Living with an Invisible Disease - The Hard Truth - The Most Dwanderful Real Estate Podcast Ever!

Episode Transcript
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Dwan Bent-Twyford (00:02):
Hey everybody , welcome to another episode of
The Most Dwanderful Real estatePodcast Ever.
I'm Dwan Bent-Twyford, I'myour host.
I took my name Dwan andwonderful and made a new word
Dwanderful.
So this is the most DwanderfulReal Estate Podcast ever.
And today we're going to talkabout something completely

(00:24):
different, excuse me.
We're going to talk aboutpeople that live with autoimmune
diseases.
Do you live with .
.
.
Sorry, I got a frog in mythroat Do you live with an
autoimmune disease?
Well, I do so.

(00:52):
Do you live with an autoimmunedisease?
Well, I do so.
I'm going to be very vulnerablewith you today.
I'm sorry it's so hard to talkabout this.
I'm going to be very vulnerablewith you today.
I'm going to talk to you aboutwhat it's like living with
rheumatoid arthritis.
Now, I know many, many, many,many, many of us suffer with

(01:18):
autoimmune diseases.
I was diagnosed six years agowith rheumatoid arthritis, so
today I want to talk to youabout the struggles that I know
that we all have that have anyautoimmune whether it's
rheumatoid arthritis, lupus,sjogren's, fibromyalgia, they

(01:40):
all fall under the same umbrellaof autoimmune.
So I want to talk to you todayabout what I go through.
I'm going to show you all thethings that I take and I'm going
to try to see if I can offersome words of wisdom or some
comfort or something.
So, because I'm going to talkabout myself so much, I'm

(02:06):
feeling really emotional evendoing this.
However, I'm in a flare-uptoday, so I thought today would
be a good day.
Now you look at me and you gogosh Dwan, you look beautiful.
Look at your hair.
Look how perfect your eyemakeup is today.
You're dressed nice.
Look at your beautifulbackground you look fine.

(02:28):
You look fine.
How many of you here?
Oh, you look fine.
I don't understand.
You don't look sick.
I gotta tell you.
I swear to God, if one moreperson tells me I look fine, I
think I'm gonna start stranglingpeople.
It's like yeah, I look fine, Ilook great.
I look great today.
I feel like shit, so bad.

(02:51):
But I've been wanting to makethis video for a while.
I started recently following afew people on TikTok that talk
about living with autoimmunesand how everybody from the
outside world looks at you andsays oh, you look fine, you look
fine.
What's wrong with you?
Why don't you feel good today?
You look great.
I don't understand.

(03:11):
Can't you just suck it up so wecan go do this thing and you
know what?
No, we can't freaking suck itup.
We're tired of sucking it up.
I am tired of other people notunderstanding and me having to
constantly make excuses forthings.
When I say to somebody oh, I'mhaving a flare, they're like you

(03:32):
look good.
I mean, can't you just go dothis eight-hour day with me with
this, what we had planned, youlook fine?
It's like no, I can't, becauseyou know what, if I go off on
this eight-hour day, I'm goingto be in bed for the next two
days.
So I want to talk about thisand I'm just going to give you
advice from my personalexperience.

(03:53):
Take it for whatever it's worth.
Hopefully this will help a fewof you, and maybe it won't, but
at least I think it will givepeople a better understanding
about me.
So I was diagnosed six years ago, when I turned 60.
I am now 66 years old and forthe first couple of years I was

(04:15):
just like oh, I don't understandwhy I feel that.
I feel my joints, everythinghurts my body and the doctor
think you are making it up.
We'll start from the beginning.
So I got diagnosed when I was60 with rheumatoid arthritis.
Now, one thing I do know for afact.
I don't ever tell people I haverheumatoid arthritis.

(04:35):
I say to people I've beendiagnosed with this Because the
Bible does say your words havepower.
And the words you speak, yourmind believes whatever you tell
it.
So if every day I go, oh, Ihave RA, I have RA, oh oh oh, my

(04:56):
mind is like, oh, she's got RA.
Oh my gosh, we better dosomething.
So I never claim the disease.
That's number one.
I don't claim the disease.
If you ever meet me out, likeat a workshop we do lots of
workshops all over the countryor anyone that knows me, I
always say I've been diagnosed,I'm never going to claim this
disease.

(05:16):
I'm never going to claim I haveRA, I have RA.
Now do I have it?
Yeah, do I claim it?
Hell No!No, I tell myself every day I
feel great, like this morning,actually, this very morning, I
woke up and I thought, wow, Ifeel really good, but I'm in
Colorado and it's in the 50s soit's really cold outside.

(05:36):
So as I got up, started moving,I was like, oh god, my hands,
my wrists, my joints, my body,everything is hurting'm like
okay.
So today's one of those days,so.
But I do want you to claimevery day out loud my body is
well, my body is well, my bodyis well.
God has healed me from this.

(05:57):
I am well.
I am well.
I am well Because I do know theword.
The Bible says speak things intoexistence as if they already
are.
And I know a lot of you likemanifest from the universe or
whatever you do.
I am a Christian.
I do not manifest.
I do what the Bible says and Ispeak into existence.

(06:21):
Every day, I say I do not havean autoimmune disease.
I feel amazing.
Today I'm going to have a greatday.
I woke up this morning.
I was laying in bed.
I thought, oh God, I feelreally good today.
It's a good day to podcastabout this.
But within an hour of being up,I was like oh, my body, my
joints, especially my hands.
I was like, oh my God, I'm inso much pain today.

(06:42):
So do even though I know youdon't feel like it just every
day just claim I am healed, godhas healed me, I have a healing,
I do not have this disease, Idon't have it.
I don't have it.
And when you're talking topeople about it.
I think if you will just say Iwas diagnosed with this, instead

(07:03):
of I have this because we don'twant to claim it, we don't want
to claim that we have thisdisease, we don't want to claim
this is who we are.
We don't want to claim that, soI don't You'll never hear me
say, oh yeah, I have RA.
You'll hear me say I wasdiagnosed with RA because,
mentally, I'm never going toclaim it, now do I have it.
I'm never going to claim it,now do I have it.

(07:26):
Do I feel like crap a lot?
Definitely Do I have all thesymptoms All the time, every day
.
There's never one day where Ifeel like wow, I feel amazing

(07:50):
today, ah, this is amazing.
I have no days like that.
I function, I take supplementsand medication to get through
the days, but I never wake upgoing ah, my body is completely
pain-free, I'm healed.
I have no days like that, notever, not even one.
Why can't I take that back?
I get a steroid shot every 90days and for about four weeks
after the steroid shot, I feelreally good because the steroid
shot reduces all my inflammationand I feel really good.

(08:11):
I only get one every 90 daysbecause that's the most my
doctor will allow me to have oneevery 90 days.
So what I have found is,normally I get them in my butt.
It's a let me see.
I'll tell you exactly what itis that I get.
Hold on a minute.
Okay, I get a steroid shot.

(08:37):
That is let me find it.
I should have pulled this upbefore I get on this.
Okay, y'all just hang with mefor a second.
Okay, I get a Depo Metro 80milligram shot in the muscle.

(08:59):
So they do them in my butt.
But what started happening acouple years ago is my hips were
hurting just off the chart.
So I have already had a hipreplacement on my right hip
Because between rheumatoidarthritis, arthritis and
osteoarthritis my right hip justcrumbled.

(09:19):
So I got a hip replacement.
That changed my life.
Honestly, it did change my life.
So I do a Depo Metro 80milligram in the butt.
Now I also recently had myshoulders have been hurting,
like sometimes I can't lift myright arm.

(09:41):
So this last time I told my RAdoctor I said I want you to give
me a steroid shot in myshoulder, cause even when I get
it in my butt, my shoulder andmy hip never quit hurting.
So I'm going to say this is Ifeel like I made a discovery for
myself.
I got my last steroid shot inmy shoulder, which is what hurts

(10:01):
the most, like some days, somedays I can like, oh, I can't
even lift it up, can't even likebrush my teeth.
It's like, oh, my shoulder.
I got it in my shoulder jointand I'm going to tell you that
is the best I've felt in thewhole entire last six years.
Getting it in that shoulder andgetting that pain in that

(10:22):
shoulder to stop made the wholerest of my body feel a lot
better.
Now I'm coming up on aboutthree weeks from getting another
steroid shot and I'm alreadyback into a flare up.
So it did help.
I mean, honestly, I probablyhad the best six weeks I've ever
had in the last six years fromthe shot in my shoulder, because
even the one in my butt ittakes the inflammation out of my

(10:45):
body and I feel better, but itnever takes enough of it out of
my shoulder.
So if my shoulder constantlyhurting, then my body's going
there, all my little things aregoing.
Because autoimmune is your bodyattacks itself.
So if you don't know what thatis, that's what that is.
That's what that means.
So you have autoimmune, meaninglike if you get a cold, all the

(11:09):
little things in your body gooh, let's go fight that cold,
we're going to kill it and getrid of it.
Autoimmune is your bodybasically turns on you.
So when my shoulder hurts, allmy little fighters go to my
shoulder and try to fix it, butthey cause a flare-up.
So flare-up is like when all ofyour body I'm talking from my

(11:30):
skull to the bottom of my feeteverything hurts, every joint.
When I say every joint, I meanthis joint, this joint, this
joint, this joint, my wrists,especially these joints my feet,
my shoulders, my hips, my knees, the bottom of my feet, the top
of my head.
I'm just like oh, so a flare upis for RA anyway is your body

(11:54):
attacks your joints because itmisreads it and it reads your
joints as the enemy.
A cold, whatever.
Your body reads the joints, mygod, the joints, they're
attacking us, let's go tap back.
And then you're just like oh,and if you have like
fibromyalgia which I think Ihave a little bit of that too,

(12:16):
but I'm not going to claim thatfor sure your muscles, all your
muscles, they hurt.
There are days where I feellike my arm.
I'm like my arm feels like itweighs 100 pounds today, and
then I can't get out of bed.
Then my husband's like oh honey, you look fine.
Can you suck it up?
I'm like, oh my God, if youtell me to suck it one more time
.
So with an autoimmune, your bodymisreads symptoms and attacks

(12:43):
your body from the inside.
So if you have lupus or likefibromyalgia or Sjogren's or RA
or all there's just so, there'sso many, there's so many.
And you know we're the luckyones.
Only like one out of a millionhave it.
So look at us being in the 1%.
We're in the 1%ers.
I want to be in the 1%ersfinancially, not in the 1%ers

(13:05):
with my health.
So not everybody has it andobviously not everybody
understands.
And if you're listening, I canguarantee you you're so tired of
having to tell people you don'tfeel good.
I don't feel good today.
My muscles hurt, my joints hurt, this hurts, that hurts, blah,
blah, blah.
And then people go you look,okay.
I was like stop.

(13:26):
So I am going to say that.
Getting that shot in myshoulder joints, I went for six
straight weeks and I feltamazing, like I did before, and
I was like, oh, I discoveredsomething new.
This is amazing.
I'm not going to get them in mybutt anymore, I'm going to get

(13:46):
them in the joint.
That's hurting.
So I don't know that has helpedme.
I also made a whole list offoods.
So if you look, I have a listof foods that are good for RA
Salmon, avocados, sweet potatoeswith honey, spinach, watermelon
, edamame, eggs,anti-inflammatory things,

(14:10):
pineapple and coconut water,salmon, avocados, all berries,
all grapes, all apples, allcantaloupe, prunes, broccoli,
dark grapes, olive oil, ginger,carrots, couscous, coconut meats
that are okay.
Salmon, chicken, buffalo, tuna,shrimp, super lean beef.
The things I drink water mostly.

(14:31):
I do make a live enzyme, drinkevery day Cherry juice, beet
juice, coconut water, all thingsthat help you.
So I have a whole list andsometimes I go to a restaurant
I'm like, oh, let me lookthrough my food list and there's
like nothing, things that arebad, anything fried, just I

(14:52):
don't know.
There's so much.
Ezekiel bread is good, walnutoil is a good thing to take,
coconut oil is a good thing totake and basically you have to
try to cut out sugar, carbs anddairy to help your body.
So do I do that all the time?
No, do I try every day.
And so that's just that part,that's the food.

(15:15):
So anyone with autoimmune youprobably have a list of food.
You haven't made a list.
I actually did make a list.
I read it all the time and Ithink, okay, I'm gonna go out,
we're gonna go someplace, I'mgonna have some salmon and some
fresh broccoli and you know I'llfeel good.
The other days I'll go like, oh, I'm craving Wendy's, like so
bad, I'll get Wendy's and friesand a Pepsi and then Dr Pepper
and then I'm just like, why didI eat that?

(15:37):
Why did I eat that?
So food helps.
Obviously, sleeping good helps,resting helps, there's all
these things that help.
But I'm going to show you allthis stuff I take.
Okay, so, prescribed by mydoctor, I take sulfazolazine.

(15:58):
So sulfazolazine is adisease-modifying drug.
Some of you may be on a biologiclike I can't think of a
biologic right now ormethotrexate or something like
that.
My doctor started me onsulphosadazine.
They have since asked me tomove to methotrexate and I got

(16:23):
to tell you I tell my doctor,I'm like I'm 66 years old, my
aunt is 86.
My mom is 89.
And my other aunt is 98.
My other aunt, dora, was 102.
I said I have a lot oflongevity in my life.

(16:43):
So for me mentally, when mydoctor was like, hey, we should
start your methotrexate, it'sstronger, I'm like, yeah, but
listen, methotrexate is like thelast defense.
For RA, for a lot of autoimmunediseases, methotrexate is like
the last defense.
And then you're giving yourselfa shot every week and it's got

(17:04):
chemo in the shot.
And I told my doctor I said,listen, I am telling you
mentally I cannot take that.
In my mind I'm like, okay, I'mon this sulfazalazine, which is
a disease modifying whatever theDMARD stands for.
And then the next thing wouldbe like to take a biologic like

(17:26):
humera or something along thoselines, and then like the last
line of defense is methotrexate.
But I have already met peoplethat are my age or younger.
I met two people recently intheir 30s that are already on
methotrexate.
Well, at some point you take itfor so long it stops working.
So it's like, okay, but whenthat stops working, what else is

(17:47):
there to take?
And they're like there'snothing.
That's the strongest thing Iguess currently.
So I just told my RA doctor.
I said, listen, I have been avery vibrant person.
I've been very active.
I built a giant real estatecareer.
I travel all the time.
I have kids, I have grandkids.
I'm that woman that's alwayslike let's go wherever you want

(18:10):
to go.
I want to go too.
And I said if I mentally starttaking methotrexate and I know
I'm taking chemo I said I feellike mentally I'll lose the
battle.
And my doctor's like, yeah, youknow, people can be on
methotrexate for 30 years.
I'm like yeah, they can.

(18:30):
But I'm just telling you for mementally to give myself a shot
with a low dose of chemo, I willmentally feel like I have lost
the battle.
And when I mentally feel likeI've lost the battle, I don't
know where to go from there.
So I told my doctor I said no,we're not doing that.
I know you want to.

(18:51):
I said I'm open to starting abiologic.
But then you read about themand it's like I know a lot of
you probably already takemethotrexate and if you do, god
bless you really.
But I just know how I am.
Like it took me three or fouryears to even accept the fact
that my body just doesn'tfunction the way I want it to.

(19:13):
I go to bed at night, I feelfine.
I wake up in the morning aftersleeping and I feel like a bus
hit me and I mean like whoosh,like I can't move, I can't get
out of bed.
And I mean like whoosh, like Ican't move, I can't get out of
bed.
And I used to feel guilty aboutdays where I would just stay in
bed all day, and so finally Iwas like you know what, listen,
I have to stop beating myself upmentally.

(19:35):
So I call them movie days.
So I went to bed last night andI felt fine.
I woke up today, I feel like Igot hit by a bus, like just like
whap.
I felt fine.
I woke up today I feel like Igot hit by a bus, like just like
whap.
Everything I have.
It's been so much pain today.
It's like God, I am in so muchpain today and I was like you
know what?
This is a good day.

(19:55):
I'm going to force myself to domy hair and makeup.
I'm going to get on.
I'm going to talk about thisBecause I on.
I'm going to talk about thisbecause I've been wanting to do
a podcast about this for a longtime, because I see you, I get
it, I understand you.
I have so many of my studentsthat have RA and they've had it
since they were in their 30s and40s.

(20:16):
And I have people I know thathave had both hips replaced and
both knees, and they have somany surgeries.
I'm just like, oh, please,don't let me be one of those
people, please, please, please.
So I do every day mentally tellmyself I feel great, I feel
great, I feel great, even thoughI feel, like today, like I got
hit by a bus.
In fact, I feel so bad.

(20:37):
Today I decided to make myself alittle drink, which is not good
, but I'm having a vodka andcranberry juice, which is not
good, but I'm having a vodka andcranberry juice.
It doesn't help, it probablyhurts, but it'll make me feel
better for a few hours.
So today, at like noon, I mademyself a vodka and cranberries.

(20:57):
Well, cranberries on my list ofthings, so we'll start with
that.
So my doctor gives me thesulfasalazine and then they give
me these hydrocodones, and I'mnot a big fan of taking any kind
of a narcotic Because honestlyin my mind, my God, I don't want

(21:18):
to be a drug addict.
But then when I have these daysthat are so painful, I'm so
thankful I'll just take these, Idon't even care.
And then some days when I havethese days that are so painful,
I'm so thankful I'll just takethese, I don't even care.
And then some days when I'mreally like off the edge, the
pain is really heavy, thehumidity, all of it, and I'm
just, I'm strung out and mystomach's in a knot and my chest

(21:38):
, my heart's pounding out of mychest.
Sometimes I'll take a Xanax.
So I am not recommending you totake any drugs, but I am telling
you, without havinghydrocodones, um, and having the
xanax option, I honestly I meansome days, gosh, I don't even
know.
I just I'm just like lord, canyou just please take me in my
sleep?
But I'm 66, so in my mind,after watching my dad and my mom

(22:05):
and my aunts and how much theytravel and what they do, I'm
like why am I the one?
And my first cousin also hasbeen diagnosed with rheumatoid
arthritis and unfortunately,every single medication she's
taken has put her in thehospital.
So she lives with no medicationof any kind, no steroid.
No, nothing, nothing, nothing,nothing just lives with it.
And when I see her I'm justidno, nothing, nothing, nothing,

(22:26):
nothing, just lives with it.
And when I see her I'm justlike golly girl, I don't even
know.
So I do take these, thesulfazanazines, every day, 2 in
the morning, 1 at night.
I can still go up to 2 in themorning, 2 at night.
I'm trying to hold therebecause I don't want to.
I just don't want to take thefinal thing, the hydrocodones on
days when I feel like crapwhich today would be a day the

(22:47):
Xanax.
Those are only days where I'mjust like, I'm just so
overwhelmed mentally and I'mlike crying, I'm like, oh, just
like.
So they do help.
But here are some things thathave happened to me.
I also want to tell you a littletrick.
Not saying for you to use it,and just saying this helped me a

(23:09):
lot.
I have all these people in myfamily, like close family, that
will say things to me like well,you look fine.
I don't understand, why are youin so much pain?
Can't you just take some timeat all?
Then I have people tell me andthis one, I swear to God, it
makes you just want to shootsomebody time at all.
They say, well, if you wouldjust stop thinking about it, it

(23:30):
would go away.
And I'm like, oh my gosh.
So I have the people reallysuper close, like my husband,
not even all three of my kidstwo of them, I don't think they
get it.
My daughter, she sees it, soshe understands me.
But well, you look good.
If you, just if you wouldn'tthink about it so much, you just
put it out of your mind, thepain would go away.

(23:50):
And I was like, listen, if Icould put it out of my mind, I
would, if I could put it out ofmy mind and the pain would go
away.
I would, if I could like, lookat my hands right now.
Look at these joints Like thesefingers are curving.
So now I'm getting these funkylittle curved fingers.
These joints are getting big.
These joints are getting big.
This joints, my fingers, myfingers, are curving all over

(24:14):
the place.
These giant joints on my handsright here.
I was like these are not myhands, these are not the hands I
had when I was 55.
These are the hands I have now.
So I've got crooked littlefingers, I've got these giant
joints rolling in.
I've got these big giant thumbjoints.

(24:37):
So one thing I'd start doing isI started buying CBD.
So we're in Colorado so you canget CBD, that is.
This one is like 200 CBDs.
Let me see, this is 400 CBDs,800 CBDs with 800 THCs.

(25:00):
So because it's a cream, it'snot like smoking pot or you get
high from it or anything likethat.
But I have found that when youare able to have a cbd with some
thc in it, it like kicks.
It kicks it in stronger and so,um, this one is, uh, rosemary.

(25:22):
It smells beautiful, but but Itake like I mean I take giant
hunks with this stuff and I amsitting around my house all the
time.
I'm always rubbing my hands,mostly my hands, because my
wrists hurt so bad, my fingershurt so bad.
There's days I can't even holdmy phone in my hand to text or
do videos or do anything.

(25:43):
So when I rub my joints, I rubthem and I, I like, push them
back where they used to be.
I don't know if it's good ornot my little curvy finger look
at that little finger.
I twist them back the other wayand I do that and I rub and rub
.
So I probably use CBD on myhands 10 times a day and I just

(26:04):
rub it and I rub it and I try tolike that joint just cracked.
I try to push the joint backwhere it used to be and I push
them that way and the doctor'slike, well, it's probably not
going to help, but if it makesyou feel better and mentally it
does, that smells delicious.
So I think you can buy CBD inevery state, but I buy the CBD

(26:25):
with the THC because it makesthe CBD work harder.
Now I did legalize pot.
I thought, well, maybe you knowpeople take that pot marijuana
for it makes them, help themwith their pain and stuff.
So I did try that only once.
But I'm telling you I am not apot smoker.
I get so high, I get paranoid,I hear everything.

(26:50):
So I'm like this I'm lookingall over the house Cause like I
hear everything, what it does isthat song, the sounds of
silence.
The silence becomes so loudthat everything is so loud that
I'm just like looking around,like, oh, I heard a bird, oh, I
heard this, I heard, and I'mjust a crazy paranoid.
So I tried it a second time.

(27:11):
I thought, well, I'll try it asecond time and low dose, and it
just makes me crazy.
So I cannot use that as anoption.
I know you can get medicalmarijuana in a lot of states.
I know you can get pills andstuff, but none of that works
for me.
I just, I mean, I smoked pot inthe 70s because everybody did

(27:31):
in high school, but I neverliked it.
I was like the person thatwould get invited to keg parties
and I didn't like beer and Ididn't like weed.
So I'd go there with, just likeyou know, soda.
I just I don't like it.
So, but I thought you know whatit's people say.
My doctor, like I can'tdescribe you medical marijuana.
I was like no, I don't want totake medical marijuana.

(27:53):
I already tried to smoke ittwice and it made me crazy.
And then you're high for likeeight hours and the whole eight
hours I'm so freaked out and soparanoid.
I'd rather just honestly havethe pain I feel like, and I know
that's terrible.
But I'm telling you some goodCBD.
This does help.
This helps a lot and I get thestrongest one they make and I

(28:13):
rub it.
And I rub it and like, evenright now, like I feel like a
little better.
It's like oh yeah, my fingersfeel good, but in a few minutes
it'll all absorb into my skin.
Then my hands will be back likeah.
So these are some supplementsthat I take.
I've talked to my doctor, myfamily doctor and my RA doctor.
They're fine with all thesupplements.
So I do take these.

(28:35):
These help.
This is called a perfect aminoand the company is it just says
body health.
I got it from Gary Brekka.
So if you look up Gary Brekkaonline, these aminos are
supposed to fix your gut health.
Now, if you don't know aboutautoimmune, they start in your

(28:55):
gut and they also can start fromextended stress.
So when my sister was sick andshe was dying from cancer for
like five years I went into herhouse.
I'd go like six weeks there andsix weeks off and during that
five-year time I had obviously alot of stress because I'm
watching my dad have to bury hisdaughter, I'm watching my mom

(29:17):
have to bury, I'm losing my onlysibling and she had twins and
I'm watching everybody fallapart.
So then I'm the one that's like, oh, let me step in, let me
help everybody.
And I did that and I onlyrecently learned that an
autoimmune disease can come froman extended period of stress.
So from 50 to 55, I helped mysister a lot, and then around 56

(29:43):
, 57, 58, I started noticingdays where I just like being a
lot of pain all over.
But it would be like a day Ithought, well, okay, I don't
know, maybe I worked out toohard or something.
But by the time I was like 59,I was like, okay, something is
really wrong with me, because Iwould wake up in so much pain,
like I couldn't even move, and,and the thing that clenched it,

(30:05):
as we went to New York city formy 60th birthday so me and my
husband, all three of my kidsand all three of their spouses
Manhattan's my favorite place inthe world we went for 10 days.
I love Manhattan and we runlike street rats.
We get 25,000 steps a day whenwe're there.
And I remember about the thirdday in I woke up one day I was
like, oh my gosh, I'm so sore,why am I hurting so bad?

(30:28):
Like it's not, like we even didanything besides walking and
shopping.
So I spent two days in my hotelroom in like crazy amount of
pain, had room service, had somewine, took all the Tylenol,
every muscle relaxer, anything Icould take over the counter.
And I remember thinking thatmoment and my 60th birthday,

(30:53):
like something is wrong with me,because this pain, when it
comes out, it's coming moreoften and it's everywhere and I
don't understand what'shappening.
So we happen to be in Iowa.
If you've listened to me, youknow we own a bunch of buildings
in Iowa and I was, so mybirthday was in February, so

(31:14):
it's like six years ago.
Then in March we were in Iowaand I woke up a couple times in
Iowa and I was just like Bill,something's wrong, I can't move.
Today I couldn't move.
I was just like I don't know mybody's like blowing up, blowing
up.
So I started Googling, like whatkind of a doctor should I see
if I have pain all over my body?
And Google said find aninternal medicine doctor.

(31:37):
Now, clinton and I was a verysmall town but they have a good
little hospital and Dr Anwar isan internal medicine doctor.
So I made an appointment.
I went to him.
I said listen, I don't knowwhat's wrong.
I just wake up some days andeverything I have hurts and I
can't move.
I can't open.
I can't like open Liz, oh, okay, I can't open things.

(31:58):
I can't, I don't know.
So he is very thorough.
He spent like two months he rana thousand blood tests and then
he would take like fluid out ofa joint and run a test and take
fluid out of another joint andrun a test.
Then he'd give me this shot andI'd wait one hour and he'd do

(32:18):
blood work again.
And this went on and finally hesaid you have rheumatoid
arthritis.
So now me?
I was like, oh, thank God, Iknow what is wrong with me.
Now I can fix it, because youcan't fix it if you don't know.
So the day I found out, I was sorelieved.
I was like, oh, thank God,rheumatoid arthritis.

(32:39):
Okay, I have a diagnosis.
Now what do I need to do to fixthis?
Well, then I start Googling andI'm like I start looking at
pictures of all these peoplethat are all crunched up and I'm
like, oh, my God, this isterrible.
So he put me on steroids justright out of the gate and then I
blew up.
My face got round.

(33:00):
I got that thing called themoon face.
My face got that round.
I gained weight everywhere.
I didn't feel good on steroids.
My heart would pound out of mychest, I couldn't sleep, but my
joint pain went away.
So I thought, okay, well.
So then, a few months later,bill and I are in Florida during
COVID.
So Dr Anwar is like listen, Icannot prescribe you drugs from

(33:22):
Iowa because you have to doblood work to see if these drugs
are affecting your liver.
So now it's the height of COVID.
The lockdown just started inMarch and I have no more
medication.
So I thought, okay, I got tofind a doctor.
So I found the Hirsch Center.
If you are, I thought, even ifyou don't live in the state, I

(33:43):
fly back every three months tothis doctor because he, Evan,
saved my life.
I really feel like he saved mylife.
We're going to run all of ourown tests.
We're going to see.
You know, we're not going totake another doctor, we're going
to run everything from scratch.
They did the same thing takingfluid out of my joints and
giving me shots and doing thisand blood work, and blood work,

(34:05):
and blood work.
And he says you have rheumatoidarthritis.
Then he said to me he said Igotta tell you something, Dwan.
.
.
.
He goes.
You're really lucky and I'mlike why?
He said the average person andI know this is a lot of you
because I follow people ontiktok because the average

(34:25):
person it takes them five yearsand four different doctors to
get any kind of diagnosis,especially as women.
We go to the doctor, we say wedon't feel good, we hurt, we're
tired, our muscles are hurting,we ache everywhere and they're
just like oh, you're fine, takethis.
And they just they blow you off.
And I know this because I knowother people who have since been

(34:46):
diagnosed.
They're like, listen, it tookme like seven years to get a
diagnosis.
So I feel like, okay, I havethis disease.
I got it Not claiming itDiagnosed with it.
My first doctor properlydiagnosed me.
My second doctor properlydiagnosed me.
Now, within the first year or soof my doctor in Florida, I

(35:07):
started having all these othercrazy symptoms, like really
crazy symptoms, like I thought Ihad.
Dementia is actually I thoughtI had dementia.
I remember driving over to thedoctor which is one mile from my
house in florida and I did notknow.
I came out and I did not knowwhere I was, took me an hour to
figure out how to get back home,live a mile and a half away,

(35:27):
mile and a half, and and Istarted like not being able to
sleep and having like all thisjust signs of dementia really,
and that doctor had done a bunchof blood work and he said, hey,
listen, you have parathyroiddisease.
So that's my little, this is mylittle pirate scar.

(35:48):
So, and it's not your thyroid.
And people go oh, I had thyroidsurgery.
I feel like, just like, listen,you don't know what I'm talking
about.
It's not my thyroid, it'scalled parathyroid.
So you have these four littlenodules in here and what happens
is one of them goes bad and itstarts dumping calcium into your
blood.
Now my doctor, my family doctorfor like three years up, I said

(36:13):
well, your calcium is a littlehigh, we're going to keep an eye
on it.
And then I found out that manywomen they said well, your
calcium is a little high, we'regoing to keep an eye on it.
And I'm here to tell you don'tkeep an eye on it.
If your calcium is 10 points orhigher, you need to go to an
internal doctor and you need toget tested for a for your

(36:34):
parathyroid.
So I had a, I did an mri, I didall the stuff and my my account
and I don't remember my numbers.
But my calcium was like I don'tknow the exact numbers, it was
like 90 and some other numberwas like 300 and something.
And Evan calls up listen, youhave parathyroid disease.
He goes you got to get surgery.

(36:56):
We got to take, yeah, fourlittle parathyroid diseases.
One of them has gone bad andit's dumping calcium into your
body and the doctors call itstones, bones and emotional
overtones.
So when I go to a doctor and Isay that, they always giggle,
they go how do you know that?
So that's what my surgeon said.
It's called stones, bones andemotional overtones.

(37:18):
So typically if you have aparathyroid you start getting
kidney stones.
First, your bones start gettingbrittle and then somewhere
along the way, your mentalovertones.
It presents itself as dementia.
So I was lucky in the fact thatI didn't get kidney stones, it
didn't damage my bones, it wentstraight to dementia.
So I can remember sitting thereand just like not knowing where

(37:40):
I was at, not knowing what I wastalking about, being really
confused all the time.
And you know, my husband and Iwe travel, we teach these
workshops and I'm I'm publicspeaker, I'm doing these two-day
workshops all over the country.
I get there some days and belike, listen, where are we?
Like what's happening right now?
And he'd be like, well, we'rein Atlanta.
And I was like, but like whereare we?

(38:02):
So we're in this hotel, we'rehere and there.
I'm like, but why are we here?
And he was getting concernedbecause I started having these
symptoms that presented likedementia.
So they sent me to a doctor.
I did, uh, some kind of mri,where you do like the green
fluid or something that shows up, and it showed that one of my

(38:25):
parathyroids are back.
So they did this littleincision.
They go in there with a littlelike a metal detector.
When it finds the bad one, itgoes and it blows up.
So my surgeon, dr Warner Idon't even know, I forgot he
said he told me.

(38:46):
He said you know what?
He goes.
I'm getting ready to retire,but he goes.
This is my favorite surgery inthe world.
He's just like hunting for gold.
We get in there, we find theparathyroid, we find the bad one
.
We're all like, hey, they'reall high-fiving in the operating
room and we take it out and youcan live without one or even
two of them.
We take out the bad one, hegoes.
It's very rare A second onewill go bad, probably never the

(39:07):
rest of your life.
And so they did the surgery andwhen they woke up I'm like, hey
, did you guys strike gold?
He's like we struck gold, wefound it.
So I took it out and then theygave me I had to take really
heavy calcium for a week becausemy body stopped making calcium.
He goes.
You'll just feel a wave willcome over you and you'll be like
oh.

(39:28):
So about five days after mysurgery, I'm in Florida.
My daughter Ayla's with me.
We're sitting there watching TVand I felt, I swear to God, I
felt like someone poured warmhoney, like a healing, like I
hear people talk about healingsOver my whole body.
This wave came over my body andI looked over at Ayla and I was
like hey, and I go um, what'shappening?
Right now she's going Florida.

(39:49):
You just had surgery and I waslike what?
So I look at them and I'm like,oh my God, look at my neck, I
look like a pirate, like whathappened?
So it's like everything cameflooding back, which I was so
grateful because I honestly, Ithought for about a year I had
dementia, which was scary.
So when I see people talk aboutdementia and Alzheimer's and

(40:12):
although I just had like a yearof that, I feel for those people
because it is scary to even besitting in like.
I remember being in bed at nighthere in my house in Colorado
with Bill and being like hey,where are we right now?
He's like well, we're at home,I'm like, but where are we?
He's like we're at home, I'mlike, but where are we?
He's like we're in the house, Imight know.

(40:33):
Where in the world are we?
He's like we're in bailey, like, do we live here?
So my husband, he's got a goodsense of humor.
He wrote this big giant noteand he hung it off of my
nightshade.
It said my name is duan bent twBent Twyford.
I am very married, very, verymarried to Bill Twyford.
I live here.

(40:53):
I live there.
My husband loves me and I wouldjust laugh like seriously.
But then there was a day that Ithought that note's actually
kind of helpful.
So I got that done.
So having that done helps mybody, like my overall entire
body, helped my body a lot.
And it's not a thyroid problem,it's your parathyroids.
The only mineral that our bodymakes on its own is calcium.

(41:18):
So what happens is it dumpscalcium in too much and your
body poisons you.
So I have RA which is eating upmy joints and my body is
poisoning me and making me thinkI have dementia with all that.
But that surgery I'm tellingyou that's one reason I will
never give up, that I am nevergetting another RA doctor.
I'm never giving up thosedoctors because it took me in

(41:41):
during COVID.
They got me on some goodmedication.
They got me off steroids daily.
They found the parathyroid andjust those things right there
tremendously increase my qualityof life.
But now it's six years laterand things are progressing.
I'm just like, oh my God.
So I started taking theseperfect aminos.

(42:03):
Now I don't have anything to dowith this company, but it says
they have I can't probably readhalf this l-leucine, l-valine,
just a whole bunch of l thingsand it's supposed to um, try to
bring your gut health back tonormal, because most of the

(42:24):
autoimmune diseases they startin your gut.
So getting your gut health backwhere you don't have leaky gut
and all that other stuff, ithelps.
So they do actually help.
They do help.
Now I take I was taking so manysupplements.
I got tired of swallowing pillsall the time, so I take these
Nordic Vitamin D2.

(42:46):
So I started buying the onesthat are in gummies vitamin D2.
So I started buying the onesthat are in gummies.
But these are just like littlegummies and they're yummy,
because I can't stand swallowingpills all day.
So my doctor said take double,because you need vitamin D, same

(43:09):
brand vitamin C.
So I take double vitamin D's.
Same brand vitamin C.
So I take double vitamin Ds,double vitamin Cs every day.
Then I take DK and K2.
I take these every day double.
I take magnesium that has thetriple magnesium, also gummies.

(43:32):
I take these at night because Ihave a hard time sleeping.
The magnesium actually helpsyou sleep, so you're supposed to
take two a day.
I take six at night when I goto bed.
That's actually helping school.
Then I take B12.
This little brand is SuperiorSource Try to make sure you guys

(43:56):
can see these and they justlook like this.
They're these inky, teeny littlepills.
I'm going to just put it onthere.
I'll take a couple, I'm goingto just melt.
Then you look like remember wehad kids and we had zazzles and

(44:20):
then you turn red.
I don't know, but they dissolve.
It's got B12 and B6 and folicacid things that also help.
And then I take this is Nordic,I think it's.
Yeah, it's the same brand asthese gummies.
It's omega D3s.
So the omega 3s help with yourheart, your brain, your immune

(44:44):
health and D3 for your bones.
So I take these.
They do not come in gummies,but they're fairly small pills
and they've got like the omegaand saponin, so the omega.
So I know that the omegas, theomega threes, help with like
joints and they help with yourheart and your brain.

(45:05):
They help with your immunesystem.
So, like, this is my, this ismy, all of this, all of this
every day, a couple of times aday.
I mean this is honestly havingan autoimmune disease.

(45:27):
It's like a full-time job.
I take all those and then if Ifind myself in a flare-up, oh,
and I start taking this too.
I got this from Dr Brekka too.
It's methylene blue.
It does something to oxygenateyour water and fix your gut
health, and so it's just dropsyou like five drops in um a

(45:51):
bottle of water.
With 10 drops a whole vial.
You take a whole bottle in abottle of water and I started
just only doing this recently.
So it's methylene blue, so youjust drop it in.
Be careful, because it's blue,it stains everything.
Shake it out.

(46:11):
Then you drink one of these.
So this, you'd have to readabout it.
But I started taking this.
I started following Dr GaryBrekka and if you don't follow
him, check him out.
I did take the test.
It's a DNA test that tells youthe five major DNA points in
your body.
So I have two reds, two yellowsand one green.

(46:34):
So the two reds are things withmy gut.
So it's five DNA points ofthings that you were not born
with.
Like, you get half your stufffrom your mom, half your stuff
from your dad, but sometimes youdon't have things.
So I can't remember what allfive are.
I'm going to do another videoafter I do my health consult

(46:57):
with them.
But I got my results back.
I watched all the videos.
I understood it.
So two of my things are.
So you have green, yellow andred.
I have two reds and both of thetwo red things are all to do
with my gut Things and red.
I have two reds and both of thetwo red things are all to do
with my gut things I don't havein my body.

(47:17):
The two yellows were more kindof gut health and organs and
stuff, and then the green theone green was all the stuff
mentally.
So I was like okay, so I got mymind.
So that's a pretty good start,I think.
And then rheumatoid arthritisand probably some other

(47:38):
autoimmune diseases too canaffect your organs.
It can affect your kidneys.
I've had UTIs I've never had inmy whole life.
The last couple of years I'vehad like six.
I've never even had one.
I didn't even know what thatwas about.
I take medication for that.
I feel short of breath a lot.
So, um, I started using thisit's boost.

(47:59):
But they sell this everywherein Colorado because people come
to the altitude.
So it's got 200 hits of pureoxygen, so you just take a deep
in.
I buy the one that's peppermint.
They have menthol, peppermint,grapefruit and just plain.
I don't like the plain onesbecause you can't tell when it

(48:22):
runs out.
This is peppermint, so when itgets low it doesn't have any
flavor.
So I do these.
They give you a big burst ofoxygen, and so that and this
together actually gives you apretty good boost of energy for
a while.
And then this is my dreadedthing In between steroid shots,

(48:42):
if I get a flare up, I have amethamphetamine.
Methamphetamine and this is myworst nightmare.
I hate taking these.
It's a SteriPak where you takesix one day, five, four, three,
two, one.
Now for that whole six or sevendays.
I'm so cracked out.

(49:04):
My heart pounds out of my chest.
I can't sleep.
I have so much anxiety.
I feel like I'm going to have aheart attack, but it will.
It.
It will get you out of a flareup.
So when I travel, I take one ofthese with me.
Um, I already am like and Idon't take it like on the first

(49:24):
day Like if I get like I'm in aflare today, but if I get in a
flare, if it lasts longer than10 days, I will take this, I'll
take this.
I don't like to take this.
I feel better at the end of it,but during it I'm just so like
steroids, just they, just for me.
They just affect me terribly.

(49:44):
I feel terrible, I can't sleep,I eat like a mountain lion, I
don't feel good, but my jointsfeel better, so I'm like okay,
well, my joints feel better, so,um, so this is my last resort.
I don't take these.
Like I said, if I'm like sevento ten days with non-stop out of
break, I'll take this.
Now, my favorite thing is thisthis is a heated blanket.

(50:07):
I now travel with a.
I have this on high today and Igot to tell you, of all the
things I take, the thing thatmakes me feel the best is having
this heated blanket on high,because it like relaxes my
joints and then, at night, Iroll my hands up like a mummy

(50:27):
and lay them on my chest and Iroll my hands up and I sleep
with my hands in this heatedblanket the entire night.
So now when I travel, I have asuitcase that's got my blanket.
It's got all thoseprescriptions and things I take.
It's just so much stuff.
I have a whole suitcase for RA.
It's ridiculous, but I wrap myhands two or three times around

(50:51):
and then so I rub the CBD on myhands, turn the blanket on high
and if I don't use it on mywhole body, I just roll it up
and my hands are in there and Ijust sleep on my back like a
mummy.
Honestly, this helps me morethan anything.
Like right now, I'm just like,oh, I put the heat on and I just
immediately I feel better andwhen I have days with like high

(51:12):
fatigue and things like that,I'll put on two of these and
I'll watch movies and stuff forthe day.
But I still have this wrappedaround my waist and my legs
right now.
So the heated blanket is on.
So those are the things.
Now, some other things that havehappened.
I had the parathyroid.
I had to have my hip replaced.

(51:33):
Since then, my other hip isshowing some signs of
deterioration.
This shoulder is showing somesigns of deterioration.
And a few months back I startedgetting blinding migraines.
And I don't mean like aheadache, I mean blinding
migraines Like I't mean like aheadache, I mean blinding

(51:54):
migraines like I could never sitin front of these lights.
I would just be in my room withlike an eye mask on and
sometimes have the tv on just onthe voice.
I couldn't look at it because Ican't.
I can't the lights, I can't dothe lights.
And being new to migraines, Iwas like, oh my God, what fresh
hell is this?
And I've had a few migrainesover the last six years, but a

(52:21):
few months back I had like 30entire full days blinding.
I had ice pack on my neck, icepack on my head, a little sleep
mask.
I'm in a dark room.
I'm just like, oh my God, Bill,I don't know what's happening.
I can't even.
My room's like a bat cave, Ican't even have the lights.
So I went to him and I thoughtyou know what, maybe I'll go to
my eye doctor that's what Ishould do to see if something's

(52:43):
wrong with my eyes.
Well, fun fact, the RA hascaused me to get two cataracts
in this eye and in this eye Ihave a spot that goes all the
way through my eye that's justcompletely dry, just a dry spot,
like if you took a needle andwent through your whole eye.

(53:03):
There's a spot all the waythrough that's bone dry from the
RA attacking my organs, whichis my eyes.
I got two cataracts on thisside.
So I'm like, oh my God.
So my eye doctor's like no, sohe gave me new glasses.
These are my new glasses there.
So this side is different thanthis side.
And he said well, ra, thesteroids, the steroids, he goes,

(53:26):
the steroids have caused you tohave cataracts.
So we got two pretty good oneson this side and on this one I
have a whole piece just all theway through.
That's just dead.
There's just a dead spot in myeyeball.
I was like what is that?
He's like that won't go away.
So then he said to start usingrefreshed tears and sleep with
an eye mask so it keeps my eyesshut.

(53:46):
I got to tell you something.
I put those tears in.
I put on a sleep mask thatkeeps my eyes closed at night,
because all of us open our eyesa little bit at night, and so it
was causing my eyes to getdried out.
I'm like, okay, so I alreadyhad a hip replace, I already
have problems with my eyes, Idefinitely don't want to lose my
vision.

(54:07):
And now I got a dry spot andit's like in my shoulders.
Like now I got a dry spot andit's like in my shoulders like
oh my gosh, and I'm 66 and likein my mind I'm like I'm gonna
live to be 90 like everybodyelse in my family.
So I've got.
And I'm like, oh my gosh, Ihave so many years left to have
all these issues.
But let me tell you somethingthat happened and I do a lot of

(54:29):
podcasting and I make, makeplans to go do everything With
my kids, my grandkids.
I always say, yeah, I'm goingto go, because in my mind I want
to go, I want to go and I wantto do all of the things.
And then I wake up and I feellike I got hit by a bus.
So I noticed over the last sixyears people are like, oh, but

(54:49):
you look fine and someone.
I took a trip with someone in myfamily.
They're like you know, dawn,she just seemed fine and she
laid in bed all weekend.
I just don't know what waswrong.
She just didn't want to doanything.
It's like because I was in aflare up, like how do you not
freaking understand that afterall these years?
But something odd happened Ihad to cancel a bunch of
podcasts because I had amigraine.

(55:10):
So I called my podcast guy andsaid listen, tell them I can't
do it because I've got aterrible migraine.
Do you know that?
Every person wrote back andsaid oh my gosh, dwan, I know
migraines, I've had them.
My mom, my sister, they havemigraines.
It's so debilitating.
You just take your time, youstay in bed, you rest.
When your migraine goes awayand you're ready to do it, you

(55:36):
just let me know.
And I was like, seriously, if Isay, oh, I can't do today, have
a flare-up, they're like okay,well, can you not?
I booked my time off mycalendar.
Can you not like take a time atall?
Because people don't understand.
Like we all know, a flare-upsucks.
Like you don't even want to getand go to the bathroom.
You don't want to eat, like myjaw sometimes it hurts to food.
The last thing I want to do istake a piping hot shower and

(55:57):
wash my hair.
I'm like no, I don't want to doanything.
And all of a sudden people werelike my poor thing, you have a
migraine.
So I thought you know what?
I cannot believe the difference.
And so now, if I?
So now, when I cancel stuff, Ijust tell people I woke up with
a blinding migraine.
You know I don't have it.
So if I'm in a flare right now,someone says, hey, let's go do

(56:18):
something.
I say, oh, let's not get ablinding migraine.
Everybody's like, oh, you poorthing, you take care of yourself
, do whatever you need to do,just let me know when you feel
better.
So all of a out, after six years, if I tell someone I have a
migraine, they're sympathy,sympathizing and being like, oh,
sending love and prayers.
And if I say I'm going to flareup, they're like okay, well,

(56:38):
can't you just suck it out for alittle bit?
So now I lie.
I'm not saying don't lie, I'mnot saying lie.
I think it's one of 10commandments I don't do that.
But I find that for otherpeople around me that don't get
it if I tell them, oh, my gosh,I woke up with a blinding
migraine, they're like oh, honey.

(57:00):
So now when I'm having a reallybad flare, I don't want to go
anywhere, I just tell people.
I say I woke up with the mostblinding migraine too.
I'm going to have to spend theday in bed today.
I say I woke up with the mostblinding migraine today.
I'm going to have to spend theday in bed today.
And everyone's okay with it.
No one tells me to suck it up,no one tells me to take Tylenol,
no one says can you just makeit through?
They all go, oh my gosh.

(57:24):
So I'm thinking that for someof us with these autoimmune
diseases, especially that likethe well, all of it, the RAs,
the lupuses, the fibromyalgiaFibromyalgia is bad too.
I have a friend that's got thatand it's just everything hurts
your muscles.
Like you pick up your arm, like, oh, my arm weighs 200 pounds
today and but again, you lookfine.

(57:44):
When I had my hip done, I had touse a walker for like six weeks
and people would move out ofthe way and hold the door oh, my
poor thing, are you all right?
And I was like, oh, okay, I hada cane about two months before
my surgery.
Then I used the walker and thenI used the cane for a while
again and I was like, oh,everybody in the world is like
so sympathetic because you lookinjured, because you have a cane

(58:10):
or a walker, and they go oh mygosh, you poor thing, what can I
do?
You don't need to drive Let me.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, I'llwhatever, I'll come to you
whatever you need.
And I was like, okay.
So the problem with autoimmunediseases is we look fine, I look
fine, everybody looks fine.
You got a cane or a walker or amigraine.

(58:31):
And people are like, oh, poorthing.
So, and I understand, I mean Iget it.
I have a friend that has likethree autoimmunes and she looks
great, but I know how bad shefeels.
So when she was like, hey, Ican't make it, I'm like, hey,
don't even think twice about it,don't worry, no worries at all.

(58:52):
So I still make plans.
My husband and I will travel.
We'll go do a workshop, say.
We just did one recently inAtlanta.
Now I go there with everyintention.
I'm going to teach for thewhole two days.
I'm going to be there, I'mgoing to be everybody, and then
I teach a half a day and thenI've traveled first, first of
all.
So I have to go a day early,because a day of traveling

(59:13):
actually like throws me intothat, hit by a bus syndrome, not
a full flare, but just like, oh, so I go a day early so I can
rest a day.
Then I go down with my bill withbell on Saturday and I teach
like a half a day.
I'm like, oh honey, I'm, I'mgonna go lay, like Sunday
morning.
I'm like, no, I don't feel likegoing down.

(59:33):
And then the people in the roomare like, oh, tell Dwan to come
down.
We just want to say hi, we justwant to give her a hug.
I was like, dude, you can't hugme.
Every joint I have hurts.
I don't even shake hands withpeople anymore Now.

(59:55):
I mean, I had been brought tomy knees by handshaking Before I
was actually diagnosed and myjoints were hurt and I didn't
know what was happening.
I was at a huge event andthroughout that day I probably
shook hands with like 20 people.
I went to my husband.
I was bawling.
I said listen, my hand hurts sobad If one person shakes my
hands.
I feel like I'm going to die.
Right now I can't shake anymore hands.
So I did buy they're in mysuitcase.
I bought these littlecompression gloves, like the

(01:00:16):
tips of your fingers stick outand they come down to here and
they're tight, they'recompression gloves.
Those help a lot too.
So then I would wear thoselittle compression gloves and
just say, oh yeah, no, I can'tshake.
And people are like, oh okay.
But then you know, people meetyou, they've always seen your
podcast.
I want to take a picture, Iwant to shake your hand.

(01:00:39):
So now I just fist bump people.
I'm like now I just go poo,like that poo, and then they
look and then I do that and thenthey go, oh, so then it's like
fun, like poo.
Um, because I can't stand whenpeople shake my hands, they, my
fingers, my from here to here,never, not ever, ever does it
hurt?
Ever, every day.
Steroids are not in here, I'mjust like.
So even before I got diagnosed,I told bill.

(01:01:01):
I said man, I think I getcarpal tunnels.
I was googling some of mysymptoms.
I'm on my phone, I do a lot ofvideos, I do a lot of typing.
So I think I have have carpaltunnel, maybe that.
So you know, I started usingthings and so we think we have
all these things that aresymptoms of whatever the thing
is.
So now I told Bill.

(01:01:23):
I said listen when we go to aspeaking event if I wake up on
Sunday after the traveling andteaching this Saturday, on
Sunday, if I get hit by a bus,start telling people I have a
migraine because they'll be likeoh, but we want to say goodbye
to Dwan, we want a picture withDwan, we love Dwan, we want to
hug Dwan, we want to help herfeel better.
When he says she's in a flareor she has RH and doesn't feel

(01:01:45):
good, they don't understand.
They want me to come down.
I was like listen, if I comedownstairs I'm having no makeup,
no hair, I'm going to have onsweatpants, my hair in a
ponytail and I'm going to looklike death because I feel like
death.
So now I'm like and Iunderstand people want to see me
Like I get it and I love it andI appreciate it and I value all
of you so much.

(01:02:14):
But at these live events I'mlike listen, just tell people I
woke up with a migraine thefirst time.
He did that.
They're like oh my gosh, tellher to get better.
It's like okay.
So if I lie on the Sunday andsay Dwan woke up with a migraine
, everyone in the room is likeoh, we're praying for Dwan
prayers, hope her migraine goesaway and she feels better and

(01:02:35):
Bill says, hey, she's in aflare-up.
They're like, oh, we'll haveher come down anyway.
We want to see her and saygoodbye to her.
And it's like the last thing Iwant is people hugging me and
handshaking me and takingpictures.
When I have my hair in aponytail, I got my sleep mask
half on anyway, I'm in my sweats, but I've got my heated blanket
.
It's like, listen, I want tojust walk down like in a blanket

(01:02:57):
and my hair and some sloppysweatpants say this how I feel.
You sure you want to hug me,but I understand people don't
get it and I know that you knowpeople don't get it.
So I tell people I havemigraines sometimes when I don't
, because no one ever says suckit up, they're like oh.
And then if I say I'm in aflare, they're like, oh, well,
you look fine, can you just takesome time off?
And then people say, well, justdon't think about it.
If you just don't think aboutit, it'll go away.
It's like, oh, my god.

(01:03:18):
So I absolutely feel your painand 99% of the people that I
know they don't know I've beendiagnosed with rheumatoid
arthritis.
They don't know.
And even the people that dowill say like oh, my grandma had
arthritis.
I'm like it's not the samething, it's an autoimmune

(01:03:40):
disease.
My body is attacking my joints.
It is not the same thing.
It is not the same thing.
So I started following a few ofthese people on TikTok recently
and as I hear them all talk, I'mlike God, I feel everything
they say.
It's like I feel you so much.
I feel the days where we don'twant to get out of bed and take

(01:04:01):
a shower.
It's too much work to wash ourhair.
It's too much work to dry offyour body with a towel when your
whole body hurts.
I have days where my skin is sosensitive I'm just like I took
it on a nose and don't touch metoday.
Even just him like wanting to,because he always like let me
rub your hands.
Well, he rubs hands like he's afreaking weightlifter.
I'm like dude, tone that downto like a child's level and just

(01:04:25):
rub my hands and I really and Iknow he wants to and he's sweet
but I'm like listen, I love you, but you can't rub my hands
anymore because you are toostrong.
You don't recognize your ownstrength and when you're rubbing
my hands to try to make me feelbetter.
I'm screaming on the inside.
I do let him rub my feet.
I'm not there with my feet yet,but I'm there with my hands,

(01:04:45):
and so I rub my own hands.
He'll let me do it.
I'm like, no, you're too strong.
You rub too hard and I'll golighter.
And he's like I'm barelytouching, I'm like lighter.
And then my arms, my skin, youknow how it is.
You guys know that every dayyou're just like everything, oh
gosh, everything hurts.
Today I don't want to doanything, I don't want to face
people, I don't want to makephone calls.

(01:05:06):
And people will call and I'llsee my phone.
I'll be like, oh, I'd love totalk to that person, but no, not
today.
So I get it when you have daysthat you just want to stay in
bed, days where you don't wantto take a shower, days where you
, honestly, you can't evenimagine having to cook food.

(01:05:26):
Now, living up in the mountains,we have no door dash up here,
we have nothing.
So I either have to makesomething or, if Bill's here,
I'm like, hey, will you makesomething for me?
I do sometimes go upstairs andget on the couch.
I have a couch that's got aheated seat.
I'll have on two blankets and aheated seat which is like my
face sticking out, and that'sreally all I can do.
And if it's really bright, Ican't even do that because we

(01:05:49):
have so many windows, because welive in the mountains.
So I get it, I get you, I feelyou, I understand it so much.
And you know, I'm always prayingfor healing.
I'm like you know, god can healanyone at any time.
And then I say the things likeGod, why did you do this to me?

(01:06:09):
I'm so active, I'm a speaker,and then I read the Bible and I
think about Job.
If you've never read the bookof Job, read the book of Job.
That man lost his cattle, hisfamily, his kids, his wife.
He had boils and scars andeverything.
God had put him through,everything known to man except
for death, and he still praisedGod all the time.

(01:06:30):
And then, when the test wasover, he was completely restored
, double everything he had happy, wonderful and amazing.
So I always read that and I'mlike, okay, well, job went
through a million times morethan I'm going through.
He never cursed God, he nevergot mad at God.
And then sometimes I'm like,well, okay, maybe I'm supposed

(01:06:51):
to help other people Because youknow, when you see someone up
on stage, you're like they'refine, they're on stage, they
look great.
No, Inside dying all the time.
And, like I said, I startfollowing a few people and I see
some of these girls that arelike five days in a row.
They're like oh, I've been onmy couch for five days.
My family thinks I'm lazy.

(01:07:11):
They don't understand why areyou like that, you're fine, suck
it up.
Suck it up.
I'm telling you.
So if you do not have anautoimmune disease and you know
someone that does, let me giveyou a couple of rules.
First of all, stop tellingpeople to suck it up Because we
want to chop off your head.
Stop telling yourself to suckit up.
Stop telling people they lookfine, because it doesn't matter

(01:07:33):
how we look on the inside, weliterally feel like we could die
today, like there's some days Iactually thought like I could
almost feel the life leaving mybody.
A few times I was like, oh, I'mgoing to die today.
Stop just being like oh, you'refine, you look good, you know
you'll be fine.
Just rest for an hour or two,let's go do something.
Stop doing that Because,honestly, those of us that are

(01:07:55):
struggling with this stuff, wedon't want to suck it up.
We don't want to have to explainin detail to every single
person why we haven't been outof bed for three days.
We don't want to explain why wehaven't even brushed our teeth
or brushed our hair.
I I keep my hair.
I sleep with my hair up in likea silk bonnet, a sleeping
bonnet.
So thank you to the sisters outthere.
I started following a couple ofgirls.
I'm like, hey, listen, all youwhite girls, you need to get

(01:08:21):
yourself a sleeping bonnet.
Oh, they're so great.
So I put all my hair up atnight in the silk sleeping
bonnet and I have left thatbonnet on my head for three or
four days because I didn't wantto brush my hair.
I walk around sometimes with mybonnet and my sleep mask right
here so I can just pull it overmy eyes and Bill's like what is
wrong with you?
I'm like I know, but he knows.
Yeah, but you know, honestly,even being married it's been six
years and he's only in the lastyear really recognizing like

(01:08:45):
how bad I actually feel.
And that's because he wentthrough cancer three years ago.
He got diagnosed with an ultrarare cancer and had to have a
full, entire bone marrowtransplant.
He had to have chemo, five daysof chemo.
They take you to the death door.
They say they give you fivemillion stem cells from a donor

(01:09:06):
and you have to build your wholebody back.
And that has been three yearssince that happened.
In the first two years he couldbarely move, he hurt, he ached
and he's like do you feel likethis?
I'm like, yes, I feel like thatand I hate to say I never want
to say I'm glad that he gotcancer.
I never want to say that.
But he had had symptoms for adecade.

(01:09:26):
He'd been on some low-dosechemo pills for a decade He'd
been on all this different stuff.
Then it advanced into this thingcalled myelofibrosis, which has
no cure whatsoever.
And you've got a couple yearsadenomol.
So what happens is your bonemarrow inside becomes like a
slide.
So instead of your bodyabsorbing the bone, your red

(01:09:46):
blood cells, they just slidethrough.
So you can't absorb red bloodcells.
So you choke out, basically,and the only cure, the only
possible cure, was a full bonemarrow transplant.
So we found a donor through thecompany called BeTheMatchorg.
If you're under 42, pleasedonate, please.

(01:10:07):
There are people like Bill thatwould be dead if it wasn't for
people like you, and he hadeverything wiped out and then
they give you 5 million stemcells or an IV and then your
body starts rebuilding.
Well, during that time he had noenergy, he was on crazy amounts
of steroids, he was on crazyamounts of medication.
He had days where he couldn'tget off of the bed because he

(01:10:28):
was so wiped out and I was likethat's how I feel.
So thankfully he's 100%.
They said he's got 100 and hasa 25 year old female.
So he's got 25 year old femaleDNA.
We call her Doris the donor.

(01:10:51):
So we've got 25 year old femaleDNA.
He's back.
He's 100% back.
But he went through that while Ialso was in the newer beginning
stages of the RA and I washaving to care for him and try
to care for myself and he had somany days where he was just so
wiped out and so exhausted andhe couldn't even move a muscle
and I'm like that's how I feel,I'm in a flare up.
So because of that, he is muchmore understanding as to how I

(01:11:13):
feel.
You see, now he lost all hishair.
He looked like he had cancer.
People are like, oh my God,poor Bill, praying, praying,
praying.
And if I come on and go oh yeah, I'm going to flare up.
They're like, oh, you look fine, what's wrong with you?
So he looked sick.
So people were really tolerantbecause he was really sick.

(01:11:36):
But on the other hand, I haveso many of the same things and
it's like throw me a littlesympathy over here, people.
So it helped our relationshipdramatically because he
understands the steroids and howthey make you feel.
He understands the fatigue,heavy fatigue.
I mean.
There was a six month periodwhere I had to help him just
walk to the bathroom.
He was so weak and so justdepleted of everything.

(01:11:58):
And thank god, thank you jesus,he got through it.
He's better.
He's completely on the otherside.
No more bone marrow biopsies,no more nothing.
He's 100% doris the donor.
He's got 25 year old, old DNAwhich gives him all kinds of
crazy new energy.
He's got this soft baby skin.
I touch his skin.
I'm like how do you have a skinlike that as a 67 year old man?
That is not right.

(01:12:19):
And he's amazing.
And so he is more understandingand helpful with me because he
didn't get it before and now hegets it, enough that he gets it.
So I'm thankful for that.
So I am thankful for that.
But even, like you know, even myparents and some of my kids are

(01:12:40):
like I don't understand.
Why is mom always laying down?
It's like, oh my god, you guysread up.
I send things to my kids and mynieces and nephews and people
in my family and like read up,learn a little bit more about
what's happening.
If someone in my family hadsomething like that, like my
cousin, I read up everythingabout it and then ended up with

(01:13:01):
it too.
So it's like, okay, we havethis whole family of all these
super healthy people that liveto be 100 and me and my cousin
have RA.
It's like what?
What gene are we missing?
So I don't know.
So I just wanted to come on hereand talk about anyone that has

(01:13:21):
an autoimmune.
I totally get you.
I get you so much.
You have no idea how much I getyou and I'm going to do a few
podcasts once in a while justtalking about health and
supplements and our mentalmindset.
It's really, it is hard, I cantell you.
It is hard to keep your mindsetup when you're having those
days like that.

(01:13:41):
I mean some days I'll even,like I said, I'll put on a movie
and I'm like I can't even standthe noise.
I'm just laying in my room withall the curtains drawn, it's
like a bat cave and there's nonoise whatsoever.
I got my humidifier rolling,putting a warm air into the air,
and I got my blanket and I gotmy oxygen, all my stuff and I

(01:14:03):
and you know it took me goshdarn.
It took me like four years togive myself permission to just
stay in bed all day, because Iwas always like no, I should get
up, I'm active.
I've been active my whole life.
I was a full-time rehabber for20 years.
I should be up, I should bemoving.
I was like, why am I doing that?
I can't just lay around.
And so we have to giveourselves permission.

(01:14:27):
You have to say, like you knowwhat, I'm going to have a movie
day.
I don't care what anybody elsesays, I'm staying in bed, I'm
staying on the couch, I'm goingto put on some movies.
I'm giving myself permission.
We have to give ourselvespermission to have bad days.
We have to say it's okay,you're not a failure if you have
a flare-up that lasts for amonth.

(01:14:47):
You're not a failure, You'renot any of those things.
You're just a person that hasan unfortunate disease and that
we allegedly were diagnosed with, but we're not going to claim
that we have it.
And my hardest thing for mementally was giving myself
permission to just lay aroundfor days on end, and one time it

(01:15:11):
was like 10 straight days.
I don't think I even got offthe couch and I was just like no
, I can't get up, I can't, I'min too much pain.
Everything hurt my skin,everything, even the blankets,
like on me.
It was like, oh God, theblankets are too heavy.
And it's only been in this lastyear I'm turning 55 to 65, to

(01:15:31):
66 is only in this last yearthat I have fully, just given
myself 100% permission to donothing for however long it
takes, doesn't matter if it's aday, if it's a week, if it's a
month, I'm not doing it, I don'tneed to, I'm not doing it, I
just can't.
I can't and I'm not going to.
And I'm not going to makeexcuses to people, I'm not going

(01:15:51):
to suck it up for other people.
I always will say yes to plans.
I'm like, yep, I'll go to that.
Yep, I'll go to a day.
Yep, I'll go to a movie.
Yep, I'll go out If I wake upthat day.
I'm like, nope, I have ablinding migraine.
So if you hear me say that Idon't have word migraine better.
So if you ever hear me say, ohmy God, I got such a migraine

(01:16:13):
I'm speaking at an event, justknow, I'm upstairs in my hotel
room feeling like death and Ipray, I pray for healings.
I ask God to heal me.
All the time I am very carefulto say I was diagnosed, not I
have, because your body believeswhat your mind says.
And even when I'm having a badday, I just in my mind, I'm like

(01:16:35):
nope, I'm not in pain, I'm notin pain.
And I am.
I'm like, nope, I'm not in pain, not in pain, not in pain
Because I don't.
Because the days I really likelike some days, you just can't
not think about it because it'sso bad, and I think the more I
think about it, worse.
So.
And also, when all else fails,make yourself a drink.
I drank so much wine in thelast year.

(01:16:57):
It's like yeah, it's 11 in themorning.
I'm having a glass of wine.
I'm like cause, everything inmy body hurts so bad.
And I feel like this will helpme relax a little bit, does it?
Probably not, because it's gotsugar and sugar is on my list of
things on my phone not to have.
But I feel better.
So just know, just know that Ihear you, I see you.

(01:17:19):
If you have someone in yourfamily that suffers with an
autoimmune, please show themsome mercy.
I mean, honestly, we all get sotired of trying to suck it up
for you.
You have no idea the kind ofpressure a family member can put
on you when you feel like wefeel so on you, all of you that

(01:17:40):
have something.
You know what I'm talking about.
If you don't have a reallysupportive spouse or whoever
lives in your house with you, ifthey don't really get it, you
know it's like people almostmake you feel like you're lazy.
Oh, you're just faking sick toget out of doing stuff.
It's like, listen, I don't everfake sick, ever.
I don't ever want to get out ofsomething.

(01:18:01):
I made a plan to do something.
My grandson had a birthdayparty a few weeks ago and I was
in so much pain that day Ithought he's my boy.
I can't, I just can't not go.
I'm going to go.
So I told Bill.
I said now, listen, we're goingto go there, I'm going to stay
one hour and you're going tobring me home.

(01:18:21):
I went, showed my face, huggedeveryone, told them I love them.
I left in an hour.
He stayed over there the restof the day.
He said you don't need to comeback with me, just driving back
home and driving Like, when myhands are really sore, I can't
even drive, I'm just like, oh, Ican't even like, oh, it's like,
oh, I can't grasp the steeringwheel.
My hands, my hands, my hands,it's always my hands.
So I think if you have anautoimmune or are diagnosed, I

(01:18:43):
will certainly pray for you.
And if you have someone in yourfamily that has one, seriously
freaking, give us a break.
Just give us a break.
Give us a break.
We're so tired of suckingthings up for other people and
we're so tired of people makingus feel lazy and we're so tired
of people making us feel badabout it when we feel terrible.

(01:19:03):
Like every one of us with anautoimmune, we want to get up,
we want to go to the movies, wewant to go out to eat, we want
to go.
We do, but you just can't.
And when you force us and pushus through it, then we're worse.
So the few the times I have justsucked it up for like five days
afterwards I'm literally hit bya bus then.

(01:19:25):
So now I'm like so my lifebasically is like two or three
days of feeling good, a movieday.
I just call it a movie day.
Now, movie day Two or threedays, I'm all right.
Then I have a movie day.
I just do that because if I goevery day six or seven or eight
or 10 days in a row, then I'mlike 10 days I'm out, then I'm
taking these stupid steroidpacks and then I'm cracked out

(01:19:47):
because I can't sleep and I feelterrible and I just then I'm
emotional wreck, I'm crying,because steroids make me cry all
the time.
So I'm crying and carrying onand it's really just a lot.
It's just a lot.
So I don't know if this helpedanybody.
Today I feel better sharing it.
If you see me or meet me out,if I'm fist bumping you, that

(01:20:11):
means my hands hurt.
Don't even hug me that day,because you're just going to
crush my bones.
I hate that.
My eyes have gotten worse.
Oh, and I use this thing, thislittle oxygen thing with the
balls, because RA causesscarring inside your lungs and I
have noticed in the last twoyears I don't have the same lung

(01:20:33):
capacity.
So I'm getting ready to go to anew doctor and have some kind
of lung test done.
So I'm in bed at night.
I'm, like you know, doing thething with the balls, and then
I'm taking this and I'm takingthis and I'm taking this and I'm
taking this and I'm takingthose and I'm taking those, I'm
taking this, I'm rubbing myhands on that and taking this,
and then I'm taking this andthen I'm taking this and then

(01:20:56):
I'm taking these and then I'mtaking these.
I'm telling you an autoimmunedisease is a full-time job.
It is a full-time job.
I spend two hours in my morningjust trying to get unstiff and
up and out to do things.
So even now when I schedulepodcasts, I used to do them in
the morning.
I'm like noon at best, so Ischedule them from like noon to

(01:21:19):
three.
If I get like in a talk likethis for three hours, I'm
exhausted.
I'm in bed by four, laying backdown with my heated blanket.
So I hope this helped.
I feel better.
If you have an autoimmunedisease, show this to somebody
else.
That doesn't, that doesn'tunderstand you.
And for all of you that keeptelling us we're like fine, suck

(01:21:41):
it up.
I don't understand.
Why do you sit in bed for aweek, you need a shower.
You know what?
We don't care, like we reallydon't give a shit.
I've gone like eight days andI've washed my hair because I
can't lift my hands up.
It's like oh, the shoulders, oh, I can't do it, we don't care,
we really don't care.
We just want to live.
We honestly, I think everysingle one of us would just

(01:22:02):
rather live alone, so we neverhave to face people or deal with
people, because we're so tiredof all the.
You're fine, you're fine, youlook fine.
We're just so exhausted.
We're, honestly, we're soexhausted.
So just give us a break.
If you love us, give us a break.
Please, for the love of God,give us a break.
And if you have something, I'llpray for you too.
And it's progressive.

(01:22:26):
So I've not even had people say, well, at least you don't have
cancer.
And I'm like, yeah, with cancerI'd either be cured or I'd die.
At least with this, this isforever.
I don't even get a break.
I have no way to even get abreak.
There's no day where there's abreak.
It's like I'm also like I'drather have cancer and just drop
over dead and be done with it.
But not really, you know what Imean.
Like I don't want to die.
I'm only 66.

(01:22:47):
That's part of why I keep myhair pink, because my hair being
vibrant makes me feel morevibrant.
So that's part of the reason Ihave pink hair.
I got a little gray, I got gray, but it's like you know what,
this makes me feel more fun andit makes me feel more alive.
So that's part of the pinkness.
So you know what?
Dye your hair some crazy color,do something crazy, make

(01:23:11):
yourself feel better.
I even stopped getting my nailsdone because that stuff they put
on your nails now it burns mynail beds.
Whatever that chemical is, itburns my nail beds.
So now I've got these littleshort, tiny nails and every year
or so I'll try it again andthen my nails just burn like
fire.
So it's like I don't even care,I don't need my nails done.
I get my hair done andsometimes I don't even shave my

(01:23:34):
legs for a month.
It's like I don't care, I don'tcare, I don't feel good, I'm
not doing it.
So let's all just claim it.
Let's claim what we have, notclaiming like the disease, but
like just claim like hey, thisis who we are, this is, oh, I'm
going to say one last thing.
My mom had some really baddental work.

(01:23:56):
I don't even know how long I'vebeen podcasting right now, but
my mom had some really baddental work and her trigeminal
nerve was permanently damaged.
So she lives with chronic painfrom bad dental work.
So she went to the Mayo Clinic.
They have a 30-day pain clinic.
So I did want to show you guysthis.
I've been working on thismyself.

(01:24:18):
So you make three columns andyou put A and B and C.
Okay, so I'm going to assignall of you this homework.
I have been working on this forthe last month because I
finally realized I can't justkeep doing everything for
everybody else anymore.
So in column A you puteverything you used to do,

(01:24:42):
everything you love.
You put the person that youwere before in column A.
Then in column C you put whoyou are now, all the things that
you have that are wrong andunfixable and that.
And then what you do is youmake column B.
So what column B is is lettinggo of who you used to be.

(01:25:05):
Like I always say oh my God, Iused to travel, drive across
country, didn't even get a backache.
Okay, well, that would be incolumn A did I?
Drive across country, didn'tget a back ache?
Okay, well, that would be onthe column a.
So one of the hardest thingsfor me I know for a lot of you
is accepting who we are now,because we don't want to be who
we are.
But the one thing in the MayoClinic because I went, my mom

(01:25:27):
was there for 30 days.
I stayed with her up there.
I went not to all the sessions,but I went to the family
sessions and I thought this wasthe most helpful thing and I
remembered this about a monthago.
And so right now I'm working onthis project and this is like
mentally destroying me.
I cry every day when I work onthis.
So column A is like the old you, the before autoimmune.

(01:25:54):
Column C is all the bad days,and then what you do is you take
a few things from column A andput them in B, take some things
from column C and put them in B,and B is who you are able to be
.
Now we're never going to becolumn A, ever again, ever again
.
We don't need to live in columnC, every waking moment of our

(01:26:16):
lives consumed by it.
So my sheet I'm working on Ihave like 100 things in column A
and I look at that and go, goshDwan, I can't really do any of
those things anymore.
So column A is who you were,who you saw yourself as,
whatever you did traveling,biking, skiing, whatever, going
for walks, jogging, I don't know, whatever, whatever raising

(01:26:37):
kids, just whatever.
Column C is how you feel on yourworst days.
On your worst days.
Then you take some things fromA and go can I do this now?
And if you can do it and youwant to do it, put it in column
B.
I took a lot of things off mylist over here.
I can't go skiing anymore.
I don't want to ski.
My joints hurt too much.
I can't stand to be cold when Iget cold and I get like really

(01:27:00):
cold, I'm screwed for a weekwhen I get really cold.
So 90% of the things in mycolumn A are things I really
just can't do.
I don't want to, I don't wantto.
I don't want to because I don'tlike how I feel afterwards.
Column C is your worst days.
I don't want to live in my mindin my worst day.
So you make B and then you justread B and read B and read B

(01:27:22):
and that is the person that youare now.
So you have to let go of theold you.
You don't want to live 100% inthe new you.
So you find a happy medium andput things in that you can
actually do so.
Like my husband, we love to takeroad trips.
You know what?
I can't take a road trip, along one.
We drove to Iowa it's only a 13hour drive and we stayed at a

(01:27:43):
hotel because the whole 13 hourdrive I'm screwed for three days
.
I can't do that.
I love to do that.
I'll go on a road trip, but I'mgoing to drive in a car for
about six or seven hours.
I'm getting out, I'm getting ameal, I'm getting a hotel,
putting on my heated blanket andputting on a movie.
So A is old you, c is on yourworst day and then you take a

(01:28:05):
few and make B and B is the newyou and you just look at that
and go.
You know what?
This is my reality now.
Do I want that to be my reality?
No, do any of you, hell.
No, we don't want this to beour new reality, but it is, and
that's one thing I havestruggled with the whole time is

(01:28:25):
like accepting the new reality,because I'm like I don't want
that to be me, but the realityof it is it is me.
So I'm working on my column B.
I've been working on this forlike the last three or four
weeks and every time I work onit I cry, oh, I feel bad, I feel
like this and what can I do inthe middle and I'm just making

(01:28:45):
it really realistic, like reallyrealistic, because column B is
the new you.
Now, if your disease progresses, you may have to do it again,
but I think we have to stopgoing.
Well, I used to be able to doall these things, because when I
think about the past and allthe things I could do so easily,
it upsets me worse on the dayswhen I feel bad that I can't do

(01:29:07):
that.
Now, this is me.
It's like no, that's not me.
My disease is not me.
Your disease is not you.
We are column B.
B is for best, this is our best.
So make a column A all thethings you loved that you could
do without even flinching.
C all your worst days, all thethings you can't do at all, and

(01:29:31):
then make B and then look at Band go.
You know what.
I accept this.
I accept this.
This is who I am right now.
Will I be this way forever?
No, maybe not.
You might get healed, theymight come up with a cure,
something could happen, but thisis who you are today.
And the hardest part for me isaccepting who I am today,
because I still want to be who Iused to be and I can't.

(01:29:56):
I mean, I just can't.
You know, like when Bill and Igo speak, I'm like, yeah, I want
to go, but sometimes I getthere and I don't even come out
of the room the whole weekendbecause I literally can't do it.
I just can't.
And I'm not forcing myselfanymore.
I'm not letting anybody make mefeel bad anymore.
I'm not forcing myself anymore,not letting anybody make me
feel bad anymore.
I'm not letting anybodypressure me anymore and if
someone does, I just lie and sayI have a blinding migraine.

(01:30:17):
Because people are like, oh you, poor thing, I'm not.
And, on the good side, since Igot my new glasses uh, with the
cataract and whatever andstarted using my sleep mask and
stuff, I've not had a singlemigraine, even a headache or
anything.
It all went away with newglasses.
So that might help somebody outthere and my doctor's like no,

(01:30:40):
we're going to wait two yearsbefore we do cataract surgery
because the steroids might giveyou more cataracts.
It's like, oh my God, joy,happy, happy, joy, joy.
So you know what?
You're okay, you're going to beokay, we're going to live
through it, we're going to makeit to see another day.
We're going to stop lettingpeople pressure us.
If you have someone in yourfamily that has an autoimmune

(01:31:01):
and you're listening to this,no-transcript, just let us be
who we are right then, so we canfeel better about things.

(01:31:21):
So, anyway, if you want tolearn more about real estate
investing, follow me atdwonderfulcom.
Leave a side star review.
Start following my podcast.
I am going to periodically talkabout some health issues Because
you know that's a big part ofmy life, real estate's a big

(01:31:41):
part, my family's a big part,and my health is a freaking
all-day job right now and Idon't want it and I would get
rid of it for anything.
But you know I wouldn't wish iton my worst enemy because it's
a terrible thing.
So join me in column B.
Let's be our best that we canbe, and when you're not able to

(01:32:04):
be your best, just be you.
Just be who you gotta be forthat day, all right, okay, we'll
be back next week.
Same bat time, same bat,channel, channel.
And remember that the truth isin the red letters.
All right, I love you guys.
Bye.

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Living with an Invisible Disease - The Hard Truth

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Living with an Invisible Disease - The Hard Truth