June 2, 2025 • 20 mins
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This one’s not just a podcast episode. It’s a line in the sand.
If you’ve ever felt paralyzed by doubt, overwhelmed by invisible blocks, or stuck in a private practice that just… doesn’t work—you need to hear this.
In this deeply honest, emotionally charged episode, Tiffany names the quiet war happening inside so many therapists. The war between yearning and defeat. Between hope and the internalized voice that says: “Not for someone like me.”
Tiffany peels back the curtain on what’s really keeping brilliant therapists from building the premium-fee practices they dream about—and why it has nothing to do with your Psychology Today profile, your SEO, or your niche.
In this episode, Tiffany shares:
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What she sees happen in the moment therapists want to leap, but can’t—and why it’s not your fault;
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The unconscious pattern that keeps you spinning your wheels while your practice stays stuck year after year;
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How early attachment wounds (yes, we’re going there) show up in your business decisions today;
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Why “failure to launch” isn’t a mindset issue—it’s a trauma pattern that needs to be understood and unwound;
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What actually happens when you stop running and let yourself want more.
If you're a therapist who’s done the trainings, read the books, followed all the experts—and still finds yourself scared to act—this episode might break something open.
Ready to explore what’s been keeping you stuck?
Email Tiffany at tiffany@leaninmakebank.com with the subject line: Â Yearning vs. Defeat.
Let’s finally name the real block—and begin to move through it, together.
Â
Resources Mentioned:
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Email Tiffany: tiffany@leaninmakebank.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Every week I talk to therapists who are.
(00:03):
Interested, dare I say desperate to have a deeply fulfilling private practice.
, this looks like, , client work that is enlivening and connected and creative.
It means feeling energized and inspired from your clinical sessions, feeling effective in your work as a clinician.
(00:27):
It means being taken care of financially by the business, which means, , being able to take walks in the sun between sessions.
Go grab a cappuccino, sit in the cafe and write about the intersection of your clinical work and your own life experiences.
You know, instead of tensing up and raising your voice and reiterating rigid, rigid boundaries when your son is about to melt down, you've set yourself up because your practice takes care of you.
(00:55):
You're able to slow down and open your arms and give him a hug because you had time to go to yoga between your last client session of the day and between picking your son up from school.
Right, you can sit and laugh on a date with your spouse.
Your babysitter is paid in full, and you can have a nice dinner where you don't even think about the cost of the meal because you're bringing in more than enough money.
(01:20):
It means you're excited when your clients talk about their summer plans to visit Italy, and you smile kind of to yourself because you'll be traveling to Spain right around that same time this summer, no worries, taking your whole family.
And your 3 day weekends, they give you so much time to slow down, so much time to sink in, to feel grounded and spacious.
(01:43):
This is what you want.
This is your north star, right?
You know, you know what the vision feels like in your body.
It feels expansive, it feels inspired, it feels alive.
And I talk to you when I ask you about your vision, not always, right?
Sometimes, sometimes when I talk with you on, on our Zoom call, you have a hard time tapping into what you really want, but for some of you, right, as I talk to you and I'm like, what do you really want?
(02:10):
What do you want?
If you could have it, right?
I can feel your vision.
And the fact is I've seen therapists achieve this vision over and over and over again, so I'm like, yeah, yeah, you can have it.
But when I tell these therapists I'm I'm on the Zoom call with, maybe this is you, maybe I've done a a Zoom call with you.
When I tell you it's possible.
When I tell these therapists it's possible when I like, I'm like reaching out my hand, right?
(02:35):
Come on.
You can absolutely have this.
There are some therapists who like grab my hand and almost pull me over with excitement.
They've been like, I listened to the money sessions for years, or I even just found the money sessions two weeks ago and I'm just so excited.
I know it's possible and we just jump.
Ah, I love it.
It's like a no brainer.
Let's do this thing together.
(02:56):
But then there was another type of therapist who simply can't take my hand.
Right?
I, I'm like, yeah, let's do it.
I'm, I'm listening to you.
I've asked you all the questions.
I believe that this is something that can work for you based on everything I've heard.
And they just can't do it and I pay close attention to this.
I study this process carefully.
I'm I really think about this moment when I'm talking to a therapist who so desperately wants change but cannot pull the trigger, cannot take action, and it's fascinating to see.
(03:26):
And also it's some, some folks stick with me more than others, but some, it's just like this.
I'm thinking about someone right now actually in my head.
, it's very painful for me, like, God, I know what's possible.
And, and I see this internal battle where the therapist just can't, can't take it.
If you ever get on a one on one enrollment call with me, we, we're gonna watch this play out together.
(03:51):
I hope you, you can even bring this.
Sometimes I say to the person I'm like, I see this happening, these internal voices.
, by the way, my name's Tiffany McLean.
I'm the host of this show you're listening to right now called The Money Sessions, where I help therapists design and act, execute on, take hold of a practice that actually like the one we just described above, you have the money.
You have the time freedom, you have a business that takes care of you with a cash pay premium fee, private practice that's not dependent on insurance panels, that's not dependent on Grow or Alma or BetterHelp, right?
(04:22):
It's you've done the work to build it out.
You've created a foundation of security and your practice pays you for that.
You're doing transformational work with your clients.
That's what I'm all about.
I want you, the clinician to get paid.
You're busy thinking about your clients and taking care of them.
Do it.
Yay, my job, my team's job is to think about you and take care of you.
Right, so when I'm when I'm talking to these, I, it's one therapist, but I'm seeing these multiple parts.
(04:47):
I, I call them your committee members.
, IFS therapist, you probably do this work a lot.
I have a psychoanalytic background.
I'm really into psychoanalytic, not even psychodynamic, like deep psychoanalytic theory.
And so they've also been talking about this.
Phillip Bromberg, they've been talking about your internal parts, our internal parts for just decades and decades.
So as I'm watching these therapists or talking to this single therapist who really wants change, they're the place they're at right now just is not working.
(05:16):
They have no way they could see out.
Sometimes they're even thinking about like maybe I'll just go back to an agency job.
Maybe I can get into the corporate world somehow.
Maybe I'll go join someone else's practice.
Like I just don't know how to make this work.
And I say there's a way to make it work.
We've helped over 800 therapists make it work.
Based on what you're saying, I think it can work for you.
And then I watched these two parts of them play out.
(05:39):
There's like the hope, there's the yearning, there's the one who is advocating for them.
Let's do this thing together.
Let's take this leap, like let's invest in ourselves, let's grow.
And then there's this other part.
I'm actually thinking about suddenly I'm, I'm aware of a psychoanalytic article.
What do they call?
Oh, the mafia.
I need to go if you, if you're a psychoanalytic thinker, email me if you remember who, who, who wrote this article.
(06:04):
In this article it's called the Mafia.
And the mafia is the internalized part that just destroys any parts of you.
I'll just use you in this part, any part of you that wants change, that wants hope, that believes something is possible for you, the mafia just like comes in and kills it off, beats it down, breaks its knees and doesn't allow forward movement.
(06:25):
It's like this voice of defeat, of skepticism, like, oh yeah, that'll work for Natasha, or that'll work for.
You know, Sarai or that'll work for Monica Helvey, but that's not gonna work for me, right?
That can never work for me, not someone like me.
I've tried before and failed.
, this whole thing has to be a scam.
(06:46):
, it's like just It sometimes it's that kind of aggressive skepticism, but more often and and maybe even more painfully, it's this defeat.
Just this like hopelessness that comes in and puts a blanket over any possibility of taking action, any possibility of moving towards growth.
(07:07):
And I think it's important because it doesn't matter.
I don't care.I mean, I do care if you work with me in limb, if I think you can help, if I think we can help you, I want you to.
But it's even deeper than that, thinking about it from a clinical perspective.
If that's happening on the, on the calls with me to see if Lim's a good fit, I'm so crystal clear that that is happening in every aspect.
Of this therapist's life, maybe it's your life.
It's happening in every aspect of your life where there's a part of you that sometimes, I mean, you get on those calls with me, you're listening to this podcast episode for a reason.
(07:34):
There's someone inside of you, there's some part of you, right?
I'm talking to you right now.
I'm shoring you up who wants change, who believes in hope, who desperately wants something different, right?
That part of you is listening to this episode right now.
And then there's the part or parts of you who've been hurt, who've been shamed, who've been tricked, who've been.
, the object of contempt whenever you have needs or vulnerability or desire for intimacy, for growth, for possibility.
(08:05):
I feel a little sad, obviously, I can relate to this as well.
And so it's not just showing up when you're thinking about should I join the lead and make bank academy, it's showing up when you're thinking, can I connect to my spouse?
Can I really be close to my child, right?
Can I bring the parts of me forward that need to be seen, that desperately want to be seen.
(08:33):
I think about, , right now I'm reading a book called Poly Secure.
Don't ask me why.That's between me and me.
We're reading, but it was given to me by my friend Stephanie King, , a psychologist in Northern California.
Stephanie actually is cited her research is in this book Poly Secure, and they're talking about the different attachment styles, and one of the ones that's coming to my mind is the, , disorganized attachment.
and disorganized attachment, as you probably know, but we can do a quick refresher.
(08:57):
When your early attachments, it comes to play, when your early attachment figures are both an object of like safety, like they're the ones who need to take care of you, but they're also at times an object of danger.
So there's both, right?
You, you don't know which caregiver you're gonna get.
Are you gonna get the one who's gonna open their arms and take care of you and say, come on in, or you're gonna get the one that's contemptuous of your needs, your vulnerability.
(09:22):
Your, your softness.
Are you gonna get the one who's gonna beat it down.
And so it leads to a situation, and this is actually now that I'm talking it through with you, thank you for being here with me to talk this through and think it through together.
When I get on the calls with you who are who are wanting something more for yourself, and maybe this again could be like I wanna join limb, it could be I want to raise my fees, it could be I want to enforce my cancellation policies.
(09:46):
It could be I just want to make more money and like be able to buy this cappuccino in the afternoon.
When you move towards the desire, when there's a part of you that starts walking in the direction of your truth, walking in the direction of your growth, walking towards the direction of your intimacy, or your, that's interesting.
I meant possibility, but I'll say intimacy, closeness, connection.
You stop, right?
(10:07):
This is when it looks like the in the, I think it was Mary Ainsworth study where she was looking at attachment styles.
The the kids with the disorganized attachment, this image is like just emblazoned in my mind.
It's the child who walks towards the caregiver and then kind of stops and gets distracted or confused and turns around in circles, kind of wanders and just sits down and never makes it all the way.
(10:28):
This I'm getting goosebumps as I'm thinking about this.
This is how I think about those of you who get on the call with me and you want change, and I can see that you, you part of you believes it's possible.
It's like you're walking towards and then you get confused, you get overwhelmed.
This other voices come in and say, don't do it.
It's not safe.
It's not even like actually, , sometimes you might have these thoughts in your head, but sometimes it's just a gut feeling and it looks like in your business like you want to do something, you want to market.
(10:55):
You wanna charge more.
You wanna really help your clients and like take some business steps and it looks like getting lost in minutes or hours or weeks or months or years of doing ineffective marketing.
Maybe it's oh let me tweak my psychology profile.
Let me research forever the therapists I could talk to or the or the professionals I could talk to to build out my network.
(11:18):
Let me research a whole bunch of marketing programs.
Let me look at all the different ways SEO could work and like maybe try it myself for a couple of weeks and then forget about it.
Let me think about a YouTube channel.
Let me think about Instagram.
It's, it looks like having a whole bunch of shiny object that you go forward and don't finish any of it.
It looks like spinning around in an avoidance like if we think about fight, flight or freeze, it's almost like a freeze response to your business where you're doing a whole bunch of activity but it's actually not leading anywhere.
(11:48):
It's not producing any results and then months go by, weeks go by, years go by and your practice today looks at the same as it did.
Last year, 2 years ago, same fees, same inconsistent enforcement of cancellation policies, same clients who could take you or leave you with their $20 co-pay, right?
Same boredom, same resentment, same kind of sluggishness in your work.
(12:13):
Because the fear of actually letting yourself hope.
The fear of what if I take the leap and it doesn't work, is bigger and louder than the possibility, the belief, the trust.
We'll say in me, Tiffany, in a program, and your colleagues who've gone through it.
The years of experience we've had trust in yourself, you can follow through.
(12:39):
It's actually symbolic of being in relationship to a caregiver and we'll just say it's now translated into a world that is not gonna have your back, that's not really gonna be there for you.
That's when you actually do let yourself be vulnerable, when you do actually let yourself step into a belief and a hope, right?
Like I think about a, I have a daughter who's almost 4 and the moments when she, when she .
(13:00):
Has hope or is excited, it's just so fucking raw and it's so open and it's so moving and it's so like just .
Ah, like so much trust, like she just knows that the world is gonna give her back, mirror back.
, her same level of joy and her same level of possibility.
(13:23):
And it's so hard when I see therapists who have been wounded over and over again who have the expectation that when they were they to actually let their hope out, their possibility out, they're gonna be greeted, they're gonna be mirrored back with contempt with the messages of you're weak, just, , distance, a shame.
(13:47):
You all think I'm just doing an enrollment call.
So this is just something I would love your thoughts.
You can email me Tiffany at lean and Makebing.com.
If you've been on a call with me, if you never have, if you're a student of ours, if you don't even know what we're talking about right now, but you're moved by this conversation, I'd love to hear your thoughts.
You can just email me Tiffany at leanin make bank and you can call it like yearning versus defeat, right?
(14:11):
Yearning versus defeat.
If you put that in the subject line, I'm gonna know what you're talking about.
You're gonna be talking about this episode.
, You know, I don't think about the work I do is like just make money.
I mean, I, I want you to make more money.
I think very deeply about the students we have.
I can't think about deeply about every single student because we have a lot of students, right?
(14:32):
But when I'm able to get on a call with you, when I'm able to work with you on our office hours, when our mentors are able to work with you on our office hours, when Yeshua, our community manager, is able to show up and engage with you in your in our mighty in our platform on the platform that we work with, when she's putting a post in our team slack sharing your story.
Or sharing your struggle when when we have our monthly team meetings where we're diving deep on what are we doing here with our students, what's happening for them?
(14:57):
How are they moving towards where are they getting stuck?
This is the level when I do 1 to 1 enrollment calls, which are basically like those are sales calls, which mean I'm trying to understand if you're gonna be a good fit for our program.
If yes, come on in.
If no, here's, I recommend you go over to this other program or do this first just very honestly and transparently.
They're not just like sales calls.
I.
(15:18):
I'm not doing I'm not your therapist.
This is not a therapy program.
Lees, but I want you to know that I'm thinking about you on this level when we're doing those calls.
I'm thinking about the ways your internal parts are are at war and the ways in which that's keeping your business stuck.
If you are not able to have a cash pay premium fee practice, there are so many ways to get there.
(15:40):
There are so many programs you can do.
There are so many options for SEO, , , getting published in the press, , Google ads, Facebook ads.
I don't love Facebook ads, but the networking, like there are so many ways you can have a premium fee practice if you're unable to do it.
, and by the way, we, we can talk about those things in the lean and Make Ba Academy.
We talk about marketing strategy and what the most effective marketing strategy is to like get boots on the ground, , premium pay clients in your practice sooner rather than later with little startup funds like we'll talk about that.
(16:13):
But really there's a, we're talking about when therapists are stuck.
In private practices that are not working.
I believe there's an unconscious process at work.
There's an unconscious pattern playing out that's keeping you from Truly being able to move forward not just in your business but in every realm of your life and that's the level of work we do in LIM.
(16:35):
That's the level of work I do with our therapists, we, me and my team, that's a lot and the therapists in there, by the way, are doing with each other and, and let me just say, I don't know if if if you've ever been in the experience where you've been working with a therapist for a long time.
And then you leave them and go to a you pay more money probably and go to a therapist who's more experienced or better at what they do and you're like holy shit and then you start doing a different level of work with your clients because you're experiencing a different level of work and expansion with your own therapist.
(17:00):
This is what happens to our students and limb.
We're not a therapy program has legalese, but when you actually start doing a deeper level of work on your business self.
On the person you are in your business.
You will start doing a deeper level of clinical work with your clients.
If you're interested in this, if you're curious about this process, send me an email, Tiffany at leanin make a bank and just say ready, ready, I'm ready to understand or think with you in this way, Tiffany, and see if limb is a good fit for me.
(17:30):
Yeah, this was, I know this was a complicated one.
I probably lost like 90% of of of you listeners going through this episode.
My friend Morgan, Morgan Pommels, who's a fucking brilliant and phenomenal marketer, is gonna be like, Tiffany, that's too convoluted.
Don't do you keep it simple.
I will mostly keep it simple, but sometimes I sometimes it felt important for me, especially talking, you know, interviewing, , our students for the money sessions.
(17:57):
, recently, it, it felt important for me to let you know how I'm thinking actually about you, how we think about our students, how we want our students to think about each other and themselves.
For those of you who are interested in that, for those of you who want a little peek behind the curtain, there you go.
There's a little peek behind the curtain for you.
For those of you who see me doing.
(18:18):
Crazy Instagram stories.
, crazy reels that I'm gonna get a lot of blowback from.
, that's all fun and, and actually doing this work has given me the ability to have the freedom and the creativity to play.
I love to fucking play.
I love to play.
.
But I've only been allowed the, the freedom to play by doing the deep work, the mourning, the loss, the grief, the facing reality, the hard reality that comes with the living on this earth, and that's all a huge part of the way I approach you and the way I approach the Lena Mig Academy and the way and the way we built that program out.
(19:02):
Morgan, go ahead and send me a WhatsApp message.
I'm waiting for it.
All right, whatever you're doing, I want you to pause.
If you're driving, pull over.
If you're chopping a carrot, put that knife away.
If you're making sweet love to your woman.
Well, I mean, that's, that's, that's kind of flattering in a weird way, ah.
(19:27):
Huh, you can go, you can just go ahead and you can keep doing that.
But for the rest of you, if you learn even just one thing of value today, please share this episode with even just one therapist who can benefit from the message.
Here's how, if you're listening on iTunes, click on the episode and you'll see a small purple circle with 3 dots.
Click on those dots and you're going to see the option to share at the bottom of the list.
(19:51):
Click that and you can just Go ahead and share it on Facebook, or you can even just text it to one therapist who you know needs to hear it.
If you're listening on Stitcher, just tap the triangle icon on the upper right corner.
It's next to the menu that displays your upcoming playlist.
You'll see the option to share the episode you're currently listening to right on Facebook.
Look, it's time to get the word out.
(20:13):
We got to spread the message.
Thank you so much and we'll join each other again soon.
Every week I talk to therapists who are.
(00:03):
Interested, dare I say desperate to have a deeply fulfilling private practice.
, this looks like, , client work that is enlivening and connected and creative.
It means feeling energized and inspired from your clinical sessions, feeling effective in your work as a clinician.
(00:27):
It means being taken care of financially by the business, which means, , being able to take walks in the sun between sessions.
Go grab a cappuccino, sit in the cafe and write about the intersection of your clinical work and your own life experiences.
You know, instead of tensing up and raising your voice and reiterating rigid, rigid boundaries when your son is about to melt down, you've set yourself up because your practice takes care of you.
(00:55):
You're able to slow down and open your arms and give him a hug because you had time to go to yoga between your last client session of the day and between picking your son up from school.
Right, you can sit and laugh on a date with your spouse.
Your babysitter is paid in full, and you can have a nice dinner where you don't even think about the cost of the meal because you're bringing in more than enough money.
(01:20):
It means you're excited when your clients talk about their summer plans to visit Italy, and you smile kind of to yourself because you'll be traveling to Spain right around that same time this summer, no worries, taking your whole family.
And your 3 day weekends, they give you so much time to slow down, so much time to sink in, to feel grounded and spacious.
(01:43):
This is what you want.
This is your north star, right?
You know, you know what the vision feels like in your body.
It feels expansive, it feels inspired, it feels alive.
And I talk to you when I ask you about your vision, not always, right?
Sometimes, sometimes when I talk with you on, on our Zoom call, you have a hard time tapping into what you really want, but for some of you, right, as I talk to you and I'm like, what do you really want?
(02:10):
What do you want?
If you could have it, right?
I can feel your vision.
And the fact is I've seen therapists achieve this vision over and over and over again, so I'm like, yeah, yeah, you can have it.
But when I tell these therapists I'm I'm on the Zoom call with, maybe this is you, maybe I've done a a Zoom call with you.
When I tell you it's possible.
When I tell these therapists it's possible when I like, I'm like reaching out my hand, right?
(02:35):
Come on.
You can absolutely have this.
There are some therapists who like grab my hand and almost pull me over with excitement.
They've been like, I listened to the money sessions for years, or I even just found the money sessions two weeks ago and I'm just so excited.
I know it's possible and we just jump.
Ah, I love it.
It's like a no brainer.
Let's do this thing together.
(02:56):
But then there was another type of therapist who simply can't take my hand.
Right?
I, I'm like, yeah, let's do it.
I'm, I'm listening to you.
I've asked you all the questions.
I believe that this is something that can work for you based on everything I've heard.
And they just can't do it and I pay close attention to this.
I study this process carefully.
I'm I really think about this moment when I'm talking to a therapist who so desperately wants change but cannot pull the trigger, cannot take action, and it's fascinating to see.
(03:26):
And also it's some, some folks stick with me more than others, but some, it's just like this.
I'm thinking about someone right now actually in my head.
, it's very painful for me, like, God, I know what's possible.
And, and I see this internal battle where the therapist just can't, can't take it.
If you ever get on a one on one enrollment call with me, we, we're gonna watch this play out together.
(03:51):
I hope you, you can even bring this.
Sometimes I say to the person I'm like, I see this happening, these internal voices.
, by the way, my name's Tiffany McLean.
I'm the host of this show you're listening to right now called The Money Sessions, where I help therapists design and act, execute on, take hold of a practice that actually like the one we just described above, you have the money.
You have the time freedom, you have a business that takes care of you with a cash pay premium fee, private practice that's not dependent on insurance panels, that's not dependent on Grow or Alma or BetterHelp, right?
(04:22):
It's you've done the work to build it out.
You've created a foundation of security and your practice pays you for that.
You're doing transformational work with your clients.
That's what I'm all about.
I want you, the clinician to get paid.
You're busy thinking about your clients and taking care of them.
Do it.
Yay, my job, my team's job is to think about you and take care of you.
Right, so when I'm when I'm talking to these, I, it's one therapist, but I'm seeing these multiple parts.
(04:47):
I, I call them your committee members.
, IFS therapist, you probably do this work a lot.
I have a psychoanalytic background.
I'm really into psychoanalytic, not even psychodynamic, like deep psychoanalytic theory.
And so they've also been talking about this.
Phillip Bromberg, they've been talking about your internal parts, our internal parts for just decades and decades.
So as I'm watching these therapists or talking to this single therapist who really wants change, they're the place they're at right now just is not working.
(05:16):
They have no way they could see out.
Sometimes they're even thinking about like maybe I'll just go back to an agency job.
Maybe I can get into the corporate world somehow.
Maybe I'll go join someone else's practice.
Like I just don't know how to make this work.
And I say there's a way to make it work.
We've helped over 800 therapists make it work.
Based on what you're saying, I think it can work for you.
And then I watched these two parts of them play out.
(05:39):
There's like the hope, there's the yearning, there's the one who is advocating for them.
Let's do this thing together.
Let's take this leap, like let's invest in ourselves, let's grow.
And then there's this other part.
I'm actually thinking about suddenly I'm, I'm aware of a psychoanalytic article.
What do they call?
Oh, the mafia.
I need to go if you, if you're a psychoanalytic thinker, email me if you remember who, who, who wrote this article.
(06:04):
In this article it's called the Mafia.
And the mafia is the internalized part that just destroys any parts of you.
I'll just use you in this part, any part of you that wants change, that wants hope, that believes something is possible for you, the mafia just like comes in and kills it off, beats it down, breaks its knees and doesn't allow forward movement.
(06:25):
It's like this voice of defeat, of skepticism, like, oh yeah, that'll work for Natasha, or that'll work for.
You know, Sarai or that'll work for Monica Helvey, but that's not gonna work for me, right?
That can never work for me, not someone like me.
I've tried before and failed.
, this whole thing has to be a scam.
(06:46):
, it's like just It sometimes it's that kind of aggressive skepticism, but more often and and maybe even more painfully, it's this defeat.
Just this like hopelessness that comes in and puts a blanket over any possibility of taking action, any possibility of moving towards growth.
(07:07):
And I think it's important because it doesn't matter.
I don't care.I mean, I do care if you work with me in limb, if I think you can help, if I think we can help you, I want you to.
But it's even deeper than that, thinking about it from a clinical perspective.
If that's happening on the, on the calls with me to see if Lim's a good fit, I'm so crystal clear that that is happening in every aspect.
Of this therapist's life, maybe it's your life.
It's happening in every aspect of your life where there's a part of you that sometimes, I mean, you get on those calls with me, you're listening to this podcast episode for a reason.
(07:34):
There's someone inside of you, there's some part of you, right?
I'm talking to you right now.
I'm shoring you up who wants change, who believes in hope, who desperately wants something different, right?
That part of you is listening to this episode right now.
And then there's the part or parts of you who've been hurt, who've been shamed, who've been tricked, who've been.
, the object of contempt whenever you have needs or vulnerability or desire for intimacy, for growth, for possibility.
(08:05):
I feel a little sad, obviously, I can relate to this as well.
And so it's not just showing up when you're thinking about should I join the lead and make bank academy, it's showing up when you're thinking, can I connect to my spouse?
Can I really be close to my child, right?
Can I bring the parts of me forward that need to be seen, that desperately want to be seen.
(08:33):
I think about, , right now I'm reading a book called Poly Secure.
Don't ask me why.That's between me and me.
We're reading, but it was given to me by my friend Stephanie King, , a psychologist in Northern California.
Stephanie actually is cited her research is in this book Poly Secure, and they're talking about the different attachment styles, and one of the ones that's coming to my mind is the, , disorganized attachment.
and disorganized attachment, as you probably know, but we can do a quick refresher.
(08:57):
When your early attachments, it comes to play, when your early attachment figures are both an object of like safety, like they're the ones who need to take care of you, but they're also at times an object of danger.
So there's both, right?
You, you don't know which caregiver you're gonna get.
Are you gonna get the one who's gonna open their arms and take care of you and say, come on in, or you're gonna get the one that's contemptuous of your needs, your vulnerability.
(09:22):
Your, your softness.
Are you gonna get the one who's gonna beat it down.
And so it leads to a situation, and this is actually now that I'm talking it through with you, thank you for being here with me to talk this through and think it through together.
When I get on the calls with you who are who are wanting something more for yourself, and maybe this again could be like I wanna join limb, it could be I want to raise my fees, it could be I want to enforce my cancellation policies.
(09:46):
It could be I just want to make more money and like be able to buy this cappuccino in the afternoon.
When you move towards the desire, when there's a part of you that starts walking in the direction of your truth, walking in the direction of your growth, walking towards the direction of your intimacy, or your, that's interesting.
I meant possibility, but I'll say intimacy, closeness, connection.
You stop, right?
(10:07):
This is when it looks like the in the, I think it was Mary Ainsworth study where she was looking at attachment styles.
The the kids with the disorganized attachment, this image is like just emblazoned in my mind.
It's the child who walks towards the caregiver and then kind of stops and gets distracted or confused and turns around in circles, kind of wanders and just sits down and never makes it all the way.
(10:28):
This I'm getting goosebumps as I'm thinking about this.
This is how I think about those of you who get on the call with me and you want change, and I can see that you, you part of you believes it's possible.
It's like you're walking towards and then you get confused, you get overwhelmed.
This other voices come in and say, don't do it.
It's not safe.
It's not even like actually, , sometimes you might have these thoughts in your head, but sometimes it's just a gut feeling and it looks like in your business like you want to do something, you want to market.
(10:55):
You wanna charge more.
You wanna really help your clients and like take some business steps and it looks like getting lost in minutes or hours or weeks or months or years of doing ineffective marketing.
Maybe it's oh let me tweak my psychology profile.
Let me research forever the therapists I could talk to or the or the professionals I could talk to to build out my network.
(11:18):
Let me research a whole bunch of marketing programs.
Let me look at all the different ways SEO could work and like maybe try it myself for a couple of weeks and then forget about it.
Let me think about a YouTube channel.
Let me think about Instagram.
It's, it looks like having a whole bunch of shiny object that you go forward and don't finish any of it.
It looks like spinning around in an avoidance like if we think about fight, flight or freeze, it's almost like a freeze response to your business where you're doing a whole bunch of activity but it's actually not leading anywhere.
(11:48):
It's not producing any results and then months go by, weeks go by, years go by and your practice today looks at the same as it did.
Last year, 2 years ago, same fees, same inconsistent enforcement of cancellation policies, same clients who could take you or leave you with their $20 co-pay, right?
Same boredom, same resentment, same kind of sluggishness in your work.
(12:13):
Because the fear of actually letting yourself hope.
The fear of what if I take the leap and it doesn't work, is bigger and louder than the possibility, the belief, the trust.
We'll say in me, Tiffany, in a program, and your colleagues who've gone through it.
The years of experience we've had trust in yourself, you can follow through.
(12:39):
It's actually symbolic of being in relationship to a caregiver and we'll just say it's now translated into a world that is not gonna have your back, that's not really gonna be there for you.
That's when you actually do let yourself be vulnerable, when you do actually let yourself step into a belief and a hope, right?
Like I think about a, I have a daughter who's almost 4 and the moments when she, when she .
(13:00):
Has hope or is excited, it's just so fucking raw and it's so open and it's so moving and it's so like just .
Ah, like so much trust, like she just knows that the world is gonna give her back, mirror back.
, her same level of joy and her same level of possibility.
(13:23):
And it's so hard when I see therapists who have been wounded over and over again who have the expectation that when they were they to actually let their hope out, their possibility out, they're gonna be greeted, they're gonna be mirrored back with contempt with the messages of you're weak, just, , distance, a shame.
(13:47):
You all think I'm just doing an enrollment call.
So this is just something I would love your thoughts.
You can email me Tiffany at lean and Makebing.com.
If you've been on a call with me, if you never have, if you're a student of ours, if you don't even know what we're talking about right now, but you're moved by this conversation, I'd love to hear your thoughts.
You can just email me Tiffany at leanin make bank and you can call it like yearning versus defeat, right?
(14:11):
Yearning versus defeat.
If you put that in the subject line, I'm gonna know what you're talking about.
You're gonna be talking about this episode.
, You know, I don't think about the work I do is like just make money.
I mean, I, I want you to make more money.
I think very deeply about the students we have.
I can't think about deeply about every single student because we have a lot of students, right?
(14:32):
But when I'm able to get on a call with you, when I'm able to work with you on our office hours, when our mentors are able to work with you on our office hours, when Yeshua, our community manager, is able to show up and engage with you in your in our mighty in our platform on the platform that we work with, when she's putting a post in our team slack sharing your story.
Or sharing your struggle when when we have our monthly team meetings where we're diving deep on what are we doing here with our students, what's happening for them?
(14:57):
How are they moving towards where are they getting stuck?
This is the level when I do 1 to 1 enrollment calls, which are basically like those are sales calls, which mean I'm trying to understand if you're gonna be a good fit for our program.
If yes, come on in.
If no, here's, I recommend you go over to this other program or do this first just very honestly and transparently.
They're not just like sales calls.
I.
(15:18):
I'm not doing I'm not your therapist.
This is not a therapy program.
Lees, but I want you to know that I'm thinking about you on this level when we're doing those calls.
I'm thinking about the ways your internal parts are are at war and the ways in which that's keeping your business stuck.
If you are not able to have a cash pay premium fee practice, there are so many ways to get there.
(15:40):
There are so many programs you can do.
There are so many options for SEO, , , getting published in the press, , Google ads, Facebook ads.
I don't love Facebook ads, but the networking, like there are so many ways you can have a premium fee practice if you're unable to do it.
, and by the way, we, we can talk about those things in the lean and Make Ba Academy.
We talk about marketing strategy and what the most effective marketing strategy is to like get boots on the ground, , premium pay clients in your practice sooner rather than later with little startup funds like we'll talk about that.
(16:13):
But really there's a, we're talking about when therapists are stuck.
In private practices that are not working.
I believe there's an unconscious process at work.
There's an unconscious pattern playing out that's keeping you from Truly being able to move forward not just in your business but in every realm of your life and that's the level of work we do in LIM.
(16:35):
That's the level of work I do with our therapists, we, me and my team, that's a lot and the therapists in there, by the way, are doing with each other and, and let me just say, I don't know if if if you've ever been in the experience where you've been working with a therapist for a long time.
And then you leave them and go to a you pay more money probably and go to a therapist who's more experienced or better at what they do and you're like holy shit and then you start doing a different level of work with your clients because you're experiencing a different level of work and expansion with your own therapist.
(17:00):
This is what happens to our students and limb.
We're not a therapy program has legalese, but when you actually start doing a deeper level of work on your business self.
On the person you are in your business.
You will start doing a deeper level of clinical work with your clients.
If you're interested in this, if you're curious about this process, send me an email, Tiffany at leanin make a bank and just say ready, ready, I'm ready to understand or think with you in this way, Tiffany, and see if limb is a good fit for me.
(17:30):
Yeah, this was, I know this was a complicated one.
I probably lost like 90% of of of you listeners going through this episode.
My friend Morgan, Morgan Pommels, who's a fucking brilliant and phenomenal marketer, is gonna be like, Tiffany, that's too convoluted.
Don't do you keep it simple.
I will mostly keep it simple, but sometimes I sometimes it felt important for me, especially talking, you know, interviewing, , our students for the money sessions.
(17:57):
, recently, it, it felt important for me to let you know how I'm thinking actually about you, how we think about our students, how we want our students to think about each other and themselves.
For those of you who are interested in that, for those of you who want a little peek behind the curtain, there you go.
There's a little peek behind the curtain for you.
For those of you who see me doing.
(18:18):
Crazy Instagram stories.
, crazy reels that I'm gonna get a lot of blowback from.
, that's all fun and, and actually doing this work has given me the ability to have the freedom and the creativity to play.
I love to fucking play.
I love to play.
.
But I've only been allowed the, the freedom to play by doing the deep work, the mourning, the loss, the grief, the facing reality, the hard reality that comes with the living on this earth, and that's all a huge part of the way I approach you and the way I approach the Lena Mig Academy and the way and the way we built that program out.
(19:02):
Morgan, go ahead and send me a WhatsApp message.
I'm waiting for it.
All right, whatever you're doing, I want you to pause.
If you're driving, pull over.
If you're chopping a carrot, put that knife away.
If you're making sweet love to your woman.
Well, I mean, that's, that's, that's kind of flattering in a weird way, ah.
(19:27):
Huh, you can go, you can just go ahead and you can keep doing that.
But for the rest of you, if you learn even just one thing of value today, please share this episode with even just one therapist who can benefit from the message.
Here's how, if you're listening on iTunes, click on the episode and you'll see a small purple circle with 3 dots.
Click on those dots and you're going to see the option to share at the bottom of the list.
(19:51):
Click that and you can just Go ahead and share it on Facebook, or you can even just text it to one therapist who you know needs to hear it.
If you're listening on Stitcher, just tap the triangle icon on the upper right corner.
It's next to the menu that displays your upcoming playlist.
You'll see the option to share the episode you're currently listening to right on Facebook.
Look, it's time to get the word out.
(20:13):
We got to spread the message.
Thank you so much and we'll join each other again soon.
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