
we were like racing someone elseon the highway, on this
European highway which I guessdidn't have speed limits or
something or I don't know, andthis guy, like, was next to us
and he pulled his pants downlike and like, mooned us from
his car in the back seat.
It was like I thought I wasgonna die, and then I went from
that to the airport to go backto New York for a job, like I
(17:41):
was just non-stop go, nonstopand chaos.
But I definitely was introducedto drugs, alcohol, starvation,
depression.
In models apartments.
I feel like they were like themost horrific backdrop of what
(18:01):
the industry is And like Iremember, like during fashion
week, going to bed at nightthinking like everybody thinks
I'm living this glamorous lifeAnd I'm in my little cot and
like there's bedbugs and it'scold and I can't.
I'm like I have a cough becauseI can't really breathe And
there's smoke, cigarette smokein my hair because like everyone
fills the apartment withcigarette smoke 24 seven.
So I just like smell.
Oh yeah, just the worst, theworst existence.
(18:29):
But yeah, so that's what it waslike living in a model's
apartment.
I hope you enjoyed this episodeof the Blue CBHX podcast.
You can find me on Instagram.
I'm at Lucy Biedrich'sL-U-C-I-E-B-E-A-T-R-I-X.
And until next time, just befast, just win.
(18:49):
Print Of Cry40 нашM-E-N-A-N-A-N-E, m-e-n-a-n-e,
(19:20):
m-e-n-a-n-e you.
Testing, testing, testing.
Okay, so we're rolling, we'rerolling.
The podcast situation is alittle different right now
because I'm just feeling likedoing this cash, kind of like
Emma Chamberlain.
Today's episode is about modelsapartments and I realize a lot
of you might not know what thatis.
So what is a models apartment?
(00:22):
A models apartment is somethingthat your agency, or a modeling
agency that represents models,sets up its housing for the
models that they represent.
So, basically, when a modelsigns with an agency and they
are either coming from overseasto work in a different market,
the agency has housing that theyset up that the girls can live
(00:44):
in.
So my connection to all of thisis that way back in the day in
2007, when I signed with myfirst agency in Europe, i went
and stayed in a models apartmentand I stayed in about six
models apartments over the years, but it was pretty much in the
beginning of my career until Ihad like way before I ever had
(01:07):
like my L cover or anything.
That was a big break.
I was staying in modelsapartments trying to make it
work.
So I thought that I would justtalk about what that was like,
because it was pretty crazy,doesn't even crazy, doesn't even
scratch the surface of what itwas actually like living in
models apartments.
So the first one that I everlived in was in Athens, greece,
(01:32):
and so I signed with an agencywhen I was still in high school
and before I even graduated highschool, i went and lived there
for a month And I think that waskind of like a crash course on
what models apartments are like,because it was Athens, so it
wasn't even like a major fashioncity.
It was just one of these citiesthat my mother agency had
(01:53):
selected that I go and work at.
So I went there when I was 18years old and I remember showing
up.
I went from the airport to thisaddress, which was the models
apartment, which was at the baseof the Acropolis in Athens, and
it was just this.
It felt like a hostel with abunch of different rooms And in
(02:17):
each room they had three beds ofgirls and guys, male models and
female models where we all werejust staying And basically
there were roommates that youwere signed And so I like got to
the hotel or the like modelsapartment It was technically
called a hotel but it was amodel's apartment And I met
(02:40):
these two girls who were fromlike Lithuania and Estonia,
didn't really speak English Andbasically that was my first
models apartment.
So you walk in and it's liketiled floors, metal cot beds,
twin size beds in one littleroom and a kitchen, no washing
(03:02):
machine or anything like that,and a little standing shower
area.
But right away when I got thereI felt very alone or very much
like it was like you have tofigure it all out on your own.
I didn't know anything aboutwhere to go to a grocery store
or even to just like do laundryor anything like that, like life
(03:24):
skills Cause this was also likethe first time I was kind of on
my own, cause as a highschooler, it was the first time
I was like just away from homeby myself.
So I think all of the factorslike having it be a totally
different country where I didn'tspeak the language, and they
actually faxed us our castingsLike every morning you wake up,
(03:44):
you go down to the front deskreception area and there's like
a fax waiting for you with yourname on it that says what your
castings are And so, and thenthat was your day.
It's like you get your fax fromyour agency of what your
castings were and then you go.
So I would latch on with theother girls and say like, oh, do
you have this casting?
Okay, cool, like let's gotogether.
(04:05):
So I could like learn where togo, based on where they would
like take me and just kind offollow their lead.
But so that was the firstmodels department And one thing
I learned right away is that thedays are for castings but the
nights are for going out, andthat was what really like that
was how people did.
(04:25):
It is they would go on theircastings all day long and then
at night the club promoterswhich is the very first time I
ever encountered this Clubpromoters who take the girls to
the different clubs around town,show up at the models
department and then they takeyou out to the fancy clubs and
stuff.
So that was the first time Ihad ever even gone to a club.
(04:48):
But it was kind of like youjust do that because that's what
your roommates are doing, andso I remember the girls were
everyone would be smoking in ouractual physical room And that
was also the first time I was upclose and personal with
cigarette smoke like that in ashared space.
But it was also surprising tome because the girls I was
(05:09):
living with were like 15, 16.
I was the old one, i was an18-year-old, and so to think
that we're all sitting in theselittle rooms, there's smoke
everywhere, we have long day ofcastings, and then Hong Kong
there's a club promoter outsidewaiting to take everyone out to
the clubs.
And it's not that you don't say, it's not that you can't say no
(05:32):
, but you just don't.
People just go because it'sjust what you did.
You go to the castings, you gohome, you change and then you go
to the club And then, yeah, itwas just so weird.
This was all completely foreignand new, even just getting
around.
It was just such an eye-openingexperience.
(05:53):
But that's why I latched ontothe other girls that I met in
this model department.
So that was the first one.
The second one was when I was inNew York and I bounced around a
couple of models departments inNew York when I first signed
with my New York agency after Igot back from that Athens trip,
and those were very cramped.
(06:14):
But it was more of living withyour agents, because with those
set of models departments that Ilived in, you lived with the
people who were getting you thejobs, like the bookers too, with
the other models.
And the crazy thing is is thatone of those first departments I
think it was in the financialdistrict those models that I
lived with, one of them went onto be a really big actress.
(06:38):
She's all over the place now.
It's kind of funny to think Shewasn't the most successful
model but she went on to be areally big actress, so it's kind
of funny.
I think we shared a little roomat one point.
So those rooms were also verycramped because it was New York
City for one, but also just thenature of models departments
that they're typically prettycramped.
And that was when things got alittle bit more real with other
(07:04):
things.
Like I remember the first timeI was around drugs was in a
models department One of theones, i think it was in Midtown
in like this basement apartment.
Everybody was sharing.
We had a ton of girls to a roomand there was like a mold
problem.
Everybody was in a bad mood.
(07:24):
There was lots of fights oflike dishes in the sink and,
like you know, matches of likeyou're like nobody's going to
clean up after you anymore, likethese kinds of like bickering
kind of things.
But then also that's when itwas fast, it was my first
fashion week when I was stayingin that model department And so
people were just stressed.
But I also remember being faceto face with weird food stuff of
(07:49):
like people like thesebeautiful girls that were from
foreign countries that were likeafraid to eat dinner because
they had to be casting in themorning or stuff like that, and
then just I don't know, i feltlike it was just like a very
dark, dingy environment And itwas actually where I began my
descent into probably badbehaviors, like very bad
(08:12):
behavior surrounding food,because I was so concerned with
like what my agency was going tosay about me whenever I would
go in to get measured and stuff.
So that was the first model'sapartment that I ever actually
got.
Very weird about food was thatone the one in midtown that I'm
thinking of where I was thefirst time I had ever gone three
whole days without eating,which is pretty crazy.
(08:32):
And I remember one of mybookers was like kind of
praising me, being like reallyproud of me.
She lived in the apartment, shewas really proud of me for like
losing weight like that And sheactually this is so crazy She
gave me this prescriptionmedication.
She kind of gave me a bottleand said so it's an anti-seizure
medication.
(08:53):
I don't remember the name of it, but she said that it'll make
you not wanna eat.
She's like, if you take thisyou won't wanna eat.
Kind of crazy to think aboutthat.
Somebody that I was living withan agency that I was
represented by that I'm notgonna say the name of it, wasn't
the major agency that I wasrepresented by later when I went
on to do bigger things but thatshe gave me this crazy
(09:17):
medication that was not for me,it was not a doctor, it was
literally just to make it so Ididn't eat or want to eat.
So yeah, weird model's apartmentsituation.
I remember my dad came to visitNew York and he came to that
model's apartment and he didn'tthink it was that bad, because
it wasn't that bad.
It was just that like you'reliving with strangers in a
crammed environment and it'sjust not fun, like it just
(09:39):
wasn't a good environment ingeneral.
So then I kind of bouncedaround from a few different
apartments and then I got this.
I had to go work in Milan for alittle bit, so I went to a
model's apartment.
Out there One of my New Yorkfriends, was already living in
that one.
When I got there I saw her Andthat was the first time that I I
(10:01):
mean this girl was somethingelse And she, i think I got
there and she poured me awhiskey Coke and was like I
think it was like 11 am I wentfrom the airport to the model's
apartment.
She was like let's have a drink?
And I was like, okay, i waslike I kind of need to figure
out where the grocery store isand stuff and get settled in.
And she was like, yeah, likelet's have a drink to go to the
(10:23):
grocery store.
That was the first time I everlike day drink, i think day
drink in my life, i think.
But again, that was very muchclub promote, like you go on
castings during the day and thenyou go to clubs at night in
Milan.
And that was kind of a crazyliving situation, cause I think
there were like six of us in aroom with the beds kind of like
(10:45):
Annie, like lined up like thetwin beds of lots of girls from
Eastern Europe, like Lithuaniaand Estonia and Poland and Czech
Republic, and we're all in thisroom in Milan And I remember I
was having a really hard timeadjusting to the sleep schedule.
I was on a totally differentschedule, so I would be waking
up at two in the morning tostart my day, basically cause I
(11:07):
just could not sleep And I wasso miserable because I had to go
to this one little like part ofthe apartment that had the wifi
.
There was only one part of theapartment that had wifi and I
had to go out there and I wouldlike be on my computer and it
was just dark.
It was really dark.
So, that said, every modelsapartment experience I feel like
(11:28):
was just like really sad, causeeverybody was just sad and
stressed about work And thatdynamic of you're not having,
you don't have any personalspace, you're just living your
life.
Like in such close quartersThere's always someone on their
phone talking in a foreignlanguage to somebody else, like
you're always like just sharing.
There's also a lot of stressfor, like when you are or aren't
(11:50):
working.
So if you're working a lot, ifyou're doing all these crazy
shoots and stuff and you'retired, there's a lot of jealousy
of other girls being like, well, she's working so much, like
why is she getting all the jobs?
Oh, it's because she's anAmerican and she's this and that
or whatever.
But like, even I was confusedsometimes when I would get jobs.
I'd be like I don't know whyyou guys didn't get them cause
you're so amazing.
(12:10):
This is the other aspect ofmodels departments I thought was
so fascinating was it was thefirst time I was face to face
with the girls that I saw inmagazines.
So I was like you were, you'rea big model, you're a big name,
you're a big face.
And I'm face to face with themin the morning, at night, like
when they have no makeup on, andthey look even better than they
(12:31):
did in their advertisements andtheir magazines.
So I think that was kind of aninteresting case study was to be
like wow, everyone thinks that,like, these girls and these
magazines are all Photoshop andthey're not real.
No, they are real and they'reeven better than what you think
they are.
They're stunning, they'regorgeous.
There's specimens from anotherplanet like models.
Like these kinds of modelsespecially.
I was blown away by like whatthey actually looked like and
(12:55):
what they were actually like,like you know, completely not
glamored up.
So that was an interesting casestudy.
They also like there was thisidea that, like a lot of times
with the work ethic, modeling ismore about like truly making a
living, as opposed to justsomebody thinks they're like,
they look a certain way and theyshould be modeling.
(13:16):
I feel like in America, a lotof people would like think of
themselves as attractive andthey'd be like I should be a
model, like selfie, selfie,selfie.
I felt like in modelsapartments especially models
apartments overseas there wasn'tthat as much as like how can I
make a living to provide for myfamily and send money back home?
Like that's more the likementality, which is maybe why it
(13:38):
was kind of dark, because itwas like modeling was just it is
a job.
It's not like how someone seesthemself or something.
So I think that the the otherinteresting thing that I saw was
that there were no rules withwhat we should and shouldn't be
doing, like I feel like there'sthere was no boundaries with
(13:59):
like our agents living with us,telling us what we should and
shouldn't do, things that just Idon't know.
I just don't think it wastotally like clear boundaries of
having separation from work,like even just the fact that
like I think there's like,especially if somebody's like
getting into modeling, likethere should be a time and a
place you go that has nothing todo with modeling and with
(14:20):
models apartments there was noneof that.
So it was just constant 24-7,like.
I think that's probably why Iwas so depressed inside of it
was because it was like I didn'treally feel like I belonged
half the time I show up tocastings and I was like I don't
know why I'm here, i don't getit like.
I think the imposter syndromewas very strong.
But, um, yeah, i definitelywant to want to go back to the
those days.
(14:40):
But I think that the craziestthing to me was just to see like
this lifestyle that was sochaotic, of like so much like
physical work, of going on thesecastings and then going out at
night and having these creepypromoters that were like older,
like late 20s, 30s, coming andpicking up 15 year old girls and
(15:01):
expecting them to like go out.
I remember this one girl Ibonded with I can't remember
what her name was, god.
She was so beautiful, she wasfrom Poland and she was so young
and we went on castingstogether.
She kind of like was showing mearound, i think in Milan It was
either Milan or Athens and she,um, she didn't want to go to
the club but she like felt likeshe had to.
(15:23):
She was so tired just like I'mso tired from the shoots, from
this and that and she was likeplease, please, please, come
with me.
And I said I would.
But then I was tired, i didn'twant to.
So there was a night when I waslike I just want to have the
house to myself, i want to havethe apartment to myself.
Everyone's gonna go out ateight o'clock, i want to be
alone.
And uh, so I said I couldn't go, and she got so mad at me, she
(15:46):
was just so sad that she didn'thave like a friend or a wingman
to go with, and I think thatthat, like that's very telling,
because she just felt soobligated like she had to go out
.
The other thing was that, like alot of times the promoters,
like these club promoters, wouldconvince the girls to come
because they would take them todinners beforehand, like really
fancy, nice dinners.
But the whole thing was like Ithink like these rich guys would
(16:10):
pay for these fancy dinnerswith models, and so then the
promoters would come to themodel department and bring the
models and they get these fancydinners, but there would be like
these weird dudes at the tableand it was like are we supposed
to talk to?
like what is this?
what's going on?
what's going on?
that's what I was, i feel likeI was always asking, like who
are these guys?
why are these guys here?
(16:31):
and even the clubs, like you'dhave like there'd be a table of
the model, table of champagne,like crazy stuff, and then there
would be these like dudes atthe table that nobody really
knew but we were supposed to besitting with them and stuff.
So that was weird.
I didn't fit in.
As you can tell, i was not thearchetype of what, who thought
(16:51):
that was fun or cool.
But I will say that there wasone time I was on the highway in
in a club promoters, the backof a club promoters car, going
like 100 miles an hour on ahighway, with a bunch of people
everyone was on something, drunk, whatever, and I just remember
(17:14):
we were like racing someone elseon the highway, on this
European highway which I guessdidn't have speed limits or
something or I don't know, andthis guy, like, was next to us
and he pulled his pants downlike and like, mooned us from
his car in the back seat.
It was like I thought I wasgonna die, and then I went from
that to the airport to go backto New York for a job, like I
(17:41):
was just non-stop go, nonstopand chaos.
But I definitely was introducedto drugs, alcohol, starvation,
depression.
In models apartments.
I feel like they were like themost horrific backdrop of what
(18:01):
the industry is And like Iremember, like during fashion
week, going to bed at nightthinking like everybody thinks
I'm living this glamorous lifeAnd I'm in my little cot and
like there's bedbugs and it'scold and I can't.
I'm like I have a cough becauseI can't really breathe And
there's smoke, cigarette smokein my hair because like everyone
fills the apartment withcigarette smoke 24 seven.
So I just like smell.
Oh yeah, just the worst, theworst existence.
(18:29):
But yeah, so that's what it waslike living in a model's
apartment.
I hope you enjoyed this episodeof the Blue CBHX podcast.
You can find me on Instagram.
I'm at Lucy Biedrich'sL-U-C-I-E-B-E-A-T-R-I-X.
And until next time, just befast, just win.
(18:49):
Print Of Cry40 нашM-E-N-A-N-A-N-E, m-e-n-a-n-e,
(19:20):
m-e-n-a-n-e you.
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