July 4, 2023 • 12 mins
What if the toughest run of your life wasn't a marathon, but a personal journey of transformation? That's precisely the epic saga of my life as a former fashion model turned competitive runner. In this episode I uncover my struggle with disordered eating and alcohol abuse, and how I used running as a life-saving tool. My journey is a stark reminder that real success is not always reflected in glossy magazine covers but often lies hidden in the strenuous run of life.
My transformational journey is a testament to the power of human spirit and discipline. Come with my as I navigate through the challenging world of fashion modeling, battles her self-destructive habits, and discovers her salvation in running. My story navigates beyond physical transformation, delving into mental resilience and the art of setting goals. As I share valuable insights on living a healthy lifestyle and the transformative power of running, you'll be inspired and motivated to embark on your own journey towards a healthier, more fulfilling life.
INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/luciebeatrix/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Running saved my life .
Running helped me heal from aneating disorder, recover from
alcoholism and find a sense ofpurpose.
My name is Lucy and I'm arunner.
I was a fashion model for overa decade, and this is my story
on how I used running as a toolto start over and basically take
(00:22):
control of my life and live amore fulfilling life.
So let's go back.
I started modeling when I was16 years old.
I signed with a big agency andI started traveling right away
to work in a highly competitivemarket for all of the big names
that you know, from departmentstores to magazines, and I was
(00:43):
living the dream or so it seemed.
The porcelain veneer of successwas my life of being on the
covers of magazines, and Islowly but surely fell into the
throes of getting obsessiveabout what I ate and how that
looked, as well as resorting tousing alcohol to numb out and
(01:07):
basically having both disorderedeating and an abusive
relationship with alcohol.
I was a hot mess.
I woke up in my 30s, my early30s, and I realized that this
was not the life that I wanted,and so I got sober, cleaned up
my act and I determined to gethealthy Now, all the while kind
(01:31):
of over the years, as I wasmodeling in my mid to late 20s I
got really into running and atfirst I didn't know what I was
doing because I was never anathlete growing up, and so I
kind of stumbled into the sport,just running here and there and
making little challenges formyself.
And if you've seen the videowhere I talk about running 10
(01:51):
miles a day for three years,that became how I got into
running.
So I had this goal of running10 miles a day and I did that
for three years and I managed torun 10 miles in under an hour,
which is kind of a competitivepace.
But I didn't even know whatthat time meant at the like when
I was doing it.
It was only until I startedracing that I realized that I
(02:12):
could actually use this runningthing for more competitive
reasons and enter races and tryto compete.
So back when I was modeling Itried really hard not to fall
into the cliche of a fashionmodel with an eating disorder.
But the reality was that thestandards that I had to uphold
(02:36):
and the internal struggles thatjust strengthened and got louder
and louder, with thinking thatmy size was a direct reflection
of my self worth reallysnowballed And with eating
disorders, i find that it's avery slippery slope with
descending into this headspacethat your worth comes from, what
(03:01):
size you are.
And for me, from the time I canremember signing my first
contract, there was a standardwith my hit measurement.
That's kind of how agencies inmodeling, the modeling world,
works, as they measure your hip,the widest point of your hip,
and they have a number that youbasically you're either that
number or you're not.
And I was always told that Ineeded to be this one
(03:27):
measurement And over time I justalways felt like I was kind of
trying to be just a little bitunder that number so that I
could stay in check.
Like I felt like if I was justa little under, then I could
have some wiggle room is what Icalled it where I'd be like okay
, well, maybe I'm a little bitunder, but that means that, like
(03:48):
, if and when I do decide to eatmore, it won't like totally
derail me and get me in troubleor have it so that people are
commenting on my weight And Iremember getting really below
that number.
It was in my early to midtwenties, i think it was about
24.
And I got in such such a badposition with my weight.
(04:10):
I was so so, so underweight,and in turn I used that low
weight as like I would have thisfeeling of fear because I knew
it was bad.
I knew I was like too far gone,like this was not a healthy
life.
But in order to not have thatsense of fear, i would just
drink alcohol to be able to likego to bed at night or like not
(04:34):
panic so much that I was hurtingmyself.
And slowly but surely that justbecame this vicious cycle of
under eating or not eating atall, and then drinking alcohol
until I would go to sleep dayafter day after day after day,
and to think that I did that tomy body for so long, it's really
scary.
So when I started getting intorunning out this is a very
(04:55):
gradual process of like learning, like the ways of running and
stuff I realized that if I wasgoing to get out there and run
the way that I wanted to everyday, the way that I was treating
my body with food and alcohol,wasn't going to work.
Like I started to feel thedirect negative return of
(05:16):
drinking a couple of bottles ofwine, to go to bed at night,
waking up and trying to run justfelt bad and that, like those
10 miles felt like justmiserable.
And I would be thinking I'mjust trying to get myself back
to normal and sweat it all out.
And what if I just don't drinkat all And I'd start from a
different baseline of not likedown here but like a moderate
(05:38):
baseline, and then I feel evenbetter when I finish.
So with that kind of deductivereasoning, i kind of tricked
myself into thinking okay, well,if I don't drink, then I'm
going to run better.
And sure enough, that workedAnd I could replace an unhealthy
thing that I was doing of notdrinking and under eating with
something healthy.
(05:59):
And the reason that I know thatrunning isn't an addiction I
wasn't just replacing oneaddiction for another is that it
is really easy to go drink acouple of bottles of wine.
It's pretty easy to do that forme, but it's not easy to tie up
my shoes at five in the morning, roll out of bed and start
running.
So I think that like having todo something hard to reach this
(06:22):
sense of accomplishment andfeeling good is very different
than doing something very easy,like picking up a glass of wine
to then feel good.
So and then, ultimately, irealized that with drinking, i
would drink and then feelterrible about myself, or I
would be not eating for a fewdays and feel terrible about
myself and just know that I'mdoing something wrong and this
(06:44):
isn't sustainable, whereas withrunning, it was more of like a
gradual building towardssomething wonderful, to a better
future me.
So it's like these ideas of isthis action that I'm doing right
now making me better or is itmaking me worse, for me under
fueling and drinking making mesignificantly worse, whereas
(07:06):
running is making me betterbecause it's the hard thing to
do and it's hard for all of us.
So I'm doing this achievementfor a 244 marathoner to get out
there every single day and justlog miles.
So let me bring you to how I sawthese results directly, with,
like what it meant getting soberand then starting to eat
properly, and then how thataffected my running.
(07:29):
So, as somebody who wasn't anathlete growing up, as I
mentioned, i didn't know what mybody was capable of.
I had no idea, and so I startedrunning and I realized that as
I would run, i would get hungryor for certain kinds of foods
and I started to replace like Iwould eat.
I used to just like eat ricecakes like the eating disorder
(07:51):
model me would just eat ricecakes and just little like no
low calorie foods with little tonutrition, the little
nutritional value, and what Istarted to do was crave things
that had a lot of nutrients, solike things like beets and sweet
potatoes and salmon.
I would eat these thingsbecause I knew that I needed
(08:13):
that sustenance to go hard andrun fast the next day.
So I think that that was kindof an interesting way to learn
how to eat was to like use thefood for fuel to go like run and
perform strong.
And I noticed too that if I atethese foods the next day, i
would have these magnificentruns and break my PRs and run 10
(08:34):
miles an hour and be like, wow,that felt pretty good And it's
because of what I ate the nightbefore.
And it also helped me not beafraid of food, because I think
for a while it sounds kind oflike silly to think I was afraid
of certain foods because Ithought that they were going to
automatically make me gainweight And the reality was I
(08:55):
needed to gain weight and Ineeded to have those foods like
cushion my organs to be able tohave the like, even mental
clarity, to go do things.
So, yeah, i think that was veryimportant, but I also think
that, like, what was reallyamazing as a as an end result to
all of this, was starting tofuel my body.
(09:16):
To run then taught me that therewas this whole new world out
there of competitive running andhow these times and these
dreams that I never even knew Icould have, like trying to go to
the Olympic trials, were evenpossible.
And so something that I say topeople, especially people who
are getting into running and arebeginners, is there are no
(09:38):
rules and you have no idea whatyou can do unless you get out
there and just get started.
And I think about myself andthat first the first run or the
first 10 mile run and thinking,man, that was so hard And I
could hardly do a nine minutemile pace.
And now to think that I've runan entire marathon at a six, 15
minute mile pace and I'mtraining to run one at a six
(10:01):
flat minute mile pace, that Iwould have never even known that
that's even possible if Ididn't just start, just get
started.
So it's like the first run, andI even say before that when I
was teaching my 60 somethingyear old mom how to run, who had
never run in six decades ever.
I got her out there walking AndI was like, just walk a mile,
(10:22):
walk a mile a day.
And that was the first step Andbefore she knew it, she was
running a mile at the pace thatI was running my first miles at.
So just getting out there helped, helped me just open up this
new potential And I think that,like anyone could just start
with that, even if it's not forrunning, if it's about like
writing or doing some kind of ahobby that you're interested in
(10:43):
playing music these are twoother things that I like to do.
Playing music and writing,where it's like just doing it a
little bit every single day,leads to something you didn't
even know was possible.
So, yeah, running saved my life.
It helped me get over myrelationship, my toxic, horrible
relationship with food,thinking that it was going to
make me overweight and haveproblems.
(11:04):
It helped me to see the bodythat I was given is a lot
stronger and can do a lot morethings than I ever imagined, and
it helped me just realize thatI don't want to be dumping
alcohol into it every day.
So, wherever you are on yourjourney, i really encourage you
to just get started And I hopethat my story somehow reached
(11:27):
you and that you are watchingthis And you see that we have a
lot in common.
If that's you, because that wasme and I was completely lost
and I had no idea what I wasdoing, and now I'm training
towards some really big dreams.
So, thanks so much forlistening.
You can find me on Instagram,i'm at Lucy Beatrix, luci, eba
(11:49):
TRIX.
And until next time, just befast, just win.
Running saved my life .
Running helped me heal from aneating disorder, recover from
alcoholism and find a sense ofpurpose.
My name is Lucy and I'm arunner.
I was a fashion model for overa decade, and this is my story
on how I used running as a toolto start over and basically take
(00:22):
control of my life and live amore fulfilling life.
So let's go back.
I started modeling when I was16 years old.
I signed with a big agency andI started traveling right away
to work in a highly competitivemarket for all of the big names
that you know, from departmentstores to magazines, and I was
(00:43):
living the dream or so it seemed.
The porcelain veneer of successwas my life of being on the
covers of magazines, and Islowly but surely fell into the
throes of getting obsessiveabout what I ate and how that
looked, as well as resorting tousing alcohol to numb out and
(01:07):
basically having both disorderedeating and an abusive
relationship with alcohol.
I was a hot mess.
I woke up in my 30s, my early30s, and I realized that this
was not the life that I wanted,and so I got sober, cleaned up
my act and I determined to gethealthy Now, all the while kind
(01:31):
of over the years, as I wasmodeling in my mid to late 20s I
got really into running and atfirst I didn't know what I was
doing because I was never anathlete growing up, and so I
kind of stumbled into the sport,just running here and there and
making little challenges formyself.
And if you've seen the videowhere I talk about running 10
(01:51):
miles a day for three years,that became how I got into
running.
So I had this goal of running10 miles a day and I did that
for three years and I managed torun 10 miles in under an hour,
which is kind of a competitivepace.
But I didn't even know whatthat time meant at the like when
I was doing it.
It was only until I startedracing that I realized that I
(02:12):
could actually use this runningthing for more competitive
reasons and enter races and tryto compete.
So back when I was modeling Itried really hard not to fall
into the cliche of a fashionmodel with an eating disorder.
But the reality was that thestandards that I had to uphold
(02:36):
and the internal struggles thatjust strengthened and got louder
and louder, with thinking thatmy size was a direct reflection
of my self worth reallysnowballed And with eating
disorders, i find that it's avery slippery slope with
descending into this headspacethat your worth comes from, what
(03:01):
size you are.
And for me, from the time I canremember signing my first
contract, there was a standardwith my hit measurement.
That's kind of how agencies inmodeling, the modeling world,
works, as they measure your hip,the widest point of your hip,
and they have a number that youbasically you're either that
number or you're not.
And I was always told that Ineeded to be this one
(03:27):
measurement And over time I justalways felt like I was kind of
trying to be just a little bitunder that number so that I
could stay in check.
Like I felt like if I was justa little under, then I could
have some wiggle room is what Icalled it where I'd be like okay
, well, maybe I'm a little bitunder, but that means that, like
(03:48):
, if and when I do decide to eatmore, it won't like totally
derail me and get me in troubleor have it so that people are
commenting on my weight And Iremember getting really below
that number.
It was in my early to midtwenties, i think it was about
24.
And I got in such such a badposition with my weight.
(04:10):
I was so so, so underweight,and in turn I used that low
weight as like I would have thisfeeling of fear because I knew
it was bad.
I knew I was like too far gone,like this was not a healthy
life.
But in order to not have thatsense of fear, i would just
drink alcohol to be able to likego to bed at night or like not
(04:34):
panic so much that I was hurtingmyself.
And slowly but surely that justbecame this vicious cycle of
under eating or not eating atall, and then drinking alcohol
until I would go to sleep dayafter day after day after day,
and to think that I did that tomy body for so long, it's really
scary.
So when I started getting intorunning out this is a very
(04:55):
gradual process of like learning, like the ways of running and
stuff I realized that if I wasgoing to get out there and run
the way that I wanted to everyday, the way that I was treating
my body with food and alcohol,wasn't going to work.
Like I started to feel thedirect negative return of
(05:16):
drinking a couple of bottles ofwine, to go to bed at night,
waking up and trying to run justfelt bad and that, like those
10 miles felt like justmiserable.
And I would be thinking I'mjust trying to get myself back
to normal and sweat it all out.
And what if I just don't drinkat all And I'd start from a
different baseline of not likedown here but like a moderate
(05:38):
baseline, and then I feel evenbetter when I finish.
So with that kind of deductivereasoning, i kind of tricked
myself into thinking okay, well,if I don't drink, then I'm
going to run better.
And sure enough, that workedAnd I could replace an unhealthy
thing that I was doing of notdrinking and under eating with
something healthy.
(05:59):
And the reason that I know thatrunning isn't an addiction I
wasn't just replacing oneaddiction for another is that it
is really easy to go drink acouple of bottles of wine.
It's pretty easy to do that forme, but it's not easy to tie up
my shoes at five in the morning, roll out of bed and start
running.
So I think that like having todo something hard to reach this
(06:22):
sense of accomplishment andfeeling good is very different
than doing something very easy,like picking up a glass of wine
to then feel good.
So and then, ultimately, irealized that with drinking, i
would drink and then feelterrible about myself, or I
would be not eating for a fewdays and feel terrible about
myself and just know that I'mdoing something wrong and this
(06:44):
isn't sustainable, whereas withrunning, it was more of like a
gradual building towardssomething wonderful, to a better
future me.
So it's like these ideas of isthis action that I'm doing right
now making me better or is itmaking me worse, for me under
fueling and drinking making mesignificantly worse, whereas
(07:06):
running is making me betterbecause it's the hard thing to
do and it's hard for all of us.
So I'm doing this achievementfor a 244 marathoner to get out
there every single day and justlog miles.
So let me bring you to how I sawthese results directly, with,
like what it meant getting soberand then starting to eat
properly, and then how thataffected my running.
(07:29):
So, as somebody who wasn't anathlete growing up, as I
mentioned, i didn't know what mybody was capable of.
I had no idea, and so I startedrunning and I realized that as
I would run, i would get hungryor for certain kinds of foods
and I started to replace like Iwould eat.
I used to just like eat ricecakes like the eating disorder
(07:51):
model me would just eat ricecakes and just little like no
low calorie foods with little tonutrition, the little
nutritional value, and what Istarted to do was crave things
that had a lot of nutrients, solike things like beets and sweet
potatoes and salmon.
I would eat these thingsbecause I knew that I needed
(08:13):
that sustenance to go hard andrun fast the next day.
So I think that that was kindof an interesting way to learn
how to eat was to like use thefood for fuel to go like run and
perform strong.
And I noticed too that if I atethese foods the next day, i
would have these magnificentruns and break my PRs and run 10
(08:34):
miles an hour and be like, wow,that felt pretty good And it's
because of what I ate the nightbefore.
And it also helped me not beafraid of food, because I think
for a while it sounds kind oflike silly to think I was afraid
of certain foods because Ithought that they were going to
automatically make me gainweight And the reality was I
(08:55):
needed to gain weight and Ineeded to have those foods like
cushion my organs to be able tohave the like, even mental
clarity, to go do things.
So, yeah, i think that was veryimportant, but I also think
that, like, what was reallyamazing as a as an end result to
all of this, was starting tofuel my body.
(09:16):
To run then taught me that therewas this whole new world out
there of competitive running andhow these times and these
dreams that I never even knew Icould have, like trying to go to
the Olympic trials, were evenpossible.
And so something that I say topeople, especially people who
are getting into running and arebeginners, is there are no
(09:38):
rules and you have no idea whatyou can do unless you get out
there and just get started.
And I think about myself andthat first the first run or the
first 10 mile run and thinking,man, that was so hard And I
could hardly do a nine minutemile pace.
And now to think that I've runan entire marathon at a six, 15
minute mile pace and I'mtraining to run one at a six
(10:01):
flat minute mile pace, that Iwould have never even known that
that's even possible if Ididn't just start, just get
started.
So it's like the first run, andI even say before that when I
was teaching my 60 somethingyear old mom how to run, who had
never run in six decades ever.
I got her out there walking AndI was like, just walk a mile,
(10:22):
walk a mile a day.
And that was the first step Andbefore she knew it, she was
running a mile at the pace thatI was running my first miles at.
So just getting out there helped, helped me just open up this
new potential And I think that,like anyone could just start
with that, even if it's not forrunning, if it's about like
writing or doing some kind of ahobby that you're interested in
(10:43):
playing music these are twoother things that I like to do.
Playing music and writing,where it's like just doing it a
little bit every single day,leads to something you didn't
even know was possible.
So, yeah, running saved my life.
It helped me get over myrelationship, my toxic, horrible
relationship with food,thinking that it was going to
make me overweight and haveproblems.
(11:04):
It helped me to see the bodythat I was given is a lot
stronger and can do a lot morethings than I ever imagined, and
it helped me just realize thatI don't want to be dumping
alcohol into it every day.
So, wherever you are on yourjourney, i really encourage you
to just get started And I hopethat my story somehow reached
(11:27):
you and that you are watchingthis And you see that we have a
lot in common.
If that's you, because that wasme and I was completely lost
and I had no idea what I wasdoing, and now I'm training
towards some really big dreams.
So, thanks so much forlistening.
You can find me on Instagram,i'm at Lucy Beatrix, luci, eba
(11:49):
TRIX.
And until next time, just befast, just win.
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