February 24, 2025 • 11 mins
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In this powerful episode, Tiffany delivers a wake-up call to therapists in private practice: nobody is coming to save you.
If you’re exhausted, underpaid, and waiting for some magic to transform your practice, here’s the truth: it’s time to take control and become your OWN knight in shining armor.
If you’re ready to stop waiting and start taking action, this episode is for you.
In this episode, Tiffany shares:
The moment she realized no one was coming to save her (and what she did about it);
How burnout and resentment build up when therapists undercharge and overwork;
Why acknowledging your current reality is the first step toward change;
The myth of quick-fix solutions like extra certifications and marketing programs;
How you can start taking action (to save yourself) NOW.
Resources Mentioned:
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Tiffany(00:00):
(00:01):
I remember very clearly the turning point in my life. like the moment I became an adult in some way, I was 35. It was actually literally the day of my 35th birthday. And I don't know what happened. I don't know why this struck me, but I had the thought, literally, I had the thought, Tiffany, nobody is going to save you. Nobody is going to save you. And the reason that struck me so hard was because I had no idea that I was, I had no idea that I was waiting around for someone to save me. I, I have always been very independent strong-willed, rebellious, done my own thing, you know, bucked against any kind of conformity or box. So when this thought came to me, nobody is coming to save you. If you want anything to change in your life, you have to do it yourself.
Tiffany(00:58):
It was both surprising for all the reasons I just said, and I felt so sad. I was at this park. I, I was living in San Francisco at the time, still am I was at this park called Dolores Park, and I remember just crying there. I was there with my partner and I was just crying. I felt so much grief. I felt so alone. I felt so like just bereft with this and angry. I was angry. Like, oh, nobody's coming to save me. Nobody's gonna make life easier. There's not gonna be a time when things just work out. I have to do something. And I don't know what, what stage of life you're at when you're listening. You might be at a point where you're like, Tiffany, what are you talking about? Nobody's gonna save me. Like yeah I'm not, that's not even in my mind.
Tiffany(02:03):
Meanwhile, you're seeing 60 people a week in your private practice, and you're not earning enough to pay the bills. Just wait. This reality is gonna strike you. You might be at a point where you're right in that place where you're suddenly realizing you have been operating in some way as if someone is gonna come in, some de Deus ex Mina is gonna happen, and suddenly things is gonna be easier. Suddenly you're gonna have private, you know, cash pay clients calling. You're su s you partner's gonna make it big. You're gonna get some inheritance. Like some part of the back of your mind is kind of waiting around for your problems to be solved. And you might suddenly be aware of the reality. And look, if you, if you feel angry, if you feel alone, if you're feeling sad and despondent, you are in it.
Tiffany(02:48):
That's the realization. Nobody's gonna get me out of this, except me. By the way, my name is Tiffany McClain. I am the creator of lean In Make Bank, where we help therapists, mental health, clinicians in private practice take responsibility for our situation. Finally, intentionally design a practice that actually works for you so you can have the life you want. Because as I'm talking about today, nobody's gonna make it easier. I was talking to a therapist today, really moving conversation, and she was talking about how she and her wife are just tapped out. Two little kids at home. I have also two, two little kids at home, so I can relate. If you are there, you know, you and your partner literally are running on fumes. The, the fighting over who gets to take a walk? Who, who? You gotta take a walk this morning and, and I had to make dinner tonight.
Tiffany(03:41):
Like, you literally have no emotional capacity for each other. You're not taking care of your spouse. Your spouse is not taking care of you. You know, if you see eight clients in a day, you come home and your 3-year-old is appropriately having a tantrum because she wanted to wash her hands in the sink, but then she ran out of the, the room down the hall, she still needs to wipe her hands to wash her hands because pinworm is going around the school. So you insist that she wash her hands and she just cries for 20 minutes, right? That's what she's supposed to do. If you've just seen a client today you are gonna be saying things to her that you regret. You are going to be repeating patterns of things that were done to you, and then kicking yourself for it two hours from now when she's calmly and lovingly sleeping in her bed because you know that you are doing exactly to her what your parents did to you.
Tiffany(04:34):
You're tapped out and you start to realize, oh, on some way. Like, I'm kind of just hoping, I'm just kind of waiting for it to change. I'm just kind of waiting for it to change. It's some fantasy, it's not even conscious. It's not even like you're consciously saying yeah, my, my, you know, maybe you, maybe some part of you was like, I'll marry a rich husband. And now your husband is turning to you looking at your business and your capacity for growth, and he's thinking, you know, maybe I want to shift careers. Maybe I wanna break. And, and you're gonna pick up being the breadwinner for a change, right? Oh, it's not coming from him. Maybe your wife is like, you know what? I'm ready to step down in my position. Or maybe her business that she has, you're suddenly realizing like, that business is not going anywhere.
Tiffany(05:28):
My my grandparents, you know, maybe my grandparents have a secret or fracking money. Maybe they have some fracking investments and when they pass away, it's gonna pass down to me, and then they pass away. And there's nothing for you. You're suddenly, it's dawning on you that you are actually the adult in the room. You are the adult in the room. Your husband is looking at you, or your wife is looking at you. Your children are looking at you. Everybody is looking at you because the buck stops with you. And for the first time in your life, you are also looking at you and realizing nobody is going to come and save you. Nobody's coming to save you. And you know that you were on some level waiting for a savior like I was back when I was 35, unconsciously, because you are filled with grief and frustration.
Tiffany(06:22):
You feel depleted, you feel sad, and you feel betrayed, and you feel hurt. And most of all, you feel lonely. It's really lonely when you suddenly accept, acknowledge, and have to contend with the reality that nobody's gonna help you out of this. Nobody's gonna help you out of seeing 30 clients a week, all of whom are on insurance. Nobody's gonna help you out of the, the fact that you have 10 private pay clients, cash pay, who are paying you $115 per session when you actually need $250 per session. Nobody's gonna suddenly come in and say like, let's reimburse you higher rates. You deserve it. Your clients are not gonna come and say, oh, I suddenly have 20 referrals for you. And they all can pay $300 per session. And, and by the way, we all wanna take six weeks off so that you can have a good vacation.
Tiffany(07:16):
It's not happening, and that's not gonna happen. Your practice as it now stands, is gonna be exactly this way two weeks from now, six months from now, five years from now, 20 years from now. If you keep doing the same thing you're doing, if you keep thinking the same way, you're thinking, if you keep thinking somebody else is gonna save you, oh, I'll get a certification in IFS or coaching or EMDR and then because I have that on my website, I'm suddenly gonna fill up. You will not. That's not how it works. Oh, if I take that marketing program, I'm gonna take a magical marketing program, or I'm gonna hire someone for my SEO or my Google ads, and suddenly I'm gonna fill up and I'm gonna be confident charging $300 per session, and clients are gonna show up and they're gonna stick around and they're gonna come weekly and they're gonna do the work because I hired that person for SEO. That's not gonna happen.
Tiffany(08:12):
When you take responsibility for the state your life is in right now, that allows you to take responsibility for actually going after the dream. You want designing a practice that actually works for you, but it starts with you. It starts with you taking, with responsibility everything that's happening in your practice right now, feeling exhausted, feeling resentful and tense around your spouse being just acting in shameful ways with your children when actually they need a hug. That that is your responsibility. You have gotten yourself in this position, and you are the only one who's gonna get yourself out. Nobody's coming to save you.
Tiffany(08:56):
That's my PSA for today. Nah, it's not always wonderful to hear, but I, I'm never gonna lie to you. I'm never gonna sugarcoat. I'm always gonna be on your side. I'm always gonna have hope for you. I'm always going to encourage you, and I'm always gonna tell you, tell it like it is. I'm always gonna tell it like it is. And it's the most empowering thing that can happen for you to take responsibility for the circumstances you are in right now, because that means you can take responsibility for changing the circumstances you're in right now. If you have not done our fun with fee calculator, do it. Go to the show notes below this episode. You'll see our fun with fee, private practice fee calculator, download that. We'll send it to you. We'll send you some emails too along this vein. This is the day, this is the start. There's only one person who's gonna save you, and it's gonna be you. I'm gonna have your back. I'm gonna be there as you go through the process. You don't have to do it alone. You don't have to do it alone, but you do have to do it if you want anything to change, that's it.
(00:22):
Outro (10:03):
All right? Whatever you're doing, I want you to pause. If you're driving, pull over. If you're chopping a carrot, put that knife away. If you're making sweet love to your woman,well, I mean, that's, that's, that's kind of flattering in a weird way. Huh. You can go, you can just go ahead and you can keep doing that. But for the rest of you, if you learn even just one thing of value today, please share this episode with even just one therapist who could benefit from the message. Here's how. If you're listening on iTunes, click on the episode and you'll see a small purple circle with three dots. Click on those dots and you're gonna see the option to share at the bottom of the list. Click that, and you can just go ahead and share it on Facebook, or you can even just text it to one therapist who you know needs to hear it. If you're listening on Stitcher, just tap the triangle icon on the upper right corner. It's next to the menu that displays your upcoming playlist. You'll see the option to share the episode you're currently listening to right on Facebook. Look, it's time to get the word out. We gotta spread the message. Thank you so much, and we'll join each other again soon.
Tiffany(00:00):
(00:01):
I remember very clearly the turning point in my life.
Tiffany(00:58):
It was both surprising for all the reasons I just said, and I felt so sad. I was at this park. I, I was living in San Francisco at the time, still am I was at this park called Dolores Park, and I remember just crying there. I was there with my partner and I was just crying. I felt so much grief. I felt so alone. I felt so like just bereft with this and angry
Tiffany(02:03):
Meanwhile, you're seeing 60 people a week in your private practice, and you're not earning enough to pay the bills. Just wait. This reality is gonna strike you. You might be at a point where you're right in that place where you're suddenly realizing you have been operating in some way as if someone is gonna come in, some de Deus ex Mina is gonna happen, and suddenly things is gonna be easier. Suddenly you're gonna have private, you know, cash pay clients calling. You're su s you partner's gonna make it big. You're gonna get some inheritance. Like some part of the back of your mind is kind of waiting around for your problems to be solved. And you might suddenly be aware of the reality. And look, if you, if you feel angry, if you feel alone, if you're feeling sad and despondent, you are in it.
Tiffany(02:48):
That's the realization. Nobody's gonna get me out of this, except me. By the way, my name is Tiffany McClain. I am the creator of lean In Make Bank, where we help therapists, mental health, clinicians in private practice take responsibility for our situation. Finally, intentionally design a practice that actually works for you so you can have the life you want. Because as I'm talking about today, nobody's gonna make it easier. I was talking to a therapist today, really moving conversation, and she was talking about how she and her wife are just tapped out. Two little kids at home. I have also two, two little kids at home, so I can relate. If you are there, you know, you and your partner literally are running on fumes. The, the fighting over who gets to take a walk? Who, who? You gotta take a walk this morning and, and I had to make dinner tonight.
Tiffany(03:41):
Like, you literally have no emotional capacity for each other. You're not taking care of your spouse. Your spouse is not taking care of you. You know, if you see eight clients in a day, you come home and your 3-year-old is appropriately having a tantrum because she wanted to wash her hands in the sink, but then she ran out of the, the room down the hall, she still needs to wipe her hands to wash her hands because pinworm is going around the school. So you insist that she wash her hands and she just cries for 20 minutes, right? That's what she's supposed to do. If you've just seen a client today you are gonna be saying things to her that you regret. You are going to be repeating patterns of things that were done to you, and then kicking yourself for it two hours from now when she's calmly and lovingly sleeping in her bed because you know that you are doing exactly to her what your parents did to you.
Tiffany(04:34):
You're tapped out and you start to realize, oh, on some way
Tiffany(05:28):
My my grandparents, you know, maybe my grandparents have a secret
Tiffany(06:22):
You feel depleted, you feel sad, and you feel betrayed, and you feel hurt. And most of all, you feel lonely. It's really lonely when you suddenly accept, acknowledge, and have to contend with the reality that nobody's gonna help you out of this. Nobody's gonna help you out of seeing 30 clients a week, all of whom are on insurance. Nobody's gonna help you out of the, the fact that you have 10 private pay clients, cash pay, who are paying you $115 per session when you actually need $250 per session. Nobody's gonna suddenly come in and say like, let's reimburse you higher rates. You deserve it. Your clients are not gonna come and say, oh, I suddenly have 20 referrals for you. And they all can pay $300 per session. And, and by the way, we all wanna take six weeks off so that you can have a good vacation.
Tiffany(07:16):
It's not happening, and that's not gonna happen. Your practice as it now stands, is gonna be exactly this way two weeks from now, six months from now, five years from now, 20 years from now. If you keep doing the same thing you're doing, if you keep thinking the same way, you're thinking, if you keep thinking somebody else is gonna save you, oh, I'll get a certification in IFS or coaching or EMDR and then because I have that on my website, I'm suddenly gonna fill up. You will not. That's not how it works. Oh, if I take that marketing program, I'm gonna take a magical marketing program, or I'm gonna hire someone for my SEO or my Google ads, and suddenly I'm gonna fill up and I'm gonna be confident charging $300 per session, and clients are gonna show up and they're gonna stick around and they're gonna come weekly and they're gonna do the work because I hired that person for SEO. That's not gonna happen.
Tiffany(08:12):
When you take responsibility for the state your life is in right now, that allows you to take responsibility for actually going after the dream. You want designing a practice that actually works for you, but it starts with you. It starts with you taking, with responsibility everything that's happening in your practice right now, feeling exhausted, feeling resentful and tense around your spouse being just acting in shameful ways with your children when actually they need a hug. That that is your responsibility. You have gotten yourself in this position, and you are the only one who's gonna get yourself out. Nobody's coming to save you.
Tiffany(08:56):
That's my PSA for today. Nah, it's not always wonderful to hear, but I, I'm never gonna lie to you. I'm never gonna sugarcoat. I'm always gonna be on your side. I'm always gonna have hope for you. I'm always going to encourage you, and I'm always gonna tell you, tell it like it is. I'm always gonna tell it like it is. And it's the most empowering thing that can happen for you to take responsibility for the circumstances you are in right now, because that means you can take responsibility for changing the circumstances you're in right now. If you have not done our fun with fee calculator, do it. Go to the show notes below this episode. You'll see our fun with fee, private practice fee calculator, download that. We'll send it to you. We'll send you some emails too along this vein. This is the day, this is the start. There's only one person who's gonna save you, and it's gonna be you. I'm gonna have your back. I'm gonna be there as you go through the process. You don't have to do it alone. You don't have to do it alone, but you do have to do it if you want anything to change, that's it.
(00:22):
Outro (10:03):
All right? Whatever you're doing, I want you to pause. If you're driving, pull over. If you're chopping a carrot, put that knife away. If you're making sweet love to your woman,well, I mean, that's, that's, that's kind of flattering in a weird way. Huh. You can go, you can just go ahead and you can keep doing that. But for the rest of you, if you learn even just one thing of value today, please share this episode with even just one therapist who could benefit from the message. Here's how. If you're listening on iTunes, click on the episode and you'll see a small purple circle with three dots. Click on those dots and you're gonna see the option to share at the bottom of the list. Click that, and you can just go ahead and share it on Facebook, or you can even just text it to one therapist who you know needs to hear it. If you're listening on Stitcher, just tap the triangle icon on the upper right corner. It's next to the menu that displays your upcoming playlist. You'll see the option to share the episode you're currently listening to right on Facebook. Look, it's time to get the word out. We gotta spread the message. Thank you so much, and we'll join each other again soon.
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